There's a Yelp for BJs (w/ Drew Droege)

Summary

Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: There's a Yelp for BJs (w/ Drew Droege)

Date: March 27, 2026
Guest: Drew Droege (Comedian, actor, playwright)

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Episode Theme & Overview

This episode continues Nicole Byer’s candid, hilarious exploration of modern dating, sex, and relationships. Nicole is joined by comedian, actor, and playwright Drew Droege—a fixture in LA’s comedy scene and creator of the viral Chloe Sevigny videos. The central conversation delves into hookup culture in the queer community, the challenges of dating while aging, embracing singlehood, and dissecting relationship expectations. As always, Nicole and her guest approach these topics with humor, vulnerability, and irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pronunciation Matters—but Not All Names Get It

• Nicole introduces Drew Droege, stumbling over his last name.
• Drew shrugs off persistent mispronunciations, sharing that while others get upset for him, he’s accepted it (“Call me whatever, but call me.” — Drew, 05:17).

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2. Queer Hookup Apps: The World of 'Yelp for BJs'

• Drew and Nicole discuss the landscape of queer dating and hookup apps—Grindr, Scruff, Sniffies, and the especially notable “Blowers” app.
• The Blowers App:
  • Drew explains it’s a site where users identify as “blowies” or “blowers,” post explicit photos, and receive graphic reviews.
  • The reviews are positive and creative, often resembling erotic short stories.
  • Nicole finds this culture of sex-positivity and open feedback both hilarious and oddly sweet.
• Quote:
  • “It’s like Yelp for dicks.” — Nicole, 10:06
  • Read-Aloud Review Sample:
    • “I can still feel this sexy MF’s dick in my throat. Crying emoji first. He’s handsome AF with a beautiful hairy body, delicious thick fat dick, soft lips and endless throat. On top of that, he ate my ass like few have ever done. 10 out of 10. All Bobs, no skips, fire.” — Drew quoting a real review, 10:09

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3. Dating App Realities: Fame, Honesty, and Vulnerability

• Drew talks about being recognized on apps as “Chloe Sevigny,” and the blurry lines between honesty and image management.
• Nicole and Drew share that being even a little bit known changes app interactions: people sometimes only later reveal they know who you are.
• Both advocate for upfront honesty and authenticity.

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4. Celebrating Positivity in Queer Spaces

• Drew appreciates the supportive, affirming, and sex-positive feedback loop on Blowers.
• Quote:
  • “It’s filthy and very sweet. …in a world of people being mean online, just be a blower.” — Drew & Nicole, 11:20–11:29

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5. Dating Highs and Lows

Worst Dates (12:13–18:18)

• Drew recounts a date that fizzled after being stonewalled (“I have to do my taxes on Valentine’s Day”), only to see the person was with a girlfriend.
• Dramatic story of a date arriving drunk, behaving erratically, and then claiming no memory of it the next day.
• Both Drew and Nicole commiserate about confronting people for their bad date behavior, sometimes delivery honesty, sometimes opting out (“You misbehaved. Yeah, it was terrible.” — Nicole, 18:15).

Best Dates (26:06–27:05)

• Drew describes a meaningful and pressure-free few days spent with a friend in NYC.
• Nicole and Drew agree that casual, cozy experiences (diner breakfasts, simple walks) make for some of the best dates.

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6. **Embracing Singlehood & Alone Time (28:33–33:35)

• Drew admits enjoying his own company and having only so much energy for people—especially while busy with performing.
• Both share that the expectation to always be with someone is social conditioning, and being okay alone is vital (“I got really, really okay with being alone.” — Nicole, 29:57).
• Nicole shares how this comfort with solitude has translated into a healthier relationship, with boundaries respected on both sides.

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7. Relationship Structures: Independence and Partnership

• They discuss the “unity candle” at weddings, where couples extinguish their individual flames, and object to the symbolism—valuing independence in relationships.
• Drew admires couples who “show up at the door together, then go do their own thing at the party and go home together” (30:41–31:09).

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8. Pop Culture & Dating: Movie Opinions and Romantic Tropes

• Debate over Forrest Gump:
  • Drew hates it; Nicole loves it and acknowledges its flaws (34:04–34:23).
• Critique of romantic relationship portrayals in media (e.g., Sex and the City’s Carrie & Big).
  • Both argue “bad” relationships should not be aspirational (42:07–43:44).

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9. Personal Growth: Identity, Vulnerability, and Self-Acceptance

• Drew discusses his journey from “twink-presenting” in LA to embracing his true, more complex self:
  • “The older I get, the less I give a shit about how I look, how I’m presenting. You know, I’m, like, so proud to be feminine and also masculine and not trying to play one side versus the other.” — Drew, 59:16
• The struggle performers have turning off their “on” persona in their personal lives.
• Finding authenticity—learning “you’re with you all the time, so love that and look for it in somebody else.” — Drew, 59:54

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10. Religion and Upbringing

• Drew’s upbringing was Presbyterian—somewhat religious, but not oppressive—and did not impart intense “church guilt” or trauma (50:00–51:41).
• He maintains broad spirituality but is wary of religion being used for harm.

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11. Comedy & Professional Life

• Drew originally pursued drama but leaned into comedy after repeated laughs at his “serious” acting.
• Cites women in sketch comedy as his inspirations (Jan Hooks, Kim Wayans, Carol Burnett, etc.).
• Tells the origin story of his “Chloe Sevigny” character:
  • “I put on a blonde wig…I looked in the mirror and I was like, I look like her.” — Drew, 56:23
• Emphasizes persistence in comedy and the importance of friends or directors giving feedback.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Blowers App:
  • “It’s like Yelp for dicks.” — Nicole, 10:06
  • “It’s filthy and very sweet…in a world of people being mean online, just be a blower.” — Nicole and Drew, 11:20–11:29
• On Being Alone:
  • “I do like being alone. And now that I’m in this relationship, I can say…I’m gonna go upstairs and be alone for 30 to 40 minutes.” — Nicole, 29:57
  • “I want to be with someone who’s also like that…I cannot have a shadow. And I can’t be someone’s shadow.” — Drew, 30:32
• On Relationship Expectations:
  • “If it’s easy, that’s a good thing. Don’t go, oh, no, but I have to [make it hard].” — Drew, 42:56
• On Self-Love & Dating:
  • “Love being single. …just own yourself and love the things about yourself. Don’t change who you are to be somebody else.” — Drew, 59:11

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 05:17 — Drew on name pronunciation and not caring as much as others do
• 10:06–10:35 — Dramatic “Yelp for BJs” review reading
• 11:20–11:29 — The importance of positivity in the Blowers community
• 12:13–18:18 — Dating horror stories (taxes on Valentine’s, blackout drunk date)
• 26:06–27:05 — Drew shares a favorite low-pressure, sweet date in NYC
• 28:33–33:35 — Embracing singlehood, boundaries, and needing alone time
• 31:09 — Discussion of the “unity candle” at weddings
• 34:04–34:23 — Movie hot takes: Forrest Gump debate
• 38:05–39:26 — Drew on perfectionism, image, and vulnerability as a performer
• 42:07–43:44 — Critique of romanticized media relationships (Carrie & Big)
• 50:00–51:41 — Religion, upbringing, and “good with Jesus”
• 56:23–57:23 — The accidental magic behind “Chloe Sevigny”
• 59:11–59:59 — Drew’s advice for the single listeners

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Closing: Would You Date Me?

Nicole’s signature closing:
“Would you date me?”
Drew: “Of course I would date you. Thank you. Oh, my God. We could just watch Forrest Gump, and…” (60:44)

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Upcoming Gigs Plug

• Drew is performing at Dynasty Typewriter on April 1st, with a still-evolving show — details TBD as of the episode drop (60:14).

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Summary

This episode offers a hilarious, real, and sometimes touching look at queer dating life, self-acceptance, and modern relationship expectations. Nicole and Drew talk candidly about the realities of hookup apps, the pressures of being “known,” the joys of solo time, navigating dreams and boundaries in relationships, and finding their voices both on stage and in life. The overall tone is honest, playful, and affirming—making space for both filth and sweetness in conversation about sex, love, and singlehood.

Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[B]

This is a headgum podcast.

[A]

It's like Yelp for dicks.

[B]

So these are reviews that one guy wrote. I can still feel this sexy MF's dick in my throat. Emoji of crying. Crying emoji first. He's handsome AF with a beautiful hairy body, delicious thick fat dick, soft lips and endless throat. On top of that, he ate my ass like few have ever done. 10 out of 10. All bobs, no skips, fire.

[A]

All bobs, no skips fire,

[B]

right?

[A]

That is I. People are so creative.

[B]

I oh and then this one tall guy. The same guy, different review. Tall guy with a dick to match. I thought he was done growing and he kept getting bigger. Also happens to be attached to a really handsome guy. Lot of fun with him and would absolutely go back for more.

[A]

I'm Obsessed says if we can't make decisions about our own health and our own bodies, what do we actually have? It's honestly a scary time to be looking at the news, but it's also time to be loud about what we deserve. This episode is presented by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. They believe that every person deserves access to the care that lets them plan their life on their own terms. Whether you or a partner need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, an abortion, or just some real sex education. Planned Parenthood is here for you. And honestly, they're here for all of us. But lately, there's people in power who spend all their time trying to stop us from getting this kind of essential care, because that's what it is, essential. They're attacking Planned Parenthood, trying to deny access to birth control, and they're even pushing those like abstinence only until marriage programs, which is disgusting. Right now, millions of people are at risk of losing access to care, especially women, black Latino people, people in rural areas, and those with low incomes. Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right that everyone deserves. And they're fighting every day to build a future where everyone can get the care they need, no matter who they are or where they live. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to Support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org defend you guys. I find as I get older, it's getting harder and harder to actually wrangle my friends. And everyone is busy. Half of them are in relationships. The group chat is a mess and our schedules never line up. So when we finally get a weekend on the calendar to go To Palm Springs. I am not wasting it. When time is precious with my friends, a hotel room just doesn't cut it. I want us to really live together for the weekend, not be sequestered in little hotel rooms. That's why I always look to book a home on Airbnb. I love to have a full kitchen to make our cocktails and our weird girl dinners. I need a private pool and a hot, hot tub all to ourselves. And a gorgeous property with a view where we could take really cute pictures. Why book a room when you can have a whole property? And what's great about Airbnb is they have a list of guest favorites. It's a badge on the app that shows the highest rated and most loved homes. It takes the guessing game out of it. If it has a badge, I know it's going to be cute, I know it's reliable, and I know we're going to have a good time. So the next time you travel, book a home on Airbnb to maximize your experience. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. O baby. Welcome to another episode of why you date me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come on a spine and tell me that's a book with pages took a real left turn. Come on a spine. Ooh. Come on a spine and tell me it's Vertebrae. My guest today is a hilarious comedian, actor, and playwright. He's worked on shows like Bob's Burgers, Search Party, and Heather's. He'll be performing a brand new show at Dynasty typewriter on April 1st. I think he's so funny. You also know him from the Chloe Savign videos on. On the Internet. It's Drew Droege.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

To Droji.

[B]

It's Drogie. But it's fine. I don't care.

[A]

You don't care, but I do.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a point of, like, not pride. It's just I always want to say somebody's name correctly.

[B]

I'm the same way, but I'm. I'm. For me, it really matters about other people, but I really don't care. I'm so used to it because I'm. But I have friends that get really mad on my behalf. Cause I'll have friends that will tell me. They'll go up and they'll go, you know, I'm really good friends with Drew Droage. And, like, if you're really good friends. You would know It's Drogie, but I really don't. I've just. It's a crazy name. And, like, people call me. Call me whatever, but call me.

[A]

Just call me. Just call me.

[B]

Like, RuPaul says call me. He call me. She just call me.

[A]

Just call me.

[B]

I'm that way about my name.

[A]

Are you single right now?

[B]

Very. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[A]

Very, very, Very.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And is this by choice, or have you not found any bond? Like, tell me about your dating.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I would say it's. It's. I don't know if it's by choice, but it's great. Okay. I'm also just. I mean, pushing the last year of my 40s, finally getting into my own space of, oh, I think I wanna be with somebody. Cause I was so aggressively single. Definitely, like, 30s through my 30s and then 40s, I was kind of like, well, you know, that could be fun. And then lately, I've been like, yeah, I'm trying to do that a little bit more. So I am. I'm having fun.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm having a good time.

[A]

Are you on Zapps?

[B]

I am on Zapps. I'm on Z. Hookup apps more than the dating apps.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that is one of my goals is to, like, start the dating and, like, get on a hinge, Drew.

[A]

Get on a hinge.

[B]

Get on a hinge. Get off Scruff. Cause it's cute, it's fun, but, you know, it's scruff. It's scruff.

[A]

Wait, what's on there?

[B]

I'm not on Grindr, but I'm on Scruff.

[A]

I like the other one.

[B]

The blowers.

[A]

Not the. Oh, yeah, that's really funny.

[B]

There's literally. They're just. That's one that's new. That it's like, just straight up. Oh, Sniffies.

[A]

Sniffees. I love Sniffies.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Sniffees is such a funny name. Sniffies is Sniff em out.

[B]

Sniffees is terrifying to me because it's a map. It's a map, and it's literally so many bubbles, and it's just. Literally just like holes and holes all around you. And you just go on. And you're like, I don't know. I don't know. And it feels like, you know, I'm always like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is going on in this whole world?

[A]

Funny to me.

[B]

And I have, like, my face on them. I don't care. I'm like, that's how I've changed. I used to be so, like, I can't let anyone see me. And now I'm like. Literally, I'm just like, hey, it's my face. It says Drew.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

Do you like it or not?

[A]

Do you want it?

[B]

Because also, let's not play the game of, like, you know, it's hard also because I'm not famous. But you understand this. It's like, people that know you're well

[A]

known enough that you'll run into people.

[B]

I don't assume that people know who I am, but when they do, and they don't tell me for a long period of time, and it does get a little weird when I'm like, oh, how did you know that? Even if they just, like, heard me on this and that's it. And then, you know, and so it's that thing where I kind of be like, let's get as honest as possible. So I want to be as honest as possible, because I used to be like, it's also not the sexiest thing on Scruff. Be like, hey, yeah, I'm the guy that plays Chloe Sevigny online. Anybody? Wait, is that anybody who say her name? Yeah, Sevigny.

[A]

Sevigny.

[B]

Sevigny.

[A]

Not Sevigny.

[B]

Oh, it's seven. I've always.

[A]

Now, listen, man, I'm fucking up everybody.

[B]

Contradiction of the character. I mispronounced intentional. Like, so many words as her that I could be very wrong. But I think it's seven. The number seven and seven.

[A]

Seven. Ye. I have a question. Still not saying it right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We've never heard of the Blowers app on this podcast before. Could you describe what it is?

[B]

Okay, so the Blowers app. Good is. I will tell you, the blowers.

[A]

It's so weird that I just went. Good. Sorry, Mars. My God. Good question.

[B]

You have an invisible bell in the sky. Ding.

[A]

Good. Yeah. Blowers.

[B]

Okay. The blowers app.

[A]

The blowers.

[B]

You literally go on there, and you either say if you're a blowy or a blower, and you can have your face pic. You just have your dick pic, your whole pic, and then just. It's just your stats. And then. The best thing about it is that people leave reviews. Now I've yet to see. Now I'm gonna say this now. And then I'm gonna go in there and get, like, just skating. They are. They're adorable. They are the porniest, sexiest. Like, I've only seen insanely glowing eyes. I think you can delete bad reviews, surely, but I also think you'd have to be a certain Type of sociopathic. Go on there and be like, I got the worst blowjob of my life. This guy's teeth. And you know, you're like, okay, so. So they literally write. It's like Penthouse letters could never. You literally read these reviews, and they are just literally, like, walked in the door and this majestic hot load comes out. Like, I mean, just whatever's happening.

[A]

And you're literally this majestic hot load.

[B]

And you're literally reading this. Like, just this. Wait, can we read one horny romance? Yo? Sure. I'm gonna. Let's get on. I'm reading.

[A]

This is so exciting.

[B]

Let me just read the first. Okay, so people give testimonials. Let me see.

[A]

I love it. It's like Yelp for dicks.

[B]

Okay, okay. So these are reviews that one guy wrote. I can still feel this sexy MF's dick in my throat. Emoji of crying. Crying emoji. First, he's handsome af, with a beautiful hairy body, delicious thick fat dick, soft lips and endless throat. On top of that, he ate my ass. Like few have ever done before. Ten out of all Bobs, no skips, fire.

[A]

All Bobs, no skips, fire.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That is. People are so creative.

[B]

Oh, and then this one tall guy. The same guy, different review. Tall guy with a dick to match. I thought he was done growing, and he kept getting bigger. Also happens to be attached to a really handsome guy. Lot of fun with him. I would absolutely go back for more.

[A]

I'm obsessed.

[B]

See, you know, it's really sweet in a weird. It's filthy and very sweet. Because I've yet to read a review that was like, meh, not really for me, which obviously happens, but I think we all know enough to not do that. And I think it's just. It is literally. I love reading these reviews. And everyone just gets such incredible reviews.

[A]

I love that so much. Truly, in a world of, like, people being mean online, just be. Be a blower.

[B]

Be a blower.

[A]

You know, just radiate positivity and be

[B]

like, thank you for that. It was. It was great. And you know what? You're. You know, it's definitely something that. I think that we don't think we're enough Hollywood alone porn. You look at these bodies and you're like. You're expected to look like that. You're expected to have sex like that, all that. And it's all fake. None of it's real. Even those people don't look like that and have sex like that. I mean, and so that's another great Thing about, like, when you're like, this is me. This is who I am. Own yourself. Love it. And then let somebody write a cute review about you and then return the favor and just live out your fantasy.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

It's fun to just write that much. It's hot.

[A]

So can you tell me, like, what's one of the worst dates you've been on?

[B]

He basically was like, very quickly. We had been on, like, two or three dates at this point, and then was, like, really moving really, really, really quickly, and we were only making out, and that was it. And, like, he was really weird about, like, that's all we're gonna do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I was kind of like, okay, it's kind of the third, and we're homosexuals, and we don't need to. But okay, whatever. So hang on. And so he had these weird sort of reasons why. Like, he was like, you know, I just can't really go there yet. I can't really do that. And then I made plans. I got, like, tickets to a movie on Valentine's Day. And I was like, is this cheesy? And I was like, hey, if you want to go. I was like, this is your thing. Do you want to go? And he was like, I have to do my taxes that night. And so then I was like, okay, that's terrible. Whether it's a lie or the truth.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That was one that I was like, oh, absolutely. Get out of here. Forever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I was like, you have to do your taxes on Valentine's Day. On Valentine's Day. That night.

[A]

And taxes are gonna take all night.

[B]

All night. And then I saw a picture of him on Valentine's with a girl, like, his girlfriend, and they were going to a movie that night. I'm like, why wouldn't you just tell me you were going out with your girl? Like, that's fine. We're not even serious. But that's when I was like, oh, you're a liar. And there's way bigger problems here than that. And that was one that I was kind of like, oh. And I was just. I was like, we're never seeing each other again. I literally wrote back, and I said. Cause he checked in with me a few days later, and I said, I'm never gonna see you again. And I just had nothing.

[A]

I was like, it's so wild to me that he would do that post about being somewhere else with somebody else

[B]

and not even with another guy. Like, I was like, check in with you. I was like, it really made no sense to Me. Because it easily could have been like, oh, sorry.

[A]

I already.

[B]

My friend Nicole and I have plans for going to a movie. Okay, cool. No problem. But I was like, that was weird. And then I've definitely had others where they. You know, we. Where they. They've shown up and were. Oh, oh, oh, okay. There's so many. There was one where we made plans to get dinner, and he showed up at dinner and was. Was noticeably drunk when he got there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then it was one of those, like, after that one extra drink. Was a lunatic. And was digging food out of his mouth and throwing it on the floor and yelling at people, and I had to pull him out. Oh. And trying to make out with me at the bar, like, lost his mind. And then I had to pull him out of the thing, and I felt so like Andy Garcia in When a Man Loves a Woman. Like, I'm so. Like, I'm so sorry. I don't know. And then I was, like, trying to pull this guy away. And then next day, checked in. Like, that was so hot. When are we gonna hang out again? Had no memory of it whatsoever. Like, I had to pull him. Like, I had to, like, pour him into his apartment, like, at home. It was just, like, a complete blackout experience.

[A]

And then to check in to be like, hey, let's do that again.

[B]

Yeah. And then it was like. And, like, you're like, if you have no memory, like, I've been there. I'm not. You know, I've definitely been there where I'm like, oh, my God. I had a birthday recently, a few years ago, where I think. I mean, I'm. I don't drink that much on my birthday because I'm talking to people all night, and I'm kind of aware that people are giving me drinks since I'm always trying to do water. So I was really good with that. I think I may have been dosed that night. I don't know. I have a crazy. There was a really angry bartender at this little, private, little, cute little bar that was, like, very small. And the bartender was so rude that my friends were like, oh, my God, that guy was such a dick. He was so awful, and he looked familiar. And then I was like, oh, he had, like, woofed me on the apps, and I didn't ruff back and was not nice. Now, I could be completely making all of this up, but he was so awful to the people.

[A]

And then you didn't make it up because other people said.

[B]

Other people were saying he was awful.

[A]

Somebody else corroborates the story. It could happen.

[B]

Could possibly put something in my drink because I was carried home and like, six months later, ran into a friend who was like. It was really uncomfortable. Like, where you. I have never seen you like that before. I had to put you in bed, and it was rough. And I was like, I have no memory of even getting home.

[A]

That's so fucking scary.

[B]

I've been there, and I'm not. You know, and that was one where I was like. Cause I'm a drinker. I like to drink. I like my party. But I know how to not.

[A]

Like.

[B]

I also am just. And I'm also just lucky. I am lucky because if my chemistry were different, I would not be able to drink the way that I do. I just. I'm lucky that way. But I know when I'm like, so. But anyway. But I just remember the next day, and the next day I was so sick. I couldn't eat anything all day. Like, I was like, I could not get food. And I was like. And I was calling people going, what happened? Cause I. I just remember a moment, and then it was just gone the rest of the night. But to literally the next day, if you have that experience the next day, to be like, hey, let's hang out again.

[A]

Yeah, you.

[B]

There's a. Mortified.

[A]

On some level, there's something going on. I went on a date with a guy who got so drunk and was so rude to me and then checked in the next day and was like, we should hang out again. I was like, actually, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. I don't know. You were really rude. You said X, Y, and Z, and he's like, I don't even remember that. And I was like, oh, well, that's what happened.

[B]

That's also a problem.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm not making that up. No. And also, you were doing him such a favor giving him all of that, because you didn't. You didn't have to give him any.

[A]

No, I could have just not answered it. I could have just been like, I'm out. I was like, no, you need to know that. You fucking Miss fucking behaved. Yeah, it was terrible.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Real quick, we got to take a break.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Y' all dating is exhausting. We spend all this time trying to figure out what other people want. But when was the last time you sat down and asked what you actually want? Not the I want a guy who's six foot tall stuff. I mean, the deeper stuff. You ever realize you might be three dates in and then it hits you that you have no idea what you're actually looking for. Well, that's where Field comes in. If you aren't familiar, Field is a dating app for the curious. For people who are tired of the standard swipe goes, repeat cycle. It's a space where you can actually be honest about who you are. You could put your real desires right there in your bio. Whether it's friendship, being a brat. You love bdsm. Whatever. Everyone knows where everyone stands from the jump. They just launched a free self discovery tool called Reflections. It's like a deep dive into your brain to help you find the language that you need so you can communicate better with your partner. There's three parts. One is on your desires, boundaries, and then relationships. And the results. Oh, boy, they're a journey. And this could have saved me a ton of time before dating. I did my reflections, and let me tell you what I discovered about myself. I'm just a curious person, and that's what I think is very fun. I'm not super vanilla, but I'm also not not that kinky. And I learned that I'm just, like, right in the middle with it. A little vanilla, A little kinky for you, and that's fun. And honestly, I have used Field before, and I do like being on an app where you can just, like, list desires that you want without people being weird about it. Like, if you are into bdsm, you can just say that. And then people who are into BDSM are like, ooh wee. I like that. Okay, boundaries are fun. That's a fun thing to figure out. I figured out that I am still warming up, which is fun. And honestly, I think it's nice to know, like, how you, like, have your boundaries, because if you're, like, not really strong with your boundaries, you might let things slide that maybe you shouldn't. And I realized in seeing the score that I'm really good with boundaries, and I love that for myself. But, you know, you could take the test and you can check your awareness of red flags. Like, are you an expert at spotting them? Are you still emerging? Seeing my score was really lovely to know that I am an expert. I can see all them red flags. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then they also have relationships, like, long term relationships. So does it say that you're ready for one or it's not your thing? And honestly, I'm ready for one, and that's fun, and I like that. And if I was still dating, I would definitely tell people that I'd Be like, you know what? I am ready for this. And, you know, maybe I wouldn't send the link to someone I just started dating, but honestly, maybe I would because it would save so much time if somebody knew my score, you know, beforehand. You know, they're on field too. They probably took the test as well. It's just, it makes everything so much cleaner and so much easier. The overall experience using Field, I think it's, like, really cool that there is no swipe culture, and it does feel like less of a game and more like you're looking at people. And I think it would have just saved me from a lot of, like, dating disasters that I had. And, you know, maybe people overstepping my boundaries could have been, like, really avoided. And that. That. That would have been really nice. If you want to make sure you're getting the most out of your dating, it's important to understand yourself and what you actually want out of it. Field's Reflections tool just gives you the clarity and more importantly, the actual words to communicate what you need. It saves you so much time once you can just say it out loud. And look, I know talking about this stuff can feel private, but don't worry, all your insights are confidential. Field is an independent app, and they're not in the business of selling your data to third parties. You could share your results for your own personal growth, or if you're feeling brave, share them with a partner or a friend to finally start a real, meaningful conversation. It's so important to know yourself before you try to get to know someone else. So get curious about yourself. Try Reflections now by visiting Field co Reflections or by downloading Field on the App Store or Google Play. That's F, E, E, L, d dot, C co slash reflections. Or download the Field app. Happy reflecting. People always say, just love your body, but sometimes that feels impossible. If you spent years following strict rules and feeling ashamed about how you eat, it's not just a switch you can flip. If you're in that spot where you're just tired of the cycle and you want real support from people who actually get it, I really want you to check out Equip. Equip is a virtual eating disorder treatment program that actually fits into your real life, which is huge because you shouldn't have to put your career or your dating life on hold just to get better. With Equip, you aren't just getting one person who tells you what to do. You get a full team of experts in your corner. We're talking about a therapist, a dietitian, a medical provider and a mentor who has actually been there and knows exactly what that voice in your head sounds like. And because it's all virtual, you don't have to deal with awkward waiting rooms or taking half a day off of work. You can just get the help you need from the comfort of your own couch. Equip helps people of all ages, identities and backgrounds. And it's covered by most insurance plans. And there's no wait list, so you can start asap. If you've been thinking I should get some help, consider this your sign. Visit Equip Health Dateme to learn more. That's equip.health/date me. Okay, I don't know about you, but I'm over wearing heavy caked on makeup. I used to spend so much time on different makeup steps, blending and buffing with 50 different brushes. And by the end of it I feel like I didn't even like look like myself. That's why I'm really into Jones Road Beauty. They make makeup feel effortless and fun again. Their miracle balm is their best seller. It's like magic in a jar. You just usual thingies. Yeah, swipe it on. It's so easy. It does so much too. I can use it as my blush, my bronzer, even a little lip tint. It replaces so many steps and gives you a healthy glow in less than a minute. And because it's clean beauty, it's packed with ingredients that actually nourish your skin instead of clogging or caking. Check out Jones Road Beauty. It's modern day makeup that's clean, strategic and multifunctional for every effortless routines. For a limited time, my listeners are getting a free shimmer face oil on their first purchase when they use Code Date me at checkout. Just head to Jones road beauty.com and use code Date me at checkout. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support my show and tell them I sent you. What's one of the best dates you've been on?

[B]

Oh my God. What's one of the best dates that I've been on? I did recently have a friend who we've sort of started a little bit who did just make a trip up to New York to come to the and then we just like spent like a few days together and it was really nice. It was just really, it was really sweet. Cause it was like a lovely sort of like just like walking around in New York together and you know, and it was sort of like I was very Cute and sweet and nice and, like, with kind of no agenda about, like, oh, we had to do this. Had to do this. And we went to, like, a diner and had breakfast, and I just felt very, like, lovely.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Some of my favorite dates are just, like, going to a diner and sharing pancakes.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Getting some eggs and coffee and then, like, strolling around, popping into a shop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ah, I love it.

[B]

It just feels like. Oh, it just. Cause it. It also just doesn't feel. It's no pressure. And it was not cheesy because I've been on the ones that are like, they, you know, bring you flowers or they just say all the really nice things to you. And at a certain point, I'm just sort of like. I don't. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm like, I don't trust all this. It's too.

[A]

Well, it's love bombing.

[B]

Little love bombing. Yeah.

[A]

And you don't want to get love bombed. Although I'm very susceptible to life, I

[B]

am, too, and I have been, and so I feel like I go the opposite way. So if you want to just show up and, like, be sweet and we have a little sexy time and we get to, like, walk around and hang out, it's really nice. Also when you're like, you know, that's another reason why I think it's hard for us is that, like, I have only so much energy when I'm in the middle of doing, like, a play. Like, eight shows a week of a play. I am not my, like, randiest. I need. I also just, like, I don't have a lot of. I don't have a voice. I don't have a lot of energy. So, like, when it can just feel like. And no pressure to do the thing and have the day, because you have one day off a week, and you're like, that's the day that I'm in bed, and I don't want to, like, do anything. So when it just. When it just nice and casual, it feels. It's good. But I'm also, like. I also really like my time alone. Like, I just came from a really fun, crazy job where I was working with a lot of different people. Then I. Then I traveled. I had, like, a month. Where.

[A]

Where'd you go?

[B]

I went to. Well, first of all, I went to South Carolina.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Outside of Myrtle Beach. I don't want to get too crazy too fast, but I was in the Carolinas. That's all my family. And then I went to London and just had a great time there, and then went back to New York for a week to just hang out. And I was bopping around, and I was, like, staying with people, and it was so nice and so fun. But I have finally gotten back in my apartment by myself with no roommate and no one else, and I am sleeping. I realized that I'm like, I love being single, yet I'm open. I'm not, like, aggressively single.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't. And I don't think I ever have, like, really pined, like, oh, my God, I'm not with someone. I think people make you think you're supposed to be with someone.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I think that what I've embraced just as. Just as a human number one, but also as a queer person of, like, oh, the rules are just made up.

[A]

They are just made up. And you're socialized to believe that, like, you have to be in a relationship, and that's the most important thing, this romantic relationship. And for a very long time, I was like, that's all I want. I mean, the podcast is, why won't you date me?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I was like, I need it. I want it. And then before I got into a relationship, I got really, really okay with being alone. And I do like being alone. And now that I'm in this relationship, I can say to this nice man in my life, I'm gonna go upstairs and be alone for 30 to 40 minutes.

[B]

Oh, 100%.

[A]

And he goes, okay. And when he wants to be alone, he'll let me know.

[B]

That's how I'm sure how he works. Because also, I mean, I. At a point where I recharge. I mean, the whole, like, introvert, extrovert thing. And I talk about how you recharge. I have to be alone. I do it. I play the role of an extrovert. Well, Like, I go out. I can go to the parties. I can talk to the people. I can do that. But I'm exhausted at the end of the day. And then I'm like, when I can just go home and just have nothing to do that night and just chill. So I know. And I want to be with somebody who's also like that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I want to be with another person that's wired like me in that way. I cannot have a shadow. And I can't be with someone. I can't be someone's shadow.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I can't. So I know what I don't want. And I also want him to be what I've always said is, like, I've admired relationships where the couple shows up at the door together at the party and then goes. And then do their own thing, and then they go home together. I'm like, that's sexy. I like that you're your own people. I always talk. I always remember as a child growing up in the church and going to these weddings, and they would have. Do you know the unity candle? Are you familiar with this thing?

[A]

No.

[B]

Nicole. The bride has a candle, a lit candle. The groom has a lit candle. Then they collectively light one candle in the middle. Then they turn around, and they blow out their own candles, and they have this candle together. As a child, I was like, never, ever, ever. No, I'm not blowing out my candle. And you're not blowing out your candle.

[A]

Wait, Drew. That's really kind of wild.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That was. The thing was, like, we're no longer these separate people.

[A]

We're just this one candle, this one entity. I don't like that one sad little

[B]

wick trying to stay alive.

[A]

You ever see people in the airport and you're like, brother or sister, and then they kiss and you're like, oh, I know.

[B]

So much alive. No, no, no. Way too much alive. People who look so gay people. I mean, how narcissistic you have to be. You're literally. You are. You're fucking American.

[A]

You're fucking yourself. You're just like, oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God. I know. This guy's so my type.

[A]

Y' all look exactly the same. You guys are Mary Kate and Ashley.

[B]

Yeah, it's the Shining twins. And you're like, glad you found someone. Yeah. So. But I used. I now think about that in everything. I'm like, that's also. When we come home, like, go to your room for 40 minutes. Go. You know what I mean? Like, have your time so that our time together is quality and not, like, we have to be. Cause I get anxiety when I'm around, and that's with people that I love. That's when I'm with my mother or my brother and his family or, like, good friends. I'm like, I have too much time with one person, and I can't even. Just knowing that you're there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I can't do it.

[A]

It's a little too much.

[B]

It's a little too much.

[A]

I went and saw Lady Gaga.

[B]

Oh, Lady Gaga.

[A]

How is she? Monday, she was incredible. I think this is. I'm a monster. I think this is my fifth time seeing. I saw her so early on, like, I think it was the Fame Ball tour or the Monster Ball. I don't know. I've, like, yeah, I've seen some of her, like, early, early. Like, I just love her so much. And I went, and then I got home, and then I was like, to the nice man in my life, I was like, I missed you. And he was like, I actually missed you too. And then we just, like, cuddled on the couch and, like, showed each other little, like, TikToks and Instagrams. And then we just, like, went to bed. And I was like, it's so nice that I, like, went off, had an experience, came home, told him about it, and we both were able to articulate, oh, I missed you for the two, three hours I was gone.

[B]

But also, like, if you had drug him along with you to Lady Gallery,

[A]

he would not have had fun.

[B]

He would not have had fun. And you would have had less fun because you'd been worried about his good time. And you would have been like, oh, God. And I've just, you know. And that's one of those things, too, that you gotta know, because I think in your early days, you're like, I gotta find somebody that likes all the things that I like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Otherwise the deal bigger. You're never gonna find that person.

[A]

No.

[B]

I have yet to find anyone on earth that agrees with me on every movie I've ever seen. You know, and that's great.

[A]

What's your most controversial movie opinion?

[B]

I don't know. I do hate Forrest Gump. I really hate Forrest Gump. But a lot of people hate it. I know a lot of people do. Louis Vertel has an amazing takedown of that movie that, like, he put it down way smarter than I am. But, like, it's an evil movie. It's a very mean spirited, very bad movie.

[A]

It's one of my favorites.

[B]

Is it really?

[A]

And here's the thing. I know it's bad. I know it wouldn't hold up, or, like, if it was released today, it would not have been, you know, gotten so many awards or whatever, but I love it. And when it's on. So E will run it on Christmas, like, all the time. I'll watch it from the middle to the end, and when it starts over again, sit there and watch the whole thing. Oh, sure.

[B]

That's me with Steel Magnolias. Like, Steel Magnolias. I will literally. I can drop into that movie at any moment. There's some of them like that or, like, soap dish, or there's Beaches. Sure.

[A]

Drew, when did you start dating when

[B]

did I start dating? I guess in my, like, 20s when I, like, moved out here. I was very. You know, I went through, like, a period where, I mean, I was. I was that asexual chubby kid all through college. I mean, college, you know, stuff happened. But I mean, I was still, like, never felt cute. Never felt like. I was always like, I can't. I have rehearsal. Never had. You know, it was. I was.

[A]

I can't. I have rehearsal.

[B]

Have you seen Tartuf? That's a lot of lines.

[A]

I have seen Tartuffe.

[B]

You have seen Tartuffe?

[A]

I love Tartuffe.

[B]

Isn't it fun?

[A]

I haven't seen it in years. I believe I saw it at the Paper Mill Playhouse in New Jersey. Wow.

[B]

That's.

[A]

What a pull. You really unlocked a memory.

[B]

That's a pull. Paper Mill.

[A]

I believe that's where I saw it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Ugh.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

What's your favorite play?

[B]

My favorite play is probably who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

[A]

I do.

[B]

I mean, that's like, everything kind of goes back to that, right? Yes.

[A]

I saw it with Kathleen Turner.

[B]

Me too. Bill Irwin.

[A]

Yes. Oh, my goodness. It was so good.

[B]

So good.

[A]

The goder who is Sylvia is also. Have you.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Oh, I love Edward.

[A]

Albeit Edward Albe is just.

[B]

Oh, it's just these broken people who are just like. I can't believe. Also just these unbelievable things that people do in this place that are also completely believable. Like, you're like, I get it.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Yeah. But I was that person. And then I was like in my twenties then I lost a ton of weight and I got real twinky and I was like bleach blonde. And I moved out to la and I was literally like, I'm gonna be a twink. And I really. I looked like it. I look at pictures, I'm like. I looked like I had none of that. I've always been Dorothy's bornak inside, so there's just never been that. So I tried to play this thing that I thought I was supposed to be and I felt cute and I was out here and it was like, new. And so, like, I had a weird relationship with, like, what I really wanted and. Cause I never really wanted a daddy or I never really wanted that thing that I thought I was supposed to.

[A]

So you were like, twink presenting. But, like, the soul wasn't twinkling.

[B]

Yeah, the soul was never. Was never twinkle. And I love a twink. I wish I could, you know, but I never. Even when I think about, like, Even acting jobs I did. I never really played a twink. I mean, I maybe played people who thought they were twinks, but I never really played a. I mean, I just didn't. I was always, like, the oldest child and always, like, the kind of sardonic one. And so I thought I had to play. So it's so weird. I think sometimes you think, like, oh, I have to be, like, closeted. I have to play this role. I have to act like a man, or whatever man acts like. And then you come out and you're like, well, now I just have to do that. I have to play a different role that is also not really authentically me. So then. And so when I started to sort of relax, and I was very career oriented, and I was like, no one can see me naked. No one can date me, because I'm gonna be on television soon, and I need to have a complete. And I was still.

[A]

Wait, that's really interesting.

[B]

Velvet Rage. I had a lot of that, like. Of, like, I need to be perfect and have no, like, sexual track record or anything, because I don't want anybody. I don't know. It's also. I look back and I'm like, is it just straight up narcissism, or is it. Or is it fear? It's a little bit everything. But I was sort of like, is it like a Pete Buttigieg thing where it's like, I'm gonna be as perfect as I can, so you can't have any problem with me as a gay person? I don't know.

[A]

Do you think it might have been if you see all of me, who am I when I'm working? Like. Like, not being able to have a delineation between who you are in your private life and who you are on camera. Maybe, like, you don't want to be fully vulnerable with something.

[B]

I definitely didn't want to be fully vulnerable for a really long time. And I think a lot of it was that I just felt like, oh, if everybody knows my business. And I also just. I had this such a strange feeling about, like, I didn't want to make. It was also just trickled into, like, I didn't want to make any enemies. I wanted everyone to like me. But I. But it was all. And so I, you know, I got to a point by the time, you know, whatever, who cares what age? But at a certain point, I realized that, like, oh, I have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends, like, close friends, but I'm very good at making all that. And so when it comes to, like, being with someone and actually being vulnerable. That took a lot longer for me.

[A]

I think it's really hard as a performer to shut the performer off and just, like, be yourself at home.

[B]

I know.

[A]

With somebody there.

[B]

Right. And, well, it's also like, I feel like you are every day when we're lucky, putting yourself out there. Love me, love me, love me.

[A]

Hire me, hire me. Like me, pay me.

[B]

Yes, I'm gonna be the choice. And then you're like, I do that during the day, and then at night I have to date. I do the same thing. So it starts to just feel like I gotta. Something's gotta give and I'm gonna just so. And then I attached myself with really, like, not good guys for me, I'll just put it that way. Who were very attracted to a lot of things about me, but not really. And so they were a lot of. I was always with a lot of really attractive guys who really wanted to be in my world, in comedy world, and would flirt like crazy. All my friends are like, what's going on there? And it was just so many dead ends and so. And lots of hurt feelings and lots of emotional, you know, abuse is too strong of a word, but just sort of like, neglect or just like straight up like, oh, you know, this is. You know. And then without actually telling me it's not going further, I had to sort of learn.

[A]

Learn the hard way and be like, what's going on?

[B]

Have you seen Pillion? What's this new movie with Alexander Skarsgrd where he's like a dom sub?

[A]

No, no, no. But I really want to.

[B]

Okay, Nicole, I can't even say. I mean, I walked out of there so upset because just guys like that, I'm like, I can't even go on this ride with this movie. I want out of this movie. I want get away from him. It was abuse. It's straight up abuse in that movie. And I can't say it's a bad movie. It definitely affected me. The actors are great in it. But for people to call it a romance or a comedy, I was not remotely. I was so uncomfortable. And I think a lot of it was my own stuff of like, oh, I've been with those assholes. I've been with those guys who are like, yeah, I'll allow you to fuck around with me, but I'm not really gonna ever, you know, and you're so lucky to be with me. And so I just was with a lot of, you know, and so then I shut it off. There was a period where I was like, I don't wanna feel that way anymore. I don't wanna hurt like that anymore. So I just went through a long period where I was like, I'm good. And so, yeah, so that's been a lot of it. And so then I've had like little pockets in between where I've been like, oh, this person's cute and fun and we'll have a moment. But I've never had a long term relationship.

[A]

No.

[B]

Ever.

[A]

This is my first one. I'd never had one before that. But I do think it's. It's like a over a little over a year and a half.

[B]

Oh, wow, that's great. Congrats.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Thank you. But I do think it's really interesting in entertainment, in the media, like, bad relationships get romanticized, I think all the time of Carrie and Big and the fact that they end up together. I'm like, that should never have happened.

[B]

No.

[A]

Big was very mean to him.

[B]

He was horrible to her.

[A]

Like, in a way where I was like, this isn't aspirational. None of the relationships on the show are aspirational and nobody should try to emulate them. But I feel like, you know, people are like, you know, my romance is like Carrie and Big.

[B]

And it's like, people say that about themselves. Well, always they'll talk about that. And you're like, why are you. Why, why, why are you constantly, you know, why?

[A]

And I thought that was normal for a while to have, like to chase a man who actively did not like me.

[B]

Oh, oh, I know. Well, I think we also think, like, we have to make it harder in order to make it count. And I think sometimes what I've had to learn too is like, follow the green lights. I've had learned that in my, in my career, whatever I have going on my life, all of it, I've had to go, if it's easy, that's a good thing. Don't go, oh, no, but I have to. And so the people who like like you for you, that may not be your partner, but that's your friend, that's your person.

[A]

That's somebody you have to.

[B]

That's the level. That's somebody you gotta keep around. And not just the person who's like, yeah, but they kind of allow this and they kind of. And you hear yourself or oh, they're so great. One on one. Yeah, they're awful around all my friends. They're really like, they were really, you know, they showed up drunk when they met my mom. But they're so good. One on one. Fuck that.

[A]

It's like, no, they're not showing up all the time correctly.

[B]

And they're telling you in a lot of ways that you don't matter to them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you have to really learn that. And I think too, we just are so used to abuse on some levels from this business about. I mean, it's like, literally, I still like, even. Thank you so much. I showed up to your podcast. Your lovely producers were like, would you like something to drink? And I'm like, that is so nice. We are so used to doing things where people are like, all right, over

[A]

there, 10 minutes, go, all right, we'll call you.

[B]

And so then you kind of. That trickles down and you're sort of like. But the thing is, it's like, what's weird is that, like, I don't consciously have a bad self esteem. I don't go through life going, you suck. You're awful. But there's some level of like, I've been taught to expect less.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

And to not get disappointed.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But then it's sort of like when it comes to dating and relationships, just expect more. Expect the world, expect more.

[A]

But also tell someone what you're expecting 100%. Is that something I've learned? I'm like, they can't read my mind, right? I have to sometimes say, hey, I didn't love X, Y and Z. Can we do it better next time?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And if they say, yes, I would love to try, then that's great. But if they really just cannot meet me, maybe that's not my person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that was also a hard lesson.

[B]

It's a real hard lesson to learn. I think I have had to do that too. Cause it's like, I'm very hard to read in a way that I think I'm very easy to read. It's like, come on, I'm not that difficult. But it's like, yeah, the amount of people that are like, I don't know if you're kidding or serious. I don't know. And also it's like you have to be really honest with people and tell people like, also, I need my time alone. It's not personal. Or like, you said, that was a weird thing. And can we talk about that and just. Or not do that again. And I have to risk you saying, no, I'm not gonna. And then I have to risk blowing it up if it's weird and then go, okay. But it's also like, or I hold on to it and I don't tell you and then I blow up on

[A]

it and then, yeah, then you don't feel good. And then you're like talking to your therapist and the therapist is like, just talk to them. And you're like, well, if I do, that might be bad.

[B]

I know. Exactly. And you're like, that's what you got to do.

[A]

Well, on that note, we have to take another break. You might not be able to drop everything and book a ticket to Italy, but you can go to the theater on April 10th for you, me and Tuscany. You, me and Tusky. Tuscany is a brand new rom com from Will Packer, the guy who produced Girls Trip starring Halle Bailey and Ra Jean Page. You, Me and Tuscane has all the ingredients of your favorite rom coms heart, huge laughs and sizzling chemistry set in the enchanting vineyards of Tuscany. It's the movie escape we've all been waiting for. It's the perfect film for a date night or for a night out with your girls. Get lost in the sauce with you, me and Tuscany. Directed by Cat Coiro. Only in theaters April 10th. If you get a DM on TikTok from someone claiming to be me or my producers asking for money to get you on the show, report and block them immediately. They're scammers. I pay my guests to come on this podcast and I'm not out here charging a booking fee. Scams are getting crazier, which is why we need to talk about security and being smart with your money. Cash App has some solid features built in so specifically to help you stay ahead of stuff like this. When you get the Cash App card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks and benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre sales or discounts on popular brands, but you have extra security with the power to instantly lock or unlock your card right from your phone with just one tap. If a suspicious transaction pops up on your card, Cash App has your back by automatically declining the purchase and sending you a heads up to confirm if it's you or not. Behind the scenes, you can be rest assured knowing that your account Balance is protected by 24. 7 fraud monitoring. Spend with peace of mind today and order a Cash App card in the app or at Cash App Card for a limited time. New Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use code Secure10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform and not a bank banking Services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App Slash Legal podcast for full disclosures. You guys know I love a look. I love to be loud and fun with my fashion, but lately I am all about quality over quantity when it comes to the staples in my closet. If a piece is not well made and versatile enough to wear on a date or just running errands, it is simply not worth my time. That's why Quince is amazing. They make these beautiful wardrobe staples using premium fabrics like 100% European linen, pure silk and crisp organic cotton poplin. And you're not paying for a crazy brand markups because Quint works directly with safe ethical factories to cut off the middleman. It's just quality clothing built to hold up season after season. Their cotton cashmere sweater has become my go to. It's light enough for layering, but it still feels so luxurious against my skin. And it did not cost anywhere near what I thought quality cashmere cost. Right now. Go to quince.com date me for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q-U-I-N c e.com datemen for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com date me. Okay, Drew, you. Did you grow up in the church? Like was your family very, very religious or is your family.

[B]

Well, we grew up Presbyterian.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So if you know the. I mean it's like not like hardcore evangelical, not Southern Baptist, not catholic. So not super dogmatic. We went to church every Sunday. We went to. Then I had like youth group. We went to the Methodist youth group. But these are very casual sort of connections. I mean like, I don't really have. Now I did see a lot of pettiness and in the church among just, just the like small town of it all.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I saw a lot of just that. But I, I don't have like major hang ups. You don't have like, I don't go

[A]

to church guilt or like.

[B]

I don't think so. And I don't have like, I don't go to church but I have a very like, sort of like, like big picture sort of hippie dippy. Like I'm, I'm really good with Jesus and I'm good with like people that Are good. But I hate even saying, I'm good with Jesus. I'm good with Jesus.

[A]

Jesus is good.

[B]

I mean, in the way of, like,

[A]

Jesus is my homeboy, you know, Remember those.

[B]

Oh, my God, Jesus is my homie. I'm coming through, talking about it, and I'm fine. I'm like. And I also think, like, for me, it's like, Jesus Christ superstar. Do what? I mean, like, that the hippie who's like, I like everybody. Let's have love. Let's be cool. Like, sure, Absolutely. I don't go to church. It's a very strange thing to, like, know how I identify, to talk about it, like, in terms of, like. But I'm so not like, you know. And I also respect. Obviously respect atheists. I respect all of it.

[A]

Whatever. Whatever, whatever.

[B]

Whatever gets you to this day, because I know. But it's like, if it's gonna. If it's gonna calm you and make you a better person to go through the world, absolutely.

[A]

I feel like religion truly goes either way. Either makes you a better person or it makes you a piece of shit.

[B]

100%.

[A]

And then you use religion to justify exactly. Exactly things you believe.

[B]

Well, and that's the thing, too, that, like, I. No, that's obviously not what I can get behind because it's obviously that, you know. You know, being gay and being from the south and all that, and all that stuff that you. You're told and then. Not that part of religion.

[A]

When did you move here? How old were you?

[B]

I was right after college, So I was 22.

[A]

Were you doing theater? You were doing theater in, like, high school?

[B]

I did theater in high school and in college? Yeah, I was a theater major in college. Didn't go to college. I was going to college to be a professor. I wanted to be an English professor.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then I was like, this is too much reading and writing. I like to. You know what? It also was, I wanted to be creative. And an English major in a BA Was not creative. It was like, you're gonna read other people's books and you're gonna write papers about other. And I was like, I wanna be in the books. Yes, I wanna write the books. And so you're like, oh, I wanna. And so then I was like, oh, theater's more active in that way. And, yeah, so I did that. And then I moved out here right after college and started doing improv.

[A]

You were doing the Groundlings to the

[B]

Groundlings and then met you at ucb? Yes. When did we meet? Do you remember when we Met. It was a minute ago.

[A]

It was so long ago because I moved here October of 2012.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So probably in, like, 2013, maybe 14. No, probably 2013. I think I met you pretty early on when I moved here. Yeah. LA is such a strange place.

[B]

Well, you know, I mean, I'm not the person to say that. I love it, too. I've missed it. I mean, I. There were no seasons here, and so you really have a hard time remembering when you met people, what you're doing. And so there's certain tent poles. I have, like, remember that show was in. On in this year, and I remember certain things like that. But. Yeah. How long have we known each other?

[A]

I'm like, simply don't know. There's people in my life where I'm like, yeah, I don't know where I met. You're just like, in my life, you're in the zy guy. But now we also.

[B]

We meet everybody like, like, you know, on a show, and you're like, meet 10 people, and then you're like, backstage, you know, at a party and whatever. So. Yeah.

[A]

But what made you want to do comedy?

[B]

Because I really wanted to do drama, and I got laughs. I mean, I really wanted to be a dramatic actor. And I was so mad when that would get. I mean, it's that. And also. Yeah, I mean, I always just wanted to be. That was always my. I would. In class, I would always, you know, like, in college, I was like, I'm gonna be the greatest actor and I'm gonna overact and. Why are they laughing? Why are people laughing? This is serious. You know, And I didn't really embrace that. I was like, oh, yeah, just do comedy and do that. And I had a really funny dad. And, like, I feel like we always, like, communicated that way. You know, I also grew up watching Carol Burnett and Saturday Live and In Living Color and Kids in the Hall. Like, all of that was my vocabulary. And, you know, that's what I. And so it just makes sense that

[A]

it's interesting that you grew up watching comedy, but you were like, I want to be a serious. Yeah.

[B]

And that way. I know.

[A]

I think it's because comedy isn't, like, legitimized. Like, I know there aren't really awards given for comedy. Like, it's always drama that's rewarded.

[B]

And I think also it's like, the thing I'm talking about, the Follow the green Lights. Like, I was like, no, but it has to be, like, serious. And I don't know who I thought I was gonna Be like, did I think I was gonna be Jude Law? Or like, who did I think I was? Like, oh, yeah, that's the kind of actor that I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be like a really legitimate. But then also I think too, like, at. A lot of. A lot of people say this that are, you know, like, I didn't really see myself a lot on TV either. Like, I didn't see people like me or that sounded like me or, you know, so I was kind of like, nah, I don't really know. Like, I don't know what I. You know, there were certain people that you would watch on TV and go,

[A]

what lane do I go in if I don't see myself?

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's hard to emulate someone's career for there isn't a career to emulate.

[B]

Right. And there are plenty of women that I saw like, that I would watch on tv. I go, oh, yeah, I love her. You know. And so you were watching, you know, but it was always like, you know, it was like, it was always like Jan Hooks and Kim Wayans and, you know, on all the sketch shows, it was the woman on the show that was my favorite.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That I was never into, like, the guy. Everybody else was like, oh, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley, whatever. I'm like, no, no, but I like the ladies. But then I. But I also it was that weird thing of like, those are the characters that I related to and the whole thing too. But I was like, but how does that work for me? You know? And so it, you know, takes a while to figure all that out.

[A]

It sure does. But I think you figured it out. How did Chloe Sevigny come about?

[B]

That was literally when I was doing a sketch show and I put on a blonde wig and I looked in the mirror and I was like, I look like her. And I read an interview with her and she was just name dropping, such esoteric, specific. And I was like, oh, my God, her world is fascinating to me. And so then I put it up on stage. It bombed horribly. And I.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

First time I did it, it was a huge turd. It was terrible. And then I just begged our director to let me try it again. And I didn't change anything. But the next audience got it and liked it. And I never knew from audience to audience, it was such a crapshoot until I started doing the videos. And then the videos took off. And then now everyone, or at that time, people just all liked it at one point. It's weird how things now that it's popular or now that people knew it. Cause it was, like, in the early stages of viral videos, and people are like, oh, my God, we love. You know, it's like, oh, you do. It still blows my mind that people, like, talk about it and like it, because I remember the very first night I did it.

[A]

That is so interesting to me. And I really love that you were like, mm, I think I'd like to try it again. Like, I think that's such a dream that you were not deterred by people like me.

[B]

Don't know why. Cause I'm so quick to abandon an idea. And also, like, going through the ground lanes. You're writing sketches every week, and you're like, okay, it's fine. And I just had my. I was just doing my play, and I was like, we did previews. And I'm like, didn't get a laugh. Cut it, change it, move it around. And producers were like, you're so good about cutting and changing. I go, if it's not working, I don't need it. Let it go. We learned that lesson so quickly. And for some reason, that was one that I was like, I want to try. Give this another week. And I'm very grateful that I did that. I don't know where that came from, because especially at that time in my life, I was so insecure. I was like, oh, wait, it's my. They hate it. Fine, we'll try something else.

[A]

I sometimes get like that, where I try a joke and I'm like, no, there's something about that premise that I really do. Like, I gotta figure it out. And then sometimes, like, my friend Marcela will watch a set and she'll be like, you just have to clarify this one line. And then it changes the whole joke.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm like, ugh, there it is. I'm glad I didn't give up on it.

[B]

And that's what it's always great about working with a friend, colleague, director, anybody who sees the thing that you don't see, who just goes, oh, it's just because this isn't clear. And you're like, oh. And then all of a sudden, it's there. Cause there's something in us that we know. It's like, okay, this is trash, and this is fine. And. Oh, well, that got a laugh. I had no idea. But then there's something. You're like, I know there's something good here. I know this is somewhere here. And I gotta.

[A]

There's just, like, a little nugget, and I gotta Figure out maybe if I go over here and go over here and bring it over to here now, it. Then it's like, ooh, what a treat. It fucking worked.

[B]

Done. And it worked. Yeah.

[A]

Let me ask you this. Do you have any advice for single people?

[B]

Yes, I do. First of all, love being single.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Love your singleness. This is so pat. And everyone says this, but, like, just, like, own yourself and love the things about yourself. Don't change who you need, like, who you are to be somebody else. I will say, like. I will say, like, the older I get, the less I give a shit about how I look, how I'm presenting. You know, I'm, like, so proud to be feminine and also masculine and not trying to play one side versus the other. So it's just about, like, love, like, who you're with, and you're with you all the time. So love that and look for that in somebody else. And in the meantime, enjoy being single.

[A]

I like that. Yeah, I like that. Love yourself, because that's who you are. That's who you're with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're just. With you.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You come in this world alone, and you die alone.

[B]

That's right. Yeah. And we love it.

[A]

Yes. Divas. Drew, do you have anything you want to promote?

[B]

Well, I am doing this show, the dynasty typewriter, on April 1, April Fool's Day.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

I have no idea what it is, and that's exciting. I have a month to write it and put it up, so I'm just. And you're. This is the first. I mean, by the time. This will air, like, a few days before the show, so I will know at that point what it is, or you won't. Oh, I won't. We'll just figure it out.

[A]

We'll just see. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

I ask all of my guests. I've only missed it a couple of times. Would you date me?

[B]

I. Of course I would date you. Thank you. Oh, my God. We could just watch Forrest Gump, and.

[A]

And you'll be so upset.

[B]

I'll be so mad at you.

[A]

And I'll be like, come on. Look at Run with the little braces on.

[B]

And I'll be like, I'm done. I'm done.

[A]

And I'll be like, I understand. Thank you so much. Well, thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Oh, my God. Thank you for having me.

[A]

If you like this episode of why won't you date me? You could rate it. You could subscribe. You give me five stars on Apple podcasts. And if you write me something nasty, hitting on me to why won't you date me? PodcastMail.com I will read it. Please keep them short, but stay creative. This person writes Nicole and her nice man can come over. He could pound Nicole from the back while I'm sitting in a chair in the corner, cheering. Nailed it. After, I'll. I'll send the couple to couples therapy for the trauma from this interaction. That's lovely. Thank you so much. Goodbye. That was a headgum podcast.