Why Won't You Scare Me? (w/ Mano Agapion)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Why Won't You Scare Me?"

Why Won’t You Date Me? with Nicole Byer (Oct 31, 2025)

Guest: Mano Agapion
Theme: Halloween, Costume Chaos & Relationship Real Talk

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Episode Overview

This special Halloween episode bursts with laughter, offbeat costumes, and heartfelt conversations about love, friendship, and owning your weird. Nicole, dressed as a “slutty Elmo,” and Mano as “slutty Chucky,” swap wild stories ranging from haunted houses to haunted Zoom calls, all while gently unraveling the messy, hilarious realities of dating, being single, and being loved for who you are—even at your weirdest. The episode is full of raunchy humor, candid revelations, and an energetic, affectionate tone between longtime friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Halloween Costumes & Friendship History

• Nicole and Mano open the episode in full costume, with Nicole as "slutty Elmo" (a nod to her grandfather, whose real name is Elmo), Mano as "slutty Chucky."
  • [05:58] Nicole: “So I decided to dress up as a slutty Elmo.”
  • [06:01] Mano: “Elmo has always been trying to get tickled since the 90s...we are childlike, yet also nasty.”
• They reminisce about their comedic history and adventures emceeing shows, mistakenly assuming Mano was Latina for five years, only to learn he’s Greek.
  • [04:33] Nicole: “Then what are you? ...my friend said, Greek. And I said, that makes sense.”

2. Makeup Mishaps & Zoom Faux Pas

• Mano botches his lipstick, Nicole teases him about “blood on bicuspids.”
  • [06:41] Mano: “I knew. It’s all over those bicuspids.”
• Both recount hilariously awkward pandemic-era Zoom moments:
  • Mano appears naked on his husband’s work call ([07:45]); Nicole interrupts a Zoom class asking for enchiladas ([07:21]).

3. Spooky Season Shenanigans

• Mano disses the LA Haunted Hayride as “run by drunk children” ([09:38]), but both love Halloween’s atmosphere.
• Nicole reveals a habit of overcommitting and double-booking events (“Virgo problems”; [10:02]), Juxtaposing stress with therapist-advised boundaries.

4. Drag, Bad Drag Race & Flavors of Weirdness

• Mano’s show “Bad Drag Race” celebrates drag’s “ugly, weird” side, not just polished glamour ([11:19]).
• Both praise drag queen Cory King’s “weird shit,” and Aja’s unique cosplay ([12:05]).
• Nicole admits insecurity (“loose skin, but sometimes I really like it...some people just wave, but I’m giving you a double wave”; [13:27]).

5. Dating, Ghosting, and Actual Ghosts

• They transition to dating topics by discussing “ghosting” and segue into Mano’s real ghost story from a haunted house in Greece. Mano describes seeing a shadow figure, which matches a child’s drawing by his brother-in-law decades ago, deeply creeping Nicole out ([15:29]-[18:42]).
  • [18:22] Mano: “[He] opens an old book, shows me a drawing... with a black figure with hands to the ground. And he said, did you see him?”
• Both agree: “Don’t leave the bed if you see a ghost” ([19:09]).

6. Advocating For Yourself (Restaurant Stories & Life Hackery)

• Nicole proudly shares her unabashed restaurant behavior—asking for extra ice cream, refusing bad vibes, walking out of a steakhouse after weird service ([19:46]-[22:36]).
• Mano admits learning from Nicole: “I’m learning that from you...do you have bread back there? And they did.”
• Both swap “life hacks” for getting discounts, like creating fake assistant emails to score deals ([23:54]).

7. The Ritual of Love and Putting Yourself Out There

• Nicole and Mano discuss “love spells,” “manifesting romance,” and heartbreak over unreciprocated love.
  • [30:03] Nicole: “I dated someone for close to two years...wouldn’t even say they were my boyfriend. And I was ready to give it all to you.”
• They reflect on the emotional “illness” of immediately offering their hearts, and agree healing requires finding “the right person you can’t say the wrong thing to” ([31:47]-[32:03]).
  • [31:50] Nicole: “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.”
  • [32:40] Mano: “That’s what I’ve gotten better at...just asking for what I need.”

8. Friendship, Worthiness, and Self-Talk

• Both discuss the sting of loneliness and the importance of remembering how many people “choose you.”
  • [36:29] Mano: “Think about all the people who choose you...take a step back and be like, how many people in your life choose you?”
  • Nicole emphasizes self-love as foundation for boundaries ([35:31]): “You gotta like you...so you’re not going to let a person from the outside treat you poorly because you treat yourself nice.”

9. Birthday “Funeral,” Parties, and Saying Nice Things

• Nicole plans to host her “birthday as a funeral” next year, complete with eulogies, purple & leopard print attire, and catering from Gus’s Chicken ([37:14]-[38:19]).
• Mano recounts family funeral “lies” about not-so-nice relatives, and admits to having to eulogize a grandmother who broke his Gameboy ([39:11]).

10. Sex, Kinks, and Wild Psychic Readings

• Mano shares a bizarre “star chart” reading at the Eagle bar that turned into a surprise, and not entirely welcome, physical inspection ([44:06] Mano: “Reaches his hand into the back of my pants...puts his finger up my asshole and says, ‘Oh, your anus is in Mars.’”).
• They riff on sexual boundaries; Nicole affirms willingness to help a partner explore kinks, “I think I would be like, okay, yeah, well, let’s talk this through” ([46:15]).

11. First Times, Salsa Dancers, and Nicole’s Unusual Garage

• Mano confesses he lost his virginity to a man from his college salsa dancing team, to “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake ([50:18]).
• They delight in their collective “clown” energy, evidenced by oddities in Nicole’s garage (fake dicks, dummies, roller skates—“They came in and said: clown. And it hurt my feelings until I thought about it: ‘Yeah, I guess I am a little bit of a clown.’” [53:07]).

12. Advice for Singles and Relationship Lessons

• Mano’s heartfelt advice: “If you feel beautiful, people think you’re beautiful. Channel what you’re good at, smile, be yourself” ([59:07]-[60:08]).
• Nicole agrees loving yourself attracts others, and that since being secure in her relationship, she gets more attention than ever ([61:00]).
  • [60:21] Nicole: “Figure out who you are and be yourself. When you love yourself and you’re solid, your person is going to love that person.”
  • [61:06] Nicole: “When I didn’t have him, nobody was hitting on me. This is weird.”

13. Relationships, Opposites, and “Would You Date Me?”

• They discuss couples who are “the same” and are both baffled by people dating their lookalikes.
• Nicole jokes, “Would you date me?” Mano says yes, but, “I think we’d be bad together...too much hugging, talking, never sleep” ([72:08]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.” —Nicole Byer [31:50]
• “When you love yourself and you’re solid, your person is going to love that person.” —Nicole Byer [60:21]
• “Think about all the people who choose you… at the end of the day when you’re like, ‘I’m lonely,’ take a step back.” —Mano Agapion [36:29]
• “You were just like, ‘Thank you so much for being up in there.’” —Nicole Byer, on Mano’s wild psychic [45:21]
• “I decided to dress up as a slutty Elmo.” —Nicole Byer [05:58]
• “Elmo admonishes you. Elmo says, no nasty.” —Nicole Byer as Slutty Elmo [67:15]
• “Your anus is in Mars.” —Mano quoting his unsolicited star chart reading [44:27]
• “We would enable each other every night to do something terrible.” —Nicole and Mano on why they’d be a terrible couple [72:11]

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Important Segments by Timestamp

• Costumes & Comedy Friendship Origin: [04:33]-[06:13]
• Makeup/Lipstick Mishaps: [06:16]-[07:13]
• Spooky LA Events, Schedules: [09:35]-[10:11]
• Drag & Weirdness/Bad Drag Race: [11:11]-[12:55]
• Ghost Story in Greece: [15:29]-[18:42]
• Restaurant Shenanigans & Life Hacks: [19:46]-[23:54]
• Love, Ghosting, Over-Giving in Relationships: [29:40]-[33:59]
• Self-Love & Friendship Reflection: [36:29]-[37:14]
• Birthday Funeral Plan: [37:14]-[38:19]
• Star Chart Psychic/Butthole Reading: [44:06]-[45:21]
• Kink Openness Discussion: [46:04]-[46:24]
• Losing Virginity to a Salsa Dancer: [50:01]-[51:35]
• Self-Worth, Dating Advice: [59:07]-[61:00]
• Would You Date Me?: [72:06]-[72:26]

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Tone & Takeaways

• Raunchy, playful, honest, and heartwarming. Nicole’s trademark blend of wild candor and emotional insight is on full display, with Mano perfectly matched in energy and openness.
• The power of self-acceptance: The episode encourages listeners to embrace their uniqueness, advocate for their needs, and value every kind of love (romantic, platonic, and self-love).
• Relatable chaos: From pandemic nakedness to haunted bedrooms to weird sexual encounters—everyone’s a little weird inside.
• Unfiltered advice: “Be yourself,” as trite as it sounds, really works; also, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want—whether it’s bread or emotional reassurance.

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Final Thought

This Halloween episode showcases not only why Nicole Byer is one of the most delightfully unfiltered podcast hosts out there, but also how friendship and laughter—and sometimes even a “slutty Elmo” costume—can shine a light on life, love, and everything scary (and sexy) in between.

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For more unhinged stories and wisdom, listen to Why Won’t You Date Me? wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, if you want to watch this episode and see our cute little costumes, head on over to YouTube where this episode is available for your eyeballs. The link is in that description, so use your eyeballs to read it and then click.

[Mano]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you ever had one of those months where it feels like every single event lands all at once? Like you've got a Halloween party, a friend's birthday, maybe a work thing, and and suddenly you realize you have nothing to wear. And sure, you could drop hundreds on a new outfit that you'll only wear once, or you could rent them all from Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service where you get any six styles each month for $98. They've got hundreds of brands like Reformation Free People, even Fashion brand company, which is my favorite to choose from. I love it because it's fun and I can try new trends without the commitment. It saves me money and keeps my closet from exposing floating. Plus they've got inclusive sizing up to 5x and everything ships free, gets professionally cleaned and comes in a reusable tote. So no plastic, no waste. And here's the best part. If you rent something and end up falling in love with it, you could buy it at a discount. So stop stressing over what to wear and start having fun with it. Nuuly is a great value at 98amonth for any six styles. But right now you can get 28 off your first month in Nuuly. When you sign up with the code Date me. Just go to end u l y dot com. That's nuuly with two u's and enter the code date me to get 28 off your first month. That's n u l y dot com newly with two u's with code date me newly Subscription clothing rental. Change your clothes.

[Mano]

Can you do a slutty Elmo voice?

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, what does Elmo sound like?

[Mano]

I think you did it.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Elmo. Elmo wants dick.

[Nicole Byer]

That's bad. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me?

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Please tell me why.

[Nicole Byer]

Baby.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Welcome to Boo. Why won't you scare me?

[Mano]

What a weird pun.

[Nicole Byer]

Boo.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

This is a spooky episode of why won't you date me?

[Nicole Byer]

It's crazy.

[Mano]

Why won't you scare me implies that you've just gone all your life.

[Nicole Byer]

Why won't you scare me?

[Mano]

Trying to get to.

[Nicole Byer]

That's all I want. I just want to be skir. Anyway, I'm not gonna do My normal intro. My guest today is a comedian.

[Mano]

You're not gonna do the cum thing, okay. Do the cum thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. This has been a long running podcast where me, Nicole Byer, has been trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come on my toe and call it a corn. My guest today, I think that my. That might be the grossest one I've ever done. Also, I'm not sick. I've been traveling and the seasons change.

[Mano]

That's a corn. Pop the corn and feed the children.

[Nicole Byer]

Pop the corn and feed the children. Who hated that? Miss Fame. Miss Fame. Anyway.

[Mano]

Disgusting.

[Nicole Byer]

My guest today is not disgusting. My guest today is a comedian who hosts the podcast We Love Trash, and the one and only ruin Paul's Drag Race recap podcast called Drag Her. I can't believe so many years have gone by and nobody else has come up with a recap podcast.

[Mano]

I think it says a lot about where we are in the culture, right? Like people are scared. I think people are terrified. And we did. I did inherit, you know, we inherited that podcast from you, Game of Thrones style. We killed you and we took it.

[Nicole Byer]

I passed right away. My guest also puts on the show Bad Drag Race here in Los Angeles, California, A show that I sometimes co host.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

A show that I go, yes, yes, I'm in town. And then two days before the show I go, I am absolutely not in town.

[Mano]

I'm in St. Louis.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, it is wild how poorly I plan, how poorly I dedicate my time. Anyway, the finale is coming up November 14th, 15th. That's my bad. November 15th, which I am in town for. And I am coming. And maybe I'll wear this beautiful costume again. My guest today is a wonderful, wonderful diva who I once co hosted a diversity showcase with. And I said, I don't know, diva, because you're some kind of Latina. And my friend who I had known for at least five years at that time said, I'm not Latina. And I said, what? This is in front of me, live audience. I said, then what are you? My friend said, Greek. And I said, that makes sense. It's mono agapian.

[Mano]

It's my favorite intro I've ever had happen to me. Oh, it's fun to introduce someone you've known for like 88 years.

[Nicole Byer]

For so long. I've known you for so long and.

[Mano]

We'Ve done so many stupid things together.

[Nicole Byer]

My favorite is walking into this recording, you dressed as Chucky, a child's toy. Yeah, Slutty child.

[Mano]

Slutty child's. Toy.

[Nicole Byer]

And then I am also a slutty. Okay, this is. Mine is even grosser because my grandpa's government name is Elmo.

[Mano]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

So I decided to dress up as a slutty Elmo.

[Mano]

That's funny. But, you know, Elmo has always been trying to get tickled since the 90s. He has, he has. But I think it reveals a lot about us because we are childlike.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

Yet also nasty. Nasty.

[Nicole Byer]

There's so much lipstick on your teeth.

[Mano]

I knew it. I told you.

[Nicole Byer]

But Mano, the way you put it on was crazy. Was so nuts. Also.

[Mano]

It is.

[Nicole Byer]

I think it's Maybelline. It's like long lasting.

[Mano]

It's Maybelline.

[Nicole Byer]

So it's real. It's. It's not gonna move. It's just on your teeth.

[Mano]

It's just there. I don't care.

[Nicole Byer]

It could be blood.

[Mano]

It's.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, wait, smile.

[Mano]

I knew. It's all over those bicuspids. It's all over bicuspids.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that was a good dental term.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

So normally you put on makeup like this. You go, doop, doop. You follow the line of your lips. You were putting it on like this.

[Mano]

But you were watching me, which made me nervous. You were like, you were holding the camera as my mirror. And so it was like, imagine seeing a mirror, but then behind the mirror is just someone going, oh. And so, like, I just couldn't. I couldn't be good.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for appearing behind the phone mirror yesterday. I went to go pick up my dog at John Milhiser's house. My old roommate.

[Mano]

Former roommate, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

John Millheiser. He was teaching full on teaching a class on zoom. And I don't know why. I was like, can I have some of your enchiladas on the stove? And he was like. I was like, please can I have enchiladas? And I didn't realize it wasn't on mute. And then he was like, well, it's Nicole Byer who's asking me for enchiladas.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And then turned the computer, and I was like.

[Mano]

I've. I've been naked in the background of Gene's work. Zoom. It was bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, really?

[Mano]

It was like 2021. And he was back when we were.

[Nicole Byer]

Figuring out the zoom.

[Mano]

We were still pretty confused. And I was like, oh, I can go to this closet without being seen. No, fully, Very naked on his work zoom at his big tech, big boy job.

[Nicole Byer]

That's very funny. Gina's your husband. For the listeners yes. And viewers who. Junior.

[Mano]

That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

So did he have to tell you or did you know that you were here?

[Mano]

Oh, he was like. Because he called me Mo. He was like, Mo. Like. And I was like, oh. And I was like. And then they, like, laughed a little, but it was like. It was pretty bad. It was pretty. I mean, yeah, it was pretty bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you met these people in person who have seen you naked?

[Mano]

Yes. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny.

[Mano]

I will say it's liberating. It's like, you've already seen.

[Nicole Byer]

You've already seen my body.

[Mano]

Whatever.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you want to be my friend?

[Mano]

I have gone to this Apple Christmas party a couple times.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you gotten, like, drunk? Drunk and taking your clothes off and be like, let's recreate the zoom.

[Mano]

It is interesting to see, like, nerds try to let loose, because they either can't let loose or they let loose way too hard. Do you know what I mean? They're either like, no, I can't have fun, or they're like, let's fucking do coke.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I feel like that's like, if you have, like, a wrap party, the people in the office are the wildest people, but you're like, oh, my God, we can't keep you hostage in office like this anymore. It's done bad for your brain.

[Mano]

It's made your brain cooked. It's made you crazy. Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

Mana.

[Mano]

I can't believe we're here again.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, Happy Halloween.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Happy Halloween.

[Mano]

Which we mean bad Halloween, because being scared is good on Halloween. So, like, being scared is good. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you been to the Haunted Hayride?

[Mano]

Yeah, it's one of the worst in town. Yeah, I said it. I have. It's like, terribly run. It's like run by drunk children. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. But I've. But the atmosphere is amazing.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it.

[Mano]

Yeah, the atmosphere is amazing.

[Nicole Byer]

But I've also never been to another scary thing in la.

[Mano]

Why not?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. Well, I was supposed to go to Delusion.

[Mano]

Not Scary Farm.

[Nicole Byer]

Not Scary Farm.

[Mano]

You're supposed to come with us.

[Nicole Byer]

Then I fucked up my scheduling because I'm very good at that. Very good at committing and then going, oh, I have double or triple myself. Virgo.

[Mano]

You try to make too many people happy.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, me and my therapist have talked about that.

[Mano]

Well, I get it. I'm the same. Like, I do the same thing and I'm like, wow, I have to stop that. I will be like, I literally just texted someone today. I'm sure. You've seen me, heard me text this, where I'm like, oh, I have a funeral that day, but maybe we'll play.

[Nicole Byer]

It by ear and we'll see if I can actually make it up to the funeral. Yes.

[Mano]

I have gotten people like, you have a funeral.

[Nicole Byer]

Just go to that funeral.

[Mano]

You can't come. You can't come.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't say you can't come. You can't come.

[Mano]

Trust the Duchess. You can't come.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm dying. Mono. Okay.

[Mano]

What were you saying?

[Nicole Byer]

I. I don't know, but I really love that we dressed up and I. I really love. Where are your hip pads from?

[Mano]

I think Planet Pepper. That's a pretty popular drag queen company. I need to get better hose to, like.

[Nicole Byer]

No, this is iconic and perfect. I don't want you to change one thing about this.

[Mano]

I was hosting. When you host a show called Bad Drag Race, it's so liberating.

[Nicole Byer]

It really is, because you don't have to look or be good.

[Mano]

Hot take. I think we've already seen the best drag the world has to offer. And I think that's why, like, gorgeous drag isn't as interesting. That's why, like, we. I recently interviewed Corey King, and you.

[Nicole Byer]

Know what that is. I've been trying to get Cory King on this show.

[Mano]

I'm sure she would love to.

[Nicole Byer]

I love Cory King.

[Mano]

She's amazing and so funny.

[Nicole Byer]

She is so fucking funny.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't think her drag is bad, per se. I think it's interesting.

[Mano]

But she's doing, like, weird.

[Nicole Byer]

She's very fucking weird shit.

[Mano]

Because it's like, we've already. Plastic Tara already exists.

[Nicole Byer]

She already exists.

[Mano]

What are we going to do?

[Nicole Byer]

What are we going to. Although Aja keeps turning out some really pretty looks, she turned out this pretty, like, lavender look that I was like, oh, my God.

[Mano]

I just kind of done, like. Aja does, like, weird beauty, too, though.

[Nicole Byer]

She does. And I do like when she cosplays like a Pokemon.

[Mano]

Yes. Yes, she did. A couple times. What?

[Nicole Byer]

I cannot.

[Mano]

Oh, new Pokemon game. What?

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, shit. I was.

[Mano]

I.

[Nicole Byer]

Her name escapes me right now, but can you look it up so I don't seem like an asshole? I met the voice of Ash Ketchum.

[Mano]

Whoa.

[Nicole Byer]

And it was really cool. She was hanging out with my friend Harvey Gyan, and I was like, can you. I'm sorry, do the voice? And she was like, yep, that's what people always ask. And then she said she sounded just like Ash Ketchum. And she said, I choose you. Nicole and I almost died. Your teeth are frying me. It is truly so funny. It's Sarah Nattocheni. Yes. Her name is Sarah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Okay. She is so nice and so wonderful and I couldn't believe it.

[Mano]

Do you know there's a new Sonic racing game out?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Mano]

There's a new Sonic racing game out.

[Nicole Byer]

What? Gaming system. It's on switch.

[Mano]

You have a switch?

[Nicole Byer]

I have a switch. I never play it.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know how to cast it to my tv.

[Mano]

How about I just come over with my switch and then we'll play the Sonic racing game. That'll be fun.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. I love it.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm a little self conscious with my arms out like this.

[Mano]

You look great.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I, like went. I moved my arms and I was like, oh, there they go.

[Mano]

Yeah. But yeah, welcome to the club. Welcome to the party. You know, I've lived this life.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, Yes, I do have. I've got some loose skin, but sometimes I really like it because I feel like it's like some people just wave, but I'm giving you a double wave.

[Mano]

You have the added benefit of gorgeous skin, too. Like your skin is so. You've. You scare people when they touch your soft skin.

[Nicole Byer]

They're like, that's what you feel like. It's so wild how soft I am. And if you want, you could take it.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I would like to describe it to the listeners.

[Mano]

Like lanolin. No, it really is. I don't know. It's really. I don't think I've touched many people's skin who's like this. It's warm, it's supple, but it's not oily.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's just.

[Mano]

It's a baby's bottom.

[Nicole Byer]

It really is. I have booty. I have booty arms.

[Mano]

You have booty arms. Why won't you scare her? Someone please scare my friend Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, I would like to talk about some dating talking points because this is a dating podcast.

[Mano]

So I thought it was a staring. Okay. Oh, ghosting.

[Nicole Byer]

Ghosting.

[Mano]

That works on two levels.

[Nicole Byer]

Spooky.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you ever been visited by a ghost? And have you ever ghosted somebody?

[Mano]

Yes to both.

[Nicole Byer]

And you can take that however you want.

[Mano]

I've seen a ghost in Greece and here's the quick version of that story.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Mano]

Okay. I was at my brother. We have to go to this island because we love Greece.

[Nicole Byer]

I love Greece.

[Mano]

And I need to take you this island.

[Nicole Byer]

And do you remember the phrase that I was saying that people were so impressed by?

[Mano]

Were you saying thank you. Were you saying. Or were you saying like, para calo, which means, like, you're welcome?

[Nicole Byer]

No. Every time people were like, do you like Greece? I would say something and they would go, yes. Wait, was it just bravo?

[Mano]

Oh, it was bravo. Yeah, Bravo. Bravo.

[Nicole Byer]

Anytime you say, what is the phrase I was saying? And it was just a word.

[Mano]

Bravo.

[Nicole Byer]

Bravo. Wow.

[Mano]

Okay. Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Sorry, Cube. Going with your story.

[Mano]

Okay. I was in this very old, old, old home in Greece, like hundreds of years old. It was my. My brother in law's family. They owned it. We stayed there. We. When we're staying there, we're like kicking off the dust. Like, we're literally like taking tarps off of furniture that had been there for years.

[Nicole Byer]

Like My Big Fat Greek Wedding three where they stay in that house also. That's the only one of those movies I've ever seen.

[Mano]

I can't believe that's the only one. We got you to love seeing a sequel.

[Nicole Byer]

I watched Venom 3 before Venom 1 and 2.

[Mano]

They made three venoms.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And then I cried during the first one. It's about friendship.

[Mano]

You know, I haven't seen Kraven yet. I know that's sad for you.

[Nicole Byer]

I watched it again last night.

[Mano]

And you like. Okay. We love Madame Web. We love Madame Web.

[Nicole Byer]

I love Madame Web. I might rent out a movie theater and host just like me and another comedian maybe you.

[Mano]

Let's do it.

[Nicole Byer]

I think it would be fun if you did it with me. Let's do it. Where we just, like, hosted like Madame Web and Craven back to back.

[Mano]

Let's do it.

[Nicole Byer]

And just like talked over it.

[Mano]

Yeah, we have to talk the whole time because that's the only way to watch movies.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe get like five people in the audience, microphones. And they can just pass the microphone around.

[Mano]

People just get to say funny things.

[Nicole Byer]

Utter chaos.

[Mano]

I really like that.

[Nicole Byer]

Right? Isn't that fun?

[Mano]

I really like that. I love.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, I have interrupted this story. I don't care.

[Mano]

This is how we talk, though. So, okay, I'm in Greece. Whatever. I'm staying in this very old house. I'm trying to go to sleep. I'm getting a bad feeling. My. I'm getting a weird feeling from this place because there's a lot of old goat butchering equipment.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no.

[Mano]

In this house. Because this house is so old that there's old equipment. And this is just like what his family used to do back in the day. But it is dilapidated. I go to sleep and I think I'm asleep. I have a sleep paralysis. Moment. And this is a Greek house with no doors. So a door to the hallway is just an open doorway. And I see smoke begin to gather and begin to form a person. And this person figure their hands drag all the way down to the ground.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Mano]

And I'm trying to like, I'm like, am I asleep? Am I sleep paralysis assist? And I'm like, I need to move. What's happening? They're not moving. But eventually I'm able to move over and I'm facing the wall. And I remember I had to pee so bad. But I was like, I am not moving until the sunlight is pouring into my eyes. I'm not moving again. I wake up in the morning. The man who grew up in this house, my brother in law, is like, how'd you sleep?

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, eh, not good.

[Mano]

I had dreams, nightmares or whatever. And he's like, hmm, really? He's immediately interested. And I was like, yeah, I just had dreams about a thing or a creature. Turns out I was sleeping in his old bedroom.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Mano]

He goes to a cabinet that's in the room, opens it, opens an old book, shows me a drawing he drew as a child with a black figure with hands to the ground. And he said, did you see him?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like that. You started the story with, we gotta go there.

[Mano]

It's so beautiful. The beaches are stunning. The beaches.

[Nicole Byer]

Stunning babes.

[Mano]

Stunning.

[Nicole Byer]

Stunning babes. That's wild.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

But we won't stay at the house. No, I kind of want to. And I kind of want to stay in that room. And I kind of want to know what he's about. Here's the thing. Because I have had spooky ooks in my room, I don't do anything. I did what you did. You're like, I'm just going to stay in this bed. I'm not moving. I'm not getting up so you could get me faster. No, you have to come to me. And then I'll be like, what do you want?

[Mano]

What do you want?

[Nicole Byer]

You know what?

[Mano]

I just remembered we went to a restaurant recently and we ordered. You made us order all the desserts, but you didn't want to. Like, we didn't really want to pay for all of them. So then you were kind of like, hey, we want. Can you just bring us. Can you just bring me a spoonful of this one? We don't like really want it. But then she was like, that's not really possible. So she just Brought that?

[Nicole Byer]

Yep.

[Mano]

But we didn't pay for it.

[Nicole Byer]

Mono. I'm unhinged at a restaurant.

[Mano]

I love it.

[Nicole Byer]

I went to one. Where was I? I was in St. Louis. Yes. Over the weekend, and we went to a Capital Grill, which is like, just a steakhouse chain. And they had this apple tart, and it was so good. And I said, I don't want your almond ice cream. Can I have vanilla? And he said, you got it. And then we finished the ice cream.

[Mano]

And I was like, ice cream?

[Nicole Byer]

I said, excuse me, I need another scoop of ice cream. He said, what? And I said, this isn't done and needs more ice cream. I need another scoop of ice cream. And he was like, okay. And he went and got me another scoop of ice cream. That's great. I will always ask for what I need.

[Mano]

I know I'm learning that from you. I was at dinner recently with the husband, and I was like, this meal needs bread. And they didn't have bread on the menu, but I was like, do y' all have bread back there? And they're like, let me check. And they did.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And then you got what you needed.

[Mano]

The meal needed bread. It was crazy. That wasn't on the menu.

[Nicole Byer]

So I've been on a Wolfgang Puck kick. I love Wolfgang Puck.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you have to be excellent to be in the supermarkets. He's in Gilson's.

[Mano]

I'm familiar with his skillson. Every time I pick up one of his Gelson's items, I'm not reminded of excellence. I will say that.

[Nicole Byer]

Here's the thing.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The brand, it gets a little diluted as it gets to the masses.

[Mano]

That's what happens.

[Nicole Byer]

But Bogo. Very good. Talked about it on this podcast. Talked about it on many podcasts. So then I was like, I'm gonna go to Cut, which is a steakhouse. And then it was a weird vibe. I don't wanna shit on it, but, like, the vibes are weird. They set us at this, like, long table where it was me and my friend who was visiting, and then that nice man who's in my life. So it felt like I was, like, interviewing them, because I was on one side of this long, weird wood table, and they sat us right by the entrance to the kitchen. And it wasn't like, in a fun hootie way where you're like, ooh, I can see what they're making. It was like, oh, no. I can see that one has made a mistake, and he's mad about it and he's yelling at somebody, and Like, I was like, this is not the vibe I want. So then we had ordered drinks, and then I was like, we're actually going to go.

[Mano]

And.

[Nicole Byer]

And my. The nice man in my life was like, what? And I was like, I already. I made a reservation at Spago. We're going to go to Spago. And he was like, when's the reservation? I was like, 15 minutes. We got to. We got to close out. We got to leave. So then as we're leaving, I paid the bill, and my credit card has my name on it. And then this server didn't look at me the whole time and then looked at my friend who was visiting Nick and handed it to Nick and goes, Here you go, Mr. Buyer. And I was like, what? Why would. Huh? There's. And my. The name. My. My corporate name is also on the card, and that also has a woman's name on it. There are two women's names on that card. And that man was like, I'm gonna talk to the man.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's. I was so. Yeah, I don't. I didn't, like, cut. Cut had a bad vibe. The Wolfgang is curating the vibes at Spago.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Can we talk?

[Mano]

Speaking of scary movies, why does the nice man in my life sound like a scary movie?

[Nicole Byer]

And that's what I call him.

[Mano]

I know, it's nice.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to call my boyfriend. I'm, like, 62 years old. Like, that's weird. Like, my boyfriend.

[Mano]

I think it's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't want to call him my partner, because I'm like, yeah, what are we, Bonnie and Clyde and we're going to, like, rob you? I mean, maybe, maybe. But, like, it hasn't happened yet.

[Mano]

I could see you doing it together.

[Nicole Byer]

But honestly, he wouldn't. And it's really. That kind of depresses me.

[Mano]

Right?

[Nicole Byer]

If I'm doing crimes, I'm doing them on my own. Everyone in my life, I'm doing crimes on my own. I was stealing from Walmart, and I said to my sister, I'mma steal this. And she started freaking out. And I was like, shut up. Don't call attention to this.

[Mano]

There's still time. I've been teaching Jean to steal. I love that we recently submitted to whatever. You get, like, a discount on furniture if you pretend to be an interior designer.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yes.

[Mano]

And we were gaming the system, and I tricked him into being a liar and gaming the system and pretending to be a designer so that you get a discount on everything.

[Nicole Byer]

And did this work? Did you get A discount. Yes, this. Okay, here's a gag.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Make your own email address for like your assistant or whatever you're aspiring to be to game the system. And then that email address makes you seem legit. And then you just email people and be like, can I have a discount rate on this hotel room? I'm a publicist from X, Y and Z. Or I'm, I'm an interior designer. What is, can I have the designer discount for this couch? Mano, real quick, we have to take a break. Ooh, baby. There's a new way to experience one of the most iconic love stories of all time. The new Audible original Pride and Prejudice is not just an audiobook. It's like being dropped right into Elizabeth Bennet's world. The performances are so rich and detailed, you feel every spark of chemistry with Mr. Darcy. It stars a full cast with Marissa Abella from industry and Black Bag as Elizabeth Bennett and Harris Dickinson from Baby Girl and Where the Crawdad sings as Mr. Darcy. Plus Marianne, Jean Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nighy, and Glenn Close as lady Catherine Deberg. Marissa Abella brings you right into Elizabeth stubborn, complicated mind as she faces family expectations, social pressures and those messy impressions with Mr. Darcy and with an original score by a Grammy nominated composer, it feels vibrant, modern and fresh. Whether you're brand new to Pride and Prejudice or revisiting a favorite, this is such a delightful listen. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] Jane Austen that's audible.com Jane Austen. The holidays are right around the corner. If you know me, you know I'm a bit of a planner and I like to get ready ahead of time, which is especially true this year. So since I have some big work trips in November and December, they'll make everything extra hectic. So I'm going to take advantage of Macy's Friends and family sale which is going on right now through November 3rd. Perfect for me. They have some gorgeous 100 cashmere sweaters and tons of colors for under a hundred dollars which I'll be buying for myself and a few people on my gift list. You really can't go wrong with cashmere. There are also a couple of dresses from Avec Lafi and Karl Lagerfeld Paris. I'll work perfectly with my work trips and holiday parties done and done. And then I could also use some new boots to take my outfits up a notch. So I'm going to grab this super cute slouchy pair from Steve Madden. They're honestly worth building my whole Thanksgiving outfit around. Shop@macy's.com or in store. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. All right, ghouls and girls, if you've been haunted by the idea of starting your own thing but kept saying, I' do it later, consider this your sign from beyond. Squarespace is the all in one platform that helps you bring your ideas to life. With a gorgeous website, you can claim your domain office surfaces and get paid all in one place. And the best part, you don't need to be some kind of tech wizard to make it look amazing. Squarespace's blueprint tool helps you get started fast. You answer a few questions about your vibe and what you're creating, and it builds you a clean, professional site that you can customize however you want. You can also offer services right on your site, list what you do, take payments, and let people schedule time with you without any scary back and forth emails. I know a few comedians who use Squarespace and their sites look amazing. So stop letting your dreams be dreams. Bring it to life with Squarespace. Head to squarespace.com date me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use code date me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com date me and use offer code date me. What are you waiting for? Build your next website with Squarespace. We're back.

[Mano]

Can you do a slutty Elmo voice?

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, what does Elmo sound like?

[Mano]

I think you did it.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Elmo? Elmo White's dick.

[Nicole Byer]

That's bad. That might not be okay.

[Mano]

Can we do that? Is that okay? I thought that was really good.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I thought it was bad to be like Elmo. This children's character wants dick.

[Mano]

I think we know you're not Elmo. Like, like, I feel like you're embodying something that isn't Elmo.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, this is okay. This isn't true Elmo. This is fashion Nova Elmo.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, unfortunately, this is fast fashion.

[Mano]

Yeah, mine too. This might shock you, but mine too.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. I thought that looked like couture.

[Mano]

Thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you.

[Mano]

Literally, the second I opened it, this button just flew off.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm dying. Nothing is made with quality. It's wild. I'll go thrifting. And I'm like, everything in here is from, like, Shein. And like, yes. And Temu Thrift store shouldn't be allowed.

[Mano]

To do that because now they'll do that. We're like, oh, I like this. And you're like, wait, this isn't Thrift.

[Nicole Byer]

This isn't thrift. This is. This was from yesterday's fucking haul that somebody did.

[Mano]

But it just, like, looks thrift ish or, like, retro ish. Yes. You were asking me a question. Keep going. This is your podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you ever done a love spell, a manifestation or a moon ritual for romance?

[Mano]

Oh, my God. I will say this. When I was out there looking for love, no one's spells hit less hard. Like, no one's spells had a worse hit rate than mine. I was out there being like, I am obsessed with you, please kiss me. And so often. No. No, absolutely not.

[Nicole Byer]

No, thank you, diva. I don't want it.

[Mano]

I. And.

[Nicole Byer]

And.

[Mano]

And I think we might have this unfortunate thing in common, like when we put ourself out there emotionally.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Mano]

And so, like, I know for a fact we've both been with. People are being like, I am ready to be married. Like, I'm ready to give you everything. And you're. And they're like, I met you five minutes ago, mano.

[Nicole Byer]

I dated someone for close to two years. It was like a situationship where I was like, I love you and, like, I wanna be with you. And this person wouldn't even say they were my boyfriend. And I was like, but I'm ready to give it all to you.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

I give my all to have just one night with you. I give.

[Nicole Byer]

I was Mariah Carey trying to give my all. And he was Tommy Mottola being like, I don't want to give you anything.

[Mano]

Right. Which that song is apparently about Jeter, I think.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, okay. So he was Derek Jeter who didn't want to give me anything.

[Mano]

Yes. Or maybe it is. Whatever.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Mano]

Whatever. Okay. The point is, yes, I have been there. I did that shit in college. There's a man on the latest season of Love is Blind who the woman is like, I'm leaving you. And he's like, yes, we're gonna figure it out. She's like, no, no, it's done. I'm not attracted to you. And she's like, okay, okay, so we won't go to Baja. We won't go to the beach. But when we're home, we will keep talking. Like, if you're watching, you know what I'm talking about, this man just could. And that was me. I saw him.

[Nicole Byer]

Did they break up?

[Mano]

I think I'm in the middle of the episode.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm dying.

[Mano]

I'm in the middle of the episode.

[Nicole Byer]

There's, like, furries flying into my throat.

[Mano]

Oh, it's the cheap Fur. It's the cheap fur flying around the workroom.

[Nicole Byer]

It's the chicken feathers.

[Mano]

It's the chicken.

[Nicole Byer]

These aren't chicken feathers. I don't know what these are.

[Mano]

That, I'm sorry to say, is a skin dally cat. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's just forever chemical, plastic.

[Nicole Byer]

It's disgusting. Yeah.

[Mano]

Okay, so what did we learn from this? So we're both really interesting. Cause we have that same illness, but we found nice men.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

What do you. What have you feel like you've learned now that you're with the nice man in your life?

[Nicole Byer]

I have learned you literally cannot. And I keep saying this. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Because I say insane things to this man. And he goes, are you hungry or something? And nine times out of 10, I'm usually pretty hungry.

[Mano]

Good.

[Nicole Byer]

Or like, did you not sleep good last night? Like, he'll ask questions when I'm being crazy. And, like, nice questions. Not like, are you on your rag? Or whatever. But it's like, that might be it too.

[Mano]

That could be.

[Nicole Byer]

Sometimes I'm on my period, and I. I truly act like a psychopath.

[Mano]

Sure.

[Nicole Byer]

But you're a nice man.

[Mano]

I'm a nice man.

[Nicole Byer]

What?

[Mano]

I'm a nice man.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I said you're a nice man.

[Mano]

Oh, my nice man. I heard you're a nice man. My nice man.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, you're a nice man. I'm a nice man. No, does your nice man, like. Does he do things to, like, reassure you that he, like, loves you and whatnot?

[Mano]

And I ask for it. So I think, like, that's what I've gotten better at is just, like, asking for being like, I'm really sad. I need to scream at, like, you about a work thing. Or I'm just sad I need to, like, lay on top of you and cry. And he's always like, okay. So, like, I think just, like, ask. And hopefully if it. If again, if it's the right person.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. They'll be, like, accommodating. Or if it's the right person, they might have a little boundary to be like, yes, but only for tonight. Or, like, only for 15 minutes. That's all I can handle. Or whatever.

[Mano]

And nice man Gene does that. He's like, yes, happy to do that.

[Nicole Byer]

And.

[Mano]

And I have to do this thing or, okay, it's too much touching. Cause I like touching.

[Nicole Byer]

I also like touching. There was a phase where I would hang on to him like a. Like a sloth on a tree. And I Would, like, send him pictures of a sloth on a tree and be like, I want to do this to you tonight. And then it got to a point where he was like, hey, so, you know when you say out loud, this must be annoying. He was like, I think you're reading the vibe, and maybe. Maybe we don't hang onto me so tightly. And I was like, yeah, yes, I. I understand. I can sloth you for a couple of minutes, and then I have to un. Sloth you.

[Mano]

Yeah. Can I say, as your friend, it's nice. It's so nice to see you in a nice thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Ah, thank you.

[Mano]

It's really nice.

[Nicole Byer]

It's really funny. All of my friends have said that. They're like, it's really nice that somebody loves you.

[Mano]

Well, you're so deserving. And it's that weird thing I remember. Obviously, we've both been single before. It's hard. Again, it makes sense when I say it, I'm like, you're the most deserving person to be loved.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you.

[Mano]

But when you're not receiving that love from a person, it's like, but it's not happening.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And it's very easy to get stuck in, like, well, I guess that means I'm fucking trash. I'm a nasty little garbage bitch.

[Mano]

Yeah. Okay. If love is. That's my other thing about. Love is blind. They need to prove the concept. They keep putting fairly attractive people.

[Nicole Byer]

That's what I keep saying. I'm like, give me some of the ugliest. Like, there's this man who was on YouTube, and he posted this YouTube video about being an ugly person. And he was like, this is what it's like with me being ugly. This, that, and the other. And then a woman messaged him, was like, I actually don't think you're ugly. And then they met and they got married, and they're in love.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm like, yeah, let's put out some uggos because, you know, somebody's attractive to somebody. Yes. But, like, let's mix it up.

[Mano]

Let's mix it up.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's put Brad Pitt in a. In a fucking the Trix Rabbit together. I don't know. I didn't want to say somebody.

[Mano]

You did the right choice. I. Okay. Now that you're in a RuPaul situation where you could talk to your former self. Ooh. What would you say to former Nicole when she was like, I'm a dumpster little bitch, but now you know you're not a dumpster little bitch.

[Nicole Byer]

I would Say beep, beep. Back it up. Back the dumpster up. You're not a dumpster and you're not a bitch. And you gotta start talking nice to yourself.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you're gonna be with you for a very long time.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You might be in a relationship that's really great and it might end up.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But like, you gotta like you.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So when you are in this relationship, you know how to advocate for yourself because you like you. So you're not going to let a person from the outside treat you poorly because you treat yourself nice.

[Mano]

That's really nice. Really nice.

[Nicole Byer]

Mano. What would you say to single little.

[Mano]

Sad Greek mano, Sad. So desperate. Trying to fudge everyone who doesn't want to fuck me? Um, I would say you are beautiful. You. And think about all the people who choose you.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

Look at your life and look at all the people who are choosing you and loving you for non physical and physical things. But I mean, let's really think about it at the end of the day when you're like, I'm lonely. Take a step back and be like, but how many people in your life choose you?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

And like that. I think we all. We lose sight of that.

[Nicole Byer]

I think we do too. Because I have so many near and dear friends and I feel really blessed about that. Just to like, make it really corny. Yeah. I like it because some people don't have a lot of friends, but I think I have like a lot of, like really close people in my life that I could call for anything.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Be like, I need this. Can will you help? Like, I just. I feel so blessed about that.

[Mano]

I do too.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you want to know what I'm going to do for my birthday next year?

[Mano]

What? Because you were very low key this year.

[Nicole Byer]

I was. I truly didn't feel like. I don't know why. I was like in a mood where I was like, I don't want to like, focus on me.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's my 70th birthday next year. She is turning the big seven zero. I'm going to have a funeral because I saw a post where someone was like, we should be saying shit that we say at funerals about people to them.

[Mano]

That part. These people don't get to hear it.

[Nicole Byer]

No. So I think I'm gonna rent a casket.

[Mano]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And sit in a casket.

[Mano]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And then I'm gonna have like a sign up sheet where I want people to sign up to say really nice things about me. And I want everyone to wear my favorite colors, purple and leopard. Print dress to impress. Purple and leopard print.

[Mano]

You got it. I'm in.

[Nicole Byer]

Say nice things. I'm gonna have it catered by Gus's. It's like old school black funeral, so there's gonna.

[Mano]

Oh, Gus's Chicken.

[Nicole Byer]

Gus's. Gus's Fried Chicken.

[Mano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I want a black people repass after.

[Mano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I want some praise dancers and I want some singers, and then we could get drunk after.

[Mano]

Great.

[Nicole Byer]

But I want everyone to say something nice about me.

[Mano]

Can we lower you into your pool?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Imagine they like, close it up, lower me in, and then I actually die. And then they're like, oh, shit, now we got to redo this with her.

[Mano]

Actually, dad, do it again. I already said the thing.

[Nicole Byer]

I already said the nice things. I don't want to say the nice thing.

[Mano]

What? My favorite thing is when someone dies and they suck and you have to get up there and lie. I've been there.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you?

[Mano]

I'm gonna out someone. I'm sorry. May your memory be eternal. My grandmother wasn't the nicest lady.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh.

[Mano]

She used to mock me for playing video games. And one time she broke my Game boy because she was scared of technology and she thought it was Satan, so I wasn't.

[Nicole Byer]

And you opted to speak at her funeral.

[Mano]

I. Yeah, I. You know what it was? It was a casual thing where it was like the family hanging out in a circle, just kind of being like, oh, memories of her. And then I remember being like, okay, I guess we're all lying. I guess we're all just, like, making up stories about how she was cool and chill.

[Nicole Byer]

That's funny. Someone in my family died, and everyone was saying all these nice things, like, oh, she loved adventure. And I was like, she did.

[Mano]

She did.

[Nicole Byer]

She was so nice. She did that. I was like, she was nice.

[Mano]

She was okay. She used to scream it children for laughing. She hated children's laughter. That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

Mm. I get that. You ever be on a plane and be like, what's so funny?

[Mano]

Okay. I've seen you scream at a child on a plane.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, to be fair, that child was wreaking havoc. That child was standing on the seat looking back, and its parents were doing nothing. So I was like. And then it kept looking at me. Cause it got scared.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And then I tried to translate your child's a demon in several different languages.

[Mano]

Yes, you. I was like, it's Russian or Ukrainian. And you were like, I'm on it.

[Nicole Byer]

But they didn't. They didn't seem to understand it. Do you remember in Greece where I could speak Greek for a little bit?

[Mano]

Yeah, I do. I do. Because you got too hot. You got cooked. And stuff happened.

[Nicole Byer]

I got cooked. They beat me with a wig. And it was.

[Mano]

It was a. I really regret taking us to a hot place.

[Nicole Byer]

It was a hot Turkish bath where we got. We got, I don't know, bathed up. I loved it. Someone bathed me.

[Mano]

Yes. But there was a cold water option that you didn't find out about until way too late.

[Nicole Byer]

No. And I was so hot the whole time. And also they gave me these, like one use panties that were like one size fits everybody, and they didn't fit over my labia. So then I was just wearing my underwear because I was like, I got to have my labia covered with my friend.

[Mano]

It was.

[Nicole Byer]

We're close, but not that close.

[Mano]

It was not ideal.

[Nicole Byer]

No. And then they kept dumping hot water on me. And then our driver was speaking Greek and I was like, mano, I think she's trying to say this to you. And you were like, oh. And she also was like, ugh. And then she said something else and I was like. She asked if you learned Greek in school or through your family. And both of you were like, oh, my God. And then it just went away.

[Mano]

You. You had magic powers. It cooked your brain. Remember when you were driving a dune buggy and how scared I was when you were driving us in the dune buggy? Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

But I had a lovely time. I love it so much.

[Mano]

You're a great driver. But I was just like, people die. And to be fair, in Mykonos, people die every year on ATVs.

[Nicole Byer]

They can see why there's no rules in Mykonos. And I loved it.

[Mano]

It was fun.

[Nicole Byer]

It's one of my favorite places.

[Mano]

We had a nice time.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was. Oh, no, I was still dating that dude when we were there. Because I wish I wasn't.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I would have fudged so hard.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

Here's a question.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Has any psychic made a prediction about your love life that has come true? Ooh.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Ooh.

[Mano]

Yes. Well, this is a crazy story. I was at the Eagle.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh.

[Mano]

And a man came up to me and said, I'm sorry, I have to read. I have to read your star chart. And I was like, okay, sure. He was like a handsome older man. And he was like.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like.

[Mano]

He was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, how old are you? And at the time I was like, 38. And I was like, I'm 38. And he goes, me, too. And I was like, okay, I'm dying. He was like, handsome. Me, too. I was like, he was handsome, but.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, was he white?

[Mano]

I think he might have been Latinx. I'm not sure.

[Nicole Byer]

But I don't know not to read the whites, but sometimes they don't age too good.

[Mano]

Yes, yes, he was really handsome, but he just was lying for some reason. I was like, just say you're 53, 4 5, 38.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Me, too.

[Nicole Byer]

Me too. I'm dying. That's really funny.

[Mano]

And I was like, okay. So then he was cuckoo coo. He was, you know, telling him when I was born, he was doing the horoscope star chart thing, and he's actually, like, saying some things that are dead on about. About my partner, about my family. He was also like, you're gonna make a lot of money. And then I was like, ooh, I like this. I love you. Like, he was like, you're gonna make a lot of money.

[Nicole Byer]

Ooh.

[Mano]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Did he say when? He just.

[Mano]

I don't know. He just said in. In the coming years.

[Nicole Byer]

That's tough because, like, what if you make a lot of money right before you die? At, like. I know. 110.

[Mano]

I know. At 110, who knows? Science is gonna get crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

I know. And I don't want it.

[Mano]

No. You don't want it?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to. No. My grandpa's 97 fucking years old.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

All of his friends are dying.

[Mano]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

Every time I talk to him, he's like, this person died. This person died.

[Mano]

My dad made it to 98.

[Nicole Byer]

I know.

[Mano]

And he kept being like. He just kept being like, when you get that old, you're just like, I don't know. See you tomorrow.

[Nicole Byer]

Or I won't see you tomorrow, but maybe I won't.

[Mano]

You have a huge sense of humor about it. I'll say that much. Okay, so here's the gag. This man's reading my star chart, and then, unprompted, reaches his hand into the back of my pants, puts his finger up my asshole, and he says, oh, you, anus is in Mars.

[Nicole Byer]

What?

[Mano]

And I was like, uh. And for some reason, I wasn't like.

[Nicole Byer]

Get out of there.

[Mano]

For some reason, I was like. It was so funny that I was like, huh? What? Like, he just kind of. He wasn't all the way in, but he was like kind of in. And he. I was like, wha. What do you mean? And he was like, yeah, you're fiery. That's where your fire is. I Can feel like you have Mars in your chart and like you hold it in your body, in your anus, and he's just getting his finger right in my butthole. And here's the weird part. Instead of stopping him, I treated it. You know when sometimes in life you treat it like you're in a sketch? And I was just like, what do you mean, expound? Yes, clarify.

[Nicole Byer]

That was so. I think it's like, it's like a flight. Flight Fight.

[Mano]

Fawn.

[Nicole Byer]

Fawn. I think you fawned.

[Mano]

I fawned.

[Nicole Byer]

You were just like, oh, okay. Thank you so much for being up in there.

[Mano]

Yeah, I just remember, like, it was so fun that I was like, what do you mean, clarify? And then I think he was gagged because he was expecting me to go.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Ooh, goo, goo, goo, or get out of there.

[Nicole Byer]

He was expecting some kind of reaction because he sexually assaulted you in public.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

That is nuts. I wonder if that's his kink and that's how he gets to his.

[Mano]

I think it's his move, sticking his.

[Nicole Byer]

His finger up people's butts, but he, like, gets them in with, like a star chart. There's a man in New York City who wraps himself up in like a carpet and wants people to step on him.

[Mano]

What would you do if the nice man in your life was like, I need to be carpet stepped on?

[Nicole Byer]

I think I could. I. I think I would be like, okay, well, I mean, if that's, if that's what you need to get off, I'm willing to explore that with you.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because if I had a weird freaky thing that I came to him with, I know for a fact he would be like, okay, yeah, well, let's talk this through.

[Mano]

Let's figure this out. Okay, let's figure this out.

[Nicole Byer]

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[Mano]

I. I would figure it out.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I would figure it out. Like, okay, sure, I guess.

[Mano]

Isn't that nice? Yeah, that is nice. Or I would be like, go find someone to go do that. I'm not doing that. Go. You go. You go. Go on the apps and find.

[Nicole Byer]

Find out Lindsay had she found something that I did not know what. So your first. You lost your virginity to a man on your college salsa dancing team. I don't know if we've talked about this.

[Mano]

I don't know if we have either.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, you might have the first time you were on the podcast, but I simply.

[Mano]

I don't think we did.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't remember that.

[Mano]

I don't think we did. No. And I don't think he knew it. Was my virginity either? Because I was like, trying to be cool and chill.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

You know what I mean?

[Nicole Byer]

Absolutely.

[Mano]

Because at that point, I mean, it was. I was like 20, maybe 21, which.

[Nicole Byer]

Is a normal fine. I think losing virginity in your 30s, in your 40s, it is normal. It is, whatever. That's just when you lose it. But like, I think we tend to put things on top of that to be like, oh, I. Why is it taking so long? But Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake was playing.

[Mano]

Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake was playing when? While I lost my virginity.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's really iconic and I love it.

[Mano]

And at the time I was like, wow, I'm cool. Like, I was like. I thought I was living in Queer as Folk. Like, I felt like I was on. In the movies, on tv. Like, I really did it.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm obsessed. Did you feel like Brian or were you Justin?

[Mano]

Ooh, Brian.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I love Brian.

[Mano]

He's so hot.

[Nicole Byer]

I have seen Queer as Folk more times than I can count.

[Mano]

I know that one scene where. Remember the scene where they're like, there's no music and it's just like. They amplify the sounds of the bedroom. There's one sex scene, I think, between.

[Nicole Byer]

Between Brian and Justin. Yes. I mean, it's just like sheets. I'm pretty sure that's like the first time, maybe. And then he was like, rim me. And he was like, okay, sure. And he's like, you don't know how to rim. And it's like, no, he's 17.

[Mano]

Which is, you know, it is funny.

[Nicole Byer]

How.

[Mano]

So Sexy Back was playing. And then I slept with a man on the college salsa dancing team. I've since been like, haha, that was crazy. And then I slept with two other men on my college's salsa dancing team. After that I just said, I like that.

[Nicole Byer]

That's good for me. Salsa right in my butt.

[Mano]

And then I infiltrated my college's Bhangra dancing team.

[Nicole Byer]

What is Bhangra dancing?

[Mano]

Bhangra is like Indian. An Indian folk dance. And so I was like, well, let's keep the dance. The dancers are working out.

[Nicole Byer]

I really like that that you were like, this is what I like. I like ethnic dancing.

[Mano]

Yes. Because I used to Greek dance. Did you know this? No, I didn't know you used to Greek competitively. Greek dance. I have a bronze. Regional, which is the Olympics.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, regional.

[Mano]

Regional. Like a regional Greek dancing competition in Atlanta, Georgia. I have a bronze. Because we dedicated our lives to learning the specific Greek dances from the island of Thraki and got the costume perfect and like, did it well enough to earn a bronze.

[Nicole Byer]

And you've never taught me any of this.

[Mano]

I know Grecian dancing. Yeah, Greek dancing.

[Nicole Byer]

Can I say Grecian?

[Mano]

Usually Grecian Are items like Grecian vases. Like, items are usually Grecian.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I see.

[Mano]

And people is usually Greek.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't believe you've taught me no Greek dancing.

[Mano]

I know. Okay, let's do it. You want me to do it at your funeral? You want me to dance on your casket?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, dance right on that casket.

[Mano]

You gonna rent.

[Nicole Byer]

Can I? Wait, What? What? What did you say?

[Mano]

You said you're gonna rent the casket.

[Nicole Byer]

I am gonna rent the casket.

[Mano]

You could just invest and just have it ready to go for when you do dine.

[Nicole Byer]

Imagine it's just like in my garage. Just a casket. I mean, I had my some like there was water damage in my garage and there was guys working on it and I had taken everything out of the garage. And they were trying to figure out what I did as a live for a living based on what they found in the garage. And they came in and unanimously said clown. And it hurt my feelings until I really thought about it and I was like, well, yeah, I guess. I guess I am a little bit of a clown.

[Mano]

You dressed a sexy Elmo.

[Nicole Byer]

They found a life size dummy that had been spray painted poorly. A bag with dicks in it. Like dildos and whatnot. A sword that was not mine. I don't know whose sword this is. Roller skates, a fishing pole, a bag with dicks on it.

[Mano]

That banner for our 43rd birthday.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. There was just a lot of stuff. And they were like, must be a clown.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was like, well, I guess I am a silly billy and you are.

[Mano]

We are. We spent so many years to, like, buying this stupidest thing for the stupidest reason. Like buying an inflatable hammer because you're like, this sketch has to go.

[Nicole Byer]

I need it in this sketch. I mean, I have two chest plates.

[Mano]

Yeah. Wait, like, like male presenting or female presenting?

[Nicole Byer]

Female.

[Mano]

Love.

[Nicole Byer]

That match my skin almost perfectly.

[Mano]

That's awesome. When do you get to whip them out? Now.

[Nicole Byer]

When the occasion arises. Okay, well, I wore one for a show that Marcy and I did. Dressed up. Oh, you look so good from 90 Day Fiance.

[Mano]

You looked so good.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank you so much. And then I wore. I wore it again for a meeting. Yeah, A Hollywood meeting. The jury's out on if I got it.

[Mano]

Wore it for a Holly. I need more information.

[Nicole Byer]

I'LL tell you. Hollywood.

[Mano]

Okay, I'll tell you a Hollywood meeting.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh.

[Mano]

How's Ed doing? How's Big Ed doing from.

[Nicole Byer]

You know, I'm not a huge fan of Ed because I think he is a terrorist. But he has not been on the iterations I've been watching. He might be a 90 day diary, but I'm not sure.

[Mano]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

But truly not for me. Simply rude. Seems nasty. Not a treat. I don't like him.

[Mano]

Seems bad. Go to the questions, girl. Go to the questions. I can't believe there's this much research about me.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, because sometimes Lindsay finds out something.

[Mano]

That I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't know about you. But I think that was the one. The one thing that I didn't see one. That was the juicy. Juicy.

[Mano]

Are we gonna go to a scary thing this season together?

[Nicole Byer]

I would like to. We were gonna see Hocus Pocus with Ginger Minj and others.

[Mano]

What happened?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, they changed the day and I don't remember getting an email about it. And I can't make it to the day that it changed to.

[Mano]

That sucks.

[Nicole Byer]

Isn't that rude?

[Mano]

That sucks. You know, since you messed. Since you've left. Drag her. You wanna hear one of our new. The new rumors we've spread around about Ginger Minj?

[Nicole Byer]

What rumor are you spreading?

[Mano]

That Ginger Midge is in the Epstein files.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, no.

[Mano]

Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.

[Nicole Byer]

You heard it here first. Release the Epstein files.

[Mano]

If Ginger wants to be exonerated, Release the files. Let's get to it. But no, seriously, about spooky times.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Mono. What an awful rumor.

[Nicole Byer]

That's so funny. Meatball's rumor about, like, Monet is she had a bbl and you were like, we're telling people she's in the Epstein file. Mono.

[Mano]

She's from Florida. She spent.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

What does that mean?

[Mano]

She spent a lot of time in Florida.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Mono. You can't spread that rumor.

[Mano]

I'm sorry. Okay, okay, okay. Look, I. Look, I want her to be exonerated.

[Nicole Byer]

Release the fo. It's so wild that, like, it's crazy. There's a list. There's a literal who has it?

[Mano]

And no one will.

[Nicole Byer]

Who has it?

[Mano]

I don't know. All the wrong people got it.

[Nicole Byer]

But I'm like, is it a PDF?

[Mano]

Yes. Where are the hackers? Aren't the hackers.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

Hackers are.

[Nicole Byer]

Where are the hackers?

[Mano]

Where did the hackers go?

[Nicole Byer]

I thought the hackers, like, instead of sending me a text message, being like, hey, do you want to come to this party on Friday? And I'm like, what? Who is this unknown number? Go get the files.

[Mano]

Go get the files.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't try to take my credit card information.

[Mano]

Stop sending me voicemails about a loan that I've been approved for. Have you gotten those yet?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

Oh my God.

[Nicole Byer]

An auto loan.

[Mano]

That's so scary.

[Nicole Byer]

I once went to a haunted house in New York and I got like, recognized. One of the like, zombies was like, oh, nailed it. And I was like, aren't you supposed to. He's like, yes. Can you stay in character? I kind of was like, yeah, stay in character. But also it was really fun.

[Mano]

They do that to Betsy. Oh. All the time. They're like, hey, hey, Dabby, got some weed? Or like, hey, aren't you. Aren't you supposed to be a ghost?

[Nicole Byer]

Like, that's really funny.

[Mano]

It's really, it's really.

[Nicole Byer]

They cannot stay in character. They're just that excited.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

We were in Amsterdam. I remember we had a nice time and we were shit faced and then decided to go to one more bar. And then the bar was so crowded and everybody knew Betsy and it was so funny. They were just like, just like encroaching in on her and it was like, I have to save my friend.

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

What a nice time.

[Mano]

That was a really nice time. Amsterdam was cute.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved Amsterdam.

[Mano]

Those boats.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved them little boats. It's kind of wild that they just let you on that canal and you have to figure it out. Yeah, I got you. Get lost. You figure it out.

[Mano]

You got lost so many times in those damn canals.

[Nicole Byer]

Truly. Did you Mono. This is a dating podcast.

[Mano]

Yes. Ask me. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

What is your advice for single people?

[Mano]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And how they can get not scared.

[Mano]

Okay, this is gonna. Okay, here we go. Ready? If you. Okay, here's the annoying. The annoying advice is if you feel beautiful, people think you're beautiful. And every time I have felt my jush or just like channeled the things that I am good at and sounds weird, but like, if I'm like smiling or just being this version of myself where I am a little goofy, a little charming as opposed to trying to be this other thing that I am not, it works out a lot better. Cause especially in like queer male community, there's a lot of men, there's a lot of posturing and trying to be more masculine or tougher, more mysterious. If you can do that, God bless, I can.

[Nicole Byer]

I like that advice. It's truly like, just be yourself.

[Mano]

No one's ever said it before.

[Nicole Byer]

Just be it. Well, I know it's real.

[Mano]

Though.

[Nicole Byer]

But it is real. It is nice.

[Mano]

And I think, yeah, it really is real. I think there's the way that, yeah, I think there's a way to say this same thing in a different way, but I can't think of it.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think you need to say it in a different way. I think it's really nice. It's just like. Just figure out who you are and be yourself. Because once you love yourself and you're like, so solid in who you are, when you meet your person, they're gonna love that person.

[Mano]

Don't you feel like more attention? Have you felt more amorous? Just more intention in general? Since you have felt more comfortable in your situation with your man.

[Nicole Byer]

Say that again.

[Mano]

Do you feel like that, that whole thing, when it rains, it pours. Now that you're in this incredibly secure place, do you. And you feel, you know, you're giving off this secured energy. Do you feel more people, like lighting a flame to you, like, being like.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, I'll be like, with him and people will like, kind of, like, kind of hit on me and like, what is this?

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

When I didn't have him, nobody was hitting on me. This is weird.

[Mano]

Yes, it's very weird.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, wait, we have run out of time. But I did want to talk about your birthday party.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Where you had a. Oh, my God. A Galinda impersonator.

[Mano]

God damn it.

[Nicole Byer]

And how did Jean find her?

[Mano]

I think she was found on, like, something called, like celebrity lookalike.com or something.

[Nicole Byer]

This woman had the most confidence I've ever seen. And someone took a video of her getting into her Toyota Corolla fully in her, like, her cosplay. And it fried me in a way that, like, I had, like, it was such a treat to watch. I.

[Mano]

It was Los Angeles.

[Nicole Byer]

Incredible.

[Mano]

Los Angeles in five seconds.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And I hope somebody took a video of me getting into my car looking like this because I drove here like this.

[Mano]

Yes. That was crazy. I was shocked. And I was trying to have a low key birthday party that was taken away from me. No, but it was, it was lovely and. But it was like somehow the most intense moment of my life where everyone gathered in a circle around me and then this Glinda impersonator showed up to sing songs and may I say, not Glinda impersonator. Ariana Grande doing Glinda impersonator.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I didn't realize it was that specific.

[Mano]

It was her. Because you haven't seen the movie.

[Nicole Byer]

I haven't seen the movie, but I will be Seeing the second part.

[Mano]

God damn it. Why must you do this?

[Nicole Byer]

It's one of my favorite things to do, to only be informed about the second part of movies.

[Mano]

So that's. You'll see why. Like her. Her impersonation just of the movie's version, which made it more insane. And she sang at my face for 25 minutes.

[Nicole Byer]

It was iconic.

[Mano]

It was really fun.

[Nicole Byer]

And then we had to say nice things about. I loved it. It was so wonderful. And it was like.

[Mano]

It was really nice.

[Nicole Byer]

It felt very thoughtful because it was like, you love a silly thing. So Jean made sure something silly happened on your birthday.

[Mano]

Yeah. And that was another. That's another. Really. I mean, when you get a partner, make sure they are someone who celebrates you when. Even when you ask not to be celebrated.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Mano]

And he was like, no, we need to do something to celebrate you. Even though I was like, no.

[Nicole Byer]

I also love that you dressed each other. And he was like, I feel like shit.

[Mano]

I dressed him as me, and he looked, like, wearing a stupid Mario shirt.

[Nicole Byer]

He looked adorable.

[Mano]

He looked great. But he was like. I was like, that's. That's what I really wanted for my birthday was you. To you to dress like me, which is just so.

[Nicole Byer]

It's so funny, and it's so silly. And I love that he was like, I don't like this, but I'm willing to do this for you.

[Mano]

Okay, let me ask you this question. What do you think about couples? Because we both are in relationships where we are. We're balanced by our opposite. Yeah. What about people who are the same who date people who are just like, we're the same?

[Nicole Byer]

That freaks me out. No, it. It exists.

[Mano]

I think it exists.

[Nicole Byer]

And I saw a couple like that at the airport. I was leaving Las Vegas, and this couple was Las Vegas.

[Mano]

In Las Vegas. They were dressed identical. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It was a burly woman and a burly man, and they had their Tevas strapped to their feet. They had their cargo shorts past their knees. They had their shirts with anime something on it tucked in with the belt. They had their backpacks for hiking, but nobody was going on a hike. And I was like, whoa, how. How does that work out that you just. You dress identical? And then their faces, they were different ethnicities, but their faces were almost the same. It was wild.

[Mano]

People love to theyself.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't understand. I don't want to myself.

[Mano]

I. E. That's a lie. I. I think I would like to myself, but I've never done it. I've never. Someone who looked like Me, I don't think.

[Nicole Byer]

Me either. Yeah, I. I tend to get turned off a little bit when. When. Because I've been on dates where people like, they look similar to me and I'm like, oh, I don't know about that. That's too much.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to me.

[Mano]

I don't want to fuck me.

[Nicole Byer]

I want to love me and I.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Want to love me I give my all to do Hide. Just one night with you Boo. Boo.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, that's it. We've come to the end.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Is this the.

[Mano]

The scariest? In a way, this is probably the scariest episode.

[Nicole Byer]

Scariest episode. I'm sure the people watching it are just hiding behind their fingies.

[Mano]

Did you watch Weapons?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

Oh, so good.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved Weapons.

[Mano]

So crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

I loved it so much.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was reading some reviews about it and some people like, didn't like it. And I was like, but why? I know it was. The payoff at the end was so delicious.

[Mano]

Delicious.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was haha, teeheeing.

[Mano]

Haha.

[Nicole Byer]

Screaming through it. And then there was parts that were so scary that I was like, oh my God. I've had several people after watching that movie being like, nicole, you have to lock the doors of your car. And I'm like, no, I will never lock the doors.

[Mano]

You don't.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a Jeep. It's a soft top Jeep. If you want in, the windows are plastic. You can get in.

[Mano]

I have a. We both have a nice friend. I don't want to out her, but we have. And she's nice. And this is nice. What I'm saying is nice. She leaves her doors unlocked at night in case someone wants to sleep in her car.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Mano]

She's like, if someone wants to get in there, I want them to get in there.

[Nicole Byer]

I also, I have $20 under. In the, like in the thingy, the. What's that called? The center console? Yeah. Just a note that says if you need it, take it.

[Mano]

Wow. Yeah, I mean, if you lose 20 bucks, you lose 20 bucks. Who cares?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I don't mind.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And if you're. If you're looking for the money, it means you need it. So who am I to not help you? This is mutual aid, what I'm doing.

[Mano]

Elmo. Nice.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Elmo wants you to have mommy and sex. Oh, mano mano Elmo. Elmo admonishes you. Elmo says, no nasty.

[Nicole Byer]

What does Chucky sound like? Like a grown man.

[Mano]

He really does sound like. You bitch. You slut.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll teach you to with me. Does he call people sluts?

[Mano]

Oh, he's a. He's a very foul mouth.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think I've seen Chucky.

[Mano]

Oh, it's fun.

[Nicole Byer]

I know the, like, the. The lore of Chucky. Yeah, he gets bought, he gets open, he terrorizes, and then he gets married later on to, like, a cute little Chucky.

[Mano]

Right. See, before that, a famous serial killer put his spirit inside the doll. So, like, on his own, he did, like, a voodoo curse. And then that, like, he, like, he was like, oh, no, the cops are about to kill me. Let me do a voodoo curse so I can live on through and put my spirit in this doll.

[Nicole Byer]

That is some real evil shit. That's like Hocus pocus. Those three sisters who are like, we're gonna, like, lock ourselves, our souls up in that book or whatever.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And then a virgin lights the candle and we're coming back. I don't get that kind of evil where you, like, you're like, I have to keep living so I can keep being evil. Like, I'm not evil. And I. When I'm dead, let me be dead.

[Mano]

Yeah. You don't wan. Continue.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to come back. Are you kidding? I'm tired.

[Mano]

I. I feel. I'm. I'm starting. I'm at the beginning of tired. I'm like, I. I see why people are. Are over it.

[Nicole Byer]

When they're over it. Like, come back.

[Mano]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

To this hole. For what? No, it's bad here.

[Mano]

No. I got to go to Toys R Us.

[Nicole Byer]

Excuse me. Is that heaven?

[Mano]

Yeah, for me. What's your heaven?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know, but how do you.

[Mano]

Feel about Jeffrey the Epstein?

[Nicole Byer]

No. Jeffrey.

[Mano]

Jeffrey the Epstein Giraffe.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you remember KB Toys?

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

That was like, the lesser of the two.

[Mano]

Yeah. It was not as nice. Cause it was also, like, smaller.

[Nicole Byer]

It was smaller.

[Mano]

And they always had the vibrating toys outside. Did your KB Toys have that?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

What is that?

[Nicole Byer]

To lure you in. To lure the children in. To be like, mama, something is buzzing over there. Can we please go in?

[Mano]

This is also. You were talking about COVID ups. Why are RuPaul's suits always Klein, Epstein, and Parker?

[Nicole Byer]

Mano, this has to stop, Moto. You're sullying good people's names trying to.

[Mano]

Get to the bottom of this. If our government won't do it. I need to uncover this.

[Nicole Byer]

It is so wild that you're attacking LGBTQIA plus. Oh, Quia. What did I say?

[Mano]

Add more letters.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Oh.

[Mano]

Lgbtq.

[Nicole Byer]

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, q, u. I D2R. 2 D2R. R. You know, little Dumpster. Anyway, you have not attacked anyone bad. You've only attacked good people.

[Mano]

You mean Ginger Minj? Jeffrey Epstein, Giraffe?

[Nicole Byer]

What did Jeffrey the giraffe do? What did Ginger Minj do? What did RuPaul do to you?

[Mano]

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I just want answers. I. I want answers.

[Nicole Byer]

We want answers.

[Mano]

If there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to hide.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's see the files. Come on. Elliot Musk. Release the files. I think he's got them.

[Mano]

He's. He seems to got em also.

[Nicole Byer]

I think maybe our president has them. Yeah, I think he's. You heard it here first.

[Mano]

You heard it here first.

[Nicole Byer]

Scariest thing you've ever heard.

[Mano]

This was a scary episode.

[Nicole Byer]

I think our president's bad.

[Mano]

I don't know if he's doing the best job.

[Nicole Byer]

They didn't send their best when they sent their geriatrics to run for president.

[Mano]

Jeez. Do you see?

[Nicole Byer]

See what?

[Mano]

Nothing.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, we'll end his neck use. Excuse me.

[Mano]

Our president has a neck osy.

[Nicole Byer]

What's Necco see?

[Mano]

A neck pussy.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, he does have a neck pussy. It is kind of wild. Gobble, gobble it. Truly.

[Mano]

Oh, it's now. It's November.

[Nicole Byer]

Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. Do you think Melania. I almost called her Juliana. Do you think Melania at night fingers his neck pussy?

[Mano]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And she's like, I hate my life. I'm a mamma Mia. I hate my life. Yah. Yahoo. I hate my life. Also, I don't love talking about people's looks, but that child that they produced is scary looking. He looks like the Babadook. He's so tall.

[Mano]

He looks like a crystal ball with a toupee on top of.

[Nicole Byer]

It's interesting. I mean, I don't want to be like, he's ugly. He is. He is. He's different looking.

[Mano]

He's very different looking. He looks. He kind. He kind of looks like a bowl of punch.

[Nicole Byer]

Mano. Would you date me?

[Mano]

Yes. But I think we'd be bad together.

[Nicole Byer]

I also think. I think we would enable each other every night to do something terrible.

[Mano]

That's true. I can't say no to you.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't say no to you.

[Mano]

Yeah, that would be bad. So. Yeah. Yes. I think it would be really toxic. I think we would hug each other too much, talk too much. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think we would ever get sleep. I think we just like stay awake at night being like, I have something funny to say.

[Mano]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It'd be bad. Do you have anything you want to promote?

[Mano]

Yes. If you enjoyed this unhinged episode, you can listen to Drag her, that host with Oscar Montoya, who's wonderful and iconic and amazing. We also have a show, Bad Drag Race.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Mano]

You can come see the finale.

[Nicole Byer]

I will be there November 15, 2025, at Dynasty.

[Mano]

TBR. That's right.

[Nicole Byer]

And you could get tickets where you could watch it at home.

[Mano]

Yes. Yeah, we might do livestream.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, wait, you don't do it.

[Mano]

We stopped doing livestream.

[Nicole Byer]

Just kidding. You can't watch it at home. You gotta come in person.

[Mano]

You gotta come in person. And we love Trash with Betsy. Sedaro is awesome and she's. We love Betsy. And I get to talk about trash and bad movies with her. So go listen to that too.

[Nicole Byer]

I love that, you guys. You can like it. Go right out and go subscribe. You can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty, this mono.

[Mano]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

This can't be good for your health. Eating lipstick. And now it's in your mustache. If you like this episode of why Won't yout Date Me? Okay, I said that already. Okay, okay. If you write me something nasty, hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast, gmail.com, i will read it. Hey, Nicole, Should I read it as Elmo?

[Mano]

Yeah. Yes.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Yes, Elmo. Hi, Nicole. It's Halloween night and you're dressed as a ghost. Just a sheet with two holes. One for your eyes and one for your pussies. I show up at your door.

[Mano]

What?

[Guest or Listener Caller]

I show up at your door as a trick or treater, but you tell me you have something better than candy.

[Mano]

Yes. Yes. Take a break. Take a break.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Then you flip your sheet over my head and ride me like a broomstick, screaming boo. Every time you come. By the time the night is over, the neighbors think your house is actually hot. Happy Halloween. Love, Johnny. He him.

[Mano]

Wow.

[Guest or Listener Caller]

Elmo says bye.

[Mano]

Bye.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, you've been listening to why won't you date me with me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars, with executive producer Anya Kanefskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose, and our thief music is arranged by Mike Comate. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye Bye.

[Mano]

That was a hategam podcast.

[Lamorne Morris or Hannah Simone]

What's going on?

[Mano]

It's Lamorne Morris and Hannah Simone and.

[Lamorne Morris or Hannah Simone]

We host The Mess Around a New Girl Rewatch Podcast now on Headgum. Now here's the thing. Every single week we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson, his.

[Mano]

Dog, that's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

[Lamorne Morris or Hannah Simone]

We're just two BFFs having a good old time. Okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talked to your dad on this show as well.

[Nicole Byer]

Make sure you subscribe to the Mess around wherever you you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.