Your Favorite Queen’s Favorite Seamstress (w/ Danny Godoy)

Summary

---

Episode Overview

Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
Episode: Your Favorite Queen’s Favorite Seamstress (w/ Danny Godoy)
Date: January 30, 2026

This episode features comedian Nicole Byer and drag artist/seamstress Danny Godoy (often “Goodoy”), known for crafting iconic looks for RuPaul’s Drag Race stars. Their conversation weaves between hilarious dating mishaps, sex positivity, the art and chaos of sewing for drag, and deeper questions about self-worth and relationships. The episode maintains Nicole’s trademark raunchy humor and heartfelt introspection, creating space for honest storytelling and plenty of laughter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sewing, Craft Nights, and Drag Fashion (02:23–06:01, 21:00–23:03, 47:08–49:03)

• Nicole recounts learning to sew and failed craft nights with friends Meatball and Danny, where Meatball ditched after planning ("They didn't fucking show up." — Nicole, 04:36).
• Danny brought Nicole sewing supplies and Taylor’s chalk as gifts.
• They discuss how the hardest part of sewing is often cutting and pinning patterns (“It’s crazy, the pinning. Oh, my God.” — Nicole, 05:45).
• Danny shares his origin story: his aunt taught him to sew, with more formal skills honed at a rec center in Torrance, then at fashion school. He started young: “I've been sewing for almost 16 years now. I just say over 15.” (23:03)
• Drag inspiration came from family drag shows in LA, and later, a competitive friendship: “I can do it better!” (48:12). His drag debut was in 2013, and he describes his early looks as “busted.”

2. Dating Status, Relationship Manifestation, and Self-Awareness (06:01–13:14, 35:50–43:55)

• Danny admits he’s "not actively dating, but...fucking" (06:06), and feels unsure about wanting a relationship.
• They discuss the challenges of being “too much” (“Bitch, whoever’s gonna watch is gonna watch it for who you are.” — Danny, 07:33), and why honesty and directness are crucial in dating:

  “If you wanna date me, just tell me what you want. Tell me what you’re thinking, because I cannot read social cues when it comes to dating, apparently.”
  (Danny, 08:43)

• Danny missed an opportunity with someone due to mutual silence; Nicole commiserates, saying lack of communication is a “red flag.”
• They talk about the difficulty of being single within a circle of “great friends,” where dating someone means “the threshold for our partner to fuck up is really low, because everyone knows.”
• On manifesting relationships, Danny’s therapist has him reframe what he wants by focusing on positive qualities; clear communication and loving his dog, Coco, are non-negotiable.
• They explore boundaries: Danny insists partners can't befriend his friends independently (“That feels crazy.” — Nicole, 40:50).

3. Dating Stories & Sex Talks (10:36–13:14, 16:09–20:56)

• Danny’s worst date: a glamorous hotel dinner at the Huntley ends with oral chlamydia (“He didn't even put out.” — Danny, 11:34).
• Sex-positive stories abound: using Theraguns for masturbation (and during sex), lube discussions (“Coconut oil is the best lube ever.” — Danny, 19:07), and early sexual experiences with challenging anatomy:

  “Andrew...his dick was huge. ...It was a two hander.”
  (Danny, 17:43, 18:36)

• Nicole and Danny agree sex communication and hygiene (“Take a shower and wash your dirty dick.” — Nicole, 20:19) are vital.
• Humor, openness, and learning from awkward experiences are celebrated.

4. Personal Wellness, Dental Nightmares & Self-Care (23:10–32:46)

• Nicole shares an epic dental saga: a botched root canal left an instrument inside her tooth, causing years of pain—unknown by multiple dentists (“My mouth really hurts. And they were like, impossible. We took the nerves out.” — Nicole, 24:00).
• She discusses the importance of getting a specialist and a second opinion for dental work. Danny empathizes deeply.
• The two riff on aging, memory, and the absurdities of healthcare bureaucracy.

5. Mental Health and Therapy (35:50–36:10, 42:52–43:09)

• Danny talks about being in therapy for five years and using Wellbutrin.
• Nicole shares that Wellbutrin made her want to quit smoking, so she discontinued it.
• Danny notes the need for partners to "know their triggers" or at least be willing to learn ("If you don’t know any of that, be willing to learn." — Danny, 42:53).

6. Red and Green Flags in Dating (38:40–45:48)

• Major green flag: openness to famous friends; red flag: being uncomfortable or weird about being in social circles with famous people.
• Another green flag: understanding the state of your relationship with your family and, if not close, being honest about the reasons.
• Red flags include superficial judgments (car choices) and uncleanliness—especially regarding pets and shared spaces.
• “I actually care how clean your house is. Not where you work, but, like your bathroom and your kitchen.” (Danny, 44:12)
• Empathy for depression’s impact on cleaning, but reiteration that clean-up is necessary when possible.

7. Fame, Friendship, and Social Boundaries (38:15–41:53)

• Nicole and Danny discuss the unique weirdness of dating as funny or famous people, including people using old associations for clout.
• “If that's your hook between the last 15 years, then you're not doing something right.” (Danny, 41:51)

8. Drag Show Highlights & Promotion (53:35–54:11)

• Danny plugs his weekly Drag Bingo and RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing party (“every Friday, I’m at 33 Tops in West Hollywood…”), and an upcoming Bad Bunny-themed Super Bowl party.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On taking up sewing:
  “I had a reputation of doing things and not actually doing it. And when I said I wanted to learn how to sew, my mom was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Go ask your Thea. And I went to my Thea, and she kind of taught me the basics, and I grasped it on really quickly.”
  (Danny, 21:15)

• Sex and the magic of coconut oil:
  “And if I don’t—well, actually, the person that introduced me to it was my best friend and she’s a woman. … It’s antimicrobial. … Also, if you put it on a dick, it smells good. If it’s a dirty dick … you’re like, oh, we should go to the shower.”
  (Danny & Nicole, 19:07–19:54)

• Dating in queer creative circles:
  “There was a lot of my adult life or 20s, where I was like, ‘I'm too much.' … Bitch, whoever’s gonna watch is gonna watch it for who you are.”
  (Danny, 07:33)

• On self-worth and green flags:
  “You need to be cool with the fact that my friends are famous. … You and your friends are famous, so you get this.”
  (Danny, 38:09–38:40)

• Dental horror story:
  “I’ve been in pain since 2023. Even though these people said, ‘You’re not in pain.’ Went and got a second opinion … ‘Yep, that’s an instrument in your mouth. That tooth’s gotta go.’”
  (Nicole, 26:19–27:59)

• Classic sign-off:
  “Would you date me?”
  “Bring that Theragun over and we’re a couple.”
  (Nicole and Danny, 52:28–52:31)

• Hilarious comment on online haters:
  “This person said I had roach-like fingers that were probably dusted with Cheeto dust. … If you just used your power for good, you could probably write poetry.”
  (Nicole, 53:08–53:26)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Sewing mishaps, gifts, and craft night story: 02:23–06:01
• Dating status and communication in relationships: 06:01–08:43
• Missed romantic cues and learning from the past: 08:43–10:31
• Worst date ever (oral chlamydia): 10:36–12:19
• Sex, Theraguns, and coconut oil revelation: 16:09–20:56
• Danny’s sewing origin & years of practice: 21:00–23:03
• Nicole’s dental nightmare & the saga of the instrument: 23:10–32:46
• Manifesting relationships & red/green flags: 35:50–43:55
• Car talk & why cleanliness matters more than cars: 43:54–45:48
• Drag & earliest drag exposure: 47:08–49:03
• Promo: drag bingos, upcoming shows: 53:35–54:11
• Lightning round: “Would you date me?” and sign-off: 52:28–52:41

---

Takeaways

• The art of drag couture and friendship is messy, joyful, and collaborative.
• Both Nicole and Danny value honesty, self-awareness, and direct communication in relationships.
• Fame and creative circles complicate friendships and dating; boundaries are needed.
• Sex and body positivity flourish through humor and open conversation.
• Never neglect your health—dental or otherwise—and always get a second opinion!
• Even within ridiculous and raunchy stories, there’s a throughline of community care, laughter, and personal growth.

---

This summary captures the colorful, candid, and hilarious spirit of Nicole Byer’s podcast, highlighting the heartfelt moments between drag, dating, and DIY.

Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[B]

This is a headgum podcast.

[A]

New year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg plus hash browns and a small coffee for just $5 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California.

[B]

And for delivery, the conversation we were having before I coughed and farted on you. We were talking with Gio, our brand new favorite.

[A]

Well, my favorite person, our Palm Springs daddy.

[B]

And we were talking to him about, like, dicks. Cause he's friends with a lot of porn stars. So we were having just conversations about penises and one of our friend's husband's penis. Cause he can't take it anymore. And I was like, I mean, he is hot. And I'm here, I'll do it for you. So I offered myself. And then I went. And then I went.

[A]

It was rather wild to. It was because it was such quick succession to be like, I'll suck your dick. I was like, I don't.

[B]

Well, I farted. Cause I was laughing and I tried to, like, see if no one heard it, but I'm tight, so it's laughing.

[A]

You heard it here. If you like the doy, let him know. Also, he tight and I have a fat ass. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh, baby. Welcome to another episode of why won't you date me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my finger and tell me it was an acrylic. My guest today. My guest today is a drag artist and designer behind some of your favorite RuPaul's Drag Race looks. They've done outfits for Bob the drag Queen, Kimchi, Carrie Colby, and so many more icons. And this person once farted and coughed on me at a party. It's Danny Goodoy. And you taught me how to sew in one day.

[B]

And you can add another name onto.

[A]

That list who soon, soon to be me. Yeah, I can't wait. Like, some of your shit is so fudgeing. No, all of it is so fudgeing. Good.

[B]

I was about to say. And the other is shit.

[A]

Well, I've seen you take a she and dress and judge it up.

[B]

Well, Nicole, thank you for having me.

[A]

Thank you for doing this. I love your necklace. I also like this look. You. You look like a boy who escaped a Catholic school.

[B]

Yeah, because a priest wouldn't touch me, which makes me really mad. Like, was I. I was probably an ugly kid. No, I was a very cute kid. I know that for a fact.

[A]

Yes. I don't see ugliness for you. Like, you've got a good round face. You've got nice big eyes. What?

[B]

Maybe I'm just ugly here in your heart. No, actually, it's here in your head. We're kind of ugly sometimes.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, wait. Rewind it. Zoom. Zoo, zoo, zoo, zoo. Sewing. I got you something.

[A]

What is it? This will be good for people only. Listening asmr.

[B]

Nicole is opening up.

[A]

Ooh, what is this?

[B]

I don't know. I forgot what I got you. Oh, I got you stitch witchery.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

So it helps you hem things because you don't own an overlog. And you didn't want to hem those pants. No.

[A]

Because it's too much work.

[B]

So with this, you just iron it on, and I got you two different kinds to try.

[A]

Oh, boy. Thank you. Because I. Hold on. I'll talk after I look at it.

[B]

And I also got you Taylor's chalk. Yeah.

[A]

Kajoy, thank you so much. I. So I. After. Okay, so I group texted. It was you and Meatball, and I was like, let's have a craft night. Teach me how to sew. Because Meatball tried to teach me how to sew. We made a bag, a tank top. And then she was like, let's make matching jumpsuits. That might have been my idea. I don't remember, but it was too fucking hard. Cut all of the patterns. And I was like, I'll never see you again. So then I texted you two, and I was like, let's have a craft night. Meatball was like, yes, let's do it. And they didn't fucking show up.

[B]

It was the date that she wanted to do it.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

She said, we'll do this date. And we said, okay, we'll do that date. Meatball said, I'm in New York City. Yeah. Where the fuck were you?

[A]

I'm eating Caesar salad pizza.

[B]

But you know what? We still had fun.

[A]

We did have a very good time.

[B]

Cause we had Kim, who came over and didn't craft.

[A]

Just answered emails, which is crafting.

[B]

You're crafting an email? People say that. Did people say that?

[A]

They do say that. She was crafting an email.

[B]

Well, now she took on.

[A]

She makes little belt or not belts.

[B]

Leather wallets.

[A]

Leather wallets.

[B]

So she's gonna do that at her next crafting, she said, okay. And then we had Monet, who. I made her. She sat there and sewed feathers.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

She made her finish her outfit.

[A]

And then what did Vicki. Vicki was doing?

[B]

Stand up, but sitting down.

[A]

And then I made my own pattern, and I've used it, and I made. I had fabric I didn't like. So I was like, I'm gonna see if I could do this again. And honestly, most of the time, it's just cutting the pattern or, like, cutting the fabric to the pattern. That's it.

[B]

A long time.

[A]

It's crazy, the pinning. Oh, my God.

[B]

I was gonna bring you some weights to, like, hold down your pattern. They're really heavy.

[A]

I understand. Your dainty little arms, mostly in the upper area. Ga doi. Are you dating?

[B]

I am not actively dating.

[A]

Do you want to be or no? Are you fucking?

[B]

I'm fucking, yeah. I actually don't know how to date.

[A]

What? You have to explain that a little bit more.

[B]

So the last time that I went on an actual date was maybe, like, 2021, but it was like, oh, we're gonna go to Akbar and do what? I didn't really know myself that much, and now I'm like, I know exactly what I want to do and my hobbies versus my career. So. Yeah. But I am open to dating. I am on, like. I'm actually. I'm just on Raya, but it's horrible.

[A]

I'm just on Raya.

[B]

It's just like, a networking thing. It's like, girl, get your fucking ass out of your head. Out of your ass.

[A]

So do you want to be in a relationship or no? You're just like, whatever.

[B]

I don't know yet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because we've talked about this. I don't know if you remember, because I was drunk at Monet's engagement party, where it's like, we were talking about manifesting it and, like, all of that good stuff.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

There was a lot of my adult life or 20s, where I was like, I'm too much. I'm too much. I'm too loud. I do drag. I da, da, da. Where it's like, bitch, whoever's gonna watch is gonna watch it for who you are.

[A]

All of that.

[B]

And on top of there's an added layer to this. We have great friends. Yeah. Like, the threshold for our partner to fuck up is really low, because everyone knows that. I like knowing things right up front. Actually, I have a fun story, but let me just wrap this one up real quick. I like knowing things. Like, you tell me the Truth. If I fuck up, you tell me, and I will take accountability. But I also know that exteriorly. Exterior.

[A]

On the exterior.

[B]

On the outside, I come off very, like, strong. And, like, strong.

[A]

You have a very strong personality.

[B]

Yeah. So a lot of people don't want to tell me those things. So I figure that when I do end up getting a relationship, if it's not a good one, someone won't tell me. But I do know that there are my friends that will tell me that. Okay. On the other side.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I forgot what I was gonna say.

[A]

Oh, no. You said you had a good story.

[B]

I had a good story. Oh, yes. If you're out there and you wanna date me or you have a crush on me, you want, just tell me. Anyone, Any future dater of mine, just tell me what you want. Tell me what you're thinking. Because I cannot read social cues when it comes to dating, apparently. You know Diana. Diana makes no. Okay. So my friend Diana.

[A]

It's funny. You said you had a story.

[B]

I am. I'm gonna say it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was funny. I have a story. Hello. If you would like to date me.

[B]

Because I need to preface it, because I think I missed on an opportunity of dating someone that I was actually interested in because I didn't say anything, and they didn't say anything. But then when we stopped being friends, they were like. They told the other person they were dating at the time, who happened to be my college friend, that I broke his heart. And I didn't even know this. So then I was telling my friend Diana the story, and she was like, well, would you do romantic things? And I was like, like what? She goes, would you hold his hand? And I was like, oh, yeah, but I can. I'll do that with any of my friends. And she goes, you don't do that with friends. You don't hold their hand. You don't cuddle with friends. And I was like, oh, okay. That makes sense. Anyway, this was like five or six years, actually. Good.

[A]

I will say, sure, maybe you don't cuddle with friends. But then maybe you do cuddle with some friends.

[B]

No. Because if you know me, you know I don't like being touched.

[A]

Well, this is funny. Why didn't you say anything?

[B]

Because it was, like, six years ago, and I still. I was very insecure internally.

[A]

But then him saying you broke his heart, I think is a little crazy. If that person didn't say how they.

[B]

Were feeling, then I dodged a red flag.

[A]

I think you did. Mm.

[B]

And now I know. And you do, too. So if you wanna date me, just tell me.

[A]

Just tell Goodoy. What's the worst date you've ever been on?

[B]

The worst date I've ever been on. Oh, my God. It was my worst day. But I'm sure it was their best. I took them. So while I was in college, I was working in luxury retail, and one of my clients was the regional manager, or, like, the. The main person at the Huntley Hotel.

[A]

Where's the Huntley Hotel?

[B]

It's in Santa Monica.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's like. Well, it was their, like, premiere hotel, like, because it was the highest one. You got the best views of all of la and their penthouse. They have a really good restaurant. She was like, come over whenever you want. So I was on this date with this guy, and I was like, let's go to the Hunley Hotel. So they brought us caviar and all this shit. And then he gave me oral chlamydia from kissing. He didn't even put out.

[A]

That's devastating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, and then. I've never had oral chlamydia. Knock on wood. What? What happened? Do, like. Do you get, like, sores on your mouth? Like, what is oral chlamydia?

[B]

No, I had, like, throat, like. Like. Like, have you ever had strep? Almost. Yeah. If I remember correctly, it was like that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But I also can't remember correctly because it was, like, when I was 18, 19. It's only a year ago, right?

[A]

So just a year ago. How devastating?

[B]

Actually, in the future.

[A]

That's awful. I mean, that is funny, because it is probably the best date he went on. He had a delicious meal, a very expensive meal. Comped.

[B]

Comped.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

I ain't pay shit.

[A]

That's nice. Then he said, oh, better. Thank you. And then he left a gift right down your throat.

[B]

Oh, I have a fun sex story, but that's not what this podcast is about.

[A]

It is. Okay, before we get to your sex story, let's take a break. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Okay, listen, I know so many people who keep saying they want to make a big change, but go back to school, switch careers, start something new. And if you've ever thought about getting into healthcare or leveling up in it, you really should know about Chamberlain University because they've been preparing healthcare professionals for over 130 years, and they're the largest nursing school in the entire country. Learning is actually built for real life there. You can choose from online programs, hybrid setups, or even in person classes, if there's a campus near you. And classes start every eight weeks, so you don't have to wait a whole year to begin. You can just start when you're ready. They have faculty and mentors who actually check in, guide you, and help you stay right on track, giving you real support at every stage. So if you've been feeling it's time for something different in your career, Chamberlain wants you to know you've got this, and we've got you. Learn more at chamberlain. Edu Chamberlain University Belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Chevy. So I love traveling, and I love traveling with friends. So there's a group of us, there's four, and we were like, let's do something local, something we can drive to. So we were like, let's go to Joshua Tree because the thrifting is really good. And honestly, when I'm looking for a place to stay, I always book a stay on Airbnb for trips with friends. Hotels just don't give us the space I need. I am a grown woman. I need my own own bedroom. And more importantly, I need a bathroom that is all mine. Nothing is worse than sharing a bathroom with your friends and having to do your business while someone is right outside the door waiting to brush their dang teeth. You cannot live your best life like that. And if you want to be sure you're booking the very best place, look for the Guest Favorites badge. These are a collection of the most loved homes on Airbnb. Chosen by who? The guests. It's like a stamp of approval that says you're gonna have a great time. Honestly, life is too short to be cramped. Next time you travel, book a home on Airbnb. Here's something we don't talk about enough. Eating disorders are way more common than you think, and they don't always look the way people expect. Sometimes it looks like constant dieting. Sometimes it's feeling ashamed about how you eat. Sometimes it's about being super rigid about exercising or let food rules run your whole day. And sometimes it is just that voice in your head that never lets you feel okay in your body. That voice. You don't have to keep living with it. If you're ready for things to feel different. Meet Equip. Equip is a virtual eating disorder treatment program that meets you exactly where you are, whether you're juggling work, dating, family drama, or just the general chaos of being a human. You get a full team of experts, a therapist, a dietitian, a medical provider, and a mentor with Lived experience. They understand what it's like to navigate recovery while still actually trying to live your life. And it's covered by most insurance plans, and there's no wait list. You can start asap. So if you've been thinking, huh, Maybe I should get some help. This is your sign. Visit Equip health slash date me to learn more. That's Equip health slash date me. Tell me your sex story.

[B]

One time, I hooked up with this guy, and he had a theragun, but he had attachments to use. Oh. But not in the rear, but in the front. I've never experienced that, and it was so good.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

During the pandemic, I was masturbating with a theragun because I was like, I gotta leave the house. I need excitement. I need something. I need to feel something. And I felt like that meme where it's like a. Like a jackhammering lady or whatever, because I was truly just jackhammering my. Every night.

[B]

And it felt good.

[A]

It felt so good. I was like, this is for me. Godoy, I have a question for you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So the first time you had sex was in your junior year of high school with your boyfriend, and your boyfriend said to not eat beforehand, but also, y' all didn't use lube.

[B]

Yes. I. I believe he was a bottom. I think. I. I think he wanted to top.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

And used me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

As bait.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, it was just ginormous. Oh. From what I remember at the time of where you. Where you got that information, it's probably the biggest I had done to date. But now I'm.

[A]

Now you seem bigger and better.

[B]

I love taking a challenge, but that's not a requirement to date me.

[A]

Have you ever seen a dick and been like, whoa, no.

[B]

Yes. Andrew, no one's gonna know who this is.

[A]

I know, but it's just very funny that you were like, I'll say the name Andrew.

[B]

He's Australian, and he was. He only would come to LA once a year on a business trip. He was my client at the luxury place, and his dick was huge.

[A]

I love that you're looking around, trying to find a comparison.

[B]

It's. Nothing in here is comparable to that.

[A]

What about the microphone?

[B]

Okay, that's too wide.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

But even the length of that's because this is what this is like eight inches, maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I can tell because I know my arm. My finger width spanned is 7 inches. And I use it for sewing. I do. But I need to measure things. I'll be like, oh, that's like seven inches. Then I also use it to measure dick. And it was a two hander.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

And he was like, you're not going to be able to take it. And I went, okay, you're right. But now, Andrew, if you're still out there, I bet I could.

[A]

You've loosened up. You've done. You've done the work on yourself.

[B]

I've done the work, yes. He didn't use lube. And it was a journey. Because a lot of my early 20s, mid-20s, I didn't really hook up with people because I was scared.

[A]

Sure. I got that.

[B]

And then I discovered coconut oil.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Is the best lube ever.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And if I don't. I don't know if this is for people with vaginas.

[A]

Sure. I don't think so.

[B]

But for me, actually, the person that introduced me to it was my best friend and she's a woman.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Then with a vagina. Okay.

[A]

Then I take it back. Maybe it's good for the vaginas.

[B]

And let me tell you, first of all. Yeah, there's a lot of. There's a lot of benefits. The first one is it's antimicrobial.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I believe. Don't quote me on that. I think it is.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

So like, if you rip something, it.

[A]

Heals it right up.

[B]

It like, kind of helps it, you know, it soothes it. Also, it's not like, you know, like lube. You need to add a lot more after because it keeps running. Well, not with coconut oil.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

It also, also, also, if you put it on a dick.

[A]

Uh huh. It smells good.

[B]

It smells good. If it's a dirty dick, you get like, it kind of exfoliates it. So you're like, oh, we should go to the shower. Yeah. It's happened. I've witnessed that in person. And I was like, we should. We should jump in. I love shower sex. I don't. And then third, when it's in your butt, I'm dying.

[A]

I'm still doing this. Take a shower and wash your dirty dick.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, work.

[A]

Yeah, we're doing the work.

[B]

If you're there and I did the work to prepare for you to come over. We're doing it because I'm very selective.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the last one, you're doing it. Boom, you pull out because, let's be real, you don't probably want to do that anymore. You can put it in your mouth.

[A]

And it does not taste like lube because it's antimicrobial. Anti.

[B]

Macro.

[A]

Antimicrobial.

[B]

Oh, antimicrobial.

[A]

Antimicrobial.

[B]

No.

[A]

Ooh. That was.

[B]

You know how to speak Spanish.

[A]

Sounded like I was having a stroke. Oh, my God. Godoy, who taught you how to sew?

[B]

Ooh, I love this question, because it's not just one thing. Okay, so the person that actually taught me how to, like, sit behind the sewing machine and, like, threaded and, like, understand it was my aunt. And I used to do a lot of things as a kid and be like, mom, I want to do this. Like, I was in the. I was a police cadet for one weekend, and I said, no, wait.

[A]

What does a police cadet entail?

[B]

So, like, they're like junior police people.

[A]

Do you arrest people?

[B]

No, you just kind of, like, go. It's like juvie almost. But I don't know why the fuck I wanted to do it. Oh, no, no, no. Because they gave out a scholarship at the end of completion for college. And I was like, oh, I'm going college. I can take.

[A]

I can get the scholarship. I paid police officer.

[B]

I only did that for a little bit. So I had a reputation of doing things and not actually doing it. And when I said I wanted to learn how to sew, my mom was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Go ask your Thea. And I went to my Thea, and she kind of taught me the basis basics, and I. I grasped it on really quickly. So I was like, mom, I. I got this. I'm really good. I need a sewing machine. And she said, I don't got money for one that's really expensive. So then Becky G's grandma.

[A]

You know Becky G?

[B]

So Becky G and I went to the same elementary school, and we danced in the same Mexican flocorico group.

[A]

And then, like, the rest is history. You were just like, ISO now.

[B]

Well, then I went to school at a rec center in Torrance. Cause I'm from la.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I went to a rec center in Torrance where they had, like, patterning classes and sewing classes and those big industrial machines. And I picked it up so quickly, I was like, yeah, I got this. And that was when I was, like, 15. 16. Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then I went to sewing for only four years, girl, like, two.

[B]

What's wrong with you? I've been sewing for almost 16 years now. I just say over 15.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, who cares? Why date ourselves? I don't know how old I am. I'm 72.

[B]

No, you don't look a day over 71.

[A]

Thank you. I went to the dentist, and they were like, what year were you born? And on the little sheet. And then were like, how old are you? And I was like, why do I have to do the work?

[B]

Yeah, you do the work.

[A]

You have the year. You. You work on this. So I just left it blank. And then the lady called me up and was like, you missed that one. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll do the. And then I had to do the math because I simply couldn't remember your age.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And that's fair.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Because remembering things is really hard.

[A]

It's so hard.

[B]

I love teeth. Why? Because they're so great.

[A]

You do have good teeth. They're very white.

[B]

Thank you. It's the lighting here. I also put a whitening stream before coming. But why did you go to the dentist?

[A]

Okay, so I might have talked about it on this podcast. In 2023, I finally went to the dentist because I cracked a tooth. And I hadn't been to the dentist since my mummy died in 2002. So, like 20 years I hadn't been to the dentist or something crazy like that. So I was like, guess I gotta go. So I go. And then I had to. I ended up having to have. I went to one dentist, didn't like them, went to another dentist, had a root canal and, like, crowns put on, and they didn't. And then I had a wisdom teeth removed, and they didn't put me under, so I didn't feel it because I had local anesthesia. And I kept being like, that hurts. That hurts. And then finally another dentist came in. She's like, oh, you have an extra nerve. So then I had to, like, give me more. Even though they were like, it shouldn't hurt. And I was like, but it does. Anyway. They, like, took my teeth, they root canaled me. And then I was like. When I went back, I was like, my mouth really hurts. And they were like, impossible. We took the nerves out. And I was like, okay, but I'm telling you that my mouth hurts. And then they were like, you're fine. And I was like, okay, so my mouth has just kind of hurt since 2023. And then the nice man in my life was like, I think you should go to the dentist. When's the last time you went? He was like, I think tooth health is really important because I said I hadn't in a while. He was like, well, how long? And I was like, I don't know. And then he was like, here, go to my dentist.

[B]

I'm so mad for you. I'm so mad for you.

[A]

Well, it gets Worse. So he sends me his dentist. I copied. I think I opened it in Google Maps. And then you know how sometimes if you touch the map, it goes to somewhere else? So I guess I touched it. This is the only explanation for it. And sent that to my assistant to be like, do you mind just setting up an appointment? She was like, sure. So I go to the dentist. I tell that nice man. I was like, your dentist is really mean. He told me that, like, I needed to, like, man up, because I kept. I was, like, kind of tearing up, and I was. It was just a cleaning, but I. I just hold a lot of trauma with my mouth open. Laying down with someone in my mouth.

[B]

Same.

[A]

And he would shut up. And then that nice man in my life was like, I don't go to a man dentist or male dentist. I go to a woman. And I was like, huh? And I was like, the alleyway to. To the stairs was kind of creepy. He's like, there are no stairs. So I went to the wrong dentist.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So then when I finally go to the right dentist, it's a lovely lady, and I tell her that, like, I have a fear of the dentist.

[B]

Da, da, da.

[A]

And she's like, okay, I'll walk you through this. And I said, all right. And she was being really kind, really nice. They do X rays. And then before I leave, she was like, hey, I don't want to alarm you, but the people who did your root canal did it incorrectly. And they also left a piece of an instrument in your mouth. And now there's an infection, and you need that tooth removed, But I'm gonna send you for a second opinion just to make sure that that's correct. And I was like, huh? And then I just started crying. She's like, hey, but you're doing really good, and we're gonna get it fixed. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, so I'm not crazy. I've been in pain since 2023. Even though these people said, you're not in pain. Went and got a second opinion. And this is a guy who walked in and went, yep, that's an instrument in your mouth. That tooth's gotta go. And I was like, okay. And then I go to the surgeon, and the surgeon's like, yeah, they did leave something in your mouth. And I was like. And you can see it on the X ray. Like, on the X ray. You're like, that's tooth. That's different than everything else on the tooth X ray. And my whole thing is like, someone Who's. And then I didn't know. If your dentist is not a specialist in root canals, you need to find a specialist. And sometimes they'll just say that they can do it, but they're not a specialist in it. So, like, the lady who's doing my tooth extraction, she's like, yeah, I can. You know, I extract teeth all day. And I. Yes, I can do a root canal, but on a back molar. I think that's what it was on. She's like, but I haven't done one since school, so I'm not gonna do one. I'd refer you to someone who does them. And I was like, that's crazy. I didn't know that. I think it should be general knowledge that, like, if you need a special thing, you should be going to a. I didn't. Did you know that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Isn't that Mars? Did you know that? No, I didn't know. Yeah. So before you have dental work done, get a second opinion.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah. So that's what I'm. So I'm getting my tooth taken out.

[B]

On the 26th, and then a new root canal. Maybe we're not jumping that well.

[A]

They don't know. They were like, we'll see how the tooth next to it reacts because that has a little bit of pain. And they're like, it might just be reacting, like, feeling the pain from the nerve in the back tooth. So we'll fudgeing, say three years.

[B]

Yeah. And are they. Is that other dentist blow.

[A]

Modern dentistry in Hollywood.

[B]

No, don't say, yeah. Can you sue them? Yes, you can buy another home. You buy another home.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, I don't know how to, like, go about malpractice, but, like, what do I get a personal injury lawyer? Like, how do. How do you do that?

[B]

You know what? We're gonna consult with our lawyer team that I don't have.

[A]

We're gonna consult with the lawyer team. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

That's insane. Oh, my God. But also, they just take out your tooth and you don't have a tooth. You'll be fine too. No.

[A]

So I'm gonna get an implant because my face has not been. So it's slightly. You can't see it, but I'm in my body, so I can feel it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My face has been slightly puffy for three years, just like right here. And speaking is. It's been weird for three years. So I'm getting an implant, and then they do a bone graft which is cowbone and cadaver bone. I'm gonna have the bones of a dead person in me. Imagine I get haunted or possessed. And I'm like.

[B]

But it's just your mouth. You're doing your standup and it's just someone else doing their set.

[A]

They give me the bones of a dead stand up who never made it, and he's like, oh, this is the time. Like, what, you just break into like.

[B]

A southern accent every now and then. I don't have a tooth on my lower side. Oh, but you really can't tell?

[A]

No, you can't tell at all.

[B]

So when I got. I got braces when I was like 14 or 15, and they were like, you still have a, like, baby tooth? And I said, yeah, I'm so young. So they just took it out. They're like, it's never gonna grow. We can either just take it out or it's just gonna honestly kind of rot in your mouth. So they took it out and then I got braces and they're like, it's too small of a gap to really put a tooth in there. It's gonna be really tiny, but you can't see it. And it doesn't make me feel any less than well.

[A]

The only reason why I want to get the implant is because I want my face to feel. And maybe it will never feel normal again. But I'm like, this might be the shot, the chance I have for it to, like, just feel how it felt.

[B]

At least without pain.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you got your wisdom teeth removed, did they put you under?

[A]

No, girl. No, they didn't. Here's another fun story. So they give you little glasses. So when you're laying down, the glasses show you, like a TV that's right there. So I was like watching Shrek and I could just feel and, like, hear. And then when you're getting a root canal, it's just like drilling in. It's a loud drill into your fucking teeth. And then the next time I came in, they were like, you didn't tell us you hosted. Nailed it. Our patients watch that all the time. And suddenly they had Xanax to give me because I was like, I couldn't open my mouth because I was traumatized. And I was like, so if I, like, walked in, I was like, don't you know who I am? You would have treated me better.

[B]

Is this the place that we're going to sue Glo?

[A]

Modern dentistry in Hollywood.

[B]

We're going to sue you. I'm piggybacking. Is this Like a lawsuit. Coattail writing.

[A]

Yes. And I love it. This is. It's so funny. Every year I have a grudge against something. So this is my grudge for 2026. My grudge last year was with Air Bungee Fitness. Burbank. Like, don't like them.

[B]

What's Air Bungee?

[A]

Air Bungee. It's where you. It looks like fun. They strap you up and then it's like resistance because you're on bungee cords. And then you do, like a workout on that, like, based on that.

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about. You do, because I watch your podcast. Yeah. You know, I have a lot of. I don't have downtime, but I do have a lot of TV time. Because when I'm sewing. You've seen my studio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a TV propped up on the opposite side. Like, we're.

[A]

The table's here. Where is it?

[B]

Towards the door.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It's actually just like this. So it's where the door and the sewing machine face the tv. So I watch a lot of tv and I like, Okay, I don't watch it. Cause then your seams would be all crooked. But I listen to a lot of tv, so I put on all of my friends podcasts to listen to them.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

That's how I found out that you're a Virgo.

[A]

I am a Virgo. What are you.

[B]

No, I'm gonna answer you with the question. Is there room for two Virgos?

[A]

There's room for two Virgos. When's your birthday?

[B]

August twenty.

[A]

Oh, my God. Mine's the 29th.

[B]

I know. And I think Trixie's like the 28th or something like that.

[A]

Yes. It's close to mine because every couple of years, I'll get an invite to her party the day of or the day before. And I'm like, ma'. Am.

[B]

Very Virgo.

[A]

Ma', am, Wait. Let's take a break. We hear a lot of different deal breakers when it comes to dating. But there is one deal breaker we should have for our country. Lawmakers trying to interfere with our personal health decisions. Planned Parenthood believes we should have access to care and the freedom to make decisions about our health and futures. Whether you need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, or sex education. Planned Parenthood is here for you and for all of us. But right now, politicians are trying to block access to essential care. They're actively trying to deny people birth control, and they're pushing abstinence only. Until marriage programs, which is, ugh, nasty. They want to pull the strings on our bodies and our futures. This puts millions of people at risk of losing access to care, especially black and Latino people, people in rural areas and people with low incomes. Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right that everyone deserves. They're fighting every day to build a future where everyone can the care they need, no matter who they are or where they live. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.com defend Valentine's Day is coming up and whether you have a boo or your your own boo, you deserve to be comfortable. That's why I gotta tell you about Cozy Earth. Their pajamas are the sleepwear upgrade you will love slipping into night after night. They are lightweight and sleep cooler than cotton. You won't wake up sweating, you just wake up feeling cute. And right now is the perfect time to grab a set because they're having a massive bogo sale. So grab yourself a pair and give the free pair to your best friend, your mummy. Or keep them for yourself. I won't judge. Plus, they have 100 night sleep trial and a 10 year warranty. These viral PJs are so good they sold out during the holidays and now they're back with an excellent exclusive deal only available January 25th to February 8th. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code DATEMEBO to get these PJs for you and someone you love. And if you get a post purchase survey, be sure that you mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here. Celebrate everyday love with comfort. That makes the little moments count. Okay, what kind of relationship do you want to manifest?

[B]

Ooh, this is a great question because I was just talking to my therapist about this fun fact. I've been going to therapy for five years and I've been on Wellbutrin.

[A]

Ooh. I was on Wellbutrin for a week. But it made me want to quit smoking cigarettes so I said no Wellbutrin for me. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Do you still smoke? You don't smoke cigarettes.

[A]

Oh, I love them.

[B]

Do you still smoke? Yeah, that's why your tooth is like that.

[A]

I can't believe I'm being victim blamed in my own home. My God. It's why I cough so much.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

You also. I can't tell that you smoke cigarettes.

[A]

I love them.

[B]

Which means you're really good at robbing a banquet.

[A]

Well, I hide it if I smoke. I do hand sanitizer. I have perfume in my car. So I perfume myself. Although I went to the doctor the other day and she was like, open your mouth. And I was like. And then she like smelled my hair. She went. And I went. And she went, do you smoke? And I was like, yes. And she said. She was like, do I know that? And I was like, I don't know what you know. I simply don't. And then she went through her iPad and she was like, no, no, I know you smoke. I don't like that you smoke. And I was like, all right, lady.

[B]

Okay, well, let me be my body, my choice, lady.

[A]

Yeah, leave me alone.

[B]

That's not why you're too as anything. I was just. I made a cheap joke at your expense, and I apologize. But the person that I'm manifesting that.

[A]

I made a cheap joke at your expense, and I'm so sorry. Anywho, okay. Who are you manifesting?

[B]

I was just going through this with my therapist and I was like, I don't know. Because I don't know. But he goes, list all the qualities you didn't like in someone.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then use positive things to decide what you are looking for. So I do want someone that knows how to communicate very well because obviously needed. And I want someone that laughs at my jokes. Cause I know that I'm funny, but I'm not funny all the time. A lot of it is workshopped. Also, you need to love Coco. Coco's my dog, and she's now what you consider a senior dog.

[A]

And she's very sweet.

[B]

She's very sweet. So if you don't like her. Red flag.

[A]

Yeah, that is a red flag.

[B]

So you have to love my child. Also, you. This is a big one. And it sounds a little like, elitist almost. You need to be cool with the fact that my friends are famous. And I'm only saying that from experience. And you probably like, you and your friends are famous. So you get this.

[A]

Yes. And it is a wild thing that I never thought of if you will. Like, I've been on dates with men where, like, somebody would ask me for a picture and then they would be like, the rest of the night would be weird. And I'd be like, well, I mean, if you come to a party, there'll be people that, you know, like, I don't know, it's. And then the nice man in my life, he's very cool about things.

[B]

See, I need the nice man in your life.

[A]

And it's very nice that he's very, very chill. And sometimes he'll be like, hey, that person. What do I know them from? And I'm like, oh, this? And he'll go, oh, okay.

[B]

You're like, it's John Cena.

[A]

Yes. John Cena was at my birthday party, and everyone loved it. He wrestled everybody.

[B]

Oh, you gotta wrestle me. So cool. They need to be cool. Yes. Because it's just, like, you're a very special person. Also, I want you to be into things that I'm into, but not too much, because I love game nights. So have games. If you play board games or just have game nights, great. But you cannot befriend my friends. No, no, no.

[A]

What do you mean you can't befriend my friends?

[B]

I have a rule, and it's because of my own lesson in life. I can't be friends with my friends partners unless I was friends with them beforehand. For example, a great example is actually Monet and Andy.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

So Monet and I were friends before her and Andy started dating.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And Andy and I were friends before Monet and him started dating. So when they got together, obviously I had to be friends with Monat.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Kidding. I'm friends with both of them.

[A]

And that's the only exception you chose?

[B]

I chose the dog potato. No. Like, and that's my only exception. And I think it's the same thing if I'm in a relationship. You can be friendly to my friends.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I don't want to see you hanging out with my friends.

[A]

Yes, I do think that's, like, weird. Like a weird overstepping where it's like, if. Yeah, I'm not gonna hang out with that nice man's friends without him. Yeah, that feels crazy.

[B]

It's weird. Unless they were already friends beforehand, you know?

[A]

Yes. I think that's fine.

[B]

Like, if I meet one of your friends, Ella Bull, Bachelor, and we hit it off and we start dating, it's not weird for you guys to hang out.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Yeah. But if you were to meet my partner after, actually, it'd be like, you can hang out with Nicole. I don't give a shit. What I really mean is, love me.

[A]

For who I am and not you for who your friends are.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Because that's happened.

[A]

Really?

[B]

We used to hang. We were hanging out with Susie and May, and I was like, yeah, we were, but shut the fuck up. Like, what are you doing?

[A]

I have a friend who's pretty successful who dated a man, like, 10, 15 years ago. Still brings up the fact that they dated 10, 15 years ago, present Day.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And it's like, you gotta move on. Stop being fucking weird.

[B]

Also, if that's your hook between the last 15 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you're not doing something right.

[A]

No. You gotta start fucking other famous people.

[B]

Yeah. Not a famous fucker.

[A]

What are other red flags for you?

[B]

Other green flags.

[A]

Okay, what are other green flags?

[B]

They'll turn into red flags. Other green flags. You don't need to be close to your family. You just need to understand why you are or aren't close to them.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Because there's a breakdown in that.

[A]

I don't think I've ever heard that on this podcast. Oh, well, that's good.

[B]

I'm close to my family, but I'm not really close to part of my family, so I'm close to my mom and my siblings.

[A]

You're like immediate family.

[B]

And I'm close to my dad, but I'm not really close to my dad. And I know why. You know, And I want to share that, because a lot of his clients are actually like, people that watch my shit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But my dad is a great father. It's just certain characteristics, you know? So understand why you do or don't fuck with your family and do that work. Also, if you do the work.

[A]

Yeah. Go to therapy.

[B]

Go to therapy and know why you're a good person and know why you're a shitty person. Know your triggers, and if you don't know any of that, be willing to learn. Because I know my triggers, but I also know triggers that are probably gonna come up in the future that I haven't experienced yet.

[A]

See, I don't know that shit. I just know that certain things, I have rules that I've made up that I haven't told anybody, and when they break those rules, boy, I'm mad.

[B]

Yeah, the man's fair, too.

[A]

That's crazy. But at least I know. I know why I'm getting upset. I'm like, oh, you broke a rule. I made up that I didn't tell you. That's in my head. I have to, like, take a walk and calm down and then explain to you why I'm upset.

[B]

Yeah. And see, I learned that because I was that person that would get upset over shit and not even know why I was upset. So that has turned into my green red flag. Green flag is knowing yourself because of me. Red flag. Okay. Do I want to get into red flags? That was your question, and I don't want to invalidate your questions.

[A]

Invalidate all you want.

[B]

Oh, I know you're a Car person. You love cars.

[A]

Love cars.

[B]

I hate when people are like, in dating, they're like, you drive a Nissan? Yeah, bitch. Guess what? I also live by myself. That's really hard to do in la.

[A]

It is.

[B]

So, yeah, I'm gonna fucking drive a Nissan. But when they.

[A]

Well, also, a Nissan's a great car. What is it, a Sentra? Yeah, that's a great car. Very reliable.

[B]

And driving in Mars was a witness. Not a witness. Cause I just told Mars I hit the gate. So I'm not gonna be driving a fucking Porsche hitting the gate, you know?

[A]

Yes. Cause you know yourself.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, like, don't drive an expensive car if you're gonna be hitting things all the time.

[B]

I used to drive a Mini Cooper, which is the most expensive car I've owned.

[A]

Mini Coopers are very, very expensive for the resale value.

[B]

And I drove off a curb, and guess what? Mini Coopers are really low to the ground. So I got stuck.

[A]

Wait, what do you mean you drove off a curb?

[B]

So I was exiting the gas station and I was with my good friend. And this gas station, the. The ramp was like, big, but I guess I drove too far right where I like hit it. And then you were just stuck and I was stuck. And I was like, what the fuck? So I feel like, because it was kind of in a tilt, I had to like, it was scraping the bottom of it. Anyway, that's why I don't have expensive cars. And that's why, if you want to date me, just know that I don't give a shit about cars. I actually care how clean your house is. Not where you work, but, like your bathroom and your kitchen. If you have pets, like, do you sweep? And if you don't like doing those things, hire someone to do it. You know, there's apps for that now. Yeah, there's people that need that, like, doing that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I understand depression because I go through it. And if your house is a mess because of that, it's okay. Just when you snap back to it.

[A]

You gotta clean, you gotta clean. I could never date somebody who owned a cat and then didn't clean because I have a dust allergy that has really been acting up. And I don't. I. I think it's cause I cleaned out my closet and it was a little dusty. And then I, like, went to a friend's house who had a cat and I had a cut on my finger and my finger swollen up, and I was like, oh, my God. And then it happened again at that house, and then I Went to another friend's house that seemed a little cleaner. They also had a cat. Nothing happened except for, like, sniffles. And I was like, oh, my God, cat. So if I have, like an open cut visit a cat and the house is dirty, like, I'm gonna have an allergic reaction.

[B]

Well, so clean your houses, especially if.

[A]

You have a cat. Yeah, and I'm coming.

[B]

But also one of those hairless cats that have hair.

[A]

You drag it, Monet.

[B]

Well, her house is very clean.

[A]

Her house is very, very, very clean.

[B]

Her house is spotless. And you never find dust in her house. It's.

[A]

That's rich.

[B]

Rich. She has one of those cool microwaves, too, that comes out of the bottom.

[A]

That is a rich feature.

[B]

It is rich.

[A]

I do not have that. How did you get into drag?

[B]

Oh, see, I've been going to drag shows since I was like five or six.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So in Mexico, we have celebrity impersonation, and they used to do it at this restaurant where I lived by. Where I lived.

[A]

Wait, you lived in Mexico?

[B]

No, no, no. Here in la.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Yeah. And I would be like, oh, you guys, it's Friday. We should go out to this restaurant. And they'd be like, okay. So my. All my whole family would go, and my dad, my mom, and we would sit there and they would have a drag show. And I loved it. And I grew up a dancer, and then I sewed, and then I went to fashion school. But before that, my older sister and I would sit down and watch Drag Race seasons two and on.

[A]

You didn't watch season one?

[B]

We didn't have cable back then.

[A]

Ah, yeah, There's a will. There's a way. I was watching on logotv.com.

[B]

Well, I didn't know about it.

[A]

Ah, I see.

[B]

Yeah, I was still closeted. I was actually in middle school, I think, but I was in high school. And then I found out about Drag Race in high school, and then my older sister and I would watch it, and because it was on cable, I had to convince my mom to get the better deal and be like, mom. Well, you can watch your novellas earlier if you got this bundle, but it's because Logo was on it. And then I go to college and I meet my best friend who has now departed from this world, and he was like, I do drag. And I went, let me see. And he shows me a busted picture. And I said, I can do it better. So then I was like, I watch Drag Race. I grew up in drag. I can do this. So then I got in drag on February 13, 2013. And bitch, I was busted.

[A]

Do you have pictures?

[B]

Yeah, they're on my Instagram.

[A]

I think I'm gonna go comb your Instagram. I can't wait to see them because you paint so nicely now. Like, you're so polished and you look great.

[B]

Thank you. You know, time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And bullying works. I'm normally the bully. I actually famously called Meatball ugly when she first started drag. But that's only cause Meatball's a bully.

[A]

Meatball is a little bit of a bully.

[B]

And if I feel like you're bullying me ever so slightly, I'm not gonna.

[A]

Ha ha.

[B]

I'm gonna go. Well, you're this, this, this, this, and this. And you've seen it happen in person. I have, yeah. Damn, not to you.

[A]

No. You just fart on me and cough right in my face.

[B]

Well, then I was sick and I was scared that you were gonna get sick.

[A]

I'm pretty sure I did get like a touch of something. Like three days later. I was like, I don't feel good and it's cause godoit was coughed in my face.

[B]

Also, do you remember the conversation we were having?

[A]

We were talking about Big Dance. Several conversations, and one of which I was like, this shouldn't be happening here at this time.

[B]

What was it?

[A]

I'm not gonna say it. It shouldn't have been happening at this time.

[B]

Was it that conversation?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Well, then I went inside to make sure I couldn't hear anything. And I couldn't. I couldn't hear the conversation.

[A]

It's so funny to have a conversation on a podcast about a conversation we shouldn't have and then talk about specifics that we did about this conversation we shouldn't have had.

[B]

Yeah, well, you just gotta make sure your surroundings are good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I made sure after the fact. But the conversation we were having before I coughed and farted on you, we were talking with Gio, our brand new favorite.

[A]

Well, my favorite person, our Palm Springs daddy.

[B]

Grandpa.

[A]

Grandpa. Papa. Papa, Papa, Papa.

[B]

And we were talking to him about like dicks. Cause he's friends with like a lot of porn stars. So we were having just conversations about penises and one of our friend's husband's penis because he can't take it anymore. And I was like, I mean, he is hot and I'm here, I'll do it for you. So I offered myself. And then I went. And then I went.

[A]

It was rather wild to. It was because it was such quick succession to be like, I'll suck your dick. I was like, I Don't.

[B]

Well, I farted because I was laughing, and I tried to, like, see if no one heard it, but I'm tight, so it's loud.

[A]

You heard it here. If you like the doy, let him know. Also, he tight.

[B]

And I have a fat ass. Do you Bubbly Boop.

[A]

Is it natural?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I also have a natural big booty. I would be so sad if I woke up tomorrow with a flat ass.

[B]

You know, that can happen. Anything could happen in this political climate. You're right.

[A]

In this political climate, honey, you could wake up with a flat ass. Ice comes and takes your butt.

[B]

Fuck. Also fuck ice.

[A]

Fuck ice.

[B]

I like my martinis without ice. Is a shirt that I was given recently. It's true.

[A]

It is. It's just funny because I feel like a martini shouldn't have ice unless you're asking for it to have a floater of ice.

[B]

See? No ice. See?

[A]

No ice. Well, Fedoy, we've made it to the end. And I ask all of my guests this. I've missed it several times. Would you date me?

[B]

Bring that theragon over and we're a couple.

[A]

Oh, imagine I come for a craft night, and I'm, like, doing a different kind of craft tonight.

[B]

And it'd be like, yeah, yeah, of course. Who wouldn't?

[A]

Oh, thank you. Good Joy.

[B]

You check off all the boxes. I forgot what all the green flags were, but you checked them off.

[A]

That's okay. Somebody in the comments write down those green flags and I'll not read it. Listen, I. That was tough. I was like. And then I'll read it and do something. And I was like, there's nothing I'll do. I don't read the comments. Sometimes people are mean.

[B]

You know, I love when you guys get crafty in the comments. Like, there's a real. There's a craft to making mean comments. Really good.

[A]

Well, sometimes. I'll never forget this mean comment that I got. I think it was a dm, but this person said I had roach, like, fingers that were probably dusted with Cheeto dust. And I was like, that's. I mean, you. If you just used your power for good, you could probably write poetry. Like, that was. It was such imagery.

[B]

Also, I would lick them. Don't let no Cheeto puff dust go to waste.

[A]

Well, do you have anything you want to promote? Do you have any shows coming up?

[B]

Oh, my God, I do. Oh. So every Friday, I'm at 33 tops in West Hollywood hosting Drag Bingo and the viewing party for RuPaul's drivers starting at 7pm we have a late night happy hour from 9:30 to close. And I'm hosting the Bad Bunny halftime show. A Super bowl party at location to be determined. Well, we have the location, but I. At the time of this filming, we have not signed the contract. But we will have Jessica Wilde, April Carrion King, Phantom and Ronnie Erotic hosted by me.

[A]

That's fun. I love Jessica Wilde. That's it for this episode of why won't you date me? If you like it, you can subscribe. Subscribe? Subscribe. Am I saying that right? It sounds insane coming out of my mouth.

[B]

No, you need to say. I'll say it for you.

[A]

No, subscribe. You can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty to why won't you date me? PodcastMail.com I will read it. Please keep them just a little short. This one, very short. But I'm happy you sent it. Hey, Nicole. Surprise. Cum shot. I'm embarrassed. This was difficult as a gay man. Thank you. James Wilson. He slash they. Hey, James. I liked it, but does this mean you came on me?

[B]

Maybe a cardboard cutout of you.

[A]

Okay, there is a website called celebritycutouts.com where I bought a cardboard cutout of a problematic celebrity. I will not say who.

[B]

Who.

[A]

I won't say it.

[B]

On this podcast I named Andrew.

[A]

I. I cannot say it. But yeah, if you want to come on me, go to celerygoodhouse.com because they do have one of me. And if you do it, send me the video. Goodbye. That was a Headgum Podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offualo. And I'm Dason Afualo, and we host the Headgum podcast two idiot girls. Each episode we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like we're dating, horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgie you had once or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to two idiot girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.