With The Perrys: "Sex, Sexual Trauma, and God’s Design" (with Dr. Juli Slattery)

Release Date: April 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this deeply honest and engaging conversation, hosts Preston Perry and Jackie Hill Perry welcome psychologist and Christian sex educator Dr. Juli Slattery to explore the intersection of sex, sexual trauma, and God’s design for intimacy. Through candid stories, scientific insights, and biblical wisdom, the trio takes listeners through the complexities of sexuality, brokenness, healing, marital expectations, and the transformative, often challenging journey toward vulnerability and intimacy within Christian marriage. The discussion is rich with practical advice, empathy, and a call to bring God into even the most vulnerable parts of our lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Juli Slattery’s Journey into Sexuality Ministry

• Background: Dr. Slattery shares how she became a psychologist with a passion for making God’s word practical, focusing on marriage, family, and women’s issues from a biblical view (04:00–05:00).
• Entering Sexuality Ministry: About 15 years ago, after a spiritually intense season, she founded “Authentic Intimacy” to address pain and brokenness around sexuality in the church (10:44–13:09).

“He began to like literally give me a pain in my chest that just felt heavy... And he just made it really clear... that he was calling me to speak on this topic of sexuality, that there was so much pain and brokenness that the church wasn't acknowledging.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (11:22)

2. God’s Design for Sex: More Than Procreation

• Sex as Covenant: Sex is a “living metaphor” for God’s covenant love—depicting intimacy, faithfulness, and commitment between Christ and the Church, not just procreation or pleasure (13:09–15:59).
• Biblical Metaphors: Just as parent-child relationships teach us about God, so does the sexual union between spouses, pointing to spiritual truths (17:09–18:44).

“God created sex to be a living, living metaphor to show us what covenant is and how he loves us with an intimate, faithful covenant love.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (15:59)

3. Cultural Distortions and the Power of Sex

• Vandalization of Sex: The world’s perversion and the enemy’s attack on both sex and marriage stem from their power to reveal God’s love.
• Unnatural Understandings: Even in the church, sex is reduced to duty, procreation, or sin-avoidance, missing the deeper beauty of God’s intent (16:17–19:13).
• Entitlement & Emotional Connection: Sex in marriage is often wrongly seen as a right or fix-all, overlooking emotional intimacy and vulnerability as core to the marital sexual bond (19:16–23:13).

4. Physiology & Gender Differences in Sexuality

• Bonding Hormones: Men and women experience oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” differently—women get it more often, men primarily after sex, which helps explain why sex feels bonding to men (21:44–22:43).
• Initiating vs. Responsive Desire: A helpful framework is distinguishing between those who initiate desire and those who respond—challenging damaging “high/low libido” labels (28:14–30:01).

“This is something you both want in marriage, you just have a different way of approaching it.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (29:33)

5. Dealing with Sexual Trauma and Abuse

• Trauma’s Prevalence: Over half of women and a third of men experience sexual violence—trauma is common and deeply disruptive (30:32–31:04).
• Lasting Impact: Trauma stores “somatic memories,” often triggered in marriage, which can lead to shutdown, dissociation, or re-traumatization if not processed (31:04–33:15).
• Creating Safety: Healing requires identifying triggers, providing agency, and rebuilding intimacy at a gentle pace (31:44–34:06).

“It’s not stored like normal memories... being touched a certain way or a certain smell or sound or sensation that brings a memory and the fear associated with it back.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (31:15)

• Jackie and Preston openly share their own experiences of abuse, modeling vulnerability and emphasizing the need for safety in marriage (34:06–36:32).

6. Pornography’s Destructive Influence

• False Narratives: Porn damages both men’s and women’s understandings of themselves and each other—teaching men that women are objects, and vice versa (35:13–36:32).
• Psychological & Spiritual Consequences: Porn fosters shame, inhibits real intimacy, retrains the brain’s sexual response, and can create hidden strongholds even for believers (60:42–62:20).

“They can live their whole life with that secret cloud of shame that keeps us from intimacy with God and receiving his love.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (62:00)

• Both hosts describe how pornography fostered insecurity, confusion, and self-protective behaviors (33:32–36:32).

7. Biblical Misinterpretation and Sexual Entitlement

• 1 Corinthians 7 Misused: The command that spouses’ bodies belong to each other is often used wrongly to enforce obligation. Dr. Slattery emphasizes:
  • First, every believer’s body belongs to the Lord.
  • Second, marital sexuality is about mutual ministry and unselfish love, not entitlement (37:31–40:50).

“Your body, your sexuality, belongs to the Lord... Not looking out for your own interests, but to the interests of the other.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (38:56)

8. Emotional and Sexual Intimacy: Getting Naked on Every Level

• Beyond Transactional Sex: True intimacy requires both spouses to be emotionally vulnerable, honest, and to pursue each other's hearts—not just bodies (46:40–49:19).
• Selfishness vs. Self-Care: The conversation explores how to navigate legitimate needs alongside the call to lay down selfishness (46:07–48:27).

“Part of what [your husband] needs is to know how to love me. And until I can be vulnerable and vocal about what's going on inside... I'm never calling him to that space.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (48:12)

9. Practical Wisdom for Husbands & Wives

• Communication & Pursuit: Men need a vision beyond sexual entitlement—becoming students of their wives' hearts and needs, showing non-transactional affection (51:08–53:46).
• For Women: Christian women are called to pursue understanding their own God-given sexuality, move beyond passivity, and embrace the joy and holiness of sex in marriage (53:47–54:50).
• Purity Culture’s Damage: Purity teaching often made women feel sexuality was shameful or dangerous, contributing to passivity and brokenness (54:50–56:17).

10. Desire, Expectations & Cultural Lies

• Cultural Messaging: The false ideal that true fulfillment is found in constant sexual gratification is challenged, citing Psalm 37 as a call to trust God’s path rather than envy “evildoers” (69:49–71:12).
• Empathy & Mutual Understanding: Both spouses must learn each other’s vulnerabilities, pressures, and the power dynamics at play in a sex-saturated culture (73:19–74:07).

11. Inviting God into the Bedroom

• Original Design: Dr. Slattery encourages couples to recognize God’s presence in their sexuality, citing Song of Solomon as evidence that God celebrates marital intimacy (77:29–79:37).
• God as Healer and Redeemer: The conversation closes by challenging listeners to invite God’s healing into their sexual stories, letting Him “reclaim” this part of life from shame, secrecy, and the enemy’s grip (74:40–76:13 / 80:57).

“It’s a spiritual battleground... Why do we ever think we can win a spiritual battle by eliminating God’s presence? It’s by inviting Him.”
— Dr. Juli Slattery (80:57)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We all learn these ways to cope with the bad stuff in us and the bad stuff we experience in the world... when you bring that up, a lot of what a good therapist is going to do is peel back layers to get you to discover what are your root fears...”
  — Dr. Juli Slattery (05:11)

• “For some reason, we never call Christian married people to self-denial... this isn't about me, it's about learning to love the way God loves me.”
  — Dr. Juli Slattery (36:10)

• “Just because I enjoyed it, doesn’t mean I wasn’t molested.”
  — Preston Perry (42:58)
  (on the confusing feelings around male sexual abuse)

• “Repentance takes courage. To say, ‘this has been a good drug, but not a good drug. Sin is fun until it’s not.’... Giving Him you even in that place, but also being willing to try Him...”
  — Jackie Hill Perry (67:11)

• “I think you want [God] to be there, just because... my mind can be very busy... you want him to push back against the darkness so you can be present with your spouse.”
  — Jackie Hill Perry (79:38)

Timestamps & Highlights

• Dr. Juli’s background and call to sexuality ministry — 02:04–13:09
• Why did God create sex? — 13:09–16:16
• Sex as metaphor for covenant love — 15:13–19:13
• Physiology, bonding, emotional intimacy — 21:44–23:13
• Initiating vs. responsive desire — 28:14–30:01
• Sexual trauma: impact & healing — 30:32–36:32
• Pornography’s damage & shame — 60:42–62:20
• 1 Corinthians 7 and sexual entitlement — 37:31–40:50
• Emotional nakedness & honesty in marriage — 46:48–49:19
• Practical tools for men & women — 51:08–54:50
• Purity culture and feminine desire — 54:50–56:17
• Envy, bitterness, and Psalm 37 — 69:49–71:12
• God’s presence in the bedroom — 77:29–80:57
• Closing prayer for healing and hope — 74:26–76:13

Tone & Takeaway

With warmth, humor, and raw vulnerability, Jackie, Preston, and Dr. Slattery offer an uncommonly honest, biblically rooted, and compassionate dialogue around sex, brokenness, and healing. The episode stands out for its blend of scientific insight, theological depth, and practical wisdom—calling listeners to pursue holistic intimacy, reject cultural and religious distortions, and invite God into every corner of their sexual selves.

Connect with Dr. Juli Slattery & Authentic Intimacy:
See show notes for resources, books, and further avenues for learning.

Final Practical Challenge (76:33):
For all the husbands: “Go rub your wife’s feet and don’t expect nothing in return.”
— Preston Perry