The Grief and Relief of Obedience in Dating

Summary

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With The Perrys: "The Grief and Relief of Obedience in Dating"

Release Date: November 10, 2025
Hosts: Preston Perry & Jackie Hill Perry
Guests: Melody & CD

Episode Overview

This episode of With the Perrys dives into the nuanced dynamics of dating as a Christian, especially for those navigating singleness or dating past their 20s. The conversation, rich in personal stories and biblical counsel, unpacks the grief and relief that come from obeying God in the dating process—highlighting both the costs and the joys of pursuing God's best in relationships. The discussion casts vision for dating as a process of preparation, healing, and discernment, emphasizing prayer, accountability, community, and spiritual maturity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dating Beyond College: Unique Wisdom and Challenges

• Many dating resources focus on college-aged Christians, leaving singles in their 30s, 40s, and beyond—or those who are divorced or widowed—without tailored guidance.
• Melody underscores the reality of feeling like "it's too late" but urges ongoing prayer and preparation, regardless of age.

  “Some people have stopped praying for a spouse because it hurts them...but it's okay to pray for what you want, for the desire of your heart.” — Melody [01:20]

2. Active Preparation and Community Accountability

• Preparation for marriage isn't just about prayer—it includes learning through books, conferences, and seeking wise counsel.
• Melody recounts guiding a close friend through a careful, boundaried dating process as a single mom in her 30s, emphasizing discernment and community input at every step.

  “You could change a man's clothes, but you cannot change his character.” — Melody [03:39]

• The importance of intentional boundaries: setting communication expectations, safeguarding children, and maintaining purity.

  “Do not share your location with anybody but your spouse. They don't have the right. That's a covenant thing.” — Melody [06:39]

3. Pace in Relationships: The Value of Boundaries

• The difference between friendship/courtship (which may be longer) and engagement (which the group strongly recommends keeping short to minimize temptation and confusion).

  “Long dating, very short engagements. If you've been friends for five, ten years, dating, and now another four or five years—what is happening?” — CD [09:04]

• Community agrees that short engagements (six months or less) are ideal for maturity, focus, and spiritual safety.

  “The warfare increases in the engagement period… Nah, we need to…” — Baxter [10:19] “It should be six months or less.” — Melody [10:41]

4. Leadership, Submission, and Spiritual Discernment in Dating

• The necessity for men to lead with intentionality, prayer, and spiritual pursuit—starting in dating and carrying into marriage.

  “If you practice being a leader now, things will be easier for you when you're married. Set the tone.” — Jackie Hill [14:29]

• Healthy leadership involves both submission to God and mutual submission within the relationship.

  “Leadership doesn’t look like, ‘I tell you what to do.’” — CD [18:19]

• Both men and women must seek confirmation and guidance through prayer, fasting, and godly counsel before major relational steps.

5. Healing from Father Wounds or Past Patterns

• Melody and others discuss how “father wounds”—or cultural patterns picked up in place of direct fathering—can distort attraction and discernment.
• She stresses the irreplaceable value of godly mentors and spiritual mothers/fathers in navigating blind spots.

  “If you don’t have a mentor… get around older godly women.” — Melody [26:22]

• Letting go of surface-level criteria (like appearance or salary) for godly, character-rich connection.

  “Take the picture of what you think your husband's gonna look like out of your mind, lest you miss what God has for you.” — Melody's father [29:05]

6. The Hard Work and Fruit of Obedience: Grief, Relief, & Peace

• Melody details a painful breakup that brought both grief and profound relief after obeying God's promptings—even when everyone else could see the red flags first.

  “You can be in peace but in pain and still be obeying me.” — Melody [39:42]

• Disobedience can lead to spiritual and emotional oppression; obedience, while painful, brings lasting peace.

  “The previous pain… I think it was akin to a demonic oppression because of disobedience.” — CD [40:10]

• The panel emphasizes the power of humility, fasting, and prayer to break cycles of idolatry and self-wisdom.

  “If everyone in your circle is giving you the red flag, even if you don’t believe it… just fast, pray.” — CD [42:32]

7. Fasting and Clarity in Decision-making

• Fasting (not just from social media, but from food) is championed as a route to real clarity—not simply to demonstrate self-control, but to humble oneself and hear God’s voice.

  “Fasting breaks the will; helps you see.” — CD [46:18]

• Both Preston and Melody share testimonies of God redirecting their hearts and affections through fasting in pivotal dating moments.

8. Dating as a Reflection of the Gospel

• CD connects marriage and dating to the gospel narrative—how our unions on earth are a living image of Christ and the Church.

  “Every marriage is a gospel presentation… Who we date and who we marry is the most important decision you’re going to make after giving your life to Christ.” — CD [56:51]

• Emphasizes generational impact and the necessity of a God-centered vision for relationships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Boundaries:
  “She said, ‘I'm saving sex until marriage… I would like to save kissing for marriage.’… He said, ‘I respect that. I'm willing to wait.’” — Melody [07:13-07:39]

• On Accountability:
  “She would not disappear. She would be like, ‘Hey, he just came over.’… That was her accountability.” — Melody [08:09]

• On Knowing When to End a Relationship:
  “I need an obedience pill… I broke up with him. Good guy. The next day, I was healed of this sickness.” — Melody [38:32]

• On Letting Go of Control:
  “It's a call… We knew we were called to each other… Even when married, we started to see our differences… and we'd go, ‘No, we're called to be together.’” — Melody [47:03]

• On Prayer and Fasting Clearing Confusion:
  “Fasting, humbles us, but it actually shows us who we are… I honestly think if I would have married that girl… I don’t think that I would like, like her.” — Preston [44:55]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00-02:15 — Dating after 30: The overlooked demographic and the importance of preparation and prayer
• 03:30-06:50 — The boundaries and pace of dating; prayerful decision-making
• 09:00-10:45 — Advice against long engagements
• 13:44-16:11 — Leadership, submission, and intentionality in the dating process
• 21:12-30:50 — Father wounds, expectations, and discerning godly character (letting go of superficial standards)
• 36:09-40:03 — Breaking up out of obedience, even when it brings grief
• 44:26-47:26 — Fasting as a tool for relational clarity and hearing God's plan
• 56:51-58:10 — Casting a gospel vision for singleness and marriage

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Final Takeaways & Gospel Vision for Singles

• Dating, whether as a young adult or later in life, should be marked by prayerful pursuit, boundaries, community accountability, and a willingness to yield desires to God’s will.
• It’s vital to heal from past wounds, confront unhealthy patterns, and let godly counsel speak into your process—God’s timing and standards always lead to deeper peace and purpose.
• Marriage (and dating on the way to it) paints a living picture of Christ and the Church; it matters deeply whom you choose to pursue and partner with.

  “Who we date and who we marry is the most important decision you’re going to make after giving your life to Christ.” — CD [56:51]

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Connect with Melody & CD:
For relationship coaching and their story in full, check their website, as recommended on the show.

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(This summary highlights wisdom for all stages of Christian dating, with a balance of doctrine, humor, and vulnerability, in the trademark With the Perrys style.)

Transcript

[Amanda Reed]

Melody.

[Baxter]

I guess what's coming to mind is. Yeah. Even with our conversation with Megan and Ebenezer, one of the emphasis that we were making was we wanted to communicate dating principles, wisdom, and just the process of what that is after 30. Since we were saying that, like, you know, a lot of purity, messaging and wisdom is given for cats in college. And it's like, no, if you're divorced, if you're widowed, if you're a single mom, if, like, it's just a different wisdom you need for the season you're in. In light of that, I'm thinking of men and women who feel like their options are getting smaller because of their age. Because of, like, it's just like, yeah, I'm 47. I lost my husband last year. I'm 62. I'm 38, and I don't have children. And the body is the body. Right. How do you speak to that reality of feeling like, maybe it's too late for me?

[Melody]

What you feel is very real. I feel like it's too late. I. I think the thing that helped me was God purposely is like, you're not going to find anyone until after 27. So I'm like, I'm gonna be 28, you know, and now that's so young. Right. But in my time, that was like, where and when and how if I can't even date. Right. But I. I tell people, like, I literally had intentional prayer for my future husband. I had prayed for him. People say how you find CD in prayer. I didn't find him on mingle.com. i found him in prayer. I don't have nothing against finding people online, but so one, is prayer really getting into the presence of God and intentionally praying? I think some people have stopped praying for a spouse because it hurts them.

[Amanda Reed]

And it could come across as discontentment.

[Melody]

Yeah. And it's not that we're still praying for more children. Like, it's okay to pray for what you want, for the thing, the desire, your heart. Pray you prepare yourself. How do you prepare yourself? Reading books on marriage. I read books on marriage. I went to marriage conferences and volunteered to learn. We have a master class called fight for your marriage. Do the master class. We have a lot of singles coming to it. Like, prepare yourself so you have the right mindset of what is marriage. Prepare your body right. Look your best. You want to feel good. Look your best. And then now when you're meeting people, if you're going to meet online or let your friends know, hey, I'm praying for a spouse. If you see somebody that you think is good for me, let them know. My best friend, she. I have two best friends, Limari and Marita. Marita. I remember when she met me, she was a makeup artist. She did makeup at my wedding. And she's like, you ain't never had. You guys waited. Wait, y' all didn't kiss? Like it was. She was in the world at that time. And so when she delved in with God, she said, I want to serve you. I want to be with you. I want to be like, right next to you. Teach me everything.

[CD]

She submitted her life.

[Melody]

And then she'd be like, what do you think of this guy? And I'm like, heck no. Like, I was in her life to be like, nah, he has no character, right? And I tell women, you could change a man's clothes, but you cannot change his character.

[Amanda Reed]

That's a fact.

[CD]

Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

[Baxter]

And so.

[Melody]

And then, so she was like, hey, this guy that I know said that there's this other guy who's single and he's divorced, but he's divorced 12 years. What do you think about that time?

[CD]

Time has passed. She had been walking with the Lord. She's growing a lot and some years, and she's in her mid-30s at this point.

[Baxter]

Single mom.

[CD]

Single mom. Right. Divorcee.

[Melody]

Well, got married.

[CD]

But yeah, okay, and. And what was good is we were holding her to the same standard to the so called high school college kids.

[Melody]

Right?

[CD]

Because even if you're in your 30s, 40s and 50s, and you find yourself single or single again, the principles of God, still, they don't change. And whether you find them on mingle.com or your parents are trying to hook you together, your friends trying to hook you together, the church, we hadn't got no beef with that. I think beautiful ways that people have.

[Baxter]

Come together, but the Lord can use any. All things work together. The strip club, over some wings.

[CD]

But I. We know, we know of people who, who got married in the most strangest of ways with the Holy Spirit healed and delivered.

[Melody]

I want to finish her story.

[Baxter]

Go ahead.

[CD]

I'm coming back to her story because I'm making the point that time had passed and she found herself in her later season, mid-30s, you know, and it might be harder for those in the 40s and 50s and that feeling of it. But she was prayerful.

[Melody]

She started praying for her future husband.

[CD]

She was accountable, godly community. And then something happened.

[Melody]

So then she said, my friend said she want me to meet this guy. Should I go? I Said, yes, go. So she went to this event. She met him. He was very kind to her, but then nothing. And she's like, do I give him my number? Do I be like, hey? I said, no, Pray? And so she's like, lord, I liked him. I pray that he calls me. He asked the guy for her number. He called her, hey, I would love to get together. There's a Hillsong concert. Hillsong was on tour. She calls me. Should I say yes? I'm like, yes.

[Amanda Reed]

You know?

[Melody]

She's like, I'm so out the game, I forgot what to do. I'm like, go for it, girl. So she goes, you know, and she's like, should I go in my own car? Should I go in his car? I was like, you know what? Go in your own car.

[Baxter]

I'm actually not mad at that. Her going to her friend for very specific and constant wisdom.

[Jackie Hill]

Her golly friend.

[CD]

There you go. There you go.

[Melody]

And so I was like, go in a different car because if you're not liking the date, you don't want to go back in the car, you know?

[CD]

Right. That's true.

[Melody]

So they went to Hillsong. He was like, would you like to go out to eat after this? She's like, sure. She went out to eat. He's like, I would love to get to know you better. Can I call you? Yes, you can. And so I.

[Baxter]

Then I.

[Melody]

When I introduced the word pace.

[Amanda Reed]

That's good.

[Melody]

Teach this pace, okay? Because our culture is DMing. FaceTiming. You're on. You're.

[CD]

You're on your phone.

[Amanda Reed]

You're sharing locations.

[Melody]

Sharing.

[CD]

Share locations.

[Melody]

Do not share your location with anybody but your spouse. They don't have the right. That's a covenant thing.

[CD]

You don't have the right.

[Melody]

That's a covenant thing. And so I said, tell him, like, what days to call you, how much time you want to talk? So she did. She said, hey, I have a son. I'm not going to introduce you to my son yet till I know healthy. That this is healthy.

[CD]

Come on.

[Melody]

He said, I completely agree. He said, what are your convictions about sex, purity, dating, you know? She shared, I'm saving sex until marriage. She had sex before. She's a single mom.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Melody]

She said, I don't. I'm not kissing and making out on no couch. And I. I would like to save kissing for marriage.

[Baxter]

I love that.

[Melody]

I did not push that on her. She saw how we experienced our marriage, the reward of it. She goes, I know I am a passionate woman. I know if I kiss my husband it's going to go to sex.

[Baxter]

Yeah.

[Melody]

So I can't.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Melody]

And he said, I respect that. Yeah. I'm willing to wait. He got to know her.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Melody]

He met her son. So now she was like, hey, he's coming over for dinner. No one's home. I said, okay, just text me when he's there. Text me when he leaves. That was her accountability. Hey, he just left. Yeah. Her son would be there, but sometimes her son wouldn't be there.

[Jackie Hill]

Yeah.

[Melody]

And she would say, hey, he's gonna have dinner real quick, and then we're gonna go. Because they were saving money and all this stuff. But. But it was very open.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Melody]

She would not disappear. She would be like, hey, he just came over.

[CD]

She's leaving right now. Seconds.

[Amanda Reed]

Yep. Text.

[Melody]

Yep. And then I'm like, how you doing? Are you guys still kissing? You're not kissing. She's like, nope. But he did kiss me on the neck, and it felt so good. I'm like, okay, all right, all right. What's the date?

[CD]

It reminds me of something somebody did to me.

[Melody]

I guess you're right here.

[CD]

That's not even the place to.

[Melody]

That's another topic.

[Amanda Reed]

And so.

[Melody]

But it was, like, so many boundaries. And what did he do?

[CD]

He.

[Melody]

They got engaged. They saved their kiss to the wedding day. He.

[Amanda Reed]

He.

[Melody]

He takes care of her. They're still married. They're so beautiful. But I just want to give that advice like, she was crazy in the world, and the Lord deliver her.

[Baxter]

I just want to ask all the questions because.

[Amanda Reed]

We'Ve said this on the.

[Baxter]

Podcast before, but I want y' all to speak to people who are engaged for too long.

[Melody]

Oh, that's good. Long, longer dating, very short engagements.

[CD]

Yeah, We. We like the whole friendship dating season could be long, can be long, but not the. And I mix those two together because there is also a season. You know, there's a difference between early 20s and mid 20s. Physiologically, your frontal cortex is more developed at 25, 26. It's finished. You make better decisions. I'm all for people who get married young and they got community around them, but to your question, like, if you've been friends for five, ten years, and you. And you, you're dating and now another four or five years, like, what is happening? Where are you?

[Amanda Reed]

I genuinely am convinced if people are.

[Baxter]

Engaged, I'm not going to put a time limit, but if it's years.

[Amanda Reed]

No, y' all. Smashing.

[Baxter]

I just. I, I.

[Melody]

Or he's afraid of commitment. Something or something.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah. Especially if you.

[Baxter]

If you grown Like I was telling.

[Amanda Reed]

Somebody, I was like, your engagement don't.

[Baxter]

Need to, it don't need to be that long if you know what the.

[Amanda Reed]

Lord is saying, if you know what's up.

[Baxter]

I think there some, there's some caveats with that, like we can't pay for the wedding.

[Amanda Reed]

All right, go to the courthouse and get married. You know what I'm saying?

[Baxter]

Like, to me, it's like the pace of the engagement because to me, the warfare increases in the engagement period. Because in your mind, you also now know this person is your spouse. So the fight gets harder. So it's like, nah, we need to.

[Melody]

Yes, we had a four month engagement.

[Baxter]

Six months over here. And that was only because Brian wasn't available on month four.

[Melody]

I do think it should be six months or less.

[Baxter]

He had another wedding he had to do. So we had to push it, right?

[Jackie Hill]

Yeah, we got married in a cold. We was like, we can't wait till.

[Amanda Reed]

The summer, March 1st.

[Channing McBride]

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[Amanda Reed]

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[Baxter]

That demons, you know, be clapping about.

[Amanda Reed]

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[CD]

Yeah, it did us wonders. It also helps. So for men, it helps you be decisive and intentional.

[Amanda Reed]

That's good.

[CD]

Again, I still think that men should lead. And so when it comes to setting the day, you do it together, for sure. But when it starts getting pushed out to 8, 9, 12 years, I really want to encourage the brother to step in and be like, hey, honey, what is this really about? This is about a covenant that we're making before the Lord to one another in community. And so we have actually counseled a number of people to go to the courthouse, you know, get married, and then if they desire to later, have a major celebration later, and it steals nothing away from it. We've counseled a number of people who.

[Melody]

Because they were living together, they have.

[CD]

Been living together, and they are making some changes. Some of them already had children. And we encouraged him. Hey, listen, you know, this is it. Make the commitment. Something turns on in men when we commit, something turns on about establishing the house and, you know, making sure you're there for your. Your wife and your children. There's just something powerful about that. And the longer you delay that, I think, I personally believe it, it delays your maturity as well.

[Jackie Hill]

I want to actually. I actually want to speak to that because I love how you. Melody, talked about preparing well, and I love how you talked about the benefit, like, the benefits of obedience now in the dating process. One of the things that I love to do when I disciple young men is kind of prepare them for the things that they might experience that I didn't know of. Yeah, that's good, you know, And I guess I kind of want you guys to speak to how you lead in a dating process and how you submit to the Lord during the dating process. It actually will prepare you for marriage, but not just prepare you, but you will see, you will reap the benefits, even in marriage, of how you dated now.

[Baxter]

Like, like.

[Jackie Hill]

Like, talk about. Talk about, like, the benefits of. Cause I tell men all the time, like, if you practice being a leader now, like, things will be easier for you when you're.

[CD]

When you're married. Set the tone.

[Jackie Hill]

You set the tone.

[Amanda Reed]

Like.

[CD]

And I just want to be careful. Like, I'm not trying to say that just like, you know, from the purity movement, we don't want to be horribly binary. It's this or that. You know, we're in this journey, we're in this development progression together. But in scripture, it says that we're being matured into the head of Christ, right? And I believe that his example to us is such that he pursued, he led, he also served, and he sacrificed. So in the dating relationship and in our experience, what really helped, and I get to, you know, teach this others is I was very prayerful about dates. I was very prayerful about the timing of things. So when it was time for us, time for me to move to Chicago from Arizona, I was very prayerful about that time. And when. When was I going to ask her officially to start dating? See, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's not whimsical. It's intentional. Everything men have to be, you know, we're intentional about everything else. We're intentional about work, we're intentional about deadlines. We're intention about business, as we should be. But for some reason, we kind of take a backseat and we want the woman to drive in the relationship. And if you do that, that sets a bad precedent. So all of a sudden, in marriage, when men want to step up and lead, the women don't know how to let go of the reins. That's hard. So if you're single, gentlemen, be prayerful about that. And so I was prayerful about that. And I remember the day that I asked her to date was December 8, 1990. No, 2007. That's a 1998.

[Amanda Reed]

I was about to say, what?

[CD]

And it was after I had sought blessing. Blessing from her father and her pastor and her stepfather and her stepmother and all of her brothers and sisters and then her best friend. And. And that was all part of my intentional process of the pursuit. And when that date came in the right place, I'm prayerful about that. The Holy Spirit was there, and I asked her at, you know, this event. This event. Then I was prayerful again. When should I ask her to marry me? Y And I went through that same process again. Submission. When we started dating, her father pursued dating me as a man to get to know me better. We went on about half as many dates as Melody and I went on. Her father was on me. But I submitted to that process and.

[Jackie Hill]

Went away with being. Trying to pursue my daughters.

[CD]

That's what you gotta do.

[Melody]

And our daughter is married. Our daughter, who we adopted.

[CD]

Yeah, Maria, same thing.

[Melody]

He pursued her cd, said, we're gonna meet. How's your finances?

[Amanda Reed]

Where are you at?

[CD]

I pursue. Yep.

[Melody]

You need a car.

[CD]

Sat with him.

[Melody]

Where's your car?

[CD]

I was trying to raise his level of preparation. Here's the thing. You know, as fathers, what we want to do is we want to prepare the man to take our mantle. I am not going to give My position as coverer and protector and provider and spiritual guide and pastor of my home to just some wimp, some dude, some guy who just steps up and I got. And where. Where did I learn with wisdom from. I didn't just make this up. I learned it from her father. And where did he learn it from? He went to class, he went to school. He figured these things out. But. So I knew the date when I was going to ask her. I found the ring. And then. And then. And then the Holy Spirit told me, you will be married before the end of the year. And she was the one saying, let's wait a year, maybe nine months. And I had to.

[Channing McBride]

I had.

[CD]

I. I had to submit back to her because leadership doesn't look like, I tell you what to do.

[Melody]

Come on. Say that again. You don't dominate.

[CD]

Come on, baby. Men, when we get angry, frustrated, talking about, like, the way that we present ourselves and how men pursue or not pursue, we express pain through anger. And we. It shows up looking like domination. That's where misogyny comes from. Misogyny is actually a reaction of pain. The paying glasses. Women, when they're not as strong as men physically, so. But. But they're. They're emotionally wiser, so they manipulate, right? Men will intimidate. Women will manipulate. All an effort to dominate. So that's got to be healed. Wow. But when. When she. So I didn't just tell her no. I said, well, honey, watch this.

[Melody]

You can do it sooner.

[CD]

I'm leading her to who? Even in this relationship, I led her to Christ. So I said, I want to submit to you that I think you want to go and have a big. And I want to do that, too.

[Melody]

Big wedding.

[CD]

But this is. I feel like the Lord is saying it's going to be four months to the day.

[Melody]

And I was like, I need six months to plan. Because I'm a planner. We need at least six months. He's like, let's talk to our pastor.

[CD]

I said, can you just. No, before that. I said, could you please just pray about it? She hesitates. She didn't want to pray about it because I was taking it to Jesus. She knew I got this from Jesus, so I want her to agree. Not with me, per se. Now, I do want. I do. You know, women, I do want you to learn how to support and submit. Right? But men, I want you to learn how to lead and guide to Jesus. I said, honey, I want to submit this to you. Isn't that weird for a man to present something as submitting to his wife. Because in. In Ephesians, chapter 5:21, it says, submitting unto one another. That looks differently. So I did. And then I said, let's talk to some godly counsel. She prayed. We talked to our pastor, and he came out saying, yeah, I think. And that's where we get that language from.

[Melody]

He said, long, long courtships, short engagements.

[CD]

Right. And he said, I think a short engagement is wise.

[Melody]

I think it's very wise. You're 28. You're 29. You guys are older. This doesn't got to be long.

[CD]

You already know.

[Melody]

God could do it. God could do it in four months. And I'm like, God did it, and God did it.

[CD]

Four months.

[Melody]

So beautiful.

[CD]

Awesome.

[Amanda Reed]

I wish I was there.

[Melody]

So beautiful. Oh, my God.

[CD]

It was so great. But to your question, because what year?

[Melody]

2008.

[CD]

2008.

[Melody]

We got married the same day.

[Amanda Reed]

That's when I got married.

[CD]

Yeah. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married on the same day.

[Amanda Reed]

Well, we. Yep. I wanted to.

[CD]

It's just we on the newspaper in the same day. It's kind of cool.

[Baxter]

I want to ask this question, which is.

[Amanda Reed]

I'm trying to word it right, because.

[Baxter]

I'm just thinking of so many things. I just want to get as much wisdom here as possible. Women with father issues and father wounds who are attracted to men who are not good. Yeah, they may be in the church, but they're not good. And they. They don't know how to see it. Right. And so I guess because you had a good dad, so you kind of came into your dating relationship with some sovereign advantage.

[Melody]

Yeah.

[Baxter]

Me, my father. Wounds manifest differently. So they don't manifest in thirst. They don't manifest induced disillusionment. It manifests in self preservation. And it's God's grace that he allowed me to have a good man, even if I couldn't see it.

[Amanda Reed]

Right.

[Baxter]

Cause not by not seeing it. I struggle with moving towards him because he's legitimately safe. But in the same way, you got some. Where it's like, no, he not good, sis.

[Jackie Hill]

It.

[Baxter]

You need to move away. So how do you counsel women to develop a discernment about the men they're dating so they're not being attracted to. To wolves in sheep's clothing.

[Amanda Reed]

I really hope y' all are making time for your annual checkups, your doctor visits, getting your labs, your blood work. I don't know if half of us know what our A1C is. If you have to. 30. I mean, come on, now. But we've got kids so we know that we want to stay healthy for.

[Baxter]

Them as best as we can.

[Amanda Reed]

We know that there's a problem in our society. Most Americans eat a lot of processed food because it tastes good and not nearly enough fruits and vegetables. That means that many of us are actually 10, sometimes 15 years older on the inside than our real age. Like a ticking tombom. But a major university study found a way to slow that down. You don't need no diet changes, no new workouts, just field of greens. Every fruit and vegetable and field of greens is doctor selected for specific health benefits for your cells, hearts, lungs, kidneys, metabolism, and even a healthy we. That gives me peace of mind knowing that I can slow down how fast I'm aging, so I can be there for my people.

[Channing McBride]

I personally use filter greens on a weekly basis. Sometimes I'm on a go and I just don't have the time to eat vegetables or sometimes I just don't want to. So to have a supplement that will allow me to have my vegetable intake helps my digestive problems. It gives me energy throughout the day, you know, and it's just really good. It helped the boo boo slide, you know. Cause sometimes you be constipated, the boo boo gotta slide.

[Amanda Reed]

I want to encourage you to join us. Skip the untested, the green drinks and go with field of greens. Check out the university study and get 20% off when you use promo code [e-mail] that's fieldof greens.com promo code perry. Bye.

[Channing McBride]

They keep taking that part out and I'mma keep saying it.

[Amanda Reed]

No, they don't. It's on YouTube.

[Melody]

I think it, it does go back to the Titus too. Like you need older women in your life who can speak to that.

[CD]

That.

[Melody]

Because I remember during my seven year vow, I kept being attracted to the wrong guys. And I would say I did have my dad, but I would say, oh, I think, I think this guy's great, you know? And he's like, he don't even like you. I'm like, you don't know that, dad. You don't know that. And he would be like, he don't. He has not asked for your number. He has not asked for your nothing. He has not shared any intentions with you. He invites you to events because he likes you around. And I was like, what? And I had. But so if you don't have a mentor or someone to speak into that. And I was like, I don't see that.

[Amanda Reed]

And then.

[Baxter]

And you genuinely didn't see it.

[Melody]

I didn't See it? And here I was at this dude's events cleaning up because I wanted to show my wife material. I like, look, I'm gonna clean up, I'm gonna stay later. And then the Lord was like, you are lonelygirl.com 1, 800 lonelygirl.com and I going, what? He's like, you stroke this man's ego. You show up at all his events. He don't like you. Like, he doesn't Christian man. But he had a. I started to look, I said, he got like four girls at this event.

[Jackie Hill]

And they all mopping.

[Melody]

They all mopping at his event.

[CD]

Hello, Christian harem. No, I'm just kidding. You know, I'm just. We know who that is.

[Baxter]

That was a great joke.

[Melody]

Hold on, guys.

[Amanda Reed]

This.

[Melody]

And so I said, God, break this attachment in my heart. I want this guy who doesn't want me. You know. Then there was this other guy again. So in my seven year singleness, I had guy friends pursuing me. And I was like, oh, we're just friends. But in my head I'm like, oh, maybe he's it, you know?

[CD]

Were there any women in your life that also presented these things?

[Melody]

Because I had Mama Millie. I had a spiritual mom in my life that I would go to and I would ask her questions as well. So I had godly women I would get counsel from. So you gotta get around older godly women.

[CD]

Yeah, but to your point, older godly men to your father. So what's interesting in your story that I know also is Melody's parents divorced when she was three and she was raised by a great stepfather stepdad. But in the area of that spiritual development. And he did not disciple Melody that way. That was. And your father got saved when you were 14. I was 14 and started taking that mantle more intentional when you were 16. But he was not in the house. So part of this kind of like boy craziness that developed into Melody, as you were saying, like, it's not so much for her like the absence of a father. Cause she had both fathers, but it was the example of her culture. And so whether it's by pain or culture or custom in your neighborhood or whatever it might be, there were things that Melody had to break off that developed in her. Whether it's because, you know, the way that you're saying that respond to the lack of a father or just the example or the environment. I want to tell men, like godly, faithful, pure men, speak into the women's lives around you too. Because your father was a spiritual father and a spiritual Pastor. And you also had spiritual pastors as well, and Mama Millie and I think, yeah.

[Melody]

So it's just like I had like, I literally went to a woman of God in my church and said, I don't. My mom does not serve the Lord now she does. Praise the Lord. I said, I have no woman speaking into my life, life. Can you be that woman? And she said, I would be honored. But I, I made sure I was watching her. She loves Jesus. She's a prayer warrior. She's in her Bible, right? So I can speak to that. I'm like, hey, I met this person. What do you think? You know, even though I'm in my seven year vow, I was still like praying like, who's this man going to be? But there were a lot of guys that I liked that were not it. And so one of them, he don't like you. The other one, you call him, you guys are friends, but I don't see him pursuing you. So then I, I had to learn the whole, let him pursue, you know, Then I had to learn. When I saw cd, I liked him, but I was like, my man's gonna be so fine, he gonna make me faint. I had a lot of vanity. And so I was like, he's cute, but I don't know.

[CD]

I'm not a model.

[Melody]

And when I got home, my dad, okay, so having prophetic voices in your life, that's great. Said to me, I felt the Lord said, said, take the picture of whatever you think your husband's gonna look like out of your mind, lest you miss what God has for you.

[CD]

He said, take that Kodak.

[Melody]

Kodak picture now. Prophetic. That was so prophetic because the last day I was really starting to like CD in Africa. I was like, man, he's a really great guy. He kind of has a lot of things I prayed for. There was this man who was Brazilian, Lebanese, fine man.

[Amanda Reed]

At the hotel.

[CD]

He was a model.

[Melody]

He was a model.

[CD]

One green eye, one yellow eye.

[Melody]

He had like this beautiful eyes. Anyway, he gets saved and all the girls are like, oh, he is so cute. And I said, lord, thank you for showing me a vision of what my husband's going to look like.

[Amanda Reed]

She said, degree of declare.

[Melody]

I took a picture of him. I printed it back in the printing days. Okay, Literally went to Walgreens.

[Baxter]

You went, I was going to have.

[Melody]

It on a prayer board. Like, vision, like, this is what it is. And then my dad says this word, take the picture, the Kodak picture of what you think. And I said, well, dad, there was this amazing man of God that I met out there named CD he's cute, but he wasn't, like, my fine standard. I think I should deserve or whatever. But he is cute, and he's a great guy. He said, we'll get to know him. Let's see what this is. And I said, okay. And then that's when CD Started calling me. But I had to have a prophetic voice in my life saying, hey, what is this whole. Like, they gotta look like this. I meet so many great young single men. They're like, she gotta be fine. She gotta be banging. She got to have six packs. You got to. And it's like we're becoming so worldly even in what we're saying we want. He got to make, you know, at least 80 GS. And he got to make.

[CD]

No, they say a million now or whatever.

[Jackie Hill]

Don't even worry about it. See that man? Probably somewhere with a whole bunch of malign moles all over his face. And.

[Melody]

No, you didn't.

[CD]

Wow.

[Amanda Reed]

Go ahead. Keep talking about scripture.

[Baxter]

Go ahead. So. And you.

[CD]

You handsome with a. With a full beard now.

[Melody]

And here's the thing.

[CD]

The young men around us did bring him to the Lord. So I pray blessings.

[Channing McBride]

I pray blessings.

[Jackie Hill]

He can have moles, too.

[Melody]

But as we got to know each other, okay. And he shared his intentions with me, I would say, like, it. What do you think about having, like, your beard cut a little bit because he had this, like, long beard that.

[Jackie Hill]

He would go like.

[Baxter]

Because he had a chin strap.

[Channing McBride]

I had a chin strap beard.

[Jackie Hill]

And, you know, I. I like my.

[Baxter]

Chin strap beard with the longest goatee.

[Amanda Reed]

It was like. It was just giving. It was giving Billy goat.

[Jackie Hill]

No, I was.

[Melody]

Yes, I was. That was it.

[Jackie Hill]

I'm not a fan of Met Molly music, so what people don't know is the first. Because he had to go, like, the long beard.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Jackie Hill]

And so, like, I had the chin strap. And so people don't know. Like, the first time I had a full beard is my wedding day. I grew it out for my wedding day, and it was a little. It was fuzzy because I never grew it out first. And I lined it up. And that was the first picture I ever took with a. With a full beard. Jackie wanted it.

[CD]

Now you're a model.

[Melody]

You bring the best out.

[Jackie Hill]

I'm a model Christian.

[CD]

Yeah.

[Melody]

I said, can you. Can you. Can you trim? So when he came to visit me in Chicago, he did this beard. I was like, oh, look at my fat man. So it. It was like.

[CD]

It was cosmetics. Can Change, but character.

[Melody]

Yeah. It wasn't very spiritual. We. We got to know each other spiritually. But we began to be even more and more attracted to each other. And he would tell me, I used to always wear blazers. He's like, can you not wear a blazer?

[CD]

She'd be wearing a blazer.

[Baxter]

Like, her being business casual.

[Jackie Hill]

Like, she.

[CD]

Like you going to work. We incorporate America. Going on dates. She shop at Express downtown Chicago. I was like, can you put on a dress?

[Baxter]

She likes you work at Michael Kors.

[CD]

Jeans and a T shirt.

[Jackie Hill]

I will say this. It's not a question, but, like, how your father spoke into your life.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Jackie Hill]

I have to admit that's one of the most frustrating things to me. When I love a woman or whatever, like a girl, like some of my nieces or whatever. And I'm telling them. Them that this man don't like you. This man is not for you. And sometimes it can seem like women are just so wrapped up in what they emotionally want.

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[Jackie Hill]

That it's like, don't you know, I'm a man.

[Baxter]

I see.

[Jackie Hill]

Like, literally, I told somebody that he's cheating on you, and she called me a hater. Right in front of Jackie, you hater. Then a couple months later, her heart got broken. I said, why you didn't listen to me?

[Baxter]

I'm glad you said that. I love you.

[Melody]

Yeah.

[Jackie Hill]

They don't be listening. Some of them listen. Some of them don't.

[Baxter]

I'm glad you said that because my. My next question was to zero in on this idea of girl and boy crazy, because I think it's a. I think it's a nice way to talk about idolatry, because it is hard to take correction. It is hard to acknowledge that someone sees something you don't see. If that. That person is your water, if that person seems to fulfill a need that you think you can't go without. And so how does someone want identify? Like, maybe I'm a little too wrapped up not only in this person, but in relationship. Like, how do you. Yeah. Work through that? Do you get what I'm saying? Because it leads to really unhelpful and unhealthy patterns, even in marriage, where it's like you think you love this person when you're actually obsessed.

[Channing McBride]

I disciple a lot of young men, and one of the things that they struggle with the most is pornography use. And one of the things that has helped them over the years is just accountability. And that's the reason why I think Covenant Eyes is just an essential tool for us to have in the Christian community so we can all be accountable to one another.

[Amanda Reed]

Screens are everywhere. They're always on. So staying grounded in who we are in Christ matters more than ever. Digital integrity isn't just about avoiding some of the negative things we see online or the problematic things we see online. It's also just about being mindful and honoring God with every click and Every scroll. Proverbs 4. 23 tells us to guard our hearts because out of it all of the stuff flows. So pornography, social media, the enemy, the devil, you know, the adversary. He uses all of these things in an attempt to corrupt our purity. That's why we love Covenant Eyes. It's not just a software. It's accountability and grace in action. Covenant Eyes filters out harmful content, tracks your activity, and sends reports to a friend or mentor that you trust. Trust that is godly too, so you don't have to struggle alone. If you're fighting temptation, battling porn addiction, or just want to protect your family, Covenant Eyes helps you keep your digital life aligned with your faith.

[Channing McBride]

I've personally had friends who use Covenant Eyes in the, in the past and it's helped them tremendously just to be held accountable to, to brothers.

[Amanda Reed]

So if you're ready to step up your digital integrity game, head over to covenant eyes.comparries today for a free 30 day trial of their accountability software. That is covenant eyes.comparries. if you. You don't know how I spelled it a P E R R. This ain't Pelly Pelly.

[Baxter]

This is Perry's P E R y.

[Amanda Reed]

S for 30 days free.

[Melody]

Well, if somebody is giving you a warning or advice or saying, hey, this person's not good for you. You can't make nobody do something. Like you have to pray for this person to see it. And so if you're like, if you're.

[Amanda Reed]

The friend, the father, the, the cousin.

[Melody]

Yeah, so. So the guy I was dating in college, my dad could clearly see this dude is not for her.

[Baxter]

He.

[Melody]

When it came to my calling and my calling to speak and all that, he didn't like it. And he's like, she will not become fully who she's supposed to be with this man. So he began to pray that I would see it because I was like, he's a great guy. And he's like, melody. When I told him about authority and that I don't. I'm not blessing this relationship, he said, with all due respect, sir, it's what God wants, not what you want.

[Amanda Reed]

Wow.

[Baxter]

To your daddy.

[Melody]

To my dad.

[Baxter]

Okay.

[Melody]

And he said, he has a problem with authority. He said, how can you submit to a man who can't submit? And I'm like, what does that have to do with marriage? Because I had no clue. And I think he's a great guy. He's a Bible theology major, you know, Like. I was like, he loves Jesus. He's like, sweetheart, he cannot lead you. Well, he. He has a problem with you speaking, that you're a speaker. You ain't see that yet.

[Amanda Reed]

No.

[Melody]

I was like, no, it's going to be a problem. And I was like, no, Dad, I didn't see it. So he started praying and fasting for me. Praying and fasting for me to see. I was with this guy for, like, six months, getting skinnier and skinnier because.

[Amanda Reed]

I was six years.

[Melody]

Because I was, like, sick with anxiety. I would eat and use the restroom. I would eat, use the restroom. I would eat, eat.

[Baxter]

It's.

[Melody]

I would even feel like throwing up sometimes. I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with me. I have stomach problems. Something so weird. I don't know what's wrong. Till I finally fasted and said, God, I need to hear you. And so for the woman or man who feels entangled.

[Amanda Reed]

That's a good word.

[Melody]

And maybe you feel like you can't see why everybody telling me all this stuff. Fast.

[Jackie Hill]

What's a word?

[Amanda Reed]

That's a good word. Fast.

[Melody]

And so I fasted and I prayed till I could hear.

[CD]

Hear.

[Melody]

I say, fast and pray until you can hear. And I heard. And he said, break up now. Yeah, now. I was like, now. Now.

[Baxter]

That was a loud word. Now that was, this is my son with whom I am well.

[Melody]

Please work. And I. I was sick again, throwing up. And I'm like, God, why am I so sick? He said, you're sick with anxiety. You're sick with disobedience. I need you to break up with him now, man. And so there was a doctor's office at our school. I went into the doctor's office because I had a little bit of, like, maybe I just a stomach bug. Kay, you want to talk about still not seeing? And the doctor said, this is the third time you've been here for anxiety. Did you like me to give you an anxiety pill? I said, no, I need an obedience pill. I know what this is about. I broke up with him. Good guy. When I have sex. Good guy. The next day, I was healed. Healed of this sickness, of this weird stomach issue I was having. And I'm like. But I was in Pain. My heart hurt because I loved this man. I thought this was it. I thought I would never find another guy. And so the Lord was showing me, you can be in peace, but in pain and still be obeying me.

[CD]

Come on on.

[Melody]

In peace and in pain at the same time.

[Jackie Hill]

Wow.

[Melody]

And so it took me a year to get over him. I would cry. We had classes together. I would see him. I would be like, oh, Lord. And the enemy. You ain't never going to find. Why you doing this? Seven year V. You ain't never going to find no man. Oh, seven years. What are you doing? It was so hard.

[CD]

And I. I love how you pointed out the grief and the relief of obedience.

[Melody]

Yeah.

[CD]

Because the pain, the previous pain, you know, it. I think it was akin to a demonic oppression.

[Melody]

Yeah.

[CD]

Because of disobedience.

[Baxter]

Right.

[CD]

It invited more attack. And the funny thing about the word depression, I'm not saying this is about all depression, but I think a lot of people's experience of depression is disobedience or lack of wisdom continuously. And you're not listening to those voices in your life. And you find yourself in this horrible cycle. And what do they say about insanity? It's just doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And so these things bring about a psychological, but also maybe a spiritual oppression that leads to that psychological depression. But when. And that's a kind of pain that there is no. There is no hope from. But the grief of this, of the grief of obedience, like I said, the reward is greater. The relief is a peace that you can endure even through the pain that's good. It's a pain of loss that you shouldn't have had anyway, and we may not have known it. It's not a judgment, but it is still a call. I will say this, though. Scripture says that the Lord resists the proud, but he lifts up the lowly. In Proverbs 3, 7, we know Proverbs 3, 5, 6, it says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. That's what a lot of people do. They lean into it. Don't make no sense to me. Subjectively. In all your ways, acknowledge God, but we won't acknowledge and he will direct your paths. You're not willing to walk in it. Watch verse 7. It says, Be not wise in your own eyes.

[Jackie Hill]

Right.

[Melody]

Wow.

[CD]

It says, be not, and we rarely read that part. It says, be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. And to the women and the men who are Bucking up against sound wisdom time and time again. You know what their problem is? This. It's being wise in their own eyes.

[Jackie Hill]

Yeah.

[CD]

It's being haughty. It's being proud. Oh, I know better than you. Why are you hating so forth and so on. I really want to challenge people. If, if you're, if. If everyone in your circle is giving you the red flag, even if you don't believe it, if you're a believer in Jesus, just fast, pray. I heard it said that in Matthew when it says that to give. Because when you give, it brings forth the spirit of generosity and it breaks greed.

[Jackie Hill]

Yeah.

[CD]

When you fast, it breaks off like fleshly control, lust, gluttony, so forth and so on. And it brings forth peace. And when you pray, it humbles you. It humbles you. It breaks off pride and it humbles you. And so if you're feeling this way, at least just pray.

[Amanda Reed]

Pray.

[CD]

Yeah, at least. Just fast.

[Jackie Hill]

I'm so glad that you guys talked about prayer and fasting because I think, and I'm glad Jackie asked this question because I think for the woman who might be just emotionally wrapped up into a man too deep. I know in my experience of dating, it wasn't just mere motion. I've known a lot of men who fell into the trap that I fell into, of just being wrapped up into what this girl does for you and thinking that this girlish your wife because she's presenting all the wifely things. And so for me, I was dating someone in my dating process where I mean, I liked her, I had a sense of love for her, but I was wrestling. But I'm like, everything made sense. It's like she folded my clothes, she cooked for me, my family loved her, all of these things. But I couldn't shake something, something. And I, I felt like the Lord prompted me to pray and fast. And I went on a three day fast. When I went on a three day fast, the Lord kept saying, jackie Hill.

[CD]

Jackie Hill, Jackie Hill. I remember that.

[Jackie Hill]

And I was like, lord, you sure it's not right?

[CD]

Right, right, right.

[Jackie Hill]

But what's crazy is Jackie and what.

[Baxter]

We never share is that she shared with you or someone else that the.

[Amanda Reed]

Lord told her I was your wife.

[Channing McBride]

Yes.

[Amanda Reed]

And I never knew that she was.

[Baxter]

Trying to, to change the.

[Amanda Reed]

I didn't know.

[Jackie Hill]

But this is the thing, though, because we were friends. This is the thing.

[CD]

This is the reason. I'm so glad.

[Jackie Hill]

This the reason why I'm so glad you brought out fasting.

[Melody]

Wow. Praise God.

[Jackie Hill]

Because fasting, humbles us, but it actually shows us who we are by humbling us. But it shows us what we need. Because the thing is, I was like, I. Jackie Hill is one of my best friends. I love this girl. She's one of the dopest creators. But she ain't never show me wifey material.

[Amanda Reed]

God for sure hadn't.

[Jackie Hill]

I'm like, she ain't never fold not damn thing from me for sure.

[Melody]

She didn't fold nothing.

[CD]

No, seriously.

[Jackie Hill]

Seriously. I honestly think if I would have married that girl. Cause she wanted me to marry her. And I was seriously thinking about proposing one day to her. I don't think that I would like, like her. Like, it's no shade to her.

[Baxter]

You ain't like her then, Preston, I did like her.

[Amanda Reed]

You left that girl at the house. And your sister said, preston, why are.

[Baxter]

You leaving your girlfriend in for eight hours a day? I was unsure you was coming back to eat dinner. And you leaving that girl in the.

[Melody]

House, you like what she could do for you?

[Baxter]

Yes.

[Jackie Hill]

Yes, I did. But I did like her. I didn't like her as much as I liked her, but I realized. I realized. I realized God was preparing me and trying to show me what I. What I. Not just what I needed. But you don't. Like, we don't even know what we want.

[CD]

Well, let me tell you something.

[Amanda Reed]

Like, I.

[Jackie Hill]

Like I wanted her. I just didn't know it.

[CD]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Jackie Hill]

That's what fasting does.

[CD]

Yeah, it. That's so good. Fasting breaks the will.

[Melody]

Helps. You see? And I. And we're not talking about fasting social media. I'm talking about fasting food.

[CD]

Okay, but fast social media, too.

[Melody]

You could, but because. Because we. We forgot what is fasting too.

[CD]

We're like, oh, I bring it back.

[Melody]

I stop eating bananas. No, no. Like, it's a time of eating food, right? To pray, not to watch social media. To watch Netflix. No, you're. You're fasting and praying till you see, till you hear.

[Amanda Reed]

Right?

[Melody]

And so I love that the Lord showed you. It's Jackie. Okay. God showed cd. It's Melody. It isn't just. I want to find the person who has this, this. This quality. And this is. It's a call.

[Amanda Reed]

That's good.

[Melody]

It's a call.

[Amanda Reed]

It is.

[Jackie Hill]

Yeah.

[Melody]

And so we knew we're called to each other. I knew I was called to. I prayed for confirmations, and God gave me so many. And even when we got married, we started to see our differences and. And we would go, well, we were supposed to get Married because we so different, you know, and we go, no, we're called to be together.

[CD]

We, we were able to fall back on what God had said because there going to be many a times in which in the normal course of life certain incompatibilities are going to be highlighted. So called incompatibilities are going to be highlighted. Difficulties and mis expectations and frustrations. And the question will come by the flesh and by the Spirit and by the world. Maybe you guys are not meant for one another, but when we're grounded in what Christ has done, you see, it's about purposes. Am I serving my purposes? Am I seeking to get married for my purposes? Am I seeking to pursue this particular one because of the way they make me feel? Or am I even yielding my covenant movement? My, my, my pursuit or presentation to the Lord?

[Melody]

To the Lord's plans.

[CD]

To the Lord's plans. Right, God's plans. God's plan. Is it really God's plan? Let me tell you, I love your story real quick. I remember when that happened to me. Similarly, there was a young lady that I was flirting with a lot. And, and I could tell she was feeling me and she stroked the ego. So, so, well, just said the right things, spoke the, just, just made, just made me feel like, like, like a great guy. And, and, and, and, and you know, I was, I was, I was feeling her too. But every time I spent time with her, number one, I felt like I was crossing boundaries because I know that feeling. I just felt like I was, I felt like I was crossing. Now we didn't have sex, we never even kissed. But I did hold her hand. I held her fist a couple of times. And, and, and, and I did say certain things and I, I could tell I was crossing emotional boundaries. I could feel it in my spirit. But technically I wasn't doing anything wrong.

[Jackie Hill]

That's the hard thing about having the Holy Spirit. It's like God, this feel good because a woman know how to stroke your ego. And it does feel good.

[CD]

It feels great. And you want more of that. And I was praying and the Holy Spirit told me, so you're talking about prayer and God's plan. Because I'm a very, what's the word? Loyal guy. And I like to serve and work hard and especially when it comes to building a family. And I felt like, oh, we could build a great family together. But it wasn't God's plan. It wasn't God's intentions. And in prayer one day he told me straight up, you know, this one is not your wife. And that was so frustrating for me. And he said, you need to break this off right away. And it wasn't even a thing, like, what is the thing? And she had happened to invite me. We had a situationship. Didn't even have that language back then. And she invited me over to meet her family. And I'm cool with family and parents and dads. And I met them and it was good. And I was like, okay, we need to go for a walk. And I. To let her know I had no understanding. I was blind. Even the way that some women could be blind about what people are telling you. And the Holy Spirit is telling me. I had no clue. She thought this walk was for me to make things official. And it was the walk for me to break things off to. To. To. To unofficially, officially break things off. Wow. And she wept and she cried. And for a couple of weeks, the stirring that I did in her heart was so inappropriate that it took her weeks to really kind of recover. Not that I'm all that, but the stirring was jacked. And I remember she wrote me a letter and she left me a voicemail and she spoke to me three different times, man. She was. That was on her heart of how. What a horrible man I was. And I let her vent. And then she apologized later and everything like that. She went on this podcast, powerful. She went on to marry one of my roommates, best friends before I married Melody. And the Holy Spirit reminded me of 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4, 3, 8. Can I go there real quick?

[Amanda Reed]

You should.

[CD]

Oh, man. And. And you know, we got to know the Word, the Holy Spirit. You know why some of us are not. Not hearing the voice of God? Because we don't know his. His Word. We don't know what he sounds like. So when he speaks to us personally and wants to draw back references, we don't remember, we don't know what he says. He says this. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality. That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. That verse 6. That no one transgressed and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in these things, as we have told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. And the Holy Spirit reminded me you were on the verge of about to defraud your brother. In fact, you were already stealing areas of her heart that did not belong to you. It wasn't just matters of sex and the body. I've heard it said in Romans. It says that we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices unto the Lord. Derek Prince, a great teacher, he says, you know why? He says, lay down your body, because if you lay down your body, then God has all of you, because your soul and your spirit is there encased. We are, we are wonderfully and marvelously and fearfully made. And he said to me, you were on the verge of about to defraud your brother, and you had been in certain ways, that was his wife, not yours, because that was not my wife.

[Amanda Reed]

Wow.

[CD]

That was not my wife. And so part of this dating discipleship is I asked, gentlemen, some sometimes, do you really believe this is your wife? If they hesitate, I say, well, you don't know yet. So you need to maintain the boundaries. Oh, that's another thing. Men maintain the boundaries. Men maintain the boundaries. You have the boundaries. It was wild to have my wife be the virgin, but I was setting the standard of the boundaries again. If, if, if, if that's not your story, start now. Yeah, that was not my story story. Obviously I had crossed many boundaries, and even as a Christian, I was crossing emotional and spiritual and relational boundaries. But I got it right. The next girl that started, you know, we started talking on the phone. The Holy Spirit caught me early, quick, hey, this like the second or third call? Hey, is she your wife? Why would you ask such a hard question off the bat? Cuz I told you when you thinking about dating, you should be asking that question in the back of your mind.

[Jackie Hill]

That's good.

[CD]

Is this your wife? And he said to me, do you think this is your wife?

[Amanda Reed]

Yeah.

[CD]

I said, no. And he said, then you need to stop calling her late at night because. And I was like, it wasn't late at night. It was like 8:00pm but yeah, yeah, that's good.

[Amanda Reed]

I think to close, I would love if you guys can just speak to the singles and just cast a gospel vision for them.

[Baxter]

However you are led.

[Melody]

Don'T do it.

[CD]

It's okay.

[Melody]

Yeah.

[CD]

Listen, the gospel. I've been meditating on the mystery of the gospel in marriage. When Adam and Eve were created, Adam was made first. And then God put Adam to sleep. He didn't form Eve out of another mound of ground. He pulled it right from his side and then he woke him up. And he says, behold, your bride. What did he say? Behold now, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. She should be called woman because she come from man. And the two were naked and unashamed. And for this reason man shall leave mother and father, and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. The mystery of the gospel is Jesus Christ came as the second Adam. He was put to sleep. A Roman soldier pierced his side. The blood and the water flowed. The Holy Spirit raised him from the dead, and he was presented his wife, those apostles and the church that would come forth. He breathed the Spirit onto them. And then 40 days later, he breathed the Holy Spirit onto all of us. The church came forth, came by pain and sacrifice, came by death. And he went to go and prepare a place for us. If it was not so, I wouldn't have told you. And what is he coming back for? A pure and spotless bride. That's the gospel. It's the gospel. Thank you. Every marriage is a gospel presentation. Why is the enemy attacking marriage marriage? Why is the enemy making it. Making dating relationships get so messy? Because he knows if in that context, they get married, they don't have a chance. And it defames the image of what God is intending to do in and through every single one of us, but as a collective, the. The body of Christ which he's coming back for. So I want us to take this, this much more seriously than it's been presented to us in our. In our. In our culture. Who we date and who we marry is the most important decision you're going to make after giving your life to Christ. God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He's the God of generations. There are things that we've inherited and there are things that we're going to pass down. And many of us are in the nexus point of things that God wants to break off of us, us, so that he can pass down inheritance and generation, legacy. So that there would be a people calling ready, holy, desiring for the. For the. For the maranatha, for the return of Hosana, for. For Jesus Christ, for the return of the king, the bridegroom. So who we are right now in that endeavor is all part of the gospel work. It says in John 17 in context of the church. But the church is broken down to families and communities. Let them be one, Lord, like you and I are one, so that the world may see and believe that you sent me. When they see our marriages, they see a microcosm of the church and they have an inkling of there's something divine happening here. And when the gospel goes forth with those kinds of example, especially to our children, they will be much more inclined to believe because they saw it embodied living letters in mom and dad. Many of us haven't seen that. So the Lord is inviting you in a new way. His way. Cause his way is better.

[Amanda Reed]

Amen. Thank you, Melody and CD. We will link to Melody and CD's website to the podcast episode where you share your story in full. I think y' all should watch that.

[Jackie Hill]

And also too, they have they train and counsel couples online. So if you guys want to, you know, get counseled by them or married. If you're married out there, you're struggling or got questions, you just need direction. There's just a great couple to follow in that way.

[Amanda Reed]

Amen.

[Melody]

Thank you, guys.

[Amanda Reed]

Thank you.

[Jackie Hill]

Love y'.

[CD]

All.

[Amanda Reed]

Bye, Saints. Peace with the Perries is produced by the Perrys with support from Amanda reed and Channing McBride. Video recording and audio production by Matthew.

[Baxter]

Baxter and Xavier Fairley, edited by the team at Treadmill Lively artwork by Hop and music by Swoop.

[Amanda Reed]

Thank you for listening. Now go with God.