Wolf 359: Episode Summary – "Eiffel and Hilbert Present: Hit Singles, the New Series by the Creators of Wolf 359"

Release Date: April 24, 2025
Host/Author: Kinda Evil Genius Productions, LLC
Episode Title: Eiffel and Hilbert Present: Hit Singles, the New Series by the Creators of Wolf 359

Introduction

In this engaging episode of Wolf 359, listeners are transported back to the isolating confines of the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station orbiting the red dwarf star Wolf 359. The protagonist, Officer Doug Eiffel, faces the relentless monotony of his 448th day in deep space. Accompanied by the stern mission chief Minkowski, the erratic science officer Dr. Hilbert, and the sentient yet frequently malfunctioning station operating system Hera, Eiffel's days are marked by minimal tasks and sporadic encounters with old Earth broadcasts. To cope with the isolation, Eiffel maintains extensive audio logs detailing the mundane yet peculiar daily life aboard the station.

A Surprising Transmission from Command

At the outset of the episode, Eiffel breaks his usual routine when an unexpected transmission disrupts the static he monitors:

[00:05] Officer Eiffel: "Stupid, boring deep space deployment. Nothing interesting or different ever happens. What the. That's a new different noise. Looks like, uh, transmission from Command."

Eiffel's curiosity piqued, he listens intently as Command addresses the morale issues he has been reporting:

[00:50] Officer Eiffel: "Oh my God. They listened. They actually paid attention to me."

The transmission reveals Command's awareness of the severe morale problems aboard the Hephaestus and presents a seemingly lighthearted solution:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "Oh. Okay, there's more. We take these matters very seriously. Which is why we want to provide you with the solution to all your problems. Okay? Promising. Promising. A new audio fiction romantic comedy called Hit Singles has just been released."

Introducing Hit Singles: The Morale Booster

Command introduces Hit Singles as the latest offering from the creative minds behind Wolf 359. The transmission provides a detailed overview of the new series:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "Hit Singles tells the story of Faith Adler, a young woman who goes to New York City for a summer to pursue her dream of becoming the world's greatest DJ. Once there, she meets David, a young bartender whose life has recently fallen apart. As they navigate their feelings for each other, they embark on wild misadventures across the city alongside their best friends and roommates—Tori, Matt, and Gina."

Command emphasizes the series' appeal to boost morale, highlighting its blend of adventure, character drama, and humor:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "The series is 12 episodes of fun, hijinks and romance, all set to an amazing soundtrack. You can hear the whole thing right now on Audible."

Additionally, Command sweetens the offer by enrolling Eiffel in a free trial of Audible, ensuring he can access the series without cost:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "Oh wait, do I have an account for that? Eh. For which we've taken the liberty of signing you up for a free trial so you can listen to the whole show at no cost for 30 days."

Eiffel responds with genuine surprise and gratitude:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "Oh wow, that works."

However, the transmission concludes abruptly, leaving Eiffel puzzled:

[00:51] Officer Eiffel: "When did I say that again? We now consider this matter fully closed. Please do not contact us again on this subject. Dr. Hilbert? What?"

Listening to the Hit Singles Trailer

Intrigued by the promotional pitch, Eiffel decides to sample the Hit Singles trailer. He begins by recalling the show's name and creators:

[03:48] Officer Eiffel: "Uh, aye aye, sir. Okay, now I officially gotta check out what this romantic comedy thing is about. What was the name again? Oh yeah. Hit Singles. The new show by Gabrielle Urbina, Sarah Shakt and Zach Valenti. Available now on Audible. Ooh, and there's a trailer. Let's listen to that."

The trailer immerses listeners in the vibrant lives of Faith and David, introducing key characters through dynamic dialogue:

[04:16] Faith Adler: "Love Dating. I am done with it. I mean, you could kiss me and it would do nothing for me."

[04:22] David: "Oh, really?"

[04:23] Faith Adler: "Yeah. Okay. No, Come on, give it a try."

Faith's determination to pursue her DJ dream is palpable:

[04:26] David: "Alright. No, hang on. If we're gonna do this, let's do it right. Side one, track one. My name is Faith Adler. One day I'm gonna be the greatest DJ in America. But right now I'm unemployed. Which is why I decided to go spend the summer in New York. Crashing on my best friend's couch and trying to find work. This is the story of everything that happened to me."

The trailer continues to flesh out the ensemble cast, highlighting the interpersonal dynamics and comedic elements:

[04:51] Tori: "Anything I can do to help?"

[04:52] David: "Help me figure out why I didn't pick a more sensible career path."

[04:55] Tori: "Aw, because of your complete lack of marketable skills."

[04:59] David: "Remember, that's my best friend, Tori. It's also the story of how she tried to go a full summer without dating a creep."

[05:05] Tori: "It was nice to hook up for a. You got creepy and possessive."

[05:10] Faith Adler: "I care very little about your agency."

[05:11] David: "In this situation that makes me sad and scared. It's also the story of New York City's greatest bisexual F boy who just happened to live in the apartment next door."

[05:21] Tori: "Wait, before you sleep with anyone, you tell them that you're a commitment phobe."

[05:26] Gina: "Who said I'm afraid of commitment? I love commitment. I'm just frequently committed to four plus people."

[05:31] David: "And of my best friend's other roommate who'd secretly had a crush on her for how long? Was it Gina? For the past three years, girl."

[05:41] Officer Eiffel: "Oh, I know, I know, I know."

[05:44] David: "And of course it's the story of how I met a guy called David."

[05:48] Faith Adler: "Everyone in the world is an absolute moron. Well, I mean, everyone except for you and me out here on this fire escape with this whiskey."

[05:56] David: "But of course, I would never make you listen to something as tedious as a love story."

[06:01] Gina: "You know, Faith, this might be a crazy question, but do you have a thing for David?"

[06:08] Officer Eiffel: "What?"

[06:09] David: "For that David? No, of course not. Maybe a little. Okay, fine. It's a bit of a love story. But it's complicated, okay? It's the complicated influencer hating comedy show. Tanking competitive arcade playing, vaguely poly. Life changing fully remixed on the fly story of the best, worst, sexiest, funniest, weirdest, most New York summer of my life. And if I do say so myself, it's got some great songs along the way. So let's get started. Hit Singles. Listen now only on Audible."

Post-Transmission Tensions

After enjoying the trailer, Eiffel's attention is drawn back to station duties when Dr. Hilbert confronts him about a missing Earth transmission:

[03:23] Dr. Hilbert: "Officer Eiffel, have any transmissions from Earth arrived today?"

[03:29] Officer Eiffel: "No, I haven't seen anything."

[03:35] Dr. Hilbert: "Was promised delivery by 1800 hours today. Very troubling. Eiffel, tell me the very moment anything comes through. And do not look at contents before alerting me."

Eiffel acknowledges the urgency of the matter:

[03:48] Officer Eiffel: "Uh, aye aye, sir."

This exchange highlights the ongoing communication challenges between the Hephaestus station and Earth, adding a layer of tension amidst the lighter moment of receiving the Hit Singles promotion.

Eiffel's Reflections and Engagement

Despite the pressing concerns raised by Dr. Hilbert, Eiffel can't resist delving deeper into the Hit Singles series:

[03:48] Officer Eiffel: "Uh, aye aye, sir. Okay, now I officially gotta check out what this romantic comedy thing is about. What was the name again? Oh yeah. Hit Singles. The new show by Gabrielle Urbina, Sarah Shakt and Zach Valenti. Available now on Audible. Ooh, and there's a trailer. Let's listen to that."

As Eiffel immerses himself in the trailer, listeners gain insight into his character—seeking solace and distraction through new media amidst the isolating conditions of deep space.

Conclusion

This episode of Wolf 359 masterfully intertwines the protagonist's personal struggles with a meta-narrative promoting a fictional series, Hit Singles. By embedding the trailer within the episode, the creators offer a rich, layered listening experience that both advances the story of the Hephaestus station and expands the Wolf 359 universe. Notable quotes and character interactions enhance the realism and relatability of Eiffel's plight, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• [00:05] Officer Eiffel: "Stupid, boring deep space deployment. Nothing interesting or different ever happens."

• [00:51] Officer Eiffel: "Oh my God. They listened. They actually paid attention to me."

• [03:35] Dr. Hilbert: "Was promised delivery by 1800 hours today. Very troubling."

• [05:31] David: "And of my best friend's other roommate who'd secretly had a crush on her for how long? Was it Gina? For the past three years, girl."

• [06:09] David: "It's a bit of a love story. But it's complicated, okay? It's the complicated influencer hating comedy show. Tanking competitive arcade playing, vaguely poly. Life changing fully remixed on the fly story of the best, worst, sexiest, funniest, weirdest, most New York summer of my life."

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, character insights, and the strategic inclusion of the Hit Singles trailer, ensuring both new and existing listeners can appreciate the depth and creativity of Wolf 359.