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[00:12]
Ben
You may hear a slight echo on my audio as there is absolutely nothing
[00:19]
Nate
on the walls of the room I am in.
[00:22]
Ben
I will be fixing that, but did not have time to fix it for this recording. This is gonna be our best episode yet.
[00:31]
Jamie
Well, we were going to discuss House of Leaves. That's like an 800 page novel.
[00:38]
Ben
Yeah, I don't think either of us have made any significant progress on it.
[00:41]
Jamie
Yeah, I was gonna say I spent the entire week either on my couch or on my toilet, so. Living the American dream. Actually, I guess that is kind of the American dream, right?
[00:55]
Ben
On your couch or on your toilet. If only they could be the same thing.
[01:00]
Jamie
I brought. I brought my book to work with me on Tuesday, and it was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna read this. I have several hours throughout the day that are off. And then I spent that time, like, napping in my office. And then I woke up feeling worse every single time.
[01:17]
Ben
You know, my sister comes and she tells me that, like, she had six to ten patients, they're dying. One of them's like, fully paralyzed after an accident, and she's just like, she doesn't even have time to eat anymore.
[01:33]
Nate
And then I hear your version of nursing and it sounds so much different.
[01:38]
Jamie
So when you work in the hospital, you definitely don't really have time to, like, eat or anything unless you're a selfish asshole. Like, we decided to all be on my floor. We're like, yeah, I'm taking my 30 minute lunch. Fuck you.
[01:55]
Ben
Fuck the patient.
[01:56]
Jamie
Yeah.
[01:58]
Ben
If they, if they can't survive 30 more minutes, they weren't meant to live.
[02:02]
Jamie
Yeah, exactly. I'm going on lunch. Don't pick this time to collapse. All right?
[02:08]
Ben
Yep.
[02:09]
Jamie
You wait 30 minutes, I'll be back on the floor. All right? Yeah. No, tell your sister, get into office work. That's where it's at. Or become a nurse practitioner.
[02:22]
Ben
That's what every nurse in the country is trying to do right now.
[02:25]
Jamie
Yes.
[02:26]
Ben
As the hospitals are just hemorrhaging people and blood, they're.
[02:30]
Jamie
They're either doing travel nursing for the big bucks, becoming nurse practitioners, or they're just leaving the profession forever because it fucking sucks to work as a nurse. And as the pandemic has happened, it sucks even harder. And I really don't have any sympathy for the hospitals in this because they've been fucking nurses over for decades and it finally has come home to roost. Maybe offer me more than 5 cents an hour as a raise, Asshole.
[03:00]
Ben
I think maybe we need to get you and my sister to do words about nursing. Everybody who's a nurse wants to tell me they're a nurse and tell me how bad it is to be a nurse and then tell me all the ways I can and will die one day.
[03:18]
Jamie
Yeah. You know what's gonna stave off your inevitable death? Nurses.
[03:23]
Ben
Oh, I thought you were gonna segue into the actual podcast and say, like, books. I've got all these books for you that are gonna teach you how to live better. But no, no, I'm gonna give you.
[03:33]
Jamie
I'm gonna give you books that are going to make your life a little worse, probably. Here we're doing another judging books by their cover, Ben. So let me refresh people on the format. I, Nate, a kind, loving, gentle soul, have selected five books this time. There's. There's kind of a theme to these books, Ben.
[03:56]
Ben
Oh, that's exciting.
[03:58]
Jamie
Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to say that. After you.
[04:01]
Ben
After I see the theme. Is the theme cowboys.
[04:07]
Jamie
Why would they be cowboys?
[04:08]
Ben
I don't know. I would hate that.
[04:12]
Jamie
I was just thinking of that in mind.
[04:13]
Ben
I was just thinking of something I would hate. If I had to choose from only western novels, that would be pretty bad.
[04:20]
Jamie
Keep that in mind, Ben. You're giving me some great ideas. I'm. I'm going to give you five choices, Ben, and if you pick none of them, we're going with a mystery sixth book that you won't get to see ahead of time.
[04:33]
Ben
Oh, okay.
[04:34]
Jamie
Just like last time.
[04:35]
Ben
So they'd have to be pretty bad, but last time. Okay, so now we're playing, like, the ultimate game here, because last time, the mystery book was the Hobbit, which would have been a great pick for me, not for you. But this time, I wonder if you will have switched that up. Anticipating that, I will anticipate the sixth book as a good book.
[05:01]
Guest Reader
Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
[05:17]
Ben
You've made your decision then?
[05:19]
Guest Reader
Not remotely.
[05:20]
Ben
All right, Just show me the first book.
[05:22]
Jamie
All right. Book number one.
[05:25]
Ben
Okay, so this is coming to me in Slack. Yep, I'm clicking. Oh, God damn.
[05:36]
Jamie
Always. There always has to be one.
[05:38]
Ben
Okay, so interesting for you, though, I actually know this author, so I am looking At Halo Glasslands by Karen Travis. Now, Karen Travis writes a lot of the more popular Mandalorian books, the Star Wars Universe, or at least she did when the Expanded Universe was still canon. And I knew a lot of her books were pretty good. She kind of became the unofficial writer of Boba Fett there for a while.
[06:09]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[06:10]
Ben
So.
[06:11]
Jamie
Did not know that.
[06:12]
Ben
Yeah.
[06:12]
Nate
I'm actually more favorable towards this book
[06:18]
Ben
than I otherwise would be if it were by a different author.
[06:20]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[06:21]
Ben
So let me. I'll describe the COVID I'm looking at to some people. So it's called. It's called Glasslands, which is a weird name.
[06:30]
Nate
Is it because they glassed a planet?
[06:32]
Jamie
Probably. Okay, I'm guessing.
[06:34]
Ben
So I see a planet and there is, like, a crater. And then looking down on the planet and looking at each other, possibly with some romantic tension, I was thinking they're like they're looking into each other's eyes, and they're not. There's not a hint of aggression in their stance. Is Master Chief. And one of the aliens. I forget what they're called.
[06:56]
Jamie
So I have to correct you. That is not Master Chief.
[06:59]
Ben
Oh, it's.
[06:59]
Jamie
Oh, and it's a slightly different helmet of some sort.
[07:03]
Nate
A Master Chief.
[07:05]
Jamie
There you go.
[07:06]
Ben
Yeah, it's a Master Chief and an alien. So I imagine they're going on a romantic getaway to the Glasslands, but then hijinks ensues. Actually, I could read.
[07:20]
Jamie
Yeah, read the. Read the little blurb.
[07:24]
Ben
The Covenant has collapsed after a long, brutal war that saw billions slaughtered on
[07:30]
Nate
Earth and her colonies. For the first time in decades, however, peace finally seems possible. But though the fighting's stopped, the war
[07:40]
Ben
is far from over.
[07:41]
Nate
It's just gone underground. The UNSC's feared and secretive Office of Naval Intelligence recruits Kilo 5, a team of ODSTs, a Spartan, and a diabolical AI to accelerate the Sanghali insurrection.
[08:02]
Jamie
It's sad because all of that made sense to me. Go on.
[08:05]
Nate
Meanwhile, the Arbiter, the defector turned leader of a broken Covenant, struggles to stave off civil war among his divided people. Across the galaxy, a woman thought to have died on reach is actually very much Alive. Chief Scientist Dr. Kathryn Halsey broke every law in the book to create the Spartans. And now she's broken some more.
[08:31]
Ben
But they can't be laws if they're
[08:33]
Narrator
not in the book.
[08:34]
Nate
If she already broke every law in the book, she can't break any more laws, Nate. She can't break some more.
[08:39]
Jamie
Some more in the book. So that she could break.
[08:41]
Narrator
Okay.
[08:42]
Ben
She scribbled some laws in the margin.
[08:43]
Jamie
Yeah.
[08:44]
Ben
And she. And then she broke those.
[08:46]
Jamie
She then broke.
[08:47]
Nate
Okay, so she's marooned with Chief Mendez, a Spartan team. What? Oh, she's marooned with Chief Mendez and a Spartan team.
[08:57]
Jamie
Chief Mendez is not 18.
[09:00]
Nate
In a forerunner slip space bubble, hidden in the destroyed planet Onyx, she finds that the shield world has been guarding an ancient secret, a treasure trove of Forerunner technology that will change everything. The unsc.
[09:19]
Guest Reader
Or.
[09:19]
Ben
Will change everything for the UNSC and mankind. I mean, you could have just.
[09:25]
Narrator
They're all.
[09:25]
Ben
They're all human.
[09:26]
Jamie
It'll change. It'll change everything for the military and also all the other lesser important people.
[09:32]
Ben
Right? So you could just say, man. Cut. Anyway, as Kilo 5 joins the hunt
[09:37]
Nate
for Halsey, humanity's violent past begins to catch up with all of them, as disgruntled colony Venezia has been biding its time to strike at Earth. And its most dangerous terrorist has an old, painful link with both Halsey and Kilo5 that will test everyone's loyalty to the limit.
[10:05]
Ben
So I think this one might have backfired. I am not as opposed to this as I might otherwise be. This does not seem like one of the stupider Halo ones you recommended to me.
[10:17]
Jamie
Yes, this is. This is one of the later books that they had. They realized that it can't be about Master Chief anymore because, you know, Master Chief is a video game protagonist without much of a. He's a blank slate for the most part. And so they had to create a world outside of the Halo trilogy, which. This is one of those books that came out after the original trilogy had ended.
[10:42]
Ben
So I'll tell you one thing that already gives me pause. As I was reading this description, I was like, wow, this sounds like a lot. That's. That's really plot heavy for. For one book.
[10:52]
Nate
It's book one of three of the Kilo Five trilogy.
[10:56]
Ben
So I'm not going to read all three of those unless somehow I read this and it blew my goddamn mind.
[11:02]
Jamie
If it helps, most of these are going to be part of a series.
[11:05]
Ben
Oh, God damn it. Okay, so I'm so. Like, I'm not just picking a book. I'm marrying. Like,
[11:16]
Jamie
we don't necessarily have to read the whole series.
[11:19]
Ben
Okay, all right, all right. So I'm gonna say this is a middling pick for me. I'm neither here nor there. So give me the next.
[11:28]
Jamie
So the next one is special, Ben, because when I was selecting it, I realized it was much Shorter than everything else, so it might actually influence your decision. So this is gonna be a twofer.
[11:41]
Ben
What does that mean?
[11:42]
Jamie
If you pick this choice, we're reading two books. Two shorter books that are roughly the length of most the other ones. There you go.
[12:00]
Ben
Oh, okay. So this is another one where I laughed until I saw the author.
[12:07]
Jamie
Yeah, I know.
[12:08]
Ben
Okay.
[12:09]
Jamie
I knew you'd like that. I know this author.
[12:13]
Nate
Minecraft, the Island.
[12:15]
Ben
Well, let me get this. Let me get the whole title here for you.
[12:19]
Nate
Minecraft Colon, the Island. Colon. An official Minecraft novel.
[12:25]
Ben
This is by a New York Times best seller and author of World War Z, the brutal, violent zombie documentary book.
[12:36]
Nate
Max Brooks, Son of Mel Brooks.
[12:40]
Ben
He's. He's. He's writing Minecraft novels now. Yeah, he is.
[12:44]
Jamie
Oh, wow. I did not know that.
[12:47]
Ben
Yeah, yeah, no, he is. I think he even mentions that Mel Brooks gave him some. Some tips here and there on making the characters more. More human and well rounded and some of his weird zombie shit.
[13:01]
Jamie
Oh, nice.
[13:04]
Ben
So NPR calls this a rollicking adventure yarn.
[13:08]
Nate
Robinson Caruso for the digital age. Some old fuck washed up on a beach. The lone castaway looks around the shore. Where am I? Who am I? And why is everything made of blocks?
[13:24]
Jamie
Oh, no. Is this an isekai?
[13:30]
Ben
Oh, God, no. He's trapped in another world where everything's made of blocks. Well, you're gonna have to do this one with Brad then. Okay, so. But. But there isn't much time to soak up the sun. It's getting dark, and there's a strange
[13:48]
Nate
new world to explore. The top priority is finding food. The next is not becoming food.
[13:54]
Ben
I'd actually flip those if I. I
[13:56]
Jamie
would also flip those around. Yes.
[13:58]
Ben
Yeah, maybe you think about survive a
[14:00]
Jamie
lot longer without food than you can being eaten to death.
[14:04]
Ben
Yeah. Yeah. So because. Because there are others out there on the island, like the horde of zombies that appear after nightfall. I'm kind of starting to see why they got Max Brooks for this.
[14:13]
Jamie
Right?
[14:14]
Nate
Crafting a way out of this mess is a challenge like no other. Who could build a home while running from exploding creepers, armed skeletons, and an unstoppable tide of hot lava? Especially with no help except for a few makeshift tools and sage advice from an unlikely friend.
[14:33]
Ben
A cow.
[14:35]
Nate
In this world, the rules don't always make sense. But courage and creativity go a long way. There are forests to explore, hidden underground tunnels to loot, and undead mobs to defeat.
[14:49]
Ben
Is mobs just a word we say now? I don't care.
[14:53]
Jamie
I guess. I guess it's Yeah, I guess it's a thing. It's a real word now.
[14:57]
Ben
Okay.
[14:58]
Nate
Only then will the secrets of the island be revealed.
[15:04]
Ben
And you said if. If we read one, we gotta read two, and the next one is crash. I'm not gonna read that. I'm gonna say I'm actually surprisingly interested in this because I have played Minecraft and I have to admit, as a
[15:20]
Nate
creative aspirant myself, I. I tend to imagine a little backstory for everything I'm doing.
[15:26]
Ben
And I've tended to imagine I'm some kind of person with magical crafting powers in a post apocalyptic world. And I think Max Brooks may have my back on that one. So I'm interested. I'm actually interested. This is.
[15:40]
Nate
This is leaning positive for me.
[15:43]
Jamie
Wow, that's. That's too positive. Ish.
[15:47]
Nate
Well, one was even.
[15:49]
Ben
Neither here nor there. This is more positive.
[15:53]
Jamie
Okay. Wow.
[15:55]
Ben
Yeah, hit me with the next one.
[15:58]
Jamie
And yeah, the other novel would be the Crash. Minecraft. The Crash by Tracy Baptiste.
[16:05]
Ben
Jesus Christ. I sense I figured the theme out.
[16:08]
Jamie
You figured the theme out? Yep.
[16:14]
Ben
I don't know this author, so I'm not excited. Mass Effect, Colon Revelation. And this is a picture of one of the ugly mandible aliens standing on a half finished painting of a snowy mountain. And this is by Drew Carpishen. I hope I said that right.
[16:41]
Nate
The thrilling prequel to the award winning bio.
[16:46]
Ben
Yeah.
[16:46]
Nate
The award winning bio game from VideoWare.
[16:50]
Ben
The award winning video game from Bioware. I'm gonna have to do my sci fi voice for this.
[16:55]
Nate
Every advanced society in the galaxy relies on the technology of the Protheans. An ancient species that vanished 50,000 years ago after discovering a cache of Prothean technology on Mars in 2148. Humanity is spreading to the stars. The newest interstellar species struggling to carve out its place in the greater galactic community. On the edge of colonized space, ship commander and alliance war hero David Anderson investigates the remains of a top secret military research station. Smoking ruins littered with bodies and unanswered questions. Who attacked this post and for what purpose? And where is Collie Sanders, the young scientist who mysteriously vanished from the base hours before her colleagues were slaughtered. She did it. Sanders is now.
[17:55]
Ben
Yep, okay. Sanders is now the prime suspect.
[17:58]
Nate
But finding her creates more problems for Anderson than it solves. Partnered with a rogue alien agent he can't trust and pursue. Pursued by an assassin he can't escape, Anderson battles impossible odds on an uncharted worlds. On uncharted worlds to uncover a sinister conspiracy. One he won't live to tell about. Or so the enemy thinks.
[18:28]
Ben
I have no interest in reading this. Mass Effect was a giant letdown. I have very famously said, for as long as we have been making content, Mass Effect is a story about trying to convince aliens to believe in super aliens. And they don't. They don't want to believe that that's entirely out of their conception.
[18:52]
Jamie
They concoct a cover story and then they believe the COVID story.
[18:56]
Ben
Yeah, I maybe. Is Mass Effect coming back in any kind of way? I thought this franchise was just dead.
[19:04]
Jamie
I think it died because they. They made a fourth game that I heard was like, even worse than the third game, which everyone universally seemed to hate.
[19:13]
Ben
I heard the fourth game wasn't even made by Bioware.
[19:16]
Jamie
It was made by Bioware Montreal or something.
[19:20]
Ben
I think this is low on the list. There's some. Some terrible things are going to have. Have to happen to Minecraft and Halo for me to pick this.
[19:29]
Jamie
All right, well, how about I interest you in. In this one?
[19:34]
Ben
I like this game more. Dragon Age.
[19:37]
Nate
Colon, the Stolen Throne.
[19:40]
Jamie
Dragon Age still a thing, though.
[19:43]
Ben
I. Inquisition was the last one that came out and I liked it. I thought Inquisition was good. I actually thought it was better than Dragon Age 2.
[19:49]
Jamie
Well, yeah, Dragon Age 2 sucked. Inquisition came out, like, I want to say a decade ago. There are years ago, maybe.
[19:58]
Ben
I have to tell you, There are
[19:59]
Nate
only 10 left in stock, but there's
[20:01]
Ben
more on the way.
[20:02]
Jamie
Oh, thank God.
[20:04]
Ben
Of this mass market paperback, they're book one of six. Oh, God, I don't know if I could.
[20:12]
Nate
I don't know if I have a fantasy voice.
[20:14]
Jamie
Well, if it helps, the Minecraft was book one of 12.
[20:17]
Ben
Yeah, but they're for babies, so they should be easy to read. Whereas this is for men. Many for men. I bet this is about the Clintons. Okay, okay.
[20:37]
Jamie
Apparently, apparently Chancellor Valorum was supposed to be Bill Clinton in Star Wars.
[20:43]
Ben
Oh, yeah. It struck me as more. As more of a Bob Dole. All right, all right, here we go.
[20:53]
Jamie
Probably better if you were Bob Dole, then you wouldn't have to be like, wow, I'm glad Palpatine took over for Valorum because, like, have you seen the pictures on Valor's computer?
[21:02]
Ben
Like, Gen Z? Are you getting these early Clinton administration Star wars prequel references?
[21:13]
Jamie
This is for you. You know. Yeah, I do this for you.
[21:17]
Ben
Our listeners are pretty, pretty evenly split between people younger than us and people from other countries than us, so I'm sure they're enjoying this.
[21:27]
Jamie
Well, people from other countries. We once had a president who Played the saxophone.
[21:32]
Ben
It was awesome compared to everything else that followed it. Now let's talk about Dragon Age, the stolen.
[21:43]
Jamie
All right, let's do this.
[21:44]
Nate
The thrilling prequel to Dragon Age origins.
[21:47]
Jamie
Okay, this is a book for men. I need you to write to read it. Not as fantasy Ben, but as manly Ben.
[21:55]
Narrator
Dragon Age the stolen throne after his mother, the beloved rebel queen, is betrayed and murdered by her own faithless lords, young Marek becomes the leader of a rebel army attempted to free his nation from a for. From control of a foreign tyrant.
[22:10]
Ben
And the globalists freedom America.
[22:13]
Narrator
His countrymen live in fear. His commanders consider him untested. And his only allies are Logan, a brash young outlaw who saved his life. And Rowing the beautiful warrior maiden who promised.
[22:28]
Ben
Who was promised to him since birth. Oh, that's problematic.
[22:32]
Narrator
Surrounded by problematic. Surrounded by spies and traitors and Deep State actors, Merrick must find a way not only to survive, but to achieve his ultimate destiny. Ferelden's freedom and the return of his line to the stolen throne.
[22:54]
Jamie
Ah, freedom.
[22:56]
Narrator
Now check out this link down below to get some of the best nutraceuticals on the market.
[23:01]
Nate
That hurts your throat.
[23:02]
Ben
I don't know how he does that. All. He's got a big throat though. He's mostly neck.
[23:05]
Jamie
He's mostly neck. You're not wrong.
[23:11]
Ben
So this is actually. This might surprise you because I do like. I think my wife is commenting on my Alex Jones action is sitting outside your door looking confused. My cat wonders how I became Alex Jones just now.
[23:27]
Narrator
Okay.
[23:31]
Ben
Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know about this one.
[23:35]
Jamie
It.
[23:35]
Ben
It's, it's. It's a. It's a slight positive because I am
[23:40]
Jamie
impressed by how many of these you have given neutral or positive to.
[23:47]
Ben
Well, that's good.
[23:48]
Jamie
Shocked.
[23:49]
Ben
I.
[23:49]
Nate
Maybe I'm expanding my horizons beyond what
[23:52]
Ben
you expect of me.
[23:53]
Jamie
Yeah. Next time it's going to be cowboys. Yes.
[23:56]
Ben
That'll get you. That'll be a tougher pick.
[23:58]
Jamie
What if. What if there was one of Master Chief with a cowboy hat slightly tilted? Would that do it for you?
[24:05]
Ben
I don't know. That might be fun.
[24:08]
Jamie
But actually, you know what?
[24:10]
Ben
I hope it's about his country music career.
[24:12]
Jamie
He has the voice for it.
[24:13]
Ben
The only thing I'm gonna say about this is this is the most generic fantasy plot I have ever read. I mean, this, this is that. That car crash scene that we laughed at and everybody thought we were horrible monsters from Shepherd's Fall. But as a fantasy novel like this is the.
[24:31]
Jamie
If it helps the First, Dragon Age was the most generic fantasy story, but
[24:37]
Ben
it's a video game. I mean, the gameplay must account for some of the interest in the property. But this is. Is just a book. And it is.
[24:46]
Narrator
You're.
[24:47]
Jamie
You're just a book. You son of a.
[24:51]
Ben
Books are magic. They take you to another world.
[24:53]
Jamie
Yeah, there you go.
[24:55]
Ben
We should definitely be fighting about them all the time. Yes. Yeah, no, it's just such a paint by numbers fantasy book that I can pretty much tell you exactly everything that's gonna happen without ever having read it, and I don't feel like reading it. And I. God help me how they got six books out of this.
[25:11]
Jamie
Well, because she was promised to him at birth.
[25:13]
Ben
Yeah, I hope he was born around the same time.
[25:16]
Jamie
Nope.
[25:17]
Guest Reader
Uh.
[25:17]
Jamie
Oh, this is a team Jacob thing all over again.
[25:20]
Ben
You know what? You're actually talking me out of it. This is a negative. This is a slight negative one. I don't think I'll be picking this.
[25:29]
Jamie
All right, now, this one does not come out until later this year, Ben. So if you pick this one, I get to wait. Yeah, you get to wait.
[25:40]
Ben
If I pick this one, I have to pre order.
[25:42]
Jamie
There you go.
[25:43]
Nate
Oh, you know, though, this is interesting.
[25:46]
Ben
I have some.
[25:47]
Jamie
Oh, really?
[25:48]
Ben
I have some thoughts about this.
[25:50]
Jamie
Okay.
[25:52]
Nate
Ruination, a League of Legends novel. Before I get into this.
[25:55]
Ben
This is by Anthony Reynolds. I have heard that they are trying to build a League of Legends sort
[26:03]
Nate
of lore and story.
[26:05]
Ben
Did you see that Netflix thing, Arcane,
[26:08]
Nate
that came out now?
[26:09]
Ben
It's actually a really, like, beautifully animated League of Legends movie. And a lot of people who hate League of Legends have told me it's still a really good movie or series or whatever it is. So the. The background for all this is I think Riot is planning on making a
[26:28]
Nate
League of Legends mmo.
[26:31]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[26:32]
Ben
Yeah.
[26:33]
Jamie
Well, as long as I can mine stuff and sell it in an auction house, I'm there.
[26:37]
Ben
You might actually be able to. I'm not trying to hype it up too much, but I have. I have heard that they are trying to take the League of Legends property and start building an audience among people,
[26:49]
Jamie
find a way to finally kill Blizzard for good.
[26:52]
Ben
Well, I think they're. They're trying to, like, find a way to bring in people who don't necessarily like the MOBA and book readers. If you have no idea what any of these words I'm saying are, I'll move on.
[27:03]
Narrator
Okay.
[27:03]
Ben
What voice should I use for this director?
[27:07]
Jamie
Let's see. So we got. We got sci Fi, Ben we got manly Man Ben. Got. Have we had fantasy Ben?
[27:16]
Fantasy Ben
I don't think so.
[27:17]
Jamie
Alright, let's do Fantasy Ben.
[27:20]
Fantasy Ben
The first ever novel set in the blockbuster universe of League of Legends, one
[27:25]
Nate
of the most popular video games of all time.
[27:28]
Fantasy Ben
Ruination is an epic tale of magic, revenge, and an empire on the verge of ruin.
[27:35]
Jamie
That's in the book.
[27:38]
Fantasy Ben
Kamavore is a brutal land with a bloody legacy. Where the empire's knights go, slaughter follows.
[27:46]
Ben
I mean, most knights, that's what they do.
[27:50]
Jamie
That's their job.
[27:51]
Ben
Yeah, it's kind of why you. Why you have a knight.
[27:54]
Jamie
Yeah, they're soldiers. They're not there to farm or to trade.
[27:58]
Fantasy Ben
Calista seeks to change that when her young and narcissistic uncle, village Diego, becomes king. She vows to temper his destructive instincts as his loyal confidant, advisor and military general.
[28:17]
Ben
This is weird.
[28:19]
Jamie
She was promised to him at birth.
[28:21]
Ben
That's kind of. It's okay. It's not her step uncle.
[28:30]
Fantasy Ben
But her plans are thwarted when an assassin's poisoned blade strikes Viego's wife. Isold.
[28:38]
Ben
That's her.
[28:39]
Nate
That's her name. Her name is Isolde.
[28:42]
Fantasy Ben
Afflicting her with a malady. With a malady from which there is no cure. As Isolde's condition worsens, Viego descends into madness and grief, threatening to drag Carnivore down with him. Kalista makes a desperate gambit to save the kingdom. I almost said system.
[29:04]
Ben
I'm still in sci fi.
[29:06]
Fantasy Ben
She searches for the long lost Blessed Isles, rumored to hold the queen's salvation. If only Kalista can find them.
[29:18]
Nate
But corruption grows in the Blessed Isles
[29:21]
Fantasy Ben
capital, where a vengeful warden seeks to ensnare Kalista in his cruelty machinations. She will be forced to choose between
[29:32]
Nate
her loyalty to Viego and doing what
[29:35]
Fantasy Ben
she knows is right. For even in the face of utter darkness, one noble act can shine a light that saves the world.
[29:49]
Nate
Less generic than the other fantasy book.
[29:53]
Ben
If I had to pick between the Dragon Age and this, I would pick this. I am interested only because I'm kind of passively interested in the marketing of League of Legends. I get interested in that sort of thing when people try to build an ip. I'm more interested in the building of the IP than I am necessarily in the story itself.
[30:15]
Jamie
Yeah, I did look it up and you're right. They're working on an mmo.
[30:19]
Ben
Yeah. So I think there's something interesting here. I might.
[30:24]
Nate
Might be willing to check this out, but. Yeah, let's see.
[30:28]
Ben
Is there.
[30:28]
Nate
Is there one more?
[30:29]
Ben
Or is that the end.
[30:30]
Jamie
That is the end. Because the sixth book is a secret. If you decide on none of these, we will go with the sixth book, which will be in line with the theme.
[30:43]
Ben
In line with the theme. Oh, no. There is no video game book that I want to read, so that. That definitely makes me want to go with the devil.
[30:58]
Nate
I know.
[30:59]
Ben
I gotta be real with you. This isn't even a particularly hard choice.
[31:04]
Jamie
Going with the Minecraft?
[31:06]
Ben
Yeah, I'm as surprised as anyone. I think I'm going with Minecraft.
[31:10]
Jamie
Okay. The island and the Crash.
[31:14]
Ben
Yeah, yeah. The island by Max Brooks. 288 pages is not that short. Grade level three to seven. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Reading age, eight to 12 years.
[31:31]
Jamie
Oh, God, I'm dying.
[31:32]
Ben
I don't know if we're gonna be able to handle it, truth be told. Finally something we can really sink our teeth into.
[31:41]
Jamie
Yeah, well, I'm thinking one episode, a piece of maybe one episode for both to.
[31:46]
Ben
Oh, I think each one is a three parter. There's going to be a lot to discuss. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. May I? I don't know if these will be. Well, this one's grade level five to six.
[32:00]
Guest Reader
Nate.
[32:01]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[32:03]
Ben
Yeah. 10 to 13 years of age. These kids are hitting double digits. Oh, no. You might need to get your daughter's help with this one. What? What was the one I missed? What? Did I not get to pick?
[32:19]
Jamie
Here it is.
[32:22]
Ben
Do you want me to give it the whole treatment? Just. Just so the listeners can.
[32:26]
Nate
Oh, Greg Bear. I actually know Greg Bear too.
[32:28]
Jamie
This is. This is the one that was described as Dune level Sci Fi.
[32:33]
Nate
Dune level Sci fi.
[32:35]
Ben
Oh my God. Oh, wow. Then I really missed out.
[32:41]
Nate
So this one is Halo cryptum Colon Book one of the Forerunner saga, of
[32:49]
Ben
which there are three.
[32:50]
Jamie
Just imagine the Halo ring as a very large colon and a cryptum coming out of that.
[32:58]
Ben
That's kind of what the COVID looks like. The COVID is some big. They look almost like windmill blades laid
[33:07]
Nate
parallel to each other.
[33:08]
Ben
Not windmill, wind turbine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everybody. I don't want to be one of those people. This is by Greg Bear, Hugo and Nebula award winning author who is getting his paycheck. I mean, I'm sorry, I shouldn't disparage it like that. I'm sure he was very passionate about the project.
[33:26]
Jamie
Yeah, and let's read that description. You'll see his passion just coming through.
[33:33]
Ben
Do you have a. A particular voice, vocal style you would like this.
[33:40]
Jamie
Can you. Can you give Me? Guy who just wants to be paid. And like we gotta hurry this up and get it in one take. Can you give me. Can you give me Piccolo voicing? All might.
[33:53]
Ben
Hey. Halo Cryptum by Greg Bear is a tale of life, death, intergalactic horror, exile and maturity. It is a story of overwhelming change and of human origins. For the mantle may not lie upon the shoulders of Forerunners forever. Because they're dead. Because they're dead.
[34:15]
Nate
A hundred thousand years ago, the galaxy
[34:17]
Ben
was populated by a great variety of beings. But one species eons beyond all the others, in both technology and knowledge, achieve dominance.
[34:30]
Nate
They ruled in peace, but met opposition
[34:32]
Ben
with Crick with quick and brutal effectiveness. I mean, I guess that's peaceful, kinda.
[34:41]
Nate
They were the Forerunners, keepers of the mantle.
[34:45]
Jamie
The next war if everyone else is dead.
[34:47]
Ben
Big facts. The.
[34:50]
Nate
The keepers in the mantle.
[34:51]
Ben
The next stage of the life in
[34:53]
Nate
this is all caps in the universe's living time.
[34:59]
Ben
Then they vanished. I guess the living time was over. This is their story. Okay, so.
[35:12]
Nate
Bourne Stellar makes eternal. Bourne Stellar makes eternal Lasting.
[35:19]
Fantasy Ben
What? This is.
[35:21]
Ben
This is his name?
[35:22]
Jamie
That's his name.
[35:23]
Nate
Bornstellar Makes eternal lasting. Is a young, rebellious Forerunner. He is a manipular, untried, yet to become part of the adult Forerunner society where vast knowledge and duty awaits.
[35:44]
Guest Reader
What?
[35:44]
Ben
Oh, okay, so he's. He's a manipular and he's untried. But he will, in. In spite of that, I guess, become part of the Forerunner society or vast knowledge and duty. Duty. Wait.
[36:02]
Nate
He comes from a family of capital builders. Capital B builders.
[36:07]
Ben
Sorry.
[36:08]
Nate
And the capital F. Forerunners highest and most politically powerful rate.
[36:14]
Ben
I'm gonna read the sentence again.
[36:16]
Nate
He comes from a family of builders, the Forerunners highest and most politically powerful rate.
[36:23]
Jamie
That. No, I don't think that makes sense, actually. I don't think that's just you reading it.
[36:29]
Guest Reader
Weird.
[36:29]
Jamie
I think that's.
[36:30]
Ben
I'm guessing this is like one of those. Those sci fi books where there's like
[36:34]
Jamie
a lot of, you know, Dune level sci fi.
[36:38]
Ben
Well, it's like there's a lot of language that like we're gonna have to. To assimilate.
[36:41]
Jamie
Like.
[36:41]
Ben
Accustomed. Accustomed.
[36:43]
Jamie
Yeah.
[36:44]
Ben
Acclimatize ourselves.
[36:45]
Jamie
The first two chapters are not going to make any sense. Just like Dune.
[36:49]
Ben
Well, and I've talked to you about this and I think that's kind of neat and a feature, not a bug. But you don't usually do that on the back of the book. You kind of got to sell it.
[37:00]
Jamie
You're gonna. No, you're gonna get Used to it. God damn it.
[37:05]
Ben
Okay. It is the Builders who created the
[37:08]
Nate
grand technology that facilitates Forerunner dominance over the known universe. It is the Builders who believe that they must shoulder the greatest burden of the mantle as Shepherds and guardians of all life. Bornstellar.
[37:27]
Ben
Oh, now he has a normal name.
[37:29]
Nate
Is marked to become a great Capital Battle Builder just like his father.
[37:36]
Ben
But this manipular, whatever that is, has other plans.
[37:41]
Nate
He is obsessed with lost treasures of the past. His reckless passion to seek out marvelous artifacts.
[37:49]
Ben
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Okay, okay, we're gonna talk about this. I don't even care what this episode's about. We're talking about this. He is obsessed with lost treasures of the past. His reckless passion to seek out the marvelous artifacts left behind by the Precursors. Long vanished super beings of unknowable power and intent forces. His father's hand. So there's Forerunners and then. And then there's Precursors. So.
[38:18]
Jamie
Oh, God.
[38:19]
Ben
So there's a. There's an all powerful race of alien beings that came before us that we're discovering long lost artifacts of. And it's. It's. It's screwed up because we think like technology always moves forward, but here's all this advanced technology from the past. Whoa. Mind blown. And then we're just doing that again. There's just.
[38:37]
Jamie
Yes, there's another level of. That cursors have another, higher level of technology. And also, spoiler alert, they become the flood.
[38:46]
Ben
So it seems to me like maybe everybody's screwed if like, like, okay, so civilization hit this like, awesome peak.
[38:57]
Jamie
So, yeah, what's gonna happen is eventually humans will die, and then the next people will come along and they'll be like, oh my God, look at this adv technology that the humans had.
[39:07]
Ben
Yeah, but they're just looking at like a Tesla or something. And so like every, every bit of technology is just less impressive.
[39:14]
Jamie
And, and three, three species from now, it's just nothing but throwing at each other and hitting each other with bone clubs.
[39:21]
Ben
Yeah, that's what this sounds like. So like we life, all. All intelligent life in the universe peaked billions of years ago. And we're just in the. The downward spiral. Okay, that's a great. Whatever. This is still going, by the way.
[39:34]
Jamie
That's where Master Chief comes in.
[39:35]
Ben
Bourne Stellar is sent to live among
[39:38]
Nate
the miners, where he must come to
[39:41]
Jamie
terms with capital M miners with where
[39:43]
Ben
his duty truly lies. But powerful forces are at play. Powerful forces. Nate.
[39:47]
Nate
Forerunner society is at a major crux. The past threats are once again proving
[39:54]
Ben
Relentless dire solutions, machines and strategies never before contemplated are being called up.
[40:05]
Nate
And fissures in Forerunner power are leading.
[40:08]
Jamie
I just think of anal fissures when
[40:11]
Ben
people say that on a Life Workers experimental planet. Oh, Craig, this is not your best work. Born Sellers. Rebellious course crosses paths. The Two Human. Two humans and a long lifeline of a great military leader forever changing Born Stellar's identity and the fate of the entire Galaxy. It's 342 pages. 52 pages. I made the right choice. I've never felt more confident. Well, there's only two left in stock. Order soon, people. It would have been just enough for me and Nate to read it. But we're not gonna. I'm gonna read some comments. This is for my husband to read about this book.
[41:01]
Jamie
Oh, let me read a comment. Let me see. Where was it? Is this the same Greg Bear that brought us gems like Aeon and Hole 03? It reads like some juvenile twaddle cobbled together for a bunch of gormless gamers who've never read a book in their lives. Shallow, monolithic characters, shoddy and repetitive dialogue. If you want to remember the author for his seminal works, don't give this pile of excrement. For some reason, Excrement has, like, a star to censor a second glance.
[41:33]
Ben
All the comments that are actually talking about the book are like, oh, I
[41:35]
Nate
bought it for somebody. Never do that.
[41:37]
Ben
Just never do that. Nobody wants you to pick a book for them. Trust me. Trust me. I know. I do a podcast where every other month, someone picks a book for me, and it's one of the worst choices in my life.
[41:50]
Jamie
Yeah, actually, it's even greater than every other month this year because you lost a bet.
[41:54]
Ben
I lost several bets.
[41:55]
Jamie
You did lose several bets. You know what we're gonna read after those Minecraft books? An entire month of Ernest Cline.
[42:05]
Ben
Oh. Oh, boy.
[42:07]
Jamie
So, yeah, we're going with Minecraft.
[42:09]
Ben
Yeah, I think we're going Minecraft. That'll be. That'll be a nice strategic move, too, after Hassle leaves, when we're just dead inside. And that's interesting. Maybe I'll give it a try. Maybe we'll talk about the Batman on Words about books.
[42:28]
Jamie
All right, so next. Next week, we're doing what? What are we doing next week? Are we doing the. The Norse poem thing?
[42:36]
Ben
Yeah, I think I'm going to have you read poetry, but it's okay because it's Norse poetry, so it's manly.
[42:45]
Jamie
God damn right.
[42:46]
Ben
This is a poem. My favorite. One of my favorite Norse poems. Or one of my favorite poems in the poetic Edda called Locasenna. It is the one where Loki gets drunk. It's great.
[43:01]
Jamie
Okay, so, yeah, and then we're going to do House of Leaves. But we might. We might have another week between that.
[43:08]
Ben
We're going to see. House of Leaves was an ambitious project for us.
[43:13]
Jamie
Yeah. Yeah. I. I apparently started reading at the end of February and like, didn't get far at all. And then a bunch of shit happened. And then I had to edit the podcast for a whole month and I got really far behind.
[43:30]
Ben
So during the time I was supposed to start reading House of Leaves, I was reading Shepherd's Fall and I'm not sorry I did.
[43:36]
Jamie
So we're gonna have to try and get 800 some odd pages of House of Leaves. We're gonna. We're gonna do it, Ben. I have. I have faith in us. And then you know what? We're gonna read Minecraft. Minecraft.
[43:52]
Ben
We're gonna burn every brain cell we've got getting through House of Leaves and then we're going back to what. What grade is this? The third.
[44:02]
Jamie
Fifth grade. Yeah, Third grade and then fifth grade. Right?
[44:05]
Ben
Yeah. Oh, okay.
[44:07]
Jamie
Yeah.
[44:07]
Ben
You can check us out on Twitter abpod. You can follow us on instagram. Words about bookspodcast. Buy us a coffee@buymeacoffee.com wabpod if you think we deserve it. And there's a blog. Blog WordsAboutBooks Ninja, where you can follow my needlessly long and disorganized rants about various things quasi related to the written word.
[44:42]
Jamie
Cowabunga. Yeah, I mean, we already talked about Dune. So Dune's a book we can find. Batman is a book.
[45:01]
Ben
Is this movie based on a particular graphic novel?
[45:04]
Jamie
No.
[45:06]
Ben
I'm glad you could take time out of your busy schedule to help Jamie review. Fucking soda. That was great.
[45:11]
Jamie
Yeah, it was pretty tasty.
[45:13]
Ben
That's not what he said.
[45:14]
Jamie
Eh, I mean, it started out pretty tasty and then rapidly became flat. I actually didn't even read what he wrote cuz I don't care. I'm only in this for me. But I probably will go read now.
[45:30]
Ben
You have to.
[45:31]
Jamie
Yeah, now.
[45:32]
Ben
I read his blog.
[45:33]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:34]
Ben
I read his blog all the time.
[45:36]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:37]
Ben
It's actually not bad.
[45:38]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:40]
Ben
You know what?
[45:40]
Nate
Check out our friends.
[45:42]
Jamie
Cut all that. Cut all that immediately.
[45:45]
Ben
No, check. Check out our friend Jamie's blog at.
[45:50]
Nate
Do you want.
[45:52]
Ben
Is it. Do you want the gravy.com?
[45:54]
Jamie
thought it was. If you want the biscuits oh, if you want the gravy. Because if you want the gravy, you got to get this.
[46:02]
Ben
Hang on, hang on.
[46:03]
Jamie
If you want the gravy.WordPress.com.
[46:06]
Ben
yeah, yeah. Check out our friend Jamie's blog. If. If you want the gravy.WordPress.com. he reviews damn near everything, and it's pretty good.

Summary7 min read

Podcast Summary: Words About Books — "Judging Books By Their Cover IV"

Hosts: Ben & Nate (with guest Jamie)
Episode Date: May 8, 2022

Episode Overview

In this lively installment of "Words About Books," Ben and Nate (joined by Jamie) return to their recurring segment, "Judging Books By Their Cover." The premise: Ben must select the next book they'll read for the show based only on the cover, title, and back blurb—without any prior knowledge or context. Jamie curates a themed list of five books (with a potential sixth "mystery" pick) for Ben to choose from. This time, the surprise theme is "video game tie-in novels." The episode features plenty of banter, hot takes on literary and gaming franchises, and brutal honesty as they tease, mock, and occasionally show begrudging respect for their options.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Housekeeping and Nursing Life (00:10–03:30)

Episode starts with audio disclaimer and personal updates: Ben jokes about his echoey recording space.
Jamie and Ben riff on Jamie’s week and nursing woes, segueing into larger complaints about the nursing profession and hospital working conditions.

"They're either doing travel nursing for the big bucks, becoming nurse practitioners, or they're just leaving the profession forever because it fucking sucks to work as a nurse." – Jamie (02:30)
Ben half-seriously suggests a nursing-themed spin-off podcast.

"Everybody who's a nurse wants to tell me they're a nurse and tell me how bad it is... and then tell me all the ways I can and will die one day." – Ben (03:00)

2. Introduction to the “Judging Books By Their Cover” Game (03:31–05:21)

Jamie recaps the rules and adds a twist: If Ben rejects all five books, he’ll be forced to read a surprise sixth option.
Early banter about book themes and Ben dreading “cowboy” novels.
Preview of Jamie’s selections, emphasizing a (secret) theme.

3. The Book Line-up: Video Game Novels

1. Halo: Glasslands by Karen Traviss (05:21–11:27)

Ben recognizes the author and expresses mild optimism, noting her previous solid work in the Star Wars universe.
Cover and blurb critique: Ben jokes about possible romance between the characters depicted.
Discussion of plot: Heavy exposition, set after the original Halo trilogy, focuses on non-Master Chief characters and introduces a lot of lore.
- Ben is wary of the dense plot and trilogy commitment.
- “That’s really plot heavy for one book.” – Ben (10:42)
Consensus: Neither here nor there for Ben; seems middle-of-the-pack.

2. Minecraft: The Island by Max Brooks (with bonus: Minecraft: The Crash by Tracey Baptiste) (11:27–15:57)

Surprise and intrigue as Ben realizes Max Brooks (of 'World War Z') wrote a Minecraft book.
Recap of the blurb (likened to an isekai/Robinson Crusoe tale): Somebody wakes up in a Minecraft world and must survive.
Ben openly admits to being charmed by the simplicity and possibility of a creative narrative:

“I have to admit, as a creative aspirant myself, I tend to imagine a little backstory for everything I’m doing [in Minecraft].” – Ben (15:19)
Jamie winces at Ben’s unexpected positivity, but Ben is genuinely interested.
Consensus: Surprisingly positive; marks it as the top contender so far.

3. Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn (16:14–19:29)

General lack of excitement.
- Ben calls Mass Effect “a giant letdown” and scoffs at the series’ core story concept.
- Discusses franchise fatigue and its tumultuous history.
- "Some terrible things are going to have to happen to Minecraft and Halo for me to pick this." – Ben (19:19)
Consensus: Least favored option.

4. Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne by David Gaider (19:34–25:28)

Ben & Jamie riff on the generic fantasy plot and video game tie-in tropes.
- “This is the most generic fantasy plot I have ever read.” – Ben (24:13)
Reflects on Dragon Age's place in fantasy gaming and the video game’s own derivative tendencies.
Conclusion: Slightly negative; not interested in reading another six-book series with a predictable plot.

5. Ruination: A League of Legends Novel by Anthony Reynolds (25:46–30:17)

Discussion focused on League of Legends’ attempts at franchise expansion and lore-building.
Ben is more curious about the business/IP-building side than the story itself.
- Mentions Netflix’s Arcane as a surprising critical success for the IP. – “I am interested only because I’m kind of passively interested in the marketing of League of Legends.” – Ben (29:52)
Consensus: If he had to pick a fantasy tie-in, he’d pick this over Dragon Age, but still not enthusiastic.

4. The Mystery Sixth Book — Halo: Cryptum by Greg Bear (32:19–41:55)

After Ben picks his choice, Jamie reveals the “mystery” book: Another Halo novel, this time a “Dune-level” sci-fi epic by acclaimed author Greg Bear.
Sneers at the overwritten back copy and clunky lore exposition.

"He is a manipular, untried, yet to become part of adult Forerunner society where vast knowledge and duty await." – Nate reading (34:23)
"They were the Forerunners, keepers of the mantle…the next stage of life in the universe's living time." – Ben reading (34:44)
Consensus: No regret for passing on this one; they mock the pretentiousness and over-complication of lore.

5. Rankings and Final Decision (30:27–32:19)

Ben quickly settles on the Minecraft books as his first choice, to the others’ shock.
- “I’m as surprised as anyone. I think I’m going with Minecraft.” – Ben (31:05)
Notes the brevity and accessibility compared to the others.
Immediate jokes about whether middle-grade fiction is up to the hosts’ stamina following denser reads.
- “We’re going to burn every brain cell we’ve got getting through House of Leaves and then we’re going back to…third-grade, fifth-grade.” – Ben (43:52)

6. Wrap-up & Coming Attractions (41:55–end)

They tease upcoming episode commitments (House of Leaves, Norse poetry, a month of Ernest Cline).
Ben plugs their blog and social media as Jamie jokes about his own blog.
More signature self-deprecating, meta-humor about their tastes, audience, and the meaning(lessness) of the show.

Notable Quotes & Moments

Ben, on the crushing reality of hospital nursing:
“Maybe offer me more than 5 cents an hour as a raise, asshole.” (02:29) – Jamie
On video game tie-ins:
“You’re not just picking a book. I’m marrying…” – Ben (11:01)
On Minecraft's premise:
“Oh no. Is this an isekai?” – Jamie (13:23)
On Mass Effect’s plot:
“Mass Effect is a story about trying to convince aliens to believe in super aliens.” – Ben (18:28)
On Dragon Age:
“This is the most generic fantasy plot I have ever read.” – Ben (24:13)
On lore-heavy sci-fi blurbs:
“He is a manipular, untried, yet to become part of the adult Forerunner society…” – Back cover of Halo: Cryptum, Ben/Nate reading (34:23)
Exhaustion at franchise fiction:
“God help me how they got six books out of this.” – Ben (24:54)

Timestamps of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------| | 00:11–03:30 | Nursing talk, podcast housekeeping | | 03:31–05:21 | Game rules, Ben dreads the theme reveal | | 05:21–11:27 | Book 1: Halo: Glasslands | | 11:27–15:57 | Book 2 (+ bonus): Minecraft: The Island & Crash | | 16:14–19:29 | Book 3: Mass Effect: Revelation | | 19:34–25:28 | Book 4: Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne | | 25:46–30:17 | Book 5: Ruination (League of Legends) | | 32:19–41:55 | The Mystery Sixth Book: Halo: Cryptum | | 43:00–end | Next episodes, social plugs, wrap up |

The Verdict

Ben picks: Minecraft: The Island & The Crash
Justification: Shorter, lower commitment, curiosity about Max Brooks’ take, and a playfully positive outlook on the premise.
Runner-up: Ruination (League of Legends), out of franchise/IP curiosity.
Least interested: Mass Effect & Dragon Age, due to derivative plots and/or franchise fatigue.
Thematic twist: All video game tie-in novels, a genre Ben had low expectations for but found minor surprises within.

Takeaways

The art of the back blurb: The hosts critique how tie-in novels often rely on excessive lore or bland genre tropes, sometimes missing the mark for casual readers.
Franchise fatigue: There’s open skepticism about the literary merit of video game adaptations and the trend toward never-ending series.
Comedy + Critique: The episode is driven by wit, roast-style takedowns, and self-deprecation, all while genuinely exploring what makes a book appealing (or not) to them as readers and reviewers.

For newcomers or casual listeners:
This episode provides a perfect entry point into the show's unique mix of irreverent humor and thoughtful, if sometimes reluctant, literary analysis—especially if you love (or love to hate) video game franchises.

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Transcript422 lines

[00:12]
Ben
You may hear a slight echo on my audio as there is absolutely nothing
[00:19]
Nate
on the walls of the room I am in.
[00:22]
Ben
I will be fixing that, but did not have time to fix it for this recording. This is gonna be our best episode yet.
[00:31]
Jamie
Well, we were going to discuss House of Leaves. That's like an 800 page novel.
[00:38]
Ben
Yeah, I don't think either of us have made any significant progress on it.
[00:41]
Jamie
Yeah, I was gonna say I spent the entire week either on my couch or on my toilet, so. Living the American dream. Actually, I guess that is kind of the American dream, right?
[00:55]
Ben
On your couch or on your toilet. If only they could be the same thing.
[01:00]
Jamie
I brought. I brought my book to work with me on Tuesday, and it was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna read this. I have several hours throughout the day that are off. And then I spent that time, like, napping in my office. And then I woke up feeling worse every single time.
[01:17]
Ben
You know, my sister comes and she tells me that, like, she had six to ten patients, they're dying. One of them's like, fully paralyzed after an accident, and she's just like, she doesn't even have time to eat anymore.
[01:33]
Nate
And then I hear your version of nursing and it sounds so much different.
[01:38]
Jamie
So when you work in the hospital, you definitely don't really have time to, like, eat or anything unless you're a selfish asshole. Like, we decided to all be on my floor. We're like, yeah, I'm taking my 30 minute lunch. Fuck you.
[01:55]
Ben
Fuck the patient.
[01:56]
Jamie
Yeah.
[01:58]
Ben
If they, if they can't survive 30 more minutes, they weren't meant to live.
[02:02]
Jamie
Yeah, exactly. I'm going on lunch. Don't pick this time to collapse. All right?
[02:08]
Ben
Yep.
[02:09]
Jamie
You wait 30 minutes, I'll be back on the floor. All right? Yeah. No, tell your sister, get into office work. That's where it's at. Or become a nurse practitioner.
[02:22]
Ben
That's what every nurse in the country is trying to do right now.
[02:25]
Jamie
Yes.
[02:26]
Ben
As the hospitals are just hemorrhaging people and blood, they're.
[02:30]
Jamie
They're either doing travel nursing for the big bucks, becoming nurse practitioners, or they're just leaving the profession forever because it fucking sucks to work as a nurse. And as the pandemic has happened, it sucks even harder. And I really don't have any sympathy for the hospitals in this because they've been fucking nurses over for decades and it finally has come home to roost. Maybe offer me more than 5 cents an hour as a raise, Asshole.
[03:00]
Ben
I think maybe we need to get you and my sister to do words about nursing. Everybody who's a nurse wants to tell me they're a nurse and tell me how bad it is to be a nurse and then tell me all the ways I can and will die one day.
[03:18]
Jamie
Yeah. You know what's gonna stave off your inevitable death? Nurses.
[03:23]
Ben
Oh, I thought you were gonna segue into the actual podcast and say, like, books. I've got all these books for you that are gonna teach you how to live better. But no, no, I'm gonna give you.
[03:33]
Jamie
I'm gonna give you books that are going to make your life a little worse, probably. Here we're doing another judging books by their cover, Ben. So let me refresh people on the format. I, Nate, a kind, loving, gentle soul, have selected five books this time. There's. There's kind of a theme to these books, Ben.
[03:56]
Ben
Oh, that's exciting.
[03:58]
Jamie
Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to say that. After you.
[04:01]
Ben
After I see the theme. Is the theme cowboys.
[04:07]
Jamie
Why would they be cowboys?
[04:08]
Ben
I don't know. I would hate that.
[04:12]
Jamie
I was just thinking of that in mind.
[04:13]
Ben
I was just thinking of something I would hate. If I had to choose from only western novels, that would be pretty bad.
[04:20]
Jamie
Keep that in mind, Ben. You're giving me some great ideas. I'm. I'm going to give you five choices, Ben, and if you pick none of them, we're going with a mystery sixth book that you won't get to see ahead of time.
[04:33]
Ben
Oh, okay.
[04:34]
Jamie
Just like last time.
[04:35]
Ben
So they'd have to be pretty bad, but last time. Okay, so now we're playing, like, the ultimate game here, because last time, the mystery book was the Hobbit, which would have been a great pick for me, not for you. But this time, I wonder if you will have switched that up. Anticipating that, I will anticipate the sixth book as a good book.
[05:01]
Guest Reader
Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
[05:17]
Ben
You've made your decision then?
[05:19]
Guest Reader
Not remotely.
[05:20]
Ben
All right, Just show me the first book.
[05:22]
Jamie
All right. Book number one.
[05:25]
Ben
Okay, so this is coming to me in Slack. Yep, I'm clicking. Oh, God damn.
[05:36]
Jamie
Always. There always has to be one.
[05:38]
Ben
Okay, so interesting for you, though, I actually know this author, so I am looking At Halo Glasslands by Karen Travis. Now, Karen Travis writes a lot of the more popular Mandalorian books, the Star Wars Universe, or at least she did when the Expanded Universe was still canon. And I knew a lot of her books were pretty good. She kind of became the unofficial writer of Boba Fett there for a while.
[06:09]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[06:10]
Ben
So.
[06:11]
Jamie
Did not know that.
[06:12]
Ben
Yeah.
[06:12]
Nate
I'm actually more favorable towards this book
[06:18]
Ben
than I otherwise would be if it were by a different author.
[06:20]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[06:21]
Ben
So let me. I'll describe the COVID I'm looking at to some people. So it's called. It's called Glasslands, which is a weird name.
[06:30]
Nate
Is it because they glassed a planet?
[06:32]
Jamie
Probably. Okay, I'm guessing.
[06:34]
Ben
So I see a planet and there is, like, a crater. And then looking down on the planet and looking at each other, possibly with some romantic tension, I was thinking they're like they're looking into each other's eyes, and they're not. There's not a hint of aggression in their stance. Is Master Chief. And one of the aliens. I forget what they're called.
[06:56]
Jamie
So I have to correct you. That is not Master Chief.
[06:59]
Ben
Oh, it's.
[06:59]
Jamie
Oh, and it's a slightly different helmet of some sort.
[07:03]
Nate
A Master Chief.
[07:05]
Jamie
There you go.
[07:06]
Ben
Yeah, it's a Master Chief and an alien. So I imagine they're going on a romantic getaway to the Glasslands, but then hijinks ensues. Actually, I could read.
[07:20]
Jamie
Yeah, read the. Read the little blurb.
[07:24]
Ben
The Covenant has collapsed after a long, brutal war that saw billions slaughtered on
[07:30]
Nate
Earth and her colonies. For the first time in decades, however, peace finally seems possible. But though the fighting's stopped, the war
[07:40]
Ben
is far from over.
[07:41]
Nate
It's just gone underground. The UNSC's feared and secretive Office of Naval Intelligence recruits Kilo 5, a team of ODSTs, a Spartan, and a diabolical AI to accelerate the Sanghali insurrection.
[08:02]
Jamie
It's sad because all of that made sense to me. Go on.
[08:05]
Nate
Meanwhile, the Arbiter, the defector turned leader of a broken Covenant, struggles to stave off civil war among his divided people. Across the galaxy, a woman thought to have died on reach is actually very much Alive. Chief Scientist Dr. Kathryn Halsey broke every law in the book to create the Spartans. And now she's broken some more.
[08:31]
Ben
But they can't be laws if they're
[08:33]
Narrator
not in the book.
[08:34]
Nate
If she already broke every law in the book, she can't break any more laws, Nate. She can't break some more.
[08:39]
Jamie
Some more in the book. So that she could break.
[08:41]
Narrator
Okay.
[08:42]
Ben
She scribbled some laws in the margin.
[08:43]
Jamie
Yeah.
[08:44]
Ben
And she. And then she broke those.
[08:46]
Jamie
She then broke.
[08:47]
Nate
Okay, so she's marooned with Chief Mendez, a Spartan team. What? Oh, she's marooned with Chief Mendez and a Spartan team.
[08:57]
Jamie
Chief Mendez is not 18.
[09:00]
Nate
In a forerunner slip space bubble, hidden in the destroyed planet Onyx, she finds that the shield world has been guarding an ancient secret, a treasure trove of Forerunner technology that will change everything. The unsc.
[09:19]
Guest Reader
Or.
[09:19]
Ben
Will change everything for the UNSC and mankind. I mean, you could have just.
[09:25]
Narrator
They're all.
[09:25]
Ben
They're all human.
[09:26]
Jamie
It'll change. It'll change everything for the military and also all the other lesser important people.
[09:32]
Ben
Right? So you could just say, man. Cut. Anyway, as Kilo 5 joins the hunt
[09:37]
Nate
for Halsey, humanity's violent past begins to catch up with all of them, as disgruntled colony Venezia has been biding its time to strike at Earth. And its most dangerous terrorist has an old, painful link with both Halsey and Kilo5 that will test everyone's loyalty to the limit.
[10:05]
Ben
So I think this one might have backfired. I am not as opposed to this as I might otherwise be. This does not seem like one of the stupider Halo ones you recommended to me.
[10:17]
Jamie
Yes, this is. This is one of the later books that they had. They realized that it can't be about Master Chief anymore because, you know, Master Chief is a video game protagonist without much of a. He's a blank slate for the most part. And so they had to create a world outside of the Halo trilogy, which. This is one of those books that came out after the original trilogy had ended.
[10:42]
Ben
So I'll tell you one thing that already gives me pause. As I was reading this description, I was like, wow, this sounds like a lot. That's. That's really plot heavy for. For one book.
[10:52]
Nate
It's book one of three of the Kilo Five trilogy.
[10:56]
Ben
So I'm not going to read all three of those unless somehow I read this and it blew my goddamn mind.
[11:02]
Jamie
If it helps, most of these are going to be part of a series.
[11:05]
Ben
Oh, God damn it. Okay, so I'm so. Like, I'm not just picking a book. I'm marrying. Like,
[11:16]
Jamie
we don't necessarily have to read the whole series.
[11:19]
Ben
Okay, all right, all right. So I'm gonna say this is a middling pick for me. I'm neither here nor there. So give me the next.
[11:28]
Jamie
So the next one is special, Ben, because when I was selecting it, I realized it was much Shorter than everything else, so it might actually influence your decision. So this is gonna be a twofer.
[11:41]
Ben
What does that mean?
[11:42]
Jamie
If you pick this choice, we're reading two books. Two shorter books that are roughly the length of most the other ones. There you go.
[12:00]
Ben
Oh, okay. So this is another one where I laughed until I saw the author.
[12:07]
Jamie
Yeah, I know.
[12:08]
Ben
Okay.
[12:09]
Jamie
I knew you'd like that. I know this author.
[12:13]
Nate
Minecraft, the Island.
[12:15]
Ben
Well, let me get this. Let me get the whole title here for you.
[12:19]
Nate
Minecraft Colon, the Island. Colon. An official Minecraft novel.
[12:25]
Ben
This is by a New York Times best seller and author of World War Z, the brutal, violent zombie documentary book.
[12:36]
Nate
Max Brooks, Son of Mel Brooks.
[12:40]
Ben
He's. He's. He's writing Minecraft novels now. Yeah, he is.
[12:44]
Jamie
Oh, wow. I did not know that.
[12:47]
Ben
Yeah, yeah, no, he is. I think he even mentions that Mel Brooks gave him some. Some tips here and there on making the characters more. More human and well rounded and some of his weird zombie shit.
[13:01]
Jamie
Oh, nice.
[13:04]
Ben
So NPR calls this a rollicking adventure yarn.
[13:08]
Nate
Robinson Caruso for the digital age. Some old fuck washed up on a beach. The lone castaway looks around the shore. Where am I? Who am I? And why is everything made of blocks?
[13:24]
Jamie
Oh, no. Is this an isekai?
[13:30]
Ben
Oh, God, no. He's trapped in another world where everything's made of blocks. Well, you're gonna have to do this one with Brad then. Okay, so. But. But there isn't much time to soak up the sun. It's getting dark, and there's a strange
[13:48]
Nate
new world to explore. The top priority is finding food. The next is not becoming food.
[13:54]
Ben
I'd actually flip those if I. I
[13:56]
Jamie
would also flip those around. Yes.
[13:58]
Ben
Yeah, maybe you think about survive a
[14:00]
Jamie
lot longer without food than you can being eaten to death.
[14:04]
Ben
Yeah. Yeah. So because. Because there are others out there on the island, like the horde of zombies that appear after nightfall. I'm kind of starting to see why they got Max Brooks for this.
[14:13]
Jamie
Right?
[14:14]
Nate
Crafting a way out of this mess is a challenge like no other. Who could build a home while running from exploding creepers, armed skeletons, and an unstoppable tide of hot lava? Especially with no help except for a few makeshift tools and sage advice from an unlikely friend.
[14:33]
Ben
A cow.
[14:35]
Nate
In this world, the rules don't always make sense. But courage and creativity go a long way. There are forests to explore, hidden underground tunnels to loot, and undead mobs to defeat.
[14:49]
Ben
Is mobs just a word we say now? I don't care.
[14:53]
Jamie
I guess. I guess it's Yeah, I guess it's a thing. It's a real word now.
[14:57]
Ben
Okay.
[14:58]
Nate
Only then will the secrets of the island be revealed.
[15:04]
Ben
And you said if. If we read one, we gotta read two, and the next one is crash. I'm not gonna read that. I'm gonna say I'm actually surprisingly interested in this because I have played Minecraft and I have to admit, as a
[15:20]
Nate
creative aspirant myself, I. I tend to imagine a little backstory for everything I'm doing.
[15:26]
Ben
And I've tended to imagine I'm some kind of person with magical crafting powers in a post apocalyptic world. And I think Max Brooks may have my back on that one. So I'm interested. I'm actually interested. This is.
[15:40]
Nate
This is leaning positive for me.
[15:43]
Jamie
Wow, that's. That's too positive. Ish.
[15:47]
Nate
Well, one was even.
[15:49]
Ben
Neither here nor there. This is more positive.
[15:53]
Jamie
Okay. Wow.
[15:55]
Ben
Yeah, hit me with the next one.
[15:58]
Jamie
And yeah, the other novel would be the Crash. Minecraft. The Crash by Tracy Baptiste.
[16:05]
Ben
Jesus Christ. I sense I figured the theme out.
[16:08]
Jamie
You figured the theme out? Yep.
[16:14]
Ben
I don't know this author, so I'm not excited. Mass Effect, Colon Revelation. And this is a picture of one of the ugly mandible aliens standing on a half finished painting of a snowy mountain. And this is by Drew Carpishen. I hope I said that right.
[16:41]
Nate
The thrilling prequel to the award winning bio.
[16:46]
Ben
Yeah.
[16:46]
Nate
The award winning bio game from VideoWare.
[16:50]
Ben
The award winning video game from Bioware. I'm gonna have to do my sci fi voice for this.
[16:55]
Nate
Every advanced society in the galaxy relies on the technology of the Protheans. An ancient species that vanished 50,000 years ago after discovering a cache of Prothean technology on Mars in 2148. Humanity is spreading to the stars. The newest interstellar species struggling to carve out its place in the greater galactic community. On the edge of colonized space, ship commander and alliance war hero David Anderson investigates the remains of a top secret military research station. Smoking ruins littered with bodies and unanswered questions. Who attacked this post and for what purpose? And where is Collie Sanders, the young scientist who mysteriously vanished from the base hours before her colleagues were slaughtered. She did it. Sanders is now.
[17:55]
Ben
Yep, okay. Sanders is now the prime suspect.
[17:58]
Nate
But finding her creates more problems for Anderson than it solves. Partnered with a rogue alien agent he can't trust and pursue. Pursued by an assassin he can't escape, Anderson battles impossible odds on an uncharted worlds. On uncharted worlds to uncover a sinister conspiracy. One he won't live to tell about. Or so the enemy thinks.
[18:28]
Ben
I have no interest in reading this. Mass Effect was a giant letdown. I have very famously said, for as long as we have been making content, Mass Effect is a story about trying to convince aliens to believe in super aliens. And they don't. They don't want to believe that that's entirely out of their conception.
[18:52]
Jamie
They concoct a cover story and then they believe the COVID story.
[18:56]
Ben
Yeah, I maybe. Is Mass Effect coming back in any kind of way? I thought this franchise was just dead.
[19:04]
Jamie
I think it died because they. They made a fourth game that I heard was like, even worse than the third game, which everyone universally seemed to hate.
[19:13]
Ben
I heard the fourth game wasn't even made by Bioware.
[19:16]
Jamie
It was made by Bioware Montreal or something.
[19:20]
Ben
I think this is low on the list. There's some. Some terrible things are going to have. Have to happen to Minecraft and Halo for me to pick this.
[19:29]
Jamie
All right, well, how about I interest you in. In this one?
[19:34]
Ben
I like this game more. Dragon Age.
[19:37]
Nate
Colon, the Stolen Throne.
[19:40]
Jamie
Dragon Age still a thing, though.
[19:43]
Ben
I. Inquisition was the last one that came out and I liked it. I thought Inquisition was good. I actually thought it was better than Dragon Age 2.
[19:49]
Jamie
Well, yeah, Dragon Age 2 sucked. Inquisition came out, like, I want to say a decade ago. There are years ago, maybe.
[19:58]
Ben
I have to tell you, There are
[19:59]
Nate
only 10 left in stock, but there's
[20:01]
Ben
more on the way.
[20:02]
Jamie
Oh, thank God.
[20:04]
Ben
Of this mass market paperback, they're book one of six. Oh, God, I don't know if I could.
[20:12]
Nate
I don't know if I have a fantasy voice.
[20:14]
Jamie
Well, if it helps, the Minecraft was book one of 12.
[20:17]
Ben
Yeah, but they're for babies, so they should be easy to read. Whereas this is for men. Many for men. I bet this is about the Clintons. Okay, okay.
[20:37]
Jamie
Apparently, apparently Chancellor Valorum was supposed to be Bill Clinton in Star Wars.
[20:43]
Ben
Oh, yeah. It struck me as more. As more of a Bob Dole. All right, all right, here we go.
[20:53]
Jamie
Probably better if you were Bob Dole, then you wouldn't have to be like, wow, I'm glad Palpatine took over for Valorum because, like, have you seen the pictures on Valor's computer?
[21:02]
Ben
Like, Gen Z? Are you getting these early Clinton administration Star wars prequel references?
[21:13]
Jamie
This is for you. You know. Yeah, I do this for you.
[21:17]
Ben
Our listeners are pretty, pretty evenly split between people younger than us and people from other countries than us, so I'm sure they're enjoying this.
[21:27]
Jamie
Well, people from other countries. We once had a president who Played the saxophone.
[21:32]
Ben
It was awesome compared to everything else that followed it. Now let's talk about Dragon Age, the stolen.
[21:43]
Jamie
All right, let's do this.
[21:44]
Nate
The thrilling prequel to Dragon Age origins.
[21:47]
Jamie
Okay, this is a book for men. I need you to write to read it. Not as fantasy Ben, but as manly Ben.
[21:55]
Narrator
Dragon Age the stolen throne after his mother, the beloved rebel queen, is betrayed and murdered by her own faithless lords, young Marek becomes the leader of a rebel army attempted to free his nation from a for. From control of a foreign tyrant.
[22:10]
Ben
And the globalists freedom America.
[22:13]
Narrator
His countrymen live in fear. His commanders consider him untested. And his only allies are Logan, a brash young outlaw who saved his life. And Rowing the beautiful warrior maiden who promised.
[22:28]
Ben
Who was promised to him since birth. Oh, that's problematic.
[22:32]
Narrator
Surrounded by problematic. Surrounded by spies and traitors and Deep State actors, Merrick must find a way not only to survive, but to achieve his ultimate destiny. Ferelden's freedom and the return of his line to the stolen throne.
[22:54]
Jamie
Ah, freedom.
[22:56]
Narrator
Now check out this link down below to get some of the best nutraceuticals on the market.
[23:01]
Nate
That hurts your throat.
[23:02]
Ben
I don't know how he does that. All. He's got a big throat though. He's mostly neck.
[23:05]
Jamie
He's mostly neck. You're not wrong.
[23:11]
Ben
So this is actually. This might surprise you because I do like. I think my wife is commenting on my Alex Jones action is sitting outside your door looking confused. My cat wonders how I became Alex Jones just now.
[23:27]
Narrator
Okay.
[23:31]
Ben
Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know about this one.
[23:35]
Jamie
It.
[23:35]
Ben
It's, it's. It's a. It's a slight positive because I am
[23:40]
Jamie
impressed by how many of these you have given neutral or positive to.
[23:47]
Ben
Well, that's good.
[23:48]
Jamie
Shocked.
[23:49]
Ben
I.
[23:49]
Nate
Maybe I'm expanding my horizons beyond what
[23:52]
Ben
you expect of me.
[23:53]
Jamie
Yeah. Next time it's going to be cowboys. Yes.
[23:56]
Ben
That'll get you. That'll be a tougher pick.
[23:58]
Jamie
What if. What if there was one of Master Chief with a cowboy hat slightly tilted? Would that do it for you?
[24:05]
Ben
I don't know. That might be fun.
[24:08]
Jamie
But actually, you know what?
[24:10]
Ben
I hope it's about his country music career.
[24:12]
Jamie
He has the voice for it.
[24:13]
Ben
The only thing I'm gonna say about this is this is the most generic fantasy plot I have ever read. I mean, this, this is that. That car crash scene that we laughed at and everybody thought we were horrible monsters from Shepherd's Fall. But as a fantasy novel like this is the.
[24:31]
Jamie
If it helps the First, Dragon Age was the most generic fantasy story, but
[24:37]
Ben
it's a video game. I mean, the gameplay must account for some of the interest in the property. But this is. Is just a book. And it is.
[24:46]
Narrator
You're.
[24:47]
Jamie
You're just a book. You son of a.
[24:51]
Ben
Books are magic. They take you to another world.
[24:53]
Jamie
Yeah, there you go.
[24:55]
Ben
We should definitely be fighting about them all the time. Yes. Yeah, no, it's just such a paint by numbers fantasy book that I can pretty much tell you exactly everything that's gonna happen without ever having read it, and I don't feel like reading it. And I. God help me how they got six books out of this.
[25:11]
Jamie
Well, because she was promised to him at birth.
[25:13]
Ben
Yeah, I hope he was born around the same time.
[25:16]
Jamie
Nope.
[25:17]
Guest Reader
Uh.
[25:17]
Jamie
Oh, this is a team Jacob thing all over again.
[25:20]
Ben
You know what? You're actually talking me out of it. This is a negative. This is a slight negative one. I don't think I'll be picking this.
[25:29]
Jamie
All right, now, this one does not come out until later this year, Ben. So if you pick this one, I get to wait. Yeah, you get to wait.
[25:40]
Ben
If I pick this one, I have to pre order.
[25:42]
Jamie
There you go.
[25:43]
Nate
Oh, you know, though, this is interesting.
[25:46]
Ben
I have some.
[25:47]
Jamie
Oh, really?
[25:48]
Ben
I have some thoughts about this.
[25:50]
Jamie
Okay.
[25:52]
Nate
Ruination, a League of Legends novel. Before I get into this.
[25:55]
Ben
This is by Anthony Reynolds. I have heard that they are trying to build a League of Legends sort
[26:03]
Nate
of lore and story.
[26:05]
Ben
Did you see that Netflix thing, Arcane,
[26:08]
Nate
that came out now?
[26:09]
Ben
It's actually a really, like, beautifully animated League of Legends movie. And a lot of people who hate League of Legends have told me it's still a really good movie or series or whatever it is. So the. The background for all this is I think Riot is planning on making a
[26:28]
Nate
League of Legends mmo.
[26:31]
Jamie
Oh, my God.
[26:32]
Ben
Yeah.
[26:33]
Jamie
Well, as long as I can mine stuff and sell it in an auction house, I'm there.
[26:37]
Ben
You might actually be able to. I'm not trying to hype it up too much, but I have. I have heard that they are trying to take the League of Legends property and start building an audience among people,
[26:49]
Jamie
find a way to finally kill Blizzard for good.
[26:52]
Ben
Well, I think they're. They're trying to, like, find a way to bring in people who don't necessarily like the MOBA and book readers. If you have no idea what any of these words I'm saying are, I'll move on.
[27:03]
Narrator
Okay.
[27:03]
Ben
What voice should I use for this director?
[27:07]
Jamie
Let's see. So we got. We got sci Fi, Ben we got manly Man Ben. Got. Have we had fantasy Ben?
[27:16]
Fantasy Ben
I don't think so.
[27:17]
Jamie
Alright, let's do Fantasy Ben.
[27:20]
Fantasy Ben
The first ever novel set in the blockbuster universe of League of Legends, one
[27:25]
Nate
of the most popular video games of all time.
[27:28]
Fantasy Ben
Ruination is an epic tale of magic, revenge, and an empire on the verge of ruin.
[27:35]
Jamie
That's in the book.
[27:38]
Fantasy Ben
Kamavore is a brutal land with a bloody legacy. Where the empire's knights go, slaughter follows.
[27:46]
Ben
I mean, most knights, that's what they do.
[27:50]
Jamie
That's their job.
[27:51]
Ben
Yeah, it's kind of why you. Why you have a knight.
[27:54]
Jamie
Yeah, they're soldiers. They're not there to farm or to trade.
[27:58]
Fantasy Ben
Calista seeks to change that when her young and narcissistic uncle, village Diego, becomes king. She vows to temper his destructive instincts as his loyal confidant, advisor and military general.
[28:17]
Ben
This is weird.
[28:19]
Jamie
She was promised to him at birth.
[28:21]
Ben
That's kind of. It's okay. It's not her step uncle.
[28:30]
Fantasy Ben
But her plans are thwarted when an assassin's poisoned blade strikes Viego's wife. Isold.
[28:38]
Ben
That's her.
[28:39]
Nate
That's her name. Her name is Isolde.
[28:42]
Fantasy Ben
Afflicting her with a malady. With a malady from which there is no cure. As Isolde's condition worsens, Viego descends into madness and grief, threatening to drag Carnivore down with him. Kalista makes a desperate gambit to save the kingdom. I almost said system.
[29:04]
Ben
I'm still in sci fi.
[29:06]
Fantasy Ben
She searches for the long lost Blessed Isles, rumored to hold the queen's salvation. If only Kalista can find them.
[29:18]
Nate
But corruption grows in the Blessed Isles
[29:21]
Fantasy Ben
capital, where a vengeful warden seeks to ensnare Kalista in his cruelty machinations. She will be forced to choose between
[29:32]
Nate
her loyalty to Viego and doing what
[29:35]
Fantasy Ben
she knows is right. For even in the face of utter darkness, one noble act can shine a light that saves the world.
[29:49]
Nate
Less generic than the other fantasy book.
[29:53]
Ben
If I had to pick between the Dragon Age and this, I would pick this. I am interested only because I'm kind of passively interested in the marketing of League of Legends. I get interested in that sort of thing when people try to build an ip. I'm more interested in the building of the IP than I am necessarily in the story itself.
[30:15]
Jamie
Yeah, I did look it up and you're right. They're working on an mmo.
[30:19]
Ben
Yeah. So I think there's something interesting here. I might.
[30:24]
Nate
Might be willing to check this out, but. Yeah, let's see.
[30:28]
Ben
Is there.
[30:28]
Nate
Is there one more?
[30:29]
Ben
Or is that the end.
[30:30]
Jamie
That is the end. Because the sixth book is a secret. If you decide on none of these, we will go with the sixth book, which will be in line with the theme.
[30:43]
Ben
In line with the theme. Oh, no. There is no video game book that I want to read, so that. That definitely makes me want to go with the devil.
[30:58]
Nate
I know.
[30:59]
Ben
I gotta be real with you. This isn't even a particularly hard choice.
[31:04]
Jamie
Going with the Minecraft?
[31:06]
Ben
Yeah, I'm as surprised as anyone. I think I'm going with Minecraft.
[31:10]
Jamie
Okay. The island and the Crash.
[31:14]
Ben
Yeah, yeah. The island by Max Brooks. 288 pages is not that short. Grade level three to seven. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Reading age, eight to 12 years.
[31:31]
Jamie
Oh, God, I'm dying.
[31:32]
Ben
I don't know if we're gonna be able to handle it, truth be told. Finally something we can really sink our teeth into.
[31:41]
Jamie
Yeah, well, I'm thinking one episode, a piece of maybe one episode for both to.
[31:46]
Ben
Oh, I think each one is a three parter. There's going to be a lot to discuss. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. May I? I don't know if these will be. Well, this one's grade level five to six.
[32:00]
Guest Reader
Nate.
[32:01]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[32:03]
Ben
Yeah. 10 to 13 years of age. These kids are hitting double digits. Oh, no. You might need to get your daughter's help with this one. What? What was the one I missed? What? Did I not get to pick?
[32:19]
Jamie
Here it is.
[32:22]
Ben
Do you want me to give it the whole treatment? Just. Just so the listeners can.
[32:26]
Nate
Oh, Greg Bear. I actually know Greg Bear too.
[32:28]
Jamie
This is. This is the one that was described as Dune level Sci Fi.
[32:33]
Nate
Dune level Sci fi.
[32:35]
Ben
Oh my God. Oh, wow. Then I really missed out.
[32:41]
Nate
So this one is Halo cryptum Colon Book one of the Forerunner saga, of
[32:49]
Ben
which there are three.
[32:50]
Jamie
Just imagine the Halo ring as a very large colon and a cryptum coming out of that.
[32:58]
Ben
That's kind of what the COVID looks like. The COVID is some big. They look almost like windmill blades laid
[33:07]
Nate
parallel to each other.
[33:08]
Ben
Not windmill, wind turbine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everybody. I don't want to be one of those people. This is by Greg Bear, Hugo and Nebula award winning author who is getting his paycheck. I mean, I'm sorry, I shouldn't disparage it like that. I'm sure he was very passionate about the project.
[33:26]
Jamie
Yeah, and let's read that description. You'll see his passion just coming through.
[33:33]
Ben
Do you have a. A particular voice, vocal style you would like this.
[33:40]
Jamie
Can you. Can you give Me? Guy who just wants to be paid. And like we gotta hurry this up and get it in one take. Can you give me. Can you give me Piccolo voicing? All might.
[33:53]
Ben
Hey. Halo Cryptum by Greg Bear is a tale of life, death, intergalactic horror, exile and maturity. It is a story of overwhelming change and of human origins. For the mantle may not lie upon the shoulders of Forerunners forever. Because they're dead. Because they're dead.
[34:15]
Nate
A hundred thousand years ago, the galaxy
[34:17]
Ben
was populated by a great variety of beings. But one species eons beyond all the others, in both technology and knowledge, achieve dominance.
[34:30]
Nate
They ruled in peace, but met opposition
[34:32]
Ben
with Crick with quick and brutal effectiveness. I mean, I guess that's peaceful, kinda.
[34:41]
Nate
They were the Forerunners, keepers of the mantle.
[34:45]
Jamie
The next war if everyone else is dead.
[34:47]
Ben
Big facts. The.
[34:50]
Nate
The keepers in the mantle.
[34:51]
Ben
The next stage of the life in
[34:53]
Nate
this is all caps in the universe's living time.
[34:59]
Ben
Then they vanished. I guess the living time was over. This is their story. Okay, so.
[35:12]
Nate
Bourne Stellar makes eternal. Bourne Stellar makes eternal Lasting.
[35:19]
Fantasy Ben
What? This is.
[35:21]
Ben
This is his name?
[35:22]
Jamie
That's his name.
[35:23]
Nate
Bornstellar Makes eternal lasting. Is a young, rebellious Forerunner. He is a manipular, untried, yet to become part of the adult Forerunner society where vast knowledge and duty awaits.
[35:44]
Guest Reader
What?
[35:44]
Ben
Oh, okay, so he's. He's a manipular and he's untried. But he will, in. In spite of that, I guess, become part of the Forerunner society or vast knowledge and duty. Duty. Wait.
[36:02]
Nate
He comes from a family of capital builders. Capital B builders.
[36:07]
Ben
Sorry.
[36:08]
Nate
And the capital F. Forerunners highest and most politically powerful rate.
[36:14]
Ben
I'm gonna read the sentence again.
[36:16]
Nate
He comes from a family of builders, the Forerunners highest and most politically powerful rate.
[36:23]
Jamie
That. No, I don't think that makes sense, actually. I don't think that's just you reading it.
[36:29]
Guest Reader
Weird.
[36:29]
Jamie
I think that's.
[36:30]
Ben
I'm guessing this is like one of those. Those sci fi books where there's like
[36:34]
Jamie
a lot of, you know, Dune level sci fi.
[36:38]
Ben
Well, it's like there's a lot of language that like we're gonna have to. To assimilate.
[36:41]
Jamie
Like.
[36:41]
Ben
Accustomed. Accustomed.
[36:43]
Jamie
Yeah.
[36:44]
Ben
Acclimatize ourselves.
[36:45]
Jamie
The first two chapters are not going to make any sense. Just like Dune.
[36:49]
Ben
Well, and I've talked to you about this and I think that's kind of neat and a feature, not a bug. But you don't usually do that on the back of the book. You kind of got to sell it.
[37:00]
Jamie
You're gonna. No, you're gonna get Used to it. God damn it.
[37:05]
Ben
Okay. It is the Builders who created the
[37:08]
Nate
grand technology that facilitates Forerunner dominance over the known universe. It is the Builders who believe that they must shoulder the greatest burden of the mantle as Shepherds and guardians of all life. Bornstellar.
[37:27]
Ben
Oh, now he has a normal name.
[37:29]
Nate
Is marked to become a great Capital Battle Builder just like his father.
[37:36]
Ben
But this manipular, whatever that is, has other plans.
[37:41]
Nate
He is obsessed with lost treasures of the past. His reckless passion to seek out marvelous artifacts.
[37:49]
Ben
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Okay, okay, we're gonna talk about this. I don't even care what this episode's about. We're talking about this. He is obsessed with lost treasures of the past. His reckless passion to seek out the marvelous artifacts left behind by the Precursors. Long vanished super beings of unknowable power and intent forces. His father's hand. So there's Forerunners and then. And then there's Precursors. So.
[38:18]
Jamie
Oh, God.
[38:19]
Ben
So there's a. There's an all powerful race of alien beings that came before us that we're discovering long lost artifacts of. And it's. It's. It's screwed up because we think like technology always moves forward, but here's all this advanced technology from the past. Whoa. Mind blown. And then we're just doing that again. There's just.
[38:37]
Jamie
Yes, there's another level of. That cursors have another, higher level of technology. And also, spoiler alert, they become the flood.
[38:46]
Ben
So it seems to me like maybe everybody's screwed if like, like, okay, so civilization hit this like, awesome peak.
[38:57]
Jamie
So, yeah, what's gonna happen is eventually humans will die, and then the next people will come along and they'll be like, oh my God, look at this adv technology that the humans had.
[39:07]
Ben
Yeah, but they're just looking at like a Tesla or something. And so like every, every bit of technology is just less impressive.
[39:14]
Jamie
And, and three, three species from now, it's just nothing but throwing at each other and hitting each other with bone clubs.
[39:21]
Ben
Yeah, that's what this sounds like. So like we life, all. All intelligent life in the universe peaked billions of years ago. And we're just in the. The downward spiral. Okay, that's a great. Whatever. This is still going, by the way.
[39:34]
Jamie
That's where Master Chief comes in.
[39:35]
Ben
Bourne Stellar is sent to live among
[39:38]
Nate
the miners, where he must come to
[39:41]
Jamie
terms with capital M miners with where
[39:43]
Ben
his duty truly lies. But powerful forces are at play. Powerful forces. Nate.
[39:47]
Nate
Forerunner society is at a major crux. The past threats are once again proving
[39:54]
Ben
Relentless dire solutions, machines and strategies never before contemplated are being called up.
[40:05]
Nate
And fissures in Forerunner power are leading.
[40:08]
Jamie
I just think of anal fissures when
[40:11]
Ben
people say that on a Life Workers experimental planet. Oh, Craig, this is not your best work. Born Sellers. Rebellious course crosses paths. The Two Human. Two humans and a long lifeline of a great military leader forever changing Born Stellar's identity and the fate of the entire Galaxy. It's 342 pages. 52 pages. I made the right choice. I've never felt more confident. Well, there's only two left in stock. Order soon, people. It would have been just enough for me and Nate to read it. But we're not gonna. I'm gonna read some comments. This is for my husband to read about this book.
[41:01]
Jamie
Oh, let me read a comment. Let me see. Where was it? Is this the same Greg Bear that brought us gems like Aeon and Hole 03? It reads like some juvenile twaddle cobbled together for a bunch of gormless gamers who've never read a book in their lives. Shallow, monolithic characters, shoddy and repetitive dialogue. If you want to remember the author for his seminal works, don't give this pile of excrement. For some reason, Excrement has, like, a star to censor a second glance.
[41:33]
Ben
All the comments that are actually talking about the book are like, oh, I
[41:35]
Nate
bought it for somebody. Never do that.
[41:37]
Ben
Just never do that. Nobody wants you to pick a book for them. Trust me. Trust me. I know. I do a podcast where every other month, someone picks a book for me, and it's one of the worst choices in my life.
[41:50]
Jamie
Yeah, actually, it's even greater than every other month this year because you lost a bet.
[41:54]
Ben
I lost several bets.
[41:55]
Jamie
You did lose several bets. You know what we're gonna read after those Minecraft books? An entire month of Ernest Cline.
[42:05]
Ben
Oh. Oh, boy.
[42:07]
Jamie
So, yeah, we're going with Minecraft.
[42:09]
Ben
Yeah, I think we're going Minecraft. That'll be. That'll be a nice strategic move, too, after Hassle leaves, when we're just dead inside. And that's interesting. Maybe I'll give it a try. Maybe we'll talk about the Batman on Words about books.
[42:28]
Jamie
All right, so next. Next week, we're doing what? What are we doing next week? Are we doing the. The Norse poem thing?
[42:36]
Ben
Yeah, I think I'm going to have you read poetry, but it's okay because it's Norse poetry, so it's manly.
[42:45]
Jamie
God damn right.
[42:46]
Ben
This is a poem. My favorite. One of my favorite Norse poems. Or one of my favorite poems in the poetic Edda called Locasenna. It is the one where Loki gets drunk. It's great.
[43:01]
Jamie
Okay, so, yeah, and then we're going to do House of Leaves. But we might. We might have another week between that.
[43:08]
Ben
We're going to see. House of Leaves was an ambitious project for us.
[43:13]
Jamie
Yeah. Yeah. I. I apparently started reading at the end of February and like, didn't get far at all. And then a bunch of shit happened. And then I had to edit the podcast for a whole month and I got really far behind.
[43:30]
Ben
So during the time I was supposed to start reading House of Leaves, I was reading Shepherd's Fall and I'm not sorry I did.
[43:36]
Jamie
So we're gonna have to try and get 800 some odd pages of House of Leaves. We're gonna. We're gonna do it, Ben. I have. I have faith in us. And then you know what? We're gonna read Minecraft. Minecraft.
[43:52]
Ben
We're gonna burn every brain cell we've got getting through House of Leaves and then we're going back to what. What grade is this? The third.
[44:02]
Jamie
Fifth grade. Yeah, Third grade and then fifth grade. Right?
[44:05]
Ben
Yeah. Oh, okay.
[44:07]
Jamie
Yeah.
[44:07]
Ben
You can check us out on Twitter abpod. You can follow us on instagram. Words about bookspodcast. Buy us a coffee@buymeacoffee.com wabpod if you think we deserve it. And there's a blog. Blog WordsAboutBooks Ninja, where you can follow my needlessly long and disorganized rants about various things quasi related to the written word.
[44:42]
Jamie
Cowabunga. Yeah, I mean, we already talked about Dune. So Dune's a book we can find. Batman is a book.
[45:01]
Ben
Is this movie based on a particular graphic novel?
[45:04]
Jamie
No.
[45:06]
Ben
I'm glad you could take time out of your busy schedule to help Jamie review. Fucking soda. That was great.
[45:11]
Jamie
Yeah, it was pretty tasty.
[45:13]
Ben
That's not what he said.
[45:14]
Jamie
Eh, I mean, it started out pretty tasty and then rapidly became flat. I actually didn't even read what he wrote cuz I don't care. I'm only in this for me. But I probably will go read now.
[45:30]
Ben
You have to.
[45:31]
Jamie
Yeah, now.
[45:32]
Ben
I read his blog.
[45:33]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:34]
Ben
I read his blog all the time.
[45:36]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:37]
Ben
It's actually not bad.
[45:38]
Jamie
Oh my God.
[45:40]
Ben
You know what?
[45:40]
Nate
Check out our friends.
[45:42]
Jamie
Cut all that. Cut all that immediately.
[45:45]
Ben
No, check. Check out our friend Jamie's blog at.
[45:50]
Nate
Do you want.
[45:52]
Ben
Is it. Do you want the gravy.com?
[45:54]
Jamie
thought it was. If you want the biscuits oh, if you want the gravy. Because if you want the gravy, you got to get this.
[46:02]
Ben
Hang on, hang on.
[46:03]
Jamie
If you want the gravy.WordPress.com.
[46:06]
Ben
yeah, yeah. Check out our friend Jamie's blog. If. If you want the gravy.WordPress.com. he reviews damn near everything, and it's pretty good.