Before You Say “I Do” | Todd Interviews Lou Priolo

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wretched Radio with Todd Friel

Episode: Before You Say “I Do” | Todd Interviews Lou Priolo
Date: July 9, 2026
Guest: Dr. Lou Priolo (Biblical Counselor, Author of Marriage and Counseling Books)
Main Theme:
A deep dive into the realities of Christian marriage, premarital counseling, and essential danger signs to recognize before committing to marriage, as well as practical wisdom for sanctification and daily marital challenges.

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Overview

In this episode, Todd Friel interviews Dr. Lou Priolo, a seasoned biblical counselor and author, about the critical issues couples face before and after marriage. The conversation focuses on practical and spiritual preparations for marriage, identifying danger signs in dating relationships, and building a godly approach to marital communication and sanctification. Their candid, engaging dialogue blends scriptural grounding with humor and actionable advice.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Role of Marriage Counseling in Christian Life

[00:59–01:31]

• Marriage counseling is core: Dr. Priolo explains that 65–70% of biblical counseling involves marriage or family relationships, highlighting its centrality for Christian living.

  “Half of what biblical counselors usually do ... typically involves marriage. And then if you add premarital counseling, that’s even more.” (Dr. Priolo, 01:09)

• Premarital counseling aims to reveal, not just prepare: Rather than prepping for a perfect marriage, it helps couples honestly confront their strengths and weaknesses.

  “Marriage doesn't create problems as much as it reveals a problem. It just kind of brings to the surface all that.” (Dr. Priolo, 02:53)

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2. Dating vs. Courting—Which is Biblical?

[03:31–03:47]

• Dr. Priolo clarifies: dating is not inherently unbiblical; he prefers the term "dating" over "courting" due to baggage the latter carries.

  “The concept of dating is not really a biblical concept. It’s not unbiblical. ... I would prefer dating.” (Dr. Priolo, 03:31)

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3. Identifying Danger Signs Before Marriage

The “25 Warning Signs” Book

• Dr. Priolo’s book lists 25 potential red flags to examinebefore engagement.
• Couples are advised to evaluate themselves and each other on these points, then seek biblical counseling for repeated or pattern issues.

  “Ideally, you read the book before you get engaged … to help both of them see their strengths, their weaknesses, and then to instruct them in biblical techniques.” (Dr. Priolo, 01:41; 04:21)

• One to three issues aren't alarming, but a pattern (three or more) is reason for counsel and caution.

  “If you have one or two or even three, don’t be alarmed. The more you have above three, the more you ought to be concerned ...” (Dr. Priolo, 05:22)

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4. Key Danger Signs Discussed (with Timestamps)

a. Persistent Doubts About the Relationship

[06:22–07:48]

• Doubts can be emotional, spiritual, or physiological. All should be examined under Scripture to discern their cause and gravity.

  “Is there a biblical reason I should be concerned about this or is this just not a biblical issue?” (Dr. Priolo, 07:30)

b. Contentious Spirit

[08:09–09:16]

• Patterns of conflict or persistent argumentativeness are critical red flags.

  “If our life is characterized by contention after contention after contention, then we are categorized as a contentious man, contentious woman.” (Dr. Priolo, 09:16)

c. Avoidance of Topics/Issues in Conversation

[10:38–11:18; 20:39–21:28]

• If couples consistently avoid certain discussions, it stifles intimacy and may breed bitterness.

  “Little by little, ... they’re lopping off all the potential topics that a husband and wife really ought to talk [about]. ... Communication is so important in marriage." (Dr. Priolo, 10:38)

• Particularly, men are called to take initiative in these conversations, even if challenging.

  “Would you rather be in your wife’s doghouse or in God’s doghouse? ... You’re not pleasing God by not doing the loving thing and talking to your wife …” (Dr. Priolo, 21:16)

d. Increased Physical Intimacy Before Marriage

[16:13–18:16]

• Pre-marital sexual intimacy can deeply damage future trust and purity.

  “The damage that is done during premarital sex can go deep into the marriage.” (Dr. Priolo, 16:13)

• Selfishness is identified as the root problem, which, if left unchecked, will permeate marriage.

  “The mother of all sins is selfishness. ... If you don’t deal with the past the right way, it’s going to be easy for your partner ... to attach the resentment...” (Dr. Priolo, 18:57)

e. Strong Opposition from Family and Friends

[22:45–24:00]

• Opposition from loved ones shouldn’t be dismissed or followed blindly, but evaluated for biblical validity and wisdom.

  “Typically, what you want to do is find out what’s behind their reasons. ... If the concerns are biblically valid, then you need to push the button or at least work on them.” (Dr. Priolo, 22:45)

f. Overconfidence that Marriage Will Fix Problems

[24:24–25:53]

• Never assume character flaws will vanish after marriage.

  “A wise man sees the evil and hides himself ... There are no guarantees that the person who ... has his best foot forward now is going to change.” (Dr. Priolo, 24:59)

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5. The Husband’s Call as Spiritual Leader

[29:34–35:54]

• From The Complete Husband, Priolo explains that men are called to love and sanctify their wives, helping them grow spiritually—with humility and through the Word—not from arrogance.

  “You want her to come up to you in heaven and say ... ‘because of the sanctifying impact you had on me, I have more crowns to cast at my Lord’s face.’” (Dr. Priolo, 31:33)

• The process must begin with self-examination; spouses must be mutually willing to help each other grow, but only after addressing their own faults.

  “You’ve got to get the beam out of your own eye first. ... The purpose ... is that you would love your wife as Christ loved the church.” (Dr. Priolo, 31:33–32:19)

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6. Communication and Mutual Sanctification

[38:22–39:22; 47:56–50:17]

• Husbands should create an environment where wives feel safe to offer honest feedback on character and faith.

  “We have a responsibility to create an environment so our wives feel comfortable convicting us of our sin.” (Dr. Priolo, 38:22)

• Even if feedback is poorly delivered, wise spouses heed it.

  “The fool rejects that. But the wise man goes, all right, I didn’t like the delivery mechanism, but I’m going to take that because it’s good for me.” (Host, 39:00)

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7. Preferences vs. Sins; Idiosyncrasies in Marriage

[47:56–54:49]

• Many marital issues stem from clashing habits or family traditions rather than clear sins.

  “You cannot treat something that’s not a sin as though it were a sin.” (Dr. Priolo, 49:03)

• The heart of partnership is distinguishing between preference and biblical principle, then negotiating and showing forbearance.

  “If I love my wife, I’m going to have to prioritize it in there somewhere. I can’t blow it off and just have a dismissive attitude.” (Dr. Priolo, 51:11)

• On towel folding (and similar issues): Defer in matters of preference, especially in areas traditionally belonging to one spouse (e.g., homemaking).

  “A perfectionist is someone who takes great pains and gives them to others.” (Dr. Priolo, 53:57) “As a general rule, it’s good for the husband to defer, to let it go.” (Dr. Priolo, 54:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On marriage revealing our flaws:

  “Marriage doesn’t create problems as much as it reveals a problem. It just kind of brings to the surface all that.” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 02:53)

• On taking initiative in hard conversations:

  “Would you rather be in your wife’s doghouse or in God’s doghouse?” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 21:16)

• On change post-marriage:

  “There are no guarantees that the person who ... has his best foot forward now is going to change.” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 24:59)
  “A wise man sees the evil and hides himself ...The foolish proceed and suffer the consequences.” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 24:59)

• On the folly of over-focusing on spouse’s issues:

  “First of all, it’s arrogant. … Are you willing to let your wife talk just as frankly to you about your sins and your failures?” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 31:33)

• On learning to distinguish sin from preference:

  “You cannot treat something that's not a sin as though it were a sin.” (Dr. Lou Priolo, 49:03)

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Key Timestamps & Segments

• [01:09] – Biblical counseling and marriage
• [03:31] – Dating vs. courtship in a Christian worldview
• [04:21] – Danger signs before engagement
• [06:29] – Persistent doubts: discernment and causes
• [08:09] – Contentiousness: identifying patterns
• [10:38] & [20:39] – Avoidance of topics: dangers to communication
• [16:13] – Physical intimacy and building trust
• [22:45] – Opposition from family and friends
• [24:59] – Dangers of assuming marriage will fix issues
• [29:34] – The sanctifying role of husbands
• [47:56–54:49] – Living with idiosyncrasies; preference vs. sin, household tasks

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Tone and Style

The episode is frank, biblically grounded, and often humorous. Dr. Priolo combines decades of counseling wisdom with humility and real-world anecdotes, while Todd Friel injects levity and relatable personal stories. Their mutual respect and practical focus make for an engaging conversation, both convicting and encouraging for those considering or living in Christian marriage.

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Summary Takeaways

• Premarital preparation is vital: Address and examine personal and mutual issues honestly, using biblical wisdom and pastoral counsel.
• Red flags are significant: Patterns of sin, communication breakdowns, and unresolved issues will not auto-correct after marriage.
• Humility first: Growth and sanctification in marriage require each spouse to prioritize their own repentance and openness to correction.
• Distinguish sin from preference: Don’t spiritualize personal tastes or traditions; prioritize mutual understanding and biblical principles.
• Communication is key: Build habits of honest, respectful dialogue—and celebrate the growth that difficult conversations can foster.

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Recommended Action:
Read Dr. Priolo’s books (“Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship” and “The Complete Husband”). Use his self-examination questions in your own marriage or premarital preparation. Seek wise, biblical counsel early and often. And above all, cultivate humility, patience, and gospel-shaped love.

Transcript

[Todd Friel]

Wretched radio begins in 3, 2, 1.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Evolution is more than a theory.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

It is a fundamental scientific principle. You know, there's a scientific term for that. It's called baloney. We are so stupid that we think that just because telephones and computers and

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

cars are intelligently designed, that means we are, too. Well, we're not. I don't trust that. Richard Dawkins.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

In the beginning, God created heaven and the earth is the only logical explanation. Unless you don't want to believe in science and logic.

[Todd Friel]

It's time for Wretched Radio with Todd Frio.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Hello and welcome to Wretched Marriage is what brings us together today. We tried to find somebody qualified who's maybe written a bunch of books, but we've got Dr. Lou Perriolo. Hi, Lou.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Hi.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Could you write more books on marriage and dating? This is like the encyclopedia of marriage. How many books have you written on this subject?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I don't know.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

There's more than this. Cause I went through your file o. Why do you spend so much time on marriage, dating and divorce?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Because half of what biblical counselors usually do, and it's not because we advertise this way, but in one way or another, half of what we do is marriage counseling. People come in and maybe another 20% is parent, child relationship in law relationship. So, you know, 65, 70% of what we do typically involves marriage. And then if you add premarital counseling to that, then that's even more.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Well, it's kind of a big deal. And it seems that no matter how much you try to prepare somebody for marriage, they do not understand the realities of it until they're in there.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, and what a good counselor will do as he's doing premarital, make it real. Well, you kind of got to put your fingers underneath the fleece of each sheep and look for the bugs and the scabs, you know, and the sores, and figure out where the problem might be when they get married. And then in premarital account saying, okay, Todd, so you've been married for six months. You come home and your wife says to you, what are you going to do? To kind of figure out what their weaknesses are and then prepare them the heart of the righteous studies, how to answer to sort of prepare them ahead of time, how to handle a conflict that you're pretty sure they're going to hit. And then the funny thing is, well, maybe it's not funny for them, but it's like time and time again, I'll say to them, now, you remember we talked about this in premarital counseling. Yeah, but I forgot what you said, you know, but, yeah, I mean, part of the basis of premarital counseling is to help both of them see their strength, their weaknesses, and then to instruct them in biblical techniques and methods and teaching whatever, on how to deal with the problems.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

It is a school of character, and a lot of people are getting very low marks because they don't understand what the institution is.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, marriage doesn't create problems as much as it reveals a problem. It just kind of brings to the surface all that.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

It's a vice. And it's like living with this other sinner underneath this roof. It reveals a ton. Which is why I would like to embark on our conversation about mawage and dating. And I'd like it if you say it that way every time. Mawidge, by talking about the danger signs of an unhealthy relationship. We're talking dating here, by the way. Let's just see if we've got agreement on this. Are you a dating proponent or a courting proponent?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

The concept of dating is not really a biblical concept. It's not unbiblical. So I don't have a problem with dating at all. And there's been so much baggage associated with the courting word that I guess at this moment, I would prefer dating.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But really?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay. Because, I mean, as long as I don't quite honestly care what you call it as long. It just seems to me figure out if this person is this before you start to link your heart, because as soon as you start to join together, well, then you get very cloudy judgment and you overlook a lot of glaring deficiencies or danger signs, as it says in this book from. Oh, there's your name. Lou Friolo, right there. I would like to give you some of the danger signs. Explain what you do in this book.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

So the book basically is a list of, I think, 25 issues that we look for, 25 warning signs that a couple would want to identify before they get married so that they can get some help in. First of all, identifying if the danger signs is really valid. I mean, is it once in a blue moon kind of a thing, or is it something that happens on a regular, repeated basis? And if it is, then they get the counselor or the pastor to give instruction on how to help the person. The couple biblically deal with those warning signs.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

And it's also helpful to know up front, okay, this is going to be an area of struggle for my spouse, but it keeps you from being shocked when it happens. Hopefully yes. So Here are your 25 danger signs that you might want to think about not moving forward. How many of these do I need to have mis bifid on?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

You know, again, this is not a scientifically normed instrument. But what I basically say in the beginning of the book, depending on what it is, if you have one or two or even three, don't be alarmed. The more you have above three, the more you ought to be concerned that you get help addressing it. Because generally speaking, the greater life that these things are going to come up. It's really a pre engagement book. I mean, ideally, you read the book before you get engaged, you sit down with someone, let someone help you verify the validity of each issue, and then give you biblical instruction on how to address the issues that one or both. So you read the book with your spouse, with your spouse, with your fiance, or with your girlfriend, your boyfriend, with

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

the woman you're courting.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

There you go. And you do it together, you do it individually, but you basically, if it's something in your life, you check it off. If it's something in your friend's life, you check it off. So we pretty much want you to evaluate yourself and your partner and then bring that into the counselor to help

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

so that counsel sort through it and get on it. All right, here we go. Number one, persistent doubts about the relationship.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah, this is one of the most common issues that people have. And it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a problem. I mean, it could be that your doubts are the result of anxiety. You're a worrier and so you're going to have doubts about everything. Especially the most important decision you make in marriage is for Christian, the second most important decision you're usually going to make in your life after following Christ. And so you're going to worry about making a mistake. If you tend to be anxiety ridden, it could be that the Holy Spirit really is trying to put his faith finger on something and you need to go back to scripture and verify is this really an issue and what does the Bible say about it? Do I have good reason to have an uneasy feeling or to push the pause button on the relationship? It could be the linguine that you had for lunch that didn't sit well with you. That could be, you know, there could be something organic that may be contributing, exacerbating the doubt that you have. So you just want to evaluate the cause of the doubt if at all possible and again, put it under the microscope of Scripture. Is there a biblical reason I should be Concerned about this or is this just not a biblical issue?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

It's funny you kind of flesh this out a bit because haven't we all seen the movies? The father's about to walk the daughter down. If you've got any second thoughts about this, well, that's. Well there might. Let's just maybe explore it a little deeper than just right before you walk out of the church. A contentious spirit.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

The Bible talks both about a contentious woman and a contentious man. And so some people are just hot headed. They are just sort of prone to get into conflict with other people. There are a lot of proverbs that utilize two or three Hebrew words that have to do with strife. This is the kind of person where you can't be in his or her presence for too long of a period of time before a conflict is going to break out. So if someone has a lot of conflict, is constantly picking a fight, who has the mindset of a lawyer, just admit that you're wrong and I'm right and the conflict will be over rather than that of a resolver, then that's a danger sign. You're going to want to.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

This is another one too that I think your preamble is important. Who doesn't ever get contentious? There isn't anybody besides Jesus who doesn't have the ability to lose it. But this is a persistent pattern.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

It's interesting. In the Bible when a person gives himself over to a particular sin, sooner or later that sin sort of takes over his personality and God categorizes him by the name of the sin that's overtaken him. So we all make foolish decisions, but hopefully we're not all fools. We all get angry, but we're not all angry men. We're not all angry. We all have told lies, but we're not all liars. We all have contentious moments. But if our life is characterized by contention after contention after contention, then we are categorized as a contentious man, contentious woman.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Dr. Priolo, your book on danger signs. Things that you should look out for. I gotta tell you, this list that you've got. Super helpful. But you know what I think people need as they even work through this, they need somebody to go through it with them.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

That's the purpose.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah, you just have to because. Oh, but he's dreamy. Okay, so he beats up his little brother all the time, but he'll never do that to. That's what this book is about. So you list 25 different danger signs. Let me give you one. Avoidance of certain issues or topics of discussion.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

A lot of times when after a couple gets married, they get married thinking we can talk about anything and the communication lines are open pretty well, but then they have a conflict, doesn't go well. And so one person says, well, I guess we can't talk about that subject. They must say lot that topic off and they'll rock along for a little bit longer and they'll have another conflict. And maybe the other person says, well, I guess we can't talk about. And so little by little, as time goes on, right, they're lopping off all the potential topics that a husband and wife really ought to talk to. And then, you know, five, 10 years down the road, they're like this nothing, right? Communication is so important in marriage.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

We will continue with the danger signs of dating with Dr. Lou Priolo next on Wretched.

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[Todd Friel]

Important dates in Christian history 1536. John Calvin publishes the Institutes of the Christian Religion, the most substantial theological work of the Reformation. Calvin's ideas would deeply influence church and politics in Switzerland and Scotland and take root in the newly discovered North America. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Welcome back to Wretched. How do you know if that chick or dude is Mr. Or Ms. Right? This little book gonna help you? Danger signs you do well to consider before you say I. Dr. Priola, we're making our way through the 25. There's probably more, but these are the biggies. From your experience in counseling, how many couples that were struggling in marriage?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I have no idea.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

More than 10?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah, I mean, I've been doing this for 36 years.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

36 years. And how many hours have you spent counseling people?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

At least 34, 35,000 real time hours.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Have you seen anything new, or is it pretty much like, oh, every once in a while?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I mean, it's nothing new under the sun, but I mean, sometimes it's a different flavor on something I've seen before. Yeah.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah. Do those kind of make you go, oh, well, this is different?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Depends. Sometimes yes, sometimes.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Sometimes no.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I've got to pick up the phone and call some of my friends. I'm not sure how to proceed from

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

preempting problems, knowing about problems, overcoming problems before you commit to one another. It's so wise. Here's the list of danger signs. Increased physical intimacy. Why should a boy or girl be concerned about that?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Because as Christians who are supposed to flee from fornication and sexual Sin, the damage that is done during premarital sex can go deep into the marriage. I mean, that's one reason. I mean, just on the surface, the Bible says that we should avoid fornication. In 1 Thessalonians 4, it says that every man, this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that every one of you should possess his vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the lusts of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles who do not know God. And that phrase, possess your vessel. It's either talking about one of two things. Either talking about possess your body or it's talking about possess your vessel in the sense of acquiring a wife, acquiring her husband, which is the way I believe it was intended to be understood when you look at the whole context. But nevertheless, there's a pure way that you are supposed to go about trying to find a husband, trying to find a wife. And when you do things that violate God's standards, it hurts you, it hurts the other person. It sows seeds of distrust, and it

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

shows they don't honor you as much as they should, whichever way it goes. Because these days, I hear women are sometimes just as aggressive as men regarding physical intimacy. I once heard a biblical counselor say that regularly when he's counseling somebody who's married, he'll go back before they got married to ask thoughtfully, without details, because you never get into salacious details in biblical counseling, talk about that relationship. And inevitably there was something that should not have happened prior to marriage that has been brought right into the present day.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

And if it happens, then the couple needs to. And it does happen, but the couple needs to confess, needs to find other people to hold them accountable. And if they can turn it around before marriage, that will help to rebuild some of the trust that was lost as a result of their not following God's standard.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Explain to a man who was married today, who was too physically intimate with his fiance or girlfriend at the time, what has he done to damage her that he should then address now he's lost the trust.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, if he hasn't done it up to this point, I mean, both husband and wife should have, ideally, before they got married, dealt with that repentance, ask each other's forgiveness, sought accountability. But what you do is you destroy trust. But it's a little bit beyond that. It's selfish, right to violate the other person, to do what the Bible says, to put your own desires ahead of that which is your spouse, the mother of all sins is selfishness. After you get married, you're going to continue to be selfish. And if you don't deal with the past the right way, it's going to be easy for your partner. Every time you manifest the smallest sin of selfishness, it's going to be easy for that person, if she's not forgiven you, to go back and to attach the resentment, the distrust over the former acts of selfishness with the smaller acts of selfishness. It just really creates an environment. Not always, but often it creates an environment where it brings back feelings of distrust and also a sense of hurt. Because he was selfish then, he's selfish now.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay. Which is why you go through this in the beginning. Because somebody could be tempted to say, well, you know, he kind of would like to do, but I'm going to just hold him up. Then when we get married, that won't be an issue. Well, that may or may not be an issue, but the selfishness, the lack of honor, that ain't going away.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I mean, who's not selfish in marriage, right?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah. So danger, Will Robinson. Avoidance of certain issues or topics of discussion. Are they trying to hide something? Is that your angle?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

There are a number of reasons why that may happen, but the most important thing is to realize that a husband and wife have a responsibility to talk about certain things. And if a conflict is not handled the right way, there's going to be a tendency to just simply, I'm not going to talk about it anymore. I'm not going to talk about that anymore. As time goes on the scope, the range of things they can talk about becomes. Becomes shorter and shorter, and then bitterness creeps in, and before too long, they're like this. So it's really important to keep your accounts short and to not refuse to talk about an issue that your partner has a biblical need or biblical right for you to talk about. And this is probably especially true of men. As I study, as I understand biblical masculinity, God made man to be the initiator and woman to be the responder. Not that women can't initiate and men can't respond, but I mean, it's especially important for us as men, Christian men, to take the initiative to talk about things, knowing that it could very well spark a conflict. But like I'll say to some of my men sometimes, would you rather be in your wife's doghouse or in God's doghouse? Would you rather have your wife not talk to you for a few hours or a few days, or go for a few hours or a few days knowing that you're not pleasing God, by not doing the loving thing and talking to your wife about whatever it happens to be.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

And doing that is an art that needs to be cultivated wisely. Dr. Priollo, I suspect. Yup. Younger people who might make their way through your danger sign list before you get married might go, oh, no, not going to do that. One strong opposition from family and friends.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

A lot of times close friends and family members are opposed to the relationship, opposed to the marriage. And it's really important not to ignore that. Typically, what you want to do is find out what's behind their reasons. What are the reasons? You have concerns about the relationship, and if the concerns are biblically valid, then you need to push the button or at least work on them. If the reasons are not valid, then maybe there's room for you to just be mindful of that and go forward. But you have to get behind the reasons and determine, are there biblical reasons? If there are, you need to address them.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah, but the key was what you said. You didn't say, you've got to listen. And you certainly didn't say, ignore it totally. You said, you're wise to consider it because these are the people who know you best. Now, there certainly can be times when parents or siblings, whatever, nobody's good enough for my child. There could be bad things behind it. So you're right. Figure out why and then listen for the validity. Biblically, that's right. Crucial it is.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

And again, even with parents who maybe don't have a biblically valid reason, I think you have to be patient. I think you have to be willing. If you are the person whose future in laws have indigestion about you, then you need to be willing to address those things and be patient with them and give them a chance to see that the things that they're saying themselves about you are not true.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay, I'm going to burn through these for a reason. Time being one of them. Lack of spiritual harmony, pride, anger, impatience, intolerance, selfishness, inability to resolve conflicts, lack of compassion, disrespect or contempt. You see, bitterness, et cetera. Okay, the list goes on. I think the inclination of many people, especially younger folks, is to be like, this isn't that big of a deal, or, once we get married, he or she will stop acting like that. What would you say to that person?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

A wise man sees the evil and hides himself with the foolish. Proceed and suffer the consequences. There are no guarantees that the person who presumably has his best foot forward now is going to change. And again, before you get married in the engagement period, even the pre engagement period. It's an opportunity to test whether or not the couple can, together with God's word, solve these problems. And again, okay, so there are six problems. I can't marry him until all six. No. But you take two or three of those problems and see if there's an ability to solve those problems, resolve those conflicts biblically. If there are, then you can be more optimistic about the future. But if there's not an ability to resolve those conflicts, then it makes sense to slow down, push the pause button.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

We will continue with Dr. Lou Briolo next on Wretched.

[Jimmy Higgs]

And it's now time for your daily Fortis news break, a production of Fortis Institute. Starting today in seemingly our favorite place these days, Minnesota, who's just pardoned a convicted child rapist who's here illegally. Governor Tim Wall's clemency board pardoned a man convicted in 2006 of repeatedly assaulting a young girl already found facing deportation. He reportedly told investigators it's a cultural thing where he's from to marry and have sex with girls as young as 12. The Department of Homeland Security called the pardon disgusting, saying it could now block his removal entirely. If you want to know how some of our leaders actually think about this country, look at New York. On the eve of America's 250th birthday, Mayor Zoran Mamdami sat behind George Washington's old desk and argued, argued real power in America belongs to a wealthy few, calling that mindset small and weak, then spent most of his speech on the country's contradictions rather than what it got right. President Trump spoke that same day from Mount Rushmore, defending the idea this country has an identity worth keeping. So same anniversary, two different speeches, but only one sounded like someone who was glad to be here. Across the Atlantic, German Germany, showing us where that kind of thinking leads. Berlin now requires a doctor's note starting on day one just to call in sick. No more phone calls or benefit of the doubt. The chancellor says the economy can't afford the sick days anymore. Maybe if Germany hadn't shut down its nuclear plants and picked a fight with its own energy supply and started policing what people can say about immigration, it wouldn't need to babysit its workforce. Here's some actual good news coming out of Iowa, where Planned Pigs Parenthood is about to be down to one location in the entire state. Its Iowa City clinic closes this month, folding into a single site in Des Moines. Iowa's heartbeat law, plus a new rule requiring abortion pills be dispensed in person has made it a lot harder for the country to operate the way it used to. Planned Parenthood's own regional CEO admits that this is one of the hardest moments the movement has faced. We'll take it as confirmation that the laws are doing exactly what they were designed to do. We'll close with a reminder of what one Alert employee can do. A Florida mom drove through a Chick Fil A in Nassau county with a one year old and six year old in the back seat and a worker noticed she was slurring her words. He called it in, deputies pulled her over and her blood alcohol level came back at a.178, more than double the legal limits, and an actual, actual open bottle of tequila in the passenger's seat. The sheriff called it a poor choice, which is the understatement of the week. A fast food worker paying attention probably kept two kids safe, and that deserves more credit than it'll actually get. And that wraps up today's Fordist news break. I'm Jimmy Higgs. If you want more, you can download Fortis plus or sign up to become a Fortis Insider for exclusive daily content. Both can be [e-mail] and don't forget, you can subscribe to for this news on your favorite podcast app.

[Fortis Institute Announcer]

In order to get these updates daily

[Jimmy Higgs]

and until tomorrow, go serve your king.

[Todd Friel]

Revelation Is the Bible really God's word or is it just a collection of human ideas? Here are a few words the Bible uses to describe perfect God breathed authoritative without error the word of the living God. The Bible is God's inspired and trustworthy word to humanity through which he makes himself known and continues to draw us to himself. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Hello and welcome to Wretched. Let's clear up the confusion from the jump. Dr. Priolo joining us once again. Your book the Complete Husband. I remember when you would call me constantly to get advice and help on having a model for being the Complete Husband. It was an honor to be a part of that process.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

You have a actually I called you to help me write the book on deception.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Honey, you need a bath. Now. This is a book to help husbands to be more godly, betterer husbands. Are you telling them that all men stink? This is a hygiene chapter. Is that what this is about?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

So what I tried to do in the book is I tried to take the husband's responsibilities, all of the commands, least and even injunctions or principles that God says specifically the husband ought to do for with to his wife and include them in the pages of the book. So one of the commands is, husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church gave himself for her. And then it goes on to say that he might sanctify her with the washing of water with the Word, or by the washing of water with the Word. And so the idea is, the husband as her sanctifier, as her spiritual leader, must learn how to help her grow and purify herself, as is the wife's responsibility to do the same thing to the husband because she, in fact, is his helper. And if there's anything that God wants a Christian wife to do for her Christian husband is to help him grow as a Christian and deal with the sin that he's struggling with.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay, Address this issue right off the bat, because a man or a woman might hear that and go, good, finally. Because let me tell you, this woman has a lot of problems that need to be corrected. What's the problem with that approach?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, first of all, it's arrogant. I mean, the Bible says you've got to get the beam out of your own eye first. And are you willing to let your wife talk just as frankly to you about your sins and your failures? And most importantly, the purpose of this is not so that you can get what you want. The purpose of this is that you would love your wife. So as Christ loved the church and for her sake, for her sake, you want her to love the Lord. You want her to grow as a Christian, you want her to come up to you in heaven and say, look, I know we're not married anymore, but I just want you to know because of the sanctifying impact that you had on me, I have more crowns to cast at my Lord's face. Thank you for helping me grow and become more Christian.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

So help that. Whether it's boy or girl that would hear you say that we're supposed to be helping the other with sanctification. Are you kidding me with this battle axe? I bring that up, and it's going to be a bomb blowing up, and it's going to be misery for a month. What should he or she do to defuse that?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, first of all, it seems to me that you need to get the beam out of your own eye first, brother. I mean, you're supposed to do this in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself. The attitude is, honey, look, I'm just one sinner showing another sinner, one beggar showing another beggar where the bread is at. You know I love you. I want to do this because I Love you. Whether you change or not is not the. For my sake is not the primary issue here. The issue is I'm supposed to love you. This is how God commands me to love you. Oh, by the way, you really can do the same thing. Should do the same thing for me. So, you know, today we're going to talk about your sin. Tomorrow we'll talk about mine. In fact, if you really want to,

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

wouldn't it be better to have go first?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah, yeah, we can do that. You know, I'll put my neck on the chopping block first, so to speak.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Right? Yeah, right.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

But that kind of arrogant attitude, I mean, that misses the point.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But you would agree, perhaps, and calling

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

your wife a battle ax.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

I mean, really misses Battle Axe.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Better.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

No.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

All right. So maybe, though, some things need to be done, need to be said, need to be changed on your part because you've contributed to the toxic environment that just needs a little bit of hazardous waste care.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Again, that's chapter nine. There are eight chapters that go before that that really help the husband take a look at his own sin and clear up. I mean, the first four chapters are on communication and the questions that the husband is to ask his wife. You might want to turn to the end of chapter two.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Hey, I'm conducting the interview. You're the guest. Chapter nine. Honey, you need a bath.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

What's the question?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

You know what we need? I think we need some talk show counsel. Like, apparently

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

or speaking.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

All right, so the husband's got work to do first, and he's gotta be the guy. And it might be a hard glunk to swallow, but you gotta deal with your own sanctification first before diving in to try to help your spouse. That's the moral to the story. And we will get to your questions. You know why, Lou, thank you. I'm a giver. I'm willing to just give and give. So the honey, you need a bath is helping one another in sanctification, with it being a far more ethereal, as opposed to just having her knock off that behavior because it ruins football day.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I mean, the big takeaway from the chapter is the Spirit works through the Word, okay? And so the Spirit is the one who changes us from the inside out. And to the extent that the word of Christ is dwelling in us, the Spirit is dwelling in us to the extent that the word of Christ is not dwelling in us, kind of handcuffing the Holy Spirit because he promised he'd work through the Word. And so the big idea of the chapter is how can I, in practical ways, help my wife value, love, read, memorize, understand the word of God so that the Spirit can help her change from the inside out?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

I have to ask. Unequally yoked, I would have to say, has got to be one of the most challenging, familiar configurations right up there with being a single mom. Really hard. So the husband has an unsaved wife, or vice versa. Does this chapter apply

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

again, with an unsaved spouse, they may or may not want to hear the word of God. Again, the Bible says the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, their foolishness unto him, he cannot know them.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Can they try it all?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Well, sometimes you'd be surprised. Sometimes the husband, for example, will say, look, I'm not a Christian. I don't know that I'm interested in being Christian, but I really do want to know what the Bible says. I mean, you're a Christian, so let's talk about it. So, I mean, sometimes they will, and sometimes they'll say, you know, don't ever quote that book to me again, kind of a thing. And again, that's where the emphasis should be on the behavior. First, Peter 3, let her win her husband to Christ by her behavior while he observes. You're meek and quiet, gentle and quiet.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But if he's exhibiting some sort of sin pattern, even not saved, which almost certainly would be the case, she can still. Honey? Yeah, sure, you need to take a bath in this area.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yes, yes. The question is, you know, to what extent should she use the Scripture? But certainly, you know, there are some sins that again, she would not be loving him if she just continued.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

That is such a great point.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Enable him.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah, that is a helpful point because so often we think correcting or trying to restrict, that's unloving, but that's a contemporary definition of love. Love is speaking the truth for the benefit of the other and speaking it graciously.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Right. Speaking in love.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Chapter two. This is about communication. This is the work that a man can do before trying to help his wife with sanctification. Because it would be very easy for her to say, wait a second, you wanna work on my issues? What about your problems? Pali? So these preceding chapters get to just that. So let me just read a few of these questions. Honey, if you could change three things about me that would make me more Christlike, what would you change? Oh, that's a vulnerable question, isn't it?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. But again, you know, we have a responsibility to create an environment so our wives feel comfortable convicting us of our sin. And sometimes. Sometimes they're willing, sometimes they're not willing, sometimes they're willing, but they don't do it the right way. But the fact of the matter is, as I said before, if there are helpers, then, yes, we should welcome their suggestions as to how we can be more Christlike, even. I dare say, if their suggestions are less than respectful or otherwise.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

You still. The fool rejects that. But the wise man goes, all right, I didn't like the delivery mechanism, but I'm going to take that because it's good for me.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

That's right.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay, would this be a fair little rule to attach to number one here? If your spouse goes, not a chance with you, then maybe you could just write down, okay, so bad communication. I don't listen. That would be a good start.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah, if you connect the dots that way. But I probably wouldn't leave it there. I mean, I get clarity. Like, honey, can you explain to me what your thinking was as to why you responded that way? Could it be this? Could it be that? Could it be something?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

All right, I'm so tempted to role play with you right now.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Let's do it.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Then I would have to be the wife and you'd have to be the husband. And I know it's the 21st century. I'm not there yet. Just not comfortable.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Watch Transformed Couples that.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Ooh, thanks for the plug reminder. Watch Transformed Couples. You will see this man in action. Basically taking the principles of this and all of your other books on marriage and parenting and applying them with real people who are really struggling to communicate, which is something you actually help people do. We will tackle Lou's favorite chapters in this book, which is oh, so helpful. The complete husband, Dr. Lou Priolo, next on Wretched.

[Fortis Institute Announcer]

You know, we've raised a generation of kids who can sing every word about Jesus, but they still can't say why the Bible is true.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

True.

[Fortis Institute Announcer]

And the world. Well, they've earned that because they've spent years teaching our children that truth bends and that science outgrew God. And the reasons are there. Logic, morality, the very laws that make science work. And every single one of them points back to a creator. And when you give kids that, faith stops being something they hope is true and becomes something they know is true. And it also spreads because they share it clearer with every. Everyone around them. That's exactly what the series Irrefutable Proof of creation with Dr. Jason Lyle was built for. It's a biblical formation for a generation that needs answers. They need real ground to stand on

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

not just a good feeling.

[Fortis Institute Announcer]

And that's what Dr. Lyle is doing. New episodes of Irrefutable Proof of Creation streaming right now and dropping weekly on Fortis. Plus, you can download the app on your smartphone, your smart tv, or simply go to Fortis. Hey, thanks for listening to Wretched Radio today. You know what's rare? Finding something that makes you laugh and makes you think at the same time. And that's why we've brought in Gary Varvell. Gary's an award winning cartoonist and every week he draws in an original creation just for Fortis Institute. They're sharp, they're funny, and they usually make a point that sticks with you a little bit longer than you expected it to. And something else you'll find at Fortis Institute is Fortis News, which is hosted by yours truly. These are up to the minute headlines that matter to Christians and they're told from a biblical worldview. There's no spin, there's no agenda. It's just the news with a Christian perspective. And both of these things part of what we're building in Fortis Institute. And both are made possible by our Gospel partners. If you have been helped and you appreciate the content that we're creating at Fortis Institute, would you consider supporting us so that we can reach more people in more places all over the world? It's really simple. We know you have questions, so we have answers at fortisinstitute.org/wretched amazing Grace, Amazing Gospel Be honest. When's the last time you shared the gospel with a stranger? Not posted something online, not liked a Christian meme, but actually opened your mouth and told someone about Jesus?

[Jimmy Higgs]

If your stomach tightened just a little

[Fortis Institute Announcer]

bit, you're not alone. Most Christians would rather do almost anything than evangelize. It's terrifying. What if they get mad? What if I say something wrong? What if they ask me a question I can't answer? Our resource terrified 2. It exists because Jesus gave us the Great Commission, not the great suggestion, and he actually gave us the tools to obey it. And this resource will walk you through how to share the gospel with strangers, even family members, without needing Pepto Bismol to get through it. You'll still be nervous. That's normal. But you'll also be equipped. And equipped beats terrified every single time. Terrified 2. It is streaming right now for free on Fortis Plus. Download the app right now on your smartphone, on your smart TV, or head to fortisplus.org.

[Todd Friel]

Know your church fathers Ignatius of Antioch was a disciple of Peter and John and the Bishop of Antioch. He was arrested and sentenced to die in the Roman arena. As he prepared to go to his death, Ignatius said, let fire and cross, flocks of beasts, broken bones and dismemberment come upon me, so long as I attain to Jesus Christ. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Welcome back to wretched Dr. Lou Priolo. I'm now going to explain to you why I'm not going to tell you three things that you could change to be more Christlike. Because all you ever do is fight. How should a husband respond?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Honey, you're probably right. I see that I do that sometimes. I don't know that I always do it, but if that's what I'm doing, whether it's 10% of the time or 60% of the time, that's wrong. And I want to ask her forgiveness for that. But, sweetie, I really need your help in trying to even recognize when I do. Because in my mind, I'm not fighting. I'm just debating. I'm just arguing. I'm not trying to necessarily or consciously put you down. So half the times when I fight, in my heart, I'm not trying to fight with you. At least I'm not consciously aware of that.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Okay, we'll continue with this role playing, but you have to stop calling me honey. And sweetie, can we agree to these terms?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

No, not in a role play. Sorry. If I'm going to role play Terms

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

of endearment talking sweetly now. What if the fellow just kind of is like, oh, that stung again.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

What I tell myself is God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. Grace, as we said in previous episode, is the supernatural help from God. So I need all the help I can get. I am. Either I'm gonna humble myself or God's gonna humble me.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But look at the opportunity for growth. Luther, of course, called marriage a school of character. You can either grow in character or you'll grow in bitterness. John street loves to say, God will release the hounds of heaven.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Yeah, I know.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Next thing I can do in preparation of even thinking about trying to help sanctify my wife, I'm working on myself. Do I have any other annoying mannerisms or irritating idiosyncrasies that you would like to see me change? That question cracks me up because, look, I know what. Maybe I'm, like the only mega petty person on the planet, but I am shocked at what can bug me in a marriage. And it's the exact same thing I do. We live in a townhome there's three levels.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Nice.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

All right, I'm coming to you for help right now, Lou.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Sure.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Can you hear my heart?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

I hear you. I hear your pain, brother.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

And so we'll put stuff on the stairs. So we're not going up? We're not going. We'll get it, like, later. I'll walk right by my own stuff. I won't see it for days. But her pair of shoes have been there for over four hours. Wow. We are selfish beasts, aren't we? So when you say, tell me about my idiosyncrasies, tell me about the little things that can really lead to a lot of agitation. That's time well spent. Here's what drives me nuts. Thanks for asking. Here's what drives me nuts inside of my house when anybody has the audacity to. To clip their nails. And here's why it bothers me, because when I clip my nails, it doesn't make a sound. Therefore, Lou, I am right in being agitated about the idiosyncrasy of my family.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Where is it written, you shall not clip your nails?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But see, isn't that just another demonstration? Like, somebody does the exact same thing I do, it bugs me. I do it. No problemo.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Therefore, you are inexcusable. O Todd, whoever you are who judge another, for in that judge another you condemn yourself for you who judges do

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

the same things, but it does seem louder when they do it.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Sure, sure. All the more reason for you to be forbearing.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

All right, so idiosyncrasies is a big deal in marriage because we don't even perceive that we have them, but we do. And then you get tossed into a house with somebody who has idiosyncrasies, and they're not in sync. And it can be a big source of contention. How do we overcome that?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Let me start with an example. It was the first year of our marriage, and we were eating dinner. Kim was at one end of the table. I was at the other end of the table.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

This is going to be good.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

And I'm sitting there eating, you know, my hand is resting, is on my lap, and I'm eating, munching down, you know. And she looks at me and she says, lou, where are your manners? And she was agitated. And I looked at her and I said. I said, what's the matter? She said, lou, in the south, it is rude for you to eat with your hand on the table. This is her part of the South. I don't think this is universal.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yes, it is.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

But anyway, she was really.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Kim is right.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Oh, is she?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Listen to your wife.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Okay. All right. Anyway, you know, in other parts of the world, they want to see that hand. So anyway, but she was, like, really, really upset with me. And. And I said to her, honey, I love you, and I'm willing to change anything in my life that's a sin. And I'm even willing to change things in my life that's not sinful. But you cannot treat something that's not a sin as though it were a sin.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

That's a big deal.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

It really is. And so if I'm in sin, she confronts me. I'm obligated to repent. Now, if I live with her in an understanding way. Yes. I mean, the toenail clippings or the thing by the stairs, at some point it does become inconsiderate. It does become a sin of omission for me.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

That's right.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

But it's the way that you talk to the other person. And until one time I said to her something to this effect, I said, honey, I know this is real important to you, but, like, I've got real sin in my life I'm trying to deal with. I mean, try to keep in mind that the Holy Spirit's agenda for the things he wants me to work on may be a little bit different than yours. I'm willing to do that. It's not a sin. I'm working on this and this and this. So please be patient with me as I'm trying to collaborate with the Holy Spirit in becoming more like Christ.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yeah. The way you talk, I suspect, to some people sounds so distant, so impossible. They've never been at the place where either of them has said, I've got sins in my life, I need to work on these things. I'm willing to. The Holy Spirit has got these queued up for me. They're so far away from that.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

But we're Christians, and this is what the Bible says we are to do. We are to deal with our own sin. We are to overlook the sins we can in other people. But when there's a pattern of sin, then we have to sooner or later address it. And again, as a husband and wife, think about it. I'm to sanctify her, she's to help me. There's a commitment, an understood commitment, I think, or should be in Christian marriages, that we're going to sanctify each other, that she's going to help me with my sin, I'm going to help her with hers. We have to be patient. We have to be kind, we have to be gracious and loving and all of that delivery is really, really important. But at the end of the day, sooner or later we are going to have to talk to our spouses about the things that are out of sync with God's word and even not as though it were a sin, but even the things that are idiosyncratic and really bug us, but they're not a sin. Now again, I may not be obligated to, you know, to fix something at the same level, something that is in idiosyncrasy as I would, something that the Bible forbids me to continue to do. But if I love my wife, I'm going to have to prioritize it in there somewhere. I can't blow it off and just have a dismissive attitude towards it, Right?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

But the difference I always in columns, preference or sin? So before responding, this is just something. Was this the way I grew up? Wayne Mack, in his preparatory book for the In Laws, Getting Ready for the In Laws, he talks about understanding family of origin. Your spouse learned to do the dishes this way, you learned to do them that way. Bang, you collide. And just by understanding, okay, they grew up differently. This is a preference issue. This is not a sin issue. It just puts it in a whole nother level.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

And there are other scriptures that apply. For example, he that is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. She who is married cares about how she may please her husband. So there is a sense in which when the two become one, you are going to be with willing to make some negotiations. And really things that are not clearly delineated in the scripture, you don't want to import into the marriage unless you both agree that that's the way you want to do it. The things that are clearly delineated in scripture, you have to obey, you have to follow the things that are family traditions, things that there's nothing necessarily right or wrong about it. It's a preference issue. Then you really should talk about it and try to come up with a mutually agreed upon system of implementing those family traditions.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Being the complete husband starts with a willingness to identify one's own deficiencies, idiosyncrasies and sins. Then you can talk to your spouse about his or hers. Dr. Priolo, you are now going to help me do a better job of dealing with the urgent issues of towel folding. Here's what I learned when we got married. Doing laundry, my wife didn't fold the towels right. Do you know why? Cause she didn't fold them the way my mother did. So this is what I did just to help my wife. I said, you know what? Let me do that one. And then I showed her basically how to fold it and then say. And you put it in that way so the rounded part is where you grab it when it comes out of the shelf, which is the right way to do it. How should I have had that conversation with my wife?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Do you know what the definition of perfectionist is?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

This isn't about me, Lou. I'm just here to facilitate. Okay. How should I have said anything to her at all?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

A perfectionist is someone who takes great pains and gives them to others. Look, I mean, at the end of the. Does your Bible say that a woman is to be a keeper at home? That it's more the wife's responsibility? Generally speaking, she's not working outside of the home. Does the Bible not say that that is like, sort of the woman's domain more than it is the man's?

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

Yes.

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

And does the Bible not say that you should try to please your wife? Well, when you put those things together in my mind, you know, it's hard to me, like, you know, you come over to our house, you're going to look around, and when the evening is over, you're not going to say, oh, Lou, what great taste you have. You're going to compliment Kim because you're going to know the house reflects her personality more than mine. So in things like that, I mean, I think as a general rule, it's good for the husband to defer, to let it go.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

So you wouldn't even address it?

[Dr. Lou Priolo]

Probably not.

[Host/Interviewer (possibly Todd Friel or a co-host)]

The complete husband. Dr. Lou Priolo, host of Transform Couples. Until tomorrow, go serve your king.