
Are Christian parents focusing too much on behavior and not enough on the heart? Todd sits down with bestselling author Dr. Tedd Tripp for a candid conversation about biblical parenting, technology, smartphones, prodigal children,
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Todd Friel
Wretched radio begins in 3, 2, 1.
To convince a child to keep walking,
Dr. Ted Tripp
try switching roles with them.
Announcer
Let the child play the role of the parent. They'll immediately do what you want them to do.
Sponsor/Promoter
You are raising in your home people
Todd Friel
that the Bible's very clear about their status.
Sponsor/Promoter
They need to be converted.
Todd Friel
Not just a conformity of their behavior. They need a transforming encounter with the
Dr. Ted Tripp
gospel of Jesus Christ.
Todd Friel
That is the ultimate priority.
It's time for Wretched Radio with Todd Friel.
Jimmy Hicks
Welcome in to Wretched Radio Today. I'm Jimmy Hicks. I'm not Todd Friel, but we're going to hear from Todd Friel in just a moment. Doing something a little different today. Todd sat down with Dr. Ted Tripp. If you're a parent, more than likely you've heard of his book. You probably own it, Shepherding a Child's Heart. There's been over a million copies in print, translated into dozens of languages, and they sat down and had a conversation over a meal.
Todd Friel
Can I call you Dr. Tripp?
Dr. Ted Tripp
How about if you call me Ted? Can I call you Dr. Friel?
Todd Friel
I need to begin by apologizing to you because I was hoping you would.
Dr. Ted Tripp
But why?
Todd Friel
You didn't get the memo that we were going to a fancy place? Your brother would have dressed up for this.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yes, he would have. But he's much more cultured than I am.
Todd Friel
He's like a dapper dude, isn't he?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Oh, man. He's a clothes horse. You know, I just never.
Todd Friel
But is this like a genetic thing?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, yeah. My sister has three of them on her back. It's one of those things that, you know, it's actually a mutation.
Todd Friel
That's actually good news because I heard it was four, so maybe she had some laser thing.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, yeah.
Todd Friel
The parenting thing. You're still doing that?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I am. I'm doing a lot of stuff on parenting, a lot of seminars.
Todd Friel
How long have you been studying and talking about parenting, though?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Well, the first series I ever did on parenting was in 1976.
Todd Friel
Wow.
Dr. Ted Tripp
So that was. And the church that I started to serve as a pastor in 1980. But. So that. But the stuff from shepherd of Child's Heart, I started doing in 94, actually, before the book was published.
Todd Friel
Your book is called, huh.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Shepherding the Child's Heart. Never heard of it.
Todd Friel
I thought it was the Purpose Driven Life. How did I get that confused?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I don't know, but I wish it was a Purpose Driven. I stole a lot more copies.
Sponsor/Promoter
Okay.
Todd Friel
But. Okay. Sorry to ask you to disclose this, but Shepherding Tom's Heart Dick sold a lot of copies.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, I was talking to Shepherd Press about that last week. They said, I think maybe around 1.2 million in English.
Todd Friel
That's outstanding.
Dr. Ted Tripp
It's been translated into 37 other languages. So some weird languages you wouldn't imagine, like Macedonian. Right. You know, yeah, but.
Todd Friel
But some brother or sister, they read it over there and they want their people to have it. So. Exactly the translation for you, and you have no. They might be saying, beat your kids
Sponsor/Promoter
with a ROC times a day and you wouldn't know.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Well, actually, even word. You know, English is such an amazing language because we have such incredible nuance. Like, you know, for example, you know, we have the term spanking in American English. In Australia they say smacking. But in English, we're so blessed to have such great nuance and so many ways of saying things. Even when you talk about the awesomeness of God, we have such rich vocabulary that doesn't exist in other languages. Margie and I were in Japan, November of 19, and she was teaching about God's glories and the translator was saying,
Todd Friel
I don't know what you're saying.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, I mean, after I have one word, there are no extra words.
Todd Friel
Okay, so let me tell you why I suspect that might be the case. Because the English language, really, you could fairly say, was codified by William Tyndale in his translation of the Bible because of the heritage of Christian writing, Christian language, Christian scholars, that it's pervaded our society, but it hasn't in Macedonia.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, absolutely. You're absolutely right. You know, like, for example, even the title of the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, we import, and the English speakers import into that. Psalm 23.
Todd Friel
Yes.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Care, provision, nurture, protection, sustenance. You know, it's what a shepherd does. So it has meaning for us. When we were speaking again to go to Japan, we were speaking in Japan. There is no corresponding word that conveys that idea of gentle, nurturing, caring, protection and care. There's not a single word that can be inserted in the place of shepherding. And so you're very right. The richness of our language is attributed to.
Todd Friel
It's got to be the Christian heritage,
Dr. Ted Tripp
the word of God and Christian heritage that has, you know, provided all the nuance that we have. Have in English. So it's such a rich language, like Greek, I mean, coordinate Greek is like. That has such a rich vocabulary and massive vocabulary. That's one of the challenges for non English speakers learning English is the incredible range of words not only that, our
Todd Friel
rules are like somebody threw them in a blender. And just.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah.
Todd Friel
And today, by the way. So you're a writer and you are heading up Shepherd's Press, the Help series, all of those great books. You cannot begin a sentence with a conjunction.
Sponsor/Promoter
But. Or, And.
Todd Friel
And you can end a sentence with a preposition and you can split your infinitives. How do you feel about that?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Well, I have trouble ending this sentence with a preposition just because I am 75 years old.
Announcer
Really?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. And I was taught not to do that.
Todd Friel
Exactly. And that's the way it should remain.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. And I have trouble splitting infinitives, although I do that sometimes and I catch myself and I think, I can't believe I did that.
Todd Friel
Okay, so 70, that would be 86. 96. 2016. So I go over 40 years.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah.
Todd Friel
In your opinion, has parenting gotten harder, easier, or stayed the same?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Oh, my goodness, it's so much harder. Why? Technology.
Todd Friel
Yeah, I know.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I raised kids in the pre Internet era.
Todd Friel
Yep.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I mean, we had video games our kids played that were this old paddle and a ball bounces. It's like watching cabbage grow. The kids were getting disinterested in it just because this is, you know, the phones were attached to the wall and so when you, you call a place and hope the person you wanted to talk to was at the place you called. Now you don't call a place, you call a person.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And you know, so I think telephones, the ubiquity of Internet connectivity, the all the screens we have in our life, the incredible distractions of all the technology, all incredibly challenging to parents and I. The huge mistake that parents make that I'm always railing about when I'm doing seminar is we make the mistake of confusing the child's intuitive ability to use the technology with being ready for the technology. You know, it's like my five year old grandson, he can get on the bicycle, he can turn the crank, he can pedal it, he can stop, start, steer. But he's not ready to drive across town to grandma's house because there are dangers on the road that he's not ready to navigate. And he will be someday, but he's not ready now. And parents so often just put technology in the hats of their kids without any thought or preparation. And then inevitably it takes over. It becomes intrusive into the child's life. The parents see it's out of hand, but now you're in the position of dialing it back. It's a very difficult thing to do. Because kids are going to regard that as an act of hostility toward them. So I think that the Internet has made things much harder and parents are not thoughtful.
Todd Friel
But you know what I would actually say, not only are most kids not ready to drive crosstown to grandma's house with their technology, both parents aren't. Most parents aren't either. Take a guess. Pornography consumption. We'll just stick with men, but women are starting to catch up. What percentage of American males. That includes the church. American males regularly watches porn?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I guess. I would probably guess 75, 80%.
Todd Friel
Okay.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Is that close?
Todd Friel
You know, Yeah. I would actually be willing to go even higher to into the 90s because I don't believe that unless somebody has the Holy Spirit inside of them giving them power, most men are powerless. The only thing that might curb it and society doesn't care anymore would be any potential sense of. It could wreck stuff if my wife and kids found out. But for the most part, I don't think most unregenerated men have the strength, the skills or the power to resist
Dr. Ted Tripp
it unless it's just something they're not interested in. For some. Okay, there may be some percentage of men like that, but probably not.
Todd Friel
Let me know when you meet one.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, well, I think, you know, the danger too, for our kids is that boys that get into porn awaken appetites and desires. The can never be fulfilled in the law of God for a human being because your wife can never be that person that exists for you to use sexually. You try to do that in marriage, it's going to destroy her, destroy yours. It's destructive, so you can't do that. So you have appetites and desires that are going to have to be crucified that cannot be fulfilled because they're in essence so destructive for eating. I mean, I can eat in ways that are unlawful where I overeat, but they're lawful ways to eat. I can feed those appetites in ways that are appropriate. But there's no lawful way to be a consumer of pornography. That's an appetite that is going to have to be.
Todd Friel
You aren't visiting the right churches because there are some churches now that will tell a couple if it enhances the bedroom, it's okay as long as it's husband and wife watching it together. What bible are the message? Probably just reading the message because I think they missed something about the fall and nudity and why we do this
Dr. Ted Tripp
thing in privacy and the whole idea of, you know, 1st Thessalonians 4, that you maintain your body in a way that is holy and honorable and not passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God. I mean, that's what Paul says, you know, and anyone who ignores this teaching ignores God who has given. That's pretty straightforward.
Jimmy Hicks
Parenting, technology, pornography, and what the church has gotten badly wrong. Todd is talking with Dr. Ted Tripp today, and they're just getting started. More of their conversation next on Wretched Radio. Okay, let me ask you a question. What's your TV mostly used for? Sports news that makes you anxious and crazy or reality shows that you would never admit out loud that you watch? No judgment from me. Okay, maybe just a little judgment. But here's a thought. What if your TV was actually helping you grow Fortis plus, it's absolutely free and it is available for you right now on your Roku, your Fire tv, Apple tv, Android. You've got access to a library of solid biblical teaching on topics that you actually care about. Theology, marriage, raising kids who don't abandon the faith. What the Bible says about the chaos that you see every day in the news.
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And it's not static content in either,
Jimmy Hicks
because we're adding to it constantly. This isn't some dusty archive from 2014. This is ongoing for your life right now. Download the Fortis app, put it on your tv, and watch something that builds you up for a change.
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Jimmy Hicks
You know, you can love the Lord with absolutely everything in you and still go mute. When somebody asks you how do you even, even know the Bible is true? You feel the answer deep down. You just can't put it into words. The reasons go deeper than most of us were ever even shown. Skeptics know that, too. That's why they start in Genesis and then they work backward because if you crack the foundation, then everything built on top of it will start to wobble. But when you trace the logic and the morality and the science all the way down. You find the very same thing every single time. Reality only makes sense if the Bible is true. And Dr. Jason Lyle has spent his entire career studying the universe. And in his new series, irrefutable Proof of Creation, he asks the hard questions about God and turns doubt into confidence. Irrefutable Proof of Creation is streaming right now on Fortis, with new episodes dropping every week. Download the Fortis app on your smartphone, your smart tv, or you can go to Fortis.
Todd Friel
Important dates in Christian history. 1807. The British Parliament votes to abolish the slave trade. Its decision is owing in large part to the tireless efforts of the Christian politician William Wilberforce. Wilberforce's example, spurred on abolitionist efforts in America for the next 55 years, is. This is wretched radio with Todd Friel.
Jimmy Hicks
We are back to Wretched radio. I'm Jimmy Hicks, and we are going back to Todd Friel's conversation with Dr. Ted Tripp.
Todd Friel
Mom is busy with a lot of activities, and increasingly, the kids these days left to their own devices. With their own devices. It's just. I wouldn't want to. Parenting has gotten very hard.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. And I think that even for, you know, I mean, even the pressures kids feel like one of my grandsons, he's in high school. He has a. He's 16. He has a phone, but he doesn't have any cell service. He has a phone just simply because he said, dad, I've got to have a phone in my pocket.
Todd Friel
I'm gonna look like a real.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. So I don't care if I don't have a SIM card in it. At least I have a phone.
Sponsor/Promoter
Wow.
Dr. Ted Tripp
You know, but that's the pressure, you know, But I think that as parents, the problem is we put this stuff in the hands of our kids without thoughtfulness. And I think that's one of the things that I'm always talking about in seminars, is that you've got to think through, you know, for example, going to buy kids an Xbox. I think it'd be fun for them to play video games. If you make that decision, you've got to decide how much much video game watching do I think is appropriate. An hour a day, two hours, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. You know what? What is it? Because if I don't. If we haven't decided that before we open the Xbox, you're in trouble. Yeah. You're dead in the water already. You know, it's interesting. Last week, China came out with this edict. No more than three hours a week of video games.
Todd Friel
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Because they're recognizing the. That this is dangerous to their society.
Todd Friel
Don't you hate it when the communists figure something out?
Dr. Ted Tripp
What's crazy is all the tech industry in China, the stock went down the next day. Because this is going to hurt our business.
Todd Friel
Of course, the other China mandate, I mean, not the mandates apparently are bad because we're getting our own here.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah.
Todd Friel
But it was something like these. I'm translating from China. Chinese, the sissy boy culture.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Todd Friel
Done.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah.
Todd Friel
They don't want their boys being exposed to that.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Right, right.
Todd Friel
No, which is. They get it.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. It'll be very interesting. I thought, as soon as I heard that, I thought it'll be interesting to see how that reshapes Hollywood, Hollywood presentations. Because Hollywood is so sensitive to the desires of the Chinese market. Because of such a huge, huge market. I mean, movies are modified.
Todd Friel
That's funny.
Dr. Ted Tripp
To please Beijing.
Todd Friel
And I'll tell you what I believe is another scourge besides technology, besides the pornography. This is something that I think is an increasing pandemic, a real one. Kids who grow up in a Christian home, they leave the house and they never look back. They never call mom and dad, they are off to university, they're off to their lives and they cut themselves off from their parents. I think that that is one of the unspoken scourges of the church these days, to agree or disagree.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think you're right. I think it's a huge. It's a huge issue.
Todd Friel
Your wife wrote a book about it.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, I talked about parents all the time. We talk to parents all the time who are in exactly that situation. And often parents don't have the tools to know. How do I reach out to my child and re. Establish relationship? What are the ways to do that? Yes. Margie wrote a book entitled It's Not Too Late that really is addressed to that. You know, how do you. How do you restore relationship with late teenage young adult kids who have. Who have. Who have walked away?
Todd Friel
Well, and let's be honest, they start when they are teenagers. They're not waiting to leave, they're clocking out. And they wish that their parents weren't a part of their lives long before they leave the house. Right. So let's call it this. The prodigal son and daughter scourge. That Christian parents are experiencing this. And I think our two subjects are actually linked. Why do you believe so many Christian parents are weeping because their kids are goners? Because this isn't the way kids used to treat their parents. Why are they doing that?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Now, Well, I think the more one of the big problems that happens once kids get to the place where they have enough maturity to manage themselves without constant supervision. So we're saying school age kids from, say, 10, 12 on, you know, where they can be in the house alone and they know better than stick their fingers in the wall socket. They know how to put something back away and feed themselves and all that. Parents disengage. Parents disengage.
Todd Friel
Christian parents.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Christian parents disengage. They're so busy with their own stuff. They have their own pursuits, their own interests, their own hobbies. They're too busy with making money and, you know, lifestyle choices that they've made that they're, you know, chasing around. And so parents give up on being a nurturing influence in the life of their kids. So the kids have already. They're already, by the time they're, you know, 10, 12 years old, they're already gravitating toward interests and appetites and activities that the parents are not even engaged in or clueless about. I've been reading a book recently called Irreversible Damage. I wish I could remember the. The author's name. It's about the scourge of transgender girls becoming trans boys. Right? And most of that is Internet driven. It's YouTube driven. You can go to these sites that will tell you how to deceive your parents, how to make them think that you're not understand what you're doing and what you're into. And, you know, But I think that the parents are clueless about it because parents are so involved in everything else and they are not even aware of what their kids are pursuing or what their kids are doing.
Todd Friel
When I first heard this, I thought that a lot of kids, in particular girls wanting to become boys, are doing it for the attention. And at first I thought, that seems unlimited. Would you pretend you're a different gender just to get attention? And the more I thought about it, the more I think it's true. Because of the pressure to be popular these days, the pressure to be important, have as many friends as possible, then maybe you're a little geeky or a little dorky and you have not been chosen first for basketball, that this is the chance and they grab it. And because mom and dad aren't showing them the attention, they crave it elsewhere.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And as soon as you go online as trans, you suddenly have incredible amount of affirmation. You suddenly become cease being the wallflower. You become not after person.
Todd Friel
That's right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And so a lot a Lot of. Most of these girls, statistically, most. Most of them are from families where the parents are well educated. Parents are kind of open to the whole transgender homosexual marriage, open to that whole scene. And the kids are looking for a sense of identity and affirmation.
Todd Friel
We've traded our kids for finer wine, the pursuit of things and the other, the other contributor to this. And this is why I think it's so hard to parent these days. You are so outnumbered. Okay. You do a daily devotion with your kid for 15 minutes. Maybe in some Christian homes, you take them to church, you throw them into youth group where they probably do nothing more than eat pizza. And these kids are on their phones, they're at school, they're watching, watching media, and they're being pelted perpetually by messages that are contrary. Everything biblical. Seriously, for a parent today, what age would you say your kid can have a phone?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Or what level that goes back to what is going to be the proper use of technology? And in terms of your question, when do you give a phone to a kid? I think that you never give a phone to a kid.
Sponsor/Promoter
Wow.
Dr. Ted Tripp
When you think they're ready for a phone, you say, I have a phone. It's on my plan. It's my phone. And since it's my phone, I have the password and I will let you use the phone. Here are the conditions under which you can use my phone, and if that's acceptable to you, I have a phone of mine you can use. There's a world of difference between that and saying, here, I bought you an iPhone.
Todd Friel
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
As soon as I give you that phone. Whose phone is it? It's his phone.
Todd Friel
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And I've given the phone away. So I think we've got to be really smart with that. I think that the other challenge to this is that we do have to prepare our kids to live in a connected world.
Sponsor/Promoter
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
They're going to sit at a computer, they're going to have connectivity. They're going to have to be able to live and maintain personal purity and godly values with access to things. In other words, they know a couple mouse clicks away there's access to all kinds of other stuff. They're gonna have to be able to say no to that.
Todd Friel
Okay, two things. One, the hint. Okay, it's on my plan. I've got the passport. They are so intuitive, these machines and the use ability. They're just native to this environment. They can get around you and your haston and they can bury things.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think there's not a fail safe way. But I think there are a lot of things a parent can do.
Jimmy Hicks
Your child's cell phone, who actually owns it and why that distinction matters more than you think. Dr. Ted Tripp sitting down and having a conversation with Todd today. Much more still to come. This is Wretched Radio. And it's now time for your daily
Announcer
Fortis news break of production of Fortis Institute. House Republicans have a bill that would let illegal immigrants working on American farms apply for temporary visas. The Securing Agriculture's Workforce act comes from House Agriculture Chairman Glenn Thompson of Pennsylvania, and it defines temporary as any contract shorter than 315 days, whether or not the work is actually seasoned. Thompson says the border is now secure and it's time to fix a program he calls Broken. There's another immigration story out of Michigan where a man is in the country illegally serving at least 39 years for shooting his girlfriend, Ruby Garcia, to death on a Grand Rapids highway. And he's now suing the president for $75 million and a public apology. He objects to Trump calling him America's problem in putting his mugshot in campaign ads. In a handwritten complaint, he says he was put in a category and that who he was as a person stopped mattering and that his dignity was shattered. Ribby Garcia's family doesn't get to politely complain about how they've been treated, however. And in Nebraska, an Omaha man is being held on a million dollars bond after allegedly posting a message on a Catholic school's website threatening to shoot up the school and kill the governor's grandchildren and also murder a few nuns. Investigators say he wiped out, wiped his phone, hid in a guitar and unplugged his router before they got there. He's charged with making terroristic threats and tampering with evidence. In Washington, the White House released a report this week saying the Smithsonian's American History Museum has moved away from teaching history and into political activism. And the report quotes the museum's own leadership saying so. Texas Congressman Brendan Gill asked the museum director about the material the Smithsonian published in 2012, defining white culture, which listed things like hard work and the nuclear family. She didn't have much of an answer. And about two thirds of the Smithsonian's budget comes from taxpayers. So if they want to keep teaching that, they might have to start paying for it themselves. And the Senate is fighting about the clock again. The Sunshine's Protection act would end the twice a year time change and leave the country on daylight savings permanently. It passed the House 388 to 117 and the President wants it, calling the current system a ridiculous twice yearly production. But Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton is blocking it and his office says he's not the only one. Cotton says it would push winter sunrise as late as 9:45 in the morning in parts of North Dakota, which is a real problem for kids standing at a bus stop in the dark. Oklahoma Senator James Lankford says the whole practice goes back to the first World War when we were trying to save lamp oil. And he figures we're doing alright on lamp oil today. Congress has until December. One tracking site gives the bill a 35% chance and that wraps up today's Fortis news break. I'm Jimmy Hicks. If you want more, you can download Fortis plus or sign up to become a Fortis insider for exclusive daily content, both of which can be done@fortisinstitute.org and don't forget, you can subscribe to Fortis News on your favorite podcast app in order to get these updates daily. And until tomorrow.
Jimmy Hicks
Ghosts your king.
Todd Friel
Books of the Bible the Book of Joel describes a series of disasters that serve as God's judgment and a warning that an even more severe day of judgment is coming. When you see the power and fury of creation, do not fear nature, but fear him who controls nature. But if God's people will turn to him in repentance, he will be compassionate and rescue them. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel
Jimmy Hicks
and we are back here on Wretched Radio. I'm Jimmy Hicks. We're going to continue with Todd and his conversation with Dr. Ted Tripp. Now the prodigal kid problem, why so many Christian parents end up watching their kids walk away and what they could have done years earlier.
Todd Friel
Where do you find the balance between the stereotype I think we all reject? This is my house. These are my rules. You'll do what you're told. Okay, that's not Christian parenting, but at the same time, it is your host,
Dr. Ted Tripp
is it your rules? I think you appeal to your kids and you say to your kids, we love you. We're committed to you. We understand with maturity the temptations that you face. We want to help you as much as we can. And one of the ways we can help you is by having you know that it is appropriate for us to have access to your stuff. And I, you know, that's we're trying to protect you and serve you so it's not in your face kind of thing. It's not a tough guy, macho thing, but it's really, I'm trying To shepherd you and protect you and, you know, trying to keep the wolf from way.
Todd Friel
Right now a kid will accept that when they're six, but now they're 16. Is it fair to say that no Christian home and no Christian kid is going to skate this phase of rebellion where it's like, you can say it as sweet as you want, dad, but. But I'm really angry at you because I want this. Does every kid have to go through that phase?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I don't think so. I think that some kids will. I don't think it's inevitable because God's spirit can work in our kids. You more than young and give them the wisdom to receive our interaction with them and not be chafing against them. We had a really cool demonstration of that in our. One of our grandsons, he turned 16. He wanted to drive. You could drive at 16 in Pennsylvania. But his parents felt like he was ready. And I think with good job, appropriate clothes, he was able to embrace that. Didn't really chafe against it. And he was 18 before he got his license. And I think as far as I could tell, both in interacting with him and watching his interaction with his parents, he seemed to accept the fact that they were trying to serve.
Todd Friel
Then this would be the million dollar question, why? What were parents doing up to that point? Because that just doesn't happen. You don't have a conversation. They go, huh, thanks. I've been rebellious and I should be submitting your authority because you have more wisdom than I give. So what were they doing in advance of that? So that he didn't feel that their restrictions were onerous?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think that they were very engaged. I think they were very engaged. Now, you know, my son, son and his wife, they do not have a television in their house. The kids are not weird, geeky kids. I know as soon as I say that people are like, oh yeah, I
Todd Friel
know that Kyro scene, those faces homeschooled.
Dr. Ted Tripp
They weren't homeschooled, but I mean they're very athletic, they played high school football and all that kind of stuff, you know. But the kids were very involved in all this kind of stuff with their parents. And so there was a. The house was an interesting place to be. It was a fun place. In fact, I was counseling a young man who was the classmate of one of my grandsons who said, he said, now he's from a single parent home and it's understandable that whole context, but he said, I would give anything to live in that house. That house is such a cool place. They have so much fun. They're always doing something. I would love to live in a house. So I think that they had engaged him.
Todd Friel
I don't know that you can make this decision without being confronted with it, but let's just say you're not 75, you're 35. All right? Your kid is 12. Cell phone, yes or no?
Dr. Ted Tripp
No. Unless there's some extraordinary reason why he might need a phone for safety. Then he can get a flip phone.
Todd Friel
That's right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Get it on ebay. All it does is do numbers. I can can even go in the architecture of the phone and determine what numbers it can receive or make calls to.
Todd Friel
Okay.
Jimmy Hicks
Wow.
Todd Friel
Cool.
Dr. Ted Tripp
You got grandma, grandpa.
Todd Friel
That's it.
Dr. Ted Tripp
That's it.
Todd Friel
91 1. All right, 16.
Dr. Ted Tripp
It depends on the kid. All right, so in that range. Yeah. In my mind, I think that you've got to talk about attitudes of heart when I'm teaching. And, you know, when you see a kid beginning to interact with some insight into his own propensities and reflecting some desire to do what is right, even though obviously none of us are perfect and we fail in this place. But you. It's a child you can engage and work with, then I think, yeah, you can begin to, you know, make the law and considerate and. And. And put some fences up. You know, determine what's appropriate use of
Todd Friel
the phone and why.
Dr. Ted Tripp
One of the things that's not appropriate use of the phone is we don't get it out when we're having a family meal together.
Todd Friel
Don't get me started.
Dr. Ted Tripp
But dad doesn't get his out either, because a lot of times Dad's on
Todd Friel
the phone like it's crack.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah.
Todd Friel
You just can't stop it.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Oh, it drives me crazy. When I go to a restaurant, I see a couple sitting across from each other.
Todd Friel
Oh, I know.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Both of them are looking at their phone and they're saying an effect to their other spouse. This is far more interesting and engaging to me than you can, because if you were more interested, I would be talking to you. But I broken a ball. This is something important.
Todd Friel
What my wife will say to me. I haven't said anything yet. She's seen it. I've seen it. She just goes, don't, don't. She goes, don't say something. I can't help it.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Another
Todd Friel
source of annoyance are in public, the dads, who are oblivious. Mom's doing all the work. She's dealing with the stroller. She's changing the kids. And dad, whether he's on his cell Phone or not just totally unplugged. And then when these kids have these complete meltdowns when they're just screaming for no reason whatsoever, dad is just kind of off in la la land.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Or you say, why don't you do something with this child?
Todd Friel
I have in Christian love. That's how I love my neighbor. I help them to behave the way I do. I do want to talk about prodigal kids though. All right. And this is, this is kind of tricky to work through because you've got, you've got yourself kids who are at home like teenagers. And then you've got yourself the 18, 19, 20 year old still living at home. And then you've got the prodigal kids who are away. So it's kind of what you say has to be applied to the correct category of these kids. But in general, I want to start before the turbulence begins. And I think I know your answer because you have hinted at it at least four times. What is the best thing a parent can do to not find themselves with a product?
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think it's being engaged.
Todd Friel
See, I knew it. You just keep, you just keep drumming
Dr. Ted Tripp
that You've got to be engaged. And I think even learning what your kids interests are pursuing with them, any legitimate interests they have or facilitating the pursuit of legitimate interest. It's relationship stuff. That relationship stuff I talk about with parents. You want to cultivate a relationship that gives you influence in the last year child. Because influence is more pop. More powerful than authority. You can accomplish much more with influence. I mean if I had, if I could tell you the President of the United States never makes a decision without checking with me and he always does what I suggest. If that were true, how much authority would I have? No authority. I'm not elected to any office. Which influence would I have? The president's here. I would. Great influence. And that's where I want to be with my teenagers. And, and you cultivate that, you cultivate that throughout their whole life.
Todd Friel
Okay, but here's, here's what some people would hear.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And engaged instead of being off doing your own thing then here because they're old enough to take care of themselves.
Todd Friel
Categorize what you just said. Oh good, another helicopter parent. Always doing stuff for their kids, entertaining the kids. Is that what you're describing?
Dr. Ted Tripp
No, no. I'm describing a parent that has the sensitivity to discern what this kid's interests are and the insight to interact with him and engage him and do those things with him, if that's appropriate or facilitate his doing of Those things. I'm understanding who he is and what his interests are. I think, I think also, you know, let's face it, how many kids are into sports and traveling teams and all that kind of stuff. Me, as parents, we've got to think about that whole area of influence too. You know, what is the, what's the language like of this coach? What kind of values is this coach teaching? Is this coach teaching my kids to praise God for the agility and coordination?
Sponsor/Promoter
Probably not.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, exactly. Then I need to question whether or not that's the best choice, you know, for my kids.
Todd Friel
You know, in fairness, as we talk about, you know, the kids can get. Getting bombarded by messages. The way that our current society is set up, it's kind of hard for parents to not be distracted, preoccupied, busy. You have to work from home at 8 o', clock, you can get texted, you get busy. So there's a fair amount of pressure on parents to not be that involved with their kids.
Dr. Ted Tripp
In fairness, I think we have to also be very wise because of the range of possibilities for our family to get involved in or members of the family to get involved in is so broad in our culture that, I mean, it's like going to a smorgasbord. You go to a sporting Sport that has 53 different entrees, but it's not good for you to eat a little bit of all of them. You're gonna have to make choices. Same thing's true with activities. We make choices with our kids and say, okay, it's a family. We can't be involved in this level and all these things because it's going to rob us of stuff that's more important, like the ability to just hang out together.
Jimmy Hicks
Man, that's such a powerful line from Dr. Ted Tripp. And if you're a parent, it's worth hearing twice more from Todd's conversation with Dr. Tripp, coming up next on Retro. As a Christian, at some point you're going to be in a conversation about abortion. Maybe it's at work, maybe it's at Thanksgiving dinner, or maybe even with your own kids. And when that moment comes, you're either going to be ready for the conversation or you're not. Life is best get you ready. It's hosted by Scott Klusendorf, one of, if not the sharpest pro life apologists in the world. This 13 episode series walks through every major argument you'll hear and shows you how to respond with clarity and compassion. You'll also hear from voices like Paul Washer and Dr. John MacArthur bringing the weight of scripture to an issue the world wants to keep shallow. You won't find angry debate tactics or gotcha moments. This is thoughtful teaching that engages the mind and the heart, because the goal isn't to win an argument. It's to change minds and point people to Christ. Life is best all 13 episodes streaming now on Fortis for free. Download the app on your smartphone, on your smart TV TV, or just simply go to fortisplus.org Should Christians drink? What about tattoos? Is it okay to send your kids to public school? Or does homeschool make you holier? And don't even get started on worship styles? That's ended more friendships than Monopoly.
Announcer
Here's the thing.
Jimmy Hicks
Christians love to argue about stuff the Bible doesn't actually command or forbid. And when we do, we fracture over things that shouldn't divide us. That's where Christmas Christian Liberty comes in. It's a teaching series with Todd Friel, Phil Johnson, and Ty Blackburn, all walking you through one of the most neglected and most misused doctrines in all of scripture. And when you actually understand Christian Liberty, you stop majoring on minors. You learn to disagree without dividing. You grow in wisdom and maturity and have genuine love for other believers who see things a little bit differently than you do. Christian Liberty is streaming right now for free on 4Fortis. Just download the app where you download apps on your smartphone, your smart TV, or simply go to fortisplus.org Trust the Science. You've heard it a million times, usually right before someone uses it to shut a conversation down instead of open one up. But science is a tool. It's not a judge. And like any tool, it depends on who's holding it and what they already believe. Two scientists can look at the exact same data and walk away with opposite conclusions because each one brought a different worldview to the table. Science also leans on a few things it can't prove that the universe stays orderly and that our minds can actually grasp truth. Both make the most sense of a rational God made it all. You take him out of the picture and you're left trusting that chaos somehow adds up. That's where in the beginning with Dr. Jason Lyle comes in. He's a PhD astrophysicist. He'll teach you to read the science headlines without getting played. New episodes of in the Beginning are dropped every single Wednesday, on every single podcast platform in existence or@fortisplus.org.
Todd Friel
Titles of Christ in the Bible, Jesus is given many titles that teach us about who he is and what he has done. Jesus is called the bridegroom. Christians are waiting for Christ's return, which the Book of Revelation describes as the wedding of the lamb. Christ will come to usher his bride, his church, into eternity with him. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel,
Jimmy Hicks
and we are back here on Wretched Radio. I'm Jimmy Hicks. We are at the final part of Todd's conversation with Dr. Ted Tripp. If you're a parent who's been carrying guilt over things that you didn't do, or maybe what you think you should have done, this segment's for you. Okay.
Todd Friel
Counsel me through this. A number of years ago, that Bible verse in First John. But if we sin, we have an advocate, Jesus the righteous. And from. You can correct me on this because I took a beating for it on the Internet.
Jimmy Hicks
It was.
Todd Friel
I said, you need to have a repentance plan for your kid to let them know, look, we don't want you to be doing drugs underneath the bleachers, but should you ever sin, don't forget you have an advocate, Jesus the righteous. And I was kind of taken to task for that because it sounded like, all right, we don't want you to have sex, but if you do, here's a prophylactic device. I thought I was just quoting to let our kids know, hey, you're going to sin. Don't forget you have an advocate, Jesus the righteous. I was scolded for that. Who was right?
Dr. Ted Tripp
Well, I think that is true. I think it is true. I agree with you. I think that the advocacy of Christ is. That's an offer, a free offer of the gospel, that there's a place for me to go with my sin. And if I go to Christ, if I confess my sin, as 1st John 9:19 says, and I go to Christ as 2:1 says, he is an advocate who speaks to the Father in my defense, I think that that is absolutely true. And it's not giving kids a pass, it's giving them hope. There's no place for me to go with my family failure.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And. And as parents, we want to be modeling that all the time. We're raising our kids.
Sponsor/Promoter
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
The dad's someone that is going to God all the time with his failure. And I have to repent again and again throughout the day.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
And even at the end of the day, there are things that I haven't repented of, that I should have repented of, that I was blind to or that God in mercy didn't fully expose to me. Because if God fully exposed you, all Your wickedness in a single moment that you couldn't live under the weight of it.
Todd Friel
I would want to be on the backside of the moon.
Sponsor/Promoter
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
You wouldn't be able to live under the weight of it. His mercy, he meters it to us.
Todd Friel
Yeah.
Dr. Ted Tripp
A little bit at a time, because
Todd Friel
it can feel like, well, you know, we don't want him to do that thing. And by telling them there's forgiveness, even if they do that thing, giving them a pass. We're giving them a pass. And I think to myself, no, we're giving them the gospel. We're. We're showing them how this thing works. So I, I kind of stick with that.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think that's. I. I mean, I think that applies to a lot of areas with our kids, you know, of those besetting sins. And one of the things I used to talk to my boys about, you know, when they were young, young teenagers, is about the temptations and masturbation, all that kind of sexual fantasy and all that sort of thing. So I would talk about the dangers of that and endeavoring to persuade them that was wrong. But I always make part of that conversation, helping them to know when you go, when you fail.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Because otherwise, if you're really persuaded that this is dangerous and reprehensible inside of God and you don't know where to go with you when you set, then, you know. So I think you have to do both. I think with a lot of areas with our kids in our lives, they
Todd Friel
probably just go more inside and deeper down the spiral.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Right, Right.
Todd Friel
Because they don't know how to go.
Dr. Ted Tripp
There's no hope.
Todd Friel
So to me, that's kind of an example of what you've been banging away at since 1976. Shepherd, your kid. You don't. You simply discipline them. Don't do behavioral modification parenting. Shepherd, your child's heart. And so to conclude this, I want you to springboard off of the title of your wife's book for those who might now be going, oh, boy, I have so blown it. It's too far gone. You and Snake.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, it's not too late. Late. It's never too late. That, you know, that title actually came from conversations that Margie had with people who said, it's too late for me. I've blown it. I haven't been the parent I wanted to be. They're full of guilt, true guilt, because they have sinned. They're heaping additional guilt on themselves because they're prideful, self righteous. I should know better. Better. Which is all about pride.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
You know, so I, not only did I sin, I sinned against light. I'm such a slob. And so they, they conclude it's too late. And the purpose of her book was to say it's done, it's not too late. It's God's grace isn't always present. And we can trust God to work through his word, through his truth in the lives of our kids so that we never give up. And you never know. You know, God doesn't work on our times scale. We know of a lady who prayed for her son, her son's salvation for 57 years. So she died. After her death, he came to faith in Christ. She never saw the answer to her prayer in this life.
Todd Friel
Right.
Dr. Ted Tripp
But God did answer her prayer. It's never too late. So as long as this child is alive, there's hope. And our hope is not in our ability to persuade them or to win them. Our hope is in the power of the gospel and the power of grace of God, that God's word is self authenticating. It's powerful. God works through his word. I can't save my kids. I can't reach aside and flip a switch and make them believe regardless of their age. It's not in my power to usher them into the kingdom. But I know the King and I can beseech the king, I can endeavor to be a faithful subject of the King in every way that I can and trust God to do what I cannot do. And if God is pleased and do it, he will save him. And if he's not, and this I think is the hardest thing for us to get a hold of as parents. One day in heaven we will so delight in the fact that glory has been gotten to God both through the salvation of sinners and the eternal damnation of the wicked, that we will find joy in God, in whatever he has done, even with those who are the most precious to us. Because the greater glory of God will be larger in our vision than our own empathy and sorrow that focuses on us. And it's hard.
Todd Friel
I don't think, I don't think we're going to be able. I think that is truth. I don't think we're going to fully get that until we're there.
Dr. Ted Tripp
I think you're right.
Todd Friel
That to me is understanding God at a level I don't know that we can grasp. I mean, I think we can say it pretty glibly but you know, thinking about your child in hell for eternity.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah. My mother, oh, my mother used to say if God's going to wipe all the teachers tears from our eyes. He's got to wipe the memory of my kids from my eyes, you know, if my kids are not there. But I do think that, you know, heaven will be a place of perfect reconciliation between us and the eternal plan and purpose of God, which is designed for his glory. We will so find joy in his glory, like you say. I can say that more than enter into it, but I think that that's where we will find joy. Just like in heaven. When I see that you are actually closer to Christ than I am, I will love you so much. I'll find joy in your joy in Christ.
Todd Friel
Well, even though you're close, let's be
Dr. Ted Tripp
honest here, I think wherever we find ourselves on those scales, we will so love that other person. We will find joy in the fact. I just love him so much. I'm glad that he has a closer relationship.
Todd Friel
And maybe that too is the note that we need to remember. We want our kid to experience that joy. And therefore I need to be working on shepherding my child's heart as opposed to behavioral modification, because what doesn't profit a parent if his kid is well behaved but dies and doesn't experience the joys of heaven? Yeah, that. That really needs to be the note that just keeps us going to our kids with tender hearts to go. I'm sorry, I've blown it. I want to continue trying to shepherd you because I need shepherding too. So without that, it's impossible to do what you're describing.
Dr. Ted Tripp
Yeah, well, thankfully we have been given everything thing we need for life and godliness through knowing him follows by his own glory and goodness. It's such an amazing passage. It's not even a promise in a sense. It's a past Protestant. God has done something has given us. We've already been given all the insight, the courage, the grace, the humility. Everything we need to for life and godliness has been given to us in Christ. And it's given us his first great precious promises so that then we might participate in the divine nature, escape the corruption of this world caused by evil desires, the hope for us, Thomas, that is that gift. It's the grace of God.
Jimmy Hicks
It's not too late. And that is a significant word from Dr. Ted Tripp. You know, you can't flip a switch and save your kids. You never could. But you know the King and you can go to the king and you can continue to show up with a tender heart and an open Bible and do the work that Christ has equipped you to do. Dr. Ted Tripp, author of Shepherding a Child's Heart, sat down with Todd Friel today on wretched radio. And it was a fruitful conversation. And until tomorrow, go serve your king.
In this episode, Todd Friel sits down with renowned Christian parenting expert Dr. Ted Tripp for an in-depth conversation about the real challenges facing Christian parents today. The episode’s main theme is the need for parents to shift from focusing on mere behavioral conformity to shepherding their children’s hearts through Gospel-centered engagement, especially in a world dominated by technology, cultural confusion, and increasing familial disengagement.
Todd Friel and Dr. Ted Tripp share light-hearted banter about formality and family culture, setting a collegial, relatable tone for sometimes heavy topics.
Dr. Ted Tripp: “Oh, my goodness, it's so much harder. Why? Technology… The huge mistake that parents make… is we make the mistake of confusing the child's intuitive ability to use the technology with being ready for the technology… parents so often just put technology in the hands of their kids without any thought or preparation. And then inevitably it takes over.”
Todd Friel: “Kids who grow up in a Christian home, they leave the house and they never look back… I think that that is one of the unspoken scourges of the church these days.”
Dr. Ted Tripp: “I think… one of the big problems that happens once kids get to the place where they have enough maturity… parents disengage… they've already gravitated toward interests… that the parents are not even engaged in or clueless about.”
Dr. Ted Tripp: “When you think they're ready for a phone, you say, I have a phone. It's on my plan… it's my phone… here are the conditions under which you can use my phone, and if that's acceptable to you, I have a phone of mine you can use… there's a world of difference between that and saying, here, I bought you an iPhone.”
Dr. Ted Tripp: “You want to cultivate a relationship that gives you influence in the life of your child. Because influence is more powerful than authority.”
Dr. Ted Tripp: “It's never too late. That title actually came from conversations that Margie had with people who said, it's too late for me. I've blown it… the purpose of her book was to say it's not too late… Our hope is in the power of the gospel and the power of grace of God, that God's word is self-authenticating. It's powerful. God works through his word. I can't save my kids… But I know the King and I can beseech the king…”
The episode repeatedly returned to the need for heart-level engagement over mere behavioral management. Dr. Tripp’s core counsel: Be present, engage with your child’s interests, cultivate deep relationships, and parent from a place of gospel hope and repentance—knowing ultimately, salvation belongs to the Lord. For parents facing regret, the message is clear: “It’s not too late.” God's grace is sufficient, and faithful presence with an open Bible can be used mightily, whatever stage of parenting you find yourself in.
For parents and churchgoers, this discussion is a timely reminder: Shepherding a child’s heart is not about fixing the “wrong problem” (mere behavior), but pointing them to Christ through loving, engaged, gospel-saturated parenting.