Annie Lederman and David Dastmalchian

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil: “Annie Lederman and David Dastmalchian”

Episode Date: October 2, 2025
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Annie Lederman, David Dastmalchian

---

Overview

This episode of "Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil" dives deep into the comedic and profoundly humiliating life stories of comedian Annie Lederman and actor David Dastmalchian. The trio embraces and celebrates life's most mortifying, disastrous moments without searching for any higher meaning or feel-good wrap-up. Just pure, cringe-inducing, hilarious disaster. From public panic attacks to literal car-seat disasters, the show proves that when it comes to embarrassment, you're never alone.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Spirit of Wrong Turns (00:36–02:50)

• Show’s Purpose: Jameela sets the tone: “A show where dignity really does go to die… sometimes life just fucking sucks.” No lessons forced, just unapologetic schadenfreude.
• Guest Introduction: David Dastmalchian arrives early. Annie Lederman is “15 minutes late,” which becomes her own “wrong turn.”

2. Banter, Typecasting & Showbiz Origins (02:50–06:17)

• David discusses how his gothic look and energy led to typecasting as “killer, serial killer, the vampire, etc.”
• Hollywood Entry: David’s experience of feeling there’s “a way into the impenetrable mansion that is working Hollywood” (03:18).
• Annie and David reminisce about their early days: meeting in a Brooklyn pizza shop, competing for fame, and bombing at Annie’s ambush stand-up show.
  • Annie’s open mic host origin story: “I think you ran out of the… actually escaped… ambush show is what they call it.” (05:16)
  • David’s stand-up bombing: “There’s bombing and then there’s atomic bombing. Right, Atomic bomb.” (05:51)

3. Annie’s Habitual Lateness & Life with Snakes (06:10–07:05)

• Ongoing joke about Annie perpetually running late—she blames ADD and living in Venice.
• Annie reveals she and her fiancé have seven snakes: “He came out as, like, a reptile guy... I have seven snakes.” (06:47)
• Banter about who’s the “creepy” one in the relationship.

4. School Disaster & Early Trauma (09:09–11:15)

• David’s Kindergarten Talent Show Fail:
  • Attempts “Rainbow Connection” in costume, family tears up, but he panics, forgets words, flees stage:
    • “I leaned to the mic and said, 'I forgot.' And then I ran off stage and just bawled.” (10:51)
  • Sets off years of stage fright: “For many, many, many years… I swore I was never going to get up in front of people again.” (11:15)

5. School Personas & Bullying (11:40–12:21)

• Jameela: “I used to give off a Real school shooter vibe at school, did you?” (11:43)
• Annie claims: “I bullied the bullies. I only bully the bullies.” (12:01)
• Discussion of Annie’s twin brother and her protective side.

6. Micro-humiliations and Party Disasters (12:30–14:58)

• Annie’s Santa Fe Story:
  • Drunk, flashes boobs at a chain gang from scooter, scooter stalls: “I flashed my boobs at them and then my scooter stalled”—pure mortification (13:16)
  • Years later, gets email from a guy with a signed t-shirt and her phone number/email—reminder of classic cringe.

7. Jameela’s Counterintuitive Safety Tactics (15:05–16:57)

• Jameela chases after catcallers or runs screaming at potential threats:
  • “I find running at men really does, like, kill any erection.” (15:23)
  • Once scared off a group of guys by yelling “It’s coming!” (16:29)

---

Notable Quotes & Fun Moments

• On Disasters as Learning:

  • David: “There are those occasional whammies that you’re just like, oh, by the way, the universe is chaos.” (02:12)

• On Open Mic Bombing:

  • Annie: “There’s bombing and then there’s atomic bombing. Right, Atomic bomb.” (05:51)

• On Middle School Personas:

  • Jameela: “I used to give off a real school shooter vibe at school, did you?” (11:43)
  • Annie: “I bullied the bullies. I only bully the bullies.” (12:01)

• On Scooter/Chain Gang Incident:

  • Annie: “I think I’m like Taylor Hansen showing my boobs… and my scooter stalls… I have to put my shirt back down and walk it slowly.” (13:30–13:52)

• On “It’s coming!” tactic:

  • Jameela: “I just stop and I say it’s coming. And then they all run away because they don’t know what it is.” (16:29)

---

Major Disastrous Stories

1. David’s “Big Wrong Turn” — Wrestling Match Catastrophe (19:07–25:49)

• David, reflecting on teaching his kids about embarrassment, tells the story of his high school teammate (“Matt”) who made weight for wrestling only to have explosive diarrhea during the match.
  • “His opponent... picks him up to slam him... squeezes really tight... just shits himself.” (22:24)
  • Disqualifies, mat gets disinfected, Matt laughs it off.
• Story escalates: As David tells the story to his kids in the car, he starts laughing so hard… he himself poops his pants while driving.
  • “I feel it coming and I can’t stop it… both hands on the wheel and I’ve got my ass like six inches above the seat.” (24:41)
  • His kids are “in tears laughing,” windows can’t be rolled down, and he panics about the leather seats: “How much do you tip for that detail?” (25:20)
  • “Anyone who tells the story immediately shits, but it’s shit 100%. You shit it forward. That’s what happens.” (25:59–26:02)

2. Annie’s “Period on the Couch” — The Hollywood Professional Disaster (31:40–36:10)

• Early in LA, Annie meets with a writer for a potential show. The relationship is already tense.
• Sits on the writer’s white couch, stands up, and sees: “I have perioded all over this woman’s couch. And it’s a nice, you know, it’s a nice couch.” (33:19)
• No way to hide it; the woman says “it’s fine, I was gonna reupholster”—but it’s clear they’re never working together again.
• Years later, Annie texts an apology; the woman never replies.
  • “Every time I stand up from a couch, a white couch, I think of you.” (35:17)
  • “This bitch left it on red...” (35:18)
• Jameela and Annie discuss trauma prepping for periods: “I wear six pairs of underpants during the week before my period...” (36:10)

---

Listener Story: “Misery Loves Company” (37:53–40:27)

• Matthew’s Meet-Puke Disaster:
  • Pre-gaming before an outdoor concert, gets wasted, vomits in beer cup, forgets, tries to sip from the cup later, gags, date notices and throws up on the people in front.
  • “Attempting to drink my own sick... she throws up on the two people sitting in front of her. Spoiler alert: We did not hook up that night.” (38:58)

Jameela on British Festival Culture

• “In England, we like to piss into cups. The men. And then they just like to throw it to the front of the audience... beer or piss? Beer or piss?” (40:05)

---

Where to Find the Guests

• Annie Lederman:

  • Podcast: Annie Wood (YouTube, every Thursday)
  • Stand-Up Dates: annieledeman.com/shows
  • Instagram: @annielederman

• David Dastmalchian:

  • Instagram: @dastmalchian (usmalch)
  • Comics: “Knights vs Samurai,” “Creature Commandos”
  • Upcoming Apple+ series: “Murderbot,” film: “Rosario”

---

Memorable Moments & Tone

• David’s “loose stool” wrestling match story paired with his real-life “shit it forward” incident is pure slapstick schadenfreude.
• Annie’s humility and genuine remorse over staining a white couch adds relatability, while Jameela’s overt Britishness and dry wit keep the tone irrepressibly playful.
• Banter is quick, irreverent, and vulgar, but leavened by warmth and mutual support. The show lives up to its manifesto: no lessons, only laughter in the face of disaster.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “There are those occasional whammies that you’re just like, oh, by the way, the universe is chaos.” — David Dastmalchian (02:12)
• “There’s bombing and then there’s atomic bombing. Right, Atomic bomb.” — Annie Lederman (05:51)
• “I leaned to the mic and said, ‘I forgot.’ And then I ran off stage and just bawled.” — David Dastmalchian (10:51)
• “I bullied the bullies. I only bully the bullies.” — Annie Lederman (12:01)
• “I flashed my boobs at them and then my scooter stalled...” — Annie Lederman (13:16)
• “His opponent... picks him up... squeezes really tight... just shits himself.” — David Dastmalchian (22:24)
• “I have perioded all over this woman’s couch.” — Annie Lederman (33:19)
• “Every time I stand up from a white couch, I think of you.” — Annie Lederman (35:17)
• “In England, we like to piss into cups… beer or piss? Beer or piss? It’s the most stressful environment. Never come to a British festival.” — Jameela Jamil (40:05)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:36] – Show intro, premise, guest banter, Annie’s lateness
• [03:43] – Annie enters, origin stories with David
• [09:09] – David’s traumatic kindergarten disaster
• [12:30] – Annie’s chain gang/flashing story
• [19:07] – David’s wrestling match/diarrhea humiliation story
• [31:40] – Annie’s “period on the couch” disaster
• [37:53] – Listener submission: Matthew’s meet-puke
• [40:05] – British festival anecdotes

---

Conclusion

If you crave honest, bodily, and social mishaps told with reckless comic abandon, this episode’s for you. Annie and David exemplify the “Wrong Turns” ethos: not dignity, not redemption, just hilarious, shame-drenched solidarity.

Transcript

[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie. And maybe like us at the podcast you also know people who have been smokers or vapers and Zyn is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zyn nicotine pouches reasons like Zyn nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction. And you can choose between 10 varieties, each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zen at a store near you. Warning this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you for listening to Wrong Turns. Follow the show on Amazon Music for more future episodes or just ask Alexa. Play the podcast Wrong Turns on Amazon Music. Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns. This is a show where dignity really does go to die. And it's one that doesn't force every bad story or every humiliating moment to have to be a great moment of wisdom, you know, a great turning point in your life. We accept that sometimes life just fucking sucks. And I get to bring on some of my favorite funny people to tell me their stories of woe. Now today I only have one guest so far because. Because the other guest is fucking late as shit. She's like 15 minutes late. Her name is Annie Lederman and I'm gonna name and shame right now. But you know who did turn up on time? Do you know who did? We have an award winning actor, a writer, a producer known for his roles in Oppenheimer, the Dark Knight, Ant man and the Suicide Squad. Making me feel pretty bad about my career right now. In his new show, Grave Conversations, he interviews guests about death while they both lie in caskets. It's David Dastmalchian.

[Annie Lederman]

Hello, hello, hello.

[David Dastmalchian]

Than, thanks for having me. I'm so glad I could be here on time.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh my God, I'm so thrilled for you. I'm so happy that you were here. And she was so fucking late. I was like, well, this can be her wrong turn for the day. Start on a really bad note.

[David Dastmalchian]

What an abysmal disaster.

[Jameela Jamil]

How you doing, David? Lovely prompt on time, man.

[David Dastmalchian]

I feel really good, I feel really good about myself after that introduction. Yes, thank you very much, that was really kind. And I feel good about being punctual and I feel very, very grateful that you have this show because my life, although I've had a lot of really wonderful blessings and luck, there's all these disasters and I always like to contextualize those Disasters as, like, learning moments, teachable moments. And truly most of them, if not almost all of them, have been. But there are those occasional whammies that you're just like, oh, by the way, the universe is chaos.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And like, who did I fuck over in a last life? Like, what karma is this?

[David Dastmalchian]

Oh, I don't want to go down that path.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. No, you're dressed like, you know.

[Annie Lederman]

I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Love this look, by the way.

[David Dastmalchian]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

I love that you're leaning into the gothic. You. You know, we were talking earlier that there's like an element of sometimes typecasting you go through in your career to play the sort of the killer, the serial killer, the vampire, the, etc. Do you find this to be true?

[David Dastmalchian]

For sure. When I came to Hollywood to pursue my dream of the movies, I had only done one film role and though was already feeling the vibe of like, oh, there's a space. There's a way into the big, you know, impenetrable mansion that is working Hollywood. Oh, there's a knock at the door. Oh, I wonder who's.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, not any fucking Letterman. Oh, my God. And in the leather coat with the big glasses on. Goodness gracious. Hello.

[Annie Lederman]

Had donuts or something to make up for the lateness. Hi. You're gorgeous.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're dressed like someone who's 15 minutes late.

[Annie Lederman]

I know.

[David Dastmalchian]

Hi.

[Annie Lederman]

They text me. They're like, he's really funny. I'm like, wow, I have a story about him. We've known each other a long time.

[Jameela Jamil]

We do know each other.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah. Yeah. We never see each other in person, but you know where we met At a. Do you remember where we met?

[Annie Lederman]

Not really, no.

[David Dastmalchian]

It was in Brooklyn at a pizza parlor, like, waiting in line for pizza. And you were like, hey, dark night guy. And I was like, hey, ScarJo. And then we just started.

[Annie Lederman]

I was like, I'm gonna be famous. And you're like, I'm gonna be famouser.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

He didn't really say that, but it happened.

[Jameela Jamil]

You just felt it.

[David Dastmalchian]

You said, I am going to do this stuff. And then there's so many other stories. Do you remember we went shopping at a Ross dress for.

[Annie Lederman]

We went. I had that pleather jacket for about three weeks before it fell apart.

[David Dastmalchian]

And then Annie, as we all know, very funny, Very funny. Great comedian, was hosting a open MIC at like 3:30 on Mondays at some coffee shop. And I was like, oh, I want to do a set.

[Annie Lederman]

I was like, are you sure?

[David Dastmalchian]

And I was like, absolutely. I was trying to write jokes for a friend of mine. Who is an aspiring standup comic. And he was like, your jokes suck. And I was like, no, they're great. And he's like, you know, you do them and then see how they go. And I was like, sure, I can prove a point.

[Annie Lederman]

How did it go? I think you ran out of the. I think you actually escaped the. It was at a restaurant I worked at. It was actually at 8pm it was called Living it Up at Life Cafe. It was a truly book show. It was an ambush show is what they call when people are just eating and you just come in and there's a bunch of, like, comics.

[Jameela Jamil]

My favorite kind.

[David Dastmalchian]

No interest in my comedy. And he could win them over.

[Annie Lederman]

Did you have a keyboard?

[David Dastmalchian]

I didn't have a keyboard. It was a bit, though. There was a phone. It was a phone bit, the bit.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also, Annie's already gonna get everyone's attention. Cause they're like, what the fuck is Scarlett Hansen doing in here?

[Annie Lederman]

Yes. And why is she late to her own show?

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah, and I did run. I mean, it was. It was. There's bombing and then there's atomic bombing. Right, Right, Atomic bomb.

[Annie Lederman]

And you were like, oppenheimer. It would have been weird if you didn't bomb, because everyone kind of bombs and beginning. But it was. I remember going, are you sure you want to do this? He said, yeah. I go, okay.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah. I was like, I need five. She goes, you get three. And I made it two.

[Jameela Jamil]

So. So how long have you two known each other?

[David Dastmalchian]

15 years.

[Jameela Jamil]

And has she always been late this whole time?

[David Dastmalchian]

Oh, always.

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

I have ADD and I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is it a power move? Are you actually ready on time? And then you just sit in your house dressed in your coat.

[Annie Lederman]

Oh, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

You just wait in the car.

[David Dastmalchian]

I want to Dr. Phil you.

[Annie Lederman]

No, I live in. Yeah, Please catch me outside. I catch me outside scrambling to my keys and stuff. But no, I have ADD and I live in Venice and those two things.

[Jameela Jamil]

You still have a snake?

[Annie Lederman]

I have seven snakes.

[David Dastmalchian]

That's right.

[Jameela Jamil]

How many do you have? Seven snakes.

[Annie Lederman]

Well, my fiance, right before we got engaged, when we were already pretty locked in, he came out as, like, a reptile guy. He had never told me this before.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then I said, reptile, like, wants you to be reptiles in the bedroom.

[Annie Lederman]

No. That would be fun, though.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. Okay.

[Annie Lederman]

We just let the snakes out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Annie Lederman]

So I don't know if it's him or snake.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Very nice.

[David Dastmalchian]

Who's the creepy one here?

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't know.

[David Dastmalchian]

Wow.

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't know what's going on anymore.

[David Dastmalchian]

I don't, though.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. It's always the one who looks like the vampire that's actually the sweet. I was savory one.

[David Dastmalchian]

Raising money door to door for unicef. I was right before I came here. No, I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Maybe he's like, I'm a virgin.

[David Dastmalchian]

Part of a.

[Annie Lederman]

My kids were immaculately conceived.

[David Dastmalchian]

Immaculately. That's what they say.

[Annie Lederman]

Did I say it wrong?

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, so you say.

[Annie Lederman]

Why is it called immaculate? Oh, my God. Because that's the best way to do it. No touching.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

Nothing on the pleasure.

[Jameela Jamil]

Nothing on the face or the tits. One time it went on my fringe and I had a nervous breakdown. Anyway, okay, so when it comes to. Oh, by the way, I haven't even introduced you.

[Annie Lederman]

By the way, you're so pretty, I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Can'T even believe.

[Annie Lederman]

My life. I've already known this beautiful man for so long. I don't know if you guys ever meet celebrities.

[David Dastmalchian]

You're.

[Annie Lederman]

You're. You get weak in the knees. You can't believe what you're looking at. That's what's happening to me right now.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, okay, if we're gonna get into it, Violins start to play in my brain. When you sat down. All right, you're happy.

[Annie Lederman]

Do you mind?

[Jameela Jamil]

Could you leave?

[David Dastmalchian]

Are you gonna have me switch chairs with you?

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, listen, this husky, sexy voice belongs to comedian, podcaster, producer, writer, and actress known for who is America? Terrifier 3 and for voicing Cheryl in Grand Theft Auto 5. She hosts the podcast Annie Wood and. And currently is on tour around the country. It's Annie Letterman.

[Annie Lederman]

That was the best intro I've ever been given in my life. Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Ah, okay. So this is a podcast. It's about disaster. Is disaster something that follows you in life?

[Annie Lederman]

I think maybe. Yeah, maybe I'm the leader of it. I don't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right, right. Do you go out in search of it? Do you enjoy it?

[Annie Lederman]

I think I might enjoy a little disaster, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

A little bit. What about you? You were saying that, you know, you.

[David Dastmalchian]

Live a disaster prone to those disasters, most of which I've detonated my own by my own hands. But, like, still, I think that this podcast is such a special place because all of mine I love to look at. Like, oh, this was awful. That was awful. And I always like to find the purpose.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right, right.

[David Dastmalchian]

And the, like, the reasoning behind it. Like, why did this have to happen? Why did I do this thing? First one I can recall, I was like, what grade? How old are you in kindergarten? 6. 7.

[Jameela Jamil]

6, 7, 6.

[David Dastmalchian]

7.

[Annie Lederman]

Ish.

[David Dastmalchian]

5.

[Annie Lederman]

If you're 7 in kindergarten.

[David Dastmalchian]

So how dare you?

[Annie Lederman]

Oh, you were. You didn't find your art yet.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think it's like three to six Ish.

[David Dastmalchian]

So, like, three is five. Let's say I was five. Kansas. I have kids. I should know this stuff. But I was in Kansas going to Oak Park Elementary School. I was entranced. I was obsessed, fascinated by the Muppets. The Muppet Movie is my favorite movie. I love the Muppet show. Is all I wanted to do or be. My favorite song in the world was the Rainbow Connection. And I loved the idea of performing in, like, people in the theater. And so there was the annual variety talent show at the Oak Park Elementary School. And I auditioned for and then got to be in the talent show. And I went up on stage on a little stool, and I made my costume as overalls, and I had a little grasshopper poking out of here and a little rainbow thing behind me and a banjo. And I was singing the Rainbow Connection. And I started performing, and I look out at this sea of faces. And my mom and my oldest sister were there, and they're crying. And it suddenly put me in this place in my head. I was like, they're embarrassed. Are they sad? Did I screw up?

[Jameela Jamil]

Did it not occur to you they might be so moved?

[David Dastmalchian]

Not at all. And I went into a fugue. I just started. I lost the words. I lost my place. I went into probably what was my first closest thing to a panic attack, Just standing there, and I start sweating, and I just stopped. And then all I could get out of it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Does the rest of the music keep playing?

[David Dastmalchian]

The music keeps playing. And I leaned to the mic and I said, I forgot. And then I ran off stage and just bawled. And what did I learn from that? Nothing, other than to be afraid of going in front of people and performing. For many, many, many years, I swore I was, like, scargy. I'm never going to get up in front of people again. But eventually, thankfully, I did.

[Jameela Jamil]

You briefly found the edge.

[David Dastmalchian]

That was one that I go, that poor kid. Why did that have to happen?

[Annie Lederman]

Wait, was your mom and sister were moved and crying? Cause they were so moved by what you were doing.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah. Or the traumatic divorce my mom was going through. I don't know.

[Annie Lederman]

She's like, he reminds me of his father. Your dad was a muppo just like.

[David Dastmalchian]

Your dad up there.

[Jameela Jamil]

How many people were in the audience?

[David Dastmalchian]

Like, to me, 17,000.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

It was Coachella.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was Coachella.

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

I probably 200 people.

[Jameela Jamil]

I used to give off a Real school shooter vibe. At school, did you?

[David Dastmalchian]

Probably. I had the bowl haircut.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, same.

[David Dastmalchian]

Real quiet set up my room playing my Muppets and monster toys. Yeah, you would.

[Annie Lederman]

Actually. I feel like you cut back.

[Jameela Jamil]

I feel like you would have bullied him in school.

[Annie Lederman]

No, no, no, no, no. This sounds so fake, but I swear I bullied the bullies. I only bully the bullies.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, that's the coolest thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Annie Lederman]

I have a twin brother who's like shorter than like in protector mode. So if I saw anyone treating him away, they were done.

[David Dastmalchian]

Is he funny?

[Jameela Jamil]

I love you.

[Annie Lederman]

My brother is funny.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. You would run jail.

[Annie Lederman]

You would.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know, some people would run like.

[David Dastmalchian]

Orange is the New Black and it's.

[Jameela Jamil]

Got the little Marcus Stewart run jail. Like that's.

[Annie Lederman]

That's the only place I could have cornrows. Honestly.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah, no, cuz I know you had them like 10 or 15 years ago in there.

[Annie Lederman]

I'd have a whole different voice.

[Jameela Jamil]

What about, what about your micro humiliation examples?

[Annie Lederman]

Well, mine, Mine were just. I was such a drinker, so I had a pretty good one when I was living in Santa Fe, New Mexico is where I had my height of my alcoholism. I had a motor scooter and I would kind of like get wasted and scoot around and like beep at people and yell compliments and stuff. And one time I was with a friend, a couple friends that also had scooters and were kind of scooter ganging around. And there was like a chain gang. Like there was like a group of prisoners who were picking up trash on the other side of the smaller highway. So I was like. I flashed my. I beeped and they all looked over and I flashed my boobs at them and then my scooter stalled.

[David Dastmalchian]

Annie.

[Annie Lederman]

Oh, it was. I'm. It's 11am I'm drunk as shit. I was like, what else am I.

[David Dastmalchian]

Gonna do that is the most? Annie.

[Annie Lederman]

Scooter stalls. My scooter stalls my scooter. I definitely wasn't up by then. It had been one. There was a one involved. It must have been 1pm oh my.

[Jameela Jamil]

God, a lunchtime tits.

[Annie Lederman]

So I'm like, I flash my boobs and I have small boobs. So I always think it's like a hilarious joke to splash my boobs. I never think that, like maybe men wouldn't care, but. So I think I'm like Taylor Hansen showing my boobs.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right.

[Annie Lederman]

And then. And my scooter stalls.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Annie Lederman]

And I have to put My shirt back down and walk it slowly.

[David Dastmalchian]

I love it.

[Annie Lederman]

But then later that night, I had forgotten about this. But about four years later, I was living in New York, and I was. I was probably had maybe a year past hang out with you. And I get this email from this random guy, and he's like, I met you drunk at a bar in Santa Fe, New Mexico. You said you wanted to be a comedian, you were gonna move to New York to be a comedian. So I asked you to sign my shirt to give me your autograph. And he's like, I just saw you on the panel of Chelsea lately. Congratulations. And he sent me a picture of it, and on the T shirt, I had my phone number, my email, which was, like, so insane. That's so cool. I definitely did not think I was gonna be famous if I was giving out doxing myself.

[Jameela Jamil]

But you did think you were going to be murdered, maybe, by the sound of things.

[David Dastmalchian]

And then what are you guys in for?

[Annie Lederman]

No, honestly, I think that's what I said. How crazy is that? I'm like, hopefully not rape. And then. So then I go. So then he shows me the thing, and it's my. My name, my email. And then I said, I'm moving New York to be a comedian today. I got drunk and flashed a chain gang. And then the memory came back.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. So what a way. What a way for that to be immortalized. Ye. Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

But drinking.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're gonna die. I sometimes run at men who, like, yell at me from cars, and I'll chase the car, being like, oh, my God, let's get married. Let's get married. I want you to meet my mother.

[David Dastmalchian]

It works. It's one of my favorite things.

[Jameela Jamil]

They speed up and go away.

[Annie Lederman]

It's fun.

[David Dastmalchian]

I love that you chase them down.

[Jameela Jamil]

I chase them down. Sometimes I'm really.

[Annie Lederman]

Put a ring on it.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm just like, I'm running out of time. My biological clock is ticking. And they're like, these builders are like. Like, driving away from me. Like, I find running at to men really does, like, kill any erection. I don't know if I've talked about this in the podcast before, but sometimes when I'm afraid at night, I'll run as though I'm already being chased, because then a man will be like, ah, someone's already got that one. I'll get the next one. And then I. And then sometimes I will. One time, I was running down Sweetser, which is quite a long street. So once I've gotten halfway down, you can tell no one's running after me. Or I've got such a good gain on them that you may as well get me. So I think I go into a lot of depth about this.

[David Dastmalchian]

You do.

[Jameela Jamil]

So one time I saw five guys hanging around outside a truck. And it's like 11pm no one else is around. It's a quiet street and I just feel instantly threatened. Cause I'm, you know, being paranoid. The world is scary. Yeah. So I decide I'm running down Sweetser. I've been on my own for too long. They've clocked me. And so I decide to run at them screaming. And I just stop and I say it's coming.

[Annie Lederman]

And.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then they all run away because they don't know what it is.

[Annie Lederman]

It's a period.

[Jameela Jamil]

But we've watched Cloverfield, we've watched King Kong, we've watched all of these things. They know. They have a rough idea that it's big. It, it, it throws flames of some kind.

[David Dastmalchian]

It's coming.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And this generation are so primed for the words it's coming. And so they all ruined their night. I separated them through it during their chat and I walked straight into my house feeling pretty great about myself.

[David Dastmalchian]

Good job.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you.

[Annie Lederman]

Well, at least they know where you live now.

[David Dastmalchian]

We all know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Yeah. No, they'd gone. They'd gone before I did it.

[Annie Lederman]

But is this the story of how five guys. Pizzas.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Oh, God. We're going to be.

[David Dastmalchian]

Isn't it burgers?

[Annie Lederman]

Is it burgers?

[David Dastmalchian]

I don't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

All right.

[Annie Lederman]

I'm a vegan. I'm not.

[Jameela Jamil]

We're going to be right back after a break.

[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie. And maybe like us at the podcast, you also know people who have been smokers or vapors. And Zen is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about. Because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zen nicotine pouches. Reasons like Zen Nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction. And you can choose between 10 varieties, each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zyn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Coop Sleep Goods Advertiser]

Everybody sleeps, but no two people sleep alike. At Coop Sleep Goods, we celebrate the way you sleep differently. We believe everyone deserves a great night's sleep with their own pillow. And the adjustable customizable Coop pillow makes it easy whether you're a side sleeper back sleeper or even a starfish. We've got the perfect pillow for you. Crafted with our innovative memory foam and microfiber fill, our hypoallergenic pillows adjust to you and not the other way around. Just tailor the fill for the perfect fit. Add some in, take some out until your pillow's just right for you. See why luxury hotels and spas worldwide feature Coop Sleepgoods and why we have tens of thousands of 5 star reviews. With our 100 night risk free trial, you've got nothing to lose except those sleepless nights. Get 20% off your first order when you visit coopsleepgoods.com comedy that's C-O-O-P-Sleepgoods.comdy My Amex Blue Cash Everyday card is my go to accessory.

[David Dastmalchian]

When I shop, I can earn 3%.

[Coop Sleep Goods Advertiser]

Cash back on us online retail purchases. Try on the Blue Cash Everyday card. Learn [e-mail] Explore BCE terms and cash back cap apply.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hello. And we are back. David, I would like to know your big wrong turn.

[David Dastmalchian]

Big wrong turn. I've been thinking about this. I'm a parent, I'm a dad. I've got two kids, I've got a daughter who's seven, almost eight, and my son just turned 11. And they're at this point in their lives where they're confronting me with all the really tough questions about stuff from things at school, social things, political things.

[Annie Lederman]

Oh my God, what grade am I in? You're like, I have no grade.

[David Dastmalchian]

I don't know how old are you again? And I can't match the age with this grade level. And they will. I mean, I've been confronted with some tough questions, but one of the things that they were really struggling with was like getting embarrassed, you know, because I will embarrass them. And like I.

[Jameela Jamil]

How old are they?

[David Dastmalchian]

7 and 11.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh my God.

[David Dastmalchian]

And like I was asked by my son's school, he is in fifth grade and they're having their first school dance and I was asked by the school to DJ the dance and it was a lot of conversation, like, hey, can I, do you want me to. Is this okay with you? And he was like, no, absolutely not. Then he was like, maybe it's okay, I don't know. And so now we're on the it's going to happen. This is happening soon, by the way. But we're talking about like being embarrassed and dealing with that at school. And I got humiliated tons in school. I feel like everybody did. So I wanted to share with them this really important Story that I felt like really is an extreme example and a great lesson. So we're on this drive, and by the way, this is a day I'm having, like, tummy troubles. I always have tummy troubles. I'm just an old man with tummy troubles. And I'm driving the kids, get my coffee, stop in at the cvs, running errands, and I'm telling this story which is building and getting more exciting as we go. I was a wrestler in high school. And in wrestling. You wrestle in a weight class? I wrestled at the weight class of 189 pounds on my team. You had to make weight, and if you didn't, you couldn't wrestle that Saturday. So there was always this last minute running around, trying to crash weight to make sure you made weight at the Saturday morning weigh in. And a guy on my team who was so cool, we worked together at the Paradise Diner. I just thought he was the greatest. He always was down to the wire on his weight. And he wrestled at, like, 135. And the night before weigh in, we'd do everything. You take laxatives, you put on a sweatsuit and run laps and do all this. Teenage Girl Vision Quest 101.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is a teenage girl before a Monday morning at school. I know. I like when boys worry about the way.

[Annie Lederman]

And I'm like, yay.

[David Dastmalchian]

So Matt shows up. I'm not gonna say his full name because maybe he doesn't want this story told publicly, but makes weight by, like, ounces. I think he got down to his skivvies just to make sure he makes weight. And then we go out into the gymnasium and it's our team versus or our school versus another school. It's a big match, and we're working our way up the weight classes. You start at lightweight, and then 110 and 120, whatever. And then 130, get to his match. Gets out there. He's a really good athlete, by the way. And the wrestling match starts, and his opponent all of a sudden gets him into, like a carry, picks him up to slam him down on the mat, and when he squeezes really tight, what is he squeezing abdomen from behind? Just shits himself.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, wait. In that little spandex.

[David Dastmalchian]

But it goes out of it because it's liquid now. It's soaked through. It's on his opponent. It's on the mats. This is an emergency. The ref. People are watching.

[Jameela Jamil]

How many people are watching?

[David Dastmalchian]

Oh, both teams. Coaches and then all parents. There's a cheering squad. Both schools, you know, I mean, it's wrestling. So it's not like a football game where like the whole school shows up. There's like a couple dozen people from each school they cheered on.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you just say projectile? What's projectile shitting? I've heard of projectile vomiting.

[Annie Lederman]

Comes out like if he's getting squeezed, is it coming out like toothpaste? Is it coming out like when something gets clogged and then the plug is unclogged?

[David Dastmalchian]

If you were to be at a. Putting out a fire. I feel like it's like putting out a fire. And he covered his opponent. Covers the mat. This means now it's disinfecting everything. They're changing mats out. Matt embarrassed, of course, but like, has to go now. Change, take a shower, come out in his sweats. And he comes out with like this like, look on his face, this like, grin of like.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did it stop the fight? Did he keep fighting?

[David Dastmalchian]

Oh, no, no, that was it. He lost. It was a disqualification. By means of diarrhea.

[Annie Lederman]

By means of. We have to stop.

[David Dastmalchian]

Loose stool. There's a clause in there you ought to.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like a pool, right?

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah, it's like a pool. When there's a shit in the pool, there's no more swimming.

[David Dastmalchian]

I never tell though. So he comes back out with this just shitt eating grin laugh. And he immediately is able to.

[Jameela Jamil]

He's. Well, he pretends he's proud of it almost.

[David Dastmalchian]

Well, he laughs about. He's able to at least laugh about it. He's able to laugh at himself and laugh at the most humiliating thing that could probably happen to a high schooler. This could ruin someone for high school. End someone's. But instead he is in on the joke. Like he is able to like, laugh at himself. So telling the story to my kids who are in tears laughing, they think this is the funniest story they've ever heard. I've never seen my kids laugh as hard as they're laughing in this moment. And I'm laughing, we're all laughing as I'm telling a story, driving down Burbank Boulevard and I'm laughing so hard because it's like, see, kids, see, this is exactly why it's so important not to.

[Jameela Jamil]

Be able to laugh at yourself.

[David Dastmalchian]

And all of a sudden, as I'm driving down Burt Bank Boulevard, explosive diarrhea just starts coming out of my ass.

[Annie Lederman]

And you're sitting, so it's pooling up.

[David Dastmalchian]

And I'm not sitting. I feel it coming and I can't stop it across. So I'm raising my butt off the seat while trying to keep my foot on the pedal. Cause now I'm at least one and a half miles from home. I've got uproarious laughter, but also gags because they're trying to get me to roll the windows down. And I've got the child safety stuff on, so nobody's able to get to the windows. And I've got both hands on the wheel and I've got my ass like six inches above the seat. Trying, trying, trying to not squish in it because I just bought this car and I really don't. The leather's, like, got little holes in it, and I'm thinking about, like.

[Jameela Jamil]

So porous. Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

How do you detail that? How much do you tip for that detail?

[Jameela Jamil]

You know what you needed?

[Annie Lederman]

You needed my pleather jacket I got at Rainbo put under your ass. That would have saved you.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah. How much do you. Boy. And so we made it. I made it back and I waddle. The kids laughed for hours straight. It was a piece of history. They are still laughing now. They'll laugh at some point when they're growing up.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, not being able to get the windows.

[David Dastmalchian]

I hope.

[Annie Lederman]

You know what I hope happens?

[David Dastmalchian]

I hope my kids are telling this story someday and then they shit themselves to somebody.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is an incredible, like, folklore. You know, Anyone who tells the story immediately shits. But it's shit 100%. Yeah, exact.

[Annie Lederman]

You're going to pay.

[Jameela Jamil]

You shit it forward. That's what happens.

[Annie Lederman]

In 24 hours, you're going to open my closet.

[David Dastmalchian]

I'm going to be like the ring, but instead it's the loose.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm never going to repeat this story as long as I live. Ever, because I don't want it to happen to me. I think there's a weird curse around this story.

[David Dastmalchian]

This is good.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

Like horror comedy, this.

[Jameela Jamil]

Weirdly, it reminds me on a slight tangent of what happened to a friend of mine who's a dad who had three kids, all under the age of 10. And that's quite hectic when it's the school run, right? Obviously, no one wants to get ready on time. No one's finishing their breakfast. And so it's super stressful. Him and his wife are, like, fighting with each other. You know, no one feels like the other one's doing enough. The kids are just being as fucking chaotic as humanly possible. And so he gets so stressed out that he now needs a stress wank, right? So he goes into the bathroom for a really quick. This is before the kids, right? And the mum is now having to load the kids into the car by herself and he's masturbating to go do a stress. He's unloading. Unloading. Really? Yeah.

[David Dastmalchian]

And so, I mean, I know there's all kinds of help, self regulation tools that I utilize. I never. What a great idea.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know a guy, I know the whole time.

[David Dastmalchian]

So what happens?

[Jameela Jamil]

I know a guy, by the way, separately, I know a guy who I'm very close to who got so stressed at his grandmother's funeral he had to go and do a wank in the bathroom quickly. You knock one out quite fast when you're stressed. We'll move on from that.

[Annie Lederman]

And when you're thinking about your grandma.

[Jameela Jamil]

So anyway, so, so, so this guy is like wanking one out very quickly to some porn. And then he, he, he's, he's done in like truly two minutes and he comes out the bathroom like sort of hot, sweaty, panting, but ultimately ready for the day. Good for him. So he, he runs, he gets in the car, everyone's already in there. His wife is fucking fuming because she's had to go and do all of that while she presumes he's gone and done a shit.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So he gets in the car and suddenly all he can hear is ah.

[Annie Lederman]

Ah, it's on, it's gone.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And he's like, what the fuck is that? Because in his head he's just like, oh wait, can everyone else hear that? Is that happening in my head? And the kids start laughing and the wife turns around and looks at him. As in, what the fuck is going on? His phone has connected to the Bluetooth of the car and is playing the pornography for his entire family to hear. And it takes him too long to work that out because he's 50, you know, he's not thinking on a Bluetooth level. He's not some Gen Z er who would know immediately what that is. He's just like, I can't find, I can't, I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't, he's pressing all the wrong buttons. And so it's truly just like, me daddy, me daddy.

[Annie Lederman]

Guilty. When you do the scramble, like, you can't be like, oh, it must be someone else's Bluetooth. Yeah. And when your brain is that scrambled.

[Jameela Jamil]

You just no longer know what to do. Logistically, they're no longer married to this big conversation.

[Annie Lederman]

I just rewatched something about Mary. I was imagining like hair cheese was.

[David Dastmalchian]

Dripping down his head.

[Annie Lederman]

Our son's hair is, you know, and then the kid has.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, I can't tell which one of those options would be worse, but pretty bad.

[David Dastmalchian]

That's really good.

[Annie Lederman]

Pretty female version of that. Happening is when you, like, do you ever record your own affirmations in your own voice?

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Annie Lederman]

That comes on when I drop my car off to get ballet at the Comedy Store and it's like, you are a star. You are on time. You are.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, has anyone ever heard that?

[Annie Lederman]

Oh, it's humiliating. Yes, I've had some. Or if you leave your joke notebook at a club. But it's also kind of like your journal. So there's just some very intimate, endless.

[Jameela Jamil]

David. I'm like, I'm afraid of that story. I'm worried that the whole audience is gonna shit their pants. Now. I love the hypocrisy of you not being cool with it after having taught your children all about what a great lesson handle. Shame.

[David Dastmalchian]

There's no lesson there.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was shame. Right? That's what they were asking for for sure.

[David Dastmalchian]

Like, how do you deal when you're.

[Jameela Jamil]

How do you deal with shame? Very badly.

[David Dastmalchian]

Something embarrassing happens.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And on that note, we're going to a break.

[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie. And maybe like us at the podcast, you also know people who have been smokers or vapers and Zen is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zyn nicotine pouches. Reasons like Zen nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands, free nicotine satisfaction. And you can choose between 10 varieties. Each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zyn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Jameela Jamil]

For 140 years, MultiCare has been in Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with.

[Annie Lederman]

Local communities and expanding access to care.

[Jameela Jamil]

Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn more@ multicare.org Everybody sleeps, but no.

[Coop Sleep Goods Advertiser]

Two people sleep alike. At Coop Sleep Goods, we celebrate the way you sleep differently. We believe everyone deserves a great night's sleep with their own pillow. And the adjustable, customizable Coop pillow makes it easy. Whether you're a side sleeper, back sleeper, or even a starfish, we've got the perfect pillow for you. Crafted with our innovative memory foam and microfiber fill, our hypoallergenic pillows adjust to you and not the other way around. Just Tailor the fill for the perfect fit. Add some in, take some out, until your pillow's just right for you. See why luxury hotels and spas worldwide feature coop sleep goods? And why we have tens of thousands of 5 star reviews. With our 100 night risk free trial, you've got nothing to lose except those sleepless nights. Get 20% off your first order when you visit coopsleepgoods.com comedy. That's C-O-O-P-Sleepgoods.com comedy.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back. All right, Annie, what is your wrong turn getting here?

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah, no, it was rough. It was rough. It was rough getting here. But I. I was. When I first moved to la, I got a deal with Fox that was like, to do this Shortcom thing and they were gonna hire a writer to help me because I'd never written anything before. And it was gonna be like a 15 minute kind of sitcom thing. And we were having trouble finding a writer. And they finally found me this writer who was really good. This woman who right when she accepted this deal, which was kind of a favor to Fox, I think at this point, she gets a great job on a CBS show, is way too busy for this job. Okay. Is now way too good for this job. And so I'm now taking up her time. And I was late. I was late to. This is another late. So I was late to one of our meetings because I was coming from. I had a meeting with a literary agent. So when I showed up, I was like, yeah, this literary agent, whatever. It took a while. And she was like. I could tell she already didn't like me because she went, you'll never write a book. Like she just said something like that where I'm like, okay. So there's like tension. By the way, I've not written a book, but this was in like 2012.

[Jameela Jamil]

So she's more of a psychic.

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah, she was pretty amazing. She was pretty spot on and she got it. But there was already some tension in the room and I already was like taking up her time. Oh, wait, and which I. But I wanna accept responsibility. Cause I'm probably the most annoying human to work with in the world. So we get. It's at her house, we're meeting, I sit down on her couch. Looks a little bit like this. We have our meeting, we kind of get through, we break the story a little bit. And then I stand up and I have perioded all over this woman's couch. And it's a nice, you know, it's a nice couch. And I. What Color?

[Jameela Jamil]

What color?

[Annie Lederman]

It was a white. It was a white couch. And I was, you know, just moved to la. I had just, like, moved out of my car. Like, I had no. It wasn't like I could buy this woman a couch. There was no, like, I just.

[Jameela Jamil]

Couch here is, like, six grand.

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah, they're very. And they take years to get for some.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

You order a couch and 10 years later, you're like, here it arrives.

[David Dastmalchian]

It was a restoration. Hardware.

[Annie Lederman]

What's that?

[David Dastmalchian]

It was a restaurant.

[Annie Lederman]

It was hard 100. I know.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

Must have had to be restored because. Or it became hardware because I. Oh, my God. And it was like. There was nothing. I couldn't, like, flip this. There was nothing I could do to hide it. Not that I would want to, but I just had to, like, sit in this moment of. This is so humiliating. This woman hates my guts already. I have no, like, goodwill with her. I've done nothing good for her yet. There's been nothing. And so I stand up and I. And I see it. I just have to go. I. I free bled. I free bled. I'm a dirty bitch. And I just bled my uterine lining all over your beautiful couch, which I was just about to ask if I could sleep on. Cause I'm broke. And so basically, I just. And she was like, it's fine. I was gonna, like, reupholster. Nobody's ever reupholstered a couch.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's not a thing.

[Annie Lederman]

Nobody. You just buy a new couch. Oh, Annie. And so I basically, I remember, like, kind of, like, holding her wrist and looking her in the eye and go, we're bound for life now. Like, we're bound for life. Like, we. This is. Nothing's ever gonna beat this, Mom. Blood sisters. We're blood sisters. And, you know, she was being nice about it. And then I did get a call that we would not be working together anymore. And I was just paid for the gig. And I never made this Shortcom, but I did get money. And so years later, I was thinking about this story, like, maybe 10 years. And she's doing very well. I see billboards with movies she's made. So I sent her a text, and I said, hey, I was very new to Hollywood. I'm so sorry if I, like, was difficult to work with or whatever happened. And I'm sorry things don't work out. But you're doing so well. I'm so proud of you. And I just want you to know, every time I stand up from a couch, a white couch, I think of you.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Annie Lederman]

No need to respond. Right? And then this bitch left it on red and did not respond. She did not respond ever. Thumbs up. No heart, no nothing. I'm sure if I ran into her, she'd be lovely. But it was like, I'm back to.

[Jameela Jamil]

Cunt for a minute. When she was being kind to you about the couch, I thought I underestimated this woman, but she's actually a foul demon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you okay on this white couch now?

[Annie Lederman]

I'm. I mean, I was triggered. It was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, you've been. Is that why you're sitting on your coat?

[Annie Lederman]

Yeah, no, honestly, I'm not on my period, but I do just out of fear. I do sit on the jacket on people.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah, that's the thing you do.

[Annie Lederman]

Oh, I'm. It could happen at any time.

[David Dastmalchian]

Traumatized. So would we go down in podcast history if I shit this couch and Annie, period. By the way, Annie created a verb which I'd never heard before. She perioded. She was like perioded it on her couch. And I immediately knew what she meant.

[Annie Lederman]

Gig ordered that gig in.

[David Dastmalchian]

She perioded it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. It's one of my true fears. Like I wear six pairs of underpants during my. In the week before my period in preparation. I look like. You know that scene in Friends where Joey's wearing all of Chandler's clothes? That's what I look like. So taking. Getting undressed to have sex like in a sexy way is out the question because it's like.

[Annie Lederman]

An onion of sorts.

[Jameela Jamil]

15 hours.

[Annie Lederman]

Like you're not into that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, like considering how well she did, I bet that show would have been really good. I'm bumped.

[Annie Lederman]

I know.

[Jameela Jamil]

But also. I'm sorry. What a cunt. It's a bit of blood on a.

[Annie Lederman]

So it was bad. It wasn't a bit. It was a bunch and it was. It was a couch ruining amount. And it was so I. This woman over.

[Jameela Jamil]

He bled through into the.

[Annie Lederman]

She had now her relationship with Foxes and she's like now I can't. You know what I mean? Like she had to make a stand.

[Jameela Jamil]

No 100%. Someone recently has some. One of my friends in the first week I bought my white couch in the last six months has poured an entire cup of coffee on it and I don't know which one because they then put a pillow over it and I feel so betrayed by this. That's not cool because I don't know which one's owns. No. And it's in the first week and so many people came to visit in that time. So It's a personal thing. A couch, but it's fucking terrible. It's not. It's definitely not. No. Yeah, of course I did. No, I licked it first. Just to be clear.

[Annie Lederman]

You were so awake. You're like, oh, my God, this is crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is such a. Such a relatable and horrific and charming story that I'm thankful not to be able to relate to in any way.

[Annie Lederman]

I'm a late dirty period girl. I'm sorry, guys. I represent those bitches.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, Raya account sorted. Yeah, Raya bio sorted.

[Annie Lederman]

And if I break up with my fiance, I have a lot of snakes if you guys are into that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, surely he will take those. Before you go, I would like to read you one story from one of our listeners. This is from Matthew, who also had a wrong turn. We call this Misery Loves Company. So Matthew says, I was on a first date with a woman I had a crush on for years. We were going to an outdoor summer concert and we pre partied way too much. We arrived at the show fully wasted. And then I bought us two giant beers. For reasons I will always regret, I basically chugged my huge beer. I felt sick and I knew that I would never make it to the bathroom. So I knelt down and bathed in the empty beer cup. This. This man has to be English. Somehow, with all the loud music, my date didn't notice. And after about a half hour, I felt like I could go for another beer. Definitely English. I was happy to realize I must still have beer left in my cup. Brought it to my lips and only then did I realize what I'd done. It caused me to start gagging again. At which point my date sees me attempting to drink my own sick. And then she throws up on the two people sitting in front of her. Spoiler alert. We did not hook up that night. And there is no trace of them being married now.

[Annie Lederman]

So I think epic meet cute. That could be the most epic meet you meet puke.

[Jameela Jamil]

A meet cute. Yeah, Very strong.

[David Dastmalchian]

Because he said we didn't hook up that night.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think he more means he did not hook up that night on that day.

[David Dastmalchian]

Well, sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

It doesn't sound like they're still fucking.

[Annie Lederman]

There's so much. Something so disrespectful about someone that threw up leaning in for a kiss. Really? Like, how dare you?

[Jameela Jamil]

A hundred percent. But also vomiting in a cup and then not going to remove the cup in the vicinity. Like, Matthew, I love you. I'm with you. But you're a dog. I'm sorry.

[Annie Lederman]

Okay, Matthew, you Just left it there to be like a weird puke air freshener.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. You know, in England, we. What we like to do is we like to piss into cups.

[David Dastmalchian]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't mean like me. Okay. Maybe if I had the apparatus, I would. 100%. I piss in everything. The she wee. It's all I think about. It's all I think about. But I know that I'd be unstoppable once I have it.

[Annie Lederman]

I know.

[Jameela Jamil]

But in England, we like to throw. So what we do is we piss into cups. The men. And then they just like to throw it to the front of the audience to get it as far away from them. So if you're at the front of the audience, you're going to get. You just spend the whole time getting splashed and going, beer or piss. Beer or piss. Beer or piss. It's the most stressful environment. Never come to a British festival.

[Annie Lederman]

Is that where take the piss out of them came from?

[Jameela Jamil]

Probably.

[David Dastmalchian]

I'm glad that Matthew was just listening to music and not listening to my. About the wrestling incident because he might have diarrhea in that cup.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know, I know. And then he would have left it right there and drunk some. You're both a dream. Can you tell everyone where they can find you and what they should be looking at and listening to and reading?

[Annie Lederman]

You can go. I have my podcast, Annie Wood, which if either of you came on, I would die.

[Jameela Jamil]

I would love that.

[Annie Lederman]

That's Every Thursday on YouTube. And then I have. I do stand up. I tour all the time and I do stand up at the Comedy Store. But you can go to annieletterman.comshows to come see me. I come everywhere. I love doing it. Yay.

[David Dastmalchian]

My Instagram is usmalch and my last name. I also have a good Fiend films Instagram and we post and share there, like, what I'm working on. I've got two comics in stores right now, Knights vs Samurai and Creature Commandos. So go to your local comic shop and pick those up. Some other fun stuff coming soon, including the movie Rosario and on Apple Murderbot, starring Alexander Skarsgrd and yours truly. As a. He's a augmented human. So I play this character who's a human, but I can, like, plug into stuff and therefore won't ever screw up with the Bluetooth playing in the car because, I mean, I never watch that kind of stuff. But if I did, I don't have to worry about it.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, totally, totally.

[David Dastmalchian]

So Apple plus, please tune in. Thank you.

[Annie Lederman]

Yay. Thanks, Instagram. Annie. Like, I completely forgot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, you're the best. Yay. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com youm can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube and don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you can get your podcast and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[Knox]

Hi this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie and maybe like us at the podcast you also know people who have been smokers or vapers and Zyn is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zyn Nicotine Pouches reasons like Zyn Nicotine Pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction and you can choose between 10 varieties, each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zyn.com find to find Zyn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[LHH Advertiser]

Can recruitment be beautiful? At lhh, we believe it can when it's rooted in purpose, not just process. We don't just match resumes to roles, we uncover once in a lifetime talent. We understand the skills you need so we can connect you with people who align with your vision and can deliver lasting impact. Discover a more human approach to hiring. Visit LH.com beautiful recruitment development career transition LHH a beautiful working World.