Blair Socci and Arden Myrin

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Blair Socci and Arden Myrin (February 26, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil brings together comedians Blair Socci and Arden Myrin for a raucous, vulnerable, and unfiltered discussion about life's most humiliating and mortifying moments. In keeping with the show's ethos—“where dignity goes to die”—the trio exchanges tales of sexual mishaps, bathroom blunders, desperate teenage fumblings, and social anxieties, aiming not to teach lessons or find silver linings, but simply to revel in the collective shame and awkwardness we all share.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Show's Spirit: Owning the Shame

• The episode kicks off with Jameela highlighting the show's unique mission—not to soothe, but to out-embarrass each other, leaning into shame rather than seeking redemption.
  • Jameela Jamil [02:10]: “It's Misery Loves Company or maybe Reshaming. But being comfortable with the shame... we're trying to make other people feel smug.”

2. Micro-Humiliations: Early Encounters with Embarrassment

• Blair's Laundromat Vibrator Fiasco:
  Blair retells the story of inadvertently leaving her vibrator in with her laundry at the neighborhood drop-off, only to find it folded on top of her clean clothes, everyone acting politely as if nothing happened.

  • Blair Socci [05:14]: “The solution is I can just never go back there.”
  • Memorable Moment: Jameela and Arden riff on how sex toys were not nearly as discreet or normalized in 2011.

• Arden’s Therapist-Mandated Vibrator & the Housekeeper:
  Arden recounts a therapist encouraging her to get a vibrator, and later a housekeeper “making a statement” by laying it out on her bed—White Lotus style.

  • Arden Myrin [06:36]: “She just laid it right...like a deuce of my bed. Just like. It was like. Like spot.”

• Jameela’s Accidental Drugging:
  Jameela’s housekeeper ate psychedelic mushroom chocolate from her bedside drawer, thinking it was regular chocolate, leading to a medical emergency.

  • Jameela Jamil [08:25]: “She thought...she was being instantly punished by God for stealing.”

3. Edibles, Accidental Intoxication, and Public Meltdowns

• Blair’s Pot Brownie Before a Set:
  Blair unknowingly eats a pot brownie given to Ron Funches, resulting in a disastrous (yet hilarious) set where she does “not one joke” and can barely function.

  • Blair Socci [10:03]: “Had not one brain cell in my body working online and was just crying, laughing.”

• Arden’s DayQuil Disaster on Chelsea Lately:
  Arden overdoses on the stimulant kind of DayQuil, loses control during a live panel, and is so high she must be driven home.

4. Candy Crimes and Food Shame

• Both guests share stories about stealing roommates' candy or snacks and gaslighting the victims. Blair confesses to eating entire boxes of Cheez-Its and leaving apologetic notes; Arden steals candies from a child camper and feigns horror when accused.

5. Teenage Awkwardness & Cringe Crushes

• Arden’s Vermont Ski Nightmare:
  As a late-blooming, awkward teen, Arden tries to impress a boy by skiing “The Face” (a black diamond), only to bomb spectacularly in front of everyone, leading to a night of humiliating jokes at her expense.

  • Arden Myrin [16:28]: “Don't ever attempt a sport you can't do in front of somebody who's really good at it...It's not gonna work.”

• Jameela’s Failed Attempts to Impress:
  Jameela tries to bond with a ripped movie co-star by hitting the gym, only to injure herself so badly her weight fluctuates throughout filming.

  • Jameela Jamil [17:48]: “I get an actual hernia in my esophagus...So I've just stopped trying to impress anyone with physical prowess.”

• Childhood Crush Logic:
  The group reminisces about how, as teens, even the smallest crushes feel existentially important—and how weirdly sexual pop music seemed in the ‘90s.

  • Arden Myrin [20:45]: “There's nothing more tender and vulnerable than every blooming moon. When you actually have a crush...”

6. “Big” Wrong Turns: Full-Throttle Mortifying Disasters

• Blair’s Bladder Catastrophes:
  Blair details two adult urinary disasters:

  • High School PE: Laughs so hard she pees her gray sweats in a co-ed gym class, must walk across campus and face the nurse (who’s her brother’s girlfriend’s stepmom). Her mom, sick of her antics, refuses to sign her out.
    • Blair Socci [27:10]: “Yeah, I pissed myself. Like, you never done it.”
  • UTI in Miami: While meeting her long-distance boyfriend’s large Colombian family, Blair’s UTI flares up. She’s driven to the ER by his mom—three cars of his relatives wait at the hospital, all learning about her condition.
    • Blair Socci [32:09]: “…I'm meeting them for the first time, thinking I'm going to marry this guy...three cars of relatives came up. If you saw this in a movie, you'd be like, that's not believable.”

• Arden’s Failed “Deflowering” Attempt:
  Senior year, Arden is desperate to lose her virginity. She goes on a double date involving a pool-hopping misadventure. Dressed like a quirky Annie Hall/Little House on the Prairie hybrid, she gets stuck—literally—on a chain link fence via her petticoat, with her non-interested target and the “sex dolphin” couple observing her humiliation.

  • Arden Myrin [45:58]: “My skirt got caught on the top of the fence. And I'm like hanging, like ass in the air...he had to get me up and get me off.”

7. Reflections on Teenage Shame, Self-worth, and Sex

• Both guests wrestle with the toxic pressure to lose virginity during high school and recognize, with age, that compassion for our younger selves and rejecting external judgment is key:
  • Blair Socci [50:07]: “The whole ethos around it back then was like, you're giving something away, they're taking something...it wasn't a very even, mutually...it wasn't like that back then.”
  • Arden Myrin [49:50]: “I wouldn't people please as much to do it. I have so much compassion for that young lady who didn't know, like...you don't need to lose your virginity right now.”

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Standout Quotes & Notable Moments

• Blair on her PE accident:
  “Yeah, I pissed myself. Like, you never done it.” — [27:10]

• Jameela on the ethos of Wrong Turns:
  “It's a graveyard of everyone's secrets...we're leaning into it.” — [01:56-02:10]

• On day-after embarrassment:
  Blair: “The next day when I walked in, like, 20 people who work at the club were like, how are you doing?” — [10:25]

• On stolen candies:
  Arden: “I fully gaslit this girl. I was like, how dare you? I care for you!...I was a monster.” — [12:04]

• Arden on her ski wipeout:
  “It never goes as planned.” — [16:28]

• Blair on her Miami ER trip:
  “Three cars of relatives came up (to the hospital). If you saw this in a movie, you'd be like, that's not believable.” — [32:13]

• Group on coping strategies:
  “Just own it...double down. That's smart.” — [27:47]

• Jameela's sexual injury:
  “Someone once moved my womb during sex...his penis is so big, he's relocated [it].” — [35:31]

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Listener “Wrong Turn” Story: George’s Pizza Shop Disaster

• George, a teenage pizza delivery guy, makes himself a pizza one night, gets drunk, blacked out, and unwittingly masturbates in full view of a security camera. His boss confronts him the next day with the tape and summarily fires him.
  • Jameela Jamil reading [51:45]: “There is a 1000% chance that the camera got really great coverage of me jerking off.”
  • Group response: “Just own it, George. We've learned to just own it.” — [52:34]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:43 – Opening humiliations (Blair’s vibrator at the laundromat)
• 07:01 – Jameela’s housekeeper’s mushroom chocolate journey
• 09:01 – Blair’s accidental pot brownie on tour
• 10:25 – Arden’s DayQuil/Chelsea Lately meltdown
• 13:55 – Arden’s ski-crush story
• 17:48 – Jameela’s gym disaster
• 24:38 – Blair’s “Big Wrong Turn”: the gym class pee incident
• 29:59 – Miami UTI/ER disaster with boyfriend’s family
• 38:41 – Arden’s “Big Wrong Turn”: pool-hopping failed virginity attempt
• 51:12 – Listener letter: George’s pizza shop humiliation

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Overall Tone & Style

• Unapologetically candid, self-deprecating, and raucously funny.
• Supportive and commiserative: Each guest celebrates the shame and leans in, reaffirming that “owning it” is both a defense mechanism and a solidarity move.
• Nostalgic and reflective: Especially when examining the absurd highs and deep lows of adolescence.

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Where to Find the Guests

• Blair Socci: On all social platforms @blairsocci; her podcast: Spaced Out with Blair Socci; comedy special “Live from the Big Dog” on YouTube.
• Arden Myrin: Instagram/TikTok @ardenmyrin; on Free Bird (Netflix), Righteous Gemstones; podcast Will You Accept This Rose?; book: Little Miss Little Compton.

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Summary Takeaway

If you're ever consumed by shame over an embarrassing moment, just remember: you’re in very good company—and sometimes, the only way out is through (and maybe a podcast episode). As Arden puts it:
“It's so much better to be an adult. … To just know, they're not your people, dude.” — [46:58]

Nobody’s dignity is safe, and that’s what makes Wrong Turns so comforting, cathartic, and cathartically hilarious.

Transcript

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[Jameela Jamil]

Hello, and welcome to Wrong Turns, the show where dignity goes to die, where we tell terrible tales of woe to make you feel better about your own lives. Joining me this week I have fabulous comedian and actress from shows like the righteous gemstones, marvellous, Mrs. Maisel, and shameless. She hosts the Bachelor themed podcast will youl Accept this Rose? And you can see her now on one of the biggest comedies in the world, Free Bert on Netflix as Arden Marie. Hi.

[Arden Myrin]

Thanks for having me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you. Hi.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, my God. As you were talking, I just remembered another embarrassing thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, great. You're in the right place. Okay. We also have with us I'm thrilled to welcome an actress and comedian who's appeared on cbs, NBC, Comedy Central, and Bob's Burgers. You can watch her comedy special Live from the big dog on YouTube. And she hosts the podcast Spaced out with Blair Socki. It's Blair fucking Socky.

[Blair Socki]

I've never been happier to be somewhere. I really, you know, everything leading up to this brings me to this podcast.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, perfect. Perfect.

[Blair Socki]

Our dignity goes to die.

[Arden Myrin]

We've been in training.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's kind of become a graveyard of everyone's secrets, right? Not just ours, but the public's as well. Like, their stories have absolutely killed me.

[Arden Myrin]

It's really. It makes me feel better when it's like, oh, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only person that has survived these things.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's exactly the point. It's Misery Loves Company or maybe Reshaming. But being comfortable with the shame, we're leaning into it. We're not trying to make anyone feel better about their own problems. We're trying to make other people feel smug.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

Okay. I like that. That's the gift of the show.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you. I'm Gandhi. I'm basically Gand. I want to get A sense of kind of what you would consider humiliation. So I always ask everyone for early micro humiliations. Could you guys bless me with some of those? Should we start with you, Blair?

[Blair Socki]

Oh, Blair. Okay. Well, gosh, I don't know if you guys are going to consider this a micro or macro, but there was this time. I was still living in New York at the time, and I took my laundry out, you know, so I didn't have to do the quarters. At first. I was like, who takes their laundry out? You guys are, like, so snooty as folk here. But then I realized everyone did it, and it was actually really affordable.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

So then I drop it off one day, and it's like this place literally right across the street. So, like, I've become friends with them. I mean, we're family at this point. You know, I'm in their own time. It's a real community. Yeah, I know. They say, hi, Blair. Like, you know, hi, Blair. I'm walking in. They know everything about me from my

[Arden Myrin]

laundry, you know, the chairs of laundry. So.

[Blair Socki]

Cheers. Of laundry. Exactly. Exactly. And so then one day, I just happily drop off my. Drop off my clothes. Yeah. I returned back to my apartment. I think I'm having some sort of phantom sensation right now. Something is amiss. And I realized that I had. When you're on your way to the

[Jameela Jamil]

airport, you left your passport and you

[Blair Socki]

get a little tinge intuition. I said, oh, I think I. I think that I might have left my vibrator in.

[Arden Myrin]

Wow.

[Blair Socki]

In the laundry. Yes. And the pain that coursed through my body at that point, that I was going to have to disappoint my neighbors, my family, my elders. And at this point, I was from Orange county, moving to New York. Very sheltered, repressed, but also.

[Jameela Jamil]

What year was this?

[Blair Socki]

Like, 2011. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So dildos were dildoing back then. Like, it wasn't this, like, new. Like.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, it's just like, to rose. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

But it's like. It's a little, like. It's so much more discreet.

[Arden Myrin]

No, it was like a dildo.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's just like.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, you can get them on goop now. You can get, like, a little cute thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Blair Socki]

With a matching candle.

[Jameela Jamil]

Before, it was just like, I'm a dick.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a full aunt's dick monster.

[Blair Socki]

And so then I was like, oh, shit. Like. And then I. You know, you do the thing where you, like, go, I'm looking through my bed. I'm like, they're not there. It's not There I'm like, oh, it happened. It happened. The worst thing that could ever happen has happened. And so then I tell my friends and I had, like, just started comedy, I think, at the point. And I was like, I just. Okay, the solution is I can just never go back there.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, my God.

[Blair Socki]

And in. And then I had to, like, pray, journal, work it out with God. And then, like, in, I don't know, two, three weeks or something, I had let it go so far. I was like, I'm out of clothes. So I'm out of clothes. I got.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, my God. You had to go get it. You had to go get it. You got to go back.

[Blair Socki]

I got to sacrifice the vibration. But I had to go back and I had to go in there. And when I go in there, they say, hi there. No, hi, how are you? And thank you for your important work. And it's sitting. Everything's folded and sitting right on top. Yeah, yeah. And they said.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then.

[Blair Socki]

Then they said, she's. She's gonna have to deal with this, you know, And. And I did. And I took it home, graduated, everything was back in place. But, you know, it did go through the washer was important, you know. So that was one, two, punch taken care of.

[Arden Myrin]

I want you to say as you were speaking, I remember I had a therapist who made me get a vibrator when I was like, 23. Cause I had. She was like, is she not ethical? No, I think I was all right.

[Blair Socki]

She was a. I had it. I think a lot of therapists do that.

[Arden Myrin]

I think it was good.

[Jameela Jamil]

But I guess it makes their job easier, doesn't it, if you just chill the fuck out a little bit.

[Arden Myrin]

She was just sort of like, just go do it. It's okay. Like, gave me permission.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, great, great.

[Arden Myrin]

But I remember I had a housekeeper, and I rem. Like, laid it, like, out on my bed, like, in the middle of the bed. She, like, laid it out.

[Blair Socki]

She wanted to make a point.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah. It was almost like in like White Lotus. Like I'd taken a shit in the suitcase. Like, she just laid it right. Like a deuce of my bed. Just like. It was like. Like spot.

[Blair Socki]

Like it was Miranda's mother in law's Sex and the City episode. Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

And when you don't grow up, like, oh, it's sex positive. Is it normal?

[Blair Socki]

Oh, no, it wasn't a Magda.

[Jameela Jamil]

Magda.

[Arden Myrin]

Magda did it.

[Blair Socki]

I don't fully Magda be like, don't go in the drawer, dude, I can't. And she put it laid I know what you're doing.

[Arden Myrin]

I fully got it laid and I

[Jameela Jamil]

never do it on purpose. I think it's really to make like a little statement of like, oh, for sure. It's a power play and I love it. I would do that. Take the power back 100%.

[Blair Socki]

You got it. You got all the power. I don't have any more.

[Arden Myrin]

That's so crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

We had this wonderful woman who would come and clean our house like once every two.

[Arden Myrin]

Every two weeks.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Her name's Carla and she was going through my bedside drawer, I guess one time. And I'll forgive this woman anything. Cause I love her like she's like family to me. But she found some chocolate in my bedside drawer and then she ate all of the chocolate. She just like something took hold of her. I think it was like that time of the month. She took a bite, it was delicious. She was like, fuck it, you know what? The only way out is through.

[Blair Socki]

I'm going to just finish the whole

[Jameela Jamil]

thing and then she'll gaslight her that it ever existed. Right. And again, I can relate. Hard relate. So what she didn't know is that I had been given mushroom chocolate, very potent mushroom chocolate that I had been too scared to eat. But I left it in my bedside table in case the mood of it took me.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

You wanted to crumble.

[Arden Myrin]

She wouldn't. She ate the whole thing at the bar. No.

[Jameela Jamil]

This woman is in her like 60s, I guess and has never like God fearing Catholic, has never taken drugs in

[Arden Myrin]

her life and she didn't even know.

[Jameela Jamil]

So she thought at first that she was having a stroke. Wow. But then didn't tell us what was happening because she was so scared of what happened and she thought because she's so religious that she was being instantly punished by God for stealing.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh my gosh.

[Jameela Jamil]

And so we had to get her like an ambulance. She didn't have insurance. It cost us like 20 grand. It was insane. But then from then onwards I got her her own chocolate drawer of non

[Arden Myrin]

drunk chocolate and I just kept it

[Jameela Jamil]

and it was her snack drawer.

[Arden Myrin]

I mean relatable that would be. That's relatable for sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was so crazy to watch her like she was just like she was

[Blair Socki]

praying all the way on the stretcher One time. This was back when I was still featuring and I was on tour with Ron Funches. We knew each other very well and I should have known, you know, like a lot of his fan base likes to bring him cannabis items.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes, yes.

[Blair Socki]

And I've had years of experience with this man. And we're in between shows, and someone brings in fresh brownies, and I'm starving, and I just don't even think about it. Have a brownie. And then as soon as I'm done, you know, much like the laundromat, I'm like, wait. I think, no, please, please.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, my God. Did you have to feature?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

I had to go back the second show, probably like, 15, 20 minutes after it all hit me, like, a ton of ribs. And granted it was unlabeled, which I do, but also, the brownies were not for me.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did seal them. You did seal them. You did seal them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

And then I went on stage. Did not do one joke.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

Had not one brain cell in my body working online and was just crying, laughing. And Ron sat in the front row, and he said it was the hardest he's ever laughed in his.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Blair Socki]

I told the whole audience what was happening from this first second. They all knew. And then, like, the next day when I walked in, like, 20 people who work at the club were like, how are you doing? How are you today?

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, you're like. I did Chelsea lately once when I had taken Dayquil, and I didn't know that. It's like meth. It's like, super. Like, I took a bunch of the upper ones. Cause I was, like, super congested. But I did it. I was doing the panel, and I remember looking. I'm like, such a light. I remember looking over at her, and it's like a live show, and you're. You know. And it's like. It's like Jo Koy.

[Blair Socki]

And I like, it's quick, it's fast.

[Arden Myrin]

It's like Bobby Lee Joe.

[Blair Socki]

Like, it's just like.

[Arden Myrin]

And I remember all of a sudden, I saw, like, floaters. And I remember on air just being like, I'm so fucked up. Somebody would drive me home. I'm like, I'm so high right now. Like, it was a nightmare. Like, an absolute nightmare.

[Blair Socki]

Did they ever have you back after?

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, thank.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was bad. It was not my best. It was not my best to have to be driven home because I was so high.

[Jameela Jamil]

Especially with, like, candy and brownies. Is that in order to cover up the taste of the drug, they put extra sugar.

[Arden Myrin]

It's really good in.

[Jameela Jamil]

So it's extra delicious.

[Arden Myrin]

It's delicious.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's more delicious than normal brownies.

[Arden Myrin]

They're really good because they're having to

[Jameela Jamil]

cover up the taste of cannabis. So you're just like nom nom, nom. So you have more than you would ever normally eat of any brownie or any sugar. It's addictive at that point.

[Arden Myrin]

It feels bad when you get caught. I was a camp counselor and I did steal. There was a French girl and she had like fancy French candies. I had the 10 year old cabin and I remember just like, be like, oh, I'll just have one. I remember just like eating the entire bag at like midnight one night. And then she. I remember she accused me. And I. This poor girl, I fully get. I was like, how dare you? I care for you. How dare. It wasn't clearly me. There's like, you are apologized to you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

Candy. Yeah. I was a monster.

[Blair Socki]

I have devoted myself to child care.

[Arden Myrin]

I am a giver. I am a care. Yeah. I am like Maria and the Sound of Music. How dare you?

[Jameela Jamil]

Did she ever find out?

[Arden Myrin]

I mean, she is right now. I'm so sorry, Kaleb. I'm so sorry.

[Blair Socki]

I'm finally getting the feeling.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm so sorry. I owe you an amends. I'm so sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

She owes you so much, Candy.

[Arden Myrin]

For sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, man.

[Blair Socki]

That used to happen with my college roommate. Like, this was back when before we were like, allowed to have different body sizes. And I don't think that's allowed anymore.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anyway, really weird blip. And then we're back to. I.

[Arden Myrin]

Like, there was like one second of body positivity.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. To body fascism. Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

My college roommate would always, like. Cause she could eat whatever she wanted. She was like six feet tall and like, so skinny and like, had a perfect body and all this stuff. And I was like always trying to like, eat like chicken wraps or something. Yeah, yeah. And she'd always have these boxes of Cheez its and I'd come home like, fucked up and I'd be like, I want a Cheez Its so bad. And like, I'm just gonna have one. And then I would plow through. Like, it would be like Tasmanian Devil. And then I'd write a no. Going to buy you a new box today. I'm so sorry. I can't control myself. I did that too. I should buy them for myself.

[Arden Myrin]

I did that too. I did that too. I literally did. Or I would go to, like, McDonald's and be like, I would go get like a McFlurry and then I would like have it in the parking lot and then go back like, oh, I forgot one for my friend. Cause I didn't want the guy to see that I was Back from my second McFlurry. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, just again.

[Jameela Jamil]

They always know.

[Arden Myrin]

They know. They know. They know that I was just. My friend doesn't live one second away. Like, go back to McDonald's. Like, they know. They saw me. I was in the park. They saw me from the window. They know. Yeah, for sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

Autumn, do you have a micro humiliation for us?

[Arden Myrin]

I was a late bloomer. I looked like Barb from Stranger Things. And I have the receipts to back it up till I was, like, 14. I also looked at a time when it wasn't cool to look like it was like everyone was like, oh, why is the boy in the girls room? At a time when, you know, it just felt confusing just to be misgendered, you're like, I'm a girl. And so I remember I grew up in this tiny little beach town of Rhode island, but we would go up to Vermont every year. We would go skiing. And I had a crush on a boy that lived there, and he was, like, on the ski team. And I was like, this is where I can really bloom. Like, the people that co don't know me, but here in the alternate life, I can be cool and ski. I can be anyone. I can be anyone. And I was not particularly athletic, but I was like, you know, like, I'm gonna be brave and ski. And in Vermont, it's very icy. There's no snow.

[Jameela Jamil]

So when the plane over, I feel like you're fantasizing about how amazingly you're gonna ski. And he's gonna be like, who is that? And then he's gonna fall in love with you. You're gonna remove your, like, fucking ski helmet.

[Arden Myrin]

And then my little spiky, like, buzz cut's gonna be, like, on my hair. My ginger buzz cut was gonna get him. So he. We were gonna have dinner with him that night. I was like, yeah, this is it.

[Blair Socki]

Group dinner.

[Arden Myrin]

Group dinner at their house. I'm like, this is it. I' so we went skiing, and the main ski trail was called the Face. It was like a black diamond.

[Blair Socki]

That's really ominous.

[Arden Myrin]

Thank you. And I wish I had no business to be on the face, but I was like, I'm gonna go in the face. I'm gonna get down there. And because it was, like, icy but slushy, there's no snow. My skis got stuck, so they were pointing, like, just straight down the mountain, and I couldn't turn, so I just sat on the back of my skis thinking that I would fall.

[Blair Socki]

I think that's pretty smart.

[Arden Myrin]

I just gained speed because I had no wind resistance. So I'm like a little bullet. The chairlift is going over me, so he's watching. The ski team is there right when you're going down. I'm going down. It's the lunchtime, so all of the little, like, ski things where people put their skis and go in for lunch, they're all full. And I'm racing like, a little bullet down right towards all the. Now, thankfully, somehow I maneuvered through. I could have really hurt myself, but I maneuvered through the little holes in the ski holders and I landed in a puddle. My mom saw. She's like, my baby. I saw this maniac flying down the mountain, and it was you, my friend, who was like my best friend from New England, full of her laughing. She's like, you're a fucking idiot. And then they all saw I had to go have dinner. They all made fun of me, and it was just like. That was gonna be, like, my big day to, like, I'm gonna win over the.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like.

[Arden Myrin]

He just. I got. It never goes as painful.

[Blair Socki]

It was.

[Arden Myrin]

Don't ever attempt a sport you can't do in front of somebody who's really good at it. And a way to win. Like, I got this, and I'm gonna win you over. It's not gonna work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not gonna work.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, it. I was in a movie last year, and my co star is, like, super jacked, and I didn't know how to become friends with him, but he was the only person, like, close to my age and was like, we're gonna become friends. You know, we have some, like, good jokes and things. I was like, how am I gonna hang out with him? He lives in the gym. I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to fucking go to the gym.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

I hate, like, exercise. I hate it.

[Arden Myrin]

So, sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm not an exerciser. And I hadn't moved for five years, right? So I was like, it's fine. I'm gonna be fine. Or whatever. Like, I was in Marvel. I can fucking do it. Hell, yeah. So I. I go. I work out with him. And he used to be a PT before he became an actor. So he was like, I'll train you.

[Arden Myrin]

And I was like, sounds good, bro. Yes, let's do this.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I try and be all brave and cool, and then I do one pull up, and I get an actual hernia in my esophagus in my food tube that is so severe that I lose £20. In. During the course of filming. So in the film, I look like. I'm like three different weights completely. Where I just look like my cheekbones are just, like, snatched, like, randomly in the middle and then full again at the end. Yeah. Which I didn't know was possible.

[Blair Socki]

You have to go, like, straight to the hospital.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, of course I had to go straight to the fucking hospital. So I've just stopped trying to impress anyone with physical prowess.

[Arden Myrin]

Whoa.

[Jameela Jamil]

Whatsoever.

[Arden Myrin]

In the food tube.

[Jameela Jamil]

In the food tube.

[Blair Socki]

I've never even heard of that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Nor had I. I didn't know that was possible. It's the weakest thing I've ever heard of. Like, I was like. I didn't even know it could herniate a diaconic. It's really insane. Wow. So when I watch that film back.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

So it's really a message that, you know, anything.

[Arden Myrin]

Anything can happen.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. A dream happen. Wait, so you were gonna say something before I started telling this horror story?

[Blair Socki]

I was just gonna say, like, what happened at dinner? Like, what was. I wanna know? Like, what he remembered? Did he say anything to you?

[Arden Myrin]

They made jokes about me all night.

[Jameela Jamil]

Jokes that, like, when you're an adult now, seems so lame.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah. But when you're in the time, you're like.

[Jameela Jamil]

It feels so real.

[Arden Myrin]

It felt like I really thought I had been making headway during the week. And I. This is like. I remember going up on a chair loop. I was like this. I'm like, landing on the plane.

[Blair Socki]

You guys want to take a run together?

[Jameela Jamil]

We've all had that.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, my God, it was so humiliating.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm sorry.

[Arden Myrin]

I would have almost rather just hit the skis and just be like.

[Jameela Jamil]

And just die.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, just die.

[Jameela Jamil]

So then it's a tragedy.

[Arden Myrin]

Exactly. Like, oh, poor Arna. She was so cute. She was so brave.

[Blair Socki]

Yes. What a charger.

[Arden Myrin]

I couldn't stop ruminating. You're like, oh, my God. It was an intrusive thought. For like, six months afterwards. I was like. Like, you know what? I'm just not gonna leave the house. I was like, full Boo Radley.

[Blair Socki]

No. It matters so much at that age, though. Like, I still can. The feelings of embarrassment when they happened in those years are so intense that I can still, like, feel. Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

There was a guy who worked at my local video shop, and I didn't do anything, but I used to walk past there 60 times a day at least, and think. He totally thinks this is normal, right?

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, he thinks I need to go to the store this many times. He thinks I need to rent this many DVDs, it didn't occur to me that he'd be like, who is this fucking loser child? Who is this, like, weird jail bait?

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Coming to the store to watch 600 DVDs a week. It's insane. And I would clearly be looking in the shop to see if he's there. And it's like, yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

You can see as a child, you're like, let me know if you want it. They're like, you're a child.

[Blair Socki]

I know. You put on your sexy T shirt and you're like, I'm really gonna get em today. You know? Isn't it funny too? Like, now I can't even imagine, like, doing anything to try and impress a man. But, like, when you're young, you will.

[Arden Myrin]

There's nothing more tender and vulnerable than every blooming moon. When you actually have a crush, like a real crush. Like, that's for real. Like, a sincere crush.

[Jameela Jamil]

Every song has, like, such meaning.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, my God.

[Arden Myrin]

It's every song. You're like, that's me. I feel I hear you chaperone.

[Blair Socki]

Yes, totally.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes. It's really like your mood is so controlled by somebody else and it's so tender.

[Blair Socki]

I know. And also, like, I don't know about you girls, but the 90s R&B was like, so sexual.

[Arden Myrin]

So sexual.

[Blair Socki]

I'd be singing, like, the most nasty, corniest as a child, but with the purest heart.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

Like, with just also this, like, little white voice.

[Arden Myrin]

You probably didn't even know that.

[Blair Socki]

Let me lick you up.

[Jameela Jamil]

Come down till you say stuff. Dude.

[Arden Myrin]

What was. Lauren Lopka sent me, like, the dirtiest. There was like, her favorite one on loop that was, like, so dirty that she sent me recently that I can't remember what it was that you were like, everybody. We would all sing these things.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, I know.

[Arden Myrin]

It was. Yeah, it was.

[Blair Socki]

I was singing about jizzing from the

[Jameela Jamil]

age of like, eight, and I had no idea what I was saying or why everyone was so embarrassed to be around me. Anyway, this is unrelated, but my producers just reminded me of what my favorite song in the world still is, which is I Got Bitten.

[Arden Myrin]

Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Have you ever heard this song? Oh, it's amazing. It's a feminist anthem.

[Blair Socki]

Some could say.

[Jameela Jamil]

I got bitches all on my dick and every day Sucking on my balls, licking on my balls Feminism, bitches, they know Stick it in that booty hold my balls, my balls suck on my balls. And then the first. All I'll say is the first lyric of the verse, which is all up in that asshole. Yep.

[Arden Myrin]

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That was my parents first dance at their wedding.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. That would be my funeral song. My wedding. I got bitches by two. Am I gonna look that up? Yeah. I think it was written by. It was written originally. I think the lyrics are by Gloria Steinem.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

But the collab, it was one of her first publishing achievements. Yeah, that's exciting. Let's go to a fucking break.

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[Arden Myrin]

Can I make my sight softer?

[Blair Socki]

Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

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[Matt from P1]

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[Jameela Jamil]

And we're back. Blair, tell me, what was your big wrong turn?

[Blair Socki]

Okay, well, thank you for asking. First of all, it was really hard to choose, but I have had, you know, a lot of bladder related incidents in my day. Yes, kind of spanning right, right out of the chute. I mean, all Ages. All ages.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Blair Socki]

And up until modern day. Yeah, yeah. Although I have been referred maybe to like a pelvic floor therapist. You hear that? Very tight. But no, like when I was in high school and I was a senior, thank God, when this happened, I was thinking fitness class and it was like taught by my volleyball coach. And the only requirement of the class to get an A was you had to wear the gray sweats. Like you had to change into the gray sweats every class.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And wait, sorry, what?

[Arden Myrin]

You had a.

[Jameela Jamil]

For wearing gray sweats?

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, like it was basically like a bougie version of PE of like, do you have, do they have.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, but why do you. Yeah, English people exercise. But no,

[Blair Socki]

I was like trying to Spanish. Do you guys have toothbrushes?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I. Wait, sorry. So you get mom an A grade just for wearing a uniform?

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, because this is Catholic school. We wear uniforms. And so basically like it was showing that you were participating in the class.

[Jameela Jamil]

Conforming for Jesus. I get it. Okay. I'm back in the room.

[Arden Myrin]

I feel like you and I could be related just visually, vocally, bladder wise, all of that. I'm like, am I looking at my twin flame?

[Blair Socki]

Well, it's a thrill to be, you know, doing this with you and getting to know you in this very, very intimate, I feel.

[Arden Myrin]

Very twin flame.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, very twin flame. But so one day, I don't know what happened because, you know, I've been a, a poor victim of, you know, having a laugh and then just getting like a little squirt out, you know, just like a little drop.

[Arden Myrin]

Drop?

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, drop or two. Squeeze out of there, you know? Yeah, I gotta, I got a loose urethra. And so then I, I don't know what happened this time. I, I, someone actually, I do know what happened. This girl tripped and fell and I laughed so hard. That's hilarious. K you a sweatpants. Like, I don't know why, where it all came out. It was like my water broke. You know,

[Jameela Jamil]

gray is, Gray is the color not to piss your pants.

[Blair Socki]

Heather gray. It was brutal.

[Arden Myrin]

And I was co ed.

[Blair Socki]

We're in coed. Very coed. Men everywhere.

[Arden Myrin]

How old are you?

[Blair Socki]

I was a senior, thank God. And I was quite, you know, comfortable as myself. But still, but still. I had to walk across campus. No, to the nurse's office. Cause I had to call all down and I was like, what? Yeah, I pissed myself. Like, you never done it.

[Arden Myrin]

You know, she like, you owned it. You owned it.

[Blair Socki]

I had no choice. Sometimes you get in those situations and you see what comes out surprises you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Good for you. You know, there's that line in the film Submarine about a boy who takes a shit, but he becomes so proud of the shit he's taken that no one can bully him for it. I mean, so anyone who brings it

[Blair Socki]

up, he's like, that's right. I did that shit.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're that smart.

[Arden Myrin]

And it's Geni, like, that's smart for any of these stories. Just own it, like, to double down. That's smart.

[Blair Socki]

I was a young girl of, like, older brothers, but still, I was quite embarrassed, and my cheeks were red, and I was trying definitely to get across campus, like.

[Arden Myrin]

But I respect it. Sure.

[Blair Socki]

And then when people are like. And I was like, good for you. And so I get to the nurse's office, and I'm in a Catholic high school, so we can't. Even if you're 18, you can't leave unless your parents call you.

[Jameela Jamil]

You out.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

And so I had to have the nurse who was my older brother's girlfriend's stepmom at the same time. So I was in there a lot, really working that angle. And I. I called my mom. I said, haul a big hall. Ring, ring. I gotta. I actually have to leave because I pissed my pants. And she was like, where. Don't with me, okay? Like, you can't. I actually cannot call you out because I, I. You have made me call you out, out so many times that I'm in trouble with the school. So I could not leave the school.

[Arden Myrin]

So you.

[Jameela Jamil]

You couldn't put it in your own piss?

[Arden Myrin]

Did you put your other outfit back on?

[Blair Socki]

I did, but I had to walk all across campus again. And this is like a big shower.

[Arden Myrin]

No, no, no. I'm, like, putting.

[Blair Socki]

I'm putting.

[Arden Myrin]

And there's an aroma. There's a whole thing. Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

And I'm thinking, God, I can drive. I could just drive out of here. But then I would have been like, you know, whatever. And so I'm, like, splashing water, put on my other thing. But I was like. I was like, God, I'm piss girl. Can you. I can't.

[Arden Myrin]

Did you become piss girl?

[Blair Socki]

No, no. I was, like, a popular kid, so I was like, how is this? How am I holding both at one time? Like, I could.

[Jameela Jamil]

Very popular.

[Arden Myrin]

What. What month was the senior year?

[Blair Socki]

I don't know.

[Arden Myrin]

Like, spring?

[Blair Socki]

It was.

[Arden Myrin]

Was it the fall?

[Blair Socki]

I was already in the college, like.

[Arden Myrin]

But you were very popular because most people, this would just be down forever.

[Jameela Jamil]

You have to be like the JLO of your school.

[Blair Socki]

Like, I feel like JLo could piss

[Jameela Jamil]

herself and we'd be fine.

[Blair Socki]

I was so much just like how I was now. Like, I wasn't like, you know, walking around like, I'm a hot girl or whatever. I think I had just been put through so much as a little sister.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're the town clown already. So it's on brand.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

And then fast forward, like, what? Oh, five years later, I'm visiting. I'm visiting my long distance boyfriend. I live in New York, he lives in LA. We're meeting in Miami for a his Colombian mom's 50th birthday. It's a two bedroom apartment. We're long distance. So, you know, like right when we see each other, it's like, it's like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, you know, and everyone knows what's going on. And I'm meeting about like 50 of his relatives for the first time. And all of a sudden he left for the beach, didn't bring his phone. And I just get this UTI that comes on so, so, so fast. It comes on like, like I'm sweating and like crying type of quit. Been there, I've had some since and like, I've never had one like this. Like, this was crazy. So I have to go ask his mom.

[Arden Myrin]

No.

[Blair Socki]

Who already knows what's been up.

[Arden Myrin]

It's like pre YouTube, I'm pre Uber. You can't, like, you can't just like

[Blair Socki]

call, just be like, I have to go to the store for a little bit.

[Arden Myrin]

You can't like, get yourself out of there.

[Blair Socki]

Call my boyfriend to come drive me.

[Arden Myrin]

No.

[Blair Socki]

So I have to ask her. I was like, oh, I'm so sorry about this. And it wasn't the day of the party, thank God. But I was like, can you please take me to an urgent care? I'm having a big problem. I'm in a lot of PA and I think we have to actually like go now. And so she doesn't.

[Jameela Jamil]

She's.

[Blair Socki]

I'm like, I'm in so much pain. I'm like, I can barely. I'm about to like pass out at this point. And I asked her to take me to urgent care. I'm trying to like, call urgent care. She takes me to the er, Dude.

[Arden Myrin]

Nightmare, dude, the er.

[Blair Socki]

So then I'm in the ER waiting and I'm thinking, this is so fucking embarrassing. Like my first introduction to these people. They all, you know, all day this stuff. And then I get a call and three, not one, but two, but three cars of his relatives pull up to the hospital?

[Jameela Jamil]

No, because you've had to go to the emergency.

[Arden Myrin]

They're worried about you. They're all worried about you.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's so.

[Blair Socki]

And they're all in the waiting room.

[Jameela Jamil]

So sweet.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm being like, they thought you like, broke your arm or something.

[Blair Socki]

And you're like, I have a injury.

[Arden Myrin]

You're like, yeah, I'm banged out. I'm banged out.

[Blair Socki]

I'm meeting them for the first time, like, thinking, I'm going to marry this guy. Like, it was straight out.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was.

[Blair Socki]

Was like three cars of relatives came up. It was like if you saw this in a, in a movie, you'd be like, that's not believable.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, that's gilding.

[Blair Socki]

They're overriding. So then I had to, I have to like, hobble out. Like, once I've been giving like morphine or some. My. My boyfriend's in there, like, patting my head and. And she's like asking questions like, well, did you, did you go up the rear? You know, she's like. And you know you have to, you have to wipe back, back, front to back. I was like, everybody knows, you know that.

[Arden Myrin]

We know that. We know that. It still happens sometimes. I know.

[Blair Socki]

And so then I have to walk out when it's all done. Like, if this is seriously turns into like a five hour experience, everyone's waiting there. This is a weekend trip, by the way. I come out and I have to be like, hi, nice to meet you.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh my God.

[Blair Socki]

Like, and drive back with all these people just like, silent. Like. It was.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm so sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was.

[Blair Socki]

I'm so sorry that I have chills right now even thinking about it.

[Arden Myrin]

What happened with you and the guy?

[Blair Socki]

Oh, we broke up, but not then. We were together many years. His family was very nice.

[Arden Myrin]

Did they accept you?

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, they accepted. I mean, luckily, the Latin culture is sexually positive. I think, you know, his mom would be like, why are you so covered up all the time? Yeah, so show me that hoodie had a lot more shame.

[Arden Myrin]

Let me see.

[Blair Socki]

See them titties. Like now, now I would be like, it's fine. But also like, no to the er. We're going to an urgent care. You know, like, I'll have to. I'll get a police escort if I have to.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know, such a horrendous way to meet a f. An entire family nightmare.

[Blair Socki]

And like, he has all these like, hot cousins that are my age. And like, I understood, like, I understood Spanish, so I could hear what they were saying, but they didn't Know that I spoke Spanish.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is mortifying. Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

What were they saying?

[Blair Socki]

I mean, one hot.

[Arden Myrin]

Boy or girl?

[Blair Socki]

Girls. One was like. Kept saying that my boobs were fake, which I took as a compliment, you know, And I was like, you know, later told him that I could understand

[Jameela Jamil]

what they were saying.

[Arden Myrin]

That is like, recently, my friend Brian said that somebody asked him if I got my boobs done. And I was like, thank you.

[Blair Socki]

It was a huge compliment.

[Arden Myrin]

It was a huge compliment. I just wish I had so much chopstick. It was like, a really good under thing and so much chopstick. And I was like, thank you.

[Blair Socki]

Right. I had the of youth on my side at that time. You know, no one's ever seen my

[Jameela Jamil]

ass and thought it was fake. That really hurts my feelings. Well, not one person. You can.

[Arden Myrin]

You can tape things.

[Jameela Jamil]

You can tape things like a comedy sandbag at the back.

[Blair Socki]

I mean, now. Now I could really get through this, but at the time, like, I was. I was so sheltered. Like, this was around the same time as. What would you do then? The laundry mat? I mean, I would just get it in an Uber, you know?

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah. Well, now. Yeah, now.

[Blair Socki]

You would handle it. So I would be like, I have to go get milk. No.

[Arden Myrin]

When you're trapped, you're screwed. And when you're dependent on a ride.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then 15 Catholics roll up.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Horrific. 15 Catholics roll up.

[Arden Myrin]

Nobody ever wanted.

[Blair Socki]

And then the next night was the 50th birthday party, and I had to just be like, yeah, exactly. And I couldn't drink either.

[Jameela Jamil]

You all.

[Arden Myrin]

You're like, do you want another cranberry juice? Another cranberry juice player.

[Blair Socki]

How's your pussy, Cranberry little whore.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nightmare.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

So.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, man. Wow.

[Jameela Jamil]

Someone once moved my womb during sex. That was the only sex injury I've ever had. But thankfully, his family was not around because I thought I was dying, and I had to go to the hospital. And then they were like, his penis is so big, he's relocated. Did you have a bad attitude for, like, two seconds? No.

[Arden Myrin]

How did they fix it? Did it.

[Jameela Jamil]

I had to just have, like, a little procedure, and then they just, like. Yeah, just like a little one, like, through the. Like a. What's it called?

[Blair Socki]

Keyhole.

[Jameela Jamil]

And they, like, manually, like, moved it, like, shifted it back, and I had to break up with him.

[Arden Myrin]

Was he proud of himself?

[Jameela Jamil]

He was a little proud of himself.

[Blair Socki]

Men are so sick.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know. I know.

[Blair Socki]

Really twisted, twisted people.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know the exact moment that he was inside me, I was like, is that his leg. Oh, my God. It's his leg. But I had to break up with him because of it. He asked me to marry him and I was like, nope. I was like, I'm going to die.

[Arden Myrin]

No, no. Smart.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah, Smart life smart.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly. I'm pro life. My own life. Oh, man. That's such a fucking nightmare. I'm so sorry.

[Arden Myrin]

That's a lot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. So many pissy disasters.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just to get away with it.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm so proud of you.

[Blair Socki]

Thank you.

[Arden Myrin]

You've weathered a lot.

[Jameela Jamil]

I really want to see your boobs now. Anyway. Goodbye.

[Arden Myrin]

I want to see your boobs.

[Blair Socki]

I'll show you guys.

[Arden Myrin]

Okay, fine.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, right now? Oh, sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

We're not doing video anymore, everyone.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

All right, we'll be right back after the break.

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[Arden Myrin]

Can I make my site softer?

[Blair Socki]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number Ad Voice]

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[Matt from P1]

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[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back. All right, Arden, tell me, what's your big wrong turn?

[Arden Myrin]

Okay, here. So I was graduating from high school. It was the last week.

[Blair Socki]

Congratulations.

[Arden Myrin]

Thank you, guys. Last year I was on a mission to lose my virginity and all my. I was like the funny, like, neutered court jester to, like, the cool girls.

[Blair Socki]

Did you still have the buzz?

[Arden Myrin]

No, I was starting to bloom a little more.

[Blair Socki]

Where was our hair at this time?

[Arden Myrin]

Our hair was no longer a buzz. I'd grown it out. My hair. I was.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was cuter.

[Arden Myrin]

Not long. But I was no longer getting it cut by the town barber that only did, like, the lobsterman and the cops. So it had grown out. So I, like, sort of gotten some style. It was cuter.

[Jameela Jamil]

Cute 90s.

[Arden Myrin]

Cute 90s. But, like, the friend. I was a ginger snap. So I was like the red headed fun friend. I was like in a sea of kind of like New England, like, kind of like horse lacrosse girls, you know what I mean, that are all, like, just, like, very sporty.

[Jameela Jamil]

All look like Bella Hadid.

[Arden Myrin]

Exactly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Everyone's Bella Hadid.

[Arden Myrin]

Exactly. It was a nightmare. And I was like, the funny one. And I was like a year younger than everybody. Not because I was, like, so smart that they put. But my mom. I was a December baby. And my mom was like, I'm gonna enroll you. And they're like, she's like a year and a half to you. I was like, she's good. So, like, so I was on a mission. I was like, I need to lose my virginity before I go to college. I want. There was a list of graduating virgins. And I was like, this. I gotta get.

[Blair Socki]

Who's compiling the list?

[Arden Myrin]

It wasn't nice, but I was like, creepy teacher, probably.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Arden Myrin]

Can I just say there's There was a teacher. Well, okay, that was a whole other thing. But anyway, so I was like. I didn't want to be on the list. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it was, like, out of fear. And all my friends were just, like, doing it right and left. And I felt like, okay, before I go to college, you know, this is the known pool of guys. I had such a crush on this guy that I was basically like. We were dating. He did not like me, but I was convinced, like, this is the guy. I can like him enough for both of us, even if he doesn't like me. I'm like, I got the guy that I had the crush on. He couldn't have been less interested. He was not a So I was like, okay, I'm gonna get this done. So one night, I'm like, okay, I think tonight's the night. We went on like a double date with he and his best friend. And his best friend was sort of like the quiet athlete. Did you guys have like the couple at your school that, like, was sort of under the radar, but everyone knew. Just like, fucked all the time. They were just like doing it quietly, humping like rabbits everywhere.

[Jameela Jamil]

I went to an all girls school.

[Arden Myrin]

Okay. We had this cup. They were just like doing it everywhere. Like, they see it, like. And the teachers didn't know. I don't think their parents knew. They looked like just sort of nice wholes. And they were just like getting at it like five times a day and getting.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, God.

[Arden Myrin]

I know. Good for them. I know, right? So we went on a double date and I was like, okay. We had like one week left to graduate. I was like, I want to do it tonight. Tonight's the night. And we decided to go like pool hopping. And I didn't know that that was the plan. And I was like the quirky girl. And I had like my fun vintage outfits and I was like, I, like, loved Annie hall, you know? So, like, I had like.

[Blair Socki]

You had a personality.

[Arden Myrin]

I had a personality, yeah. So I had on like a vest. I had on like, I like a button down shirt with like a vest on. And then I wore this giant, like a vintage giant circle skirt that feels now a little trad wife. It's like a little.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a little.

[Blair Socki]

I was like Laura Ingalls. What?

[Jameela Jamil]

It's also a little bit like Winona Ryder. Like Beetlejuice.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes, yes. And I think I had like a bowler on. I think I had like a bowler on.

[Jameela Jamil]

A bowler. I think a bowler.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm ready to floss.

[Blair Socki]

Nothing.

[Arden Myrin]

So sex like a bowler.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like a clockwork orange. Do you have like a walking, like a walking stick, an umbrella you were using as a walk?

[Arden Myrin]

Clockwork Garage. They're like, Clockwork Garage up top. Laura Ingalls wilder down to below. I'm like, let's get at it.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like, have you ever fucked Jay Nan fully?

[Arden Myrin]

So clearly sex was on my mind. When I got dressed, I was like, let's go.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also. So many layers to remain.

[Arden Myrin]

So many layers.

[Jameela Jamil]

Tiny buttons.

[Arden Myrin]

So many, like, fun, like, nothing.

[Blair Socki]

45 minutes of prep to get undressed.

[Arden Myrin]

So then I didn't know we were going pool. Nothing else that says pool hopping. Like a trad wife skirt. Charlie Chapman. Look ye like a houndstooth Like Oliver Twist vest. Like a artful doctor vest.

[Blair Socki]

Clearly she's deep in head.

[Arden Myrin]

Let me know if you want it. Like I always put on my raciest outfit. So then, so then he's like, we're going pool.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hot bae.

[Arden Myrin]

Never been to this pool. It wasn't like my town.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I'm just imagining her toothless going,

[Blair Socki]

you've got this pick up pocket tattoo,

[Arden Myrin]

full life, Chim chim cherry. Like fucking Dick Van Dyke. So we. That sounds British, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

Anything?

[Blair Socki]

So underneath I need to know.

[Arden Myrin]

I didn't know I was going pool hopping. It was sprung on me. They're all athletes. I'm like the fun artsy one. I'm like, let's do it. I should have learned from skiing. I'm like, let's go, let's go.

[Jameela Jamil]

Round two.

[Arden Myrin]

Round two, round two. This bitch dude didn't learn her lesson. All she had differently was she grown out the of hair and got her hands on a circle skirt. We climbed. There was like a giant chain link fence taller than me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, so it's pool hopping where you just sort of trespass and people's pools jump in them and get out and then jump in someone else's pool.

[Arden Myrin]

So this was like a public pool that I'd never been to. It was not in my town. And it was like a large public facility with a very large chain link fence around it. They're all American on like everything. I'm like, I'm like contending yourself, you know? So they all hop up, hop down. Team sex is already like in the pool. Just fucking like dolphins. Like it's like publicly. Publicly. Yeah. But nobody was there. It was like, it was just the four of us. So they're at the other deep end just getting at it. I'm like trying to hoist myself up this giant fence.

[Jameela Jamil]

In a petticoat.

[Arden Myrin]

In a petticoat. And like in like bloomers. The bloomers. So I get to the top, they all jump in, down. And I'm also like not a daredevil. I got nervous and I was like, like really high up there and I didn't quite know how to get down. He was like, come on. He's like, let's go before you get caught. He was so impatient.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

There was nothing. He didn't like me. Okay. But I was like, let's go. So I. I basically was like, everybody had jumped down. I was like, all right, Arden. Like 1, 2, 3. And I jump. And like my feet do not hit the ground. I. My skirt got caught on the Top of the fence. And I'm like hanging like ass in the air. Also, I think I had on like jockey. I think I had on like jockey. You know, it was my best bikini jockeys. But like, they were not cute. And like, I couldn't. It was so high up. I couldn't get myself off. Like the weights of all this fabric. My ass is in the air. He was like irritated. He's like, pull me up, like, get me up to. To get me off. And I'm like dangling. He had to get me up and get me off. Dude. That was the night I tried to lose my virginity to this dude. And it was then I had to get in, act casual, strip down, get into

[Jameela Jamil]

underwear.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, in my ugly underwear. Pulling off my.

[Blair Socki]

You just suffered a wild indignity, dude.

[Arden Myrin]

Dude, it was so. And when you're never all alone, when everyone else is like just looking at you like, what the fuck? Just like, why are you dating the artsy girl?

[Jameela Jamil]

They're looking at each other about you.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes. And they're gonna tell people. They're gonna tell people, dude, it's so much better to be an adult. Can I just say, to just be like in a pool. It's funny. I did go to a reunion there and I remember, like, I wasn't sure if I'd go back and be like, oh, I felt different just cause I was like 17 and everybody. I was like, no, I was not. Like, one of these things is not like the other. Like I didn't make sense there. So like, it was like when you're in a sea of people that just. They're just not. They'll get you. They're not your people, dude. They were not my people. And it was basically like getting hung on a fence in front of like eaten boys. Like, it was a fucking nightmare. Like an absolute.

[Jameela Jamil]

Translating that for me.

[Arden Myrin]

Brutal. You understand? You get it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

But they were like golden boys. Like, that. They were like self hung by your

[Blair Socki]

petticoat, trying to lose your virginity, but not even being, by the way.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was also like, teenage boys will take anything. Dude. To still not get off, dude. I did not at this point, this crazy.

[Arden Myrin]

It was also like T shirt material. So it was like kind of stretchy. It was jersey. It was a navy blue jersey.

[Blair Socki]

It must have been like seriously hurt.

[Arden Myrin]

But it was like. But kind of stretchy. You're kind of like stretched out the elastic waistband. It was so.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm not one to talk. My nickname was Trampo because I looked homeless for my entire teens. And I was. I thought fingerless gloves up to the elbow in the summer were such a vibe. They were striped Beetlejuice fingerless gloves up to the woolly up to the elbow kind of high with an extra large men's Gap T shirt. And then black flares, but with a skirt, a floral skirt over the black flares. And then I would wear in the summer. And then this is the peak of summer.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

So my fringe was all the way down my back. It was like down, right down to my eyelashes. And then like a self inflicted, kind of like scarf. Burker. I would, in the summer, in the middle of a nightclub at night, be wearing a scarf covering my. My mouth and nose so all you could see was my eyes. So I was like this creepy fucking homeless ninja, like, that was out with everyone.

[Arden Myrin]

I was like the coolest person in Williamsburg right now.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was really bad. And I would walk up and down, like, listening to, like, Eminem, and I'd just be like, listening to no, but like 8 mile. And I'd be like, vabadunya sweater.

[Blair Socki]

Like mom's spaghetti.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, I just.

[Arden Myrin]

I recently re. Listened to Eminem, 8 mile. And it's really good.

[Blair Socki]

It is really good.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's really good. But I didn't lose my virginity until I was in my 20s because of that.

[Arden Myrin]

I mean, I regret that I did lose my virginity to this person later.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you?

[Arden Myrin]

I did not that night, but I did. It wasn't good.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, thank God. It wasn't that good.

[Arden Myrin]

But I also feel like the universe was trying to tell me, girl, this isn't my guy. You know what I mean? I feel like it was like throwing me on the fence. Like, just keep it. Just hold on. Like, just. It's not. It's not your guy. It's okay to wait. There's nothing wrong with.

[Jameela Jamil]

He doesn't have a heroic bone in his body.

[Arden Myrin]

It's okay to be a virgin and save it for somebody that would be worried that you were caught on the fence and charmed. Like, I do believe the universe was trying to be like, this ain't it. Like, it's okay to wait.

[Jameela Jamil]

What is it like chasing you, but you were faster.

[Arden Myrin]

I was just really on a mission.

[Jameela Jamil]

There's so many good teenage youth stories here of just, like, how the lack of perspective we have and how deeply, deeply painful these things can be.

[Arden Myrin]

I mean, that would be painful even now, but I would know that that wasn't my guy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I just would never get to

[Blair Socki]

a high point for a man.

[Arden Myrin]

No, never Again, I wouldn't people please as much to do it. I have so much compassion for that young lady who didn't know, like a. You don't need to lose your virginity right now. It's okay. Let's just.

[Blair Socki]

I always. I was like the last in my friend group, and I always was just like, I just wanted to be with someone who really, really loves me.

[Arden Myrin]

That's what I wish I had.

[Blair Socki]

Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

Did you have that? Yeah.

[Blair Socki]

But I still. The whole ethos around it back then was like, you're giving something away, they're taking something, you know, like. It was like. It was not like a very even mutually. It wasn't like that back then, you know?

[Arden Myrin]

Right, right.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank God we're older.

[Blair Socki]

I know.

[Arden Myrin]

I'm so older.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've both been hilarious and vulnerable and sweet, and this has been very bonding. I feel like. I know. Me too. I know. Before we go, I want you to get to know my listeners. They send in the most phenomenal, phenomenal letters. Currently going viral on the Internet is one of our listeners talking to us about a guy who used a hairbrush to brush her ass for five minutes. So there's really some freaky going on out there in this world, and they like to keep us in the loop. That's fun. This week, George has written in. George says, I worked as a pizza delivery guy as a teenager. One night I had the final cleanup and I was about to lock the doors when I thought I could make myself a pizza for the road. A genius. George is a genius.

[Arden Myrin]

Sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

While it was baking, I started drinking and it really got away from me because I woke up hours later still that night and went home. When I showed up for work the next day, the manager asked to see me in her office. She asked if I had anything to with do. Tell her I confess to making a late night snack and she said, and that's all. And I played dumb. And then she cues up the kitchen video, speeds through me eating, drinking a lot, and stops the video when I start to.

[Arden Myrin]

Oh, no, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

Unbutton my pants. I really didn't remember doing this, but there is a 1000% chance.

[Arden Myrin]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

That the camera got really great coverage of me jerking off. Wow.

[Arden Myrin]

Wow.

[Jameela Jamil]

She asked me to leave, but before I did, for some reason, I asked when I was the schedule again, and her one word response was never. Wow.

[Blair Socki]

Oh, Joel.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. He got so horny by the pizza.

[Arden Myrin]

I mean, I've been relatable. Relatable.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is so sweet and funny and mortifying knowing that everyone at work is going to like, that's the sort of tape that becomes law. You know what I mean? Like forever. Everyone talks about. About it. Everyone's seen it.

[Arden Myrin]

Like, oh, my God, you're the pizza jerk off guy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Arden Myrin]

Wow.

[Blair Socki]

You know, George, just in case you're listening, worse things have happened, I'm sure. And that's coming from Pisco.

[Arden Myrin]

Just own it, George. We've learned to just own it.

[Blair Socki]

That's coming from Miami. Hospital whore.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, you just.

[Arden Myrin]

You just say, don't shame me. Don't shame me.

[Blair Socki]

So I, you know, my best wishes to you, George. Yeah, George, we're all with you. I love pizza.

[Arden Myrin]

I love pizza.

[Jameela Jamil]

I.

[Blair Socki]

But, George, pizza, I love it.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Blair Socki]

So good.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. He's a lover. He's a lover. He wouldn't have left that pizza on the fence.

[Jameela Jamil]

George is the only one of us who has any idea what the fuck

[Blair Socki]

is going on in this world.

[Arden Myrin]

Yeah, George.

[Jameela Jamil]

George, we're with you, George.

[Arden Myrin]

Pizza off the fence, George for President

[Jameela Jamil]

of the United States of America. You know what?

[Arden Myrin]

I should have waited for George.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I agree.

[Arden Myrin]

I should have waited for George.

[Jameela Jamil]

George, call us.

[Arden Myrin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, on that note, before we continue to sexually harass George, will you tell me where people can find you, what you want them to watch and listen to? Should we start with you, Blair? Oh, sure.

[Blair Socki]

Thank you so much for asking. I would love, if you guys have any interest, I'm at Blair Saki. B L A I R S O C C I on all social media platforms. All my tour dates are there, blairsocki.com and I have a podcast called Spaced out with Blair C Stocky. And I would love if you guys listen to it. Yay.

[Arden Myrin]

My name is Arden Marine. Thank you for asking. It's M Y R I N on Instagram and TikTok, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm on Free Bird on Netflix as all the episodes are up. I'm on Righteous Gemstones. I have a book out called Little Miss Little Compton. And I have a podcast on Iheart called Will youl Exclusive, except this rose.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yay.

[Arden Myrin]

Fabulous.

[Jameela Jamil]

Amazing. Sorry, I was gonna say hooray. And then I was gonna say hoorazing. Hoorazing, which is really a love. Yeah, you're both fucking wonderful. This has been such a dream. Thank you for coming, Twin Flame. Bye. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil, and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can even email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. By.

[Sleep Number Ad Voice]

Why Choose a Sleep Number Smart Bed

[Arden Myrin]

Can I make my sight softer?

[Blair Socki]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number Ad Voice]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your Sleep number setting. Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. And now during our President's day sale, take 50% off our limited edition bed plus an extra $100 off all mattresses and Saturday only at a Sleep number store or sleepnumber.com

[Advertisement Voice]

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