Bob The Drag Queen and Mae Martin [ReTurn]

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Bob The Drag Queen and Mae Martin [ReTurn]

Release Date: August 6, 2026
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Bob The Drag Queen, Mae Martin

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Episode Overview

In this riotously candid episode, Jameela Jamil welcomes comedian and drag icon Bob the Drag Queen and stand-up & musician Mae Martin to Wrong Turns. True to its ethos—“where dignity goes to die”—the trio swap mortifying and shame-filled stories, celebrating the chaos of real life without any inspirational spin. They revel in humiliations, bodily mishaps, and “wrong turns”; from peeing onstage to accidental orgasms and crush-fueled catastrophes, nothing is too intimate or gross for the conversation. Listener stories add even more commiseration and darkly funny camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Stories

Celebrating Messiness & Rejecting Silver Linings

• Jameela: “I'm just fucking sick of all of the inspiration we're supposed to draw from all of the terrible moments in life...I just want somewhere where I can chill and just own my clusterfucks without it needing to have a silver fucking lining.” (02:02)
• Mae: “I'm so done with learning any kind of lessons. Like, I feel like I've learned a lot, and I'm like, I'm ready to just not learn any more lessons.” (02:30)
• Bob: “We are anti inspiration, pro commiseration here.” (02:24)

The Disaster Magnet Phenomenon

• Mae describes feeling like chaos is always close:
  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I've magnetized it in a way...There's, like, an undercurrent of disaster and chaos, for sure.” (04:16)
• Jameela likens her life to “a tapestry of constant micro and macro humiliations.” (04:43)

Embarrassing Early Life Stories

Bob’s Childhood Humiliation

• Bob recalls falling asleep on a toilet in preschool, waking to the whole class staring at him pants-down—a formative humiliation explaining why he’s so private about his body. (06:03–06:43)

Entrepreneurial Puberty Story (Jameela)

• Jameela shares about a friend who grew pubic hair young and charged classmates to see it:
  “...she turned it into a business and started charging one pound … for each child to come into the bathroom stalls with her and see her pubes.” (06:46–07:16)

Roasting Gone Wrong (Bob)

• Bob dredges up a darkly comic memory of making relentless jokes about a boy's “pimple”—which turned out to be a brain tumor.
  “...your pimple's so big, you walked in front of my tv. I missed a whole episode of Rugrats...” (08:24)
  “And then next year, he was in a wheelchair. No, because it wasn't a pimple. It was a brain tumor. … The year after that, he died.” (09:06–09:15)

On-Stage Mistaken Insults

• Mae recalls mocking a non-reactive audience member, later realizing they had a visual impairment.
• Jameela relays a Robbie Williams blunder: he got a stadium to boo a non-dancing section, not knowing it was the disabled seating. (10:02–10:41)

Microhumiliations & Crush Confessions

YouTube Search Shame (Mae)

• Mae tells of a crush finding her YouTube search history—full of searches about that person.
• “We both kind of pretended it hadn't happened...I’d rather it just be porn.” (11:38–12:01)
• Jameela confesses having a crush on Mae: “We missed the boat. Crazy. We told each other way too late.” (12:27–12:33)

Epic Bodily Fails

Bob the Drag Queen’s Pissing Story

• Legendary Length: Bob desperately needed to pee during a drag roast tour, tried to “let out a little bit” on stage—but fully wet himself in full drag instead.
  • “I decided to let out a little bit of pee, and I am now just fully pissing myself on stage.” (16:43–17:08)
  • Gown trapped the liquid: “I'm standing in a little piss water tower that I created myself.” (18:08)
  • Video evidence: “The promoters filmed the trail...and post it on the Internet.” (20:03)

Jameela’s Accidental DJ Orgasms

• Iconic Disclosure: DJing a 6,000-strong “farmers ball,” Jameela’s booth atop vibrating speakers triggered multiple orgasms, unnoticed by the crowd.
  • “I start feeling an orgasm coming...I came like 20 times.” (22:31; 23:52)
  • Fainted afterwards; road manager thought it was asthma. “I literally faint at the end of the song.” (25:04)
  • “I can't pee for like 24 hours because it's numb.” (25:34)

Stage Mishaps & Audience Participation Fails

Mae Martin’s “Edinburgh Fringe” Spatula Disaster

• Trying desperately to fit in with Margaret Cho’s entourage, Mae gets pulled onstage at a drag show and accidentally whacks the performer in the balls with a spatula.
  • “...the edge of the spatula, I just hit him like, and he’s in agony. Like, he screams...” (34:00–34:47)
  • “I was trying to be the best audience member…” (35:11)

“Celebrity Bathroom Humiliation” (Jameela)

• At the Golden Globes, Jameela recounts a bathroom incident where an unknown producer “force pees” and uncontrollably farts, which “reverberates around the big Golden Globes toilet” prompting a drunk Salma Hayek to notice. (36:47)

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Notable Quotes & Standout Moments

• Bob on resilience:
  “What was I supposed to do in their situation?...It was a game of survival.” (09:32–09:39)
• Jameela on bodily mishaps:
  “The beauty and the curse of being a woman is that it's multiples, right? So it's just like another song comes on...I came like 20 times.” (23:23–23:52)
• Mae on politeness:
  “I'm so uptight. Like, I think even when I'm asleep, I'm trying to be polite.” (42:30)
• Bob offering a public service:
  “If anyone out there wants a golden shower, I could probably accommodate. I'm telling you, I…” (42:49)

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Audience Submission: “Misery Loves Company”

Aaron’s Story:

• Meets a beautiful woman at a party, does mezcal shots (eats the worm), wakes with soaked pants and realizes he’s drunkenly urinated—also on her head.
• “She starts making out with him. It's then that he realizes that her hair is very wet. And that means he must have peed on her, too.” (41:23)
• The panel is both horrified and oddly supportive:
  • “If someone peed on me and we were both drunk, I'd honestly be quite forgiving, because I have peed on people when drunk.” (42:19)

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Final Reflections, Plugs & Farewell

• The trio share mutual admiration, noting their chemistry and hinting at future collaborations. (43:03–44:18)
• Plugs:
  • Bob the Drag Queen: “You can find me at Bob.TheDragQueen.com, you can order my book...and of course, I have my podcast Sibling Rivalry...” (43:30)
  • Mae Martin: “I got a podcast called Handsome, and you can go to maymartinmusic.com. I'm doing more music shows soon...Album's out now.” (43:42–43:53)
• Jameela: Hints at a substack with more personal embarrassing stories. (44:18)
• The episode ends with promises of more disastrous stories ahead.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:02] – Jameela rejects inspirational culture
• [04:16] – Mae on being a disaster magnet
• [06:03] – Bob’s preschool bathroom story
• [08:23] – Bob’s roast gone wrong/tragic classmate
• [11:38] – Mae’s embarrassing YouTube crush search
• [16:43] – Bob’s drag show “piss disaster”
• [22:31] – Jameela’s accidental onstage orgasms
• [34:00] – Mae’s spatula-in-the-balls Fringe tale
• [36:47] – Golden Globes restroom fart/Salma Hayek
• [41:23] – Listener Aaron's "misery loves company" pee story
• [43:30] – Plugs for Bob and Mae’s current projects

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Summary

This episode encapsulates the purpose of “Wrong Turns”—a gleeful, unfiltered parade of embarrassment, bodily failures, and cringe, told with warmth, wit, and zero moralization. Jameela, Bob, and Mae create a safe space for listeners to laugh at shared messes, showing genuine camaraderie in the chaos of being human. The episode is a hilarious, cathartic ride through disasters both public and private, proving that dignity is highly overrated—and best left at the door.

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Transcript

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[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

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[Jameela Jamil]

Welcome to Wrong Turns Studio.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Audience goes crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is a podcast that celebrates shame and indignity. I'm just fucking sick of all of the inspiration we're supposed to draw from all of the terrible moments in life and I feel like we're overdosing on it online and I just want somewhere where I can chill and just own my clusterfucks without it needing to have a silver fucking lining.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Supervowing.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I wanted to bring my friends on to commiserate with me. We are anti inspiration, pro commiseration here.

[May Martin]

I'm so done with learning any kind of lessons. Like, I feel like I've learned a lot, and I'm like, I'm ready to just not learn any more lessons.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is that because you feel, like, fully formed at Wisdom?

[May Martin]

No, I'm just exhausted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's nothing else I can learn.

[Jameela Jamil]

The voices that you are hearing right now are two people that I love so, so deeply. One is a comedian, actor, writer, producer, and recording artist. Now their new album is I'm a tv. Their latest comedy special is Feel Good, streaming on Netflix. And they are one of the hosts of the Hanson pod and their series Wayward, in which they star, wrote and produced what a Slay is on Netflix. It's May fucking Martin.

[May Martin]

Yay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wish I had gone first because I feel like your. Your rundown is going to be better.

[May Martin]

I disagree.

[Jameela Jamil]

This next up is Bump the Drag Queen. Who's here? No, we have a comedian, activist, musician, author, and actor. They are RuPaul's Drag Race winner. Their new single is Queen of the Underground, and they stole the most recent season of the Traitors. And they just released their debut novel, Harriet Tubman Live in Concert, which is doing so unbelievably. One of the charts and is Bob the fucking Drag Queen.

[May Martin]

Come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I will add it is a New York Times bestseller.

[May Martin]

Oh, my. Yes, it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I will add that. Which is a novel, a hardcover novel, which is a really hard list to get on. I mean, the Skin of My Teeth, that was number 15. Thank God. You know, New York Times bestseller is top 15. It's not top 10.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, thank God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm still gonna take that.

[May Martin]

Wait, it's a fiction.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's 100%. I'd take that and run with it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am taking it. I framed it and put it up on my wall.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So tell me, when it comes to life, do you feel as though I already know the answer to this, May. But, like, do you feel as though disaster is drawn unto you?

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I've magnetized it in a way. Well, I mean, I. I'm highly functioning.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But there's, like, an underwell. Yeah, yeah. Like, there's. You know, it's remarkable that I'm here today.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

That I left my house. But there's, like, an undercurrent of disaster and chaos, for sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

And do you love it? Do you love it?

[May Martin]

I think I love it. I think I might love it secretly. I don't know. Yeah. But you Live in. Curb your enthusiasm. That's your kind of.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I live in a. Just a complete tapestry of constant micro and macro humiliations.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love high funking. I've only ever heard that used for like autism and alcoholism.

[May Martin]

I'm sure it applies for both of those as well.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

like I'm a high functioning alcoholic.

[Jameela Jamil]

What about you, Bob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I. The truth is I don't embarrass easily.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. What does it take?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I would say maybe exposing my body because I typically dress relatively modestly. I don't want me to do. Although I have decided this summer will be my skank tank. Summer?

[May Martin]

What's a skank tank?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A skank tank is like those like thread, like spaghetti strap. Yeah. Basically the men's spaghetti strap.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've decided this summer will be my skank tank. Somewhere I'm gonna have the titties out.

[May Martin]

Honey, you're showing a bit of knee

[Bob the Drag Queen]

here and the Internet's going crazy and may. Cannot control themselves. I know, but yeah, I've never been pantsed. I think that would feel really humiliating.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right, right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I think that maybe if like. Cause sometimes I wear a wig even out of drag. When I'm wearing a wig out of drag, sometimes I have this constant fear that someone's going to come and snatch my wig off my head.

[May Martin]

Do you have things like from childhood that haunt you? Like when you're falling asleep at night, do you go like. I'm not saying I do, but yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I was in preschool, so I might have been old, I remember going to the bathroom and I fell asleep on the toilet. So I was really showing you like

[May Martin]

an old drunk

[Jameela Jamil]

mini little Elvis.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I must have been there for a hot minute. But I remember, I just remember going to the bathroom. Then I remember waking up and the entire class was at the door.

[May Martin]

Oh my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is the door open?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The door's open, the teacher's in the front of the door and the whole class is like looking in.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now we know where the exposing myself thing is.

[May Martin]

Maybe that's what it is.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My pants are around my ankle and feet swinging.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, so little feet swinging.

[Jameela Jamil]

A friend of mine was at school and she developed pubes at 8, which is super young. And she told one of her friends and her friend obviously went and then told the pubes at nine school. Wow. Okay. So she. The whole school found out about her pubes and rather than become a victim of this, which would be very, very easy in a primary school, she turned it into A business. And started charging one pound, which is a lot of money back then, for each child to come into the bathroom stalls with her and see her pubes.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She is now CEO.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes. She said she can't wait to do so well in business that one day she can go back to that stall and be like. And this is where I started my first business.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Only fans. Right there. You start charging only her fans. Look at her pubes. So I was at school and this guy started making fun of me for being gay and dark skinned and having. I had this big, big afro at the time.

[May Martin]

And how old are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sorry, seventh grade. So what is that?

[May Martin]

Yeah, 13 or something?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

12. Yeah, 12. Yeah, and then. But I have always been very quick witted and very good at making fun of people.

[May Martin]

When did that change? Just kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It actually has that little. You monster. Guys, this has been so fun. Thank you all for having me. Do you guys validate parking? I'm kidding you.

[May Martin]

I do a podcast with Tig Notaro and it's like, rubbed off on me. She's so dry and mean to me that I hurt people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hurt people. So anyway, so then he was making fun of me, and then I was like, okay, well, now I have to lay into this guy. And then I was like, what am I gonna. And I saw him, I'm like doing the scan, you know, collecting data on him, and he has this giant pimple on his forehead.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, fuck, it's huge.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This pimple is massive. So I'm going, I'm ripping on this pimple. I mean, I am ripping. I'm letting this guy have it. The class is screaming. I. I'm telling all these jokes about the pimple, how the pimple charges him rent, how the pimple has his own area code. Then I turn some yo mama so fat jokes into your pimple so fat jokes. I said. I remember saying, like, your pimple's so big, you walked in front of my tv. I missed a whole episode of Rugrats. Like, I was going on and on, and then he kind of got quiet and I was like, yeah, that's right. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I gathered you was your big ass ugly fucking pimple in your fucking forehead. Oh, no.

[May Martin]

I'm scared.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then next year, he was in a wheelchair. No, because it wasn't a pimple.

[May Martin]

It was a brain tumor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was a brain tumor.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the year after that, he died.

[May Martin]

Oh, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's dead. Fully dead to this day. Dead as hell. Dead as they come.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

As fuck.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Dead as fuck.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I'm not laughing. You all are so.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was I supposed to do in there? Situation?

[Jameela Jamil]

You did the only thing you. That is not fault. It was a game of survival.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was. And I survived.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

Jesus. Fuck me Christ. Okay.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. May give me, by the way, really quickly. I've like been on stage and ripped on someone for not watching me and they had turned out to be visually impaired. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wow.

[May Martin]

But I was like, what? Why did you even come if you're just gonna, like. You're not even. Why aren't you looking at me like. I was maybe 20 and I was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Have you heard about what happened with Robbie Williams where Robbie was on stage at an arena and there's like a whole section. Like everyone else is dancing. There's a whole section that aren't dancing and aren't up on their feet at all. And he just starts like. He's like, why aren't you dancing? Why did you even come here? And starts booing them and then gets the entire arena to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's the monkey.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a monkey. Huge boy. He's a huge boy band member who went solo and he's a national.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Brits cannot believe that Americans don't know this man.

[Jameela Jamil]

He gets the entire stadium to boo them and then his manager's on the side of stage going, no, no, don't do it. Oh, my God. It turns out it's the disabled section.

[May Martin]

Of course.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Pretty mad. And then he just launches straight into singing angels because he doesn't know.

[May Martin]

What else can you do?

[Jameela Jamil]

May you have a micro humiliation story?

[May Martin]

I do, yeah. I had a really big crush on someone one time. Let's. We need to. Can we give them a fit one time? My whole life is having a crush on someone. Yeah. I came out of the womb and like, had a crush on. Yeah, exactly. Can we give them a fake name for the purposes of the story? What's a good name? Dave. Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, like David.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that is a hideous name. I had a crush on Sargent Davina's

[May Martin]

listening crush on this person. And I was sort of working with them and then they, they, they came over and we were doing like YouTube DJ. Like we were just watching funny YouTube videos and then they went to type something in my YouTube and I suddenly, I kind of flinched because I was like, oh, what about my search history? And let's say it's the last name is Davina McCall.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay, so. So the search history, as she clicked on the thing, was Davina McCall. Davina McCall boyfriend. Davina McCall bloopers. Davina McCall singing. Like, it was so specific and detailed. And then we both kind of pretended it hadn't happened. And. Yeah, that. That is. We still have never spoken about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You'd rather it just be porn?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Oh, I'd rather it be twisted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rather just be, like, Mae Martin getting fisted.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Davina Nicole's bathroom.

[Jameela Jamil]

Davina McCall bloopers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Davina McCall's home address. Davina McCall's best friends.

[May Martin]

Loopers is bizarre. And. And boyfriend.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you're still friends.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we're friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just an awkward moment. Just a little awkward moment.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Friends. Do you have crushes? Have you had crushes on at all?

[May Martin]

Them and. And still do. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I had a crush on May. We missed the boat.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

We missed the boat. Crazy. We told each other way too late.

[May Martin]

Way too late.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know. And now we're family.

[May Martin]

Exactly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now it's insane.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's all fam.

[Jameela Jamil]

Fam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was. I almost got left hanging. That was almost.

[Jameela Jamil]

I didn't know what was happening. It was such a long time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You saw what was going on.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

But also, you saw what was going

[Bob the Drag Queen]

on and you recognized it.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then we felt a tumbleweed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like. I was like, I think I'm about to tell you guys my micro embarrassment story. The time I tried to dap up Mae Martin on a podcast and they left me hanging. So obviously I say it's gonna be quite blue here. But my biggest embarrassment of my life actually was this is what I'm here for.

[May Martin]

This is crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I have a very, very, very tiny bladder. I do. You're probably gonna get a lot of piss on this podcast. A lot of piss and poop. Piss and poop is very embarrassing.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, actually, currently the Piss champions.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, May caught that one.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

Well.

[May Martin]

Cause you turned and looked at me. The last one was like this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I thought it was. I thought it was. I thought it'd be cool. And I thought you would clock it immediately.

[Jameela Jamil]

Welcome to White people.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Canadian at that. No. So I was on this tour called the Haters Roast. The Haters Roast was basically a roast tour, but instead of roasting one person, everyone just roasts everyone. And I was closing the show. I'm hilarious. So I'm obviously closing. Closing the show. And as soon as they, like. I always have to pee. I have to pee right Now I constantly have to pee. I pee on a light day nine times a day. On a heavy day, it can be 25 to 30 times a day.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my gosh. Like a heavily pregnant woman constantly pissing. Do you wear a nappy or anything?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm just running to the bathroom all the time. In fact, I went to the doctor, and the doctor was like, your estrogen levels are that of a very estrogenized cisgender woman.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[May Martin]

Seriously?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. I had to take some estrogen blockers. I was an estrogen blockers for quite some time because I. I'm very cunt. Yeah, naturally. This shouldn't shock any of you, considering how gorgeous I am in drag.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm not surprised at all, to be honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I don't know why you were so shocked. I'm so stunning in drag. So I'm on stage and I'm closing out the show. The moment they announced my name at the top. At the top, Top of the show, I was like, fuck, I have to pee. I have to pee. And a roast is not like a regular comedy show. At a regular comedy show, everyone, you. You go up one at a time. Yeah, but the roast. The point is, everyone has to be up there to see themselves getting roast. The humor is. May Martin's so Canadian that they bleed maple syrup. Whatever. That's not great. But. And then you get to see me be like, ah, come on. You know what I mean? That's the point of it. So I'm up there the whole time getting ribbed on, and the jokes are quite funny, so it's activating it more. And I don't. I don't understand biology. I'm not a doctor, but when you stand up, the human anatomy, when you stand up, something changes. In pissing, having to piss, I feel the earth move under my feet. I. As I stand up, it's like, oh, shit, it's go time for pissing. And also, there's something about the closer you get to the toilet, the more you have to pee. I can't explain that you have been holding it for one day or one minute. Once you're at the toilet, you can't hold it. So I know I'm getting closer to getting to the toilet. I stand up and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm not gonna. I'm thinking myself. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. And it's my turn to go do comedy now. So I get up and I'm like, doing my comedy, and then I Was like, I remember thinking, I have to leave the stage and come back and finish my set. But I'm in drag. I mean, I'm wearing a corset. Hip hop. Like, It'll take me 10 minutes to leave, get undressed, pee, get redressed and come back. So I'm gonna power through. And then I decide to myself, well, what I'll do is I'll just. I'll sit down. So I try to lean on the table and I'm like, this is. It's not working. I actually have a really good idea. I'm actually going to just let out a little bit of pee.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, where were you when I needed you, Jamila Javel? Because that's, you know, pee doesn't work that way. I would say piss is like a frat boy.

[Jameela Jamil]

If you're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you let a little cut, they're all joining.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're treating it like a fart, right? So you let a little release out, and then it's, you know, it. It. It creates some less pressure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Desperate, Jamila. I was desperate. So I was like, I'm gonna let a little bit, but does not work that way. So I. Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Where did you think the little bit was gonna go?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm wearing a gown.

[May Martin]

Okay? You're wearing it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm thinking it'll get soaked up into my. Into my clothes and my garment. Like, it'll just get soaked in my tights, my hip pads. Yeah, it'll just. It'll all. It's just a little. It's just a little. You know what I mean? I've spilled drink on myself and had it not hit the floor. So I'm. So then I'm like, I decided to let out a little bit of pee, and I am now just fully pissing myself on stage. I'm also in my hometown.

[Jameela Jamil]

Are you still speaking? While I'm still speaking, how are you able to do that? Because normally when people pee, like, everything freezes for a second. You know how, like, you'll be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Except your butthole. You always do that, little fart.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, but you know when someone's peeing in the sea? Cause they'll be like, I know, I know.

[May Martin]

That's so true.

[Jameela Jamil]

How are you able to. It's the same one that, like, they'll make on set when they've got an ear set. They'll be like, no, I know. No, no, that's great. We're gonna get you your sandwich.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm multitasking while pissing is Crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is from years of training, from singing songs while peeing at the toilet.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is like Beyonce singing on a treadmill. Exactly.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I'm doing my jokes. But I will say that as I am telling my jokes, the weight of the world is. I lifted off my bladder. I feel free as a bird with its hell in the breeze. I am now. I can do anything now. So I think this may have been the funniest I've ever been in my life. I was ripping and roaring. I was eating. I was. The children.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did the water hit the ground?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, baby. So I'm wearing this gown. It's a beaded gown at the time. It is the most expensive gown I own at the time. And it's heavy. So I've trapped it all. I'm standing in a little reservoir, a little piss water tower that I created myself.

[May Martin]

Trapped in the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it's all trapped within the gown. And I'm just doing my bits and I'm hilarious. And then I said, thank you, goodnight. And they're all like, woo. They were like. They were like, my God. And then I realized I have built myself a trap. I can't go. I cannot even move from this spot. I can't move from the spot. So then I look to this queen named Alaska and I just panicked. And I said, girl, I peed.

[May Martin]

Oh, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then she looked at me and she goes, yeah, girl, you peed. And I was like, no, bitch, I'm not making. Making that new lingo, bitch. I was like, no, girl. And then I looked over at this queen named Latrice Royale and I said, girl, I peed. And then she goes, what? And I point it down at the ground. I was a little bit tricking out the back of my dress. And she goes, girl. So then I am like, up here panicking. And then the host of the show is a queen named Ginger Minj. So I was like, you know what? I was the last one. I'm just gonna stay at the podium. And then they'll just say, thank you, goodnight. They'll close the curtain. And at least now only my sisters will know what I've done. Only they will know what's happened to me. And then. But Ginger Minj keeps me like, come on, girl, have a seat. We gonna close out the show. And I was like, no, no, no. I can be like, no, let's just. I just keep clapping. And Ginger Minj is insisting. She's like, come on, girl, sit down. Like, she's not picking up what I'm putting down. At all. And then I realized there are no curtains. There's no curtains, so you're gonna have

[May Martin]

to stand there until the whole audience bumps.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I decide to turn around and bail. I'm like, I'm going to bail. And I'm. And I turn around, and I just kind of shuffle out. And then I am dragging.

[Jameela Jamil]

Are you just splish splashing as you're shuffling out?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a trail. I'm dragging this. Oh, my trail all the way back to the dressing room. And then the promoters filmed the trail.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no.

[May Martin]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All my DNA on the ground

[Dani Pellegrino]

up

[Bob the Drag Queen]

to the bathroom door and post it on the Internet. No, it's probably still up on the Murray and Peter Presents Instagram page. If you scroll back far enough, I bet a dollar is still there.

[May Martin]

And were they posting it, like, to drag you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they were like, oh, it's the haters roast. It's crazy. Look at all the madness that happens. Come out and see what's gonna happen in the next town, you know?

[Jameela Jamil]

What did you just tell people you squirted? That's the only way out of that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I came clean.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was like, I squirted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my estrogen levels are so high.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I need to see the video. That's insane.

[Jameela Jamil]

Fucking mad. And happening in front of a crowd as well.

[May Martin]

And like, that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You would in my hometown.

[Jameela Jamil]

In your hometown during a roast, where the whole point is to ridicule you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

One of the only things that happens to me on a bodily level in front of, like, loads of people, like, an audience, was when I was DJing at this young farmer's ball, where it's just farmers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How young you got to be to be a young farmer?

[Jameela Jamil]

I think like, 16 plus.

[May Martin]

Wow.

[Jameela Jamil]

16 to 24, I think, is roughly it. So we have these young farmers balls, and you can drink and, like, whatever. So maybe it's 18 to 24, but they're. It's. It's like New Year's Eve every time they party, like no one you've ever seen. It's the most fun vibe of all time. And so I'm DJing, and it's 6,000 people, and they have decided to put the decks on the speakers, which is a lot. I used to DJ a lot. Yeah. That's what I was doing when May and I first met. Yeah. I DJ'd for, like, eight, nine years. So I. So I'm DJing. They've put the decks on the speakers, these giant speakers big enough to play out to 6,000 people. I was like, this is Fucking insane. Like, how is this going to work? Or my vinyl is going to skip. Like, everything's going to go wrong.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Vinyls? Yeah, honey.

[Jameela Jamil]

After this, I never did vinyls again. So I. So I get on the speakers and the speakers are vibrating so heavily that everything's shaking, everything's moving and I'm already. I'm a woman. I'm a radio presenter. Like, people already think I don't know how to dj, so if anything fucks up, they're going to think it's because of me. So I'm concentrating so hard on making sure everything goes well and I'm trying to, like, add some digital stuff so that they're not going to be skipping all the time. And then within about two minutes, because I'm a very, very sensitive person clitorally, I. Oh, my God. I start feeling an orgasm coming and I'm like, I. I cannot, I can't.

[May Martin]

I've never told you this story.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, because it's vibrating so intensely and all the bass and I'm like, I think I'm. Oh, my God. I think I'm going to come.

[May Martin]

Oh, I think I'm going to come

[Jameela Jamil]

in front of 6,000 people. And I like, I've never experienced this before. So I'm just like, my hands are shaking and the song is getting bassier and bassier.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What song was it?

[Dani Pellegrino]

I got it.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was like Dizzy Rascal, you know, it was just like something. Some people think I'm bonkers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's just like, I wish it was angel by that. By the Monkey.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, I would have been fine if it had been that song. So I just stop coming in front of everyone and I'm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How long does this last time you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, the orgasm is about 30 seconds, 40 seconds. Because it's going on and I'm like. So everyone thinks I'm having an asthma attack on the stage. And I'm like, yes, it's asthma.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're like, just giving the albuterol.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just there, just go. And the song is about to change and I'm like, I've got to stop coming soon. And so the orgasm passes and I change. And then once you start orgasming, you can't fucking stop. That's the beauty. And the curse of being a woman is that it's multiples, right? So it's just like another song comes on. And I used to. I used to DJ explicitly, like hip hop and R and B. So it was all bass, everything. I came like 20 times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

20 times. It was, it was. Have I Ever told you this story.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is none of my business, but Mini Purple, is this standard for you when you're having sex to come that many times?

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

Not 20 times? No. My God, no. James has got a job.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you can. But you kept drop. You were the one who kept dropping the bass.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, but I'm like, you didn't have

[Bob the Drag Queen]

to drop the beat every time.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I can't use a vibrator, like a very, very strong vibrator. Otherwise I get in there

[Bob the Drag Queen]

and stand near a fucking.

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't even have an electric toothbrush.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't stand near Melissa without fucking calming.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I, Yeah, I just keep coming and coming and coming and I'm getting weaker and weaker and I'm finding it harder and harder to stand. And I read this story about this woman who came like 24 times, which is not many more times than I'd just come in front of 6,000 people. And she died surrounded by her sex toys because she had heart failure. And so I was like, oh my God, I'm going to die coming like in front of 6,000 farmers. So I'm so. So I eventually, at the very end of the set, the adrenaline keeps me going to keep going. And I liter faint at the end of the song.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

And they think it's still the asthma, right? So they think you're like on drugs. But I'm still kind of breathing. My tour manager picks up Winnie, I think, like picks me up, carries me to the car. I'm completely out. He cannot wake me up. When we arrive back at my house, it's like a five hour drive. So he just sits there and lets me sleep because I'm in some sort of like weird come comb a comer. And so I'm there unconscious and I can't pee for like 24 hours because it's numb.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then he starts hitting speed bumps. You're like, not again.

[Jameela Jamil]

But yeah, that was one of the most. And I don't think I've ever talked about it publicly, I don't think, because I had to bury it so deep in my mind. And some people I think could tell

[May Martin]

there's going to be farmers who listen to this and are like, okay, that checks out. They're going back to their videos or

[Bob the Drag Queen]

even like, I knew it. That's wild. You better work. That's crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anyway, I feel like I've overshared unpredictably, Bob. I think it's very iconic the way that you just carried on through that set. I think that's one of the coolest, boldest things I've ever heard in my life. That's cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm super professional.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think it's time for everyone to have a little break.

[May Martin]

Should we have a pee break?

[Jameela Jamil]

I could pee.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I could pee. Oh God. Thank you so much.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

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[Dani Pellegrino]

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[Jameela Jamil]

Well, welcome back everyone. You're getting a very relaxed version of us because we all, we all peed during the the break.

[May Martin]

It fel like a bold suggestion.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

When I said it and then it was so the right thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, May, now that we're back.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

What's your big wrong turn?

[May Martin]

This took place. I take you now to 2011. It was maybe the year before we met in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And maybe it was 2010 and I was a little like skinny jeans, like still like cutting my own hair a lot over plucking my eyebrows.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was a big Justin Bieber phase.

[May Martin]

Very Bieber vibe. Like. Yeah. And I was really nervous to be at the Fringe. I didn't know many people.

[Jameela Jamil]

They would refer to themselves as like a small kernel of sweet corn.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I really identified that way mainly.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And so I wanted to make friends at the festival and I saw that Margaret Cho was playing at the festival. I'm a huge fan. And also, like we said, I'm made of crushes. Like, I think I had a big crush on Margaret Cho. Grow.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Growing up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm gonna be very hurt if you don't at some point develop a crush.

[May Martin]

Oh, it's happened. It seems like it hasn't happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Everyone's getting crushed.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've had a crush on you since you first came on one of my podcasts.

[May Martin]

You think it didn't happen when we high fived? You're kidding. You're kidding yourself.

[Jameela Jamil]

That told me everything I needed to know about the sexual chemistry.

[May Martin]

The only thing that, that nothing makes me have a crush on someone more than someone making fun of me. So that which is so toxic, like someone being cruel but, yeah, you're bricked

[Bob the Drag Queen]

up for taking a taro every.

[May Martin]

Yeah, exactly. Anyway, so I got a ticket to go see Margaret show, and I went with my friend, and I was so excited to see her. And afterwards, I was like, I'm just gonna linger by the door, and then maybe when she comes out, I'll say, hey, you know, we're both North American or something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

North American is crazy to me.

[May Martin]

Cause that's not a thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We don't. I wanna be clear. We don't say that.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have never met a Mexican or a Canadian. Be like, we're both North American.

[May Martin]

Do you call that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

A continent.

[Jameela Jamil]

But is it. Is it kind of because you're abroad, right? So no one else North American. Everyone's Scottish and English. So you're trying to be like, it's the two of us, you know, alone together.

[May Martin]

How was my hope? So the show ends and.

[Jameela Jamil]

But wait, did. Did that stop her in her tracks?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought, we're both comedians.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's what I should have got. No, she. I think we. We vaguely, like, knew who each other were. And so she was with a big group of people, and we all start chatting, and I'm like, oh, my God, I've infiltrated the crew. And then. I hope she doesn't listen to this. It'll sound so creepy. But then she mentioned that she was gonna go and see a drag show that night called Briefs. I want to say, is that, like, Australian? Yeah, yeah, like famous Australian drag show that was in Edinburgh at the Fringe. And so I was like, yeah, I'll come. And I was so excited. I got all dressed up that night, plucked my eyebrows till they were. It was just like someone had taken a stapler and, like, stapled my face. And. Okay, so I go to the show, and it's just like a cool. It's like one in the morning that. It starts at the Fringe. And as you're going into the show and I'm kind of trailing along with this group, you have to write down your name and put it in a bowl for some kind of raffle. And as I'm writing my name, I'm like, it's gonna be me. Like, it's gonna be me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's gonna be me.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I'm like, I just know that. You know what? You just know. I'm like, I'm gon the one chosen.

[Sarah from Olive and June]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And I put it in. And I am quite introverted. And I was like, I hope they don't pick me. And of course, like, the show ends it's the final finale. They. They pick my name.

[Jameela Jamil]

And have you had this feeling of anxiety the whole time?

[May Martin]

At some point I'm gonna get whatever this is. It's gonna. It's gonna be me. And so they pull my. They say my name and everyone in the group is like, oh. And so I go up and. And whenever I'm called on stage for something, like an audience interaction thing, I think I'm just like, I want the performers to, To. To like me. And I want to. I want to do whatever is needed of me and not try to take up attention. You know what I mean? Like, I want to be the perfect audience member. And I'm like this.

[Jameela Jamil]

With Ubers, like, I practically would suck anyone off to get that five star review. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I would do it just for the peppermints.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Use the charger.

[May Martin]

So I go up and they sit me in this chair. And also these are like gorgeous, confident people. Like, there's this guy in a Speedo, like, all oiled up and ripped six pack. And I'm like this little worm creature, like, so uncomfortable in my body. Like, don't know who I am or what my vibe is. And. And I get a lap dance from this like, sexy, confident person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Six foot two Realtor.

[May Martin]

Six foot two Realtor. And then they give me a. A metal spatula and they say, and this was the prize was to win like a plate of ham. It was some like, British. Yeah. And so I had this metal scotch egg and the guy bends over and I'm supposed to spank him. And he's in this gold Speedo and I don't know, I was trying to be funnier. I try to do a good job. I was trying to do a good job. And I like, wind back and go to spank him. And I guess it's turns in the air and I clip his balls through like, like, because he's bent right over and I. The edge of the spatula, I just hit him like, and he's in agony. Like, he screams and is in agony. And everyone. Someone comes and like, takes the spatula out of my hand and like.

[Jameela Jamil]

And as if you're gonna do it again.

[May Martin]

I know. And everyone, like, freezes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, this bitch is crazy.

[May Martin]

And I'm like, I'm so sorry. And. And no one's really. No one's laughing. And they try to. And the person's like, that's fine. And I just see Margare kind of like, what's going on here? And then I get the plate of ham and go back to my seat. But I don't know, I just think about it all the time that I was trying to be the best audience member and, like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you tried to find this man?

[May Martin]

No, I should. What if he can't come anymore or something?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know her concerts. Can you show me the motion?

[May Martin]

I guess it was like, oh, and the music's playing and they give me the thing, and I feel like.

[Jameela Jamil]

And did you hit him hard?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Because I imagine you'd go quite gentle. I go.

[May Martin]

And I'm trying to get into it, and I go like this. And it's between his legs on the end.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why do you like that?

[May Martin]

I don't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, why did you backhand like, Nadal?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's really intense.

[May Martin]

Well, wouldn't. So what would you do?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I would do this.

[May Martin]

Yeah. That's what I should have done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that you mention it, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was in the toilet at the Golden Globes. Humble brag. I was cleaning them, but I was still in them. But, yeah, so I was. I was at the Golden Globes, we were in the toilet and there were all these, like, famous actresses and me in the line. And there's just one functioning toilet for some reason, I can't remember why, but there was this one toilet available, and this woman is pissing in it. I can't remember who she was. She's peeing and then she suddenly lets out a big fart because she's peeing as fast as she can. And when you pee, when you force pee, it just releases your bum hole. So it's like, psst. But, like, loud. It's more. It was one of those, like, panic ones, those, really, like, loud ones. And it reverberates around this, like, big Golden Globes toilet. And I'm fairly certain this was years ago, but I can say damn near certain it was a drunk, Salma Hayek, who went, aw.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

She definitely knew. And then the piss just.

[May Martin]

Just stopped, like, midstream and then was in the line. Everyone comments.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was like, Olivia Wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know who the father was?

[Jameela Jamil]

I can't remember. I don't think I recognized. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think she was. I don't think she was famous. I think she was, like, more of a producer or something else. Someone whose face I did not know genuinely.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you buying that?

[Jameela Jamil]

But I buy it.

[May Martin]

I buy it.

[Jameela Jamil]

But it was. No, it was genuinely someone who I didn't remember, but I just remember somehow it was like a few in front of me and just went, went whoops. And I was like there's nothing in my. And I think about that now every time I pee and every time I start force peeing I think about what happened to that woman and I imagine

[Bob the Drag Queen]

someone has gonna pop up.

[Jameela Jamil]

Whoops. I hear that sound in my head all of the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shout out Summer Hayek.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah,

[May Martin]

you have with yourself like, like to say whoops to yourself every time you fart or, or pee is funny. And I, I started doing this thing where every time I I am on my own in my house and I fart, I give like a humble smile like and it really cracks me up like if I fart I go.

[Jameela Jamil]

And with that we're going to a break again.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

Hey guys, it's Mary from two Judgy Girls. This episode is sponsored by Aerie. If you're counting down the minutes until you take your bra off when you get home, it's probably the wrong bra. Or if the straps are digging into your shoulder or you're constantly adjusting throughout the day, it's it's definitely time to get a better fit. That's why we love Aerie. Their bras are designed to be the essential effortless first layer with soft fabrics. Great fits in up to 59 sizes so you can find the one that's right for you. Your bra should be holding you in, not holding you back. Visit aerie.com to find the right bra for you. That's a e r-I e.com this ad

[Dani Pellegrino]

is sponsored by Zocdoc. Hi, it's Dani Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist but you have no idea where to start? I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc now. As a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in network Doctors. With over 250,000 providers across more than 200 specialties, you can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. And instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on Zocdoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Now taking care of your health just got easier. Download the Zoc document app today. That's Zoc Doc Z O C D O C. And book that appointment on your to do list.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The scouting reports in Unlock the savings at Boost Mobile. Get unlimited wireless for 25amonth forever. And keep your phone. It's a veteran move. Unlock the Savings@boost mobile.com Unlock $25 forever requires customers to remain active on Boost Mobile Unlimited Wireless plan. For full offer details, visit boostmobile.com

[Jameela Jamil]

welcome back. Thank you both for being so hilarious. And like 900 stories have come out of all of us today that I didn't expect. We have one last one. This is from a member of our audience. We enjoy including them. It's called Misery Loves Company. And it's from Aaron. So Aaron says, I met a beautiful woman at a party recently. We were laughing, dancing, drinking, and having the best time. I thought this might be the best night of my life. The last thing I remember is doing shots with her. And I ended up with the worm from the Mezcal bottle. What does that mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, at the bottom of the tequila, there's like a worm. They put a worm in the.

[May Martin]

An actual worm?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Fuck are you talking about?

[May Martin]

It's a real thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know what's happening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a certain tequila called Mezcal, and obviously all tequila comes from Mexico. And they put. There's a worm in it.

[May Martin]

People swallow the worm. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand what's happening.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is the worst thing I've ever heard. Okay, so he's gotten to the worm at the Mezcal bottle. So that's an insane amount of alcohol. He's eaten the worm. The next thing he knows, it's the morning and this amazing woman is passed out near his pants. So then he realizes his pants are soaked. He gently wakes her so he can clean himself up, and she starts making out with him. It's then that he realizes that her hair is very wet. And that means that he must have peed on her, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's all too much shame. So he tells her he needs to go and he did the pee pants walk of shame.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. So she was like lying near his

[Jameela Jamil]

friend, like, passed out, having given him head or something. And then he pisses his pants, pisses all over this beautiful, amazing woman's head. And it sounds like he probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We don't know how great this Woman.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She might have been a monster.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, he said she was amazing.

[May Martin]

Oh, she's obviously an icon. The fact that she wakes up passed out near someone's dick and immediately starts making out with. He said.

[Jameela Jamil]

I met a beautiful woman at a party recently. Shady little.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's amazing. Beautiful people can be shit.

[May Martin]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but she sounds like a real champ. Honestly, it sounds like a match made in heaven.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, I don't think they ever saw each other again after that. After what was arguably the best night of his life. I mean, how do you come back from that? You've pissed all over her head.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If someone pissed. If someone peed on me and we were both drunk, I'd honestly be quite forgiving, because I have peed on people when drunk.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that's true. That's fair. Have you ever peed?

[May Martin]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

On someone?

[May Martin]

I'm so uptight. Like, I think even when I'm asleep, I'm trying to be polite, you know, I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What? If someone wanted it, it would be polite to pee on them.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. Then I'd do it. I'm open to it. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. You're a golden shower dream.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah. And I've never done it once.

[Jameela Jamil]

What a waste of a tiny bladder.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If any of you. If anyone out there wants a golden shower, I could probably accommodate. I'm telling you, I.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I would be completely useless. It would be a parched desert.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I assure you that when I leave this room, I am going directly back to the bathroom.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm amazed you haven't pissed already. On the couch. These are white couches. You're both fucking hilarious. And such special people. I can't believe I have you on my podcast. I can't believe that we're friends. I just adore you so much. And I'm happy that you two have resolved your early beef from the start.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was too.

[May Martin]

It was too many. Yeah, it was way too much. But don't you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was doing it as a bid.

[May Martin]

Looking at this tattoo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It says butch.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Butch Queen is Butch Queen.

[Jameela Jamil]

Tell people where they can find you and hear you and listen to you and read you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can find me at Bob. TheDragQueen.com, you can order my book at ReadTheDragQueen.com and of course, I have my podcast, Slimming Rivalry, which comes out twice a week. You can see it on YouTube.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yay.

[Sarah from Olive and June]

Yay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Amazing.

[May Martin]

I got a podcast called Handsome, and you can go to maymartinmusic.com. i'm doing more music shows soon.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yay. And your album's out.

[May Martin]

Album's out now. Exactly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Album's out. I saw you promoting it as a singer now, not a comedian. I'm so fucking proud of you.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

What a right turn.

[May Martin]

Congratulations.

[Jameela Jamil]

Honestly, I'm so thrilled for you.

[May Martin]

Terrifying.

[Jameela Jamil]

Having heard your stories today, I feel very confident that there are more wrong turns ahead for both of you, given how many have burst out of museums here. So I'd love if you come back sometime. I love you both so much. I think this should be the trio.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, we'll do it together. All right. Love you both. Yay. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. Thank you to our launch producer, Eve Bishop, our editor Shannon Joy Rogers, and consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can find full length videos of our episode episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. Oh, and if you enjoy me, I have a substack that I write with some of my other embarrassing stories and also other thoughts and opinions and so you can find me there if you want to. But that's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now.

[May Martin]

Bye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Then I thought, what if I've scaled businesses? What if I scaled my philanthropy? What if I did as much in one year as I've done in my whole life?

[Dani Pellegrino]

See how your wealth could have even greater [e-mail] impact.

[Mary from Two Judgy Girls]

Hey guys, it's Mary from Two Judgy Girls. This episode is sponsored by Aerie. If you're counting down the minutes until you take your bra off when you get home, it's probably the wrong bra. Or if the straps are digging into your shoulder or you're constantly adjusting throughout the day, it's definitely time to get a better fit fit. That's why we love Aerie. Their bras are designed to be the essential, effortless first layer with soft fabrics. Great Fits in up to 59 sizes so you can find the one that's right for you. Your bra should be holding you in, not holding you back. Visit aerie.com to find the right bra for you. That's a e r-I e dot com.