Caroline Baniewicz and Lea‘h Sampson

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil
Episode: Caroline Baniewicz and Lea’h Sampson
Date: April 30, 2026
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Caroline Baniewicz, Lea’h Sampson

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Main Theme

In this episode of "Wrong Turns," Jameela Jamil welcomes comedians and performers Caroline Baniewicz and Lea’h Sampson to revel in tales of public humiliation, bodily mishaps, and the hilarity found in life’s most awkward, mortifying disasters. As always, the show is about laughing at disaster—no silver linings, just misfortune.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Guests & Setting the Tone (01:00–06:00)

• Jameela introduces Caroline Baniewicz—comedian, singer, and TikTok favorite—and Lea’h Sampson, a stand-up comic gearing up for her first special.
• The trio bonds over mutual admiration, sarcasm, and British versus American humor around relationships and trauma.
• Light banter explores boundaries, awkward social contracts, and their "childlike" status in their own relationships.

Notable Quote (Jameela):
"This is a podcast that celebrates the shitty things that happen to us that have no great silver lining." — [00:57]

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2. On Decision Making, Paranoia & Pronoia (06:00–09:00)

• Discussion on growing up in strict homes (both guests are Texans).
• Lea’h talks about not caring what happens anymore after a strict childhood:
  "I concluded I was like, I don’t give a fuck anymore." — [06:36] (Lea’h)
• Introduction to the idea of "pronoia" (believing the universe is working in your favor).

Notable Quote (Jameela):
"Pronoia is the opposite of paranoia. It’s where you believe that the universe is conspiring in your favor." — [07:27]

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3. Early Micro-Humiliations: Sex Ed & Period Stories (09:00–22:00)

a) Caroline’s Homeschool & Sex Ed Disasters (09:10–15:00)

• Caroline never received basic sex education due to her homeschooled, conservative Christian upbringing.
• Her attempts to use Reddit for anonymous sex questions exposed her identity globally thanks to using her email as her Reddit handle.
• She admits to leaving a homophobic YouTube comment as a teen, reflecting, “I was doing the Lord’s work. Texas girly.” — [12:53] (Caroline)

Memorable moment: Realization that her embarrassing posts were all publicly linked to her real identity.

b) Lea’h’s Period/School Trauma Story (15:20–19:00)

• At 13, after wearing her sister’s Juicy Couture, Lea’h finds out she’s bled through her pants in front of her entire class, discovered only by the school nurse.
• The shame is compounded by a recent breakup and the visible stain on her “juicy” sweats.

Notable Quote (Lea’h):
"Basically I walked around the school for like four periods with a bloody ass like Carrie." — [17:54]

c) Jameela’s Own Office Quickie Disaster (19:00–22:00)

• Jameela recalls ending up in a meeting with “jizz all down the back of my skirt”—a mortifying moment she would have rather blamed on a bird.

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4. Big Wrong Turns: Main Event Stories

a) Caroline’s College Pee Disaster (25:41–36:14)

• First year at college, desperate to fit in, Caroline is invited by a cool clique to Chick-fil-A.
• Over-excited, she falls down the stairs in heels and experiences a complete loss of bladder control:
  "There was a pool. Girl, it was so much pee." — [28:26]
• She walks across campus in a soaked dress, forgets her keys, and must retrace her steps past the puddle of evidence.
• Ultimately, one girl offers her a shower and fresh clothes—she later becomes a bridesmaid at this girl’s wedding.
• Caroline reflects on recurring accidents:
  "I can't stop peeing my pants. Like, what do I do?" — [31:33]

b) Lea’h’s Wig Reveal During a One-Night Stand (37:38–47:12)

• New to New Jersey, Lea’h goes on a Hinge date with a “no facial expressions” guy.
• After drinks and mild disappointment, Lea’h agrees to a home visit and a hookup, only for her wig to come off mid-sex:
  "I just felt breeze. And he held it in his hand, like a guillotine situation." — [41:45] (Lea’h)
• The man is stunned, Lea’h is mortified, and the encounter ends on an awkward note.
• Discussion escalates about stereotypes, fetishization, and one memorable callback:
  "I fucked her so hard her head fell off." — [46:40] (joking about how the man might have recounted the story)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Caroline (re: her leaking bladder as a college freshman):
  "It was a miracle I went to school… There was so much pee—like, there was a pool." — [26:01, 28:26]

• Jameela (on meeting etiquette if carrying evidence):
  "Never have I wished more to have been shat on by a bird than in that moment." — [20:13]

• Lea’h (on what happened when her wig came off):
  "He keeps spanking me while he’s holding the wig… Is this what Christopher Columbus felt like?" — [41:45]

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Audience Misery Submission: "Misery Loves Company" (47:21–48:13)

• A listener shares a story of being captain of the trampoline team, getting blackout drunk, and being found having passed out with both vomit and diarrhea by her new boyfriend—who cleaned the bathroom but drew the line at cleaning her.
• Jameela and guests agree that such a boyfriend deserves to be married.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------------------------|----------------| | Show intro & guest intros | 00:57–01:50 | | Discussion on decision making, pronoia, delusion | 06:00–09:00 | | Caroline’s Reddit, sex ed, and “Lord’s work” humiliation | 09:10–15:00 | | Lea’h’s first period disaster and Juicy sweatsuit story | 15:20–19:00 | | Jameela’s office quickie disaster | 19:00–22:00 | | Caroline’s major wrong turn: college pee incident | 25:41–36:14 | | Lea’h’s major wrong turn: wig mishap during hookup | 37:38–47:12 | | Audience story: blackout, vomit, diarrhea, and a keeper BF | 47:21–48:13 |

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Tone and Style

The conversation is raw, irreverent, fast-paced, and heavily self-deprecating. The guests and host blend openness, stand-up energy, and survivor’s camaraderie. Themes of bodily secrets, bad boundaries, and girlhood shame are addressed with wry humor, brutal honesty, and no forced moralizing.

Caroline: Earnest, self-mocking, and sweetly clueless about her past—deadpan about mortifying moments.

Lea’h: Sarcastic, “too real,” and fearless about calling out male weirdness or societal double standards.

Jameela: Warmly nihilistic, quick to add her own tales, and the glue holding the chaos together.

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Closing & Plugs (48:13–49:01)

• Caroline shares info on her podcast (“No Thanks, We’re Good”), standup dates, and music.
• Lea’h promotes her Instagram, tour, and comedy special.
• Jameela thanks guests, invites audience disaster stories, and shills her Substack.

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Summary Takeaway

If life feels like an endless string of disasters—period leaks, oversharing on Reddit, public stains, or a wig torn off by a stranger—this episode assures you: you are in celebrated company. These are not mistakes to be fixed, but comedy to be mined, dignity to be left at the door.

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Key Takeaway Quote:
"Wrong Turns: where dignity goes to die." — [00:57] (Jameela)

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Welcome to Wrong Turns, where. Well, it's where dignity goes to die. This is a podcast that celebrates the shitty things that happen to us that have no great silver lining. And I bring on my favorite funny people, and they tell me their miserable tales. And joining me today, we have actress, comedian, and singer known best for her very, very funny videos on TikTok, which I'm a huge fan of. It's Caroline Batowicz.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

I'm so excited to be here.

[C]

I'm so starstruck by you.

[A]

Stop it. You can't keep saying this.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Everyone listening is like, wait, not sure who this bitch is, but as you heard, you know Jamila's starstruck, so I'm very excited to be here.

[C]

I love you both so much. And we also have actress and comedian who has performed on Netflix and Peacock. She has her first comedy special coming out soon. Whoop, whoop. And is on tour around the country. It's Leah fucking Sampson.

[D]

Leah fucking Sampson. Thank you for remembering me at all. I'm starstruck, bitch. I want to stop. I love you. I love both of y'. All.

[C]

I was. I. I was saying to Caroline earlier that my boyfriend and I love her videos so much that he refers to her as our Caroline. Not in a threesome way, just.

[D]

No.

[A]

Her boyfriend, James Blake. Like, I would be fine with the threesome with them.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Long doesn't, like. Good to know the thumb doesn't touch you or something. I think that's okay. Yeah. Like, as long as his thumb doesn't touch her.

[C]

Or, like, specifically just the thumb. All the other.

[D]

I think it's good that y' all have that talk like that, that she's that symbol in your relationship.

[A]

I think it's more of like a child.

[C]

It's a British. It's like a British thing of like, ah. Oh, like the one you're familiar with.

[D]

So am I projecting trauma?

[C]

You're projecting quite a lot of trauma of thumb stuff, but I.

[D]

If a man use a thumb on me, I be like, oh, he's in love. Like he's obsessed with me. He's using his thumb.

[A]

He gave me the thumb.

[D]

Quite stressful, the doctor.

[C]

Yeah. Just thumbing you all over the place. Yeah.

[D]

Because that's. Because usually my doctors are females and so I do question my sexuality. Cuz they're very swee. Very nice, very tender.

[C]

He uses it more in a way of like he recently has developed a complete love of Julia Roberts. And he'll be like, I'll be like, do you want to watch this movie? He said, has it got our Julia in it? So it's so sweet.

[D]

He says it like that. I like that.

[C]

Very pure man. So, yeah. And soon it will be our Leah. He just needs to watch this episode. It's happening.

[A]

He's watching this.

[D]

I love it. I will be the de. I hire in the household. I will. Besides you.

[C]

I already got that spot covered.

[D]

Thank you very much.

[C]

He's asked me to stop using an accent. I clear away the plates.

[A]

Thank you, mister.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

We all know the truth. Come on.

[C]

So how are you both?

[A]

Amazing.

[D]

I'm great. We're.

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing great. It's a wonderful day to be alive.

[D]

It is a. That one.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Can you tell I'm lying?

[A]

So you obviously are having a terrible night.

[D]

Still have a. My finger healing from closing it in a lift door three days ago. So can I sue?

[C]

Three days ago.

[A]

Three days ago you closed it in the door.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Was it a Tesla?

[D]

Oh, I think it was.

[A]

Then you can sit Tesla. You can sit.

[D]

Your car should be. You know that cars are like child friendly. They should be 20. Okay. 30 year old friendly. Were you drunk?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

This is. This podcast is not about me, so. Right. Something very. Plenty very cute.

[A]

See, no, those Tesla doors though, they.

[C]

Right.

[A]

They are so difficult. Like. And I. I've been saying this, but like literally opening a Tesla door, it's like the same vibe as like when men finger women. Like, they're just kind of like confused. It's confusing.

[D]

Sensitive. Just sensitive enough.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

To get it. You can't be true.

[A]

Is it one finger or two fingers?

[D]

I use three because I'm a lady.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

And I just. And well, I don't care that much. So I don't use a thumb. No. I'm heartless and I just kind of like. You gotta. You're so right. That's a great no.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta.

[C]

I think he's trying to chop people's fingers off so that they have to just then use AI and voice control. Do you think that's what it is? He's trying to remove digits to turn this into neuralink, you know, so that you don't need your hands because you've got the weird chip in your brain.

[A]

He's a businessman.

[C]

Yeah, he's a businessman.

[D]

I think. I think Black Mirror definitely is giving us like the blueprint of what we should be doing. And I think if you have a Tesla, you're on that brand.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So, yeah. And then also I think, like, yeah, I think you're right. Because also it's like, okay, if I don't have fingers and like, I need that person. If I need that person, they help me, I give them a tip. It's all business. It's all like, I need the tip, I need the extra. You know, he's like, I helped you, so I drove you home. But I also helped you, so here. So where's my 15?

[C]

I appreciate your philosophy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think you're a leader. This is a podcast that's about disaster, largely and bad decisions. How do you feel about your decision making in life?

[A]

I think I've gotten better. But you know what it is? It's actually not even about the decisions. I almost feel like you don't. I don't think about my decisions before I do them. It's almost like it's similar to a Tesla. I feel like I am not self driving. Like this is just happening.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then later I go back and I'm like, why did I make that decision? But like, I never feel like I'm actually making a decision, so I think I'm bad at it. But I will say I don't feel like I'm actively doing it.

[D]

Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

[C]

Right. I mean, that's a decision in and of itself, isn't it? Right.

[D]

Well, I grew, like, make it very personal. I grew up in a very strict household where I couldn't. Breathing was wrong, everything was bad. So I don't know what, I don't know if it was. It was sometime between like losing my virginity and like trying a Long island iced tea for the first time. Where I like concluded I was like, I don't give a fuck anymore. So it's like now I just do things that we've never done before. And it's like a part of them, I do feel like they're like mistakes because of like, maybe, I don't know. But then also there's this part of me, like, I'm like, no, everything was supposed to happen. I was supposed to, like, crash that birthday party. I was supposed to, like, get blocked by Elon Musk. Like, I was supposed to, like, everything

[A]

that get blocked by Elon Musk.

[D]

Yeah, I wish, but hopeful thinking, but yeah, it's just like, I'm at the point now where, like, I. I do make mistakes for sure, but I. I'm just in my brain where I'm like, oh, what that mistake is now is the reason why I do wear cotton underwear. Like, just. I'm very delusional. What? What?

[C]

Pronoia is the opposite of paranoia. It's where you believe that the universe is conspiring in your favor. Everything that goes wrong was designed to protect you in some way from something else. You're one of those.

[D]

I'm a narcissist. Exactly. Because I kind of wondered that I was. I would birth from a Libra.

[C]

I think it's narcissist.

[D]

A Leo. A Leo girl. Yes, I am. I'm a Libra and my mom's a Leo. And she's definitely the poster child for narcissist.

[C]

I don't know anything about astrology.

[D]

Not me neither. I just want my fortune cookies. Tell me. And that's what I know.

[A]

I've looked it up. And I hate to be like it is. I hate to be like, it is accurate.

[D]

But if it is. It is.

[A]

But it is. But also, like, if you told me anything, I would be like, oh, it's accurate.

[C]

Wait, so I have a. I have an example of this, right? My best friend used to read me my. My horoscope from eight different magazines every single month. And that was like our favorite thing to do when we were younger. And she read them to me for a year. Every one was so accurate. I was like, oh, my God, this is about my life. She had my fucking wrong birthday. So she was reading the wrong horoscope from eight different horoscopes every month for a year, and we thought they were bang on. This, to me, is proof that this is cognitive bias and you are making anything a connection with your life.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, anything can be in your favor. Like, it's crazy.

[D]

I think delusion is the way to life. I think you have to be delusional.

[C]

I think it's the only way to exist.

[D]

It's the only way to exist.

[C]

Do you have any examples of micro humiliations or micro disasters that you could warm us up with before we get to the main act?

[A]

Just so many.

[D]

Like, right, wow. So comedians, we have plenty.

[A]

Well, okay. Similar to you. We're both from Texas, and similar to. I grew up in a really strict household, and I was actually, like, homeschooled. Like, did you know homeschool kids growing up?

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Depressed.

[C]

I've never met a homeschooled person. This is my first time.

[D]

You're the coolest homeschool person I know.

[A]

You said I have rest.

[D]

Wait, when did you, like, 13.

[A]

I'm so jealous.

[C]

Did you have to be the school bully and the bullied one?

[D]

No.

[C]

Like, no.

[A]

The thing is, it's like, I was also, like, the most mentally unwell. So, like, it was kind. Like, I was also, like, she might be the. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, that's a huge school shooter.

[C]

Vietnam.

[A]

No, I was bad.

[C]

I was bad.

[A]

But the problem is, it's, like, with my family. So. So we had, like. I would say, like, we were like the Duggars. If, like, the Duggars were cooler. Do you know what I mean? Because we only had. There's only five kids in my family. Only five. And. But, like, we were cool. Like, I don't know how to explain it. So. But we were homeschooled, so we weren't cool. And also, I didn't get my parents.

[C]

Was it just you and your siblings, or was it other kids?

[A]

We would meet at a church with other homeschooled kids once a week.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I was also on a homeschool Christian basketball team, and we played homeschool Christian basketball State and home school Christian basketball national.

[C]

What is homeschool Christian?

[A]

Oh, Christian. Christian.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

You know Jesus? No.

[C]

He left me a long time ago.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So anyways, how have you become so cool?

[C]

I don't understand Christian.

[D]

Like, you're

[C]

sorry, but you shouldn't be allowed because you are going to be used as an example of why it's good.

[A]

Oh, it's not. It's not.

[C]

You're gonna be a weapon.

[A]

It's not good.

[C]

Go on.

[A]

It's not good. It's like, I don't know how I got into college. Like, they'll tell you. Like, oh, we're raising critical thinkers. Like, your kids can't test well. Like, like, it's just not. But anyways, okay, so I, like. I remember, like, my girlfriend, my other homeschooled girlfriend, who was cool because she had breasts when she was 13. She, like, she told me what a period was. And, like. Like, I just, like, didn't. I wasn't, like, learning, like, even when I got my period period. Like, I had to, like, look up how to use a tampon. Like, I just, like, wasn't getting the talks I needed, right? And because I wasn't in school and didn't know people who weren't like me, like, I couldn't ask them. So there came a point where I was like, I heard about this website, Reddit, that was our Google R Sex, and I had some questions, right? And when you post on Reddit, on R Sex, freaks are in the comments. Freaks are messaging you Fathers.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Scary things. People on lists. People who, when they move to a new area, it has to be notified to everyone in the neighborhood. So it was just, like, really scary. I just had some questions, and I got more than what I needed.

[C]

Vaginal questions?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Like. Like, like, I, like, I just. I didn't realize it was, like, a continuous. I kind of thought you just, like, put it in. So I just, like, you know, I was just curious, like, hey, what's going on? So I. And then, like, I really got freaked out by the comments. So I just, like, you know, didn't get back on Reddit for years and years. Like, you know, and, like, anytime I got on the. Like, I didn't, like, have a big Internet presence, but every time I got on the Internet, I did do, like, something crazy. Like, I remember, like, Adam Lambert hit in, like, 2000, like, five or something. I remember commenting on, like, his music video being like, homosexuality is a sin. God will condemn you.

[D]

I did it.

[A]

No, but I did it. I said one thing about me is I've always been outspoken, but. And by the way, that was in my decision. I was doing the Lord's work.

[D]

Texas girly.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Okay. It's just in us. Yeah.

[A]

No, it was very c. No, that's

[C]

very C. The very literal definition of being a.

[A]

But I did it. I didn't have, like. I wasn't my. You know, it was like, my family computer. I wasn't allowed to be on the, like, computer all the time. So, like, you. I did it under, like, the. The YouTube username that I was on, which was like, my dad's working.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[A]

So I was, like, constantly making mistakes like that. So I go on to Reddit, I comment, and I. Then I forget about it, right? And then years later, I'm, like, making videos, and, like, I want to, like, start doing standup. But it's like, 2020. It's the pandemic. I can't get myself out there. I'm not really making traction online. So I was like, I have an idea. Every time I make a video, I should go to the corresponding Reddit page and be like, hey, I made this funny video. Isn't this so funny? So like, I make a video about Taylor Swift, I go to R. Taylor Swift or Swifties, whatever. Hey, isn't this video so funny? You know what I mean? So I'm doing that. I've been doing that for a little bit. And then last year, a friend of Min was like telling me tea about like this influencer and was like, I think this influencer posted like her own pregnancy announcement. And I was like, well, why do you think that she posted her own pregnancy announcement on Reddit? And she goes, because when you click on the username, you can see everything they've ever posted. And I'm like, oh, immediately flashback to posting, asking questions about. Right? Immediately flashback. So then I go to my. My Reddit where I have been also been like, outing myself like, hey, I made this video. Hey, I made this. And then I realized that I never even made a Reddit username. So it was just my email posting about questions. So I deleted my Reddit.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So you blew your spot up before even knowing you blew your spot up.

[A]

No, I blew my spot up.

[C]

How intimate were these questions?

[A]

No, it was like, I was really. Well, like, it was also like I was afraid to, like, say the thing. So I was like, when the thing is in, like, you know what I mean?

[C]

Like, I'm like, when the tampon is in.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, I'm like, so if. When it, when it's hard does. You know what I mean? I was like, it was just sad.

[C]

My God. But it's like, bless you.

[D]

Yeah. Because guys think we come from those, so that's kind of. I can only imagine.

[A]

No, yeah.

[D]

The shit that was, you know.

[C]

Speak for yourself. I have a great time at the tampon. No, I'm joking.

[D]

I'm glad you can afford them because the super. Right now I'm just toilet paper and whatever cardboard I can find around the house.

[C]

This economy, actually Safer for your.

[D]

Yeah, it's made by me.

[C]

Well, about you. Any micro humiliation, you know, it's funny.

[D]

It's, it's. I don't know if it's funny or sad that we can all relate to this. It's like, me too. I didn't know. Like, I, I didn't know. And I was until my. Which we should not judge druggies because my co worker was definitely a druggie when I was working at a juice shop. Helped me figure out that, like, I can pee With a tampon in. I didn't know that because I had my period and I kept going to the bathroom and she's like, why do you keep going? I'm like, I'm changing my tampon and I have to pee. She's like, you know you have two holes. I was like, you're an alien. You're the devil, actually, and I'm gonna pray for you. I rebuke this because there's no way I did not know that. But no, I remember I was 13 and I was in middle school and I had stolen my sister's Juicy Couture set that couldn't fit me, but it was juicy, so it was like, come on, right? And I was just in the very. I've always been very, like, outspoken and unwanted and just like. Just saying whatever the fuck I want to say. But this day, my attitude. My attitude was so weird. I like. I remember, like, feeling just like, yuck. But I had the Juicy on, so I was like, okay, maybe let's, like, you know, fake it till we make it. And I remember, I go to math class and this guy comes in and he's like, hey, Leah, are you in such and such still together? And the guy goes, no. So I got broken up with right there on the spot. Yeah, in the class. But my energy was like, whatever. I was like, I don't give a fuck.

[A]

You have a juicy suit on.

[D]

I have a juicy suit on inside. Well, now that I know. At first I felt like this weird. Now I know it was cramps, but that's what I felt inside. I felt just like. I was like, I don't care. I have to. So I was like, whatever. Like, you don't want to be with me anymore? I. I have to take a. After this, I really don't give a. And so I was real country. Like, I was never. I've never liked that because back then I would have, like, done a backflip and, like, dance or something to, like, get him back. I don't know. Oh, that's some weird. But so fast forward, I. We leave class and I'm just like. I'm feeling so shitty. And I see, like, the boys, like, everybody looking at me, and I'm like, damn, why y' all looking at my ass like I know I got the juicy suit on because it does make your ass look bigger. It's.

[A]

I don't know if it's the velour one.

[C]

Yeah, it's got diamante.

[D]

It's the cat, the cashmere, the corner. I Don't know what the. It's. It's. It gives you full oppression ass. And. And. And so I was like, oh, all these guys are looking at my ass and everyone's staring like, get over it. Like. And then the nurse pulls me. I walk by the nurse's office and she pulls me aside and she goes, you know you have blood on your pants, right? And I was like.

[A]

Which is kind of a bitchy way for the nurse to say it. Yeah. You know you have blood on your pants.

[D]

Yeah. She like, hey, sis, girly pop, you have. Yeah, but you have blood on your pants. And I was like, just fix it. Like, I don't care. And she's like, like, do you know what a period is? And I was like, yeah, I'm late for the next one. And she's like, no, no, like your period. And I was like, oh, this is it. And she's like, yeah. I was like, well, this is no fun. So basically I walked around the school for like four periods with a bloody ass like Carrie. So I was embarrassed because it was like, damn. So they. Those boys didn't like me? Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Were they just like.

[A]

None of your friends told you no fake ass?

[D]

I think half of them are in rehab right now, so. Whatever, comma. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, completely.

[A]

What color was your comma?

[D]

Best? $40 I spent at 15.

[A]

What you tattoo at 15.

[D]

I got my karma tattoo at 15 because my ex boyfriend, high school, dumped me for a girl that's now £400. So.

[A]

Karma.

[D]

Yeah, I saw it coming. Sorry, what'd you say? I.

[A]

What color was your sweatsuit?

[D]

Yeah, pink.

[A]

Oh, but it didn't cover up the rat.

[D]

No.

[C]

Yeah, no, it was a bit. It looked like she was blood. Yeah, yeah, I. It just brought back a flashback. I was in my early 20s and had decided to allow my boyfriend at the time to have sex with me like a quickie before work. And I was wearing like a little business suit. And so he just thought it'd be really fun if we just leave the clothes on. And so we did it doggy style to not mess up my hair and makeup.

[D]

Of course, gentlemen love that.

[C]

I was walking down the street. It was Kensington High street, which is a very fancy place in London. And I went into this meeting as, like, I was a music manager at the time, temporarily, one of my billion jobs. And I go into the meeting, have the full meeting, don't know why, everyone's looking a little bit weird on my way out, and then someone tells me on my way home, no, I have Jizz all down the back of my skirt. Which I think he'd missed at the time. Cause I think it comes out less white.

[D]

No. Cause he's at the beginning.

[C]

He's a man.

[D]

But it came out as just sort

[C]

of a liquid that when it sort of solidified. Solidified white. And I had clear jizz all down the back of my black.

[D]

Nah. How did they all.

[A]

The person who stopped you, how did they know that that's what that was?

[C]

She didn't. She just said. She was like, hi, I think you have something that you wouldn't want all the way down the back of the skirt. And I was like, what do you mean? And I thought a bird shat on me. Never have I wished more to have been shat on by a bird than in that moment. It was so clearly so much come all over.

[D]

Bless your heart.

[A]

I kind of almost feel like, as a music manager, like, they would be like, she's so, so cool.

[C]

Yeah,

[A]

she's so cool.

[C]

I should have leaned in. Yeah.

[D]

You have no choice.

[C]

Like, wow, the person before us got a better meeting than we did. Because that's what that gives away. Yeah. Me.

[A]

Anyway, same for women to be like that.

[D]

And I do think there's something to that. There are guys like, they. That is like a fetish, which is cool, but it's like they just don't realize, like, hey, you do know if you fuck me right now, after I just got ready, my makeup is on, my hair is done, I'm wearing a silk skirt. The evidence is going to be there. Like, can we, like, you know that. Yeah. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[C]

Yeah. I was really humiliated and I was quite well known in England at the time. So it was just.

[D]

Yeah. I would just live into it because they would have been like, oh, they're in love. Like, can I hate on you for getting jizzed on by someone that loves you?

[C]

It's also like, there's so many men who come on women in the street. I could have just said that and I didn't.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I could have been like, yeah, no,

[A]

that's what I'm saying. Like, how did they know?

[C]

Because it was. There was jizz all over the back. So obvious.

[A]

It's like on the back, too. Like, not even, like, on the.

[C]

Like, no, it is right by the bottom, all the way up. Yeah. I love you wrote his name.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It was so appalling. And I've buried that memory up until now. It just came out when you said that about the period I used to

[D]

have a boyfriend that would like, I guess it would turn him on, like me getting ready or whatever. But it's like he would always want to do that quickie hair. I've done my hair, I've done my makeup.

[C]

We look our nicest, right? I look like a gremlin in the morning. So it's like I get all dressed up for the rest.

[D]

Now you want to like me a really doll. And there will be a stain or something every time.

[A]

And also when you're in like a, like a long term relationship too. Like, I did a hair mask, so I'm a greasy grem. So like, when we should be doing. It's like before bed, right? Hair mask, greasy gremlin. Like, I'm like completely, like, so greasy.

[C]

Yeah. With my hair wrapped up like Little Bo Peep. Like, this poor man is going to bed and like, definitely not having wet dreams. Me?

[D]

No, no, no. Well, I don't, I mean, I look like a slave at night. So to some people, that is a, that is. I, I, I, I be getting. That's how. I don't. That's how we have America get out. I don't know what American history you were taught, but yeah, we getting over here, so. But I'm glad y' all have that going for yourself. That's. I love that for y'. All. I love that. Oh, my God. I just want to be honest. We're all friends now, but it is

[C]

also when you are the readiest and when you look the best.

[D]

Yeah, sure, we can make excuses for like, okay, it's the idea of like, damn, my girl is like getting ready but to do some shit. Or like, oh, my girl, she's got her hair done, her makeup and, but also it's like, damn, you just gonna ruin it. And they do. And it's like, I don't know. I almost broke up with that guy. Well, we're not together anymore, but he cheated and it's fine. But I guess maybe I should let him fuck me. But after I blow out.

[C]

No.

[D]

But yeah, he would always want to do that. And like, I swear there was times where like, yeah, it would be like, I'll come stand on my silk skirt.

[A]

And I'm just. Yeah, it doesn't come out of silk. And it doesn't, it doesn't come out

[C]

with a guy who had like a fetish for ripping my clothes off.

[D]

See, we're not doing that. We're not doing it. No.

[A]

For that I killed it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Even though it does rip easily I

[C]

was finding buttons around my apartment for years after we broke up from where it was just like Tarzan shit. Infuriating. Yeah. Okay, we're going to a break.

[D]

We're lost.

[A]

If the show starts without us, there's no hiding in the back row. I'm gonna ask that man for directions. Hi there. We're trying to get to the comedy club.

[B]

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree at this here road.

[D]

Nah, I'm just kidding.

[B]

Let me get my phone out.

[A]

How is there signal out here?

[B]

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[C]

And we're back. All right, Caroline, tell me, what was your big wrong turn?

[A]

Okay, so first of all, this is where I say, like, I almost feel like this wasn't my decision. Like, honestly, everything went wrong.

[C]

Turns happen to us all.

[A]

So as you know, like, it's a actually miracle. I went to school, like to college, like it was a miracle.

[C]

Using the term school very loosely.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Fairly sleepy. And I went to a small school and the school I went to, like had a summer program. So like when I got to that school, it was kind of giving high school where everyone had already, like, known each other and been friends, and it was, like, hard to break in. And on top of that.

[C]

And were you quite socially anxious and socially awkward?

[A]

Extremely.

[C]

Like, what do you, like, do you

[A]

know, like, when kids are, like, socially awkward, but they have a lot of energy, so they're, like, quiet and weird. And then when you talk to them, they're, like, hyper.

[C]

So excited that you're speaking to them,

[A]

and they say things that are just like, you're weird. Like, you know what I mean? So that's what I was like. Like, I wasn't. Now you, like, talk to me. You're like, oh, my God, her personality, like, she's so funny. Like, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that. It wasn't like that. No, it was bad. So anyways, I'm at school and I went to school for music, and we, like, had to, like, audition. And also I didn't, like, grow up doing school plays or school, because what school? You know? And so I wasn't, like, used to performing, so there was nerves there, too. And I'm walking out of the school, There were a bunch of steps go down the school. And these girls were like, these, like, girls who were already friends. And I was, like, dying to break into this group, but they were like, hey, like, we're going to Chick Fil A. Do you want to come with me? I was so excited because I wanted to, like, be friends with them also. Like, I'm homophobic.

[D]

100.

[A]

Like, yeah, girl.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, gay people.

[A]

Like, I hate them. Like, so I was like. I was like, that's my home base. You know what I mean? That was my home base because So I was like, we're going to my playing field. So I was really excited. And I'm, like, trying to relate to these girls. And I really, like, do you also.

[C]

Hey, gay people. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, chicken. And no gays and straight rights. So we're walking. And I was telling them. I, like, actually vividly remember telling them. Like, I thought I was being super funny and adorable and hilarious because I had a One Tree Hill fan Twitter that I ran. And I thought I was, like, being like, am I not so funny that I have this fan Twitter? And I was wearing heels, which, like, I'm also, like, very tall. I, like, didn't wear heels a lot ever. And I stepped wrong and I fell down the stairs and my bladder just released, like, and it was so much pee. Like, it was like a. Like a la. Like, there was a pool it was. Girl, it was so much pee.

[D]

So I felt it was a tall person's amount of pee.

[A]

It was a crazy amount of pee. Yeah, so I like, I fought.

[C]

Had you been desperate to go? Was this a shock reaction to falling?

[A]

I don't know what it is. Because you would think that I would be better about, like, going to the bathroom because I didn't go to school. Whereas, like, if you went to school, you're used to, like, holding your pee. Yeah, I don't know what it was like, I peed my pants.

[C]

That's such a good. That's so true. That's such a great insight. That's why most of us, present and company excluded, are really good at holding our bladders. I think maybe because we're forced, like torture to hold it in until an adult who has got a much bigger bladder than us decides we're allowed to go and release.

[A]

It's actually so crazy.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so school is low key prison.

[C]

So you're what, 6 foot 3 in this moment? So I'm just arms and legs.

[A]

Yeah, it was like Lebron, a very skinny Lebron fell down and yeah, my AR arms.

[D]

Like, what else did you have on?

[A]

No, they were like the TJ Maxx. Like, but they were like, they were like four. They were like four inches. They were like four or five minutes. Like, they were tall. Because, like, the thing about it is, like, my shoes weren't gonna be ugly. Like, not just because I can't walk in them.

[D]

Homophobic and having ugly shoes.

[A]

No, exactly. And honestly, like, people, like, it's so funny because, like, a lot of people who are homophobic, like, slice in the south, like, slay so hard. And it's like, you would love gay people. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Same makeup look, same outfit, same wig. I'm like, you gu so much in common. Like, what are we talking about? So anyways, so I fell downstairs. So much pee, my dress is completely soaked. And I said, like, all the girls are laughing, which of course, like, you're this girl fell in front of you. Of course they're gonna laugh. Like, that's not their fault. And I'm like, I beat my pants. And then they're laughing even harder and they're like, it's okay. I remember one of the girls was like, it's okay. I pee my pants a little bit too sometimes. And I was like, no, I peed like, I the floodgates. Like, it was like so much me. So then I walk across campus in my pea soaked dress. I get to the dorm, I Realized I forgot my keys across campus of the building. So then I had to walk back in my peace stain dress. I picked my keys. And by the way, when I walked back, the puddle was huge. And, like, people had, like, walked through it. Like, you would have felt like it, like, rained. Like, it was such a huge puddle. Actually, before I went back, this girl was like, hey, you can take a shower in my room. And, like, gave me clothes to wear. And she ended up being, like. I ended up being in her. A bridesmaid. And her, like, what?

[C]

This is. This is nice. Like, I was getting worried that this is going to turn into an instant bully situation.

[A]

Those girls did go to Chick Fil A without me. Like, they didn't. They revoked their invite. But, like, you know, like, they. They probably saw me in the lemonade. Like, they ordered the lemonade. And they were like, caroline, you know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

With the pulp.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, with the. Yeah. Things were looking weird down there.

[D]

This is like R. Kelly wet dream.

[A]

No, it's. Yeah. Because I was also, like, 18.

[D]

Like, too old.

[A]

Maybe a little too old.

[D]

Too. Too old.

[A]

Yeah. So it was, like, really crazy. And then, like, I never thought about it again. Like, I, like, suppressed it. And I peed my pants a few other times at school. Like, you know, in the calf. Like, it was just all the time. Like, what was going on with you? Caroline asked my. I literally said to my mom. I was like, mom, I can't stop peeing my pants right now on this white couch. No, I know. It's dangerous.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

It's dangerous. I told my mom. I was like, well, I also had a stint where I would pee my pants, but I was also stuffing my bra, which ended up being great because then I had, like, toilet paper ready.

[D]

And I love that.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Which was just like, me being. But it is funny because I would, like, go to the bathroom and go from, like, being, like, a C cup to, like, a barely a. And it's like, what happened? She peed. But I will say, like, I will say I, like, went to my mom, and I was like, mom, like, I can't stop peeing my pants. Like, what do I do? And my mom was like, girl, I have the same struggle sometimes. But my mom had, like, five children.

[D]

Right.

[A]

I was like, you and me are not the same.

[D]

Right.

[A]

Like, obviously, you would have that problem. But then over time, like, like, I. Like, I think I discovered Kegels. And over time, things just got better, and I stopped peeing my pants. I honestly think it was more of like, you know when you get like, a puppy and they pee because they're so excited? I think, like, it was like that. Like, I think I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed.

[D]

Homeschooled. You weren't exposed to all.

[A]

And I didn't go to summer camp.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Were you even watching much television or was it too full of sinning?

[A]

You want to know what? Like, actually, like, I tried to watch girls, which. I love girls. I have finished it. But, like, there were TV shows that I started and I was like, this is too much nudity.

[C]

I can't.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And too much.

[C]

So many gays. So much nudity. Like, there's nothing.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I get uncomfortable sometimes, too.

[A]

Like, when did they, like, start doing that?

[D]

Like, having love and being happy together.

[A]

Have they always been right? Have they always been doing that right?

[D]

To this day, I can't watch Modern Family. It's just too. It's too much for me. I don't even.

[C]

I have not spent enough time.

[D]

I'm in therapy and we don't want to be.

[A]

No, I don't.

[D]

People want to be this way.

[A]

I wish I could be like, oh, so fun. Put that. Cover that up.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

It's just.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[C]

And then, you know, I'm still funny about sex scenes. I still can't watch sex scenes. I won't watch anything that's got any sex scenes. I don't understand. I miss the champagne cork popping. I miss the crashing wave. I loved the innuendo, the volcano erupting. You know, I just wanted to.

[D]

Ancient can go where it wants to go.

[C]

Let me do some of the work. Don't spell it out to me. I. I really don't like it. And I. I have to. I mostly don't like it because I. I don. Face that I worry that I make during a sex scene because what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do? And I look at other people's faces in the cinema during a sex scene. So now I presume other people might glance at me and I don't know what I'm doing. So I've had to settle on a face that I do, which is.

[A]

That's perfect. I feel like that's. Yeah.

[D]

Because that makes them work harder.

[C]

It says, I'm happy for you. I'm fine. Fine. I'm fine.

[D]

I'm okay.

[C]

I'm not feeling weird at all. I'm not having any weird feelings. I'm not excited about it. I'm just.

[D]

Yeah, I feel like that they keep them humble.

[A]

And I also Think like that is accurate to the female experience. What do you think?

[D]

I make the same face that I make when I'm filling out a police report. It's just kind of like. It's just I don't want to be here, but I am. And I kind of chose his life.

[C]

Like I chose when I fill out a police report as a literal reference in life.

[D]

Maybe one tear. Maybe if it's good, like, maybe like one little tear comes out.

[C]

No. It makes me so uncomfortable. So you pissed your pants in front of your new friends?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

On your first time being first day at school?

[A]

Like firstly at the house.

[C]

I will say if you did it make it around. Did everyone. Were you pissy pants Ban a witch like pissy pants.

[A]

So here's. So here's what happened. So I like buried it. Like I never told anyone. I was like so embarrassed that I was always peeing my pants. And then one day, and I mean like also by the way, like, I was like, I remember a guy came out to me like he was gay. Like, I was one of the first people I came out to. And you want to know what I said? I said pray about it. No. So like I was bad. I was like bad. But people liked me. I don't know why. Well, I think like, maybe they're lying to me.

[C]

Isn't like pretty privilege insane because she looks like a supermodel. So people were like, ah, you cute little homophone.

[A]

Exactly 100% by the way, like, like, am I homophobic now? I mean, you guys, I love you guys. No, I actually, I love the gay so much. But I. And no, I, I do. They're so funny.

[C]

The more you say it, the more we believe it.

[A]

Yeah, no, I love you guys so much.

[D]

Icing. I love the gays.

[A]

I love you guys. So anyways, I peed my pants.

[C]

Yeah, peed your pants. And then it continued on for several years. But now you've got your on lock and congratulations.

[A]

Yeah, like I. I probably wear pants like three times a year now, which is really good.

[C]

Pretty good.

[A]

Congr.

[C]

Congratulations. I love knowing this about you.

[A]

Yeah, thank you so much.

[D]

Me too. Like, wow.

[A]

Yeah. So thank you for your wrong time.

[C]

We will be right back.

[A]

You do it all.

[D]

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[C]

Leah, what was your wrong turn?

[D]

Okay, so being single, which is so unfair. Why is everything that women do, it's just like a bad thing? Like, just existing gives us chaos. But I was single and I had just moved to New Jersey, and so I was like, I'm really bad at erections, so let me get on dating apps. Directions. Directions. Yeah. I gotta know where I was going. So I was like, I need a man that probably has erectile issues to help me find out where I need to go. And so I got on hinge and I met this guy. And immediately from the jump, we met up at this bar. Immediately, I knew I was gonna hate him. You just. You just know.

[C]

How do you know? What was it about him?

[D]

He had no facial expressions and, like. Sure. Like in like, a romance novel. That's kind of cute. Like, okay, yeah.

[A]

Like a vampire. Enrich in the.

[D]

Exactly. It's giving very much like Edward.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, but this was g. Like, Edwin was just real killer. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? And. And so it was that his shirt was, like, not ironed. And it's just like, okay, you're going to kill me. And I don't like this. You ever work? Got had an interview at, like, a fast food restaurant. So the manager will sit down. He's balding, he's overweight, but he still wants to you. But he's sitting down with you and he's talking to you real like, okay, let's get this over with. Like, okay, what have you worked Burger King? Cool. Can you, like, flip burgers? Okay. Do you cry, like, more than one time a day? Like, okay, whatever. Come on. It was that kind of vibe when they come to the date. As if it's like an interview. More so like, hey, I'm just. That was his vibe. It Was kind of like, okay, so like, like what?

[A]

Can you prove it? Yeah.

[D]

And I'm like, babe, what? Yeah, I'm like, I'm wearing Juicy Couture. Viva la Juicy. And my shein's finest. How dare you act like I owe you something. So immediately I was gonna hate him. And then tequila got involved and I was like, you're tolerable. And so we kept drinking. Kept drinking. I knew I didn't like him, but also, I think I was ovulating. That's my excuse for, like, everybody. And so we end up going back to his house. And mind you, I don't really do, like, one night stands. But I was like, I don't know. I don't know anybody here. I'm new here. Whatever. And so.

[A]

And you couldn't find your way back to your apartment.

[D]

Exactly. I was like. And as women were taught, you have to give the pussy up for you direction.

[C]

My friends call this fuck or die. So it's where they will. Yeah. At a festival. If they can't find their tent, they have to find someone to have sex with. Otherwise they have to sleep outside in the wild child. So it's.

[D]

And you know what? Look, for those of you.

[A]

New Jersey's scary.

[D]

It is scary. Very spooky. They have Italians and things. And here's my. And I know some people might be judging, but let's keep it a buck. There are people, men and women, that have fucked for way less.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

For like, you know. So no judgment. Right.

[C]

Also, isn't the term hobosexual?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We're not gonna sit here, act like we haven't.

[C]

Hobosexual is, like, where you have sex with people just to be able to stay over at their house.

[A]

Was the house nice?

[D]

It was his parents, so I assume it was. It was dark. I didn't really see. But the fact that there was property involved.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[D]

I think it. I think it was.

[C]

Did you think it was his house? Was he acting like.

[D]

I never think it's their house.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I never. That much I do know. I never think it's their house. But I do have this, like, family. Well, if it's his parents and the house is nice and the parents are home and the parents are used to him bringing girls over. He probably has respect for, like, I don't know. That just makes me think there may not be an sud involved.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[D]

You know, but I still use the. The balloon animals to protect my. Myself. But so we. I don't know how we. It. Whatever we End up going back to his, like, mom's attic or whatever. And it's his room, and we're in there, and if. If, you know, it's Jersey, because the. His room look like a club. And so I'm. I'm like, having a. Like, you know.

[C]

Epileptic.

[D]

Yeah. And so we started fucking. And then I don't know what happened. I guess I didn't think I was gonna go that far with him. So I didn't secure my scalp, and so he did something. And my whole wig just, like, comes off. Like, whole thing, whole. Not half.

[C]

Not what's happening underneath. Is it a wig cap or is it just your head down?

[D]

I slipped up. I don't think I even had a wig cap on.

[C]

Right.

[D]

I think. Cause the way I was thinking of, like, okay, I'm just gonna go out, have drinks with this guy, get some food, go home. So, yeah, no, it was. I just felt breeze. I just felt a breeze. It was a breeze on my scalp, a breeze on my ears. And he held it in his hand, like. Like he. Like a guillotine situation. Oh, my God. And he's looking at me, and I'm looking at him, and I'm like, you gonna give it back? Like, why are you. And he's just like, I shit you not. He's looking at me. I'm looking at him, and he's like, he keeps spanking your wig. He keeps flanking me while he's holding the wig. And so I was like, is this what Christopher Columbus felt like? Is this like some weird, like. Like, conqueror? Like, I. You know. So he kept me. It. He was slow, and then. He.

[C]

Familiar with wigs, did he not?

[D]

I don't think he was truly. Okay. And maybe not to exclude you, you're very cultured in what you do, of course, but I'm sure you.

[A]

Of course, but he's only five years

[C]

accepting of gay people.

[D]

But, yeah, no, actually, you are a minority, Loki. Yeah, you are a minority. But, like, when you are not white, like, men, they. It's like we're experiences for them. We're not necessarily like a woman. The word experience. I've never a black girl. I never a Spanish girl, Indian girl, or it's like that kind of thing. And so I think it was his first, like, black girl he, like, had sex with. I said something to him about like. Like that. And he was like, yeah, yeah. I asked him. I said, have you ever been with a black girl before? Not to say all black girls wear wigs, but I was just like, have you ever been with anyone that, you know, might have a wig on that's not like a patient? And he's, you know, God bless. And he's like, no. And you could tell, what did he think? Maybe. But also, again, like, being black, like, they think we're like creatures. Like, we're like different. Like, so he's like, maybe that's like a black girl thing. Like, you know, I said like Asian girls, like, vaginas are like really small and like, it's like a fetishized. Yeah, it's like they make up all these, like little, like, maybe like black girls, their scalps, when they're, when they're horny, their scalps come off.

[A]

Like, oh, my God.

[D]

I don't know. But like, guys say weird.

[A]

You're like a transformer.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

They do. They think that. My friend, tell me that white women are cold. I don't know. Is that. I hope. There's so many weird, stupid rumors about us.

[A]

I have to get on Reddit right now.

[C]

But do it under your own account.

[D]

Literally.

[A]

That's crazy.

[D]

I've heard, I've heard that all these black women's are like warm and deep. And I'm like, I. Okay, well, I start sneezing yellow from

[C]

an Indian woman because it's just tough.

[D]

No, if you said that, they would think that, right? If I say I. I come purple, they would believe it. They're like, well, you know, black girls, it's just ghee.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's insane.

[D]

We just be cute living our lives and there's, you know, I'm ever gonna get over that.

[C]

White girls have cold.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[D]

And she was gay, so I kind of believe her.

[C]

But is it a nice, like, cold side of the pillow thing?

[A]

I can't imagine.

[D]

That's cute. I think it's more heartless and soulless,

[A]

but that's what I'm thinking. No, I'm like, yours is warm and deep and minus cold and clammy.

[D]

No, my coochie's oppressed. That's what the warmness. The warmness is of oppression.

[A]

Freezing. It's like you put it in a freezer.

[D]

Whatever the you got going on, you, you, you got, you what you got. English. And then we are.

[C]

Mine just goes.

[A]

It's English.

[D]

It comes with T. It's a deep sigh. It's just a deep. Yeah, and that's the, that's the. That was the, the. The table of.

[A]

It's so crazy.

[D]

But the point is. Yeah, I could tell he was very stunned. And he never like, Because I've dated guys were like, I dated this one dude where he took the wig off my head. He was like, take that off. And then put an American flag bandana on me. Which is really strange. Yeah, I was very confused on him.

[A]

You have to stop dating in New Jersey.

[D]

Well, no, he was a New York hotel black man. So that's where I up the hotel. Yeah.

[C]

Sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, no, stop. So he rips your wig off your head, but doesn't want you to just then be natural.

[D]

No.

[C]

He then gets out.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

An American flag.

[D]

Thank you. An American flag.

[C]

An American flag.

[D]

It wasn't Jamaica. It wasn't like Haiti.

[C]

It was like ask you to put it on or does he, like, tie it around you?

[D]

Yeah,

[A]

it was either.

[D]

Yeah, Like I was backwards. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[C]

My God.

[D]

So I've been with men that are. That are accustomed to wigs. And so ye. He. I. He's holding the wig to stun. He fucks me and he's kind of like, I'll get you home. I go home. Obviously he never talks to me again. And so I told my friend the

[C]

next day, why is that obvious, by the way?

[D]

What?

[C]

Your fucking wig came off. Why is it obvious the amount of things that we put up with?

[D]

100%. I know.

[C]

They do.

[D]

I know. Yeah.

[A]

He had a wrinkled shirt. And you also know that, like, the next day he, like, called his friends and was like. Yeah, I was like, I fucked her

[C]

so hard her head fell off.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Check super hollow.

[D]

What? You know why I say, obviously, because the energy he came in. Now, granted, I've been tricked. I've been bamboozled with energy before. I've gone on dates with a guy, he's giving energy like he's about to marry me and give me my firstborn son. And then I never hear from him again. But his energy from the jump was like, I don't want to be here.

[C]

It's. You're lucky to be with me.

[D]

I'm lucky. He's like, how dare your scalp not be.

[C]

I mean, your wrong turn was going home with him at all the wrongs.

[D]

Drinking tequila. Yeah, okay, I was up, but I was so embarrassed for like three days. And then I was like, whatever. At least you somebody that exactly, you know.

[C]

Well, thank you both so much for coming on and telling me your personal tales before you go. We like to include our audience who send in their wrong turn moments of misery. We call this misery loves company. And this person says, I was the captain of the trampoline team at school at a pre competition social. I got blackout. I woke up the next day feeling rough but started making sandwiches for the team lunch and my boyfriend came in and whispered, I think you might wanna wipe your bum. And I asked him why and he said you just do. So I went to the bathroom, wiped my bum and it was covered in poo. Apparently I had passed out mid vomit and diarrhea on the toilet the night before. My newish boyfriend found me, carried me to bed and cleaned the bathroom.

[A]

Marry him.

[C]

But he drew the line at cleaning my ass. It's our 20th year together. This year we've been married for 10. That's a key.

[D]

That's beautiful.

[C]

That's a horrifying story. Before we go, will you tell everyone where they can find you and what you need them to watch and see and listen to?

[A]

Okay. You can find me on Instagram. Caroline Banowitz. B A N I E W I C as in cut and C as in zebra. You can listen to my podcast. No thanks, we're good. You can come see my one woman musical about being homeschooled. I'm turning away now and you know, if you want to like listen to my music, you can. You can do that too if you wanted to.

[D]

Good music.

[A]

You're so sweet.

[D]

It's true. You can find me at official Lia Samson on Instagram in my little links. I have all the links to everything, my tour dates. I am doing some cities. Let me know where you want me to go. I also have a comedy special so look out for that. And yeah, that's it.

[C]

Thank you both so much.

[A]

Thanks for having me done.

[C]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own wrong turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com youm can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a sub stack. It's called A Low Desire to Please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[A]

You do it all.

[D]

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[B]

Okay, caller one wins courtside seats to tonight's game. What? I won floor seats. You did? I've been calling for 13 months.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Chris.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

I finally did it. What are you gonna. Men's Warehouse. They've got today's looks for any occasion. And I need to look like a celebrity. Don't want to stick out. Exactly. They've got Chill Flex by Kenneth Cole, Joseph Abood, and a tailor at every store for the perfect fit. Congrats.

[A]

You can stop calling now. Not a chance.

[B]

Hit any look for every occasion at Men's Wearhouse. Love the way you look.