Conor Janda and Oscar Montoya

Summary

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Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Conor Janda and Oscar Montoya
Date: June 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this riotous episode of "Wrong Turns," host Jameela Jamil welcomes comedians Oscar Montoya (Minx, Encanto, Drag Her Podcast) and Conor Janda (Boys Club Comedy, Just For Laughs New Face) for a brutally honest, hilarious roundtable on life's most mortifying moments. Together, they dive into stories of accidental humiliation, sexual misadventures, and that comforting sense of solidarity when life feels like overlapping disasters. No morals, no silver linings—this is pure, joyful misery-sharing, where dignity is gleefully discarded.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

LA vs. New York: Hotness and Alienation

[02:04–06:21]

• The trio compares New York’s “buttoned-up chic” with LA’s “perfect, AI-coded” looks.
• Jameela jokes LA is “Dissociation Nation” where everyone looks the same and self-expression feels staged.
  • Jameela [04:26]: “It feels like we're grooming people towards AI in Los Angeles because no one's face moves.”
• Both guests ultimately pine for London, for its messier authenticity and diversity.

Disaster Tolerance: “Rising from the Ashes”

[06:21–09:54]

• Jameela and Conor discuss feeling most comfortable after disasters, rather than at career highs.
  • Conor [08:36]: “I never feel more clear than when I've had a terrible thing happen, because it’s very clear. You’re like, well, now I simply need to rise.”
• The British approach to embracing misery is warmly debated, with Jameela describing a viral TikTok moment about her lack of confidence.
  • Jameela [08:11]: “…I gave him an answer that I thought was unusable. 'Well, I just hate everyone… I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me because I hate everyone.'...It went super viral.”

Micro-Humiliations: Panel Impostor Syndrome and Schoolyard Shame

Oscar's Panel Story
[09:52–13:25]

• Oscar is mistakenly invited as a non-Asian panelist on an Asian excellence panel, leading to “stolen Asian valor” panic.
  • He humorously recounts being mistaken for Filipino, then Cambodian, despite being Colombian.
  • Oscar [10:38]: "I don't want, like, stolen Asian valor doing this panel for an Asian..."
• Jameela relates with her own “wrong panel” audition story—sent to audition for an all-Korean show as a South Asian (British understanding of “Asian”).

Conor’s Childhood Bathroom Humiliation
[14:42–18:22]

• Conor shares a tale from 4th grade: in a school bathroom, he mishears eighth-graders talking about “The Man Show” (Comedy Central) as “The Amanda Show.”

  • Awkward correction and implied homophobia ensue.
  • Conor [17:18]: “Wait, I love the Amanda show. And then he looks at me, this insane look…‘The Amanda show? We’re talking about The Man Show.’”

• This segues into a discussion of gay and straight comfort zones, and why straight stand-up clubs still feel hostile for queer comics.

  • Conor [20:16]: “My whole body…It’s like, oh, I am in fourth grade, I am in the bathroom.”

The Big Disasters: Wrong Turns of Sexual Escapades

Oscar’s Unexpected Threesome
[26:34–35:55]

• Oscar tells of when he was unexpectedly invited by a hot college couple for a sleepover that turned into his first-ever threesome.
  • The couple gives coordinated, open feedback during the act—e.g., “like a harmonica!”—and Oscar realizes he was being deliberately set up for this.
  • He goes to work the next day at a children’s publishing company, unshowered and “stinking of sex.”
  • Oscar [33:27]: "She was like, ‘it’s like a harmonica, you know?’ And I was like, you want me to play your pussy like a harmonica? Say less. And I did."
• However, when he reaches out to the couple later, they fully ghost him.
  • Oscar reflects he was “just a notch on the bedpost” and came to terms with the fleeting nature of such wild nights.

Conor’s Fire Island Threesome: An Exercise in Spite
[39:06–50:58]

• Conor recounts being invited (after his ex uninvites a rival) to Fire Island, the famed gay summer escape. Tension arises over their lack of enthusiasm for hypersexual party culture.
  • Conor [41:50]: "Fire Island, that's where gay people go in the summer to break up with one another."
• An argument erupts, and as a “solution,” they invite a third for a threesome, which becomes secretly competitive for Conor.
  • He “wins” the encounter but both wake up feeling “deep shame.”
  • Conor [48:56]: “I did not need to have a threesome, and I don’t need to be obsessed with this man. Why was I so excited to be brought to Fire Island by a person who doesn’t even care about me?”
• Jameela affirms: “That’s much more of a wrong turn than whatever Oscar had.”

Relationships, Disasters, and Dating Reflection

[50:58–54:17]

• Jameela and Conor discuss being “demi” (needing emotional connection for sexual attraction). Oscar says he’s "sapio" (attracted to intelligence).
• Jameela: “Women need to see more stand-up…or we will only ever have straight guy stand-ups.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Misery as Identity
  • Jameela [08:15]: “…English people are miserable little cunts, and you’ll fit right in.”
• Microhumiliations:
  • Oscar [11:20]: “And then someone comes up, ‘you’re such an inspiration…to the Filipino community!’…You thought Colombian was Cambodian? Oh, great.”
• Sex Fails as Comedy Gold:
  • Oscar [33:27]: “You want me to play your pussy like a harmonica? Say less. And I did.”
  • Jameela [36:15]: “I’m slightly upset…Your wrong turn is that the two hottest people at your university wanted to have sex with you and then you had an amazing night…How dare you.”
• Competitive Gay Dating:
  • Conor [39:42]: “I wanted to win this. So I hooked up with this man, like…‘You want a threesome? I’ll show you!’”
• Fire Island Description:
  • Conor [41:50]: “It’s where gay people go in the summer to break up with one another. And Kelly Ripa is also there.”

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Listener Wrong Turn: The Case of the Wrong “Rob”

[53:02–54:17]

• Listener Rob shares how a platonic female friend invited him over for a “booty call” by mistake—it was meant for another Rob.
• Jameela, Oscar, and Conor riff on the supreme awkwardness of being “the wrong Rob,” and trading their own “wrong person text” stories, including Jameela’s with a member of The 1975.

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 02:04 — Hotness in LA vs. New York, and British authenticity
• 09:52 — Oscar’s Asian panel disaster
• 14:42 — Conor’s bathroom humiliation
• 26:34 — Oscar’s big “wrong turn” (college couple threesome)
• 39:06 — Conor’s Fire Island revenge threesome
• 53:02 — Listener “Wrong Rob” disaster

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Guest Plugs

• Oscar Montoya:
  • Instagram (@ozzymozzymo), Drag Her Podcast, EuroVangelist podcast
• Conor Janda:
  • Instagram (@conorjanda), Boys Club Comedy, international stand-up dates

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Memorable Closing Lines

“You two are absolutely delightful. Rob, that was an absolutely legendary wrong turn. I’m so sorry. Thank you for bringing some actual bad news to the podcast today and understanding the assignment.”
— Jameela [56:33]

“We need women to come see stand up—women and gay people, we need you. Your buying power in the standup world, or we will only ever have straight guy stand-ups.”
— Jameela [58:36]

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Summary

This episode epitomizes what “Wrong Turns” does best: hilarious, cringe-inducing confessions with no pretense and zero silver linings. Oscar and Conor’s stories run the gamut from mistaken identity to unglamorous hookups—balanced by Jameela’s unfiltered British candor. The trio create a cathartic space for listeners to laugh at life’s “disasters," and to remember: you’re never alone in your mortification.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

draw on freckles afterwards. It's amazing.

[C]

People do do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why?

[B]

I think because it's easier than coping with the news. Just gives you something to. Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil. This is a podcast where dignity goes to die. In fact, I think by now year in it has in fact already died. And I am welcoming my favorite funny people to my cemetery of doom. We are joined today by a comedian and actor from Minx and Encanto and Dick's, the musical dropouts, Dimension 20 and the improv group Spanish Aqui presents. And he is the co host of the podcast Drag Her. It's Oscar Montoya.

[C]

Hey, thank you so much for having me.

[B]

Thank you so much for being here. And we also welcome a comedian who has just named one of the new faces of comedy at the Just for Laughs festival. He is one of the co creators of Boys Club Comedy and he's on tour with his new hours side notes. It's Conor Janda.

[D]

Thank you so much for having me.

[B]

How's things?

[D]

Things are good. This is my first. This is the longest time I've ever been in la.

[C]

What?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

How long have you been here?

[D]

New York? I'm in Brooklyn. I've been here for three weeks. And are we loving it? I don't know, everyone's too hot. Like genuinely. I was like, okay. Like these people are like New York.

[B]

You say that like New York is not full of legitimate supermodels.

[D]

I thought that. And Then I came here and I was like, no. I feel like in New York, we are. We are clothed, we are buttoned up. We are. Maybe this is a gay guy thing. And then I go into Akbar, and I was like, oh, well, I don't want to be here anymore.

[C]

Well, yes, of course.

[D]

It was too hot.

[C]

Yeah. I think also there's less clothing in la.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

But I feel like there's something quite chic about New York hotness. It's like the more layers you got on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The more there is. It's leaving something to imagination.

[D]

Exactly. Yeah. That's why I'm dressed up.

[B]

In England, you have to just be fully psychic.

[D]

I know. I think you want people to be like, what's their body look like? Leave them wondering. That's.

[B]

And then in England, it's like, I'm scared of what's happening. Not just because of the body. It's mostly like the hygiene.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's the teeth.

[C]

You very much keep that on.

[B]

Let me just visualize. We really focus on the personality.

[D]

And personally, I know a man did apologize to me in LA for. We were kissing. Sorry. And we can say that there's a lot on this. It's legal now. We were doing more than kissing. I came to LA to kiss, and he's like, oh, I'm wearing deodorant. Sorry. And that is like. There's a group of people where it's like, that would be gross to them. And it's like, no, I like that. They're very.

[C]

That.

[D]

I like that.

[C]

Don't go to the Pacific Northwest.

[D]

Cause that is where I'm pro deodorant. Like, give me your dove, give me your Old Spice. Like, I'm still into that.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Let me sniff the brand.

[D]

I know, I know.

[B]

A friend of mine said that he loves going to London because on the plane over from Los Angeles, he goes from a three to a six. And I was like, such an amazing low bar.

[D]

That is Philadelphia. Like, I'm from Philadelphia. I go home for the holidays. I feel gorgeous. And it's important to feel that.

[B]

I think you're both LA gorgeous.

[C]

That's very high.

[B]

But I also feel like, you know as well. You've been silent this whole time.

[C]

What the heck.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No, no, no, no. I'm from New York, so I know. I know the vibe there, and I know the vibe here. I feel like I fit in more with the New York sensibility. La. It's a little. I feel a little trollish, let's say.

[B]

I find it Scary. I don't like it. It's too preened. It's too perfect. It feels too close to AI.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what I mean? It feels like we're grooming people towards AI in Los Angeles because no one's face moves. There's everything so perfect.

[C]

Everybody looks the same.

[B]

Everyone looks exactly the same. It just feels as though it does feel the most like a simulation of anywhere I've ever been.

[C]

It doesn't feel like a real city.

[D]

I know. But I do. It is beautiful. I am kind of like. It feels like. I don't know, it feels like giving up, but in a way where you're like, yes. I guess it's just like, ride in this car. I've given up.

[B]

It's essentially like it's just one big waymo, you know, you've just dissociated and it's Dissociation Nation.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I love that for la.

[D]

We don't have that. We don't have Waymo in New York. We're still getting driven around by just like an alcoholic man in an Uber. And as God intended.

[B]

So, okay, so you're kind of having an existential crisis, but kind of. Okay. Yeah.

[D]

Would you move here, though? If anyone wanted to give me even an unpaid job, and so I totally would. If anyone just wanted to give me kind of a project to do, like, I totally would move here on my dime. And. Yeah, just like something to do between nine and five.

[B]

What about you? How have you been lately?

[C]

I've been good. I've been good. I've been touring a lot. I'm going to the UK next month, so that's going to be fun.

[B]

Welcome.

[D]

We will. Love you.

[C]

I love the uk. I love it. I love it. I went to London and I was like, everybody looks like individual. Everybody looks ugly here. I love it. I found my home. No, but I was.

[B]

I've had bird shit on my coat for two months in London and I haven't felt any kind of call to move it. And no one has noticed it or said anything.

[C]

They let you be you.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Which is great.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But to me, I find, like, it's truly so diverse in a way that it's not in la.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, I was at a restaurant, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, everyone here is from a different place. I love that I would move to London. I would. If anyone's got a chore for me to do in London.

[B]

Okay, well, this isn't a job application podcast. Both of you. When it comes to disaster, how do you feel as though you fare you

[C]

pretty up there, immune to it? No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, it happens quite often. So in a way, I guess I am imm. Because I'm still here, you know, I haven't jumped off a cliff or anything. But yes, I. I thought about it. Not yet, but yes. Yeah, Disastrous things happen. But it makes us who we are, right?

[D]

Yeah. You know, I prefer to rise from ashes. If things are going too well. I don't know who I am.

[B]

Agreed.

[C]

Oh, you.

[B]

You are British.

[D]

Thank you. Yeah, there's a little. Yeah. To stick it to my Irish ancestors

[B]

in the street in New York by this dude who was like, excuse me, what makes you so confident? And I was super hormonal and just had bought these cakes from, like, the little bake shop and I just wanted to go and eat them. And I was like, I. I don't want to do this. And he's like, no, no. Just quickly tell me, like, what makes you confident? I was like, I'm not very confident. I'm British. He's like, no, no. But like, you know, you must be a confident person. Like, talking about my outfit. And I was like, no, no. I was like, that's just not who we are. Da, da da da. I'm trying desperately to get out of it. Desperately to get out of it. And then he starts fucking therapizing me. And he's like, so why do you think you're not confident? And I was like, oh, my God, please let me just, like, eject out of this situation. And I'm being filmed and I don't want to be a cunt about it. And I don't want that to become a clip. And I don't, you know, like, I think I've, like, I've seen this guy's like, tiktoks before. I'd never seen his face, but I'd heard that question before. So I was like, oh. So I wanted to be polite, right? So I was like. I gave him an answer that I was. That I thought was unusable. Cause I was like, well, I just hate everyone. And so I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me because I hate everyone. I'm very unfriendly and I'm old. And he ended up, in fact, using that.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

And then it went super viral around the Internet.

[C]

That's kind of iconic.

[B]

And now everyone thinks it was staged and that I had anything to do with it. But I've received so much love because of it. Like, Famous rappers were, like, reaching out to my boyfriend, like, who we hadn't heard from years, being like, this was really good advice, man. Like, it was really bizarre. But, yes, English people are miserable little cunts, and you'll fit right in.

[D]

And I feel like I am a miserable. I am that. I feel like there's no. I never feel more clear than when I've had a terrible thing happen, because it's very clear. You're like, well, now I simply need to rise. And that's it. Whereas when you're. When you're good, when you're at the top, there's.

[B]

The only way is down.

[D]

Yeah. You're waiting for the next shoe to drop.

[B]

100.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I remember in 2019, briefly, my career was going very well. Briefly. And I. The whole time, all I felt was like, I was at the. On my way towards the top of a roller coaster. You know, when they just keep you holding and they keep you waiting for, like, several minutes. And that's what the whole of 2019 fell for me is like, just before you just drop down. And then that is exactly what happened to me in 2020. And it is a sick feeling. So I agree with you. I love to be, like, in the

[C]

shit, but in a weird way, when it does happen, you're like, okay. Whereas if you don't expect it to happen, it's, like, devastating.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Crumbling, you know?

[D]

Okay, wait. But I hate that because what. It's like we're protecting ourselves for the inevitable doom by not allowing ourselves to be joyous. This is why I'm single. And then because we cannot allow ourselves to be joyous. And then when the shoe does drop, you're like, well, I was fucking right. I knew that it was gonna drop.

[B]

That's a fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any micro humiliations you could warm us up with on the show? I think we start with you, Oscar.

[C]

So I got asked to be in a panel for, you know, people in the industry. And I felt so honored because that was, like, the first time I was asked to do a panel. And I was like, of course. Oh, my God, it would be such an honor to do it at Emerson a couple years ago. And when the date came closer, I looked at the list of the panelists, and I was like, huh, this is interesting. I'm the only non Asian person on this panel. Like, is this an Asian panel? And I'm like, that can't possibly be right. And I was like, I should say something to her to be like, I'm Not Asian. Like, I don't want to be. You know what I mean? I don't want, like, stolen Asian valor doing this panel for an Asian.

[B]

Stolen Asian valor.

[C]

I just don't want it, you know? And I was like, well, but if she could just. Is she. She knew who I was. She could have Googled, and she knows that I'm Latino. And. And so I didn't say anything. Come to find out the day of the panel, it is, in fact, an Asian panel. And I'm like, oh, this is bad. So I tell her, and I was like, listen, I'm not Asian. Like, and then she was like, oh, my gosh, I thought you were Filipino. I'm so sorry. And I was like, no, no, I'm not. Like, should I. She's like, no, no, no. You're here. We still want your input. I think it's, like, very valuable that you're here.

[D]

You're Asian.

[C]

Passing input and do this. And she's like, well, how do you want to be introduced? Well, I was, like, born in Colombia, South America. And so, like, she's like, oh, Columbia. Blah, blah, blah. I don't. I'm, like, very aware of just my presence there. And a couple of questions go my way. And I'm like, so you what. What do you think about this? I'm very, like, trying to pass it to someone else.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And then after the event is over, I'm just, like, devastated, and I feel so yucky. And someone comes up to me, like, oh, my gosh. I just have to say, you're such an inspiration, like, to the Filipino community. So it's crazy that you're Cambodian. And I'm like, cam. Oh, you thought Colombian was Cambodian? Oh, great. So I left. I left that panel feeling, like, so fucking dumb. And I should have. I should just release a video. I should just release a video being like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for being in that panel.

[B]

It's hilarious. I remember one of my first ever auditions I ever got sent for when I got to Los Angeles. Like, they don't understand. Well, the term Asian normally means South Asian. In England, when they heard I was Asian and I identify as Asian, they sent me to an all Korean show to do the audition. And the photograph, which I only recently surfaced again in, like, my Remember this fucking day on Facebook, it is one of the funniest photographs because I'm almost 5 foot 11. Everyone there 5 foot 5 foot 2 at max looks very East Asian. And then I'm there hovering over Them like, hello. Yeah, Just like King fucking Kong. It's so amazingly mortifying. And I managed to. Just as soon as I walked in, we all knew what was happening. And then I moonwalked out of the ocean and got the fuck out of there. Yeah. That must have felt very long and very weird. Have you ever been put onto a panel that you don't belong on?

[D]

I would love to be on any panel. I have never had the honor of being on a panel. But, like, whatever it takes, I. I love that Connor.

[C]

I will do whatever.

[B]

Connor would accept his place willingly on the Filipino panel.

[D]

I'm on it. I don't know, like, if there's a gay panel, I'm also American. If there's an Irish American panel, no one wants to hear from an Irish American panel. Like, what do we have to share?

[C]

That's not true.

[D]

What are we gonna. You know, Irish America is hard. Like, literally. You know, it's not easy with Irish America. We've been through a lot.

[B]

If you don't have an O apostrophe in, you don't even get accepted by your own community.

[D]

Exactly. I am sober, which I guess is an Irish American thing to be. Well, kind of, but sort of. It's kind of the opposite, but to me, an alcoholic is Irish American. But I feel like at aa, when you get to speak, that's kind of like you're on a panel that you're like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, I love that vibe.

[D]

It gives the people at AA something

[C]

to listen to AA being like, I'm a panelist.

[D]

This is my time. Someone in LA reached out, like, and was like, do you want to speak at our AA meeting? It's at 7:30am and it's like, no. Like, if you have one at 2pm I'll be there, but I'm not getting up at 7:30.

[C]

Talk to my agent.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Let's get that set up.

[D]

Loop my manager in.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

We'll see what we can do. But yeah.

[B]

Do you have a micro humiliation of your own for us?

[D]

Yes. Mine's from when I was a child and. But I still am humiliated. But this one's a long time ago. This was in. This is George Bush's America. And it was in fourth grade.

[B]

And a time we now unexpectedly long for.

[C]

Right.

[D]

We Revere. We missed 2004. We're like, I do. That is in the Hillary Duff and the Laguna beach nostalgia. It is like we were.

[B]

Feel the rain on your skin is the. Yeah, it is.

[D]

Like, it's kind of like all George Bush coded. We yearn for the George Bush code times, I guess. And so I was in fourth grade and I was in the bathroom, and do you remember the boys? Like, I don't know. Did you go, like, to co ed school? Yes, the boys bathroom. To me, like, I don't know how gay passing you were when you were a child. I, like, I have no idea.

[C]

No, I was gay.

[D]

I was gay. Was like, that's really beautiful.

[C]

I had a mood ring. I was gay.

[D]

Oh, that is gay. Wait, someone asked me if this was a mood ring, and I was like, this is vintage. And I'm really offended by that. I was like, this is $148.

[C]

Is that a mood ring? How are we. That's really rude.

[D]

I know. That's really rude.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna start asking people that about their wedding ring.

[D]

Oh, is it a mood ring just for chaos.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

But like, a mood ringer it is.

[B]

I'll just be like, oh, my God, is that a mood ring?

[C]

That's so funny.

[D]

That's so funny.

[B]

Sorry, you were saying?

[D]

That's hilarious. So I was in the boys bathroom. I was in fourth grade. And, like, the boys bathroom, like, as a gay child, I feel like is a very stressful environment because you're just like, I'm normal, I'm chill. And it's like, I'm not trying to. I'm not looking at anyone. But there's like, this impression that you're like, I just don't want to be spoken to. I'm just like, here. I'm doing my business. I'm gay now, so I'm in the boys.

[B]

Don't look at my penis. I won't look at your penis.

[D]

Exactly. It's like, it's a social contract. Yeah, I still feel that way a little bit. I'm still kind of like, we're good. Everyone's good. Okay, so the Equinox West Hollywood locker room. Whatever. Yeah. But I'm very, like, I have a home. Like, not there to. To screw. Like, I have a. I'm in fourth grade in the story. Sorry. And so I was like, there. I was peeing, and there was, like, this eighth grade boy who I don't even remember his name because he never amounted to anything. And he was, like, having this conversation with this other eighth grader, and, like, he was an eighth grade, but, like, looked 42. So, like, to me, I was like, this is a 42.

[C]

This is an eighth grader.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. So like, very old.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And he said to this other Guy, he was like, I love the Amanda show. And in my head I was like, oh, my God. Like, this is my in. Because like, I obviously, like, I love female dead sketch comedy as well. And I was like, wait, what do you think? Where do you think this is headed?

[C]

I'm scared for you. I'm scared for fourth grade you.

[D]

So I was like.

[C]

Because clearly I. If I were you, I'd be like, me too.

[D]

Well, well, yeah. And so that is. So I was like, oh, my God. Like, I too love the. Do you remember the Amanda show?

[B]

But also, I love starting a sentence with I too love the Amanda show. Princess fucking Diana. Like,

[D]

I was. Wait, I. I love the Amanda show. And then he looks at me, this insane look, this insane look. And he's like, the Amanda show, we're talking about the man show. And then he said something about like. I don't think he said, what, are you gay? Or like, whatever, but like some sort of like, like insane. And then I was like, I'll never speak up again. I was like, this is the last time I will ever interject. I will never speak. I will never be excited about women in comedy. I will just keep this to myself. It was humiliate. The man show was the show on Comedy Central, of course, with. I don't know who was on it. Like Dane Cook.

[C]

Joe Rogan was on that.

[D]

Well, that's not good. So it was just like a boy show. Also, if you have an eighth grade boy, maybe show him female led sketch comedy. Like, yeah, that start them young.

[C]

But he would have been somebody if he watched the Amanda show.

[D]

We would know who he was. Exactly. We'd be like, oh, and maybe you've seen his work.

[B]

How long did it take you to break back out of your shell to be here with us today?

[D]

18 years.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Like, I. Bathrooms are still. I can't go to the bathroom. The same.

[C]

Yeah. How do you feel about restrooms now?

[D]

Not good. Not.

[B]

I've never had a good experience of trying to connect with cool people ever, ever, ever. It always goes wrong. It goes so well in my head. I think through it and I'm like, this is going to be amazing.

[D]

I'm not cool, like, and I don't need to. I'm not trying to be. I don't want to be. Do you stand up?

[C]

No.

[D]

You've got to do it. No, it's scary. But in stand up, it's very much like you're supposed to hang out with people. Like, that really is part of it. Like the hang. You're supposed to go to the clubs and, like, sit at the tables and be like, what's up, boys? And, like, I'm just like, I. There simply. There must be no. Like, could I kill a man? Like, there has to be. I will suck anyone off. Like, I will do anything that does not involve this. Okay.

[C]

Can I ask you, like, what your relationship is with heterosexual men now?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Like, how do you interact?

[D]

You can cut all of this if you want. But, like, I. I've been thinking a lot about this because I think a lot about this in stand up. I get really. When I am in a room of. Because I just did the Kevin Hart stuff. Funny AF thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Which is at the Comedy Cellar, I did not do good. But people keep coming up to me, like, as if I have a brain injury. And they're like, you were amazed. And no, I wasn't. Like, no, I don't. I don't think that was good. I'm not pretending it was. I will say that Kevin Hart said the way I talk about being gay could change people's minds. And that's. And I think he meant for the better.

[C]

Kevin Hart said.

[D]

He said that?

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yes. I don't know if I'm on his, like, his kind of redemption.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

But, like, chances are you probably change.

[D]

Changed his mind. I know he was like, wait, he's fine. But, like, I'm happy to do it. Like, whatever. I'll do anything for you. Like, a semblance of power.

[C]

Other Irish Americans could be fine, too.

[D]

I'm. What I did for the Irish American community on the stage. Like, you could change people. Yeah. And. But I feel the rooms like that. Like, I feel. I love shows in Brooklyn. I love shows where it's girls, it's gays, and I like straight. Obviously, I have straight guy audience members,

[B]

but they're like, I have a straight male in my family. I have a dad.

[D]

But the rooms that are like, the cell are the clubs. I guess the word look for is the clubs. But when I go into a club, my whole body it's like, oh, I am in fourth grade. I am in the bathroom. I am not the funny, charming, interesting person that is not gonna do a show in Brooklyn or like, a don't tell set where it's like, I'm like, myself. I. I do. Like, I dry up, and then all the things that made me funny are completely gone. And I think that that is, like, a learned response to being in a room of straight men. And this is not making an excuse, it's giving an explanation for. And I don't know what the answer

[C]

to that is because same, literally same.

[D]

No, I know. And I think Stand up is very straight and, like, it's. Yeah, but I think, you know, this

[C]

is a lesson about swinging big no matter what. No straight spaces. Be as gay as possible.

[D]

Like, I'm not.

[C]

Suck a dick.

[D]

I'm so. I literally am. And I will. And I will continue to. I am. But I Like, I'm not a comic that can come out, like, and be like, what's up, Los Angeles? Like, I come out and I'm like, I'm like Anne Boleyn walking to my explanation. I'm sorry to be here. Like, I'm so scared.

[B]

Like, when you were talking about the Amanda lan moment, I remembered this time where I. I'm not going to say her name, but, like, she's like a huge, huge style icon in Britain, right? And she was very close to the group of people I was working with. And she'd, like, been in another country for a while and come back and everyone was very excited about her return. And I was like, I really wanted to like me. I really wanted to like me. She's so beautiful. She's so cool. So it's like she wears ankle boots. I was like, I bought some ankle boots. And she wears leather jackets. I was like, I bought a leather jacket. And I was like, she's gonna think I'm so cool. It's gonna be so cool. And I dressed. I was 22. I was like, I've just. I've just started on television. I was like, I'm gonna make her, like, I'm gonna, like, make her like me. And so, like, I'm waiting with everyone at the table and I've. This is so embarrassing, but I've, like, stayed in a cool looking pose all night just in case at any point she comes in. Like, I'm in a cool pose, like, just looking very relaxed. The epitome of not being relaxed is how posed I am in right now. Just trying to look chill. I'm like, I'm breezy. I'm just breezy. I'm just being breezy right now. I am so cool.

[D]

And this beta blockers. Do you know 100?

[B]

Yes, of course. Yeah. But only like yesterday. And I'm 55 years old, so I was like. So I'm just like there, just like sitting there, all pose. Like my neck has started to kind of seize up because I haven't moved in about an hour and a half and she's running late and I don't know where she is. And then suddenly everyone decides to get up and quickly go for a cigarette. And I was the only one who didn't smoke. And so I just sit there waiting at the table with everyone's bags. And they're just like, you stay here. So I just. I just wait. And I'm already, like, not really included as a member of the big group because everyone's really cool and they do drugs and they. And I don't do any and I haven't even been fingered yet. So, like, it's just like a fucking nightmare for me. And she fucking turns up now when everyone else is gone and all my buffers and, like, my neck is kind of, like, starting to, like, it's no longer, like, feeling like it can. I'm having to, like, move in a robotic way. And she goes, hi. And I was like, hey. And she's like, where is everyone? And for no reason, I just said, oh, I farted. So they all left. The exact opposite of what I wanted to fucking say to her. And then she was just really quiet and looked at me and went, that's really disgusting, Danila. And I was like, yes. I was like, I think they're over there. And then she just went out and then didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. And it was just one of the worst fucking most traumatic moments of ever.

[D]

And I was like, after that.

[B]

No, I mean, no, I mean, I've seen her around, but I think she's just like, immediately, obviously, clearly, for good reason, dismissed me as a lunatic in that moment. But of all of the things I could have said, I've, like, spent so much. I spent like 700 quid on that outfit as a 22 year old. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Who'd only just stopped being a teacher. Like, I. I wore ankle boots for her and then I fucked it up.

[D]

But I feel like there's another world where it's like, that's such, like, a fuck it attitude. Yeah, I farted. I know, but I didn't say, like, that.

[C]

I said, it's about the delivery.

[B]

I farted. So they left. It was so, like, Mr. Bean coded. And I think that's one of the last conversations we've ever had. Like, pretty much it's one of three conversations we've ever had. So 33% of my engagement with her was that.

[D]

That is me in love, though. Like, for real. Like, if I'm in love with you, I actually can't be myself around you because I'll pretend that I don't care what you think, and then I'll say shit like that. And then it'll be like, oh, it's kind of awkward because I'm, like, pretending to be mean to you, but I'm obsessed with you, but I'm just like, oh, you're here. Okay? And like, but yeah. And then I'm only nice to people that I like just am disgusted by. And then like, it's just bad. It's not good. Yeah, this is put your kids in therapy 100%.

[B]

Let's go to a break so everyone can rest.

[A]

Hey, I'm Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad, and I want to talk to you about Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Because when it comes to fighting cat odor, they are the champs. Like, what? Smell the litter box was my biggest fear when I got my kitty, Daphne. But since I started using arm and Hammer cat litter, I. I don't notice any cat smell. I always feel confident about anyone stopping by, whether it's my friends or my family or even people in my building. So for my fellow cat parents, be guest ready with Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

[D]

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[C]

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[B]

And we're back. Okay, Oscar, what's your big wrong turn?

[C]

My only real job was an event coordinator at a children's publishing company. And a lot of the gig was talking to parents of children who wanted to organize like, birthday events or like authors who wanted to sell their books. And while I was doing that, I reconnected with a friend from college, two friends from college who were dating each other. And this guy was so hot. He was 26, in college, and at the time that Was hot.

[D]

He was in college with you?

[C]

He was in college with me at 26. He was 26. And we were all like.

[B]

And you found that 19.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Was he doing a post grad or was he postgrad?

[C]

Yeah, he was getting his.

[B]

Okay. So we both thought, I think that

[C]

like he knows he was a 40 year old,

[A]

like.

[C]

No, no, no, no. But he was getting another degree. He had a degree in toy, like

[B]

masters and all that.

[C]

He's getting a philosophy degree and I thought that was so hot. He was very aloof.

[B]

Did he wear a sweater vest?

[C]

Yeah, he had this sort of like, he did college professory vibe, you know, Just had so much power and stillness, which we were all sort. And. And everyone thought he was hot, you know, and he was dating the sort of like the quirky girl. Everyone loved her too.

[B]

Manic pixie dream girl. Very.

[C]

That during that era, it was like, that was the thing, right?

[B]

Only listens to Regina Spector and.

[C]

Whoa. Literally, Regina Spector actually went to my school.

[D]

Oh my God.

[B]

No way.

[C]

Crazy. But yes, very. That. Like to a tea. You played the ukulele?

[B]

Yeah, of course she did.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. So they were.

[B]

Yeah, period. Yeah.

[C]

So you know this person?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, basically. So there are seven billion of them. Yeah.

[C]

Where are they now, though?

[B]

I know they're on a zempic.

[C]

They were the power couple.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And after college, we. They sort of did their own thing and they both approached. They both like sent me a dm and they were like, hey, listen, we're in town. Like, let's hang out. And I was like, cool, awesome. And I was like getting nervous because these are the coolest people ever, you know? And I was like, miserable. Trying to make ends meet. Like, just like surviving. So we go out, we have like a like really fun, really chaotic night together. And it's time for me to go home because I have to work in the morning. So I'm like, I. I have to go. And they're like, why just stay here at the apartment, like. And you. You could go to work after. And I was like, okay. So I go. And then there's like, I sleep on the couch. And they're like, like, I sleep on the couch.

[D]

Oh my God.

[C]

Sleep in the bed with us.

[D]

This story should be behind a paywall.

[C]

And I was like, okay. And then I sleep like in the corner of the.

[B]

Like the dog?

[C]

Yeah, like. Like the dog.

[B]

100%.

[C]

Just like, they're like, why sleep there when you can sleep in between us? I was like, okay. I Sleep in the middle of them. We go to bed. It is late as hell. It's so freaking late. And I think nothing of it. I'm just like, okay, great. Awesome. I had such a great night.

[D]

But you're so pure hearted.

[B]

Wait.

[D]

Oh, yeah. You're so beautiful.

[C]

I love having friends in the city. And. Oh, wait. And all through the night, they're sort of like, talking to each other in a very sort of like, in hushed tones.

[B]

They're speaking to each other over your body in hushed tones.

[C]

No, no, no. Like throughout the night. Like, we're playing pool, we're like hanging out. And they're like, sort of talking to each other. I'm like, oh, they must be having some sort of conversation in the middle of the night. I feel a hand caress me and I'm like, oh, my gosh. And it's the guy, the guy who I was very into. And I was like, oh, no, he must think I'm his girlfriend. So, like, I'm like, what do I do? So I sort of am like, back it up. I like, make those to be like. And he continues.

[B]

I'm like, oh, I feel like that wasn't the sound. I think I'd go for more of a. Yeah.

[C]

You were like, hello, I love the man show.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I should have said.

[C]

But he continued. And I was like, oh, it's on, it's on. But I was like, but his girlfriend is right there. I feel so like this is right. It's like, also, like, when does this ever happen?

[B]

But also, why doesn't porn have storylines like this?

[D]

Right? No, sometimes it does. Like, and I've seen everyone like it. I need to feel invested in the characters. I do.

[C]

I do too.

[D]

I think I'm Demi. It doesn't matter.

[C]

This is a realization.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, wow. And then he sort of like, as we're sort of like, doing stuff, he taps her and then she activates. I was like, she's not asleep. She's been awake this whole time. This was a setup. I was set up. This was the plan all along.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And when I tell you, I felt the most powerful I've ever felt in my entire life. This was also my first threesome. I've never done a threesome before. And it was. Was so much fun. It was great. We were giggling the whole time. It was like, this is what sex should be like while it was happening. Because also, like, I have been with female bodies before, but it's been a while. So while I was, like, engaging with them. They were giving me notes about the other person, too.

[B]

And what, like, he really likes a finger up his bum.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Or like. Yeah. Or she would say more. Like, she's like, more harder. You know what I mean? And I'd be like, oh, okay, this is. This is intense. But they like what they like, and I like open communication.

[D]

Did you top him or let it ask that on this? You don't even say. Don't even say.

[C]

It's behind the paywall.

[D]

Oh, you're right.

[C]

But no, I did.

[D]

I did the Patreon.

[C]

Yeah. So while I was going down on her, she's kept being like. Like, rougher. Like, more. You could be messier with it. And I'm like, what are you talking. I just wasn't getting the note. You know what I mean? I just wasn't fully getting the note. And then she was like, it's like. Like a harmonica, you know? And I was like, you want me to play your pussy like a harmonica? Say less. And I did. And she was. She loved it. So I was like, okay, cool. And then we were done. We were talking about it. We sort of were like. We sort of hit the highlights. We're like, remember when you did this? Oh, yeah, I love that.

[B]

And I was like, that's so awkward. I would levitate out of my body. Someone tried to discuss even my boyfriend of 11 and a half years, if he ever spoke to me about what just happened.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I would astrally project, just fully, like,

[C]

hear the notes of last night's tryst. But then afterwards, I had to go to work, and I did not have enough time to shower, go to my. I had to go in wearing the clothes that I wore, stinking of sex, thinking of sex in a children's publishing company. And I've just felt so aware of my shame and, like, the cloud of sex. And I could tell. People were like, you had a night, you know? And it was like, oh, my gosh. But you know what? It was worth it. No regrets whatsoever. And it made me the person that I am today.

[D]

Wait, are they. Are they still together?

[C]

I have no idea.

[D]

You got a Google? Are you Googling Google? You got to be on Google.

[C]

I got to be on Google.

[B]

And so how did it end with these two?

[C]

Oh, yes. Afterwards, we were like, this was so fun. We got to do it again. They never called me. No, they sort of just disappeared. But you know what? I don't feel bad about it. I feel like they came to my life as these ephemeral creatures.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They did their business and then they just went off involving some other gay guy in their. In their trysts. And I feel okay with that.

[B]

Just a notch on the bedpost.

[D]

That's right.

[B]

And these two little freaks.

[C]

That's all you. That's all you are. And that's okay.

[B]

Yeah. You know, was it, was it at the time a bit tricky to have been ghosted, though, in the moment? Were you like, oh, I can't wait to do that again. Did you reach out to them?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, 100%. I reached out a couple of times to be like, well, maybe I got their number wrong or something. I don't know, maybe they forgot who? Hi, it's me. Remember Oscar? Hi. And then fully just. But that. Isn't that the nature of manic pixie dream people, though?

[B]

Manic pixie dream?

[C]

Fuck, isn't that just the vibe?

[B]

Yeah, but bastards, though. Bastards. Bastards have spent the whole night colluding. Like it's very harassy and intense and weird until the moment that you're really up for it. I was like, that's so strange. Although you were not picking up very clear cues that they were putting down. Like, why don't you sleep up here on the pillow? I can't even imagine what I would do in that situation.

[D]

No, I'm the same as you, right? Yeah.

[B]

I'd hide in the bathroom.

[D]

I. Yeah.

[C]

The whole night. The whole night you're like, I'll just see Pier.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I need clear communication. I need you to tell me exactly what's going on.

[C]

Same way.

[D]

Yeah. No, like, I need words. Cuz I assume like at the gym people are like, oh, if someone's taking eye contact with you, they want to. If you make eye contact with me, the gym, I'll be like, what the fuck do you want? Don't fucking look at me. But I'll be like, what is my form bad? Like, why are you staring at me? Then I feel really self conscious about my arched back and it's like, I need you to communicate.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Use your words.

[B]

100%.

[D]

That's pure of heart that you didn't

[B]

think I wanted to find. I'm slightly upset. I'm processing now that I'm slightly upset. Because your wrong turn is basically that the two hottest people at your university wanted to have sex with you and then you had an amazing night of really great sex and then just went to work afterwards. How dare you? Dare you. Do you know the kind of horror stories that people tell on this show? How they have shit up their own backs all the way up to the neck. And then you came onto my podcast. They never basically just to let everyone. Oh, I'm so, I'm so sorry that your first ever threesome that you were hunted down for by two like supermodel like demigods that oh, you had a threesome and it was amazing. But then you like didn't get.

[C]

But then I found work the next day.

[B]

Oh, cry me a river. We're going to a break. You misunderstood this. I mean off. This is Ayo Akemwaleere from the Athletic FC podcast. Buying a car should be exciting, not exhausting.

[C]

And if you're looking for a gleaming

[B]

SUV to replace your old banger or you're taking the plunge on going electric, the good news is you can buy your car completely online on Autotrader.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Just go to autotrader.com and get picky. Search through dealer listings for the make, model, color and the features that matter to you. Then just drop in your info and you'll see all the cars that fit your budget. Really? Once you've found the car of your dreams, you can have it delivered to your driveway or you can pick it up at the dealership. Really? So buy your next car entirely online on autotrader. Head to autotrader.com or search the Autotrader app.

[A]

Hey, I'm Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad and I want to talk to you about Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Because when it comes to fighting cat odor, they are the champs. Like what? Smell the litter box was my biggest fear when I got my kitty, Daphne. But since I started using Arm and Hammer cat litter, I don't notice any cat smell. I always feel confident about anyone stopping by, whether it's my friends or my family or even people in my building. So for my fellow cat parents, be guest ready with Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

[C]

Son's out so dads are too this Father's day at Lowe's. Shop the gear that'll make his summer. Get 2 free select Dewalt power tools when you buy a select 5amp hour battery kit for weekends in the garage. Plus get a free Blackstone 6 piece stainless steel griddle kit when you buy a select Blackstone griddle. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 624 while supplies last selection varies by location.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

And we're back. Connor, please tell me you have an actual wrong turn.

[D]

Wait. I'm worried that it's like, not. But if it's bad, we'll change the ending. We can change the ending in post. We'll change the end, and then we'll

[C]

never see this episode. And that's okay.

[D]

In the ending, I kill a man, but I get away with it. And have you also come on here to brag? Mine is about as threesome as well. I hate gay guys. I hate gay guys. It's all. It's all we have to share with the world is that we have threesome.

[B]

Okay, tell me how amazingly well your threesome went.

[D]

Well, it was not amazing, and it was a competition and it was out of spite. And so. But I.

[C]

But.

[D]

Okay, so I don't know if this is a coherent story, but we'll figure it out. And if it's not, cut it. Okay, so you're like, I get paid. Like, no. Like, we, our advertisers need a coherent story, so we'll try to do this. Okay, so my. I was dating this guy and we were, like, on and off. That was like, kind of. Our whole thing was breaking up. And then it was the summer and we, like, broke up, and he was, like, going to Fire island with this, like, other guy, but then we, like, hooked up. We, like, got back together. And then he's like, I want you to come to Fire island with me. And I was like, but you're going with, like, that other guy that works at Columbia University. And did you know the other guy? No, but there's not that many of us, you know, so, like, I love him. I was like, yeah, I know the time Instagram stalks. Yeah, yeah. And it was not very interesting, but all love. And then so he was like, shady little.

[B]

All love after that. He's very welcome on this show.

[D]

Yeah, all love.

[B]

And he was ugly, but all love.

[D]

And he was ugly and worked on, like, higher education. Boring and sorry. Like, any gay guy could work in higher. But that is more interesting than marketing. It doesn't matter. And then so I was. Every gay guy works in marketing and then hates their job and is like, if you hate your job, work at a bank if you're gonna hate your job, make money, please. Like, does. Okay, cut this. And then.

[B]

So keep it in, keep it in, keep it in.

[D]

I'm sorry, I, like, need to have a nervous break.

[B]

Yeah, this is going to be.

[D]

Usually going to Vyvans ad for this. This one episode. Okay. And then so he was like, I really want you to come to Fire island with me. And I'd never been to Fire island and And I was like, but you're going with that other guy. And he's like, I'll tell him you can't come. I'll tell him you can't come anymore. And then so he uninvites this other guy.

[B]

An amazing rush, I imagine.

[D]

Well, yes. And then, like, it was. And I'm an alcoholic, and I was sober at the time, and I do feel like all of this was just, like, little shots of tequila where it's like, he's obsessed with me. He's uninviting this other guy. We're going to Fire Island. And then we go to Fire Island. We stay in this, like, really insane shack that would never pass a Department of Buildings test anywhere other than Fire island and just really ready to blow in the way, in the wind at any time. And we're staying there. And it's like, it's romantic, it's hot, it's heavy. We're like. We're in love. And then I guess. And you think you are, you know, and have you been to Fire Island?

[C]

I have, yeah.

[D]

You like it, right? Exactly. Exactly.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

So we're, like, going to the underwear party.

[B]

This is, by the way, just for anyone who doesn't know. Would you want to just quickly explain what Fire island is?

[D]

Fire island, that's where gay people go in the summer to break up with one another. And it's. It's like gay people, as well as Kelly Ripa is also there, and that's kind of. And there is, like, a lesbian part, but they, like, don't. Like, I'm not.

[B]

Like, there's like, eight of them.

[D]

There's like eight. And like, that's always where I'm trying to go because, like, I feel very safe with a group of lesbians. But they're.

[C]

They're like, no, thanks.

[D]

They're unenthused. And I understand. I get it. I wouldn't be either. And so I get it. And so we're, like, going to the underwear party. And like, the thing is, like, with parties is, like, I like clothed buns. And we're, like, going. And he gives me, like, special underwear. Like, I'm sex negative. And I know. I know that's bad. And I know we should be sex positive. It's obviously a sex positive podcast with the way I said obviously was crazy.

[B]

It's obviously sex negative as well, I think.

[D]

No. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I just think, like, they're in this. Any gay guy.

[B]

If I see sex in a movie, I want to, like, I'm done.

[D]

Turn it off kill myself.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Any gay.

[B]

My boyfriend has to like fast forward through the sex scene.

[D]

Literally get rid of it together. But he's just like, oh, no, I don't want that. I want true, like, no, I'm over it.

[B]

I want a champagne, like cork popping. I want a wave crashing. I don't want. Give us any of that. Yeah, right.

[D]

So like, I feel like I'm sex negative. But we have enough sex positive people. Like, it's. It's almost more progressive to be sex negative at this point.

[B]

I agree.

[D]

Yeah. And then. So we're going to the underwear party

[C]

and he gives you a pair of underwear.

[D]

Yes, yes. Which was neon yellow, which really is not good for my skin tone, if you can imagine.

[B]

That wouldn't work for you at all.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

I was kind of trying to. Undermining me a little bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's almost saying like, you're being so up.

[D]

Yeah. And it's kind of like, oh, so what? No one else will look at me. Good. Because I know I'm in neon yellow underwear. And it's like said pump in big letters. Gross. A deliverable even pump. Insane. And like, I'm not like, I don't have underwear. Like the front or the back? The front.

[C]

No.

[D]

Cuz like, I like, like, I'm like, I like boxers. Like, I love, like I'm a boxers guy. Like. Yeah. And like I. There's probably some sort of code switching.

[B]

Explicit.

[D]

Yeah. And we go. And the underwear party is just like all these gay guys and they like literally lock your clothes in a bag. Like when you see like a comedy show and they lock your phone or something, they like lock your clothes in those. But you can't have your phone, by the way. That's fine. I think it's insane to know how devalued.

[B]

Where do you put your phone?

[D]

You just hold it and you're just like.

[C]

Or you know, just put it.

[D]

It's like. Yeah, you can like put it in your.

[C]

It's like a clutch.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Some guys do have it like on a thing around there. Like a necklace around there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And we go in and I just like hate it. I'm like, I was like, not meant to be here. I feel so anxious. I'm like reminded of all the things that are wrong with me, like, including. We're not limited to anxiety. And I was like, I just don't think I was meant to be in my underwear in public in such a way. And like, I think it's great that you Are. And then so I kind of like, make him leave. I don't make him. I just like, hey, like, I don't really want to be here. Like, I'm going to go back. And then so I'm there for fully nine minutes and then we leave. And I feel like he's, like, really mad about it. And then we go and get ice cream, which is like, okay, romantic because, like, I think it's daddy issues. Because, like, that's like my dad would do is take me to get. I don't think it's issues if your dad was nice to you. I think it's like, oh, it's just a nice thing. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

If you want someone like your dad and he was nice to you, that's actually daddy. What's the opposite of an issue? A solution. That's daddy's solution.

[B]

Agreed. Oh, my God, that is amazing.

[D]

Daddy solution. Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah. So we get ice cream. And then the next day he's, like, kind of upset because, like, he wanted to, like, so we're, like, kind of tense now because, like, it was very important to him to have affirmation from CIS gay guy, hot guy community. Does this make sense? Yeah.

[C]

Clocked.

[D]

That was very important to him.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And it made me feel weird because it's like, it really matters to you that these people like you. But it's like, well, I love you and I'm right here.

[C]

What about me?

[D]

And I'm on television sometimes for brief periods of time. And it's like, does that mean nothing? I met her more like. Yeah. And Kevin Hart thinks I could change people's mind. And, like, you don't care about me. So, like, then the next night we go to this, like, other club and, like, we're just so tense and we, like, get into this giant screaming match. And why? Well, I thought he was talking shit about me. Sorry. That it comes out that I'm crazy. I think. I thought he was like, we went to the underwear party, but Connor hated it. We had to leave. And then he was like, shut the fuck. Like, whatever. Like, why would you say that? Also, by the way, I'm sober, like, fully sober the entire time.

[B]

And he is.

[D]

Whatever. He's like a drinker, which, like a normal amount, sometimes, whatever. And then.

[A]

So.

[D]

But like, like, I'm like, observing this. The only thing I'm clouded by is my own, like, mental problems, which, like, so I guess you could argue it's under the influence of something, but, like, not Like, I'm so. My eyes are clear.

[B]

And then you seem absolutely fine.

[D]

Thank you for saying that. That's sarcastic. I did pass a psyche vow to be on Kevin Hart, but I lied and I lied the whole time. And then so we end up getting in a screaming match and then it ends with him being like, I want us to get a third. And then I was like, oh, you want us to get a third? Same. And then so we're just like looking for a third.

[C]

That was his solution, to get a third?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, the argument was to find a third.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Was that sort of dilute you and the intensity? What's going on?

[D]

I don't like. Why does any man want a third? I don't know. I don't. That's such an interesting, like to keep it interesting.

[B]

I think it's just Fire island, isn't it? It's like what happens in Fire island stays in Fire Island. Everyone feels braver there. Do you know what I mean?

[D]

Yes, yes. It really, it, it, it's. And then cuz like when you leave, like leaving Fire island feels like the end of an A24 film where you're like, I feel changed. I don't know for better or for worse, but I know that I'll never live another day as I have up until this moment.

[B]

Yeah. And you look out of the plane window like, like you touch Fire Island.

[D]

Oh, you're flying into Fire.

[C]

You could be taking the ferry, but no, we taking a London.

[B]

Like, you know, I just love you.

[D]

Get flown.

[B]

Fly like you and Kelly Ripa get flown into Fire. I would like to be dropped in via sort of hot air balloon next. That is what I plan.

[C]

Oh my God, the Willy Wonka fire.

[B]

I'm just imagining like a young British gay boy, like just touching the window of the plane as he flies back to England. Like, goodbye.

[D]

That's really. That's sweet. So we should write that and we'll wait.

[B]

Okay, so what happens?

[D]

So then we have a third. We have a third with this guy who's just like a property manager. Five, four, property manager, kind of a rescue. And then we take him in and all love to the short kings out there and not all love again. And I just like some people when they hear this, I think that they're kind of like, oh, you had sex and you didn't want to. Relax, relax, we're good. I did want to and enough. I wanted. I didn't know that I wanted to have sex, but I wanted to win. I wanted to win this. So I hooked up with this man like, like, and I was like, oh, you want a threesome? I'll show you how much this person wants me to give a. About you. And. Which was true. And then. So I feel like I kind of won the threesome. And. And then that was it. Then, like, everyone kind of like. And then we sent him on his.

[B]

Everyone kind of what, like, came?

[D]

Yeah, we came.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

We could say. Come on here.

[B]

Yes, you can say whatever you want.

[D]

We came. We all came one time. It was late, and so we all came once.

[B]

No, I'm joking, please.

[D]

Yeah, and we all came, and then he kind of just, like, sent that guy, like, on his way. We woke up the next day and, like, just, like, looked at each other, like, to the other thing with deep shame. Just deep shame. And. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Then we, like, never talked about it. And then on the boat ride home, it was kind of like, this was a mistake. I did not need to have a threesome, and I don't need to be obsessed with this man. Why was I so excited to be brought to Fire island by a person who doesn't even care about me? Yeah. Was that a wrong term?

[B]

Opposite. I think that is. That's much more of a wrong turn than whatever it was. Yeah, 100%. I. 100% think.

[C]

God, you're competitive.

[D]

No, this is the problem with our community. We're competitive with each other.

[B]

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Did you make all of that up just so that your story would be more of a wrong turn?

[D]

No, it was. I feel like I probably was worse in real life. The story actually probably makes me sound

[B]

better, but didn't make you sound amazing, for whatever it's worth.

[D]

Yes, I was so, like. I was, like, addicted to him.

[B]

Definitely. Paint yourself as, like, the victim.

[D]

I would. Right. Which is important to do sometimes, but

[B]

do you feel like you were more of a villain in the real event?

[D]

I think I was. No, I think, like, he was such a loser, to be honest. Like. Yeah. Like. Yeah.

[C]

I think he lost as soon as he gave you those bright yellow Pump. Pump.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Underwear. That was such a no.

[D]

I know.

[C]

You're the hero of that story.

[D]

Thank you for saying that.

[C]

Do you still have that.

[D]

The underwear? I do have the underwear. No, I still have the underwear.

[C]

You still have it?

[D]

I have the underwear, and he has my Philadelphia Eagle shirt. And when they won the Super Bowl, I was like, I bet. I hope he's not wearing my Eagle shirt that my mom gave me. I'm from Philly. And. And so he's like, I guess, like, code switching as a Philly person. I don't know. And I have his Brooklyn marathon. He ran the Brooklyn half. I would never do that. So I have his Brooklyn marathon. Half marathon. Not full, but the same thing with this guy. So then he ran a full marathon. And I was like, kind of. He was like, raising money for something. Susan G. Komen. And then so. Which is amazing. But, like, I go and I, like, look at his donations. And the first donation says, I'm proud of you. From another gay guy that I dated that I had no idea that they knew each other. Everyone that hates me banding together to raise money for Susan G. Komen Foundation. What do you do when that happens?

[B]

Nightmare.

[A]

It's awful.

[B]

I'm just sad that you had a. Like, Fire island is so not supposed to be all of that depth.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's just not supposed to. You know what I mean? It's not supposed to be, like, sad and arguments and then revenge. I mean, a revenge threesome is in fact, quite Fire Island. But you're not supposed to wake up feeling, like, dirty and weird about it afterwards.

[D]

I know. I guess, like.

[B]

And so I'm sad for that. And therefore it qualifies as a real wrong turn, Oscar. All right. For fuck's sake. There you go. There you go. An actual sad story. Thank you very much.

[C]

I don't think it's sad.

[B]

Yours is like, oh, and then everyone loved my big dick in my threesome. I am appalled. But also, as you desired, incredibly impressed by you. All right. Hell, Jesus Christ. Can't believe what a great time you had. And you're clearly a great shag as well. And you were young, and I was young. I hadn't even had an orgasm yet. At that age. Giving them all round.

[C]

Do I miss the people?

[D]

I. I'm Demi. I think I would miss them a lot. Like, I think I would. Like, what I've realized is, I think it means. Am I right here? I think it means that you have to be emotionally attracted to a person to you have sex with them. I mean, you can have sex with anybody. And we are. And like. But I feel like gay people are. And Sorry. And. But I feel like you have Demi's. Like, I have to feel you. I have to be emotionally invested in you.

[C]

Like, the person doesn't matter what gender they are. You're attracted to the personality. No.

[B]

Well, I'm sapio.

[D]

You're intelligence.

[B]

Why is that different? Yeah. So it's anyone's brain I'm attracted to. So it doesn't matter their gender. I'm Just, like, attracted to who someone is, is.

[D]

So I'm like that. Except for they could be really stupid and I would still be. So they could be super dumb.

[C]

Golden retriever. Brain in, goldfish, brain in. Got it.

[D]

That has killed me.

[B]

You've both been fucking delightful. So fucking delightful. It's been so much fun getting to know you both. Before you go. We love, love to have our listeners join in with the fun. It's called Misery Loves Company and they write in. And this one is from Rob today. Rob says, I had a long time platonic friend, Stephanie. She said she always thought of me as a brother, even though I had a secret crush on her.

[D]

Oh, Rob.

[B]

I told myself if I ever told her, it might jeopardize our friendship. And then came the fateful night that she texted me around midnight asking if I was up for a very specific booty call. I couldn't believe my luck. I raced over and knocked on her apartment door. She opened the door, looking very confused, saying, oh, shit, wrong Rob.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And that killed the friendship. Fuck me and my common name. Oh, Rob.

[D]

She needs to learn to just kind of, like, go with the flow.

[C]

Yeah. What?

[D]

Like, just do it. It's not his role, just him, just the guy. Be like, yeah, it's the wrong Rob. Internalize that. Like, for the love.

[B]

Which incel platform did you learn that logic from?

[D]

Wait, you agree, right?

[C]

Love the man show.

[D]

I. I'm here to represent the manosphere. Thank you for having me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I feel like she should have been like, oh, it's funny. We can laugh about that. That. But, like, yeah, let's. I. I feel I've been.

[B]

I've been her. I've done it. I. I did it with a member of the 1975.

[D]

Oh, my God. No way.

[B]

Like, his mum had told me that he had a crush on me. Like, I bumped into her somewhere and, like, so I knew and, like, multiple people had been mentioning that he had a crush on me. Had a crush on me. And so then I bumped into him at a festival that I was, like, hosting at and he was playing at, and then he wanted to exchange numbers and I was like, fucking fine. I have to run into you at work all the time and I don't want to be. And you're really nice, but I'm not interested. So I exchange numbers, but I don't save his number because I don't plan on ever using his number. But I also have exchanged numbers with my producer who I'm there with, whose number I also haven't saved. This is a common problem in my life. I don't save anyone's numbers. I just love to, like, raw dog life.

[C]

I'm the same way.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I don't see divorce either. Cause I think it's like, I just don't know who's gonna stick around, you know what I mean? It's like, who's gonna be here?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so somehow I end up texting. Well, I text what I think is my producer, like, hey, do you want to meet at the bar at midnight? Because we both have crazy jet lag. We've just come in from, like, Los Angeles. This is like, Barcelona. And I'm like, hey, do you want to meet at the bar at midnight to go, like, get a little snack? Which in my accident. Do you want to go get a little snack at midnight? Which I texted my producer, who is a gay guy, so isn't going to think anything of it, accidentally send it to this member of the 1975. He was like, oh, my God, absolutely. And that went very badly. And no, I didn't then just fuck him because I'd made a mistake. So, yeah, like, my bad.

[D]

Here you go.

[C]

Same. Here you go.

[D]

Here you go.

[C]

Wait, what was the feeling? That feeling of sucking?

[B]

Mortified. Especially because it was someone who had expressed, like, to other. Multiple other people for almost a year that they had a big crush on me. So what did you say? I was just like, I'm so sorry, this terrible mistake. It was a clerical error. And, like, the. The more apologetic I was, like, the worse and more embarrassing it became. And then we have never spoken ever again. And that was like 12 years ago.

[D]

I feel like I'd be like, wait, I'm out of town. But when I'm back in town. And then when you're back in town, you're very busy because of work, and then that goes on forever. And then everyone's upset and then everyone dies. Everyone's sad, and then we all die.

[B]

You two are absolutely delightful. Rob, that was an absolutely legendary wrong turn. I'm so sorry. Thank you for bringing some actual bad news to the podcast today and understanding the assignment. Oscar, will you tell everyone where they can find you and where they can watch and listen to?

[C]

Yes, you can find me at social media Ozzy Mozzymo on Instagram and bluesky. And I am also a co host of Drag Her Podcast, Drag Race Podcast Recap Podcast, and also your evangelist at Eurovision podcast as well. You can follow us at EuroVangelist and

[B]

drag her Podcast and Oscar's really good in bed.

[C]

I'm really good in bed.

[B]

Connor, tell everyone where they can find you.

[D]

Okay. Instagram. Onnor C O N O R Janda J A N D A like panda with a J. I'm doing an international headlining tour only because it's America and Vancouver and so one Canadian date. And I'd love to see you, especially if you live in Texas, Houston, Dallas, the South. I'd really like for you to buy tickets. Tickets. And that's fine. If you can't get tickets in San Francisco, maybe fly to the South. And that's actually it.

[B]

That's amazing the way that you tell your stories without coming up for like, I don't know if you have gills or something, but I don't know when you're breathing. But it is one of the most entertaining things I've ever seen. I was like, is he a deep sea diver? I was like, he hasn't taken a fucking breath in like.

[D]

My history is in Pilates instruction. I worked at, I studied a solid core. Yeah, I'm on there being like, in nine seconds you're at the end. But that's how you talk. So it's like, I like, wait, how

[C]

do you talk like that?

[D]

You just like, you don't breathe, you keep going. You talk the entire time. But I feel like it's made me really annoying on stage because I talk like that. So I like, don't take breaths and I just keep going. But some people do like it. Women like it.

[B]

I think it's absolutely. Because it sounds like a woman's internal monologue. We're just being like, do I look bad?

[D]

That's so funny. People were like, this makes my ADHD brain feel really at peace. And I was like, oh my God, I should be doing like call mat for the ADHD people.

[B]

I felt like you were speaking at a normal pace. Even though I was objectively able to realize it was insane. I was like, this is the I.

[D]

This is why we need women. Stand up. Need Women need to see stand up. Oh my God. I love using this platform for this. We need women to come see stand up women and gay people. We need you. Your buying power in the standup world or we will only ever have straight guys stand ups.

[B]

And they don't understand how Connor speaks.

[D]

They don't get it. They don't get it. The tone of my voice doesn't register with that.

[B]

I agree. I agree. I 100% less Botox, more going, stand out.

[D]

Save your money. Kevin, what was right about you thank you Kevin. Thank you Kevin.

[B]

Let's just leave it on that. Bye. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster stories. You can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a sub stack. It's called A Low Desire to Please. That's Enough of me. I'm gonna Fuck off now. By.

[D]

Foreign

[A]

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[C]

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