Transcript

Jameela Jamil (0:00)

So good, so good, so good.

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Jameela Jamil (1:15)

Hello, and welcome to Wrong Turns, the show where dignity goes to die. I am always joined by my favorite funny people to tell me their tales of woes that all of us feel less alone in this world of terror and trauma and humiliation. And joining me today, we have a producer, writer, podcaster, and comedian who co created the Museum of Curiosity and is a co host of the wildly popular podcast no Such Thing as a Fish. It's Dan Schreiber.

Dan Schreiber (1:38)

Yay. Thank you.

Jameela Jamil (1:39)

Claps for Dan.

Jameela Jamil (1:43)

Okay, I'm also thrilled to welcome a writer, podcaster, and comedian who is also a co host of no Such Thing as a Fish, and he hosts the podcast the Naked Week. He's a writer for Private Eye, and his latest novel is A Beginner's Guide to Breaking and Entering. It's Andrew Hunter. Hello. Hello.

Andrew Hunter (1:58)

Wow. Wow.

Jameela Jamil (2:00)

Actively booing is new.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Dan Schreiber and Andrew Hunter
Date: December 4, 2025
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Dan Schreiber & Andrew Hunter

Episode Overview

This episode of Wrong Turns features comedians, podcasters, and writers Dan Schreiber and Andrew Hunter, both co-hosts of the acclaimed podcast No Such Thing As A Fish. The trio revel in stories of humiliation, misfortune, and personal disasters, eschewing moral lessons for sheer schadenfreude and camaraderie. Listeners are treated to outrageous anecdotes about accidental faux pas, embarrassing gigs, and the small but deeply felt humiliations of daily life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The “Longest Relationship” and Touring Life

Jameela kicks off by noting Dan and Andrew’s long professional history, joking about their “colleague” status and the “curse” of never being in a relationship at the same time in the past (03:01).
Dan remarks: “We’ve probably spent more nights in hotel rooms with each other than we have with our own wives.” (02:34)
The group riffs on their marriages, pandemic weddings, and awkward costuming choices.

Are They Disaster Prone?

Andrew describes Dan as a “pattern spotter” and “amazing for stories,” someone to whom “mad things happen” (04:24).
Dan embraces disaster as “a fundamental fun thing in life,” providing all the best dinner party stories—especially now as a parent (05:03).

Karaoke Catastrophe: Dan’s Parenting Disaster

Dan shares a story about his son karaokeing “Greased Lightning,” obliviously singing the X-rated lyrics to a roomful of parents (05:22–06:30).
- “She’s a real pussy wagon is one of the lines that my son had.” – Dan (05:48)
- “Did he just say ‘pussy’?” – Jameela (06:21)
The group howls over the awkwardness, with Andrew quipping that Dan’s (nonexistent) parenting podcast would be “off the chain” (06:33).

Miscellaneous Embarrassments: Buggies and Dog Prams

Dan explains the shame of pushing an empty buggy, earning dirty looks from strangers (07:19).
Jameela confesses to pushing her dog in a special pram due to its bad back, drawing baffled stares and judgment (07:25–07:55).
- “There are very few areas where there’s enough socioeconomic heft to have a special dog pram in it to be normal.” – Andrew (07:41)

The Jude Law Incident

Andrew shares his “Jude Law moment”: being mistaken for a waiter by Jude Law at a literary festival and playing along, only to later appear on the dancefloor, confusing the actor further (09:01–10:03).
- “And then later on in the night he sees me on the dance floor… I can see him saying, ‘Why is that waiter on the dance floor?’” – Andrew (10:01)

Jameela’s Topshop Waitress Debacle

Jameela recounts attending a swanky party wearing the exact dress as the waiting staff, eventually just working the event to save face (10:06–11:14).
- “It will actually be easier for me to just work.” – Jameela (10:50)

Micro-Humiliations

Andrew admits to being a “bouncer” at children’s parties as a teenager, which led to utter chaos and eventually the police being called (15:00–18:49).
- “I once got mugged by—I would say he was 12—during a riot…” – Andrew (18:22)
Dan reveals his childhood nickname in Hong Kong, “Dan Dan,” literally means “testicles” in Chinese, which he only learned in his twenties (13:31).
Dan’s blunder in name selection: after giving himself the middle name “Indiana Craig,” a friend points out his initials spell “dicks.” (14:00)

Major Wrong Turn Stories

Ostentatious at the Aquarium and London Eye (Andrew)

Andrew details humiliating early gigs with the improv show Ostentatious.
- Performing in front of a fish tank at London Zoo, audience ignoring the show to look at fish (24:29–25:34).
- On the London Eye, their Jane Austen improv show is ignored by guests more interested in speed dating and the view. The show unravels as everyone awkwardly pretends it isn’t happening (26:15–27:48).
  - “It’s for people who want to listen, not people who want to fuck.” – Jameela (26:37)
- The misery of watching other pods have a good time (28:00).
- An elderly woman’s review: “That’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen.” (29:00)

The Eucalyptus Oil Incident (Dan)

Dan describes accidentally poisoning himself to test if his son had ingested eucalyptus oil (34:45–39:14).
- “I grabbed the bottle off him and I downed it. I chucked a bunch into my mouth and screamed with pain… Okay, I don’t think he drank it.” – Dan (35:48)
- Hospital staff nearly send him for self-harm evaluation due to his convoluted explanation (38:01).

The Trousers Mix-Up

Dan’s micro-humiliation: a romantic moment gone wrong when his date, stroking his hairy leg, thinks he’s still wearing trousers (19:14–20:40).
- “She leant into my ear, whispered in a really sexy voice… ‘Well, now let’s get you out of those trousers.’” – Dan (20:17)

Confrontation Over Food

The trio riff on the agony of British confrontation, with Andrew’s story of returning a too-small sausage (29:28–31:38) and Jameela’s horrifying revelation about kitchen staff spiking returned food with “pube chafe.” (31:53–32:50)

Bodily Shame, Doctors, and Fame

Jameela talks about the difficulty of seeking medical care as a celebrity, particularly when required to provide stool samples (41:08–41:31).
Dan’s “star” moment: His feces is on display in the Isle of Wight “Poozeum” (41:39–43:03).
- “They have a pooquarium where they get celebrity poos… You’ve got to send a Code Brown.” – Dan (41:39)

Listener Story: Nosebleed Nightmare

Listener Ali writes in about getting a nosebleed during a hot-and-heavy hookup—her crush leaves, never checking if she’s okay (46:44–47:38).

The Lovestuck Musical and Embarrassment-as-Art

Discussion of the infamous “Lovestruck” story (toilet mishap immortalized in a musical), emphasizing how embarrassment can be transformed into art and shared humanity (47:43–48:24).

On Embracing Shame

Dan cites Dale Carnegie’s diary of “damned foolish things,” noting the importance of owning and sharing mistakes as part of life (49:37–49:54).
- “I just tell them on my podcast.” – Jameela (49:54)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I love having close friends on the podcast at the same time because they’re able to verify information about one another, throw each other under the bus.” – Jameela (03:50)
“Disaster, I think, is a fundamental fun thing in life.” – Dan (05:03)
“She was like, ‘Where’s the button? Where are the flies?’” – Dan on his faux trouser removal, (21:03)
“I’d rather die of bowel cancer than shit in this cup for you.” – Jameela (41:31)
“You have mass shooter written all over you… It would just be one tiny thing that tips you over the edge, like a tiny sausage.” – Jameela (30:56)
“If you can ensure that people are there to see you, you’ll have an okay time, even if it goes badly.” – Andrew (26:15)
“Rejection is protection, Ali.” – Jameela (47:44)
“Do you know Dale Carnegie, who wrote How to Make Friends and Influence People? He used to keep a diary called Damned Foolish Things I’ve Done…” – Dan (49:37)

Timestamps for Major Segments

[01:15] – Episode Intro and guest banter
[05:22] – Dan’s Greased Lightning Karaoke Disaster
[07:19] – Dan’s Empty Buggy Embarrassment & Jameela’s Dog Pram Stories
[09:01] – Andrew’s Jude Law Waiter Story
[10:06] – Jameela’s Waitress Dress Incident
[15:00] – Andrew’s Teen Bouncer Mishap
[19:14] – Dan’s “Trousers” Mix-Up Story
[22:50] – Andrew’s Ostentatious Gig Horror at London Zoo & London Eye
[34:45] – Dan’s Eucalyptus Oil Self-Poisoning
[41:39] – Dan’s Poop in the Poozeum
[46:44] – Listener Disaster Story: The Nosebleed Hookup
[47:43] – “Lovestruck” Musical Chat

Where to Find the Guests

Dan Schreiber: @Schreiberland on Instagram; Podcasts: No Such Thing as a Fish, We Can Be Weirdos; Live show: This Changes Everything
Andrew Hunter: @N_DrewHunter_M on social media; Latest novel: A Beginner’s Guide to Breaking and Entering
Jameela Jamil: Podcast archive, Substack (A Low Desire to Please), and YouTube for full-length videos

Summary

This raucous and relatable installment of Wrong Turns is a celebration of indignity, accidental disasters, and the importance of laughing at one’s own messes. From awkward karaoke and over-enthusiastic improv gigs to hospital visits for self-inflicted idiocy, Jameela, Dan, and Andrew prove once again that disaster is not only inevitable—it’s often hilarious, and sharing it makes us all feel a little less alone.