Daphnique Springs and Matt Braunger

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Daphnique Springs and Matt Braunger
Date: March 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this riotously candid episode, Jameela Jamil sits down with comedians Matt Braunger and Daphnique Springs to unpack their most disastrous personal stories—no lessons learned, just sheer revelry in awkwardness, debauchery, and ill-fated decisions. From messy affairs to failing at living the “soft life,” the episode is a gleeful confessional where “dignity goes to die,” delivering both cringe and cackles in equal measure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Embracing Disaster as Comedy (02:21 - 05:35)

• Jameela opens by asking, “What’s your attitude towards disaster? Love it, loathe it?”
  • Daphnique: Believes disaster makes you a better person, jokes about serial killers not having enough struggle as kids and thus “create disaster.”
  • Matt: Agrees, highlighting that experiences of adversity are central to becoming a comic.
• Discussion on how long it takes to find the funny in a personal disaster.
  • Daphnique: "It takes a little time… When you’re in the midst of it, you’re like, ‘yo, why me? Why not that bitch over there?’" (04:22)
  • Jameela: Admits to wishing bad luck would fall on others, not just herself.

2. Wrong Turns and “Side Chick” Confessions: Matt’s Story (07:48 - 24:49)

The Affair and Wedding Catastrophe (07:48 - 24:49)

• Matt Braunger shares his “wrong turn”: attending the wedding of a woman with whom he was having an on-and-off affair.
  • “I went to a wedding I never should have gone to. It was a woman I was having an affair with.” (07:48)
  • Gets drunk at the wedding, is spotted by the woman’s family (who all know about the affair), makes a scene on the dance floor.
  • Finds himself sitting in a closet, emotionally wrecked, and is rescued by a friend.
• Big Reveal: The woman Matt had the affair with divorced her husband four months after the wedding, and Matt is now married to her.
  • “Okay. So she’s my wife now.” (20:00)

Reflections on Guilt, Chaos, and Outcomes

• Matt discusses the guilt and pain, but also how “they say the butterfly effect is real… if I did not go there and just publicly embarrass myself at a wedding…who knows?” (22:24)

On Judgement and Dignity

• Memorable moment: Matt refuses to let anonymous listeners judge his wife: “Just do not shit on my wife, okay?... It’s always someone that’s like 20, nothing, 21.” (23:41 – 24:01)

3. Daphnique’s “Soft Life” Dream Deferred (26:39 – 41:46)

The Sugar Baby Chronicles

• Daphnique Springs recounts meeting the “love of her life” at a mansion party in Orange County and embarking on a lavish romance with a dentist who showered her with gifts.
  • “He said, every time I see you, I will give you a gift.” (30:30)
  • Learns from her older friend: always take the gifts, even if you don’t like them—“you can always sell it.” (30:42-30:47)

Discovery of Deceit

• While exchanging a gift at Versace, a sales associate recognizes the name and confronts her: “She called me his wife’s name, and she said, ‘Who are you? These are my clients.’” (37:07)
• Confronts her boyfriend, who admits: “Yeah, but you’re my girlfriend.” (39:19)

Dreams Shattered; Lessons in Due Diligence

• Reflection: “It murdered all my dreams of this man actually being my husband, and me living the soft life.” (39:24)
• Daphnique now does extensive research before dating: uses background check sites and LinkedIn, even calls workplaces to verify. (42:03 – 42:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Darkness of Comedy:
  • Jameela: "There is a darkness to comedians that I really enjoy…so we can have our own little unapologetic world of just darkness and filth and absolutely no wisdom gained." (03:41)
• Daphnique on Looking for Wisdom:
  • "When you’re in the midst of it, you’re like, yo, why me?... You ever have…you’re walking down the street and the homeless guy’s like, hey, and coughs. You be like, why me? Why not him?" (04:22)
• Matt’s Wrong Turn:
  • “I went to a wedding I never should have gone to. It was a woman I was having an affair with.” (07:48)
  • “So she’s my wife now.” (20:00)
• Daphnique’s Wrong Turn:
  • “He said, every time I see you, I will give you a gift.” (30:30)
  • On discovering the truth: “Yeah, but you’re my girlfriend.” (39:19)
  • "It murdered all my dreams of this man actually being my husband, and me living the soft life." (39:24)
• Jameela’s sign-off on Daphnique’s story:
  • “Her brain needs to be studied in universities. You’re the most unique person I’ve ever met.” (41:31)
• On Background Checks in Dating:
  • Daphnique: "Now you have to go to people search and all this kind of stuff… then you forget to cancel the subscription and then they start charging you 39 a month." (42:03)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:21 – Opening thoughts on disaster
• 07:48 – Matt begins his “wrong turn” wedding story
• 20:00 – Matt reveals: “She’s my wife now.”
• 26:39 – Daphnique shares her “wrong turn”
• 30:30-30:47 – Sugar baby wisdom: always take the gift
• 37:07 – Versace encounter: wife revealed
• 39:19 – The girlfriend revelation
• 42:03 – Modern dating detective work
• 45:37 – Jameela reads a “wrong turn” news story: hand stuck in boyfriend’s mouth
• 47:19 – Episode close and where to find the guests

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Final Thoughts

Jameela, Matt, and Daphnique revel in their most comically painful life choices—with no attempt to find redemption or meaning, just laughter and solidarity in the messiness of human behavior. The episode is a celebration of the absurd, the embarrassing, and the outright wrong turns that ultimately connect us.

Where to Find the Guests:

• Daphnique Springs: imdsprings.com
• Matt Braunger: mattbraunger.com, @Braunger on social media

Memorable Sign-Off:
“Side chicks unite. Before we go, where can people find you?” (47:54)

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“You’re both amazing. We’ve all bonded. You’ve both been the side chick and I think that is something that I did not expect to come out of today.”
— Jameela Jamil (47:42)

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For First-Time Listeners

If you’ve never tuned in, this episode encapsulates why “Wrong Turns” is a haven for the openly imperfect—a space where disaster is not taboo and finding yourself on the fringes of propriety means you’re in very good company.

Transcript

[Matt Bronger]

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[Lowe's Advertiser]

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[Jameela Jamil]

Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns. This podcast is a party for our most miserable moments. Things that happen to us that have no great silver lining, no great wisdom to be learned from them. I'm thrilled to be able to welcome my guest today. Joining me is comedian, actor and writer from shows like Black Ish, Agent Carter and Upload. He's nationally touring comedian and his most recent comedy album is entitled Doug. Hello and welcome, Matt Brauna.

[Daphneque Springs]

Hello.

[Jameela Jamil]

How are you?

[Lowe's Advertiser]

How are you?

[Matt Braunger]

I'm great. Yeah. Happy to be here.

[Jameela Jamil]

Good. Lovely to see you. I'm enjoying the double denim very much.

[Matt Braunger]

Thank you. Yeah, I didn't mean to go Canadian tux, but I did.

[Jameela Jamil]

I hugely appreciate it. That's very good. And we also have with us actress, writer, and also a nationally touring comedian. You can watch her comedy special Single Female it's outrageous on YouTube. And she hosts the unapologetically Daphneque podcast. It's Daphneque Springs.

[Daphneque Springs]

Hello. Hey, what's up?

[Paige Desorbo]

How you doing?

[Daphneque Springs]

Good.

[Jameela Jamil]

Nice to meet you in person finally.

[Daphneque Springs]

Nice to meet you in person too. You look just like your photos.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hopefully you mean that in a good way.

[Daphneque Springs]

Absolutely.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, I'm thrilled to have you both here. Now, we always get started by just kind of. I just want to kind of suss you out. Right. What's your attitude towards disaster? Love it. Loathe it.

[Daphneque Springs]

I think disaster makes you a Better person, I would agree. Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, for sure.

[Daphneque Springs]

I think that's the reason why you get serial killers. Because if you think about it, their childhood didn't really have as much disaster in the beginning.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Daphneque Springs]

You think that they start killing the cats, creating the disaster.

[Matt Braunger]

They're just trying to zhuzh it up,

[Daphneque Springs]

and then when they jizz it up. I like this. Let me just go ahead and go off with people.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. You think the order is that they have happy childhoods and then. I don't think.

[Matt Braunger]

Not to. Not to interpret another comics take, but I think what definique was trying to say is, like, way too boring with not enough sprinkles of tragedy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right, right.

[Daphneque Springs]

White privilege. That just seems like an amazing thing. That's fair.

[Matt Braunger]

There's been, like, one black serial killer, like, in all of America.

[Daphneque Springs]

He was the best, because black people are really good at everything.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, he was amazing.

[Matt Braunger]

He was amazing with the glasses. It's wild. We both know who that is.

[Daphneque Springs]

That's because there's only one. And he was like the Michael Jordan of serial killer.

[Matt Braunger]

He was the goat.

[Jameela Jamil]

And so really the problem was he had not faced enough struggle, you feel, in his early years. Yeah, right.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

There is a darkness to comedians that I really enjoy. I mean, that's why I've kind of created this podcast, so we can have our own little unapologetic world of just darkness and filth and absolutely no wisdom gained.

[Daphneque Springs]

And I've had comedians say, hey, are you gonna use that? I'm like, this is my life, bro.

[Matt Braunger]

That's crazy.

[Daphneque Springs]

Back up off my life story. Next thing I know, you the next Dave Chappelle off Daphne story, and then I'm going to stab you. It's going to be a tragedy. It's always, you'll give them a story.

[Matt Braunger]

Give him a better story.

[Jameela Jamil]

How. How fast do you find the funny after? Or the wisdom or the lesson? Are you looking for the wisdom or the lesson?

[Daphneque Springs]

I think years later, it takes a little time. I think time is one thing. You have to give it. When you're in the midst of it, you're like, yo, why me? Why not that bitch over there? Like, I just be looking. Like, you ever have in some situation. Like, you're walking down the street and the homeless guy's like, hey. And coughs. You be like, why me? Why not him?

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm exactly the same, by the way. I never.

[Daphneque Springs]

Why did you cough on me? Now I think we're both horrible people,

[Jameela Jamil]

possibly because I never just think, oh, why did it happen to Me, I think it should happen to someone else.

[Daphneque Springs]

I should know that.

[Jameela Jamil]

I tried to redirect the bad energy. Elsie, I'm like, you know, I had fun.

[Matt Braunger]

Move it off. What about her?

[Jameela Jamil]

What about him?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. What about cheaters? You know, I know. Why did it have to happen to me? I'm faithful. But I think even if you tried to live the perfect life, something's bad is always going to happen.

[Matt Braunger]

Oh, absolutely.

[Daphneque Springs]

You cannot. It's inevitable that you. He's got a four year old to this. He's a nude in the shit. I don't know if you guys call it, but we like to call it the devil. The devil is always lurking.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. What do you call that m your

[Daphneque Springs]

4 year old child?

[Matt Braunger]

Life.

[Daphneque Springs]

Life be life.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, life, be life. And I think, you know, it's just I've never met anyone who, you know, if. If they're hit by a car, they can get up with two broken legs and laugh immediately, but, like, you know, a year later they could probably laugh about it.

[Daphneque Springs]

You know, you'd be like, wow, I

[Jameela Jamil]

got a. I actually, I actually did. I did star jumps. I was hit by a car into another car, broke my back, got up and the adrenaline was surging through me and I was so desperate to prove how fine I was, I started laughing and doing star jumps, which was probably a sign I'd hit my head as well. And then I ran home, ran up two flights of stairs with a broken back, and then chose not to tell my mother what had just happened because I knew she would blame me, obviously, and it was my fault. And I was jaywalking and that's why it is illegal. And, um, and then I went. I was like, you know what? I think I'm just gonna have a little lie down.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

As the adrenaline started to pull back. And then I lay in my bed and I didn't move again for another year and a half.

[Daphneque Springs]

What?

[Matt Braunger]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

That was my wrong turn.

[Matt Braunger]

Holy shit.

[Jameela Jamil]

One of many. Many. But some people are psychopaths and do laugh.

[Matt Braunger]

Do you know what? Like, I had the mini version of that.

[Daphneque Springs]

Oh, yeah?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. I tore my MCL getting like out

[Jameela Jamil]

of the mini version of that.

[Matt Braunger]

Dancing around. You know what I got? I was like, there's no way. I have, like. I have the network callback for MAD TV today.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

I'm going. This is 2008. I bought crutches.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, you did.

[Matt Braunger]

Went to another audition before that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Jesus Christ.

[Matt Braunger]

Kevin Hart got the part. I did not get that one.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. And then what on earth Were you both up for.

[Matt Braunger]

It was. It was a show called Crawdman Doom that was like a medieval con.

[Daphneque Springs]

And then how many years ago did Kevin Hart get in a car accident?

[Matt Braunger]

Yes. Life is. Life is a flat circle.

[Daphneque Springs]

It's because that was your part.

[Matt Braunger]

That's exactly. Yeah. But then I went to Mad TV and I booked it, but I was doing my characters on crutches. And when I came into the room with all the network people and the producers, they're just cracking up. They think I'm doing like a handicap part or something. Like, why are you laughing? This is not.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

None of my characters are supposed to be lame.

[Daphneque Springs]

Did you book that job?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, I did. Oh, a Bookmad tv. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Perfect. Yeah, Perfect. Well, it feels ideal to enter your wrong turn. Okay, what happened?

[Matt Braunger]

I went to a wedding I never should have gone to. It was a woman I was having an affair with.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy.

[Matt Braunger]

On, on and off.

[Jameela Jamil]

Didn't know you had it in you.

[Matt Braunger]

Off and on. Yeah. I don't have that look, do I? I'll creep up on you.

[Daphneque Springs]

I like it.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's the Canadian.

[Daphneque Springs]

So you know it's really. Kendrick Lamar was talking about a 69 guy. Little cheater. Remember I said cheaters get things. They get the home, the unhoused cough.

[Matt Braunger]

I've never. Honestly, I've never been the other guy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you know you were the other guy?

[Matt Braunger]

Oh, yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

You got main guy.

[Matt Braunger]

I do. I'll take that. Yeah. No, I don't. I've never made the practice of. I knew guys who would go after women in relationships because I knew the women.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did she go off to you?

[Matt Braunger]

We just went after each other. We would. We would hang out through, like, work and stuff like that. And it was always like, it's not going to happen again. We're just going to this function.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Maybe have a couple drinks.

[Jameela Jamil]

Famous lost words.

[Daphneque Springs]

The couple drinks mean you want in.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

You kind of wanted it to happen. A couple drinks. Is the lead in? Yeah, a couple drinks. Here's my dick. It's no different order.

[Matt Braunger]

I had that on a T shirt for the longest.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Yes. No, it was like I was flagrant back then. I was kind of like the person who's just out for a good time, literally on a nightly basis.

[Daphneque Springs]

So you used to be a fuckboy?

[Matt Braunger]

Kind of. I was. I don't have the look.

[Daphneque Springs]

I am a father guy that would, like, help me put together my IKEA.

[Matt Braunger]

Absolutely.

[Daphneque Springs]

He would raise Russia out of an L.L.

[Matt Braunger]

bean catalog.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. Like a stepfather.

[Matt Braunger]

I know. Yes.

[Daphneque Springs]

And you're out here just giving dick to women that are in relationship.

[Matt Braunger]

I was a city girl. I was a city girl.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yes. You know what?

[Jameela Jamil]

I can tell you this.

[Daphneque Springs]

I wouldn't have thought I've a ho over there.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've watched Daphne.

[Daphneque Springs]

I don't like hoes.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've watched Daphne for years and I have never seen her surprised by anything in my life. Did you see it? I did not see it coming. But I didn't see you not seeing

[Daphneque Springs]

it on a denim outfit. I would never have seen that.

[Matt Braunger]

I once I remember.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hey Daphne, we listen and we don't judge.

[Matt Braunger]

I get it. I was hanging out with Bobby Lee once and he was like, I can't see you fucking anyone. He just said that to me to my face.

[Daphneque Springs]

I can't see you fucking.

[Jameela Jamil]

I could see that. See that means a lot.

[Daphneque Springs]

I see a difference.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

I'll take that one to the bank. Thank you, Daphne. That's a great compliment.

[Daphneque Springs]

Saw a dick print on. Yeah, I've seen a dick print. I just see that. But I'm seeing your energy, your aura gives. I'm here to help.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. And I am.

[Daphneque Springs]

And you were there to eat at. She sees like a chalk.

[Jameela Jamil]

She sees a chalk outline of the

[Matt Braunger]

season long after I got out of the game. You know what I mean? That was like someone came up with a new move in football or basketball or something. I wasn't there for ass eating season. Sorry, go ahead.

[Daphneque Springs]

So were you feeling.

[Matt Braunger]

That's on me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Were you feeling guilty? Was this like fun?

[Daphneque Springs]

What was it?

[Matt Braunger]

Huge, huge guilt because she was just wrecked and she several times was like we have to talk about what we're doing here.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

She said to me, she was like my life like this is. I don't like my life like this. You know, I'm in hell. Cuz she was with like looking at it from the blueprint of now I realized she was not in love with this guy. She just was in that. She fell in that trap. A lot of people fall into where

[Daphneque Springs]

they're money

[Matt Braunger]

family did he did not. She had more money.

[Daphneque Springs]

Oh so she was waiting on the money.

[Jameela Jamil]

Waiting on the death money.

[Matt Braunger]

You know what?

[Daphneque Springs]

She soon as that mama died.

[Matt Braunger]

One thing I'll say about her like she's one of the people who always had her own. Because she did not come from a family money and like was never. Yeah never chasing like that. She just. It was that thing where they had.

[Daphneque Springs]

We tell all guys. Yeah, maybe but like they. She.

[Matt Braunger]

She'd been with this guy for a long Time. And it was just that thing of that mistake a lot of people make. They'd strug and go, I guess it's. Yeah, I'll say yes when they ask me, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

[Matt Braunger]

You know, because he was full bore like, let's do this. And she was just like. And I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Have you ever said no to a proposal, Daphne?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yes, I have. You know, just because sometimes I was young, chasing my dream, and for some reason I just wasn't ready because that person was talking like, marriage, children.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

And all I heard was, stop, stop, stop your career. And I was like, okay, yeah, I know you ain't about to murder my career.

[Jameela Jamil]

I said no. And I had to tell him in the email that it's because his penis was too big. And I was like, I think it might be. Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So it was too big for a text.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it was.

[Daphneque Springs]

The dick wouldn't fit in a text.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, it wouldn't. Yeah. He couldn't send me dick pics because it was the BlackBerry era. So, you know, the pixels would just take forever to load. Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

But it was.

[Matt Braunger]

What did the guy you ended up with say, huh?

[Jameela Jamil]

Grateful that he doesn't have a leg, you know, down there? I remember saying to him, you know, because I struggle with conversations face to face, at first I like to have initial conversations on email and then I'm happy to do a follow up. But I think if you're going to say something difficult to someone, it's kinder to give them time to react like an animal privately. You know what I mean? I would rather get the heads up

[Daphneque Springs]

if somebody say you have a big dick. Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes. It's a confusing email, isn't it? I think of all the ways to be turned down for a proposal is that I think it's probably the best

[Matt Braunger]

one I've ever heard.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think if I were to spend the rest of my life with you, I'd die because of your penis.

[Daphneque Springs]

I think that is big penises actually tilt your uterus.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I said, you have a check, you can get a check. I said, I think you need to be with a natural mother of eight. Octomom is, I think, single. And I was like, she's very beautiful. She's on the market. And I was like, I think you need to find her, not me.

[Daphneque Springs]

O.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Cuz really, it just wasn't survivable anyway. I don't know why I digressed.

[Matt Braunger]

And like typically everything in, in print that you read is, is so much harsher. But that feel Feels like. That's nice. Like, kinder.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think. I think it was a win. It was a not a win win. But it was.

[Matt Braunger]

No, but you say to his face, he feels like a horse in a barn. You know what I mean?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Sorry. You were saying? Okay, so.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. So my what? My wiener was too big for her and.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

No, wait, your story. No, I was invited to their wedding.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Matt Braunger]

I was like.

[Daphneque Springs]

Well, did you know the husband as well?

[Matt Braunger]

Mm. I'd hung out, like, at.

[Daphneque Springs]

You hung out?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. Not with him. Not with him.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay. Where's my purse? I have to hide it from you because if you would do that, you'll steal, too. You'll steal. You know how older people say, if you lie, you'll steal. If you steal, you'll kill.

[Matt Braunger]

This is not a situation I wanted to be in. I was not running around going after women that are already dating someone. I'll tell you right now, like, I wasn't.

[Daphneque Springs]

So you just fell?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

It was an accident.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm very sorry that you are being subjected to an inquisition here by the fucking fuck bi.

[Daphneque Springs]

We're gonna let Matt get through the story. Daphne Fox.

[Matt Braunger]

So, look, I shouldn't have gone. You know, I went to a bar near the wedding to prime the pump a little, just to.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Liquid courage, little charisma. And went.

[Jameela Jamil]

Were you feeling, like, a bit heartbroken that you're at the wedding?

[Matt Braunger]

Because, I mean, looking back, I was, but I was like. I have now been in therapy a few years, but I was nowhere near therapy back then. But I was in desperate need of it.

[Daphneque Springs]

You were a little in love.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

I would admit to myself.

[Jameela Jamil]

And was the arrangement that once she's married, it's over?

[Matt Braunger]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit. I can't believe you went.

[Matt Braunger]

Wow. I went, yeah. And basically proceeded to get loaded. I had a lot of friends there and stuff and started learning that her family members, couple of them, like, I think her mom and her best friend, maybe her sister, they all knew. They knew who I was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Matt Braunger]

And so I had met her friend Trish, and I went up to. I was like. I was like, how you doing? Like, we're on the dance floor. Literally danced away from me just staring.

[Daphneque Springs]

And then they didn't like you?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, I was like a monkey wrench.

[Daphneque Springs]

Did this lady have children at the time?

[Matt Braunger]

No.

[Daphneque Springs]

No. Oh, she didn't. Oh, then you didn't do nothing wrong.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, I mean.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, I see.

[Daphneque Springs]

Until you're married. So until she say, I do, she really technically was single. Don't Let your husband. Yeah, I mean your boyfriend block you from it.

[Matt Braunger]

And her mom. Her mom, actually I'd met her, she really liked me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Matt Braunger]

So she was kind of just like.

[Daphneque Springs]

But what reason?

[Jameela Jamil]

I think they were all probably a bit confused. A bit like me. Like, why are you there?

[Matt Braunger]

Ye, yeah, well, we, we had work dealings and stuff. And so it's one of those things where like, if we were never sleeping together would have been a perfectly acceptable, understandable wedding. Yeah. And so I am getting loaded at one point, I'm standing on a table with her aunt and the family, like screaming the lyrics to whatever song was playing. And literally this wedding was like top 10 drunkest times I've ever been.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, shit.

[Matt Braunger]

Which if you know me, that's saying something.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

You know, I don't mind a drink. I'm okay. You know, but like this one.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you've come to this wedding where you're the side chick and ultimately the ideal is that you draw very little attention to yourself and you draw as much attention to yourself as humanly possible, where you're now doing a one man karaoke show on a table with her aunt.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, basically.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. And like I was real messy. And then I'm with her during the wedding, like after more than her husband is her new husband. We're like hitting the bar. We're doing shots together.

[Jameela Jamil]

At the wedding.

[Matt Braunger]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

We're like. It was one of those things that.

[Jameela Jamil]

And who. Does anyone at work know?

[Matt Braunger]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. So it's just her family members and probably. You think they knew? Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, no, I, I, I now describe it as a big secret that everybody knew about.

[Jameela Jamil]

And where was this day?

[Matt Braunger]

I don't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Where was the grim.

[Matt Braunger]

He was just hanging with his guys and whatever. And like we were just.

[Daphneque Springs]

How tall was he?

[Matt Braunger]

He was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why do you.

[Daphneque Springs]

It's giving five. Five.

[Matt Braunger]

He's not a tall guy.

[Daphneque Springs]

How old are you? Like, how tall are you? Like 6, 4. Everything he's describing about this guy is giving like 5, 6, small penis, bad at oral sex, but financially stable.

[Jameela Jamil]

I am dying to know where you have collated this idea.

[Matt Braunger]

But I mean, honestly, if I showed you a picture, you, you'd high five me?

[Daphneque Springs]

Because it's when I'm right, I'm right.

[Matt Braunger]

And you, because you'd be like, she nailed it. Daphne nailed it to the wall.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

I don't know about the penis thing, but I'm telling you fair.

[Daphneque Springs]

I wasn't even there. But I know the dick size so verbatim.

[Matt Braunger]

So everybody ends up it was four inches. It was. Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Good to know we're not penis shaming on this show. Jesus Christ. Go on.

[Matt Braunger]

Everybody ended up at a house party. And I'm there, and I just remember it being a blur. And I think it started laying on me that I had feelings for this person. And why did I, like, everything just

[Jameela Jamil]

slammed into focus, even on the wedding dress. You're at the bar, you're having a great time. Yeah, I've seen this movie.

[Matt Braunger]

Fuck.

[Daphneque Springs]

So you started crying?

[Matt Braunger]

No, I went and sat in a closet by myself. I literally sat in a closet, shut the door, and just sat on the floor. And my friend Pam found me and was like, what the f. And she knew. She knew everything. And she goes. She said, what the fuck are you doing? And it was like. It kind of slammed into my cerebellum of like, what am I doing?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

What am I doing? My life. Why am I here?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

What is with this affair? Yeah, get it to get. What are you in a closet?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

How old are you? And she got me out and she drove me home, and I was so wasted, I couldn't even give the directions.

[Daphneque Springs]

When you came out the closet, did you find out you were gay or,

[Matt Braunger]

you know, if only.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

You know what I mean?

[Daphneque Springs]

Cool. Just making sure.

[Matt Braunger]

You met my husband. Ron. Ron, come in here. Like, if that. That would be a perfect button. But no, like, she's driving me home, and I was like, I think I'm on the street. It's the corner of Baron Han Dimba, you know? And she's just like, I'm going to murder you. We drove all over the east side of Los Angeles. She finally got me into my place and, like, kicked me in the ass with door. But yeah, that's like. That was. That was like, going to that wedding was the wrong turn for sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. And so what was it like back at work after that? I imagine loads of your colleagues were there. Had you embarrassed yourself?

[Matt Braunger]

Well, do you want to know how all this ended up?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I do.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay. So she's my wife now.

[Daphneque Springs]

What?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. I was at my wife's first wedding, and I did not see that coming. She divorced him in, I think, four months.

[Daphneque Springs]

Oh, okay.

[Matt Braunger]

So.

[Daphneque Springs]

Wow.

[Matt Braunger]

And it was we.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did she consider your display of complete chaos romantic?

[Matt Braunger]

She was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did she find it off putting? Like, how did she feel about it?

[Matt Braunger]

Like, right.

[Jameela Jamil]

What's going on?

[Matt Braunger]

What is my life. Everything about us was off putting back that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Used to go out and get smashed together.

[Daphneque Springs]

Smashed after the wedding date?

[Matt Braunger]

Yes.

[Daphneque Springs]

Like, while she was still married to him, Correct. Four months.

[Jameela Jamil]

How soon after the wedding?

[Matt Braunger]

A month.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

Jesus Christ. That's the Ten Commandments. And, like, you got to spend at least 30 days in hell. You're not gonna see because I can tell your energy. You're a good guy.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So they're not gonna make you go to hell for, like. Like, a long time. Like, it's just purgatory. But you definitely gonna have to go down there for, like, 30 days.

[Matt Braunger]

I'll take that. I'll take a month in hell. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. She was my manager. Like, she repped comedians and still does and doesn't work. We once we got serious with everything.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

We can't work together. It's too much, you know? And that's the main reason why, like, I would never admit to myself the feelings that were there, because I was like, you can't actually date your manager. You know what I mean? It sounds like a little inside baseball, all three of us.

[Daphneque Springs]

I think it's the perfect combination.

[Matt Braunger]

I mean, it works for some people. Do you date your manager?

[Daphneque Springs]

No.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

He's married.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

And I'm not like you, man.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

I'm not farming out. I'm not telling people. It's a good idea. No. When my wife talks to, like, younger female managers, she's like, do not fuck the comics. Like, that's what she.

[Jameela Jamil]

She tells them, because he might become the love of your life one day. That's a weird thing.

[Matt Braunger]

It worked out for her, you know?

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. That is the. That's one of the wildest stories of people getting together that I have ever heard.

[Matt Braunger]

And that's literally a piece of the wall. The whole story is even more. It's just. It's bonkers. All the stuff we went through, like, to get to where we are. There's why, like, I'm probably older than some people listening or watching this, but, like, if you're young and you're up, just know it's going to be okay. Because, you know, the butterfly effect is real. Anytime I look back and have regrets, I go, shut up.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, because life change now. It'll change your entire future.

[Matt Braunger]

If I did not go there and just publicly embarrass myself at a wedding. You know what I mean? Who knows?

[Jameela Jamil]

That's how she realized. Like, do you think that that's how she realized how much you cared about her was how. I mean, does she know that you

[Matt Braunger]

were in the cupboard after I know? No. I told her, like, probably Years later. I think she ever heard that story. Yeah. But I mean, I went into her office if she got back from a honeymoon, and I was like, how was the honeymoon? She's like, don't you fucking ask me about that. Let's just talk about the dates coming up or whatever.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. Wow.

[Matt Braunger]

Cold for a while. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, man, what a wild ride.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I mean, it ends at least in the most positive way possible.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. And I, like, I never talk about it that much. I've talked about it on one other podcast.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

And it was very funny that, like, I talked. I just told a little bit of the story. Not the whole one, like, with you, because you're special.

[Jameela Jamil]

But I'm so glad that we, Daphneque and I created such a safe space.

[Matt Braunger]

Oh, I love it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Such a safe and understanding space.

[Matt Braunger]

I'm a grown man.

[Jameela Jamil]

I want you to open your heart.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay?

[Jameela Jamil]

Daphne.

[Daphneque Springs]

Hey.

[Matt Braunger]

I feel loved and seen by Daphne,

[Daphneque Springs]

but I basically said he had a big dick.

[Jameela Jamil]

So.

[Matt Braunger]

Loved and seen. Loved and seen.

[Daphneque Springs]

I'm not the bad person here.

[Matt Braunger]

No, she's not 100% or was. But, like, my point is, I know I'm going to get comments. Yeah. Forever. I know I'm going to get comments about, like, what a scumbag or whatever. And that's fine. Just do not shit on my wife, okay? Because I've had people just like, she sounds like a real prize. I'm like, you have not. And it's always someone that's like 20, nothing, 21.

[Jameela Jamil]

As soon as we knew that her husband wasn't even trying to spend their wedding day with her together, that told me everything I needed to know.

[Matt Braunger]

And he was often tuned out. Side note, he's married, has three kids now.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yes. Everybody ended up.

[Matt Braunger]

They saw each other on a plane and she was just like. Because he, like, hated her for good reason. And he just said to her, I just want to tell you I love my kids so much.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's right.

[Matt Braunger]

You know, like kind of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's fine.

[Daphneque Springs]

That was really nice of him to, like, lift the weight off of her for sure. Because sometimes even though she's happily married to you, she could have still been carrying on that baggage of, like, I did this to somebody.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, there was.

[Daphneque Springs]

Listen, was there. He just grew, too.

[Jameela Jamil]

Was there a little bit of piece of shit behavior going on there?

[Daphneque Springs]

Sure there was.

[Jameela Jamil]

But you know what? It all ended in a lovely way. Happily ever after.

[Daphneque Springs]

It did.

[Jameela Jamil]

We'll see everyone after the break.

[Lowe's Advertiser]

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[Daphneque Springs]

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[Matt Bronger]

Hi, this is Matt from P1 with Matt and Tommy, and this episode is sponsored by ebay. The cars you'll find on ebay are just different. They come with a story that you can't wait to share. Like this 1973 Dodge Charger on ebay that has been tucked away in an Arizona barn for over 40 years. Only 55,000 miles, and somehow, in great running order, even has a rare sunroof. Suddenly, a car that was hidden for decades is being delivered in just a few clicks. With ebay's secure purchase, all the paperwork handled, there are thousands of cars on ebay, from unique finds like the Pontiac Grand Prix SJ to daily drivers. And now with a new way to buy them. Ebay, things people love.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back recovering from Matt's wonderful story Daphne's wrath. Daphne, I'm dying to hear about your wrong turn. What happened?

[Daphneque Springs]

Oh, I met the love of my life. Yep. I was at a party in Orange county and it was like this huge mansion and I'm the type of girl where on the look spectrums, like I'm a la. Like five.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, you're not.

[Daphneque Springs]

I'm a ten where I'm from, girl. Don't get it twisted. La. I'm like a five.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, you're not.

[Matt Braunger]

True.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a stupid thing to say.

[Matt Braunger]

22 years. Yeah, you're a dazzling woman. Is that too much?

[Daphneque Springs]

No, that felt a lot. But you don't cheat. Yeah, you don't cheat anymore.

[Matt Braunger]

And I wasn't with anyone at the time. Technically, my wife cheated. There's the clip.

[Jameela Jamil]

100%. Don't shit on my wife. Only I get to do that.

[Matt Braunger]

Cheated with me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. So anyway.

[Matt Braunger]

Yes.

[Daphneque Springs]

So, okay, so I went to this party and my whole thing, when I go to parties, I want to show up early before all the competition comes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

Because the girls like to take their time to get there, you know? So if the party starts at four. Four, I'm outside parked at 3:55.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

Ready to go in at four while they're still putting stuff together.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

Because all the bad show up around.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, I love how the opposite of fashionably late and cool that is. I'm so into you. This is ideal. Go on.

[Daphneque Springs]

So therefore, when the first set of men walk in or the men that are already there, your first eyes on you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Got first dips. Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

First dibs. Hey, how y' all doing? Titties, you know, walked in the room.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you never worried that they then think you work there if you're there while they're still setting up?

[Daphneque Springs]

No, you just don't wear all black.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, fine.

[Daphneque Springs]

You got to offset it with, like, denim or white.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, I really respect your game. Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

I got a down packed to a science. So show up early. Went into this mansion party in OC and this guy, he was like, hey, I was just talking, making jokes, you know, laughing. He was like, wow, you have a great personality. Which meant that I was still in LA5.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Daphneque Springs]

You guys tried to take that away from me, but yeah, because when somebody say you got a great personality, do

[Jameela Jamil]

you not think that they're saying for such a beautiful woman?

[Daphneque Springs]

They could be saying that, but they didn't say it specifically like you did.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay?

[Daphneque Springs]

So I'm just going to take.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, fine, fine.

[Daphneque Springs]

Take it how I feel.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay? So when I was at school, one boy called Josh said to me on the steps of a house party, I wish the beautiful girls had a personality like yours. And that was how it was confirmed to me that I was not a beautiful, beautiful girl at 14. So I feel you. I don't think that applies to you, but carry on.

[Matt Bronger]

Thank you.

[Matt Braunger]

Thank you, Josh. Jeez.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay, where is he now? Okay. Loser.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

Anyways, I don't like the name Josh anyway. Anything that starts with a J. Oh, I'm okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

I said male version.

[Daphneque Springs]

Male virgin. Okay. I dated a J. Yeah. Yeah. My credit is bad. So with that being said, I showed up early. Scott was like, wow, you have a great personality. And I was like, okay. And then so he was like, let me show you around. So I'm like, okay, he's showing me around somebody else is house. So we walked around the house or whatever. He was very nice. And then everybody started to come in, so we got a little detached. But he would always look over and smile at me. And then he. He ended up asking me for my phone number at the end of the night. So after all the competition got there. So I was like, yo, this. This has to be real serious. Yeah, because he. He asked me at the end of the night, not in the beginning where you get the number out. The way he waited. So he saw all the options that came in and I was still the better option.

[Matt Braunger]

Nice.

[Daphneque Springs]

So me and this guy end up dating. And he was like. On the first date, he started sending me photos of like, shoes and stuff like that. And he was like, oh, which one do you like? And I was like, oh, I like these shoes, even though I didn't like them. But one of my homegirls. One of my homegirls.

[Jameela Jamil]

Were they shoes for you or for him?

[Daphneque Springs]

For me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

They were shoes for me. They were heels. I'm not really a heel person, but they were beautiful shoes. But my homegirl always told me, whenever a man buys you something, take it. Doesn't matter what it is. Whether you like it or not, take it because you can always sell it. Sell it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lovely.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. You got Pinterest, you got popcorn. Just from being a little, you know. You know, a little sugar, baby.

[Jameela Jamil]

She. Babe.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. Yeah. So. So I was. I didn't like it, but I took the gift. So he said, every time I see you, I will give you a gift. So me and this man just beginned on this romantic relationship. I mean, we were traveling. I met his family.

[Jameela Jamil]

What was he like?

[Daphneque Springs]

He was just so sweet. He was a dentist and he owned three offices. His own offices. And he also had his own lab, so.

[Matt Braunger]

Wow.

[Daphneque Springs]

You know, labs do very good. Where you do blood and stuff like that. Blood work and.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So, yeah, he was. He was rolling in dough. So when we. My homegirl, she worked in real estate. So we ended up. I told her to look up the address of the house because he said he owned it. And I was like, you know how la people be lying?

[Matt Braunger]

Oh, yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So you don't know if they own it or if they just rented it. So she looked it up. Cause, you know, the regular public, we don't have access to that information. But whatever she had with her real estate license, she was able to look it up. And he actually owned the home.

[Matt Braunger]

Wow. Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, everything belonged to him. And so he was just spending so much money on me, and then so he would buy me gifts because he actually lived in Chicago.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. Out of state.

[Matt Braunger]

Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

But the offices were here.

[Daphneque Springs]

No, he had no offices here, but he owned a home here because he just liked California, and he would travel here, like, on a weekly or every other weekly basis.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, so you were seeing him regularly, and I thought that's an ideal situation.

[Daphneque Springs]

Girl, this is my man. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's not with anybody but me. No, it's just us.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

He said he loved me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you love him?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, I loved him. I love the gifts, too, but I really did love him, you know? But he got me in with the gifts and all that kind of stuff. That's how they get you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So then your mind don't even know how to decipher. Is it real love or is it love for this, all this beautiful stuff?

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, it's constant dopamine. Constant dopamine. It's a very confusing chemical, and it's.

[Matt Braunger]

It's intoxicating to feel that kind of affection where someone's constantly giving you things and you're just like, this has to be real.

[Jameela Jamil]

And is your, like, love language, like, receiving?

[Daphneque Springs]

No, it's not.

[Matt Braunger]

No. I mean, she said her. Her friend was like, always take it. And that doesn't sound like that's your instinct.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, it's not my instinct. If I don't like it, I'll kind of be like, oh, I'm not. That's not really my style. So I don't want to take it, being that I couldn't use it. My homegirl, she taught me how to take it to consignment shops and everything. She's like, girl, you always take the

[Jameela Jamil]

gift and you're making memories together. You're going on holidays and.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, yeah, no, I didn't spend any holidays with them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Matt Braunger]

She means vacations.

[Jameela Jamil]

I mean, going on.

[Daphneque Springs]

We went on vacations, but just not during the holidays.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, sorry. That's. That's what we call it in England.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay. Because in America, you know, spending a holiday with a man means a lot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

On the actual day of the holiday.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, so you went on holidays together. You went shopping together all the fucking time, it sounds like. Did you meet his family?

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah, I met his family.

[Jameela Jamil]

And how were they?

[Daphneque Springs]

They were very sweet and welcoming and everything. They were very nice.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you were imagining, like, your whole

[Daphneque Springs]

life with him, like, saying he loved me and stuff. So I was like, yo, we're going to Be together. We're going to be together.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Daphneque Springs]

So he would buy me gifts sometimes in Chicago, and then when he come here, he would have them in his suitcase when I would pick him up from the airport. So this particular time, he bought me some Versace. And my homegirl, she was older than me, probably like, you know, like 10 years. So she would coach me a lot. Like I was her little, like, you know, little. Little friend that she needed to guide, little sister. And so she was like, you know, if he buys you something because of his name, with designer stores, you can just take that gift back to the store. They have the receipt in the system. You know what store he bought it from. You know, the city and the state and, you know his first and last name. Just take it back to the store. And everything's in their computer system. So I was like, oh, that makes sense. We don't have to try to sell it for a lesser value. We can use the same value. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. And just exchange it for something else in the store.

[Jameela Jamil]

So, okay, so while all this real love and romance is happening, you are setting up a side business based on his gifts.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Are you selling everything he's given you?

[Daphneque Springs]

I wasn't selling ass, but I was selling.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, okay.

[Matt Braunger]

No, the things he was giving you, yes.

[Matt Bronger]

What a quick.

[Matt Braunger]

Like, if I asked you that. Throw me out ton.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yes, I was selling it. I mean, here I am. Listen, I'm young.

[Matt Braunger]

I'm not judging.

[Daphneque Springs]

I'm in Hollywood.

[Matt Braunger]

You heard my story.

[Daphneque Springs]

I got acting classes, okay?

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Lowe's Advertiser]

Fair.

[Matt Braunger]

It's expensive here.

[Daphneque Springs]

My manager. I couldn't have sex with them.

[Matt Braunger]

Fair.

[Daphneque Springs]

I didn't have nobody to exchange.

[Matt Braunger]

That never got me ahead. Let me tell you right now, for

[Daphneque Springs]

work, I didn't have the opportunity, okay? So I had to use that to pay rent.

[Jameela Jamil]

We're not judging. We're just trying to get.

[Daphneque Springs]

I was a little judged.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no, no, no. Just a little bit.

[Daphneque Springs]

Sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm just imagining you with, like, a stall on Fairfax, like, selling all of

[Daphneque Springs]

fish as it comes. You saw me there?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[Daphneque Springs]

Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think I bought some Versace off you. Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

Talk to me, girl. So, you know, whenever you start off selling stuff, you learn the game. So now I was like, okay, level up. Now I can actually go get stuff that I actually like sometimes and then get other little trinkets. So this time, I may want to take these shoes, the value of these shoes, and get some sunglasses, a jacket, and a belt. That's three items. That's three items. You can Sell, Right.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're a businesswoman.

[Daphneque Springs]

So I go into the store, and it was this guy. He was just, like, very flamboyant. He was like, excuse me. He looked in the computer system. He found everything. He's like, I found the receipts. And then he looked at it. He was like, do you want something today? I said, no, I'm gonna actually bring my friend back, and we're gonna look through some stuff because I told her I would get her something, too. So the girl who was coaching me do everything. So this was her friend.

[Jameela Jamil]

So that's her commission? Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

Commission.

[Matt Braunger]

You're Fagin?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah.

[Daphneque Springs]

So I was like, no, I'm going to come back. He said, oh, well, I'll give you a gift receipt, but before you come, call me. And I was thinking to myself, call you? Why do I have to call you? Like, I don't have to tell you my next move. My boyfriend is rich. Like, I'll be back.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah, sure.

[Daphneque Springs]

So I didn't follow his advice. I showed up to the store the next day with my homegirl. We got a different sales associate, and it was this lady, and she looked in the computer with the gift receipt, and she looked at me with, like, this look of disgust. And I was just like, okay. Like, does he. Is he a scammer? Is he at bad credit cards? Like, what's going on? And she was like. She called me his wife's name, and she said, who are you? These are my clients.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Daphneque Springs]

And then my homegirl was like, but you still gotta honor the gift receipt.

[Matt Braunger]

Your friend is hilarious.

[Daphneque Springs]

Made us feel uncomfortable. And we walked around the store, shopped, and we could always see this lady just looking, just grilling us from every corner of the store. Not like we were stealing, but just, like, she just hated us. Like. But it was like the look of when somebody thinks you're stealing your. It was just disgusting.

[Matt Braunger]

Your friend knew the game so well because she's like, she's not going to rat on you, because if she does, she's going to fuck up her whole account.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, well, he's got the money, not his wife.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. And, like, she's not going to blow it up. It was. Who are you? That's wild. That she just.

[Daphneque Springs]

For her to check me as if she was the wife was a bit, like, unsettling situation. I'm like, girl, did you slee.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, so then what did you do?

[Daphneque Springs]

Did you call him?

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you tell him? How did it end?

[Daphneque Springs]

Girl, Yeah, I called him. My homegirl told me she was like, girl, don't say nothing. Oh, well, so what? Like, you met his family? She was like, we could get more stuff. And I was like, wait, we? She was like, yeah, girl, don't ruin a good thing. Like, it's okay. She's becoming your pimp.

[Matt Braunger]

At this point, I would argue life coach.

[Jameela Jamil]

Ridiculous.

[Matt Braunger]

I would say life coach.

[Daphneque Springs]

I'd say life coach, too.

[Matt Braunger]

I'd say life coach. I mean, it's. Cause just as she sees the forest for the trees, right away, if I was like, oh, wait, he has a wife. And then my friend was like, so what? Like, right next to me.

[Daphneque Springs]

So we want to go to. She could be pimping on your end because she got something from it.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's what I'm saying. She gets the 10% or whatever. She's getting a gift from Versace. And you have to keep shagging this man who's cheating on you.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. And also, he followed me on social media. I was on his social media page. We were going back and forth. His brother's.

[Matt Braunger]

But also, you messaged me. Wait, like, pictures? As in, like, pictures of you guys together on social media? That is.

[Daphneque Springs]

No, he didn't have a problem taking photos.

[Matt Braunger]

He must have had an open relationship. It must have been.

[Daphneque Springs]

No, he didn't have an open relationship. Um, so I called him up and I said, hey. I was about to say his name. I was like, are you married? It was like silence for, like, a. A beat. He was like, what? I said, you have a wife. He was like, yeah, but you're my girlfriend.

[Matt Braunger]

Ugh.

[Daphneque Springs]

And I said, what?

[Jameela Jamil]

And we know how you feel about that.

[Daphneque Springs]

It murdered all my dreams of this man actually being my husb. And me living the soft life.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[Daphneque Springs]

I didn't want to work.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, you don't want to be here right now.

[Daphneque Springs]

I didn't deserve to be here right now. I deserve to be.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is really for me and Matt.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. With the Versace ladies defending my life, that's what I deserve. I've always wanted to live the soft life.

[Matt Braunger]

But then your husband cheats on you, like, you don't want to.

[Daphneque Springs]

That's ok. I always wanted to be outside by the pool, shopping.

[Matt Braunger]

I hear you.

[Daphneque Springs]

Hating the neighbors, like, just being a bitch and just living with my feet up and knowing that when I go to sleep, all the bills are gonna be paid.

[Matt Braunger]

Absolutely.

[Daphneque Springs]

But my husband is fucking someone that looks just like me, but younger. Because guess what? I found the wife. I found them at a Gucci. They were at a Gucci. I mean, they Were exclusive, you know, from being such top clients at a Gucci Runway. And I saw him, I kept searching his name and then searching videos on googles and images and I found a video of him and his wife and. And I looked like a younger version of her. She was like the same skin tone, same kind of facial structure, same build. She was just a little bit older than me because I had. He was like 12, 13 years older than me. So you know, him and her actually met in college and they both were dentists. But she stopped and he, you know, started all these business.

[Jameela Jamil]

But actually she was living your soft life.

[Daphneque Springs]

She builds, you know. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I thought I was going to get this offline. Oh God, that's fucking crazy.

[Daphneque Springs]

I just wanted to be pregnant and just say, oh my God, I can't keep the baby. And then just like. And then just be like, because I lied about being pregnant. And then. So then he, for. He's forced to get me a surrogate and I'm just living the soft life. So my vagina is still tight.

[Matt Braunger]

I mean the story that you live, fascinating.

[Daphneque Springs]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, I'm pregnant.

[Matt Braunger]

It was seasons of a hit show

[Daphneque Springs]

I love, but I was never pregnant. And then he's forced to give me a surrogate, honestly. And now I'm just living a soft life.

[Matt Braunger]

You need to pitch the one hour drama. Daphneques could have been, should have been licensed.

[Jameela Jamil]

Her brain needs to be studied in universities. You're the most unique person I've ever met.

[Matt Braunger]

And you've got the friend that's just yelling to keep getting you, you know, don't fuck up a good thing. But you also have that moment of how, God, that must have been so painful. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

[Daphneque Springs]

It hurts.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, wife, wife. Cheetah. I know, sorry. No,

[Matt Braunger]

you look. My screen says side piece. I don't know why this is not on silent. I'm so sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so sorry. So how, how have you recovered since.

[Daphneque Springs]

Since then? I do a lot of research on men before you start dating. So, you know, now you have to go to people search and all this kind of stuff. Do people search where you go in and you just. Just type in their name in Google and then find a website where they tell you it only costs a dollar and then you forget to cancel the subscription and then they start charging you 39amonth and then you get. You're on that for about six months and you got everything you needed for the dollar value.

[Jameela Jamil]

Cool.

[Matt Braunger]

So it's like A full background check. Yeah, this is brilliant.

[Daphneque Springs]

And then you go on LinkedIn, you see where they worked.

[Matt Braunger]

Nice.

[Daphneque Springs]

Sometimes you call the job and you say, hey, do you guys know Met? And then they say, yeah, fucking hell, man.

[Jameela Jamil]

Dating is like a part time job.

[Matt Braunger]

It's turned her into a private eye. She's pretty cool.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, 100%. You know, there's a Facebook group now where anonymously women will post pictures of the men they're dating to see if any other women are dating. I, I don't remember.

[Matt Braunger]

There's also an app I would have.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm amazed you're not like you didn't start that group.

[Matt Braunger]

Women rate men. Like basically say like, do you know this guy? Like we went on a date. I don't like him, but I'd give him like 4 out of 5. He's cool. Like he seems cool. And then someone else I'll find out later because it was. I had two friends and one had a real high rating and one was like one star.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh my gosh, that is the worst. Also. You can't imagine that happening the other way around.

[Matt Braunger]

No, I guess maybe not this for their like the entire 100. So it's like I don't have any problem with women rating men.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's nice to have a background check that's just, just publicly available.

[Matt Braunger]

Absolutely.

[Jameela Jamil]

We should all have that for each other in general, I think. Yeah, you're both amazing. We'll be right back after the break.

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[Matt Braunger]

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[Daphneque Springs]

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[Matt Bronger]

from P1 with Matt and Tommy, and this episode is sponsored by ebay. The cars you'll find on ebay are just different. They come with a story that you can't wait to share. Like this 1973 Dodge Charger on ebay that has been tucked away in an Arizona Barn for over 40 years. Only 55,000 miles and somehow in great running order, it even has a rare sunroof. Suddenly, a car that was hidden for decades is being delivered in just a few clicks with ebay's secure purchase. All the paperwork handled. There are thousands of cars on ebay, from unique finds like the Pontiac Grand Prix SJ to daily drivers. And now with a new way to buy them. Ebay, things people love.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we're back. Thank you both for sharing those fucking amazing stories. All right, so before you guys go, I want to read you a quick story I read in the news about someone else's wrong turn. So last week, a couple in China filmed their attempt at a stunt that they had seen. And on TikTok, never a good start, a woman attempted to put her hand inside her boyfriend's mouth to see if it would fit. Her hand did fit, but it became clear that the trick had gone wrong after the woman tried to pull her hand from the man's mouth and noticed that his face turned like bright, bright red, like all the blood has now flushed to his face. His throat then made a strange gurgling noise and he drooled continuously like a tsunami. They've both tried to free her hand with no luck. Things took a turn for the worse when the woman began to feel pain after her husband's teeth uncontrollably clamped down on her wrist due to muscle spasms. So she said it felt like her hand was stuck in a meat grinder. They rushed to a hospital in China, where a video captured the awkward moment. The man can be seen crying in distress and struggling to breathe through his nose. Shocked hospital staff tried to place the soothing music. What. What music do we imagine would calm you down in that? Celine, I think. Celine Dion soothing music to calm down the visibly pained man. To prevent him from choking or vomiting, they used a special mouth opener to expand his jaw enough to inject a muscle relaxant. And Dr. Zhang Miang explained that the reason the woman's hand got stuck is because the man's jaw muscles had contracted and clamped down on it. He removed the woman's hand by gently rotating her wrist for 20 minutes. Wow.

[Daphneque Springs]

I will play Whitney Houston. I want to dance with somebody.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Matt Braunger]

Make it more funny.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think the Beatles. I think I would go with the Beatles for any situation like this. Yeah, I think so. You two are a fucking delight and I'm really glad to see most of all that. But you became friends by the end. It started a little rocky. Started a little rocky? No, it was. It was. Until I feel like we've all become really good friends and I feel like we've all bonded. You've both been the side chick and I think that is something that I did not expect to come out of today. Side chicks unite. Before we go, where can people find you?

[Daphneque Springs]

You can find me on my website, www.imdsprings.com all shows, everything social media right there.

[Matt Braunger]

Yeah. Mattbronger.com, onger on TikTok and Instagram. But yeah, just see if either one of these amazing folks come to your town.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're the best. Thank you so much.

[Matt Braunger]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own voice. Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com don't forget to subscribe. Like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm going to off now. Bye. Foreign

[Paige Desorbo]

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[Daphneque Springs]

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