Erica Rhodes and Steve Agee

Summary

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Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Erica Rhodes and Steve Agee
Date: February 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Wrong Turns" finds Jameela Jamil joined by comedians and actors Erica Rhodes and Steve Agee, as they gleefully recount disastrous, humiliating, and outright ludicrous moments from their personal and professional lives. True to the podcast’s tagline ("where dignity goes to die"), the trio bond over stories of failed pranks, mortifying public incidents, and show-business betrayals—without a silver lining in sight. The conversation is raucous, irreverent, and full of laugh-out-loud moments, making listeners feel right at home in the shared messiness of being human.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wild Career Credits and “Lowest Lows”

[02:24 – 05:55]

• Introductions:

  • Jameela reads out Erica and Steve’s impressive (and delightfully varied) career resumes.
  • Steve reminisces about a very early (and undignified) credit: getting kicked in the nuts for a web short, shot outside a porn shop, complete with a “cup” for protection.

• Steve’s Early Humiliations:

  • Shares about being cast as a “homeless man” on New Girl, and the mortification of arriving on set only for the makeup artist to declare no additional makeup—or “dirt”—was needed.
  • Quote:

    “They usually would spend half an hour putting dirt, fake movie dirt on my face...She just goes, ‘You’re ready to go.’” — Steve Agee [05:30]

• On Birthdays in Showbiz:

  • Both Jameela and Steve lament how little birthdays matter on production sets.

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2. Dating Disasters and Viral Stories

[07:00 – 08:10]

• Erica’s Viral Date Story:
  • Erica recounts a date where the guy told her:

    “You look like JonBenet Ramsey if she were still alive.” — Erica Rhodes [07:18]

  • She retorted, “You look like the killer if they found him,” leading to a night of bizarre roleplay.
• Both guests agree their lives feel like “one long humiliation,” which has become fodder for their comedy.

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3. Micro-Humiliations: Public Pantsing & Accidental Encounters

Steve’s “Pants Down on Hollywood Blvd” Story [08:25 – 13:52]:

• Setup:
  • Steve sets the stage: 1995, rough part of Hollywood, doing laundry in sweats sans underwear.
• The Incident:
  • Sweats fall to ankles while crossing a packed intersection, bags in hand, wallet dragging the pants down, no way to cover up — completely exposed.
  • “And I can’t grab them to pull them up...I just kind of shuffle with my dick and ass out the rest of the way across the street.” — Steve Agee [11:36]
  • Jameela and Erica break down the “no-win” situation, agreeing that stopping would have only made things worse.
• Lesson:
  • “Drawstrings.” — Steve Agee [13:50]

Erica’s “Supermodel” Encounter [13:59 – 17:18]:

• Setup:
  • Trying to get back at an ex, Erica intends to get hit on, ends up going home with an apparent “Native American Studies professor from NYU” (who reeks of cigarettes and shares a NY apartment with 20 other guys).
• Punchline:
  • The next morning, feeling underwhelmed, Erica lets him leave. Hours later, she sees his face—gigantic—on an H&M billboard in his underwear.
  • “He’s a supermodel and I kicked a supermodel out of my bed.” — Erica Rhodes [16:34]
  • The group laughs at the irony, noting the guy was a pathological liar and, thankfully, not worth pining over.

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4. The Nightmare of Kidney Stones

Steve’s Medical Horror Story [20:26 – 31:40]:

• Passing Kidney Stones:
  • Steve has passed 14 kidney stones in his lifetime, and describes two hospitalizations, morphine experiences, and finally a surgery for one stone “too big to pass.”
  • Vivid description of morphine:

    “It’s like being kissed on the inside of your veins by angels, is the only way I could describe it.” — Jameela Jamil [21:56]

• Surgical Trauma:
  • Denied the non-invasive shockwave procedure due to weighing just five pounds over the cut-off, he’s put under for a “through the penis” laser removal.
  • Post-surgery, discovers a stent running from kidney to bladder—removal is done while awake at the doctor’s office.
  • Harrowing details: being walked into a room with stirrups, having an anesthetic “glue gun” used on his penis, then a “pipe as wide as my thumb” rammed in to remove the stent.
  • “He pulled it out like he was starting a lawnmower.” — Steve Agee [29:41]
  • Steve describes the aftermath: sitting in his car, trembling, trying to process what just happened.
• Health Warning:
  • Drink lots of flat water, not excess sparkling water, as Jameela recounts giving herself kidney stones after a sparkling water binge.
    • “I was giving myself kidney stones for a hundred days. It was insane.” — Jameela Jamil [32:59]

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5. Erica’s Big “Wrong Turn”: The Reality TV Prank

[35:04 – 44:39]

• Believes She Landed Her Breakout Movie Role:
  • Auditions for a sci-fi film in New York, lands the role of “Clix the Robot,” with wardrobe fittings, contracts, and a dramatic eccentric director.
  • Chaos ensues on set: actors fighting, people injured, special effects disasters.
• Twist Reveal:
  • After days of shooting and her rehearsing an impossible “robot” monologue, the cast is told:

    “Congratulations, you’re not starring in your own film. You’re starring in your own reality TV show.” — Erica Rhodes [41:13]

  • Erica is devastated, feeling duped after pouring her heart into the part, only to learn it was all for AMC’s “Film Fakers.”
  • “To this day I remember the monologue...” — Erica Rhodes [41:53], then recites the absurd line about “remagnetified neurotransmodulators.”
• Aftermath:
  • Gets only $1,000 due to signing the unread contract; took a while to book another significant acting job.
  • The trauma followed her—later, unrelated jobs triggered paranoia about being pranked again.

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6. Pranking Gone Wrong & Trust Issues

[44:52 – 46:51]

• Jameela sympathizes, recounting her own sensitivity to pranks on British television:

  • Prank shows where “comedians” send upsetting texts from your phone to other famous people, leading to her replying with such heartfelt, sincere bewilderment that the reactions are “too sad to air.”
    • “It hurts in like your flaps, like, hurt.” — Jameela Jamil [45:49]

• Erica identifies as neurodivergent, perhaps explaining both her monologue superpower and prank trauma.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 05:30 | "They usually would spend half an hour putting dirt, fake movie dirt on my face...She just goes, ‘You’re ready to go.’" | Steve Agee | | 07:18 | “You look like JonBenet Ramsey if she were still alive.” | Erica Rhodes | | 11:36 | “My sweats fall down to my ankles. I'm not wearing underwear...so I just kind of shuffle with my dick and ass out the rest of the way across the street.” | Steve Agee | | 13:50 | “Drawstrings.” | Steve Agee | | 16:34 | “He’s a supermodel and I kicked a supermodel out of your bed.” | Erica Rhodes | | 21:56 | “It’s like being kissed on the inside of your veins by angels.” | Jameela Jamil | | 29:41 | “He pulled it out like he was starting a lawnmower.” | Steve Agee | | 41:13 | “Congratulations, you’re not starring in your own film. You’re starring in your own reality TV show.” | Erica Rhodes | | 45:49 | “It hurts in like your flaps, like, hurt.” | Jameela Jamil |

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Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• Guest Introductions, Showbiz Humiliations: [01:50 – 05:55]
• Erica’s Viral Date Story: [07:00 – 08:10]
• Steve’s Hollywood “Pantsing”: [08:25 – 13:52]
• Erica’s “Supermodel” Encounter: [13:59 – 17:18]
• Steve’s Kidney Stones & Surgical Horror: [20:26 – 31:40]
• Erica’s Reality TV "Big Break" Shock: [35:04 – 44:39]
• Jameela’s Prank Trauma, Neurodivergence: [44:52 – 46:51]

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Tone and Atmosphere

• Fast-paced, unfiltered, and darkly comic, the episode delves into the absurdity, unpredictability, and indignity of “wrong turns”—both mundane and spectacular.
• The camaraderie between the guests is palpable, with each one-upping the other’s mortifying anecdotes, only to pile on the laughter and self-deprecation.

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Where to Find the Guests

• Erica Rhodes:

  • Instagram: @ericarhodes
  • Website: ericarodescomedy.com
  • Live tour: “Call Me Crazy”

• Steve Agee:

  • Instagram: @steveagee
  • Watch Peacemaker (season 1 and 2) on HBO Max
  • Look out for his recurring “homeless man” on New Girl

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For anyone who’s ever felt like their life is a string of disasters: this episode is a cathartic laugh—reminding us that sometimes the best way to process humiliation is to revel in it together, on a podcast.

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Transcript

[Jameela Jamil]

Lifelock.

[Erica Rhodes]

How can I help?

[Jameela Jamil]

The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't.

[Steve Agee]

One in four tax paying Americans has paid the price of identity fraud.

[Erica Rhodes]

What do I do?

[Steve Agee]

My refund though. I'm freaking out.

[Erica Rhodes]

Don't worry, I can fix this.

[Steve Agee]

Lifelock fixes identity theft, guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million in coverage.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so relieved.

[Steve Agee]

No problem.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'll be with you every step of the way.

[Steve Agee]

One in four was a fraud paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com Special offer terms apply ACAST Powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hey everybody, I'm Naomi Ekparigan. And I'm Andy Beckerman. We're a real life couple and a.

[Jameela Jamil]

Real life couple of comedians.

[Steve Agee]

And we're the hosts of the podcast Couples Therapy. We're the only comedy relationship podcast ever. Yeah, I said it. And we're so good. We've been written up in both the New York Times and we made Grindr's list of top podcasts. Yes, we're giving you that high, low appeal trust. On the show, we talk to guests like Bob the Drag Queen, Angelica Ross, Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Danny Pudi, Darcy Carden, Paul F. Tompkins, and more. All about love, mental health, and everything in between. And we answer your relationship questions. We are two unlicensed comedians just trying to help you out. So open your hearts, loosen your butts because we got a lot of laughs and a lot of real talk just for you. Download Couples Therapy Wherever you get your podcasts, ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil. This is the show where dignity goes to die. I have a feeling it's going to die a terrible, terrible death today. I am always joyful by funny and sometimes very outrageous people. I have two guests who perfectly fit that description. Joining me today, we have a comedian and actress who has appeared on Veep, New Girl, Modern Family, and the Late show with Stephen Colbert. You can watch her comedy special, Livy on Rhodes on Amazon. And she's on her Call Me Crazy tour. Tickets available at ericarodescomedy.com it's Erica motherfucking Rhodes.

[Steve Agee]

Man. What a resume.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Wow. I forgot I did any of that.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know, it's crazy. It just goes by in a flash too, doesn't it? If it wasn't on camera, I wouldn't believe any of my Life. I wasn't gonna be like, I don't believe your life. I do believe your life. I'm a big fan, but I'm also thrilled to welcome a comedian, writer, musician, and actor from the Guardians of the Galaxy, Abbott Elementary, Peacemaker, the Sarah Silverman Program, New Girl, the Suicide Squad. You can hear him now on Creature Commandos. And according to IMDb, he played man on the street in a movie called Kicked in the Nuts. He's Steve fucking Agee.

[Steve Agee]

Kicked in the nuts. By the way, my scene was shot about two blocks from here. I won't say where we are.

[Erica Rhodes]

Was that a film?

[Steve Agee]

No, it was a web short about a guy who just. Mike Henry. He was on Family Guy, and he was a guy who's. It was like one of those reality shows, like a prank show. He's in a red wig and a jumpsuit, and he just runs out and kicks random people in the nuts. And he's like, you've been kicked in the nuts? Yeah. I'm coming out of a porn shop, and there was a porn shop, and I was like. And they're shooting it from across the street. So they're like, okay, you just go in there and wait for, like, one minute while we get set up. So I just walk into a porn. Porn shop on Ventura, and I'm standing there, the guy's like, can I help you? Like, no. I'm going to leave in about 45 more seconds. And then I walk out and get kicked in the nuts.

[Jameela Jamil]

When was this?

[Steve Agee]

2003.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, good. I was just. I was like, God, the strike really hit some of us harder than others.

[Steve Agee]

Pre anything. This is, like, my first credit.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did you do your own stunts?

[Steve Agee]

I did. I wore a cup and let him just go to town.

[Jameela Jamil]

How protective is the cup? I've always wanted to.

[Steve Agee]

Pretty good. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank God. Cause I kicked a stuntman in the dick when I was on Marvel. And I've thought about it truly every week since, as to whether or not he's having fertility tests and finding out, having to break it to his girlfriend, that I've ruined his fertility. I just missed his stomach. I think he just had, like, a stomach pad because that's where I was supposed to kick him with my big boot.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, you missed.

[Jameela Jamil]

I missed?

[Steve Agee]

Oh, he probably wasn't ready for that.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was from the look on his face. I'm not sure he was wearing a cup. I will be honest.

[Steve Agee]

No, probably not.

[Jameela Jamil]

Either way, I'm a bad boy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did it feel soft or hard when you.

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't remember. I Don't remember. All I could think about was myself, really in the moment, as to how mortified I was. Cause I'm a piece of shit. I was talking to Steve before you got here, who was telling me about a confidence low on set when you had to play a homeless man on New Girl. Would you mind telling Erica.

[Steve Agee]

One of my many homeless guy roles was recurring one on New Girl. That was the longest running homeless guy I've ever been. And I had at the time already done like 10 episodes. And I showed up, I think was my birthday also. I'm not 100% sure on that, though. But I showed up in the morning, went into hair and makeup, sat down, and the makeup girl just goes, you're good to go.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

[Steve Agee]

They usually would spend half an hour putting dirt, fake movie dirt on my face, fucking up my hair. And I had none of that on me. And she just goes, you're ready to go.

[Jameela Jamil]

What did she say to you? What were her exact words?

[Steve Agee]

Again, you're good to go.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it was something like, you look great.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah, you're good. You look great.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

I was so fucking bummed out. I went back to the trailer and I was like, what the fuck, man?

[Erica Rhodes]

You're like, do you want to change my outfit, maybe? Like, what about my clothes?

[Jameela Jamil]

Wasn't it your birthday?

[Steve Agee]

I think it was my birthday.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

Not 100%, because at 1. I think it was. Because at one time I was working on Guardians of the Galaxy 2. They wanted me to fly out, and I told my agent. I was like, that's my birthday, and it's literally one day. I hate flying, too. I was like, I don't wanna fly out for one day and then fly back. And it's my birthday and I'm a whore. So I was like, yeah, I'll do it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

So I think that was. I think that was the day.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've learned once from actually saying out loud, it's my birthday to production. Don't say that.

[Erica Rhodes]

They don't give a shit. Yeah, they don't give a shit.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why would anyone. I'm a grown adult woman. Who cares that it's my birthday?

[Steve Agee]

No, I didn't tell any of them.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was like, 30. I think it was, like, one of my first ever projects, and I've never made that mistake again. I was like, oh, gu. Would it be possible to film this another day? It's just that that's my birthday. What am I, 12?

[Steve Agee]

You want a cookie?

[Jameela Jamil]

That's embarrassing. Yeah. Erica, you've been going viral of late for talking about a date that you had.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

And some dirty talk you had. And I'm just terrified that someone listening to this might not have heard how that went down. Can you tell us?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes. I was on a date and the guy said, I look like JonBenet Ramsey if she were still alive.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, my fucking God.

[Erica Rhodes]

And I was like, you look like the killer if they found him. And we had a really fun night of role playing.

[Steve Agee]

Were you wearing, like, a pageant?

[Erica Rhodes]

I was wearing my normal clothes. Maybe my hair was a little curlier and maybe lipstick. Like, bright lipstick.

[Steve Agee]

It's the bangs. Maybe it's the bangs and the blondes. Wow.

[Erica Rhodes]

Kind of like said he just went for it 100%. You know.

[Jameela Jamil]

When it comes to chaos and disaster, which is the subject of this show, how do you feel about it? Do you make your peace with disaster in the moment, or does it have to happen several years later on a podcast?

[Steve Agee]

Oh, I'm 56. I've retired to the fact that my life is a fucking disaster.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just one long humiliation.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, me too. I, like, write the jokes in the moment about it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Great, great. So you've developed a fast processing speed. Would you be able to bless me with micro humiliation? Let's start with you.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, yeah. So I moved to LA in 95, and one of my first apartments was on Sycamore between Franklin and Hollywood Boulevard. So, like, near the Magic Castle and just around the corner from the Chinese Theater. And I'd been living there in a studio apartment in just a dump, and I was doing laundry.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's kind of like where the sort of, like, sex worker sort of area. And Pretty Woman is sort of based. Right?

[Steve Agee]

And drugs.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, yes. Love it. I'm just trying to get a picture for it. What year is this?

[Steve Agee]

95, I think. Oh, it's at peak, maybe 96. But, yes, it was. Hollywood Boulevard was not as glamorous as it. By the way, Hollywood Boulevard still sucks.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Steve Agee]

I'm always baffled by the tourists that I see who are like, they think this is Hollywood.

[Jameela Jamil]

Honestly, you would be so horrified by me because I'm obsessed with Whoopi Goldberg. And so I went to the Hollywood Walk of Fame when I was, like, 22. This was 15 years ago when it was still quite dirty. And I got down on the ground and kissed her walk of her star. Oh, my God, I kissed her star. And then I spooned it. Like, there's a picture of me that I can release for the public today. Of me spooning Whoopi Goldbergs. I'm sure that, like, that's all my immune system, like, problems.

[Steve Agee]

We know where all this started.

[Jameela Jamil]

I swear I got an autoimmune disease that day.

[Erica Rhodes]

Like, shock.

[Jameela Jamil]

I had no idea. It all seemed so beautiful to me. Because I'm foreign. It's only now that I live here.

[Steve Agee]

Nobody washes those stars.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's insane that I don't have syphilis from doing that. Yeah, Fuck no. They wash it with, like, piss and drugs.

[Steve Agee]

Exactly. Piss and drugs.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. Anyway, okay, so you were living.

[Steve Agee]

So I'm doing laundry this one day, and the full load is down in the basement in the laundry room. And I decided to go to the market. There's, like, a bodega nearby across the street. And I decided to go down and get some milk and water and stuff. And so I walk down, walk across Hollywood Boulevard, go into this. It's basically a liquor store. I get, you know, a bunch of water and I think some. Probably some sodas and, like, cereal and stuff.

[Jameela Jamil]

By the way, sorry, Just point out someone was saying the other day online that no one knows your lowest lows. Like, the people who work at the shop closest to your house.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Fucking day. Know me by named out when I saw it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Steve Agee]

Hey, Steve. And you're like, hey, David, welcome back.

[Erica Rhodes]

6:00Am Again.

[Steve Agee]

And so they filled two giant plastic bags of stuff. And I walk back out, and I'm at the corner of Sycamore and Hollywood Boulevard, waiting to cross. And it's five o', clock, it's rush hour, and it's Hollywood Boulevard, so it's always packed anyway. And it's just nonstop traffic. And the light turns green. I start to walk. I get about halfway across the street. I'm wearing sweats because it's laundry day, no drawstring. And my wallet and a bunch of other shit is in my sweats, just weighing it down, weighing it down. My pants, my sweats fall down to my ankles. I'm not wearing underwear.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my gosh.

[Steve Agee]

And I can't grab them to pull them up. I'm in the middle of the intersection, which is about to turn. And so I just kind of shuffle with my dick and ass out the rest of the way across the street. Kind of hobble up onto the curb where I put my shit down.

[Jameela Jamil]

There's also no way for anyone to help you in that situation.

[Steve Agee]

No. And people are fucking honking and laughing, and I have to pull my sweats up. And I know they're just Gonna fall again. So luckily they're sweats. I pull em up to my fucking tits, grab the bags, and then I use my elbows to hold the waistband and walk the remaining hundred yards to my apartment.

[Jameela Jamil]

Horrifying.

[Erica Rhodes]

There are other people that were in the same predicament on that street, though.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I would imagine if you're gonna. If it's gonna happen anywhere, it's gonna happen too.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Welcome to Hollywood.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

What's your dream?

[Steve Agee]

And I wasn't doing comedy or I was a musician at that point. I was going to the Musicians Institute right down the street and was mortified.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I was like, did anyone, you know, see you?

[Steve Agee]

No, not that I know. Maybe.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is that what ended your music career? No.

[Steve Agee]

Joking. No, that was just lack of drive.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is absolutely horrifying. What was it that stopped you from just immediately putting your bags down in the middle of the road and pulling your pants back up?

[Steve Agee]

Yeah, in my head I was like, if I put these down and then pull it back up, I'm gonna have to then put like, oh, and then.

[Erica Rhodes]

They'Re gonna go down.

[Steve Agee]

In my head I was like, it's just better if I just finished the.

[Jameela Jamil]

Everyone's already seen my dick, it's time to go.

[Steve Agee]

Because I didn't really stop. It kind of happened and I paused and started hearing horns honking.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know what though, as well also, the having to put the bags down in the first place means bending over and opening up your asshole. It's actually worse.

[Steve Agee]

Hundred percent.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hundreds of people. Yeah.

[Steve Agee]

It was a no win situation to begin with.

[Jameela Jamil]

No. 100%. That is fucking harrowing. That is the sort of thing people have nightmares about. I'm so sorry.

[Steve Agee]

Terrible.

[Jameela Jamil]

Are you okay?

[Steve Agee]

I mean, clearly I'm not.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Steve Agee]

Look what I do for a living.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did you learn anything from that?

[Steve Agee]

Drawstrings?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that same one pair of underwear. What about you? Do you have any micro humiliations for me today, Erica?

[Erica Rhodes]

Well, one time when I was in New York, I was in love with this guy and he was ignoring me. And so I was like, I'm gonna make him jealous. So I decided to try to get hit on by somebody. And the first guy that walked by looked like he was in a rock band. Like, he looked really cool. He had long hair and he looked edgy and cool. And he was like, do you have a cigarette? And I was like, yeah, that was like when I was fake smoking to look for.

[Jameela Jamil]

How old were you at the time?

[Erica Rhodes]

I was probably like 21.

[Jameela Jamil]

Perfect.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. And so I was like, he's the one. I'm gonna use him to make my boyfriend jealous. And so they're like, we're hanging out. You wanna come with us? And I was like, yeah. And we get on the train and we go all the way downtown. We get to his apartment. There's like, 20 guys living in the same apartment on bunk beds.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, I've seen this horror movie.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, it was so bad that I was like, no, we're not staying here. So I made him go all the way uptown to my apartment. And by then, now, like, I had. You know, I was a little tipsy. And now it's wearing off. And now I'm like, who the hell is this guy? And he's telling me this story about him, like, what he does for a living. And he's like, I am a Native Americans professor at nyu. That's what he tells me. And I was like, wow. Not only is he edgy and cool, but he's smart, too. He's, like an intellectual, you know, and he's, like, cultured and, like, cool. So now we're, like, going all the way uptown. The buzz is wearing off. Now we're in my apartment, he tries to make out with me. And I immediately am like, who is it? Like, why is this guy in my bed? I'm not attracted to him. He's, like, really tall and skinny. And I'm not. I'm like. I feel like I'm kissing a girl. And I just felt very unattracted suddenly. And I fake sleep. I just pretend to fall asleep.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you do a snore? I was one night.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, I think I just went out, like, fast. I just went like this and just played dead, you know?

[Jameela Jamil]

Got narcolepsy.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. A guy's not gonna mess with that, you know, so. And he smelled. Yeah, he just reeked of cigarettes. Like, it wasn't attractive. And so then we wake up in the morning and he's already putting his shirt on, and he's like, what are you gonna do today? And I was like, probably go to yoga and do some writing. And he's like. Calls me a nerd.

[Jameela Jamil]

Nerd.

[Erica Rhodes]

And I was like, what are you gonna do? And he's like, I don't know, to hang out with my guys or whatever. And so finally he leaves, and I'm so relieved he left. And I think about going to yoga, and then I realize, yeah, I don't really feel like going to yoga. I'm gonna do some therapy, shopping, you know? So I go all the way down to 34th and there's a big H and M there. And I get out of the train, like, ready to go shopping. Huge billboard of that guy in his underwear. He's an underwear model.

[Jameela Jamil]

He's a supermodel and kicked a supermodel out of your bed.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's the guy. And he said he was a Native American professor.

[Steve Agee]

What the fuck?

[Erica Rhodes]

And he's this hot guy in his underpants, like a billboard, making fun of me for the whole night. And even my. And the guy.

[Jameela Jamil]

That would have been the best way to make your actual boyfriend jealous.

[Erica Rhodes]

I know, but he didn't even notice. I ignored him all night. That guy was like, what's up? The next morning I was like, I wish I could tell you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. I wish I had a better encounter to be able to tell you. Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

I wish I had a photo with that guy. Yeah, he was a prick. But it was just so weird to see. It wasn't a small photo. It was like a billboard.

[Jameela Jamil]

New York. 84 foot billboard.

[Erica Rhodes]

Huge H and M billboard of the guy.

[Steve Agee]

I thought you were gonna say you got out of the cabaret off the train and he was there doing some shopping or something.

[Erica Rhodes]

That would be more normal.

[Steve Agee]

Busted. You lying.

[Erica Rhodes]

This is the weirdest coincidence.

[Jameela Jamil]

And also then you have to keep looking at it all the time.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I mean, I still went in.

[Jameela Jamil]

If he'd been less of a prick, I'd be more sad for you. But thankfully, I think it was still.

[Erica Rhodes]

The right decision.

[Steve Agee]

I still had 20 roommates in one.

[Erica Rhodes]

Party and he was a pathological liar 100%.

[Steve Agee]

Why I say you're a model. I mean, honestly, you're an underwear model.

[Erica Rhodes]

Go see my billboard.

[Steve Agee]

Fucking weirdo. Fucking psycho.

[Jameela Jamil]

The dating scene in New York terrifies me supremely. I'm. I'm very afraid of it.

[Erica Rhodes]

I think it is a little bit weird out there.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Unlike la, which is totally normal, I hear. And everyone seems very sane about it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, they're wonderful.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, yeah. I actually, when I first got here, I went on 11 dates in 11 days.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, really?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. I joined Tinder. I was trying. I was trying to, like, I was. I was like writing a piece for Cosmo, but I was also trying to get back at James. Like, it was like early doors in our relationship. And I went on 11 dates and 11 days all at 11am I don't have. I'm not one of those. I'm not one of those numerology people. I just thought it was less likely I'd be assaulted at 11am and I made them Stand outside a police station with me while we would just drink coffee in the street and get to know each other. Are you sure that it was a. This is what I call a day interrogation. Yeah, totally. They probably thought I was in the FBI or something. It was really, really interesting. I know. Yeah. Weirdly, I didn't get a kiss or.

[Erica Rhodes]

A shag, but did anyone get a second date?

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Erica Rhodes]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

No. But I think that's mostly because they didn't want to go on a second date with me. Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Setting up for failure situation.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly. Wow. We'll be right back after the break. Big news. Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones at home or work.

[Steve Agee]

Wait, we're going on tour?

[Jameela Jamil]

Not a tour. We're delivering and setting up customers phones so it's easier to upgrade.

[Steve Agee]

Let's get in the tour bus and hit the road.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, not a tour bus. It's a regular car we use to deliver and set up customers phones at home or work.

[Steve Agee]

Are you a groupie on this tour?

[Jameela Jamil]

We deliver and set up phones. It's not a tour.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, you're definitely a groupie.

[Jameela Jamil]

Introducing store to door switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery wherever you're at.

[Steve Agee]

Delivery available for select devices [e-mail] dreaming of getting the all new iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

[Jameela Jamil]

Then stay in bed and let a Boost Mobile expert deliver and set it up for you.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, actually they will have to get up and open the door.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, right.

[Steve Agee]

Delivery available for select devices [e-mail] terms apply.

[Jameela Jamil]

Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones.

[Steve Agee]

Wait, we're going on tour?

[Jameela Jamil]

We're delivering and setting up customers phones.

[Steve Agee]

It's not a tour.

[Jameela Jamil]

Not with that attitude. Introducing store to door switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery.

[Steve Agee]

Delivery available for select devices [e-mail].

[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back. Okay, Steve.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Give me your big wrong term. Give me something juicy.

[Steve Agee]

I have passed maybe four kidney stones in my life. Never a pleasant experience. I do have a. I'm on 14, so I'm what, 14?

[Jameela Jamil]

I was on antibiotics. Well, if it was I win. You're lucky it's not.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh my God.

[Steve Agee]

I have a really high pain threshold. So I've only gone into the hospital twice for it. And those were both.

[Jameela Jamil]

Feels like you're bragging now.

[Steve Agee]

Those both became times I got to do morphine. Morphine whole.

[Jameela Jamil]

The best shit ever. Yeah, yeah. I was once on it. For, like, six months. When I was younger, I got hit by a car. I still describe it as the best year of my life. Like, nothing I've ever done, being on the Good Place, going to the gold, nothing I've ever done has ever compared to that. Six months. Like, whenever people are like, oh. I'm like, no, take me back. If I could be frozen at any time in life, it would be that. Watching television all day, eating ice cream with a drip that I control the button of. Of morphine.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, fucking ache. That's amazing you're still alive, isn't it?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Steve Agee]

Cause it's really.

[Jameela Jamil]

I mean, I really can't believe I didn't become, like, a crackhead after that.

[Erica Rhodes]

What does it make you feel? Why is it so.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like being. I don't wanna encourage anyone, but it is like being kissed on the inside of your veins.

[Erica Rhodes]

Absurd. God.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like being kissed on the inside of your veins by angels is the only way I could describe it. I don't know how you feel.

[Steve Agee]

It starts when she put the needle into the iv. I was really nervous. I was like, how long does it take? And she's like, you're gonna feel it before I finish this sentence. And it was like warmth in my stomach that radiated out.

[Jameela Jamil]

The sound is. It's the Little Mermaid. Like, you hear the Little Mermaid, by.

[Steve Agee]

The way for hours, by the way. You still feel the pain. You just don't give a fuck.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes. Really?

[Steve Agee]

I was like, I still feel this and I don't feel happy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Does it feel like someone else is feeling it? Like you're detached from.

[Steve Agee]

No, I'm like, oh, yeah, there's someone stabbing me in my kidney.

[Jameela Jamil]

Coming off it, if you've been on it for a long time, feels like someone's gouging your eyeballs out with, like, a closed fist. It's crazy. So that's why you shouldn't do it and you shouldn't enjoy it as much as I just hugely sold it to you. Because coming off it was the worst time of my life. So it contrasts with the best time of my life.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Steve Agee]

So there was one time I had a kidney.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now it just sounds like I'm saying, stay on it forever, kids.

[Steve Agee]

It's very difficult.

[Jameela Jamil]

That feels responsible.

[Steve Agee]

It's really difficult to get, though. So it's.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank God.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I've been trying.

[Steve Agee]

The last kidney stone I had was too big to pass, and so we had to schedule a surgery. And I went to my urologist and he said, there's Two kinds we can do. We can do a shockwave lithotripsy where you lay on a table and we send shock waves that break it up. And then later, you pee out the dust over time and you never feel it. And I was like, great. This is amazing. He's like, the other one. We can go in through your penis with a camera and laser it and pull this stuff out. He's like, it's even more accurate. And I was like, let's do the shockwave one. And so we make the appointment. I show up, and I feel the.

[Jameela Jamil]

Pain in my penis. I didn't have one.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, just wait.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've just crossed my legs a second time over.

[Steve Agee]

Just wait. So I show up, and I'm in my gown, I'm waiting. The doctor shows up, and he's looking at my chart, and he's like, oh, you weigh 295 pounds. And I go, yeah, I just lost, like, 40 pounds. Isn't that amazing? He's like, you're too heavy to do the shockwave.

[Erica Rhodes]

What?

[Steve Agee]

He's like, what? We usually don't do it over. 290. And I was 295. And he's like. I said, well, give me a week. I can lose five pounds in a week. He's like, no, we'll just do the laser. You're here right now. And I was like, I don't want to do that one. And he's like, you're asleep. You feel nothing. And I caved in. I said, okay. So they put me to sleep. It really is. You wake up, you blink your eye, and you're awake. And it's. I was still high, and the nurse was like, your ride's here. We can't let you go until we see that you can pee on your own. And so they give me one of those clear plastic bottles. And I didn't give. I was so high. I just pulled up my gown, started to pee in it, and it was 100% blood. It was so red. And I didn't care because I was so high. And I was like, oh, my God. If I wasn't still high from the anesthesia, I would probably faint. And she's like, that's normal. Because of the surgery, by the end of the day, it'll be back to normal. You can go. And by the way, they put a stent in you.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

Which is a tube that goes from your bladder to your kidney so it doesn't swell shut.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And I go, when do I get that out? She goes, two weeks. Make an appointment. And so I called to make the appointment, and I say, do I go back to the same surgery center? She's like, no, you just come to the office and we'll take it out. And don't you have to put me to sleep? She's like, no, you just come in and we take it out. I'm like, but it's in my kidney. She's like, yeah, it's no problem. And so for two weeks, I am just on the Internet googling the removal of stents from ureters and reading the most horrific shit I've ever read. And so the day finally comes, and I go to the urologist's office. I smoke an entire joint in my car because I'm so nervous. And I go in, and the nurse sees me. She's like, oh, you look nervous. I go, yeah. She's like, look, we booked this for half an hour. She's like, but it will be over in two minutes. She's like, follow me. And so I go through the office where I've been a million times.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've heard that line before.

[Steve Agee]

But go to a corner of the office where I've never. We go down a hallway I've never been down before to an examining room. She opens the door, and there's a table with stirrups.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, no.

[Steve Agee]

I immediately know what's gonna happen. And she's like, take everything off from the waist down. Get on the table and put your legs in the stool.

[Jameela Jamil]

This feels like a humiliation ritual.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, this is awful.

[Steve Agee]

Put the blanket over your knees.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also just a regular Pap Smith. But. Yeah, go on. Right?

[Erica Rhodes]

What we do every month, you guys.

[Steve Agee]

I was like, so this. I was already, like, mortified. And so she leaves. I take off my pants and my underwear. I get on the table. I'm like. My nuts are hanging out. And I, like, put a blanket. It's cold. And I was like, this is so uncool. And she comes in, and she's, like, putting on gloves and stuff. And I said, oh, my God, She's a nurse. I go, are you taking this out? She's like, no, I'm just. I'm gonna numb you up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Numb you up.

[Steve Agee]

And she takes this, like, gun off the wall that's, like. It looks like a glue gun. It's, like, pointed on the tip. And I feel her grab my penis and put the mitered end into the tip of my penis. And then all of a sudden, almost like morphine, a massive rush of heat right up through my Dick into my guts. Couldn't feel anything. I was like, wow, that's amazing. And she's like, you feel anything? I go, no. She's like, okay. And she goes. Doctor comes in. He's just like, all right, let's get this thing out of you. Like, so nonchalant. And he grabs, you know, this table with a computer and a monitor on it, and he turns it on, and he pulls out this long, like, wand that's got a camera on the end of it. And then he pulls out another one that's got, like, grabbers on it. And they are both as wide as this cable.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And I go, how are you gonna fit both those in? And he goes, with this. And he pulls out a pipe that I swear to God is as wide as my thumb. It's ceramic.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And I feel him, in one clear motion, just shove it into my dick.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God. I can't take.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, no pain, but a lot of pressure. I can feel that something unnatural has just happened. And we're on the second floor, and I'm just, like, looking out the window at this park, watching people play, trying to, like, disassociate.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And he goes, do you wanna watch? And I go, no. No, I don't.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why the fuck would you wanna watch?

[Erica Rhodes]

It's on a screen.

[Steve Agee]

Well, yeah. He's like, looking.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And he has to go in and grab this thing and my bladder. And it took a lot longer than I thought it was gonna take. And then he goes, okay, I got it. And I thought it was gonna be like, we're gonna get this thing out. Just a few more minutes. He pulled it out like he was starting a lawnmower. Just, boosh. And he goes, all right, you're good to go. And I was sweating and, like, fucking so in shock.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And he's like, yeah, just see the receptionist on your way out. And, yeah, good job. He said, good job. And so he leaves. The nurse leaves. And I sat on this table for, like, five minutes, just going, what the fuck just happened? And my hands were, like, trembling like I'd been assaulted. I get up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

I don't even have the patience to, like, put on my socks and, like, my underwear. I just put them in the hand thing from my hoodie. Put on my sweats. I'm wearing sweatshirts.

[Jameela Jamil]

Puts down to your ankles. And you shuffled out.

[Steve Agee]

And then on the table, I could see the stent that he had pulled out. And I was like, I wanted to just leave. But I said, I gotta take a photo with this thing.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Agee]

So I grab it and I hold it up. I don't have it readily available. I'll show you guys later. But I take a photo and I look so in shock. And then I leave. And I sat in my car for, like, two hours in the parking garage, like, trying to process that whole event.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's like, usually they tell you what's gonna happen as they do it, you know, they're usually like, now we're gonna do this. Now you're gonna feel a little pressure. It's so crazy to not tell you what's happening.

[Jameela Jamil]

But also. But then maybe it's worse to know.

[Steve Agee]

I basically knew from all my research.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, maybe they don't want to freak you out. That is horrifying. Please, please, can we have the photo for this episode?

[Steve Agee]

Absolutely.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you. You should put your photo of the.

[Erica Rhodes]

Star next to his.

[Jameela Jamil]

It will be. I can't wait to see maybe you in a pageant outfit. Perfect.

[Steve Agee]

It looks like an. It's white. It looks like an apple phone charger. And they're curled on the end so that they don't slide out of your body so they stay in place.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is. That is horrifying.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God. I feel, like, horrified. I don't think I'd be brave.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's not great.

[Steve Agee]

It wasn't fun.

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Erica Rhodes]

God, medical stuff is so scary.

[Steve Agee]

Drink your water. Drink a lot of water, folks.

[Jameela Jamil]

Drink your water. Yeah, don't drink sparkling water. I. When I had my. So I had kidney stones for a hundred days in 2018, which is like some sort of a world record. Yeah. In one year, just like straight 100 days. But it's because I'd never had, like, LaCroix before. And so I was like, it. To me, it was like the fanciest drink in the world. So I became addicted. Addicted to, like, sparkling water. I'd never really been into it, but it's got flavoring in America. So I was just like lacroix Sprint. Like all these different drinks. And I was drinking. I'd kind of replaced normal water with sparkling water. And then the more kidney stones I would get, the more sparkling water I would drink, not knowing I was getting. I had a specific. The calcium ones or whatever that you get from drinking sparkling water. So I was giving myself kidney stones for a hundred days. It was insane. It was like I must have swallowed a bomb worth of fucking, like, antibiotics. But all the while, I'm trying to get rid of them with the very thing that's giving it to me. The ultimate fucking wrong turn.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, my God, that's brutal.

[Jameela Jamil]

So humiliating. Anyway, we'll be right back after the break. This is Ayo Akemwaleere from the Athletic FC podcast.

[Steve Agee]

Buying a car should be exciting, not exhausting. And if you're looking for a gleaming SUV to replace your old banger or.

[Jameela Jamil]

You'Re taking the plunge and going electric.

[Erica Rhodes]

The good news is you can buy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Your car completely online on Autotrader. Really? Just go to autotrader.com and get picky. Search through dealer listings for the make, model, color, and the features that matter to you. Then just drop in your info and.

[Steve Agee]

You'Ll see all the cars that fit your budget.

[Jameela Jamil]

Really? Once you've found the car of your dreams, you can have it delivered to your driveway or you can pick it.

[Steve Agee]

Up at the dealership.

[Jameela Jamil]

Really? So buy your next car entirely online on autotrader. Head to autotrader.com or search the Autotrader app.

[Steve Agee]

It's tax season, and at Lifelock, we know you're tired of numbers, but here's a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money and refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it. Guaranteed. One last big number. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com specialoffer for the threats you can't control. Terms apply. Hello, listeners. Meet Lisa.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hey there.

[Steve Agee]

Lisa runs an online boutique specializing in sustainable fashion. With Acast, she found a whole new way to reach eco conscious shoppers.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yep. I recorded a quick ad targeted listeners interested in fashion and sustainability using acast's audience attributes targeting feature and set my budget. Before I knew it, people all over were hearing about my shop.

[Steve Agee]

Now that's a smart way to grow your business. Hey, Lisa, what's trending right now?

[Jameela Jamil]

Shopping sustainably. And my sales, of course.

[Steve Agee]

Start reaching your ideal audience through podcast ads with Acast. Visit go.acast.com advertise to get started.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we're back. All right, Erica, hit me. What's your big old turn?

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, geez. That one was. That's hard to compete with. Okay, mine's totally different, but I was also in New York around the same time, and I was auditioning for stuff, and I was wanting to be an actress at the time, and I finally got a big feature film and I had all These auditions. I was so excited. It was a sci fi, and my role was Clix. It was a robot. And I was, like, beyond excited. It's like a big part in a big feature film. And I told my boyfriend, I told my parents, everybody.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you've essentially made it. You're in New York City, you're in a big movie. You're a fucking superstar.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm a star, 100%. It's all happening, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

You're, like, really enjoying your final days of walking down the street, like, and being able to go to the store unbothered. Do you know what I mean? You're really taking in the supermarket of struggle. Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Everyone's gonna know my name.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, you're like, lol. The metro.

[Steve Agee]

No more subways.

[Erica Rhodes]

Hollywood, here I come.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

All right. So, yeah, so we had a fitting, and I woke. I was like, drinking a lot at the time, and I woke up hungover on some actor's couch, you know, And I was like, oh, shoot, I have my wardrobe fitting. So I, like, grabbed a cab, I rushed to the fitting. I was hungover. They handed me a contract. And it was like a lot of pa. And I was like, oh, like, I don't. I can't read this right now. I was like, my mom's a lawyer. She'd kill me if I didn't read this. But I can trust you, right? And they're like, totally.

[Steve Agee]

And then, oh, my God, been there.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then my sitting is like, that is so stressful. Asking the person handing you the contract if you can trust them is crazy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, of course. And, yeah. And then they give me my wardrobe, which is like a tiny, tiny little gold dress, you know, like, pretty much see through. And they're like, yeah, it looks great, you know, and then we go and we're shooting in Connecticut. We get there, the second we arrive on set, somebody's being whisked away in an ambulance. And they're like, don't worry, it's fine. Everything's fine. Just a little accident on set. Just a spark plug came undone. He's fine. Everyone's like, what's electrocuted?

[Jameela Jamil]

Jesus Christ.

[Erica Rhodes]

Electrocuted? He whisked away. We're still gonna have a read through. We have a read through. The director's this crazy guy, like, wearing nail polish and, like, speech, speaking Japanese. Cause I guess the investors were Japanese.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is he Japanese?

[Erica Rhodes]

He wasn't Japanese, but he spoke Japanese and he's translating. This is before Zoom. So, like, they're. They were. We did a whole reading for them. On just audio, like with a little radio. Speakerphone. Yeah, speakerphone. But for all the Japanese investors. So he's translating as we're doing the reading in Japanese as we're doing it.

[Steve Agee]

Right. I'm sure he's speaking Japanese and he's.

[Erica Rhodes]

Like, super animated and excited. And then. And then we're gonna do a read through. And now we meet all the other actors. Like, everybody's pretty nice. There's one guy that, like, brought his girlfriend, but she wasn't in it. There's two guys that are, like, playing Siamese twins. So they're, like, doing a fitting where they're gonna have to, like, be joined at the hip in their costume. And then we do a read through. We, like, they get. Get us pizza. We're in the hotel. We hear, like, in the middle of the read through, we hear on the wall, bang, bang, bang, bang. We're like, what is that? Like, bang, bang, bang. And then we hear, ah, ah. Like this girl moaning.

[Jameela Jamil]

And.

[Erica Rhodes]

And I was like, you guys, do you hear that? And they're like, what? And I was like, there's, like, moaning next door. And there's a map of where everyone is staying. And we look on the map and it's the director. And we. I was like, that sounds like the girlfriend. And then he comes, he knocks on the door in the middle of read through. He's like, how's the reading? He's in his robe. He's like, how's the reading going through? And he goes, oh. Just so you know, Alison's gonna have like, a bigger part tomorrow.

[Jameela Jamil]

She's like, my God.

[Steve Agee]

And she's gonna be walking a little Bowie.

[Jameela Jamil]

She's gonna have a kidney stone.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's gonna be a little bit tired. And so, like. So it turns out the girlfriend of the boyfriend that just came, like, she only had a couple lines, I guess I didn't know she was even in it. But they were dating. But now she's sleeping with the director. So now they're fighting. Like, the girlfriend and the actor are. And the director is, like, being a jerk. And now the special effects guy is a total disaster. He's injured the guy again. And somehow now he's like, what?

[Jameela Jamil]

The guy who got electrocuted has been electrocuted.

[Erica Rhodes]

Something else happened. He, like, fell. And so they're like, don't worry. And like, every time I see the guy, I'm like, again. Cause now he's got his arm in a sling, he's got an eye patch. And, like, all this stuff is having the Same guy for some reason. And now in the morning, when I get in my wardrobe, I have to get all painted all gold. So it takes two hours. They paint me all in gold. I have a purple wig and the tiny little gold dress. And now I have an impossible monologue to learn, too. And I somehow learned it and nailed it. And I did it. And they were like, couldn't believe I nailed it. And so I felt really good. But then now they're in a fight with the special effects guy. Cause he's clearly drunk. And now they fire him. So he's gone. The other guy's completely injured. There's, like, chaos everywhere. Everybody's fighting. The two guys who have been sharing a costume are, like, really losing it because they have to go to the bathroom together, totally joined at the hip. Like, all this crazy stuff keeps happening. And then at the very end, we think it's gonna fall apart because everybody's fighting. But we finally get to the end, and one guy doesn't know his lines. The guy who keeps getting injured doesn't know his lines. So the director's, like, freaking out, yelling at him. Everyone's mad. Finally, they're like, we're just. We have to get this. We have to get it. So we get it. They give us a card. They give me a card to read. And it says. And, like, first we all have to say Mukashi Code, because that's the name of the film and really have to be like, mukashi Code. Mukashi Code. Mukashi Code. And then we flip it over, and it says, congratulations, you're not starring in your own film. You're starring in your own reality TV show.

[Steve Agee]

Fucking way.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no.

[Erica Rhodes]

I. I sobbed. Like, I had trusted everybody. I was, like, completely committed to my craft, you know? Like, I had been calling my boyfriend. He was like, do you think something's up with this? And I was like, no, it's real.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why are you threatened by my success? Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

He was like, wow, you seem really jealous, Jeremy. And we almost break up, you know, and everything's. And I was so, like, I. I was so heartbroken. And they gave us, like, 1,000 bucks. And, like. Cause I didn't read the contract. That's all we got, you know.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, you signed the agreement before my.

[Erica Rhodes]

Rights in that wardrobe fitting. And then later, I ran into the director way, way later. And he's like, you know what the most shocking thing about the whole thing was? And I was like, that I didn't know anything. And he's like, no, that you Learned that monologue. And to this day, I remember the monologue. And this is it. My neurotransmodulators need remagnetified or my remagnant knee neurotransmogified. I am frightened. Overtly discombobulated. Seven swans of swimming. Six geese a lang. Must recalibrate my tertiary deployment syntheticoids with cortexual ionic neo exportation input rep. Rep. Rep. Replicators. Like, I can't forget it.

[Steve Agee]

Like, clearly they gave it to you to fuck you up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, they thought I'd fuck it up. And I just slaved, slaved over this monologue like, I am gonna be professional. I'm gonna nail it.

[Steve Agee]

Amazing.

[Erica Rhodes]

And they all looked at each other like, how did she learn Fitbit?

[Jameela Jamil]

The depth of horror that your big break turned out to be a prank is I punked.

[Steve Agee]

Did this air somewhere?

[Erica Rhodes]

It did. It was on amc.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. We have to track down that episode.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's called Film Fakers, Motherfuckers.

[Jameela Jamil]

Jesus Christ.

[Steve Agee]

That shitty business was fucking working. I'm mad for you. Fuck.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. And then how long was it before you booked, like, a big job after that?

[Erica Rhodes]

God, I mean, I think after that I did some children's theater tour for 200 years.

[Jameela Jamil]

Imagine going from, like, your first big.

[Erica Rhodes]

Feature to, like, children's theater where we're putting together our own set and we're performing for kindergarteners every morning at 7am and we're driving our own van across the country.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is one of the. I had no idea where that was gonna go. That was you.

[Steve Agee]

The only person not in on it.

[Erica Rhodes]

There were three of us. So three real actors and three fake actors.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

And what's even funnier and ironic is that I got my hair before I came here. The girl that played the actress who slept with the director was at my hair salon before I got here.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's so crazy.

[Erica Rhodes]

I've run into her before at my hair salon, but it had been a while and I was like, hi, Alison. And like, I don't know how I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Would ever trust anything ever again. No, imagine if I was like, this isn't a real podcast. And now all the walls come up and it's like you had a camera.

[Erica Rhodes]

I almost got fired.

[Jameela Jamil]

Imagine if that was a problem. Imagine if that was the prank.

[Erica Rhodes]

That would have been. Yeah, that's.

[Steve Agee]

That would have been fucked up.

[Erica Rhodes]

But I did book a horror film like, a year later, and I almost got fired because they wanted to do behind the scenes footage. And I was like, I don't feel Comfortable with this, like, what's going on? And finally they found out why. But like I almost got fired. Cause they're like, why is she being so difficult about like, you know, off camera stuff?

[Jameela Jamil]

That is a tragedy. Honestly. That is crazy. I'm very happy for you that you made it after that. Cause if that had been the closest you came to success, that would kill me.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah. I think it took a while. It took a while.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm the worst of pranks. Like I there keep being these fucking prank shows in England where famous people go on and they'll go through your phone and they'll send texts to a couple of your other well known friends or whatever who are on your phone now. I don't have a lot of famous friends. Like I don't know a lot of people in this industry. Cause I find everyone terrifying. So I'm not super close to these people. And they'll write like a really weird or offensive or upsetting message to me and it will. I always get picked. And then because I'm so neurodivergent, it never occurs to me that this might be weird or out of character for them. I'll respond really sincerely and like upset about what's happening. And then that will go to the chat show. But because what I've written is such a bummer, it never gets used.

[Steve Agee]

Is this like Graham Norton?

[Jameela Jamil]

Like it's not even funny. How sad I am about what they've said.

[Steve Agee]

What is this show? Is this like a Graham Norton type show?

[Jameela Jamil]

I think it's like an Allen car or something. Like some huge comedian that goes through your phone. It might not be Alan Carr, might be Michael McIntyre, I can't remember. It's some huge. But goes through your phone and I always get picked and I always bum them out so much because I'm so devastated by the prank that it's not even funny enough to publish. And then I never hear back from that famous person ever again. Cause they're like, wow, you wrote a really entire sense message back and it hurts in like your pussy. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like it hurts like in your flaps. Like hurt. Yeah, you're like, you feel. Because you just like the cringe goes like all the way through you. Like I'm actually feeling hot right now thinking about it. But there's nothing worse than fucking up a prank so badly that they don't even publish how upset you are because you're so.

[Erica Rhodes]

You're too genuine. I'm too pure for this world.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's how I would answer. Like, genuinely, there's something wrong with you.

[Jameela Jamil]

The fact that you even remembered that speech in the first place and now remember it to this day. Something's going on with your brain as well, by the way.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, I'm definitely neurodivergent. For sure. For sure.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anyway, everyone, that's enough for today.

[Steve Agee]

The end.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think we're not gonna do an audience story after that.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Erica. I'm so, so sorry for the many, many things that I happened to you, Steve. You're both hilarious and I love you. Before you go, will you tell everyone where they can find you and what you want them to listen to and watch?

[Erica Rhodes]

Just go to my Instagram, Erica Rhodes and my website's ericarodescomedy.com and come to shows.

[Steve Agee]

Yeah, yeah. Also my Instagram, teveagy. It's on all the platforms. Although I think there's maybe two platforms that I'm on. And Peacemaker season one and two are currently streaming on HBO Max.

[Jameela Jamil]

Congratulations. And everyone go back and see New Girl where you played a homeless man.

[Steve Agee]

Try and guess the one with your hair and makeup where I look horrible enough to not need makeup.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, you're a legend. Thank you so much, guys. So nice to meet you.

[Erica Rhodes]

Thanks for having me. So nice to meet you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email. Email personal disaster storiesmail.com don't forget to subscribe. Like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[Steve Agee]

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[Jameela Jamil]

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[Steve Agee]

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[Jameela Jamil]

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[Steve Agee]

Let's get in the tour bus and hit the road.

[Jameela Jamil]

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[Steve Agee]

Are you a groupie on this tour?

[Jameela Jamil]

We deliver and set up phones phones. It's not a tour.

[Steve Agee]

Oh, you're definitely a groupie.

[Jameela Jamil]

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[Steve Agee]

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