Gianmarco Soresi and Raanan Hershberg

Summary

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Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Gianmarco Soresi and Raanan Hershberg
Release Date: May 7, 2026

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Overview

In this riotous episode of “Wrong Turns,” Jameela Jamil welcomes comedians Gianmarco Soresi and Raanan Hershberg to revel in life’s most mortifying disasters, embarrassing stories, and public humiliations. The trio shares personal tales of panic attacks, failed gigs, trauma at the hands of America’s healthcare system, and schoolyard bullying—there are no morals or silver linings, just the joy of wallowing in catastrophic moments. Plus, a listener submission brings the episode to a hilariously disgusting close.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Disaster as Comedy Fuel

[04:18]

• Jameela kicks things off by probing her guests’ relationships with disaster, asking, “Is it something you welcome or desperately try to control?”
• Both comedians admit they try to avoid disaster, but as comics, can’t help but see material in every misfortune.
• Raanan: “My mom’s the same way. Anything horrible that happens, she’s like, well, it’ll be great for standup. I could like get cancer. It’s great for stand up. It’s so annoying. I mean, she’s right, but it’s annoying to hear.” (04:48)

Jealousy, Insecurity, and Musical Inspiration

[06:36]

• Conversation veers into partners using heartbreak as creative fuel, with Jameela joking about “eternal pussy of the spotless mind” when it comes to erasing her partner’s past loves.
• Jameela: “I don’t get jealous at all… It just doesn’t occur to me… I’m just happy to be here.” (08:05)

Handling Panic and Medical Anxiety

[10:28]

• Raanan discusses his health anxiety and ER trips for panic attacks.
• Raanan: “I’ve gone to the ER twice thinking I had… just for a panic attack.” (10:29)
• Jameela shares having a “sort of like a half heart attack” and being ignored by her dog, a trained service animal:
  “My trained service animal dog is just trying to bring me a plushie. I’m dying on the ground…” (11:14)

Childhood Stage Disasters and Disability

[13:33]

• Gianmarco recounts a mortifying moment: cracking his voice during a Rogers & Hammerstein musical in college:
  “The humiliation of comedy… doesn’t quite compare to cracking in a song… it is as if I was someone’s nephew who insisted: please let me perform.” (13:56, 32:22)
• Jameela follows with a tale of falling between two unsafe school stages while playing Maria in West Side Story—at a special needs school where she experienced unique forms of bullying:
  “I used to get bullied though by other kids with further disabilities than me…” (15:46)

Raanan’s Medical Nightmare: US Healthcare Fails

[17:17]

• Raanan tells the story of his girlfriend’s “eye stroke,” navigating America’s broken ambulance and ER systems.
• The ambulance waits for insurance paperwork and refuses to use a siren:
  “How shitty is your fucking insurance that we get no siren?” (19:38)
• At the ER, a doctor Zooms in from her kitchen; after taking a risky blood thinner, Raanan’s girlfriend must transfer hospitals in a storm, this time with a siren.
• Jameela: “I can’t even identify who had the wrong turn there. That’s just… you just trauma dumped.” (23:36)

Jameela’s Booty Call Medical Emergency

[24:56]

• Jameela riffs on a disastrous first date: her date collapses, loses his teeth, confesses to cocaine and Viagra, and gets a visible erection as paramedics arrive. “They put a blanket over his cock, he got a raging erection… I might have taken some ‘bag.’” (25:58)
• They have to cover his face and crotch as he's carried out, underscoring how wild—and sometimes darkly comic—emergencies can get.

Gianmarco’s Catastrophic Private Roast

[29:21]

• Gianmarco shares his “wrong turn” as a young comic: he’s hired (by his uncle) to roast a 50-year-old for $600 at a steakhouse bachelor party.
• The gig is a disaster: the crowd’s hostile, his fat jokes get shot down, and even his attempts at safe material flop. “I go… Gary’s the kind of guy you don’t want in front of you at Dunkin Donuts. He can never decide how he wants to get diabetes.” (32:37)
• Crowd immediately shuts him down: “Alright, enough with the fat jokes.” (32:56)
• He spends 25 agonizing minutes being heckled; the only laughs are at his expense.

Horror Stories of Private Gigs

[35:00]

• Jameela one-ups with a tale of a rapper flown to Mexico for a rich family’s party, forced to perform his one hit 17 times—only to have the bag of $1 million taken away at gunpoint. “Encore, yeah. He makes him play it 17 times in a row… and just as they drop him at the airport, the security pulls a gun on him and takes the bag of money back.” (36:20, 37:19)

Listener Story: Fraternity Ass Marshmallow Relay

[38:02]

• Listener Edward writes in about a fraternity hazing ritual—passing marshmallows between teammates’ butt cheeks, and the losers must eat them.
• Jameela: “What the fuck is going on with fraternity?” (38:24)
• After nearly being forced to eat an ass-marshmallow, Edward refused and left.
• Raanan: “To me it’s like…it’s kinda like when people do a drinking game and it’s like, just fucking drink… just jack each other off… You’re all being gay. Don’t pretend it’s some kind of hazing.” (39:52)
• The conversation devolves into gleeful, graphic speculation about the mechanics and implications of the hazing ritual.

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Memorable Quotes

• Jameela: “This is a podcast that celebrates the humiliating moments… no great wisdom learned, no redeeming quality. It’s just where shit happens.” (01:40)
• Raanan: “You think you look great. I shaved it. My girlfriend’s like, ‘I like you more with a beard.’ That’s such a diplomatic way to call me ugly isn’t it?—‘I like it more when your face is hidden.’” (03:58)
• Jameela: “Eternal pussy of the spotless mind.” (07:37)
• Jameela: “I don’t get jealous at all. No. To the point where it actually hurts people’s feelings. I don’t have a competitive bone in my body.” (07:42)
• Raanan: “I’ve gone to the ER twice thinking I had—just for a panic attack.” (10:29)
• Gianmarco: “The humiliation of comedy… doesn’t quite compare to cracking in a song.” (13:56)
• Jameela: “You have to be Hugh motherfucking Jackman.” (13:56)
• Jameela: “My trained service animal dog is just trying to bring me a plushie. I’m dying on the ground…” (11:14)
• Gianmarco: “This is pathetic. It is as if I was someone’s nephew, and I insisted: please let me perform.” (32:22)
• Raanan: “How shitty is your fucking insurance that we get no siren?” (19:38)
• Listener Edward by Jameela: “All the new members were told they would join after they did something called the marshmallow relay race. …the race consisted of picking up a marshmallow between your ass cheeks, waddling over to the next guy, and shaking it loose for him to grab in his cheeks. The losing team had to eat the marshmallows.” (38:44)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:18] – Attitudes toward disaster and using pain for comedy material
• [10:28] – Raanan’s hospital panic attacks, Jameela’s failed service dog
• [13:33 & 15:07] – Childhood and college stage disasters
• [17:17 & 19:38] – Raanan’s girlfriend’s “eye stroke” and American ER horror story
• [24:56] – Jameela’s catastrophic booty call medical emergency
• [29:21 & 32:22] – Gianmarco’s private roast horror story
• [35:00 & 36:20] – Jameela’s traumatizing rapper gig story
• [38:02] – Listener’s fraternity “marshmallow relay” hazing account

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Episode End: Plugs & Listener Story Aftermath

• [44:03] – Raanan plugs his Instagram @raanancomedy and his podcast “Your Favorite Movie Sucks.”
• [44:25] – Gianmarco plugs his podcast “The Downside” and upcoming comedy tours.
• [38:44-41:47] – The group deconstructs Edward’s marshmallow relay relay, exploring the homoerotic and gross hilarity.
• [41:27] – Jameela: “You know what? That’s how I want to lose in life.”

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Tone & Personality

• Playful, deeply self-deprecating, gleefully inappropriate and honest.
• No attempt to draw lessons or silver linings—this show is wholly about “where dignity goes to die.”

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For Listeners:

If you crave catharsis through cringe and want to see that the worst stuff happens to everyone (and sometimes ends up as a great party story), this episode is a riotous reminder of the universality of embarrassment, failure, and human disaster—served up with no sugarcoating, but plenty of laughs.

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Transcript

[Narrator/Host (Commercial Skit)]

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[Jamila Jamil]

Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns, where dignity goes to die. This is a podcast that celebrates the humiliating moments that happen to us that have no great silver lining, no great wisdom learned, no redeeming quality. It's just where shit happens. I'm joined by two of my truly favorite comedians in the world. At the moment, we have an actor and comedian who's performed on Comedy Central on Netflix. He's also the host of the wonderful podcast the Downside with John Marco Seresi. It's John Marcos Aracy. Hello.

[John Marco Seresi]

Hello.

[Jamila Jamil]

And we also have a writer and comedian who has appeared on the Tonight show and Comedy Central. You can watch his most recent special, Brave. It's so, so Funny on YouTube. It's Ranan Hirschman.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Thanks for having me.

[Jamila Jamil]

How are you?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Good. We have a real Jewish Bert and Ernie thing going on in this video between the two of us. His tallness is really emphasizing my trollness right now. It's like Jewish Siskel And Ebert.

[John Marco Seresi]

We're not all the same.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, and that's the point.

[John Marco Seresi]

We're trying to drive home the two

[Ranan Hirschman]

different types of Jews. Right.

[Jamila Jamil]

This is a political episode, but apparently my people are originally from the land that would be the Israel and Palestine area. But we were exiled in 10 A.D. apparently.

[Ranan Hirschman]

This is a real tough start to this podcast. You're like, all right, no, this is my wrong turn.

[Jamila Jamil]

This is my wrong turn is talking about this. I'm just saying Pakistanis are from Possible. I'm originally Jewish.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Really?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yes.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I bet we wouldn't let you in, though. It would be hard. I bet. I bet you could say that to the citizenship.

[Jamila Jamil]

How are you?

[John Marco Seresi]

Great.

[Ranan Hirschman]

No, I want you to be in. I'm just saying the Israeli government, very strict.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, we know. We tried the three state solution. Maybe we need to get to that.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I'm not, you know. Yeah, but I just, you know.

[Jamila Jamil]

So are you well?

[John Marco Seresi]

Yes, yes, I'm good. You know, touring.

[Jamila Jamil]

Touring?

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, touring.

[Jamila Jamil]

Going well.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, but you have no home. You nowhere. You don't know anything. You're just.

[Jamila Jamil]

You're untethered, don't you?

[John Marco Seresi]

Untethered? I come here. I. My. My beard guy doesn't live here anymore, so I need a new beard guy. But they're bad, and it's just chaos.

[Jamila Jamil]

You think you look great.

[Ranan Hirschman]

He's not gay, by the way.

[Jamila Jamil]

No.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Did you.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, yeah. I barely got it done in time for today.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay. Well, I mean, it's looking fantastic.

[John Marco Seresi]

Thank you.

[Jamila Jamil]

The new beard guy can stay.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, I'm going for the more homeless look with my beard. I'm just. I shaved it. And then my girlfriend's like, I like you more with a beard. And I'm like, that's such a diplomatic way to call me ugly that you're like, I like it more when your face is hidden.

[Jamila Jamil]

I do think you look really good. And I do like this beard.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Okay, well, thank you. I appreciate it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Everyone's showing up very well today.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Given this is a podcast about disasters, what is your attitude towards disaster? Is it something you welcome or is it something you desperately try to control and avoid?

[John Marco Seresi]

I try to avoid it. And then in the moment of it, when it's chaos, I do, as a comedian, go, maybe later this'll be.

[Jamila Jamil]

So this is the consistent theme on this podcast, is that we're finding out you're all sick bastards.

[John Marco Seresi]

But my mom, if I'm having a bad moment, she'll always. She'll go to that too fast. She'll go, well, this will be Great bits of it. I'm like, mom.

[Ranan Hirschman]

My mom's the same way. Anything horrible that happens, she's like, well, it'd be great for standup. I could like get cancer. It's great for stand up. It's like so annoying. I mean, she's right, but it's annoying to hear.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. I'm with a musician and he writes emotional songs and some of them are about me or his life. And anytime the conversation of me dying or us breaking up comes up around our friends, I have very precarious health. Everyone's like, without pause, it'll just be like, oh. But the album he would write, it's so fucking horrifying and hurtful, but also completely true. It would be his thriller.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Right.

[Jamila Jamil]

And that's where it would be songs in the key of life.

[John Marco Seresi]

That's where comedy, I feel more than music. You can turn a lot more things into comedy. If you shit your pants, you can't be like, well, this is going to be a great track on lp.

[Jamila Jamil]

I feel like Dua Lipa could do it.

[Ranan Hirschman]

She could do it, maybe.

[Jamila Jamil]

And only Dua Lipa. Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

I think Andre 3000, though, he talked, he's like, what do I rap about anymore? Getting a colonoscopy. And it's like, first I'd like to hear that.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Right, right.

[John Marco Seresi]

But you could definitely make comedy out of it. Who hasn't?

[Jamila Jamil]

100%.

[Ranan Hirschman]

But it's also. It's hard to make comedy. It's at a heartbreak the way it is with music. I agree. Comedy at heartbreak. You just seem, like really angry and sad on stage.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

The musicians have the heartbreak. Like, do you worry whenever you.

[Jamila Jamil]

The more pathetic you are, the more the audience is with you. I didn't mean to point at you when I said that. I felt that happens.

[Ranan Hirschman]

They instinctually point to me. That's just how it happen.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's fine. People do that with annoying towards. They generally gesture in my direction.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Do you worry if he has like, writer's block? He's like gonna want you to break up with him so he can write the great break album 100%.

[Jamila Jamil]

Because that is every musician and I support that. I'm his co producer, you know, like, I'm just like, what are we breaking

[Ranan Hirschman]

up with him is the greatest inspiration.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Marco Seresi]

What about love songs about people from the past?

[Jamila Jamil]

I mean, his biggest song is from someone in the past and I love that song, so I'm okay with that. But I. The lyrics are they like, I've the memory of those women out of him. It's pussile amnesia. Is that a thing? It's been 11 years and I've just shagged the memories away. I've created too many sex and love memories.

[Ranan Hirschman]

He has trouble performing the same.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. So he's had to, like, delete the hard drive and make space for all my memories. So.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Congratulations. Thank you very much. Yeah, well, yeah. Especially with.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. You think I have a more toned ass and I don't. I don't. I don't really. As long as the song's good, I'm fine. I don't get attached. I also don't get jealous of anyone ever. I never have experienced that, which is. Do you get very jealous? You look so much.

[John Marco Seresi]

No, not. Not me.

[Ranan Hirschman]

So when you fuck the memories of all the people. That wasn't out of any purely.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's eternal pussy of the spotless mind.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Okay.

[Jamila Jamil]

That's it.

[John Marco Seresi]

You don't get jealous at all, though?

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't get jealous at all. No. To the point where it actually hurts people's feelings. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I don't get jealous. It's not because I'm like, oh, I'm just so great. It just doesn't occur to me. And so I don't know why I would ever bother competing for anyone. Because there's 9 billion people on the planet and I feel like one of them might want me.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Right, right.

[John Marco Seresi]

I mean,

[Jamila Jamil]

there's always a way out of that, but I just don't feel jealousy. I don't know what it is. I don't have a competitive drive. I'm the fudgeing. What? I'm the last person anyone picks to be on a team sport because I'm just happy to be here.

[Ranan Hirschman]

You like mine?

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I don't. My girlfriend sometimes gets jealous, but her problem is she thinks everyone wants to have sex with me. So we both, like, share that delusion, you know? Like, it's like kind of like a

[John Marco Seresi]

bond, like jealousy and blind. That's crazy.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Like that girl the other night, that actress was hitting on you. And I'm like, that's just what I was thinking, you know? And then because I'm. I think people. Everyone wants to have sex with me too, because I'm delusional. But then I'm trying to break free from that delusion because that the key to monogamy for me is realizing that not everyone does want to have sex with you, you know?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Like, there's not really the options.

[Jamila Jamil]

That's the key to monogamy.

[John Marco Seresi]

Well, you knew what was. Because when you're in a relationship, you'll see, you know, and love. You'll be on this podcast and go, like, we were really getting along. It's like, no, that's not available. That's not available, you fool. But when you're.

[Jamila Jamil]

When.

[John Marco Seresi]

When nothing's available, everything's available.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I mean, outside of, obviously, love. But I do believe for most people, not. Not like Leonardo DiCaprio, but for most people, the key to monogamy is realizing that you can't, like, have sex with other people. That's not the. You know, you walk by a woman, you're like, oh, I could be with her. Like, yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

You know, I remind myself, I go like, well, you know, you'd have to go out first.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Right. Right.

[John Marco Seresi]

You have to go to a bar and talk. And that usually goes, oh, great.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Is being in a real life. For me, monogamy is realizing that being in a relationship is not like, even the top five reasons most women don't want to have sex with me. You know, I mean, that's not the conflict. So, you know, but. But then I try to be, you know, break free. The delusion. Then she's like, that girl was hitting on you. I'm like, God, yeah, you're right. Like, she. She, you know, enables a delusion.

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't know if it's a delusion, but I think it's good that she's. She's. She's picking a look for you that she thinks makes you cuter. You could be with one of those women who's jealous, who then makes you look worse.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'm a bad self for myself. I'm like, babe, none of these people want to have sex with me. Only you. Because you're crazy.

[Jamila Jamil]

You're an idiot. Okay, so tell me, when it comes to disaster for you, like, do you take it well? You strike me as an anxious person from your substack.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, I'm pretty anxious.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Pretty neurotic. I've gone to the ER twice thinking I had a. For. Just for a panic attack.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know, you thought it was a heart attack. So the heart attack feel like a heart attack.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That's the problem. It's. It's like this heart attack also feels like not a heart attack, you know?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

So anytime I feel like I have a heart attack, I'm like, either it's a panic attack or I have to take Tums, or it's a real Thing. But when you go to the ER for panic attack, like I went once, it was like a three hour wait and it sucks. And you can't like complain. You can't be like three hours, but then I'll feel better again, you know. Cause it's a panic attack. So you're like, I can't wait, you know. But I am.

[Jamila Jamil]

I recently had a sort of like a half heart attack. Genuinely.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Really?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. And I was lying on the floor screaming, couldn't breathe. And my dog, that is a trained service animal who's trained for exactly this sort of thing came up to me and just kept on bringing me her toy to throw for her. I'm dying on the ground and my trained service animal dog is just trying to bring me a plushie. Yeah. Unbelievable. I was like, this is going to be how I go. Is trying to like half throw this fucking like lamb for her.

[Ranan Hirschman]

You were throwing it back.

[Jamila Jamil]

Nightmare. Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

You're really a people.

[Jamila Jamil]

I was like, I wanted to have a nice last memory of me. What about you?

[John Marco Seresi]

I. I went to college for musical theater, so I had a lot of singing there. It is like the humiliation of comedy or doing badly in comedy. It just doesn't quite compare to cracking in a song. So like I. It was. I think it was senior year and it was a musical review of Rodgers and Hammerstein's songs. And I was singing this huge soliloquy. It's like eight minutes long. It's called. It's from Carousel. It's called Soliloquy. And the end he's fantasizing about, if I have a daughter, how am I gonna take care of her? And it ends with this, like, I'll go out and make it or steal it or. And it goes, it goes to the F. It goes or take. And I went, or take it or duh. And it's. It's brutal and it's all building up to that. And there's no, there's no playing at all. No, there's no.

[Jamila Jamil]

You went off the cliff. Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

And it's so front facing and so humiliating and no one can make eye contact with you. No one can say, hey, that wasn't as bad. You know, with times you go.

[Ranan Hirschman]

The crowd. Yeah. You get the audience. I like the voice, Craft.

[John Marco Seresi]

I liked it. It was so impassioned. You really proved you're not going to take care of that daughter. And it was, I mean, excruciating. And the fear of that happening, that's all my college was. I was always nervous about losing my Voice. And then that happening. And then it did also.

[Jamila Jamil]

You're a straight man.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yes. Thanks. We're trying to get the word out.

[Jamila Jamil]

And to enter into. No, but being a teenage boy and entering into musical theater is already like playing a dangerous car with your cred.

[Ranan Hirschman]

She's like, you are already in an embarrassing situation.

[Jamila Jamil]

When he said he didn't hear it. But as soon as he said, while I was at musical theater, I was like, there's your wrong turn. But no, obviously. Obviously no shade. So if you're gonna be a straight man who enters into that world, you have to be Hugh motherfucking Jackman.

[John Marco Seresi]

Exactly.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know what I mean? You have to be the best. Where it's like, of course he joined musical theater. He's the fucking best there is. And so to yodel and fail.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

At musical theater.

[John Marco Seresi]

But we found it.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, I know each other.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Embarrassing. You're like. You don't understand how embarrassing it.

[John Marco Seresi]

You thought this was a minor.

[Jamila Jamil]

I'm here.

[John Marco Seresi]

This was a minor one.

[Jamila Jamil]

Rubbed salt in the wound. We actually have a video of that moment right now.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Here you are, a straight man doing musical comedy. It's already embarrassing.

[John Marco Seresi]

You thought the story was over right there. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

He's just like, I did musical theater. All right. That is. That is. That beats Ronalds. All right, moving on.

[Jamila Jamil]

I fell off the stage once. On stage as a child. Yeah. I was doing. I think I was playing Maria in West side Story. And I was in the middle of I Feel Pretty. And I was la, la, la. Just off down the middle of the stage.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And that's amazing.

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't know why it felt, I guess, you know, you're a child and it feels like the most humiliating thing that's ever happened. And we have two stages put together. Cause it's a shitty, broke school. And so I've fallen in between the two stages, which is so fucking unsafe anyway.

[John Marco Seresi]

And we're the first production where Maria died instead of Tony.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

Good budget.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, exactly. And all the children are disabled. Right. So they haven't even.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Wait, what?

[Jamila Jamil]

I went to a disabled crime rate. Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Threw that in there.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went through it, by the way.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Everyone's disabled.

[Jamila Jamil]

We were all disabled.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Were you disabled after the fall or before? Did they throw you to make you

[Jamila Jamil]

disabled, to become disabled? Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Fall on stage. And then they couldn't get enough classmates,

[Jamila Jamil]

so they're falling down. I was deaf on and off as a child, so I was there. Yeah. And. But, you know, secured the role as Maria.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Well done. Wow.

[Jamila Jamil]

I think I could hear at that point.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I was going in and out.

[Jamila Jamil]

I used to get bullied, though, by other kids with like further disabilities than me where I would get hearing operations and I would come in and I'd be able to hear again and I would walk into the classroom and an entire. As an organized crime against me. They would all go. They'd be mouthing for anyone who's not watching this. They'd be mouthing to each other animatedly. And I would think I'd gone deaf again. It is such extreme. These are like 8 year old children with cerebral palsy and down syndrome, like all these different things who have all come together and found the most extraordinarily sophisticated way to bully me.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That's so funny.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, that's where I was at. Yeah. So I fall between the two stages and it just feels. I know I'm gonna get like. If getting my hearing back gets me bullied, like, I can't imagine what's gonna happen to me if I come out of this stage. So I just pretend to be dead and then just ruin the rest of the project.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Oh, really?

[Jamila Jamil]

We had to just go to the first break.

[Ranan Hirschman]

You should just come up and then kept on falling like it was part of your character.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Every night just repeat the trick. Yeah. Fucking embarrassing. But it feels so big when it's happening at school.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I mean, I think it's embarrassing whether you're a child or not to be singing a song in a show and

[Jamila Jamil]

fall off the stage in between the stage.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Just like a child. I feel like anyone.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, you're right. That's fair.

[Ranan Hirschman]

One singing in a production and falling off the stage survived.

[Jamila Jamil]

All of us have made each other just feel worse, infinitely worse about our lives. That's exactly why we're here. We're going to go to a quick break. All right, we're back. So, Ranan.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yes.

[Jamila Jamil]

What was your big wrong turn?

[Ranan Hirschman]

My big wrong turn? Well, this is so my. My girlfriend, she had open heart surgery and now, you know, she's fine, she's doing good and we're. Now we're. It brought us together because now we're both like out of breath when we go upstairs. It's like a bond. And I never thought I would be the healthiest person in a relationship. It is crazy.

[Jamila Jamil]

Congratulations.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Like, this is the healthier person. But anyway, so she's okay now. But she had a very scary. She had an eye stroke, you know, Eye stroke? No, it's like a stroke, but it's in the Eye. So it's like. It's like other strokes. The only difference is it's okay for her comedian boyfriend.

[Jamila Jamil]

Other parts of the body. Is it like dickstroke?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Dickstroke is a whole other thing. Yeah, no, I think it's either eye stroke or brain stroke.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay, fine. Fair.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I think those are the two.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay. She has an eye stroke.

[Ranan Hirschman]

She started seeing blind spots in her eyes. So she calls me, we're about to see a movie, and she's like, I'm getting blind spots in my eyes. And I'm like, it's just anxiety, you know? No, I'm like, just take his Xanax. But no, I. Right away, I was like, you know, call the ambulance. So we go to the ambulance. The ambulance. I always thought. So this is the first time. Have you ever been in an ambulance?

[Jamila Jamil]

No. So you go to the ambulance. The ambulance doesn't. All right.

[Ranan Hirschman]

The ambulance meets her. Okay. I couldn't be like, pick me up at the. She was meeting me. I couldn't be. Can you pick me?

[John Marco Seresi]

In America, you have to go to the ambulance is a fucking nightmare.

[Jamila Jamil]

She has a pickup option.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

20 blocks from the theater. So she called the ambulance. But, yeah, I couldn't be like, once the ambulance picks you up, can you have a pick me up? But so I go there, and she's in the back and they're waiting, and they're making her fill out her insurance, which is insane because the whole. I try to explain to the guy, the whole point of an ambulance is to drive away immediately, you know?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Like, if you don't drive away immediately, it's not even ambulance. It's just a really expensive Uber, you know? And it's like. It's insane. And I tell him that. I'm like, what are we doing? And he's like, well, we do this for everyone. And I'm like, you definitely don't do this for everyone. Because if someone has, like, a stroke, you're not like, what's your group member ID number?

[Jamila Jamil]

What do they do in America?

[Ranan Hirschman]

What is it? You know? And then finally go. And it's 100% true. Like, her insurance is kind of weird, but she fills it out. We finally go, and we get no siren on the ambulance. What?

[Jamila Jamil]

Wait, wait.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I swear to God, I turn to my girlfriend, I'm like, how shitty is your fucking insurance that we get no siren?

[Jamila Jamil]

It's a thing that's in a contract.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I guess she has some, like, horrible Medicaid bullshit where there's. I don't know. Or maybe they're just lazy and they didn't put it on.

[Jamila Jamil]

Get to beat traffic.

[Ranan Hirschman]

This was just a giant car that was going slowly. It was insane. Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

Did you ask while you're in the car, did you say, turn it on now?

[Ranan Hirschman]

I was. I just. I couldn't believe it. And then I, like. I don't know. I don't think I said anything. I think. Yeah. Let's just say in the story I said something for you.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That was my wrong turn.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. Yeah.

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[Jamila Jamil]

And now she's dead.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Now she's dead. And then we get to the hospital, and we couldn't, like, get a. We got like, the doctor was. This was a very black mirror. The doctor was on a TV screen. She couldn't come in that day for whatever reason. So she was on Zoom. Like, Zoom. Yeah. They faked her Skype.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah. The entire state club Zoom.

[Jamila Jamil]

In what basement were you taken to? Was it even an ambulance?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Or was this.

[Jamila Jamil]

Was she kidnapped?

[Ranan Hirschman]

I've just been kidnapped by a serial killer. Yeah, no, it was like. It was like one of these ers that was. I forget what the name was. It was like an ER that was in the city, but, like, I don't know, I guess a doctor for eye strokes or whatever. Wasn't there that day. But she's, like, in her kitchen talking to us. She's doing other stuff, too. It's crazy. Yeah. And she has, like, really, like. Yeah, it was so. And there was like, a little TV thing that was moving around the room looking at us. So bizarre, you know?

[Jamila Jamil]

Oh, this is hell.

[Ranan Hirschman]

It was hell.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, there's nurses there, too. Like, doing things based on what the doctor says.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Being FaceTimed in.

[John Marco Seresi]

No.

[Ranan Hirschman]

No. Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Instructing Ronan how to wash your hands in his girlfriend's office.

[Ranan Hirschman]

So she couldn't afford. That was in the insurance.

[Jamila Jamil]

Did you perform the open heart surgery on her?

[Ranan Hirschman]

That's what it said. Her boyfriend has to. So the doctor on the thing said that, like, it could be an eye stroke. And if that's the case, she has to take this. What's it called blood thinner?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. Wolfran.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Wolfran. One of those. Yeah. But it's, like, really intense.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

So, like, she'll start, like, bleeding right away. And it's so intense that she has to be monitored for, like, by the monitor. By the. By the pursuit. She has to be, like, in the. She can't go anywhere. She has to stay in the ER for, like, two days to, like.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Because if she, like, hits her head, she could have, like, blame breathing.

[Jamila Jamil]

Right, Right.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And it's like storming outside. Right. So she takes the pill and she. This might not be that funny, but she takes the pill. I might be bumping everyone. This is a whole new podcast she takes to Phil and. And she starts bleeding out of her thumbs right away. It's like she becomes like Roger Stone. It's crazy. She's like a hemophiliac. Right.

[Jamila Jamil]

And then this is a challenging wank. Yeah, yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And then the doctor says, all right, now you have to go in an ambulance to another hospital because we don't have, like, stay in home. And she just took a. She just took a pill that meant that if she, like, you know, hits her head anywhere.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. She could get a car accident.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And we have to go in an ambulance in a storm. Cause they have no, like, stay at. It was like an ER without, like, where you could stay there, you know.

[Jamila Jamil]

Holy fucking shit.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And I'm like, this is insane. It's like, first we get an ambulance without a siren, we get a doctor without an actual body, and now we have an ER without, like, a place you can stay. It was insane. So we had to go in another ambulance. We did get the siren this time.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And then we got to the other hospital. Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

That's horrifying. I can't even identify who had the wrong turn there. That's just. You just trauma dumped.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I know. I did. Just trauma.

[John Marco Seresi]

No, no, you needed it, buddy. We're here for you.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That is why I thought you said terrifying story.

[Jamila Jamil]

Well, no, disaster stories. That's a perfect disaster story. I wasn't criticizing your story. I was just like, sometimes it's about the dumb shit we do. And I was like, no one did anything dumb other than the whole of the Medicare of America.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yes. That's what. That's the wrong term. That's the fucking wrong term.

[Jamila Jamil]

Living in America.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Is that okay? Story. I feel like you're like, I just want a story about how you couldn't get it up one day.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, I love this story. I was just shocked. I was like. I was Waiting for your fuck up in it. And I was like, no, you were a perfectly good, upstanding, wonderful boyfriend.

[John Marco Seresi]

He could have asked for them to turn on the siren.

[Jamila Jamil]

That was your fucking wrong turn.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Jesus Christ. So she's okay now?

[Ranan Hirschman]

She's doing well? Yeah. I mean, she still has like a little blind spot in her eye.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

Did you see the movie eventually?

[Ranan Hirschman]

No, I did not. That was the wrong turn? No, she's doing great. She's awesome and she. She handles it. But yeah, it's a scary. Like hospitals are like a disaster. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Fucking crazy. I've never heard of or experienced. I knew it was bad. I had no idea it was that bad. I haven't really had like a medical emergency here.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Don't get it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, no, no, no. I've only. I've. I've only witnessed it once when a date had an accident and that was it. And he lost all his front teeth.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Did you punch him in the face?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, I punched him in the face. He went down on me and I have a rock solid pussy. No, he just had like an epileptic fit or something as he walked into my house. Went down right when he saw you? Yeah, yeah, I.

[Ranan Hirschman]

You have that power.

[Jamila Jamil]

Me without makeup, I'm scary. And so, yeah, he lost all his front teeth. And then I had to call the police and like the ambulance and whatever and the fire brigade, everyone came in and they were like, have you taken any drugs? And he was like, yeah, I had some cocaine, but I always take cocaine. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, you're 37. That's a red flag.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Is this a first date?

[Jamila Jamil]

First date. And it's a booty call. It's supposed to be a booty call.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Oh, it wasn't. It was just a booty call.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. So we're supposed to be booty calling. It's 11pm and they were like, have you taken any other drugs? He said, no. And then they put a blanket over him. And when they put the blanket over his cock, he got a raging erection at which.

[Ranan Hirschman]

With the blanket over the cock.

[Jamila Jamil]

He looked at me in a room full of other men and just said, I might have taken some bag. And all the fire brigade and all the police officers start laughing in his face like no one can hold it together because of the sight of him. And they have to carry him out with a covering over his face cause he was famous. And also a covering over his because he has got a full erection. So that's the only time I've ever witnessed. And they were great. And they put the sirens on.

[Ranan Hirschman]

They put the sirens on?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. I've never heard of this shit before. That is wild. So he took coke and Viagra to get ready for the night, which do two very different things to your heart.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yes.

[Jamila Jamil]

And he essentially had some sort of neurological, to be fair, 100%, because Coke makes your dick soft, so you took the erection. But one makes your heart tighter, the other one I think makes it maybe looser. I don't know exactly what happens, I'm clearly not a doctor, but they had two conflicting impacts on his heart and then he's had an entire system shut down.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Is this a guy you're with now or.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, it's not, James.

[John Marco Seresi]

I'm thinking of all the celebrities whose faces have changed. Now you just have to look for

[Jamila Jamil]

a big scar under the chin, that's all I'll say. And no, it's not Zac Efron. For fuck's sake, Paul. Zach.

[John Marco Seresi]

Exactly.

[Jamila Jamil]

I know. I felt it go into pain.

[John Marco Seresi]

I felt that changed. And.

[Jamila Jamil]

And he had a big old scar and had his teeth fixed and everything.

[John Marco Seresi]

There's a boner everywhere he goes. And you're like, oh man.

[Jamila Jamil]

Fucking nightmare. Okay, thank you so much for that story. We'll be right back after the break.

[Narrator/Host (Commercial Skit)]

We're lost. If the show starts without us, there's no hiding in the back row. I'm gonna ask that man for directions. Hi there. We're trying to get to the comedy club.

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree at this here road. Nah, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

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[Jamila Jamil]

And we're back. John Marco, what was your wrong turn?

[John Marco Seresi]

So every comic, when you start doing standup, you're overly cocky the first year or two, you really think you gotta.

[Jamila Jamil]

You need that though, right? To carry you through for sure.

[John Marco Seresi]

You need to believe that you're a Carlin or something. Something.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

And I. I got a gig through my uncle first Red Flag. And it was like, he's. It was a friend of his was having.

[Jamila Jamil]

In comedy. No, just hasn't.

[John Marco Seresi]

Real estate. Yeah, that's the problem. And it was so someone. A sort of friend of his was having a. A bachelor party for his second marriage. So he's 50.

[Jamila Jamil]

Right.

[John Marco Seresi]

And they want a private roast off the grim. Yeah. For 600 bucks, which was enormous compared to anything I was.

[Jamila Jamil]

I do that now.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah. Well. Well, wait, wait.

[Ranan Hirschman]

And.

[John Marco Seresi]

And so I'm like, going all out. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be. I want it to be good. I hire a Matt Moran who does. He does roast battles here to, like, help me write some jokes. Write all these roast jokes. 30 minutes. The set's supposed to be 30 minutes.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Please tell me you got an eye stroke in the middle of this. I want the story to be tragic.

[John Marco Seresi]

I wished so. So I write all these jokes. I meet with his son, like, to get more information about this guy. Yeah, his name's. I don't give a fuck. Gary. And he. His son. I take him to a bar. I had a bar. I'm like, tell me about your dad. And his son's like, he's just so fucking stupid, man. And I was like, okay, great, great, great, good. This is gonna be a fun time. And then I get his Instagram. I look, I look up his wife. I. I write all these jokes and he's. He's. So. Of course that's gonna be a lot of the jokes. I write some jokes about his wife, some jokes about him.

[Jamila Jamil]

He's Jewish on his second marriage.

[John Marco Seresi]

Second marriage. I was warned his great grandparents were Holocaust survivors, so no Nazi jokes. So that was a. That was a huge shot.

[Ranan Hirschman]

What a bitch. No one's great grandparents are Holocaust survivors.

[John Marco Seresi]

Exactly.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I was like, you think he's special?

[John Marco Seresi]

So I go, I get a suit from H and M so I can make some money off the gig. I get, like, a full suit from H and M. It's in New Jersey at a steakhouse. I'm listening to Eminem. Lose yourself. I'm, like, getting in the road. And in my mind, I don't know what I thought, like, it was going to be like a Friars Club roast.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

But I get there, they bring me to a back room of a cheap steakhouse, and they're all in shorts and T shirts. They're all in their 50s. They're seated in a circle. They're seated in a circle. So there's. There's no good place to stand. There's no performance going on.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, stand in the middle of them.

[John Marco Seresi]

No, I have to go around. I have to move around the whole time. But first I get there, they're not ready. They're not ready. So they say, ah, wait till the food gets here. So now I'm just standing there, just, like, waiting for the gig to begin. They say, do you want a drink? I say, I'll have a glass of Malbec. And one of them goes, you want a straw with that, you pussy? And they all laugh. And I'm like, I didn't even get the first laugh of the night.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That's pretty good.

[John Marco Seresi]

Oh, and I have no cards, too. I mean, this is. This is pathetic. It is as if I was someone's nephew, and I insisted. Please let me perform.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, Let me practice. Yeah, yeah. It's make a wish.

[John Marco Seresi]

Make a wish.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

So I start, and the jokes are like. I go, oh, Gary's the kind of guy. These are all terrible. Gary's the kind of guy you don't want in front of you at Dunkin Donuts. He can never decide how he wants to get diabetes and. Or like that. Or. Or. And the moment I say that, when he goes, all right, all right, enough with the fat jokes.

[Jamila Jamil]

All your material gone.

[John Marco Seresi]

The cards are going nuts with the fat jokes. I'm fucked. And then I make a joke. I say, oh, Gary, everyone says you love eating out. Well, everyone except for Donna. And he goes, hey, hey, hey. Her son's right there. And I'm like, her son's right there. It's easier to roast the queen than this. And I'm freaking out. 30 minutes is a long time.

[Jamila Jamil]

Really long set.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

And so I go into my own

[Ranan Hirschman]

material, especially when they judge and censure you on the spot.

[John Marco Seresi]

And so I try to pivot into my own material. I go. I went to college for musical theater. No one wants to hear this shit at all.

[Jamila Jamil]

Has 30 minutes ever felt longer in your life?

[John Marco Seresi]

Oh, I'm staring at the clock. I'm staring at the clock.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

And around. Closer to the end. I'm down to the last card. I think the joke was, I've seen pictures of Donna show his dresses to the nines to make up for being a six. And. And that's supposed to be a roast.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's a great roast.

[John Marco Seresi]

And then one of the guys goes, no, she's a two. A size two, that is. And this Gary goes, oh, that's a good joke. We should have hired you instead of this guy. Like, that's not a roast joke. That's a compliment. And I mean, and. And. And I look at the clock, and it's 25 minutes, and I think I can get away. And so I end it. They give me the money, but no one feels good.

[Ranan Hirschman]

No, it is.

[John Marco Seresi]

I could have quit that night. It was so humiliating.

[Jamila Jamil]

How did you not quit that night?

[John Marco Seresi]

I should have. Looking back on it now, I'm glad

[Jamila Jamil]

that you did it.

[Ranan Hirschman]

She's like, seriously, why would you keep going after that?

[Jamila Jamil]

Why are you still here?

[Ranan Hirschman]

You.

[John Marco Seresi]

You'll do comedy gigs where you go, oh, you don't want comed. You want comedy. But, like, this is not the mood. You just want to drink with your friends.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

And I don't think I could pull off that gig now. It was. It was a borderline unwinnable situation.

[Jamila Jamil]

I can tell you of a. Of a paid private gig that went worse. If it makes you feel better, please. Would that make you feel better?

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay. So there was this rapper, famous rapper. He had, like. Well, he had, like, one really big song, right? So he's newly famous, and he was hired to come to Mexico to play for a very wealthy family. And so there was always the possibility that this was organized crime. Sure. They had a lot of money, and they were gonna give him a million dollars just to come and do a private gig for the children. So he flies a million dollars from the chick? Yeah, he flies to Mexico. He does the gig. This was told to me by his best friend, he does the gig and he's only got this one big song, but he's got other songs he's been writing throughout his career before he popped off. And so he finishes his big song. The kids are going fucking nuts. The teenagers can't believe he's here. It's such a great day. Everyone wants to do selfies. And the dad just stoically looks at him and goes, again. He's like, what? He's like, play the song again. My kids want to hear it again. So he's like, okay, I'm getting paid a million. I'm gonna. Gonna fucking play it again. I'm gonna do a. What do you call it? What's it called when you.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Encore.

[John Marco Seresi]

Encore, yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, it's a fucking encore. So they. He plays a song again, and then the guy's like, again? And he's like, are you sure? He's like, again. So he plays it a third time and then a fourth time and then a fifth time.

[John Marco Seresi]

My God.

[Jamila Jamil]

He makes him play it 17 times in a row. And it's just him in a boombox, by the way, so it's already a little bit degrading. They're in a daylight setup of a living room with children and teenagers.

[Ranan Hirschman]

It's like a director who makes you

[Jamila Jamil]

do 110 people maybe, and at 17 goes again and again and again of your same song until the kids look bored and the kids look like they want to fucking leave. Like it's turning into, like a hostage situation.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

But he's just thinking, just get the fucking money. This guy's clearly really scary. Just do whatever he says or he's going to put a bullet in you. So he does the 17th time and the guy goes, okay, go. So he leaves and the driver takes him home and they hand him, like, a bag of a million dollars in cash. So he's got the bag, he did the job. He's so fucking relieved. He just wants to get the fuck out of there. He drives all the way back, and just as they drop him off the airport, the security pulls a gun on him and takes the bag of money back.

[John Marco Seresi]

Was it hit?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Was it the guy's security taking the money back?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, of course it was.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Wow.

[Jamila Jamil]

And so he went all the way to do all those hours on the plane. Went through a torturous, humiliating session of playing his. His big hit song 17 times. And he never, I think, wanted to play that song again. And I'm pretty sure hasn't really done much in music But.

[Ranan Hirschman]

But how much more traumatizing would that have been if it was a comedian and he did a joke and the guy's like, do the joke again. And then he had to repeat. Like, imagine you have to repeat that joke about eating pussy, like, and then

[John Marco Seresi]

pulls a gun and says, give me the $600 back.

[Jamila Jamil]

Thank you both so much. I love you both so much, and having you on this podcast was such a delight.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Oh, thanks for having me.

[Jamila Jamil]

Can I read you a quick story from one of our listeners? This is from Edward. They like to chime in. He says, my first year in college, I thought I wanted to be in a fraternity. All the new members were told they would join after they did something called the marshmallow relay race. Do you know what that is? Did you go to fraternity?

[Ranan Hirschman]

No.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, Sorry.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I know.

[Jamila Jamil]

I was just kidding.

[Ranan Hirschman]

We're both theater nerds.

[Jamila Jamil]

I love that about you. Generally, we don't like fraternity people, but we're gonna give Edward a chance. So he had to do something called the marshmallow Rito Race. Sounded mild, and we all agreed. It took a turn where we were all told to get naked. What the fuck is going on with fraternity?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

There were five groups of five, and the race consisted of picking up a marshmallow between your ass cheeks, waddling over to the next guy on your team, and shaking it loose for him to grab in his cheeks. In order to join this group, the losing team had to eat the marshmallows. I've never understood fraternity culture.

[John Marco Seresi]

I thought it was fun until the eating part.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Well, it's just like. Just fuck each other.

[John Marco Seresi]

It's a bonding thing, I think. You know, I. I talk. I've. I've, like, good guy friends, and we've. We've never seen each other naked. We've never passed a marshmallow between our asses. And I think that would be.

[Jamila Jamil]

I think that's a shame.

[John Marco Seresi]

I do.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I don't know. It's marshmallow, so you can, like. You can see, like, any. Like, it can't hide it. Like, I guess that's the point.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

Before the gig. This is one of those gigs you take a shower before if it's a marshmallow.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know who's known for washing their assholes properly? Straight fraternity boys.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Well, it's like fraternities.

[Jamila Jamil]

They are the skid mark generation.

[John Marco Seresi]

Maybe this is. This is how we curb it. We say, hey, fraternities are.

[Ranan Hirschman]

To me, it's like. It's kind of like when people do a drinking game and it's like, just fucking drink. I'm like, just jack each other off. You're all being gay. Don't pretend it's like some kind of

[John Marco Seresi]

hazing, you know, in the ass, and eat it like that.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Just suck each other off like you want to.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Pretending it's a. Like, oh, we gotta haze them. You just want to, you know, explore each other.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. You don't need to pretend 100%.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Right.

[Jamila Jamil]

Just kiss.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, just kiss. You don't eat a covered marshmallow and that chick. Covered marshmallow would look like a campfire marshmallow. You know, like, lit where it's kind of burned on the side.

[Jamila Jamil]

Chocolate covered.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Chocolate covered marshmallow. Yeah. So just. Yeah, just suck each other off.

[Jamila Jamil]

The losing team had to eat the marshmallows. God help me, but I did the race. It came down to me and another guy hoping not to finish last. My marshmallow came loose on the last leg, and my team lost. And amazingly, I was the. The only guy who refused the loser's punishment, and I walked away. P.S. what is wrong with people? Amen. And good for you, Edward.

[John Marco Seresi]

Well, I hope you don't get in the fraternity, because that's the whole thing.

[Jamila Jamil]

He didn't.

[John Marco Seresi]

Oh, he didn't.

[Jamila Jamil]

He walked away. He walked away. And you know what? He doesn't have parasites now.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Well, yeah, like, it's funny, like. Like, a gang will be like, you can't get into my gang unless you do something violent.

[Jamila Jamil]

Kill someone.

[John Marco Seresi]

Right.

[Ranan Hirschman]

But they're like, he couldn't make it to the fraternity. He wasn't tough enough to eat a shit covered marshmallow. Like, he doesn't have what it takes. Like, you don't want to have that. That's not, like, a sign of manhood. I get with a gang. You're like, he's a guy, you know, I disagree.

[Jamila Jamil]

I think it is indeed a sign of manhood.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Really.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's what I'm looking for. And I'm going to break up with James if he can't do it when

[Ranan Hirschman]

I get home, I would get out of it. I would be like, I'm on a low carb diet now. I can't have marshmallows.

[Jamila Jamil]

I still don't really know how you were able to drop the asshole unless you spread the cheeks under and you. You stick your legs up. It's.

[John Marco Seresi]

I'm very confused what you're confused about.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know, that's what I want to do. Okay, all right, I'm sorry.

[John Marco Seresi]

Here's an ass.

[Jamila Jamil]

I'M sorry. Neil Degrasse Titan. Like, go on.

[John Marco Seresi]

Here's an ass. And it's. It's barely in there. And then you. You smush and you kind of push, squeeze. And it just. Now the other asshole has. We were in a fraternity in musical theater school. We just did this for fun.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That was an acting exercise.

[John Marco Seresi]

Yes.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Before the show.

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't know. I feel like I don't want to watch Katy Perry and Gayle King pretend to go to space. I want to watch them do that. Let's do the marshmallow challenge and, like, show us how it's done.

[Ranan Hirschman]

That would be more impressive. Yeah. Less shit for that. They kind of got shit for that.

[Jamila Jamil]

I agree.

[Ranan Hirschman]

No one would be like, the world falling apart and you're eating.

[Jamila Jamil]

You got paid.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah, they should have done that. They should have done that in.

[John Marco Seresi]

That's what Bezos. That's what he should be doing with his money. Say, I'll give you a million dollars if you do this.

[Jamila Jamil]

He gave them 60 million to go up there.

[Ranan Hirschman]

There. He paid them. Really?

[Jamila Jamil]

Did they go up there, though? That's for another podcast episode.

[John Marco Seresi]

Whoa.

[Ranan Hirschman]

I see what kind of base you're trying to get. The conspiracy theory base.

[Jamila Jamil]

I'm just saying we all saw the video of the door slightly opening on the news and then quickly closing and then Jeff Bezos running and going to get a wrench to then have to open the door. Have you seen that video?

[John Marco Seresi]

Wow. Okay.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Why would they fake it? Everyone hated it. Everyone. Everyone was angry by the whole thing.

[Jamila Jamil]

I don't would have paid them 60 million to watch them all do the. The marshmallows. Yeah. Edward, thanks so much for sharing that story with you and good for you for walking away. I hope you have really good gut

[John Marco Seresi]

health 0 friends you have because you didn't join the fraternity. Love hearing that story.

[Ranan Hirschman]

It's the old phrase. If all your friends ate a covered marshmallow with you. Also do it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Exactly.

[Ranan Hirschman]

If your friends jumped their marshmallow out of their ass.

[Jamila Jamil]

Ed was a leader. He's a winner.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah. Self esteem. I appreciate.

[John Marco Seresi]

Technically, he is a loser by his own.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Seresi]

Admission.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know what? That's how I want to lose in life.

[John Marco Seresi]

That is. Yes.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah. Gianmarco and Ranan, you are, like I said, two of my favorite people. Thank you so much for coming on today. Before you go, can you tell people what they need to look at and listen to and where they can find you?

[Ranan Hirschman]

Yeah. Just follow me on Instagram. Raanancomedy R A A N a n comedy. And also you can watch my new podcast your favorite movie sucks which is on YouTube. I have a lot of great comics on there. I gotta get you on and I love to. And. And yeah, that. Yeah, that's it, you know. And see me on tour. Punchup Live. Ron on Slash Tickets.

[Jamila Jamil]

Joe Marco.

[John Marco Seresi]

I have a podcast called the Downside. We complain all sorts of stuff. It's a, it's a great show and I'm on tour all the time. Find me on all social medias at John Marco Ceraz. Going to London, going to the uk, going all over Europe and I will have a special out later this year, probably late August. So keep your eye out for that.

[Jamila Jamil]

They are two of the funniest people on the Internet. Go.

[Ranan Hirschman]

Fine. Thanks so much.

[Jamila Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jamila Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal design. You can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now by.

[Narrator/Host (Commercial Skit)]

We're lost. If the show starts without us, there's no hiding in the back row. I'm gonna ask that man for directions. Hi there. We're trying to get to the comedy club.

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree at this here road. Nah, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

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[Jamila Jamil]

Is it in you?

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