← Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil
Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil
I Weigh - The End but Not Goodbye: Jameela's Farewell AMA
00:54:28
This week Jameela is bidding a fond farewell to the I Weigh Podcast and answering listener questions. Jameela revisits how the I Weigh movement + podcast started and gives insights into what she’ll be up to next. Remember, this isn’t the end...just the beginning of new and exciting things in the next chapter! And remember, Eat. Laugh. Orgasm...but don't forget the ghosts are watching. Keep up with Jameela on Substack https://jameelajamil.substack.com/ Join the Move For Your Mind Community on IG https://www.instagram.com/moveforyourmind/?hl=en Here’s a list of Jameela’s favorite episodes to revisit: The Power Of The Period w/ Maisie Hill: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/period-power-with-maisie-hill/id1498855031?i=1000544530738 Dismantling Gender Violence w/ Dr. Jackson Katz: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dismantling-gender-violence-with-dr-jackson-katz/id1498855031?i=1000677444419 Alok: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/alok/id1498855031?i=10004...
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- [00:02]
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- [01:18]
Jameela Jamil
Hello and welcome to the last ever episode of I Weigh with Jamina Jamil, a podcast against Shame me. It's here. Oh my God. I'm gonna say I hope you're well for the last time. I love checking in on you every week. It's very surreal. It's very, very surreal. I told you for a few months this was coming and then suddenly last week I decided it's just time to rip off the band aid because otherwise I'm never gonna actually go. Because I find it so sad. Because I love this podcast so much and I've been doing it for almost five years. We have covered almost 250 subjects on this podcast and I to go on so long or to become so big, and I can't believe how many hundreds and thousands of you have stuck around from the very start. Thank you. Thank you not only for sticking around and for sharing it with other people, but also for your support, for your letters, for your messages, for your graciousness. So I've had to grow up in front of you on this podcast in the last almost five years. I've also been able to find so many of my amazing guests because you recommended them to me. You told me that they were inspiring you, and then they came on here and inspired the out of me and everyone else. So thank you. This has been a real community project and a true honor. I truly think it's one of my favourite things I've ever done in my career. I've been an interviewer for years and years and years before becoming an actor. And I really love it and I adore you. And it's fair to ask why I'm leaving. I've talked about this a few weeks ago, but in case you missed it, there's a few reasons. First of all, I love all these subjects and I kind of want to get into them in a deeper way. It's incredible to have the introduction to hundreds of new topics, all of which are very important, but in 45 minutes to an hour, you only really get to touch the surface level. You, you can't get into all of the history and the context and the nuance and, and real tangible ways to take action about these subjects. And so I think I need to figure out some sort of longer form content or miniseries around. I weigh that I can come back with. So stay tuned here and I, I will come back and let you know where I'm going. I'm not gone forever. I just need to take a beat to figure out how to push this a bit further because I love it so much. And then the other reason is that I have. I don't know if you picked up on this, but I've been going through something a little emotional all year and I've spoken about it a few times. I try not to talk about it too often because I cry every fucking time. But one of my best friends died at the start of this year in one of the most brutal and horrific ways that a person can go. And she was very, very young. She was only 39. And she left two baby girls who are only 3 years old, twins behind and they are never going to get to know how amazing she was. And I didn't get to tell her at the end how amazing she was. And I spoke to her the day before and I had no idea that would be the fucking last time that I spoke to her. And I have been going crazy not having been able to say a proper goodbye. And you know, I tend to be quite a rational and pragmatic person, sometimes quite disassociative, sometimes called Tin man by different people I have dated, which isn't great, but this one has completely thrown me and I haven't really had a full night's sleep since 2023. And I'm just haunted by it and I can't seem to get my shit together. And grief is just so fucking unpredictable because I've been through so many terrible. But for some reason this one has been the one that's kind of broken the camel's back. And I feel very sane, I feel very lucid, I feel very stable. And that's largely because of you and because of this podcast and because of how much better I've gotten when it comes to my mental health, my eating disorder and my general self esteem. All of those things have improved over the course of doing this. I don't think this is like a pathology. I think I'm just really, really, really fucking sad. And I think I can't medicate this one away. I think I have to step aside for a second and immerse myself in something very distracting and silly. And perhaps it's the weight of the world that has made it harder to recover from this grief because everything is just so awful. And there's grief everywhere you look. And what's been happening in Gaza has been weighing so heavy on my heart. And also of course, what's happening in Sudan, the Congo and Afghanistan, Iran and Ukraine and America and what's happening to girls and women there as we speak. There's just grief everywhere you look. And I'm a doom scroller. I'm also, you know, an advocate, so I'm constantly immersed in all of this and that's my job. But when you are also struggling with very, very deep personal grief, suddenly it just becomes harder to keep your tank full. You just. I don't know about you, but I've become distracted and my reliability has, has dropped. I'm not as highly functional as I was. I can't seem to get back to myself. I don't even know how I'm gonna find my full self again. I don't know if when my friend went, she just took a huge chunk of me with her. And so I have decided to just kind of step back for a second from talking about very sad, very serious things. Obviously I'm still going to fucking advocate for the things that matter and I'm still going to support charities and raise money. But I, I just need to not be this soaked in it for a minute. And I tell you this all the time, that the world weighs heavy on our hearts and we need to take little breaks sometimes to restore ourselves so that we can be more helpful and more useful to everyone in a long term sustainable. And when I'm just running on empty all the fucking time, I end up not being able to really show up for anyone meaningfully. And then what fucking good am I? So if I give you this advice all the time, and if my guests give you this advice all the time, I have to also take it sometimes and Maybe just step back and be honest about it with you. And that's what's going on. And so I think I have hit my quota of SAD now, both personally and globally, and I'm sure I'll be able to bounce back faster and better if I just sit this one out for a second. I'm going to do another podcast next year. It's going to be a comedy podcast and I will tell you more about that another time. So do stay tuned here. But I think I need to be immersed in something very, very unserious and silly and ridiculous. A bit like I did when I did the Bad Dates podcast that a lot of you seem to enjoy. And so I'm going to come back and do something like this until I'm ready to find my way back to what I built with I Weigh. Also, by the way, I'll be doing events next year. You'll be able to come find me out. Just very happy, very silly, very joyous events. They're called Move for your Mind, the exercise events and panels that are all about exercising away from diet, culture and aesthetic pressure. It's just all about your mental health and how well you sleep and how good your bone density is. And it's very accessible for everyone. And we're really focused, focusing on making the most inclusive event we can within our power. And so I Weigh is shifting more towards movement for exercise, tangible, immediate help for anyone who feels like they are struggling. And I think that that makes me feel like I'm actually making a difference. We did a bunch of those events this year and everyone who came just fucking cried because it was the most explosively happy and joyous immersive space. And so hopefully I'll see you there. We have our first one in January on the 17th and 18th in London. You'll be able to find out about that if you follow me on the socials. But anyway, you. You're not getting completely rid of me. It's just. This is going to take a little dip for a second now. You always send in the fucking best questions and you send in so many for this final episode. So I'm going to just jump in and try to get to as many as I can and answer them as fully and honestly as possible. But thank you. Thank you for fucking making this possible. Thank you for keeping it possible and thank you for being here all the way to the bitter end of the final episode and then still send in such thoughtful, lovely questions. I don't know what I did to fucking deserve you, but I will Continue to try to earn it forever. All right, someone's asked what has been your biggest lesson or takeaway from doing this podcast? I would say it's how many of us are going through the same thing, are feeling the same thing, angry about the same shit, feel insecure about the same shit. We all think we are wandering through this world on our own, just a bunch of freaks, isolated, thinking things that no one else is thinking. And actually, this podcast has revealed to me that fucking loads of people are going through the same thing and experiencing the same terrors that I am. And it's been really reassuring, and it's made me feel so, so much less alone, especially when we were doing this during COVID You have been my fucking. You've been my bubble. We have been a proper community. And the letters and. And messages and voicemails that you've sent have confirmed that so many of you send in the same questions, the same things you're concerned about. So many people, for example, when we've done episodes on sex, have written to me, you know, as if they are. They think they're the only person in the world saying, like, I'm, you know, a late bloomer. I'm 30. I haven't lost my virginity, and then I've had about 100 people say the exact same thing, say the exact same question. Even in the ways that you think are going to be the most niche, you are just like so many other people in this world. And that has been a very wholesome feeling. Amazing. Me feel so much less mad about my experience because it's hard. Social media just projects so much fucking perfection. I don't need to tell you about this. God knows, you know, but it's not just physical. It's also life perfectionist. And you start to feel like a Martian all the time. And so that's been my favorite lesson, is that we are not alone. We are having a way more universal experience than we realize and that people have so much more in common than we have. Differences. It's just that social media is obsessed with highlighting our differences and then turning us against each other and making us want to fucking kill one another. So that's terrifying. Thank God for this podcast. Someone's asked, how has your description changed from the initial I weigh that you started on this path. So, for anyone who doesn't know, this podcast was born of a very premenstrual rant that I did on my phone from the back of my boyfriend's Tour bus in 2018, where I was just fucking sick of People having to measure their value via the what they weigh on a scale. And so I challenged it by saying, you know, I weigh my friendships and my experiences and my failures and my orgasms. And I would say I largely weigh exactly the same. My fundamentals haven't changed. My behavior has changed on this podcast, and obviously my ignorance has been slightly reduced. I think I've become a slightly smarter and better person over the course of these years of doing this show. But I've had, you know, I've given birth to two dogs in that time, so I guess I also weigh them now. But largely my values have stayed exactly the same. And I'm relieved because the world really got fucked in that time. So I could have shifted heavily, but you've kept me true and honest. Someone asked, why do you think the concept of the end is seen as horrible and never seen as exciting? And I think they're referring to the fact that people are very sad that this podcast is coming to an end. I do see the end as exciting. Everything I've ever finished or not gotten has turned into something absolutely extraordinary and unexpected. I'm very. You know, when God closes the door, he opens a window or whatever the fuck. And I do say he, because I have my period at the moment and I'm in so much fucking pain that I want to die. And there's just no way a woman came up with this. Okay, so God is a man. I'm gendering God. God is a man, okay? God is not non binary, and God is not a woman because they would never have invented this or put us through this. And so, yeah, I'm anxious to see what's coming next. But my life has just been one long adventure of unexpected endings. And then beginnings. I was an English teacher who got scouted, who then ended up on television being a TV host. And then I became a radio DJ and a columnist, and then I became an actual dj. And then I moved to America, and then I became an actress, and then I became a sort of more global advocate, and then I became a podcaster. And now I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do next. I mean, I'm writing a book that's a little bit sciency about the way that we are, and that'll come out next year. So I guess that's one thing that I have no right to do, that I'm just imposter syndroming my way all the way through. So I'm doing that and then starting a fitness company, even though I am, you know a notorious couch potato. Sor think I'm just going to keep showing up where I don't belong and seeing if I can figure it out. But I'm excited. This isn't the end. This is just the start of a new shape shift and I wish that we would see things that way. I wish that I could go back to some really painful things that are finished, maybe relationships, et cetera, and reassured myself that it is definitely for the fucking best. It just never feels that way in the moment because loss is so hard. Rejection is so hard. We're not really taught how to handle those things. We're kind of protected from those things, things as children. And that doesn't protect us. It just leaves us fucking wide open and blindsided when it then comes along inevitably. But you know, I'm always banging on about how ignorance and innocence are not mutually exclusive. You can prepare kids for things like rejection and pain and loss without taking away their innocence. If anything, we retain our innocence when we are better warned about the world. But anyway, that's, you know, it's enough of that. But I'm excited for the beginnings that will come from this end. Someone asked what's been your favourite moment on the podcast? I think one of the most life changing episodes of this podcast for me was Maisie Hill, who wrote the book Period Power. That woman really fucking changed my life. That episode and her book changed my life. I had no idea what's been happening with my cycle. It was just not something that I've ever had my family discuss, ever talked to me about. It really it was this sort of embarrassing burden that you were supposed to just hide and keep to yourself. And even me as a prominent feminist, didn't really know that this is sort of something I can talk about with people. And then Maisie Hill comes on with her fucking book that teaches me all about the different weeks in my cycle and how to use them to empower my life, how to make my life better when my brain works better creatively and then when it works better functionally when I need to rest and conserve my life actually has, has order now. I remember trying to book her for this podcast and it took like eight months. And I've interviewed some of the most famous people in the world and they've not taken eight months. And it's because Maisie is boundaried and she doesn't like to do meaningful podcasts when she's not in the right phase of her cycle. And she's a very busy woman. So I had to fight to get her, you know, in a slot in one of those, you know, one week slots in which her brain is high functioning when she's in the perfect phase of her cycle. And I remember thinking, well, this woman needs to fucking calm down at first. And then upon reading the book and understanding and then trying it, I realized she's a fucking genius. And she's a mother. She's a mother, she's a businesswoman. She's. She's got responsibilities. And yet she's still been able to somehow carve her life out to, to, to be bent towards the strengths of her period. She's reframed a period in my head. She's reframed my cycle. Obviously I still fucking hate it, but I can now look at it no longer as just a demon. It can be a powerful demon in my life. And so that really shifted me, changed me, and made me feel like I actually have agency. I've always felt like a victim of this surprise horror that always feels very unpredictable. It's actually very predictable. So, yeah, that episode changed my life. She's fucking amazing. Her talking to us about discovering late in life that she had autism was fucking fantastic. She writes books about how to manage your life very functionally. She's just a very practical, amazing woman. And I think that episode really moved me. Obviously, interviewing people like Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem has been extraordinary. Roxane Gay, what a legend. But when it comes down to what I will never, ever forget or get over, I think Maisie Hill might have kind of done it.
- [18:47]
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- [19:20]
Jameela Jamil
Next question someone's asked me, how do you surround yourself with people who bring you joy? You might not like the beginning of my answer to this. I think for me it was starting by cutting out the people who don't. Now, I'm not big on total ruthlessness. I believe in giving people a chance to meet you where you're at and to reform their behavior to be more sensitive. I give people a few warnings before I disappear forever. But when I'm gone, I'm gone. And it will be years if you even ever get to speak to me again. So I. I remember when I was 26, having a big old menti b big old nervous breakdown. So it led to this giant cull of people that I knew, people that I worked with, where I lived, what I did, and it was very painful at the time. And I got shamed a lot for it, because God forbid a woman should have a fucking boundary. And God forbid a woman should draw that boundary with her own family, because I cut close family members off for 12 or 13 years and counting, for good fucking reason, by the way. And I got shamed for it. And so I just had to suck it up and be the bad guy in people's eyes, people who didn't get it or care. And as a result, it created a space in my life that I was able to fill with wonderful, amazing, nourishing people who actually gave a shit about me and really respected me and wanted to uplift me, not take their shit out on me that they weren't resolving by themselves. I cut toxicity out and I was able to make space with good, clean, new, fresh energy. And. And so that, to me, is a pivotal step is clearing the shelves for new, wonderful, shiny people. Find your soulmates. Your soulmates are not just romantic, they are also the people that you just have things in common with. My friends are my soulmates, not just James. So that's how I feel about that. Next up, what's the best compliment you've ever received? I think it's genuinely, I was obviously thinking of a sex one immediately, but there aren't any. But a more sincere one is the fact that so many people who have listened to this podcast have come up to me over the years in all kinds of different countries, all over the world, and many have told me that they started eating again because of my work and because of this podcast. And that that changes my day, my week, my month, my year. When I hear that, that I couldn't ask to hear something better or more rewarding or something that makes me happier. We've done a lot of work around diet culture and eating disorders in this entire I weigh company. And to know that I have made you take a step that honors your body makes me feel very, very, very, very proud. Not just of me, but also of you. And I can't think of something that I would rather be complimented on. Obviously, a shagging compliment would be nice once in a while, but it's just not in the cards for me, guys. It's just not where my strength lies. Do you know what I mean? But. But yeah, Genuinely knowing that I've made some sort of a lasting difference. Obviously there's been a big old fucking swing back. So I'm wondering how all those people are feeling now, given that body positivity of battering under the new return of size 0 heroin chic madness where slim women in Hollywood have been taking weight loss injections to become super skinny and then their faces age, they need to get facelifts. And now everyone from the 90s looks like they're even younger than they were in the 90s. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I always take that as a huge compliment for women that the crazier the beauty standards become. It's normally a sign that. But people out there are feeling very threatened by women's progress. So we must be doing something right because the more horrific the demands become on our appearance, it means we are becoming far too powerful. So those of us who can resist must resist and revel in the fact that women must be clearly fucking smashing it. But thank you to everyone who's turned up over the years and said that to me and stopped me in supermarkets and restaurants, and even the woman who once came up to me to say it while I was having a massive argument, my brother in the street. Even her. Thrilled to hear it. Thrilled to have spoken to you. I fucking love you guys. Someone asked me what's the best decision I've ever made. It's always a split between cutting a fringe. I know not everyone likes my fucking fringe, including Bob the Drag Queen. When they came on this podcast and said it to my face, pretty much. But also having an abortion. And I'm sorry to say that in a frivolous way. I don't mean that in a frivolous way. It was genuinely the best decision I've ever made. And. And it doesn't matter how much propaganda is out there and how much people are trying to bring back shame around that. It changed my trajectory of my life. And I'm not talking about all the fucking fame and nonsense and acting. I'm talking about my brain was able to recover. I got pregnant during the nervous breakdown year I was telling you about earlier and I did not have what it took. I'm also not a maternal person anyway. But I was in pieces and I needed time. It took me years to put myself back together. And I had that time in that space because I made that decision for myself. And I will always be an advocate for women's right to be a bit fucking selfish and to do what we need to do to get by the world is, you know, the fucking life is stacked against us at the best of times. So sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get by. And that's what I did. And I. I'm so proud of myself for making that decision because it's never easy. It's never an easy thing to go through. It's not a walk in the park. It comes with complications sometimes for many people. It didn't for me because I was so sure. But that was my best decision. That's the most I've ever honoured myself. And I will always look back on it as something that I felt so lucky to be able to do safely and legally. And I was will never, ever stop fighting for women in countries all over the world that are being overrun with fascism, where they are taking that right away because it to me is just the height of evil to take away someone's agency over their own fucking body. But yeah, sorry if that was a bit deep and dark for the final ep, but when have I ever said the exact right thing? It wouldn't be me, would it? Okay, next up, someone says, how do we save women from the ultra thin culture that is creeping back in, especially with the Zen pics? So I sort of touched on that earlier, but I do want to go into it deeper, which is to say it's a fucking cycle. It's just a cycle. It's a cycle to keep us miserable, distracted and spending the money that we are earning and that is money that we are not paid for as well as men are paid. So we already are at a disadvantage and then we have to spend more money on getting home safely and living our lives safely. And we can't live on the ground floor, which is cheap, cheaper, or the basement, which is cheaper. We have to live on the first floor or the second floor, all the that we have to do, the cabs, we have to get home, etc. There's already a death tax on women. And then they have the nerve to be like, now the short hair bob is in, now it's long hair, sorry. Grow your hair back out. Buy hair extensions. Oh no. Chop it all off again. Oh no. Lose weight. Oh no. Gain weight, get bigger tits, get smaller tits. The big ass is in. Oh no. The big ass is out. Get your BBL in. Get it out. Get it in, get it out. Shake it all about. It's just a nightmare. And because I'm old and I've been here for a very long time. I have thanked, thankfully seen so many trends just come and go and come and go in a cycle that I now feel deeply reassured that I can just sit this one out and eventually my body will come back in and then go out again of fashion. It doesn't matter what size I am. This fear mongering that you're going to be like left behind if you don't meet the new stupid beauty standard. It's a lie because it's a cycle. It just goes round and round around. You can't get left behind in a fucking loop. It's always going to find you again. So I, I urge you, if you have the strength with all of the different beauty trends, I'm not just talking about the weight loss shit. All these different beauty trends that often turn out to be so fucking dangerous. We find out about it later. I remember for years being told Botox is fine, then oh no, Botox is a bit dangerous, oh no, filler, filler is the safer one. And how we found out that filler doesn't really dissolve and sometimes even 10 years later it's still in your fucking face. You know, we heard that threading was safer than a facelift and now we've found out about all these horror stories about the neurological damage that can come with having threads put into your face. The weight loss medications, they carry some significant risks and so if what you're currently struggling with doesn't carry more immediate risk than the side effects like cancer and pancreatitis and gastroparesis, etc. If what you're struggling with isn't a higher risk than that, then I, I don't know what to tell you. You should do whatever you want with your own body. But I, I would always try and investigate anything else that you could do that is less dangerous, even if it takes longer. And I mean that with no judgment, just pure concern, because I feel like I have grown up in a world that doesn't honor women's long term health and long term physical safety. They don't really care what happens to us later. They don't care if the botox, the filler or the weight loss injections or the surgery, the mummy makeovers, you know, the amount of people, I know someone who almost bled to death last year getting a mummy makeover in Turkey. Like there are people who've died getting bbls. Like I, this world doesn't care about what happens to women now and especially later when we're no longer considered valuable or quote Unquote fuckable, which is when we are at our most fucking valuable. And one of the things I loved so much on this podcast was hearing Gloria Steinem say that, you know, she was always fear mongered, that after 60 she'd become invisible. And she said that's when she became free. And I can't fucking wait to become invisible now because it sounds incredible. She makes it sound so sick. And even now, as, as a, you know, I'm in my late 30s, I don't get as much attention in the street. It feels amazing. I can just get on with my fucking day. I remember my whole life being told when I would feel uncomfortable with being, you know, wolf whistled at the age of 12 by builders in the street that, you know, I'd miss that one day. Doesn't happen anymore. Don't miss it one little bit. Feels fantastic. I can just get on with my day as if I'm a whole human being. And so I look forward to being older. And I want to celebrate that. And I want to protect my old lady body. And we are never taught to do that because society has lied to us that this is our most valuable time. It's not. This is the time to protect that old woman that you're going to become one day, if you're lucky, while you still can. And I think losing a friend so young this year has. Has cemented that into my brain. That I am now obsessed with gratitude for how long I can be here and obsessed with seeing that oni is an amazing thing that I want to fucking brag about the older and older and older I get. I will never be someone who lies about my age or who feels embarrassed of a birthday. I will only ever feel so, so grateful to still be here, especially because she can't be. So in her honor, I urge you to all think about that. And so when it comes to the weight loss injections and the skinny craze and all this other shit, the Botox and the facelifts and everyone feeling they have to look 19 forever, which really baffles me because I find older faces so hot on men and women, on people of all genders. I just. Yeah, I don't know, it baffles me. But I'm gonna try my best to just stick it out and not do anything and then be amused as I watch it change. There's a fascinating article that came out. I think maybe it was in Time magazine that said that now that weight loss is becoming accessible and skinniness is becoming so accessible, it might no longer be a beauty standard soon because part of what made it so special was the fact that not everyone could achieve it. It was elitist and so fascinated to see how that plays out. I think curves are going to be back really soon and so I'm going to hold on to mine, if that's all right. Someone said what is the meaning of life? Oh, thanks guys. Just a nice deep and meaningful. I think the meaning of life is just always looking for the meaning of life because there obviously isn't one. There are loads there. So many meanings of life and so many different angles to look at life from and ways to find purpose. And the constant search for that and the constant search for adventure and for explanations has led to all of my greatest adventures. And so that's what I would say is that the meaning of life is just to keep looking for the meaning of life. And you will find so many surprises. Some quite gnarly, but mostly good. Good. Along the way, someone said would love an insight to your take on finding sustainable happiness and self directed grace. I think genuinely learning how I learn best and how I grow best when I'm given space and grace makes me want to extend that to other people. I have really, you know, I've spoken about this for years on this podcast now I've really recognized that I did harm by being a public figure who was being so celebrated for being a bit intolerant and a bit rude and scathing. And I feel embarrassed and regretful over that because while it wasn't my choice to get all that celebration and accolade, I can see how that then paved the way for other people to behave similarly because it was modeled to them that that's what makes you important and successful. And I hate that. I hate that I was a part of that. And I've been doing my best on this podcast to try and walk that shit back and encourage us to be more patient and curious and to look for similarities instead of differ. Um, but I really regret ways in which I've spoken publicly. How callous I was, how funny I thought that was to not give a shit. You know, just like I'm just so authentic. I just a fucking dick sometimes. My heart was always in the right place. I don't disagree with any of my intentions, but I think I just spoke in a way that made me look uneducated because I was uneducated, but also just made me look like a bad person. Like why would anyone want to side with me? Anyone who already kind of disagrees with me or Thinks I'm a bit of a. Why would they ever want to listen to anything I have to say when I'm behaving like a. An example being when I said that, you know, a certain sort of ish politician slash pundit in the UK who I was having like a gnarly back and forth with. I said he looked like a freshly wanked. And while that is artistic and poetic of me, it just made me look like a. To people who follow him. How was I supposed to open their minds when I've undermined him and kind of undermined them? So I just, yeah, I just regret that. It gives me the ick when I look back at certain things I've said and the way that I've said it. If I could go back, I would do that. There's not many things I regret. And I've been asked quite a lot of times today in your Q and A about things that I regret. And I'd say that's my big regret. Most of the other things I fucked up turned into amazing stories to tell my friends and I'm really happy that they all happened. But when it comes to that, I don't think I'm ever, ever gonna be cool with that. And I feel very cringe about it. I'm very grateful that I've had an opportunity here and in my writing and in my work at life charge to figure out a better way and a more humane way to bring people together. Because that's supposed to be the fucking point of activism. It's change, isn't it? So how can we make change if we don't create space for it in other people? Just write people off. I was never pro cancel culture, but I was still just such a dick about stuff and, and reductive and I yeah, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to sort that out and fix that and discourage that in other people. It's something that I loudly hate liberals and so hope I can make a difference in.
- [35:44]
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- [36:16]
Jameela Jamil
Someone's asked me what's the most effective way you have found to keep good mental health. Dogs. Dogs. Eating properly, understanding how much what I eat impacts my mental health. And I'm not talking about the eating sort of stuff. I'm talking about whole foods, not eating too many processed foods, learning how to cook, cook homemade meals and what a difference that makes to my gut microbiome and the oils that I use. This is all stuff that I used to associate with kind of orthorexia and eating disorders and stuff. And I think I had to really fully recover and swing all the way the other way before I felt ready to come to a place of balance where now it's not about how much I'm eating, it's just what can I pour into my tank that is good fuel, Fuel that will last and protect my old lady body. I had no idea how important gut health is, is. And I have noticed since I've paid more attention to my nutrition, my mental health has improved and I'm now almost entirely off all meds. Meds are fantastic. I remain thinking meds are the best thing and they saved my life. But for me, I wanted to experiment with other ways that I can also maximize my mental health. And that just happened to result in being able to exercise and food and lifestyle and therapy my way out of medical intervention. But believe you me, I keep the bottle of meds with me everywhere just in case the moment strikes. I'm just curious if there's a way that I can elevate myself above and beyond that so that maybe one day if I'm back on meds, I will still feel even more amazing because I'm doing all this other extra shit. But yeah, dogs, eating properly, prioritizing laughter and pleasure, and recognizing that pleasure is not an indulgen, even if you're a woman. We're taught that it's some sort of naughty little indulgence, but it's not. It's a pivotal part of our lives. It's a right. And it is one of the main points in life. It's not service, I hate to break that to you, it's fucking pleasure. It's being grateful for the world that we have, for the things we have access to, looking for the things to be grateful for and making the most of the amazing people around you and being of service to them and making their lives better and allowing them to make your life better. That's what I believe anyway. And so seeking pleasure has become my number one hobby. And I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about that. And it has completely transformed my existence. And I don't know how I would have gotten through the last decade had I not made a decision to chase happiness with everything I had. Like it was my obsession. So someone's asked me, how do you go through a breakup when you're in your 30s with all the pressure of finding the one? I think that there isn't the one or a one for people. I think there's lots of different people that can end up being right for you, for whoever you are in this era of your life. I've been all sorts of different people and I've met all sorts of different people that were right for that person. The person I'm with now would not have been right for who I was in my 20s. And I hope that he's right for me for the rest of my life. But I have no idea and I have zero pressure on it. It's why I'm not getting married or having any problems, babies or settling down really. We've been together for 10 years exclusively. But I don't want to make any big long term decisions because I'm going to let us just grow into who we're going to be and see if we grow together. I also, you know, worked with Ted Danson for years on the Good Place. Classic Tahani name drop. And he had a whole marriage and kids and divorce. And so did his now wife, Mary Steenbergen. And they met when they were in their fifth 50s at a dinner party expecting to never find love again. And now they are the love of each other's lives. They are the most in love, obsessed with each other people you have ever met. They fancy each other so much, they are smitten and it's been 20 something years. They are the happiest and most loved up goals you've ever seen. And they met thinking they'd already met the one and fucked shit up. And then who comes along, just the perfect person in your 50s and you spend the rest of your lives together. So. So just focus on you right now. That's my main advice. I spent all my single time just focusing on me and becoming the person of my dreams, the love of my life and making my life so amazing that it would become really easy to spot who gives to my life and who takes away. And so now in order to have a relationship, someone has to add on. Obviously shit's never going to be perfect, but it has to be net very positive. Otherwise you can fuck off. Because. Because I've made my life so wonderful and I have such Wonderful friends and such safety and stability that I recognize if you create waves in my very calm little lake that I have created for myself. And so that's what you should be focusing on. You're the love of your life and everything else just gets to be cake. So even if this is the age where we have to start thinking about settling down because our ovaries are shriveling up or whatever, I understand that. But even, even then, I have lots of friends who've met someone they fall in love with and they've had children together and then they've ended up breaking up because the pressure of having kids or the pressure of the pandemic or all sorts of different things mean people grow apart and they don't love each other as much anymore and they have to break up. So who knows if it's going to work with whoever you meet now, don't put pressure on it. Just try to have a lovely time and find someone who adds to your life and then hope it works out. But know that even if it doesn't, you might be like Ted Danton and you might meet the absolute fucking one at 50. Plenty of people meet everyone at the most unexpected times. And so we are not going to turn this into yet another horrendously pressurized thing. Enough in life is pressured. We are going to fucking enjoy love. God damn it. Someone said, how do you. How does it make you feel to know that you touch the hearts and minds of so many? It makes me feel unbelievably grateful and really happy and like I get to do something meaningful even though I exist within such a disgusting investing industry that does so much harm so many different people. This work is my carbon footprint when it comes to this industry. It's my way of recycling everything that is horrendous into something really beautiful. And thank you for allowing me to do that and for being so cute. Someone asked me, how are things with your friend that you share feeds with? Have you had any good combos? Any minds change? Now they are referring to a friend that I told you guys that I have a very different stance on when it comes to Israel and Palestine. And I have been very vocal. So I think you know where I stand on that. And she stands on the opposite side. And it would have been very easy for me in this current climate to just go, oh, well, you're just a monster and you're a terrible person and I don't want anything to do with you, and I'm writing you off. In spite of all the humanity you've shown in so many areas of your life, I'm going to completely write you off. It would have been easy to, but there was a part of me that just thought, thought, what if I just try to dig a tiny bit deeper here for a second? What if I just give this a chance? Remember, I'm all about giving everything a chance. So I queried whether or not we might be seeing very different information, because that's the problem, isn't it, with the world, is that we, we are all seeing different things on different algorithms based on what we've already shown our attention to. And so we are so divided because we think we're reacting differently to the same information, but we're not. We're reacting differently to different information. I've said it like a hundred times in this podcast. And so I asked her if she would be, if she would be willing to exchange algorithms if we start sending each other what's on the other one's feed so we can see it, so we can understand it, we can texture, contextualize it, and also to see if it could change our minds. And it has been remarkable. There's so much that I had no idea that she wasn't seeing. She had missed huge chunks of history that just weren't being taught to her or shown to her on her timeline. We had completely different accounts of the same news. And what that did for me is that it didn't make me, it didn't change my political stance, but it did help me understand that some of the people that we really disagree with are just in terror because they are seeing terrifying propaganda on their timelines. And I'm sure some of what we are all seeing, regardless of what cause we follow, is some propaganda as well. And it's important not to be so arrogant about that that you can't make space for it. But it's brought us closer together and has led to remarkable conversations that have reminded me that my instinct was correct, that our humanity is on the same side. And she's made a massive shift. And I have grown in my empathy and my patience. And that social experiment has now made me certain that I'm going to do this with everything, with everyone. Any man who's misogynist shit, to me that's in my life, any person who says racist shit, I can understand the instinct to just want to chop everyone out of your life. But I'm telling you we are being poisoned with different information and driven apart for profit by social media platforms. And I don't want them to win so purely out of spite, I'm going to try to lead with humanity, but just for spite, not because I'm a good person, just out of fucking spite for these bastards who ruined our world with fucking platforms. Someone asked me, what would you call this era of your life? With descriptive words? I think Acceptance. I accept where I'm at. I accept my flaws. I accept my weaknesses. You know, part of ending this podcast, I guess, is part of my weakness that I just can't. I'm not being able to perfectly manage my life right now, and I, I need to step away and protect myself. I accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I accept that I'm a little bit ridiculous and a little bit socially flawed. And I accept the things that are good about me as well. I feel proud of myself. I, you know, I, I don't, I don't worry about seeming like I'm bragging when I say, oh, I did that. I did that really well. I contributed to making that thing cool or special or important. I accept the good and bad about myself and my whole self. And I accept that I'm also probably not going to even be this person in 10 years time. I'm just going to keep changing and changing, hopefully for the better. Hopefully I'm going to keep growing. But I accept, accept that nothing is permanent and nothing is guaranteed and no one is guaranteed, and all we have is this moment. And we should just show up in the best way that we can in those moments because fuck knows what's around the corner. If I've learned anything in the last 12 months is that life comes at you really fast and just, oh, my God, just grabs you by the throat and this throws you into the pit of the lava of hell, you know, just like that. Just like. So now I feel more cognizant that everything is temporary and I just have to try my hardest to stay afloat. I guess if I could sum it up in three words. Instead of Eat, Pray, love, it's just been Eat, laugh, orgasm. That's been my main goal of late. And that's what I would call this era. Eat, Love, laugh, Orgasm. And you are welcome to borrow that era if maybe it's time for a new shift for you. Lastly, someone said, what are some of your favorite I weigh episodes. I already talked about how much I loved Maisie Hill and how much she taught me. Dr. Jackson Katz, who was on the podcast last week, was phenomenal. He's been on twice and spoken to me about men's violence against women and how important it is that we name it, that he's been a huge instigator of us. No longer using passive language like woman killed on walk with dog as if it's, you know, just like a dangerous raccoon who's out there just killing women. We don't name men. We don't name the problem of men. He spent his life's work understanding men and their violence against women and where it comes from, what the root cause is. And he is a proper ally, showing up and doing the work so that we don't all have to by ourselves. And we had a fascinating chat about it last week. We had a fascinating chat about it three years ago. I love this man and he is the type of role model that we need in this world. And he's so passionate when he's speaking. He's all like, it's just, it's, it's just hard not to just love him so, so fucking much. So. He was one of my favorites. Alok was so incredible. They're such an amazing advocate and speaker. We talked all about the history of trans rights and trans suffering and non binary people. And it was such an educational episode that it was just shared so many times around the world by all of you. You used it as a resource to send to other people that you couldn't be fucking asked or didn't have the words to explain this stuff to. And Alok is truly the best when it comes to explaining anything and does so with such love and empathy and education and historical context. And so that was a remarkable episode where I was really just like floored by someone else's eloquence and realized that I'm just as stupid. Stupid little monkey who needs to read more. Matt Haig was incredibly moving on this podcast, talking about surviving a suicide attempt and how glad he is now and speaking so openly about depression and mental health and reasons to stay alive. That episode came at a time where people really needed it, when the world was really in a mess. And it meant so much to so many of us and it meant so much to me because I'm also a suicide survivor. And I'm so fucking glad I carried on and I held on and I was given another chance and that I have thus far not gone back down that road. And I have experienced more beauty than I could have ever imagined. And so I've been always urging you to stick around too. Caitlyn Moran talking about being the mother of someone with an eating disorder and how many mistakes she made and what you know, what not to get wrong and what, you know, what helps, what doesn't help. She's so open and honest and flawed and accessible and hilarious and bold and brave. And her books are fantastic and so are her interviews. Celeste Barber made me laugh so much. Aisling Bee made me laugh so much. The only person I know who could talk about loneliness in the funniest way you've ever heard. It's always an episode. I recommend to people. It was one of my early episodes of this podcast and she's just so brilliant and talented and amazing. There are lots of people that I have still yet to interview in this life, and I will find my way back to it. But having interviewed the likes of Roxane Gay and Kelly Rowland and Gloria Steinem, as I said earlier, Jane Fonda, Natalie Portman, like, just all these incredible women and all these incredible people, I feel so lucky. I've learned so much. I have grown up so much. And I promise I will find my way back to this and find my way back to you. As I said at the start to my events for Move for your mind, come find me. Let's hang. I'll be doing panels. Come listen to my next podcast, my next comedy podcast that I'll tell you about soon. And if you want to read my essays, they're on substack. You can read them for free or you can subscribe and then you get more access to different types of content. It really is a wonderful platform and I really enjoy writing essays. I used to be a writer long before I became an actor, and it's fun to get back to that. But I'm going to miss you and I'm going to miss, miss this. And I'm gonna fucking cry when I turn off the microphone, but I know I'm gonna cry when I probably turn off the mic. And I'm gonna have moments and pangs of panic and regret, but I'm gonna follow through with this feeling and I'm gonna go look after myself. And I hope that you look after yourself. Christmas is coming, Thanksgiving's coming. Like, all the family is coming up. I want you to remember and go back to and revisit my episodes. They will be here for you forever. You know, while I think it's great to, to meet you where you're at, if they keep crossing over your boundaries or fat shaming you at Christmas or, you know, talking about your gender or your rights, you don't have to engage. Go get a chosen family. I have a chosen family. I've lived with them for the last 10 years and they've been healing and amazing for me. You do not owe anyone anything. And also be aware of the way that the diet industry is about to hone in on your algorithm because it's Christmas and they're going to tell you to eat all this food so that they can shame you in January for all the food that they told you to eat in Christmas. And they're going to say now you've got to get Beachbody ready, New year, thinner you, younger you, get a facelift, get a tummy tuck, get this, that and the other. Beware. Just remember what I said. This shit is all a cycle. It's all going to come back around again. So don't feel pressure to succumb to anything that is a quick fix that might harm you in the long term. Do whatever the fuck you like, but just be as informed as possible and don't do anything from a place of panic or fear because everyone is fucking lying to us. I adore thanks for tolerating how blunt I am, how socially strained I am, all my weird questions. I can't believe I asked a psychic on this podcast. If ghosts are watching us when we wank Pulitzer winning journalism there and how scary it is that he said yes. So if I'm gonna leave you with anything, I just wanted to remind you of that. Okay. The ghosts that watch when we're masturbating. You're welcome. I also just want to say a massive thank you to the people who've made this podcast possible. My first producer, Kimmy Gregory, who did the first few years, and the amazing Amelia Chappello, who's been taking it on since then and who's done such a wonderful job and been so fucking patient with me. And also Erin, my producer of this podcast, Erin Finnegan. But also my shining light and my ride or die in all things I weigh and now move for your mind. This will be woman has stuck with me through all of my highs and lows and I couldn't do anything without her. And if there's anything that gives me hope for the future, it is women. It is other women helping women. We can do so much together and I'm so glad that we no longer see each other as enemies and that it's cool to be a girl's girl again, finally. And so I. I love all of these people, these amazing women who've helped make this possible. But yeah, Eric, Erin, thanks for standing by my side through everything. We're gonna go on to have many more amazing adventures and I adore you to pieces. And I. I like to say that publicly, wherever and whenever I can. But thank you. Thank you Kimmy, thank you Amelia, and thank all of you. Of course. I fucking adore you and I'll see you soon. Take care. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. I Weigh with Jameela Jamil is produced and researched by myself, Jameela Jamil, Erin Finnegan, Kimmy Gregory and Amelia Chappello. And the beautiful music that you are hearing now is made by my boyfriend, James Blake. And if you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. It's such a great way to show your support and helps me out massively. And lastly, at I Weigh, we would love to hear from you and share what you weigh at the end of this podcast. Please email us a voice recording sharing what you weigh@eway podcastmail.com.