Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil
Episode: Johnny Pemberton and Justine Marino
Date: September 18, 2025
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Johnny Pemberton, Justine Marino
Episode Overview
In this riotously honest and absurd episode of Wrong Turns, Jameela Jamil invites comedians Johnny Pemberton (21 Jump Street, Fallout, Mermaid) and Justine Marino (host of Comedy Crush at Hollywood Improv) to recount their most mortifying and embarrassing moments. The show delivers on its “where dignity goes to die” promise, as the trio gleefully trade stories of bodily functions gone wrong, social slip-ups, and settle in for a surprisingly detailed exploration of why some things are simply, and hilariously, too wrong for a silver lining.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The “Curse” of Hosting Wrong Turns
[02:08]
- Jameela recounts that as soon as she started the podcast, her luck changed for the worse, escalating into a series of humiliating disasters.
- Memorable story: Getting “balls deep” tattooed (in red ink) on her neck before being interviewed by Martha Stewart, followed by desperate attempts to remove it with hotel minibar vodka, leading to a strangled-neck look instead.
- “Which was infinitely better than having balls deep written across your throat before you are interviewed by a national treasure.” – Jameela Jamil [02:29]
- This was followed by health problems, travel chaos, and particularly catastrophic gas on a business class flight where, every time she farted, a flight attendant would immediately appear.
2. Farts, Friendship, and Relationship Break-ups
[03:44] – [08:31]
- Jameela tells a story about giving brutally honest feedback on a friend's ex, only to discover, moments later, they were getting back together.
- “If I just waited five more minutes not to jump in with my fucking big opinions, now I've offended him. They're staying together. I'm obviously out.” – Jameela Jamil [07:16]
- Johnny’s “Switzerland” approach: never take sides until a breakup “sticks.”
- “Anytime someone's complaining about someone, that means they're gonna get back together.” – Johnny Pemberton [08:00]
3. Micro-Humiliations: Universal Studios Fart Trauma & Hitting on a Girl with One Arm
- Justine’s Tour Guide Trauma [09:10]:
- While sleeping with a fellow tour guide, Justine farts herself awake, only to discover (the next morning) he had slept on the couch and then ditched her for another. “He went to the couch cause he couldn't handle a fart. And then he stopped talking to me and started seeing another girl at the tour. How fucking over a fart, you guys.” – Justine Marino [11:03]
- Johnny’s Unintentional Insult [13:00]:
- At a party, Johnny thinks he’s being flirty by jokingly suggesting someone looks like they’re missing an arm … only to realize, as it comes out of his mouth, she actually is. Mortified, he leaves after “the worst look ever.”
- “The second the word ‘arm’ left my mouth, I was like, oh, shit.” – Johnny Pemberton [14:07]
- Jameela shares her own solidarity story: offering to shake hands with a man missing both arms on the BBC.
4. Big Wrong Turn Stories: Masturbators, Colostomy Bags, and Theme Parks
A. Justine’s “King Kong 363D” Debacle at Universal Studios
[18:33]
- Distracted and texting during a tour, Justine is alerted by passengers: “he’s masturbating.” She at first assumes it’s a prank, but, after confirming, dutifully reports it. The perpetrator is banned … but tapes reveal she was texting the entire tour, missing the opportunity to act sooner.
- “The man started masturbating around King Kong 363D.”
- “Which technically was not untrue. But I left out the part that I had been texting the entire time.” – Justine Marino [25:28]
- Universal’s lack of a “code 69” for such emergencies becomes a running bit.
B. Johnny’s Fish Concert Colostomy Bag Nightmare
[28:31]
- Johnny recounts life after bowel surgery, living with a colostomy bag. During a Phish concert bathroom break, his bag fumbles and practically explodes on the stall floor (but crucially, not on himself). He describes the smell in the most grim, hilarious fashion:
- “It smells the worst. It's like a ghost of a rapist just walked through your body. It's this fucking hideous smell.” – Johnny Pemberton [35:05]
- The relief at escaping unscathed is palpable:
- “That's my good luck for the next 20 years.” – Johnny Pemberton [36:57]
5. Audience “Misery Loves Company” Story: The Hungry Sheet
[37:57]
- A listener recounts the story of a bed sheet getting lodged in their butt during sex. Mortified, she waits for her partner to leave before removing and laundering the soiled sheet; only to have the partner return. Eight years (!) later, they reconnect and the embarrassing secret is finally confessed—only for the now-trans partner to admit she had seen the whole thing as it happened and just didn’t know what to do.
- “I saw it go up your butt. But I didn't know what to do.” [38:28]
- The hosts ponder the mind of sentient sheets and debate the merits of white vs. patterned bedlinen.
Memorable Quotes & Moments
- On Farting in Relationships:
- “I have a severe bowel disease. So when I fart, it's like a victory for me.” – Johnny Pemberton [11:40]
- “We farted them. We had someone translate.” – Justine Marino on wedding vows [12:53]
- On Men Masturbating on Public Transport:
- “They trained us for every other emergency—peeing off the tram, vomiting, earthquake—but there was no like, 'code 69' for masturbating.” – Justine Marino [26:28]
- On Colostomy Bags:
- “It's your new asshole. It's essentially... in a chic bag.” – Jameela Jamil [29:16]
- “We've had pneumatic mail tubes for 150 years, but this thing is still a plastic bag.” – Johnny Pemberton [33:23]
- On Universal Studios mishaps:
- “That tram ruined, like, maybe 100 great takes.” – Jameela Jamil [19:36]
- “I got in trouble and the man got off like, scot free. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did.” – Justine Marino & Jameela Jamil [24:19]
- On the Hungry Sheet Incident:
- “The only way the sheet has gone in and gotten stuck up his ass, I think, is if he's just had a quick little itch.” – Jameela Jamil [39:38]
Notable Segments & Timestamps
- Opening Banter & “Wrong Turns” Curse: [01:30 – 03:40]
- Business Class Fart Disaster: [03:40 – 05:30]
- Relationship Breakup Commentary: [06:00 – 08:30]
- Micro Humiliations: Fart Story & One-Armed Girl: [09:10 – 16:30]
- Main Wrong Turns – Justine’s Tour Guide Masturbator: [18:30 – 26:20]
- Main Wrong Turns – Johnny’s Phish Concert Colostomy Catastrophe: [28:30 – 36:57]
- Misery Loves Company (Audience Story): [37:57 – 40:25]
- Outro & Plugging Projects: [40:44 – 42:16]
Closing & Plugs
- Justine Marino: Find her at @justinemachine1 and see her live at Comedy Crush (monthly at the Hollywood Improv), with free weed giveaways.
- Johnny Pemberton: “Google my name, you’ll figure it out.” Also see him in the upcoming movie Mermaid.
Jameela closes with characteristic irreverence:
“I wish you both the worst of luck so that you have to come back and tell me more stories. You’ve been a joy. Thank you.” – Jameela Jamil [42:13]
Episode Tone:
Outrageous, unfiltered, deeply honest, and anchored by the camaraderie of seasoned comedians gleefully swapping tales of abject humiliation. There is no lesson, only laughs—and catharsis through collective "wrong turns."