Katherine Ryan and Alan Carr

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil - Episode Featuring Katherine Ryan and Alan Carr

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Introduction

In the August 14, 2025 episode of Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil, host Jameela Jamil brings together two of the UK's most beloved comedians, Katherine Ryan and Alan Carr, to share their most embarrassing and disastrous life stories. True to the podcast's theme—where "dignity goes to die"—the trio delves into moments of personal mortification without any moralizing, simply reveling in each other's misfortunes.

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Guest Introductions and Banter

Jameela welcomes Katherine Ryan, highlighting her as one of her favorite comedians with multiple Netflix specials and her own podcast, Telling Everybody Everything. She then introduces Alan Carr, a BAFTA-winning comedian known for his work on television and his podcast Lights of Beach. The introduction sets a light-hearted tone as Katherine and Alan engage in playful banter about their introductions.

Notable Quote:

• Jameela Jamil [01:06]: "Welcome to Wrong Turns. ... you’re done."
• Katherine Ryan [03:12]: "Violet's the best one. ... She's fine."

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Embarrassing Moments in Careers

The conversation swiftly moves to their professional missteps. Alan Carr recounts his experience with the live broadcast of Grease Live, which was notoriously panned and labeled the "worst show on telly of the year" for two consecutive years. He humorously describes the chaos backstage, including technical difficulties and his own visible sweating.

Notable Quotes:

• Alan Carr [06:11]: "It was voted the worst show on telly two years in a row."
• Alan Carr [07:49]: "I had trouble sweating. So we did a dance number at the beginning."

Katherine shares her own humiliating moment during an audition for Electric Circus, a Canadian dance show. Misaligned with the show's urban aesthetic and feeling out of place, she describes how she and her roommate, branded as "K Squared," failed to impress the casting directors, leaving her with lasting secondhand embarrassment.

Notable Quotes:

• Katherine Ryan [15:05]: "I was gaslit the whole time. ... I just laughed in my Wellington boots."
• Katherine Ryan [19:30]: "That ruined Grease for you."

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Personal Wrong Turns and Relationship Disasters

Katherine opens up about her tumultuous romantic relationships, particularly focusing on a disastrous relationship with a "philanderer." She narrates a specific incident where she unintentionally became a third wheel during her boyfriend's date with another woman, leading to deep personal embarrassment.

Notable Quotes:

• Katherine Ryan [24:22]: "All my wrong turns have involved men and romantic relationships with really bad men."
• Katherine Ryan [28:22]: "And what's most mortifying is I kept dating him for a number of months."

Alan adds to the conversation by sharing his own embarrassing moments, including an incident where he mistakenly sang the wrong song during a live performance featuring Adele, leading to awkward exchanges and audience confusion.

Notable Quotes:

• Alan Carr [32:04]: "I was straight up there, and she sings Rolling in the Deep on the autocue."
• Alan Carr [34:12]: "He bit my ear. I said, I've got AIDS."

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Public Embarrassments and Social Faux Pas

The trio explores various forms of public embarrassment beyond their own stories. Jameela shares anecdotes about others' embarrassing moments, including a listener's story about a disastrous surprise party where excessive gas led to an awkward reveal.

Notable Quotes:

• Jameela Jamil [39:29]: "She just looked like a couple of perverts."
• Taylor Watson's Story [39:14]: "I let three more massive farts rip, and they're terrible."

Katherine also discusses societal expectations and personal discomfort with public displays of bodily functions, highlighting the universal nature of such embarrassments.

Notable Quotes:

• Katherine Ryan [43:56]: "But at least being asleep, you have an excuse somehow."

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Humorous Reflections and Closing Remarks

As the episode draws to a close, Jameela expresses her admiration for both Katherine and Alan, thanking them for their candidness and ability to laugh at themselves. Katherine teases about undergoing a facelift in 2026, while Alan humorously reflects on his many wrong turns with a light-hearted attitude.

Notable Quotes:

• Jameela Jamil [46:00]: "You've both been a fucking joy."
• Katherine Ryan [46:28]: "I need to get dancing. I need to get drunk."

The episode wraps up with warm goodbyes and shout-outs to the guests' current projects, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and the comforting reminder that everyone has their own "wrong turns."

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Conclusion

This episode of Wrong Turns successfully blends humor with humility, offering listeners a candid look into the embarrassing mishaps of three beloved comedians. Through shared stories and laughter, Jameela, Katherine, and Alan demonstrate that everyone navigates their own path of missteps, and sometimes, embracing these moments is the best way to move forward.

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Where to Find the Guests:

• Jameela Jamil: Hosts Wrong Turns and maintains a Substack titled "A Low Desire to Please."
• Katherine Ryan: Hosts the podcast Telling Everybody Everything, releases comedy specials on Netflix, and has a special tour coming to Sky during Christmas.
• Alan Carr: Hosts the podcast Lights of Beach and continues to tour and perform stand-up comedy.

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Note: This summary omits advertisements and non-content sections to focus solely on the engaging and humorous discussions between Jameela, Katherine, and Alan.

Transcript

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[Katherine Ryan]

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[Alan Carr]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

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[Jameela Jamil]

Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns. This is my podcast where we. Well, it's where dignity goes to die. All right? We're here to just tell our worst tales without feeling the need and the pressure to inspire people. You know, there's no silver lining shoved up anyone's ass. And I invite my favorite funny people on the show to come and join me to commiserate with me. Joining me today I have comedian and author of the book the Audacity, why Being Too Much is Exactly Enough. She's appearing on nearly every funny British TV show ever. And she has multiple Netflix comedy specials. And she hosts the podcast Telling Everybody Everything and what's my Age Again? It's one of my favorite comics ever. It's motherfucking Katherine Ryan.

[Katherine Ryan]

Hello. Alan's intro's gonna be shit.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'll just go now.

[Katherine Ryan]

What's left? Alan? I really nailed it.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we welcome a comedian and a writer and a national treasure who has won a BAFTA TV award, two national television awards, and three British comedy awards. He's currently one of the hosts of Interior and he hosts the podcast Lights of Beach. Oh, it's my favorites.

[Mike]

Alan Carr. My intro was slightly better than yours.

[Katherine Ryan]

Officially recognized as good. That's true. I told you to butter mine up.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. How are you both?

[Mike]

Great. I'm really sweaty, but this room's quite cool. But I am sweaty, but that. I don't know what goes, but look at me sweaty.

[Katherine Ryan]

You don't look sweaty to me. Maybe you could take your pants off. It's that kind of show.

[Jameela Jamil]

No one wants to see that. What about you, Katherine? How are you? You alright? You're pregnant.

[Katherine Ryan]

Pregnant again. And it's a blessing and a miracle, but I think it's gonna be the last time.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, you're done.

[Katherine Ryan]

I think it's 42. It just gets to be a bit selfish. Like my algorithm is throwing up stuff like, oh, there's a resource deficiency syndrome and if you have too many kids then it's impossible for your love to go around in your time and your finances. And I was looking at that going, yeah, yeah, no, yeah. They say that if you have too many then you can't love them.

[Mike]

My God, that's really great.

[Katherine Ryan]

But if you think about if one of them, if they're all small as well, if you've been a single mom for a decade.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also Violet's the fave, the eldest.

[Katherine Ryan]

Violet's the best one. Yeah. She's the most self sufficient and the coolest and the firstborn daughter. I like her the most. My God, she's fine.

[Mike]

Oh my God.

[Katherine Ryan]

But then the babies, like if someone's nursing and someone's throwing up and someone's young and some. You know what I mean? Like that does make sense to me. And if you speak to people with lots of siblings, they do kind of complain about it. They go, yeah, we didn't see our parents that often. Do you have siblings?

[Mike]

Yeah, Gary, he's six years younger than me.

[Katherine Ryan]

Perfect.

[Jameela Jamil]

And do you get on?

[Mike]

We get on. We didn't get on before. No, because that's six years when I'm six. He was a baby when I was 12, he was six. 18. You know, it's just annoying.

[Jameela Jamil]

Petually annoying.

[Mike]

And then. Yeah, yeah, bat. You know what? True story. A gypsy fortune teller came to my mum's house and said, oh, he's gonna be famous. And pointed to my brother. And I was like out the back playing swing ball by myself, as I always do. Isn't that funny? But she must have seen something. And now of course, I'm the famous one. He's nothing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Maybe you stole his destiny.

[Mike]

No, I didn't. I was destined to be a star.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay?

[Mike]

Look at your fucking intro.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'll read it again. When it comes to dis, do you feel like it's something that follows you around?

[Mike]

Oh God, yeah. All the time. All the time. Everything.

[Katherine Ryan]

Just put that onto Gary so that you could be a star.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, no shit.

[Mike]

Like, yeah, just shit happens to me. And then sometimes I've actually stopped telling people it because they go, don't, you know, if you don't try out your new tour on me. You know, I don't want to hear your punchlines, you know what I mean? Because people think it is so.

[Jameela Jamil]

They think it's a bit.

[Mike]

Yeah, that I'm trying to just try some little. But no shit does happen, 100%.

[Jameela Jamil]

And Catherine, I know you don't embarrass easily, but do you feel as though disaster is something that's in your periphery at least?

[Katherine Ryan]

No, no. I was worried about coming today because, you know, I know the brief. I don't feel that I've taken many wrong turns. And if I have, I don't mind.

[Jameela Jamil]

So iconic.

[Katherine Ryan]

Everything goes pretty well for me, really.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

Or if I'm meant to be embarrassed about something, I haven't been. I'm not very shameful. I don't have a lot of fun, though. That's the other side of it. Like, I've never taken many risks.

[Mike]

Don't you have any anecdotes when shit goes wrong?

[Katherine Ryan]

I've. I've come up with a couple for the show I've thought she's made long and hard. They are true. You know, you won't be totally disappointed, but I'm not one of these people who. I don't get very drunk. I've never taken, you know, class A's. I'm usually a parent. Like, I. I just. I miss out a bit.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've been responsible for a long time.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah. The beauty of wrong turns is that you get a lot of fun and right turns to go, then wrong.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think that's fucking amazing. You're on your fourth child. Yeah. Yeah. And you've managed to seamlessly go through motherhood without, I think so chaos. Unbelievable. I could be wrong, but, Alan, you two did a show together, right?

[Mike]

Cause this is my disastrous moment. But it involves you.

[Jameela Jamil]

What?

[Katherine Ryan]

What happened to us?

[Mike]

Oh, my God. If you can't remember this, you are good. Cause I'm traumatized. Grease live.

[Katherine Ryan]

Oh, that's some of my best work. Alan, you.

[Mike]

You are clearly deluded.

[Katherine Ryan]

I had a lot of fun making Alan.

[Mike]

You were brilliant on it.

[Katherine Ryan]

I got to work with Alan Carr. I got to dress like a.

[Mike]

You know, it was voted worst show on the telly of the year two years in a row. It wasn't even on the telly the next year.

[Katherine Ryan]

I didn't know that, Alan.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was. Yes.

[Katherine Ryan]

Oh, yeah. But we're still around. We're touring. People love us.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've got the bathroom treasures in one room.

[Mike]

It was a disaster.

[Katherine Ryan]

Well, television.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Mike]

For a two hour live show, I Expected to rehearse the second hour of the live telly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I don't know if you remember the floor manager woman going, this can't go on air. Five minutes before we were meant to go on air, we were recreating Greece live. And we hadn't hardly rehearsed, by the way. Her bits were brilliant. You were so. But I was so. As you can see, I sweat badly. And I did a pod. You know my podcast, Life's Beach. I once had a bowl of soup before I went on. It looked like I had that sweating disease. Like that. It was like. And so I had trouble sweating. So we did a dance number at the beginning. Da, da, da. And it was in this sports hall, and there was no aircon because they wanted to look authentic.

[Katherine Ryan]

It was hot.

[Mike]

So I come through the door. I've never tried this leather jacket on before. So I come through the diner door. Diner doors. Diner doors. Push the door. Hi, guys. Welcome to Greece.

[Katherine Ryan]

My eyes.

[Mike]

The sweat had gone in my eyes. Jonathan Ross, the TV legend, says he's never, ever seen, in his, like, 45 career telly, he's never seen a makeup woman and costume woman on camera try and cut me out of a leather jacket because I ballooned and I just couldn't get. And I was sweating and it was just awful. And then we were doing live for the last. Weren't we, the hour without even rehearsing it. So it was. Yeah. And it was voted the worst show on telly two years in a row.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was voted the worst ever contestant on the Great British Bake off, if that makes you feel better. Yeah. The only. The Guardian wrote, like, top 10 worst moments of the Great British Bake off. And I was five of them.

[Katherine Ryan]

They're Canadian.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And they. And I made the only dessert in the history of the show which, what, 20 years on air deemed unsafe to eat a dessert. No meat. No meat in it.

[Mike]

How can you fuck up a dessert?

[Jameela Jamil]

They wouldn't let Mary. They wouldn't let Mary Berry eat it. They were like, imagine if I'd killed Mary.

[Mike]

Killed Mary Berry.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. I was just fucking terrified. I just don't know how to make anything. Like, I've only got three dishes I can make. None of them are desserts. I tried to learn how to make a meringue beforehand. It was the worst meringue anyone's ever seen. I accidentally set fire to multiple things during my time on the Bake Off. Then at one point, I got so. And also I kept on eating the ingredients in between and then running out of ingredients. Then I got really stressed out and then tried to climb out the window to leave the tent and then got dragged back by security.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I was just, like. I was miserable. I don't have a competitive drive. I just wanted to fucking kill myself on the. But I never had that bad experience.

[Mike]

But, you know when you leave your cake for all the cast and crew to eat? Mine was intact. You know, normally there's a greedy cameraman who will have a scoop list. Mine had been untouched.

[Jameela Jamil]

That is quite horrible.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. But I never. Yeah, it was quite intense. The hours, you know, when you used to watch it on the telly, it's like I did because I'm the first ever celebrity to be fired from Celebrity Apprentice.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, congratulations.

[Mike]

Yeah. And it's funny because I did it ages ago and I love. And of course I laugh at the people who cry, but it's so weird when. Cause sleep deprivation and when you believe in the product. And this was like a whole week we'd been filming, and then I get called into the boardroom and Alan Sugar goes, why shouldn't I fire you? And I went, I don't know, but I believe in the product.

[Jameela Jamil]

He got really invested.

[Mike]

He went, you're fired. And actually, do you know what I even said in the taxi, this isn't the last he's heard of me.

[Katherine Ryan]

All the cliches come to mind.

[Mike]

I was actually doing the things. I took the piss.

[Katherine Ryan]

I gave 110%.

[Mike]

I was like that.

[Jameela Jamil]

And now you are famous entrepreneur Alan Cox.

[Mike]

Yes, exactly.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But it's funny how much you invest. It was like a belt with different toys on it. And I'd done the wrap as well. Swap, belt, swap. The ties swapped out and it didn't fly. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I can't imagine why that wouldn't have worked. Next thing you know, imagine why you got fired.

[Katherine Ryan]

I think that's the aim of reality tv. Or at least it would have been before all these safeguarding measures came in, is they would just emotionally break people through Heat. Like on Grease.

[Mike]

Yes, Heat.

[Katherine Ryan]

Choreography. Length, length of rehearsal and sleep deprivation.

[Jameela Jamil]

I had a boyfriend who worked on, like, the Jerry Springer show, and so used to be the one who had to fluff the rage. No, who had to. Where you go into the room beforehand? Cause I always wondered, I was like, why do they always walk on stage ready to fight? Like, what's happened? How long have they been building this up? And basically the final 15 minutes before they walk on stage, he's going, do you know what she said about you. She says you're a cunt and winds you up and tells you all this awful shit. So that's why. So then it's like a fucking bullfight where they open the gate and they come out ready to kill each other. That was his actual job. He's going straight to hell.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, did you watch the documentary about the Springer triangle? There's a triangle in America where they get all the Jerry Springer guests from, you know, the. I fucked a horse.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, that was a real one.

[Mike]

That was.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, that was the beginning of the end. I fucked a horse. The British public would have loved that episode. I know, but Americans were like, nah, nah, nah.

[Mike]

When they jumped the shark. I think when the horse fucking started, that's when I turned off.

[Katherine Ryan]

Good for you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Call me old fashioned when it comes to micro humiliations. Catherine, do you have any, like, little ones or.

[Katherine Ryan]

Not really? Well, I was on the show with Alan, the Grease project, and I thought, the Grease live. Grease live.

[Mike]

You are such a cool cutie. She can't even remember when Grease comes on the telly.

[Katherine Ryan]

I go, I just.

[Mike]

I think I can't even listen to Summer loving. I'm out in psoriasis.

[Katherine Ryan]

Maybe I just have lower standards. I thought that you were engaging and funny the whole time. I didn't notice. That's the thing about your own micro embarrassment, is that it matters more to you than anyone else. And, well, I guess everyone did vote at the worst, twice, but I didn't even notice.

[Mike]

And maybe that's our arrogance that we think. And TV is only tv. It is only tv. You know, sometimes. And I think people are going, mm, no one gives a shit.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're also quite a careful person. I'm quite a careless, chaotic person. I was texting with someone yesterday, so about two weeks ago, I got bitten by a meat eating fly on my eye.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

And it was in.

[Katherine Ryan]

Oh, I saw that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, Foul. Where my eye looked like a bollock for about six days afterwards. And I was on set when it happened.

[Mike]

So you had a paint on your eye?

[Jameela Jamil]

I've been known to have a very fleshy eye.

[Mike]

I've got a girthy eye.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it bit me on my eye while I was having a little nap. Well, hung on. And I woke up and I had this big bollock eye. And I was still filming and they were like, okay, I think we're gonna have to shoot her on a wide. I was like, you think? So? I was then sick for like a week and a half. Afterwards. And then my mate yesterday sent me like a selfie of himself and he's now shooting in Canada. And he was like, I think I got bitten by that same fly that you got bitten by. I'm really sick. And I was like, oh, my God, your eyes look terrible. And he was like, no, it bit me on the leg. Oh, no, I was just sending you a selfie. He was like, I think I just look bad.

[Mike]

No, no, no, it's a selfish.

[Katherine Ryan]

Ramesh is in the film. That's so nice.

[Mike]

Oh, no, you sick.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, don't shit like that.

[Mike]

That's too much.

[Jameela Jamil]

All the fucking time. No, all the time. I mean, I can't stop. I can't stop just jumping the gun, saying too much.

[Katherine Ryan]

I suppose I do stuff like that. It just doesn't bother me.

[Jameela Jamil]

No. Okay, well, Catherine's a sociopath is what we.

[Mike]

Yeah, I mean, I can't believe this.

[Katherine Ryan]

I had one really embarrassing audition. A lot of embarrassing things happened to me in my childhood, which I think is why I've outgrown the mortification of it. So when I was 19, I moved to Toronto, which is like the metropolis of where I am from. And I met like minded young women at Hooters who had also come from their small and been like, we're here, we're in the big city. And we wanted to do media things. And one of the things that we did was dance on a Friday night show that was very. Like, there wasn't the access to pornography that there is now. And this show existed in Canada for a number of years. It was called Electric Circus. And it was just a room that was made to look a lot bigger than it actually was. It was kind of a room like this where cameramen would play the popular music videos from the noughties and just zoom in on your body dancing. And you were hopefully 18. And people at home would turn that on on a Friday night and have it kind of in the background while they got ready for their own night out. So I thought I was a dancer. Cause I was on this like Pedo Express, like show. And so sometimes opportunities would come in for dance jobs. And at that time, Shanapal was doing a lot of his work in Canada. I think he lived in Canada. He worked a lot with this director, Little X, who then went on to be X, who's like a very. He did Rihanna videos and a lot of Chris Brown videos and. Great. And so a lot of that kind of Jamaican dance hall culture was in Electric Circus. Those were the women that they Wanted to attend the audition. But when the casting call came out, I went, yes, I will be in.

[Jameela Jamil]

The next Shannon Jamaican dance hall. Dancing, dancing great.

[Katherine Ryan]

And I couldn't have been more like, white haired, bleach blonde. Like, think Paris Hilton, the Simple Life. I wore pink Kangol hats and little pleather skirts and very naughties. Like, wanted to be All Saints, but also wanted to be in the Shana Paul music video. So I went with my flatmate, who was called Catherine, and we would brand ourselves as K Squared. Everywhere we went, we're like, we're K Squared. We just thought we were this act. And I went to a hotel where they had auditions in a conference room just with a lot of, you know, urban gentlemen around a boardroom table.

[Mike]

Oh, dear.

[Katherine Ryan]

And I knew in the waiting room that I was out of place. There were ladies in amazing leggings, like stretching and doing. You know, these are trained, really great dancers. But still, I went forward with the audition and I went in the room and I find, like, spaces. I found this on comedy nights, too. Minority spaces are incredibly inclusive. Like, they will let really delusional white women into those spaces.

[Jameela Jamil]

They're like, yeah. They're like, come on in.

[Katherine Ryan]

Cause I did a lot of, like. What was it called? Nubian comedy nights and stuff. Like, it was very weird, the places I was allowed through sheer. Yeah, delusion and privilege. So I walked into this conference room with my roommate Catherine, and we were like, yes, we're ready to audition. And the guys were like, what? And we're like, yeah, we want to be in the get busy music video. And they put on a record. They were like, all right, then dance. And I don't think anyone else had to dance. And I think they just want to get a look at you. But it was a quiet, quiet boardroom of like eight men. They were not being creepy at all. They were just like, dance then. And they put on, like, get busy, girl. Shake dat booty non stop. And I. And Catherine froze. She was like, I'm not doing this. And in a quiet, empty boardroom.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, so she's standing still.

[Katherine Ryan]

She stood still.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then you're.

[Katherine Ryan]

I danced.

[Jameela Jamil]

And how did you dance?

[Katherine Ryan]

I tried.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you shake your ass?

[Katherine Ryan]

I did. Well, no, but I tried to. There was no ass to speak of at the time. But I tried to shake. I tried to twerk. I grinded on Catherine for a bit to try to, like, bring her into frozen still.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Katherine Ryan]

And I think these men just wanted to see if I would do it. I was definitely not Getting the part, like, why would they make me dance?

[Mike]

Why?

[Katherine Ryan]

But I just thought, I'm here now and maybe I'll get in the video. And that was bad. And I wasn't mortified at the time. I really. For a 19 year old girl to go through with it.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so proud of you. Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

But then I did have secondhand embarrassment for years. Like even now, like, why did you sing?

[Jameela Jamil]

You can't hear the song without getting triggered.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, it did ruin. Just like Grease is a little bit ruined for you.

[Mike]

I know. It definitely has.

[Katherine Ryan]

And that's embarrassed me for years.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Yeah. That is fair. That is fair. I'm amazed you're able to go through that. I don't have the. It's the big Achilles heel I have is dancing in public. It's the one thing that I really, really just cannot do. I would be the frozen friend. So I admire your massive bollocks of steel. Congratulations.

[Katherine Ryan]

Someone had to dance in that room.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you did it.

[Mike]

I remember country dancing, you know when you dance around the maypole. Did you hear about that? I did that. And I remember just that 13 when you just blew boom. And I had these massive knockers and I just remember going round and it was a white quite tight. I was so self kind and I remember trying to do push ups, trying to get them tighter. But I remember just going round like that and I remember all the dads sort of like.

[Katherine Ryan]

So you would have been in the video?

[Mike]

I would have got the bloody audition.

[Jameela Jamil]

I made it into the video. I've had a memory that I'm not sure if I've spoken about in the podcast yet or not, but I once went to a party that was thrown by Beyonce because I was in LA and my boyfriend had worked on her record Lemonade. So we were invited to her party and then everyone was doing the Electric Slide, which is within the African American community. Like a dance that everyone knows how to do. And James and I were very, very lost. We were extremely lost. And every single person at the party was in it. So if we stood on the side, we'd just look like 2 perverts. So we're doing our best. But we're also extremely tall. Like, James is 6 foot 8. Right. He's legally a giant. I see. Yeah, he's legally a giant if he stands up straight. Six foot eight.

[Katherine Ryan]

Legally a giant.

[Jameela Jamil]

Legally a giant. I know it's fair to call someone. So Beyonce sees that we're struggling. She's a very nice woman. So Beyonce makes her way across the Party doesn't know either of us very well and is like, I'll show you how to dance. And you're in your brain. You're just, like, going, oh, my God, Beyonce teaching me how to do the electric slide. How am I gonna. I must get it in one take. And it takes seven minutes, which is a. An unbelievably long time for her to check out of her own dance. We've now gone into the. The second song, and everyone's still doing it, and she's determined to get us to learn. And then she just starts to, within about seven minutes, starts to, like, give up on us and then just starts to, like, slowly just kind of dance her way away from us and just.

[Katherine Ryan]

Leave us standing there.

[Jameela Jamil]

She was so lovely and patient. Yeah.

[Mike]

And then she just gave up. And you was like, you're on your own.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And one of their mates was videoing the whole thing. So there's a video of this somewhere on the Internet that is going to come out. And you'll know I've been blackmailed when it does. But, yeah, mortifying. Like, can't do it. And if the greatest dancer on earth is trying to teach you, and you cannot get one foot in front of it, you're just fucked.

[Mike]

I bet you're just like Shelley Winters and the Poseidon Adventure. Go on without me. Go on. It's fine. Just leave me here.

[Katherine Ryan]

But it's also very generous. It's like, do you know what, Beyonce? You are the best at this. Why would I even attempt?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I didn't want to make her look bad.

[Katherine Ryan]

That's what that was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Catherine, thank you for seeing me. Yeah. All right, let's go to a.

[Mike]

No, I mean this Beyonce story. Have you seen that thing? When in Destiny's Child, Michelle falls down. Oh, yeah, I love that. And Kelly and Beyonce. Keep walking. Wasn't so kind then, was she?

[Jameela Jamil]

A pro. A pro. All right, we're gonna go to a break. Before you get attacked by the beehive.

[Katherine Ryan]

What do you hate about Taylor Swift the most?

[Sleep Number]

Why choose a sleep number Smart bed.

[Katherine Ryan]

Can I make my sight softer?

[Alan Carr]

Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number]

Sleep number does that cools up to 8 times F and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting. It's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed plus free home delivery with the purchase of any smart bed ends Monday. All sleep number smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

[Rose]

This is Mike. Mike's stuck in traffic. The only thing that could make this work is if he promised to cook his date dinner at 8, which he did, but it's now 7:30 and he's still on the 5. Good thing Mike has Grubhub plus with Prime. $0 delivery fees, 0 stress, 0 rush. Dinner's covered and so is his reputation. Free Grubhub Plus. It's on Prime. Additional terms and fees apply.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back. All right. So, Katherine, what is your big wrong turn story?

[Katherine Ryan]

Well, all my wrong turns have involved men and romantic relationships with really bad men. I feel like I've grown my way out of that. Who knows? There's still time for my husband to, you know, stumble along the way or indeed have been a different person this entire time. I can't wait for that big reveal and the alimony that will come. But I dated some scoundrels. And there was one in particular who was so embarrassing all the time. And I don't know why I couldn't extricate myself from that relationship. But he was a philanderer, and I think he was trying to make an honest man of himself. I think he was. Cause he said to me, you never make time for my friends. You never come out and want to meet my friends. I said, in fairness, I'm a single mother. I'm very poor. I'm trying to work. Like, this is not my priority. If you want to hang out with a girl who can make time for you and your friends, then you need to be dating like a single heiress, like a young. You know, I don't know. I just can't. I was hustling, and he was like, well, I need you to meet my friends. This friend is in town. She's really important to me. You got to make time for my friend. And I was like, okay. So with resentment, I dropped my daughter, who was then very young, off at the babysitter. I didn't like to spend a night away from her. That wasn't work. And I went to the pub to meet my boyfriend's very important friend. And when I looked through the window. Cause they had already. They got there early. I was wearing Wellington boots, these brown Wellington boots. And just like a cotton dress. I didn't look glamorous at all. I looked in the window, and they were on a date. I went, whoa.

[Jameela Jamil]

How do you know?

[Katherine Ryan]

Just the body language was very romantic. They were also.

[Jameela Jamil]

They were fucking.

[Katherine Ryan]

They were sartorially. Matched. She had, like, tattoos on her face and lots of piercings and, like, really sexy, like, bleach blonde and leather as well. Kind of reminiscent of Grease. She just looked hot.

[Mike]

Can she stop fucking mentioning it?

[Katherine Ryan]

I had a great time on that show.

[Mike]

Sorry.

[Katherine Ryan]

And I thought, that's weird. So I went in and I sat down, and he's like, oh, hey, this is my girlfriend. This is so. And so we met at an audition earlier this week, and I was like, you just met this woman? I thought this was, like, an important friend who was here from somewhere. But no, what he wanted to do was be on a date with this sexy girl that he'd met at an audition, but he didn't know how to quite square that away in a relationship. So he's like, I'll bring my girlfriend and I'll go on a date with this. This sexy girl. But my fuck. Well, this is it. I was gaslit the whole time. I'm like, where am I? And even the wait staff was like, what's going on here? Cause the two, like. I don't know what she thought was going on. But slowly, slowly, I became very aware that I was a third wheel on.

[Jameela Jamil]

What was your boyfriend's date?

[Katherine Ryan]

My boyfriend's date with this new woman that he'd met. And she was like, I'm a baby lingerie designer. Like, she had some sexy job.

[Jameela Jamil]

What do you mean a baby lingerie?

[Katherine Ryan]

Like, latex. She designed. She had some sexy job. Like, it was a wild. Everything about her.

[Jameela Jamil]

You mean she's young and she's lingerie? I thought you were talking about, like, chaps for babies. Oh, no, she designed suspenders.

[Mike]

She needs to be arrested.

[Katherine Ryan]

No, she was like a latex lingerie. You know, everything about her was sex. Not for babies. Not for. No, she was. Yeah, we were all babies. And it was awful. It was awful. And they got really drunk, and I just kept being really confused. And then the wait staff. Eventually, one girl came over, and she was like, we just want to know because you know what it's like when, like, what's going on? And I was like, I don't know what's going on? And she was like, are you his girlfriend? I said, yeah. And she goes, I don't think that you are. I think that they're on a date. Like, you need to get out of here. You need to pick up whatever dignity you have left and leave. And I was like, yeah, you're right. And so I just laughed in my Wellington boots. And they didn't even notice. I was gone. It was so crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Katherine Ryan]

And what's most mortifying about it is I kept dating him for, like, a number of months.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, I just.

[Mike]

Shame on you.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's your wrong turn.

[Katherine Ryan]

These are all my wrong turns are. And they're not, like, fun and funny and there's no, like, slapstick. It's just deeply shameful. Like, oh, sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you left and they stayed on.

[Katherine Ryan]

The day they did.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did they have sex with each other that night?

[Katherine Ryan]

Probably. I mean, I was not told.

[Jameela Jamil]

And they didn't even invite you to join the sex?

[Katherine Ryan]

Oh, yeah, because that's what young people do now is they just have everyone's fucking, right?

[Mike]

I mean, they're not gonna say, come back to my hotel room and see my baby lingerie.

[Katherine Ryan]

You're not gonna fit into the baby lingerie, so forget it.

[Mike]

But, you know, I'm clearly not classed as a looker. But it's funny what you say about. I get mixed vibes. So many times. I can't tell you how many times I thought someone fancied me and I've gone to kiss them and they've gone, what the hell are you doing?

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm the opposite. Someone has to be inside me for.

[Katherine Ryan]

Me to know that I think he likes me.

[Jameela Jamil]

They're interested.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, I can tell by the way.

[Mike]

Complete opposite. I don't know who they think I am the amount of times I'm going, what the fuck are you doing?

[Katherine Ryan]

First of all, Alan, let's rewind. Because you are a looker and you're incredibly charming, funny. And rich.

[Mike]

And rich.

[Katherine Ryan]

Let's not forget rich.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, but. Yeah, I get. But I'm one for getting the wrong. Yeah. Getting the wrong idea.

[Jameela Jamil]

Do you want to kiss right now?

[Mike]

No, you're clearly coming on to me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, but it's funny, isn't it, how you do get the wrong idea?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's ever invited me for a threesome, ever. Ever. And in fact, like, I. Obviously, it's a dangerous topic, but, you know, we've heard now about all the stories in LA about all the big sex parties, right? James and I lived there for 10 years and we never got invited to one. Like, we knew these people, we worked with these people. Obviously, I'm very grateful. Now, I also think I probably have some sort of allergy to baby oil and stuff because I'm allergic to everything. But we'd leave always at about 12 or 1, because we're not really drinkers. We'd be like, all Right. We're gonna go home. And no one was ever like, oh, no, stay, stay. Hurts your feet. Feelings.

[Katherine Ryan]

But I think, as well. Yeah. No, not to, like, take it down, but I think if someone's predatory, they do have a good eye for who they can get. And who will blow the whistle on a podcast.

[Jameela Jamil]

Legal giants were the ones.

[Mike]

They probably saw you dancing. They probably saw you dancing, going, they've got no rhythm. They're gonna be shit in bed.

[Katherine Ryan]

The Electric Slide is a test.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I was seeing someone and a gay couple asked him to be in the threesome and not me. That's insulting, isn't it?

[Jameela Jamil]

That's insane. These people. That's really stupid and blind, you know?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

How does someone ask for a threesome? Because maybe that's what my date was.

[Mike]

Came up to me and they said, you know, your. Your boyfriend, does he like threesomes? I said, oh, yeah, I'll go and ask him. And then. Yeah. And then he sort of went. Looked at me and went, I better say no. I mean, that was nice of him to do that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Unbelievable.

[Mike]

I know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. It's turning into a trauma damper.

[Mike]

Exactly, exactly, exactly. Humiliation.

[Jameela Jamil]

Humiliation. Yeah. I'm glad you broke up with that guy. Eventually.

[Katherine Ryan]

Eventually. Yeah. And it's all fun and games now, but when you ask me what's, like, really mortifying, those are, like, deeply mortifying. I just didn't know. And the entire waitstaff was like, we.

[Jameela Jamil]

Gotta get the waitstaff, by the way.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mike]

They were good.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

Allies.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

Get outta here.

[Jameela Jamil]

I feel like you're that force for people now. You'll be the one who interrupts someone and be like, excuse me, you're being made a mug of.

[Katherine Ryan]

Your boyfriend's on a date.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

You are basically one of us. You are a waitress on this date. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, man, Alan, what's your big wrong turn?

[Mike]

Well, you've heard my big wrong turn. Grease live. But something sort of eggy happened to me, which was quite humiliating for me. I went to New York, and I've got a friend who's in Sunset Boulevard, Nicole Scherzinger. And they got me.

[Katherine Ryan]

Good start.

[Mike]

Ye. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I went over there, especially with my good friend Ross, and can't wait to go. And I've been to New York a few times, but he hadn't been. So we were showing him around all the. All the places. So we go up Rockefeller center, and this genuinely happened. I was doing a wee, and, you know, you got the flush, the weird flush. I looked down and My glasses went down the toilet, straight down the toilet, all the way down the toilet. And I said, excuse me, I don't know why I said it. I said, my, my glasses are down the toilet. She went, they're down there. I can't do anything about it. So I was like, oh, okay, Shit like this. So they were my one pair of glasses. So I went to the Sunset Boulevard premiere with my sunglasses on. Cause I can't see without them. So I went to see and there was a lot of A listers there. And me in my sunglasses then probably wondering, who's this?

[Jameela Jamil]

This must be the super A lister.

[Mike]

Watching a musical about delusion and celebrities. I'm there in my sunglasses. Cause I got. I'm not missing this. People are like, oh my God, this is this hot shot producer.

[Jameela Jamil]

Or they might have just thought, oh, this blind man has come to enjoy.

[Mike]

I should have just got a Labrador and sat there, went, what can I say?

[Jameela Jamil]

That was nice.

[Mike]

I hear the music's great. So yeah, I mean, just silly little things like that that are just really. Just shit like that happens to me. Completely ruined all the time. I mean, and I've drunk. I mean, you don't drink. I drink loads. I've got loads of humiliating things like that. I mean, I'm not proud of this, but I was dancing with a woman like this. I was quite young, young and naive. And you know what you like when you're gay and you dance with a straight woman like this. And then the husband got really jealous and was giving me the evils.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did he not spot you were gay from the.

[Mike]

No. I don't know what was happening. But he thought I was coming onto his wife and I was slut dropping and I was, you know, do all the butterfly and all that. And then he's giving me evils and I just did a sassy clip. And then he bit my ear. Bit my ear, ripped the ear. And I went, oh my God. I said like, drew blood, drew blood, all done my thing. And then guess what? I said, I've got aids.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh no.

[Mike]

I'm so ashamed. And listen, I raised so much money for AIDS charities, but I was young and I shouldn't have said it, but his face was a fucking picture.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think he shouldn't have bit you.

[Mike]

I think of all of them.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think the main cunt in the story is the man that bit the. With all of the respect in the world, a flamboyantly gay man.

[Mike]

I know I'd. Come on, read the room, read the signs. I mean, but one of the things humiliating things happened to me, happened actually on the telly. I'm not talking about Grease live. I'm talking about. Remember when Adele sang at the Palladium?

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God, that's my favorite moment of the world.

[Mike]

And people still say to me that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Tell the people what happened. Cause some of these people would have missed it.

[Mike]

Okay. Adele's premiering a new album at the Palladium. Loads of celebs there sitting there like this. And I know Adele from back in the day. And they surprise Adele. They bring out a teacher that she hasn't seen. And Adele's like, oh, my God, I've seen her for years. She's crying. It's beautiful. Everyone's emotional. I need my makeup done. Makeup to make it come out. Alan, can you entertain the crowd for a while? I'm laughing like. It was like. But what they did in the edit.

[Jameela Jamil]

Some people thought it was planned, but it was not.

[Mike]

I'm so angry. But you know what? They edited it. I was there for 10 minutes going, no, no, no, no, no. There's Dua Lipa there. Yeah, there's Stormzy. You know, get Samuel L. Jackson to do a monologue or something. Don't fuck me. So come on up. Come on up. So they edit it. So I'm like, this is my moment. So I'm straight up there, and she go, sing make you feel my love on the auto cue. I don't know why. She sounded like Doc Cotton, right? Hey, so. And it wasn't make youe Feel my love on the. On the auto q at all. It was Rolling in the deep.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my.

[Mike]

So the man on the piano starts playing make you feel. And I'm like. And I know all her songs but that one when the rain is. What's it doing on your face?

[Jameela Jamil]

Face.

[Mike]

Pissing your face. And I was like. That was like, yeah. And I mean, people say, oh, yeah, Set up. I would learn the words before I was gonna sing also.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like, it's one of your best friends in the world.

[Mike]

I know all about just that one. When the rain wind. What is it?

[Katherine Ryan]

But it's the pressure as well. It's like being on tipping point 100. You can play it at home, but then you get on and you're like, it's falling in your head, of course.

[Mike]

And then, you know, it's not like, you know, a standup gig because you look out and maybe see someone in the audience. You've got, like, you know, just fucking celebrities looking at you, going.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then.

[Mike]

I thought, I'm not going to start singing Rolling in the Deep because how arrogant does that look? I'm doing a medley.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hey, it was genuine. Never mind.

[Mike]

I'll fight.

[Jameela Jamil]

For whatever it's worth. It is one of my favorite moments in television history. That you committed to the bit. I know, but yeah, and it killed the audience.

[Mike]

But no, it was just the way the edit was. It just looked like I was like straight up there. Right, let's go.

[Katherine Ryan]

A total redemption from Grease life, only.

[Jameela Jamil]

To not know any of the words and sing it to the mate.

[Mike]

I know, I know, I know.

[Katherine Ryan]

But they can't leave that dead space. And I would think. I would never judge you for that. I would think as a friend. Adele's got mascara rolling down her face. And you do. You get up and you go, I'll do whatever it takes. And you take one.

[Jameela Jamil]

I didn't do that for the team, 100%. And if Catherine had been in that same situation, she would have done it. And even if she'd forgotten all the words and sung it terribly, she would have gone. That went really well.

[Katherine Ryan]

That's our job. Just do it. Just try it.

[Jameela Jamil]

We'll be right back after the break.

[Rose]

This is Mike. Mike's stuck in traffic. The only thing that could make this worse is if he promised to cook his date dinner at 8, which he did, but it's now 7:30 and he's still on the 5. Good thing Mike has Grubhub plus with Prime. $0 delivery fees zero. Strike zero rush. Dinner's covered and so is his reputation. Free Grubhub Plus. It's on Prime. Additional terms and fees apply.

[Sleep Number]

Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

[Katherine Ryan]

Can I make my site softer?

[Alan Carr]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting. It's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale up to to 50% off the limited edition smart bed plus free home delivery with the purchase of any smart bed ends Monday. All sleep number Smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we are back. All right, before I let you go, we take stories from the world and sometimes from our listeners. This is from Taylor Watson who posted this on Instagram. She said, I knew I shouldn't have eaten three plates of beans at lunch.

[Katherine Ryan]

Oh no, Taylor.

[Jameela Jamil]

But I did it anyway because it's my Birthday and Taco Tuesday. And I just thought, yeah, I'm gonna eat the beans that I wanna eat, knowing that I should not have eaten them. And then when I got home, my husband was like, hey, I have a surprise for you. And I was like, oh, fun. And he's like, yeah, but I'm gonna blindfold you. And so then he blindfolds me and then he takes me into the other room and he sits me down. And as soon as he sits me down, right as he sit, his phone rings. And so he says, I'm so sorry, I have to take this really fast, but don't take off your blindfold. Just wait. So I sat there and I heard him leave the room. So he's out of the room and I'm uncomfortable from all the pressure of the gas building up in my stomach. So I was like, well, he's out of the room. So I let one rip. And it was bad. It was really bad. Smells like a fertilizer truck had run over a skunk. So I'm eavesdropping and he's still full blown in this conversation on the phone. And it's a work thing. So I thought, you know what? I've got time. I'm gonna let a couple more rip. So I let three more massive farts rip, and they're terrible. And then I hear him start to get off the phone. So I'm like taking a pillow from near me from the couch, and I'm fanning around trying to get the smell to go away, and it kind of goes away. And then he comes back into the room and he's like, are you ready? She's like, yeah. And he takes off her blindfold and all of her friends and family are sitting there and went, surprise.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've changed colour. You've got secondhand embarrassment.

[Mike]

It's horrible.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's just the worst thing. It's just the worst thing.

[Mike]

It's so the only way that could have been worse if she'd blown the candles off the cake with her wind.

[Jameela Jamil]

Or just fully shit herself.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah, but what a loser group of people. To be able to sit there silently and maintain not laugh. The surprising. Yeah. Cause we all would have laughed. I'm so sorry. What group of friends is gonna sit in silence and let that go on?

[Jameela Jamil]

4. Four big farts happened and no one said a word.

[Katherine Ryan]

No fertilizer truck colliding with a skunk.

[Jameela Jamil]

You said crazy. Great writer. Yeah, that was a trickster, a comedian. A comedian. I didn't see that it's so deeply mortifying. Like, my dad used to. He used to listen to, like, loud Bangra music. He'd listen to loud music on his headphones on the bus. And because his music was so loud and deafness just runs in my family, he would just fart and fart and fart, and he'd have no idea. And people would be turning around on the bus and looking at him, giving him dirty looks, and he'd have no idea. And he was just like, ugh, racism.

[Katherine Ryan]

He had an idea. Like, he knew he was farting, he just didn't know it was audible. Yeah. But he didn't know that he still shouldn't be silently farting on the bus.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was crazy. He wasn't even. He was just letting it rip. Because he wasn't a silent farting. He was a loud farter. So he was just like. And he couldn't hear it because he's hearing dinga, dinga, dinga, dinga, dinga.

[Mike]

I've been at the gym. Shocker. I was on a treadmill with my AirPods in, and I farted loudly. And I didn't know. I still, to this day, don't know whether it was internal or audible.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. So it is May Martin.

[Mike]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know, Mae Martin was asleep and farted so loud that they woke themselves up and then was in bed with a new lover and thought, oh, my God, please be asleep, please be asleep, please be asleep. Wakes up, turns around, and the lover is sitting up reading in bed.

[Katherine Ryan]

But at least being asleep, you have an excuse somehow. Come asleep.

[Mike]

Cause you get those men that do cupcakes, don't you? And they waft it into the woman's face. That's just disgusting.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, like the Dutch oven as well.

[Mike]

Yeah. Cupcake.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've never heard of that. Who have you been dating?

[Mike]

I would. That'd be out the door. They cupcaked me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. No way.

[Mike]

That's what men do.

[Katherine Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Men are foul.

[Katherine Ryan]

I have.

[Mike]

I must stop getting off with them.

[Katherine Ryan]

Well, you and I, I think, have a similar type. Like, I do. Like a sporty alpha male. My husband is. But he's very polite. And he doesn't even walk around naked. Cause he was raised by a single mom and three sisters. He doesn't fart. He's very disgusted by all of that.

[Jameela Jamil]

James is the same. James goes to the balcony and he says he's going to the balcony to think. And then sometimes, if he doesn't have time to get to the balcony, he'll be like, get Out. I'll be like, why? And he'll say, because I'm worried this thought is gonna turn into a memory.

[Mike]

Oh, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. It's always a perfect.

[Jameela Jamil]

So poetic.

[Mike]

Mine's like. My euphemism is I'm just gonna let Polly out and then he'll pop out. Sometimes. Sometimes, I'm not gonna lie, Polly comes back in with me, but I went out.

[Jameela Jamil]

The ghost of Polly.

[Mike]

Polly is haunting my trousers.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I think that is the perfect note to end on. Alan, before you both go, can you tell everyone where they can find you and hear you and see you?

[Mike]

Well, my podcast, Life's a Beach is out there for everyone to.

[Jameela Jamil]

And it' fun. We had a lot of fun.

[Mike]

Well, we had so much fun.

[Jameela Jamil]

Near death experiences and all. Yeah. And Catherine, the BAFTAs.

[Katherine Ryan]

I'll be at the BAFTAs cheering Alan on for his next win. I won't be on tour for a long time. I just finished a tour, so that's fun.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Katherine Ryan]

I do have the special of that tour coming out on sky at Christmas time. Yeah. I'll be very fat for it, which I know I don't like to talk down about that in front of Jamila, but. Because, you know, you're a person. Yeah, but I imagined that, you know, I wouldn't be pregnant for it, but I'll be in third trimester. Absolutely immortalized. Just a fat, fat girl summer for me, love. So there's that and the podcast and then. Well, the podcast is secondary to the facelift I'm hoping to get in 2026.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, wow.

[Katherine Ryan]

The surgical intervention to get me back to who I used to be before I had all these kids. So you won't see me, you won't recognize me.

[Jameela Jamil]

She'll be wearing baby lingerie. Ye. Yeah. Well, you've both been a fucking joy. I love you both so much. I can't believe I got both of you here in the same room at the same time. I was, like, proper nervous. I genuinely love you so much. You're such a massive. Like, both such massive role models to me. So thanks for coming in and embarrassing yourselves, for throwing yourself on the fire. Especially Alan.

[Katherine Ryan]

Especially Alan.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you're a ghost of Polly.

[Katherine Ryan]

I've got work to do and that's what I've learned. I need to get out there.

[Jameela Jamil]

You might.

[Katherine Ryan]

I need to get dancing. I need to get drunk. Need to make friends with Adele. It's gonna happen.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thanks for coming on.

[Katherine Ryan]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. And that's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[Rose]

This is Rose. Rose's flight is delayed again. At this point, she has walked the entire terminal twice and has memorized every news headline on the airport tv. All she really wants to do is take off. Good thing Rose has a library of free ebooks with pride. Suddenly she's chasing bad guys, kissing hot vampires, solving murders. You know, living her best life. Free ebooks library. It's on prime now.

[Alan Carr]

You can fly anywhere in the world and pay discount prices on your airline tickets. Book a flight today to London, Paris, Madrid or anywhere else you want to go. And pay a lot less, guaranteed. Call the Internet national travel department right now at low cost airlines. 8002-1551-4180-0215-5141.

[Mike]

That's 800-215-5141.