Lamorne Morris, Chris Fleming and Liza Treyger

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Lamorne Morris, Chris Fleming and Liza Treyger

Release Date: June 25, 2026
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Lamorne Morris, Chris Fleming, Lisa Treyger

Overview

This episode of “Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil” delivers exactly what it promises: a hilarious, raw, and unfiltered journey through some of the most mortifying moments experienced by comedian guests Lamorne Morris, Chris Fleming, and Lisa Treyger. With the motto “Anti-Inspiration, Pro-Commiseration,” the panelists revel in their embarrassment, offering up stories where dignity is sacrificed for laughs, all without seeking silver linings or morals. True to its spirit, the episode is packed with TMI confessions, surprisingly vulnerable moments, and an audience story that nearly matches the absurdity of the main panel.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Vibe: Anti-Inspiration, Pro-Commiseration (01:44)

• Jameela Jamil set the tone:

  • “This podcast is Anti Inspiration. Are we all sick of inspiration? Yeah, this is Anti Inspiration, Pro Commiseration. We are the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee.” (01:44)

• Guests introduced in high-spirited, irreverent fashion:

  • Lamorne Morris, Lisa Treyger, and Chris Fleming join to share their most humiliating “wrong turns.”

2. The Kegel Debate & TMI Icebreaker (02:52)

• Lamorne claims men can do Kegels; a hilarious debate ensues:
  • Lamorne Morris: “No, you can fix it. I just gotta do more Kegels.” (03:10)
  • Jameela: “Can a man do Kegels?” (03:23)
  • Lisa Treyger: “No, no. Kegel is for pussy. You can't take it.” (06:01)
  • The segment spirals into a group confessional about trying new things and the shared urge to one-up each other’s awkwardness.

3. How the Panel Handles Disaster (04:02)

• Each guest discusses their approach to disaster:
  • Lisa Treyger: Raised poor and “embarrassed constantly.” Copes with weed and acceptance. (04:09, 04:58)
  • Lamorne Morris: Embraces the moment, mines it for stage material, and jokes about his “ass Kegel” achievements. (05:08, 05:21)
  • Chris Fleming: Relies on extreme dissociation to get through public disaster. (04:38)

---

Micro Humiliations: Panel's Mini Nightmares

Lamorne Morris: The Couch, the CPR Doll, and Delayed Virginity (06:26)

• Lamorne’s confession about late sexual debut (age 19), childhood faking of sexual prowess, and elaborate practice scenarios involving a couch and his mom’s CPR dummy.
  • Notable quotes:
    • “I had been lying on my dick since I was a child.” (07:03)
    • “The couch has a nice little crevice…You slap it, you say something nasty to it, like, you raggedy bitch.” (10:22)
  • The story culminates in a planned encounter derailed by the girl’s proposal: her friend David should have sex with her first so Lamorne can “learn,” prompting Lamorne to cry and opt out. (11:34–12:43)
    • “She said, David told me that because both of you are virgins … David should have sex with her first while I watched so I could know what I was doing… I just looked at her and immediately started crying.” (12:17)

Lisa Treyger: Virginity Loss and Public Bleeding (17:15)

• Lisa’s no-nonsense retelling of losing her virginity at a college party, her friends’ genuine concern she was missing, and her mortification at bleeding through her pants.
  • “My friends thought I was kidnapped and murdered. … But I left to fuck this guy, but they didn’t want me to. And I, like, bled through my pants.” (17:54)

Chris Fleming: Chef's Ass (19:57)

• Chris recounts his London stand-up blunder: referencing jock itch (which Brit audiences did not recognize), leading to a suggestion from an audience member that he switch terminology to “chef’s ass”—which was not an actual phrase but he used it all week to more stony silence.
  • “I was proclaiming to a foreign land that I had a not yet discovered affliction called chef's ass. And I was doing it in their accent for some reason.” (21:12)

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Main Event: The Big "Wrong Turns"

Lamorne Morris: Chasing a Stolen Phone in Compton (25:24)

• Wild, high-stakes tale involving tracking his girlfriend’s stolen phone to Compton, meeting a table of very intimidating Bloods in a restaurant, and a tense standoff that included a gun being drawn—and a bag full of 40 pilfered phones.
  • “He goes in his waistband and pulls out a gun and puts it on the table and was like, I just want the phone, bro. I ain’t come for no book. I just want the phone.” (28:06)
  • After securing some of the phones, the group is stopped by police, who suspect them of being the actual thieves; much confusion and near-arrest ensues.
  • Jameela’s lesson: “Don’t chase a phone down to fucking Compton or anywhere, really.” (31:39)

Chris Fleming: Naked Boba & Elderly Neighbors (32:06)

• Chris details an utterly different kind of disaster: after taking one of his several daily baths, he attempts to sneak outside naked to fetch a DoorDash boba delivery. He’s fully spotted by his elderly, gun-toting Hulk Hogan–mustachioed neighbors.
  • “I turn and my elbow smacks the window, this glass so hard that of course, both parties just immediately turn directly too. Nude me. Fully nude me…So I just start waving.” (35:22–36:14)
  • Adds to the story that his neighbors already think he’s a sex worker: “Because they always say, they say, be careful out there, Bubba. They call me Bubba.” (37:36)

Lisa Treyger: The Nanny and The Plumbing Catastrophe (44:40)

• Lisa’s ultimate wrong turn: as a backup nanny in her mid-20s, she has a violent bathroom emergency (a mix of IUD-induced bleeding and diarrhea) while caring for a baby, and flushes it all down the toilet…right while construction workers are working on the pipes directly below.
  • “Did you just flush?” “Well, we were, like working on the ceiling in the living room, and all of it came onto the living room floor.” (47:48)
  • Lisa, underwear at her ankles, flees back to care for the baby and is still hired back by the family for her “formidable” childcare skills.

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Audience "Misery Loves Company" Segment

The Doctor’s Tale: 13 Dry Exams (52:01)

• Nikhil, a child psychiatrist, shares his own wrong turn: as a med student doing a urology rotation, he prided himself on seeing 13 patients in one day—only to realize (after a roommate’s comment) that he forgot to use lube during every digital rectal exam.
  • “I realized that in my hate to do this exam so quickly and see so many patients, I completely forgot the step of lubricating my finger.” (54:41)
  • Crowd is equal parts horrified and tickled, and the term “Dr. Dry Finger” is coined.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lamorne, on practicing sex moves:
  “The couch has a nice little crevice, if you pay attention to it. … You slap it, you say something nasty to it, like, you raggedy bitch.” (10:17)
• Lisa, on her period mishap:
  “I just got an IUD…so I’m like, whatever, I’m bleeding heavy, it doesn’t matter. … So there’s blood and diarrhea. It’s like a nightmare. And like, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” (46:13)
• Chris, on his nude window incident:
  “To them, it was like Chris was opening up an amateur red light District at 2pm” (38:03)
• Jameela, on the podcast’s ethos:
  “We are the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee.” (01:44)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:44 – Jameela sets the anti-inspiration, pro-commiseration vibe; intros the guests.
• 03:02 – Kegel confusion and group TMI icebreaker.
• 06:26 – Lamorne Morris’ “micro-humiliation:” the CPR doll, couch, and virginity fable.
• 17:54 – Lisa Treyger’s awkward virginity-losing story and aftermath.
• 19:57 – Chris Fleming’s “Chef’s Ass” stand-up confusion in London.
• 25:24 – Lamorne’s high-stakes Compton phone recovery saga.
• 32:06 – Chris Fleming’s naked boba mishap and neighbor encounter.
• 44:40 – Lisa’s notorious backup nanny bathroom disaster.
• 52:01 – Audience “Misery Loves Company” segment: the doctor and the 13 dry exams.

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Panel Final Plugs & Wrap-Up (56:39)

• Lamorne Morris: Voice of Garfield; upcoming “Spider Noir.”
  • “And still trying to lose that virginity. So somebody trying to let me know. Instagram.” (56:55)
• Chris Fleming: “You can find me on webuyuglyhomes.com thank you so much.” (57:15)
• Lisa Treyger: “I would love for you to watch my Netflix special. It’s called Night Owl.” (57:26)
• Socials: Lisa is “Glitter Cheese” online.

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Final Thoughts

Wrong Turns fulfills its anti-inspirational promise, refusing to offer lessons or redemption, but fostering connection and laughter through shared humiliation. The result is an hour of relentless, cathartic honesty—melting away composure and inviting the audience to laugh at, and with, the panel’s lived disasters.

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For more stories or to submit your own, email: [e-mail]
Full-episode video: YouTube
Jameela’s Substack: “A Low Desire to Please”

Transcript

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[Chris Fleming]

Please welcome Jameela Jamil.

[Jameela Jamil]

Hello, everyone. Are you well? I have chosen the day that my period is due to wear this outfit because I enjoy flying as close as possible to the sun. Thank you so much for. For being here. For what is going to be a very humbling hour for myself and my guests and some brave audience members. I am thrilled to be able to have some of my favorite funny people join me today. This podcast is Anti Inspiration. Are we all sick of inspiration? Yeah, this is Anti Inspiration Pro Commiseration. We are the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee. And joining us today, we have the exceptional Lamorne Morris, the incredible Lisa Traeger, and Mr. Chris motherfucking Fleming.

[Chris Fleming]

Hi, everyone.

[Jameela Jamil]

First of all, my guests. Are you well?

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Nah, nah. I got a collapsed bladder. Oh yeah, you pee in my ass? Yeah, it's like a. No, I can pee. This is weird. They gotta pee all the Time.

[Lisa Traeger]

Are you gonna fix it or it's. What?

[Lamorne Morris]

That's kind of a cool thing to say.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I don't know. I'm trying to get.

[Lisa Traeger]

Is it for life, or is there a solution?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, you can fix it. I just gotta do more Kegels.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

We've been backstage together for an hour, and he's chosen now to tell us that.

[Chris Fleming]

I saw him doing Kegels, but I didn't want to say anything.

[Lamorne Morris]

Paul saw me do it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Can a man do Kegels?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I'm doing them now.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait. Sorry. Show me.

[Chris Fleming]

Well, you can't. You won't be able to. I'm doing.

[Jameela Jamil]

I can kind of see. Because I can see your cock.

[Lisa Traeger]

I didn't know boys can do them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Neither did I. God.

[Chris Fleming]

Can we actually do Kegels?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, just tighten the ass. Just tighten.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, we can do ass Kegels.

[Jameela Jamil]

Guys, is everyone doing Ass Kegels right now? Because I am.

[Lamorne Morris]

Y' all don't know. Y' all don't know. Ain't no doctors in here. Shut up.

[Jameela Jamil]

My asshole's already small enough. It's like a tiny little cat.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm sensing judgment. I see you. I see you, brother. I see you judging me.

[Jameela Jamil]

So when it comes to disaster, how do you all feel like you fare? I'm gonna start with Lisa.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm pretty good. I feel like.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

I don't know.

[Lisa Traeger]

I've been embarrassed constantly. All the time. I was, like, poor, and so I didn't know what Halloween was. I had to wear a paper pumpkin like that. Kind of sets you up for an easy life.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Nothing's gonna get me down. I'm about to tell a story that you guys are gonna be like, I can't believe, you know? And it means nothing to me, so.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. Dead inside. Love it.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Chris, what about you?

[Chris Fleming]

I think I just dissociate a lot. I think I'm just kind of flying over my body at 30,000ft. I think I can eject really quickly. So I think I definitely. If I were to be in my body and to see how I was handling it, I think I would be horrified. But I think I do it a lot, and I think I like to pretend that I do it with grace.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's nice.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, yeah. I also forgot to mention, I smoke weed all day, every day. And that does help for sure get over all of life's misery.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Excellent.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

How do I handle disaster? It doesn't happen to me that often, but when I do, I just. I just live in it and I deal with it and then I talk about it on stage.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, while Kegeling.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah, yeah. 700, 701, 702.

[Jameela Jamil]

I feel like your asshole has abs now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I wish.

[Lisa Traeger]

That would be a fucking Guinness record. If you just, like, kegeled your butthole 700 times.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's not that hard, you guys. On the count of three, everybody just.

[Lisa Traeger]

That's a speed kegel, dude.

[Chris Fleming]

I think I'm doing one permanent Kegel, though.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, he's holding it in.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So at the whole of Britain, that's our whole thing.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know that feeling when you gotta go to the bathroom? Like, you gotta drop one and you're in public and you can't. You gotta wait. That's one long kegel.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm sorry, I have.

[Chris Fleming]

That's a kegel.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, no. Kegel is for pussy. You can't take it. I've tried to play along, but I don't like it.

[Jameela Jamil]

What more can you take from us?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You don't know what I got.

[Lisa Traeger]

I let it slide. I was like, kegels. Lol. And you keep doing it, and I've got to put a stop to it.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think if we talk any more about Kegels, I'm going to kill myself. So let's move on.

[Lisa Traeger]

It's for the puss.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lamorne. We always like to whet the audience's appetite with a micro humiliation. And I wonder if you could offer us one up, please?

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, my gosh. It's a story about how I was trying to lose my virginity. I lost it late. I lost my virginity when I was 19 years old. A lot of y' all are hoes. Y' all probably lost it early. But I was.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was 21. You're fine.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

19's not too late.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's not too late.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

No, no.

[Lamorne Morris]

I was judged a lot by it. But when. If you listen to me tell it back then. I lost it when I was, like, in seventh grade.

[Jameela Jamil]

Good.

[Lamorne Morris]

I had been lying on my dick since I was a child. Like, if you listen to me tell it. I fucked everybody in this room. And it was glorious for you. You came a lot. Like, that's the way I would tell the stories. But I. But I didn't. And, you know, friends believed me because I was so convincing, I guess. Like, I. You know, when porn first came out, it was like, scrambled.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I had the access code. I knew how to unscramble that shit.

[Chris Fleming]

Wait, what do you mean? What do you mean it was scrambled?

[Lamorne Morris]

When you turn on, like, Cinemax It'd be like. You would see, like, areola every three seconds. And you knew they was up to some.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, there was also. I don't know if you had it, but in England, we had a 10pm and a midnight preview where you got 10 minutes.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Of fucking.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. And I knew, and my friends believed me because I knew all the language. You know what I mean? Like, I would. They would come up to me and ask me for advice. Over time, they'd go, hey, I'm going on a date with Karen. Could you tell me what I should do? And I'd be like, make sure you go balls deep. They'd be like, what is that? And be like, oh, it's when you. You shove your testicles in her, and then you just rip it out like a lawnmower and go like. I didn't know what I was talking about. But, you know, all my friends believe

[Chris Fleming]

me, and they're just going to TGI Fridays on dates or something. This is like eighth grade.

[Lamorne Morris]

Eighth grade. Yeah. This was like.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I should not have been wholesome 100%. But I was like. I felt like. And I had the moves. I was practicing at home a lot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like a J.D. vance style.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. There's a couple ways I would practice. This is embarrassing.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no, no, it's fine. I'll jump in with you. Don't worry.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay. Well, the couch has a nice little crevice, if you pay attention to it. Shut up. This is supposed to be a safe space. You guys are.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, guys. Circle of fucking trust.

[Lamorne Morris]

Stop it. Guys. My dad is dead. Stop. Okay, Let me tell my truth. So the couch is one way you can work out maneuvers. You know what I mean? It's about level. I practiced on the couch. And my mom, she was a. When she. She was like a. A medic, so she had the little CPR dummy, and I would.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, no.

[Lamorne Morris]

I would throw some makeup on that thing. I would know.

[Lisa Traeger]

Stop kink shaming him.

[Lamorne Morris]

I had to practice. Okay.

[Lisa Traeger]

Did you practice the CPR too?

[Lamorne Morris]

If you choking. That was for something else.

[Chris Fleming]

How dolled up would you get?

[Lisa Traeger]

You were fucking the CPR girl's mouth.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I would put it like. Well, sometimes she's. Shut up.

[Lisa Traeger]

No. Is that not what you did?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, it said it on the. I would set it on the couch.

[Lisa Traeger]

Oh, on the couch. Thank God. Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

I would make eye contact. I would do all the things that I saw in these Bornos. You know what I mean?

[Chris Fleming]

They don't really have a lower body. I. It's more Like a buoy, right, though?

[Lamorne Morris]

100%. Because if you. Yeah. I didn't have an anchor on the couch. It would just be sitting there.

[Jameela Jamil]

So something got too into it.

[Lamorne Morris]

It would tip over.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no, no. Sorry. Okay, so, yeah, it's. Are you. Are you on top of her, but then you're putting your dick in between the couch?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, it's the couch. So the couch. This a couch. All right, let me.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, she was riding you.

[Lamorne Morris]

She was like. She was. All right, all right. So here's the. Here's the couch. This is a couch. It's a couch. One cushion, two cushions. Those are the cheeks, right? Gotta slap. Because that's part of the sex. You slap it, you say something nasty to it. Like, you raggedy bitch. Y' all don't know.

[Chris Fleming]

But how long would it take to build her?

[Lamorne Morris]

You do that.

[Lisa Traeger]

They were not slapping on Cinemax. You were improvising that.

[Lamorne Morris]

You got to improvise.

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Slaps came in. In, like, 2012. There was no fucking slapping on Cinemax.

[Chris Fleming]

This. This reminds me almost like Castaway. Like Tom Hanks relationship with Wilson, it's kind of so.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, we all know why Wilson was really making that face. All right, wait. Yeah, it was like.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh. So I had a plan, and I'll wrap it up. I had a plan with this lovely young lady that I was seeing that we were going to lose our virginities together. I was ready. I was kegeled up. I was skilled. I had the lingo. The day comes, we're making a plan. She's like, how old are you? I'm 14.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

And she's 14. And she says, we're gonna do it tomorrow morning. Cause you couldn't do it at my house. Couldn't do it at her house. We do it at school. We're gonna get there early, and we're gonna find one of those little nooks where don't nobody go. You know what I mean?

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

The disabled toilet. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. And we was gonna do it to each other. That was the plan. And she comes up to me after school, and she's like, are you ready for tomorrow? I said, I'm gonna go balls deep. And then she was like, well. So I was talking to Dave. Dave was the captain of the gymnastics team. She was on the gymnastics team. I was on the track team. She said, dave told me that because both of you are virgins and you guys don't know what you're doing, that Dave should have sex with her first while I watched so I could know what I was doing. And she said, sounds like a great idea. And I just looked at her and immediately started crying.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, babe.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. The next I go home, I'm pissed. And I took it out on my girlfriend right in the couch. I took. I just took out all my energy. All my T levels started here. They fucking shot down. I was so mad. And the next day I was like,

[Jameela Jamil]

can Dave do this?

[Lamorne Morris]

I was like, you wanna fuck you, David.

[Chris Fleming]

Wait, so she was there permanently?

[Lamorne Morris]

She just left? No, she was in the closet. You know, it was a whole cleanup process anyway. Shut up. No, it was. It was a setup situation.

[Chris Fleming]

It sounds like you would need your family gone for several hours to build this machine.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

You can't.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, no.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

That'd be weird if they saw me doing. Whatever.

[Lisa Traeger]

We all fuck things at our parents house. Like, you all are acting crazy. Did you not. You didn't steal a neck massager. Yeah. Thank you for saying something. These fucking losers. Are you Mormon? Are you in Jesus pajamas? Yell out what you fucked in your house.

[Chris Fleming]

Brookstone was kind of like a quiet sex dungeon for a lot of people.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah,

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm. I'm Pakistani. My family are literally always home, so. No. And then I lived with roommates for the next 20 years, so I just fucked like a mouse, like a mime. Which is why all of James's songs are so sad.

[Chris Fleming]

Sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. So, okay, so you've gone home, you've taken it out on this poor CPR doll. You go back the next day. Do you then have sex with this girl?

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

No.

[Lamorne Morris]

No. I'm in a whole new mood. There's a light about myself. I felt appreciation for who I was. And I was like, maybe. Maybe it's not my time. You know what I mean? Yeah. I skip actually when I get to school because I'm so like overjoyed with emotion that I didn't. I'd had nothing to do with this raggedy woman. I said, no. Then I get to school, first person I see, David. Bitch ass. Damn you, Mr. G. He runs up to me. He said, well, were you? What are you talking about? He goes, this is guys. This is a real story. He goes, me?

[Jameela Jamil]

There is nobody who doubts that at this point in. How graphic you think.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

He goes, me and Dave, we both had sex with your girl, man.

[Chris Fleming]

Wait, Dave identifies as two people?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, he brought a friend. Sorry, name was also Dane.

[Jameela Jamil]

Had a fucking threesome.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've not even had a threesome. What do you mean

[Lamorne Morris]

she was really good looking? No, she was. She was with it, I guess. I don't know. And she looked at. And then she. And first of all, when he said this to me, he was not of the size that, like, I could. I couldn't whoop his ass. Like, I couldn't do anything about it. Like, I was really pissed inside. I fucked him up externally. I cried. Yeah. I walked. I walked away. I see her later and she's so pissed at me. She's like, where the fuck were you? I said, what, did you need more?

[Jameela Jamil]

Did she not get enough?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I was like, I told you. You remember when I cried? Remember when I cried and I ran off? Like that meant you and I were over. And, you know, long story short, it just. I had to wait. Wait years later to go and. To go and lose it.

[Chris Fleming]

That sounds really traumatizing. Oh, yeah, because I hate that these guys were there to decree this to you when you showed up to school. Yes, both were. Did you?

[Lisa Traeger]

So I bet they were pumped as hell to tell him.

[Chris Fleming]

It almost seems like it was an alphabetical thing. Like, Dave David.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, yeah. DB4L. Wow. Yeah, that happened.

[Chris Fleming]

But what a beautiful story that it ended that you were able to deal with it and be like, this is not my time. I don't want to be involved in this cabal of gymnasts.

[Jameela Jamil]

I love the Mel Robbins approach that you're taking right now, by the way.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't know what kicked into me. It's just so. It's such a horror that I went full Mel Robbins.

[Jameela Jamil]

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

[Chris Fleming]

How old was I?

[Jameela Jamil]

Any day now.

[Chris Fleming]

I think I was 19.

[Jameela Jamil]

Ah, sure.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Lisa. It was the weekend of my birthday, so it was like the. 16, 17.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lovely.

[Lamorne Morris]

You did it at midnight when the clock kind of.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, well, because I was. I'm. I'm August 31st, so I'm, like, a year younger than everyone in my grade, and my friends are a year older than me. And so Labor Day weekend's my birthday, and I went to U of I for, like, to hang out. University of Illinois. I don't know why I thought you would know what I it meant, but I knew. And we drove and I was like, I'm gonna lose my virginity. And I told nobody, but I was like, I'm gonna meet someone and lose my virginity. This weekend I'm visiting college and I'm gonna fuck. And I did.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's amazing.

[Lisa Traeger]

I had the same venture to a stranger. I, like, wanted to lose it so bad. And so I was like, I'll do it in college. And then I did. But maybe I'll tell that for my short embarrassing story too. Maybe I'll hop onto yours. No, whatever. My friends thought I was kidnapped and murdered. And they were crying because they were responsible for me. But I left to fuck this guy, but they didn't want me to. And I, like, bled through my pants. Obviously, I lost my virginity. So when I walked through the door, they thought I'd been assaulted, obviously. But I was like, I wanted to plan the whole time. They were so upset and crying. And I bought everyone pizza and pokey sticks, which is regional as well.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lovely round of applause.

[Lisa Traeger]

Any pokey sticks, people? Yeah, I didn't plan on sharing that, but I still bleep through my pants all the time. It's like, crazy. I've never gotten a handle on my period. It's been, I would say, decades free.

[Jameela Jamil]

Same. And look at what I'm wearing.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's why I.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is insanity. This is a death wish waiting to happen.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm always like, I think it'll be okay. And it's never okay. I'm always bleeding through everything.

[Jameela Jamil]

I lost my virginity when I was 22. I had my first kiss at 21. And this was not for, like, me being chased. As in C H A S T E. Like, I was like. And no one was. So that's just. When I hear 19, I'm like, you were just a child.

[Chris Fleming]

Anyone you look up to, you find out they lost it. And insanely late in life.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Are you thinking of only Tina Fey?

[Chris Fleming]

I don't want to say that.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, I think she's the only one.

[Chris Fleming]

I think she lost it at like, 58.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, it was 26. I know the tale as well.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, that's not that bad.

[Lisa Traeger]

She's the only one.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay.

[Lisa Traeger]

Think of another one.

[Chris Fleming]

Ronald Reagan.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lamorne, thank you for that incredible story. Lisa, thank you for that incredible story. And Chris Fleming, it's time for your micro humiliation.

[Chris Fleming]

It doesn't hold a candle to Lamorne's, which is still haunting me on a full body level.

[Lisa Traeger]

But if you don't trust him anymore.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, I trust him fully. I don't trust Dave or David at all.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anybody know you wouldn't let Lamorne sleep on his couch?

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

I'm sorry.

[Lisa Traeger]

I think the CPR doll would have other things to say about that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Did you. She's still good.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

When did you. I want to make like a Toy Story esque movie about this after you're done. Like, you're okay. No, sorry, sorry. When you're like in your 30s and the CPR doll is just kind of

[Lamorne Morris]

ready, just ripe stewing for 30 years, it's very quick.

[Chris Fleming]

So I was in London doing shows, and this was in like 2018, and I was singing a song about an STI scare where I believed that I had an STI, but then the doctor was just like, no, it's a very, very minor case of jock itch. Okay. And so I was saying,

[Lisa Traeger]

so many sports, your dick starts itching.

[Chris Fleming]

It's. But that wasn't from me.

[Lisa Traeger]

Right? From the sweat. Is that not it?

[Chris Fleming]

I think you can get it from social dance.

[Jameela Jamil]

Were you an athlete, Chris?

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

I didn't think so.

[Lisa Traeger]

Wait, you got.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, no. Like, like, literally, like, like line dancing. Like, like just really going. I have a lot of dance injuries in my life and not partner dance. I tore my meniscus Irish step dancing in my bedroom in high school.

[Paige from Giggly Squad]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But okay, so what Jameela just did is exactly what happened with. So I had like a long five minute bit that in America would end with a very minor case of jock itch. And I would sing it. People would like it. But in London, they were like, what are you talking about? They didn't know what jock itch was. They didn't call it that over there. But I was there for like a week or so. So I was like, what do you guys call jock itch? And a guy in the back, after some silence, he yells out, chef's ass. And so I said, okay, I'll just replace this with chef's ass. That got an even more deafening silence, but I used it all week. Later, after that week, that guy Facebook messaged me and he was like, I'm sorry, mate, I don't know what chef sauce is. It was the first thing that came to my head. I just wanted to help this show out. So I was proclaiming to a foreign land that I had a not yet discovered affliction called chef's ass. And I was doing it in their accent for some reason. So that sucked. That's my micro humiliation.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's very strong.

[Chris Fleming]

It's very strong.

[Jameela Jamil]

You came up with the goods. We'll be right back after a break.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Paige from Giggly Squad]

Hi, it's Paige from Giggly Squad and this episode is sponsored by Experian Boost Summer. Glow Up. Check Credit Glow Up. Even better, boost your credit scores instantly by getting credit for bills you're already paying, your phone, utilities, rent and insurance. I wish dating kind of worked like that. Connect your bank account, add those on time payments to your Experian credit file and your FICO score updates right away. You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. See appstore or experian.com for details.

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[Jameela Jamil]

All right, Lamorne. Yes, it is time. God help us all for your big wrong turn.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay, so this story is a little strange. This one involves a comedian. Can we be beep Say name.

[Lisa Traeger]

We want you to name a name.

[Lamorne Morris]

You can beep out his name. If we air it.

[Chris Fleming]

Tim Allen.

[Jameela Jamil]

We'll bleep the name. Names. No phones up.

[Lamorne Morris]

So this is years ago. My girlfriend at the time, she went to a club with her girlfriend and then was dating her friend. I was somewhere else and I got a call from. And he goes, hey, man, you might want to come up here because your girl lost her phone. I said, oh, shit. When I get there, I realize her phone wasn't lost. Someone had stolen it. Someone had stolen 30 phones from that place. They just went in, picking pockets, taking wallets, all kinds of shit. So I did the find my phone thing. Her phone was going in a certain direction in la, where apparently I shouldn't go. That was Compton.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Lamorne Morris]

He was on his way to Compton. And I was like, oh, let's go get it. Let's go get the phone. And looked at me and he was like, you about to go to Compton to get a phone? I was like, yeah. And he was like, all right, cool. Just hop in the car with me, I'll drive. So I get in the car with him. We're all in the car, we're driving there and we pull up to some. It's like a late night restaurant. There's like two or three cars in the parking lot. But right next door there's a 711 and there's a cop car there. And we're like, let's just go to the cop car and tell the police, like, hey, we've tracked our phone. It's right next door. We go there, it's a dummy car. There's no cop. They're in Compton in the car. There's no cop whatsoever. So we go inside, we look to the left, there's some old people. We look to the right, there's a table full of bloods. And he looked at me, I looked at him. He was like, I think they got the phone. And I was like, I'm not too sure. I was like, I'm not too sure about this. One of the dudes stands up and he goes, hey, man, I just saw you at the club. I was like, ah, fuck. Goes, just stand right here. I'm gonna go sit at the table.

[Jameela Jamil]

He goes, he sits down, is sounding hotter and hotter.

[Lamorne Morris]

He sits down at the table and he's like, hey, man, I just want the phone. I come for no bullshit. I just want the phone. The guy was like, pirou, I ain't got no phone. He started doing all that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, after his friend has already.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, his friend stands up and goes. As soon as he said that, his friend goes, man, how you find us just watching these two go back and forth? He was like, shut the fuck up. And then finally, he was like, the one guy just kept going, like, man, that's crazy, bro. You think we can get a picture with you? He goes, I ain't taking no goddamn pictures, man. I just want the phone. Dude was like, man, I ain't got a phone. Goes in his waistband and pulls out a gun and puts it on the table and was like, I just want the phone, bro. I ain't come for no book. I just want the phone. And the guys were like, oh, shit. He was like, first of all, I was like, oh, shit. I started slowly backing up. I was like, hey, you know, I'll just buy her a new phone. Like, I mean, also, she got a job. Like, she could just buy herself a new phone. I don't know why I was suddenly dragged into all this mess. And the guy was like, hey, just come outside with me. D. Ray said, I'm not going outside with you. You go outside, you bring the phone back. Guy goes outside, and he brings back a duffel bag with, like, 40 phones, credit cards, wallets. This shit was packed. And he was like, find it. Her phone was dead as well. Like, it just died. So it was like, okay, we're trying to figure out which one is which. And so we take, like, five iPhones, right? They had a bunch of Androids in there, but we took the five iPhones that they had. And the guys huddled around D. Ray,

[Jameela Jamil]

like, they took a photo, and now everything's fine. Everything's good for us.

[Lamorne Morris]

Everything's fine. My girlfriend then comes out of the car drunk as hell. What the fuck?

[Lisa Traeger]

Y' all motherfuckers took my.

[Lamorne Morris]

And she just start going the fuck off. And I was like, if you don't sit your ass back in that goddamn car. Now the dudes are getting pissed off. She's pissed off, and I'm trying to hold her back. It's turning into a whole thing. Thank God they leave. But before, right as we pulled off, we just hear the police pull us over. They pull us over. They take a. Hasn't taken his gun out of his waist yet. They put us on the car. They're searching us. They don't find his gun at all. And the guns are drawn. We're slammed on the car now. Was like, yo, what the fuck's going on? He was like, I know who you are. I Know who you are. He's like, but I was shot at earlier today by somebody in a better looking car than this, so I ain't taking no chances. And they. Again, they continue to search us. They search the car and they find phones. And they were like, what the fuck y' all doing with these? And I said, well, about that. We were looking for you earlier and couldn't find you. And the officer started screaming at me saying, you know, it's a fucking crime to have, like, stolen phones and blah, blah, blah. And I didn't argue. I was just like, you got it, big dog, but can you keep the phones? And he was like, no, you gotta return them to whoever they belong to. And I had no idea who they belonged to. And they drove off. And then the rest is history.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, fuck me.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, my adrenaline is kicked right now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, can you beep his name out? I don't gotta beep his name out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Compton.

[Lamorne Morris]

What'd you say?

[Jameela Jamil]

Incredibly brave. I mean, you weren't brave for the entire rest of the story, but that initial no moment was very cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, at the time, I just forgot I was rich. I just was like, I'm not rich and cheap at the time. And I was like, I'm not buying no new damn phone. We gonna go get this phone. You know what I mean? And I should have. Yeah, I should have just bought her a new phone.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. All right. Lesson learned. Don't chase a phone down to fucking Compton or anywhere, really.

[Chris Fleming]

So we might have friends that are just concealed carrying and we don't know about it until we have an iPhone theft.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah, no, I have a lot of strange friends now. Now when I meet a new person, I go, are you. Are you packing?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I got to know anyway, Chris, what

[Jameela Jamil]

is your big wrong turn

[Chris Fleming]

again? I'm. I'm just kind of coming down from Lamorne's.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, the gun was wild.

[Chris Fleming]

Because mine. Mine is as high stakes in a very different way. Okay, so I was in the bath, and I'm an avid bather. I take on a good day. Two to three baths a day.

[Jameela Jamil]

What the fuck?

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

With bath bomb? Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why? Do you have any skin barrier left?

[Chris Fleming]

I'm sorry?

[Jameela Jamil]

Do you have any skin barrier left?

[Lisa Traeger]

Are all your baths the same in a day or are they kind of different vibes of baths?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, good question. There's a. The bath bomb kind of decides what the vibe is gonna be.

[Lisa Traeger]

Always a bath bomb.

[Chris Fleming]

I am losing so much money on them. Cause they're $7 each. So if you do the math, that's like. That's a lot a month. But I'm trying to calm down. But then there is one bath bomb that does actually spike my adrenaline that I need to stop you. Anyway.

[Lisa Traeger]

So what flavor is it?

[Chris Fleming]

It's like a jasmine vanilla one. And it's the lavenders are the ones that really soothe me anyway. So I'm Enough.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. I love.

[Lisa Traeger]

But are you thinking. Is there a laptop?

[Chris Fleming]

There's no. I used to watch Gilmore Girls in the tub.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But I stopped that. And now I just kind of am with my thoughts.

[Lisa Traeger]

Each three a day with your brain

[Chris Fleming]

listening to sometimes music Rain by Madonna recently has been kind of on loop.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

But I was craving a boba. I was in the tub. And so I doordash a boba to the.

[Jameela Jamil]

So this is all the whitest thing I've ever heard. And I love it. I love it to talk about it. I love to know about your culture.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling this immediately after the gun story is really.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah. The guns should have gone last. Like, this is a nightmare for all of us.

[Chris Fleming]

Just realizing I haven't. I haven't lived a life. I'm realizing through this when my horror story starts with me in a bath. So I order the boba to the door, which is very luxurious. More luxurious than usual. But Auntie was hurting, so I needed it. Right. So I get to the. I don't know how to explain this, but I'm new, so I'm dripping out of the tub. This is how bad I need the boba. And I want to open the door to get the boba nude. Right. But I want to make sure that I have no neighbors out and about looking. So I peer through my.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. Just to quickly ask, have they dropped off the boba or are you planning on greeting a very surprised Uber?

[Chris Fleming]

I'd like to leave it at my door.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, great.

[Chris Fleming]

Exclamation mark. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry. Fine.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Do not hand to me. And so it is hand to me. Yeah. So it's. I'm checking to see if it's been abandoned. So I'm looking through my window. Okay. And I see that it has been abandoned. I'm happy. But across the street are my two. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of elderly men who all have Hulk Hogan mustaches.

[Jameela Jamil]

Great.

[Chris Fleming]

So two of them are across the street. Actually. They are all proud gun owners. They tell me if I ever need anything, they got it. So we don't have much of a rapport, me and these gentlemen. I see them. So I'm like Okay, I'm going to have to sneakily get the passion fruit. But I turn and in turn. So I'm fully nude. I turn and my elbow smacks the window, this glass so hard that of course, both parties just immediately turn directly too. Nude me. Fully nude me. And I didn't want to be rude. I should have whipped the curtain back, but I thought that was too more suspicious. So I just start.

[Jameela Jamil]

For anyone listening, he just stands out, waving.

[Chris Fleming]

Everything's out. I'm fully so. To them, it was the clearest, right? So to them, I, after knowing them for several years, finally decide they're like, okay, the Fleming boy has decided to show herself to us today. Okay? And it's like, I can't tell you how direct line this is the proscenium of the window for my nude form. Like I was a glitched animatronic or something went really wrong on Splasher Mountain. And so they're waving, they're waving back.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also, sorry, it's post bath. So I presume in that moment it's shrunken mid bath. So it's.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm sorry I said the baths are warm. He's not in a warm cold hang time.

[Jameela Jamil]

So warm is good for.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm no cold plunger. I can't handle that. No, warm. I think it's normal.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, lovely.

[Chris Fleming]

It would be better if shrinkage was happening, actually, but I don't think it was.

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

And these also the. Well, because there'd be less for them to see. You know, just a little click.

[Lamorne Morris]

You got to go full. You want to wave and go, Yeah, I know, I know. You see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And also, bear in mind I'm dripping wet.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay?

[Chris Fleming]

And also, it is important to note that they don't know I'm a comedian. All my neighbors, so they see me go out in these extreme outfits every night, and I think they think I'm a sex worker. Because they always say, they say, be careful out there, Bubba. They call me Bubba.

[Jameela Jamil]

And now Boba.

[Chris Fleming]

Bubba needs his Boba. And yeah, so that was so to them, it was like Chris was opening up an amateur red light District

[Lamorne Morris]

at 2pm if you get any strange knocks on your door, like, hey, man, we just want to say, what's up? What you doing Thursday?

[Chris Fleming]

No, it's just very strained small talk now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, hey, he,

[Lisa Traeger]

did you get the boba? How long did you wait to get the Boba?

[Chris Fleming]

No, I just sprinted, grabbed it and I downed that thing so fast.

[Jameela Jamil]

Have you now learned to use a towel.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, I'm with him. You're being oppressive. The reason I'm ordering food is to eat it. Like, not wearing clothes. I'm not putting on clothes to pick it up.

[Chris Fleming]

And you want to save the towel for when you need it. I was going to be wet again.

[Jameela Jamil]

Out of the house. 100%. That is fair. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You ain't got two towels in your house.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's been a really hard time for us all.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, shit, man. I gotta waste a good towel on Boba.

[Lisa Traeger]

Wait, you know what I bought? It's. It's a robe with a towel material on the inside.

[Chris Fleming]

I mean, that is. That is.

[Lamorne Morris]

So you mean a robe.

[Jameela Jamil]

Why are you sorry? No, I was saying, like, Lamorne's implying

[Chris Fleming]

that that is what a bathrobe typically does.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, that's what I was going to ask. You were saying it like you'd reinvented the wheel. And I was very.

[Lisa Traeger]

It seems special. When I bought it, I was like, at a spa at a hotel. And I go, I can't believe this.

[Jameela Jamil]

I love that. You're like, this is crazy technology.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, because the outside is.

[Chris Fleming]

I was imagining fans inside or something like a car.

[Lisa Traeger]

The outside isn't terry cloth. The outside is luxurious. Kind of like tuxedo fabric.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that's pretty normal.

[Lisa Traeger]

Wait, you're right, because I'm actually an air dryer. I prefer not to, like, touch myself when I'm wearing.

[Jameela Jamil]

My boyfriend is not someone who's. Who's necessarily known to be great with a Hoover. A vacuum. And we got him to vacuum for the first time just to see how it would go in the house. Me and my roommates. And he was fucking loving it. He was loving it. He was having the time of his fucking life with this vacuum. But then at the end, we're just getting on with our conversation and he stops our conversation. He goes, guys, look at this. And he steps on a button and the. The cord, like, wraps inside. And he thinks that's brand new technology.

[Chris Fleming]

If that cord's far away, that can be dangerous.

[Jameela Jamil]

It is dangerous.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, but it's, like, encouraging because you can learn about life, like, forever. It's nice.

[Chris Fleming]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, agreed.

[Lisa Traeger]

Because I remember the moment I learned about brie cheese. I was 22. And, like, I remember that. That's nice. Learning a new thing.

[Chris Fleming]

What do you.

[Lisa Traeger]

I just started reading books after a decade in January, and I. Yeah, it's nice.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lisa Traeger]

Nice to find new things.

[Paige from Giggly Squad]

You.

[Chris Fleming]

You mean you. Someone told you about Brie? Or you, like, you tried Brie cheese. And at 20. Did you say breach?

[Lisa Traeger]

Someone gave me a cheese and I went, well, I didn't have half and half until I was 26. And I went, no, I've never tried this.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm afraid of brie cheese because it's such a wet cheese.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, it's not wet.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's also a white thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Getting whiter and whiter. I love it so much.

[Lamorne Morris]

Talking about.

[Lisa Traeger]

What's the word? Because it's not like Silly Putty. So it's not wet. It's the illusion of wet. It's kind of. When they say snakes aren't slimy, like it might look a certain way, but the. It's not wet.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Is this shiny? Shiny cheese? Yeah, shiny cheese.

[Lisa Traeger]

You've never had brie either?

[Lamorne Morris]

I probably have. I just didn't identify.

[Lisa Traeger]

We can always happening. Who's never had brie?

[Lamorne Morris]

I just wasn't out of charcuterie board labeling everything. I was like me. Geez, I wouldn't. They didn't have like a stick to tell me what it was.

[Chris Fleming]

You should write. A good host writes fingers the Brie and writes Brie in the Brie.

[Lamorne Morris]

Sorry.

[Chris Fleming]

Sorry I said fingers.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, I became a huge fan. I actually have a stuffed animal Brie. Really? Like a little face and legs. Yeah. It's cute.

[Lamorne Morris]

So you like. You love Brie now?

[Lisa Traeger]

I do, actually. My.

[Lamorne Morris]

Your wife is Brie? No, she's Brie.

[Lisa Traeger]

My thing is, like, what? Yeah, I like cheese. That's kind of my thing.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Speaking of your thing. We'll be right back after a break.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Hi. Who here loves when their nails are perfectly done?

[Paige from Giggly Squad]

Me.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle, and I started Olive in June because, let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails. But who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon? And that's why I created the Mani system. So you can have that salon perfect manicure right at home. And guess what? The best part, Each mani only costs $2. Yep, you heard me. $2.

[Lisa Traeger]

No more.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Michaels Ad Speaker]

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[Paige from Giggly Squad]

Hi, it's Paige from Giggly Squad and this episode is sponsored by Experian Boost Summer. Glow Up. Check credit Glow up. Even better, boost your credit scores instantly by getting credit for bills you're already paying. Your phone, utilities, rent and insurance. I wish dating kind of worked like that. Connect your bank account, add those on time payments to your Experian credit file and your FICO score updates right away. You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. See appstore or experian.com for details.

[Experian Boost Disclaimer Speaker]

Results will vary. Not all payments are boost eligible. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use Experian credit files, and not all lenders use scores impacted by experian boost. See experian.com for details.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we're back.

[Lisa Traeger]

I don't want to do this. I hate this. Okay, so it's like a good story I have for sure, but looking you all in the eyes is kind of not pleasant for me right now. So I'm mid-20s.

[Experian Boost Disclaimer Speaker]

Sure.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm a backup nanny and that's. Oh, you're laughing at the working class. Okay.

[Chris Fleming]

It was a cruel laugh the way. Yeah, that was really.

[Lisa Traeger]

They didn't like that I had a day job.

[Lamorne Morris]

You was on the bench.

[Lisa Traeger]

I was chasing my dreams. Backup nannying was the best cause it was with the agency so you could put in your avails. And I was actually one of the most highly requested backup nannies.

[Jameela Jamil]

But congratulations.

[Lisa Traeger]

It's like it's Martin Luther King Day. I'm ready to work. If it's spring break or your nanny's sick. Okay. How old are you? I'm mid-20s.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Lisa Traeger]

And I did it in Chicago and in New York. It's fun. You get to like see different families and what matters and not TV screen time. Rules don't work. Okay. So I go to one of my regular families. The older girl, she has a play date. I'm just with the baby. He's like a little over a year, but still a baby. And then the mom goes, hey, some construction workers are gonna come during. You don't have to deal with it. They know what they're doing. Live your life with the baby. I go, great. I had just gotten an iud. And so I had like, I have,

[Chris Fleming]

it's intrauteral device,

[Jameela Jamil]

an ally everyone there's

[Chris Fleming]

a hormonal and then also, oh yeah,

[Lisa Traeger]

that means I was 25 because 26, I'd be off my parents insurance. So I'm 25. That's why I got it. So I got the IUD.

[Lamorne Morris]

I thought that was an explosive.

[Lisa Traeger]

So it's all coming back to me. So I got an iud. So it's like, you know, it fucks with your body because it's like a copper object. And so I'm like, whatever, I'm bleeding heavy, it doesn't matter. So I'm up on the third floor with the baby in this cute little room. There's a cat, we're having a good time. And suddenly like my stomach hurts and I know I have to go to the bathroom and like it's not going to be positive and so. But I have to keep the baby safe. Like I can't bring the baby with me. It's like diarrhea, you know. And so you say it's not going

[Chris Fleming]

to be positive about the bathroom experience?

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah, like I knew it was going to be a problem. I knew I had to act fax, but I needed to make sure the baby was safe. I am a highly requested backup nanny at the agency. So I like kick all the cats out. I make like a wall of stuffed animals around this kid. Like I make it as safe as possible on the third floor. I close the door, run to the second floor. It's the kid's bathroom. And unfortunately I go to the bathroom, but I'm also bleeding insane cause of this new iud. So it's like blood and diarrhea. It's like a nightmare. And like I don't know what I'm gonna do. And then I'm in the kid bathroom. So there's no tampons, Right. So I'm like, okay, what am I gonna do? There's no tampons. I go, oh, I'll go to the parents bathroom. I'm. You know, I'm sure she has her period, and so I. I used to wear dresses a lot at the time. I'm kind of new to pants. If you have. If. If you were like, is she comfortable or not? It's. It's a new experience for me. So they're cool. I was wearing. Thank you. It's so cool to have pockets. They're so long. Okay. But I could put a full book in here. Part of my new journey. Okay. So I'm wearing a dress. I always wear dresses and skirts. So I. My underwear is around my ankles, though. I flush, I flush. And I like, walk to the parents bedroom into their bathroom. And then I hear the construction guys, like, run upstairs and they go, hey. And I walk out, fist full of tampons and, like, underwear around the ankle. And they go, did you just flush? And I go, yeah. And they go, well, we were, like working on the ceiling in the living room, and all of it came onto the living room floor.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, no.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

A direct deposit.

[Lisa Traeger]

A direct deposit. It, like, seems, like, unreal and that, but I had to be like, I have to get back to the baby. Like, I have to get back to the baby. I can't really do it. And then I never really talked to them again, but I was still requested because you laughed at me. But I was a really good nanny, and so I did diarrhea period, on their living room floor through the pipes and like, like through their foundation. And I was still hired again.

[Chris Fleming]

So it seems like a scene in. In like if the movie Beethoven was darker, you know, it's like Beethoven meets Requiem for a Dream. Beethoven having his period and diarrhea a little bit.

[Lisa Traeger]

And I avoided the guys, obviously. Like, we couldn't get string cheese or anything. I'm like, we're staying up on the third floor.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, the baby knew that baby is a little older now and knows maybe.

[Lisa Traeger]

Thank God, the, like, older girl is.

[Jameela Jamil]

I feel as though if it were me, I'd be like, I think the baby's really unwell. Cause it did this.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, I think that's why they thought.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Brilliant.

[Chris Fleming]

That's brilliant.

[Lisa Traeger]

No, they couldn't have.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, you'd be like, your child has Gerardia. Yeah, yeah. Or your child is. Remember Reagan in the Exorcist that, like, your child is spewing.

[Lisa Traeger]

I'm not a gifted Liar. Like that.

[Chris Fleming]

Fuck yeah. That is.

[Lisa Traeger]

I wish I thought faster, but I was humiliated.

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

I couldn't.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, it's mortifying. That's pretty mortifying.

[Lamorne Morris]

That was a shame.

[Chris Fleming]

I like how if I was the construction worker, I would be like, you must have flushed something that pushed something else down. I would never be like, your mess just showed up and.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I would have. I would have. Because as a plumber, you work hard to clean those pipes and all of a sudden, you know, blood and feces come shooting down everywhere. I'm gonna look you in the eye and be like, you did this.

[Lisa Traeger]

And the overflow tampon. You know there's like a tampon within it too.

[Chris Fleming]

They should have.

[Lisa Traeger]

Maybe I shouldn't have flushed the tampon,

[Lamorne Morris]

but that's the least of your worries.

[Chris Fleming]

If there's one thing we've learned from

[Lisa Traeger]

public, you'd rather have loose blood than a tampon fall on you. Or tampon, loose blood, tampon.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's gonna be like, oh, my God, look at all this shit and blood. But oh no, they left a tampon here too. What a fucking animal.

[Chris Fleming]

What's next, a sanitary napkin?

[Lamorne Morris]

At least you tried to clean it up a little bit. If it were. If it were one of those super absorbents, you wouldn't have had that problem.

[Chris Fleming]

That's exactly right. If the tampon was doing its job.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, we gotta invest more in super absorbent ones, you know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, she's actually put the mic down, which means we are now re traumatizing Lisa.

[Lamorne Morris]

If it had the pearl applicator, you'd be.

[Chris Fleming]

Nevermind, if I were the construction workers, I would also. It's on them for not giving you a heads up. Hey, don't go number six for five minutes because we're.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, you were a victim. Yeah, well, thank you for that story. Round of applause for all of their huge wrong turns. That's really no wonder you're all funny, because you've really fucking lived. Okay, so we are now going to get to a story from an audience member. Every episode ends on Misery Loves Company. And some of my favorite moments of the podcasts every time are your fucking batshit stories. Now. I have not heard this story. I get to hear it with you every time. If anyone's felt inspired by tonight's Unbelievable. Maybe too much honesty from everyone on this stage. Does anyone in here have a. Oh, wow. Stuart, it's only you.

[Lisa Traeger]

So it'll be you.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

I'm Nikhil. I'm a doctor. I'm sorry, I didn't.

[Lamorne Morris]

You didn't say shit earlier. You left me hanging. Collapsed bladder. Can you explain to them?

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Well, so I'm a child psychiatrist, so I wouldn't have been useful in this situation.

[Lamorne Morris]

Nevermind.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're there and like, Lamorne is just instantly like, check me out, doc.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

But actually, this story is about time in medical school that actually relates to. To something urological. So this is third year medical school. I was maybe almost 15 years ago, and I was on my med school rotations at this point. It's the end of the third year, so I'd already decided that I wanted to be a psychiatrist. And so I'm on my surgical rotation. It's day one of surgery, and I knew I didn't want to be a surgeon, but I was pretty sure that I wanted to, like, prove that I could be. You know, I wanted to do well and get honors and all of that. So Asian? Exactly. Like Indian parents. Right? So I'm a first day of the rotation. And surgeons really like to be in the operating room. They don't like to be in clinic. So if you are a good student, that's valuable in clinic and can see a lot of patients, you become, you know, a star, that they'll give you a lot of opportunities in the operating room. So it's my first day. I know what I'm doing. I'm like, I'm going to see as many patients as possible. And it's the urology clinic. So I don't know if people know about urology, but urology has a lot of prostate issues, which means that what you're doing in your physical exam is a lot of digital rectal exams with your finger.

[Lisa Traeger]

Is it always one finger or do you sometimes dabble?

[Jameela Jamil]

It depends on how many Kegels they've been doing.

[Chris Fleming]

I love when people say digital about these and not phones. I love when digital is fingers.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

So I'm into clinic and I saw 13 patients that day, and so that was more than the residents. At the end of the clinic day, the attending noticed and gave me a pat on the back, which is like the equivalent of your Indian dad saying that he loves you. It's like a big deal. And so I was like, I did great. The story is about hubris and about getting to the top of flying too close to the sun like you. And so I had seen 13 patients. I come home and I'm talking to my roommate. My roommate's sitting there with, you know, his head buried in a book. And I walk in and I tell him, I'm like, Dude, I saw 13 patients today. The attending gave me a pat on the back. I put my finger up 13 old men's buttholes today. And I was so proud of myself. And then he says, without looking up from his book, he says, damn, you must use a lot of lube. And my heart sank into my stomach.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, no.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

Because I realized that in my hate to do this exam so quickly and see so many patients, I completely forgot the step of lubricating my finger.

[Jameela Jamil]

You raw top 13 asshole.

[Nikhil (Doctor)]

And so. And so immediately, like, he. He note. I don't say anything, and he. And he notices that I'm silent, and he, like, puts the book down, and he starts looking at me, and I. I'm just, like, mortified. I'm dying inside. And he's like, please tell me that you at least used a glove. And I'm like, yes, yes. I use gloves and different ones each time. But I spent the whole rest of the night, like, looking at my finger, thinking, like, it's not that big. It's kind of slender. Like, I think they're okay. And trying to contemplate, like, do I need to call all of these men and be like, I'm so sorry for what I did? Like, what do you even do there?

[Chris Fleming]

You must be the most feared man in nursing homes across this country. They must tell the legend of Dr. Dry Finger.

[Lisa Traeger]

You're a dynamic chatter and storyteller.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Thank you for that amazing story.

[Chris Fleming]

That was beautifully done. This man, after a day of giving toddlers, Klonopins, comes here.

[Lamorne Morris]

I just love that.

[Chris Fleming]

Tells a dynamic story that is badass. Hell yeah, man. Hell yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you know what? I can tell from your vibe that even Lubless, you were very tender, and thank you for that. None of us knew each other very well, and some of us not at all. This is my first time meeting a lot of the panel. I feel like I know you almost too well now, and this has been incredibly bonding, and I thank the audience for listening and not judging. Thank you all.

[Lisa Traeger]

Yay.

[Lamorne Morris]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Before we go, will you quickly tell people where they can find you and what you want them to see and watch Fucking voice of Garfield.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, that. Yeah. Yes. Coming soon. I'm Garfield the cat.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then Spider Noir set to. Yeah. May 27th, so make sure you check that out. And still trying to lose that virginity. So somebody trying to let me know. Instagram.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anyone would like to get balls deep with Lamorne, please meet us after the show. Thank you so much, Chris.

[Chris Fleming]

You can find me on webuyuglyhomes.com thank you so much.

[Jameela Jamil]

And watch his special because it's fucking amazing.

[Lisa Traeger]

Okay Lisa, I would love for you to watch my Netflix special. It's called Night Owl.

[Jameela Jamil]

Excellent.

[Lisa Traeger]

It's what I got. And then I'm glitter cheese on the Internet.

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

Indeed.

[Jameela Jamil]

And before we wrap this up, will you please just give the biggest round of applause for how unbelievably open and vulnerable My guests were Lamorne Morris, Chris Fleming and Lisa Traeger. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com you can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[Michaels Ad Speaker]

Is your kid's birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep the party Shop at Michael's is your one stop shop for everything from Bluey to Rodeo. Transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dream worthy tablescapes and decor starting at $0.99 plus get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one of a kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michaels has everything to make their big day legendary. Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in store pickup. Michaels Everything to celebrate anything.

[Paige from Giggly Squad]

Hi, it's Paige from Giggly Squad and this episode is sponsored by Experian Boost Summer Glow Up Check Credit Glow Up. Even better, boost your credit scores instantly by getting credit for bills you're already paying, your phone, utilities, rent and insurance. I wish dating kind of worked like that. Connect your bank account, add those on time payments to your Experian credit file and your FICO score updates right away. You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. See app store or experian.com for details.

[Experian Boost Disclaimer Speaker]

Results will vary. Not all payments are boost. Eligible users who received a boost improve their FICO score rate from Experian by an average of 14 points. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use Experian credit files and not all lenders use scores impacted by experian boost. See experian.com for details.