Naomi Ekperigan and Andy Beckerman

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Naomi Ekperigan and Andy Beckerman

Release Date: December 25, 2025
Host: Jameela Jamil
Guests: Naomi Ekperigan (comedian, writer, podcaster), Andy Beckerman (writer, podcaster, former philosophy professor)

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Wrong Turns" is a hilarious exploration of life’s mortifying moments, featuring married comics Naomi Ekperigan and Andy Beckerman. The trio gleefully trade stories of personal disasters, social humiliation, and simmering anxieties—all with a pointed refusal to find any moral, lesson, or silver lining. Together, they revel in their collective lack of dignity and make listeners feel at home in their chaos.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marriage, Life Choices, and Superstitions

[02:34–07:21]

• Marriage Talk:
  • Jameela admits to not being married by choice and shares a superstition that publicizing a relationship tempts fate (“The universe sends you the sexiest person imaginable right after you marry, just to fuck with you.” – Jameela Jamil, 06:07).
  • Naomi discusses why she wanted a wedding (“I just wanted one basic bitch day. One day where I wear the dress, take the pictures, and say, ‘See, I did the stuff’.” – Naomi, 04:44).
  • Andy jokes about doing “a normal thing” to appease his parents despite an unconventional lifestyle.

2. Who’s the Disaster? Household Dynamics

[07:37–09:58]

• Both Andy and Naomi explain they’re both careful and not natural chaos-makers, especially as they've gotten older.
• Jameela claims the “chaos goblin” mantle in her relationship, describing how her messiness often affects her partner (e.g., leaving chocolate stains in hotel beds and having to write “not poo” on Post-it notes for housekeeping).

3. Micro-Humiliations: Meeting the Parents Gone Wrong

[10:01–16:41]

• Naomi’s Story:
  • Naomi tells the story of her first trip to meet Andy’s parents.
  • She was nervous, especially as Andy hadn’t explicitly told his parents she was Black, relying on “context clues” for them to put it together.
    • (“Did you tell them I was Black? … I’m not trying to have a 'Guess Who’s Coming to Seder' situation.” – Naomi, 11:03)
  • The real disaster: She suffered a freak asthma attack at 5:30 am, resulting in a hospital trip with Andy and his dad. She had to go through a personal medical intake in front of her boyfriend of four months.
    • (“You can’t razzle-dazzle in this situation.” – Jameela, 14:16)
  • Looking back, she laughs about the ignominious “Grey’s Anatomy moment” as a formative embarrassment.

4. Micro-Humiliations: Prank Fails and Regrets

[16:54–24:43]

• Andy’s Story:
  • Seventh-grade Andy, attempting to prank his friend by faking an injury (“I had Kevin tell Kirk that I fell down the stairs and was whisked away to the hospital.” – Andy, 20:13), only realizes after his dad points out the possible ramifications (“What if Kirk’s parents call your mom? What if she gets worried and drives to the hospital?” – Andy’s dad, 22:30).
  • The prank spirals out of control, leading to confusion and embarrassment at school.
  • The group reflects on the unanticipated consequences of childish pranks, then launch into a tangent about a darkly comic real-life scenario involving an inhaler and a tragic twist (“…to this day, they call him murderer…” – Jameela, 25:16).

5. Big Wrong Turns: Childhood and Teenage Trauma

Naomi’s Obstacle Course Nightmare

[29:16–33:19]

• At 10, Naomi appears on Nickelodeon’s "Double Dare" live event. During a messy obstacle course, she gets tangled in bungee cords and realizes her tank top has slipped, exposing her chest to TV host Marc Summers and the crowd:
  • “I look down and realize my little girl breasts are out…for television’s Marc Summers to see.” – Naomi, 32:37
  • She flees in humiliation—a scene seared into her memory.

Jameela’s Bikini Disaster

[33:19–35:39]

• Jameela shares a recent mortification: her boyfriend accidentally booked them into a Greek weight loss clinic for a holiday, where she is blasted naked by a pool’s "lymphatic massage" jets—caught on CCTV, with a stranger present.
  • “Underpants and bra just, boom—gone. Totally naked. Cameras everywhere.” – Jameela, 34:49

Andy’s Forced Talent Show Striptease

[38:41–50:14]

• As a teen in the BBYO (B’nai B’rith Youth Organization), Andy is forced into a talent show without any talent prepared. Swept up in a series of shirtless “dances” (initiated by athletic boys who could at least move well), he stumbles through awkward solo dancing in front of hundreds, including his crush and chaperones:
  • “I try to do what the other people are doing. Again, I want to belong. That’s the thing undercutting me—not just leaving.” – Andy, 45:15
  • “Everyone turned their heads to the ground…they backed up the fact it was a Lovecraftian horror. I believe everyone who was there that day is now sterile.” – Andy, 50:20

6. Misery Loves Company: Listener Story from Tabitha

[51:12–53:32]

• Jameela reads a listener email:
  • Tabitha recounts bringing a man home after her 10-year high school reunion, hooking up in the dark basement, only for her mother to turn on the lights while he was performing oral sex. (“My mother saw his exact technique.” – Tabitha, 52:04)
• The trio recoil and riff on the long-lasting embarrassment, especially as it happened in adulthood.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Life’s Disasters:
  “Where dignity goes to die.” – Jameela Jamil, 02:34

• On Weddings:
  “I just wanted one basic bitch day…You have the pictures, you look back, and you go, ‘See, I did the stuff.’” – Naomi Ekperigan, 04:44

• On Messiness:
  “Everything I own is stained, which means everything James, my partner, now owns is stained.” – Jameela, 09:04

• On Facing Embarrassment:
  “Immune, if not allergic, to learning from my mistakes. That’s why this is my podcast.” – Jameela, 09:39

• On Growing Up Cautious:
  “Shame, embarrassment, all that kind of stuff. I think I’m going 90 miles an hour and I’m really going like eight miles an hour.” – Andy, 08:04

• On the Limits of Dignity:
  “I’ll just have a supplement and stay in the house where I don’t accidentally pop a titty.” – Naomi, 51:04

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |---------|------------| | Show & Guest Intros/Marriage Talk | 02:34–07:21 | | Chaos Goblins and Embarrassing Stories | 07:22–16:41 | | Andy’s Prank Story | 16:54–24:43 | | Medical Mishaps & Childhood Trauma | 14:04–16:41, 29:16–33:19 | | Jameela’s Bikini Story | 33:19–35:39 | | Andy’s Talent Show Disaster | 38:41–50:14 | | Listener Story (Tabitha) | 51:12–53:32 | | Plugs/Promos | 53:35–54:48 |

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Final Notes & Plugs

• Couples Therapy Podcast: Hosted by Naomi & Andy (Jameela is a past guest)
• Naomi: Find her on Instagram @blacktrisscomedy; Netlix standup special and writing for “Saint Dennis Medical” [NBC/Peacock]
• Andy: Hosts "Beginnings" (interviews with creatives), Fridays

Closing mood:
The entire episode is a cathartic celebration of embarrassing, mortifying life stories with zero silver linings—the anti-inspiration comedy podcast for anyone who’s ever felt like a walking disaster.

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Transcript

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[Foreign Language Speaker]

Foreign.

[Jamila Jamil]

Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns. The show where dignity goes to die. Where I bring on my favorite funny people to tell me their tales of woe. Where you will be free from anything that even vaguely resembles a silver lining. They are not welcome here, but my guests certainly are. Joining me today I have comedian, podcaster, producer, actress, and writer from shows like Broad city, Mythic Quest, St Dennis Medical, Family Guy, and Hacks. I personally was able to come across her on the Internet and fell in love immediately. She co hosts the podcast Couples Therapy with her husband, which I've been on. It's Naomi E. Paran. Hello.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Hey, girl.

[Jamila Jamil]

Hey. Hey. And I am also thrilled to welcome the hilarious writer, producer, podcaster, and former philosophy professor. He's written for the Pete Holmes show and Cedric's Barber Battle. He hosts the podcast Beginnings and co hosts Couples Therapy. It's Andy Beckerman.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hey, if you want to hear some barber specific jokes, I got a bunch of them sitting on my computer somewhere.

[Jamila Jamil]

You are in the right place. That is exactly what this audience desires. My favorite thing about you two, aside from the fact that you're both wonderful, wonderful comedic hosts, is the fact that you are married and that. No, you're not married. You are married. You are married. Sorry. For some reason, I suddenly thought I was wrong, because when I joined the conversation, you guys were talking about the fact that I am not married. Yes, talking about that.

[Andy Beckerman]

No. I talk about your marital status once a day, maybe twice a day. And so you just happened to pop in at the time when it was time to mention it?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm not married. I will never be married, you guys. Yes, by choice. By choice. I'm with someone. I've been together with him for 11 years, but I. I just. I don't think it's for me. How are you guys finding marriage? You seem to be going strong.

[Andy Beckerman]

It's great.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah. I mean, We've been together 15 years. We've been married for a few. But, like, it's interesting you say that, though, because you said you were. Like, it's not for me, but I guess for me, it was more, you know, my feeling about, like, it was. It's funny. It's like the idea of the wedding, right, Is that the lives we've chosen as creative people. And certainly Andy and I also knew we were always gonna be childless. It felt like the one thing, like, I just wanted one basic bitch day, you know what I mean? Like, one day where I, like, wear the dress and then you have the pictures and you look back and you go, see, I did the stuff. And that was.

[Andy Beckerman]

I did the normal thing, like, to show your parents, look, I can do a normal thing. I can do the thing you want to be. I'm not living in the suburbs. I. I'm not a doctor, but I can do a normal. A quote, unquote normal thing. That you wanted the one thing you want. Like one of the things. We're not having children, right?

[Naomi E. Paran]

So I was like, let's do this. And so that was the one I picked. And I really shouldn't have picked it. It was so expensive.

[Jamila Jamil]

I was like, that was a wrong turn. I. I think you two are safe then. You see, I have a superstition about marriage because of what I've been experiencing from my friends. And I hope none of their spouses are listening. But for some reason, every time anyone I know gets married within six months, which you two are well past, but within six months, the universe seems to send them the sexiest person ever other than their spouse. Or it'll be like the ex that could never get their shit together, that has now gotten their shit together. And then it's creating confusing or messy or disastrous situations. And so then it's made me superstitious. Cause it's made me go, okay, we have to fly under the radar. We can't let the universe know that we're in, in this very public 11 year relationship. So if we don't get married, if we don't announce it to God, then maybe they don't know and they won't send us anyone very sexy and tempting. And so thus far that has been working. But it seems as though you two were able to escape the curse. So congratulations.

[Andy Beckerman]

I don't think this is a real. This is not like saying Macbeth in a theater, right?

[Jamila Jamil]

Candyman. It's marriage. Candyman.

[Andy Beckerman]

No offense to your friends, who are terrible. If you're six months in.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

And you're being tempted in that, like, obviously, you know, you'll find other people attracted.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, but they're years into the relationship. Years and years and years into the relationship.

[Andy Beckerman]

Name these people. Name them right now.

[Jamila Jamil]

Let's call them.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Actually call them up right now.

[Jamila Jamil]

For some reason, six months after they tie the knot, they announce their love in front of God. God goes, bet. Okay, so now you're gonna be with someone forever. Let's fucking go.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But now, are the marriages still intact or did any of them dissolve as a result of these hot marriages?

[Jamila Jamil]

Some have dissolved, some are in tatters, some are intact, and secrets have been kept. But it's stressful. It's fucking stressful. Anyway, before I get any of my friends into more trouble, let's move on. So which of the two of you is the disaster demon, would you say? Or is it mutual?

[Naomi E. Paran]

I would say it's.

[Andy Beckerman]

Well, this is.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I'll tell you, this is the thing I Think Andy and I are both pretty careful. We take few risks. Certainly in the time we've been together, I think I was as younger in my single days. I was maybe a little more willing to do it for the bit for the story. You know, the stand up in me was like, let's see. But really, as we've gotten older, we are indoor kids who don't trust nobody. Okay.

[Jamila Jamil]

After all.

[Naomi E. Paran]

So I don't be getting into it the way I used to.

[Andy Beckerman]

I've been calibrated incorrectly by my parents. So like shame, embarrassment, all that kind of stuff. I think I'm going like 90 miles an hour and I'm really going like eight miles an hour.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah. The tiniest things.

[Andy Beckerman]

The tiniest thing. Yeah. So. Yes. So I don't like doing stuff that could cause negative feelings in my brain.

[Jamila Jamil]

I mean, I am the chaos goblin in my relationship for sure. It is very, very.

[Naomi E. Paran]

See that though? You just came on Mike and ruined several marriages.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You just said, that's how we gonna start. And then you like, she didn't name names.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on. She didn't. Like, she didn't. Hollywood blacklist name names. So I think they're probably intact.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You know what though? Cuz I feel like j. I am a messy.

[Jamila Jamil]

You know what? Naomi's actually got my number. She's got my number.

[Naomi E. Paran]

This what I'm saying.

[Andy Beckerman]

Wait, why?

[Jamila Jamil]

Because.

[Andy Beckerman]

Why are you like that?

[Jamila Jamil]

I am. I'm just a messy, sloppy, gossipy, little.

[Andy Beckerman]

But you. But I'm asking. Did you fall out of the womb like that?

[Jamila Jamil]

Yes, I came out in a tornado and it's been chaos ever since. Everything I own is stained, which means everything James, my partner now owns, is stained. Every time I stay in a hotel, I have to leave because I eat chocolate in bed. I have to leave signs all over the bed, Little post it notes that just say not poo. So that the cleaners don't have like a heart attack before they have to open and clean the bedding.

[Andy Beckerman]

This is what I'm talking about. After the first time you did that, after the first time you had a capable of learning faux fecal stain on the bedding, that would have been enough for me to be like, to never do that again.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, because now I knew that I could just write a note and leave a $20 note. I could pay my way out of it. I am immune, if not allergic, to learning from my mistakes. And that's why this is my podcast. This is my universe, and I'm dragging everyone else into it with me. So can you give me some examples of some micro humiliations, perhaps from years. Go start with you, Naomi.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Well, absolutely. I mean, I'm gonna go back. You know, Andy and I have been together, as I said, 15 years. And so in the early days of the relay, one of the main. I will say this. Cause, like, this was embarrassing to me, but I will say this, right? I didn't cause it. It happened. And then I was the victim. I am a victim of my own body, okay? That's what happened. And that is that we were. I was going to meet Andy's parents for the first time. Okay?

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, right.

[Naomi E. Paran]

In Pennsylvania from New York. We've been together four months. And he was like, do you. And it was like, I think the July 4th holiday weekend. Like, that's why we were going. So it was like a long weekend, right? But we'd only been together four months. So I remember when he was like, do you want to come with me to Pennsylvania? Me, my parents. I'm like, okay, you're upset with me.

[Jamila Jamil]

This man is in love. I know.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I was like, okay, this is serious. And I didn't know that.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on. I didn't know that you were supposed to wait like a year. What's the. Is there some way. Who. These stupid rules of all, like, oh, wait, three dates to call someone. All this crap.

[Jamila Jamil]

By the way, more people would have 15 year relationships if they didn't follow all these fucking rules and make other people think they're not that interested when they are. So good for you, Andy.

[Andy Beckerman]

Thank you. Thank you, Chaos demon.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But I remember being so nervous because it's like, there's one thing to meet someone's parents. You know, we've all, like, had that, but it was that we were going to stay with them, right? Like, there was no break from that. And like, you know, I could do one dinner, I could dazzle for a short amount of time, but, like, wake up in the morning and dazzle again. I was like, oh, brother. And so then I'm like, nervous, Jamila, okay? Because I'm also nervous. I was like, did you tell them I was black? Okay. Because I'm going over there. Okay? And Andy, I said, I'm not trying to have a guess who's coming to Seder situation where I show up at this house in Pennsylvania and these people don't know because if you just say, oh, her name is Naomi, she grew up in New York, she went to Dalton, you would say the finest Jewish woman you've ever met. That's what you would think. And I said, I really hope they know. So I'm, like, nervous going into this being like, okay, let's just.

[Jamila Jamil]

And had he mentioned.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm sure I used context clues.

[Jamila Jamil]

What kind of context does someone.

[Andy Beckerman]

You need a washcloth.

[Jamila Jamil]

I say.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You have not set me up for success. You did not tell them.

[Jamila Jamil]

Oh, God, we need a washcloth. It's fucking hilarious. Someone who actually cleans below the waist is coming into our Caucasian household. That is hysterical. Okay, so he gave cryptic context.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yes, that. I was like, you were right. I'm gonna know.

[Andy Beckerman]

How are you supposed. Look, I was brought up in a kind of liberal household where, you know, you're supposed to, like, not see the differences.

[Jamila Jamil]

Exactly. I completely understand why you wouldn't have necessarily gone out of your way to even think to mention it. Absolutely good liberal.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But I was like, oh, God. And so I get there, and they're lovely. And it was. It's all going well until 5:30 the next morning. Okay. We're in the guest room and I wake up and I'm wheezing. Jamila. I'm wheezing.

[Jamila Jamil]

I can't.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I can't breathe. I'm having trouble breathing. And that has never happened to me before. And I'm over here. I'm in Pennsylvania. The chest is tight, and I'm coughing. And then I was like, oh, God, what do I do? What's going on? You know? And I try to get up and walk around, but nothing's, like, getting better. And I go to Andy. I, like, turn. I wake him up, and I'm like, you need to take me to the hospital. And then Andy is like, I don't know where it is. And I was like, well, we have to find it. And we basically, I'm coughing and I'm, like, freaking out. And then Andy's dad, bless him, shout out Andy. I'm going to shout him out. Marty Beckerman. Okay? He knocks on the door, and this one is 6:00am and he's like, I heard coughing. What's going on? Do we need to go to the hospital? Because Marty's a ride or die bitch, Jameela. Okay? That's what I learned in that moment, right? So he's got the fanny pack on, socks pulled up to the knee. He said, let's go.

[Andy Beckerman]

My family has so many health problems that they're ready at the drop of a hat to go to the hospital.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But the embarrassing part is, so we get there, Andy comes in with me. You know, we're doing the intake. And, Jameela, you have to Remember, we've only been together four months, and I'm in the hospital. And you know how when you.

[Jamila Jamil]

You can't razzle dazzle in this situation?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, no, no. But I'm sitting. Andy's sitting next to me. They've brought me in. This is a nice suburban hospital, okay? So they've spared no expense.

[Andy Beckerman]

Run a private reading. Pennsylvania. You've been there, right, Jamila? You've been there a lot. Reading, Pennsylvania. Halfway between Philly and Harrisburg.

[Jamila Jamil]

Basically a local.

[Foreign Language Speaker]

Yes.

[Naomi E. Paran]

And so only four months into the relationship, the nurse is asking me all the intake questions, and they're personal questions. Like, we're. The embarrassment is. She goes. She goes, okay, so are you pregnant right now? And I'm like, no.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm crossing my fingers, like, I hope the answer is no.

[Naomi E. Paran]

And then she's like, have you ever been pregnant? And I was like, no. And Andy was like, good to know. And then she's like, asking me, like, what are all of your medications? And, like, I'm literally giving a full medical history in front of a man. I.

[Jamila Jamil]

Sexual history, all of these things in.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Front of a man I have not been with a calendar year.

[Andy Beckerman]

What does your cervix look like?

[Naomi E. Paran]

He's outside the room. Because I said, marty, gotta go. Okay. But it was like this.

[Andy Beckerman]

He went to get bagels. He literally is like, I'll be back. You went to get bagels?

[Naomi E. Paran]

And I was like, this is so embarrassing. And then we were in the hospital for several hours, and Andy sat there, and it was interesting. It is kind of funny to think about that in a way, because at one point, you fell asleep in the little hospital chair. And I said, this will be us when we're 80. I've been admitted. He's fallen asleep. Who knew? But I was like, I'm gonna die. I've never been more embarrassed. And then his parents were thinking, like, who is this woman with this weak constitution who just like, shows up here, is in the hospital 12 hours?

[Jamila Jamil]

So one of your big wrong turns was having an asthma attack, and then your wonderful boyfriend and his wonderful family looked after you, and then you two ended up together for 15 years. Oh, woe is me, Naomi.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Whoa.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's fucking me. All right. Oh, and you have perfect skin. You have perfect skin in your perfect, happy, childless life where you wake up whatever the fuck time you want. What a great embarrassing tale to make everyone else feel better about suddenly not.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Breathing, having asthma that you didn't know you had the first time you meet some people. The biggest worry I had was guess who's coming to Sader. I didn't think it was going to be an episode of the Pit up in that bitch.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay?

[Naomi E. Paran]

I didn't think it was going to be Grey's Anatomy moment.

[Jamila Jamil]

It is not a dignified first impression, but it is a lasting one. And they didn't forget you. And they couldn't anyway because you're now married into that family. What a bunch of fucking legends. All right, Andy, what's your micro humiliation?

[Andy Beckerman]

Guess what? This also takes place in Reading, Pennsylvania. So great, everyone.

[Jamila Jamil]

I feel like I'm home again.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on to your socks so they don't fly off when you hear this story again. I ha. Look, folks, folks, that's all the listeners. And you too. So seventh grade. We all remember seventh grade. You all remember the first year that you had to enter the science fair. Everyone had to enter the science fair. And I was very ambitious. I thought I was gonna be a physicist.

[Jamila Jamil]

So my friend went as one of the planets and he is Jewish and went as a rabbi and stuck pitta bread all over him and he was Jupiter.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh, my Lord.

[Andy Beckerman]

Sorry, hold on, hold on. Let me interrupt this because none of this makes sense.

[Jamila Jamil]

I think it makes perfect sense.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yep.

[Andy Beckerman]

First of all, that's not science. That's. That's information. Halloween. That is dressing up as a planet as a pun. Was it a. I don't even get.

[Naomi E. Paran]

What the thing is you pet Jupiter.

[Andy Beckerman]

God.

[Jamila Jamil]

Sorry. As you were.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on, I need a moment here to recover. By the way, how'd your friend do in the science fair? Dressing up as a pun planet?

[Jamila Jamil]

Not very well. Not very well.

[Andy Beckerman]

Okay, thank you. All right.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay. So you joined the science fair.

[Andy Beckerman]

Seventh grade. I was ambitious. I decided to do an experiment on operant conditioning. I got a Skinner box from the local college and four rats and I was teaching them operant conditioning.

[Jamila Jamil]

What the fuck is operant conditioning?

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, that's where, like, you know, they have to click a little thing and they get a pellet. But sometimes they click and they don't get a pellet. So you see if a reward actually changes their behavior or not.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Beautiful.

[Jamila Jamil]

I think my boyfriend's been doing that with me.

[Andy Beckerman]

With pellets or treats?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Biscuits.

[Andy Beckerman]

Baked chocolate in bed.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's biscuits. It's cookies. But yes, Go on.

[Andy Beckerman]

So one day I am going to go to Albright College in Reading, Pennsylvania.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Thank you for name checking this specific university.

[Andy Beckerman]

You're welcome, Naomi. To talk to one of the professors about this experiment and see, like, what am I supposed to do? And all this Other kind of stuff. And I had this brilliant idea. Now, the other thing you have to know is my friend Kirk, who I'm still friends with today, but his idea at the time of a prank was just to kind of, like, hit me in the shoulder, something like that. Some kind of, like, physical violence. And also pranks. Any kind of prank sucks. I'm going to tell you this.

[Jamila Jamil]

100.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Pranks are bad. Pranks are really bad.

[Jamila Jamil]

What are we doing from cellophane on the toilet seat, which is just a golden, perfect prank.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Jamila.

[Andy Beckerman]

Jamila.

[Jamila Jamil]

I'm a chaos goblin. I'm chaos.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You are. Because I hear cellophane. It's funny because I don't think poop first. I actually think pee first.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yes.

[Naomi E. Paran]

That being the worst, the hope is pee everywhere. Everywhere.

[Jamila Jamil]

Fabulous.

[Andy Beckerman]

The only use for cellophane is wrapping up a gift basket. That's it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Or a makeshift condom. Kids.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Ooh, that's too.

[Jamila Jamil]

Don't do that, kids. That's hard.

[Naomi E. Paran]

That's painful.

[Jamila Jamil]

Also, don't listen to the podcast. Okay. Go on. Sorry.

[Andy Beckerman]

As you are.

[Jamila Jamil]

So your friend Kirk has punched you in the arm.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

So I'm going to Albright this afternoon. My dad's picking me up, driving me to Albright, and I go to my friend Kevin. Hey, Kevin, I got a prank. Kirk's been hitting me all this time. I got a prank for Kirk. Why don't you tell him when I'm after I leave that I fell down the stairs of our junior high school, Exeter Township Junior High School, and I was whisked away to the hospital with a broken leg.

[Naomi E. Paran]

What?

[Andy Beckerman]

Kevin goes, what's the prank of hitting someone?

[Naomi E. Paran]

I don't know, but, Naomi, what you have.

[Andy Beckerman]

So, look, I'm not defending this, but if I was trying to defend it, I would say I was taught how to prank by Kirk. Okay. And apparently, pranking has something to do with physical violence of some kind. At least mine was fake.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But the violence in your prank was against yourself. What you said was, I'm gonna get him. Tell him I went to the hospital.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm gonna prank his concern. I'm gonna prank his compassion for his friend.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's like when someone. Someone does a scaring prank, right? And then the other person pretends to have a heart attack. And now the prank has been reversed upon the pranker becoming the prankee. Right?

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

So you want to have really fucked your life up?

[Andy Beckerman]

Mm.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Wow, Jamila, you really got it. You know, I still don't to this day. And you really said I cracked it. This checks Out. This makes sense to me. Andy, you should be concerned. That Chaos demon thinks that makes sense.

[Andy Beckerman]

No, I think Jamila should be concerned that seventh grade Andy makes sense to her as an adult.

[Jamila Jamil]

Feels like a pair.

[Andy Beckerman]

So, okay, so I go. Kevin's like, I guess so. So he tells Kirk, and I go to my dad, takes me to Albright. He. He takes off from work the afternoon. He's a business guy. I don't know what. He, like, has a briefcase. He goes to an office.

[Jamila Jamil]

He's a drug dealer. Okay, go on.

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, my God. So many things are falling into place now. There was cocaine hidden in the walls of our house when I was younger. Wow. So, okay, so on the way back from the, from Albright, I'm chuckling. I'm sitting there in the passenger seat just chuckling to myself. And my dad goes, what's so funny? And I go, I had Kevin tell Kirk that I fell down the stairs and was whisked away to the hospital. And my dad goes, why? First of all, why would you do that?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Second of all, on the same page.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah. This is the 90s, before cell phones were ubiquitous in the United States. We're going to. And my dad goes, what happens if Kirk tells his parents? And then his parents call your mom to see how you are and you're not home yet. We're here in the car and your mom gets worried and then drives to the hospital to see what's going on, and I get red in the face and I go, I didn't think of that. Do you ever get that kind of feeling where you're like, oh, I fucked up. I'm going to cause someone mental pain?

[Jamila Jamil]

What if your mom has a crash because she's driving so fast? That's what happens in the movie of this.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Andy Beckerman]

This isn't Fargo. Hold on. This is not a simple lie. Doesn't set off a chain of events or something like that. It's not Cohen brothers.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It could be.

[Naomi E. Paran]

It could be.

[Jamila Jamil]

And it's not over yet.

[Andy Beckerman]

Well, no, my dad forced me to go when I, I, we got to his office because he had to go back to the office to actually do work. I had to call my mom. I had to call Kirk's parents and shamefacedly tell them that I was okay and that this was a quote unquote prank. They didn't understand it. Apparently, the only human being that understands this on the planet is you, Jamila, because no one else. And then the next day, everyone's asking about My well being, all the other students thought I felt. Because it didn't like, it's not like Kirk held it to himself. Everyone in the school thought I had fallen down the stairs and then did not understand why. I said show up.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Fine, you show up.

[Andy Beckerman]

And they're like, legs, spine, arms intact.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, it's not a great look, is it? Weirdly, I was just told a story that combines kind of what both of you have just spoken about. So my friend, when they were growing up, his little brother had an argument with one of his mates, right? And the friend threw his football up onto the roof. And they couldn't get it down. Cause they're only little. And then as a retaliation, my friend's little brother takes the other boy's inhaler and throws that up on the roof.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh, no.

[Jamila Jamil]

And so the kids have to, you know, all run back to their homes. And the kid goes home and goes and tells his parents and there's all sorts of trouble. But then two weeks later, that child who had the inhaler dies.

[Naomi E. Paran]

What?

[Jamila Jamil]

Randomly? Randomly of. Like a. Well, of a different health complication. But all of his friends and my friend to this day have told the little brother that he killed him, that he didn't have his correct inhaler, and that's how he died.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on.

[Jamila Jamil]

He still doesn't know. He might be finding out now on this episode. And they still call him murderer to this day. And they act like they're all keeping his secret about the fact that he killed his friend. What?

[Andy Beckerman]

I. I am flabbergasted. I am gobsmacked. It's still does the little brother is the little brother in therapy.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I know. Has he been living with the heat of his.

[Jamila Jamil]

Living with the guilt?

[Naomi E. Paran]

That's great. He could have become a Dexter. Do you know what that could have done to him? He could have been like, oh, well, I've already killed. I might as well kill again.

[Jamila Jamil]

Why would that be what anyone thinks?

[Naomi E. Paran]

You get away with it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You got a taste for it.

[Andy Beckerman]

You murder once. Suddenly you're like, I can. I can do this all the time.

[Naomi E. Paran]

All you have to do is do this.

[Andy Beckerman]

I can just grab someone's insulin and throw it in the sewer.

[Naomi E. Paran]

What?

[Jamila Jamil]

I just realized why you two are married. Anyway, while everyone processes that horrible information, let's go to a quick break.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Everywhere you turn, it's New Year, New me. But growth isn't a glow up trend. It's a practice. Grow Therapy helps you do the real work with licensed therapists who meet you where you are not where anyone else says you should be. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th, grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. And if something comes up, you can Cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Visit GrowTherapy.com Acast today to get started. That's GrowthTherapy.com Acast Growth Acast availability and coverage by state and insurance plan.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Carvana Announcer]

Carvana is so easy. Just a click and we've got ourselves a car.

[Naomi E. Paran]

See so many cars. That's a clicktastic inventory.

[Carvana Announcer]

And check out the financing options payments to fit our budget. I mean that's Clickonomics101 delivery to our door.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Just a hop, skip and a click away.

[Carvana Announcer]

And bought.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

No better feeling than when everything just clicks.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Buy your car today on Carvana.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Delivery fees may apply.

[Jamila Jamil]

And we are back. All right Naomi, it's time for your big wrong turn. This better be an actual wrong turn.

[Carvana Announcer]

Uh.

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh. Have you not talked to us for the last half hour? Jamila?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Look, Jamila, I was young, but I still think it counts because the mortification is seared into my brain. And I think that's what's important about a wrong turn, okay, is that, you know, you feel it in your bones. It becomes a part of your DNA. It defines you. And for me, that was at the age of 10. There was a TV show on Nickelodeon called Double Dare. And it was, like, you would do activities and games and people would get slimed, and it was all this stuff. And, you know, I thought it was just the coolest thing ever. And so one summer, they were doing, like, a live double dare taping in New York at Shea Stadium. So they had taken part of the stadium. They had set it up with, like, obstacle course and kids could play games. And my cousin was visiting from Detroit, and so my mom took us there. So we both got picked out of the crowd. It was like, you know, who wants to volunteer to do something? And you know me, ever the star, I had aspirations, and I raised my hand and we both got picked. And my cousin, she got picked to do a pie eating contest. And I was very jealous because I said, that's my wheelhouse. And I was chosen to do, like, the obstacle course. And I've always been an indoor kid, okay? And so I was like, all right, now I'm 10 years old. As I said, okay, your girl is pubescent. Okay? The breasts are budding. All right? I could be in a bra, but I'm not ready. You know what I mean? It was like they were there, but, you know. And it's summertime in New York, so as you can imagine, just muggy. I'm in a tank top, shorts. I'm a child. Oh, God, there is a camera there. They are filming. All right. Mark Summers, the host of Double Dare, he was there maybe doing what I now know are interstitials or wraparounds. Who knows?

[Jamila Jamil]

And is this, like, monkey bars? And is it, like, swinging things like balls?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yes, and like a ball pit and going from one to the other. And like, one of them, one of the. So then one of the elements was there were these bungee cords that are, you know, kind of crisscrossed in all kind of ways. Remember that movie where Catherine Zeta Jones has to go through all the lasers?

[Jamila Jamil]

Oh, Entrapment.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Thank you. So it's almost like a kiddie version of Entrapment, but it's bungee cords, and you gotta find a way to get through Obviously, without getting stuck. So.

[Andy Beckerman]

So there wasn't any of the, like, fancy kind of obstacle course stuff from Double Dare?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, but. But it's still giving. And I was like, I'm trying to do it. Honey, your girl's winded. Your girl's spectacles are falling off. I am not.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm sweating.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's flying everywhere.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Exactly. Like, honey, the dripping sweat. It's like always. It's like I flop sweat like Charlie Chaplin. It's too much. And then I'm going through the obstacle course, the bungee part, and I'm going slow. I'm. I'm tirade. And Mark Summers, he's, like, right by me, trying to cheer me on, being like, you got it.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Come on.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You got it. And I get tangled. Jamila. I get tangled.

[Jamila Jamil]

On the bungee.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yes, in the bungee. And then he. And then I just notice he. He's looking at me. And then he looks away quickly, like, aggressively, like, oh, God. And then I look down, and I realize my little girl breasts are out. It's popped out. I'm un braziered. I'm in a tank. I'm stuck in a bungee cord, and my breast is out. For television's Marc Summers to sing.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Oh.

[Naomi E. Paran]

And when I tell you I've never. And I mean, I think I might have lost a shoe in the process of trying to get. Like, I was just like, this must end now. And, like, I just, like, get out of there, kind of make it to the end, walk down. Like, it was one of those. Like, did you have. You know, my mom is like, did you have fun? Because, you know, this is like, she's not there where it's happening, right? Like, we're all watching. And I was like, huh? Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Like it was. There's nothing more mortifying.

[Jamila Jamil]

Oh, that is horrifying. That is fucking horrifying. And actually, just like, three weeks ago, my boyfriend took us on holiday, and I never let him normally arrange it. He arranged it and accidentally booked us into a weight loss clinic. What are you talking about? I know. In Greece, right? He accidentally books us into a weight loss clinic.

[Andy Beckerman]

I was imagining a caravan and hull.

[Jamila Jamil]

No. So then we both keep sneaking out, like, breaking out of the weight loss clinic and going to eat only huge bowls of potato chips and, like, French fries and. And chocolate ice cream. Both gained weight at the weight loss clinic. And they had this kind of, like, special pool that, like, makes you, I guess, lose weight or something. It does lymphatic massage while you're in the pool. The most unrelaxing shit you've ever done. Yeah, I got in there, didn't know about all the lymphatic shit. It's got these, like, rockets of water that come out all my bikini all the way off and didn't know that I didn't have it to myself. So now I'm just, like. It, like, shot off me fully. Underpants and bra just, boom. Gone totally naked. Cameras everywhere. Why, by the way? Because it's like, are you sure this.

[Andy Beckerman]

Wasn'T a scene for American Pie 5?

[Jamila Jamil]

I'm telling you, there's just like, little CCTV to make sure nobody drowns. There's no lifeguard there because they're trying to make it feel private, but it's not private. So I was butt naked with another man in the pool. Absolutely mortifying. So I feel you.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Wait, but can we go back to. How did James book a weight loss clinic by accident?

[Jamila Jamil]

He is a ma. He's a. I mean, what do you think he was trying to give me a hint? Is that what you're saying?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, I'm like, did he just say, ooh, the deal looks good here? Like, he's like, the price is right and it doesn't look good.

[Jamila Jamil]

Honestly, I think it was a really good price. Cause no one would want to fucking go. It was a good price. It looked beautiful. It was in an amazing area. And he just really didn't pay attention to the details.

[Andy Beckerman]

Hold on, Jamila. I don't know what your finances are. If Naomi and I, we're middle class, okay? But if one of us accidentally did that, we would be there for an hour and be like, we're getting the fuck out of here and going somewhere else.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, that's not who James and I are, all right? We grew up. We grew up poor. We did not grow up middle class. We became middle class. It's still in our marrow.

[Naomi E. Paran]

So you were like, we have to see this through. This is a choice we made, and.

[Jamila Jamil]

We'Re living blue collar marrow. Yeah. Means that we stay. We stay and we see this out. I think we'll have to come back after the break.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Everywhere you turn, it's New Year, new me. But growth isn't a glow up trend. It's a practice. Growth therapy helps you do the real work with licensed therapists who meet you where you are, not where anyone else says you should be. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US Offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. And if something comes up, you can Cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. GROW helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance, and some pay as little as $0, depending on their plan. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Visit growththerapy.com acast today to get started. That's growththerapy.com acast growtherapy.com acast availability and coverage by state and insurance plan.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Grow Therapy Announcer]

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[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Carvana Announcer]

Reggie, I just sold my car online.

[LifeLock Announcer]

Let's go, grandpa. Wait, you did?

[Andy Beckerman]

Yep.

[Carvana Announcer]

On Carvana. Just put in the license plate, answered a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame.

[LifeLock Announcer]

You don't say.

[Carvana Announcer]

Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast.

[Andy Beckerman]

Wow.

[LifeLock Announcer]

Way to go.

[Andy Beckerman]

So, about that picture frame.

[Carvana Announcer]

Ah, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Car selling made easy on Carvana.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Pick up.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

These may apply.

[Jamila Jamil]

And we are back. All right, Andy, tell me, what was your wrong turn?

[Andy Beckerman]

Hey, guess what, folks? Another story of Pennsylvania. That's right. Penn State himself. Pennsylvania. There's a little thing we have here. I don't Know if you have. What do you want?

[Foreign Language Speaker]

What?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Naomi, you look like doing a. Hello, folks. Here is the beginning of my story, and I'm like, what a nut. Go ahead, nut.

[Andy Beckerman]

So, Pennsylvania, all right, back in the 90s again, and there's a Jewish youth organization called B' Nai Brith Youth Organization, BBYO. I. I always thought that my parents had pushed me into joining this, and then my dad was just like, no, you wanted to be part of this. I wanted to belong. All right? That's always. I've always been trying to find my. My tribe. I've always wanted to find a group to belong to. This was not it, by the way.

[Jamila Jamil]

I really identify with you, Andy, because we've both never had a cool phase. It's patently obvious to me that this is sort of lifelong for you and for me. We just never got to experience the cool phase. Maybe it's coming still. Hold on, hold on.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I'm with the viewer.

[Andy Beckerman]

You are. You are a posh model. Okay?

[Jamila Jamil]

No, no, no.

[Andy Beckerman]

I am a.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, no.

[Andy Beckerman]

Loaded from Thanksgiving dinners five nights in a row, wearing a they Might be Giants T shirt. We are not the same. Like, every photo of you online is, like, in Gucci or in some kind of, like, fancy dress.

[Jamila Jamil]

I know, but it's a polished turd that you're seeing.

[Andy Beckerman]

That's what you're seeing. You're still seeing the polished.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, but then you listen to the podcast and you learn. It's. It's all turd, no polish. But anyway. Go on, go on. Okay. So you wanted to join this.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yes, I wanted to join this. It turns out it's not my kind of people, you know, at. That was the 90s. I'm, like, listening to Pavement. I'm watching Hal Hartley films. They're all just like. We're going to be doctors and lawyers and, you know, what's, like, a popular music thing from the 90s.

[Naomi E. Paran]

The point is, you're not like the other girl.

[Andy Beckerman]

I'm not. Yes.

[Naomi E. Paran]

You're not hanging with the other girls. You're different. You're artsy.

[Andy Beckerman]

I had one friend that I got along with, but then every two and a half months, they would have these regional conventions. They have these conventions. Each one has a theme. And I just remember this one where, like, it was, like, competitions. It was sporting stuff. There was, like, three on three. Basketball, badminton, and all that kind of crap. And then it culminated in a talent show, and you were forced to sign up to do different things. And I don't know if. If you get this from looking at me, Jean Mila. I'm not exactly the most athletic guy. I enjoy playing sports.

[Jamila Jamil]

No comment.

[Andy Beckerman]

Man. Claws are out.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, no.

[Naomi E. Paran]

She's supporting you. You said. And then she said, I see with my eyes.

[Andy Beckerman]

No, no, no. That's all what she should have said. What she should have said to be polite. To be polite. I should have gone away.

[Jamila Jamil]

I should have said thank you.

[Andy Beckerman]

It's like this, man. I can't tell the difference. Yes, him and Charles Barkley. What's the difference?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah, yeah. The most masculine man you've ever seen. Continue.

[Andy Beckerman]

Literally, the only sports person I could.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Think of, Charles Barkley. Okay, what year are we in? And so. So, yes, I'm leading you. And so then you have to do what, Andrew?

[Andy Beckerman]

So you had to sign up for a certain amount of these things, and I just didn't have enough of them, so they forced me to sign up for the talent show. Now, did I have a talent that I could display?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No.

[Andy Beckerman]

I play guitar, but I didn't have my guitar with me and also wasn't ready to play a song in front of people.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Right?

[Andy Beckerman]

So. And I also didn't have the. The presence of mind to be like, hey, off. I don't want to do this. There were adults telling me what to do, so. And I was constantly afraid of authority, Constantly afraid of getting in trouble, of not getting the gold star, of not getting the sticker on my paper. So I just did what authority told. And this is what. This is what happens in America, all right? Authority tells you to do something, and you're so scared, you do it until you read manufacturing consent.

[Naomi E. Paran]

And then you're like, authority tell you.

[Andy Beckerman]

To do and be this talent show.

[Naomi E. Paran]

But what do you have to do?

[Andy Beckerman]

It's getting closer and closer to my time, and I'm sweat again. Sweating like I don't know what I'm supposed to do out there. And they're like, you'll do something again. They're not helping me. These are these adults, and I want to find out all their names and.

[Jamila Jamil]

How long do you have to prepare for this fucking talent show?

[Andy Beckerman]

I have the time between. They forced me to sign up at the beginning of this thing.

[Jamila Jamil]

This is an actual nightmare. I feel like I've had, yes, it's.

[Andy Beckerman]

A nightmare to be forced to sign up for a town show without having a talent or knowing what you're going to do when you go out on stage. I was decades away from having any kind of improv experience, so I couldn't do a one Man, Harold.

[Naomi E. Paran]

It's a way of having improv experience. Andrew, do you hear yourself talk?

[Carvana Announcer]

No.

[Jamila Jamil]

So what the fuck did you do?

[Andy Beckerman]

It's getting closer and closer and they're like, suddenly the thing is devolving into other people don't have talents either. So they are fit people and they start like dancing to music and then like the men taking their shirts off.

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, no, Andy, Andy, don't say men. Say teenage boys.

[Andy Beckerman]

Teenage boys. Sorry. I live in America where apparently like if you're 14, you're a man.

[Jamila Jamil]

This is Epstein's America. Go on.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, A hundred percent. I think this youth group was named in the Epstein emails.

[Jamila Jamil]

So these kids are athletic. So they can fall back on the fact that they can take off their shirt and do something cool and physical and athletic and still impressive. What have you got?

[Andy Beckerman]

So I am essentially shoved out. I'm like standing like, you know when Charlie Brown is sad and he's kind of like looking down and there's like a rain cloud above his head. That's essentially my body. How it's like forming in this moment of like panic. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I wish I could just leave. And as an adult I know I can just leave. But as a teenager I don't. So I. I don't know. They put on some music. I don't know what they put on. I want to say it was like pony or something like that.

[Naomi E. Paran]

In my mind it's Hot Stepper. For some reason I'm imagining a bunch of 14 year old Jewish boys dancing to like here come the hot step.

[Andy Beckerman]

What if it's like Hungry Eyes from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack so they push probably something closer to that. And so I like, I. So I try to do what the other people are doing again. I want to belong. I think that's the thing that's like undercutting me, just not leaving.

[Jamila Jamil]

Who's in the audience?

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah, everyone from four or five different regions. Every teenage Jew in Pennsylvania. A bunch of chaperones. The people who control bbyo.

[Jamila Jamil]

So adults and anyone you fancy? Anyone good, like anyone.

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, a hundred percent. Someone from my temple who I will not name, who I did have a crush on. Is there. I wonder if that was like there was a secret desire hidden some because.

[Naomi E. Paran]

I wanted to do it.

[Jamila Jamil]

Oh, look at Naomi pretending to be like, ah. She's like, I would cut that little bit.

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, no, no, no. I'm so secure, you know, I'm like obviously the coolest.

[Jamila Jamil]

No, no, I never dated.

[Naomi E. Paran]

So I'M like, go ahead, tell me about your past. I was like, she was white. She was boring. Go on.

[Andy Beckerman]

But not inaccurate.

[Naomi E. Paran]

And again, like, one of the chaperones pushed you on stage to dance with everybody else.

[Andy Beckerman]

On my own. No, no, wait. It was one person at a time doing their quote unquote, talent.

[Jamila Jamil]

Talent competition.

[Andy Beckerman]

No, no, it was a talent competition. Quote unquote talent. I thought it was heavy on the competition.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay, so you're shoved. You're shoved on stage. You're 14, and what do you do? Do you freeze at first and take in what's around you? What do you. What's happening?

[Andy Beckerman]

Start, quote unquote dancing again. A white male teenager from Pennsylvania. The 90s.

[Jamila Jamil]

Shut.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yes. That's what the other people are doing.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh, brother. Andy, this is worse than I thought because in my mind, this has always been a group that like all the boys got. Got out there and danced together. So you're telling me one at a time, you all took turns grinding the air with no shirt on?

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah.

[Jamila Jamil]

This does sound like an Epstein camp.

[Naomi E. Paran]

It really is like. I'm sorry, this is. That is. That's okay. Andy, how long did you last? Do you remember how long you lasted on stage?

[Andy Beckerman]

I don't remember. Had to have been a couple minutes at the very least. But like, in my mind, it's an eternity.

[Naomi E. Paran]

It is exactly this eternity.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yes. If Nietzsche's eternal recurrence is true, I will just be doing that.

[Jamila Jamil]

Some version of what kind of dancing you were doing. I mean, Naomi, is he a good dancer?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No.

[Jamila Jamil]

No.

[Andy Beckerman]

What about. What about me? Now you're looking at me. You can see me with your own eyes. What makes you think I would be a good dancer?

[Naomi E. Paran]

He has rhythm because, you know, he plays music and he can kind of. He can move in the rhythm. There's no looseness to the core. You're not saying. He's not.

[Jamila Jamil]

What kind of dance are you doing then, Andy? Like, what dance? What dance did you do? Give it, give it. You have to give us a visual so we can understand what was happening for several minutes as a topless 14 year old child.

[Andy Beckerman]

One of these. Maybe I pogoed. Although, like, I, you know, because I was.

[Naomi E. Paran]

What you were doing. Show us this. It was hands up. Okay.

[Jamila Jamil]

Did you fight?

[Andy Beckerman]

Probably. That's, you know, that's. That's my, like instinct is to bite my lower lip. Yeah, like this. And like, snap. It's probably some snapping.

[Jamila Jamil]

Snapping is very cool.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Little side to side shoulder work.

[Andy Beckerman]

Side to side maybe. It's tough in a chair. That squeaks. To, like, really, like, get into it, but, like, it was.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yeah, I'm sure it's the chair.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah. You know, most of my dancing was going to, like, a Super Chuck concert and, like, nodding my head and tapping my foot or, like, pogoing or something like that.

[Jamila Jamil]

So really proud of you for lasting up there for a few minutes. Because I thought you were gonna run for it, right?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Jesus.

[Jamila Jamil]

Even now. Even now, after what I have acquired as sort of skills, I couldn't do it. If someone pushed me on that stage, I would jihadi my way out of there.

[Andy Beckerman]

We call that in America. Pulling up Bud Dwyer.

[Jamila Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Andy Beckerman bringing up Bud Dwyer. Now, my question is, did you talk to the girl after this?

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, God, no, I did. I. In my mind, I don't know what happened afterwards. I know I slinked off. I know I put my shirt back on. I'm gonna guess it's two shirts because I know that I used to wear an undershirt under a T shirt at.

[Jamila Jamil]

The time, wearing three pairs of underpants.

[Andy Beckerman]

So I'll bet any amount of money it was two shirts. So there was, hey, what a tease, right? First shirt comes off, you're like, oh, boy. What's under that second shirt? Oh. Oh, that's under the second shirt. Okay, again, in my mind, like, silence, like, spread out over the audience. Everyone turned their heads to the ground. Yeah.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh.

[Andy Beckerman]

Like, that's what I'm imagining happened. And I do know that I slinked off and probably hid somewhere until it was time to go home. I do know that that happened.

[Jamila Jamil]

Did anyone tell you, you know, how you did, or offer you any words of reassurance?

[Andy Beckerman]

No, no. They backed up the fact that it was the worst thing that they've ever seen in the lives. They backed up the fact that it was a Lovecraftian horror. I believe everyone who was there that day is now sterile.

[Jamila Jamil]

The day the music died. Oh, man. That's not even your fault. You were forced into that. I've understood so much now about, you know, at the very beginning of this episode, you were telling me that, you know, both of you don't really make that many mistakes and you don't really leave the house. You both kind of like house cats together. I now fully understand why. I can see where your traumas have peaked and you're safer inside. And I actually agree with this decision, and I think it's for the best. Fuck. A vitamin D. Thank you. Protect yourselves.

[Naomi E. Paran]

That's what, you know, my supplements are for. Okay. I'll just have a supplement and I'll stay in the house where I don't accidentally pop a titty.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay, before we let these two wonderful humans go, we have letters from our audience where they like to join in with all of the misery. It's called Misery Loves Company. Can I read you a little story?

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, please.

[Jamila Jamil]

So this is from Tabitha. Tabitha says, I went back to my Hometown for my 10 year high school reunion. I mostly talked to this one guy the whole night. Maybe it was the cinnamon fireball whiskey talking, but I invited him to my parents house. The lights were out and we snuck down to the basement. There was a couch down there. We started fooling around on the floor. I remember three things about that night. It was completely dark. He went down on me. And when the light turned on, suddenly I was looking at my mother in the eyes and she was able to see this one night stand's exact technique.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh, my God.

[Andy Beckerman]

And what was the technique?

[Naomi E. Paran]

No, Andrew, this is not a teaching moment.

[Jamila Jamil]

The Alphabet, obviously. Andy.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Classic.

[Foreign Language Speaker]

Classic.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Oh my God.

[Andy Beckerman]

Bush league.

[Jamila Jamil]

It's so much more embarrassing because you're almost 30, you know what I mean? Like 10 year high school reunion. You're in your late 20s, right?

[Naomi E. Paran]

Right.

[Jamila Jamil]

That is. That is.

[Naomi E. Paran]

That's bad.

[Jamila Jamil]

Harrowing.

[Andy Beckerman]

Can I ask you both, hasn't life taught you to imagine all the worst scenarios that can possibly happen? And so as you're going through something, you check, like I hug a banister going down the stairs. Because the minute I start taking that first step, my brain imagines me crumpled at the bottom with a spinal injury. So I go, hey, let's cut this off at the pass. Let's make sure it's very difficult for me to fall.

[Jamila Jamil]

Andy, I take it back. You are having a cool phase now. Thank you. I was wrong about you. I misjudged you. Thank you for recognizing that's gonna ruin head for you for the rest of your life. Like that's gonna ruin cunnilingus because you're gonna imagine your mother's face now every time. What a fuck. Which is only Freud's thing, you know it's not Tabitha's thing. Tabitha, you're a legend for telling us that. I'm so sorry that happened. What an extraordinary wrong turn. Before you two go, will you tell everyone where they can find you and what you want them to look at and listen to and see? Andy?

[Andy Beckerman]

Of course. Well, why don't you listen to Couples Therapy? That's the podcast Naomi and I host. We've been hosting it for six, seven Years now.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yes, Seven years. Jamila's been on.

[Andy Beckerman]

Jamila's been on.

[Jamila Jamil]

She'll be on again. Coming back on.

[Andy Beckerman]

Yeah, we talk to people about mental health and relationships. It's all comedic, though.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Yes. And we answer people's questions, you know, and help people in their darkness. And episodes drop every Tuesday. You can visit me on Instagram at blacktrisscomedy. Don't ask me what I still have it. Okay. It's just still going to be my handle.

[Jamila Jamil]

Okay.

[Naomi E. Paran]

It was from back when I had a day job, but I had to go into the radar. But that's what's happening. Andy also hosts the podcast Beginnings and where he talks to creative people about, you know, when did they start being creative writers, Actors, artists. I mean, runs the gamut, honey. And those episodes drop every Friday.

[Andy Beckerman]

That's nice of you.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Of course, Cindy. I'll always plug you babes. And I have a half hour special on Netflix you can watch on season three of the Stand up. So have fun with that.

[Andy Beckerman]

Oh, Saint Dennis, the show. Naomi writes for Saint Dennis Medical Season 2 right now on NBC.

[Jamila Jamil]

And Peacock Me, you guys are busy. Thank you so much for making time for coming on.

[Naomi E. Paran]

Always for you. Always for you. Reliving the trauma.

[Jamila Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jamila Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own wrong turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster storiesmail.com youm can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fast forward off now.

[Andy Beckerman]

Bye.

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