Russell Howard, Judi Love and Grace Campbell

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Russell Howard, Judi Love and Grace Campbell
Date: September 25, 2025

---

Overview

On this riotous launch of her new podcast Wrong Turns, Jameela Jamil welcomes comedians Russell Howard, Judi Love, and Grace Campbell for a no-holds-barred confessional. The premise is simple: share your most mortifying, humiliating, or disastrous life moments with no attempt at inspiration or forced silver linings. Jameela bills it as the "podcast where dignity goes to die" (00:55). The group takes turns commiserating over their biggest blunders, worst days, and the chaos inherent to both comedy and daily existence, all in the spirit of anti-inspiration and maximal public embarrassment.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Do Disasters Seek Out Comedians? (02:00)

• The group riff on whether disaster naturally gravitates towards comedians or if they're just prone to noticing and re-telling these moments.
  • Russell Howard recounts being mugged and, even as it happened, thinking:
    “There is always part of you going, it’s probably a bit in this.” (02:26)
  • Judi Love faces down a mugger in Brixton, takes his number because "he was quite cute" (02:39).
  • Jameela Jamil foils a mugging attempt by singing “I Feel Pretty” while unblinking at her assailants, who retreat (03:03).
  • Grace Campbell gets mugged while taking a “BeReal” photo and accepts her phone loss as fair (03:33).

2. First Mini Humiliations ("Micro-Lubing")

A. Russell Howard’s Elevator Fiasco (04:00)

• Russell pays for his brother’s medical emergency in Dubai. Days later, his recuperating brother fakes severe disability in a crowded elevator, forcing Russell to play along to avoid a bigger scene. When they exit, Russell punches his brother—unaware bystanders only see a celebrity hit a man in a wheelchair and scream:
  • “All they saw was a man they recognized off British TV run up to a man in a wheelchair, punch him in the face, and scream out loud, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’” (05:01)

B. Jameela’s Post-Sedation Chaos (05:32)

• After dental sedation, Jameela falsely claims to a full waiting room that the men taking her home are strangers, miming the universal trafficking sign—her boyfriend and best friend are mortified. No one in the waiting room helps (06:02).

C. Judy Love’s Name Mixup (08:42)

• Judy repeatedly reprimands her kids’ school for mixing up the only Black children. In a rush, she accidentally picks up the wrong Black child herself.
  • “And I sat there for a minute or so contemplating what should I do.” (09:40)
  • Returns the child to the school, blaming them: “This is what I’m talking about! How dare you give me the wrong child.” (10:19)

D. Grace Campbell’s Teenage Delinquency (11:05)

• Grace gets arrested for stealing from American Apparel; further embarrassment ensues when police find weed and a fake ID on her, all in front of her mum (11:44).
• A month later, she falls off a five-story building while high, landing on a terrace and losing a tooth:
  • “My mum came in and looked at her toothless child with blood all over her face. … I’ve never been more ashamed of you being my daughter since the time you got arrested for stealing an American Apparel dress.” (13:00)

E. Jameela’s Tampon Protest (14:45)

• Jameela, fueled by a parasocial connection to Princess Diana, once threw boxes of tampons at Prince Charles and Camilla’s motorcade, referencing Charles’s infamous tampon comment (15:06).

---

3. Macro Humiliations: “Big Wrong Turns”

A. Russell Howard: Accused of Bush-Pervertery (17:10)

• A former colleague adamantly insists she saw Russell “in a bush” ogling a women’s charity walk, convinced he said, “Oh, yeah! That’s what Daddy likes.”
  • “If I wanted to see boobs, I’d go on the Internet… I wouldn’t sit in a hedge like a badger looking at cancer survivors.” (18:24)
• Later, Russell attempts to recreate the story as a joke to the colleague, only to realize he's speaking to the wrong woman:
  • “I just went ‘Oh, yeah... that’s what daddy likes’ and it wasn’t Sally—it was just this woman. She spanned, just as I went, ‘That’s what daddy likes’.” (19:54)

B. Judy Love: The Accidental Stalker (23:16)

• After a big gig, Judy receives an anonymous, elaborate “You’re Perfect To Me” gift, panics and alerts police, council, and neighbors—thinking she’s acquired a stalker. It turns out to be a standard thank-you present from Richard Curtis (writer of Notting Hill, Love Actually), sent to everyone he works with:
  • “I called the police and I said, ‘Listen, it’s Judy Love, in case you don’t know who I am. I just did a massive gig’...” (24:56)
  • “He wasn’t a stalker. Let me make this very clear. He wasn’t a stalker. This is something he does.” (25:32)

C. Jameela Jamil: The Stalker Mixup (28:36)

• Jameela receives regular bouquets from “Tim” while hosting at BBC Radio 1. She assumes it’s Avicii (whose real name is Tim). Turns out it’s a genuine stalker, who is now encouraged by her shouted radio thank-yous:
  • “So I’m thanking him on the radio… Having no idea that I have an actual stalker. It’s not Avicii. My stalker now thinks I like the attention because I keep thanking him.” (29:14)

D. Grace Campbell: Gonorrhea of the Knee (32:18)

• While high in LA, Grace’s left knee randomly swells. At urgent care, the doctor asks how many sexual partners she’s had, then claims it’s “gonorrhea of the knee” (a rare but real thing). She spends $12,000 on medical tests; eventually she learns it’s a torn ACL from wearing Crocs. Her insurance doesn’t cover the visit.
  • “The doctor was like, ‘That is for sure gonorrhea of the knee.’ And I was like, what the fuck? That’s not a thing.” (34:37)
  • “I racked up a bill of $12,000 that day but I was, like, it’s fine, I’ve got insurance. … In the small print, it was like, you have to have booked this before you left the UK. … The first doctor … got a commission.” (37:41)
  • “This is why we need to protect the NHS!” (39:39)

---

4. Audience Stories & More Catastrophe (40:10)

• Bonnie’s Dress Disaster: After leg day at the gym, Bonnie needs a bathroom mission to get in and out of a too-tight dress. A stranger helps, rips the dress open, triggering a series of rescue attempts from multiple kind women in the bathroom.
  • Grace: “That would be a crossover of the generation.” (40:28)
  • Russell: “It’s just such a window into how kind women are to each other.” (42:52)
• Judy Love at Stormzy’s Party: Dips low on the dancefloor, splits dress wide open, is rescued by Brenda Edwards with a blanket. She ‘doubles down’ and acts like nothing’s wrong (43:32).
• Jameela at Daniel Craig Interview: Squeezed into a sample size dress, splits it open bending over to greet Daniel Craig and Bond girls—no underwear. “I know the cameraman who’s right behind me to get the Daniel shot has seen my asshole because I hear him just go ‘oop’.” (46:34)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jameela Jamil:
  “This is anti-inspiration and pro-commiseration. I’m sick of having silver lining shoved up my bumhole about every sad story.” (01:02)
• Russell Howard (on elevator fight): “All they saw was a man they recognized off British TV run up to a man in a wheelchair, punch him in the face, and scream out loud, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’” (05:01)
• Judi Love (on micro aggression): “I picked up the other little black boy in the class… I thought, we gotta play this thing together, brethren.” (09:30)
• Grace Campbell (on medical humiliation): “The doctor was like, ‘That is for sure, gonorrhea of the knee.’ And I was like, what the fuck? That’s not a thing.” (34:37)
• Jameela Jamil (on misdirected stalker thank-yous): “My stalker now thinks I like the attention because I keep thanking him.” (29:14)
• Judi Love (on Stormzy’s party): “I heard Jesus say to me, slow down. But I said, Jesus, you got this… I dipped down two times and I heard… I can feel breeze in my back.” (44:24)
• Russell Howard (on mistaken pervert): “If I wanted to see boobs, I’d go on the Internet… I wouldn’t sit in a hedge like a badger looking at cancer survivors.” (18:24)
• Jameela Jamil (on Bond interview): “I felt my cold flaps—well, my normal temperature flaps—reach the cold leather of the chair as I sat down…” (46:42)
• Grace Campbell (on medical bills): “This is why we need to protect the NHS!” (39:39)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening context, disaster as comedian magnet: 00:55 - 03:44
• Micro humiliations – Russell, Judy, Grace, Jameela: 04:00 - 16:00
• Russell’s macro humiliation – hedge/charity walk: 17:10 - 21:06
• Judi Love stalker saga: 23:16 - 27:23
• Jameela’s stalker/Avicii confusion: 28:36 - 30:13
• Grace’s $12,000 LA medical mystery: 32:18 - 40:04
• Audience disaster (Bonnie’s dress): 40:10 - 43:00
• Judy’s party dress disaster/Brenda’s rescue: 43:15 - 45:18
• Jameela’s Bond dress split: 45:35 - 47:39
• Plugs & closing banter: 48:10 - 51:31

---

Tone and Language

• Profane, self-deprecating, loose and intimate, the group relish raw vulnerability and the comic absurdities of being “the disaster friend.”
• Strong camaraderie, frequent one-upmanship, and mutual support—especially especially highlighting women helping women in humiliating situations.

---

Conclusion

This episode embodies the promise of Wrong Turns: cathartic, unfiltered candor and a celebration of the comedy found in surviving life’s biggest embarrassments. There are no lessons, only laughter, authenticity, and every reason for listeners to feel less alone in their own humiliating wrong turns.

---

Where to find the guests:

• Russell Howard: Upcoming UK tour, “mainly in hedges on A-roads” (48:15)
• Judi Love: Stand-up tour launching January, Hammersmith Apollo in June (48:55)
• Grace Campbell: Soho Theatre & Wolfhamstow shows, North London sightings (49:31)

Host:

• Jameela Jamil: This podcast, Substack, and an upcoming movie with Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joan Hart (50:44)

---

Listen for maximal schadenfreude, minimal dignity, and abundant comic commiseration.

Transcript

[Upwork Announcer]

The market's uncertain, revenues tight and hiring on hold. That's why results driven companies are using upwork to keep work moving. Go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead, no rigid long term contracts. Just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's Upwork.com. post a job for free and get started today.

[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you for listening to Wrong Turns. Follow the show on Amazon Music for more future episodes or just ask Alexa. Play the podcast Wrong Turns on Amazon Music. Hello.

[Grace Campbell]

Hi.

[Jameela Jamil]

Sorry about this. I am on the first day of my period, so it's a fucking miracle that I'm here. You're very welcome. Thank you very much. Of course I would get my period on the day I do the Wrong Turns. Comedy Disaster Podcast. That is perfect. I'm so happy to see you all here. This is a brand new podcast for me. So thanks for showing up and supporting. This is the podcast where dignity goes to die. Are you ready for your dignity to die? Fantastic. For those of you who don't know, this is anti inspiration and pro commiseration. I'm sick of having silver lining shoved up my bum hole about every sad story. This is where we indulge in the humiliation. So please join me in giving a huge warm welcome to my fabulous guests, Russell Howard, Judy Love and Grace Campbell. Oh my goodness, guys, how are you?

[Russell Howard]

I'm also on my period.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh yeah. You need my whole water bottle.

[Russell Howard]

I just wanted. While I was four.

[Grace Campbell]

Lovely.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. So we are here to celebrate comedy disasters, disasters in general. Does disaster seek you out?

[Russell Howard]

What a great question. Does disaster. Well, how about you guys? What do you think?

[Grace Campbell]

Oh, yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

You think disaster seeks Russell out?

[Grace Campbell]

Yes. No. I've just met Russell, but I have always attracted drama.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think that's what bonds us from.

[Grace Campbell]

All holes and trauma.

[Jameela Jamil]

Bonds. Yeah.

[Judy Love]

I feel like that's what just us being comedians as well. I think we just.

[Russell Howard]

It's that weird thing, isn't it, when something terrible happens, there is always part of you going. It's probably a bit in this. I remember getting mugged in Brighton and as it was happening, I was going, it's pretty funny.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah.

[Judy Love]

That's another trait as a comedian, almost being mugged. That happened to me in Brixton. But then I faced him off and said, mate, I don't think you want to do this. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if you know who I am. Do you know what I mean? I'm not talking about being Judy Love. I'm talking about I was born in Hackney. Okay. But I go left. And then I took his number because he was quite cute, if I'm honest with you.

[Jameela Jamil]

I pretended.

[Russell Howard]

Why has that never been on crime watch? That would be the best episode. Just staring him down. And now we're happily married.

[Jameela Jamil]

I did the exact opposite of Judy and I decided to play the mental illness card or the possessed by a small Victorian white ghost.

[Judy Love]

Right.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I sang with my eyes completely open, unblinking. I feel pretty. And then I started walking towards them and they started to back up and they left me alone in Mornington Crescent. So highly recommend if you have no upper body strength.

[Grace Campbell]

I once got mugged while I was doing my Bereal. Do you remember Be Real? And I was outside the Emirates doing my bereal. And this 12 year old boy just came and took my phone. I was like, do you know what? That is so fair.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Judy Love]

Depending where you was. He was being real. He was being real.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. How do you feel about starting us off with some sort of like just a soft lubing for some micro humiliations you will have gone through. Should we start with you, Russell?

[Russell Howard]

I can micro lube. So a very quick short story. My brother's appendix burst in Dubai. We were on holiday and we had no insurance and I was just starting to do okay, so I had to pay for it. And you'd think he would show me respect for that, but he didn't because I think four days later we're in a. He's in a wheelchair and I'm kind of wheeling him around the buffet. And then we get into the elevator and my brother thought it would be hilarious to pretend to be heavily, heavily disabled.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

So he. Yeah, feel that tension. Imagine, imagine how I felt in the elevator. My brother was dribbling, screaming, shaking. I'd never been angrier with the little prick in my life. But I had to go along with it because then I'd look madder if you start going, stop it. So I started, started stroking him and saying, we're having a tough day. And he's pressed every button on the elevator and he's going for it and we get out on the 14th floor. I'll never forget it because he tried to get away from me like that. And I ran up to him and I punched him in the face. But there were people outside the elevator and they didn't know what had happened inside the elevator. All they saw was a man they recognized off British tv run up to a man in a wheelchair, punch him in the face, and scream out loud, what the fuck is wrong with you? That made the rest of the holiday pretty weird.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. That is actually a bit of me because whenever I've had to have, like, sort of. They sedate you for dental work if you're a massive pussy. And my boyfriend and best friend, two big men come to collect me afterwards because you're not allowed to go home alone. And even while absolutely fucked up, I look around to a full waiting room and I go, I don't know these men and everyone.

[Judy Love]

You know.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I'm like, practically doing that trafficking sign. And I have no recollection of doing this, but. And they both were like. He was like, no, no, no, no. She's my girlfriend. She's my girlfriend. And my friend Josh was like, no, she's my best friend. I was like, I don't know them. Please help me. And then they drag me out of there and no one comes to my rescue, which I think is pretty fucked up and a sign of the times that we live in. But I really, like, I am your brother in this situation. Yeah. I almost. I could have gotten them arrested.

[Judy Love]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So that you just went home with them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Went home.

[Russell Howard]

After all of that.

[Jameela Jamil]

After all of that. And I had no idea. I thought it was hilarious. And then no one was speaking to me when I came back around, which is really, really fair.

[Russell Howard]

It's weird, though, when you. If you've been. Have you guys ever been under sedation? It's the.

[Grace Campbell]

I love it.

[Russell Howard]

It's the oddest thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Same.

[Grace Campbell]

I think about it a lot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Same.

[Russell Howard]

You're. You're just. You're just not. You're aware of the words coming out. That's. I remember I had something with my thumb, and I was telling this guy, I was being really sweet to him. I was going, mate, like, I really want you to play my football team, but I don't think the other lads would like it like that. And this poor bloke's like, I can't give a shit. Like, I don't want to play in your football team, but you're so earnest. Or in your case, such a cunt.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

There's nothing you can do because you feel the words coming out. You're like, what am I doing?

[Judy Love]

It's when you're first going in, because I remember I went to go and have a procedure, like a gynecologist, a kind of seizure. Not seizure. Lord God. That would have been the wrong thing, but a procedure. And, you know, obviously you're conscious because your face is known. And now they're going to see the other face, right. And you're on the lips. I'd prepped it and everything. Right.

[Grace Campbell]

Hi.

[Judy Love]

Hi. Had a smile and everything. Took out the Cambros, you know what I mean? But literally, they had not said anything. They didn't say they knew who I was. I had like a little alias name. And then literally, as they were going, right, we're going to count down and you're going to go. You're going to, you know, fall asleep. They were like, 10, nine. And then they were like, oh, my gosh, she was so amazing. On Strictly. Literally, as my legs was up, I just fall asleep thinking, someone see my pussy. It was. It's awkward, isn't it? Those kind of moments are awkward.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, Hilarious. Just falling asleep and the last words of pussy. I must have the best stories. Like, the people that do sedation must have the best.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, but also they can.

[Judy Love]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did I burn?

[Jameela Jamil]

Of course you farted. Oh, no, we all fart.

[Judy Love]

I know, but you, at least I'm farting right now.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Judy, what about you? Any micro humiliation? Do you want to start a confessional?

[Judy Love]

You know, look, my kids, when they were both at the same school, like, my daughter would always. They'd always call me to come and collect my daughter. And it was always the wrong child. It was the other little black girl. Yeah, I know. And you know, this happens to me quite a lot. You know, a lot of people get me mixed up with any other black woman in tv. Even black women that's not on tv. Right. So I was really firm with them about this because this has got to stop. It's really dangerous. It could be the wrong parent they've called. Anyway, so one day I went down there as a mom. You are. You're picking up your kids, you're on the phone, you're rushing. I've gone to the teacher, I've collected my son, I've got in the car. It's the wrong fucking black kid.

[Jameela Jamil]

You micro aggression. Racism.

[Judy Love]

I picked up the other little black.

[Russell Howard]

Boy in the class.

[Judy Love]

Yeah. And I swear, dad, for part of me, I was like, no, no, no, I gotta stand by this.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm a raise him for the next 18 years.

[Judy Love]

For the eight years I was looking at. He was looking at me like, you ain't my mom, right? And I was like, we gotta play this thing together, brethren. Okay? I was looking to go home with this for you right. I just, I. I didn't even. I got him in the car, was on the phone. I'm carrying the bag. Get in the car. I'm thinking about dinner that's got to be made. What can I make? And I slammed the door. It's not until I sat down and looked like in the mirror to kind of tell him to put your seatbelt on. I was like, that ain't my kid. That ain't my kid. And I sat there for like a minute or so contemplating what should I do. What was weird is no one else didn't realize either, but presumably as well.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, but why didn't go. That's not mom.

[Judy Love]

Well, he just was kind of like, you know, because we're older kids know each other, the mums. Maybe he just assumed I was picking him up, but he, he was only like, what we're talking about six or something like that. How the hell did I get out of school with him? And then I thought to myself, how am I going to walk back? So I, I can't lie. Yeah. The ignorance in me. I walked back and I walked back and I said, this is what I'm talking about. How dare you give me the wrong child. Handed him back. And I saw my son sitting there just like, oh, mum, that's my mum. You know, that's my mum. And I took him with him. I was like, oh, I felt so bad. Always double down, double down.

[Jameela Jamil]

When did that always double down?

[Grace Campbell]

Grace, the stories that I'm gonna tell right now about me being an awful child. So I was a really, really badly behaved teenager, which I'm sure comes with a massive shock going on here. And I grew up in Camden and it was like a real thing for like the middle class girls in Camden to go and see steal from American Apparel. I don't know if anyone here is.

[Jameela Jamil]

Familiar with tradition American Apparel.

[Grace Campbell]

So it was also like super easy because they didn't have tags. Anyway, so I got arrested in the American Apparel in Camden one day stealing, you know, the two tone dresses they used to do. I don't know, I can't see how old anyone is. So like, maybe you get what I'm talking about, maybe you don't. But do you remember those dresses? It was like white and black.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Grace Campbell]

So stealing one of those, I got arrested. I got taken to Kenish Town police station. When I was there, my mum came. I was like 15 years old. And then the police officer was giving me a full search in front of my mum. And then they found a Lot of weed and a fake id. So then had to arrest me twice in front of my mum. And my mum was just stood there like, what the fuck have I done to deserve this child? I think I've been quite nice to you.

[Judy Love]

Was your mom like, can you give me back my weed as well, please? We know how you middle class women are.

[Russell Howard]

I would love it if it isn't your mom in this story as well. Just this poor woman's going, it's not my kid. It's not my fucking kid.

[Grace Campbell]

That is my weed. It's not my child. Anyway, and then a month later I fell off a roof of a five story building, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

I've never heard this.

[Grace Campbell]

She's never heard stories. This is one of my many near death experiences. Experiences. Judy and I first met doing a show, a TV show together and she said afterwards that she prayed for me because the story.

[Judy Love]

In tongues in tongues.

[Grace Campbell]

Because I told such stressful stories. Anyways, I fell off the roof of a five story building because I was so high and basically this boy who I went to school with, I was climbing off the roof and I said, are my feet going to land on the balcony wall? And he said, yeah, yeah, let go, your feet are going to land manslaughter. I let go and I fell off the building luckily onto a roof terrace two floors down, right? So I completely my face up. I knocked out one of my front teeth. I broke a sort of. I didn't really, I didn't really break my nose because it's still looking absolutely perfect. Anyway, go to the Royal Free Hospital. This is a very northwest London sort of story. I go to the Royal Free Hospital. Didn't realize it was Mother's day. It's like seven in the morning, it's Mother's Day. I was 15. They said, you have to call your mum, she has to come and get you from hospital. You're fucked. Me and my friends Anna, me and my best friend Anna were like hysterically laughing. We were so stone and my mum came in and looked at her toothless child with blood all over her face. And I thought it was so funny. I was like sort of playing with all of the props in the, in the hospital and she said, I've never been more ashamed of you being my daughter since the time you got arrested from stealing an American girl.

[Jameela Jamil]

And look at her now.

[Grace Campbell]

My poor mom.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, bless her. I only got sort of only half arrested when I was 12 because I. And please don't tell anyone.

[Grace Campbell]

I think when you're 12, it's chic.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think it is quite chic.

[Grace Campbell]

You've got nothing on your.

[Jameela Jamil]

Also, when I was 12, I was like 6 foot and had a full beard. They did not think I was 12.

[Russell Howard]

Did they think you were Jihadi John? Is that what happened?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, 100%.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Jameela bin Laden. It was. Prince Charles had once said that he wanted to be Camilla's tampon. I don't know if anyone remembers this.

[Judy Love]

Who the hell have I?

[Grace Campbell]

Listen, he's a wordsmith. That's what I'll say about that. I'd love a man to say that to you.

[Jameela Jamil]

A modern day Bruno Mars. Yeah, a modern day Bruno Mars. So because he'd said that I had an overly like intense parasocial relationship with Princess Diana and so when she had died and then he remarried, whenever they did the drive through of London together, him and Camilla, I lamped a bunch of boxes of tampons at their car.

[Judy Love]

No way.

[Grace Campbell]

I love that.

[Jameela Jamil]

So that's mine. So I'm right with you there. And now I understand even more why we're best friends.

[Upwork Announcer]

The market's uncertain, revenues tight and hiring on hold. That's why results driven companies are using upwork to keep work moving. Go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead, no rigid long term contracts. Just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's Upwork.com post a job for free and get started today.

[Zynn Nicotine Pouches Announcer]

If you're a smoker or vaper ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason. But with Zynn Nicotine Pouches, you'll discover many good reasons. Zynn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus Zynn offers a robust rewards program. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Check out zinn.com find to find Zinn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Russell Howard]

Podcast advertising works. And with Acast Ads Academy, you'll learn exactly how. Our free on demand courses are built from more than a decade of podcasting experience, giving you practical tools to create campaigns that drive results. Complete the course and you'll earn a certification that proves your skills in one of the fastest growing channels in media. Get started today at go.acast.com forward/academy.

[Jameela Jamil]

All right, so Russell, it's time for your macro humiliation. What was your Big wrong turn in life other than punching your disabled brother.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, no. It isn't like, you know, like a big wrong turn as in, you know, it's all fine. But like one of my sort of favorite awkward moments, there was this brilliant lady that worked on our show called Sally. She worked on Good News and she worked on the sky show that we did. She was amazing. She's like an editor and she brilliant at finding little stories about this country that were funny. There was one from Worcester that springs to mind that the headline was Escape Tiger turns out to be man on stag Do. So she was kind of. Do you know what I mean? She could find those little sort of ace little stories really funny. And she had been on a march, I think it was like a walk, a breast cancer walk with ladies were walking in their bras at night. I think was around about 2014. She was doing it. Raised loads of money for breast cancer. Aware. It's really, really fantastic. She came into the TV show on the Tuesday adamant that she'd seen me in a hedge looking at all the ladies who were going for a wanking in a bush.

[Judy Love]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, she was like. She was like, I know it was, you know, she specifically, she didn't say I was wanking, but she said she saw me. And apparently I went, oh, yeah. And I was like. I was like, you know what? I was going, if I wanted to see boobs, I'd go on the Internet. Or I would, you know, ask my girlfriend, can I see your boobs? I wouldn't sit in a hedge like a badger looking at cancer survivors. Yeah, exactly. And then if I. And then sort of announce myself by going, oh, yeah. And apparently I said like, that's what daddy likes. Should all this shit. Yeah, exactly. As if I'm gonna fucking do this. And I was famous, like, a lot people would go, why is Russell Howard in that fucking hedge going, oh, yeah, that's what daddy likes.

[Judy Love]

And yet, let's be honest, I don't think the famous thing matter because there's.

[Grace Campbell]

Been a lot of men in the industry. Yeah, there's someone hiding in that bush right now.

[Jameela Jamil]

God, that's so offensive, isn't it, that she'd even think you would after all that time of knowing you.

[Russell Howard]

And we got on great. And I see to this day.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you so don't have wanking in a bush vibes.

[Judy Love]

No, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

But Judy and Grace, on the other hand. No.

[Russell Howard]

But I just imagine just Grace probably land on me, but. And our relationship's great. And her Kids have come to watch me at gigs and. And, you know, I get on really well with it. And we're still pals, but she still goes, I know it was you. And I'm like, why would it be me? Anyways, it's been going on.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so desperate for a mission impossible, like, reveal one day.

[Russell Howard]

Well, this is so. I hadn't seen her for ages because I haven't done the TV show for a little while. And I saw her and our agents, and she was at the end of the corridor and I hadn't seen her for ages, and I recognized her, so I walked behind her really, really slow, and I just went, oh, yeah. And it wasn't Sally. It was just this. This woman she spanned. Just as I went, that's what dad did.

[Judy Love]

And then.

[Russell Howard]

That was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Where you go, no, no, I. So another lady who looks a lot like you thought that I hid in a bush looking at ladies with bras, which I don't do and I've never done, but hello. And do you know what I mean? It was just like this kind of like. And I was just like. And she said I was, like, going, oh, that's what daddy likes. I'm not saying that's what Daddy likes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. So two people think you're a nice.

[Russell Howard]

And it was just, you know, when you're walking away from it going, I was just. It's like that Larry David moment of like, I took a chance.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I just thought it'd be the funniest thing to go, oh, yeah. And just the spin. It's just like time stops and you lock eyes and you're like, ah, it's not her.

[Judy Love]

All we need to. What's your friend's name?

[Russell Howard]

Sally.

[Judy Love]

Sally. All we need to know. Sally was black. And that's how he got them mixed up.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Sally is not black. What an amazing situation to be able to say out loud, sally is not black. And the whole room go, phew. And that makes it less tense when I go, sally is not black.

[Judy Love]

Thank goodness.

[Russell Howard]

Imagine. But if I'd have said that before you'd said that, oh, and by the way, Sally's a black woman, but Sally is not a black lady. Imagine that. That's the only way I could have made it worse. Yeah. Thank goodness you weren't black, Sally. But you're not. I'm not, But I love your brain, mate. I love it.

[Judy Love]

We love you.

[Russell Howard]

It was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, man, that is harrowing. Especially because you're famous. So it Just makes it so much fun.

[Grace Campbell]

But does it freak you out that there's a doppelganger who looks like you? He's, like, hiding in bushes, sort of wanking at women. Sally only told you because she knew you. You know what I mean? You don't know who else he's done this to.

[Judy Love]

But the thing is, we've actually got.

[Jameela Jamil]

Some survivors here tonight. Come.

[Grace Campbell]

Come to think of it, does he ever get Thompson?

[Judy Love]

Where was you that day?

[Russell Howard]

I don't know, but I'll tell you why. I wasn't. I wasn't in a hedge like Chris Packham just sort of sat there like it was. The thing is, I look like so many people. So it could have been Ellen DeGeneres.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now that I actually would believe.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It could have been lance bass from NSync. Like, do you know what I mean? I look like a lot of people. It could have been the Finnish Prime Minister. But. Yes, but it wasn't me. I.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, anytime I up in public, I put on an Indian accent and tell everyone I'm Priyanka Chopra.

[Russell Howard]

I tried that for a while.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've got to get back to Nick. So, Judy, tell us your big wrong turn.

[Judy Love]

Okay, so I did a really. Like, in about 2019, I did this massive gig in Wembley arena, and it was massive and. All right, Judy, so it was massive.

[Grace Campbell]

Say massive one more time. It was massive.

[Judy Love]

It was massive. I sound like a dm, don't I? It was. It's massive, love. German is massive. Fucking liar. The tampon was bigger. So I did this gig and then, you know, I did a few other gigs, and then I had this present delivered to my house, and basically to me, I had a stalker. Right. And it was a. It was. Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Sorry. No, I'm just. I mean, he's. He's bitten off a lot there.

[Judy Love]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Or she.

[Judy Love]

Yeah. And so listen, I had this package delivered, and if it was in this lavender, like, netted case, it smelled of something quite lavendery, and it was like a glass gold frame. And then it had, like, a film cut out in it. And it said, you're perfect to me. And I was like, this is crazy. Like, someone knows my address. They've sent me stuff. There was no. Like, there was little scribble, but I didn't know who the hell it was like, so I got gloves. I put it down. I didn't even have a ring at the time. You know, the ring where you could listen and try and read and watch people.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Judy Love]

You know, I'm not my neighbors. I Said, listen, I'm a little bit on TV and I've just done a massive show, massive gig, and I think it's someone in the audience. I've got a stalker. I phoned my agent at the time, I took pictures, I called the police and I said, listen, it's Judy Love, in case you don't know who I am. I just did a massive gig. And then, like, I called the council because it was a social housing house at the time. Yeah, money hadn't come in yet and called the council. I explained to them, I'm Judy Love. I didn't did a massive gig. And so the council, they brought out like someone to change the locks. They changed all locks. I got the police involved, they checked cctv. And then because I was Judy Love, they got like a superintendent, inspector, like a higher one to come to my house. They did fingerprints, they did everything. I was so scared because I was just like, who does that? And then basically, like, my agents were searching and looking and the police. And we found out it was Richard Curtis, the guy who made Notting Hill. He wasn't a stalker. Let me make this very clear. He wasn't a stalker. This is something he does. It was such a beautiful present. He sends it to everyone as a thank you present to me.

[Russell Howard]

I got exactly the same present.

[Grace Campbell]

My mum and dad have one.

[Judy Love]

Yeah. And you know the film.

[Jameela Jamil]

I've known him for 18 years. I don't have one.

[Judy Love]

It's because I did the massive, massive, massive gig, babe. And the thing is, I don't think you understand that. It was. Now when I look at the film that was inside, is it is the actual film from Notting Hill? Like the bit when he's standing outside, I thought he was the person.

[Jameela Jamil]

Was it love? Actually?

[Judy Love]

Love, actually. I thought it obsessed with me. So I thought, oh, my gosh, like, they've made a film and they've sent it to me. I don't understand. It went so big, the investigation. And I saw him and he was like, someone contacted me about. And I was like. I didn't realize until I started to call people and they were like, yeah, you're not special, love. We all got one. Do you know what I mean? Like, hearing that you had got one as well. And then when I found out it was him, I did the most obvious thing, which was the best thing to do when you get something from Rich, Rich Curtis. I went to the pool and said, babes, how much is this love? Was how much is this worth? Do you know what I mean? It's from Richard Curtis. You get what I'm saying? Have you still got yours?

[Jameela Jamil]

I would have hoped that you would have had him arrested and double down.

[Grace Campbell]

No, you are my stalker, actually.

[Judy Love]

I don't want a stalker. But you know that moment of, like. My gosh.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Here's a question. When you discovered you didn't have a stalker, was there part of you that missed them a bit?

[Judy Love]

The moment of, like, being taken seriously and my safety and everything and, you know, this. This beautiful thing that was made, and it was just. Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did you tell your neighbors and everyone, or did you just always not.

[Judy Love]

No, they're gonna hear it now, of course. No, I didn't tell them, but it was. It was really embarrassing, especially that he sent it to everybody and everyone gets it. Russell's like, I think we was on the same show.

[Russell Howard]

We were, yeah.

[Judy Love]

Shame you could have told me that before.

[Russell Howard]

It was a massive gig. I couldn't see so many people there. Do you remember? Good Lord. Good God.

[Judy Love]

But to think that I had made all these people come out. The locksmith, the council, the safeguarding, you know, because I had children in the house. The police had been put up to the highest detective. I mean, it was insane. Yeah. And it was. It was a present.

[Jameela Jamil]

I. I feel you. I actually kind of had like, the sort of reverse where someone was sending flowers to me back when I was on BBC Radio 1. I was doing the official chart every Sunday, and someone was sending me flowers, and I would interview whoever was, like, number one, and I'd give them little number one award and everything. And this guy was sending the most beautiful flowers I'd ever seen. And his name was Tim. So I was like, I love Tim. Love Tim. After the second one, I was like, who's Tim? Who do I know is Tim? And my brain, because clearly I'm insane, just went, oh, it must be Avicii. I interviewed him. His real name was Tim. Rip.

[Judy Love]

Sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

But, like, you know, it was like, obviously before. I'm not that crazy. And so I was like, oh, my God. Avici. It's got a little crush. Like, I interviewed him a month ago, and he's clearly, like, you know, obsessed with me and sending me flowers. So I don't, you know, I, like, respond to him, and he, like, leaves it on red, and I'm like, oh, it's so weird. Like, how to get a beachy. And then I'm, like, thanking him on, you know, like, on the radio. I'm like, and thanks, Tim, you know, for the lovely flowers. Having no idea that I have an actual stalker. It's not Avicii. My stalker now thinks I like the attention because I keep thanking him. He's one of those like thinks every number I say is a coordinate of where to find me and meet me. So I, I escalated an actual stalker thing thinking a celebrity was obsessive.

[Judy Love]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Judy Love]

Wow.

[Jameela Jamil]

How dare I think that a DJ who's 10 years younger than me was sending me roses every week.

[Russell Howard]

And have you still got that stalker?

[Jameela Jamil]

I hope not. He's not here tonight. But no, no, it was years and years and years ago. I think he got bored or like he saw all of my feminism and. But you know, did you hear about that boy who got kidnapped? That like 9 year old and then he sang the same gospel song for three hours and then got given back? That's me.

[Judy Love]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I actually think I gave my own stalker the ick.

[Judy Love]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Which is actually really interesting.

[Russell Howard]

It's just what a brain though. But like that is backing yourself because he must have sang it the first time and the guy said shut the up. And he's like, right. Three hours.

[Judy Love]

That is. That is faith. That is proper faith.

[Jameela Jamil]

100. That's why we have it.

[Upwork Announcer]

The market's uncertain, revenues tight and hiring on hold. That's why results driven companies are using upwork to keep keep work moving. Go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead, no rigid long term contracts. Just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's Upwork.com post a job for free and get started today.

[Zynn Nicotine Pouches Announcer]

If you're a smoker or vaper ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason. But with Zyn nicotine pouches, you'll discover many good reason good reasons. Zynn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus Zynn offers a robust rewards program. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction. But there's only one Zyn. Check out Zyn.com find to find Zyn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Russell Howard]

Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Prices and participation may vary.

[Jameela Jamil]

Grace, what was your big wrong turn?

[Judy Love]

I gotta sit out for this one.

[Jameela Jamil]

Because get Ready to pray.

[Grace Campbell]

Gigi. Yeah, I'm sorry. This was when we met, actually. I was in la, staying at Richard Curtis's house. Yeah, my stalker as well. And basically in the middle of the night.

[Russell Howard]

I don't know who the fuck Jody Love is.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I'm Richard Curtis. Why would I possibly stalk somebody so bad?

[Judy Love]

To think that he got phone calls and all sorts. Oh, my God. Anyway, go on.

[Grace Campbell]

I'd had, like, loads of edibles. Basically. I don't really do weed anymore, but. Doing weed, huh?

[Jameela Jamil]

You do weeds?

[Grace Campbell]

I just did a few weeds. Yeah. I'd had loads of edibles. And I woke up in the middle of the night, left knee had, like, exploded, and it was really big. It looked so ugly.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was very intense.

[Grace Campbell]

It was like spikers. Isn't there a bit in spikes where someone's. Like a thumb? Anyway, no one here for my generation. I guess this is all your age group.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah. Grace loves to remind me that we're not from the same generation. She's seven years younger than me. Like, calm down. Down. But, yeah, go on.

[Grace Campbell]

I think it's eight. But anyway, semantics.

[Jameela Jamil]

She also thinks we're the same height. Yeah, that's.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah. Anyways, so I was really high. My knee had exploded. So I went to the urgent care doctor and the first doctor in urgent care, which, like, in America, you obviously pay before you even walk through the door. So I had to pay to see this urgent care doctor. And this doctor, before he said this to me, he said, how many sexual partners have you had? And I was like, what? In my life.

[Jameela Jamil]

Life?

[Grace Campbell]

And he was like, yeah. And I was like, do you think.

[Jameela Jamil]

You'D shoved your knee up someone's ass? What did you think could happen? Because.

[Grace Campbell]

Well, actually, I said, I don't feel comfortable telling you that. I. I said, I'll tell you how many I've had this year, but I'm not going to tell you my whole life.

[Judy Love]

I love you. I love you.

[Grace Campbell]

So I told him how many I'd had, like, that summer.

[Jameela Jamil]

And.

[Grace Campbell]

And then he looked at my knee and he said, well, that is for sure, gonorrhea of the knee. And I was like, what the fuck? That's not a thing. And then he showed me on his computer. Gonorrhea, which is an STD for any of the virgins. When you've had it for a long period of time and you don't know if you're. It spreads to your joints and it causes a form of arthritis in your joints.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

And that's why Julie doesn't work in hospitals. This is insane. I had not got to carry on.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah, I will carry on, because I don't want to say the ending just yet, because I want to keep the suspense, but it's upsetting me that anyone thought I had it. But anyway, whatever, we'll get there. So then I was like, okay. Started to really freak out because the guy that I was seeing at the time was really into rock climbing. And I was like, oh, my God, Like, I'm gonna give him knee gonorrhea. And then he was also a graffiti artist. Sorry, he couldn't do that now with knee gonorrhea. So then this dog actually.

[Jameela Jamil]

Really, You've done us a service.

[Grace Campbell]

Totally. I know.

[Judy Love]

Such.

[Grace Campbell]

That was such an ick of me. Anyway, so I went to Cedar Sinai because the doctor was like, you need to go. It needs to be treated urgently at Cedar Sinai. The next doctor I saw was like, I don't think that's gonorrhea of the knee. I actually think you have gout. And I was there with Scarlett, and I was like, I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. Because I don't know which one is worse to be in America with gout. I don't know. So then I started to really, like.

[Jameela Jamil]

I gave myself gout in America. So I. I started a pizza competition by myself. I just. During the pandemic, everyone. Yeah, during the pandemic, everyone learned how to, like, speak Spanish and make sourdough. And I just wanted to complete Ubereats, so I did. I decided to compete for which was the best pizza. So I would try them all, always at the same time, until I got gout.

[Grace Campbell]

Was it in your knee?

[Jameela Jamil]

It was all over my joints, yeah. And that's why James's music is so sad.

[Russell Howard]

I'm desperate to know what happens.

[Grace Campbell]

Right? So then I had to do a caveat. I thought I had health insurance. My mom, when I landed on this trip. Oh, you're like, have you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Really been through it?

[Grace Campbell]

She really has. And she looks great, so it clearly hasn't affected her. She, when I land in la, has said, how have you got travel insurance? I was like, no. She was like, just do it now. Anyway, so I had bought travel insurance, so I did a blood test, I did an mri, and I did a X ray on my knee. And because I was freaking out, like, all of my friends in London were asleep as well, and I was like, I don't want them to wake up. And then I've got this, like, awful news that Like, I've lost my leg, gonorrhea or whatever. So anyway, I racked up a bill of $12,000 that day, but I was like, it's fine, I've got insurance. And the doctor came in and he was like, we've got all your results. We've just been looking at everything and actually you don't have gonorrhea of the knee. And I was like, well, that is a miracle because I wouldn't have been shocked gonorrhea anywhere. I had gonorrhea when I was 18, I have to say, for disclosure, but I did get rid of that girl.

[Judy Love]

You have to go there. But no, no, say your truth.

[Grace Campbell]

Anyway, so then he was like, it's not gal. And so then I sort of started freaking out. But I. I'd also decided that maybe if I had gout, I would, like make it my entire brand. Because I was like, something kind of jokes about having gown. It's retro.

[Jameela Jamil]

Very few people are flying the flag. It's really just like Donald Trump and King Charles.

[Grace Campbell]

And King Charles and Jamila. Famous me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Very, very briefly.

[Grace Campbell]

Anyway, it turns out that I had torn my ACL from wearing Crocs, basically from walking up the Hollywood Hills in.

[Jameela Jamil]

Crocs, which is actually the punishment you deserve.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah. But the. The sick joke of all of this, this which isn't funny or there's no, you know, I was asked to tell a story that there's no lesson from. Right. The sick joke of this is that travel insurance I got out that my mom told me to get out in the small print. It was like, you have to have booked this before you left the uk. They shouldn't have let me do it. But anyway, so I had to pay for those medical bills. The first doctor who saw me that day got a commission on how much I ended up spending in Cedar Sinai. He said, how many sexual partners have you had assess that in the last six months? I was a slut. So just assess that I was a slut. Was like, I'm going to tell this that she has got R of the knees. She's going to freak out and go and spend loads of money of which I get a chunk. And this is why we need to protect the nhs. Okay. That's all I have to say.

[Judy Love]

Amen.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. I had no Idea it was 12,000.

[Judy Love]

Paying the bills to the house.

[Grace Campbell]

They were like, you need to pay this.

[Judy Love]

I was.

[Grace Campbell]

I'm paying it in installments. It was very stressful time.

[Judy Love]

Oh, my God. And you know, you was Not a slut. You just had good.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly. Amen. Give it up for Grace's. Thank you all for your wonderful stories. It's time to take it to the audience now. Don't worry, don't worry. I asked you beforehand. Send in some of your stories. Stories. So we're going to start with Bonnie. Bonnie, are you here? Hi, Bonnie.

[Russell Howard]

Is your surname blue?

[Grace Campbell]

That would be a crossover of the generation.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Judy Love]

If she was, her legs would have been waving, not her hand.

[Jameela Jamil]

So Bonnie says I was going to this fancy party and had my outfit all planned. A sleek black strapless satin pencil dress. She's a wordsmith. The week before, I thought, let's add a corset for extra fancy. Big mistake. The day of, I'd done a brutal leg day at the gym. No need to brag. I'd done a brutal leg day at the gym, so my ass was basically inflated. My friend had to stuff me into the dress like leftover turkey and I had to shimmy into the taxi like a stranded seal. Still, who cares? I look top. That's fucking right, Bonnie. But dread hit. I was in a corset and a thong. If this dress failed, I'd be giving half of London a one woman burlesque show. My friend promised I'd be fine. Cut to the bathroom. Hours later, I pull the dress up to pee and it won't go back down. My friend has to undress me completely so I can step into it again. We make a pact. Every bathroom break is a two woman military operation. God, I love women. At 3am I need to pee again. But instead of finding my friend, some random woman offers to help. Wrong turn number one. We cram into a cubicle and she yanks the zip so hard it rips straight past the seam. Suddenly, my boobs and my ass are both auditioning for freedom. Wrong turn number two. Now there are four women in one tiny cubicle trying to rescue me. The poor woman who broke my dress is nearly crying and I'm standing there half naked, trying to laugh. She offers me her cream satin work skirt, which I wear as a dress. Picture my boobs swinging like windshield wipers over what looks like a silky sack of potatoes. Someone finally MacGyvers the shredded black dress with the hook at the top. But by the time I get home, it was fully spatchcocked.

[Judy Love]

Oh, man.

[Russell Howard]

And I'm back in the hedge.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Back in the hedge. That is.

[Judy Love]

Saying, who's your daddy?

[Russell Howard]

It's just. It's such a window into how kind women are to each other. So there's three separate ladies that help in that situation.

[Jameela Jamil]

100.

[Russell Howard]

But broadly speaking, if that's one man, it's like, you know, Dave sticks out, don't you?

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You, Dave. That's the end of the story, 100%. And yet you help. She's in peril. It's phenomenal.

[Judy Love]

I've had a similar thing happen to me at a very high profile birthday party.

[Russell Howard]

It was a big party.

[Judy Love]

It was a massive, massive.

[Grace Campbell]

It was Richard Curtis's birthday party.

[Judy Love]

Do you know who? Shall I tell you whose pie it was?

[Jameela Jamil]

Please.

[Judy Love]

It was Stormzy's party.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wow.

[Judy Love]

And he doesn't know this. Frank Hill.

[Grace Campbell]

He doesn't know that you're the part.

[Russell Howard]

Judy loves in my house. Shut up, Storms.

[Judy Love]

But I, you know, I got really confident and I was dipping down low. You know what I mean? So you were dipping down low and. And the dress was like fitted perfectly to my body, but it wasn't a stretch material. I wasn't paying mind to that. So I was dipping down low. The knees were feeling good. The juice was running. The tequila was nice. The finger was up. I was like, I'm that bitch, right? I dipped down two times and I heard Jesus say to me, slow down. But I said, jesus, you got this right, dick. Down low for the third time. I heard. I was like, I don't know if that's thunderstorm lightning, Jesus, but I can feel breeze in my back, right? And I backed up and everybody was there. Vogue was there. I backed up like this. Like, I was Spider Woman, okay? And I shimmied against the wall and everyone was like, come and take pictures. Like, no, I'm just good. I'm good. Like, I was posing like, I'm good. And you know who came and saved me? It was Brenda Edwards, love. She turned up. I texted and said, babes, my back and back is out of door quick. She was like, what's his name? I said, it's not that time, Bab. She came and she had a blanket, like a little blanket. And it was literally like the end of the party and they wrapped me in this blanket and I was. And plus being a plus size, you didn't want people to be like, oh my God, you know, she burst out of her dress. But it was just the way I dipped down low and I had the blanket and I walked out and I just played really diva moment. Like, it's just so cold. Like, I just. I just need everyone to just cover me. Double down, babes. I doubled down. Like, I doubled down so Much. The dress, but first.

[Russell Howard]

Okay, I love that. But again, what. What man brings a blanket to a party just in case another man's in peril? You are better than us.

[Judy Love]

She had it in the car, but it's the fact that she.

[Russell Howard]

But no man's got. If a bloke's got a blanket in his car, you're in trouble.

[Judy Love]

Exactly.

[Russell Howard]

If it's. And it's next to some lime.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've triggered a terrible memory for me. When I was 25 or 26, I was interviewing Daniel Craig for Bond and he was there with two of the like, most beautiful Bond girls ever. And I walk into the room and I've overconfidently, like, all the dresses are sample size. They're tiny, they're for Baby Gap. And I was like, I can get it on. I can get it on. And it fit while I was standing if I didn't breathe. And I was like. And I never try it sitting down. So I. I waddle into the room and I bend over to, you know, shake Daniel Craig's hand and both the Bond girls. And then as I sit down, you just hear. It explodes open only at my ass. And I hadn't worn underwear that day. All right? It was a laundry day. So I know that the cameraman who's right behind me to get the Daniel shot has seen my asshole. Because I hear him just go, oop.

[Judy Love]

Oh, he got the Daniel shot.

[Russell Howard]

You were shaken and stirred.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then I felt my cold flaps. Well, my normal temperature flaps reach the cold leather of the chair as I sat down. And it sort of just audibly goes like, squelch. And everyone knows what's happened. It's a tiny room and the Bond girls are looking at me so sympathetically. Darling, who doesn't give a. And I just have to sit there interviewing them.

[Judy Love]

You carried on with the interview.

[Jameela Jamil]

Of course I did. What was I going to do? Professional.

[Russell Howard]

Did you try and cover the noise up when you got out of the chair? Cuz that would have been just. Just to cut the.

[Jameela Jamil]

There was nothing. I actually got up like this. I got. I got up. I shimmied up like this so that if I'd left any kind of a trail, I was like, all right, we're all right.

[Judy Love]

You think you're better than.

[Jameela Jamil]

Than me?

[Judy Love]

Yeah. The little gym. The little gym sweat line. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like a perfect imprint of everything I've got.

[Judy Love]

Did you wipe it off?

[Jameela Jamil]

I did, sort of. I smeared.

[Grace Campbell]

I smeared like that.

[Jameela Jamil]

I got out the chair like that. And then I Just sort of in a very sort of traditional Japanese way, which is like, thank you so much.

[Judy Love]

Yeah, that's the one.

[Jameela Jamil]

I just. Yeah. Moonwalked out of the interview. Pretty cool. So, Bonnie, thank you so much for setting off absolute chaos. Huge round of applause for Bonnie. You three have been an absolute dream. Can you tell everyone where they can find you and what you want them to go and see and watch and buy tickets for before you go? Russell?

[Russell Howard]

Any kind of hedge, really. On mostly. Mostly a roads. I do mostly a roads these days. Yeah. I'm just doing gigs and that. I think I'm gonna do a tour next year in the uk. So that'd be fun. But mostly I'm. At the minute I've. I'm a dad, so that's mostly what I'm doing. So you won't find me in many places at the moment.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's. That's lovely.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. So mostly that's what I'm up to. And jacking off in hedges. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's a double life.

[Russell Howard]

Double life.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Daddy's off.

[Jameela Jamil]

And Judy.

[Judy Love]

Good luck. Turn around. Yeah, I'm Judy, love. You can find me on Instagram or wherever else. And I'm also starting a tour. I'm doing gigs, but my tour starts in January. All about the love. Thank you very much. The one person that screamed I appreciate you. They weren't no love day, was it?

[Jameela Jamil]

It, Richard?

[Judy Love]

Yeah. Love you to come and see that at Hammersmith Apollo in June. But, yeah, start January. So. Yeah, so thank you. I'd love that. Love that. Yeah.

[Grace Campbell]

And Grace, you can find me in North London mainly sort of around Fin Park, Stroud Greens, my new local hall.

[Jameela Jamil]

You can spot her because she's got one really massive knee. Yeah.

[Grace Campbell]

And a little limp. Limping along. I'm actually doing some shows in a few weeks. We've just added an extra one. So there are a few tickets left at the Soho Theatre in Wolfhamstow, which is long when I say Wolframstow. But it's gorgeous and it's on the Victoria Line and I'm really excited for that. The lineup is amazing. So come and see me there and then. Or don't. I'm. Whatever.

[Russell Howard]

But it's the best way to be. Like, none of us in any way have sold what we're doing.

[Judy Love]

I think that's our Britishness.

[Russell Howard]

It's the British. I was thinking this. I think we're at our most British when we're in the cinema and we've seen A big Trader for a film. And it's Always that kind of. In a world, there was only one man. And it's. And you always hear a voice after that going, it's.

[Grace Campbell]

Yeah.

[Judy Love]

And that.

[Russell Howard]

That's how we sell ourselves. Like, all of us, we're doing quite nice.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a part of.

[Judy Love]

You know.

[Jameela Jamil]

And that's why I love it.

[Russell Howard]

How about you? What are you up to?

[Judy Love]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh. Oh, fuck. No one ever asked me that. I'm doing this podcast and I'm writing on substack and I've got a movie coming out with Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joan Hart. For anyone else.

[Judy Love]

Why did you ask?

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a. It's a proper, like, Christmassy movie.

[Russell Howard]

What?

[Jameela Jamil]

And I'm just playing a massive. As always. Oh, they're all lovely. I lied and told them I could ski.

[Judy Love]

Babe, sometimes you got to do that. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[Grace Campbell]

Did they make you ski?

[Jameela Jamil]

No, they had to change the entire script. Yeah, they. They found out when I got there. But you know what? I got in the room, so.

[Judy Love]

Babe, some people say they can ski and some people say they're on birth control. It. Look, it's. It's.

[Russell Howard]

You say potatoes?

[Judy Love]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

100%. Thank you so much, everyone, for coming out tonight.

[Upwork Announcer]

Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

You're all three of your favorites. Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong turns. All you have to do is email personal disaster stories and that's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

[Zynn Nicotine Pouches Announcer]

If you're a smoker or vaper ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason. But with Zynn Nicotine Pouches, you'll discover many good reasons. Zynn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Plus Zynn offers a robust rewards program. There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zyn. Check out Zyn.com find to find Zyn at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Judy Love]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[Ann Morris]

Hey there. If you've ever felt your confidence slip at work, you're not alone. The good news? Confidence isn't a fixed trait. It's a skill. And like any skill, you can build it with the right tools and practice. I'm Ann Morris, CEO and bestselling author, and together with my wife, Frances Frey, a professor at Harvard Business School, we host the TED podcast Fixable. This season, we're zeroing in on confidence, what it really is, how to strengthen it, and how to help others see you as the leader you already are. So if you're ready to show up with more conviction, to get promoted, to lead with clarity, to do the best work of your career, join us on Fixable wherever you get your podcasts.

[Judy Love]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.