Transcript

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Jameela Jamil (0:32)

Thank you for listening to Wrong Turns. Follow the show on Amazon Music for more future episodes or just ask Alexa. Play the podcast Wrong Turns on Amazon Music. Hello.

Grace Campbell (0:51)

Hi.

Jameela Jamil (0:55)

Sorry about this. I am on the first day of my period, so it's a fucking miracle that I'm here. You're very welcome. Thank you very much. Of course I would get my period on the day I do the Wrong Turns. Comedy Disaster Podcast. That is perfect. I'm so happy to see you all here. This is a brand new podcast for me. So thanks for showing up and supporting. This is the podcast where dignity goes to die. Are you ready for your dignity to die? Fantastic. For those of you who don't know, this is anti inspiration and pro commiseration. I'm sick of having silver lining shoved up my bum hole about every sad story. This is where we indulge in the humiliation. So please join me in giving a huge warm welcome to my fabulous guests, Russell Howard, Judy Love and Grace Campbell. Oh my goodness, guys, how are you?

Russell Howard (1:52)

I'm also on my period.

Jameela Jamil (1:53)

Oh yeah. You need my whole water bottle.

Russell Howard (1:58)

I just wanted. While I was four.

Grace Campbell (1:59)

Lovely.

Jameela Jamil (2:00)

Yeah, yeah. So we are here to celebrate comedy disasters, disasters in general. Does disaster seek you out?

Russell Howard (2:07)

What a great question. Does disaster. Well, how about you guys? What do you think?

Grace Campbell (2:11)

Oh, yes.

Jameela Jamil (2:12)

You think disaster seeks Russell out?

Grace Campbell (2:14)

Yes. No. I've just met Russell, but I have always attracted drama.

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil

Episode: Russell Howard, Judi Love and Grace Campbell
Date: September 25, 2025

Overview

On this riotous launch of her new podcast Wrong Turns, Jameela Jamil welcomes comedians Russell Howard, Judi Love, and Grace Campbell for a no-holds-barred confessional. The premise is simple: share your most mortifying, humiliating, or disastrous life moments with no attempt at inspiration or forced silver linings. Jameela bills it as the "podcast where dignity goes to die" (00:55). The group takes turns commiserating over their biggest blunders, worst days, and the chaos inherent to both comedy and daily existence, all in the spirit of anti-inspiration and maximal public embarrassment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Do Disasters Seek Out Comedians? (02:00)

The group riff on whether disaster naturally gravitates towards comedians or if they're just prone to noticing and re-telling these moments.
- Russell Howard recounts being mugged and, even as it happened, thinking:
  “There is always part of you going, it’s probably a bit in this.” (02:26)
- Judi Love faces down a mugger in Brixton, takes his number because "he was quite cute" (02:39).
- Jameela Jamil foils a mugging attempt by singing “I Feel Pretty” while unblinking at her assailants, who retreat (03:03).
- Grace Campbell gets mugged while taking a “BeReal” photo and accepts her phone loss as fair (03:33).

2. First Mini Humiliations ("Micro-Lubing")

A. Russell Howard’s Elevator Fiasco (04:00)

Russell pays for his brother’s medical emergency in Dubai. Days later, his recuperating brother fakes severe disability in a crowded elevator, forcing Russell to play along to avoid a bigger scene. When they exit, Russell punches his brother—unaware bystanders only see a celebrity hit a man in a wheelchair and scream:
- “All they saw was a man they recognized off British TV run up to a man in a wheelchair, punch him in the face, and scream out loud, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’” (05:01)

B. Jameela’s Post-Sedation Chaos (05:32)

After dental sedation, Jameela falsely claims to a full waiting room that the men taking her home are strangers, miming the universal trafficking sign—her boyfriend and best friend are mortified. No one in the waiting room helps (06:02).

C. Judy Love’s Name Mixup (08:42)

Judy repeatedly reprimands her kids’ school for mixing up the only Black children. In a rush, she accidentally picks up the wrong Black child herself.
- “And I sat there for a minute or so contemplating what should I do.” (09:40)
- Returns the child to the school, blaming them: “This is what I’m talking about! How dare you give me the wrong child.” (10:19)

D. Grace Campbell’s Teenage Delinquency (11:05)

Grace gets arrested for stealing from American Apparel; further embarrassment ensues when police find weed and a fake ID on her, all in front of her mum (11:44).
A month later, she falls off a five-story building while high, landing on a terrace and losing a tooth:
- “My mum came in and looked at her toothless child with blood all over her face. … I’ve never been more ashamed of you being my daughter since the time you got arrested for stealing an American Apparel dress.” (13:00)

E. Jameela’s Tampon Protest (14:45)

Jameela, fueled by a parasocial connection to Princess Diana, once threw boxes of tampons at Prince Charles and Camilla’s motorcade, referencing Charles’s infamous tampon comment (15:06).

3. Macro Humiliations: “Big Wrong Turns”

A. Russell Howard: Accused of Bush-Pervertery (17:10)

A former colleague adamantly insists she saw Russell “in a bush” ogling a women’s charity walk, convinced he said, “Oh, yeah! That’s what Daddy likes.”
- “If I wanted to see boobs, I’d go on the Internet… I wouldn’t sit in a hedge like a badger looking at cancer survivors.” (18:24)
Later, Russell attempts to recreate the story as a joke to the colleague, only to realize he's speaking to the wrong woman:
- “I just went ‘Oh, yeah... that’s what daddy likes’ and it wasn’t Sally—it was just this woman. She spanned, just as I went, ‘That’s what daddy likes’.” (19:54)

B. Judy Love: The Accidental Stalker (23:16)

After a big gig, Judy receives an anonymous, elaborate “You’re Perfect To Me” gift, panics and alerts police, council, and neighbors—thinking she’s acquired a stalker. It turns out to be a standard thank-you present from Richard Curtis (writer of Notting Hill, Love Actually), sent to everyone he works with:
- “I called the police and I said, ‘Listen, it’s Judy Love, in case you don’t know who I am. I just did a massive gig’...” (24:56)
- “He wasn’t a stalker. Let me make this very clear. He wasn’t a stalker. This is something he does.” (25:32)

C. Jameela Jamil: The Stalker Mixup (28:36)

Jameela receives regular bouquets from “Tim” while hosting at BBC Radio 1. She assumes it’s Avicii (whose real name is Tim). Turns out it’s a genuine stalker, who is now encouraged by her shouted radio thank-yous:
- “So I’m thanking him on the radio… Having no idea that I have an actual stalker. It’s not Avicii. My stalker now thinks I like the attention because I keep thanking him.” (29:14)

D. Grace Campbell: Gonorrhea of the Knee (32:18)

While high in LA, Grace’s left knee randomly swells. At urgent care, the doctor asks how many sexual partners she’s had, then claims it’s “gonorrhea of the knee” (a rare but real thing). She spends $12,000 on medical tests; eventually she learns it’s a torn ACL from wearing Crocs. Her insurance doesn’t cover the visit.
- “The doctor was like, ‘That is for sure gonorrhea of the knee.’ And I was like, what the fuck? That’s not a thing.” (34:37)
- “I racked up a bill of $12,000 that day but I was, like, it’s fine, I’ve got insurance. … In the small print, it was like, you have to have booked this before you left the UK. … The first doctor … got a commission.” (37:41)
- “This is why we need to protect the NHS!” (39:39)

4. Audience Stories & More Catastrophe (40:10)

Bonnie’s Dress Disaster: After leg day at the gym, Bonnie needs a bathroom mission to get in and out of a too-tight dress. A stranger helps, rips the dress open, triggering a series of rescue attempts from multiple kind women in the bathroom.
- Grace: “That would be a crossover of the generation.” (40:28)
- Russell: “It’s just such a window into how kind women are to each other.” (42:52)
Judy Love at Stormzy’s Party: Dips low on the dancefloor, splits dress wide open, is rescued by Brenda Edwards with a blanket. She ‘doubles down’ and acts like nothing’s wrong (43:32).
Jameela at Daniel Craig Interview: Squeezed into a sample size dress, splits it open bending over to greet Daniel Craig and Bond girls—no underwear. “I know the cameraman who’s right behind me to get the Daniel shot has seen my asshole because I hear him just go ‘oop’.” (46:34)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Jameela Jamil:
“This is anti-inspiration and pro-commiseration. I’m sick of having silver lining shoved up my bumhole about every sad story.” (01:02)
Russell Howard (on elevator fight): “All they saw was a man they recognized off British TV run up to a man in a wheelchair, punch him in the face, and scream out loud, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’” (05:01)
Judi Love (on micro aggression): “I picked up the other little black boy in the class… I thought, we gotta play this thing together, brethren.” (09:30)
Grace Campbell (on medical humiliation): “The doctor was like, ‘That is for sure, gonorrhea of the knee.’ And I was like, what the fuck? That’s not a thing.” (34:37)
Jameela Jamil (on misdirected stalker thank-yous): “My stalker now thinks I like the attention because I keep thanking him.” (29:14)
Judi Love (on Stormzy’s party): “I heard Jesus say to me, slow down. But I said, Jesus, you got this… I dipped down two times and I heard… I can feel breeze in my back.” (44:24)
Russell Howard (on mistaken pervert): “If I wanted to see boobs, I’d go on the Internet… I wouldn’t sit in a hedge like a badger looking at cancer survivors.” (18:24)
Jameela Jamil (on Bond interview): “I felt my cold flaps—well, my normal temperature flaps—reach the cold leather of the chair as I sat down…” (46:42)
Grace Campbell (on medical bills): “This is why we need to protect the NHS!” (39:39)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Opening context, disaster as comedian magnet: 00:55 - 03:44
Micro humiliations – Russell, Judy, Grace, Jameela: 04:00 - 16:00
Russell’s macro humiliation – hedge/charity walk: 17:10 - 21:06
Judi Love stalker saga: 23:16 - 27:23
Jameela’s stalker/Avicii confusion: 28:36 - 30:13
Grace’s $12,000 LA medical mystery: 32:18 - 40:04
Audience disaster (Bonnie’s dress): 40:10 - 43:00
Judy’s party dress disaster/Brenda’s rescue: 43:15 - 45:18
Jameela’s Bond dress split: 45:35 - 47:39
Plugs & closing banter: 48:10 - 51:31

Tone and Language

Profane, self-deprecating, loose and intimate, the group relish raw vulnerability and the comic absurdities of being “the disaster friend.”
Strong camaraderie, frequent one-upmanship, and mutual support—especially especially highlighting women helping women in humiliating situations.

Conclusion

This episode embodies the promise of Wrong Turns: cathartic, unfiltered candor and a celebration of the comedy found in surviving life’s biggest embarrassments. There are no lessons, only laughter, authenticity, and every reason for listeners to feel less alone in their own humiliating wrong turns.

Where to find the guests:

Russell Howard: Upcoming UK tour, “mainly in hedges on A-roads” (48:15)
Judi Love: Stand-up tour launching January, Hammersmith Apollo in June (48:55)
Grace Campbell: Soho Theatre & Wolfhamstow shows, North London sightings (49:31)

Host:

Jameela Jamil: This podcast, Substack, and an upcoming movie with Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joan Hart (50:44)

Listen for maximal schadenfreude, minimal dignity, and abundant comic commiseration.