Sal Vulcano and Brian Quinn

Summary

Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil — Sal Vulcano & Brian Quinn September 4, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Wrong Turns features the iconic duo from Impractical Jokers, Sal Vulcano and Brian Quinn (“Q”). Hosted by Jameela Jamil, the three share their most mortifying and hilarious calamities, revel in stories of humiliation, and celebrate the sheer absurdity of life’s little disasters—with no moral, no lesson, and no silver lining. This is a laugh-so-hard-you-cringe, deeply relatable romp through personal disaster, from walking into glass walls to setting off fire suppression systems and phone sex billing fiascos.

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Main Discussion Themes

• Embracing Calamity Without a Lesson
  Jameela sets the tone: “This is a show where we celebrate the misery of life that doesn't have to end in some great silver lining.” (00:32)
• Accents and Perceived Intelligence
  The group jokes about British and New York accents, and how perception shifts. Jameela admits, “I'm stupider than people think. But because of my accent, I get away with murder. I say really dumb shit all the time and people just go, 'Yes.' And then they doubt themselves and I gaslight them.” (02:00)
• Origins of Impractical Jokers
  Sal and Q clarify the show wasn’t born from real-life pranking but rather a spontaneous idea over lunch. “They ask, oh, when did you start, like, pranking? ...We've never done anything like this.” – Sal (04:23)
• Personal Calamity as a Way of Life
  Each host shares that disasters are a constant in their lives, especially Jameela: “No. I'm setting a world record. I created a show around this just so I feel less alone.” (05:14)

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Key Stories and Insights

1. Bee-Related Trauma and Therapy (Jameela Jamil)

• Jameela recounts a harrowing incident in NYC where, thanks to an unfortunate wasp chase near the UN, she nearly gets mistaken for a security threat:
  “I'm running screaming towards the UN, and they can't see the wasps around me. And the armed guards start to raise their guns towards me... I look like a fucking terrorist.” (06:05)
• She shares her experience with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for her debilitating fear of bees, including nearly dying during exposure therapy after being stung and swelling up:

  “The irony of almost dying during cognitive behavioral therapy that's supposed to show me that nothing bad's gonna happen. Unbelievable.” (08:55)

2. Impractical Jokers: Most Humiliating Punishments

• Sex Ed with Parents
  Brian Quinn recalls the infamous episode where he had to teach sex ed to his own parents as a punishment:

  “And it's my mom and my dad, and they're sitting there and these guys built a presentation of slides to teach them sex ed... I was in there for an hour and ten.” (09:53)
  His mother’s chorus of “Oh, Brian. Oh, no, Brian,” during the class, still rings in his ears. (10:14)

• Cousin Reveal
  In a behind-the-scenes story, Quinn accidentally reveals having made out with a third cousin at a funeral—on camera, and then the team surprises him by revealing his entire family was watching the confession live.

  “So they engineered it so I had to get this information out... And they're FaceTiming with my parents and my brother and my nephew.” (11:27)
  The aftermath: his family tried to guess and find out who the cousin was, leading to extended embarrassment. “This is what we felt bad about. We guessed the cousin and put a picture up of a cousin. We put up a picture of the wrong cousin.” (13:01)

3. Micro-Humiliations: Glass Doors & Force Fields

• Sal’s Glass Door Double Whammy
  Sal shares the universal trauma of walking into an invisible glass wall—not once, but twice within minutes—at a hotel in Minnesota.

  “I walked full, I mean, full force into just a solid glass wall, right?... And then I wail into the second glass wall... One of the most embarrassing moments.” (14:35 & 16:26)
  The onlookers recognized him, chased him for pics, and laughed hysterically with him.

• Jameela’s She-Hulk Stunt Disaster
  Jameela relives a humiliating Marvel stunt scene where she ran into a glass screen, thinking it was a “force field” like a true Marvel character, all in front of the stunt crew—while holding a cake that smashed into her pink suit.

  “I run at full force and in front of 300 crew members, go splat. Right into the glass... I was like, oh my God, it was a force field. Was that a force field?” (17:21)

• Both admit the worst injuries were to their knees rather than their faces, adding insult to injury.

4. Sal’s Phone Sex Saga: The Ballad of “Al”

• As a broke 19-year-old, Sal tries phone sex for the first (and last) time, only to be mistakenly called “Al,” unimpressed by the hastily performed moans, and charged $49.50 for under two minutes.

  “She starts calling me Al. So on top of that, she's calling me Al. And then I'm like, do I tell her it's Sal?... I'll just assume Al.” (31:19)

  • He later calls the company to dispute the charges, only to relive the shame:

    “It was more embarrassing than giving my credit card to begin with or talking to the woman.” (34:03)

  • Concludes there’s “no protection for the masturbator,” riffing on the legal-sounding complaint. (35:39, 35:50)

5. Brian’s Ultimate Firehouse Fail

• Brian’s “big wrong turn” is a classic firehouse disaster. Eager to prove himself by making his grandmother’s Italian sauce for his FDNY crew, he forgets to turn off the oven before a call. The kitchen’s fire suppression system goes off in their absence, covering every inch of the firehouse in foam.

  “There is a ticket for 1400 Richmond Avenue. And we're like, what? That's our firehouse. And then it hit me, and I'm like, oh my God, the firehouse...” (43:39)

  • Brian spends seven hours alone cleaning, is mercilessly ribbed, and the clamp used to fix the system is labeled “Quinn’s Fuck-up” for two years.
  • “How many people in the history of the New York City Fire Department had a ticket, a fire ticket drawn in their own firehouse because of them?” (45:27)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jameela on life:

  “I'm setting a world record. I created a show around this just so I feel less alone.” (05:14)

• On therapy gone wrong:

  “I think that therapist, like, quit their job that day.” – Jameela (09:05)

• Sal’s moment of defeat:

  “I'm not going to waste another $4. So I hang up. I get my credit card bill...49.50...90 seconds.” (31:52)

• Brian on social anxiety:

  “Even now saying it, feeling... I got a ticket at my own firehouse.” (45:24)

• Jameela on British people:

  “I say 90% stupid.” (01:56)

• Sal:

  “There's no protection for the masturbator.” (35:50)

• Brian:

  “If you walk into a firehouse and you're not called an asshole or some horrible thing within five minutes, something's wrong. Like you did something to piss people off.” (39:56)

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Listener Disaster: “Misery Loves Company” – Lauren’s Metal Singer Mishap (47:00)

Lauren shares her “chunder thunder” story—fleeing a hungover hookup, bursting in on the entire family in only her underwear.
Jameela: “What a fucking nightmare. ...Of all of the genders of having to have been a little teenage boy who's probably never seen tits before. And now you're his first tit.”
Sal’s take: “It's the worst day of her life and the best day of his.” (48:00)

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Where to Find Sal & Q

• Impractical Jokers, new season on TBS
• Sal’s stand-up tour: salvolcanocomedy.com (48:32)
• Sal’s new podcast Minouche coming soon (48:46)

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Final Thoughts

This episode perfectly encapsulates the spirit of Wrong Turns: open sharing of life’s absolute most mortifying moments, group commiseration, and side-splitting laughter without any trite lessons—just the joy of being human and fucking up together.

Transcript

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[Jameela Jamil]

Thank you for listening to Wrong Turns. Follow the show on Amazon Music for more future episodes or just ask Alexa. Play the podcast Wrong Turns on Amazon Music. Hello and welcome to Wrong Turns, where dignity goes to die. This is a show where we, we celebrate the misery of life that doesn't have to end in some great silver lining. And I get to bring my favorite funny people on. Today. I have two of my absolute faves. Two people. I've made one of the greatest TV shows of all time with the Misery Index, a game show. If you didn't watch it, you missed absolutely nothing.

[Brian Quinn]

It's still up there, right? It's still up there. So far we had fun.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was. Yeah. It was such an amazing time. They are also two members of the iconic impractical jokers. It's Sal Volcano and fucking Brian Quinn.

[Brian Quinn]

Hello.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like you. Hello.

[Brian Quinn]

This is exciting.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's so nice to have you here.

[Brian Quinn]

This is great.

[Jameela Jamil]

I don't think I've ever interviewed you before, like for, like this. You've been on bad dates.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

I feel you know so much about me already that you have a good radio, good radio voice.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Good radio face.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like two jumbled silly gooses.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, not at all.

[Sal Vulcano]

Silly goose.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, maybe. Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Listening in New York City right now. We're correct. Yeah. And she's a silly goose. Right?

[Jameela Jamil]

100%.

[Sal Vulcano]

You know, your accent, you get the benefit of sounding smart. And our accent, we get the. But you are smart, so you back it up. What percentage of British people would you say at dumb as nails are smart because the accent gives you guys blanket cards.

[Jameela Jamil]

I say 90% stupid.

[Sal Vulcano]

Stupid.

[Brian Quinn]

Wow, that's a hard number.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm stupider than people think.

[Brian Quinn]

Think.

[Jameela Jamil]

But because of my accent, I get away with murder. I say really dumb all the time and people just go, yes. And then they doubt themselves and I gaslight them.

[Brian Quinn]

To me, I work in the opposite way. I, I like when I, when I'm talking to people, someone dump my accent. I'll throw it on a Little bit more so it's a little bit more so people think I'm a little bit of a chump.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Brian Quinn]

And then I'm going under the. Under the radar.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And how does that work out for you?

[Brian Quinn]

I mean, I'm doing all right. You know, I don't think anybody even thinks I'm stupid or smart.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think people just didn't notice you all together.

[Brian Quinn]

There he.

[Jameela Jamil]

Perfect.

[Brian Quinn]

There we go.

[Sal Vulcano]

I flipped the script completely. I try to speak British.

[Jameela Jamil]

Do you? That was Japanese.

[Sal Vulcano]

Not. Not where I'm from. I don't know. I think I did. I try and speak. I don't know what British.

[Jameela Jamil]

Try it, Try it.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'll try and speak.

[Jameela Jamil]

Say, can I have a crumpet?

[Sal Vulcano]

Can I have a crumpet?

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[Sal Vulcano]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

How is that.

[Sal Vulcano]

What? What are you talking about?

[Jameela Jamil]

What are you talking about?

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm speaking British, but English.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is your first wrong turn is trying that.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I could do it.

[Jameela Jamil]

You spent four years with me.

[Sal Vulcano]

I feel like I could do it better, but I wasn't that good at all.

[Jameela Jamil]

You weren't ready.

[Sal Vulcano]

You have a really good American, like, Valley girl, whatever you do.

[Jameela Jamil]

I can. Valley girl.

[Boost Mobile Advertiser]

I can do New York.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, my agent, Natasha, she's got, like, kind of a. Like a deep New York sort of accent where she has, like, a slight lisp. But I spend a lot of time. I like to do an old radio voice and all that stuff. Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Hello there.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know why I'm doing any of this. How long have you been making impractical jokers?

[Brian Quinn]

2010. We filmed the pilot.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now it's a show where, if anyone hasn't seen it, please go and find it immediately. It will save your worst days. But it's a show that is where you willingly run towards disaster. Is that because life was already a humiliation ritual for you? So you were like, fuck it, let's monetize this.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, no, no. Everyone was like, always ask me, like, oh, so when did you start doing, like, as a kid? When did you start, like. They say the word prank. We don't really. I. We don't say the word prank on our show because, like, it's a little bit broader of a scope. It's more like social interaction and, like, hidden camera and improv and stuff, as opposed to, like, like, hand buzzer or whatever.

[Brian Quinn]

But.

[Sal Vulcano]

But no, they asked us all the time. Like, they asked, oh, when did you start, like, pranking? At a young age. And what is it like at Doing pranks. And I'm just like, no, not at all. As a matter of fact, we. We don't. We've never done anything like this. We just sat down for lunch one day and thought of the idea when we had a general meeting and we wanted to pitch him something.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you hadn't had a history of pranking each other at all?

[Sal Vulcano]

Nothing.

[Brian Quinn]

We were doing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just pulled it out of your ass.

[Brian Quinn]

Improv stuff. And. And we were doing scripted sketches when we got the. The pitch to do the show.

[Jameela Jamil]

So you've just both been cool your whole lives and you've just. You. You've not really faced a lot of calamity.

[Sal Vulcano]

What do you mean, cool? My whole life facing a calamity. My whole life is a calamity.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm a warm calamity.

[Brian Quinn]

He's brought ruin.

[Sal Vulcano]

Your health issues?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, 100%.

[Sal Vulcano]

Every type of calamity. There's not a calamity I don't have.

[Jameela Jamil]

Calamity's always been drawn to you.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Like you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, 100%.

[Sal Vulcano]

Maybe not as much as you.

[Jameela Jamil]

No. I'm setting a world record. I created a show around this just so I feel less alone when it comes.

[Sal Vulcano]

Bees have never chased me for miles as I got hit by many different cars multiple times.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think it's four now. One of the ones that I don't think I've spoken about this podcast yet was when I was in New York and Donald Trump was in town, and he was the president at the time, the first time around, and I was at the crossing. I'm about to go and speak at the un, and he's at the UN speaking or doing something. And so there are more armed guards than there would normally be. And then some sort of wasps start bothering me at one side of the lights, and I've got to run across the lights to get away from the wasps. It's like they're waiting to cross with me. And I'm dressed all in black and I'm Pakistani, and I'm running screaming towards the un, and they can't see the wasps around me. And the armed guards start to raise their guns towards me, which I can't see because I'm running around batting off the wasps, but I look like a fucking terrorist. And my friend who was with me grabbed me, and she was like, everyone's pointing their guns at you. Stop running. And then she managed to get me into safety. They still let you in, but how many times? Unbelievably, only because I had so much id, but UNBELIEVABLY I didn't get shot that day.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I lived here my whole life. And in New York City proper, it is hard to come across like a swarm of wasps.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'll find it.

[Sal Vulcano]

I know you will.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

It's out there.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know, I did CBT therapy, A cognitive behavioral therapy for my fear.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, not cock and bull torture.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, no, no, no.

[Brian Quinn]

Is that what that is?

[Sal Vulcano]

I. I think so.

[Brian Quinn]

Cbt.

[Sal Vulcano]

I thought you were saying cbd, and then you said T, and I was like, is that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, did you make that up?

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, no. Isn't that. Isn't that like. Like, SNL and cbt, it's always, like, together, only I asked questions.

[Jameela Jamil]

We have different Internet searches.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I'm not. I don't know how I've seen footage, and I don't know how they do it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't know how they. They'll take a swift kick to the nuts like it's nobody's business, like it's nothing. I keep going on with their day. I get a light tap. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I did cognitive behavioral therapy for my fear of wasps and bees because it was so bad that I was, like, no longer leaving the house during the summer. I did it in 2006.

[Brian Quinn]

Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Because it had gotten to a point where I'd stopped, like, leaving the windows open in the summer. And we don't have conditioning in England, so everyone was sweltering, and I wouldn't go out during the daytime of the summer. Like, my phobia was just out of control. So the fact that I got chased so many times after that is so crazy. But you do the CBT therapy, where they do exposure therapy with you. Right. And so they take you in and they. They put you in front of your worst fear. So if you have a hygiene issue, they'll make you lick a toilet bowl or something. It's foul and very intense. But it does work, apparently, because then you get to see that. Oh, yeah, I didn't drop dead, and the world didn't stop turning. So they take me, like, after, like, months of gearing me up for it, they were like, right, we're gonna take you to some bees. And so they take me to some bees in. In the local park. This is in Russell Square in London. And they take me into the little. Kind of like. Just like, you know, like, the city parks in New York. It's just one of those, like, little parks. They take me over to a bush that's got lots of, I don't know, lavender or something on It. It's got loads of bees everywhere, and they make me stand in. In the middle of the bush. I'm allergic, by the way, which I don't know if I told them or not. And I get stung.

[Brian Quinn]

How many times during my.

[Jameela Jamil]

Just one.

[Brian Quinn]

Just one. Enough to kill you?

[Jameela Jamil]

Enough. Enough would send me, like, flying.

[Sal Vulcano]

But that's not in a logical fear, though. That's a real fear. Why would you take therapy like, you could die?

[Jameela Jamil]

Because it was dominating my life. But I hadn't. I think I hadn't told you.

[Sal Vulcano]

Could have stood in that bush for free.

[Jameela Jamil]

But I almost died. I know.

[Brian Quinn]

Well, it's England now. You got free.

[Sal Vulcano]

You got a copay now. That's crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

But, yeah, almost like the irony of almost dying during cognitive behavioral therapy. That's supposed to show me that nothing bad's gonna happen. Unbelievable. I think that therapist, like, quit their job that day.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, you broke them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Cause I swelled up like a fucking balloon right in front of them.

[Brian Quinn]

But, yeah, you have, like, an epipeny. You just jab right in.

[Jameela Jamil]

There was a hospital right around the corner. Anyway, moving on. Do you have any particular memories from impractical jokers that come to you as a kind of uncomfortable, disastrous moment?

[Brian Quinn]

So many.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, like, that's literally.

[Brian Quinn]

I always go to teaching. Having to teach. So in the second season, when my parents were the second sex ed might have been first where they. The. The punishment was, I have to teach a high school class sex ed. And that was the punishment enough where I was like, that's.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's horrific.

[Brian Quinn]

It's horrific. Who wants to do that? They let me peek in the classroom, and they had the classroom, and then they distracted me. The producers pulled me aside and started talking to me. They pulled the classroom out, and they put my mother and father in there.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my.

[Brian Quinn]

And they're like, now. And then when I walked in the room, I thought it was students, and it's my mom and my dad, and they're sitting there and they. These guys built a. A presentation of slides to teach them sex ed. So. And it only ends up being on TV for seven minutes. And I was in there for an hour and ten.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Vulcano]

We went through. Yeah, we went through.

[Jameela Jamil]

How far did you take it?

[Brian Quinn]

Pretty fucking far. There were sex toys out. There were slang words out. There was a hot dog with a donut that I had to. To do that with in front of them. And my mom the whole time is going, oh, Brian. Oh, no, Brian. Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

You don't have the kind of parents who could just roll with that? No, no one does.

[Brian Quinn]

No, no, no, no. Not at my age. Like, you know what I mean? Like, your parents grew up at a different time, so that was pretty rough.

[Sal Vulcano]

What about we just did to you then that reveal what your family? I don't know if you want to go there.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, yeah. So this was shot the other day. So, like, when I was a kid, it was so stupid.

[Jameela Jamil]

Evil laugh.

[Brian Quinn]

When I was a kid, there was some family. Somebody died in the family. I didn't know. It was like a second cousin.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's not the time to have a bigger laugh.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, no, because I know it's like.

[Brian Quinn]

12 or something like that. And I went to. And there was a older cousin there. She was a little older, and we ended up making out. It was her grandfather's funeral, and we ended up making out. And over the years, I'll tell this story because, like, you know, she was like a third, you know. Anyway, so. So then they have me in this booth, and they engineered it so I had to get this information out. And then, like, there's a TV covered with a. A tarp, and the tarp drops, and they're. They're FaceTiming with my parents and my brother and my nephew.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, no, you kept this story close to the vest. And he told. He didn't even tell me. He told. Someone else came to me and said, I have this dirt. And so we built this whole thing where we put. We had him in like a. I guess a lab with these other people, and they all got hooked up to, like, these, like, electro. Like these kind of. What do you call these?

[Brian Quinn]

Sensors.

[Sal Vulcano]

And we said that we had people in lab coats, and we said we'd be showing their images and then we'd be reading their subconscious feelings, ones that they wouldn't even feel. And so over the course of, like, 20 images, we made him out to be, you know, like, suspect completely. And then what he didn't know is then one of the last images was the cousin that he kissed. And then. And then he had to reveal it because his cousin. And then we reveal it to his family.

[Brian Quinn]

To my family. So it's all out there. It hasn't aired yet.

[Jameela Jamil]

Pony at a funeral.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, well, you know, you're young.

[Sal Vulcano]

My thing is, don't kiss your cousin.

[Brian Quinn]

Third cousin.

[Jameela Jamil]

Third cousin. I'm Pakistani. I'm fine with it all.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. All right, perfect.

[Sal Vulcano]

But then don't tell anybody.

[Brian Quinn]

Well, I mean, I thought I was. Sherry, you have to tell your friends things or else what Are you doing? And I told Joe that. And he. I told him burge that how hard.

[Sal Vulcano]

It is to get a new piece of information. I know. It's got 36 years.

[Jameela Jamil]

Unbelievable. Yeah. That's very humiliating.

[Brian Quinn]

That was embarrassing.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

And then my mother being there, and then my mother afterwards, like, is trying to guess the cousin.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh.

[Brian Quinn]

So she's like, was it this? Was it? This was this? And I was like, no. But then I found out that because nobody tracked down. I never said the name of the cousin. So they never were able to, like, exactly track her down.

[Sal Vulcano]

So this is what we felt bad about. We guessed the cousin and put a picture up of a cousin. We. That. We. We narrowed it down. We narrowed it down to. We put up a picture of the wrong cousin.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Brian Quinn]

But then they called around my extended family to find out who it was. So. So the writers on the show were just literally like, hey, you know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Did.

[Brian Quinn]

You make out with him? So this spread throughout my family before I even found out about it. And I'm like, man, like, I don't know. I would have probably said, don't use that story if they had asked me.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've gone a little bit redder since you started talking about it.

[Brian Quinn]

It's kind of weird because, you know, it's bit a little third cousin, though. I. I think it's.

[Sal Vulcano]

And she was older and now I'm. In hindsight, I'm like, I feel regret about it because now he's definitely gonna tell a story about how I. My uncle.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's coming up.

[Jameela Jamil]

We've all our uncle. Right? Jesus Christ. Sal, do you have a micro humiliation story for me?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I have one. I have one happened on the road, actually, when we're on tour. I. I was in Minnesota and I went. I went out shopping and I was. I was there on tour, so I had to show it in the evening and I went out something. You know, we get like three hours in the day maybe. So I ran out and did a little shop and I'm coming back to the hotel. And the hotel has glass. It's glass. Like automatic glass doors and then a foyer and then glass doors to go in. And I walk. I'm just. I walk through the automatic glass doors and I'm the guy. I'm the guy that I did not. I didn't see the glass door or whatever. And I walked full. I mean, full force into just a solid glass wall, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And it was in the foyer. So that. That was the door that led into the Lobby. It was the lobby that. Remember John C. Reilly? Remember that hotel?

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

So. So made a sound like it.

[Brian Quinn]

Riley was mean to me in a hotel lobby.

[Jameela Jamil]

That was his wrong term.

[Sal Vulcano]

It made like a gong. It sounded like, like, Like a. Like a. Like a liberty.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, it sounds like it's like something I'.

[Sal Vulcano]

And the lobby was fairly crowded. And a right in that door to the left was like. Like couches and stuff. And there was like, maybe like a group of like 10 people, mostly young, like teens, young 20s, hanging out. And every single person. I. I was actually really stunned. Yeah, Yeah, I. I was very stunned. Like, I. I. For the first.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like, it's very discombobulated.

[Sal Vulcano]

First, like five seconds, I just was like, I hit it so hard and. But I was like, I can't. You know, I'm just gonna act like it wasn't me. And so I opened.

[Jameela Jamil]

What do you mean?

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, I wailed into it. It made like a huge thing. No one saw the contact. They just heard the noise. Right. So everyone looked, and I was like, a little. And I just opened it and I started to walk into the lobby. And I'm just like. Just act confident. Like nobody's gonna know it was you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Could have been anything. It could have been anything. They didn't see me hitting.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I take like three or four steps past that door, and the whole fucking lobby just started. I mean, like, blah. Like, just. Just hysterical. I started to walk faster, and then the kids recognized me and they would go, oh, my God, Sal. Sal. And they all jump up and they start following me. And I'm like, yeah. I mean, like 30, 40ft into the lobby, and I'm walking really fast and they're following me, and I'm like. And this happens sometimes, like, if people are like, oh, Sal. And they yell to me and I'm like, please open the elevator door, because I don't know what this is gonna bring, you know? And so I'm speed walking to the elevator. The elevator is behind another glass wall.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, no.

[Sal Vulcano]

And you need a key card to open that glass door to get to the elevator bank. Like in. Almost like in Atlantic City in Borgata, you know how you have to. And as they're yelling my name and walking after me and looking at me, I wail into the second glass wall. I swear to God, it was. That was one of the most embarrassing moments. And then I. I literally had to. I was crying, laughing like I couldn't even. Like, I could. Uncontrollably laughing. And they all saw that and they started dying. Then they came up to me and I just. We just were all crying, laughing.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a bonding moment. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

They asked to take a picture.

[Jameela Jamil]

It is an astonishing. Do you remember, I think I showed you the video maybe, and I'll put it up when this episode goes out, but I was doing, like, my first Marvel project. She, Hulk, and I had to do, like, a big stunt scene. I don't know if I ever showed you this video, but.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, no, I think you did.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. So I was doing my first ever stunt scene, and the director was like, you know, we didn't have a lot of time, and everyone was getting Covid, you know, so we were just like sort of having to round down the shots. And they were like, you know, you've only got a few takes at this. I was like, okay, cool. So they were like, we want you to scream at her and then run out of the building. And I was like, got it. So I'm like, okay. So I do my scene, I nail the scene, and then I pull the door open and I go running out. And what they've forgotten to tell me is that there's a fucking screen, a glass, like, screen right outside the front door to stop bugs from getting in. To, like, block the bugs from getting in. They've forgotten that it's there because it's see through. And so I run at full force and in front of 300 crew members, go splat. Right into the glass. And what's the most embarrassing thing about this? Apart from the fact that at first I think, oh, my God, my nose is broken. And then I fly back off the glass and then land on my knees and think, my knees are now broken, and I'm holding a huge chocolate cake, which then goes right into my chest on a light baby pink suit. And I'm just like. And then I'm like. And then you just see all my stunt doubles and everyone coming running in. But the most embarrassing part for all of that, for me, was not. Not even hurting myself in front of all these trained athletic professionals. It was the fact that when I hit it, my thought as I went down was because I would think I was just so into Marvel in that time. I was like, oh, my God, it was a force field. Was that a force field? And that was all I could think about. I was like, oh, my God, I just hit a force field and it took.

[Sal Vulcano]

I thought mine was a glass of me, too.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right, right. That's fair. That's fair.

[Sal Vulcano]

I hurt my knee Worse than I hurt my face.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

My knee hurt.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare.

[Sal Vulcano]

But they asked to take a picture. There's a picture out there with three girl, a guy and me, and just a huge red welt on my face.

[Brian Quinn]

The only videos you showed me from she Hulk, were you looking badass training, like, doing your fight scenes and everything? Those are the videos that I saw. I didn't get to see this one. That's the one I want to see. I look, I remember she was showing it to me, and it's like, oh, you're hitting every mark. There's a fight. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, I want to see the one with the cake.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. I'll find a tip for you, and I'll send it to you right after.

[Brian Quinn]

Is it your first thing? Like, get. Just get back to work as soon as possible and put this behind me. Right.

[Jameela Jamil]

Get changed, move on.

[Sal Vulcano]

Show them it wasn't your fault.

[Jameela Jamil]

No, it wasn't my fault. But then later that day, I miss an instruction for the fight. And so this is just, like, the worst day ever. It's the last day of filming of the entire series, and I have to do a fight scene, and the girl I'm supposed to be fighting with has gone home. So I have to fight a big dude, and we. I punch him. He thinks he's supposed to punch me. We punch each other, and our fists collide. So it's like a superhero that my hand and my wrist break.

[Brian Quinn]

My God.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. No hand drops for James for six months.

[Brian Quinn]

Well, you have two hands.

[Sal Vulcano]

If it's that or nothing, you take the last. I'm sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

I take an hour and a half with my left hand. All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Six months is ridiculous. It's unreasonable. Six Months Is Unreasonable album that was.

[Jameela Jamil]

Out that year is so sad. And we're going to. I don't know about you, but I'm disorganized around nutrition, and I hate cooking. I have no passion for it. I find it to be a chore. And listeners of this podcast will know that I was one of the most disastrous chefs in the history of the Great British Bake Off. And that's where Green Chef comes in handy, because it's a ridiculously simple and speedy meal kit. That means that you can actually enjoy a delicious, wholesome meal in just three minutes. And the food contains organic seasonal produce with 100% response. Compensibly sourced proteins to help you feel your absolute best. Green Chef make it easy to find meals that fit your lifestyle. You can pick from Mediterranean, which is really delicious, gluten free, plant based, protein heavy and even gut and brain health. I am particularly partial to their gluten free meals. As you know, finding and making gluten free can be a depressing nightmare from hell. So they have been a godsend and their food actually tastes good and is just so easy. And don't worry, it doesn't get monotonous because the recipes change every week. And with week to week flexibility, you can adjust your plan to match your mood and your schedule. They work around you entirely. So make this summer your healthiest yet with Green chef. Head to greenchef.com 50Wrongs and use the code 50Wrong Turns to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code [e-mail] 50Wrongs. Do you think I said 50Wrong Turns enough times? And we're back. Okay Sal, tell me what was your big wrong turn?

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh my God. Okay, so I was, I think I was, I'm guesstimating about 19.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And this pre Internet, well, at least I didn't have it. I didn't have a computer or anything like that. I was in college, I'd gone out, I came back home. I was still living at home, right? And I was, I was, I had been drinking. I get to my room and I had an adult magazine, right? It was one that I had for a long time because I used to work in a deli when I was like 14. It was like my only adult magazine. I had it for like years.

[Jameela Jamil]

They had crazy names back then as well. It would just be like jugs.

[Brian Quinn]

Jugs?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it was very on the nose.

[Brian Quinn]

I found one called Plumpers once.

[Sal Vulcano]

Plumpers?

[Jameela Jamil]

Do you remember the porno in Diana Jones?

[Brian Quinn]

No.

[Jameela Jamil]

Temple of Poon.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. I mean porn puns are like the best thing.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's the only job I ever wanted to have. Shaving Ryan's Privates.

[Sal Vulcano]

All the classics.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, great stuff.

[Sal Vulcano]

We found a VHS cassette in the woods by my house when I was little. And it was hot. Buttered butts reamed raw.

[Brian Quinn]

Nice. I swear to God, I saw a porn that had a original baby.

[Sal Vulcano]

But I didn't. I. I mean it was really. I mean that was work.

[Brian Quinn]

Did you hear about the title?

[Sal Vulcano]

It's a long title.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's an incredible title.

[Sal Vulcano]

But I won't forget it because I, I never. I mean that wasn't even a part.

[Brian Quinn]

Have you looked that up since then? Have you ever googled it?

[Sal Vulcano]

No. We should look it up right now.

[Jameela Jamil]

We know what we're doing after the show.

[Brian Quinn]

We got a producer. What's the name of it?

[Sal Vulcano]

Hot Buttered Butts Reamed Raw.

[Brian Quinn]

You would think the butter would prevent it from being reamedraw.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I don't. I mean we didn't get a chance to watch it.

[Brian Quinn]

I remember I found the porn that had original music in it. Like somebody wrote songs for it. Like literally like every third scene.

[Jameela Jamil]

Had James started his career?

[Brian Quinn]

Well, this may be him. There was a song called Love Stew in it and it was like it was during a scene, a four way scene. And this was 70s porn when it was like all dudes with fat bellies and like.

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[Sal Vulcano]

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[Brian Quinn]

And I just remember the lyrics. Love Stew. The recipe is new. And that's all I remember from it. And I remember being like, that's good lyrics, man. I gotta write that down. If anybody out there knows what song.

[Jameela Jamil]

Fuck you. I'm gonna be singing that all day now.

[Brian Quinn]

I love stew. The recipe is new. Something about me and you like following it.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Love stew, man.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's a good nickname for you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, so it's Love Stew. Hot Buttery Butts. Reamedraw.

[Sal Vulcano]

That was the vhs. This is in my room. I had this. So it wasn't even. Like I wasn't even going to look at the magazine. I was like, there were numbers at the back to call for phone sex. And I've never called phone sex before or since this. Okay. But I just was like. I think I was just sitting there and I just remembered I had the magazine. I saw that and I just. I was like, should I call? You know, like, I. It's intimidating a little bit. I'm 19. You gotta have a credit card. I had one credit card. It was my first credit card.

[Brian Quinn]

$99Aminute.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was 4.95aminute.

[Jameela Jamil]

Holy shit.

[Brian Quinn]

It was only £1 90s money, too.

[Sal Vulcano]

4.95 for the first minute. $1.99 each additional in it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Sal Vulcano]

I did quick math. Now I'm a college student. I don't have a lot of money. I'm like, if I got five minutes here, five minutes for ten bucks. No, it's two, four, six. I was trying to get in under ten dollars.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Sal Vulcano]

So that would have been about three and a half minutes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Sal Vulcano]

Which.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's roughly how long an eighteen year old.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's totally doable, especially with this new experience. Right.

[Brian Quinn]

So you might be able to cut that down to eight minutes.

[Sal Vulcano]

So I was a little nervous. I had my first credit card. A credit card. I still have have to this day, by the way. 1994 is when I opened it. So 31 years I've had this credit card. So it's very awkward because you get on the phone with like a standard operator at first, like a. Someone has to take all your credit card information. They know why you're calling.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

But if you think about it, it's like. It's not like. Yeah, it's not like. Like the girls.

[Jameela Jamil]

Do they have a judgy tone?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, no. It just felt like, you know, standard operating procedure.

[Brian Quinn]

Are they Asking you what you like and connecting you with that person. Or. Okay, you're just taking down your info.

[Sal Vulcano]

My info.

[Brian Quinn]

Plugging it in.

[Sal Vulcano]

You gotta give your name, Mike, you know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

So I wasn't like really anticipating that part. So that was awkward too, because I was. It felt. I felt guilty. Like, I felt. It felt weird, like, to do, like, all right, take my credit confirmation so I can jerk off to the stranger.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I love you so much for calling this number.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's like 2. 2:30 in the morning. And they patched me through. So this woman says, hey, whatever. And I'm like, hey, and are your.

[Jameela Jamil]

Parents in the house? Are you having to be quiet or are you at.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I'm in my room. You know, they're in the house, you.

[Brian Quinn]

Know, but, you know, towel on the bottom of the door to stop sounds leaking out.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, actually, I used to have this little. My. I had like a. Not a bunk bed. It was like I. I had like a bed up in a. Like a loft. I. High ceiling. And so I. And I. But I had no way to get up there. Like, I used to open an A frame wooden ladder to get up to bed every night from 1993 to 2000. So seven years. Every night when I went to bed, I open my closet. I took out an A ladder from Home Depot. I opened it and I closed.

[Jameela Jamil]

This is why no other generation has on us. Because of the. That we did.

[Brian Quinn]

He went from the A frame to it. He slept on a couch for the next 15 years.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, so she picked.

[Sal Vulcano]

So she says. She's like, hey, I think she's trying to talk seductive. Which was an immediate turn off. Like, I didn't want. It was corny. It ended up being very corny. What would you have preferred, like a normal person?

[Jameela Jamil]

Hey.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, but like, you know, just like, hey, like, I want to feel.

[Brian Quinn]

I don't need.

[Sal Vulcano]

I. I didn't need like Cinemax, you know, Like, I didn't want it to be like. But she was like speaking all like horse. Like, like whisper. Yeah, yeah. She was like, hey, big boy. She pretty much did that, right? And so she asked me my name and I told her. And then she said, oh, yeah, yeah, somewhat like that. I'll get to that. And so then she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I just got home, you know? And she was like, where are you coming from? And I was like, I just.

[Jameela Jamil]

I was. That you're not trying to do any kind of sexy vibe back, you know?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, I just got off the phone with the operator. And then I'm just. And then she's like asking me. Like, she's asking me information questions. And I'm thinking, like, I have three minutes left.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, she's trying to long out the time.

[Sal Vulcano]

30 seconds. Right. And so I'm just answering her. Like I would answer an interview.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's like, you know, where you coming from? Like, I was out with my friends. We just, you know, and she's like, what'd you do? I'm like, we just went to a bar or whatever, you know, And I'm like. I'm like, who's initiating this? So then after like 30, 40 seconds, I just was like, listen. I said, is there any way that we could just try to do it right away? Because I. I don't have the money. Like, I don't want to be on the phone too long or whatever. So she was like, no problem. And then she just went from 0 to 100. Like, she really took direction. And then I was like, thank you. You know, and then she was like, oh, God. Oh. And she starts like, oh, wow. Wailing and moaning and stuff. But there was no, like, I just want a dirty talk, you know? And so, like, she's going like 100 miles an hour, and it wasn't a turn on to me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wait, so she just goes straight into orgasm?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, she was like, oh, oh, oh. You know? Yeah. It's like, right? But no, no, so. So she's doing that. So I already think it's corny that she's acting all bre. She asked me questions about, like, regular life, and then she's doing that, which I thought was. So I wanted, like, dirty, you know.

[Brian Quinn]

Like, not, like, corny.

[Sal Vulcano]

If it was being filmed, it would have been filmed with a soft lens. Like, soft light.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Oh, no. I can immediately imagine it's gross.

[Sal Vulcano]

But then. So now I'm. I'm like, not being able to do what I need to do. It's not. I feel like it's not happening, but I feel that. So I have her doing that does not turn me on. I have seconds. Burn.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I only got like $10, right? And then she starts going, oh, Al.

[Jameela Jamil]

Al.

[Sal Vulcano]

So she misheard. She misheard my name. And she starts calling me Al. So on top of that, she's calling me Al. And then I'm like, do I? And I'm sitting there just like, do I tell her it's Sal? It's embarrassing. It's gonna waste more time. I'll just assume Al. So I assumed Al. And I'm just trying and I just can't. It's like, it's too. It's too much working against it. Me, the clock and Al and all the, like, the corniness of it. And I hung up.

[Jameela Jamil]

I just hung up at the 10 minute mark.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, it was at about 90 seconds. Because I only had three minutes. And I'm like. I knew. I could already see it wasn't going to happen. I'm like, I'm not going to waste another $4. So I hang up. I get my credit card bill in the mail. Whenever the credit card bill comes, 49.50, it says, okay, what? So it's 4.95aminute. For the first minute, it was $1. Each additional minute. It said 49.50 on there. So that means they would have to charge me full price for 10 minutes. I was on for 90 seconds.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

And are they counting, do you think, on that? On you not complaining because you're embarrassed? I think they are, but they don't know who they're messing with.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, they did. Okay, so here's the thing. I, at first I was like, I can't call back, right? I'm not going to call back for this, right?

[Jameela Jamil]

But we get charged another.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm not going to call back for this, right? But it, it, it. But so then the card, I had like 3, 4 weeks to pay the card. And I'm stewing in it, Love stewing in it. And I just, I'm contemplating the whole time, the whole time if I should do it or not. If I do not. And then like, here's the thing. My credit card had a $500 limit. This was 10% of my full max allowance. You know what I mean? It was $500 limit. So I decided to call before I mailed in the check. And I get on the phone with the same people and I'm like, I had to explain. I'm like, I, I use your service. And I, I hung up after 90 seconds. And I have a bill for 4950. Supposed to be 4.95 for the first minute. $1.99 each additional minute, according to my calculations, I should have been charged 5.95. You charge me 49.95. And like it says here 10 minutes. They said, it says here 10 minutes. You know, you must. They said, you must have spoke 10 minutes. That's why it's 4950 at 4. I said, but that's only supposed to be for the first minute. Minute. And they were like, yeah. And I was like, they were like, well, how do we. How we, you know, what happened or whatever. How do we. How are we supposed to know? And I. I didn't really want to give the. Any details, but the person, I think they were being, like, a little bit, like. Like, sadistic to me. Like, they were like, well, it's a.

[Brian Quinn]

Job we don't know.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, exactly. Like, I don't know why I thought, like, I was. Fraud was committed against me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I'm calling the fraud hotline, like, thinking there's going to be some type of credible resolution. Like, I'm like, can I speak to your man, the fraud manager? Like, you know, like, who's your supervisor? Like, who's the con man in charge over there? And I was like, I. I. First of all, the woman called me the wrong name. I said, I thought that that would be like a dead. Like, almost like contractually, like, I got him dead to rights.

[Jameela Jamil]

I can't tell you how much money I would pay to hear the complaint call.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was like. I was like. I hung up because I. It wasn't like, I. I just didn't think it was good. And. And then they were like, well, that's not, you know, you can't. You know, whatever. And I'm like. And then I just thought, well, I had them on a technicality. So I was like, she called me the wrong name. You know, she kept calling me the wrong name or whatever. And I'm explaining this to this person on the other line. It was more embarrassing than giving my credit card to begin with or talking to the woman. And they ultimately listened to me. I'm sure they got a good kick out of it. And then they corrected. They didn't. They didn't take anything at all. No.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, babe. At least no one had to check that phone bill for you. Can you imagine if your parents.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, thankfully, that was my own card under my own name. And, like, you know, but it was 49. I paid. It was 10.

[Jameela Jamil]

Genuinely one of the most humbling stories I've ever heard of. It's pretty from start to finish.

[Sal Vulcano]

I won't do it ever again. No, I won't do it ever again.

[Jameela Jamil]

Good for you, Al.

[Brian Quinn]

You really pulled that one off, so to speak.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, man.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was like, if I would have played it differently, if, like, I did finish or something, would I have been like, all right, well, that was $50 worth of. I don't know. Because then you call and say, I don't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's like obsessed with your semantics here.

[Sal Vulcano]

There's no way to. There's no. There's protection for the masturbator. Yeah, there's no. There's no way at all. I think this is why started being recorded. Quality assurance.

[Jameela Jamil]

There's no protection for the masturbator.

[Sal Vulcano]

I actually took this to court. I actually took this to court all the way up. And that's why now there's. They record the course of quality.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, it's at the Supreme Court now.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it goes. Look it up. It's Al versus the state of.

[Jameela Jamil]

Al's an activist. Thank you much very for that story.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, but there's no protection for the. I was going to say the little.

[Brian Quinn]

Guy, but that's a bad one to say.

[Sal Vulcano]

We'll be right back after the break.

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[Jameela Jamil]

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[Jameela Jamil]

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[Jameela Jamil]

Limu.

[Sal Vulcano]

Emu and Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music.

[Jameela Jamil]

Lim Save yourself money today. Increase your wealth. Customize and save. We save.

[Sal Vulcano]

That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty.

[Jameela Jamil]

Liberty.

[Brian Quinn]

Liberty Savings Fairy underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Sal Vulcano]

Excludes Massachusetts.

[Jameela Jamil]

And we're back. Q. What was your big wrong turn?

[Brian Quinn]

It's a firehouse story when I got.

[Jameela Jamil]

To tell everyone about your sexy old job.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, so from 2005, I got on the FDNY. I was in the fire department before Joker started. You know, I was 28. I had taken the test. I, you know, went through the academy. Always wanted to be a fireman became a fireman. Got assigned to ater86 and loved it. Loved it. It's the greatest. Greatest job in the world. It's just.

[Jameela Jamil]

He's a fireman. You were haggling with sex fraud. Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

2005. This one.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was bartending.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Y. He was. Yeah, he was.

[Jameela Jamil]

He.

[Sal Vulcano]

He was saving lives.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I was shooting. Not even shooting.

[Brian Quinn]

That's all right. He's the best. Ten years he never charged me for a drink. That's a friend. That is a friend.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Never charged me for a drink. And I did dicky things to you. Remember? Like you would do shit for charity. And like, he would do like. Like there would be like, whatever, like a hurricane and. Sounds good guy. So he would put. He would put on the thing, like giving. Giving all tips tonight to charity. And he would legitimately take the money at the end of the night and he'd work for like, Katrina. Whatever it was, wasn't Katrina. Know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Because spend it on sex lines.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. And I would come into the bar and I'd see the bucket and I'd be like, look at this attention seeking. Everybody look at me. I'm getting like. So, like we just bust each other's balls. Yeah, but this is probably right.

[Sal Vulcano]

I forgot I did that.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

You the whole night for free.

[Brian Quinn]

Sure did.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Good guy.

[Brian Quinn]

So 2007. So you go to the firehouse. So the whole fire.

[Sal Vulcano]

You think I get some masturbation? Karma.

[Brian Quinn]

Do you want me to give you a hand job?

[Sal Vulcano]

What I'm getting at.

[Brian Quinn]

We'll be right back. Back in two and a half minutes. So. So, you know the fight. I'm sure it's the same thing in England. It's got to be where it's like everything is built on tradition and everything is like following the rules. And like, when you get to a firehouse, you have to prove to yourself that you are a member of the team. Like, you're not a fireman until the guys in the firehouse tell you you're a fireman. And there's all these traditions and rules and you're the, you know, you're the low guy in the totem pole and you got to do all the shit work.

[Jameela Jamil]

Is that kind of like hazing?

[Brian Quinn]

Appropriate we. This hazing, but. Well, that's the thing about the firehouse. It's like hazing is how we tell each other that we love each other. So it's like if you walk into a firehouse and you're not called an asshole or some horrible thing within five Minutes. Something's wrong. Like you did something to piss people off.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's kind of like comics.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, right. It's just like, fuck you. It's like all this stuff, but that's just how we do it. So I'm in the firehouse, and I get in, and my last name is Quinn, but my mother was born Italy, and my father's mother was born in Italy. So it's like, I have mostly Italian. My friend in high school. I don't want to say his name is. He works for the government now, but he was like. He used to call me even high school. He said, you're a wop with a nickname. And he would say that to me all the time.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

So you get to the firehouse and, like, you. The way you ingratiate your. If you're. If you play sports, you're great in the firehouse. You join the hockey team or whatever they need you in right away. Great. We're going to beat the other firehouse. Or if your father owns a restaurant, you could cook. Those are the two things that right away, you are golden in the firehouse. I have neither of those.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay.

[Brian Quinn]

Except for the sauce that my grandmother taught me when I was young because she barely spoke English. So I know the real Italian, mystical ingredients for that sort of thing. And I keep telling the guys, like, guys, this. This Sunday, I'll.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'll cook.

[Brian Quinn]

I got the meal. I got it. And they'd be like, we're not letting you cook. What the. It's going to be Irish soup. You don't know how to cook. Well, you know, we got Italian guys here. It's just the way, you know, Staten island, too. It's a big, tough, tough sell on that, guys. Let me make it get ripped on. Get ripped on. Finally. Yeah. No, you don't know the story. So finally the day comes where I'm like, guys, I got the meal. I brought all the. To the firehouse before the tour even started. So now we're not even going to the supermarket. This is my big win.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

I'm gonna win everybody over my side.

[Sal Vulcano]

This is. This sauce is gonna make you a fireman sauce.

[Brian Quinn]

Sausages. I was making nachos. I mean, soup to nuts. This whole thing. Yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I got classic Italian.

[Brian Quinn]

You need to nosh first.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

So you got to put the. The nosh on the table. Everybody comes in, starts eating, the conversation starts, and then the meal starts coming out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

It's a whole big thing. So we get it, and I'm doing it. Right. I'm doing it perfect. I got these guys, you know, this is gonna be it. I'm change. Change everything today. So I got everything going. The sausage. Sausage is bacon in the oven. The pasta's boiling. Now we get a run, which is like when the tones go off and you gotta go. And now the rules are you just everybody shut the oven when you go. Right. Because you don't know how long you'll be out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

It could be a car accident. You're there 10 minutes and you're back. It could be a fire, you're there five hours. So you just kill it. I didn't kill it. So I. I just got so excited to get on the rig because I. Because whatever wasn't even a real run. It was like. It was like an alarm goes off someone's house, which. 90 of the time, if a fire alarm goes off in someone's house, we get there and we're just replacing a battery. Oh, my God, it's so. It was even a shitty run. So we go. And I'm sitting there and I'm, like, thinking about myself. Yeah, that sauce came out great. Yeah. All right. I got the right. The right cheese dc, which is my senior guy likes. It was all about the senior guys, right. Because when I got on the job, too, was all the 911 guys, the guys that were still on the job, that got on the job in the 80s and 90s, all these older legends who would. Who, like you, want to sit there and listen to everything they have to say because they're telling these amazing stories, and you're learning how to be a good fireman. And these are the groups that I'm in. You're grouped together in certain work groups. So I'm like, this is great. And they liked me already. It wasn't like they didn't like me. You know, I'd worked with them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. But this was the balls.

[Brian Quinn]

They're busting my balls. They're not going to do it this time. This is great sauce.

[Jameela Jamil]

Right.

[Brian Quinn]

There's a fire suppression system in the. In the kitchen of the firehouse, and it is called an ansel system. And if it gets too hot or the smoke hits it, it blasts fire suppressant foam over every square inch of that kitchen. Every pot, every pan, dishwasher was open. The ovens were open. I mean, this got shot in every.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, my.

[Brian Quinn]

Gets worse. We're on the rig, we're headed back to the firehouse. A tone comes in on the rig, a ticket that tells you where the job Is. And they're like, coming from inside the house. There is a. There is a. There's a ticket for 1400 Richmond Avenue. And we're like, what? That's our firehouse. And then it hit me, and I'm like, oh, my God, the firehouse. And I'm like, I know what we're going into. I know what we're going into. Sure enough, we get there, and the powder is on every inch on the flute. Every. Everything. It. I felt like the world's biggest piece of. And then they're like, well, get in there, and you have to clean it. So for the next seven hours, I'm alone in the firehouse, in the kitchen, cleaning under the couch cushions. Like, it was literally every. It went everywhere. And the only time I heard from other people is when they stuck their head in to make fun of me. And then people came into the firehouse just to make fun of me. Shows up. He goes, well, it's just. I heard you. Up he comes in. He. He peeks his head, and it was like, that was it. And then, like, to fix the system. This is the thing that they really got me on the way. The system. The Ansel system works. It pops something open. All the Comes out. They never got it fixed by the city. They put it with a clamp there, like a. Like a clamp to close the system. And somebody put a sign on the clamp that says, quinn's up. And it was hanging there for, like, two years off the clamp. And that was it. Like, it was like. Even now saying it, like, I just remember that feeling of. Of like, I got. I got a.

[Jameela Jamil]

You've got one job.

[Brian Quinn]

One job.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's to put out fires. To have started one. And the set everything off is so crazy.

[Brian Quinn]

I cook better than you. You don't see on my grandmother's recipe, blah, blah, blah. We ordered pizza that day, and I didn't even get to eat any of it because I was too busy cleaning. So that was like a really bad. I mean, I have a bunch of fire stories like that where you up. But, like, that was one where it's like, I'm even now saying it, feeling.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like I know you've visibly gone redder.

[Brian Quinn]

It was bad, man.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like.

[Brian Quinn]

Like, I. I don't know how many people in the history of the New York City Fire Department had a ticket, a fire ticket drawn in their own firehouse because of them. It was like. It was. And by the way, the fire department is small. Everybody knew it.

[Jameela Jamil]

Of course everybody knew it.

[Brian Quinn]

So they so like, and the printer prints out the ticket, so they. They printed it out 50 times and covered my locker and stuff like that, you know. And like with the fire department, you just waiting for the next person to fuck up because until they fuck up, you're in the hospital hot seat. But that's when you find out if people love you or not, right? Because, like, that's when, like, they're hitting me so hard, they gotta like me, right? Because. Because if they didn't, they wouldn't be making fun of it. They just be like, your pieces get the out of here. You know what I mean? Like, it was all good natured ribbing.

[Jameela Jamil]

And stuff like that.

[Brian Quinn]

Like, I'm getting all sweaty.

[Jameela Jamil]

Genuinely. As soon as you said that, the alarm went off at the fire station. I thought I was gonna throw up.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, it was so bad. And that ride, because I didn't want to admit it, you know what I mean? Like, I. I sat there so quiet, being like, please let it be anything else. But I knew in my heart of hearts that I had set off the fire alarm.

[Jameela Jamil]

And you didn't know that story?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, I didn't know that.

[Brian Quinn]

I got a lot of fire stories like that.

[Sal Vulcano]

I know the heroic ones.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, yeah. Metals. He knows all the stories about that.

[Sal Vulcano]

He calls me up from the site. You're not just saying.

[Jameela Jamil]

Such a cinematic wrong turn.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Jameela Jamil]

All right. I love you both so much. I don't want to let you go, but I have to. And before you go, I want to read you a story from one of our listeners. This section we call Misery Loves Company. And this is from Lauren, who says, once when I was a student, I got very drunk and went home with a singer from a metal band to his house. As I'm getting dressed the next morning, I hear the alarming sound of someone starting to heave. I have emetophobia, which is a fear and anxiety around vomiting. Vomiting, which I also have. So I legged it downstairs, seeking refuge from the projectile chunder thunder that erupted behind me and across the landing. I burst into a living room in just my knickers to find his mum, his dad and a preteen brother, all very politely having their morning toast and tea. The mum, in a very British fashion, made me a cup of tea. Oh, my God. Tits out. What a fucking nightmare. Just wearing. Yeah, of course. Of all of the genders of having to have been a little teenage boy who's probably never seen tits before. And now you're his first tit. What a fucking nightmare.

[Sal Vulcano]

Crazy. It's the worst day of her life and the best day of hit.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly.

[Sal Vulcano]

Same moments. You know, he's on a different podcast right now. It's like the best day of your life. The right turn. He's like, I wasn't even supposed to be home that morning.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. I would urge her to recontextualize that from the teen boys point of view.

[Jameela Jamil]

As a sort of like make a wish sort of thing.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, why not?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, that's what I would do.

[Jameela Jamil]

I love you both so much.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, you're the best.

[Jameela Jamil]

Tell everyone where they can find you, please.

[Brian Quinn]

Tbs, I guess. You know.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah. The new season will start this summer on tbs and I'm on tour right now and I'm touring through 2026, so. So it's probably another 80 cities. Salvolcanocomedy.com and then I have a new podcast coming out that you are going to be on.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes, I am.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's called Minouche and it'll be out sometime toward summer or fall.

[Jameela Jamil]

Amazing. Amazing. I love you both so much.

[Sal Vulcano]

Love you too.

[Jameela Jamil]

We're family.

[Brian Quinn]

Yes, we are.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal design disaster storiesmail.com you can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now by.

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[Sal Vulcano]

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[Sal Vulcano]

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