Jesse Klein (2:41)

I've got all my strings.

Jameela Jamil (2:42)

Yeah, not everything has to be fucking inspiring these days. All right, let's just enjoy the dumpster while we can.

Trey Crowder (2:48)

I'm trying to be that cook. Yes, that guy actually lived. So, you know, sometimes getting drunk works.

Jameela Jamil (2:53)

Yes, perfect. Well, joining me today, we have Emmy winning writer, actress and comedian from shows like Big Mouth Inside, Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live, and Dead to Me. Her latest book, I'll Show Myself out, became a New York Times bestseller. And she co hosts the podcast here to make friends. It's Jesse bloody Klein.

Jesse Klein (3:09)

Hello, Jesse bloody Klein.

Jameela Jamil (3:10)

Hello.

Jesse Klein (3:10)

Thanks for having me.

Jameela Jamil (3:12)

So happy to have you here. Such a big fan.

Jesse Klein (3:14)

Oh, thank you.

Jameela Jamil (3:15)

And we have a brilliant comedian, producer, and co author of two books, the Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie, out of the Dark and Round Here and Over Yonder, A front porch travel guide by two progressive hillbillies. Yes, that is a thing. And you can watch his new comedy special, trash Daddy, on YouTube. It's Trey Crowder.

Trey Crowder (3:31)

Thank you very much. I appreciate it. And sorry about the long subtitles on those books.

Jameela Jamil (3:36)

I love the titles. I'm so happy that you're both here. How are you both doing today?

Trey Crowder (3:42)

I mean, you know, I'm all right. I'm hanging in there. Feeling a little bloated, but that's okay.

Jesse Klein (3:49)

I, you know, in these times, I've, I had a conversation with someone once who was saying that when the fire of the world is happening, it's better to ask, how are you faring other than how are you doing? Because we're all kind of doing bad, right? And our faring's like, how are you coping? Drinking, drinking, drinking.

Trey Crowder (4:09)

Like me and the cook.

Jesse Klein (4:11)

Like you and the cook. The survivors.

Trey Crowder (4:13)

Yes, exactly.

Jameela Jamil (4:14)

Yes. It's the only way to get through. And it's perfect. That kind of behavior only creates more wrong turns.

Jesse Klein (4:19)

I mean, Exactly.

Jameela Jamil (4:21)

I get the immediate sense that, that you are two people that disaster is drawn to because of. Yeah. Okay.

Jesse Klein (4:28)

Magnets.

Jameela Jamil (4:29)

Magnets. Give me any small examples?

Trey Crowder (4:31)

Well, I take a wrong turn every single night of, of my life. So, like I'll. I said feeling I'll try. I, I was a fat kid growing up, I try to do right, you know, like health and fitness wise. So like when I'm at home, because I'm a touring comedian, but when I'm at home all day long, I'll do well, I wake up in the morning, I'll get on the peloton, I'll lift weights or do whatever. I have a protein shake, I'll eat a chicken breast, I'll do all that. Do do every cold plunge. I don't have cold perfectly fine 98% of the day. And at night, my wife and kids are already asleep. I finished watching my, you know, Reacher or whatever the dad shit I'm watching on TV is, and then stand up. Stand up to go to bed. And instead of turning right where my bedroom is, I take the wrong turn left into the kitchen.

Jesse Klein (5:17)

A literal wrong turn where?

Trey Crowder (5:19)

A literal wrong turn. Where I stand, eat Girl Scout cookies in the dark, over the sink, alone for 10 minutes.

Jesse Klein (5:25)

That's how they're meant to be.

Trey Crowder (5:26)

Just shoving them.

Jesse Klein (5:27)

No one's ever eaten Girl Scout cookies together.

Trey Crowder (5:29)

Unhinging my jaw and just dumping them all in there in the. Completely in the abyss where I belong. And then. Then finally make it to the bed and then lay there in, like, the fetal position, like, moaning in pain and wondering why I did that for the next 25 minutes, and then woke up the next morning feeling like I cheated on my wife or something. The night before, like, just I cheated on myself is what I did.

Jesse Klein (5:51)

Self abandonment.

Trey Crowder (5:52)

Yes. But I did. That's the term now each and every night. So, yeah, that's my most common wrong.

Jameela Jamil (5:56)

I don't know if you could name a woman in the 90s who doesn't have exactly the same nighttime routine. To be perfectly honest, I feel you did. Yeah.

Jesse Klein (6:04)

I'm gonna say, I actually don't think any of that is a wrong turn. I feel like that's every right decision.

Trey Crowder (6:10)

You think so?

Jameela Jamil (6:11)

That's self care, not these fucking collagen masks. Yeah, that is self care. Build an industry and a podcast around that. Wait, what?

Trey Crowder (6:19)

I don't know if my cholesterol agrees. Yeah.

Jesse Klein (6:22)

What's your Girl Scout cookie flavor? I mean, obviously.

Trey Crowder (6:25)

Well, as I've gotten older, like, it used to be, like, tagalongs and then, of course, like, some up. But, like, as I'm getting older, like, now I like the lemon ups.

Jesse Klein (6:32)

The more, like, ooh, controversial.

Trey Crowder (6:35)

Well, I feel like they're a little more boring and, like, less, like, in your face. But that's what happens, I think, as you get older. I mean, that's what I've been chalking it up to.

Jesse Klein (6:42)

I was waiting for you to say Thin Mint.

Trey Crowder (6:44)

And I've never been a big. Like, I don't like mint chocolate chip or mint.

Jameela Jamil (6:49)

Same.

Grow Therapy Advertiser (6:49)

Wow.

Jesse Klein (6:50)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (6:50)

I don't. Wow.

Jameela Jamil (6:51)

Yeah. Do you want to leave? Why don't you leave?

Jesse Klein (6:54)

It's not that I want to leave. It's that I'm not sure I should stay.

Jameela Jamil (6:57)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (6:59)

I mean, anyone here?

Jameela Jamil (7:00)

We're in a very tribal America right now. Okay. So it's just like you're either with us or against us.

MIDI Health Advertiser (7:06)

I don't know.

Jesse Klein (7:07)

I'm trying to keep the vibes up, up, up. I just thought Thin Mint was the most popular one.

Jameela Jamil (7:11)

Sorry.

Trey Crowder (7:12)

I've got a son that likes me, so it's okay. So I don't have a problem with you.

Jesse Klein (7:15)

Okay, okay, okay.

Jameela Jamil (7:16)

Okay.

Trey Crowder (7:16)

Everyone in my family, we're back. We're back.

Jesse Klein (7:19)

Cool, cool, cool.

Jameela Jamil (7:20)

I know. You're kind. Yeah. What about you, Jesse? When it comes to like micro humiliation.

Jesse Klein (7:26)

Oh my God. Well, I have. I guess if it's three, it's a pattern. Along the way of my life, I. I've realized that I've had these little mini celebrity encounters where I sort of accidentally discourage people who are going to go on to do great things from doing them. Like. So the first one I can remember. Well, the third one is. Anyway, the first one. So when I was growing up, I was best friends with someone whose little sister was best friends with Claire Danes. Heard of her. And so she was. I was like 15 and she was 12. And it was pre my so called life. And we would hang out, we're like New York City kids. And then one night at a diner, we were all sitting around, it's like me and my friends and Claire's there and we're all talking about what we want to be when we grow up. And Claire says, like, I think I really want to be an actress. And she, by the way, was like a very charming, charismatic, precocious young girl. And I was like, well, that's a really great idea, but I just think you should have like a backup, you know, or like a plan B. Because like, the likeliness of that happening.

Jameela Jamil (8:35)

Is a brutal industry.

Jesse Klein (8:36)

It's a brutal industry. And I just was sort of like, cool. But like, what else? And then I think not even six months later, she was already being acclaimed as one of our generation's finest actors.

Jameela Jamil (8:51)

And then.

Jesse Klein (8:52)

And I've always just been like, oh my God, what a terrible human being. I. Why did I do that?

Trey Crowder (8:57)

And then you might have been a motivator. Do you know what I mean?

Jameela Jamil (8:59)

Like all those people, we all need a hater. I can't believe you're Claire D. First hater. That's crazy. I love her so much.

Jesse Klein (9:12)

I don't know, I think I just was like, I want her to be okay financially. I don't know. And then in college, I went to Vassar College and freshman year, this sort of music producer who you may know as Mark Ronson.

Trey Crowder (9:30)

Oh, my God.

Jesse Klein (9:31)

Was at Vassar for his. For our freshman year. And it was like, very nice and, you know, a very good looking guy. And so everyone sort of knew him, but sweetheart. And then I guess we had a class together. And towards the end of that year, he was like, yeah, I've decided I'm not gonna be back. I'm gonna. I really wanna be Houston dj, a producer. So I'm like, gonna go pursue it. I'm gonna just take off from college and go do that. And I was like, mark, don't you think you should finish your school? Don't you really think you should stay? Oh, my God. You know, like, your lib education is really important. And again, you know, cut to him just really doing pretty great. I'm gonna wait.

Jameela Jamil (10:17)

I'm sorry that you're on my podcast now. If you're encouraging me, it means it's gonna fail.

Trey Crowder (10:23)

Could you please shit talk me when.

Jameela Jamil (10:25)

We get done here?

Jesse Klein (10:26)

Oh, I know, I know. I don't think. And then the third one's a little different, but also a humiliating celebrity encounter.

MIDI Health Advertiser (10:31)

I did a story.

Jameela Jamil (10:32)

Did you talk Malala out of activism?

Jesse Klein (10:36)

You know, is the Taliban that bad? Like, just leave it. It'll probably just crumble on its own. Get along to go along or whatever. All of these queens. And then, yeah, many years ago, I told, like my first story for the Moth, which is like a storytelling show that you should check out. And I was put on a lineup with Ethan Hawke, who did not. Was already very famous. I could not discourage him. But I was telling a story about a big breakup I'd gone through. And then he came up after me. And very kindly as he was on stage was like, it's very hard to follow Jesse Klein. Like, he was very complimentary. And then he was like, oh, and I wonder if I could get her number. And so I'm dying. I think he was single at the time. I think this is many, many years ago. Not cheating on his wife. But I was, like, shy, didn't know what to do about it. And then a year later, I was at this big fundraiser for the Moth. And I see him, like at the crudite table or whatever, and I'm like, now is my big chance. Because it usually goes really well with me and people of this caliber. And I went up to him and I think I did like, tap, tap. And he whirls around, slightly terrified. I'm like, hi, it's me, your soulmate. Hey, it's me. And like, you've it was like when a dog is watching the news, like, no understanding or connection to, like. Like, not even a gestalt of a face. He was just like, what? And just my heart, I was like, this is the revenge of Mark Ronson and Claire Danes. Like, he just couldn't understand. And then I was trying to explain, and slowly my whole soul is just Homer Simpson gifing into a bush. Like, yeah, I'm so sorry, Mr. Hall. Yeah. Anyway, so I really shouldn't be out of the house. It's not going well for me.

Jameela Jamil (12:34)

Listen, I'm not better around celebrities. I was remembering last night, the first time I ever met Whitney Cummings, who, like, you know, 15 years ago, she was just coming up as a standup. Or maybe it was 10 years ago, she was like, really coming up as a standup. And I really enjoyed her work back then. And I thought she was just so funny.

Jesse Klein (12:52)

So funny.

Jameela Jamil (12:53)

And when I get, you know, when I really admire someone and I get cold at the same time, if I get nervous and cold at the same time, I lose complete control of my entire body. My entire body decides to go against me and stages a coup against my entire life. Yeah, A full rebellion, right? So there was this, like, weird, like, arctic breeze that had hit California, and it was in November, and so it was full fucking freezing, 52 to 57.

Trey Crowder (13:23)

No, no, no.

Jameela Jamil (13:23)

It was actually legitimately fucking freezing. So Whitney walks off stage and I run up to her just to say, like, oh, I just want you to know I'm, like, such a fan. I used to watch you, like, back in England, and I think you're so funny. You were so great on stage. And as I'm about to start speaking to her, this, like, arctic wind hits me. So now I'm nervous and freezing cold, and my entire body starts going into uncontrollable shakes. Like, I'm having, like, a big quake is happening inside of now. I can't get any words out. So I was like, I'm such a big fan. And she was like. And so she immediately stops, right? Because it's Whitney. And she's like, you know, she's a decent human being. She stops and she thinks like, oh, okay, this person needs a little extra time. So she stops immediately. And I was like, I'm Jamila. And she was like, yeah, okay. And so she tells all her friends to go away for a second and give us some space. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no.

Jesse Klein (14:21)

No, no, no, no.

Jameela Jamil (14:22)

I was like, there's no.

Jesse Klein (14:23)

No, no, no.

Jameela Jamil (14:24)

Nothing wrong with Me. And she was like, no, there is nothing wrong with you. Hey, there is nothing wrong with you. So she starts, like. She starts like Robin Williams in Goodwill hunting of like, it's not your fault. It's not your fault, right? And I was like, no, I'm just cold. And she was like, it is cold. You know what? I'm actually cold as well. Yeah, it is cold. And I was like, oh, no. She's like. So then she's like, do you want to walk? She was like, I'm really late. I have to get to another show, but do you want to walk me to my car? And so she lets me walk her to her car. And, like is just so unbearably kind to me. And the thing is, is that I go there all the time, and now I know I'm going to have to see her again at some other point. So she gives me, like, a huge hug, gives me some, like, free merch and all this stuff. And I keep trying to be like.

Jesse Klein (15:16)

No, no, no, no, I'm free.

MIDI Health Advertiser (15:18)

Fine.

Jameela Jamil (15:18)

And she was like, I know you are, honey.

Jesse Klein (15:20)

You are fine. Can I help you find your way?

Jameela Jamil (15:22)

She was like, you're amazing.

Jesse Klein (15:23)

You know what? You're my hero.

Jameela Jamil (15:26)

So then I walk into her car, she gets in, and I wave away, just feeling like, oh, no, she's gonna think I'm such a manipulator. And then I just, like, avoided her for years.

Jesse Klein (15:37)

The proper response. The proper response. Avoidance.

Jameela Jamil (15:39)

The idea that she'll now think that I put that on to manipulate her.

Jesse Klein (15:45)

She was really worried about you.

Jameela Jamil (15:47)

So worried. It was a very kind moment, but it was one of those ones where I remember her seeing me two weeks later talking to, like, Neil Brennan, who's a really good friend of mine who's also a friend of hers. And so apparently she was like, oh, who's that girl? Like, oh, she's got.

Jesse Klein (16:01)

Is this a make a wish?

MIDI Health Advertiser (16:02)

Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (16:03)

And then found out I'm absolutely fine and I'm on the Good Place and so awkward.

Jesse Klein (16:10)

Well, you're a girl after my own.

Trey Crowder (16:12)

No joke. A recurring nightmare that I have is having that happen to me, like, talking like that for no reason in, like, a situation like that or on a podcast or on stage or something. Like, having a nightmare about going to school without your pants on or whatever. Like, I do that with talking. The way you really talk to Whitney.

Jameela Jamil (16:29)

Yeah, because it's just. It's just the fact that, like, that's not how I actually speak. And so she's gonna think I'm A fraud or a psychopath later.

Jesse Klein (16:37)

Sort of a NETFLIX documentary of a person. Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (16:40)

Yeah. So it was just. It was a nice way to find out how deeply kind she is. She's like, no, there's. Hey, there's nothing wrong with you. Okay. Square.

Jesse Klein (16:51)

Yes.

Jameela Jamil (16:52)

Full sports mom.

Jesse Klein (16:54)

So, so sweet.

Jameela Jamil (16:55)

So insane. I'm. I'm very sad and disappointed that Ethan Hawke didn't immediately recognize you and marry you.

Jesse Klein (17:02)

I mean, we share in the disappointment. You know, there's. It was presumptuous, and I. I think it worked out. I think he's with the person he was meant to be with. That's what I tell myself.

Jameela Jamil (17:14)

Fine.

Jesse Klein (17:15)

Fine.

Jameela Jamil (17:15)

Trey, what about you? Any humiliating.

Trey Crowder (17:17)

Yeah, very brief one that I could think of when it comes to, like, celebrities is. I remember once I. Friend of mine who's, like, an aspiring actor out here is in Tim Robbins Theater troupe. You know, Tim Robbins, Charles Shake, Redemption and all that. Great actor, big fan. And, like, yeah, I was there with my buddy who's in that theater group, and Tim Robbins was there that night. And I never met him before he was there, and the guy is, like, about to introduce me to him. And in my head, I think about how I know for a fact I've seen Tim Robbins multiple times on Bill Maher's show. And I also had done Bill Maher's show, so I wanted a way to, like, relate to him, find an immediate in. Right.

Jesse Klein (17:56)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (17:56)

But my buddy James goes, hey, Tim, this is Trey. Trey, this is Tim. Whatever. And I was just like. I was on Bill Maher. I just said it. And he goes, okay.

Jesse Klein (18:06)

Oh.

Trey Crowder (18:08)

And then just like. And I was like. I meant, like, I said that because you. And then I just, like, fell apart even further.

Jesse Klein (18:13)

Oh, naked. Okay. Okay.

Trey Crowder (18:16)

It was. But, yeah, he was like, all right. You know, like, that type of, like, that's cool.

Jesse Klein (18:21)

Hurts. Yeah.

Trey Crowder (18:22)

But it was. You know, I just. You know, I tell, like, you. I don't know. It all happened so fast.

Jesse Klein (18:27)

It happens.

Trey Crowder (18:28)

So I thought I had a plan, but then half the words just didn't come out. I just skipped to just that part, like, thinking that he would know the reason I was saying.

Jameela Jamil (18:35)

Version of your brain shitting its own pants.

Trey Crowder (18:37)

Exactly.

Jameela Jamil (18:38)

You know, it just comes out of nowhere, just happens, and it's a fucking nightmare.

Jesse Klein (18:42)

Yeah, well, nightmare.

Trey Crowder (18:43)

I was also at this premiere for a documentary one of the Coen brothers did, because I'm, like, friends with a T Bone Burnett who works with him all the time. And so, like, there was a bunch of big A list people There and stuff. And there was. I was talking to somebody and they mentioned Gabe, my friend Gabe, who works with T Bone and does music on his movies. He's also in the band the Punch Brothers. And I know Gabe very well. And he's like standing right there and this person mentions Gabe. And I was like, oh, Gabe's my buddy. I was like, hey, Gabe. Gabe. But he, like, didn't hear me. And instead of just like stopping for some reason, I was like, I'm doing this now. So, like five seconds later, I'm just screaming, gabe. Hey, Gabe. Like, and everyone has stopped talking, like, in the area. And it's just like looking at me. And finally he was like, what? And I was like, what, Trey? And I was like, no, she just said that. She just. You know her, right? Yeah, I said, I knew you too.

Jameela Jamil (19:41)

It's such a horrible. I know exactly how you feel. Yes. We've all been there.

Trey Crowder (19:46)

And then right after that, it's just like, I don't. What? I don't know why. I literally do not know why I did that.

Jesse Klein (19:51)

Because you had started it.

Trey Crowder (19:52)

I started. Yeah, Right.

Jesse Klein (19:54)

It would be embarrassing not to finish it.

Trey Crowder (19:56)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (19:56)

So better to keep screaming your friends.

Jameela Jamil (19:59)

Fucking word she says, right? This woman gives terrible advice. You're not allowed to give any of us any advice. She tells you it's okay. I'm going to tell you now, it's not okay.

Jesse Klein (20:10)

You know what? You've cracked the code. This is exactly right. You're exactly right.

Jameela Jamil (20:15)

We'll be right back after the break.

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Jameela Jamil (23:53)

Okay, so we're back. All right.

Jesse Klein (23:55)

Jessie. Yes.

Jameela Jamil (23:56)

Tell me your big wrong turn.

Jesse Klein (23:58)

Okay, so my big wrong turn. Okay, so I. Well I grew up in New York City so I didn't learn how to drive until I was 33 and I failed the test twice before I passed. Anyway, the point is I just don't have like a long driving history at the time that this story is taking place. I'm driving to work one morning in LA and I am going through Griffith Park. I. And you know, it's like a one way road and I'm the only one on the road. And I become aware it's quite a winding road. It's quite, it's quite winding. And I become aware that I'm hearing like a police car behind me with like sirens going and the lights and I'm like, oh shit. Like, who are they? Like who are they chasing? I better get out of the way. And so I kind of speed up and also slightly pull, pull a little to the sides of this car. Police car can pass me to catch this perp. And.

Trey Crowder (25:05)

And then I cannot imagine but thinking.

Jesse Klein (25:09)

It'S not, it's like not passing and I just sort of. But the lights are just more insistent and the sirens are louder and I'm.

Jameela Jamil (25:18)

Like, why better like, God, they really need to catch this guy.

Jesse Klein (25:20)

They really need to catch this creep.

Trey Crowder (25:22)

They seem upset.

Jesse Klein (25:23)

They seem upset. And so I just kind of, I'm like, you're just getting. I guess I better speed up more. So I'm kind of gunning it at this point to end. Like again, trying to stay to the side so this car can find this person.

Trey Crowder (25:39)

And then why didn't you like, you know why.

Jameela Jamil (25:44)

There's no way to pull over. It's quite narrow.

Jesse Klein (25:47)

There was not a world.

Trey Crowder (25:48)

You're like trying to get out of the world.

Jesse Klein (25:51)

Somehow I'm in the way. And like he, I don't know why he can't. I think I need to just like.

Trey Crowder (25:55)

Really keep going till you get out of the way.

Jesse Klein (25:57)

I just also was in fear. Like, what dangerous person. I better just really.

Trey Crowder (26:01)

And you're a new driver and everything.

Jesse Klein (26:02)

So I'm, I'm. Well, I'm not like a new driver typically, but I just, it's not like I've been. The point is I've never been pulled over in my life. I don't know what that looks like or feels like. I'm like, I just anyway.

Jameela Jamil (26:14)

And then you're dripping in white privilege.

Jesse Klein (26:16)

I'm basically dripping in white privilege. Yes, yes, 1 million percent. And I am also generally like a very good driver. Like I'm not. I just couldn't imagine a world. And then, then the cop does basically scream into their loudspeaker, pull over. And I'm like, oh my God, moi? And I don't know how to pull over. I just never pulled over before. So I pull over to the left. Left side of the road across the correct. Well, no, it's. Again, it's one way, but still, like, why did I do that? That doesn't.

Jameela Jamil (26:55)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (26:55)

Make sense. And that, as you might imagine, angers the cop further because yeah, they're just like, what the. And also I've now led them on like a two mile police chase.

Trey Crowder (27:07)

There's helicopters.

Jameela Jamil (27:09)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (27:10)

Like news forest.

Jesse Klein (27:11)

I don't know if you know, but like cops don't like it when you don't do what they want. And so then I'm like. He's like, right side. And then now I'm like, oh my God. And I pull over to the right. So the cop gets out of his car. And I'm gonna say, me and this cop are starting from a real deficit. Right, right, right, right. In as our relationship. Because I've just really angered him and I rolled out my window and he's so furious. And I guess what I did was at the light before I turned up into the park. It's like a 10 minute light. This is like such a fucking Californian Sally story. But I had briefly touched my phone and I guess if you touch your phone, even if you're at a light not moving, that is a 10 minute. Really? Yes. Let this be a word to the.

Trey Crowder (28:03)

Come on.

Jameela Jamil (28:05)

She was literally pulled over.

Trey Crowder (28:07)

I'm saying that's, you know, it shouldn't be. No, no, no, it shouldn't be. Yeah.

Jesse Klein (28:11)

Are you on my side?

Trey Crowder (28:12)

Yes.

Jameela Jamil (28:12)

Okay.

Trey Crowder (28:13)

Yes. I'm saying that that feels like a bit much to me.

Jesse Klein (28:15)

It was a bit much, but I'm just. I didn't know that, like at a red light, sitting there when you're absolutely still. Again, at like an extremely long light. Anyway, I touched my phone and he pounced. And then I did not understand that I was the subject of the chase. And then he's like, license. And I had not changed my license from my New York license to la. Right, right, right. So at that point he does let me know if he wanted to, he like could essentially arrest me. And then we have a long talk. Anyway. Yeah, literal ticket. Oh, I got a ticket. Yeah. And he basically, he was like, if you don't get your license switched to your current address, like in the next week, like there will be like a warrant for your arrest.

Jameela Jamil (29:10)

Like hell you. I had no idea that driving in this country is this intense. I've never Driven.

Jesse Klein (29:15)

Very intense.

Trey Crowder (29:16)

Cops in this country are this intense.

Jameela Jamil (29:18)

Right.

Jesse Klein (29:19)

In my opinion, yes. And again, even to a white privilege dripping idiot, like he was just very out of sorts with me. And then even with the firmest of warnings about how just to tag on the story, even with the firmest of warnings about how like change your license to this state right away, it's still. I kind of procrastinated and I think.

Jameela Jamil (29:41)

It'S a New York license.

Jesse Klein (29:42)

I got it changed last year.

Jameela Jamil (29:43)

Oh my God, I love it.

Jesse Klein (29:46)

I'm throwing the dice. I don't know. I live a very like boring soccer mom life at this point.

Trey Crowder (29:51)

I'm like, no, fight the power, push back.

Grow Therapy Advertiser (29:54)

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Trey Crowder (29:55)

That's what I'm saying.

Jesse Klein (29:56)

It feels there's a way to fight the power by just not going to the dmv. I guess that I'm fighting the power.

Jameela Jamil (30:01)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (30:01)

Then I'm on the front lines, the resistance.

Jameela Jamil (30:03)

Yes.

Jesse Klein (30:04)

Risking kind of nothing. But.

Jameela Jamil (30:07)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (30:08)

So that was my wrong turn.

Jameela Jamil (30:09)

That's a big old wrong turn.

Jesse Klein (30:11)

That was my rumble.

Trey Crowder (30:12)

It's funny. It's like, that's a difference between like. So I don't know if you guys have ascertained or not, but I'm from really redneck part of the country. Not white. I'm white trash specifically. And that's like a big difference is like, well now, now rednecks got like thin blue line stickers on their big trucks and stuff. And like love the cops. But when I was a kid, rednecks and cops, like were.

Jesse Klein (30:32)

Yeah. Dukes of Hazard.

Trey Crowder (30:33)

Thank you.

Jameela Jamil (30:33)

My favorite show.

Trey Crowder (30:34)

Yeah. People have forgotten. Famously famous. Not just that smoking the Bandit, NASCAR got started. Literally was started by rednecks running from the law. Like running from the law is like a national pastime for my people. And I just. It literally is now a sport.

Jameela Jamil (30:47)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (30:48)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (30:48)

And like, so I just. It's wild to me. Like it. The minute you see or hear a cop, it's like, oh, he's coming to with us or whatever. It's like what you like, I'm seeing a cop. Right. If I see a cop behind me, my first thought is like, here we go. Like, even if I haven't done anything, and then if it's a pleasant surprise if he continues on, you know, like, I default to this here to do, you know, try some shit or whatever.

Jesse Klein (31:16)

I get it. I get the fear.

Jameela Jamil (31:18)

I have no experience whatsoever with the police. Yeah. But it sounds fucking terrifying. I just don't do anything. I don't leave my house.

Jesse Klein (31:27)

That's the only way to avoid it.

Jameela Jamil (31:28)

Really is the only way. Well, yeah, Also now the police won't come, even if, like, there was like, all my alarms went off, my burglar alarms. And we. And, like, it was like several alarms went off. So first it was like the parameter had been interfered with. So it's like, okay, someone's on the property. And then it was like the front door. And then it's like, oh, glass. And we were like, holy shit, someone's actually in the house now. And all the alarms are going off. We get the call from the security company and they were like, the police are on their way. We sat there in that locked room for eight hours and no one showed up. This was like. Yeah, it was like, busy shooting people's guns.

Jesse Klein (32:08)

Yeah, it was.

Jameela Jamil (32:09)

Yeah, they were just busy chasing people who had turned their phone a fucking light.

Jesse Klein (32:15)

I touched my.

Jameela Jamil (32:15)

So, yeah. So I've. So even when I've tried to interact.

Jesse Klein (32:19)

With the police, they're not interested. Not interested. They're not interested. Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (32:23)

I can just go fuck myself.

Jesse Klein (32:25)

Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (32:26)

And eventually my boyfriend and I went out with a bejeweled baseball bat that someone had given me. So that if I, you know, if I die defending myself, I die fabulously. Yeah.

Trey Crowder (32:37)

Depending on the jewels that infused powers to the weapon, I think, like, emerald gives it poison damage.

Jesse Klein (32:41)

Scratchy. Yeah, scratchy hit.

Jameela Jamil (32:43)

But it was. Yeah. Whoever had gotten in. I have the same shit that they have. They already have this shit. I just don't. I don't spend money on anything apart from food, so. Unless you raid my fridge.

Trey Crowder (32:55)

Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (32:55)

There was this crazy thing that happened to my English teacher when I was at school where she went to the local department store for a quick piss. And while she put her bag, you know, on the thing, on the hook to go to the toilet and umbrella hook came, like, from, I guess, like, around the door. No. And picked up the bag. And then, like, the bag was gone. So she runs. She runs out of there, like, still peeing down her legs, like, pulling her pants up. Runs out of the bathroom. It's crowded. It's like the Christmas holidays. She can't see anyone anywhere. You know, everyone. There's just. It's just chaos. And whoever's got a bag is clearly just, like, walking at a normal pace. So she just goes to the security department. She's like, listen, I'm a teacher. I had my A level grading in there. I have all these papers. And that was back before we had laptops, right? Yeah, we were all. It was our handwritten work paper. Yeah, exactly. It's properly our work. So she's like, I don't care about the money. I have no money. I'm an English teacher. She was like, but if you could just make sure that if the bag is dumped somewhere, you return it to me. I have a lot of work to mark. So they were like, fine, you know, we'll call you if anything turns up. So she makes her way home. Her neighbor lets her in downstairs. So then she gets a phone call late at night when the department store closes, and they say to her, listen, we found your bag. Your wallet is obviously gone, and there's nothing of value in here, but there are papers, and there's a Filofax and this, that, and the other. And they name all the contents of her bags. And so she was like, okay, great, I'm gonna come in tomorrow. She was like, I can't come in first thing in the morning because I'm working at school all day. I'll come in at the end of the day at 4pm they were like, fine. So the following day, she gets up, she goes to school, she makes her way through the day. She goes back to the department store. She goes to the security department again at the end of the the day. And they say to her, oh, we never found your bag. And she's like, no, you did. You called me last night. You read me all the contents of my bag. I'm really sorry, but we don't have any recollection. It's not anywhere on the system that we found your bag. So I don't know who called you. We've had a changeover of staff. When they come in for the night shift, we promise that we will phone you and get to the bottom of this. She's like, okay, she's confused. She goes home. And this time when she gets home and her neighbor lets her in, she opens the door and. And realizes all of her belongings are gone. And they've taken every single thing she owns and even emptied her fridge, which is psychotic. So basically, the people who'd stolen her bag had phoned her pretending to be the department store. And she'd remember there'd been, like, a big van outside her apartment. Like when she had walked past it on her way to work first thing in the morning, they were waiting, watching her leave, to then empty all of the contents of her home. But flattering. I mean, silver lining flattering. Nice. Even the stuff in the fridge, they want that. No one took shit from my houses.

Jesse Klein (35:48)

I mean, can I tell you what's in my fridge right now is like mostly food that should have been thrown away a week ago. Well so if anyone wants to try it.

Jameela Jamil (35:58)

Yeah, they're going to.

Jesse Klein (36:01)

Luck.

Jameela Jamil (36:02)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (36:03)

Oh my God, the umbrella.

Jameela Jamil (36:05)

I know that does feel like a.

Trey Crowder (36:07)

Very like British type thing.

Jameela Jamil (36:08)

Very British. Yeah.

Trey Crowder (36:11)

It's umbrella slips over there. Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (36:15)

Yes, Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Trey Crowder (36:18)

Also the long con. It's like back then they put effort in that stuff. Now it's like scammers just text a random number. It's like this is totally the irs. Click this link or we're going to take your house.

Jameela Jamil (36:27)

Hello, this is the irs. I am calling from Pennsylvania.

Trey Crowder (36:32)

It's not as elaborate anymore.

Jesse Klein (36:34)

I do falling for them though I.

Jameela Jamil (36:37)

Do say, well we'll be right back after the break.

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Trey Crowder (38:13)

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Jameela Jamil (39:11)

And we are back. Okay, Trey.

Trey Crowder (39:15)

Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (39:15)

You're up. Tell me your wrong turns.

Trey Crowder (39:18)

Just. Yeah, just a particular humiliation. The type of thing that I will randomly pop into my head, I think for the rest of my life. Like so I said for redneck background. One of the only very few positive stereotypes about my people is that like we can be like handy, you know, you can like fix. You're like good in like an apocalypse scenario. Know how guns work. Your good shot. You know, you're good with tools all. I can't. And I can't do literally any of that. I don't know how to do none of it. And in my. I'm married and my wife does all the like house like handiwork around our house. Like we have a whole wall of tools in our garage and those are my wife's tools. I don't even know what the names of them are. So it's like. But my wife's dad, my father in law is like a man's man also from rural Tennessee who's like strong, silent type, hardly ever speaks and like spends all day looking.

Jameela Jamil (40:09)

Kevin Costner.

Trey Crowder (40:10)

Yeah. Yes. He spent all day looking for things to like fix. I think he might break things sometimes so he can just then.

Jameela Jamil (40:18)

Oh yeah, like firefighters, you start fires.

Trey Crowder (40:20)

He's got, yeah, he's got it. He's got to have something to fix it. It's like. But he can fix and build any. They could build a whole house, you know, foundation up. He do literally all of that and I can't do any of it. So one time we're at their house, my in laws house and I. So I have two sons at this time when this happens. My sons are probably eight, nine, something like that. And we show up at my in laws house and my father in law had bought them a like little drone, you know, like a little quadcopter drone thing. Fun, fun times, whatever. And we're out in the yard and he's like showing us how it works or whatever. And you know, I'm there. Eight nines Like I'm going to, I'm going to do it first, you know. Really? I was just like, give me that shit. I'm going first. Yeah, you guys go later. I get the toy first. But I was like, I was going to go first. And he was telling me, he's like, listen, try. So you have to stay X far away. If you get too far away from this thing, it will lose connection with the remote.

Jesse Klein (41:15)

Sure.

Trey Crowder (41:16)

And it'll just go right or whatever. It's like, so you got a steak. And I was like, yeah, like I got it under.

Jesse Klein (41:23)

Don't condescend.

Trey Crowder (41:24)

Yeah, right. We all get that. It's fine. I understand. It's not gonna be a problem. So I turn it on, whatever, push the button and it, as though it had been held captive in a cage and I had just opened the door. This thing shot off towards the horizon, I mean blindingly fast. So I'm now like without getting away from sprinting under it, holding, holding this out like because those extra couple feet will make the difference, you know, holding them out, running as fast as I can while I try to please don't let this happen. But it's just like not respond.

Jameela Jamil (41:57)

Oh my God. Are the kids just devastated watching this?

Trey Crowder (41:59)

Yeah, well, no, they're like laughing at me, you know, which, that's the only time they laugh at me. Even though I'm a comedian and everything. But that's, but anyway, just straight into the very top of this massive like oak tree. I mean I, I don't know tree shit either.

Jameela Jamil (42:17)

That's another thing.

Trey Crowder (42:18)

I'm not a real man.

Jesse Klein (42:20)

I was picturing it, I was going oak.

Jameela Jamil (42:22)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (42:23)

I, I have no idea what kind of tree that was.

Jameela Jamil (42:25)

Well, how big is this tree?

Trey Crowder (42:26)

Big ass tree. Give me like I'm not good with that either.

Jesse Klein (42:29)

Probably a thousand, 20,000ft high.

Trey Crowder (42:34)

1500Ft.

Jameela Jamil (42:36)

I don't know.

Trey Crowder (42:36)

I wanted to say 80, but even that might be insane. 50, 60ft for you. Very high. Very, very seemingly to me and it's in the very top of just crashes into it finally comes to a stop and I like, you know, mosey up to the bottom like, you know, like I cannot fucking believe this happened.

Jameela Jamil (42:57)

And they're expensive and I hear, yeah.

Trey Crowder (42:59)

And I hear my father in law like walk up behind me and I'm standing there looking at it like this and kind of like with the Tim Robbins thing or whatever earlier, I don't know why I said, but I was like, I was like, what do you think? Maybe try shoot it out. That's What I said like with what? How like I don't. I don't have a gun. What am I gonna do? Individually sever the branches with my like dead eye aim like I'll not. It's not gonna do anything. Even if I had to go like it'd just be like just popping off into the. Just randomly into the sky. Like a Saudi prince at a wedding reception or something. Just like you know, doing nothing. And then I turn around, I like turn out and he's like not there. And I turn back around and I can't find him. And then I hear something rustling and I look and he's already like 20ft under tree.

Jameela Jamil (43:50)

And how this real man?

Trey Crowder (43:53)

He's 65 years old for fuck's sake. He's climbing the tree like knife in his mouth, fucking cap turning around backwards, calling me a pussy. Every other branch with she gets up there physically retrieves it, brings it back down. It just like hands it to me and doesn't even say anything. And I was like, it's one of those things like again for I'll be 80 years old and I wake up to pee at 3am and get halfway down the hallway and just be like, you want to try and shoot it?

Jesse Klein (44:17)

I did Bill Maher too.

Jameela Jamil (44:19)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (44:22)

Your father in law.

Trey Crowder (44:23)

Because it's like, you know, again he's like redneck dude, whatever. It's like guns mass manly shit. Shoot it. That's how that worked I guess in my head. But it was so as soon as I said I was like, that's and then insult injury him climbing up there while you got it. All right, cool.

Jesse Klein (44:43)

Okay.

Trey Crowder (44:45)

I hope so because I'm not coming up there.

Jameela Jamil (44:48)

Can I say climb trees.

Jesse Klein (44:50)

I want to rally in your support as someone I have. My son is nine and like people giving my kid gifts that I have to sort of technologically deal with. I'm like, fuck you. Like the things that he has gotten over the years where it's like a box with like 8,000 pieces or it's like a solar charge. Any of that. Yeah. I'm like fuck off.

Trey Crowder (45:17)

Like right.

Jesse Klein (45:18)

Can you just have like a skateboard or like a. I don't know. I'm with you on here. I think the drone by it definitely.

Trey Crowder (45:26)

Was because the part I left out is that they my. My in laws love to go to what I call the like fell off the back of a truck store. There's all these like they're like discount store. I mean they're all over Tennessee. I don't even know if they have them in la. I feel like if they were common, my wife would go to them. Well, this drone came from one of those stores, so it was not like.

Jesse Klein (45:45)

A high quality drone.

Trey Crowder (45:47)

But he was flying it just fine though at the same time.

Jameela Jamil (45:50)

What, the 65 year old?

Trey Crowder (45:51)

Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (45:52)

Did he do a really good job at also flying this brand when we got there?

Trey Crowder (45:55)

Well, he had been messing with. It doesn't matter. I'm like he had time with it, he had time to practice, but it's like it doesn't help. None of that helps.

Jameela Jamil (46:07)

But I find drones crazy.

Jesse Klein (46:09)

I find them crazy.

Jameela Jamil (46:10)

No, because like, you know, the paparazzi use them now to like descend into celebrities home. Really? Especially like if there's a woman there who might be, you know, too scared to sunbathe at the beach because she doesn't wanna be papped. They'll go and fly a drone into her garden and try and get a photograph of her in her swimsuit there. So a friend of mine who was married to like an AAA lister, he was sick of this shit and so he decided to become amazing at flying drones. And so he bought a bigger drone than their drone.

Trey Crowder (46:42)

He had like dogs.

Jameela Jamil (46:43)

Yeah. And they would have dog fights, like Top Gun in the middle the of. So he would fly his drone into their drones and obliterate. And because their drone is on his property, it's fine, it's legal. But then he got addicted to it. Then he became too good and he turned into maverick. And so then he started getting bigger and bigger, like ones like specially made for him that are now sort of like drone tanks. And he would not just take down the drone, he would then also send his drone after the paparazzi who were on bikes or in cars. And he would chase them away, like far away from his property, like a mile down the road. Absolutely incredible. Like headsets, goggles, everything where he's now, I mean, it's like he's a musician. He didn't put out like a record for like four years.

Jesse Klein (47:33)

Just kind of down that drone, living that hashtag drone life. Yeah.

Jameela Jamil (47:37)

So mad. Well, thank you for that story. And you know what, I appreciate your humility there. I. I still think you're a real man for whatever it's. Whatever it's. Yeah, exactly. And before you both go, you've both been such wonderful guests. I just want to share another wrong turn story from someone else. This will make us feel, you know, just generally less alone. We're a community of clusterfuckers. We call this part Misery Loves Company. The story is from the Florida sun post. A 65 year old millionaire was looking online for a marriage partner. He was twice divorced and estranged from his previous families. He'd also just won the lottery in Florida, so having a pretty good time on a site which specialized in pairing up older men with younger women. Classic. He met a 24 year old exotic dancer. Immediately he just felt a sense of comfort and familiarity. Like him, she was also estranged from her family. But despite immediately hitting it off and getting closer, the couple didn't go into much more detail about their family situations. They got engaged on New Year's Eve and they wed just a few months later. And after getting hitched, the couple decided to look through the groom's family photo albums. But that's when things got slightly awkward as the 24 year old recognized one of her groom's children as her father.

Trey Crowder (48:53)

What?

Jameela Jamil (48:54)

Once she recognized the photo, the bride connected the dots and realized she'd married her motherfucking grandfather.

Trey Crowder (49:02)

Oh, actual Roll Tide.

Jameela Jamil (49:05)

Yep.

Trey Crowder (49:07)

That is.

Jesse Klein (49:09)

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Trey Crowder (49:11)

So the assumption there has to be this is Florida exotic dancer, six something year old. But these are not Christians, right? Like hardcore Christians. It's Florida. They can still be Christians. They probably are Christians actually. But like she probably had sex with her grandpa is what I'm saying. They got all the way to the point of getting married.

Jesse Klein (49:28)

She had sex with her grandpa?

Jameela Jamil (49:29)

Yeah, like a lot of sex.

Jesse Klein (49:30)

Grandpa.

Trey Crowder (49:31)

For me the married part is like.

Jameela Jamil (49:33)

You know what's amazing is that while this moment cause some despair for the couple, they do not intend to file for divorce.

Jesse Klein (49:40)

What? Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Trey Crowder (49:44)

Is that even legal?

Jameela Jamil (49:45)

To angry.

Trey Crowder (49:49)

I'm serious. Is that illegal marriage?

Jameela Jamil (49:51)

You got to hear her quote. She says she told the Florida Sun Post every couple's different.

Jesse Klein (50:00)

You know what?

Jameela Jamil (50:01)

Fight every couple different and special in their own ways. And I feel our bond is so strong that even something like this is not enough to make us give up something like this.

Trey Crowder (50:14)

Wow. Pork in your papa should be a deal breaker.

Jesse Klein (50:23)

Florida, man. Come on.

Trey Crowder (50:26)

Even for Florida.

Jameela Jamil (50:29)

Listen, anyone who's single out there just know love can be where you literally least expect it.

Trey Crowder (50:36)

Places like Iceland and stuff. Because you know there's only like 200000 people in the whole island or something like that they have to do.

Jesse Klein (50:41)

It's common to genetic testing.

Trey Crowder (50:43)

Genetic testing to make sure you're not.

Jesse Klein (50:46)

About to your grandpa.

Trey Crowder (50:49)

But to then double down on it.

Jameela Jamil (50:52)

Yeah.

Trey Crowder (50:52)

Be like, you know what, we could work this.

Jesse Klein (50:54)

Every couple's different.

Jameela Jamil (50:55)

Yeah, every couple's.

Jesse Klein (50:56)

And by the way. That's true.

Jameela Jamil (50:57)

Yeah.

Jesse Klein (50:59)

Can't. Yes. Yes. Correct.

Jameela Jamil (51:01)

Hey, you know what? That's real. Yeah.

Jesse Klein (51:03)

And you know what? That's real. And she did that. And she said that.

Jameela Jamil (51:08)

It's a sleigh.

Jesse Klein (51:09)

It's a sleigh. She came.

Jameela Jamil (51:10)

It's an incest sleigh. Incest sleigh.

Jesse Klein (51:16)

Wow.

Jameela Jamil (51:17)

And on that note, before you go, please tell everyone where they can find you and where they can watch you, etc.

Trey Crowder (51:23)

Trey Crowder T R A E Crowder on all the social media sites and trey crowder.com for all my tour dates. Perpetually on tour. And yes, my new special Trash Daddy is on YouTube now. So just use my name and you'll find me.

Jameela Jamil (51:36)

He's excellent.

Jesse Klein (51:38)

I am on Instagram at your acquaintance, Jesse Klein, and I have a new podcast with my dear friend Liz Feldman called Here to Make Friends that you can get wherever you get your podcasts. They come out on Fridays and it's basically a celebration of making new friends as an adult and how hard and rewarding that can be. So check her out.

Jameela Jamil (52:03)

Yeah, check it all out. Thank you, guys.

Jesse Klein (52:05)

Thank you.

Jameela Jamil (52:10)

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own Wrong Turns. All you have to do is email personal disasterstoriesmail.com youm can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe. Like review wherever you get your podcasts and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desk. Desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm gonna fuck off now. Bye.

Verizon Advertiser (52:53)

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Sleep Number Advertiser (53:22)

Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

MIDI Health Advertiser (53:24)

Can I make my site softer?

Trey Crowder (53:26)

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

Sleep Number Advertiser (53:29)

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