Bob the Drag Queen and Mae Martin

Summary

Podcast Summary: Wrong Turns Premiere with Bob the Drag Queen and Mae Martin

Podcast Information:

• Title: Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil
• Host/Author: Jameela Jamil
• Description: For anyone who feels like their life is one disaster after another: good news–you’re not alone. Wrong Turns is a podcast where dignity goes to die, featuring Jameela Jamil and her funny friends sharing their most mortifying and embarrassing stories without seeking morals or silver linings.

Episode Details:

• Episode: Wrong Turns Premiere w/ Bob the Drag Queen and Mae Martin
• Release Date: May 14, 2025

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Introduction and Setup

The premiere episode of "Wrong Turns" kicks off with Jameela Jamil introducing her co-hosts, Mae Martin and Bob the Drag Queen. The hosts establish the podcast's unique premise: celebrating shame and indignity without the pressure of finding inspiration or lessons in their stories.

May Martin ([00:15]):
“This is a podcast that celebrates shame and indignity. I'm just sick of all of the inspiration we're supposed to draw from all of the terrible moments in life... I just want somewhere where I can chill and just own my clusterfucks without it needing to have a silver fucking lining.”

Bob the Drag Queen ([00:37]):
“Super valid.”

Guest Introductions

Mae Martin and Bob the Drag Queen provide introductions, highlighting their careers and recent achievements.

May Martin ([01:00]):
“The voices that you are hearing right now are two people that I love so, so deeply... They are one of the hosts of the Handedom Pod, their series Wayward, and their debut novel, Harriet Tubman Live in Concert, which is doing so unbelievably.”

Bob the Drag Queen ([01:57]):
“It is the New York Times bestseller. Which is a novel, a hardcover novel, which is a really hard list to get on.”

Discussions on Disaster and Chaos

The conversation shifts to the hosts' personal feelings about disasters and chaos in their lives. They discuss the relentless presence of misfortune and how they feel it attracts to them despite their high-functioning personas.

Jameela Jamil ([02:03]):
“Yeah, I feel like I've magnetized it in a way... there's an undercurrent of disaster and chaos for sure.”

Bob the Drag Queen ([02:47]):
“I think I might love it secretly.”

Mae adds humorously about living in a "tapestry of constant micro and macro humiliation," setting the tone for the candid and raw storytelling to follow.

Bob the Drag Queen’s Embarrassing Story: The Haters Roast Incident

Bob the Drag Queen shares a deeply embarrassing story from a roast tour event, where their urgent need to pee led to a humiliating on-stage accident.

Bob the Drag Queen ([11:24]):
“My biggest embarrassment of my life actually was this is... I have a very... tiny bladder. I do... you're probably gonna get a lot of piss on this podcast. A lot of piss and poop.”

Bob recounts performing at "The Haters Roast," a roast tour where everyone roasts everyone else. While closing the show, Bob desperately needed to pee but chose to power through the set, leading to them unintentionally peeing themselves on stage.

Bob the Drag Queen ([15:00]):
“And I am now just fully pissing myself on stage. I'm also in my hometown.”

The hosts react with a mix of shock and amusement as Bob humorously describes the chaos that ensued, including being unable to leave the stage due to their gown trapping the pee and the audience's confused reaction.

Jameela Jamil ([17:52]):
“There are no curtains, so you're gonna have to stand there until the whole audience bombs.”

Bob details the frantic attempt to cover up the accident, involving fellow drag queens like Alaska and Latrice Royale, and the eventual escape from the humiliating situation.

Mae Martin’s Embarrassing Story: DJing Disaster

Mae Martin follows Bob’s tale with her own story about an unexpected and uncontrollable physical reaction while DJing at a large farmers' event.

May Martin ([19:00]):
“I was DJing... and the speakers are vibrating so heavily that everything's shaking... I start feeling an orgasm coming and I'm like, I... I think I'm going to come in front of 6,000 people.”

Mae describes how intense bass vibrations inadvertently triggered multiple orgasms, leading her to faint on stage. She humorously narrates her struggle to maintain composure while battling a sudden physical reaction.

May Martin ([21:12]):
“I literally faint at the end of the set.”

Her story highlights the unpredictability of bodily functions and the embarrassment of losing control in front of a massive audience.

Jameela Jamil’s Embarrassing Story: The Margaret Cho Encounter

Jameela Jamil shares an awkward experience from attending a Margaret Cho show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Determined to make a connection with her idol, Jameela ends up in an uncomfortable situation during a stage interaction.

Jameela Jamil ([25:00]):
“I got a ticket to go see Margaret Cho... I was trying to be the best audience member... and I end up having to spank a man with a metal spatula.”

During the interaction, Jameela attempts to perform a lap dance and spanking as part of the show’s audience participation. Misjudging her movements, she accidentally injures the participant, leading to a tense and silent aftermath.

Jameela Jamil ([29:02]):
“I hit him like... and he's in agony.”

The incident left her feeling mortified, especially being in the presence of Margaret Cho and a crowd of performers, some of whom appeared confused and concerned about her behavior.

Listener Story: Misery Loves Company - Aaron’s Incident

A listener named Aaron contributes his own misadventure, involving a party mishap with mezcal and an unfortunate accident.

Aaron’s Story ([33:58]):
“I met a beautiful woman at a party... doing shots with her... ended up with the worm from the mezcal bottle.”

Aaron explains that after a night of heavy drinking, he realized he had peed on himself and inadvertently on the woman he was with, leading to an awkward and shameful departure.

Bob the Drag Queen ([34:46]):
“She might have been a monster.”

The hosts humorously dissect the story, emphasizing the layers of embarrassment and the complexities of navigating intimate encounters while intoxicated.

Humorous Banter and Final Remarks

The conversation continues with light-hearted and humorous exchanges about bodily functions, showcasing the hosts' ability to laugh at their own misfortunes without seeking redemption.

Jameela Jamil ([36:04]):
“Oh, yeah. Then I'd do it. I'm open to it.”

They discuss the possibility of golden showers in jest, maintaining the episode's theme of embracing and laughing at personal embarrassments.

Closing and Future Episodes

As the episode winds down, the hosts promote their respective projects and encourage listeners to share their own "wrong turns."

Bob the Drag Queen ([36:53]):
“You can find me at bob the drag, bobadradqueen.com... have my podcast, Living Rivalry... on YouTube.”

Jameela Jamil ([37:05]):
“I got a podcast called Handsome. And you can go to maymartinmusic.com... album's out now.”

May Martin ([37:13]):
“We have one last story... Misery Loves Company from Aaron...”

The episode concludes with a teaser for the next episode, featuring guests Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and Eric Edelstein, promising more raucous and hilarious conversations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• May Martin ([00:15]): “I just want somewhere where I can chill and just own my clusterfucks without it needing to have a silver fucking lining.”
• Bob the Drag Queen ([02:47]): “I think I might love it secretly.”
• Bob the Drag Queen ([15:00]): “I am now just fully pissing myself on stage.”
• Jameela Jamil ([17:52]): “There are no curtains, so you're gonna have to stand there until the whole audience bombs.”
• May Martin ([21:12]): “I literally faint at the end of the set.”
• Jameela Jamil ([29:02]): “I hit him like... and he's in agony.”
• Bob the Drag Queen ([34:46]): “She might have been a monster.”

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Conclusion: The premiere episode of "Wrong Turns" successfully sets the tone for the series by diving headfirst into the hosts' most embarrassing moments, encouraging a candid and unfiltered conversation. By embracing their vulnerabilities and sharing laugh-out-loud stories, Jameela Jamil, Bob the Drag Queen, and Mae Martin create a relatable and entertaining space for listeners to revel in their own wrong turns.

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Additional Resources:

• Listen and Subscribe: Available on all major podcast platforms and YouTube.
• Share Your Stories: Email voice memos to [e-mail] for a chance to be featured.
• Follow the Hosts:
  • Bob the Drag Queen: bobadradqueen.com
  • Mae Martin: maymartinmusic.com
  • Jameela Jamil: Handsome Podcast (URL to be provided)

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Upcoming Episode: Next week’s episode will feature Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and Eric Edelstein. The hosts promise an even more raucous and hilarious conversation filled with unexpected wrong turns. Don’t miss it!

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Foreign.

[May Martin]

Welcome to Wrong Turns Studio.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Audience goes crazy.

[May Martin]

This is a podcast that celebrates shame and indignity. I'm just sick of all of the inspiration we're supposed to draw from all of the terrible moments in life, and I feel like we're overdosing on it online, and I just want somewhere where I can chill and just own my clusterfucks without it needing to have a silver fucking lining.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Super valid.

[May Martin]

And I wanted to bring my friends on to commiserate with me. We are anti inspiration, pro commiseration.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so done with learning any kind of lessons. Yeah. Like, I feel like I've learned a lot, and I'm like, I'm ready to just not learn any more lessons.

[May Martin]

Is that because you feel, like, fully formed at Wisdom?

[Jameela Jamil]

No, I'm just exhausted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

May is so brilliant. There's nothing else I can learn.

[May Martin]

The voices that you are hearing right now are two people that I love so, so deeply. One is a comedian, actor, writer, producer, and recording artist. Now, their new album is I'm a tv. Their latest comedy special is Feel Good, streaming on Netflix. And they are one of the hosts of the handsome pod. And their series Wayward, in which they star, wrote, and produced what a Slay is on Netflix this fall. It's May fucking Martin.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wish that I had gone first, because I feel like your. Your rundown is going to be better than mine.

[Jameela Jamil]

I disagree.

[May Martin]

This next up is Bob the Drag Queen. Who's here? No. We have a comedian, activist, musician, author, and actor. They are RuPaul's Drag Race winner. Their new single is Queen of the Underground, and they stole the most recent season of the Traitors. And they just released their debut novel, Harriet Tubman Live in concert, which is doing so unbelievably. One of the charts in is Bob the Fucking Drag Queen.

[Jameela Jamil]

Come on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I will add, it is the New York Times bestseller.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

Yes, it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which is a novel, a hardcover novel, which is a really hard list to get on. I mean, the Skin of My Teeth, that was number 15. Thank God. You know, New York Times bestseller is top 15. It's not top 10.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, thank God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm still gonna take that.

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a fiction.

[May Martin]

That's 100%. I'd take that and run with it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am taking it. I framed it and put it up on my wall.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

So tell me, when it comes to life, do you feel as though I already know the answer to this, May, but, like, do you feel as though disaster is drawn unto you?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've magnetized it in a way. Well, I mean, I. I'm highly functioning.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

But there's like an.

[May Martin]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Like there's. You know, it's remarkable that I'm here today.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

That I left my house. But there's like an undercurrent of disaster and chaos for sure.

[May Martin]

And do you love it? Do you love it?

[Jameela Jamil]

I think I love it. I think I might love it secretly.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. But you live in Curb youb Enthusiasm. That's your. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

I live in a. Just a complete tapestry of constant micro and macro humiliation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love high funking. I've only ever heard that used for like autism and alcoholism.

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm sure it applies for both of those as well. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like I'm a high functioning alcoholic.

[May Martin]

What about you, Bob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I. The truth is I don't embarrass easily.

[May Martin]

Yeah. What does it take?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I would say maybe exposing my body because I typically dress relatively modestly.

[May Martin]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. Let me do. Although I have decided this summer will be my skank tank. Summer.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A skank tank is like those like thread, like spaghetti straps. Yeah. Basically the men's spaghetti strap.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've decided this summer will be my skank tank. Somewhere I'm gonna have the titties out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Honey, you're showing a bit of knee.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Here and the Internet is going crazy and may. Cannot control themselves.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know, but.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I've never been pantsed. I think that would feel really humiliating.

[May Martin]

Right, right, right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I think that maybe if, like. Cause sometimes I wear a wig even out of drag. When I'm wearing a wig out of drag, sometimes I have this constant fear that someone's going to come and snatch my wig off my head.

[Jameela Jamil]

Do you have things like from childhood that haunt you? Like when you're falling asleep at night, you go like. I'm not saying I do, but.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I was in preschool, so I might have been four old. I remember going to the bathroom and I fell asleep on the toilet.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I was really like an old drunk.

[May Martin]

Like a. Like a little. Like a little mini. Little Elvis.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I must have been there for a hot minute. But I remember. I just remember going to the bathroom. Then I remember waking up and the entire class was at the door.

[May Martin]

Like, oh, God, is the door open?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The door's open. The teacher's in the front of the door and the whole class is like looking in.

[May Martin]

Okay, so now we know where the exposing myself thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe that's what it is, yes.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My pants are around my ankle and feet swinging.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, so little feet swinging.

[May Martin]

A friend of mine was at school and she developed pubes at 8, which is super young. And she told one of her friends and her friend obviously went and then told the school. Wow, okay. So she. The whole school found out about her pubes. And rather than become a victim of this, which would be very, very easy in a primary school, she turned it into a business and started charging one pound, which is a lot of money back then, for each child to come into the bathroom stalls with her and see her pubes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God, she is now the CEO.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes.

[May Martin]

She said she can't wait to do so well in business that one day she can go back to that stall and be like. And this is where I started my first business.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Only fans right there. You start charging only her fans. Look at her pubes. So I was at school and this guy started making fun of me for being gay and dark skinned and having. I had this big, big afro at the time.

[Jameela Jamil]

And. How old are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sorry, seventh grade. So what is that?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, 13 or something?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

12. Yeah, 12.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then. But I have always been very quick witted and very good at making fun of people.

[Jameela Jamil]

When did that change? Just kidding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It actually has not gone away. You monster. Guys, this has been so fun. Thank you all for having me. Do you guys validate parking?

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm kidding you. I do a podcast with Tig Notaro and it's like, rubbed off on me. She's so dry and mean to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That I hurt people. Hurt people. So anyway, so then he was making fun of me, and then I was like, okay, well, now I have to lay into this guy. And then I was like, what am I gonna. And I saw him, I'm like doing the scan, you know, collecting data on him, and he has this giant pimple on his forehead. Oh, fuck, it's huge. This pimple is massive. So I'm going, I'm ripping on this pimple. I mean, I am ripping. I'm letting this guy have it. The class is screaming. I'm telling all these jokes about the pimple, how the pimple charges him rent, how the pimple has his own area code. Then I turn some yo mama so fat jokes into your pimple so fat jokes. I said, I remember saying, like, your pimple's so big. You walked in front of my tv. I missed a whole episode of Rugrats. Like, I was going on and on, and then it kind of got quiet and I was like, yeah, that's right. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I gathered you with your big ass ugly fucking pimple in your fucking forehead.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, I'm scared.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then next year he was in a wheelchair. No, because it wasn't a pimple.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was a brain tumor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was a brain tumor.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And the year after that, he died.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's dead. Fully dead to this day. Dead as hell. Dead as they come.

[Jameela Jamil]

God, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Dead as fuck.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I'm not laughing. You all are so.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was I supposed to do in there. Situation.

[Jameela Jamil]

You did the only thing you.

[May Martin]

That is not fault you. It was a game of survival.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was. And I survived.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jesus.

[May Martin]

Fuck me. Christ. Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. May give me, by the way, really quickly. I've like been on stage and ripped on someone for not watching me and they turned out to be visually impaired. Yeah. But I was like, what? Why did you even come if you're just gonna, like. You're not even. Why aren't you looking at me like. I was maybe 20 and I was.

[May Martin]

Have you heard about what happened with Robbie Williams, where Robbie was on stage at an arena and there's like a whole section. Like everyone else is dancing. There's a whole section that aren't dancing and aren't up on their feet at all. And he just starts like. He's like, why aren't you dancing? Why did you even come here? And starts booing them and then gets the entire arena to boo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's the monkey.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a monkey. Huge boy. He's a huge boy band member who went solo and he's a national veteran.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Brits cannot believe that Americans don't know this man.

[May Martin]

He gets the entire stadium to boo them and then his manager's on the side of stage going, no, no, don't do it. Oh, my God. It turns out it's the disabled section.

[Jameela Jamil]

Of course.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Pretty mad. And then he just launches straight into Singing Angels because he doesn't know.

[Jameela Jamil]

What else can you do?

[May Martin]

May you have a micro humiliation story?

[Jameela Jamil]

I do, yeah. I had a really big crush on someone one time. Let's. We need. Can we give them a fit one time? My whole life is having a crush on. I came out of the womb and, like, had a crush on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Can we give them a fake name?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Of the story. What's Dave name? Dave. Okay.

[May Martin]

No, like David Davina Divina.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that is a hideous name.

[Jameela Jamil]

I had a crush on Sargent. Davina's listening crush on this person. And I was sort of working with them, and then they. They. They came over and we were doing, like, YouTube DJ. Like, we're just watching YouTube videos, and then they went to type something in my YouTube and I suddenly. I kind of flinched because I was like, oh, what about my search history? And let's say the last name is Davina McCall.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay. So. So the search history, as she clicked on the thing, was Davina McCall. Davina McCall boyfriend. Davina McCall bloopers. Davina McCall singing. Like, it was so specific and detailed. And then we both kind of pretended it hadn't happened. And. Yeah, that.

[May Martin]

That is.

[Jameela Jamil]

We still have never spoken about it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'd rather just be porn.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. Oh, I'd rather it be twisted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You'd rather just be, like, Mae Martin getting fisted.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Davina McCall Bloopers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

David McCall. A home address. Davina McCall's best friends.

[Jameela Jamil]

Bloopers is bizarre. And boyfriend.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you're still friends.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, we're friends. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Just an awkward moment. Just a little awkward moment.

[Jameela Jamil]

Have you had crushes on all of them and. And still do?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I had a crush on May. We missed the boat.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

We missed the boat. Crazy. We told each other way too late.

[Jameela Jamil]

Way too late.

[May Martin]

I know. And now we're family.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly.

[May Martin]

Now it's insane.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's all fam.

[May Martin]

Fam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was. I almost got left hanging. That was almost.

[Jameela Jamil]

I didn't know what was happening.

[May Martin]

It was such a long time.

[Jameela Jamil]

No icon.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You saw what was going on, but also, you saw what's going on and you recognized it.

[May Martin]

And then we felt a tumbleweed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, I think I'm about to tell you guys my micro embarrassment story. The time I tried to dap up Mae Martin on a podcast and they left me hanging. So obviously I say it's gonna be quite blue here, but my biggest embarrassment of my life actually was this is.

[Jameela Jamil]

What I'm here for. This is crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I have a very, very, very tiny bladder. I do. You're probably gonna get a lot of piss on this podcast. A lot of piss and poop.

[May Martin]

No, I think you are actually currently the piss champions. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

High five, May. Caught that one.

[Jameela Jamil]

Because you turned and looked at me. The last one was like this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I thought it was. I thought it was. I thought it'd be cool. And I thought you would clock it immediately.

[May Martin]

Welcome to white people. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Canadian at that.

[May Martin]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I Was on this tour called the haters roast. The haters roast was basically a roast tour, but instead of roasting one person, everyone just roast everyone. And I was closing the show. I'm hilarious. So I'm obviously closing the show. And as soon as they, like. I always have to pee. I have to pee right now. I constantly have to pee.

[May Martin]

Okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I pee on a light day nine times a day. On a heavy day, it can be 25 to 30 times a day.

[May Martin]

Oh, my gosh. Like a heavily pregnant woman constantly pissing. Do you wear a nappy or anything?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm just running to the bathroom all the time. In fact, I went to the doctor, and the doctor was like, your estrogen levels are that of a very estrogenized cisgender woman.

[May Martin]

Okay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Seriously?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. I had to take some estrogen blockers. I was an estrogen blockers for quite some time because I. I'm very cunt.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I naturally. This shouldn't shock any of you, considering how gorgeous I am.

[May Martin]

Not surprised at all, to be honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know why you were so shocked. I'm so stunning in dragon. So I'm on stage and I'm closing out the show. The moment they announced my name at the top. At the top of the show, I was like, fuck, I have to pee. I have to pee. And a roast is not like a regular comedy show. At a regular comedy show, everyone, you go up one at a time. Yeah, but the roast, the point is, everyone has to be up there to see themselves getting roasted. The humor is Mae Martin's so Canadian that they bleed maple syrup. Whatever. That's not great. But. And then you get to see me be like, ah, come on. You know what I mean? That's the point of it. So I'm up there the whole time getting ribbed on, and the jokes are quite funny, so it's activating it more.

[May Martin]

No, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't understand biology. I'm not a doctor, but when you stand up, the human anatomy, when you stand up, something changes in pissing. Having to piss. I feel the earth move under my feet as I stand up. It's like, oh, shit, it's go time for pissing. And also, there's something about the closer you get to the toilet, the more you have to pee.

[May Martin]

100%.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't explain that. You have been holding it for one day or one minute. Once you're at the toilet, you can't hold it. So I know I'm getting closer to getting to the toilet. I stand up and I'M like, oh, shit, I'm not gonna. I'm not thinking myself. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. And it's my turn to go do comedy now. So I get up and I'm like, doing my comedy. And then I was like. I remember thinking, I have to leave the stage and come back and finish my set. But I'm in drag. I mean, I'm wearing a corset hip. I'm like, It'll take me 10 minutes to leave, get dressed undressed, be. Get redressed and come back. So I'm gonna power through. And then I decide to myself, well, what I'll do is I'll sit down. So I try to lean on the table, and I'm like, this is. This is not working. I actually have a really good idea. I'm actually going to just let out a little bit of pee.

[May Martin]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, where were you when I needed you, Jimmy? Because that's, you know, pee doesn't work that way. I would say piss is like a frat boy. If you.

[May Martin]

No, you're treating it like a joint. You're treating it like a fart, right? So you let a little release out, and then it's, you know, it. It creates some less pressure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Desperate, Jamila. I was desperate. So I was like, I'm gonna let a little bit. It does not work that way. So I. Oh, my God.

[Jameela Jamil]

Where did you think the little bit was gonna go?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm wearing a gown.

[Jameela Jamil]

Okay, you're wearing a gown.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm thinking it'll get soaked up into my. Into my clothes, in my garment. Like, it'll just get soaked in my tight pads. Yeah, it all. It's just a little. It's a little. You know what I mean? I've spilled drink on myself and had it not hit the floor. So I'm. So then I'm like, I decided to let out a little bit of pee, and I am now just fully pissing myself on stage. I'm also in my hometown.

[May Martin]

Are you still speaking while this. I'm still speaking. How are you able to do that? Because normally when people pee, like, everything freezes for a second. You know how, like, you'll be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Except your butthole. You always do that, little fart.

[May Martin]

Yeah, but you know when someone's peeing in the sea? Cause they'll be like, ha, ha. I know, I know.

[Jameela Jamil]

That's so true.

[May Martin]

So how are you able to. It's the same one that, like, they'll make on set when they've Got an ear set. They'll be like, no, I know. No, no, that's great. We're gonna get you your sandwich.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

So you're able to sing while pissing is crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is from years of training, from singing songs while peeing at the toilet.

[May Martin]

This is like Beyonce singing on a treadmill.

[Jameela Jamil]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I'm doing my jokes, but I will say that as I am telling my jokes, the weight of the world is I lifted off my bladder. I feel free as a bird with its hell and the breeze. I am now. I can do anything now. So I think this may have been the funniest I've ever been in my life. I was ripping and roaring. I was eating. I was.

[May Martin]

Has the water hit the ground yet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, baby. So I'm wearing this gown. It's a beaded gown at the time. It is the most expensive gown I own at the time. And it's heavy. So I've trapped it all. I'm standing in a little reservoir, a little piss water tower that I created myself.

[Jameela Jamil]

Trapped in the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it's all trapped within the gown. And I'm just doing my bits and I'm hilarious. And then I said, thank you, goodnight. And they're all like, woo. They were like, what? They're like, my God. And then I realized I have built myself a trap. I can't go. I cannot even move from this spot. I can't move from the spot. So then I looked to this queen named Alaska and I just panicked and I said, girl, I peed.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then she looked at me and she goes, yeah, girl, you peed. And I was like, no, bitch, I'm not making.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Stop making up new lingo, bitch. I was like, no, girl. And then I looked over at this queen named Latrice Royale, and I said, girl, I peed. And then she goes, what? And I point it down at the ground. I was a little bit tricking out the back of my dress. And she goes, girl. So then I am like, up here panicking. And then the host of the show is a queen named Ginger Minj. So I was like, you know what? I was the last one. I'm just gonna stay at the podium. And then they'll just say, thank you, goodnight. They'll close the curtain. And at least now only my sisters will know what I've done. Only they will know what's happened to me. And then. But Ginger Minj keeps being like, come on, girl, have a seat. We gonna close out the show. And I was like, no, no, no. I kept being like, no, let's just. I just keep clapping. And Ginger Minj is insisting. She's like, come on, girl, sit down. Like, she's not picking up what I'm putting down at all. And then I realized there are no curtains at this.

[Jameela Jamil]

There's no curtains, so you're gonna have to stand there until the whole audience bombs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I decide to turn around and Bo bail. I'm like, I'm gonna bail. And I turn around, and I just kind of shuffle out, and then I am dragging.

[May Martin]

Are you just splish splashing as you're shuffling out?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a trail. I'm dragging this trail all the way back to the dressing room. And then the promoters filmed the trail.

[May Martin]

No, no.

[Jameela Jamil]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All my DNA on the ground up to the bathroom door and post it on the Internet. No, it's probably still up on the Murray and Peter Presents Instagram page. If you scroll back far enough, I bet a dollar is still there.

[Jameela Jamil]

And were they posting it, like, to drag you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they were like, oh, it's the haters roast. It's crazy. Look at all the madness that happens. Come out and see what's gonna happen in the next town, you know?

[May Martin]

What did you just tell people you squirted? That's the only way out of that. I came to know I squirted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God, my estrogen levels are so high.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I need to see the video. That's ins.

[May Martin]

Insane, fucking mad, and happening in front of a crowd as well.

[Jameela Jamil]

And like, that you would in my hometown.

[May Martin]

In your hometown during a roast, where the whole point is to ridicule you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[May Martin]

One of the only things that happened to me on a bodily level in front of, like, loads of people, like, an audience, was when I was DJing at this young Farmers Ball, where it's just farmers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How young you got to be to be a young farmer?

[May Martin]

I think, like, 16 plus.

[Jameela Jamil]

Wow.

[May Martin]

16 to 24, I think, is roughly it. So we have these young farmers balls, and you can drink and, like, whatever. So maybe it's 18 to 24, but they're. It's. It's like New Year's Eve every time they party. Like, no one you've ever seen. It's the most fun vibe of all time. And so I'm DJing, and it's 6,000 people, and they have decided to put the decks on the speakers, which is a lot. I used to DJ a lot. Yeah. That's what I was doing when May and I first met. Yeah. I DJ'd for, like, eight, nine years. So I. So I'm DJing. They've put the decks on the speakers, these giant speakers big enough to play out to 6,000 people. I was like, this is fucking insane. Like, how is this gonna work? All my vinyl's gonna skip. Like, everything's gonna go wrong.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Vinyls?

[May Martin]

Yeah. Sometimes after this, I never did vinyls again. So I. So I get on the speakers and the speakers are vibrating so heavily that everything's shaking, everything's moving. And I'm already. I'm a woman. I'm a radio presenter. Like, people already think I don't know how to dj, so if anything fucks up, they're going to think it's because of me. So I'm concentrating so hard on making sure everything goes well, and I'm trying to, like, add some digital stuff so that they're not going to be skipping all the time. And then within about two minutes, because I'm a very, very sensitive person clitorally, I. Oh, my God. I start feeling an orgasm coming and I'm like, I. I cannot. I can't. I've never told you this story. Yeah, because it's vibrating so intensely and all the bass. And I'm like. I think I'm. Oh, my God. I think I'm going to come. Oh, I think I'm going to come in front of 6,000 people. And I've never experienced this before, so I'm just like. My hands are shaking and the song is getting bassier and bassier. It was like Dizzy Rascal, you know, it's just like something. Some people think I'm bonkers. It's just like, I wish it was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Angel by the Monkey.

[May Martin]

No, I would have been fine if it had been that song. So I just stop coming in front of everyone and I'm trying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was this last.

[May Martin]

The orgasm is about 30 seconds, 40 seconds. Because it's going on and I'm like. So everyone thinks I'm having an asthma attack on the stage. And I'm like, yes, it's asthma.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're like, give me the albuterol.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I'm just there. Just go. And the song is about to change and I'm like, I've got to stop coming soon. And so the orgasm passes and I change. And then once you start orgasming, you can't fucking stop. That's the beauty. And the curse of being a woman is that it's multiples, right? So it's just like another song comes on. And I used to. I used to dj explicitly, like hip hop and R and B. So it was all bass, everything. I came like 20 times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is my rage.

[May Martin]

20 times. It was. It was. Have I ever told you this story is completely purple?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is this standard for you when you're having sex to come that many times?

[May Martin]

No, not 20 times? No. My God, no. James has got a job.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you can. But you kept dropping. You were the one who kept dropping the bass.

[May Martin]

Yeah, but I'm like, you didn't have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To drop the beat every time.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I can't use a vibrator. Like, like very. Like a very, very strong vibrator. Otherwise I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can'T stand near a fucking.

[May Martin]

I don't even have an electric toothbrush.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't stand near Melissa without fucking coming.

[May Martin]

So I, Yeah, I just keep coming and coming and coming and I'm getting weaker and weaker and I'm finding it harder and harder to stand. And I read this story about this woman who came like 24 times, which is not many more times than I'd just come in front of 6,000 people. And she died surrounded by her sex toys because she had heart failure. And so I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to die coming like in front of 6,000 farmers. So I'm. So I eventually, at the very end of the set, the adrenaline keeps me going to keep going, and I literally faint at the end of the set. Oh, my God. And they think it's. They think it's still the asthma, right? So they load, but I'm still kind of breathing. My tour manager picks up Winnie, I think, like picks me up, carries me to the car. I'm completely out. He cannot wake me up. When we arrive back at my house, it's like a five hour drive. So he just sits there and lets me sleep because I'm. I'm in some sort of like weird come comb a comer. And so I'm. So I'm there unconscious and I can't pee for like 24 hours because it's numb. And then I'm like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He starts hitting speed bumps. You're like, not again.

[May Martin]

But yeah, that was one of the most. And I don't think I've ever talked about it publicly, I don't think, because I had to bury it so deep in my mind. And some people I think could tell what was happening because I'm just like.

[Jameela Jamil]

Who listen to this and are like, okay, that checks out. They're like, they're going back to their videos. I knew it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's wild.

[May Martin]

You're Gonna work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's crazy.

[May Martin]

Anyway, I feel like I've overshared unpredictably, Bob. I think it's very iconic, the way that you just carried on through that set. I think that's one of the coolest, boldest things I've ever heard in my life. I think it's time for everyone to have a little break. Just. We have to do that.

[Jameela Jamil]

Should we have a pee break?

[May Martin]

I could pee. Yeah, I could pee.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, God. Thank you so much.

[May Martin]

Well, welcome back, everyone. You're getting a very relaxed version of us because we all peed during the. The break.

[Jameela Jamil]

It felt like a bold suggestion.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

When I said it. And then it was so the right thing.

[May Martin]

Okay, May, now that we're back.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

What's your big wrong turn?

[Jameela Jamil]

This took place. I take you now to 2011. It was maybe the year before we met in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And maybe it was 2010 and I was a little, like, skinny jeans, like, still, like, cutting my own hair a lot over plucking my eyebrows.

[May Martin]

It was a big Justin Bieber phase.

[Jameela Jamil]

Very Bieber vibe.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. And I was really nervous to be at the Fringe. I didn't know many people.

[May Martin]

They would refer to themselves as like a small kernel of sweet corn.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, I really identified that way, mainly. Yeah. And so I wanted to make friends at the festival, and I saw that Margaret Cho was playing at the. At the festival. I'm a huge fan. And also, like we said, I'm made of crushes. Like, I think I had a big crush on Margaret Cho growing up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm going to be very hurt if you don't, at some point, develop a crush on me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, it's happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It seems like everyone. Everyone's getting crushed.

[May Martin]

I've had a crush on you since you first came on one of my.

[Jameela Jamil]

If you think it didn't happen when we high five, you're kidding. You're kidding yourself.

[May Martin]

That told me everything I needed to know about the sexual chemistry.

[Jameela Jamil]

The only thing that. That nothing makes me have a crush on someone more than someone maybe fun of me. So that which is so toxic, like someone being cruel.

[May Martin]

But.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're bricked up for taking to Taro every.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, exactly.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Anyway, so I. I got a ticket to go see Margaret Cho, and I went with my friend, and I was so excited to see her. And afterwards, I was like, I'm just going to linger by the door, and then maybe when she comes out, I'll say, hey, you know, we're both North American or something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

North American is crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

Crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because that's not a thing. We don't. I want to be clear. We don't say that.

[Jameela Jamil]

That.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I have never met a Mexican or a Canadian. Be like, we're both North American. Do you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, a continent.

[May Martin]

But what is it? Is it kind of because you're abroad, right. So no one else North American. Everyone's Scottish and English. So you're trying to be like, it's the two of us, you know, alone together.

[Jameela Jamil]

How was my hope?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

So the show ends and.

[May Martin]

But wait, did. Did that stop her in her tracks?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought, we're both comedians.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that's what I should have got. No, she. I think we. We vaguely, like, knew who each other were, and so she was with a big group of people, and we all start chatting, and I. I'm like, oh, my God, I've infiltrated the. The crew. And then. I hope she doesn't listen to this. It'll sound so creepy. But then she mentioned that she was gonna go and see a drag show that night called Briefs. I want to say. Is that, like, Australian? Yeah, yeah, like famous Australian drag show that was in Edinburgh at the Fringe. And so I was like, yeah, I'll come. And I was so excited. I got all dressed up that night, plucked my eyebrows till they were. It was just like someone had taken a stapler and, like, stapled my face. And. Okay, so I go to the show, and it's just like a cool. It's like one in the morning that. It starts at the Fringe. And as you're going into the show and I'm kind of trailing along with this group, you have to write down your name and put it in a bowl for some kind of raffle. And as I'm writing my name, I'm like, it's going to be me. Like, it's going to be me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's going to be me.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah. I'm like, I just know that, you know, you just know. I'm like, I'm going to be the one chosen.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I put it in, and I am quite introverted. And I was like, I hope they don't pick me. And of course, like, the show ends, it's the final finale, they pick my name.

[May Martin]

And have you had this feeling of anxiety the whole time that at some.

[Jameela Jamil]

Point I'm going to get. This is going to. It's going to be May. And so they pull my. They say my name, and everyone in the group is like, oh. And so I go up and. And whenever I'm called on Stage for something like an audience interaction thing. It's. I'm just like. I want the performers to. To. To like me. And I want to. I want to do whatever is needed of me and not try to take up attention. You know what I mean? Like, I want to be the perfect audience member. And I'm like this.

[May Martin]

With Ubers, like, I practically would suck anyone off to get that five star review.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Y.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I would do it just for the peppermints.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

So I go up and they sit me in this chair and. And also these are like, gorgeous, confident people. Like, there's this guy in a Speedo, like, all oiled up and. And ripped six pack. And I'm like this little worm creature, like, so uncomfortable in my body. Like, don't know who I am or what my vibe is. And there. And I get a lap dance from this, like, sexy, confident person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Six foot two realtor.

[Jameela Jamil]

Six foot two realtor. And then they give me a metal spatula and they say. And this was the prize was to win, like, a plate of ham. It was some, like, British. Yeah. And so I had this metal scotch egg.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

And the guy bends over and I'm supposed to spank him. And he's in this gold Speedo. And I don't know, I was trying to be funnier. I tried to do a good job. I was trying to do a good job. And I, like, whined back and. And go to spang him, and I guess it turns in the air and I clip his balls through like. Like, because he's bent right over and I. The edge of the spatula. I just hit him, like. And he's in agony. Like, he screams and is in agony. And everyone. Someone comes, like, takes a spatula out of my hand and, like.

[May Martin]

And you're gonna do it again.

[Jameela Jamil]

I know. And everyone, like, freezes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yo, this bitch is crazy.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I'm like, I'm so sorry.

[May Martin]

And.

[Jameela Jamil]

And no one's really. No one's laughing. And they try to. And the person's like, that's fine. And I can see Margaret Cho kind of like, what's going on here? And then I get the plate of ham and go back to my seat. But I don't know, I just think about it all the time that I was trying to be the best audience member.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And, like, have you tried to find this man?

[Jameela Jamil]

No. I should. What if he can't come anymore or something. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One of her concerts.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you show me the. The motion?

[Jameela Jamil]

I guess it was like, oh, and the music's playing and they give me.

[May Martin]

The thing and did you hit him hard? Yeah, because I imagine you'd go quite gentle.

[Jameela Jamil]

I go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I go.

[Jameela Jamil]

And I'm trying to get into it and I go like this. And it. And it's between his legs on the end. I don't know.

[May Martin]

Wait, why did you backhand? Like Nadal?

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

That's really intense.

[Jameela Jamil]

Well, wouldn't. So what would you do?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I would do this.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah, that's what I should have done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

Now that you mentioned it, yeah.

[May Martin]

I was in the toilet at the Golden Globes. Humble brag. I was cleaning them, but I was still in the. Yeah, so I was. I was at the Golden Globes. We were in the toilet and there were all these, like, famous actresses and me in the line. And there's just one functioning toilet. For some reason, I can't remember why, but there was this one toilet available and this woman is pissing in it. I can't remember who she was. She's peeing and then she suddenly lets out a big fart because she's. She's peeing as fast as she can. And when you pee, when you force pee, it just releases your bum hole. So she. So it's like. But like, loud. It's more like it was one of those, like, panic ones. There's really, like, loud ones. And it reverberates around this, like, big Golden Globe toilet. And I'm fairly certain this was years ago, but I. I can say damn near certain it was a drunk Salma Hayek, who went, what?

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

She definitely knew. And then the piss just stopped, like midstream.

[Jameela Jamil]

And then Salma Hayek was in the line.

[May Martin]

Everyone was in the line. It was like Olivia Wilde people.

[Jameela Jamil]

The partner was.

[May Martin]

I can't remember. I don't think I recognized that. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think she was. I don't think she was famous. I think she was like more of a producer or something else. So someone whose face I did not know genuinely.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you buying that?

[May Martin]

But I buy it.

[Jameela Jamil]

I buy it because it was like.

[May Martin]

No, it was genuinely someone who I didn't remember, but I just remember somehow it was like a few in front of me and just went, whoops. And I was like, there's nothing in my. And I think about that now every time I pee and every time I start force peeing, I think about what happened to that woman and I imagine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Summer has gonna go.

[May Martin]

Whoops. I hear that sound in My head all of the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shout out Summer Hayek.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I love her so much.

[Jameela Jamil]

She's the most fun person in the world with yourself. Like. Like to say whoops to yourself every time you fart or pee is funny. And I started doing this thing where every time I am on my own in my house and I fart, I give, like, a humble smile. And it really cracks me up. Like, if I fart, I go.

[May Martin]

And with that, we're going to a break again. Welcome back. Thank you both for being so hilarious. And like, 900 stories have come out of all of us today that I didn't expect. We have one last one. This is from a member of our audience we enjoy including them. It's called Misery Loves Company. And it's from Aaron. So Aaron says, I met a beautiful woman at a party recently. We were laughing, dancing, drinking, and having the best time. I thought this might be the best night of my life. The last thing I remember is doing shots with her. And I ended up with the worm from the mezcal bottle. What does that mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, at the bottom of the tequila, there's, like, a worm. They put a worm in the.

[Jameela Jamil]

An actual worm.

[May Martin]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Jameela Jamil]

It's a real thing.

[May Martin]

I know what's happening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a certain tequila called Mez. And this obviously all tequila comes from Mexico. And they put there. There's a worm in it.

[Jameela Jamil]

People swallow the worm. Yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

I don't understand what's happening. This is the worst thing I've ever heard. Okay, so he's gotten to the worm, the mezcal bottle. So that's an insane amount of alcohol. He's eaten the worm. The next thing he knows, it's the morning and this amazing woman is passed out near his pants. So then he realizes his pants are soaked. He gently wakes her so he can clean himself up, and she starts making out with him. It's then that he realizes that her hair is very wet. And that means that he must have peed on her, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God.

[May Martin]

It's all too much shame. So he tells her he needs to go. And he did the pee pants walk of shame.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, my God. So she was, like, lying.

[May Martin]

She was lying on his head. She must have, like, passed out having given him head or something. And then he pisses his pants. Pisses all over this beautiful, amazing woman's head. And it sounds like he probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We don't know how great this woman is.

[May Martin]

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She might have been a monster.

[May Martin]

No, he said she was amazing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, did he?

[Jameela Jamil]

But she's obviously an icon. The fact that she wakes up passed out near someone's dick and immediately starts making out with them. It's like he said.

[May Martin]

I met a beautiful woman at a party recently. Shady little bitch is amazing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Beautiful people can be shit.

[Jameela Jamil]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, but she sounds like a real champ. Honestly, it sounds like a match made in heaven.

[May Martin]

Well, I don't think they ever saw each other again after that. After what was arguably the best night of his life. I mean, how do you come back from that? You've pissed all over her head.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I. If someone pissed. If someone peed on me and we were both drunk, I'd honestly be quite forgiving because I have peed on people when drunk.

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's true. That's fair. Have you ever peed?

[Jameela Jamil]

No.

[May Martin]

On someone?

[Jameela Jamil]

I'm so uptight. Like.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Jameela Jamil]

I think even when I'm asleep, I'm trying to be polite, you know?

[May Martin]

I. What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If someone wanted it, it would be polite to pee on them.

[Jameela Jamil]

Oh, yeah. Then I'd do it. I'm open to it. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. You're a golden shower dream.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah. And I've never done it once. Not, not, not, not.

[May Martin]

What a waste of a tiny bladder.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If any of you. If anyone out there wants a golden shower, I. I could probably accommodate. I'm telling you, me.

[May Martin]

And I would be completely useless.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I assure you that when I leave this room, I am going directly back to the bathroom.

[May Martin]

I'm amazed you haven't pissed already on the couch. These are white couches. You're both fucking hilarious. And such special people. I can't believe I have you on my podcast. I can't believe that we're friends. I just adore you so much. And I'm happy that you two have resolved your early beef from the start of this podcast.

[Jameela Jamil]

It was too many. Yeah, it was way too much. But don't you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was doing it as a bid.

[Jameela Jamil]

Looking at this, it says butch.

[May Martin]

I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Butch Queen is Butch Queen.

[May Martin]

Tell people where they can find you and hear you and listen to you and read you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can find me at Bob the Drag, bobadradqueen.com you can order my book at readthedragqueen.com and of course have my podcast, Living Rivalry, which comes out twice a week. You can see it on YouTube. Yay.

[Jameela Jamil]

Am I. I got a podcast called Handsome. And you can go to maymartinmusic.com I'm doing more music shows soon. Yay.

[May Martin]

And Your album's out.

[Jameela Jamil]

Album's out now.

[May Martin]

Exactly. Albums out. I saw you promoting it as a singer now, not a comedian. I'm sorry.

[Jameela Jamil]

Proud. Thank you.

[May Martin]

What a right turn. Congratulations. Honestly, I'm. I'm so thrilled for you.

[Jameela Jamil]

Terrifying.

[May Martin]

Having heard your stories today, I feel very confident that there are more wrong turns ahead for both of you, given how many have burst out of the seams here. So I'd love if you come back sometime. I adore you both so much. I think this should be the trio.

[Jameela Jamil]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah, we'll do it together. All right. Love you both. Wrong Turns is created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil and Stuart Bailey. Thank you to our launch producer, Eve Bishop, our editor, Shannon Joy Rogers, and consulting producer Colin Anderson. And don't forget to subscribe, like and review wherever you get your podcasts. Tell a friend about us maybe. And you can email us a voice memo of your own wrong turns at personal disaster storiesmail.com you can also find full length video of our episodes on YouTube. And and don't forget to listen next week where I'll be joined by Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and Eric Edelstein. I promise you it's going to be a raucous conversation and you do not want to miss it. They are hilarious. See you then.