#1 Rule for Guys 🎙 #362

Summary

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Podcast Episode Summary

You Betcha Radio

Episode: #1 Rule for Guys (#362)
Date: January 28, 2026
Host & Panel: Myles the You Betcha Guy, Ryan, Tyler, Jerrod

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Main Theme

This episode explores the "Number 1 Rule for Guys" as seen through the lens of Midwest man culture—blending nostalgia, Midwest living, humor, and the unspoken rules that guide friendships, road trips, and daily life. The gang riff on relatable scenarios, weigh in on modern "guy codes," and interweave stories about New Year's resolutions, weird superpowers, Midwest remedies, and football frustrations.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Cold Weather Woes Kickoff (00:00 – 04:11)

• Myles shares a classic Midwest story: his double-pane window cracked from the extreme Fargo cold.

• Discussion spins into old-school window insulation hacks like Saran Wrap.

• Quote:
  "It's been so cold here in Fargo that my window just cracked." (A, 00:37)

• Banter on whether spouse Anne really broke the window, and classic “dad DIY” fixes.

2. The #1 Rule for Guys Roundtable (04:11 – 10:55)

Main Segment: Each hosts’ “Number One Rule” for guys.

• Myles (A): “If alcohol is under 5%, it doesn’t count.” (04:57)

• Ryan (B): Never compliment friends to their face—only behind their back. (05:30)

  • Quote:
    "I will never compliment my friends to their face. It's my number one rule." (B, 05:30)

• Tyler (D): You have to wave when passing someone on a gravel road.

  • Quote:
    "My number one rule is waving at someone when you pass them on a gravel road." (D, 05:51)

• Other rapid-fire “rules”: If you eat standing up, it doesn’t count; always have six ratchet straps in your truck; no breaking up during the day; always buy something at a gas station on a road trip; never throw out cords or old clothes.

• Breakup Rule:
  "If you’re going to break up with your girlfriend, you can't do it during the day. You have to do it at night." (A, 07:37)

3. Midwest Superstitions, Traditions, and Lifehacks (10:55 – 27:31)

• Pull tabs etiquette—starting with less than $20 is shameful.

• If you win big with a low buy-in, you have to buy lunch.

• Additional "rules" for group activities: Always check if friends want in on pull tabs or a beer run, or need to use the bathroom at the same time.

• Bathroom Adventures:

  • Choosing the optimal urinal/stall.
  • “Group poops” in high school (team bonding before a basketball game).
    • "We used to do that in high school for basketball games, we called it group poop." (A, 17:50)

• On guy road trips: drivers expect gas money (with a little “inflation”), everyone must buy something at a gas station, and packing snacks never feels right.

• Quote:
  "You can't just go to every gas station along the way and take a leak and not buy at least one thing." (A, 23:01)

4. New Year’s Resolutions—The ‘Pivot’ (38:13 – 50:44)

• Jared reveals he is scrapping his sourdough starter resolution for a more practical goal: lose 20 pounds by July 4th.

  • The team negotiates accountability: weekly weigh-ins, consistency until the end of the year.

• Myles tries, unsuccessfully, to swap his unfinished Rubik’s Cube resolution for parenting-related achievements.

• Quote:
  "I think the only way we accept this potential pivot is if you lose 20 pounds by July 4th, and you keep it off until December 31st." (D, 48:50)

• The group frames Jared’s weight loss as being essential for the Vikings’ Super Bowl hopes—a recurring “stakes-raising” bit.

5. Blind Ranking Shitty Superpowers (56:43 – 66:02)

First-ever “blind ranking” on the podcast. Superpowers include:

• Summoning the nearest wheelchair like Thor’s hammer.

• Snapping fingers to get $1,000 but everyone within 500 yards craps their pants.

• For every website cookie you accept, you get a real cookie.

• 51% chance to win any coin flip.

• Eyes glow red and voice becomes deep, but no other effect.

• Memorable Moment:
  "Just make massive quantities of humans shit their pants on command is insane." (A, 65:55)

6. Football & Broadcast Talk (“Two Minute Rule”) (29:02 – 34:47)

• Rants about NFL announcers: Tom Brady (too repetitive), Jonathan Vilma (not a fan).

• Minnesota Vikings’ fate—discussing former QBs, management, and “trusting the process.”

• Self-aware joke that the football talk is supposed to be capped at two minutes.

  • “My number one rule is that on You Betcha Radio, you get two minutes of football talk and then we move on.” (D, 34:00)

7. Patreon Q&A and Midwest Remedies (70:35 – End)

• “How much would it take to step into a UFC ring and last a round?”—$500,000 consensus, fear of being KO’d.

• Midwest cold remedies. Classic debate: hot toddy (brandy & honey), Irish coffee, chicken noodle soup, and skepticism about which, if any, people really use.

  • Quote:
    "Who drinks hot toddies? Old men. What am I to you guys?" (B, 83:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Compliments:
  "I will never compliment my friends to their face. It's my number one rule." (Ryan, 05:30)

• On Breakups:
  "You just can't go to her house, break up, and then walk outside and it's sunny out." (A, 07:46)

• On Pull Tabs:
  "Could you imagine rolling up to buy some pull tabs with, like, four dollars?" (A, 13:47)

• On Midwest Road Trips:
  "You can't just go to every gas station along the way and take a leak and not buy at least one thing." (A, 23:01)

• On Guy Bathrooms:
  "We used to do that in high school for basketball games, we called it group poop." (A, 17:50)

• Superpower Mayhem:
  "Just make massive quantities of humans shit their pants on command is insane." (A, 65:55)

• On Tom Brady Broadcasting:
  "He says the same fucking things every game he announces... Buddy, you need new material." (B, 29:40)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Cold Crack Story & Saran Wrap Windows: 00:00 – 04:11
• Number One Rule for Guys: 04:11 – 10:55
• Pull Tab Ethics & Bar Stories: 13:13 – 16:58
• Group Poop / Bathroom Rituals: 17:50 – 19:18
• Gas Station Road Trip Rule: 22:51 – 24:47
• Resolution Pivot (Sourdough to Weight Loss): 38:13 – 50:44
• Blind Ranking - Shitty Superpowers: 56:43 – 66:02
• Football/Announcer Rants: 29:02 – 34:47
• UFC Fight Money Question: 70:35 – 79:58
• Midwest Cold Remedies: 82:47 – End

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Tone & Style

True to its “most Midwest podcast on the planet” billing—conversation is casual, self-deprecating, and fueled by deadpan humor and regional in-jokes. The gang are quick to riff on one another, double down on bits, and seamlessly blend nostalgia with the reality of adulting in cold climates. No topic is too trivial, and the “rules” are both parody and real guidance for life lived Midwest-style.

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Useful for New Listeners?

Absolutely—this episode captures the signature camaraderie, regional humor, and timeless male group dynamics. Listeners get a mix of practical guy “rules,” absurd hypotheticals, and inside-baseball style sports banter, all anchored in Midwestern context.

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of you Bet yout Radio. The boys are back in town. Ryan's got his vest on. I got my brunt boots on. Tyler's got his. He's got his earphones on.

[B]

I have them on.

[A]

Jared's got his glass in front of him. Jared, why don't you knock on the glass for the folks so they know it's real?

[C]

I'll adjust the mic.

[B]

There it is. That's.

[D]

Knock, knock.

[A]

He's a man of his word.

[B]

Is that double pained, Jared?

[C]

I think so, yes.

[A]

You guys want to know something crazy about double pane glass?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's been so cold here in Fargo that my window just cracked.

[D]

At your house?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I was hitting balls in the SIM one night with some buddies, and Anne was at home. She heard a loud bang, went downstairs, nothing, but our, like, blinds were down. The next day, we put the blinds up, and there was a. From one corner of the window, went out, went to the middle, then came back to the same side corner. And it's just the inside pane of the glass just cracked.

[D]

No. No footprints or anything?

[A]

No, no footprints. And it would be really weird that they're trying to break a window once they're already inside of our house. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

So you told me this story earlier, and I've been thinking about it. I think there's, like, a small chance you might have been duped. I think Anne might have just accidentally broke the window, shut the shade, and be like, I don't know what happened.

[A]

But I feel like if it was an actual. Some blunt force trauma on the window, I feel like there would be a minor spider web in the spot that it hit. It wouldn't break.

[D]

It would. You've seen my windshield before.

[B]

Yeah, it's true.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

So I think. And so I don't know, is that ever happened to anyone that it's just like the. It gets cold, the house moves and just cracks a window.

[D]

Could have been.

[A]

Especially since the window's only like, four years old.

[B]

I. I've never seen it on glass. I've seen, like. Like, you. It gets really cold and, like, the paint cracks as the house settles type of thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like a Sheetrock crack or something like that. Yeah, yeah, I got one of them. So, yeah, I got to get a new window.

[D]

So it's not drafty or anything?

[A]

No, no, it's the inside pain, which.

[D]

Is nice, but just keep the blinds down. You didn't ride that baby out till summer. Yeah, summer for sure.

[A]

I'LL just put some clear packing tape over it.

[B]

Yeah, just do the old toothpaste trick.

[D]

Did your guys grandparents or parents ever put like Saran Wrap? Your boy, you do that now? Yeah, my, my grandparents used to do everything.

[A]

I've thought about. I actually thought about doing that because there's a draft that comes through the windows. I'm like, God, it'd be nice to be able to plug that up with something.

[B]

It's very effective. It's a pain in the ass to put it all up, but it works.

[A]

Yeah, I do it once a year, right?

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Do you do Saran Wrap or do you buy specific?

[B]

I buy the. The. So it's like just double sided tape. You put it on all the trim, then you put the plastic over it. And then you take a hair dryer and then that tightens up the plastic so you don't have to have it on there.

[A]

The hair dryer might have sold me not to do it.

[B]

Why?

[D]

Oh, that'd be the fun part.

[A]

It's just an extra step that I'm like, oh, that.

[B]

That is the fun part.

[D]

You could, you could just breathe that.

[B]

Like it's very satisfying when the plastic starts to tight.

[A]

Yeah, I guess it's satisfying. Yeah, I guess you're right. So, yeah, that's. You said double pan glass, Jared. You would despise that window.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Imagine if there's a big crack in the middle of that. It ruin your whole podcast.

[C]

It's like when I look in a mirror, it always cracks. I hate when that happens.

[B]

Did you have so much bad luck coming your way?

[A]

Yeah. Maybe Anne just looked at the window and I should ask her that when I get home.

[C]

Look at it.

[A]

So I was thinking about the window thing. Seems a little suspicious. Did you. Did you happen to look into the. Through the window and your reflection broke it?

[B]

That'll go over great. Make sure you say it when she's in a bad mood so it'll lighten the mood.

[C]

Yeah, oh, by the way.

[A]

Yeah, oh, by the way. So, Jared, what do we got today, guys?

[C]

Number one rules.

[A]

Okay, so you want us to say what our number one rules are? So you're looking for like, what is the number one of all number one rules?

[C]

Yep. And number one rule.

[A]

And we all only have one number one rule. Right. So the number one rule for all of us.

[C]

For all guys.

[A]

Yeah. Don't make it number two according to us, is the number one rule for all guys.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

All right, you guys want to know what I think the number one rule is?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If alcohol is under 5%, it doesn't count. That's my number one rule.

[B]

Number one rule.

[A]

It's good. Number one rule. Alcohol is under 5%. It doesn't count. It's my number one rule.

[D]

It's like it's calories at the lake.

[B]

That's why I'm sucking down so much mouthwash.

[A]

If you eat something while standing up. Doesn't count. That's my number one rule.

[B]

That's a good rule.

[D]

Exercise standing desk.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You know, use much as you want.

[B]

Hotel ice cream. Doesn't count. My number one rule. You buy me beer, I buy you beer. It's my number one rule.

[A]

That's your number one rule?

[B]

Yeah, number one. Well, and also, I will never compliment my friends to their face. It's my number one rule.

[A]

That's the number one rule.

[B]

Yeah. Behind their back, I'll compliment them. But to their face. No chance.

[D]

Will you compliment them to other buddies?

[B]

Yeah, not to their. Not if they're in the room, though. That's my number one rule.

[A]

Yeah. This is number one rule.

[D]

My number one rule is waving at someone when you pass them on a gravel road.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good number.

[C]

I don't have a number one.

[D]

You give them a number one. I typically. I mean, it's seasonal, right?

[B]

Maybe that's what that means. Is that why we do the one finger? Because we're like letting them know, number one rule. Hi.

[D]

I usually do the number one when my hands are kind of cold in the winter time and I'm still. I got the steering wheel heater on. I'm only gonna lift one finger.

[A]

I can't summer, though. You're a two finger guy.

[D]

Summertime, if my window's down, whole arm's going out the window.

[C]

So it does both hands.

[D]

Because a lot of times I wave at people and they don't wave back. It's like it's just you and me for six miles that way and six miles this way. Well, what else are you looking at? Yeah, you know, you should be looking at the road in which I am on phone.

[A]

For sure. For sure. So he's on a gravel road by himself. He. There's no rules that apply. That's my number one rule. That's very true. On a gravel road, when you're by your. There's no speed limit. You can be on your phone, you know, you can do anything you want. There's no rules. That's my number one rule. When it comes to there's no speed limit.

[D]

There's no Side of the road designated on, you know, no shoulder.

[A]

Then it's interesting you bring that up. Another. The number one rule that I have is you got to have like six ratchet straps in your truck at all times.

[B]

Yeah, that's a great rule.

[C]

Minimal.

[A]

It's my number one rule.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Minimum. It's like, have I ever actually had to use six ratchet straps on one load down? No. Because if you're doing it right, you shouldn't have to.

[B]

Two max.

[A]

But you never know.

[B]

That's my number one rule, is just use. You should only need two ratchet straps to secure something.

[A]

That's your number one rule. You've said that for a long time. Ever since I met you, that's been your number one.

[B]

If you can't get it done with just two ratchet straps, you're not doing it right.

[A]

My number one rule that if you are going to break up with your girlfriend, you can't do it during the day. Day, you have to do it at night.

[B]

That's a good rule.

[A]

My number one rule.

[B]

Why? Because what if.

[A]

I think I've talked about this on this podcast before, but you just can't go to her house, break up with her, and then walk outside and it's sunny out.

[D]

All right. All right.

[C]

Too much day left.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like going to the casino. You can't go in when it's daylight and come out and it's dark out. You gotta go be there until it's light out again.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

That's my number one rule. My number one rule about casinos. Go in during daylight, come out during daylight.

[C]

Winter time. You're going to be there for a while.

[A]

Yeah. Y.

[B]

Noon to noon. Miles is if he goes to a casino in Alaska in the winter.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He just can't ever leave.

[A]

Or I can't go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Or I just can't go because it's not daylight out.

[B]

Yeah, he goes. He just accidentally wanders in in middle of November at noon. Gets out in mid March.

[A]

Like, could you, like, could you imagine breaking up with a girl? Getting in your car at 2pm listening to the scientists while you have your sunglasses, errands. Yeah. It's like, oh, am I gonna go, you know, run to flea farm now your day's done after a breakup.

[D]

What do you think the best.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, it's. If you break up, you just. Your whole rest of your day is shot. You can't go do anything unless you're like 20, then you're gonna go to the bar. And pretend like it didn't happen.

[B]

Unless.

[A]

But again, is it 20?

[D]

Go to the.

[A]

2120S.

[D]

You're talking like Buffalo Wild wings.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Next year.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Get a burger. You need a breakup burger.

[A]

Get a pop. And some boneless wings.

[D]

Yeah. You gotta go out. Yeah. You got to do the.

[A]

If you have a breakup and you go to Buffalo Wild, you have to get boneless because could you imagine sitting there with barbecue sauce all over your face after a breakup?

[C]

Go to the bathroom like this.

[A]

Yeah. You can't go after a breakup.

[D]

Yeah. Grabbing your diet. Do it like this with your palm.

[A]

You can't be drinking diet. Do like this after a breakup. That's my number one rule. There's just not a lot you can do after your breakup for it to be weird, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I guess I'd say the only time you don't have to wave to someone on gravel road is if you just broke up with your girlfriend.

[B]

Yeah. That's your number one.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You know, just not in the right mindset.

[A]

That's your number one rule.

[D]

You're probably. Yeah, that's that. That's my number one rule.

[B]

I don't know. Yes.

[D]

But. Yeah. If you're just looking to cruise some back roads and maybe blow off some steam, listen to some scientists, Coldplay, you don't have to wave to anybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Unrelated.

[B]

But I think my number one rule is just. You can't ever throw a cord away. You know, you're. It might come in handy. It's my number one rule.

[A]

That's my number one rule as well. Save all cords.

[B]

Yep. You know, and it also goes with clothes that I've outgrown. I can't throw that away in case I fit and do it again. So. That's my number one rule.

[A]

That's your number one rule. All right, guys, it's time to play prize picks right now. Prize picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you're getting 50 bucks in lineups. You use promo code YBR when you sign up today. Guys, the big game. The big game is here.

[B]

Huge.

[A]

Two weeks away. The big game. And we got a lineup for you guys. So I'm. I'm. I'll start off. We gotta mix up the juju a little bit here. Hey, hey. I got Drake May. Less than 222.5 pass yards. I think the more he plays better defenses, the more he's getting a little bit exposed out there on the gridiron.

[B]

I Dig it. I dig it.

[D]

I'm gonna go Kenneth walker. More than 74 and a half.

[B]

Kenny.

[A]

I think they're really gonna lean on their rush game in the big game.

[D]

Big line for a big game.

[C]

Nice, Jared. I got Bryce Barringer, the punter. More than four punts.

[B]

I love special teams. Jared, you.

[A]

You know how. You know Ryan and I stance on the punter.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And although it is, it's on face value, seems like a safe pick. I just would hate to be sitting here two weeks from now after the big game and have egg on her face.

[C]

Well, specialties make special plays.

[B]

That's true.

[D]

Because I power play this lineup, too, so you better not screw me.

[C]

I won't. You can trust me on that one.

[B]

I'm rolling over my Donald pick from last week. Donald. More than 229 and a half.

[A]

The Darnold has entered the big game now. What they call him online, The Darnold.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As if he's like a werewol of some sort. Have you seen that?

[B]

But I. I believe.

[A]

Have you seen that, Jared?

[C]

I don't know. The werewolf.

[A]

They call him the Darnold. And it's like they drop a lore that the Darnold has landed in whatever city he's going to, and it's always like an AI Photoshop of him, like, as. Like a bear, and he's there to tear up stuff up. The dy. The Darnold has landed. So you guys should ride with us. Don't ride with us. I don't care.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Just get that Prize picks app. Use code ybr. You only got a couple weeks left.

[B]

Get that.

[A]

52 weeks left. Screw it. Big game. Yeah. My number one rule is you have to put at least 20 into pull tabs, no less.

[B]

Yeah. And if I wasn't planning on playing pull tabs and you're playing pull tabs. I'm now playing pull tabs. So that's my number one rule.

[D]

Well, my number one rules. If you don't pull it. If you don't pull a tab more than what you put in, it's got to go back in.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

That's the number one rule.

[A]

That's my number one rule. I mean, could you imagine rolling up to buy some pull tabs with, like, $4?

[B]

Okay. And I was.

[A]

Now it's only acceptable if it's a buy bag. You know, like if.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

If you pulled $4 in the first run, then you can go up there with four bucks. But to start out with anything less than 20 is crazy.

[B]

There's one summer I was doing. Putting in sprinkler systems with a group of kids who were just like, I've told you about this. I've told you about this job.

[A]

You and some kids are putting in sprinkler systems.

[B]

We were the same age, but now look back, it's like, I know, but.

[A]

You were a kid at the time.

[B]

You know, we were like early 20s.

[A]

You know, when I, When I reflect on my time, elementary school, I don't go. Yeah. So there was me and a bunch of kids.

[D]

Like you also travel.

[A]

Like, me and my buddies were throwing eggs at a house. You know, it's not. Me and a bunch of kids were throwing eggs at a house.

[B]

So let me, let me explain further why the kids thing will make a little more.

[A]

You know, it's like. Yeah. So I was at. When I first went to daycare, it was just me and a bunch of babies.

[B]

You're not wrong. That's correct.

[A]

So he said it.

[B]

So these kids, they were clearly like co workers. They were like rich, spoiled kids who had never done, like, been in this lifestyle before.

[D]

Yeah. Not like you.

[B]

Correct. Actually, no, I know. They genuinely hadn't done, like, work like this before. They'd never been in the culture. And we went to, we stopped at a bar on a job that was on the way to Cormorant.

[D]

Wait, these are kids and they're stuffing at a bar?

[B]

We were like, early twenties. I've already said.

[D]

Okay, okay, sorry, I missed that part.

[B]

And the one guy's like, hey, let's do pull tabs. And he put in. He went to a jar and put in three dollars. And I can't do that.

[A]

That's my number one rule.

[B]

What the are you doing? And he won 250 bucks off of, off of three pull tabs.

[D]

Dollar pull tabs.

[B]

Three dollar pull tabs. Homeboy gets the 250 bucks. And I was like, you have to pay for lunch now. And he's like, no way.

[C]

I'm buying cotton candy.

[B]

Yeah. I go into the fucking duck claw machine.

[D]

He's probably never had his own money. That isn't his parents. If you're, if he's a spoiled rich kid that you're saying, yeah.

[B]

They just had clearly never been in any sort of blue collar culture before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And had no idea that that was a crazy move.

[A]

So. Yeah. I mean, but that is like a scenario where the number one rule doesn't hold up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You kind of just put a hole in my number one rule.

[B]

Time for a new One, then rules.

[C]

Are meant to be broken.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

That's my number one rul.

[A]

Because off of that data point, it's like, oh, my number one rule is you got to put at least $3 into.

[B]

The minimum is three bucks.

[D]

Did he even ask anyone if they wanted to go in?

[B]

He just off came back with three pull tabs. We're like, what are you doing?

[A]

Yeah, I think rule argue with results.

[B]

No, you can't.

[D]

I think rule number 1B is if you're at a table with other people, you have to ask them if they want to go in with you.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

That's number one.

[A]

That's my number one rule. Yeah.

[D]

You can't just skate off and, you know, do by yourself in a corner. That's called addiction.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, it's also the same thing. Like, if you're getting up and leaving a table or leaving the bonfire or leaving the garage, you have to ask your buddies if they need a beer. Yeah, that's my number one rule.

[A]

That's your number. That's my number one rule, too.

[D]

Or ask them if they got a piss, too, so you can go together.

[B]

Anyone need to come piss with me? That's. That's your number one rule?

[A]

That's your number one rule.

[D]

It's more of like a. More of a number number two rule. I just threw it out there because it.

[C]

Are you two number two?

[D]

No.

[A]

No, because number two rule is a completely different segment.

[D]

Yeah. Can you imagine?

[A]

Like, you know, that's my number two.

[D]

You know, like, girls usually go to the bathroom together. Like, what if they were going to together? Like, think about how that conversation through the stalls would be. That'd be great, actually. Be kind of fun.

[C]

Battleships.

[D]

Battleships.

[A]

Yeah. What are you talking about? If we all did that? We used to do that in high school. For bas games, we would do what we called a group poop. And because we were on the same team, so we all had to be on the same. We had to be done pooping at the same time. Yeah. Take a ship for the game. Called it a group poop.

[D]

What was it?

[A]

Basically, just sit there like this the whole time, but conversation's great, you know, and then everyone's trying to get the. The funniest sounding fart. And so you're, like, arranging your butt cheeks differently on the. On the toilet seat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To get different sounds. It's like in the movies, you know, when they do, like, where one person starts, like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like knocking on stuff, and then someone adds another one. It turns into Somewhat of a symphony of farts.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

High School Musical with the basketballs as you guys in your ass cheeks.

[A]

Yeah, we were clapping cheeks, but now.

[D]

What you think, yeah, slap a piece of toilet paper into your butt and just say, oh, let it blow in the wind.

[C]

Or when you're done, wet a paper towel and throw it over in the stall at your buddy.

[D]

That was the best dude.

[A]

There was always one Dylan in school that would just for no reason, like, unprompted. His number one rule is, if I go into a bathroom, I gotta ball up a thing of brown paper towel. It's gotta be brown. Wet it in the sink, ball it up and whip it and stick it to the wall and leave.

[D]

Dylan's. In my high school, they would do them to the ceiling so no one could get them. So they'd be sitting up there for the entire school year. Damn near.

[C]

If early on, Jed is like, I'm not cleaning that.

[D]

No, I'm pretend I didn't look up and see that.

[B]

We would throw pencils up into those soft piles.

[A]

There's a technique, too. We would always have our middle finger slightly recessed from our other fingers so the pencil would lay in that little slot. And then you go like this, and it would slide perfectly up into the ceiling.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Oh, that is good.

[B]

Good times.

[A]

Yeah, we had techniques.

[D]

I do have a number one rule, though, if you guys want me to show.

[B]

I. I would love it.

[D]

If I'm going on a guy strip fishing trip, golf trip, whatever. I'm driving every single time.

[B]

That's. Yeah, that's a great rule. The chick's out for you for a.

[A]

For a golf trip.

[D]

You said a golf trip, fishing trip, anything. I'm. I'm gonna be one at the steering wheel.

[B]

Right. I don't think I've ever gone anywhere with Ryan.

[A]

If you are driving. I thought you were saying that you're only driving to one of those trips.

[B]

He's saying, like, out of. If the three of us are on a golf trip in Arizona, he's the one. Ryan's on the wheel.

[A]

I thought you were saying, like, you're gonna drive to Arizona.

[D]

No, no.

[A]

Like, that's crazy.

[D]

No.

[B]

Yeah, Ryan's got it.

[A]

Driver got it. Yeah. A clarification of the number one rule. Yeah, but that's also my number one rule.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because now what do we do if we're going on a golf trip together, if it's both of our number one rules? Do I sit on your lap or you sit on mine?

[B]

I've been on a Gol trip with both of you. And Ryan's driven every time.

[A]

That's my no number one rule.

[D]

Yeah, well, part of that number one rule too is like when you're settling up for gas at the end, you can maybe just inflate the number a little bit.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I mean, it's my. It's gas and mileage. You know, companies, they pay gas and they pay mileage.

[A]

You pay one or the other usually.

[D]

Well, in my truck, we pay both.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

That's his number one.

[A]

So if you're. That's my non trip, don't go. He's gonna lie about how much you owe him?

[D]

No, and it's not much. It's like, hey, if I fill up 65 bucks gas, I'll just run, you know, in the math doesn't equal.

[A]

Just round it up to like 105.

[D]

It's like, like 90 or 100.

[B]

Honestly, my number one rule.

[A]

You'll round up 65.

[D]

No, I'm kidding. You said 105. So I.

[B]

Honestly, my number one rule is if I'm not driving, I will overpay my share in gas. That's my number one rule.

[A]

I've done that a single time on a work trip.

[B]

It's a write off because we're there for work.

[A]

I don't think you've ever ponied up for gas on a work trip.

[B]

You're right, that's true.

[A]

I, I mean, how is that your number one rule?

[B]

I. I'm pretty sure I. I paid my share of the bus. At your bachelor party? Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you weren't there in a work capacity. Unless you were viewing it that way.

[D]

Wait, we had to pay for that?

[B]

Boss, I gave somebody money for something.

[D]

Well, yeah, I'm so.

[B]

I could have gotten duped.

[A]

You got duped?

[D]

I gotta IOU somewhere.

[B]

I think. Yeah, I think I gave your brother like 80 bucks for something.

[A]

My brother?

[B]

I don't know who.

[A]

I don't think you should give my brother any money.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Back that went. That went straight to gambling. I'm pretty sure I'll pull tabs in this sense too. My, my number one rule with road trips, if you go, you have to buy something from a gas station on your road trip for sure.

[D]

That was my number one.

[A]

Could be just a bottle of water, but you gotta buy something regardless. You can't just go to every gas station along the way and take a leak and not buy at least one thing.

[D]

And gas doesn't count? No, it's gotta be indoors.

[B]

If you go inside to piss, you're purchasing an item. Yeah.

[A]

Not every time, though. You got to get something probably on the first. First one. You gotta. That's my number one rule. I tried bringing snacks on a road trip recently. Still bought some medicine.

[D]

It doesn't get the same.

[A]

No, it just doesn't. Yeah. It just feels like you're at home.

[C]

It's. It's.

[D]

No, exactly. Yeah.

[A]

It's kind of lame, eating, bringing your own snacks on a road trip.

[B]

Yeah, it is weird because, like, it'll be a baller snack when it's in your cupboard, but the second he gets it or like, I don't fucking watch.

[A]

Doesn't mean the same thing. It doesn't feel spontaneous. Yeah, for sure. Something about getting a Reese's peanut butter cup at the gas station. Way overpriced. Is. It's like, wow, this was a spontaneous thing that I did.

[D]

Yeah. I don't have Muddy buddies in my cupboard at home.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

You know, I might have puppy chow, but I don't Muddy Buddies.

[B]

And even if you did and you brought it within the road trip, you're like, I'm not in the mood for this. No, I'm going to get some jerky.

[A]

I'm never in the same mood when I pack snacks as I am when I want snacks. It's just a. I think that that's one of the. The, like, faults of human nature is like, when you go grocery shopping, you never want that food later on.

[B]

Yep. We've done road trips where we pack. It's like sandwich meat. So like, we'll eat that on the road trip.

[D]

It sucks.

[B]

It's the worst. I'll eat a sandwich.

[A]

But when you get to the destination, having a. A cooler. Sandy. Pretty good, though.

[B]

Yeah, but like, on the side at a rest stop, I don't want a tailgate cooler sandwich, rest stop, lunch. I'd rather just go to McDonald's and have 4, 000 calories.

[A]

That's true.

[D]

I mean, you got. You got the McDonald's app, too. They got good deals on there. Yeah, they have like a quarter pounder and five chicken nuggets and fries and a drink, like five bucks.

[A]

Well, remember we went hunt, pheasant hunting. We stopped at McDonald's and the. We got like, oh, my God, two breakfast sandwiches and a meal or whatever. Hash Brown for like $8. We're like, this feels like going to McDonald's in 2010.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I feel like there's a glitch in the system. We didn't Even have to use points either. Yeah.

[B]

So not an ad.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My number one rule is to always take the furthest urinal from the center.

[A]

Isn't there a game on like addicting games.com where it was like you have to correctly pick which urinal to go to. So like it starts off with simple and then yes, picking the farthest one from the door is correct. But then you add in someone. If there's four of them and one guy's in the middle left, you then have to go to the far right. And there's like certain rules about that. Have you ever played that game?

[B]

I play a real life game that if my buddies at a urinal before me, I'll piss next to him every time just to with them.

[C]

That's a good bet.

[A]

That's your number one rule. Yeah, I agree with that. I actually think my number one rule is I. It's like a, it's like a hierarchy of priorities. Right. So I'm always going to try and go farthest from the door but sometimes there's too much water or piss on the ground. So then I just go that. I keep going down the line until I get to the closest for the door and I try and pick the one with the least amount of piss on the ground.

[B]

That's fair.

[C]

H Y. I gotta start looking down more.

[D]

Well, it could, that could change too as you get closer when the lighting hits it. Cuz sometimes the lighting really.

[A]

Oh no. I get down there, get down.

[D]

Ocular pad down.

[A]

I, I hit it from all angles.

[B]

He's got his piss glove so he can do a. He can get in a plank well.

[A]

And then I can go like. It's like. That's just water.

[D]

Yeah, water.

[A]

That's.

[D]

That's just backsplash.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I usually just. If the handicap cells open, I'm going in there so I can sit down to pee.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

That's your number one rule?

[D]

If the handicap cells open. That's my number one rule. I'm gonna sit down to piss in there. If I can just.

[B]

You put the legs out. Is that why you need that bigger stall?

[D]

Because what if I just happen to have to at that time too?

[A]

That did happen to me on a road trip. I was taking a piss to urinal. I said yep, I gotta. So then I had to. Then I had to do the shame walk into the, into the. The stall after already pissing in the urinal. And that because I was just pooping and not pissing.

[D]

You were, you were stamping your undies is what you were doing on the walk to the stall.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I was.

[C]

You were gone for a while.

[A]

Well, it was like, you know, like, I don't poop every time I piss, but I piss every time I poop. And this was like a very isolated scenario where I pissed beforehand and then I had to poop. So then. So then I just was pooping and not peeing. And it was very strange. It was all out of sorts after that.

[B]

I'm pretty sure I saw like a. A Patreon review or a podcast review somewhere. It's like I've never spent $5 faster to listen to guys grown men make poop and fart jokes.

[A]

Let's go. And that's what you're gonna get on Patreon?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you guys are in on that, let us know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go to patreon.com you bet you radio. Yeah, that's my number one rule.

[D]

I don't.

[A]

You gotta pee when you poop, but don't poop when you pee.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

My number one rule is to turn the volume way down when Jonathan Vilma is announcing.

[B]

That's a great rule. Jared.

[A]

He's not good announce. Which one is that?

[C]

He's on Fox.

[B]

He's with Kenny.

[C]

Kenny Albert.

[B]

Yeah, Albert. Thank you. Who you used to play for. You play for the Broncos?

[C]

Jets.

[B]

Jets.

[A]

I don't know him.

[B]

He's the Jonathan Stewart Vilma.

[A]

Tony Romo. I was kind of a fan. Am. He's. He's losing me a little bit, by the way.

[C]

He doesn't care as much as he used to.

[A]

He definitely does not give a anymore. And you can tell he. Go ahead.

[D]

I was just gonna say, is that actually how you feel or is the Internet influencing you into that decision?

[A]

No, I was watching the game because.

[D]

I've seen a lot of stuff lately the Internet is not.

[A]

No, I was watching the game and that's how I felt.

[D]

That's good. I just didn't want you to be influenced by outside. Outside opinions.

[B]

You know who's not getting better than I thought?

[A]

Would Tom Brady see everyone saying that he's getting correct?

[D]

They say he's been in the film. He's prime time.

[A]

They actually. The Internet couldn't disagree with me.

[B]

He says the same fucking things every game he announces. He talks about how quarterbacks need to have a one ball, a two ball, and a three ball. And then he explains every single throw, which number ball that was. And then he. Then he'll do a whole bit about like. Yeah, I really usually like it when My left tackles block for me. He said that joke in two Vikings games in a row when there was a sack. And it's like, buddy, you need new material. This is great. If the. They only like one team only gets you every two months, they forget your jokes. But when you listen to them every week in a row, it's bad.

[A]

You need to get in the comments section of those people on tick tock saying he's been really doing a good job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I had to let him know. Tyler.

[B]

Yeah. They're the first Vikings game this year, Jared. I was like, tom Brady got better.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, you did say that.

[B]

And then all of a sudden he did the next Vikings game. And then I watched a game that he was announcing the week after that. So three weeks in a row I listened to Tom Brady's broadcast and it was the same thing each time. And then he did the Rams Seahawks game and it was the same thing the whole time.

[C]

It's playing the hits.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's repetitions, what it is. That's game of football, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You remember what he said about one ball, two ball, three ball?

[B]

I do.

[A]

What's anything you remember from Kirk? Herb Street?

[B]

I. I don't know.

[C]

He's got a dog.

[B]

But I. I remember not so not being annoyed by Kirk.

[A]

Who's having a bigger impact right now on you, Tom.

[B]

And it's the wrong kind of imp. He's rage baiting me and it's working. Tom knows that I'm the one listening every week.

[A]

I'm sure he's doing it to ruin your day.

[B]

He might be. He might be.

[C]

You might be a YBR head where.

[D]

The Vikings losing in these games. Does that matter?

[A]

Also matters a lot with you.

[B]

It doesn't. You guys act like I like when they win. Don't get me wrong. But I knew this season was. I was very happy with how it ended up.

[A]

So here's a question for you guys. Your guys's old quarterback is in the Super Bowl. How you guys feel about that?

[D]

Don't you?

[B]

It sucks. But I'm also very happy for Darnold. I wanted them to win because I. I like Sam Darnold and I think it's sweet for him. It does suck as a Vikings fan that we just let him walk.

[C]

I just don't think he would have a good of a year with the Vikings this year.

[B]

I don't either. But he would have had a better year than our. The quarterback situation. We did have.

[A]

Sure you guys would have definitely went to the playoffs.

[B]

I Yep.

[C]

No, we would have. I just don't think we would have went to the Super Bowl.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

So you're. So you're under the impression, Jared, that Super bowl or bust, if you're not going, I mean, at this point, for a Vikings fan, we're running out of time for you. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I. I suppose you're right. So it's like, all right, I don't give a what happens in the season if we're not gonna go to the Super Bowl. I don't care if Sam Darnold's here or not. Is basically.

[C]

Yeah. I just want to win a Super Bowl. That's my thing. And I don't think Sam would have brought us over the hump because the Seahawks are much more established team, their defense is filthy, and their running game is super good this year too. We don't have a super good running game right now.

[B]

No, we had a non existent running game for the middle part of the season.

[C]

Exactly. And Sam thrives off of that.

[A]

So at what point do we start calling for Koc's head?

[B]

I think Kwesi is the first ax to fall. I think they'll blame it on him before they blame it on koc.

[C]

Need another gear to decide?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

You guys ever heard of Joel Embiid?

[B]

I've heard of him.

[D]

One time a few years back, he had this iconic phrase and it was trust the process.

[A]

So you're saying that this is all part of the Minnesota Vikings process?

[B]

It could be. J.J. mcCarthy could be the answer if he figures it out. And then we'll. Our tune will have changed.

[D]

Just gotta trust the process.

[C]

It's a long process for the Sixers.

[D]

I just gotta trust it, though.

[B]

Oh, no. We're gonna go get Joe Burrow and then ruin his career.

[A]

Thanks, Chris. A little ruined by injuries, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because he's never had an old line. They. Andrew locked him in Cincinnati.

[A]

Yeah. Go to the Vikings. That should help your own line problems.

[B]

Yeah, we do have some good tackles. Yeah. Better. Way better than Cindy's situation.

[C]

He's got a good one ball, two ball Burrow.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

My number one rule. Is that on? You bet your radio. You get two minutes of football talk and then we move.

[A]

I. I'm feeling that as well. That's my number one.

[B]

You guys brought it up.

[D]

Don't say you guys.

[B]

Miles, you brought it out.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know, but it was meant to be in and out. They were talking about online and Cincinnati online. That one chick's boyfriend on Patreon who was trying to get into listening to our podcast is definitely tuned up. No, he definitely just.

[B]

He might have liked that one because he didn't need context for. So, buddy, if you're listening, the Minnesota Vikings are National Football League team, and Jared and I are big fans of them.

[A]

For those that don't know, there was a gal who tried to get her boyfriend to listen to you Betsy radio and said, we have too many inside jokes and he just doesn't have the time. He could have went pro and bmx, he just didn't have time.

[B]

That's an inside joke for him.

[A]

Yeah, so I gotta explain that one for him. So there's this guy named Flot. It's not his real name. It's a nickname.

[C]

A nickname is.

[A]

So nickname is like when you have your. Your real name. It's like a name that people say, like, as an alternative. And your real name is the one that's been given to you by the government. Well, actually by your parents, which. It's your government name that was given to you by your parents.

[B]

And your parents are those two people that.

[A]

And then you came out of one of them.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And is when you stick a P and a V. So hopefully that guy now can follow the podcast. Continue to listen.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Shout out that guy.

[A]

Shout out that guy.

[B]

Yeah, his name's Mel, remember?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Mellow.

[B]

Yeah. It was serotonin and melatonin.

[C]

Falling asleep listening to this Tonins.

[A]

So there you go, Melatonin. We're gonna take a break. We'll be back. You bet your radio has a new workwear sponsor here on this podcast, Brunt Workwear. As you can see, Jared and I. Awkward. We're wearing the same sweatshirt today.

[D]

We are.

[C]

I'm not embarrassed at all, though.

[A]

No, I'm not. And I also got the Brunt boots on today. Ryan's got his. Tyler's got his Brunt hat on. And.

[D]

1.

[A]

I love having a workwear brand sponsor the podcast. It's just long overdue. And so shout out to Brunt for taking the brunt of that. But also this weekend, I was wearing my Brunt sweatshirt and my brother, my older brother, who's a lot like my dad. And you guys know who my dad is. He doesn't say a lot. And so my brother. I don't know if it was because he already had a beer or what, he's like, where'd you get that sweatshirt? What's going on with that?

[D]

How come you give me one?

[A]

He's like, you got. You guys got a Brunt Sponsorship or what's going on, what's why, why you got the Brunt on? And he was actually very jacked. My mom also asked me where I got it, and so I said, hey, mom, you just got to go to bruntworkware.com, use code YBR. I don't know if we have a code or not, but when in doubt, guys, plug in YBR to websites.

[B]

See what happens.

[A]

Never know if it's gonna work for us. So, yeah, it's like my Brunt workwear. My Brunt sweatshirt's the talk of the family right now.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I bet my mom's like, Like, a little pissed that, like, hey, I wish you would have told me that you wanted a Brunt sweatshirt for Christmas, because then I could have got it for you, but then she probably would be like, well, your birthday's coming up, so I might end up getting more Brunt stuff for my birthday coming up.

[B]

That doesn't seem like a problem to me, though, though.

[A]

No, it really doesn't. So, guys, if you guys want some comfy. Well, also durable workwear, you got to go to bruntworkwear.com the boots are great. The clothes are great. Plus, just get compliments.

[B]

These boots were made for working.

[A]

These boots are made for.

[D]

Mine were made for knocking.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Hey, Brunt.

[A]

Brunt. Brunt boots made for working. And knocking.

[B]

Brunt is the noise Ryan makes while knocking.

[A]

Do it. Do the noise. So if you'd like to knock or work your boots, head to bruntworkware.com all right, folks. Jared, I'm being told. Yep. That. Yep, yep, yep. This just in. Jared has an update for us. He. Okay. Yep. So we're cutting live to Jared in the studio right now with a live update on his New Year's resume resolution. Jared.

[C]

So my heart's not into the sourdough.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

27 days.

[A]

This is a first ever. You bet your radio New Year's resolutions potential pivot.

[C]

It is pivot.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Ybr, N, Y, R, pp. This is a new. This is a. You bet your radio New Year's resolutions potential pivot here.

[C]

Yeah, I looked into sourdough. I didn't know the. About the starter, and I just. My heart's not into it.

[D]

I'll get you. I told you I'd get you a starter.

[C]

I don't want to do it, dude.

[D]

It's not that hard.

[C]

I don't want to do it. My heart's not into it.

[D]

My wife, she just baked a nice.

[A]

You think my heart is in a Rubik's Cube. Jared, this isn't about heart.

[D]

And New Year's resolution is about doing.

[A]

About not backpedaling. Jared. And this is about doing what you say and saying what you do. What is your alternative, though, if you did want to switch?

[C]

I want to. I got a treadmill. I want to lose £20 before the 4th of July.

[B]

Nice. It's a good goal.

[C]

So I'm cutting off to be in the New Year's and I'm going to bump it up to 4th of July.

[A]

Halfway through 4th of July, I could lose £20.

[B]

Miles wants to piggyback on this.

[A]

Yeah. Can I replace my previous Rubik's Cube? So can I ask for another extension on the Rubik's Cube?

[D]

Oh, that's coming.

[A]

And the results of Jared's and eyes New Year's resolution of losing 20 pounds by the 4th of July. If I accomplish that, then can that count as the Rubik's Cube counting? No.

[D]

Because NYRs are about doing hard stuff.

[A]

You did soft 75.

[D]

I did not do soft 75. I was out there walking in negative 30 degree weather.

[A]

Yeah, but then you went home and ate a pint of ice cream.

[D]

No, because I'd get home at 9:30. The only time I could walk was after my kid went to bed. And that was post 9pm I would come home, I would shower, and I would go right to sleep to get ready for the next day.

[A]

Ryan saying he did hard 75 is like me being like, you know, I did a marathon because I put some band aids on my nipples. I didn't run, but I at least like, wore the gear. And I went to the event and stood there and watched everyone else run.

[C]

I took a selfie.

[D]

I would like to see you do it.

[A]

I don't want to do it if.

[B]

You do it now. If it's soft though, I mean, fourth of July.

[D]

Yeah, if it's soft. I mean, it's easy.

[A]

Yeah, right? Just.

[D]

It's easy.

[A]

It's. We already hashed this.

[D]

Negative 40. 40 mile an hour winds in my face. 9pm at night, 8 p. Close the yearbook.

[A]

That happened a year ago, dude. Wow.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, so you want to, you want to say I, I, I want to lose 20 pounds by July.

[C]

Yep. Fourth.

[A]

I will only allow it if you weigh in every week. I could do that in studio.

[C]

Oh, for sure I can do that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We'll strip you down. Well, heckle you. You know, look at those movies.

[B]

Do what, what's, why July 4th. He like a wet T shirt contest or something.

[C]

So I. I think the fact that I'm changing my New Year's resolution, I have to like, set up the parameters a little tighter.

[B]

Right. It's fair. Yeah.

[C]

Kind of breaking the rules a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Plus it keeps me in check. I don't procrastinate till Christmas. It's a terrible time to lose weight.

[B]

Yeah. Terrible time to ask for an extension too.

[A]

Plus you also want to be able to just slam glizzies on the fourth.

[C]

20 pounds lighter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I think that's fine. I mean, I never thought you were gonna do the sourdough deal anyways.

[D]

No, I knew you weren't.

[B]

I thought you would try it, but I'd never in a million years thought you'd stick to it and like it.

[A]

You are right. That I do think I did think you were gonna get the starter because you had the tree attended at your wedding and you're kind of like, you know, you want something to nurture and care for. Like you do your sourdough starter.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Like a fish too.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't think you were. I think you would make one loaf. It was going to fail. You'd be like, guys, I, I don't want to do this anymore. Right.

[C]

That's kind of what I foresee too.

[D]

I, I think the same goes for the creamy. I don't even think you're going to get creamy.

[A]

Is that also one of his resolutions? Yeah. Was getting a ninja creamy.

[D]

Was it creamy? Yep.

[A]

You.

[C]

No, that's not my resolution.

[D]

Yes, it was his res.

[A]

He said that he just is on. On ninja Creamy. Tick tock.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Just watching videos.

[D]

Because when I, I got creamy last night and I thought of you.

[A]

Clip that. So. So post creamy, you were instantly thinking about Jared.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Because he was talking about your post.

[A]

Creamy clarity was Jared.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

I've been called worse things.

[D]

I guess it was good too. And yeah.

[A]

So you got a ninja creamy.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They're all. Yeah.

[A]

You're loving it.

[D]

They're the. I feel like 20, 25 there was the buzz about them, so we got one. It's one of those things where you forget to use it every once in a while, but when you do, it's. It hits diff. Diffy.

[A]

Have you ever done any creaming while wearing khakis?

[D]

No. This is that.

[A]

These are kind of khaki.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So if I, if I maybe try creaming in your khakis cream.

[D]

Yeah, we do have. Cuz you got, you got freeze the deals for 24 hours to get the correct Texture. So I do have one left that's frozen. I could get creamy tonight with my. With these on.

[A]

Okay, I like that.

[B]

I didn't think it's Jared.

[C]

Think of me.

[D]

Yeah. I thought that was a resolution yours. Cuz I thought of you. Right?

[A]

No, he just has been watching videos about him.

[D]

Got it, Got it. Post creamy. Thought of you.

[C]

Thank you, Ryan. I appreciate that.

[D]

I was going to send you a snap.

[A]

So what's your approach going to be? Losing weight. Weight. So my sourdough is the complete opposite of losing weight. So you've done a full 180 at this point because you were on the path to gain £20 by getting right.

[C]

So I'm gonna run three or four times a week on the treadmill and then lighter lunches.

[A]

Just a light. Maybe soup. Maybe something light like a soup.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe have a cup of cream of mushroom soup for lunch.

[C]

Sounds nasty.

[A]

Potentially a French onion for l. Extra croutons.

[D]

Miso soup. It's always a good, Always a good option.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

A lot of sodium though.

[C]

Yeah. So that's my plan. I don't. That's not a great plan. I know that.

[A]

That's all planned though.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's better than your sourdough plan, I can tell you that much. Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You know, it's smart, you know, if we're, if we're changing resolutions.

[C]

Glad you brought that up.

[A]

Glad you brought that up. I'd like to change my resolution from last year from the Rubik's Cube to, to. I'd like to change it to just raising my child. And I think I did that in 2025, so I think it counts. He's. He's still around. I'm raising. Currently raising him. And I think that we can all agree that that's the most important thing in life and not a cube that's impossible to solve.

[B]

Isn't part of raising kids like keeping your word?

[A]

And I currently am. I just, I'm throwing it out there that, you know, there's also an important lesson to teach your kids is that you know when to give up happens. And sometimes you just are. The hand you're dealt doesn't match up with what's going to end up winning in the end. And sometimes you just have to know when to hold them. Oh, and hold them. And I think that that's probably the most important lesson that when my kid listens to this in like 18 years, he be like, wow, my dad didn't. He really understood when to cut his losses. But that's Just me throwing that out there for you guys.

[D]

I, I, I, I think it's a, it's a, there's a 30 day window from January 1st to when you can change a resolution. I, I can't accept that personally because we've been, we're almost 13 months in to the NYR 2025.

[B]

13 months into a 12 month goal.

[A]

But if you look at the handbook, the company handbook, it does say that as long as the New Year's resolution isn't achieved, it can be dropped.

[D]

Yeah, but I think that was a 20.

[A]

That was, that was, that's in the handbook.

[D]

That was a 2022 handbook. We haven't got an update. No, no, I haven't signed it anyway.

[A]

No, there's been no, that was in the 2022 hand. Really, really small writing.

[B]

It looked like a period, like you needed a magnifying glass microscope.

[A]

So. Yeah, that's fine. Jared, honestly, you know, I don't think we should be not wanting you to lose weight. I think we should, I think it's a great for me for us to be like, you know what Jared? I think instead you should stuff your face with bread instead of losing 20 pounds and being healthy for the rest of your life.

[C]

I should gain £20?

[A]

Yeah. Well, you should gain £20 really quickly. We'll say start it in three days, gain £20 in three days and then you basically. Yeah, just by eating normal, you can get back, achieve it.

[D]

I, I, I.

[A]

Fattening the calf before the slaughter. They call that in the, in the Bible.

[D]

I think the only way.

[C]

Biblical community and the butcher shop.

[A]

Yeah. In the foot.

[D]

Can I make a proposition? I think the only way that we accept this, what do you call it, potential.

[A]

It's a YBR New Year's resolution. Potential pivot.

[D]

I, I think the only way that we accept this potential pivot is if you keep you, if you lose £20 by July 4, you have to keep £20 off until December 31.

[B]

I think that's a fair addition.

[A]

So we're just gonna weigh Jared for a week. Once a week we'll weigh it.

[D]

We'll, we'll, we can do our check INS until July 4th and then we can just do it at the end of the year again.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's a fair addition. Don't.

[C]

Okay, but if I weigh myself, we got to take two pounds off because my clothes.

[A]

Well yeah, well no, you just, so we're going to have, you have a set of clothes here. Okay. So you'll go to the bathroom, you'll change into your, your, your skin tight T shirt and your skin tight shorts.

[D]

We'll get you.

[A]

You're going to pop your brunt boots off. We're going to step you on the skin scale.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We also just can't have you like stuffing weights in your pants on the first weigh in either. Yeah, well, yeah, you know what I mean. Because then it's like just try to.

[B]

Keep down a gallon of water on the first weigh in. That's £8 right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you suck the water out by. By July 4th. £8 to your 20 pound goal right there.

[D]

All in favor of that proposition, say I.

[A]

What was the proposition again?

[D]

If we're going to accept the potential.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got to keep it off.

[D]

Ye.

[C]

That's makes this so much, very much harder.

[A]

Yeah. That's the point though.

[B]

We're in it for you, Jared, if.

[A]

It'S going to promote lifestyle changes, not just extreme dieting.

[D]

Correct. Thank you.

[A]

We don't need you going on a crash Atkins diet.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Losing £20 on the foot. We can't have you going on the roller dog keto diet. Losing 20 pounds in four months, five months, and then just gaining it all back. What's the point? This is, this is null and voided.

[C]

Then lifestyle change. Yeah. All right, I accept.

[D]

Because you've talked about wanting to lose weight in the past, so apparently you haven't done that yet. So I'm gonna. No, no saying. Because you're bringing it up, it's very clear.

[A]

You haven't lost any weight.

[D]

No, you have. But now that you have another weight goal.

[A]

Still fat as.

[D]

No, no, no.

[A]

And I can say that cuz I used to be fat as.

[C]

Right.

[D]

So this is Ryan.

[A]

Can't say. Dude, I was.

[D]

I was 95, sophomore year, college.

[A]

If we're talking about being skin and bones, Ryan could talk. Then he'd be like, I there. I've been skin and bones at one point.

[D]

This is me holding you accountable because I know you want it.

[C]

I do want it.

[D]

I know you do.

[A]

How bad do you want it?

[D]

How bad do you want it? Is the question.

[C]

8 out of 10.

[A]

That's. I thought it'd be higher. Okay.

[C]

I thought that's pretty high.

[A]

So it's a 10 out of 10 for you. What? What do you want? That's 10 out of 10.

[C]

What do I want? That's a 10 out of 10.

[D]

You want to look like me. I understand. This is me holding you accountable.

[B]

Ball, Viking, Super Bowl. 10 out of 10.

[C]

11 out of 10.

[A]

Yeah. All I know is I used to watch a video where a guy said that as soon as you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

So I will amend that for you. That as soon as you want to lose 20 pounds as bad as you want the Vikings to win the super bowl, then you'll lose £20 and you'll.

[D]

Keep it for the next six months.

[A]

You know.

[D]

Know.

[A]

I. I'll pass this through. And it's okay. The. The YBR N. Y RPP is approved in my mind. But you got to get in the mindset that this is super bowl or die.

[B]

Yeah. Tell yourself that the Vikings don't have a chance to win the super bowl unless you win.

[A]

Lose 20 pounds, they will win a Super Bowl. If you lose 20 pounds, this is your Super Bowl.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I like that thinking.

[A]

And this is your super bowl, because.

[B]

If you don't, you're jinxing them.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you don't do it, it's a jinx.

[A]

If you don't lose 2010 pounds between now and the 4th of July, the Vikings will never win a Super Bowl.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. That needs to be.

[C]

I like that.

[B]

And. Yeah. And if you don't keep it off until December 31st, the Wilfs will sell the team to a different state.

[C]

Yeah. To Dan Snyder.

[A]

They won't. They won't exist anymore.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yep. They'll get moved to Saudi Arabia or something.

[A]

They're gonna. They're. They're gonna move to Tampa, Florida, and be the Vik Queens. How's that make you feel, Jared?

[B]

That would suck.

[C]

Must be cool to go Florida.

[B]

But RuPaul will be the mascot.

[A]

Who's RuPaul again?

[B]

The drag queen guy.

[A]

I think I just agreed before I even knew who it was. Totally RuPaul.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

I like that thinking, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Frame of mind.

[A]

Every single day, I want you to wake up and think, if I eat today, my whole family's gonna d. And that's the steaks that you're playing with.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

No steaks.

[B]

No steaks.

[A]

No. Well, no, you can have steaks. You can have one steak bite every day. That's the steak. Your steaks you're dealing with is one steak bite.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm going to Arby's then. They have steak bites.

[A]

They do.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Didn't know that.

[B]

Throw away eight of them and eat the ninth.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's.

[D]

That's.

[A]

That's fine with me, Jared.

[B]

That might be the first one. I know. Ryan's 75 hard. Never mind. I was gonna say the first New Year's resolution. That's like a normal New Year's resolution we've ever done.

[C]

Yeah, pretty much.

[B]

But ryan did the 75 thing last year.

[C]

Nice job, Ryan.

[A]

So we need to get a scale then. Do you have one that we can bring in?

[D]

I do, yeah.

[C]

You can bring yours in, Ryan, because I'm part of.

[D]

I'm just as much part of this as you are.

[A]

I do think you need to get a outfit you wear every time. It doesn't have to be skin tight like I recommended, but you should definitely, like. Like, just have, like, a T shirt on hand, and then you can just wear a T shirt and pants. You know what I mean?

[D]

Okay, well, it's jeans, dis Chicken Hoodie.

[A]

WrestleMania, and now the new Brunt sweatshirt.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So just wear the Brunt. That's what we'll do. You wear the Brunt sweatshirt and a pair of jeans every single time.

[C]

It'll be the Brunt way in or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Well, we'll see if they're on board with that or not.

[D]

And we'll treat it like UFC weigh ins, too. To where? If you don't make weight on December 31st or. Or July 1st. We'll give you one hour. Yeah, yeah, we'll give you one hour after the first weigh in to then get down.

[B]

We can crank below the weight. Yep. We'll crank the heat up in the warehouse.

[A]

You can sprint, you can spit.

[B]

I'll bring my sauna suit from college.

[D]

Because it'll be hot in July. We can go up to the berm and do hill sprints.

[B]

Yep, yep.

[A]

You get. You get one hour. And if you don't make weight, then what happens? Ufc, they just not fight. They don't get paid.

[B]

Yeah, you don't get paid the opponent.

[A]

You just won't get paid.

[D]

And. And future fights are probably out the door for the most part.

[B]

The opponent has the option to, like, still fight you though, right?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The option to fight you, you just.

[A]

Have to beat the.

[D]

We can make him. We can make him do a Power Point.

[A]

We could maybe do it. Yeah.

[B]

If you don't, you're this good out of am. It's not just a fail anymore.

[C]

I have so much sticks involved.

[D]

But that's what happens when you want a potential pivot.

[A]

Yeah. You don't see me trying to pivot off my Rubik's Cube. I'm. I'm ride or die with that.

[C]

It's True. All right. I like it.

[D]

Deal. Deal.

[A]

Foreign.

[D]

World Series. Been all that time.

[C]

Great podcast.

[A]

All right, Jared, next you have us blind ranking, which would be the first blind ranking on this podcast ever, right?

[C]

Yep. First ever blind.

[A]

Feel like. I can't believe it's taking this long long for us to do a blind ranking, but here we are. We're gonna blind rank. I'm gonna read you guys what it says here. We're gonna blind rank shitty superpowers.

[B]

Okay, a question before we start blind ranking. Are we the three of us ranking this as a group?

[C]

No. You guys will each have your own rankings.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. All right, let's get a little confusing. Okay. How many out of 5 or out of 10?

[C]

5.

[A]

Okay, that helps a lot. Yeah, that helps a lot. Lot. All right, so. Okay, I guess we'll find out what a shitty superpower is.

[B]

One more question on the Is number one, like, what we think is the shittiest superpower or the one we would want the most?

[C]

One you would want the most.

[D]

Great question.

[C]

Y.

[A]

Great question.

[D]

Great clarification.

[A]

Question clarifying before.

[D]

Great, Great. Cq.

[A]

Do we have to come up with names for the person that would have this superpower?

[C]

Because can. Okay, I like that. Good wrinkle. So I found these on Reddit. So I got five of them. You'll each rank them out of five or five, so.

[A]

And five being the worst.

[C]

Yep. Like, I don't want that superpower.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yep. First one, you can summon the nearest wheelchair. Like Thor's hammer.

[A]

Two.

[B]

That's funny. As.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty harmless one.

[B]

I feel like unless someone's in it.

[A]

It, then you just don't summon it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But also, it gives you a lot of power over the handicap community.

[D]

What gets you into the handicap stall too.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

It's a great point.

[A]

Does the.

[D]

Does I'm illegally doing that right now.

[B]

Does the person come with the chair?

[C]

Yes, it could.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Number two, Easy, because I could become the best. Like, I could help handicap people out all the time.

[A]

Time.

[B]

Like, if they're in a wheelchair and they're trying to get through a crowd at a stadium, I stand in the handicap seats and I just summon them. To me, they're right in their spot.

[A]

So they fly through the air.

[B]

Then I know I said summon.

[C]

They just appear Like Thor's hammer.

[A]

Like Thor's hammer. So they just come flying through.

[B]

Yeah. I'd be doing them a huge favor.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I feel like it's pretty. Not that advantageous, and I just don't know what I'm doing with it.

[D]

Yeah, I'm pretty nudie on it.

[A]

I'm gonna, I'm probably gonna put it at four.

[C]

Four.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I'm gonna put it at three.

[B]

I, I, there's gonna be a lot worse ones.

[A]

What would be, if you, if you were a superhero, what would the name of that be?

[C]

Handyman.

[B]

That's the best one. We can't come up with anything better than that.

[A]

I don't really get the, the, the reference, like the connection, but it sounds funny.

[B]

It's a handicap.

[A]

I was like, you're gonna give them hand jobs. Do the wheels with their hands. Got it.

[D]

You gotta stick your dick in the.

[B]

Sky, you can be handy. Captain.

[C]

Captain. Yeah, yeah, Captain Andy.

[A]

I get it now. Now, sorry for the dial up connection.

[C]

All right, next one. You could snap your fingers to gain a thousand dollars, but everyone within 500 yards craps their pants.

[A]

That might be my number one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I just go stand in the field and I just snap my fingers constantly. Well, even if you're like, I'm gonna go to work today and just drive where there's no one. No, I drive where there's one person within 500 yards and that poor guy.

[B]

You just go cr. With the snap.

[A]

Yeah, that's my, that's, that's got to be number one.

[D]

I mean, I love that one. Yeah, I, I'm, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go number two. Just cuz I don't think you're gonna give out. I'm gonna go number two. Think about being at like a, like a sporting event. You could clear the entire place out and get the best seat in the house.

[A]

Or it's just you make the smelliest event ever.

[D]

Yeah, but like baseball game outside, that shit's gonna, that, that shit'll carry over the stadium. No time, time.

[A]

Have you ever had your kids? It's diaper. Does that, does that carry out of the. If you're outside, you can still smell it.

[D]

Yeah, but kids shit's diff, like kids shit's different.

[A]

My experience is kid smells a lot like adult.

[B]

I, I'm torn between putting this one or three. I think I'm going to put a three just because it's fun to save number one.

[A]

Okay. Do you imagine how big of a dick move that would be to just be in a crowded area and you.

[D]

Just go, I'd be doing it to you guys.

[B]

I'm gonna, I'm gonna combine my first power with this power. I'm just gonna Start summoning wheelchairs and then snapping my finger. I'm a super villain. And then that my superhero name will be the handicap stand. All.

[A]

Yeah, I'll go one.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I'll go two.

[A]

I know it's early to go one, but it is. It is just. What's better than having free money and watching your buddy. One of these is. One of these is about having the best sex of your life. Then I'm kind of. But some would say that money can be better than sex. So true.

[C]

Next one. For every cookie you accept on a website, you get a cookie in real life.

[A]

So glad I kept. Put that one at one.

[B]

I'm going five with this.

[A]

How many cookies do. How many cookies do you accept per website?

[C]

Probably at least 10. Five, maybe.

[A]

So every web page I go, I get. I get cookies.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm going five. Five.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I just don't have a use for that many cookies.

[A]

I just can't eat that many cookies. Jared, you really can't. You can't afford that. You want to have a job that's.

[C]

At my five, too.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, with that at five, what.

[D]

You could do is you could just host a daily bake sale and make money off it.

[A]

Then I got a job that I don't want just because I went to Google the NFL scores.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[D]

Yeah, but you run it like a. Like a sweet corn stand on the side of the road. I guess we could. You just do it out of the back of your truck on your own time.

[B]

We're allowed to reject the cookies.

[D]

You can throw them away, too. That's fine.

[A]

Yeah, I'm easy. Five for me.

[D]

No, I'm going five, too. I think I. I've got two, three, and five filled.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Correct. Yep.

[B]

You do.

[A]

I have two and three left.

[B]

I have one and four available.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Me too.

[C]

Next one. You now have a 51% chance to win a coin for flip.

[B]

4.

[A]

Yeah. Although, like. Like an actual coin flip or things that are essentially a coin flick.

[C]

Like, essentially.

[A]

Like if I'm playing roulette, it's now going to land 51%. I have a 51% chance it's going to be black versus red.

[C]

Correct.

[D]

Unless it's green. Double zero.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But in term.

[D]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[C]

Technicality.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't know if one. I mean, unless you're doing hundreds of thousands of reps, I don't think you're going to see that 1% show up. That's what I'm saying.

[D]

That's why I'm going.

[A]

I'll go three.

[B]

I'm four with it.

[D]

Yeah, I got one left. Jared saved. Best for last.

[A]

So this is your number one locked.

[B]

In in my one.

[D]

Number one.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So Ryan, you got coin flip four.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

And then coin flip four.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, last one. You can make your eyes glow red and amplify your voice with a deepen tone, but nothing else.

[B]

That's funny. That's a good number one scare tactic too.

[C]

Like a demon, but none of the powers.

[D]

Because people don't want to know what's going to come next. After that happens naturally they're going to run away.

[A]

That's your guys number one. That's tough. You don't get anything out of it.

[D]

What was your number one again? Thousand bucks.

[B]

The in the pants one. Those two are easy ones. Either one of those, I'm happy for being number one.

[D]

It's literally a coin flip.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Did you write all those down?

[C]

Yep, I did.

[A]

What is yours? I suppose you didn't blind rank, did you?

[C]

No, I didn't.

[A]

Just be a normal ranking.

[C]

Let's see. I would do the separate fingers is a good one. Probably that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The field thing is a great loophole. So I probably go.

[A]

Yeah, it like, it helps being in Fargo because you don't gotta drive too far to not have anyone within 500 yards. Like if you live in Manhattan, you're screwed. Well, they're screwed. You're not.

[C]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're chilling.

[B]

You're getting a thousand bucks to clear traffic.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Or speed traffic up.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

A lot of people are getting pulling off.

[A]

I'm going to be honest. That's like one of the most diabolical, like superpowers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To just make massive quantities of humans their pans on command is insane.

[D]

I think I'd start wearing a pull up.

[A]

So like if. If one of the Avengers had that and they were fighting Thanos, they could just snap their finger and he could just do a Thanos size in his pants. Do you think that gets in his head?

[D]

Probably.

[A]

It makes it easier for them to defeat him.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

But I think eventually he's cleared out.

[B]

He's probably gonna take the Infinity Gauntlet off to wipe his ass.

[A]

Or he wipes his ass for the Infinity Gauntlet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what the Infinity Gauntlet is, but it sounds like it's important.

[B]

That's what he put his hand in to make. Just to kill all the people. He'd have to take it off. It's like a glove.

[A]

Yeah, I've never seen. I've never seen it. I've caught some bits and pieces, like on television.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But what.

[D]

I just haven't heard even call it television in a while. It's been a minute. It's been a minute since the TV became a television.

[A]

I got a YouTube television account.

[C]

I see clips on Internet Explorer sometimes.

[A]

I usually like to browse on nets.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I. I've seen it on the worldwide web.

[A]

Did you see it in. Did you see it in the cinema.

[D]

Or the world Wide Web? Got taken and right before I was about to say it.

[A]

Good. Thanks for letting us know.

[C]

Moving pictures.

[A]

Motion picture.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, that's. I think I probably won that.

[B]

I'm happy with how mine ended up.

[A]

I didn't get screwed. I thought I was definitely gonna get screwed at some point, but I feel like. I feel really good.

[D]

Yeah, you don't want to get screwed.

[B]

I think the wheelchair thing is really funny.

[A]

Just. Yeah. It's just completely unnecessary. But also kind of wields a lot of power. Yeah. Over the handicapped.

[D]

I think appropriate appropriately at number five is the cookies. Yeah, obviously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We all.

[B]

We all got really lucky keeping five.

[D]

Yeah. Unless they're Girl Scout cookies, because again then you could post up quite literally.

[B]

Yeah, but then we're just taking jobs away from the Girl Scouts of America.

[D]

Well, then you don't want. You donate proceeds.

[B]

But then they don't learn lessons.

[D]

You know.

[A]

Some caramel delights.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Just appearing after going on the Internet. Not a bad gang.

[D]

I could eat an entire box of caramel delights in one sitting. Anyone else? Yeah, one sitting.

[B]

Not Jared, though.

[C]

I can't do it.

[D]

No, we got weigh ins.

[C]

Yep. I can't eat anymore.

[A]

Yeah. If you eat, your family will be merged.

[C]

I'm gonna follow your diet. Just don't eat.

[A]

Yeah, it's not for the week though. It's. It's hard. It's. Yeah.

[D]

You should try three day fast.

[C]

Try to. I can't do it. I get lightheaded.

[D]

Bone broth and. Bone broth and water.

[C]

Can't do it.

[D]

Yeah, you can though. We don't say can.

[B]

This podcast, I Recently did a 36 hour one.

[D]

After 24 hours.

[B]

Got pretty easy to do the verse 12 or not really the first 12 because it slept for the first 12. Basically. Probably like hour 20 was the worst.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever say can't again.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I'm in your corner now.

[C]

I can't say can't.

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay. What else can't Jared do?

[D]

I mean, you do what you want, but we got weigh ins, so.

[A]

We got weigh ins.

[C]

One week.

[A]

Does it stress you out a little bit that j. That t.

[B]

One of these guys?

[A]

Does it stress you out a little bit that Ryan has now kind of made this his New Year's resolution is what it sounds like to get you to lose 20 pounds. Accountability, accountability partner.

[C]

Yep, accountability. Accountability, buddy.

[A]

You should set up a camera. Great. Band name camera and covers camera in the cupboards. Set up a camera in his cupboards and every time he opens it, you get a notification. Fucking spaz on him.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Ring, camera, fridge. Yep.

[A]

Yeah, and it'll be in the cupboard. So it's close. So he's not like spying on you guys.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Put the cookies away.

[D]

Put the fries in the bag.

[A]

Jared, don't eat them either.

[C]

Just got one Patreon question here, Jack. Shotgun. How much money would it take for each of you to step into a UFC fight? You gotta last one round and then you get paid. And for Ryan, what did you think of UFC 324?

[A]

What did you think of 324?

[D]

Now, I have one question first. What if you get knocked out in the first round, do you not get paid?

[B]

So it sounds like I.

[D]

Well, I think it's either KO or you make KO or make it through the round to get paid.

[A]

So you're changing this guy's question.

[D]

Okay, we'll keep the question. I. I thought the UFC event was great. I thought it was great. Main event was like. It was fight of the night. It was great. My boy Derek Lewis lost, though. I had some. I had some decent change on Derrick Lewis. And the post fight interviews are always the best, so we missed out on that. There was one good post fight interview, though, at the very end of it. The guy who won, he's undefeated, is eight now. He had like this poem that he like recited, and it was like. It was a funny poem, but. And then at the end he's like.

[A]

And one more thing. Brittney Griner is a man. And then he walked out. What the. Good Lord, dude. UFC is wild.

[D]

So that's why I had a pay.

[A]

I bet. I bet you were dying.

[D]

Oh, it was the best. Like, that's the. That's why I want. People want Derrick Lewis to win so much, because he wants to say how much he's going to ground upon his wife after that.

[B]

That clip is so funny.

[D]

It's the best.

[B]

What do you want? Who do you want after this, Derek? Well, I've been gone for two weeks. So I want my wife a little bit of ground and pound you fine ass.

[C]

Good for him.

[D]

Grounding and pounding. See, I was good money wise.

[B]

I mean I would do it downside you get.

[D]

Yeah, you would be have the best chance out of anybody.

[B]

Like downside is I get knocked out out, but I have the potential to get. Or it's how much money, Right.

[C]

How much money would it take for you, each of you to step into a UFC fight? You got last round. Wow. One round, then you get paid.

[B]

Five minutes is a lot with three minute rounds.

[C]

Three minutes, right?

[D]

They're five minutes.

[C]

Oh, they are five.

[D]

Three rounds for non title. Okay, five rounds.

[B]

So it's five minutes.

[A]

So I just gotta run around the octagon for five minutes?

[D]

Correct, but five minutes.

[A]

Because if we're being honest, if I get in any fight, I'm getting knocked out or I'm just getting my arm broken half.

[D]

Well, because if we're going by weight class too, you're probably going light heavy, you're going careful.

[B]

You'd have to. You. Could we let miles cut to 205?

[D]

He could if he wanted to. But 205, like potentially it's the same.

[B]

Could be worse.

[D]

Actually.

[B]

You might want to stay heavyweight, just get faster.

[D]

You might want to say heavyweight because if you have good stamina, you'll be able to run around and, and tire them up.

[B]

Question for you, Ryan.

[A]

And yeah, I can't, I can't get in the ring with a fast guy because then my whole strategy of running around is.

[B]

So you need to weigh in at like 210 and then fight somebody that's like 265. So you can run around.

[D]

Yeah. Heavyweight. Light heavyweight. The cap is 205. So if you're 206, you're heavyweight.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not getting down to 205. I've been 205 since high school.

[D]

That's why when I say heavyweight, it's not a dig on you.

[B]

It's like that quite. Ryan, in ufc, is it like wrestling, if you don't participate, will they cancel the match? Like if I. I mean, you'll get booed. So like there's no stalling in wrestling. They're stalling if you're on, if you're.

[D]

On the ground and there's no action, the ref will stand you up.

[B]

But like, but if you're running, if you're running around, I literally run away from this guy. They're not going to hit me with anything. And I. That.

[D]

No, they should. I've never seen that happen. Okay, I'm going to be in the. Well, I'll be in the 185 weight class, which is the. One of the most dangerous weight classes out there.

[A]

Oh, God, here we go.

[B]

That middleweight.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. For me to do that, I think I need it. Oh, you don't get paid either if you get ko so I'm going to go, oh, half a million.

[B]

God, I was lower than that. I'm thinking like 50 grand.

[A]

See, I. I would say a half a million dollars, but then it's like if someone said, here's a half a million dollars, go get in that ring. And I'm like staring down the barrel, getting knocked out. I just, I just, I just don't know now if it's. If you get knocked out, out you get the money as well. I think it's a completely different story.

[D]

It's like I would agree.

[A]

Would I get knocked out for a half a million dollars? Yes.

[D]

100. I just think of taking like a front kick to the chin or a.

[B]

Head kick that would suck like your jaw.

[D]

It's like, would you rather die or have half a million dollars?

[A]

Okay. But at least one of those to the head. Like, you could just get knocked out and it's over. If you're like protecting your head and you get rib.

[D]

I know.

[A]

So it's five minutes of just utter pain.

[B]

So, yeah, that in my head, my game plan is to run as much as possible and then just get in on a single leg and just hide. But then my kidneys are going to get broken. Like they're going to explode all of my internal organs.

[D]

You can have adrenaline, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think if the knockout rule is in effect, I think the guy goes, let's do it. And I just go like this. And I just try and relax. I actually, no, I think I lay on my back and I just put my arms down with my side. So if I knock, get knocked out. He's just hitting my face. I'm not falling to the ground and breaking my leg or something. Yeah, I think I'm just. I think I'm going coffin style on the ground and just let him knock me out. But if not, then I'm just have to run and just hope for the best. I can like use the chain link to like bounce off of too.

[D]

Right. You could, you could unintentional intentional eye poke too. So then, yes, they get, they get time to recover, but their eyes gonna be.

[A]

I don't what happens. Okay, here's the question. What if I knock him out.

[D]

Well, I was just thinking about that. I was thinking 10x the money. I was thinking maybe 10x if we.

[A]

If I knock him out, then I get 10x. Let's do it.

[B]

I just. I. Five minutes is so long in a scenario.

[D]

It is. Yeah. The time just crawls.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Because even when you're sweating like over under rounds, like, the time crawls, like.

[B]

Even in wrestling in high school, it's two minute periods. And then when you jump up to college, the first period's three minutes. Just that one minute makes it feel like it's three times long.

[A]

Really long time.

[B]

Yeah, super long. So to go to five, that's a eternity to not get knocked out by somebody who's trained to do it. Yeah, yeah. I, I have to bump my number up. I'll go half a mil with you guys. Guys.

[C]

That'S about where I'm at too, because it's just.

[B]

There's such a small chance of actually surviving that round.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If we get.

[A]

There's got to be more, I think.

[D]

I mean, I'm, I. You're not wrong by asking for more.

[B]

We got to pick the fighter too. Right? Like, can we, can we pick a fighter? And then I'll have you decide for me who's going to be the least likely to.

[C]

I think you should just find that most. The average, the most average UFC fighter in that weight class. And that's your fighter.

[B]

The 25th ranked person. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I mean, because with the, with the.

[A]

Knockout thing, it makes it. Without it, you just have to survive. It's like, it's got to be so much higher because my chances of surviving without getting knocked out or submitted so low.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In five. Right. So it's like, if I'm gonna do it, it's got to be. Or, you know, so much more money.

[D]

Yeah. Can you imagine, like almost getting your arms snapped in half?

[B]

I'm tapping before they even have it.

[A]

All the way in.

[B]

Yeah, they even, they get. They have me in an R bar and it's like this. I'm breaking the whole two tap.

[D]

Now here's the other thing too. The UFC fighter is gonna be like, like this guy's. He's just gonna try and run around. So then bell rings, you go ape.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And he might not.

[A]

Spinning back fist.

[D]

Yeah. He might not even be expecting it. He's also. You're probably.

[A]

Can you jump on someone's back?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

There was a fight this last weekend. Some guy like surfed on top of the other guy. He was like, Kind of like hunched down on the ground and he just like jumped on his back and like, stood there. Why he was like, playing with him. I don't know.

[A]

That would be that guy to me.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It gets surf.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's the cockiest, like, most likely to around and. And taunt and. And whatever in the ufc? Because I want to fight that guy. So he. He just dicks off the whole time.

[D]

What are you, a light heavyweight?

[B]

Yeah, I would. I would fight there.

[C]

Covington.

[B]

Johnny Walker, like the booze?

[D]

No, Johnny Walker, he's no. He's like Brazilian or something.

[B]

Okay. So I choose him.

[D]

He's not that good either. And he's all about foot. Like, like, he's all about. She's a showboater.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I pick him. So hopefully he showboats for a couple minutes.

[D]

Yeah. I also think he's like six, five.

[C]

Long reach.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Bigger they are, the harder they fall.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

David Goliath.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, that's enough UFC talk for me for one day.

[D]

I enjoyed it for one year.

[A]

So, yeah, we should put a two.

[B]

Minute cap on that.

[A]

Just want you guys to know that Ryan now successfully just got off. Off. And that was a great segment for him.

[B]

He creamied his gag.

[A]

He doesn't even have to do that tonight now pulling double duty.

[C]

That's why his legs are crossed.

[B]

Mine's popping bees in the YBR studio. Think about Johnny Walker.

[D]

It's happened a few times.

[A]

He puts the boner in ybr, the B and. Yeah. That's the end of the podcast. Is that it? Jared, you got a fun fact.

[C]

Yep. You can hear a blue whale's heartbeat from over two miles away. Way their hearts are massive, weighing around 400 pounds. That can pump up to 60 gallons of blood with each beat.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

That is very large. How 400 pound heart.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

It's a lot of heart. It's a lot of heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Swim through the valves, huh? So if I'm two miles away and I go underwater and it's really quiet, there's no boats around, I can hear some. The. The heartbeat or. Or like an instrument can pick it up. Or like, could the human ear pick up the heartbeat two miles away?

[B]

I think that's probably what it means. It just says that you can hear it.

[D]

Let's ask the guy who asked the question. What is that? Did you foresee that?

[B]

He didn't.

[A]

You didn't foresee that? One of these days he's gonna foresee something.

[C]

That's such a specific question.

[A]

I Mean, it's. That's such a logical next step. Yeah.

[D]

What kind? Like, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

I didn't see. I didn't foresee that.

[A]

I know, but one of these days, I want you to come. Even if I feel like I have, I feel like you got to be like, I foresaw that you guys may ask this question. And so this is what, a followup?

[B]

And then you'll be like, I didn't foresee that. I don't want to hear it. No.

[A]

Okay. I'll be like, wow, I love the foresight.

[C]

I'll do better next time.

[A]

That's all we ask. All right. Is that it?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Guys, thanks for tuning into another episode of you Bet you Radio. Have a great week. We'll see you the next one. You betcha.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Girth Brooks asked.

[A]

Great name. Great name. Mr. Girth. Girthy.

[D]

Girthy brooksy.

[A]

Girthy brooks.

[C]

Best Midwest cure alls slash cold revenues.

[B]

Hot toddy. You ever have a hot toddy?

[A]

You don't actually do that, though. It's the same thing with the Irish coffee. I mean. Here we go. Go. Here we. Who drinks?

[B]

Who drinks hot toddies? Old men. What am I to you guys?

[D]

There it was.

[A]

I mean, it's just such a farce.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

You don't ever drink a hot toddy.

[B]

I did it until I was about 22, and then Grandpa showed me what a hot toddy was, and then I started doing it.

[A]

You did what?

[B]

Drinking hot toddies. When I like a sore throat. It's great for it.

[A]

He doesn't.

[D]

Yes, I.

[A]

You do. There's no way. How do you make a hot top? Whatever is one of those things that people talk about, but no one actually does.

[B]

Two ingredients. It is brandy that you microwave and you put honey in it.

[A]

I don't care. I understand.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

I understand. But you don't.

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

You don't just. We're gonna have to talk to Becca and say, when was the last time. 1. He had an Irish coffee? A hottie toddy.

[D]

Well, he did start the year off with Irish coffee. So that's the list.

[B]

1.

[D]

For the sake of the conversation, when was the last time you had a hot toddy?

[B]

Last time I had a sore throat. Okay.

[D]

And when was.

[B]

I don't know. I don't have them often.

[A]

Very convenient.

[B]

I have them when I have sore throats.

[A]

Very convenient. I thought you.

[B]

You'd be a.

[A]

Someone who'd have a sore throat quite a bit.

[D]

I was gonna work that In.

[A]

But you need me to it.

[B]

I'm not telling you, like, the Irish coffee thing that I drink hot toddies all the time. The question was, what is a Midwest.

[D]

Way to call cure colds?

[B]

And. And I said hot toddies, which is accurate.

[A]

I know, but you were gonna say it like, oh, God, they were. Love it. Like, I. I.

[D]

Cool.

[A]

But you are acting like you do.

[B]

This every time I get a sore throat.

[D]

I drink a hot T on it.

[B]

Soothes it for the night, and then it's back in the morning. It's like the alcohol and the honey is actually good for your throat. That is science. The alcohol, like, just numbs it. So you could take it in preparation for certain professions.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

Couldn't tell you.

[A]

That's weird. Why would you say that you could do it for certain professions and then not be able to tell me?

[B]

Podcasting. Oh, your voice sounds better.

[A]

I just. That's fine. I would. That sounds great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you could try cold medicine.

[D]

Maybe a good Z pack.

[A]

Yeah. Get an antibiotic would be good.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe some robotussin. Cough syrup would be good.

[D]

Maybe a hot shower.

[A]

Yeah. Those are all pretty good. Yeah.

[D]

I mean. Yeah. Majority of them you can find at the pharmacy or the liquor store.

[B]

A lot of farmers have liquor stores.

[A]

I love the idea of being a guy who is whipping out a hot toddy when I have a sore throat. I love the idea of that. I just. Alcohol is the last thing I want when I got a sore throat.

[B]

It doesn't taste like alcohol, though. It tastes kind of gross because it's warm and it's brandy with honey, so it's like something you choke down. It's not something you sip and enjoy. Joy.

[A]

Just like that.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

Do you have a bottle of brandy in your. In your liquor cabinet right now?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Oh, that's such a lie. He doesn't. And, you know. God, he just. He never does it. He never does the hot toddy.

[B]

What do you. I. I kind of hate you guys.

[A]

I just asked the question.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Hey, this is my payback for you sitting in my chair. He doesn't have brandy at home.

[C]

What?

[A]

Oh, he's got liquor stor. You just run to the liquor store on a sore throat? Not a chance.

[B]

Well, you got to run to the pharmacy to get cold medicine.

[A]

Bring you chicken noodle soup.

[B]

You had to go to your mom's to get a netty pot when you were sick. It's.

[A]

No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

[B]

How'd you get it, then?

[A]

I ordered one.

[B]

I should have guessed.

[A]

But that's. What do you mean? That's a remedy. That's real.

[B]

People go to stores to get medicine. I can go to a store to get brandy.

[A]

I just. No, you would just go to the store and get, like, NyQuil.

[B]

I could do both.

[D]

Why does brandy help and nothing else? Apparently? I'm not sure.

[B]

That's just how I was taught. It's one of those situations.

[A]

It's a hottie toddy, dude.

[D]

Okay, Toddy is another word for brandy.

[A]

Hey, hot. Maybe a classic. Hot Todd.

[D]

A classic hotness totness.

[B]

Is it teas or D's?

[A]

De's?

[D]

Hot toddy.

[A]

Hottie toddy. That's how they do.

[D]

Look a recipe up.

[A]

That's how they do it on. Oh, it's a hot toddy, not a hottie toddy. Hottie toddler. Ole Miss.

[B]

Is there supposed to be lemon in it? Never had one with lemon.

[A]

Oh, weird. He doesn't even know the recipe. Ryan. Weird, huh? That's fine. Oh, and this one says whiskey or bourbon.

[B]

It's brandy. That's wrong.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

It's a Wisconsin hot dog.

[A]

Also says.

[B]

Yeah, Wisconsin cinnamon stick.

[A]

It also says cinnamon stick.

[B]

This is, like, bar. You're supposed to enjoy this.

[C]

This.

[A]

I think this is, like, actually like a. This is. Yeah, this is like a drink. Like a nice cocktail.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

From the pioneer woman.

[A]

Sounds like a good gal.

[C]

She is a good girl.

[D]

R.E. drummond. You like R.E. drummond?

[A]

Yeah. Guys, that was a preview from our Patreon podcast. We're putting out new Patreon episodes every single week on top of our regular you bet your Radio episodes. So if you subscribe, you get two.

[C]

Two.

[A]

You betcha radio episodes a week. All you got to do is go to patreon. Com. You Betcha Radio. Sign on up, and you have access to hours and hours of extra content. And we're putting out new stuff every single week. So go check it out. And cheers.