Airbnb VS. Hotel 🎙 #317

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Airbnb VS. Hotel 🎙 #317" | You Betcha Radio

Episode Information:

• Title: Airbnb VS. Hotel 🎙 #317
• Host: You Betcha (Myles the You Betcha Guy) with Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod
• Release Date: March 12, 2025
• Description: The most "Midwest" podcast on the planet, delving into man culture, nostalgia, and Midwest life with comedy-filled discussions every Wednesday.

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1. Introduction

The episode kicks off with the familiar banter among the hosts—Myles (Mozzie), Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod—discussing everyday frustrations and setting a humorous tone for the session.

Notable Quote:

• Myles (00:00): "Welcome back to You Betcha Radio podcast, the coldest podcast in all the Midwest."

2. Mozzie’s Insurance Company Frustration ([00:53]–[08:00])

Mozzie shares his frustrating experience dealing with his insurance company after discovering water damage in his home. Despite having insurance, the company's offer to repair the damage for an unjustifiably low amount ($580) leads to a humorous yet exasperating discussion about the inadequacy of insurance payouts.

Key Points:

• Water Damage Issue: Mozzie describes the damage and the subsequent insurance claim process.
• Insurance Company’s Offer: The company offers $580 for repairs, which Mozzie finds outrageously low.
• Host Reactions: The gang humorously criticizes the insurance company’s lack of professionalism and poor valuation.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (02:53): "All these days, if you're going to repair some of your house, it's going to be at least a thousand bucks. I swear to God."
• Ryan (04:19): "Tell them to have somebody and hire someone for $580 that if they truly think that's what it's going to cost you."

3. Burn Barrel Antics ([08:00]–[19:50])

The conversation shifts to Mozzie’s new hobby—using a burn barrel to dispose of various household items. The hosts discuss the practicality, environmental concerns, and humorous mishaps associated with burn barrels.

Key Points:

• Acquisition of Burn Barrel: Ryan shares how his family acquired a burn barrel from his grandfather’s farm.
• Challenges: They discuss the difficulties of burning certain materials and the unexpected attraction of cats to the burn barrel.
• Humorous Solutions: The team jokes about alternative uses and the absurdity of Mozzie’s efforts to manage the burn barrel.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (12:54): "This was my monthly unscheduled tummy ache."
• Tyler (14:15): "Fill the burn barrel with anything that would burn, just to try and burn the lard off."

4. Parenting and Grounding Kids ([19:50]–[30:40])

Tyler narrates a story about his five-year-old getting grounded for aggressive behavior at a restaurant. The discussion evolves into humorous suggestions for grounding tactics and reflections on parenting challenges.

Key Points:

• Grounding Strategy: Tyler explains how he grounded his son after inappropriate behavior in public.
• Host Suggestions: The hosts humorously debate unconventional and exaggerated grounding methods.
• Parenting Reflections: They share personal anecdotes about their own childhood experiences with grounding.

Notable Quotes:

• Tyler (25:00): "He's not quite a year old. No. Is the, the five-year-old got grounded."
• Myles (30:16): "You guys are spankers, huh?"

5. Exploring Weird Sports: Royal Shrub Tide ([30:40]–[58:52])

The hosts delve into a unique English sport called "Royal Shrub Tide," describing it as a massive, town-wide brawl involving a giant ball. They humorously speculate on how such a sport would translate in the United States, comparing it to chaotic events like Black Friday.

Key Points:

• Description of Royal Shrub Tide: Jared introduces the sport, highlighting its lack of rules beyond no murder.
• Gameplay Mechanics: They discuss the game's objective—pushing a large ball to a distant rock—and the chaotic nature of the event.
• American Perspective: The hosts imagine how the sport would manifest in the U.S., inevitably turning into mayhem akin to shopping frenzies.

Notable Quotes:

• Tyler (40:35): "Royal Shrub Tide football... hundreds of people split into two teams and spend the whole day pushing this thing around."
• Myles (43:13): "If Americans try to do this, we would just start burning cars."

6. Creative Writing and Children's Books ([58:52]–[80:38])

Ryan and Tyler showcase their creative sides by sharing original children's book content. Tyler reads a Dr. Seuss-inspired poem about parenting, while Ryan presents his own piece titled "Pumping and Dumping," critiquing the meme coin craze humorously.

Key Points:

• Tyler’s Children's Poem: A poetic take on explaining to children about romance and responsibility.
• Ryan’s Children’s Book: A satirical story addressing the pitfalls of meme coin investing.
• Creative Collaboration: The hosts encourage each other’s creative endeavors, blending humor with meaningful messages.

Notable Quotes:

• Tyler’s Poem (74:24):

  "Children, sit down and sit tight it's time for a chat we'll do this just right A talk full of wisdom A talk full of cheer..."

• Ryan’s Book (77:52):

  "Pumping and dumping, pumping and dumping. Sounds a bit like college."

7. Fun Facts and Google Reviews ([80:38]–[82:56])

Jared shares an intriguing historical fact about St. Patrick, followed by reading a bizarre Google review of a Red Roof Inn in Milwaukee. The hosts react with humor and disbelief, further lightening the episode's tone.

Key Points:

• Historical Fact: Jared explains St. Patrick’s origins and mission in Ireland.
• Google Review Reading: The gang reads and laughs at a detailed, confusingly negative review from a user named "dog DMER 60."

Notable Quotes:

• Jared (83:50):

  "Historians generally believe that St Patrick... was kidnapped by Irish raiders, sold as a slave..."

• Mozzie (81:53): "Ever eating here."

8. Penguins Fight Fantasy ([82:56]–[98:14])

The discussion takes a whimsical turn as the hosts imagine battling penguins in a fight-to-the-death scenario. They explore strategies, limitations, and humorous outcomes of such an absurd matchup.

Key Points:

• Fight Mechanics: The hosts debate whether the fights would be knockouts or lethal, discussing the physical capabilities of penguins.
• Humorous Strategies: Ideas range from using makeshift weapons to leveraging penguins' natural behaviors against them.
• Exaggerated Outcomes: The conversation highlights the impossibility and silliness of fighting a massive number of penguins.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (93:07): "I don't even think it could pierce my clothes."
• Tyler (94:29): "A hundred thousand bears versus a hundred thousand men... but shrimp tide."

9. Conclusion and Closing Remarks ([98:14]–[End])

The episode wraps up with a blend of humor, final thoughts, and promotional content. The hosts encourage listeners to engage with their creative projects and Patreon for additional content.

Key Points:

• Final Banter: Light-hearted jokes about writing and sharing more creative content.
• Promotion: Encouragement to support the podcast via Patreon for exclusive episodes and content.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (85:57): "May your dad's diary stay hidden. You don't want to read that. And your weekend fun be packed with shrub tide."
• Myles (100:34): "You're gonna have to gain some leverage back to be like, I put my balls on the line. You need to put your nuts on the table."

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Key Takeaways:

• Humor in Everyday Frustrations: The hosts adeptly turn common issues—like insurance woes and parenting challenges—into comedic discussions.
• Creative Outlets: Emphasis on creative expression through writing and sharing personal projects.
• Community Engagement: Encouragement for listeners to participate, share, and support the podcast through various platforms.

Overall Tone: The episode maintains a light-hearted, humorous atmosphere, blending real-life frustrations with imaginative and absurd scenarios. The camaraderie among the hosts makes for an engaging and entertaining listen, typical of the "Midwest" charm promised by the podcast's description.

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This summary encapsulates the primary discussions and humorous exchanges from "Airbnb VS. Hotel 🎙 #317" of You Betcha Radio, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't tuned in.

Transcript

[Mozzie]

Welcome back to you bet, your radio podcast, the coldest podcast in all the Midwest. I'm Mozzie, BET Guy here with T Shirt Guy, also known as Ryan. Ryan, how are you doing today, bud?

[Ryan]

Doing good, Doing good.

[Mozzie]

Boys, we're here.

[Ryan]

We're live.

[Mozzie]

We're ready to go. I'm feeling a little hot today.

[Tyler]

Like.

[Ryan]

Like it's in temperature.

[Mozzie]

No, this is close. I'm having some more construction woes in my life.

[Tyler]

Oh, no.

[Mozzie]

This time it's not a construction company.

[Tyler]

Ah.

[Mozzie]

This time it is the insurance company.

[Tyler]

Rat bastards.

[Ryan]

What sport did he play in in college?

[Mozzie]

No, this is not the insurance guy. This is the insurance company. So, okay. It's not really a me versus them. I just wanted to share your guys, my experience with you guys, just so you know where I'm at.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I want to hear it.

[Mozzie]

So I, I. I've lived in my home for about four years now, and we've had. We've had. We had some water damage in one of the rooms. There's, like, clearly some water damage in the sheetrock on the roof or on the ceiling. Probably came from the roof above.

[Jared]

Right.

[Mozzie]

So what do I do? I buy insurance. I've had insurance. So when stuff like this happen, you're covered. Right. I get the insurance adjuster out there. He comes up, he climbs on the roof. He's, you know, this and that, you know. Oh, yeah, for sure. I get the quote back from the insurance company to fix, which there's probably mold up there, too. Yeah. More than likely water damage, sheetrock, maybe something with the roof, all that. They. They gave me a quote for $581 or something like that. $581 to repair. So then I get another construction company out there, and they're going through it like, oh, yeah, we could do this to get it repaired. They're like, so what the insurance company said. I said, they said that it should cost around $580, and they said, you can't even get a drywaller to show up for.

[Jared]

They laughed out of the room.

[Mozzie]

And, like, I don't want to be the pile on the insurance company, because I know we've had a lot of insurance stuff go on in the past, however long, but 580 bucks? I mean, it's like, this is. This is the insurance company thought process, like, oh, your house burnt down. Well, the best we can do is a high five for encouragement to rebuild. Yeah, that's what we could pay out.

[Ryan]

We had a couple good kids that week to not show up and grab their DQ at the counter. So here's a couple more coupons.

[Mozzie]

Here's a coupon for a free DQ to make you feel better about your house having water damage.

[Jared]

Here's a water bottle with our logo on it.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, yeah. Here's a Richardson 112 hat with our company's logo on it. That should. That should be enough to cover all the water damage. Right?

[Ryan]

Here's a drawring backpack, too.

[Tyler]

While we're at it, a gift certificate for some kitty litter you can sprinkle on the damp stuff.

[Mozzie]

And I just. I could have walked in there and just looked. Basically anything. These days, if you're going to repair some of your house, it's going to be at least thousand bucks. I swear to God. Unless it's a guy coming over to fix your water heater and just plugging it in like a guy did for you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, it wasn't just plugging it. It was the gfci. But, yeah, I mean, for. It actually shocks me how much less that is than what, you know, what they, like, quoted my pickup out at when I wrapped it around the light pole. Like, you would think that something done to your, like, mold or water damage in your house would be exponentially more than what my pickup was.

[Tyler]

You live in a house, Correct. You drive a vehicle, Correct?

[Mozzie]

Yeah. And so I just. Was beyond me. I just couldn't believe it. That.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's insane.

[Mozzie]

So I did not accept that. I said, hey, I'm going to get a quote, and we're going to discuss this afterwards. I mean, the quotes probably be, what, like 8 grand or some shit? They're trying to tell me it costs 500 bucks. Unreal.

[Tyler]

Tell them to have somebody. They can find someone and hire someone for 580 bucks that if they truly think that's what it's going to cost you.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, counteroffer. I mean, if I hired. It's like they would come in and be like, all right, I will do $580 worth of work. They'd take a Sheetrock saw and just cut out, like a one by one square. Be like, all right, that's 580 bucks. Good luck with the rest.

[Ryan]

No, dude, they would just pull into the driveway, back up said, walk in.

[Mozzie]

The house, and then turn around and walk right back.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, you show us the damage. There it is. All right, that'll be $580.

[Mozzie]

I mean. Oh, that's. That's. You could have knocked me over with a feather when they said, all right, here's. Here's what we came back with.

[Ryan]

And it's like. I don't know. I feel like they do that because to go to, like, the amount of calls and that people that you're gonna have to get.

[Mozzie]

So I'm. I'm already on my 12th call. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Between the insurance company getting the contractors out there. Well, first. I called the contractor first, and my insurance company said, wait till we come out. So I had to call them back and say, hey, we're gonna come back later. It has just been. I mean, like, I should have just. Me and my dad should just do this ourselves at this point. There's no way I'm gonna get what I need to get for this. Right?

[Ryan]

You can get. Yeah. I got my nail gun, too, if you need that.

[Jared]

Yeah, There you go.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Get the nail gun back.

[Mozzie]

Tyler says, though, if I keep it for two weeks, it's mine.

[Tyler]

It's only family members. You heard the rules.

[Ryan]

Have it for more than eight hours.

[Jared]

Because you're like family.

[Mozzie]

It's like Viagra. If you've had it for more than four hours, it's yours. Call doctor.

[Ryan]

My kid broke his leg end of last year. And we got the bill in and there was one. There was something on the bill that we just, like, they just, like, didn't do. It was like some sort of consultate, whatever.

[Tyler]

They just.

[Ryan]

He didn't have that. So my wife called the. Called the insurance company or the hospital, whatever, and she just, like, they just knocked that off right away. It's like, imagine like people who don't call in to.

[Tyler]

Or even look that close at the receipt.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

We would have. We would have been out another 400 bucks on it.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So I wonder if they even checked if you did it or they just believed you. I'm going to have no idea. Call my next time I go to the doctor. By me, like, looks like you guys charged me for a visit here. I wasn't even there. And then just see what they do.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Just get charged with fraud.

[Tyler]

That was. That wasn't me. Someone's impersonating me.

[Mozzie]

But, like, the thing is, like, I feel like with the insurance companies, getting upset never gets you what you want.

[Tyler]

I. I don't know. I've never really dealt with an insurance company this big.

[Mozzie]

I don't know. Is. It. Is. It's like, I feel like when you're at a restaurant and you get pissed at someone, it always ends badly for you. They're like, not going to whatever. But maybe insurance companies, you have to get mad at them in order for them to give in to you? I don't know.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Are they allowed to hang?

[Tyler]

I.

[Ryan]

They're probably not even allowed to hang up on the phone. It's probably.

[Jared]

Unless you swear.

[Ryan]

It's probably like. Yeah, unless you swear them.

[Tyler]

Here, you mother bucko.

[Ryan]

Mother fresh stinker just bought them.

[Mozzie]

So you guys got any advice on maybe negotiation tactics to make sure I get the money that I deserve out of this situation?

[Tyler]

I mean, threats are always good.

[Mozzie]

You want me to threaten them?

[Tyler]

Yeah, but you. I don't. You have to threaten their life. You threaten their livelihood.

[Mozzie]

Do you want me to threaten the CEO's life of their company?

[Tyler]

No, no. There's a guy.

[Ryan]

There's a guy topic these days.

[Mozzie]

To be careful with that, Tyler.

[Tyler]

You don't.

[Mozzie]

You're going to end up on a list.

[Tyler]

You. There's a guy that does that.

[Mozzie]

So I think in recent.

[Ryan]

Not anymore.

[Tyler]

He's still alive.

[Ryan]

I know, but he.

[Mozzie]

I think in recent events, threatening an insurance company is going to probably end you up on a list.

[Tyler]

To be fair, that guy did not threaten anyone.

[Jared]

That's true.

[Tyler]

He skipped that step.

[Mozzie]

True. He. I usually skip that part, is what he said.

[Jared]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan]

I mean, really, the only, like, the only thing that I have experience with is Internet companies. So, like, if I call, like, the last Internet company I had was dog shit. So I call them like, hey, I'm just going to switch Internet providers. Because you guys, you're just. Yeah, what you say you're giving me, I just don't think you are. So I'm going to switch. And they're like, oh, actually, we're going to knock down your monthly payment, 20 bucks a month, and we're going to upgrade you to the higher speed. It's like, okay, sounds good. I'm in. And then I wait for it a little bit. I'm like, yeah, this definitely isn't faster, and I'm only saving 20 bucks a month. So. Yeah, I mean, the threat of changing insurance companies, it's about the only advice I got.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. It's just. They're so big that I just feel like it's gonna be like, okay, see you later.

[Jared]

How do you feel about litigation?

[Mozzie]

Oh, I absolutely am always trying to stay out of litigation. Okay.

[Jared]

I just ask it.

[Tyler]

That's tough.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Especially, I mean. And honestly, thank God I didn't do this conversation in person with them. And they put the thing and said, you're okay with 580 bucks if you put a document from me. You guys know as I Have to. I'll just sign it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

So thank go. This happened over the phone.

[Tyler]

They didn't do their research. They should have listened to the.

[Jared]

Yeah, do the work.

[Mozzie]

You know, maybe I should send, like, edible arrangement to their office. Maybe try the.

[Tyler]

Instead of threats, you go with bribes.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, well, no, it's not a bribe favor. It's a w. You know, it's a delicious but healthy treat.

[Tyler]

And if that doesn't work, send them cake pops. We. We cross out the healthy and go to unhealthy.

[Mozzie]

Yep. Send them a box of crumble cookies. No. No one can say no when they're chowing down on a crumble cookie.

[Tyler]

On a red velvee. Crumble cookie.

[Mozzie]

Crumble cookie is crazy.

[Tyler]

Unreal.

[Mozzie]

It's like the one place left in the earth that people have just decided that if I'm gonna eat a crumble cookie, I don't care what's in it. I know that I'm putting toxic things and, you know, 400 grams of sugar in my body, and I'm okay with it.

[Tyler]

Yeah, everyone's all worried about microplastics right now. I don't give a if it's microplastic sprinkles.

[Mozzie]

Whatever they're doing at crumble Cookie, dude, keep it up. I don't care if you have nuclear fallout in those things. I'm eating it.

[Tyler]

Hats off to you, Mr. Crumble.

[Jared]

When they come up with, like, good cookies, it's like they're dropping a new album.

[Ryan]

I'm hoping that. I'm hoping we get a little surprise on 20 this year. New crumble cookies.

[Jared]

That'd be tight.

[Ryan]

More so. Just looking out for my college buddies.

[Tyler]

But they changed their name for a day to chronic cookie.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Kush cookies. I used to work with somebody who, like, they had to go buy. They had to go buy, like, crumble cookies or something for one of the distributors that we work with. There's three people that work at this distributor, and she bought him 15 crumble cookies. If you do the math, that's five crumble cookies per person.

[Tyler]

You're supposed to only eat a quarter of a cookie.

[Ryan]

And I think they even give you a little, like, quarter. Like a quarter cutter. So you can cut it in quarters.

[Tyler]

You gotta add that on. It's extra.

[Ryan]

15 or something.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Well, then the microplastics getting off of that thing.

[Mozzie]

Maybe we should do the crumble challenge. We should see how many us for how many crumble cookies we each can eat.

[Ryan]

Holy.

[Tyler]

We have to be. They're very rich. So we have.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I mean, there's. Anytime you're eating crumble cookie, there's only, like, five things people say. One is like, don't look up. How many calories are in these things? Make you want. Not want to eat them. What you just said. What did you say?

[Tyler]

They're rich. You have to schedule a tummy.

[Mozzie]

Oh, wow. That is rich. You know, it's just all of those things. Yeah, it's on a loop.

[Jared]

That's my lunch for today.

[Mozzie]

No.

[Ryan]

Okay, now let's. On the, like, kind of. Sorry, go ahead.

[Mozzie]

No, go ahead.

[Ryan]

Kind of like, in the same vein of, like, how many penguins could you take down? If you ask me how many crumble cookies I could eat in one sitting, I'd probably say, like, two and a half.

[Mozzie]

I could do two and a half.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

I mean, I.

[Ryan]

Maybe three.

[Tyler]

Your stomach will hurt, but it's worth it.

[Mozzie]

I mean, that's what happened to me last time. I. Because I only. You only ever happen when, like, you go over to someone's house for dinner and someone brings them or whatever, it shows up at work. I had probably. I had probably one and a half. I could. I. I told Anne. I was like. And I have to lay down. When we got home, I said, I have to lay down. You got to put the kid down for bed tonight. I have my. I have huge tummy.

[Tyler]

This is my monthly unscheduled tummy ache.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, this was. It was completely unscheduled.

[Tyler]

The last time Becca was pregnant, crumble cookie was her vice, and we were sucking down crumble cookies every two weeks.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, we could tell.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Thanks, Tyler.

[Mozzie]

You.

[Jared]

You probably brought that up.

[Mozzie]

Started to look like you could have fit into my old clothes, you know? So. Yeah, that's what's going on in my life. Just getting boned by the insurance company. I might do a little bone and back here. Coming up, once this new quote.

[Tyler]

You just said you were gonna send him an edible arrangement.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. And I just figured that sounds like a lot of legwork to figure out where their office is and getting it to the right person and all of that, so I think boning them is probably better.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, it's more of a farewell gift than anything. The edible arrange.

[Tyler]

Sayonara. Here's some fruit.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Have you. Any of you guys ever had a burn barrel?

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah. As a kid, we used to burn our garbage.

[Ryan]

Same. And so I just got my own burn barrel a week ago. And burn barrels are the cats. Meow. Because, like, I'm just.

[Mozzie]

Well, let's do tell us about your burn barrel.

[Ryan]

Let's see. I don't know. Probably three and a half feet high.

[Mozzie]

Where did you get it, though? Like, the backstory here.

[Ryan]

Okay, so my. My grandpa on my mom's side lives out on a farm. Had one tucked way back, and he's got a bunch of them tucked way back in the trees. And so my dad from work went and got the burn barrel, brought it home, and then he opened the lid up, and he realizes that there's, like, a bunch of lard at the bottom. Because he works on, like, a. He. He has, like, an animal farm or whatever. So we're like, well, like, we can drill holes into it, but I'm gonna, like, all over the gravel driveway.

[Jared]

Flammable.

[Ryan]

It's like, okay, well, we don't want to do that. So we just didn't put any holes in the burn barrel yet. And we just put a. As anything that would burn, we put in there just to try and burn the lard off. And then once you have it. I had cats showing up at my.

[Tyler]

House.

[Ryan]

So I think I got another week of burning before I burned that.

[Mozzie]

Is that why you said the cat's meow?

[Ryan]

Kind of. Yeah. It all ties into itself.

[Tyler]

So there's a thing that you actually will do in. When you bear hunt is you get, like, a tin can, you fill it with lard, and you burn a charcoal brick underneath, and it attracts bears because it smells.

[Mozzie]

You're gonna have bears.

[Tyler]

So now you gotta watch out for cats and bears.

[Mozzie]

Not only the burn barrel attracting them, but they can smell the menstruation.

[Ryan]

I mean, it could. I mean, it just could have been a. It could have been an old bear bait.

[Tyler]

Could have been. Yeah.

[Jared]

And big cats. Mountain lions.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I'd actually like to get them out. Lion out there. That'd be cool.

[Mozzie]

I don't.

[Ryan]

As long as no one's.

[Tyler]

They'll eat your kid.

[Mozzie]

I'm gonna say, like, unless you're sitting out there every day hunting, you don't want that.

[Ryan]

Well, I mean, they're. They're moving through. They ain't.

[Jared]

Yeah. You can always track them, too.

[Tyler]

I did a new story on a mountain mine in North Dakota that was just hoarding. It was killing deer for fun.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I had, like, 16 deer in its day or something.

[Tyler]

I did that story. I'm glad you saw it.

[Ryan]

You did that story?

[Tyler]

I did.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah. That was kind of. That was cool. Thanks.

[Mozzie]

But, yeah, I killed Ryan. To give Tyler a compliment right there.

[Jared]

He had to look down.

[Ryan]

No Because I remember the story.

[Mozzie]

It was cool. Cover his mouth even. So that no one could actually say that.

[Ryan]

Sweet man.

[Jared]

Ventral quest.

[Ryan]

I feel like the burn barrel is something where you can kind of just like burn all life's problems away, you know, like you're sick of looking. You're sick of looking at no money in your bank account. You don't even open the letter from the bank. You just throw it in the burn barrel. It's like liberating. Talking to a buddy, you're like, yeah, I made my last car payment today. They're like, oh, you paid your car off? And it's like, no, I'm just not paying it anymore. I'm throwing the mail into the burn barrel. Just made the last car payment.

[Mozzie]

I think you want.

[Ryan]

So, yeah, that's kind of like. I have my new little hobby, I guess is now I got, you know, I got two. I got the pull out garbage inside and I got. I got. The front one is for all garbage and the back one is for burnable garbage.

[Mozzie]

Where's your recycling go?

[Ryan]

They don't have recycling out there, actually. So I'll just go straight into the garbage.

[Mozzie]

Well, no. So you should be still separating them and taking them into town, Ryan, is what you should be doing.

[Tyler]

That's what he meant. Wow. That's what he meant to say.

[Jared]

Separate the colors.

[Mozzie]

What's like the. What's been like the. The fun stuff you've been burning, like car batteries and like that.

[Tyler]

Tractor tires.

[Jared]

Alkaline batteries.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Old Vexilar battery. I figured I didn't work. Try to get a charge on. I couldn't do that through that.

[Mozzie]

Crazy colors those things give off. Yeah.

[Ryan]

And now. Now I'm seeing. I'm seeing all the. That the subcontractors left behind. So I'm just throwing all that in there. Sh. And.

[Tyler]

Well, you should put that in a box and return it to them.

[Ryan]

Well, it's been sitting under the snow all winter.

[Tyler]

That's there. They. They forgot it. So. So give it back to them.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And then what else? Yeah, old sheetrock pieces. Insulation stuck in the mud.

[Mozzie]

Can you burn insulation?

[Tyler]

You should not be burning insulation.

[Ryan]

I'm not burning insulation.

[Mozzie]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't buy into the microplastics thing.

[Tyler]

It's. There's fiberglass in there.

[Ryan]

I know.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Mozzie]

I think. I think you're confusing the microplastics things with the. With the insulation. It's not the same way.

[Jared]

Different po.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I pretty much just anything I get my hands on, like to watch.

[Jared]

The world Burn like.

[Ryan]

And watch.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. He likes to watch the stuff in the world burn.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And now. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mozzie]

But, yeah, I am jealous. I. I think a. A burn pile in town is pretty frowned upon for where I'm at, so I'm living vicariously through you. I mean, I got a fire pit, I guess. What's the difference? Not much. The content, I think it depends on, like, you kind of are in a more private area where when you are burning car batteries and insulation and tractor tires.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You're not gonna.

[Tyler]

You know, do you have.

[Mozzie]

It's kind of one of those don't ask, don't tell out there, right?

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Tyler]

Do you have.

[Ryan]

It's a wild west out there.

[Tyler]

Do you have a separate barrel for the batteries in. Or they go get lumped in with the car payments.

[Ryan]

I. I don't want to have to burn lard off of another, so I just got smart. Yeah. I just got one barrel.

[Jared]

Ryan's the fire guy.

[Mozzie]

Fire guy.

[Tyler]

Hey, I'll inspect fire fest at Ryan's house.

[Mozzie]

I love that for you. You got. It's like, who knew that fire could just be another hobby?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Well, and I used to have a burn barrel when we were. When we were younger, and my parents would always make. Make us bring the burning garbage out there and said, I. I didn't like doing that. I was like, this is. I'm six games in a COD right now. I'm crushing. My KD is unreal. It's like, I gotta go out there and burn garbage. But now it's, you know, in my 30s. I'm like, hey, let's. That sucker's full, and that's coming outside with me.

[Tyler]

Flames, regardless of the source, are primal, so it's just fun to look at.

[Ryan]

Yeah. No 100. And, you know, I'm. I'm a primal male. Like, UFC shirt on, for Christ's sake.

[Jared]

So I was gonna say, I feel like it's a teenager phase. Like, burning. I think you're going through, like, a teenager phase.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, it's. It's a teenager phase, and it's like an older dad phase. It's like. It's like the meme where, like, two. Two of them are shaking hands. It's like angsty teenagers and dads.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Burning, burning stuff.

[Tyler]

My one grandpa, he. The only time he posts on Facebook is just, what fire and what number of fire that is this summer. So he'll start. It'll be like, first one of the year, and then it'll be second one of the year two nights later and he'll get to like 56 in a summer.

[Ryan]

Good for him.

[Tyler]

He just loves burning.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Miles. And since you can't have burn barrel, I'll swap my recycling with your burning stuff. You can recycle myself and I'll burn your stuff.

[Mozzie]

That sounds like a really, really good trade off.

[Ryan]

We can just swap a quick G G bag also.

[Mozzie]

Okay, here's a question. In the recycle bin, do you guys break down boxes or do you just throw them in there fully erect?

[Tyler]

I don't have a recycling bin at my house. I have to bring it to the center down the road and throw it in the separate big ass blue things. And you have to break the boxes down because they made the cardboard slit only 4 inches. So I can't shove, I can't just force it in there because I'd say.

[Mozzie]

About 25% of the time I'm like, yeah, I'll break the boxes down. But a lot of the time I'm just throwing them in there fully erect and then just like basically getting in the recycle bin and just shoving it down. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

It's like just, just jumping it.

[Mozzie]

And then once in a while you jam it in there so tight that like only the top half of the cardboard and comes out when they dump it into the thing.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

But you know, then you just gotta take a broom and like loosen it up a little for next time. You just don't jam it down as hard.

[Jared]

I get the tamper out.

[Mozzie]

And if you're wondering would it just take less time to break the boxes down, the answer is yes.

[Ryan]

But no Question is how many of those boxes are yours?

[Mozzie]

Very little. Yeah, a lot of Amazon, A lot of kids stuff for the kid coming in the mail.

[Ryan]

A lot of conditioner.

[Tyler]

Get him in there, make him break it down.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Well, he's close. Yeah. I used to break baby's first box cutter.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Is coming up soon.

[Tyler]

Yeah. By little tykes. Little tykes box cutter.

[Jared]

It's like bluey branded.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Peppa the pig.

[Jared]

Cute little knife.

[Ryan]

I used to break mine down up until the recycling it was half full and then they would just go in full. But if it like if I couldn't get the lid shut, I would just take like one of my like bumper plates for my gym and I just set it on top so it like eventually if you let it sit long. Yeah, yeah.

[Mozzie]

Gravity, gravity.

[Ryan]

So then when you take the bumper plate off the next day, then every the, the lid stays shut.

[Jared]

Is it kosher to wet it down or.

[Ryan]

No, that's a good question.

[Tyler]

I've never thought of that. I feel like that's got to be fine.

[Ryan]

It's going to dry out.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Back into a cardboard.

[Mozzie]

Don't they wet it down when they get it anyway?

[Jared]

No idea.

[Ryan]

Don't they just throw it in with the garbage when they get it anyway?

[Tyler]

Well, here's what you could do if you don't want to wet it down. You could just burn it first and then throw the ashes in the recycling.

[Ryan]

That's true. You know, I went a step further than just breaking it down. I actually just burnt it.

[Tyler]

You broke it down.

[Ryan]

It's a good idea actually.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Also, I think for me, depends on like, like if it, if I'm two days out from putting the recycling bin out, I'm like, I ain't breaking that down. I clearly have enough room in. But like day after I'm like, well, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know how many shampoo bottles my wife's going to buy in the next two weeks. So I got to save room.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. The f. If the, if the recycling is completely empty, like I might throw the first box in, like completely just like put together still. Because I know that it's just going to cat. If I throw stuff in there, it just acts like a. Another recycling bin within the recycling bin.

[Mozzie]

You know, I also like to, with the Amazon boxes, you know, like the tape comes apart pretty easy. I love just taking my fist and just going. Yeah, right through it and then. But I only do if. If my wife stopped giving me a reaction of being like, really? That's how you got to do that? I'd. I would just do it normal. Yeah. Because I get a reaction, I just keep it going.

[Tyler]

So she's got no one to blame but herself.

[Jared]

It's like doing karate in the garage.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, I am doing karate in the garage. It's just not with wood.

[Jared]

Sort of cardboard's wood, ain't it?

[Mozzie]

It is, I think so. Yeah.

[Tyler]

I had some, some big news in my family this weekend.

[Ryan]

My kid.

[Tyler]

No, my old, my oldest kid got grounded for the first time.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Baby's first grounding.

[Tyler]

Yep. Yep. Yeah, he's. He's not quite a year old. No. Is the, the five year old got grounded. I don't know exactly what he did, but he did enough at a restaurant to make his mom cry. Oh, so he got grounded for that.

[Mozzie]

But what is the grounding of a five year old look like?

[Ryan]

Thank you.

[Tyler]

It's pretty chill. Just absolutely no tv and you got to do chores with dad. And I found out that I'm a huge fan of grounding my kids. Kids. Because now he thinks picking up dog poop is the funnest game ever. That was one of the chores he had to do was walk around and pick up dog poop with a little rake and a dustpan bucket thing with a handle. And then the next day, he asked his mom if he could go do it again.

[Ryan]

Holy.

[Mozzie]

Did you just unlock. I think ground your kid early enough to where he thinks chores are fun. I probably didn't get. I didn't get grounded that much. My mom would always ground me and then just be like, okay, you can come out of your room now. Like, 10 minutes later, she'd fold. My mom was, you know, she's got a hair trigger, gets mad, and then just gets over it really fast. So, yeah, we got in and out of grounding pretty quick.

[Ryan]

We didn't. I didn't have grounding parents. I've never. I never got ground.

[Tyler]

No. I didn't really either. I got. Got spanked in belts.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Whatnot. Which is arguably worse than grounded. But I didn't know how to ground him because he's, like, five. Like, wow. It was just. I had to be like, you're in trouble, and you have a. Consequences to your actions. So it's no tv. And I had to, like, come up with chores. I was like, there's not a whole lot that I really trust you to be handling that needs to be done. Yeah. So dog poop was an easy answer, and he ends up. Turns out he loves it, so maybe he's gonna be a.

[Mozzie]

That was. I do remember my mom told me a story. I was young, I got grounded, and she said, you got to go to your room. And I looked at her and said, oh, that's great, because I love hanging out in my room.

[Ryan]

Reverse psychology.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I love being ground.

[Mozzie]

Go ahead, ground me. It actually is like what I want to do. I don't even want to hang out out here.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I was hoping you'd ground me so that I could. I got away from.

[Mozzie]

Honestly, so haha jokes on you.

[Ryan]

You would do that?

[Mozzie]

I mean, that's what Tyler's kid did. That's what he's doing to you. You got to see right through this.

[Tyler]

I. I don't give a. If he's playing me if he keeps picking up the dog.

[Mozzie]

That is true. You're both playing each other.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Play me, buddy. That's fine.

[Ryan]

I know you. I know that you know what, what he did to your wife at the restaurant. Can you tell us?

[Tyler]

Yeah, as far as I know, because I wasn't there there. Why?

[Ryan]

If you were, I'm assuming that kid would have.

[Tyler]

He would have been better behaved. Yeah, he's more scared of me. Yes. Apparently he was just beating the out of his little brother and he was like. He just kept punching people. Not like super hard, but just walking around the table and punching all of the dinner guests at the restaurant.

[Mozzie]

And like people you didn't know?

[Tyler]

No. So they were like. It was my. My wife and kids, my grandparents. My grandparents. Friends. Yeah, A group of people. We all know them, but like, not people. He should be like, punching your little brother, that's one thing, right? Punching Karen, who's a friend of the family is a complete other thing. And so then I guess my wife took him, like, took him outside to have a talk with him. Be like, dude, you gotta chill the out. And he came back in. She thought he was gonna be good. And then he just started kicking people under the table.

[Mozzie]

I mean, you said no punch. Do you want him to do instructions? Unclear.

[Tyler]

Yeah. So she was just super overwhelmed because I wasn't there to help. She came home, was not happy with it all, and so I grounded him.

[Mozzie]

No, I feel like your kid was kind of like when a. When someone's dog like is jumping on everyone, you know?

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Mozzie]

It really doesn't affect you if a dog jumps up on you, but it's just kind of a small annoyance to have a five year old kid walking around and punching you in the handles. Yeah.

[Tyler]

And it's like embarrassing for the parent too, you know, like nobody's really getting hurt.

[Mozzie]

Right.

[Tyler]

But it's just like, I don't know, a respect thing. And it's like embarrassing for mom.

[Mozzie]

Well, what do you. So that's the grounding he tried. Let's all give some advice what we think he should have grounded him with. I think you should have taken away.

[Tyler]

His hands can cuff him.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Just not handcuff. That sounds bad. Just tie him behind his back.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Mozzie]

For like a week, you know, and that's one good grounding you could have done.

[Ryan]

And then. Yeah. Make him pick up dog with his hands type values.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Because then he won't like that.

[Tyler]

You have to kick it into the bucket, pal.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I. It actually, I think I would have resorted to the wooden spoon instead of grounding.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Or a spanking I've considered it. I feel like. I don't know.

[Mozzie]

You guys are spankers, huh?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I think so. I think it's got to be pretty serious, though.

[Ryan]

For sure. For sure. Like now, if he would have been punching him harder, like, kind of maliciously. Yeah, I think that calls for it. Yeah. I don't. I mean, you say, hey, like, no more eating for the next week. Like, no more starving. I'm kidding.

[Tyler]

No food or water, buddy. And don't even think about taking a shower. No personal hygiene either.

[Ryan]

I'm kidding. Don't. Don't do that.

[Mozzie]

You could do little. Little annoyances, right? Like, just take his pillow so he's like, his head. Neck's kind of cranked when he's laying there, you know, that's. It's minor annoyance.

[Jared]

Take away his toothbrush.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, or making.

[Tyler]

That would annoy me more. His stank breath.

[Ryan]

Make him brush it. Yeah. Make his. Brush his teeth with the. The steel wool. The kitchen sink scrubber.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Or soap in the mouth.

[Mozzie]

That's. Yeah, that happened to me. Yeah. It sucks.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I got caught saying titties in daycare and my. The daycare layer.

[Mozzie]

The daycare lady washed her.

[Tyler]

The daycare lady made me take bite of the soap bar.

[Mozzie]

I was just talking back to my mom, and my mom went and put liquid soap in my mouth.

[Ryan]

I'm pretty sure I got the liquid, too.

[Jared]

Got the liquid.

[Mozzie]

Our parents still doing that. Like, I feel like that's crazy.

[Ryan]

I don't know. Like, what do you think is worse? Like, do you think, like, say, Tabasco or soap?

[Tyler]

Oh, that's. Dude. Soap sticks around for a long time, though.

[Mozzie]

It's also like, you're not supposed to ingest soap. You're supposed to ingest Tabasco.

[Ryan]

Correct?

[Mozzie]

Correct. Yeah.

[Tyler]

That's tough. Hey, good. Both are good.

[Ryan]

I think just knock it down a Cholula or something.

[Jared]

I'll try it tonight.

[Mozzie]

Okay.

[Jared]

Report back.

[Ryan]

All right.

[Mozzie]

Mouth off to your wife and then just be like, okay, well, if you're so mad at me, just wash my mouth out with Tabasco.

[Jared]

I totally hate that.

[Ryan]

Here's something that, like, then you do.

[Mozzie]

It and be like, thanks, honey, that was for research and this sucks.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You could make him eat a whole lemon, too.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, we gave my kid lemon and he just. He didn't make a face at all.

[Ryan]

Same.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Crazy person.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yep.

[Tyler]

So best thing about all this is it was the winter dog.

[Mozzie]

Oh, wow.

[Tyler]

So it was like a five gallon bucket. @ least we got one of those industrial, like, janitor Dust pans that have the handle. Filled that thing up five, six times.

[Ryan]

He's throwing the trees in.

[Tyler]

Into plastic bags brought over to Ryan's.

[Mozzie]

He's got a burn.

[Tyler]

Burned that I could have burnt.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I could. Then I could have kept the cats away or whatever.

[Tyler]

What are you up to this weekend? Right. I'm burning. Oh, cool. What kind of. Oh, I'm burning dog.

[Mozzie]

You're burning dog?

[Ryan]

Dog, dog.

[Jared]

It's a whole thing.

[Ryan]

You know what? I. There's. I've, like, seen something new come out of me when it comes to burning. Like, say I have, like, a piece of cardboard I like to light on fire and then just kind of hold it and like. Like waft it a little bit and.

[Tyler]

Watch it burn down.

[Mozzie]

Step one of the homicidal triad.

[Ryan]

And then toss it in.

[Tyler]

If Ryan starts skinning these cats, we.

[Mozzie]

Gotta stop skinning cats and pissing the bed. We know that. We need to lock him down.

[Ryan]

No, it's my neighbor's cat that keeps going. It's cats, plural. I keep coming around. I mean, they're fine. Whatever. I'd prefer if they ate the lard out of there, because then I could just get rid of it.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So you guys keep incriminating me on stuff of burning batteries and skin and cats, and I'm not doing anything illegal.

[Tyler]

No, no. We're just saying that sounds like you are. Now, that's something. Someone doing something illegal.

[Mozzie]

Again with the whole hats in the garbage thing. I think everyone assumed that I was joking when I said you were burning car batteries. But now that you're getting defensive, we're kind of wondering if you want. No, I.

[Ryan]

It sounded liter. It sounded literal to me, and then I. I piled onto it for entertainment purposes. So. Yeah, I just want to make. Make clear I'm not doing anything illegal out there. Just. I'm just burning. You guys just leave me alone. Just in general. I don't know. There's contractors probably taking shits out there, so probably their.

[Tyler]

So.

[Mozzie]

Jared, anything going on with you?

[Jared]

It's more of an observation than anything. Thing. My wife was watching, like, a flipping show, and they're like, really rich flippers. And.

[Mozzie]

Is it the flip off?

[Jared]

It's the other one, actually.

[Tyler]

Love it or list it?

[Jared]

No, I don't remember it. It's the same group. Whatever.

[Mozzie]

But now they're divorced. Yeah, yeah, that's the flip off.

[Jared]

But they had a previous show.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now this is their new show. Yeah, my wife watched the same one.

[Jared]

That's funny.

[Mozzie]

I've I know what you're talking about. So continue on. Jared, your wife is watching the flip off.

[Jared]

Yeah. And like they're bringing over blueprints to look at at her house. And something I noticed is that women love sitting on the floor. Cuz if like if somebody brought, if another dude brought blueprints to your house, Miles, you wouldn't sit on the floor and look at the blueprints. You would get like a big table and look at the blueprints.

[Mozzie]

Correct? Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean it's arms extended and looking over the top.

[Mozzie]

If I can't stand with my arms outside of shoulder width looking down at the blueprint standing, I. We're not looking at the blueprint.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Ryan]

So shoulders are like kind of up by the ears a little bit as a male looking at blueprints. Yeah.

[Tyler]

So I 100 agree if it's a blueprint but for some reason if I'm putting together like a piece of IKEA furniture, I'm on the floor looking at the directions.

[Jared]

That's the exception.

[Tyler]

Why is it, why is it different though? Essentially I'm looking at the IKEA furniture's blueprints.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I mean you're putting it together. But I agree, agree. No, I mean like girls will just elect to sit on the floor when they're like, like let's say you just like at family Christmas my sister in law will just be like there's an open spot on the couch and she'll just be like no, I'll just sit on the floor.

[Tyler]

She doesn't want to sit by you.

[Ryan]

She'll sit on the floor.

[Mozzie]

Not even me.

[Ryan]

And she'll lean up against an empty chair as a backrest.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Yeah. Well you could have just, just.

[Ryan]

Yeah, right.

[Jared]

I just don't understand the psychology with it. Why women like sitting floor but dudes never do. Really?

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I mean the only time I, I do like to lay on the floor like I got to be fully prone if I'm on the floor. I, I don't know. It's like cuz sitting crisscross applesauce just hurts the knees in the back. And then eventually you got to like do the lean back on your hands and then your arms start to hurt after a while. I just.

[Jared]

That goes up out.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, it's a whole thing. And then I either need to be fully prone or in a chair.

[Ryan]

When's it, when's the last time that you guys had sat like with your legs like, like I can't.

[Mozzie]

On your knees? Let's see.

[Ryan]

No, I can't I can't. I can't even do this.

[Mozzie]

Let's see if you can do it.

[Ryan]

I. I can't do it because I tried to do it the other day.

[Mozzie]

That is. The other thing is, like, women will sit on the floor and they'll get their legs in positions that I didn't know was possible.

[Jared]

Yeah, the press pretzel.

[Mozzie]

It'll be a pretzel. It'll be one over the other. It'll be one leg in like this, all the way, sticking out behind them, and then the other one's straight out in front of them.

[Tyler]

I can think of worse talents.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's unbelievable.

[Jared]

I don't get it.

[Mozzie]

Brian, let's see you try and do the. The knee. I just try.

[Ryan]

I can't just try. Let me do it after. I'll do it after then.

[Mozzie]

Oh, I guess he's not a doer. He's a donter. I see what 75 hard turned them into.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, you're the one. You're the one sitting on that. You're the one sitting outside.

[Mozzie]

I thought you were. I thought you were.

[Ryan]

Not when it comes to flexibility.

[Mozzie]

Let's see it.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

I can't do it.

[Mozzie]

What's the point of being hard if you're not flexy as well?

[Ryan]

I don't need. I don't. The goal is not to be.

[Mozzie]

I thought you were swollen flexi.

[Ryan]

No, I'm not gonna do it.

[Tyler]

It is 75 hard, not 75 loose.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Thank you, Tyler.

[Mozzie]

Let's just see it. How about after the break?

[Tyler]

I'll do it if this stops.

[Mozzie]

Come on, Ryan.

[Ryan]

I'm not doing it right now because I, I, I am telling you, I can't do it. I tried to do it three days ago.

[Mozzie]

Oh, I see. What? This is not. This isn't about him trying it. It said he's already tried it and failed. And now.

[Tyler]

Right.

[Mozzie]

So it's. I tell you, I opened already. I opened a new. The same way. A wound. I apologize.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's not even a wound. A yoga with Adrian just told me to get in that position.

[Tyler]

I couldn't. So she does have some demanding asks every once in a while.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Did LeBron quit after he lost his first NBA Finals?

[Mozzie]

That is true.

[Ryan]

Yeah. The comparison there is just not.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Tyler]

Ryan doing a specific yoga pose and the pinnacle of basketball, me sitting, like, asking questions.

[Ryan]

Just if anything, I'm gonna get injured. It's gonna. No, I mean, I'm like five days away from being Hard as.

[Mozzie]

No, I mean, like, it' fine. If you can't do it, that's fine. You're just incapable of doing it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Okay. We kibosh that.

[Mozzie]

You just.

[Ryan]

He thought that would get to you.

[Mozzie]

Just don't have the ability to do it.

[Ryan]

You're right. Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You're a quitter and that's fine.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You tried it once, you couldn't do it and so you quit. That's like totally acceptable. And I'm sure your kid won't grow up a quitter after seeing his dad like that.

[Ryan]

You haven't even started. So.

[Mozzie]

So.

[Ryan]

You know, there's people who try and people who just don't even try.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. So you guys want to take a break? Sure.

[Jared]

Let's do it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

All right, guys. It looks like Jared uncovered a new game. Apparently this is an insane football game that they play in England. It is called Royal Shrub Tide football ball. Is that right? And it's basically a giant town wide brawl with a ball. Hundreds of people split into two teams and spend the whole day pushing this thing around. Sorry. Hundreds of people split into two teams and spend the whole day pushing this thing through streets, rivers and fields, trying to smash it against a giant rock three miles away to score. And the only real rule is, is no murder. Okay, this sounds awesome. Let's see it. Jared, you got a video?

[Jared]

Yes. It's basically just some B roll of it. That's a mar. Throwing it.

[Mozzie]

Pause it. Okay, so the description was not lying. This is an entire town in the streets. It looks like at a concert when they're like the beach balls are bouncing in the crowd. You this giant crowd that looks like a concert. And all of a sudden this ball flips up to the top and then you have rugby scrums and people in. In rivers just throwing it to each other.

[Tyler]

It's like the beach ball thing at a concert slowly devolving into a mosh pit at a concert.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And it's like a. It's like a soccer ball.

[Mozzie]

Correct?

[Ryan]

About the size of a soccer ball.

[Jared]

Big ass soccer ball.

[Mozzie]

It looks like a. Like a mix between a soccer ball and a beach ball ball.

[Ryan]

What if they got captains for each team?

[Tyler]

They do, do they? Yeah. So I read a whole bunch about this thing. Like they'll, they'll. They'll elect one captain. It's usually somebody that has scored before because scoring is so hard. Yeah, yeah. And like there are no limits for how many people can be on each team. They're like split into teams based off of where they were born in this town. North side of the river or south side of the river. River. So it could end up being like a thousand guys versus 800.

[Mozzie]

And obviously you don't have uniforms.

[Tyler]

No.

[Mozzie]

How do you know who's on whose team? Is that part of the game is the person next to you could be deceiving you that they're on your team, but they're really not. Sabotage. Yeah.

[Tyler]

The. The team names are the upwards and the Downards. Ah.

[Mozzie]

All right. Play a little more. And it's just one ball.

[Tyler]

One ball. And the, the. The goal posts are three miles apart. That's how you score.

[Ryan]

Wow.

[Mozzie]

Okay. So they start in the middle of town. The mayor, whoever the throws the ball into the middle.

[Tyler]

So the. It's called royal now because Prince Charles, King Charles at one time attended and was the honorary thrower outer of the ball.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I imagine though, like once the ball starts going with certain one way, it's tough to get going the other way.

[Tyler]

Well, like they'll play. So the, the. The time of play is they start in the morning at 10am and they'll go till 10pm and if a goal is scored before 5, then they'll. Then they'll put the ball back in play. But if the go goal is scored after 5pm and before 10pm Then it's just done for the day and they pick it back up again tomorrow. And it's three days straight of this.

[Mozzie]

My God. God. So I think the problem that if Americans try to do this, we would just start burning cars.

[Tyler]

We would break the one rule.

[Mozzie]

We would start looting local shops.

[Ryan]

Say like Target. Yeah.

[Mozzie]

The whole town's playing this dumb game. I'm just gonna slip into the. The TV store and steal a few Xboxes.

[Ryan]

Well, so it's like sir, the ball's two miles away. What are you doing? Why are you breaking free?

[Tyler]

Target stories stores prep for exactly that. They all the stores in this three mile strength board up their windows and bar all the doors.

[Mozzie]

Okay.

[Tyler]

All right.

[Mozzie]

It's. I mean it's a little bit. It's feeling a little purge like very on. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Huh.

[Mozzie]

It also, I mean there's got to be massive injuries for sure.

[Tyler]

Someone's got to have been trampled to death before.

[Mozzie]

All of the local hospitals are just licking their chops and the insurance companies are distressed.

[Tyler]

Ready to quote people. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Each one of these. These guys get 500 bucks.

[Mozzie]

No.

[Ryan]

Not even trees.

[Tyler]

You waive all rights by competing in Shrub Tide.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

A little different name.

[Mozzie]

Shrub Tide. I like that. Well, why don't we do a company.

[Tyler]

Shrub tide, get a three mile course.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. And it's just 3v3. Imagine.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mozzie]

It's basically who can run three miles the fast. Correct.

[Ryan]

I, I, I think it's more so just like who can get separation of like a couple hundred yards. Then you're, you're, you're in the clear. You can start walking, take up breaks, start running again. Sorry, what? You know, it's just an open field. Yeah, yeah.

[Tyler]

It'd be so annoying on a, on a deep bomb. You connect to someone on a deep bomb and then you just gotta, gotta run three miles.

[Jared]

It's winnier than.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Run it all the way out. Yeah. Someone wears like their, yeah like miles. Got nice boots on. Whatever. I just take them right through the mud.

[Mozzie]

All right, let's play it.

[Jared]

They're the, yeah. The water.

[Ryan]

How do they even, how do they.

[Mozzie]

Know who's on team?

[Tyler]

They're just throwing it in the correct direction.

[Ryan]

Buddies. I guess now we got some separation.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. So that they have to smack that goal three that, that stone pillar three times to score a goal.

[Ryan]

Those have got to be some awesome bragging rights though.

[Tyler]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan]

Your side wins this game. I mean what, they do it once a year?

[Tyler]

Yeah, once a year.

[Ryan]

Probably around like the fourth of July, Independence Day.

[Tyler]

They do do it on some special.

[Jared]

It's good right?

[Ryan]

Thank you.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Like I, my brain goes towards. There's got to be some sort of strategy. But after watching that, I think there is no strategy. I think it's just win at all costs.

[Tyler]

Throw.

[Mozzie]

As long as you don't murder anyone.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Throw it the correct direction and hope one of your guys gets it.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I think maybe getting up into a tree. Tree. And just like having people like, I don't know, I guess other people are gonna climb the tree after you but. You guys ever made a potato gun before?

[Tyler]

I've never made one. I've used one.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you can make just an oversized potato gun.

[Tyler]

Hey, that the only one rule.

[Ryan]

Yeah. The only rule is like, like literally.

[Mozzie]

A ball turret that you just like different stations and. Yeah. Get it up on the roof, launch it 500 more yards.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Filling that thing with spray or a hairspray, waiting for the ball to get to you.

[Ryan]

Or you could have one of those big ass slingshots where two guys like fully extended.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Or holding it, another guy's pulling it back and just absolutely launching it in their direction.

[Jared]

Or smoke some guy's face right in front of it.

[Tyler]

Correct.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

As long as he doesn't die. Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's risky, though, because he could.

[Mozzie]

You know, you imagine going home and telling your wife that I'm gonna go participate in a game, and then she says, what game? You're like, well, actually, the whole town's involved. Yeah, sure. So what are the rules? There are no rules. Just, you can't murder anyone.

[Jared]

Week.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it's like, how long you be gone? A couple hours. Actually, three days. Yeah. So see you later.

[Ryan]

I am. Where you going to sleep? I don't know. On the grass.

[Mozzie]

Jesus. She was already skeptical on if you actually go hunting when you hunt or you just sit around and drink. And now you're saying you're going to go play a game for three days with the entire town. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Okay. Yeah, not gonna happen.

[Jared]

Totally bot.

[Tyler]

Just show her this podcast. Then she'll believe you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's. It Makes me curious as, like, what other. Like this goes on and.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, why don't we have. Why don't we have Cool like that in the United States?

[Tyler]

I don't know. Like, there was a show on Netflix a couple years ago called Weirdest Sports, and this didn't even make it. And none of the sports were in the United States.

[Mozzie]

Now, this is a game. Game.

[Tyler]

I would call it a sport.

[Mozzie]

It's.

[Tyler]

It's football.

[Mozzie]

But, like, everyone else has got, like, drinking songs that the entire country knows, and you could just break out to them in a pub somewhere. They got games like this. What do we have?

[Ryan]

We got Wagon Wheel.

[Mozzie]

Rock Me Mama Like a Wagon Wheel.

[Jared]

Take no country roads.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, that's true. I guess we do have. Man, I guess we do have college football, baby. Hell, yeah.

[Tyler]

How many Super Bowls does England won?

[Mozzie]

Zero. Yeah, I guess we do have football. Yeah, the real football. American football. Not even America. It's just football.

[Tyler]

Not the Shrub. Tied.

[Jared]

We have rules. Yeah, rules rule.

[Mozzie]

Well, I. Yeah, we'll. We'll find something.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. What do we got? Pickleball. Damn it.

[Tyler]

We invented basketball, didn't we? No, Naismith was Canadian. Invented in America, though.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. It's ours. Let us have it.

[Tyler]

Baseball. That was us.

[Jared]

Slam ball. We have slam ball.

[Tyler]

Hell yeah, we do.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, we do. We do. Yes, we do.

[Jared]

And the. And one Tour.

[Mozzie]

We also have American Gladiator, Harlem Globetrotters.

[Tyler]

American Ninja Warrior.

[Ryan]

Family Feud.

[Tyler]

That was us. That was us.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Steve Harvey.

[Tyler]

We got it.

[Mozzie]

Family shoes on there.

[Tyler]

Who wants to be a millionaire?

[Mozzie]

Let's be a millionaire. Great game.

[Tyler]

Will my insurance cover this house deal.

[Mozzie]

Island version where you make. We have Survivor.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Mozzie]

It's.

[Tyler]

That happens in Fiji. It's American.

[Jared]

We have the office.

[Mozzie]

We have the office.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And we got Beast Games too.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Was it the office.

[Ryan]

Beast Games is worldwide, which is just.

[Mozzie]

A better version of Squid Games anyway, so. Suck it, Korea.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Season two was even that.

[Mozzie]

Good.

[Ryan]

Good.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I mean, can you imagine us going particip? Well, that's the other question. Do they allow outsiders? Like, could we go and participate in this?

[Tyler]

I'm not 100% sure because I feel.

[Mozzie]

Like if us four showed up, it would take them five seconds to be like, you can't play this game. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, we'd say one word, flew.

[Mozzie]

All the way, then just to not play.

[Ryan]

Come on, governor.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I'm an up it.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, we could ham. We could ham it up a little bit.

[Jared]

Another shrimp on the bob.

[Tyler]

Ah, he's legit. Yeah, he's a downer for sure.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You know, I thought you were American for a sec, but I have no doubt. Welcome to the game. Welcome to the Shrub Tide.

[Jared]

I totally bought it.

[Mozzie]

I mean, the Royal Shrub Tide sounds like something out of the Hunger Games.

[Jared]

It does with you or like some urban dictionary.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, yeah, Urban dictionary.

[Ryan]

The Royal Shrub Tide sounds like the old Alaskan pipeline.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. It's like, I don't think. I don't think there's a lot of places in America where you could get the entire town in on doing something dumb like this.

[Tyler]

Right.

[Mozzie]

You know what I mean? I don't know what the deal is with that, but everyone would have some sort of. It would turn into a PTO meeting. You know? I mean. Well, you see, we. We can't go in this area because of this. And what happens if someone were to hurt their ear wrinkle? It's like, then don't play.

[Tyler]

I think let's line it up.

[Mozzie]

Let's throw the ball and let let our game do the talking.

[Tyler]

The closest thing I can think of is there's this thing in Alaska where once a year they all get together and they just launch cars off this.

[Mozzie]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. That is great.

[Tyler]

Like, it's completely different things, but also sort of the same vibe of they're doing reckless.

[Mozzie]

We've. It's every guy's dream. Dream. I don't know about you guys, but did you guys ever used to ghost ride your. Your bike growing up?

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah.

[Mozzie]

Where you go pedaling real fast and then you just like jump off your bike and let it go and see how far it would Go on its own. It's the same thing.

[Tyler]

I'd ghost right into my sister. I wasn't on it. I didn't do it.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, you never ghost riding your bike before.

[Ryan]

I ghost rid of my dirt bike on accident one time. Broke the clutch, tried to wheelie, slipped out under me.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Don't snap the clutch.

[Tyler]

Pulled my groin kickball next day.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, it's a terrible week. Terrible week for you. Yeah. I mean, we got, we have, like, in gym class, those little scooters that everyone breaks their fingers on.

[Ryan]

Mission possible.

[Mozzie]

Good game. Yeah, let's play Star wars on that. Remember I tell you about that?

[Ryan]

Yeah, you did.

[Mozzie]

Everyone's got a noodle as a lightsaber.

[Ryan]

Yep. Yeah, we just play Mission Impossible. I don't know why they call it that, but yeah.

[Mozzie]

And basically it is inverse. I mean, let's not give him too much credit. Yeah. Okay. The English people here, hey, let's not give it to. This is reverse capture the flag. So don't act like you just came up with this brand new thing, okay? Instead of going to the other person's and bringing it back, back, you're just going from the middle and going the other way. Okay, so it's.

[Tyler]

Who invented capture the flag?

[Mozzie]

I don't know.

[Jared]

Totally.

[Mozzie]

Hopefully not them Romans. I don't know why.

[Jared]

Seems like something they do.

[Mozzie]

Some European. No, I like this game. I'd like to watch more videos.

[Jared]

I do have one more video. It's similar to this event. Event.

[Tyler]

Capture the flag is German.

[Mozzie]

Oh, really?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I, I don't know if I could play this on YouTube, so I'll just throw it in the description, but it's a very similar game to what we just saw.

[Mozzie]

Oh, this is another game.

[Jared]

It's very similar to what we watched.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God, that guy.

[Mozzie]

Oh, my God. Guy on top, right?

[Tyler]

Oh, what is happening?

[Mozzie]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, we got punches being thrown.

[Ryan]

Holy sh.

[Mozzie]

Are they, Are they even playing a game?

[Ryan]

I, I, I think the game is just like beat the out of the guy in the grave.

[Jared]

Gu of his eyes.

[Ryan]

I've got, I got. Ouch.

[Mozzie]

Oh, that guy ripped his pants right in the crotch. It's a day ruiner. What's the game? That guy's got gloves on.

[Ryan]

Oh, someone threw a beer into the crowd. That guy's got a barbed wire tattoo.

[Tyler]

That's a big boy.

[Mozzie]

What is the guy in the vest gonna do? Is he the official? Yeah, what is he gonna do?

[Jared]

Girl scrambling for that ball.

[Tyler]

There's a ball involved.

[Mozzie]

We haven't seen lady get out of this. Trapped.

[Tyler]

That is a huge ball.

[Mozzie]

What, so it was just a scrum for the ball?

[Tyler]

Is that a different thing?

[Jared]

Yeah, it's similar to that Shrava Tide thing.

[Tyler]

Huh.

[Jared]

They're trying to advance the ball to one other side of the city and.

[Ryan]

Guys are skeeting, getting the beat out of them.

[Mozzie]

See that? I. I would. I think I'd love the idea of signing up for that. And then you take one blind side hit to the back of the head by a guy who comes flying in on top of the crowd. Then you're like, yeah, I think I'll play Shrub Tide instead. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I'd be the guy in the back. Be like, yeah, get him. Hammer him in the head. Yeah, we got you.

[Mozzie]

That guy said some about you. What? I would want to be the guy launching people on top. So I'd be on the edge of the crowd going like this. And then people would run and I would.

[Tyler]

Circus performer.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, my kids love swimming in the pool. We. I just launch them all day, every day.

[Tyler]

I'm good.

[Ryan]

I launch you up into this crowd.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. You're walking through. You're walking up to the event. You're just carrying a mini trampoline. What's that for? Like, you just. Just wait.

[Ryan]

I'm gonna suffocate somebody with it.

[Tyler]

I think the scariest part of all that it would just be like tripping.

[Mozzie]

Oh.

[Tyler]

And then you've got that entire scrum on top of you, hoping you don't get your neck trampled.

[Mozzie]

You gotta be careful. Otherwise it's gonna turn into a black Friday circa2012.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Looking for Nintendo NBA live 2012 just came out.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. And you're. You're in line at Walmart and you're just trying not to get trampled.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

So you know what we have this Friday. You Americans have games like this. It just is called Black Friday.

[Tyler]

Hell yeah.

[Mozzie]

When the new Nintendo Wii drops. So don't. Don't act like we're this uncultured group of people, okay? Have you ever seen two women beat the hell out of each other for a red Stanley mug? You tell me what's a sport and not a sport.

[Jared]

It's all the same.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You have a ball. We have a mug.

[Mozzie]

Mug and electronics.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Absolute deals to be stolen and stealing. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Free teddy bears at the door for the first hundred. You imagine number 100 and 101 going at it to get that free teddy bear.

[Mozzie]

Was that a deal that people were.

[Ryan]

Doing the one time I went Black Friday shop and this is probably 15 years ago. Store I went to is getting giving out free like Christmas teddy bears, and we just happened to get one.

[Mozzie]

Nice. How early were you there?

[Ryan]

Probably 5:30.

[Mozzie]

He's like, they did not have a lot of traffic. It was like two in the afternoon.

[Ryan]

There was. We definitely didn't wait in line. We just walked in at like 5:30. They must have ordered too many. It must have been a tong fiasco of 2006 or something. Whatever.

[Tyler]

The Teddy fiasco.

[Mozzie]

Oh, that's funny.

[Jared]

The bear market.

[Mozzie]

I came across something on Twitter that I'd like to share with you guys.

[Ryan]

What do you got?

[Mozzie]

So I don't know if you guys know who the fat electrician is.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yep. He's funny.

[Mozzie]

He's a content guy. He tweeted out, said, I hate Airbnb. It started as a cool way to earn extra income, spare room, save money, all this other stuff. Stuff. But it quickly turned into a system that prices young people out of housing markets. So invest. It's a whole housing market thing. But basically, he shared a checkout. Instructions for an Airbnb. This is what's on the list. Checkout is at 11am that's fine. Right? Start dishwasher, no dishes left in the sink. Leave used towels in a pot pile. Strip beds of used linens. Tidy up for Christ's sake. Bring all trash to the dumpster. All is in, all caps. Close and lock all doors and windows. Turn heat down to 65 in winter. Leave ACS on in summer and return key fobs to the lockbox. What the. Where are we at in society?

[Ryan]

Takes a army to get that list done. I mean, that. That list at home would take me half a day.

[Mozzie]

I know.

[Ryan]

I gotta be out by 11.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Wake up early. You got plenty.

[Ryan]

I'm ship face the night before an Airbnb. You think I'm getting up by 10?

[Jared]

I haven't packed my suitcase yet.

[Ryan]

Yeah, your wife's like, oh, this takes you half a day at home, but you can get it done in a half hour.

[Mozzie]

Now you're somewhere else.

[Ryan]

Now you're in trouble.

[Mozzie]

Hey, Airbnbs are great because not only do you get to pay more, you get to do all your own chores. It's awesome. Like what? Whoever invented a place that you go and stay there for an affordable rate and they, like, change out your sheets and clean your bathroom and take out all your garbage for you is an absolute idiot. That sounds terrible.

[Ryan]

Let alone make breakfast for you in the morning.

[Mozzie]

Oh, yeah. Can you imagine having free breakfast set out oh, you should have to get somewhere, have to do a bunch of chores, then go to the grocery store, get your food and cook it yourself. That's what I believe in.

[Jared]

Mm.

[Mozzie]

You know, well, the fact that sometimes.

[Ryan]

They'Ll even like book a ride for you to go somewhere is.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Yeah. I wanna, I wanna have to Uber everywhere from my Airbnb. I want to take a shuttle to the airport.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Ride in a car with other people. Ooh.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I don't want to be able to access every single door in the place that I'm staying in. Well, and if you lock some up, for Christ's sakes.

[Tyler]

And if you have some issues, it would be super, super annoying to have somebody downstairs on call 247 to assist you.

[Mozzie]

Like, God forbid, like the hot water isn't working.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

That would suck to have literally a personal person to wait on your needs.

[Tyler]

Right. Cuz I would just want to do that myself. Cuz I'm paying to be there.

[Mozzie]

Correct. Paying more than what you would at a hotel.

[Ryan]

Well, it's like when you're going to go stay somewhere too. You don't like, you're trying to get away from technology. You don't want any channels on the tv. You just want a bunch of like old movies from 2005.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. You want, you want to, you want to have to log into your own Netflix password correct before and then forget to sign out and so then other people can freeload off you afterward.

[Tyler]

That's what you want and absolutely. I really want someone to up my. Continue watching.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Really want them to up all my recommendations on my Netflix or just watch Roku City.

[Tyler]

And I just want to go home and just, and just play the finger pointing game with my wife on who was watching this. Weird.

[Ryan]

Yeah, not me.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Flip off.

[Ryan]

What the hell. Yeah. It's a crazy world that we're living in.

[Jared]

After I travel all day, I want like a fun scavenger hunt of like how to unlock the door and where the key is.

[Mozzie]

Correct. I don't want the key. And I want to have to call the person that I'm renting this from. Like four times that happened to us in Nashville, remember that we like couldn't get in.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, yeah. When we stayed in, like there was like a house. Yeah, yeah.

[Mozzie]

We stay there, we're like, we couldn't get in. And like, I understand that happens at hotels. Right. Like your key doesn't work but you go down. Never has you gotten a second key and it not work.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Why? Like sometimes just fun to not get the address to where you're staying until, like, the minute before you're about to hop.

[Mozzie]

That is true.

[Ryan]

Start driving. Airport or wherever.

[Jared]

The fun game.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's a fun game. Just, like, start driving around just. And look for the place you're staying at based off the pictures online. Like, okay, there's a big pine behind in back, left corner of the backyard yard. There's some pines over there. Oh, let's head that way.

[Mozzie]

Well, maybe it's an old photo. Maybe those pines grew taller, so that's maybe why they look different. That's got to be the house, right?

[Jared]

The pines are cut down.

[Mozzie]

It's like, you can't. You can't park in the driveway. You got, like, park on the street, whatever. But, you know, to justify the larger price, they do leave out, like, a. A few board games for you and the boys to play.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

So that is nice. You can't get that at a hotel.

[Tyler]

And a logbook to document your experience.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Because that's what it is, is an experience. Yeah. An experience of doing household chores.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I like reading about the history, too, of the area in General General Custer, you know, whoever used to roam the land back in the day.

[Jared]

I like the bright neon signs that say, like, it's time to drink.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Sleep on the couch.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Even though it says, like, in. No bachelor parties or anything. No partying.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

But yeah, yeah, yeah. It' Drink, drink.

[Jared]

Fun starts here.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

This actually happened at a Airbnb I went to for a bachelor party. We cleaned the. Out of the house, and then we had a whole bunch of.

[Mozzie]

How much did you guys have?

[Tyler]

It was a younger Tyler bachelor party.

[Ryan]

Over to my house. So we.

[Tyler]

We cleaned it really nice, and then we had a whole bunch of, like, unused liquor that we're like, we shouldn't throw this away. We should leave it for the next person. And we. So we tidy it up, left it in a nice, neat pile on the counter, and they charged us 200 bucks for leaving it all.

[Mozzie]

I mean, you left it. You should have thrown it away.

[Tyler]

We just.

[Ryan]

I think it's because you didn't put it on top of the cabinets. We lit.

[Tyler]

We thought. We thought we were doing something nice. Like, some of the bottles weren't even open, and we're just like, all right. They'll. They'll be appreciative of this. The next. The next people that stay here will love the free booze.

[Mozzie]

You guys, this is a side note, but when you guys buy alcohol for an event. Event. Do you Always overdo it.

[Tyler]

Every single time.

[Ryan]

I act like I'm going to, like going to a concert and providing everyone with booze there.

[Jared]

It's like a Tuesday.

[Mozzie]

They're like, we'll go hunting. And I'm like, I got 2:30 racks. I gotta handle a Windsor, you know, I got this net and then I go and I have like a quarter of the Windsor and like one case of beer.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Because like six.

[Mozzie]

Because you end up going to a bar and drinking there. Correct. You act like you're only drinking at this one spot lot.

[Tyler]

Right.

[Mozzie]

And then you're like, God, I got.

[Tyler]

Two friends coming over. I should buy three bottles of liquor in a case. Just in case.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

And it'll sit in my fridge for the next six months.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Jared]

To be fair, though, running out of.

[Mozzie]

Beer or alcohol, that is, that's what I'm saying. You can't show up with too little.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You know, because one, then you're gonna get. People are gonna talk. And then two, if you actually do run out, it's like, that's a nightmare scenario.

[Tyler]

Well, it's like, even as you're like, yes, you're, you're going somewhere, you want to bring booze, but the host does the same thing. We're like, what if they don't bring booze? They're gonna. But you can't plan for that. What if they show up without booze?

[Ryan]

You also can't plan for the next Project X movie.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Ryan]

Like, you never know when Project X is gonna hit you.

[Mozzie]

That is true. It's like, what if suddenly we all can do a case a day and be fine, you know, and be able to wake up the next day and do it again? Right. Like, so, hunting trip. That's two full days of hunting. Two cases of beer. You're like, what if after we're done hunting from, you know, 4:00pm on, I put 30 beers down? What if this is the time I put on the clinic and then I look like a doofus because I only brought one case of beer. Beer. Like, ah.

[Tyler]

Because there's no chance. My relatives are also bringing two cases.

[Mozzie]

There's no way that my family is going to borrow me some beer if I need to.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

And not only do I need to drink 30 beers between 4pm and on, I also need to drink beers that I bought at the bar when we go there for a few hours. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

So I, I this, you think this should be enough? It's like the Michael Scott for the Christmas party. And he goes, well, do you think this is enough to get 20 people drunk? He's like 15 bottles of vodka. Yeah, that is me going on any. Going to any event or a hunting trip.

[Ryan]

Sounds like our Christmas party three years ago.

[Jared]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

People pre gaming a party with free booze.

[Ryan]

That was insane. Christmas party or a few pulling over throwing up. People pissing pants, laying in the shower till 6am.

[Mozzie]

Was that the good old days?

[Tyler]

It might have been. I hijacked.

[Mozzie]

I wish you knew it was the good old days. When before you left.

[Tyler]

Somehow talked the bar owner into setting up karaoke for me.

[Mozzie]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

Private karaoke. Just me and Miles's cousin.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Nothing better than pissing out on the patio in negative 20 degree weather.

[Mozzie]

That was bad. That was bad. That was the last time we did an open bar as a company. Yeah, I think what the next year was just beer.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yep. Beer for like X amount of time, I think.

[Mozzie]

And then I. Then I got drunk enough, I was like, yeah, it's just.

[Tyler]

Well, yeah.

[Ryan]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

Because we like rented a party room and it's like a minimum bill and we're like, we gotta get to this bill.

[Mozzie]

Oh yeah. We're gonna spend it anyways.

[Ryan]

Oh yeah. Yeah. Forgot about that.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, it was good. It's good time. Yeah. O. You guys won't believe this.

[Ryan]

What?

[Mozzie]

I was at my parents house today shooting a video.

[Tyler]

I. I was there. I remember.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. So when I went to the bathroom, I stumbled upon my dad's diary.

[Tyler]

Oh, wow.

[Ryan]

No.

[Mozzie]

No way.

[Ryan]

Really?

[Mozzie]

Yeah. So I took some photos of it. You guys. You guys mind if I read it a little?

[Tyler]

No, not at all. No. Please.

[Mozzie]

You sure?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Okay. This is my dad's diary. I don't know. It says. Okay, so this is March 23, 2020. Dear Diary, I experienced something weird today when my kids were over for brunch. I had a strange feeling inside my chest that I never felt before. Before I took a baby aspirin, but it didn't help. I wonder if I have afib. Sharon wants me to go to the doctor, but I don't know. Told her I would schedule it next week. Sincerely, very confused dad. Xoxo. So the.

[Ryan]

Has he ever hugged and kissed you at the same time?

[Mozzie]

And also he signs it. Dad, it's kind of weird, you know.

[Tyler]

I. I don't want to. I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but was he feeling maybe a.

[Mozzie]

Well, hold on, Tyler. I have more. Hold on.

[Tyler]

I didn't know you read the whole thing.

[Mozzie]

Oh, yeah, no, I got a few more Entries here. So then he must. Because that was when concrete season started up again. So then he didn't put another diary entry in until September 18, 2022.

[Tyler]

Got you. He's busy.

[Mozzie]

Says Dear Diary, cleaned out the garage today by myself. It was the best day I've ever had. Also yesterday grandchild was born. With regards, dad. Xoxo.

[Tyler]

So I like that he's. I like that he's signing his diary entries even though it's to himself. With regards.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, I'm, I am just the messenger here. This is what I found. And then I had a rough couple. Three years. I don't know, maybe good three years. This was actually just last week, this most recent one. So we Fast forward to March 7, 2025. Dear diary. Finally got around to going to the doctor today. He examined me in places no other man should touch. Another man. I wonder if he bats for the other team. He said I don't have afib, but instead I may be experiencing something that he called love. Currently looking for a second opinion. Even more confused. Dad. Xoxo. P.S. i'm not allowed back at the doctor's office. Apparently calling an an MD A gets you banned. This generation has gone to. And that's, that's what I found. I don't, I, I shocked as you guys.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You didn't even know that he, he wrote a diary?

[Mozzie]

No, I had no idea. I just uncovered it. I don't think he's crazy that he signs it dad. Xoxo.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you better hope he doesn't listen to the pod because I don't think he would like you reading his.

[Mozzie]

That's true. Yeah. Now he probably knows how Anne Frank feels.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Well, that's why. Probably why he signed it dad, not his actual name because, you know.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

They can't trace it back to There's.

[Tyler]

Yeah, there's lots of dads in the world, but Yeah.

[Mozzie]

I didn't know he was such an avid diary guy, you know, three entries in five years.

[Jared]

That is a lot.

[Ryan]

Well, the first one mark, we say March 24, 2020.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That was a couple weeks after the world shut down. So it could have the afib could have been just from all that.

[Mozzie]

Well, the doc said he didn't have afib. Oh.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Ryan]

It's just, it just.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, I mean he would have found out sooner, but it took him five years to go to the doctor. Sure.

[Ryan]

Ye, I, I. You know, I tried to get a dermatologist one time and they said we can book you two years out. So it could have Been the same situation with an MD doctor.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. So thanks for letting me read that, guys. I just wanted to share that with you.

[Tyler]

It's weird that you had something to read, because I was. I have.

[Jared]

Oh.

[Tyler]

So we were talking a month or two ago about giving our kids the talk.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah, right. It's a difficult thing to do. And I've been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss books to my kids, so I thought that I would write the Talk Talk as if it was a Dr. Seuss book. Do you guys mind if I read it?

[Mozzie]

Oh, no. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Come here, my dear children Sit down and sit tight it's time for a chat we'll do this just right A talk full of wisdom A talk full of cheer A talk that will make me wish I weren't here now, boys, there are birds and yes, there are bees and when two grown ups love well, things are breeze they hug, they smooch and they do the do and sometimes, just sometimes a baby pops through now, babies are cute, yes, that part is true but listen up close I've got news for you they scream and they shout they cry all night long they smell kind of funny Their diapers are strong they wiggle, they wobble they spit up oh, gee and worst of all they belong to thee and speaking of wisdom now hear this, please if you must be romantic then do it with ease there's something called protection yes, it's a pain but trust me, my children it's worth the refrain sure, buying it's awkward a hassle, a chore but it's way less embarrassing than a crying kid's roar so grab it, don't grumble don't shrug or resist or one day you'll wish that it had made your list so think with your brain and not just your heart and make good decisions right from the start for love is quite grand and romance is sweet sweet But a baby is a gift that comes with no receipt and with that, my poetic and with that, my dear children, I bid you adieu Dad's feeling woozy I must take a snooze I've told you the tale I've given my spiel now let's never discuss this do we have a deal?

[Mozzie]

Wow. That was. That was great.

[Ryan]

That was good.

[Tyler]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Mozzie]

Very good. Did Chatgpt write that?

[Tyler]

A little bit. I wrote the bones of it myself. And there are some parts that just weren't working. I was like, make this work for me.

[Mozzie]

You did. You did. Nail that now if I was your child and I got in the talk, I would probably be even more confused.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I think I knew there wasn't enough.

[Mozzie]

Discussion about, you know, where the clitoris is. You know, I don't know what happens when you penetrate. How many times should you penetrate in one session?

[Ryan]

You know, what are we talking? Yeah. What are we talking? Fast.

[Tyler]

That could be part two.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, that's like.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

When they're first dabbling, and then it's. Yeah. That was good, Tyler.

[Ryan]

Nice.

[Tyler]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I feel like the more books that. That I read, I. I've kind of become like a. A children's book connoisseur. But there's a. To me, there's just not a lot out there that are teaching kids, like, valuable lessons than the things that they should actually be teaching them. So, like, as a dad, I feel like. I think it'd be kind of cool if I wrote a book trying to teach my kids something that I think is. Is important in life.

[Mozzie]

Oh, so you guys both wrote children's books today? I didn't know you guys were such children's books writers. Wow.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, we read, like, 18 of them a night.

[Tyler]

I know.

[Mozzie]

Hey. Wow. I just. I didn't know we had writers. Authors in the group. Okay.

[Ryan]

I mean, it's like a rough draft, but I'll share it with you guys if you want me to.

[Tyler]

I don't mind if you read it.

[Ryan]

Okay. Yeah. Short and sweet.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I think I'd like it if you asked if I mind if you.

[Ryan]

Do you mind?

[Mozzie]

No, I don't mind. Go ahead.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's cool. I named this one, and again, this is just critical stuff that I. I. My kids today. I want to get caught later in life. This one's called Pumping and Dumping.

[Tyler]

And.

[Ryan]

It'S about the meme. The, like, the. The whole meme coin industry in 2024. Okay. The meme coin saga of 2024 was a lot like taking a. That rattles you to the core. First came ha. The coin that should have made you rich. Now no one even wants to talk to her because she made you her little bitch. Pumping and dumping, pumping and dumping. Sounds a bit like college. This shit is getting out of hand, and it's something we need to acknowledge. Meme coin investing is not how you secure the bag. So quit acting like a finance bro and quit being a drag.

[Mozzie]

Whoa.

[Ryan]

This is amazing, America. Why are we being dumb doge to the moon? Just wait and see how rich I become. The end.

[Mozzie]

That's a Children's book, huh?

[Ryan]

Well, it's a. Yeah, more so like.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, a young adult, maybe.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Forget censoring. Kids got to get exposed.

[Mozzie]

I'm all for unbanned books.

[Tyler]

Life is censored, so why should the children's books be.

[Ryan]

Well, you got to put like an age deal on the. The deal. I was thinking three plus. So like it'll be three by the time anything.

[Mozzie]

And if I'm being honest with you, you might have just saved the next generation from falling for a pump and dump scheme.

[Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. And it's like people keep following. They keep falling for these P and ds and it's like, what are you guys doing? Doge to the absolute universe.

[Mozzie]

What is the title of the book?

[Ryan]

Pumping and Dumping.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, people. More people need to pick up a copy of Pumping and Dumping.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. How to navigate Pumping and Dumping.

[Mozzie]

I actually think we should get the audio book on audible for the listeners to be able to go download that.

[Ryan]

It's a quick listen.

[Mozzie]

Maybe earn you some extra coin on the side.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I only take payment in doge though.

[Mozzie]

Also, I guess we just kind of did the audio book. Right.

[Ryan]

I'd like to get more.

[Mozzie]

We'll just bleep the whole thing out. Jared.

[Ryan]

I'd like to get more. I'd like to get in a studio, like maybe soundproof.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

You could do voices.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Correct.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

It's a rough draft.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And it's like the inflection too, wasn't there. I was just reading it for my buddies, just to see what you guys thought.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Well, I appreciate.

[Tyler]

It was good.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing. No problem.

[Ryan]

I'm going to read it to my kid tonight, just see what he thinks. See if there's any.

[Tyler]

She's not three yet. So just to avoid trouble, you'd have to give written parental consent.

[Mozzie]

That's guidance. It's not rule.

[Ryan]

Tyler, you can read it to your 5 year old, see what he thinks.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, send it to me.

[Mozzie]

I'll.

[Tyler]

I'll. He'll be your first critic.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Jared]

I came across a Google review. You guys mind if I read it?

[Mozzie]

No, no, ab. Go ahead, man. I got time.

[Jared]

All right. Here's a Google review of their red roof in. On 53rd street in Milwaukee that I found. The guy's name is that dog DMER 60.

[Mozzie]

That dog DMER 60. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Must have been a year he was born or something.

[Jared]

I have no idea. The young man at the front desk was very rude and unwilling to talk. As a Gemini that really makes my skin crawl. The decor is absolutely tasteless and the walls are. Are far too thin. You could hear a mouse sneezing in the next room. I truly value my privacy when I'm alone with nobody else around. I was extremely disappointed with the size of the freezer. They barely fit the liver and onions I packed, which if I had to guess, it's about the size of a male hand aged 14 to 32. The ice machine was bro and in my line of work that's a serious inconvenience. The room smelled foul. All I had in my Astro van was a gallon of bleach. So I poured most of it in the bathtub. It made the place feel a little more like home. Overall. Overall, I give it one star. Never eating here again, Jeff.

[Mozzie]

Ever eating here.

[Jared]

I just came across.

[Mozzie]

That's crazy. Hey, Wellth thought out review though, though.

[Jared]

Yeah, it's very detailed.

[Ryan]

It is. Sounds like a decent line of work.

[Jared]

Might be something wrong. I don't know. There might be.

[Mozzie]

What does this guy do for a living again?

[Jared]

I don't really know. He didn't say it.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, thought he did.

[Jared]

It's really strange, huh? So.

[Ryan]

Yeah, and I mean like shout out to the people who do reviews because I don't and I need to read some, you know, I need to read those in order know what I'm getting myself into.

[Tyler]

Like I killed that review dude.

[Mozzie]

So. Yeah, he did. It's like said something about the. The freezer not working well. Is that what he said?

[Jared]

It's too small. It's one of those like mini fr.

[Tyler]

It barely fit his liver and onions because.

[Mozzie]

Oh, that is one of my pet peeves. And now I know to steer clear.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Steer clear of that place.

[Ryan]

Well, not only the freezer too small and then the ice machine doesn't work.

[Jared]

I know.

[Ryan]

So it's like.

[Jared]

It's the worst.

[Tyler]

Thank God he had a thing of bleach with him though, otherwise.

[Jared]

That's his van.

[Mozzie]

I actually just ran out of be bleach in my car.

[Tyler]

I need to thirsty or what?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Never heard. You never know when you'll need a gallon of bleach.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Well, cool guy. I mean I appreciate you guys sharing. That was really awesome.

[Tyler]

That was nice.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. So yeah, you got a couple authors in the group.

[Ryan]

It's one of those things when you get to me my age, this is like what's the. What's next in life? And I, you know, it's like I think I could write a really good children's book that Actually teaches lessons.

[Mozzie]

And you did, Man, I. I think.

[Tyler]

Right, we go 50. 50 on a publishing company. Children's books.

[Ryan]

A PC. Yeah, but they call that in the book world, right.

[Mozzie]

You're gonna want 51.

[Tyler]

Red Rocket Publishing. Well, it's my idea, so that's the.

[Ryan]

One I'm selling the pay per views, though, AKA selling books.

[Mozzie]

You got any fun facts for us today, Jared?

[Jared]

I have one. Historians generally believe that St Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Britain, not Ireland, near the end of the 4th century. At age 16, he was kidnapped by Irish raiders, sold as a slave to a Celtic priest in the area now known as Northern Ireland. After toiling for six years as a shepherd, he escaped back to Britain. He eventually returned to Ireland as a Christian missionary.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, that's tough. Look, for the old Irish.

[Tyler]

That's a huge kick in the nuts. This is her favorite day.

[Mozzie]

Now, I don't think. I mean, it's not about him being from Ireland, right. It's that he was a missionary and.

[Jared]

Yep. He converted Ireland to Christianity.

[Mozzie]

Yeah, I mean, that's. Think.

[Ryan]

Had he. Yeah. Had he not got captured.

[Tyler]

But he was a leprechaun though, right?

[Mozzie]

No, he was.

[Tyler]

He. He converted them because he found the gold at the end of the rainbow.

[Mozzie]

No, he was a human, Tyler.

[Jared]

I didn't foresee that.

[Ryan]

Did he. Did he invent lucky charms?

[Tyler]

Yeah, they're magically delicious. Just like the. Like the gold. He found that and get us. It must have been right after he got kidnapped that he found the gold.

[Ryan]

Was he also the one who invented those little chocolate coins that are wrapped in, like, gold?

[Tyler]

For sure, that's him.

[Mozzie]

No, you're thinking of the guy. He's the guy that. He would take gold and, like, put it down people's chimneys.

[Tyler]

No.

[Mozzie]

Stuff.

[Tyler]

Oh, that's gold. Member from Austin Powers or Santa? I like Saint Claus skin. Saint Claus looks like old Saint Claus.

[Jared]

To. To is not the season.

[Mozzie]

All right.

[Tyler]

Well.

[Mozzie]

Is that it, boys?

[Ryan]

That's all I got, so.

[Mozzie]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the you bet your radio podcast. May your dad's diary stay hidden. You don't want to read that. And your weekend fun be packed with shrub tide.

[Jared]

There you go.

[Mozzie]

Cheers, Ryan. Oh, you betcha.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Yeah.

[E]

Burn barrel fires behind the house crackling low and bright Miles fighting with the suits again It'll be a long cold night Women on floors of pictures in hand Dreams tucked away living small town stories like echoes from yesterday.

[Ryan]

Loyal shrub.

[E]

Tied whispers through winds that never die Men chasing shadows as the ball rolls by and by Grounded souls in trusted trucks hoping for the stars Airbnbs replace the motels but home still where we are Red roof fins and heartache with dreams we couldn't keep 90 songs from scratchy radios singing us to sleep Dr. Seuss on the night stand Kids climbing out of bed Pump and dump the sorrows but there's hope in what's ahead Broken fences and bad diaries Tales of years gone great the lessons written in the dust we tread on every day there's laughter in the misery and tears in every smile this tangled web of life goes on right here in country miles Airbnb smells like pine Feels like someone else's dream yet it holds a kind of magic like the river's quiet stream Miles might holler star off his boots at the insurance suits delay in the ashes of the burn barrel life secrets lay the royal shove tie and burn barrel flames Life is just a middle ground between hope and blame.

[Jared]

From.

[E]

Women on forms to the pump and dump tides we carry all the scars that come from midnight rides.

[Ryan]

Love shove.

[E]

Tide and burn bare flames Life is just a middle ground between hope and blame from women on floors to the pump and dump tides we carry all the scars that come from midnight rides Royal struck tide and burn barrel flames Life is just a middle ground between hope and blame from women on floors to the pump and dump tights we carry all the scars that come from midnight rides what's ahead?

[Jared]

Be completely honest. No. How many penguins do you think you can take in a fight?

[Mozzie]

Is this to the death or knockout or what? I think knockout.

[Tyler]

I think. Yeah. Any sort of incapacitation, you could kill more. Knock them out.

[Mozzie]

The more I take on, the more I have to knock out. Or I just can't get knocked out, I guess.

[Jared]

Yeah, you can't get knocked out.

[Tyler]

This is, I mean, there's Emperor Pain. Penguins are huge. So the type of pain, I just.

[Mozzie]

Don'T know if they have the power to knock me out.

[Tyler]

They could peck you to death.

[Mozzie]

Like I think I. I think they would kill me before they knock me out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like they're not gonna give me blunt force trauma.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I think it's more so gonna have to be just like you're gonna.

[Tyler]

Pass out from blood loss. Yeah, we, we gotta establish the type. There's penguins that are like two feet tall and there's penguins that are like five feet.

[Mozzie]

Well, let's go with the. Do a three foot penguin then. Okay, three foot penguin. I'm just imagining me Standing in the middle of the room surrounded by penguins. A full room of penguins. I think it's no bueno. I think I'm going to get pecked to death. Trampled. I think I could at least handle five.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

I'd like to think I could handle 10.

[Jared]

What about 11?

[Mozzie]

20 is too much. So I think maybe, I think 12. I think 12 is a good number.

[Jared]

I think you do more than that.

[Tyler]

Me too.

[Ryan]

I was going to say.

[Tyler]

Not a thousand.

[Ryan]

Think about how fast they can move.

[Tyler]

I.

[Ryan]

They can't. They can't move fast.

[Tyler]

Dude.

[Mozzie]

If we're outside trying to knock out a thousand penguins you would die of exhaustion.

[Ryan]

It's a th.000 punches. Also you don't know where my cardio level right now. I'm on 6day65.

[Jared]

I'm not even sure Jon Jones could do a th.

[Mozzie]

No.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Also you have kicks. You know you're not punching all of them.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but you got to be careful with kicking these bastards.

[Mozzie]

Cuz you knocked out a penguin every three seconds.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Jared]

Rough. Yeah. On average.

[Mozzie]

So that's 3,000 seconds. How many minutes is that? It's 3,000 divided by 60. Tyler.

[Tyler]

I'm on it.

[Mozzie]

That be 50, 50 straight minutes.

[Tyler]

50 straight minutes.

[Mozzie]

50 straight minutes of punching and kicking penguins to unconsciousness and a box rounds.

[Jared]

Three minutes.

[Ryan]

Oh I'm aware.

[Mozzie]

Well also not getting attacked by the other thousand penguins. You're not going one at a time.

[Ryan]

If there's only so many that can stand in front of you before the other ones have to like there's no more room to get get in.

[Mozzie]

They just run you over. There's just enough weight to just push you over and they all dog pile on top of you and then you get crushed to death.

[Ryan]

I'll go with 750.

[Tyler]

I, I, I think 30 is my number.

[Ryan]

Until you die.

[Tyler]

Yeah. That's how many I would take out before they killed me.

[Mozzie]

What if they just got iron jaws though?

[Tyler]

I, I don't know. And I just, I just feel like I'm gonna end up kicking one square in the beak and take a beak to the through the foot.

[Ryan]

Here's, here's the thing though. If you, you get your hands on. You get a beak in each hand. You can use that as a shank for the other ones.

[Jared]

But like their beaks artery too.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

The beaks could what could cart like.

[Jared]

An important artery too in your arm or something.

[Tyler]

Especially if they're three foot.

[Ryan]

But if, but if I, the first two penguins I kill I, I grab.

[Mozzie]

Them Or I pull up a clip of penguin wins. Fighting. Let's get. Let's watch some film.

[Ryan]

If I can get a beak in each hand I. I now have two weapons.

[Mozzie]

Penguins fighting.

[Ryan]

Those are emperor penguins.

[Tyler]

These are the big boys.

[Ryan]

All right. Let's penguins look forward.

[Tyler]

Set themselves apart. Go to the peak. That's for sure where they start soon.

[Mozzie]

Sparks jelly policies.

[Tyler]

Look at those beats.

[Mozzie]

Look at them muscle in. Look at that.

[Tyler]

That stare down. I might be intimidated. Maybe I can only do it too.

[Mozzie]

Wow.

[Ryan]

They're actually except arrival.

[Tyler]

But the males having none of it.

[Mozzie]

Imagine getting poked by a thousand penguins. Leg sweep.

[Ryan]

Tyler ankle picked.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I could get 30 of them.

[Ryan]

If you grab one by the feet and just start helicopter helicoptering it.

[Jared]

Helicopter.

[Mozzie]

I mean it is look like a pretty big slap.

[Tyler]

Yeah but it's not over yet.

[Ryan]

Wow. Those things are tough.

[Mozzie]

Her mate cheers her on. It's. It's gonna be. They're gonna peck you to death.

[Tyler]

Yep. This time she's clinched it. She slapped her way to victory.

[Mozzie]

This isn't a great look for the penguins.

[Tyler]

Oh no.

[Ryan]

It's a great look for me though.

[Mozzie]

I think I could take. I think I could take 20 now that I saw that the slaps are.

[Tyler]

Just going to be. They're going to be kind of cute. You should be slapping me for you.

[Mozzie]

Mostly you got to watch out for the beaks.

[Tyler]

Yep. I still think 750 is a ridiculous number.

[Mozzie]

That's fine.

[Ryan]

That's my number. You what did you pick 30?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

There's no way to prove it.

[Tyler]

I've seen Antarctica.

[Mozzie]

No I've seen on Tick Tock there. There's like they'll do like a hundred thousand bears versus like a hundred thousand men.

[Tyler]

I love those videos.

[Mozzie]

We. They got to be able to do a thousand penguins versus one man versus Ryan.

[Tyler]

We can request it in the comments.

[Ryan]

You could like if there's like a simulator. Like an online simulator.

[Mozzie]

That's what we're talking about. This guy does a simulation where he puts animals against each other and then see who wins. By the way the bears run train they recognize.

[Ryan]

Oh yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

What kind of bears Brown. Oh Grizz.

[Mozzie]

I don't know.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. I twenties do like cuz it's how many you think you can take? For sure be able to take 20 after seeing that.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You're going to have no issues with that. I mean Pl. 20/730 I think will be. I'll be fine. I mean Jared put that. Put the link to that video in the patreon and just tell me how vicious that looks.

[Jared]

I will.

[Mozzie]

Thank you.

[Tyler]

What about you, Jared?

[Jared]

I don't know 10 if that. I'm not a fighter. I can't fight.

[Ryan]

But, but, but if you're. If your life depended on it, you would find something inside of you.

[Mozzie]

Okay, but you're just forgetting that if you make one false step and you end up on your, on your back trip on one of them. They. They're ramming into you with their bellies.

[Tyler]

Suffocate you.

[Mozzie]

You just suffocate. They're gonna peck you with their beak until you die.

[Ryan]

It's just them ramming into me with their. Did you. They were ramming each other with their bellies and they weren't doing anything.

[Tyler]

Anything.

[Mozzie]

That was one penguin. You're talking about. 750.

[Ryan]

And if there's. If there's. Room for me to maneuver, there's. I. You not. 750 is not out of the question.

[Tyler]

But if they're trying to beat you up, you're gonna have 750 penguins surrounding you.

[Ryan]

And I'm also beating them up. So there's 750.

[Mozzie]

I just.

[Ryan]

In the first two minutes, you knock out 15 of those.

[Mozzie]

Even if you'd have said 75, I'd have been like, I don't think. Think you can.

[Jared]

It's a little.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. And you 10x that.

[Ryan]

I don't. Looking at those pecs, I don't even think that, like, if I had clothes, I don't even think it could pierce my clothes.

[Mozzie]

I hate.

[Tyler]

I hate fish with them.

[Mozzie]

I hate what 75 hard has done to Ryan.

[Jared]

750 hard.

[Ryan]

I. I don't.

[Mozzie]

Yeah. Why don't you do 750 hard after this? They got 700.

[Ryan]

Tell me what to do when it comes to of my mental and physical fitness.

[Mozzie]

No, hard. 750 is literally you fighting penguins.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm, I'm down.

[Tyler]

We got to get you to Antarctica. It's just.

[Ryan]

You guys, you saw the video.

[Jared]

Get a lot of red tape. Craven Morehead, how long is the perfect nap.

[Mozzie]

Age?

[Jared]

Old question.

[Mozzie]

I mean, a two hour nap. Like, let's say you fell asleep at 1 and woke up at 3. You feel phenomenal.

[Ryan]

Two hours. Great.

[Tyler]

Yeah. For me, if I nap longer than like 45 minutes, I wake up just groggy as.

[Jared]

Yeah. Power nap.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I'm a. I'm a power napper for sure.

[Ryan]

I think a 45 minute nap with five snoozes. Snoozes?

[Tyler]

Yeah. You set your alarm for 30 minutes and you snooze it.

[Ryan]

Snooze it about five to 10 times.

[Tyler]

I'm with that.

[Ryan]

That's actually, I mean I, I do that pretty frequently if I do nap.

[Jared]

Because if I take a two hour nap, I'm not sleeping that night. Yeah, take a while.

[Ryan]

Same.

[Tyler]

And it takes me like an hour to get back to zero with my grogginess.

[Mozzie]

I don't know. I think if I took a two hour nap on a weekend and didn't have to worry about being groggy after, I'd be pretty happy.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you.

[Jared]

My plagiarianus wife is pregnant and wants it to be the last kid, so she wants one of us to get fixed. How do I gaslight her into getting fixed so I don't have to just get fixed?

[Mozzie]

Dude, she literally gives birth. Plus you have a bill. If you get fixed, you have an excuse to have a party with your friends.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Mozzie]

It's like, yes, there is risks involved with it, but we're pretty good at it now. We can even reverse it. You know, that's how good we are at this. Snip snap, snip snap.

[Tyler]

I think there's less risk for us getting fixed than them getting fixed too.

[Mozzie]

Probably. Yeah. I don't have any data to back that up.

[Tyler]

I think it's just a gut instinct.

[Ryan]

Just do it like a couple days off of work.

[Mozzie]

Plus like you gotta, you're, you're not thinking long game game, dude. Like she's already got the leverage over you that she gave birth to children. You got to gain some leverage back to be like, I put my balls on the line. You need to put your nuts on the table.

[Ryan]

True.

[Mozzie]

Literally, guys, if you want more, you bet your radio. You got to check out our Patreon. You got to go to patreon.com you bets radio or look us up on the app and we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.