Drinking In Your 30s Survival Guide 🎙 #334

Summary

You Betcha Radio Episode #334: "Drinking In Your 30s Survival Guide"

Release Date: July 9, 2025
Host: Myles (You Betcha Guy)
Co-Hosts: Ryan, Tyler, and Jared

---

Introduction and Fourth of July Recap

[00:01 – 01:22]

The episode kicks off with Myles welcoming listeners back to another lively edition of the "You Betcha Radio" podcast. The gang dives into their Fourth of July celebrations, sharing humorous anecdotes about their attempts to impress kids with firecrackers.

Myles [00:01]: "Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of You Betcha Radio podcast."

Tyler [00:43]: "That's a great band name, actually. Fisted the Firecracker."

The conversation highlights their playful camaraderie and sets a light-hearted tone for the episode.

---

Fireworks Fiasco and Local News Encounter

[01:22 – 05:00]

The hosts recount an amusing incident where Ryan was approached by a local news reporter while fueling up at a gas station. Misunderstandings ensue as Tyler attempts to avoid the interview, leading to a funny exchange about their connection to Horus, the location added fireworks events.

Tyler [02:37]: "You can have someone monitoring a couple of activities and just handle one item per inspection."

Their playful banter underscores their knack for turning everyday events into entertaining stories.

---

Mustache Mania: Judging Horus Events

[05:00 – 16:00]

The conversation shifts to mustache competitions in Horus, with Tyler preparing to judge an upcoming event. The discussion covers criteria for judging, such as girth, gusto, and depth, infused with humorous speculations about participants and potential scenarios.

Myles [06:19]: "I'm looking for girth, gusto, and depth."

The hosts brainstorm creative and comedic ways to enhance the competition, reflecting their Midwest charm and creativity.

---

Sports Picks and Prize Promotions

[16:00 – 21:00]

Ryan introduces a promotion with Prize Picks, where listeners can use code YBR to receive a guaranteed $50 bonus when playing their first lineup. The group humorously critiques their own sports predictions, emphasizing the fun over the success of their picks.

Ryan [08:33]: "If you use code YBR, you can get 50 bucks instantly when you play your first five-dollar lineup."

Their light-hearted approach encourages listener engagement while promoting their favorite sports betting platform.

---

Office Inspections and Corruption Jokes

[21:00 – 32:00]

Myles discusses ongoing fire inspections at their office, joking about potential corruption and the perks of manipulating inspection lists. The dialogue turns into a satirical exploration of how they might outwit the inspectors.

Myles [10:05]: "Why would you say that?"

The hosts’ humorous take on bureaucratic processes adds another layer of entertainment, showcasing their ability to find humor in mundane situations.

---

Blackout Dining in the Dark: A Mock Review

[32:00 – 43:00]

Jared introduces a segment where he reviews the concept of "Blackout Dining in the Dark." The hosts hilariously dissect a fictitious negative review, criticizing the experience for its vegan menu, poor service, and overall gimmickry.

Tyler [24:44]: "It's the Experience."

They laugh about the potential pitfalls and absurdities of dining without sight, transforming a simple restaurant review into a comedic skit.

---

Event Planning: Creating Their Own Blackout Experiences

[43:00 – 52:00]

Inspired by their mock review, the hosts brainstorm ideas for their own blackout-themed events. Suggestions range from dodgeball and escape rooms to blackout luncheons, each idea laced with their signature humor.

Tyler [35:43]: "Let's do blackout dodgeball."

Their imaginative proposals reflect their dynamic chemistry and knack for turning ordinary concepts into entertaining ventures.

---

Drinking in Your 30s Survival Guide: Tips and Tales

[52:00 – 67:00]

The core of the episode revolves around Myles seeking advice for hosting a surprise retirement party amidst concerns of overdrinking in his 30s. The hosts share personal stories and practical tips to navigate social drinking while balancing responsibilities.

1. Eating Before Drinking:

   Ryan [46:55]: "I should have taken a nap."

2. Hydration is Key:

   Tyler [49:14]: "I'm going to teach you something... avoid mixing alcohol with other substances."

3. Planned Puking Strategy:

   Myles [48:33]: "I'm gonna just have me and ..."

4. Peer Pressure and Moderation:

   Jared [62:25]: "Great time to puke."

The segment is rich with humor and relatable scenarios, offering both laughs and genuine advice for listeners navigating similar challenges.

---

Parenting Advice: Limiting Phone Use

[67:00 – 77:20]

Transitioning from drinking tips, the hosts provide parenting advice, emphasizing the importance of minimizing phone usage to foster better connections with their children.

Ryan [76:03]: "If I'm on my phone, I'm missing out on memories."

Tyler [76:24]: "They need to see your attention, not your screen."

This heartfelt advice juxtaposes their earlier humor, showcasing their multifaceted discussions encompassing both fun and meaningful topics.

---

Conclusion and Listener Engagement

[77:20 – End]

As the episode winds down, the hosts encourage listeners to join their Patreon for exclusive content and share insights on listening speeds and podcast engagement.

Jared [77:34]: "If you guys picked any new drinking terms..."

Myles [77:52]: "If you want more, You Betcha Radio, you gotta check out our Patreon."

The episode concludes with a blend of humor, camaraderie, and community-building, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating the next installment.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Myles [00:01]: "Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of You Betcha Radio podcast."
• Tyler [00:43]: "That's a great band name, actually. Fisted the Firecracker."
• Myles [06:19]: "I'm looking for girth, gusto, and depth."
• Ryan [08:33]: "If you use code YBR, you can get 50 bucks instantly when you play your first five-dollar lineup."
• Tyler [24:44]: "It's the Experience."
• Tyler [35:43]: "Let's do blackout dodgeball."
• Ryan [46:55]: "I should have taken a nap."
• Tyler [49:14]: "I'm going to teach you something... avoid mixing alcohol with other substances."
• Ryan [76:03]: "If I'm on my phone, I'm missing out on memories."
• Myles [77:52]: "If you want more, You Betcha Radio, you gotta check out our Patreon."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Balancing Fun and Responsibility: The hosts navigate the complexities of social drinking in their 30s with humor and practical advice, offering relatable insights for listeners.

• Community Engagement: Through promotions and Patreon incentives, they foster a sense of community and reward loyal listeners.

• Creative Event Planning: Their brainstorming sessions for blackout-themed events showcase their innovative and entertaining approach to podcast content.

• Personal Growth and Parenting: The shift to parenting advice highlights their evolution from carefree antics to more responsible guidance, resonating with listeners in similar life stages.

---

"Drinking In Your 30s Survival Guide" blends humor, camaraderie, and practical advice, making it a compelling episode for those navigating the transition into their 30s while maintaining a vibrant social life. Whether you're seeking laughs or genuine tips, this episode delivers a balanced and engaging experience true to You Betcha Radio's Midwest charm.

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of you Bet Your radio podcast. How we doing, boys? Good. I had myself quite the fourth of July.

[Ryan]

Did you?

[Miles]

It was fun.

[Ryan]

You look like you got some sun.

[Miles]

Well, yes. And you want to know how you know that? I had a great Fourth of July. How.

[Ryan]

Oh, no.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Justin Tuck.

[Miles]

Yeah. Just trying to impress the kids a little bit too much. Just held on to the cracker a little. Little too long.

[Tyler]

Absolutely. Just squeeze the firecracker right in your hand. Fisted a firecracker.

[Ryan]

He was trying to.

[Tyler]

That's a great band name, actually. Fisted the Firecracker.

[Ryan]

He was just really trying to figure out how those underwater things work, and he held it a little too long.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You guys are supposed to hate that joke more. So ended sooner.

[Ryan]

We've been dads longer than you, so we love it.

[Tyler]

I'm. I am. I'm definitely around with underwater fireworks. Me and my kid will be throwing in the water all.

[Miles]

You already did, Ryan.

[Tyler]

Well, I mean, you got a couple.

[Miles]

Just. You need some awareness.

[Tyler]

You got a couple days past 4th of July to screw around with it.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Forest, you get five extra days.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah. So, Ryan, you. It actually hurts me that you didn't do the local news interview, you know, when I. So for people that don't know in Horus, where our office is, they have. They added. This is a new thing this year. Do we know? New thing this year is there's. You got 10 days of fireworks, so we're guessing five days before the 4th and five days after, and Ryan was at the gas station fueling up on all of his vices and. Yeah. And you got stopped by a local news person to do an interview about it.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah. When I pulled up to the pump, it was the pump that was, like, right in front of where they were standing, and I could tell they were standing on the sidewalk scoping out people to go ask for an interview. And as I started to turn my wheel, I'm like, oh, God, this is not gonna go good. And when she. When she had. I tried to. I got out of the vehicle, and I turned my back immediately just to try and, like, divert att away. And I kind of look out of the corner of my eye when I'm. When I'm paying at the pump, and of course, the guy starts walking up. I'm like, oh, how. All right.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

How do I tell him no? So he gave me the entire spiel about what's going on in Horus.

[Miles]

The.

[Tyler]

You know, they put out a. The News put out a Facebook post, and it received all this type of attention and whatever, two minute spiel. And he didn't even ask me if I was from Horus. I'm not from Horus, by the way.

[Ryan]

Nor do you live there.

[Tyler]

Nor do I live there. So I. I let him go through with it just to get some reps because I could tell he was maybe a little new. And then I just. I had to break the news and say, man, I'm not even from Horus. And he goes, okay. And then he just walked off. Yeah. And it was funny because, you know. You know, the gap between the. The pump and then there's like a. There's like a big pole next to it. He walked. He didn't just walk back and around. He walked through that little. For some reason. Yeah, I kind of got.

[Miles]

It's like when you do an angry storm out during a fight, and you, like, you storm out of the room, but you still need something that's in the room, so you got to come back in.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Got my keys.

[Miles]

Classic local news, though. Yeah. We've been getting a lot of clicks.

[Ryan]

I would love to.

[Miles]

We got a hot post on Facebook that we need to investigate.

[Tyler]

Yeah. And then I actually saw. I saw the interview. He. You know, he must found a couple people. I saw the interview on the news that night, and it wasn't even at the gas station. It was at, like, a residential area. And then I think it was, like, down the street three or four blocks. So no one at that gas station was. Was budging.

[Jared]

Missed opportunity, Ryan.

[Tyler]

Well, okay.

[Miles]

And so when I could have been so funny. You could have.

[Jared]

You could have said your name's Mike Hunt.

[Tyler]

You could have done.

[Miles]

You could have done that. You. You could have. I mean, you could have been like, I think we should have 10 months of fireworks.

[Tyler]

And when I. Right after I said no and he started walking away, I thought about you guys immediately.

[Miles]

Yeah, I can't even it up. I could have had some great content.

[Tyler]

I know.

[Ryan]

I can't even find this. This post that blew up.

[Tyler]

I can't either. I. I don't know where it's.

[Miles]

Fireworks post. Nice.

[Ryan]

Hey.

[Jared]

10 days have passed, so.

[Tyler]

But yeah, I was like. I don't know. I. I look him. Rookie move by me and rookie move by him.

[Ryan]

No, not. You did fine. He was gonna come up to you regardless. But rookie move by him to not make sure you were relevant to the story first.

[Tyler]

I know, but I should have just made myself relevant to the story y.

[Jared]

About you.

[Tyler]

Imagine if I would have had some. Some snaps in my truck, and then I could have done a little demonstration and see how many people got pissed off.

[Miles]

I mean, that would have been. That have been local TV gold.

[Tyler]

Yeah. But it also would have been at.

[Miles]

Oh, I'm all for it, actually. Check this out.

[Tyler]

Let's light one off right here at the gas station.

[Miles]

He wouldn't have stopped. I just dribbled a little gas on the ground here. I got these poppers.

[Tyler]

Yeah. They make really great noise when you throw them against a gas can.

[Miles]

Pulls out a Roman candle. You're like, let me show you. You got a lighter?

[Tyler]

Okay, I'm gonna count to three, and before I get. When I get to three, I'm gonna start shooting, so you better start running.

[Miles]

Yeah, you're pointing up in the air. It just hits the. The canopy over the gas thing and just.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Rebounding back.

[Ryan]

What a nightmare umbrella.

[Tyler]

Yeah. So I know. Missed opportunity by me, and I. I definitely thought about it right after I. I declined. But now I know.

[Miles]

I actually am speaking of Horus. Local stuff.

[Ryan]

I'm.

[Miles]

I'm judging a mustache competition at the fire department this fall.

[Ryan]

So this is really your second time judging a Horus event? Didn't you do it?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Car show. I'm addicted to judging Horus. That's my new reality TV show called Judging Horace.

[Ryan]

I like it.

[Jared]

I like that.

[Tyler]

The one of. One of the guys, one of the firefighters, the guy who comes and does our inspection. He has a phenomenal mustache.

[Miles]

Well, I'll be the judge of that.

[Tyler]

Yep, you will be. Quite literally.

[Miles]

I could say that quite literally, yeah.

[Tyler]

Do you know what. Any other details? Like, how many. How many participants? Like, what's the. What's. What's the scale? Is it 1 to 10? Is it.

[Miles]

I have got no information about.

[Ryan]

Do you know if there's criteria that need to be followed, or is it just the mustache you like the most?

[Miles]

I don't know what you guys think I meant by I've gotten no information.

[Jared]

What. What to you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, we want to know what. What's gonna make you.

[Miles]

Well, I don't want to skew the competition because they can listen to this, and then they can tailor their stash. We'll bleep, bleep out the whole thing.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we can. We can put a gate around anybody that lives in Horus. Will. Location.

[Miles]

I'm not going to be distracted by frills and fanciness. I'm looking for girth and gusto.

[Tyler]

You're looking for depth.

[Miles]

I'm Looking for. I'm l. Looking for girth, gusto and, and. And depth. Yeah, I'm looking for. I'm looking for hard hardiness, you know.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Like you're looking for density.

[Miles]

Like, you know, Tyler could grow his out and do some fancy swirls and with it. But it's not as meaty as maybe Jared's would be if he went for it.

[Jared]

That's true.

[Miles]

What I, you know, I'm gonna be looking for upper lips, you know, and if I see too many upper lips, it's gonna be questionable.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Miles]

I'm looking for a canopy of some sort of.

[Tyler]

When is the competition?

[Miles]

September. Again, that's the only information I got.

[Tyler]

Okay, so I got about two and a half months.

[Jared]

You could enter horse residence.

[Ryan]

So is it all the. Is it anybody can enter?

[Miles]

I've gotten no information on it.

[Tyler]

It's got to be open to the public. I mean, who else would they.

[Miles]

Yeah, I don't think it's just exclusive to firefighters. Maybe it is. I don't know.

[Ryan]

It is. Prize picks, time of the week. Miles and Jared are in Chicago, so they have sent their codes into us and we're going to subm lineup for you that you guys can follow. If you use code YBR, you can get 50 bucks instantly when you play your first five dollar lineup. You don't need to win your lineup to receive the 50 bucks. It is just guaranteed shout out to.

[Tyler]

Anyone who fully faded our hot dog eating contest lineup.

[Jared]

Wow.

[Tyler]

All for four, by the way.

[Ryan]

So shout out to you guys if you faded us. You're welcome for the free money.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I know we're not winning a lot, but we do give you guys great lineups to fade and I think that's just as good as winning.

[Ryan]

Maybe this week you can fade our Wimbledon lineup because we are elite tennis minds.

[Tyler]

Yes, we are.

[Ryan]

And I think we got a lot of stuff going for us. My pick is the joker. Novak Djokovic. More than four and a half break points. One, which I totally know what a break point is, so trust me on this one.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, no, me too.

[Ryan]

Jared, he has. He has no hope for Mira Andreeva. He's going less than 21 and a half total games. And Miles has no hope for Janik Sinner.

[Tyler]

Yannick.

[Ryan]

Yannick Hanic, Sinner. Less. Less than 39 and a half total games.

[Tyler]

And I'm going to give you guys an absolute lock for Wimbledon. I'll get. I'll go. Yosuki Watanuki. So that's all we got. That's that's the four person lineup. That's YBR lineup of the week.

[Ryan]

Yeah. So fade us if you want to make some money or ride with us if you want to share in the pain.

[Tyler]

Code ybr.

[Miles]

I would like to say that this was all out of the goodness of my heart and fun, but it, it is part of a ploy to buy us time with the inspection.

[Tyler]

I gotta get that list checked.

[Miles]

We got a fire inspection. We had a laundry list of stuff. And actually I want. We. I think we talked about this. At one point they said they were laughing out loud at us, which is always out your fire inspection. And we haven't started the list, which I know is a surprise to listeners because we usually jump on projects pretty fast.

[Jared]

We've had a good amount of time.

[Miles]

To get into it. Yeah. Cuz that we're, we're six months into this.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Inspection. It's a never ending inspection. And I figure, you know, I want to do it out of the, you know, for fun. But I also would be lying if I didn't say there was maybe an added benefit that buys us more leeway with the inspection. Inspection.

[Tyler]

I mean.

[Ryan]

Okay, you know, if we know the guy that's coming here to doing the inspection, like you said, he has a ball or mustache, he wins.

[Miles]

Why would you say that?

[Ryan]

You already admitted that you're doing this.

[Miles]

There is corruption. You don't say there's corruption.

[Ryan]

Brian already said he has a great mustache.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I said I'll be the judge.

[Tyler]

Well, and what we could do is we could just, we could, we could just have a, an H Vac to do list. So every time the H Vac guys come over, we could just have them do one thing on our fire inspection list because they'll probably be here another 12 to 15 times.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's like at this point. Yeah. Just have them start doing stuff.

[Tyler]

Bill us double for everything we got on this.

[Ryan]

I was just gonna say, do we have enough money to afford 9000h vac trips?

[Miles]

That's true. What? Let me know if you guys think this is funny. If I, you know, submit my winner to it and it's a woman. Is that funny?

[Ryan]

Yeah, it depends on if she knows she has a mustache or not.

[Miles]

Yeah. It would be mean probably if she actually had a little bit of stub.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

But if you just like kind of pick like a really attractive woman in the, in the stands, that would be kind of funny.

[Ryan]

I think you should, you do all.

[Miles]

You know, like, like if I pick, if I pick Marge to win the mustache competition. Probably in bad humor.

[Tyler]

Yeah, Pat.

[Miles]

But if I, you know, if I. If I pick Chanel, it's hilarious.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know if there's any Chanel's in Horus. I'm not a very Chanel talent.

[Ryan]

I'm sure there's one.

[Miles]

There's gotta be one.

[Ryan]

I think you should. You should judge the competition as you are. And then right before you announce the winner, go to the bathroom and shave yourself a mustache.

[Miles]

Put a crown on my own head.

[Ryan]

Declare yourself.

[Tyler]

That's actually a really good idea.

[Ryan]

You guys all had such good mustaches, I couldn't decide. So I'm the winner.

[Jared]

So I looked in the mirror and I decided it was me.

[Miles]

Yeah. Looked in the mirror and I had an epiphany. I'm the only one worthy of this.

[Tyler]

If I grew my mustache out for the next two and a half months, I. You guys would laugh so hard at me.

[Ryan]

Do it.

[Miles]

I would love a good laugh. It's been a minute, but then again.

[Tyler]

You guys see me damn near every day, so it probably wouldn't be as funny.

[Miles]

You should wear a Covid mask until.

[Tyler]

Oh, God, that sucker would get itchy, though. I'd have to go on like a two and a half month hiatus and then come back and then.

[Miles]

And present. It should do 75 stash.

[Jared]

That's a great idea.

[Ryan]

I like that, actually.

[Tyler]

That's two and a half months.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Perfect timing.

[Miles]

Yeah. And every day you have. You have to comb it twice a day. One of the combing has to be outdoors. You have to read a biography of someone with a famous mustache in history. Every day.

[Jared]

I wonder who that would be.

[Tyler]

I have to hydrate it. I have to hydrate it 12 times a day.

[Ryan]

You don't have to do him, Jared.

[Miles]

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

It's not even a full mustache.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's probably the most famous mustache. You're right.

[Ryan]

Teddy Roosevelt.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, no, I. I can't. I can't grow anything in that area.

[Jared]

That's good.

[Miles]

That's great news for the podcast.

[Ryan]

I have a reverse Hitler as well.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I mean, I'd probably have, like anywhere between 20 and 30 individual hairs that would, at two and a half months, would probably start curling over my top lip.

[Miles]

That's what I'm looking. I'm looking for a lip curler.

[Tyler]

You're looking for uniqueness.

[Miles]

Like I said, I'm not into the frills. Frills and fancy. I'm into the girth and. What was it? Gusso?

[Tyler]

Do you know how many participants there are?

[Ryan]

He does.

[Miles]

I, I, I realize that I may have revealed this information too early, considering I have no information. And this is a podcast. We're supposed to talk about the event, but yeah, I, I have no information. Yeah, yeah. So what, what's going on with the bed? I don't know. I've got no information. Well, that sucks because this is a podcast. It's gonna be detrimental though, if there's like a, a potluck beforehand and there's, and there's potato salad at the potluck. We're gonna have some dirty stashes up there.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Or like milk and cookies for.

[Miles]

Maybe I should. They think it's just going to be like a guy going up there and like in it, whatever. And I like make them do stuff. Like, I want to see how it looks when you drink milk.

[Ryan]

Are you just.

[Tyler]

It's like a physique competition just for mustaches. Yeah.

[Miles]

Turn it into a Miss USA pageant. They have to like say what they believe in.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get talent, give them a question.

[Tyler]

You ask them what their five year plan is.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah, there you go. You gotta say, I must ask you a question.

[Miles]

Yes, I'm using that. That's good. That is good.

[Tyler]

And the more we talk, the more.

[Miles]

Information we get, you know, And I had thought at some point that mustache and beard competitions were dead. You know, like they're pretty hot. When beards started becoming like, you know, when the craft beer scene hit. Hit and everyone started growing craft beer beards.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's like after the 60s when we didn't have to go to work in our button up shirt with a clean shaven face anymore.

[Miles]

Yeah, well, yeah, so I in. But we're bringing it back. We're bringing it back.

[Tyler]

Sounds like it. See, I got more questions, but no use asking them.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, it's got my head spin though on what other stuff I could judge. In Horus. It's only in Horus if you're, if you think I'm coming to a judge event outside of Horus, you're mistakenly wrong.

[Ryan]

You got.

[Miles]

Don't ask me. I'm loyal to Horace. Judging.

[Ryan]

You've got 10 days. To judge fireworks.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you could judge fireworks.

[Miles]

To judge fireworks. You're right.

[Jared]

I think if there's like a garlic bread festival, you would, would be the first judge.

[Miles]

I would participate.

[Tyler]

What if a great festival.

[Ryan]

What if it's in Harlem?

[Miles]

Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah. I'm judging. Talking, eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking garlic bread Eating contest. Still got 4th of July on the brain. Yeah.

[Ryan]

They do that on Italian Independence Day.

[Miles]

If I'm judging fireworks, I'm just like out in the field and I'm like, oh, I really like that one in that vicinity over there.

[Ryan]

It was really. It was bright.

[Miles]

Yeah, it was. It was a. It went up in the sky. It exploded, and it was loud, and I like that. So if you just want to drive in that general direction, I'll. I'll let you know when to stop.

[Jared]

Just drive towards Orion's belt.

[Miles]

Yeah. Follow the North Star. And when you get to the North Star, hang a left and head to the Big Dipper.

[Tyler]

You just hope the stars are out that night. You never know.

[Miles]

Yeah. Cloudy night off. We're all right. I want you to head to the cloud that looks like a bunny. When you get to the ears, I want you to hang it right.

[Tyler]

Talking about 4th of July and. And garlic toast. You know, it'd be good is if you made it like a piece of Texas toast and you cut it down the middle and then put a hot dog in it.

[Miles]

I had brats with.

[Jared]

That would be good.

[Miles]

I had brats with the Hawaiian buns.

[Tyler]

Hawaiian.

[Miles]

You know, they stuck together. You leave two stuck together. You cut it down the middle and put a hot dog or a broad. It was muy bueno.

[Ryan]

It's about.

[Miles]

They would say on Cinco de Mayo.

[Ryan]

It'S about time we start experimenting with hot dog buns. They've been the same for a hundred years.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Jesus. Yeah. Wrong pipe almost. Yeah. I mean, they. I feel like they've been experience experimenting with the ingredients and hot dogs for years.

[Ryan]

Right. But not the bun.

[Tyler]

Correct. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, the only thing we've done different is a pretzel bun. That's it.

[Jared]

Right.

[Tyler]

What is the ingredients list of a. On a package of hot hot dogs? Because it isn't just a combination of a bunch of stuff.

[Miles]

You don't want to know how the sausage is.

[Ryan]

Lips and it's all of the stuff.

[Miles]

You don't want to eat is the hot dog.

[Ryan]

So we.

[Jared]

You don't see how the sausage is made.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, I do. Lips and. Kidding me.

[Jared]

Great band name.

[Tyler]

Think of a Joey chestnut. He puts 70 plus lips and in his mouth.

[Jared]

Yeah. I can't believe he won last year week.

[Tyler]

It was crazy.

[Miles]

Yeah, he won and we. I can't believe our prize picks hit.

[Tyler]

First one in a while.

[Miles]

That was.

[Ryan]

Yeah, crazy. I hope you guys rode with us.

[Miles]

A lot of hot dogs got eaten, so. Yeah. I got that. I got a busy fall, so I'm probably gonna have to block off a couple weeks before and after just to make sure I'm locked and loaded for the judging.

[Ryan]

I mean, just start practicing walking around the gas station. Just be, like, eight.

[Miles]

If I could turn this into a career and get paid to judge people. I mean, I'm already doing it as a podcaster, I suppose, but.

[Ryan]

And you. Do you do it silently in your head when you walk by someone?

[Tyler]

I mean, I think. I think, like, a county fair is a place that you want to shack up at. I feel like there's a lot when it. Whether it's like, 4H or.

[Miles]

Well, that's why I love. I think I said at, like, carnivals and fairs, and the guess your weight thing is just hilarious to me. I'd love to do that.

[Tyler]

You ever do them at the truck stops?

[Miles]

Let's do it right now.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Okay. So, Jared, I'd say you. You want to stand up for me? Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Ryan]

Do a spin for him.

[Tyler]

What's the height? What's the height?

[Miles]

Now I want you to take your sweater and just tuck it tight behind you so I can get a good ocular pat down of the. Of the midsection. Like. Like. Yeah, like. Like Homer Simpson when he's trying to look skin. Yeah, like.

[Tyler]

Like that.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna. Do you know your weight?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Or roughly five.

[Jared]

Five pound range.

[Miles]

Okay, I got five pounds. I'm gonna say you are. You're 218.

[Tyler]

Nope. Higher.

[Miles]

242.

[Tyler]

No.

[Miles]

Wow. Somewhere in between there.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

All right, you won. You get a. You get a.

[Ryan]

Here's your stuffed teddy bear.

[Miles]

How much did you weigh?

[Jared]

Like 228 right now.

[Miles]

I almost said 228.

[Tyler]

We say 218. Did you say.

[Miles]

I said 218.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

I switched it last minute.

[Tyler]

Checks out.

[Jared]

So you had her. You had it right.

[Miles]

I had it right. Yeah.

[Tyler]

10'S a very common.

[Miles]

All right, Tyler, stand up.

[Ryan]

I know exactly what I weighed myself this morning.

[Miles]

Me too. Here we go. Accurate. Yeah, I'm gonna need to pull that shirt tight. There we go. There's the love handles I've been looking for. All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna say you are 217. What are you?

[Ryan]

207.

[Miles]

Wow.

[Tyler]

So you lost, say, 207.

[Miles]

He's lost weight. I was going off of previous knowledge. Yeah.

[Jared]

Get that teddy bear back.

[Miles]

Yeah, give me that teddy bear back. All right, Ryan. I do.

[Tyler]

I even got to stand Up.

[Miles]

No, you don't. Buck 35.

[Ryan]

I knew there was going to be zero legitimate guessing. He actually guessed higher than I thought he was going to say. I thought he was going to go like 115.

[Miles]

It's lower than that. Like 106.

[Tyler]

Not even close.

[Jared]

So could we.

[Miles]

Dripping wet.

[Tyler]

Final guess?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

106. You're 81.6 pounds off.

[Miles]

You're 190 something.

[Tyler]

Buck 87.

[Miles]

Really?

[Tyler]

No. Twisted steel sex appeal? No, I'm not. A buck 87 bucks. Buck 69.2.

[Ryan]

Nice.

[Tyler]

So I like to stay in that 69 range.

[Miles]

All right. What do you guys think I am?

[Ryan]

I think you told me pretty recently what you weigh.

[Tyler]

214.

[Ryan]

No, I think you're. You think you're like 231?

[Jared]

235.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. Like 233.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Thanks, Ryan. What? Really nice of you.

[Tyler]

You had mentioned two.

[Miles]

I just got. I got, you know, muscle weighs more.

[Tyler]

Than fat, so that's what I'm saying. That's why I can't believe you didn't guess 190.

[Miles]

Yeah. I'll just say I'm dense. I have dense. I have density.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Guessing weight is tough.

[Jared]

Yeah. That's why it's at the car.

[Ryan]

Unless you have a scale.

[Tyler]

Unless you have a scale.

[Ryan]

And it's easy.

[Tyler]

For reference, I. I think I. I jumped on the scale of truck stop one time because I was on a fast and I wanted to see how. How much weight I lost. This is like 10 years ago, but I don't know, pretty accurate. It said I had lost like 58 pounds in the last two weeks. So.

[Miles]

Wait, I'm confused.

[Tyler]

They're. They're not accurate at all.

[Ryan]

You got it.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So you were actually 106.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Teddy bear back.

[Miles]

I think one of the funniest. Not the funniest. A funny thing in dodgeball, when he tells him to turn up the weight on the scales in the locker room at Global gym to make him feel worse.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That is some psychological warfare.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it is.

[Ryan]

White Goodman is an all time character.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Jared, you told me you have a little segment for us, and it is called what you do. Would you go to the restaurant?

[Jared]

Yep. So I'm just gonna show you this website and there's a little video too, but it's not a very good one. So would you go to this restaurant?

[Miles]

All right. It is called what. What does it say?

[Tyler]

Blackout dining in the dark.

[Jared]

I'll play this video for you.

[Miles]

It's just like 30 seconds. This is how it works.

[Jared]

So just.

[Tyler]

Well, I was worried about what it would be like to dine in the dark, but you adjust pretty quickly and then. And it's kind of nice just to rely on your other reading for some people.

[Miles]

I get it.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Also a broody ground for roofies and. And big time and coping feels. The waiters have night vision goggles on. Yeah, they're just. They're just staring at cans. I mean, the whole time.

[Tyler]

They could be butt. You even know?

[Miles]

Yeah, they're. They're doing. They're staring at cans guilt free the whole time. What a bunch of pervs. You know what could go wrong with a blackout restaurant?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I think it's kind of a good idea they got some.

[Miles]

I would. I would do this.

[Jared]

Really?

[Miles]

Where is it at?

[Jared]

Vegas.

[Miles]

I was going to say if it was in Chicago. I'm going to Chicago in a few days, dude. Me and Charlie are gonna try it.

[Ryan]

But I mean, I would do it, but I'm not like, we gotta do this.

[Jared]

And I heard it's. It's an all vegetarian menu too.

[Ryan]

Oh, I'm out.

[Tyler]

So probably no cutting with.

[Miles]

Why would they do that? Why would they ruin it?

[Ryan]

I. I don't know. Maybe because you can't tell if your steak's done or not if you get one until you. Until you eat it.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's true. Well, so give me popcorn.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So like, I'm on board with trying it and buying into the fact that when you can't see, you now are using your taste buds more. Right. They say like someone goes blind, they can hear better and, and, and feel stuff better. I don't know if that's true.

[Ryan]

Daredevil.

[Miles]

Yeah. So I would be in on that. But if you're not gonna let me experiment my buds on steak, then what are we doing here?

[Ryan]

You know, I get maybe not doing steaks. So you're not giving people steak knives in the dark. But like, burgers should be on the table.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Handheld stuff.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Or steak bites.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know. I just feel like there's a lot of spilled wine and shit.

[Tyler]

I'm sure you could get an impossible burger.

[Ryan]

I'm sure, but I'm impossible.

[Tyler]

Steak. Steak. I would for sure do this. I can't imagine some of the shit that. I mean, especially in Las Vegas, you know? You know that people like. What if you're having an affair? What a great place.

[Miles]

Great place for an affair.

[Ryan]

You just make that your affair. Date night. Like you always go to blackout.

[Tyler]

Your husband or wife could be at the restaurant. And so could you with your affair with your.

[Miles]

It's a great premise for a. A TV show episode.

[Ryan]

This is. Yeah, this would be the best place possible to go on a blind date for sure.

[Miles]

It's quite literally blind. Yeah. I mean, they think that it's got a 4.4 star rating. Holy. Oh, what's the one star say?

[Tyler]

Our experience was on top one. February 14th, 2025. And let me tell you.

[Ryan]

Holy. What a review.

[Tyler]

The server brought out the same course not one, but two times. Okay, that's fine. You just eat double.

[Ryan]

Number one is exactly what I said. There's spilled wine all over their table when they got to it.

[Tyler]

Number three, we did not get water until course three. Well, that's a part. That's. That's part of the experience.

[Ryan]

No, you had that. You see it. It was in front of you.

[Miles]

How does she know she didn't have this?

[Tyler]

The server.

[Miles]

It should be. I discovered water on course three.

[Tyler]

Number four, the server hit me when reaching literally over my head to put a plate on the table. Well, it's like. It's like the server could see.

[Ryan]

That was personal.

[Miles]

Yeah, that was on purpose.

[Tyler]

Well, that's like. It's like you're going to dick slash resort expecting not to get insulted.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Tyler]

What do you expect, idiots? Number five, we are too late.

[Miles]

I'm gonna. I'm waiting for a reviewer to give one star and it just. The reviewer's name is Vel and she's like, I lost my glasses on the ground. Go to the other one. Stars. Blackout. Dining in the dark is definitely unique experience. The food was not it. Especially for the price. Oof. When they say blackout, they mean it. You can't see a thing.

[Tyler]

No, it's like. It's like again, going to play blackout bingo. It's like you wouldn't believe it. No squares left unchecked.

[Miles]

For safety reasons, they don't provide knives. And the food is served just above room temperature so you don't burn yourself. One of the biggest things to note is that you don't see the menu or even know what you're eating until after the experience. You're completely trusting them with every bite. I just found out everything was vegan. And that probably explains why it tasted the way it did you. The dishes don't follow a theme. One might have Mediterranean flavors. The next might be Hispanic inspired. Portions were small, the flavors were bland. And overall, the food just wasn't worth it.

[Tyler]

Are you going there for the food though?

[Jared]

It's the Experience.

[Miles]

Honestly, is it worth trying once for the novelty? But now that I know that I was actually eating. Yeah, we won't be back.

[Ryan]

They were right about the portion. Scroll back up. Jared. Look at that dish on the right.

[Jared]

Oh, right here.

[Miles]

Yeah. Holy.

[Tyler]

That's teeny. Tiny little one. Crab cake.

[Miles]

Had to cancel. Didn't even make it there.

[Jared]

Scam, scam, gimmick. Vegan food. Vegan food.

[Miles]

Scam, scam, gimmick. This.

[Tyler]

This place tries to scamming customers by giving them vegan food the whole time and surprising them after by telling them the mystery food. There's no mystery food. There's no mystery.

[Miles]

The food sucks. Super rude to push fake meat and vegan on paying customers that want real food. Host was rude as hell and had an attitude when we asked for a manager. Server was amazing and only good part of our stay portions. Tiny vegan food still isn't worth the cost.

[Jared]

Tiny mini ball.

[Tyler]

That's great. I mean, hey, that's great though because.

[Miles]

It went to the steakhouse and had the largest steak just to stick it to Blackout. There's a lot of one star reviews go down.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

No alcohol, drinks.

[Tyler]

Didn't the. The first gal say that they only brought one thing of ros out?

[Miles]

I don't know. That was five years ago. They definitely added it cuz they were losing money.

[Jared]

They're in the black.

[Tyler]

Also, you can't have a restaurant called Blackout not have booze there.

[Ryan]

Every. It's true. Every one of these. One star review says the food was horseshit.

[Tyler]

It.

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean, you should have spent a little more time being a restaurant on the food.

[Tyler]

Not a bad. Not a bad job though. If you're a server there and you're having a bad day and you just feel like taking it out on the customers. I mean, how's the manager gonna know who was addict to the customer?

[Ryan]

Every time a customer makes a shitty comment, there's so many silent middle fingers.

[Tyler]

Right to the customer's face. Yeah.

[Jared]

Or if you're like a. If you're like a chick in a server, you don't have to do your makeup or anything thing.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Ching your jammies.

[Miles]

What was I gonna say? I hate that. Yeah. YouTubers should prank. Go do. This is like. You know, I'm not into necessarily public pranks that affect other people's lives. But, but, but a YouTuber that does pranks should go to Blackout and just like, like be like, oh, I can't see anything. Like whip out their phone flashlight every time Like a new course comes and tells everyone what it is.

[Tyler]

You just see some like.

[Ryan]

Well, I think they take your phones is what the one said. You have to lock your phone away.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

It's like a comedy show.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You turn your. Yeah.

[Miles]

Take a headlamp out. Headlamp out of your pocket, put it on your head.

[Ryan]

Or you bring like your own night vision goggles.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. Or just like immediately when you get in there. But yeah. I'm scared of the dark, so can I plug in this nightlight?

[Jared]

I'm a nightlight.

[Tyler]

You see some guys? Yeah, I won't say that. Better not say that.

[Miles]

What? What?

[Tyler]

You just see some guy speed jerking in the corner when you turn your flashlight on?

[Ryan]

It's all vegan food, no meat.

[Miles]

Put your meat away.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, okay.

[Tyler]

Well, I said I shouldn't say. You guys made me say it, so.

[Jared]

Yeah, that's true.

[Miles]

Go back to their website once. Go up, go to the events in the dark. I would love to know what kind of events are in the dark. Girls night out and bachelorette parties, corporate outing. Can you imagine?

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Miles]

You're like, you're a Cube field warrior. You're just. You're there to get a paycheck. They make you go to Vegas on this corporate retreat street and they tell you you're gonna dine at Blackout in the Dark and eat vegan food and you're.

[Tyler]

You're on like a 30 day carnivore diet. You're on also 15.

[Miles]

I can't think of a more way. Good way to connect with your old relatives. Like having a family reunion.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

No.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You wouldn't have to see your cousins that you didn't want to see, though.

[Ryan]

That's true. You could avoid all those shitty relatives.

[Tyler]

You could just like go hide in the corner.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What other events they got?

[Jared]

Birthday parties.

[Miles]

Yeah, we should. We should have Christmas party there this next year.

[Jared]

Yeah. Like, I don't show up and say, no, I was there. I was there, you guys.

[Miles]

But don't think this is a Vegas trip. We're gonna be in and out.

[Ryan]

We fly there for an afternoon, go.

[Miles]

To Blackout and head home. Yeah, terrible.

[Tyler]

So if they host birthday parties there, they're. I'm assuming they don't. Like candles. Yeah, like candles.

[Jared]

It's a great point.

[Ryan]

After. After further review, I'm out.

[Miles]

Well, I would like to try it just for the roast.

[Jared]

Yeah, they don't have that there.

[Miles]

Yeah, like, I mean, we could do that in the dark room. Let's have. Let's have lunch one day in the dark room.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I mean, it's quite literally pitch black in there.

[Miles]

And everyone required to bring a or d' oeuvre or meal for everyone to try. We don't know what we're eating.

[Ryan]

Just a potluck and. Well, somebody needs night vision goggles to be the server.

[Tyler]

That is true.

[Miles]

We'll have an. Do it and could be the server.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we could get some night vision goggles on Tik Tok. Sh.

[Miles]

I'll get a babysitter for the afternoon. We can leave him at home, and we can do it. Right.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Jared]

And then after we play blackout dodgeball.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that would be kind of fun.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that would be a good time.

[Miles]

Or we could do Roman candle wars.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's just quiet. But you should click, click, click. Try to start the lighter.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Because it gets pretty dark in there.

[Tyler]

Right? It's. It's. I mean, the only light that gets in is underneath is the crack under the.

[Miles]

Yeah. We could shove a towel.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we can. We can.

[Jared]

Yeah, I've done that before.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it's. It's pitch black back.

[Miles]

All right, let's try it. Let's do a lunch day in July sometime.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Tyler]

It's pretty hot in there, though, so we might need to get like a.

[Miles]

That's part of the dining experience. Part of the experience.

[Ryan]

Can we all just promise not to poison each other? Well, just bring absolute terrible.

[Miles]

Did you actually think we were gonna poison. No. I felt like I needed to go. Were you. Are you thinking about poisoning me?

[Jared]

I didn't.

[Ryan]

I don't truly mean poison.

[Miles]

I don't think anyone was gonna. Thinking about poisoning someone until you just brought that up.

[Ryan]

Just don't bring ludifis.

[Miles]

No, we'll get allergies beforehand. Like, we're not gonna be serving peanut butter to anyone.

[Ryan]

No, I mean, like, really gross. Like, don't bring ludifis.

[Tyler]

No. Because we have to eat it too.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I thought we were serving each other. He just said for other people.

[Miles]

We'll just. Just get a good lunch food. It's. That's what we'll do.

[Tyler]

One person will bring hot dogs. The other can bring chips. The other can bring potato salad. The other can bring a fruit salad.

[Ryan]

I'll be the guy in charge of plate.

[Tyler]

You'll bring hot dogs and you'll cook.

[Ryan]

Them right in the microwave.

[Miles]

Yeah, we're gonna need someone to cook stuff on the grill in the dark. The rest of us are busy that day.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Tyler]

We could have. We could have you monitor a Couple pizzas in the pizza oven too.

[Ryan]

And I'll, I'll give them to you in the dark and I'll burn your tongue off.

[Tyler]

Well, yeah, I mean, if he'd still be black anyway. So I won't be able to see. Yeah, it still won't be able to see it.

[Miles]

Oh, Tyler, I see you went with the theme of the, of the dinner. The pizza is also black.

[Ryan]

How will you see it?

[Miles]

Oh, my. A phone. Flashlight out.

[Jared]

Just me, though. Yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, the, the real, the real issue with this is we don't have access to night vision goggles.

[Tyler]

Tick Tock shop. There's a couple.

[Ryan]

They are on there.

[Miles]

Temu.

[Tyler]

Yeah, tamu.

[Jared]

They're probably not very good.

[Miles]

We don't even be. Guys need to work.

[Tyler]

They got crazy good reviews.

[Jared]

Military grade.

[Tyler]

Like 25 bucks. Yeah, I've been thinking about getting a pair from my backyard.

[Miles]

Imagine if we had these when we were a kid. Better we have them. One more.

[Ryan]

40.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

No, we're 30, Tyler.

[Tyler]

We're in our 30s. Dude.

[Ryan]

I feel 40.

[Miles]

Did you think you were 40?

[Ryan]

I was correcting you on the movie quote. Let's not start today.

[Tyler]

What movie quote?

[Ryan]

It's from Step Brothers.

[Tyler]

Oh, I, I, I'm not a movie cult guy. You know that.

[Miles]

I think the best is about this luncheon that, that we're gonna have. Is that it is. It's chirping guilt free. Like you, you can't read the room. Like, you know, if you start talking to someone, you can usually see when you've gone too far. You won't, you won't have that.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but you don't want to get your hands on you, though. You gotta, you gotta be stealthy. You gotta be moving around if you're talking because think of your. Like no one's gonna know that. Like, you know, I could be in a headlock in the corner.

[Ryan]

Silent headlock.

[Jared]

Yeah, we could do a Patreon episode of the Dark. That'd be kind of cool.

[Miles]

Well, yeah, we should do, we should just make the Patreon episode the lunch.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you know what we could do? We could just record a normal episode and just post the audio like it's in the dark. It was dark the whole time.

[Tyler]

Okay, so let's do this. Let's. We'll do the luncheon if Miles, if you can spell luncheon.

[Miles]

L U N C H E O N. Got it.

[Tyler]

Put it on the calendar. Yeah, put it on the calendar. Hell yeah, I'm excited.

[Miles]

What do you think I was a spell? L U N C H U N.

[Tyler]

I knew you had it. That's why I gave you the test, so we could actually do it.

[Ryan]

I will be bringing biscuits.

[Tyler]

Are they gonna be soggy or is it a bit?

[Miles]

Or are you actually bringing.

[Ryan]

No, I'll bring biscuits. B I S Q U I Q I C K hey, Bisquicks, a guy.

[Miles]

Has one brain fart in the last.

[Tyler]

Decade, what color are they going to be?

[Miles]

One brain fart. Black.

[Tyler]

I was leading you into that one, Tyler. B B E I G E. Yeah.

[Miles]

Don'T misspell that one.

[Tyler]

M I S S P E L.

[Miles]

L Dining in the dark. Yeah, the. The blackout luncheon.

[Tyler]

I like that.

[Ryan]

I'm more.

[Miles]

It is kind of nice that we do have a built in blackout room.

[Tyler]

We just open a restaurant in the. In that room.

[Ryan]

You know, we can start booking it out for girls night outs, bachelor parties, corporate outings and family reunions.

[Miles]

Yeah, we will be doing a team building exercise though.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we don't want to break fire code though. We gotta see what maximum capacity is in there because we don't want them coming back.

[Miles]

Well, no, no, no. I'm buying. I'm buying us some leeway. Yeah, by doing the mustache. It's full circle here. We'll. We'll be good. We'll go.

[Ryan]

Capacity capacity was only 3 before Miles agreed to do the mustache and now it's 10.

[Tyler]

Somehow we gotta get that list going. I mean, one of the things on the list is that. That panel.

[Miles]

Oh, that's easy. Tyler, do that right now.

[Ryan]

I can't reach that while we take a break.

[Miles]

Do that how? You just use some problem solving skills. What do you mean we don't have a ladder? Ladders in the, in the warehouse. There's a table there. You got two buddies here that can hoist you up. I'm not getting sticks laying around. There's probably a ball you can throw at it.

[Ryan]

I'll get the ball and just start hucking it up.

[Tyler]

There got to be a baseball bat over here.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we do have a bat.

[Miles]

We have fishing rod.

[Ryan]

I'm going to borrow that bat for the wiffle ball World series and just crack the ball.

[Tyler]

You're not going to want that bat. It's way too heavy for how fast those guys are going to be throwing.

[Ryan]

I was told that they were going to take it easy.

[Miles]

I think it's gentlemen.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[Miles]

We might be walking into a pit.

[Ryan]

Viper. Yes.

[Jared]

What does that mean?

[Miles]

They might be throwing heat and we.

[Tyler]

Can'T hit heat with like 2ft of movement on.

[Ryan]

We're going 1, 2, 3. Every inning. Then.

[Miles]

Yeah. We're just only bunting with our eyes closed and hope they accidentally hit the bat.

[Jared]

It's gonna be like a blackout luncheon in her head.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Tyler]

Blackout baseball.

[Jared]

We should do blackout dodgeball.

[Ryan]

We should.

[Miles]

This will be in that room. So just close quarters for dodgeball. I'm wearing a nut cup.

[Tyler]

Well, I'm wearing a hockey. I'm wearing a hockey helmet, dude.

[Miles]

What we should do is we should start doing activities in the dark room and use my kids monitor. Oh, yeah, it's got the. It's got the night vision on the monitor. We can put the monitors in the corners of the room so the patrons will be able to see what we're doing.

[Tyler]

Great idea.

[Miles]

But we will not.

[Tyler]

That's a great idea.

[Miles]

And it's way better to not do it blindfolded. It's way better to do it in.

[Tyler]

The dark big time. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, you're still gonna have your eyes to try and just, like, try and capture any bit of light coming in, but you can't see anything.

[Miles]

We should make our own. We should have someone. We should have Anne make an escape room for us in the dark.

[Tyler]

That'd be sick.

[Ryan]

I gotta learn braille asap.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean, disaster.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Like, she leaves a clue with words on it, and we're just like, oh.

[Ryan]

Try to light a fire in there. Get any sort of light.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Any sort of clue with words would have to be like one of those greeting cards where you open it up and, like, starts playing a song and have to actually start playing. I think they do, like, children's books like that too.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah. I don't know why they didn't do an all dark thing for squid games.

[Tyler]

I know.

[Ryan]

Bad tv.

[Miles]

Spoiler alert. They don't have a complete blackout episode.

[Tyler]

I'm on episode two of the new season, so no spoilers.

[Ryan]

I'm almost done.

[Tyler]

Don't. Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

You guys like it? I. I got to start it.

[Ryan]

It's better than season two.

[Tyler]

Is it?

[Ryan]

I think so.

[Tyler]

Good. Okay.

[Miles]

Okay. Isn't it still season two?

[Ryan]

It's technically season two. It's technically season three.

[Miles]

Got it.

[Tyler]

Spoiler alert.

[Ryan]

How is that a spoiler?

[Miles]

All right, let's take a break. How about boys?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

All right, boys. So this weekend I have a surprise retirement party for my buddy who's in the NFL, Connor. He was on this podcast at one point. He retired. Retired. It's a surprise retirement party that, when I was with him last weekend he was talking about the party. So.

[Ryan]

So just a party now.

[Miles]

Just a party.

[Tyler]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan]

So no, I was gonna say you can't be talking about it.

[Miles]

No, it's. The jig is up, it's over. It's just a party at this point. But it is going to be probably, I'm trying to think probably since my bachelor party, it's the most organized drinking event that I will be attending.

[Tyler]

Nice.

[Jared]

Hell yeah.

[Miles]

And I got married in 20.

[Jared]

Oh no.

[Tyler]

Three.

[Jared]

Got it.

[Miles]

2023 is when I got married. Sweating, sweating, sorry.

[Tyler]

Off the trail there.

[Miles]

Got married in 2023. So I am about two over two years now. Now out of practice of organized drinking. Pre planned organized drinking events that are larger than two to three buddies.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

They're supposed to be 18 guys.

[Ryan]

Holy.

[Miles]

Now I don't think everyone's gonna show up. You guys know how it works.

[Ryan]

But that even if, Even if there's.

[Miles]

12, we can all agree and there's no, there's gonna be no women at this thing. So it's just going to be bachelor weekend for retirement party. And well, I think we can agree at 12 is still a lot.

[Tyler]

Big time.

[Miles]

It's a lot to. To deal with. But if all 18 show up, it's going to be mayhem. And so as a guy in his 30s, what do you guys think are some techniques I should deploy knowing that I'm past my drinking prime? Oh.

[Ryan]

So this last weekend I was in a golf scramble and we drank from 10 o' clock in the morning till 2 in the morning and sounds.

[Miles]

It's right. It's right up my alley. So how'd it go?

[Ryan]

Not good.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So I was just about to bow out on the advice because I did not do myself.

[Miles]

Well, it's a great learning experience.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Miles]

You know, what did you do? Do?

[Ryan]

Well, I didn't eat lunch.

[Miles]

Okay, so eat, eat, eat some food.

[Ryan]

I was pretty tired in the afternoon and had the opportunity to go take a nap and didn't. Okay, I should have.

[Miles]

Okay, so potential naps.

[Ryan]

I had plenty of people there that. That could have told them to wake me up in a couple hours too. So if I was by myself, that had just been the end of the night.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

God, don't, don't mean don't start with the hard stuff. Beer before liquor, never been sicker.

[Tyler]

Oh wait, you're in the clear.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah, but you said don't start with the hard stuff.

[Ryan]

Yeah, maybe just don't touch the hard stuff.

[Miles]

Okay. Yeah, okay.

[Jared]

If you have to cheat In a drinking game. So you don't have to drink.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. There's.

[Jared]

Yeah, you have to.

[Tyler]

It's like also don't be a though you don't want to, you don't want to get, you don't want to get caught, you know, throwing a shot over your shoulder.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Eleven guys at the retirement party, we had to retire one guy to this party because he's a do it.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. That's the tough part is, is this is going to be a testosterone ego filled weekend of lots of guys that are gonna be calling people for not. For not participating. I think it's a. There's no way. The only way is through at this point.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I think I know this is typically not you, but if you gotta throw up, just do it.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Like people will for, they'll make fun of you for half an hour but if you rally hard, they'll respect you.

[Miles]

Yeah. So here's. This is actually kind of smart. Maybe, maybe planned puking. Yeah, yeah. Do you know so like you get ahead of it. So essentially you're, you're like, oh, I'm gonna Islam, you know, four beers right now. You do it, then go puke. They're like wow, he's drun. You're like hahaha, I puked up all that beer. I just drank before it even got into my system.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Miles]

So therefore I'm feeling great and now.

[Ryan]

You guys think I'm cool because I.

[Miles]

Didn'T give up and I rallied, right? Yeah, yeah. If you have like two or three rallies in a day, people are going to be like that guy just doesn't stop. Yeah, you could animal shotgun a 30 rack. Every time he shotguns three beers he goes and throws up and rallies.

[Ryan]

You're stone cold sober because alcohol hasn't had one opportunity to soak in.

[Miles]

Just only shotgun whole day and throw up after everyone.

[Ryan]

Your poor stomach lining would just be non existent. Be exhausted.

[Miles]

Ribs are just shot.

[Ryan]

You'd have so many stitches in your side.

[Tyler]

You'd have such a six pack. On the beach though.

[Jared]

You would have a six pack.

[Miles]

I'm on, I'm on the planned puking diet, which is an amendment. It's. Which is. You got to pay more for that one.

[Tyler]

One piece of advice I'd have for you is don't mix any of the devil's lettuce in there. There. And I don't know this by experience, but my buddies used to do that and they were guaranteed. They were, they look like a ghost.

[Ryan]

Essentially it's a one way ticket to blacking out.

[Tyler]

Correct? Yeah. It's a one way ticket to feeling like absolute.

[Ryan]

I mean if you are going to do it right before you go to sleep.

[Miles]

That sounds great. That does sound great.

[Ryan]

Then you'll get good sleep.

[Tyler]

Will you though?

[Ryan]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

I don't think you will. My college buddies would say different.

[Ryan]

No, I. I would personally like if. If I'm in a state you were based and then.

[Tyler]

And then say you took a rip of a joint. Whatever they call it.

[Ryan]

I. It helps me and I genuinely feel better the next morning. Really helps with the head.

[Miles]

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

[Jared]

I got an idea. So you know there's always a guy to. I don't know, this is probably more college but there used to always be a guy with a backpack full of beer. He just wear it around the house all the time.

[Miles]

Be the backpack guy.

[Tyler]

Guy.

[Jared]

Yes. And where you have to wear a long sleeve shirt and you put a camel back of water inside the backpack so you're so like when you're hydrating just go like this. Put strap up your sleeve so you stay hydrated.

[Ryan]

Okay. You're hiding it. I thought you just wanted to have a camel back of water. And I'm like that's the worst idea I've ever heard.

[Jared]

It's inside the battle.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's good. That's good. No, I like the hiding it. The hiding is good.

[Tyler]

It's like a kid in high school who run his headphones cord down his sleeve and then he listening to like Baby B. Cyclone by Baby Bash.

[Ryan]

Hollywood Undead in 10th grade.

[Tyler]

Getting ready for the dance that night.

[Miles]

Those are all good suggestions. I would like to get heavily intoxicated though.

[Ryan]

Yes you will.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I genuinely think the puking thing is actually pretty good advice. Just do it if you gotta.

[Miles]

Yeah, I think. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I'm. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's kind of one of those situations that I'm gonna. I'm gonna get there and just feel it out.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And don't feel like you gotta go beer for beer with these guys. I mean there's some big dudes. Yes.

[Miles]

I was gonna say. Yeah. There's some guys that can put them down.

[Tyler]

Two to one ratio is not a bad thing.

[Ryan]

You could just buy Walmart beers. Those are only. Yeah.

[Miles]

Then the. That information leaks out and next thing you know you're.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You're drinking three two beer.

[Miles]

They shove you in a closet. It all tied up, you know, is.

[Ryan]

Acting like these guys. If he doesn't. Doesn't drink with them. Is going to give him a swirly.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Great time to puke.

[Miles]

No, I am going to drink with them. I'm just also trying not to die, you know, Just do it.

[Ryan]

You'll be one day of suffering, and you'll be fine.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I also. I. I think you still got it in you.

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, is. Maybe. I'm trying to do the classic downplay.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know, you're Toby Keith. You're not as good as you once was, but you could be good once as.

[Miles]

That is exactly how I feel about the weekend.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah. You're not like Shaq on the Celtics.

[Miles]

No. God knows I would be.

[Jared]

You're like Shaq on the Heat.

[Miles]

No, I'm like Shaq.

[Tyler]

Shaq Phoenix. I'm Shaq on the Cavs. Let's go with no Shaq and the.

[Ryan]

The. The general commercials.

[Miles]

No Sha.

[Tyler]

Icy Hawk version.

[Miles]

I'm like Tiger winning the 2019 Masters.

[Tyler]

That's a good way to put like.

[Miles]

Come on, guys. I'm not fucking Shaquille.

[Ryan]

Don't get like Tiger.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's. There will be no driving. No, I think it's gonna be fun. I just. Yeah. I was just saying it's just gonna be. I think it's gonna be bullets flying left and right, and I'm just gonna have to make sure to keep my head on a swivel. And I. I think it's one of those things, once you get to be my age at 32 years old, it's when you're younger, you're participating in everything going on. Yeah. These guys want a shotgun, a beer. These guys want to take a shot. These guys found jello shots in the fridge. Hey, we're going to bet a beer on this. Whatever. At 32, you're picking and choosing which game you want to play. And that's, I think, mostly what I'm going to be doing. And I'll report back on how. How that went.

[Ryan]

All right, could you give us a live update, like, eight hours in?

[Miles]

Yeah. As. And it just turns into me and in. Zooming in from Mexico. I'm a little nervous they're going to want to drink in the water. I think that's if I can stay land ho. Then I might be all right.

[Ryan]

Just stay dry as long as possible. And then once you're in, you're in.

[Miles]

Yeah. Literally make up that I, like, just am too nervous to take my shirt off, so I don't want to go on the water.

[Ryan]

And then they'd be like, you could be the weird T shirt in the lake guy.

[Miles]

And then it back fires. Then you're getting made fun of more for that than if you just got too drunk in the water. You're like, God, was not a good plan whatsoever. I got weird nipples. I just not.

[Tyler]

I'm not Canadian bacon.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, like you, you know, like a. Like a dinner platter. It's similar.

[Ryan]

I got.

[Tyler]

I got an Audi belly button.

[Ryan]

The big hole in this plan is. It's one. It's your childhood best friend's party. Who's for sure swam with you a.

[Miles]

Thousand times, clearly, last weekend.

[Jared]

Yeah, I got a bad rash in my nipples.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I just ran a mile for time.

[Miles]

Yeah, I got swimmers itch. I don't want to pass it on to you guys.

[Ryan]

Super contagious. But only when you're in water together.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. Only when you have your shirt off is it contagious.

[Jared]

I heard there's bustle zebras at that lake.

[Miles]

No. So I would say I'm probably gonna know like half of the guys too. And so I'm, I'm. I think I'm gonna try and get. Just not get people riled up, but just, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the guy egging people on. I'm gonna try and do a lot of egging going on. And if I actually egg something, that's just what happens.

[Tyler]

But yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you're not. Is if you're egging and not getting egged, then I think it's a good situation.

[Miles]

Like if you don't think. If one guy starts calling another guy a for not shotgunning beer, if I'm not, I may chime in.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you have to. Especially if you don't know the guy. Yeah, you got. If you don't know the guy, you have to chime in.

[Ryan]

Miles is the opposite of a hostage negotiator. He's like, I if you don't give me this money, I'll kill some of these people. Did you hear what he said? He said he's going to kill some people. Shouldn't you kill some people?

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. And that being said, probably next podcast when I report back, like, yeah, it was a chill weekend. Everyone's 32 and has kids. And so we had like, you know, know 10 beers throughout the day.

[Ryan]

And we went fishing.

[Miles]

We went fishing.

[Jared]

Yeah, it was lights up by eight.

[Miles]

Yeah, it was good.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we played golf. We didn't play full 18, just nine because we had a busy afternoon.

[Tyler]

Yeah, everyone's pretty tired.

[Miles]

Billy, he's a good guy. Helped put sunscreen on my back.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's good.

[Tyler]

And then we played Reapplications.

[Ryan]

We did stay up pretty late. We were playing Sellers of Catan till 11:30.

[Miles]

Oh, God.

[Tyler]

Yeah, they try to get Dungeons Dungeon drains going at 11:30. 30.

[Ryan]

Well, you need to have a pretty experienced DM to handle 16 guys on one shot.

[Miles]

Very ignorant of you to whip that out, right? Yeah. But, yeah, it'll be fun. Thanks for the advice. I think I will. I mean, this is also like a high school buddy, so it's like. And other high school buddies. It's just gonna. It's gonna turn into the weekend of associative aggression. There's just no way it ends.

[Ryan]

Degenerate mind Miles.

[Tyler]

Just drink a lot of water. Don't hold back on the beers.

[Miles]

I have to get my hands on a segue.

[Ryan]

Don't be a. Just start drinking the second you wake up and don't stop until you go to sleep.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah. That's actually a really good idea. It's a really good idea.

[Ryan]

Drunk. Text your wife if she's up at 4am she'll love it.

[Miles]

She's the most worried about. About it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Because she's. I mean, it's been a long time since I've like really gotten way too drunk to where she was concerned about me, but the fact that she has had that scenario. She thinks that there's a demon inside me that's gonna come out at some point.

[Ryan]

I think the closest. Closest I've seen in person have been circa 2023. Small town, South Dakota. Hoots Bar and Grill.

[Miles]

Really? That. Because it's Green Bay. Bay.

[Ryan]

It's.

[Miles]

It's.

[Ryan]

I. I b.

[Miles]

What? Charlie said. I got so drunk in Green Bay, it I. At Lambo. I turned my life around. It's like the defining last moment.

[Tyler]

Well, there was a lot.

[Ryan]

I bailed before you. You were. You were too dark.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I was there. It was a good night.

[Jared]

Hey, you were there.

[Tyler]

I was there.

[Ryan]

The most impressive. We put on a clinic the night before for New Year's Eve.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we did.

[Miles]

Yeah. It was a whole weekend thing.

[Tyler]

Thing.

[Miles]

Jared met Ginger. Jesus.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I got a lot of pictures of Jared in the wild from that weekend.

[Miles]

Jared was in the wild? You wild, man. That was fun. So, yeah, be good. Good weekend. Thank you very much. You guys have any? If you guys picked up on any new drinking terms or terminology that I can share with the fellas, get the people going.

[Jared]

Tip. Tip. One Back.

[Miles]

Okay, tip one.

[Ryan]

That's good.

[Tyler]

You guys like beers? You guys. You guys like slamming beers?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You guys like beers?

[Ryan]

Brewskis.

[Miles]

I saw one lately that the guy kept calling beers cold ones, so I might try to make that a thing.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know though.

[Ryan]

I like that. An actual one. The Canadians. You don't get. You don't get faced or you don't get up. You get pissed.

[Miles]

Yeah. A.

[Jared]

Bring a Borg with. Have you seen those Borgs?

[Miles]

Oh, like a. Just a water jug or like a. A gallon jug of milk and just. Yeah, and just carry that around all day and like have all the guys sign it like a cast.

[Tyler]

I've never seen that before.

[Miles]

So kids these days, they're all worried about getting roofied, right? That's the thing. Apparently the roofing is running rampant with the. Through the roof, with the youth. And so what they have started doing is everyone just gets like a gallon ch jug that used to have water in it and they mix their own drink in it and they just drink out of that.

[Ryan]

The whole.

[Miles]

You show up with your pre mixed drinks so you're not getting roofied.

[Ryan]

We did that, but not because of roofies. We just called it mega mix Monday.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So we would.

[Miles]

They didn't invent this.

[Ryan]

Well, we had no classes on. On Tuesdays.

[Miles]

What is it? Why is it Borg? Why is that?

[Jared]

It's an acronym. I forget what it is. It's like blackout or it up real quick.

[Tyler]

Could she just.

[Ryan]

Blackout. Roofy guard.

[Tyler]

Couldn't you just get your Borg roofied?

[Ryan]

Maybe.

[Tyler]

I mean, it's.

[Ryan]

It's probably like one of those pull top deals or is it actual milk jug?

[Miles]

Pull it up. Just pull it up.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I mean, I think anything with a. Anything with an opening that has liquid in it can get roofied.

[Jared]

Blackout rage. Gallon.

[Ryan]

Why did it come. There's no.

[Miles]

Oh, black out.

[Tyler]

Ah, yeah.

[Miles]

See, it was right there. Go to the images, Jared. There you go.

[Jared]

H. Gotta get a board going.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you do.

[Miles]

Yeah, I gotta, I gotta. I mean that actually would be pretty fun. Saturday morning, just out of the bed of my truck, just pull out 18 gallons of empty jugs and tell everyone we're Borging today.

[Ryan]

You just. You just do a full gallon of Windsor diet.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Go to town.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you could. I mean, you could bring a big cooler to make a.

[Miles]

Doesn't it get warms?

[Ryan]

I'm sure it does.

[Tyler]

Oh, it's got to get warm.

[Miles]

So what are they doing?

[Jared]

I don't know.

[Tyler]

Can't afford ice, dumbass.

[Miles]

Kids.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

If they're smart, they just have a bucket of ice and everyone sets their Borg in there. We're not drinking it. And then walks away.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but you always have one person.

[Miles]

Monitoring one person monitoring it. And now you want the guy. You want the guy to be your sketchiest friend. Usually guy, you can't because you don't want anyone to mess with the Borg. So get the sketchiest guy there that's maybe into drugs and violence.

[Ryan]

No one's going to want to be around him.

[Miles]

And then. Yeah.

[Jared]

Problem solved.

[Miles]

No, I like that for the youths. You know, I.

[Ryan]

If that was popular when I was in college, I probably would have borged.

[Miles]

It would have been very fun.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, I'd have been. I probably would have been the kid who would walk by you and knocked it out of your hand.

[Miles]

Getting Borgs, like getting booked. Yeah, maybe I'll. Maybe I'll try to get the. Get the. The fellas in on borging this weekend.

[Tyler]

Whatever happened, just. Just tapping the top of someone's beer bottle. I mean, that's.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'll maybe bring that back.

[Tyler]

Maybe you gotta bring it back.

[Miles]

That's a really good.

[Ryan]

Pick the biggest guy and then bottle tap him immediately.

[Tyler]

Yeah. And then just run.

[Miles]

That is kind of a fun game. Like if you can find the scariest guy in the room and figure out a way to raz him enough. But first you make him like you and then you razz him more than other people would razz him. And then he doesn't kick your ass. Is like a badge of honor.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You let him give you first.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So then it's kind of like a. It's a friendly back and forth and then you. You can to the line a little bit. Bit. But he likes you, so there's no crossing it. Yeah, no, no, that's fine.

[Miles]

I don't know what I'm walking into. I act like this is gonna be spring break 2014, and it's probably just gonna be.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, we'll see.

[Miles]

I'll report back. All right. What do I. What do I even get? 18 empty gallon jugs.

[Tyler]

It's a good question.

[Ryan]

Recycling center.

[Miles]

Spend the evening at the recycling center. I'll call Dave. He'll know where all the good dumpsters are.

[Ryan]

He probably has some jugs empty for you.

[Jared]

Piss jugs.

[Miles]

And he'll probably send me a video of him pissing in the jug.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Anyways.

[Jared]

I got one patron thing.

[Miles]

You got a patron question? Yeah.

[Jared]

Jared Eaton Beaver. I've been watching YBR all the way through, but in reverse, around episode 250, I was bored waiting for the next one to come out. So I started watching 249, 248, so on and so forth. The most interesting thing I found about this process of watching YBR is going back in time and watching people was watching everyone regress as people. Miles gets fatter and becomes more of an.

[Miles]

Well, this is good. This is good for us. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Ryan becomes squirrelier and more more of a hardo. Tyler becomes less funny, and Jared gets quieter.

[Tyler]

That's actually crazy.

[Miles]

That's the best compliment we could have gotten all day.

[Jared]

And then I'm currently on episode 150 of the main podcast in episode 30 of the Patreon. Do you guys have a least favorite episode besides the bird box episode?

[Tyler]

Probably episode two. I mean.

[Miles]

Probably episode two.

[Ryan]

I don't remember what episode it was, but we realized like halfway through it was one of those. We did like a top three and we realized we had already done that exact same top three before.

[Miles]

That's tough. Look for them.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Still here though.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Tyler]

I, I, I save the squirreliness for Patreon these days.

[Jared]

That's true.

[Tyler]

Kind of how I feel about it.

[Ryan]

You did say on this episode that there would be a guy speed jacking it in the corner.

[Tyler]

Well, you, you'll get, I mean, you get glimpses of it. Not the guy in the corner, but glimpses of my squir. Huh.

[Jared]

You did preface that.

[Ryan]

Like.

[Tyler]

I did. And then they were like, well, what are you, what are you talking about? Like, okay, I gotta say it now, you know? So I check myself on the regular episode, whereas Patreon. I don't check anything. I check myself into this room and that's it.

[Miles]

I just have never heard that. I'm gonna use speed jack and this weekend see if it gets a big laugh.

[Ryan]

Yeah. When somebody asks where the biggest guy, that big guy that you pick out as your target, where's he at?

[Miles]

He's speed jacking it in the corner.

[Tyler]

I'm down in that warehouse.

[Miles]

You can start calling machine Jerk. Kelly.

[Tyler]

Spend a lot of time by myself down in that warehouse.

[Miles]

Jerking it in the corner. Speed jerking it in the air compressor room.

[Ryan]

I don't know if I want to do this dark room dinner anymore.

[Tyler]

Cleaned up before we can actually do the luncheon. Let me see if the cleaning lady's got a little extra time on her hands to clean that room.

[Miles]

Yeah, we, we reposted an old video the other day when I was fatter and some guy commented, said he was concerned about me because it looked like I had gained weight. He said he doesn't want me to go down a dark path. It's like, sir, I came from the dark path. I was born in the darkness.

[Ryan]

No, you should have just been like, thank you for your concern. I will shed some pounds. And then we post on just another video the next week.

[Miles]

I'm gon a 72 hour fast.

[Tyler]

That's lose 60 pounds. Yeah. Yeah, so.

[Miles]

Oh, that's a big compliment. I am less of an. And I'm skinnier. I'll take that. I will take that. I think that's what life's about. Get skinnier and don't be such an ass.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I have one fun fact that wish I didn't fact check this one.

[Miles]

So.

[Jared]

Tommy Chung on and Wolf of Wall Street. Jordan Belford shared a cell while in prison. Chong is the one who encouraged him to write about his experiences, which then in turn to his critically acclaimed movie of the same name.

[Ryan]

Wait, so like Tommy Chong from Cheech and Chong?

[Jared]

Correct.

[Ryan]

No.

[Tyler]

Is it. Is it Chung or Chong?

[Ryan]

Chong.

[Tyler]

Okay. See, I thought you said Chung.

[Ryan]

That's kind of cool.

[Tyler]

Interesting. What was he in for?

[Ryan]

Cool, man.

[Jared]

Tommy Chung.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I'm assuming marijuana.

[Ryan]

It's pretty good. Guess we look it up, it's tax fraud.

[Miles]

Just speed jerking it in public.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I mean, the fact that, I mean, I just. I can't see a world where him, he's in for marijuana in the same cell as Jord Belfor. Who. You know, the charges that he had against him, it just don't seem like they should be in the same spot. Anyway, we didn't fact check though, so we'll just go with it. Yeah.

[Miles]

Y. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is a. This is a fun statement. We decided because it's not fact checked, so we can't. We're. We're an integrity podcast, and we just can't be putting facts on things that aren't confirmed facts. C. This is a fun hearsay. I heard something today. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

All right, well. Is that it, boys? Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the you Bet yout Radio podcast. Love you guys. We'll see you in the next one.

[Ryan]

Love you. Love you.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Just found out I'm a confirmed first time sex haver.

[Ryan]

Hell yeah, Finn.

[Tyler]

Congrats.

[Jared]

It was a blast. But gonna need some dad tips.

[Tyler]

The sex was a blast past.

[Ryan]

Sure was.

[Miles]

I. This is kind of a weird one when you're. Like when you go to the hospital, if you're doing. If you're doing a home birth, this probably doesn't apply. Probably.

[Ryan]

Yeah. So just fast forward if.

[Miles]

If anyone is doing a home birth, fast forward this next piece of advice. You go to the hospital, it's going to be a shock at first. First. Right. And it also depends on the situation. You know, I think Ryan, he just shows up to the hospital, they tag his arm and they leave with the baby. Is about how it goes for you guys. That's how quick you guys are at having kids.

[Tyler]

Yeah. We just set a record, this last one to 30 hours in and out.

[Jared]

Coffee's still warm.

[Tyler]

Coffee's still warm.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You put that in a tumbler, your coffee's not even getting. No, you're getting cold.

[Tyler]

I don't even have time to eat in the little kitchen.

[Miles]

Yeah. So you guys are in and out. So again, if you're like Ryan and you're just planning on pumping them in.

[Ryan]

And out, that's how he got this mess in the first place.

[Miles]

You can fast forward to this as well. Now, for the rest of you normal people like me and maybe Tyler, I don't know, there's going to be a moment after you check in, there's going to be some contracting going on. And then if you're also. If you're a natural person, you don't want to do an epidural. Fast forward to this. This won't apply.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

All right, so now. Now that I have the correct audience.

[Ryan]

Here, it's all four of you.

[Miles]

There's gonna be. There's gonna be a time after the epidural and before labor starts. That is gonna be your last moment of bliss before you have someone that you're responsible for for life.

[Ryan]

Quite literally the calm before the storm.

[Miles]

It's quite literally when you're in that moment, just recognize it and just enjoy it. And I'm not saying that it gets bad after that. It's just different after that.

[Tyler]

Big time. Yeah.

[Miles]

It's like you. Now you just. You. You're like. There's this veil of responsibility over everything you do after that moment, but up until then, just remember that this is your last moment of bliss. Because the wife's all numbed up, so you're just. She's not in any pain, so she's chilling. Therefore, you get to chill, and it's the light. Would you agree with me?

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's like from when the epidural kicks in, in to right before they start pushes, that's the mo. That. That's your window. Regardless of how long that ends up being? That's the window.

[Miles]

You got the window?

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

So that's one piece of advice for an expecting dad. What else do you guys got?

[Ryan]

Yeah, Are we giving like, does he want post birth of baby or like delivery stuff? Not doesn't say anything you want.

[Miles]

Okay. This is called a, this is a town hall meeting about it.

[Tyler]

It's open form.

[Ryan]

I just saw somebody meme this piece of advice because apparently it's been given a thousand times, but I'm guilty of doing it. I've told every expecting dad of my, like friends of mine to buy the zipper jammies instead of the snap jammies. Because when they're, when they're mobile and they're kicking and they're squirming and they're. They're flopping, one zip up is a hell of a lot easier than 15 buttons. And then when you get one button wrong, they're all wrong.

[Tyler]

Song. Yeah.

[Ryan]

And you gotta rip it open and start over.

[Miles]

We have one pair of button jammies and they start from the ankle. So there's like eight buttons that go all the way up and around.

[Tyler]

You've never seen intense focus until you see a dad trying.

[Miles]

You never seen the tongue like this, like.

[Tyler]

Yeah, the MJ tongue. Until you see a dad trying to get button jammies all the way to the top. Perfectly. With a kid who's on the verge of probably squirming off.

[Ryan]

Right.

[Miles]

Another good move. They make magnet ones now.

[Tyler]

Oh, we have a couple of those.

[Miles]

Pretty nice.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

That's even better than the zipper. And they stick together.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That is sweet.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So our last kid, he had a club foot when he was born. So he's got these weird ass snowboard type brace things he's got to wear. So we had to do button jammies because we had to have it so his feet were sticking out and her feet can't stick out in the zip up one ones. And I forgot how. How much harder those are. Yeah, they're just a nightmare zone, dude.

[Miles]

That's a good piece of advice.

[Tyler]

I got a couple pieces of advice. I would say the first one is pack your hospital bag a week or two before you actually think you need to pack it because you don't want to be like me on baby number one and just pack it. Trying to get out the door. Going to the hospital. Get your, get your vices. Get the vices ahead of time. Put those in your sock drawer and then buy another. You know, get your other. Get the vices again. So you have that extra stash.

[Jared]

And then don't splurge into the vices before.

[Tyler]

No, you can't splurge in the vices. If you run out of your original stock, you have to go get new ones. You have to leave the sock drawer ones for hospital bay.

[Ryan]

As far as you're concerned, those tins do not exist until you are leaving for the hospital.

[Miles]

It's like a good SMP mentality. Yeah. You just. Once that money's in The S&P 500, it is gone. Gone. You won't touch it for 30 years. You won't see it.

[Tyler]

And then the other one is, make sure you get something in your tummy. If it's early morning, get something in your tummy before you start going, like.

[Miles]

Can'T be the guy that faints in the delivery room.

[Tyler]

God, no. Yeah. The second that you. You feel one beat of sweat on your forehead, it's all over.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So you're done. Y.

[Miles]

Soon as sit down, clammy. You're. You're done.

[Tyler]

You're.

[Miles]

You've gone too far.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Miles]

No turning back. Yeah. I think, I think my real piece of advice is when you're parenting, just try and be on your phone as.

[Ryan]

Least amount as possible, even if kids are out playing. One thing I've noticed, like, if my kids are playing and I'm not involved with the activity they're doing, they're always looking back to see if I'm watching them play.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I. I've caught myself them looking back and I'm looking at my phone.

[Miles]

Scrolling and like, it's very popular right now in parenting to be like, your kids don't need screen time. I would step. Take it a step further and be like, they need he. It matters just as much how much your screen time is too.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I would agree. Because if you think about it like, Tyler, you, like, you might have a future memory in, you know, 15, 20 years of watching your kids play outside. Yep. But if you're on your phone, you're not going to have a memory of being on your phone on that day.

[Jared]

No. You could record on your phone and then watch it.

[Tyler]

Why? Yeah. Yeah. That's a different story. Like taking photos and videos of your kids.

[Miles]

That. That's obviously, I just think, like, and obviously you don't have to not be on your phone ever. But when it's like, when you have no reason to not be on your phone, you're signaling to your kid that the phone is more important than that.

[Ryan]

At least more interesting. So, like, I literally Bought a thing called a brick that locks me out of my phone and I tap that thing, get one of those, and then I unlock it when I put the kids to bed.

[Tyler]

Yeah, y. Yeah, y.

[Miles]

That's. That's a real par piece of parenting advice. So. Not that our other stuff wasn't.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

And also if you're skipping forward, now is the time that you can return to. To listening. Yep, sorry, forgot to say that earlier.

[Jared]

I'm also curious if any patrons listen this like on 1.5 speed or not.

[Ryan]

Me too.

[Jared]

Cuz I'm starting to do that with other podcasts. I'm starting to listen like on 1.5.

[Miles]

Oh yeah, yeah. Toss it in the chat. What. What. What time x you're listening to the pot at?

[Ryan]

And if we get a majority that are going to 1.5 speed, I'm gonna purposely start talking faster on the podcast. Really?

[Miles]

We can really, really talk really, really fast. Jared, what's the next question?

[Tyler]

I can't imagine what I sound like on 1.5 speed.

[Ryan]

You sound pretty good.

[Jared]

It's pretty easy to find out.

[Ryan]

So now they're gonna have to play us on. On 0.5 speed, I guess.

[Tyler]

I've never even listened to a podcast on 1.5 speed before.

[Ryan]

I've tried. I really don't like it. I can't get into the podcast. I've had do that.

[Miles]

And if there's anyone listening at 2x speed, there's just no way you're retaining anything.

[Ryan]

Not a chance. Remember back in the day we used to mess around and relisten to our podcast on 0.5 speed and it just sounded like we were all hammered.

[Miles]

That's true. Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio. You gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com you bets radio or look us up on the app and we have have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.