Gas vs. Electric Yard Tools: Which Wins? 🎙 #344

Summary

You Betcha Radio Episode #344 Detailed Summary

Podcast: You Betcha Radio
Date: September 17, 2025
Hosts: Myles ("You Betcha Guy"), Ryan, Jerrod (Tyler is out)
Episode Title: Gas vs. Electric Yard Tools: Which Wins?

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Episode Overview

This episode blends classic Midwest banter with a central debate: the merits and drawbacks of gas-powered vs. electric yard tools. Alongside, expect plenty of jokes, construction-related ribbing, stories about inspections, a beard competition, and “Am I The Asshole?” scenarios. The show's authentic Midwest energy and running bits are in full force.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Studio Vibes & Midwest Banter

• The show opens with Tyler out hunting, Jerrod replacing him in-studio ("feels like a buddy sleepover" – [00:53]).
• The hosts launch into their trademark observational humor about uncomfortable studio setups, chair maladies, and a running riff on feeling sick due to the Vikings’ performance.

2. Construction Delays & "Passing the Buck"

Segment Start: 02:59

• Inspired by their viral skit, the group elaborates on the elite skill of construction workers to "pass the buck" for project delays.
• The consensus: it's always the other trade’s fault, culminating in collectively blaming the city inspector or permit guy.
• Quote: "Every time it's the engineer's fault. It's the, you know, architect's fault. It's the electric. It's always passing the buck to other people." – Myles [03:41]
• There's a hilarious thread about inspectors wielding absolute power and crews buttering them up to distract from issues.

3. Buttering Up Inspectors & Inspection Anecdotes

Notable Segments: 07:15–13:44

• Multiple stories about home inspections, including Ryan’s refusal to put down grass seed ("out of spite, I didn’t put any down" [12:08]).
• Laughs about nervousness before inspections versus the reality of minor requests: "Nah, you just need a power strip over there." – Myles [12:48]
• Bit about buttering up inspectors: distracting tactics, chit-chat about football, and the unsung hero "point guy" who handles tricky situations.

4. The Yard Tool Debate: Gas vs. Electric

Segment Start: 17:15

• Premise: Ryan, formerly "pro-electric till I die," admits defeat after five years of all-electric yard tools.
• Complaints about electric mowers: batteries degrade fast, performance lags, struggles with damp grass, and expensive battery replacements.
• Epiphany after using a gas mower: "I may be switching sides." – Ryan [19:03]
  • "I mowed my whole yard in the amount of time it took me to mow that 500 square feet with my other one." [18:38]
• String trimmer (weed eater) and hedge trimmer woes lead Ryan to fully reconsider electric tools, except for the leaf blower, which he still defends:
  • "Gas leaf blowers are just such overkill... cords are for vacuum cleaners, not leaf blowers." – Myles [24:00]
• Memorable Moment: Ryan jokes that premium gas in a push mower is a placebo: "I could put E85 in there and then compare with premium, it'd probably be the same thing." [20:49]

4.1. Practicality & Excuses

• Gas mowers offer an extra benefit: "If you want to be outside and avoid duties inside, you have a built-in excuse to make the yardwork take twice as long." – Myles [27:16]

4.2. Leaf Blower Hacks & Household Chaos

• Debate over electric vs. gas leaf blowers, the hilariously impractical corded models, and suggestions to use leaf blowers for household cleaning or blowing out cars ("just leaf blow it straight through the other one" [25:36]).
• "The idea of leaf blowing inside stresses me the hell out." – Myles [26:00]

4.3. Robot and Remote-Controlled Mowers

• Observations on "Roomba" robot lawnmowers: they're slow, but your grass is always cut. Myles expresses existential sympathy: "He’s just gotta mow the lawn all day long... I felt bad for that little clanker." [34:46]
• Ryan foresees potential for remote-controlled or VR mowing as a fun niche, not out of laziness but from "guys in general love remote-controlled stuff." [37:12]

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5. Comedy Interludes and Midwest Observations

• “Watching Trucks” Segment: Myles and his son silently marvel at a skid steer in action, symbolizing core Midwest entertainment ("He gave him kind of the nod—like, you're crushing it, dude." [39:38]).
• Playful bits about walking into new construction sites unannounced and the suspicion a photographer causes among contractors ("Fastest way to ruin a construction guy’s day is just show up to the job site with a camera." – Myles [42:19]).

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6. The Mustache & Beard Competition

Details Begin: 45:25

• Myles shares his experience judging a local firehouse beard and mustache competition.
• Notable Quotes/Moments:
  • "I want you to think about a event that has very minimal planning. This event had less planning than that." – Myles [46:35]
  • Categories included “girth” after Myles’ own grading input.
  • The “girth master” prize awarded to the fire chief with an absurdly thick handlebar mustache.
  • Whimsical moments: a drawn-on mustache in the craft category, a kid with a fake beard, and Myles’ call for a “worst beard” award next year.

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7. Am I The Asshole? ("AITA") Scenario

Segment Begins: 55:11

• Jerrod asks: is it wrong to sell an unused wedding-gift workbench to help buy a needed snowblower?
• The group rules: a year out from wedding, the house situation changed—“you're good.” [57:34]
• Advice: If the couple who gave it ever asks, just say it’s at the summer home or give it back in a “sting operation” twist.

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8. Patreon “Loose Asshole” & Food Contests

Segments: 65:11 / 65:55

• "What eating contest could you win?" Garlic bread and corn-on-the-cob are top answers.
• Potential to make a corn-on-the-cob speed eating competition a summer series.
• Classic Midwest flex: “I know a guy” references abound when talking about sweet corn sources.

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9. Football Globetrotters/Gladiator League Sketch

Segment: 67:19

• Dream scenario: Hybrid of football, American Gladiators, and banana ball/goofy spectacle.
  • Obstacles on the field, tennis ball turrets (random pool cue shot for chaos), T-shirt guns in crowd hands, mascot dunk tanks, glue-trap-style SAP patches on the field.
  • “Gladiator Football League” riffed as a parody sports idea.

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10. Fun Facts, Apple Trivia & Midwest Facts

Segment: 77:47

• Jerrod offers a fact: The only native North American apple is the crab apple.
• Brief rabbit hole on Johnny Appleseed and Apple naming etymology.

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11. Superpower with Side Effect Game

Segment: 82:06

• The hosts humorously assign each other superpowers with funny side effects:
  • Myles: "Never needs to sleep" – side effect: Domino’s delivers 24/7.
  • Ryan: Teleportation – side effect: has diarrhea every time he teleports.
  • Jerrod: Can walk on water – side effect: must maintain 3+ mph or sinks.
  • Invisible but always has a visible boner when not invisible.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• "Construction workers are elite at... it's never their fault." – Myles [03:41]
• "You're a guy who's been pro electric lawnmower lawn tools for at least five years, and now you say you're changing your tune." – Myles [20:57]
• "Out of spite, I didn’t put any [grass seed] down." – Ryan [12:08]
• "If you want to be outside and avoid duties inside, you have a built-in excuse to make the yardwork take twice as long." – Myles [27:16]
• "Their grass is always mowed. So like, can you complain?" – Myles [32:44] (re: robot mowers)
• "He was the girth master of the whole thing." – Myles [50:01] (on mustache contest)
• "One of the fastest ways to ruin a construction guy's day is show up with a camera." – Myles [42:19]
• "I love the Johnny Appleseed story. Most people don't know this, but..." – Myles (channeling Tyler) [79:37]

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Episode Flow and Tone

• Language/Tone: Laid-back, quick-witted, heavy with inside jokes and observational sarcasm, true to "most Midwest podcast on the planet."
• Energy: High-energy ribbing, with plenty of role-playing and comedic tangents.

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Studio Setup & Chair Riffs: [00:00–02:07]
• Construction Delays/Passing the Buck: [02:59–07:15]
• Inspector Buttering-uppers: [07:15–13:44]
• Grass Seed & Fire Inspection Bits: [12:08–13:44]
• Gas vs. Electric Tools Debate Starts: [17:15]
• Gas conversion confessions: [19:03–24:29]
• Leaf Blower Hacks: [24:29–27:13]
• Robot Lawnmower Observations: [32:23–37:36]
• Watching Construction for Fun: [39:00–41:30]
• Workbench "Am I The Asshole?" Scenario: [55:11–64:04]
• Eating Contest/Corn on Cob: [65:11–66:17]
• Gladiator Football League Sketch: [67:19–77:42]
• Superpower/Side Effect Game: [82:06–87:50]

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a perfect encapsulation of You Betcha Radio's Midwest ethos: refuse to take sides without ribbing, admit your tool mistakes, share practical workarounds, and find camaraderie in the mundane. The gas vs. electric yard tool debate takes center stage, but the fun comes from the hosts' willingness to swap perspectives, admit when they're wrong (or just “make a full circle”), and paint a comedic portrait of suburban and small-town life that will resonate even if you’ve never held a trimmer.

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For listeners:

• If you’ve ever sweated over batteries on a Saturday – this episode is for you.
• If you ever judged (or envied) your neighbor’s lawn stripes – this episode is for you.
• If you’ve ever blamed “the permit guy” for your own procrastination – you’ll feel seen.

Cheers, and “Oh, you betcha.”

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the you Bet your radio podcast. Tyler is out today.

[B]

Tyler's out.

[A]

Tyler is out today. What's he doing again?

[B]

I think he's going crying bear.

[A]

Bear. Bear hunting.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

How many more bears can he hunt? He's got to hit a limit at some point, right? I suppose he went to a different country on the last one. Little weird thing going on today. Jared is sitting in Tyler's spot.

[B]

It's weird.

[A]

I don't. Have we ever had a podcast in our. In our studio where you haven't been behind the glass.

[B]

There was one Patreon episode where I was hosting.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. But you were still, to us, was behind the glass. You know, I've never podcasted in a studio with you, with not having a pane of glass in between. And this is strange. Jared.

[B]

I don't like it. It's like, going to, like, a buddy sleepover and, like, it just feels weird. Like, this is how they actually sleep every night. This is their house.

[C]

Yeah. No, I know exactly what you're talking about.

[A]

Yeah. You hear different creeks and. And groans on the house and you're wondering if it's gonna fall down even though your buddy's just used. That's just the sounds. Your housemate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, how do they sleep here every night?

[A]

Yeah, that's kind of what I feel. Yeah, it's. It suddenly seems a lot quieter in the room when you're sleeping at someone else's house, so, you know.

[B]

Yeah, it'll take me a while to fall asleep.

[A]

What's your vibe on his setup there?

[B]

It's kind of uncomfortable. The seat's really low.

[A]

It's also. Well, it's kind of a pig sty over there. It's kind of a mess.

[C]

Let's also not talk about being uncomfortable when we're. When I'm sitting in this thing.

[A]

And also the bottom end of this chair is tearing out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Might need to get some new chairs for the boys.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, That's a later discussion.

[B]

Yeah, it's weird.

[A]

So how does it. Yeah, it feels weird, but, you know, I'm. I'm sensing different energy out of Jared today.

[C]

You look more tan behind the glass.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Yeah, you look tan.

[A]

You look paler in front. Yeah, you're looking very. Are you feeling sick?

[B]

Yeah, a little bit, actually. Well, because of the Vikings, but Yeah, that's.

[C]

Yeah, that's why I said Tyler's probably crying today. Not actually, but yeah. Yeah, Emotionally sick.

[B]

So emotional. Jordan flu game Today.

[A]

Okay, sure. Well, let's get after it today.

[B]

Jordan.

[A]

I'm also have a Jordan flu game today. I sliced my finger on my pocket knife sitting at my desk. Blood everywhere. It was a two man job to get this bandage on here. I can still feel the heartbeat at the end of my thumb.

[C]

Yeah, the pulse. Your thumb could get higher by your dad.

[A]

I mean it probably went in a quarter inch too.

[B]

That's difficult to put tape on your thumb.

[A]

Yeah, especially because it's right on the top. So you have to like kind of. I don't know. It's weird to go over the top. You know, if you cut it on the side, it's easy. You just wrap it around. Yeah, me and Ryan got it done. It's definitely overkill.

[C]

Yeah, but it hasn't gone anywhere though.

[A]

No, it's not going anywhere. I noticed. So last week we posted a video that was why construction takes so long. You know. And it was, you know, the painter campaign because the drywaller hasn't finished the drywall yet. And the drywaller can finish because the electric. The like or the H Vac guy. And the H Vac is the electrician. And on and on and on. And I realize that construction work, construction workers are experts at passing the buck. They are elite at. It's never their fault.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Even the H Vac guys that we've had around the office trying to fix our H Vac said an engineer's fault.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time it's the engineer's fault. It's the, you know, architect's fault. It's the electric. It's always passing the buck to other people.

[C]

It's the mailman's fault. Well, how's it the mailman's fault? He just comes once a day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The weather's falling.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Mother Nature.

[A]

Yeah. It was our building got struck by lightning.

[B]

Was one of them act of God.

[A]

Yeah. The H Vac guy said that our. Our unit must have gotten struck by lightning. Is no way it could have been their fault.

[B]

That's the ultimate UNO card. Just mother nature.

[A]

Yeah. 100%.

[C]

Yeah. Blame her for everything.

[A]

And what's funny about that video is construction workers are so good at passing the buck that in the comments section they all collectively pass the buck together and put it all on the city worker guy who approves the permits.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

You have to.

[A]

They like they did that. They all decided together they weren't gonna. Because I at first when we posted it, you know, you. You think the electrician be like. Yeah. It is always the, the H Vac guys in the way or the plumbers in the way, but all of them together without talking, all said, yep, it's not our fault. It's the city's guy's fault.

[C]

That's you.

[A]

And that is what makes construction so beautiful. They're all in. They're all in it together, but they all are, you know, they're all against each other, but they're all in it together. And as soon as you bring up the guy approving the permits, every single person just piled on that guy. The, the, the, the city guy just caught absolute strays in that video.

[B]

Cuz he's like always wearing a polo and like, he's doesn't feel like he's a part of the.

[C]

Yeah, he's got to borrow a hard hat when he, if he comes on site.

[A]

Yeah. What's kind of like funny, like in Horus here, where our building's at, like, they're so understaffed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So, like, part of the reason why sometimes it takes long is like they just don't have enough people. Right. But the, you know, construction world doesn't care about that. They only care about their project. So I thought that was pretty funny. Like, and it just doesn't matter, Right. Hey, the building's not done because the permits guy, you know, I, you know, I, I was late today because I hit every red light and I think that there's a guy in the back end of the city stalking my car and turning every red light before I get there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, hit a pothole. Yeah, I had a pothole and assessed the damage. Took an extra 20, 40 minutes to get done, you know.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I got a DUI last night.

[B]

That's why I'm like, city worker.

[A]

Yeah. It's always the city's fault.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't his territory. Shouldn't be driving somewhere else.

[A]

It's a great, yeah, it's a great move in the construction world to just blame everything on the city because who's gonna check into that, Right? You know, if I'm a homeowner and you're like, yeah, the permits. The city's, you know, kind of giving us fits. They're not going to call up the city and be like, hey, are you guys actually giving them fits or they just not doing their job? It's a great trump card for everything.

[C]

Yeah. There's always somebody to pass it on to. I'm sure the city workers would find somebody. They'd probably pass it off to the general contractor.

[A]

Well, there's talk about the inspector as well.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I think that's all city worker.

[B]

You could. And then the city workers just blame the mayor too. I feel like the mayor always gets a lot of flack.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. When we had our final inspection, when our. When our house was being finished built, the bank wouldn't like officially close on the home loan until obviously the inspection was done. And our. The banker was like, hey, you might want to throw some grass seed down just so they know that it's like, this is going to be a finished product. And I go, what the. Does grass seed have anything to do with our home being finished? Like, if I don't.

[A]

Crazy.

[C]

If I don't put it down the correct way, they're just not gonna pass it through or what? Like what?

[A]

Yeah, they go through. They look through every nook and cranny. Like, the house looks good, but I don't know if I like this dirt here. What's your plan with this dirt?

[C]

Yeah, what if I'm just against grass and what if I just want to let it grow? Just there's wildflowers everywhere, you know, why should I have to have grass? That was an insane remark he made. And I. Because he said that I didn't put grass seed down cuz wanted. I just wanted to see if it get pushed through. Without was totally fine.

[A]

I've never even heard of that in my entire life.

[C]

I know. It was an insane. I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I'm going to say about that. I'll place the blame on them. We won't name banks.

[A]

But also, like, I know, like, you imagine if you built an entire home, the inspector comes through and just says, like, the foundation's not good, you know, and you just had to tear down the whole thing.

[C]

All right.

[A]

And Reese, it start from scratch. Because inspector says, not good.

[C]

They hold so much power.

[A]

Like. And like, obviously if your house is not structurally sound, it's going to tip over. That's. That's what they're there for.

[B]

Yeah. It's a foundation.

[A]

But can you imagine if that happened? Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah. If you're like, if you get bullied in high school, what you should do is go to school to be an inspector. So then if, like, people who bullied you in high school are trying to get shit pushed through. Nope. Well, it looks like you're not to pay flood insurance. You're not in the flood zone, and you're above the floodplain, but you're gonna have to pay flood insurance.

[B]

They're like, professional. Well, actually, yeah.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[A]

It's always funny, too. Like, in the construction world, I feel like there's, like, a point man that when the inspector shows up, there's a point man on the crew to, like, butter the inspector up.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, how's it going?

[A]

Ah, there he is. You fishing this weekend?

[B]

How was it?

[A]

You know? And then they get to a part that's questionable or, like, it's fine, but the inspector might throw a fit about. They try and be like. Distract them a little bit as they're walking by it, you know?

[C]

Yeah. Trying to just like. Yeah. Put themselves in between the inspector and that spot.

[A]

Yeah. Or like, you come to a spot that's questionable, you then go, so this part over here, we had a question on. And you. You divert them to another spot that you say might not be good. Then he'd be like, oh, no, that looks good. And then keeps going. Could be a good move.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Lay a tarp over it or something before he comes.

[C]

Right. Or if he is checking, I'll be like, hey, yeah, hey, I. You know, Billy's got the homecoming football game this weekend. Is he ready to go? Like, one more good game, and he's got to be getting some good offers coming through. Right. Just totally distract their attention.

[A]

Yeah. Just be like, hey, you've been inspecting the squad. How they looking this year?

[B]

Think of a strong foundation on the offensive line.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of strong foundation, why don't you come over to this corner and inspect this over here?

[C]

God, we got a bunch of studs on that old line, don't we? Tough as nails. I'll tell you what.

[A]

Just their potential is just through the roof.

[C]

God, the fans are gonna blow the roof off that place on Friday night.

[B]

High ceiling. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Last year they were good, but they were just still knocking on the door.

[B]

That's all I gotta do. Yeah.

[A]

And then you guys. Do you guys even remember what we were talking about?

[B]

No.

[A]

Because you're so. You're so buttered up.

[C]

Yeah. Can't wait for Friday.

[B]

Yeah. The act of charm.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. The old butterball on the crew.

[C]

God, it is kind of fun to butter someone up, though. You can just find one thing to just go in on. I mean, me personally, again, I'm a filler guy, right? So I could go in on one thing for 15 minutes if I have to. Attention diverted.

[B]

Point guy.

[C]

Point guy. I was a point guy today. Delivery driver showed up. Jared didn't know what to do. He came and got me. He's like, there's someone upstairs. Like, we're gonna drop something off. Like, all right, I'm on the phone right now, but I'll come up and make sure he's got what he needs.

[B]

I know you're the point guy.

[C]

Point guy, so.

[A]

That'S pretty funny. The grass seed thing is wild.

[C]

I. I couldn't. I couldn't believe that. And out of spite, I didn't put any down.

[B]

Good. You won. You defeated.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's also what I found is, like, you know, like, everyone, I feel like, gets a little bit too extra worried about stuff like that. Like, even our fire inspection, you know, you're like, ah, the fire inspectors come. What are they gonna make us do? And they're just like, hey, there's a few things you gotta change. No biggie. But, like, the whole time you're like, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

Are we gonna. Are we gonna have to tear this thing down to studs and. And start over? Because it's not up to fire code. And they're like, nah, you just need a power strip over there.

[B]

Yeah. Move that iPhone charger over there. You're good.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I knew when we had our inspection, I knew we were good when they said. I mean, like, it may seem like I'm putting a lot on you, but trust me, you should see some of the places we walk through.

[A]

That's always a good feeling.

[C]

Here we go.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, your place is bad, but I've seen way worse. Yeah, your. Your house is kind of a piece of. But I've seen way worse.

[B]

They said it's everybody.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So they get back in the car, like, that place is a mess.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. If you're a home inspector, you're definitely getting back into the car being like, I wouldn't have built it. Like, you know, it's structurally sound, but I don't know if I'd have gone with that flooring.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you got. Yeah. You have to have some of those thoughts running through. Running through your head. You see homes every single day. I'm sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're just correct. Yes.

[B]

You're the judge and jury.

[C]

Or. Yeah. If the inspector is like. Like, point something about this or that and be like, why are you judging my house? This isn't your house. You don't live here. What if this is what I like? Why are you judging. Why are you judging? The foundation, maybe? I like crack foundations. It gives it a more industrial look. I. And I understand you can't see it, but, you know, remove the COVID of the book. Okay. It's all about what's on the inside.

[B]

What you have here is a good fib.

[A]

I think you're missing the point of the inspector.

[C]

No, I know. I'm doing a bit here.

[A]

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[B]

It's awesome.

[A]

I feel like not a lot of apps that you download are constantly trying to, like, do new stuff. And this year, Prize Picks, in my mind, is stepping up the game.

[B]

They're nailing it.

[A]

They just added a new thing called stacks, where you can stack one player in your lineup.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So today we got our lineups. Got a stack, and the first one, Tyler's gone. So we picked for Tyler.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We stacked Josh Allen this week. We went in on Josh Allen's legs. We're stacking Josh Allen's thighs and calves and feet into one lineup here. So we have Josh Allen, more than 28 and a half rush yards, and we got him for more than what, than 0.5 rush or receiving touchdowns. Same guy, same lineup, first time ever.

[B]

He's got great legs.

[A]

He's got great legs. We also got the max discount this week, which is Patty Mahomes, more than a half pass yard. So that's a lock. Lock. And what do you two got?

[B]

Good. Ryan.

[C]

I got Sam Darnold. More than 212 and a half pass yards. Mortal lock. Don't take that as professional advice.

[A]

But it's a mortal lock.

[C]

But do it.

[A]

But not professional.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I got Dak Prescott. More than 250 and a half passing yards. Chicago's past defense is not good. And I think Dak will have a big day.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

You're a football guy.

[A]

It'll be Dax Day, Daky P. Yeah, it's gonna go off. So, guys, you gotta go check out stacks. Just stack it up. And hopefully because of the stacks, you're gonna be stacking some cash.

[C]

Boom.

[A]

So go play surprise prize picks. Use code ybr. And good luck this week.

[C]

Good luck.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of a funny bit like guy who thinks the inspector is just actually, like, reviewing his house instead of inspecting it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I like the mold in the basement. What do you mean?

[C]

It's natural. Yeah. The insects, the Animals, they like it down there. The raccoons, they have a roof over their head. What more could they ask for? A tree over their head.

[A]

Trees can break a lot of cheese down there.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Mold on cheese is good, I hear.

[B]

Yeah, I like mice in my walls.

[C]

Helps me sleep at night. I don't have a white noise machine. Speaking of grass seed, I mean, I've been pro electric lawn tools.

[A]

You have, You've been a very pro electric guy. You, you've even. And you've fought that tooth and nail.

[C]

Yeah, I've been, it's. I've had an outward stance of like, hey, electric lawn tools till the day I die. I've been mowing my new grass with my electric lawnmower for the last probably two, three weeks. And my dad's like, hey, I have, we have a, we have just a gas mower in the shed. Just a 20 inch gas mower. And I'm like, okay, well that can't be any worse than my electric more I've been using. It's been terrible. I, I had to go over like a, let's say 500 square feet, like square two times just to get it cut correctly.

[A]

Is it because what, what's the reason why?

[C]

Well, even if the grass is a little bit damp, the, the outtake or whatever the, you'd call it plugged up every time. I don't know what's going on with my batteries. I think they're just losing life. They probably are. They're probably on half life now. You guys, I use that gas mower and I mowed my whole yard in the amount of time it took me to mow that 500 square feet with my other one.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It was unbelievable.

[B]

Back up quick. Is it, are you using like electric push mower and then use the gas push mower or is it both riding correct?

[C]

Okay, both push mowers. Both the same, same width, same everything. The only downfall is the gas mower is not self propelled. But that's fine. I'm like, hey, I'm gonna get, and get a little workout in today.

[A]

Wouldn't be hard to find a gas powered, self propelled though. No, I wouldn't.

[C]

No, I wouldn't. I may be switching sides.

[A]

Holy smokes.

[C]

In the, in the push mower department.

[A]

How long have you had your batteries?

[C]

About, about five years.

[A]

And how much are, is it a battery?

[C]

Like 200 some bucks.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

Yeah, I don't need to be paying 200 some bucks. I could get a gas mower on Facebook for 200 self propelled. Self propelled, even. Yeah, I got the. I. I mowed the back. I'm like, looked at my watch. I don't wear watches, but I looked at it anyways. I'm like, I was humming on that thing. So I did the front, I did the side. I done two and a half hours.

[A]

You went inside and trimmed the carpet.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're just feeling that good?

[C]

Just scalped the carpet. I was like, ran my neighbor's place like, hey, things are looking. I know you just mowed yesterday, but things are looking a little long, shaggy. I. I could run through this with the push. With the pushy real quick. So I don't know, I may be. I may be switching sides. I think it helps. I have a gas can that's full in my. In my shed. So there's no, like, unnecessary gas runs that I gotta make just in case. Yes. Oh, I've been putting premium in that baby too. Premium. That rips in a push mower. You gotta put premium and push mowers, you guys. I had been putting an unleaded in like my whole life. When I was, when I was a kid, my dad's like, yeah, we gotta start putting premium in this thing. So I did, and I'm like, this is a game.

[A]

I love how it's one of those things that you're like, acting like it's that much better, but you cannot tell gases in it. No. When you're mowing the lawn.

[C]

No. But maybe 10 years ago.

[A]

What is he talking about?

[C]

Could be placebo.

[A]

Could.

[B]

Plus you pay that extra money, so now you feel better.

[C]

Yeah. I could put E85 in there and. And then compare with premium. It'd probably be the same thing.

[B]

Like E85.

[A]

Wow. Okay, so as a. You're a guy who's been pro electric lawnmower lawn tools for at least five years, and now you say you're changing your tune.

[C]

Yeah. Okay, here's the other side. The other, the other part of that too. We got the gap. We got the gas weed eater here at work. And so, I mean, you guys saw what I was. The weeds. I was eating with that thing up on the berm. I was using my electric weed eater at home. And I'm like, this thing sucks compared to.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

So there's strike two for me. I said, okay, one more strike and things are over. Okay, let's get to strike three. I don't have a gas powered hedge trimmer. I feel like a lot of hedge trimmers these days are electric. But I popped a battery in My head trimmer. I was just gonna, like, trim the hedges next to the gravel road, and I don't know if the blades were rusted together or what, but it just went. They wouldn't move. They wouldn't. They wouldn't.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Go like this. So. Okay, well, that project is done. I'm gonna go mow the neighbor's lawn now.

[A]

Trifecta.

[C]

The trifecta.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

In one weekend.

[A]

So is this a backpedal by you?

[C]

It's a full back pedal. Yeah. But being completely transparent about it, I could have hit it in the shadows, but I did.

[A]

I don't know if it's a. I don't know if it's a backpedal, because we're kind of an anti backpedal podcast.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Yeah. It's more of a full circle moment.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

Than it is. You never backpedal, but you just started slowly turning the corner until eventually you came back to where you were before, which is way different than backpedaling.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The goalposts are moved a little bit.

[C]

And I. I think. I think the reason I had that thought process was because when I first bought. When I bought my first house in 2018, I just went all electric from the start, and there was kind of that. I mean, like, our college houses, we weren't. We weren't mowing the lawn, we weren't weed eating. We weren't doing any of that. So between, like, my childhood and when I bought my first house, I kind of forgot how good the gas stuff was. So you go all electric right away, and that's. That's really all I knew at that point, you know? So I never got the taste of the gas. Even though gas smells good, I never tasted it. But, man, that premium, though, I wanted to take a sip of that stuff. I'd have fucking mowed my whole county if that was the case. 21 inch push, more craftsman.

[B]

You just had, like, multiple gap years.

[C]

I had some gap years. Yeah. It's like I. You know, I went to college a couple years after high school.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

I just needed to find.

[A]

This is. You know what this is, Jared? This is classic. I don't love. I don't like broccoli. And then you go, have you ever had broccoli? Well, no.

[C]

Yeah, pretty much. Well, no, I haven't had broccoli since I was a. Since I was a kid.

[A]

Yeah. That's actually a good point. Yeah. I didn't like it when I was a kid, so I don't like it now. Maybe should try it again.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So that's where I'm at now.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

That's where I'm at.

[A]

So if anyone's looking to buy a weed eater lawnmower, hedge trimmer with how many batteries?

[C]

I mean, I'll give you. I'll give it two batteries.

[A]

Two. So essentially one battery. Because they're both half correct.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

If you're looking for one battery and those three things, you gotta hit up T shirt guy. I think he might be selling. He might be in the Facebook marketplace to sell.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

400 bucks.

[C]

Yeah, it's a pretty good deal.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Half life batteries. The leaf blower. I'm still in on a leaf blower.

[A]

Yeah, I think a leaf blowers definitely. For sure. Good.

[C]

Grab it and go.

[B]

Yeah. Because the gas leaf blowers are just such overkill to me.

[C]

I know, I know. Yeah. Like we. We don't know. We shouldn't be mixing gas for leaf blowers.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And well, in the cord. Corded ones, like my dad's got a corded leaf blower. You're like this kind of feats the whole purpose. Supposed to be like a quick little fun thing you do after you mow the lawn.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now I gotta go plug it in, find an extension cord.

[B]

Do you look like a dweeb doing it too?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Orange cord.

[A]

Orange cord cords are for vacuum cleaners, not leaf blower. Correct. Right. Keep that inside. That's actually An's favorite tool at home is the leaf blower. She just like, she's like, I have. I've had to bring it back and forth from the lake to the house just because she's like, I gotta blow stuff off the patio.

[B]

I think it could work better in a vacuum inside too.

[A]

Hell yeah. Yeah, Just like tip over a garbage can at the end of the hallway and then go around the whole room and then blow everything down the hallway right at the. Into the garbage can. Could be a move.

[C]

Well, that, that's what I do in my truck sometimes. Like the back seat where my kids sit, like there, I mean, there's all over the floor. So I'll just open both back doors and just leaf blow it straight through the other one.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Yeah, it's actually, it's a pretty solid.

[A]

So yeah, just open up your front door and your back door at your house and just start at the front door and just blow it all throughout the back.

[C]

Yeah, just let the wind tunnel take it. That's all it is.

[B]

All you got to do.

[A]

The idea of Leaf blowing inside stresses me the hell out.

[C]

I know. Oh, for sure.

[A]

Like, even outside you're like, this stuff can start blowing around or whatever you get inside. How much in your house would just go swirling around?

[C]

Oh, yeah, the pictures are on the floor.

[A]

You accidentally hit the turbo mode on it too, and it just is a disaster.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Somehow you get like cheese and crumbs in your bed. You're like, how the do these get out of here?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, I got cheese at crumbs in my bed because I put them there, not because the leaf blower.

[B]

Nerd clusters.

[C]

Yeah. And just on the topic of leaf blowers too, because my electric mower did such a job, I, I, I chose to take the leaf blower and be there. I mean, there's just huge clumps of mulch everywhere. I just, I don't need clumps of mulch. So I just took the leaf blower throughout the entire yard and just like.

[A]

Just spread them out now. Something I want to say, but. No, no, that's fine. That's fine. Made me think though. Right now what you have is an advantage that other guys don't have who were smart enough to go with gas instead of electric.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

If you want to be outside and avoid duties inside, you have a built in excuse to make the yard work take twice as long.

[C]

That's very true. Yeah. I'm not helping myself using premium.

[A]

You know, if, if, if doing everything takes you an hour, you probably could get two hours out of the electric versus one out of the gas.

[C]

Yeah. And if I don't fix this hedge trimmer now, it's never going to get fixed.

[A]

That's true. And then you got a couple more hours because last thing you want to do is you want, you don't want to have to be dusting baseboards inside.

[C]

No. God no. And if I don't get these hedges, if I don't.

[A]

Baseboards.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I don't get the lead singer's name could be Dustin or his last name is Dustin.

[C]

Dustin Bass on the keyboard.

[A]

And Bass would be spelled B A, S, S. Yes, sure. Dustin baseboards.

[B]

Well, you could just like say that it ran out of oil or something. You gotta change the oil on the gas mower to buy yourself a little more time.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, I need to. Well, I got, I ran out of mixed gas, so I gotta run to the store and get some oil.

[A]

That would be a good mixed gas. If you're, if your wife knows nothing about doing yard work and you got all electric Tools. You could just still tell her you gotta run and get some gas. Yeah, I gotta go fill up the gas tank.

[C]

For what? Well, I don't know, that propane's getting low and we, we're cooking tonight so.

[A]

Yeah, the, the blade fluids low. So I gotta refill that.

[C]

And one though I, you know, I got, my battery chargers aren't working. I gotta go to the Tesla charging station to actually get a full charge on these babies. So I gotta run, I gotta run to the gas station in town.

[B]

Hopefully the supercharger is open.

[C]

Yeah. Because if it's not, I'm gonna have to wait for it.

[A]

And it's 30 minutes I drive in to use the supercharger, which takes about a half hour or these could be charging for five hours. All you tell me which one's better.

[C]

You're back at dark, the mosquitoes are bad. I get this thing mowed now and if I don't trim these hedges, you're going to drive by, it's going to scratch the side of your car and then you're going to be mad. So it's a whole thing.

[A]

Yeah, but how do you feel admitting that to the world?

[C]

Well, I actually feel good because I, I feel good about it because I, I.

[A]

How long have you felt that you've been living a lie? How long? All summer long.

[C]

Well, I think it's. God.

[A]

When did you first start feeling this?

[C]

Probably three weeks ago because that's when I started mowing with the electric.

[A]

Because you just grew a new lawn this summer, Correct?

[C]

Yes. And the gas mower has, it's been there the whole time. I've just been anti gas and then I'm like, well, what's the worst that could happen? Well, what's the best thing that could happen? My lawn looks like a dream.

[A]

So you've kind of had this looming over your head for about three weeks.

[C]

A couple weeks, yeah. And it, I had used the gas mower like, I don't know, probably three, four weeks ago for like a small section and I wasn't really paying attention at that time. And then this is kind of the tipping point for me. So. Yeah, no, the grass is looking phenomenal now.

[B]

Do you have an electric snowblower?

[C]

I do.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

I had that for a, a, like a very, very small, you know, two stall garage. Two stall and. Yeah, yep. Yes. That doesn't work now. I got three stall garage. I got a pretty, you know, couple hundred foot gravel road. So now I just got the tractor.

[A]

Oh yeah, I forgot you got the Tractor.

[C]

The tractor blower attachment. No. God no.

[A]

Imagine rolling up to the supercharger station with a tractor.

[B]

No cab on it.

[C]

And they do it. So there are such thing as electric. Electric zero turns now. And I was highly considering it. That plans out the window.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So I imagine the bigger the vehicle gets, the more things that can go wrong with the electric and how much more batteries can go bad.

[C]

Yeah, well, it takes four batteries. I, number one, I only have three. Number two, they're half life. So I actually have one and a half. So if you do that math, it doesn't work out correctly. I mean you could use one battery in the 4, the 4 port station, but it's just not going to run as long.

[B]

So I could see.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Get on that right away.

[C]

I just, I just get the edge mode and. Well, at least I got the edge mode. I'll just finish the rest with the push mower.

[B]

You know the hardest part.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I made my, I made my yard, you know, three feet smaller with that one swipe around.

[C]

Yeah, it's three. It's three swipes less with the, with the push mower that I gotta make on all four sides.

[A]

Totally worth all the money.

[C]

Totally worth.

[A]

On it. Yeah.

[B]

No, I love it.

[C]

I love, I think they're like five grand too. And I was considering it.

[A]

I got my first couple ocular pat downs of the robot mowers this summer. Oh, there's a couple of my neighbors that have it and then there's someone at the lake who also has it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That thing moves so slow.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Doesn't need to move fast.

[A]

But you, you're, you're right. And it's like, but their grass is always mowed. So like, can you complain? The weird part is though is so, you know, obviously you mow a lawn with zero turn, you're getting stripes that are four feet wide.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

Right. And then I, you know, push mower, it's about 2ft wide or whatever. I. You not. The stripes on this lawn were, were had to have been 8 inches wide.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

And it was, but it was also kind of cool because it was crisscrossing.

[C]

Okay, that's dope.

[A]

But, but it was kind of hard to look at because the stripes on the lawn were so narrow. It was like kind of, you know, like you look at like an optical illusion, you know, where it looks like stuff is moving. I felt like the lawn was moving.

[C]

Yeah, it's like.

[A]

And I wasn't hanging out with Ryan's college buddies.

[C]

It's like. You know those words, like, if you tilt the paper away from you, you can read something. Yeah.

[A]

That's kind of how it felt.

[C]

If you lay down on. On the. On that person's lawn, it just.

[A]

Then it looks good.

[B]

It's like seeing the wildcat offense for the first time. Yeah.

[A]

What the Is that?

[C]

Yeah. Huh. I've seen them use those on golf courses before.

[A]

Really?

[C]

What do you mean? I've seen them use the. The Roomba mowers on golf courses.

[A]

What?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Like, for the rough.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

I don't. I think that's. I. How does that even work?

[C]

It's a great question. Batteries, probably.

[A]

But then I started thinking solar power. This is I. And I think this is, like, kind of what a lot of movies are based off of.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But started thinking about this robot mower, right? I'm like, that sucks. He's just got mow the lawn all day long. He's got mo lawn all night. And for how slow he's moving, as soon as he's done, he's probably got to start back up again.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

Felt bad A little bit.

[A]

I felt a little bit bad for.

[C]

The robot, but also a little bit envious. You guys just gets to mow the lawn day and night.

[A]

What are the. What do they call an AI Again, the derogatory term. Calling him a clanker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I felt bad for that little clanker.

[B]

What's that hateful slur?

[A]

Yeah, what's the. What's the only. What's the only derogatory slur that we're allowed to say on this podcast? Clanker. That's right.

[B]

50 years from now, we're gonna have to bleep this part.

[A]

Yeah, they're gonna. They're gonna pull up old podcasts and get canceled because we call the robot a clanker.

[B]

Sorry, robots.

[A]

Yeah. I started to feel bad for the old clanker.

[B]

I wonder if there'll be more and more of a thing that's coming as the lawn. Roombas.

[C]

I don't know, dude. There's a lot of work to do with the house. Roombas I looked over at this past Friday, this last hour, I looked over at the Roomba, and it was having a seizure on my. On my rug. I'm like, can you just. You think you would know that there's a rug there and you just turn around? But no, it was just. It was just. I'm like, okay. So I had to go over there, pick it up. I'm like, well, by the time I walk over your. Pick you up and then put you somewhere else, I could just vacuum that spot myself.

[A]

Okay, that's a stretch. That's.

[C]

I got a cordless vacuum too, might I add.

[A]

Oh, a little dirt devil.

[C]

A little.

[A]

Yeah, little dirt devil you. Little dirt devil you.

[C]

So, yeah, I think there's a lot of work to do. A lot of work with that. Job's not done, job's not finished.

[A]

But it was like when I walked by with my kid. We just stood there, watch the robot mower go for a little bit.

[C]

So can you, can you program like your yard and like where your trees and shit are at?

[A]

Yeah, so I, from what I understand, there's multiple different ways you can do it. You can do where you put like an underground line around everything.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

And then there's that version. Can also do it GPS wise on your phone and like set on the GPS the perimeter of your yard.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

And it just goes off of gps. Sure. Or like you, well, you'll say start and then you'll walk around the perimeter of your thing and it does it for you. Or there's. There's multiple different ones from what I understand.

[C]

But yeah, guys like us, guys in general love remote controlled stuff. Why can we not come out with a remote controlled lawnmower?

[A]

I feel like that would be hard. You ever drove an RC car? Seriously?

[C]

Yeah, but I mean to try and.

[A]

Like as it's turning and coming away from you, to like, I don't know.

[B]

Or if you like there's a branch you can't see from your deck and you're remote controlling it.

[C]

Oh. I mean regardless, I'm running over every branch.

[A]

But why would I do a remote control when I could just do it? Just have it automatically do it?

[C]

Because then you, you some, you still have to be outside of control. It taking you away from other stuff you could be doing inside.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

Maybe it's like a VR headset where you can see the front of it.

[C]

VR headset would be sick.

[B]

Yeah, that might be.

[A]

That would be fun. Yeah, that would be that. I'm down for now.

[B]

We're talking first person lawnmower. But you have to move, dude.

[C]

I mean you could, you could start a lawn care business. You could just have people drop root like. Or like have the customer just put it out in their yard. And you could just be sitting in an office mowing their lawn for them.

[A]

But at that point you just buy. I know, you just buy a robot mower.

[C]

I'm just thinking of fun, though.

[B]

We don't want to put workers out of business. So this is our solution.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. We're not trying to take jobs away. We're trying to.

[A]

Yeah, we don't want to give the clankers too much credit here.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

We still want to be in control of the clankers. That human touch, are they clinkers or clankers?

[B]

Clanker with an A. Yeah.

[A]

Clanker clapper. Feels good to say.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We watched that mower for a little while. My kids at the stage, though he's my child, started to have big truck moments.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Where he just wants to sit there and watch trucks do stuff. The other day, we saw skid steer backfilling a lot in the neighborhood. Both him and I stood there and watched the guy work for probably, like, 10, 15 minutes. Neither of us said a word to each other. He didn't move. I didn't move. And then. And of course, skid steer driver guy, you know, he's got both hands occupied. So he gave us kind of one of those nods like, you're welcome and also thank you for appreciating my work. And I gave him kind of the. Like, you're crushing it, dude.

[C]

Keep it up. Yeah, keep going.

[A]

I'm building. I'm building memories with my son right now. Thank you very much.

[B]

And you're building a bank or something?

[A]

No, what he actually was thinking is like, God damn it. These guys are watching me work now. I gotta pay more attention to what I'm doing.

[C]

Yeah. Who knows? This could be the general contractor's son or something.

[A]

Yeah, he's probably thought it was a homeowner, you know. God damn it.

[B]

I gotta hold off in the Marlboros for ten minutes.

[C]

Yeah, dude, that was the best when. When we were building our place, just to walk in, like, y' all in the place when the subcontractors are there, because they look over at. You're like, who the fuck is this guy? It's like you walk in there like you own the place.

[B]

Anybody can walk in.

[C]

Anybody could walk in. Like, that's true. My father in law, he would just walk in there whenever, just to check progress or whatever. If he was in the area. Give me the progress report. I mean, no one's gonna bat an eye.

[B]

Everyone just assumes.

[C]

Yeah, it'd be kind of like a. It'd be a funny pr. See, like, how many. Like, how many, like, newly constructed homes can you walk through before you get caught?

[B]

The dangerous game.

[A]

You have someone filming from the road, and it's like, only studs are up. And you walk in and be like, are we sure that wall's supposed to go there? And then just be like, hold on, I'm going to go make a call and see. And then you leave and just watch them panic. Yeah, that would be so mean. Yeah.

[C]

Watch them get on the phone. Like, hey, boss. Is like, is this all not supposed to be there?

[B]

Yeah. It's like, Johnny Hamchak. Doesn't he do that?

[C]

Yes, he does. Yeah.

[A]

The guy is just like, I am just trying to pay my bills. I already don't want to be doing this job. And now I got YouTube pranksters rolling.

[C]

Up to the job.

[A]

This is my nightmare.

[B]

And if you just like, holding a ladder, you're like, nobody's gonna pat and I.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

Or clipboard.

[A]

Yeah. So before I was doing you bet you stuff, I was doing marketing stuff, and we had a real estate developer client, so I'd have to go take photos of construction and new stuff and all that. And the amount. How tight everyone's butthole would get on the job site when you would show up with a camera. Oh, yeah, because they don't know where you're from.

[B]

Could be the FBI.

[A]

Correct. It could be the FBI. You could be osha, you could be the inspect. You know, it could be anything. And so we would make it a point to go and talk to someone before we whipped out our camera. Be like, hey, we're here with these guys. We're gonna take photos. We're not from any weird thing. You just don't have to worry about it.

[B]

Nobody's getting arrested.

[A]

And still you're getting dirty looks, you know? One of the fastest ways to ruin a construction guy's day is just show up to the job site with a camera.

[B]

They'll kind of hide behind the drywall or something.

[C]

Yeah, hide in the drywall.

[A]

Because not only not want you checking out their work, they also really don't want to be on camera. Probably because half of them aren't even supposed to be in the state.

[B]

That's exactly it, Country.

[C]

Who knows?

[B]

This could be evidence.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's great. Well, you have to keep us updated. I. I imagine you're not gonna buy anything new this year. You're gonna wait till next year.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. I might buy something this winter, though, if we get some price drops or.

[A]

Yeah, you could get some price drops at the end of the year.

[C]

Yeah, maybe one.

[A]

So you got to keep us updated on the electric, gas.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Situation. It's kind of One of those things that's like. It's like when you have a relative who's dating someone who you know it's not going to work out, and you kind of just. Kind of just like, It'll work. It'll run its course. Let's just be patient.

[C]

Gotta be over by next Christmas.

[A]

It's kind of how I felt about Ryan being so gung ho about his electric lawnmower.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's gonna run its course. He's his phase, you know, like the.

[B]

First bow of the year is like the wedding. You're like, this is not gonna last.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. This isn't gonna.

[C]

Last week.

[A]

Well, yeah, it was, you know, with the new house was almost wedding time. So it's a wedding time. You're like, you can't want to not make it to the wedding. Because then you're like, all right. Then it just becomes so much more complicated when they eventually break up. And I'm glad, actually the wedding was you buying a zero electric zero turn. I'm glad you didn't. You called off the wedding.

[C]

Me too.

[A]

Because that could have been disastrous for you, you know. 13 grand into an electric zero turn. That doesn't run well.

[C]

Yeah. Then having to buy new batteries. Just like property taxes or like home insurance. Like, you don't see that on the final bill until the first one hits.

[A]

And you're like, what the.

[C]

I thought I was paying 13 grand. I'm now paying 14 for four batteries. But yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like, you don't get anything out of property tax, you know?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you mean, you do a little bit, but I know what you mean, like, by buying a new battery. It's not like that's an investment. This is just going to die in four years.

[C]

Yeah, apparently.

[B]

Let's buy another one.

[C]

Yeah. It's another grand for four more of them.

[A]

Put that on your business expense line.

[C]

Yeah. Just. Yeah, there you go.

[A]

Doesn't go on the balance sheet. That one goes straight to the expenses.

[C]

Put me on a yearly 4 battery subscription. When it hits, I'll just accept it, move on.

[B]

Not bad.

[C]

So.

[A]

All right. Should we take a break?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

A couple weekends ago, we haven't really talked about. I. I did judge the mustache competition.

[C]

We. We have more info on it. Yeah.

[A]

I now have the full rundown of the mustache competition.

[B]

I must ask you question.

[A]

Yeah. What is it?

[B]

How was it?

[A]

It was great. It was actually really. It was a lot of fun. So it was the inaugural. So this is the first time they did it. And it was with the fire department. Which fire departments are great?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Great camaraderie amongst them all. They're all busting each other's balls. Guys, gals, everyone, their balls are getting.

[B]

Busted.

[A]

And yeah, just great vibes in a fire station. A firehouse. They call the firehouse Tomato Tomato. And it was, I loved it because I want you to think about a event that has very minimal planning. This event had less planning than that.

[C]

I. E. Lack of info Miles had leading up to it.

[A]

No, it was, it was great. So it was basically just in there, like event area. So it's just like a room. Big room, Big room. There's a table set up and people just showed up. Me and two other judges sat behind the table and people just walked up to the table and, and just stood there and we like, asked them questions, had them like, show off their beard and, and judge them like that. And then there was just a person just calling out names, you know. Yeah, I had, you know, I had to take notes and stuff.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

Well, actually, it was actually. So I, I should give it more credit. It did have some planning. We got sheets and it had like, categories.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And, and after I sent them a video to promote the event I had talked about. I'm looking for girth. And they added girth to the, the grading scale, which was nice. But it was me, another guy, and then the principal for the high school in town. Hell yeah. She was, she was, she was back up to another guy who couldn't make it.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

And you could tell she was like, I'm here and I'm trying to get in and out quick because I got other going on. Like, you kind of want that in a principle, you know? You know, you want them to be. That's the person who should be in and out. And she was no frills whatsoever. When we were debating with each other who wins what award, she was just like, nah, it's gotta be this person.

[C]

Decision maker.

[A]

So, yeah, it was good. I, There was a guy who showed up who apparently started a beard club in North Dakota. His thing was unreal. I don't know what he did, but I, I, he had to have, have wet it. Blow dried. Was like, his beard was like, fanned out okay. And perfectly trimmed in a, in a circle. But it didn't look like there was any like gel or, or, or beard oil or paste in it. It just stayed like that. I don't know how he was able to do that. And he ended up taking home an Award. It was. It was a beautiful beard.

[B]

Okay. It's kind of like Santa Claus almost.

[A]

Yeah. So that was. It was the beard and mustache competition. The guy, the one of the guys. It was.

[C]

My.

[A]

My comment to the. So he was the chief of the firehouse. He rolls up and he did a handlebar mustache with a soul patch. He was in like the mutt. The like, I don't know, it was some other category. And he walks up and I just looked at him and I said, how many caterpillars were murdered to accomplish. I mean, it was the thickest. It. You couldn't run a comb through it.

[C]

I don't think he's the one who comes and does our inspection, you know?

[A]

Is that who it is?

[C]

Dude, I know who you're talking about.

[A]

It was the thickest mustache I've ever seen. And I was enamored by the girth.

[C]

It's impressive.

[A]

He won the war solely based off of his robust girthness on that.

[C]

Yeah. Then he got the name on Girth master is.

[A]

Yeah, he was the girth master of the whole thing.

[C]

It is very impressive. I actually, I, I saw it. We were at like a town event, I don't know, three, four weeks ago, and I saw it that you could, you could pick it out from down a Street with 500 people walking in the street. You can see it.

[B]

Yeah. It's like LeBron showed up to a pickup game.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Winner.

[A]

He might have Smurfs living in his.

[C]

That's good now, actually.

[B]

It's all blue.

[A]

Yeah, it was crazy, but yeah, it was great.

[C]

So was there anyone like, anyone who, like, who tried to be funny? Someone like me who showed up?

[A]

There's a gal that showed up with a drawn on mustache.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Yeah. She was in the creative category, so. Or like, sorry, there was a craft category because then there was also a kid who was just wearing a fake beard.

[C]

Nice, buddy.

[A]

She actually took it home.

[B]

I bet that principal is like, I hate these shenanigans.

[A]

Yeah, you're going right to the principal. Meet me in my office after.

[C]

See you Monday.

[B]

Not funny.

[A]

There was one guy showed up, pretty good mustache, but his wife was there with her. His fiance. Sorry, not wife. Their wedding was coming up and if he won an award, she was going to let him keep it for the wedding.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And if he didn't, that he was going to have to shave it off for the wedding. And they. I'm going back and forth. Right. Do I want to be a dude and help this guy out or is this guy just using this to try and win the award.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah, Good point.

[A]

Went back and forth. He was buddies with the other judge, too, which was also a gray area. So he ended up not taking home the award, which I felt a little bad about, but his wife was jacked.

[C]

Probably for the best.

[B]

Probably best.

[A]

But, yeah, it was. It was. It was. It felt. I felt too tampered with. I felt. It felt like too much collusion going on and trying to win us over that I. I held strong.

[C]

Well, and collusion that you didn't know about either. Had you known about collusion, you'd have jumped in. Probably. Probably.

[A]

Not beforehand. No, I was piecing it together. I was piecing it together in real time.

[B]

What was going on so you could think about it.

[C]

Kind of nice to go in with a blind eye, though.

[B]

That's what judges should be.

[C]

You didn't show up, Jarrett.

[B]

No, I forgot. What's happening?

[C]

Good beard.

[B]

I wouldn't have won.

[C]

No, I wouldn't have either.

[A]

You wouldn't have won. Yeah. He had no shot.

[B]

I was said, get the out of here.

[A]

Look at this guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You paint that thing on. I did propose that if we do it again next year, we should have a worst beard award so, like, guys like Ryan can show up, grow out your really patchy beard, and then whoever's got the worst beard without, like, tampering with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Could also win a war to be kind of funny.

[C]

I would have a very good chance at winning.

[A]

Yeah. I'm looking at it right now. That thing is body.

[C]

I just shaved it.

[A]

If you show up with a full beard, people might mistake you for the Dalmatian.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Station.

[C]

I know. It's.

[A]

It might be like, look at that spotted animal over there.

[B]

Who let him out?

[C]

The hairs are thick, but the beard as a whole is super thin.

[B]

Yeah, we know.

[A]

Yeah, we can see it. Yeah, I can see it right here. They had fake mustaches for kids to put on. It took all of.03 seconds for kids to start throwing them on their eyebrows to have a unibrow.

[C]

Oh, I'm sure.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Huge. Hilarious.

[C]

A unibrow competition would actually be great, too. You keep Anthony Davis out of there, though.

[B]

You can do Harris legs.

[A]

Yeah. Then you know. You know who's gonna show up for that? Now you're venturing into a whole new core audience against.

[C]

You just have a. Yeah. You get a body part. Categories. Harry is back.

[A]

You know, like, what? You want to add hairiest feet into it to Jared's who's gonna show up for that? You know, Fargo's creepiest is going to show up.

[C]

Harriest pelvic bone. Yeah, Just the pelvic bone, though.

[A]

Yeah. You want to have a. You want to have a pubes competition, too?

[C]

Jared Harris lower back. Like, low. The lower of the lower back up.

[A]

Yeah. You want harus gu. Harus grundle award.

[C]

Harris groin.

[B]

It's a slippery slope. I apologize.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, come on, Jared, think that through.

[B]

Jake would win that one. Harry's legs.

[A]

Yeah. Me, God, Harris, everything.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hairy guy. You were talking in the break, Jared, that. You have a question for us?

[B]

Yes, I have an. Am I the question?

[A]

Okay. So, Jared, are you the. What's the scenario?

[B]

So I got married last year.

[A]

Congratulations. When was your first year anniversary?

[C]

It's September 20th.

[B]

September 20th. So that'd be Saturday. So it's coming up here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So we got wedding gifts, and my wife didn't really. I mean, she told me what was gonna be on, like, the registry, I should say.

[C]

Yeah. Cat food. Like a litter box. Yeah. Stuff like that.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't really care. Like, kind of do whatever you want. Whatever. And we got this workbench, and by the time we bought this house, I don't really have room for this workbench.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In your house.

[B]

Yeah, like, in my garage. Because we moved in, like, six months ago. We got married a year ago. Didn't know that. And now I listed the workbench on a classified website, whatever, Facebook marketplace thing.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

And she's upset that I listed that workbench on there.

[A]

Because someone bought it for you for your wedding.

[B]

Exactly. Because I want to save money for a snowblower this winter, and I feel like that'd be an easy 100 bucks. But she's upset that I listed it without telling her, and we. It would just be easier money to have to buy a snowblower.

[A]

Yeah. Having it being a year out helps your cause a lot. I feel like.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Makes you less of an. Like, if you had gotten it and then a month later flipped it. Yeah, if you flipped it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That have been bad. Two, I think you're. You're gonna get more leads on Facebook Marketplace. But you could have started with Craigslist, and then no one would have known that it was you selling it.

[B]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

Also, do you know who gave you the thing?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Did you block them from seeing the listing?

[B]

No.

[A]

Can you do that?

[C]

You can hide the listing from friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So, like, it won't pop up on your feed, but if they ran across it in the marketplace, they could still see that you were selling it.

[B]

Right. And it's not on Facebook Marketplace. So that helps me.

[A]

Where is it?

[B]

It's on up is man. Oh yeah.

[A]

You're fucking good, dude.

[B]

Yeah, you're good.

[A]

Is you just make your profile, whatever. Do you are on Bizman? Do you have to say your actual name? Name?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Or do you have a username?

[C]

You got yours?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not even sure you're good, dude.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, you're good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean I know a guy that got a snowblower for free and listed it literally the next week.

[B]

It's a good website.

[A]

No, I mean like he was an for that.

[B]

Oh God.

[A]

So you're, you're, you're sitting good.

[C]

Did you know that you were going to be moving into this house that you're currently in when you got married? Okay. I think that also plays into it. You know, the workbench could have been good for the last place you were in.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

But not for the new place.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

I also think had you taken, had you sold it, taken the money and then, you know, threw it on the Vikings money line or something. That's, that's an move.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But if, yeah, just be like, hey, you bought me a snowblower.

[C]

Pretty much, yes. If it's going, if it's going towards something else that's gonna like better your house, I. E. You know, the tool bench. Now a snowblower, I think that's totally fine.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Even a lawnmower, anything like that.

[B]

Yeah. It's got a practical use.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

It's not like I'm going to the.

[A]

Bar with also whatever couple got you.

[C]

That.

[A]

They don't remember for sure. The guy especially. I didn't even know you got it from them the amount of times and you know, not except your guys weddings and just buy something on the registry and I'd find out later what it is or maybe I never even find out what we got them.

[B]

Are you getting mixed up? You know, like.

[A]

Yeah, I mean I think especially a year out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't remember what I got Ryan.

[C]

20 Target Target gift card.

[A]

20 bucks.

[C]

20 bucks.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. You were, it was, you were early. You were still doing marketing I think a little bit and think times were tough for you. You.

[B]

It worked out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I, I cuz you got married 2018.

[C]

2019. August 2019. Well, yeah. Things were okay.

[A]

No. Didn't I. I got you some other.

[C]

You got me a pair of shoes too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Miles went the route of like, hey, what do you want?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are expensive too. I don't remember what they were. What are they?

[C]

Nobles. Yeah, I got 60 bucks.

[A]

Yeah, I got them. $160 pair of shoes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Your brain was like, oh, did.

[A]

I Like, yeah, I got something nice.

[C]

I still have those too. By the way, the other question I was gonna ask Jared is the people who got it for you, do you think they'll ever come over?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I highly doubt it. I highly doubt it because it's not.

[C]

Like you're gonna walk and be like, oh, yeah, where's that new tool bed?

[B]

Where's that bench?

[C]

Where's that bed?

[A]

Ah, let me check it out. How many tools you got on it? I bet you've been just running that thing into the ground.

[C]

Bet you just been.

[A]

Just been drilling screws and in just making it your God. I bet you've been using it so much you probably already need to get a new one. Time to get married again.

[B]

What's the snowblower doing here? I didn't see that on the registry.

[A]

Wait, hold on. This looks like a perfect spot that a workbench would go in there, but instead a snowblower is there. Wait a second.

[C]

Yeah, well, you know, here's the thing.

[A]

This is where you were supposed to show your kids how to do stuff. That's what I had envisioned for it. Seriously, I envisioned you talking to your kids. Teach them how to show the old. The flashlight right there. And now it's gone. Your kids childhood is gone. Now you sold it.

[B]

Real nice move.

[A]

Real nice move. Honey, grab the. Grab the quiche. We're out of here. And also grab a couple pops out of the fridge.

[C]

I'll take a Diet Coke.

[A]

Give me a Diet Coke for the road. We're out of here. I'm disgusted. I'm not even hungry anymore. You know, I leave the quiche.

[C]

I don't even like that quiche anyway.

[A]

Who likes quiche? Why did we bring a quiche?

[B]

Why are we here?

[A]

Why are we here?

[C]

Grab that sign that says home sweet home.

[A]

Yeah, Grab about a hundred dollars worth of stuff and let's get out of here. Hey, he's like, sorry that I bothered you with my friendship.

[B]

That'd be the worst case scenario.

[C]

Is there a.

[A]

He, like, leaves. He, like, kicks over your lawn gnome on the way out.

[C]

It kicks over your snowblower and breaks. It just dumps the Diet Coke in the. In the gas cap of your lawnmower.

[A]

Just like snips, the, like throttle wire just gone.

[C]

Well, it's not. So. Yeah, not self propelled anymore.

[B]

Like, God, I should have got the electric quad.

[C]

Is. Is there a possibility that. That this, this couple could inquire about the workbench to buy it off of biz man, no. Okay.

[B]

I highly doubt it.

[A]

Yeah, that would be insane. A sting operation. They. So word gets leaked to this couple. Yeah, Jared. Jared's like, oh, I got a buyer, you know, And Jared shows up with the workbench and he's standing there.

[B]

The garage door slowly left. So I just see us.

[A]

Well, well, well.

[C]

I mean, is it a nice workbench?

[A]

If that happened, would you just give him the workbench back? If he showed up to your house pretending to buy it to get you, would you just be like, just take it?

[B]

I probably pulled my cards.

[A]

You go sell it? Yeah, I think, I think I. I think that's what I do to get out of the scenario.

[B]

You did a lot of work.

[A]

Just take it back.

[C]

Yeah, the work. I. I told my dad to put the sitting bench in the back, not the work.

[A]

Workbench.

[C]

Wrong bench. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah, just. Yeah, you just gotta be like, oh, no, this is a different one that I bought right before the wedding. Didn't know that you guys got it and that the workbench you got us is actually at our summer home.

[B]

Yeah, we left.

[A]

Yeah, just say summer home.

[C]

You know, it's at the shop I rent and that's where I do all my workbench stuff.

[B]

It's far away, traffic's bad. We can't go there.

[C]

Yeah, you can afford that one.

[A]

Yeah. So I think you're fine. I think. I think this is one of those that you're fine standing your ground. Standing your ground with. With the old ball and chain.

[B]

Yeah, she gets sentimental about that stuff, so it's understandable.

[A]

But there is a. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But there's a logical reason.

[A]

Really hard to get some sentimental value in a year on a workbench you've not taken out of the box.

[B]

Yeah, you know, that's the thing. Keep it. I'm going to have to assemble it. I'm going to be shitty about it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the snowblower plus.

[C]

Yeah. You want to get stuck in your own driveway. No, I wouldn't.

[B]

Nobody wants that.

[C]

You're good. You're in the clear.

[B]

Okay. I feel good.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Not the asshole.

[A]

Not the asshole. Jared. I thought it was going to be worse than that.

[C]

Me too.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I do get what I get. Where she's coming from, but playing the scenario out, you're fine.

[B]

Okay, that's good. So do a patron question here, Tom Foolery. If you had to bet money on what kind of eating contest you would be most likely to win, what would it be? Miles? Can't say, Brad.

[A]

I was just gonna say garlic bread. I had garlic bread last night. We had a little spaghetti and garlic bread last night. Good.

[B]

Toasty.

[A]

All right, so no bread eating competitions.

[B]

Correct. Right. Could pick it, though.

[C]

Corn on the cob.

[B]

Oh, that would have been yours, Miles.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, we can both enter.

[C]

C on the C27.

[A]

That could be our new summer series next year. Corn in the cob eating contest.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, we talked about it.

[C]

I'd be down for that.

[A]

We each. We each have to eat 10 cobs fastest, and we'll have someone counting the extra kernels that we left behind.

[C]

Yeah. And then we. We'll deduct, like, we'll add time on for any, like, remaining kernels or whatever.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, no, it'll be. Be a judge. You eat a corn cob, you have to spit it to the judge. The judge gives you a thumbs up that that's done, and then you move on to the next one. That could be. Could be the potential new summer series next year. Corn on the cob eating competition.

[C]

I got a C on the C plug, too. Good one.

[B]

Everyone knows a good chord person.

[A]

Yeah, but you just drive down a county road.

[C]

No, I'm not about.

[A]

Around this time of year, we don't.

[C]

Even need to pay five bucks a dozen. I'll give for free.

[B]

That's Cornfield.

[A]

I know a guy. He lives. He lives in Fargo, North Dakota. I think we all know a guy. We can get sweet corn from Fargo. Or it's like, oh, it's like it's some special thing.

[C]

Also, it's five bucks a dozen.

[A]

It's.

[C]

It's like, oh, we buy two dozen. We. We save ourselves 10 bucks if we get them for free.

[B]

It's like living in New York. You're like, I know a great pizza.

[C]

If we're in a pinch, though.

[A]

Oh, God, I know a great pizza place. It's only your dollar a slice.

[B]

We'll do one more loose asshole. Hashtag charged up mock news. Okay, you created the football version of the Globetrotters or banana ball. What's the game looking like?

[A]

Great question. Great question. And I'm in charge.

[B]

Charged up.

[A]

I'm charged up. All right, first of all, you guys remember American Gladiator show?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Second place in in an arena like that. And there's going to be obstacles on the course.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Much like in today's football, if the ref's in the way, you just. He's in the way. You just gotta go around him. We're gonna put obstacles out there for offense and defense to go around, and we're gonna have things like moving back and forth. So that's number one. It's gonna be like a American Gladiator course. Okay. There also is going to be Nitro Turbo Lightning, Venom. Blade Venom. All the guys who are. Have steroids, wearing a wrestling singlet with a turret of tennis balls. Turret of tennis balls. Great band name.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In each corner of the field. And if the ball carrier gets hit by a tennis ball, they're out for the game.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So, yeah, it's. It's football, but also like American Gladiator.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

And Ryan's gonna be running our promo team. He's already got tons of experience.

[C]

Yeah. T shirt gun.

[A]

T shirt gun.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's a mascot.

[C]

Props. Yeah.

[A]

Glizzy God.

[C]

Yeah. It's a rap. Hot dogs.

[A]

And so I actually. For the first time in Miles. Miles is in Charged up history. I'm gonna kick it to Ryan and he's gonna run you guys through the promos.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What kind of promos are we doing?

[C]

Well, so during the promo, like, you know, the classic T shirt, T shirt gun, whatever. But I'm not like, someone a part of the organization is not gonna be shooting the T shirt gun. We're gonna select probably like a hundred fans that get T shirt guns themselves. And they get to shoot. Like, they get one T shirt to shoot and they. So they got. You gotta save it for the right moment. So game winning field goal, and you have 68 T shirts left to be shot. Like, that kicker is gonna get pelted with T shirts.

[A]

Oh, so we're firing. We're firing T shirts at the. At the players.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And they get the free T shirts if they get it.

[C]

That's correct. Got it. Got it. Yep. And that's the only way they can get team gear, you know, because we're on a budget here.

[A]

We are on a budget. I mean, we blew it all on the. On Nitro.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And the turbo shooter deal. In terms of mascots, like, so there is no.

[A]

There is also this side note I just remembered. On the. On the turret, the. The tennis ball turret, once a game, there'll be a random pool cue shot out of it as well.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, I like.

[C]

Yeah. So, yeah, it's like a frozen paintball.

[A]

Yeah, kind of. Yeah. It's like, let's up the stakes here. Will someone dive by pool cue? Will they not? You never know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And other players can wear duck cups either.

[A]

Yeah. And if your player dies from a cue ball, then your team automatically loses the game.

[B]

The game is over.

[A]

Game's over. And then everyone in the stadium gets free hot dog because they all get to see the rest of the game, you know.

[C]

Yeah. I'm a big golf guy, so I would also like to implement golf into the promo games. It's not going to be like in between, like quarters or at halftime. Whatever. It's. It's again, it's during the game. All promo takes place during the game when the field is live. But it's. It's like a stinger competition. So you pick, let's say five guys, five gals from the crowd, they come down, they try and hit stingers golf balls at the players. And if they.

[A]

More projectiles at the players.

[C]

Because projectiles. I mean, we know an American gladiator is the best tennis ball. Turret was the best thing ever.

[A]

Yeah, we'll have turret kid of the. Of the. Of the week, too. There'll be a kid like the whole second quarter. We'll get to run the turret.

[C]

Yes. Or if that gets a little bit too dangerous, if we have get some phone calls about possibly getting shut down, we'll just take the mascot of the team or both mascots, and they just have to, they, they have to do. What is it? The pace setter. What, what's that?

[A]

Pace test.

[C]

The pace test or whatever. They have to do that while people are hitting golf balls at them. And so you got to finish the pace test. You know, whoever can last the longest during the pace test wins without getting hit with the golf ball.

[A]

The other thing I'm gonna implement is each mascot will also. So if you're your. Whatever team, whatever your team end zone is defending, that mascot is over there. So if team B is defending the north end zone, then their mascot is in the north end zone in a dunk tank. Nice. And so if the other team scores, they get to throw the ball at the dunk tank and dunk the other team's mascot as a celebration or even.

[C]

You could implement it during kickoffs too. So if the kicker can put one into the back of the end zone.

[A]

And hit the dungeon, basically.

[C]

Dunk tank, basically.

[A]

Even if a quarterback's throwing the ball away and they hit the dunk tank, like mascots going In.

[C]

Yeah, he's done.

[A]

It's gonna be freezing cold water. You know, it's actually be Kool Aid. So then they're like skin gets, you know, tinted red or blue. Just.

[B]

Just molasses would be good.

[A]

Molasses would also be good. So sticky. Yeah, you're never getting that out of your. Your mascot uniform. Never getting it out.

[C]

You could have a. You could do SAP.

[A]

Could. We could SAP. So that's part of the field. You know, I talk about obstacles. There would be like, like, you know, 10 by 10 sections of the field that like would have like SAP down as the ground. Sure. So if you get tackled in there, like, good luck getting out.

[C]

Well and in order. And.

[A]

And if you like a mousetrap. Yeah, basically like.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Something super sticky. If you run on it, you're getting stuck or your shoes are coming off.

[C]

And when you try and get out, Warren SAP is trying to keep you in.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Big budget.

[A]

Yeah, big budget. And yeah, if you get stuck in the SAP. Great band name then. Then the old you get to either try and you. You have to stay in there until you get to get yourself out, which good luck. Or you have to agree that Warren SAP gets to take a 20 yard run at you and you can't move and he just plows into you. That buys you back into the game. It's kind of our. Our version of the penalty box.

[C]

It's the buyback program.

[B]

Somebody tore day sales. Stepping in the saf.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Great band name. Stepping in SAP.

[C]

But because SAP is so like, it's kind of thick, it would soften the blow from Warren. Sarah. It'd be the initial blow. It wouldn't be on the. Him landing on you at £300.

[B]

Step on SAP. Yeah, I think like a big like hanging rope to the middle of the field so like players could use it to like elevate themselves to the end zone. I like that idea.

[A]

Yeah. Also you got like, you know, like the dance team that's like got the pom poms and stuff. I think we go, you know, you know, banana ball. Right. Like, oh, we're gonna do tick tock dances. We're a much classier event than that. So we're gonna have ballroom dancing instead of cheerleaders and dancers instead.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

They're still gonna be wearing the same uniform, but there's gonna be ballroom dancing the whole time. Cha cha.

[B]

Will it be open to the public or it would just have set ballroom dancers?

[A]

Oh, no, they'd be on the payroll.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We want this to be good.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I'm just thinking a scenario could be like a wife and a husband go to the game and the wife always wanted to do ballroom dancing, like.

[A]

Almost like a class.

[B]

Right. But the husband wouldn't like that. So I'm glad it's closed off to professionals.

[A]

I actually like your rope idea. But. So have you ever seen like the, the slingshot, that thing at like, like a theme park where like you lay in the thing.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like launch you and then you swing. We're gonna have that. Those would be special seats, be tiered. So one, you'll just get one shot across the thing and dangle over. And there's gonna be other ones where you will just lower you over, over the field and you just have a top down view of the game.

[B]

Bird's eye.

[A]

Yeah, you're just like hanging like 20 yards in the air watching the game. It's like basically, you know, like the wild wildcat camera.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That goes behind, but you're in first person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You get pelted with T shirts.

[A]

T shirts, Punts, like, good luck, just take a punt. But that's just another obstacle, you know.

[B]

A lot of waivers, gotta say.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And also we're not going 11 on 11. It's just too many people.

[C]

Seven on seven.

[A]

If we're gonna spend this much on the game, we can't afford that many salaries. So we're probably gonna six on six. Six man football.

[B]

It's more fun.

[A]

Yeah. We're looking for speed points. Sorry. To all the, the fat guys, the old linemen. Yeah. You only get one guy over 300.

[B]

Pounds on your team and the biggest guy on the team has to play quarterback.

[A]

Yep, yep. Jared.

[C]

What's his name? Jared Lorenzen. Jared Lorenzen.

[A]

Yeah. The hefty lefty.

[C]

Rest in peace. Love you, buddy.

[B]

Bud.

[A]

So that's just a few things that I would do in that scenario.

[B]

Do you have a name for it or not really?

[A]

Gladiator Football League.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Easy. It's kind of actually sick. It's way better than the XFL.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

UFL or the USFL. Gladiator Football League. It's money.

[B]

Pay 50 bucks for that.

[A]

We are going to have to pay a lot of money for the rights to the American Gladiator. But we think we can get around it.

[B]

We could say misspell it a little bit. Gladiator, like. Yeah, I don't know, we can figure that out.

[A]

Drop the vowels.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like an app on your phone.

[C]

Even if we lose money, we'll have a Netflix documentary in our future. Yeah, we can cash out on.

[B]

Netflix will bankroll the whole thing.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

One fun fact. Over 2,500 varieties of apples are grown in the United States. Even though the crab apple is the only variety native to North America, thousands of types of apples are grown in the United States. Red Delicious, Fuji, Fiji. What is it? Fuji, Fiji, Fiji, Golden Delicious, Braeburn, McIntosh, Rome, Granny Smith and Gala are Macintosh, McIntosh, few of the most popular varieties.

[A]

In the U.S. there was someone recently that I revealed to them that the reason why it's called the Macintosh is that's a type of apple. And their mind was blown.

[C]

Yeah, like a MacBook. Yeah. The original Macintosh. Hence the Apple logo. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know that the crab apple.

[B]

Is the only native.

[A]

Is the only native.

[C]

Yeah. I thought it was like an invasive species type deal.

[A]

Crab apple is.

[C]

Yeah. Well, that's what I would have thought, but apparently not.

[B]

No.

[A]

I feel like my grandparents had a crab apple tree. They're like, smaller, right?

[C]

Yeah, it tastes like smaller.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why we recorded so many.

[A]

We're like, wow, these apples stink.

[C]

Yeah. My kid. My.

[A]

Yeah, The. The Pilgrims came over and said, these apples will not do.

[C]

No, we cannot have this in apple pie for Thanksgiving.

[A]

Let's get a boat over here with more apples. Yeah, let's get. Let's get Johnny on the horn.

[C]

Let's get some seeds.

[B]

Yeah. This apple reminds me of Granny. His last name was Smith.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Was Johnny Appleseed's thing is he just planted a bunch of apple trees. Is that what his thing was? What was it again?

[B]

Tyler would know right away.

[A]

He's probably thinking about getting a tattoo about it.

[C]

Just an apple seed tattoo.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where people have to ask about this.

[A]

I love the Johnny Appleseed story. If you want to know about the Appleseed story, I tell you what. This. Actually, most people don't know this, but him doing this was actually not a canon event. That's not a real part of the story. It was actually this instead. And his name actually wasn't really Johnny.

[C]

It was John.

[A]

It was Jonathan Leader, shortened to Johnny.

[C]

Later shortened to John, and then later lengthened to Johnny. Do people ever lengthen their name somewhere professional?

[B]

I guess.

[A]

That is not a canon event.

[B]

Spot on impression. Spot on.

[A]

Sorry. I should have been going like this, twirling my beard when I said it. Well, actually.

[C]

Well, actually.

[A]

Well, actually. It's funny you say that.

[C]

He.

[A]

He's originally from Mordor.

[B]

Everybody's from Bor. Oh, my God.

[A]

And. And then here's my impression of. Of Tyler getting mad about me doing my impression of him but not wanting to get mad at me because I'm his boss and him deflecting it onto Jared. Why don't you stick up for me, Jared? Oh, yeah, Jared.

[B]

Spot on. Yeah.

[C]

If you take Monday off, that's what you get, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, guys, well, thanks for tuning in to another episode of you Bet your Radio. Have a great week. We'll see you in the next one.

[C]

Oh, you betcha.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You get to pick a superpower, but the person on your left picks the side effect that comes along with it.

[A]

Oh, so I get to pick yours?

[B]

You get.

[C]

I get to pick my power. You get to pick the side effect.

[A]

All right, I will pick my power. You get to pick side effect. Okay. I choose the superpower to never, ever have to sleep in my. Never feel fatigued. I think I've said that on this podcast. If I could pick a superpower, I would just always have the same amount of energy at all times. Doesn't matter how far I ran. I just, I would never have to sleep. I could run. I could run for 30 days straight. Never get tired, never have to sleep.

[C]

So now I have to pick the side effect. Domino's comes out with 24 hour delivery.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Don't they already have that?

[B]

Essentially they do.

[C]

They have 24 hour delivery.

[A]

Let's go. I'm sitting. Good. So you're saying, like, the side effect is that I can get a job at Domino's?

[C]

No, that you can just like. Or you could order a pizza at 3:30am while you're binging. Got the side effect.

[A]

Should have been that I could only eat Dominoes.

[C]

See, it's tough going first because then you start to talk about rules more and get more in depth at that. Well, no, I, I, you know, I.

[A]

You said it already. That's great.

[C]

I know. I, I just, I don't think you could resist 24 hour delivery.

[A]

What's your superpower?

[C]

Let's see. My superpower would probably be able to teleport anywhere.

[A]

Anywhere in current time or back in time or forward everything. Okay.

[B]

Every time you teleport, you have you your pants, you get diarrhea.

[A]

I mean, how long does he get diarrhea for? Like, is this like a one time or like the whole rest of the day he's got diarrhea.

[B]

Like, right after he gets the out of the capsule.

[A]

You, you just your pants in the capsule. Yeah.

[C]

When, if I'm aware of that, I'll just have a. I'll have a diaper on.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

There's ways around it.

[A]

So you be diaper man.

[C]

Yeah. Captain Dia.

[B]

Like, I could run through the ocean. Like, I could walk on water, basically.

[A]

You can walk on water?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Aquaman.

[B]

I could, like, sprint across water, too.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

So the side effect, you know, I chose this. His origin story is that he almost drowned as a kid because he can't swim.

[B]

So superheroes work.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You could go fishing without it even needing a boat.

[B]

Right, right.

[C]

That actually be kind of sick.

[B]

Right across a lake.

[C]

Yeah. We're going to take a. A page out of Stephen King's book with his. His new movie coming out soon. You can walk.

[A]

Nerdiest answer.

[C]

He had to work. The new movie coming into. Is this a promotion?

[A]

Is this a promo?

[C]

Patreon's. No. Ads.

[A]

Paramount.

[C]

If you want to walk on water, you cannot go below 3mph or you will be shot or you'll die.

[B]

Okay. I can deal with that.

[A]

So you're on the water.

[C]

Yep. If he's doing this, he'll die if he goes below a certain speed. Also, you. Well, yeah, you could troll, I guess you could. You could troll with, like, a bottom bouncer.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If you're efficient. 3 miles an hour is a little fast.

[B]

But I can't really ice fish, which is fine.

[C]

Or you can walk on that water even if you didn't have the super superpower.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You're always ice fishing, essentially.

[C]

Except he can't stop and he can't stop.

[A]

That sucks. That's just annoying. That totally null and voids. The coolness of being.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's.

[A]

So does shitting your pants. Pants not as bad, though.

[C]

Diaper.

[B]

True.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, think about your kid shits his pants. Like, you're pretty in and out of that. Cleaning it up.

[C]

Yeah. Also, I would. I would just. If I wanted to teleport anywhere, I would teleport to that time, but just to a bathroom specifically, so that I.

[A]

Could just leave the bathroom.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Really.

[B]

That would work, though.

[A]

I would also, if I were you, what I would do is I'd make the time capsule. Also a shower.

[C]

There we go. Yeah.

[B]

Wasn't it instant, though, if you time travel?

[A]

Yeah, so they do that, but then when you get there, instead of getting out of the capsule, you just take a shower quick.

[B]

Oh, there's a. Okay. There's a shower right by the capsule.

[A]

There's a cat. The capsule is a shower.

[C]

It comes with the water.

[A]

You know, like back to the Future. The car is the thing. The shower is. Ryan just goes in his shower and he teleports. That way.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. I got you. I got you. I thought it like, takes like, five minutes to go somewhere and you're gonna be showering during it.

[C]

No. Nope.

[A]

Yeah. You have to. You have to figure out. You have to be Waffle Stop.

[B]

The Waffle Stopper 9000.

[A]

Yeah. Dr. Diaper Waffle Stop. Yeah. That's his. That's his superpower move. Like the Waffle Stomp.

[C]

But if it's diarrhea, I don't even need to Waffle Stop it.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Good point. You can pull.

[C]

So, I mean, I got answers. That's just a quick rinse. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

A clean break. I don't even need TP Took a bidet.

[A]

Yes, that is true.

[C]

Actually.

[A]

Just the cleanest superhero, but he's clean because he's also the dirtiest.

[C]

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Fucking Walgreens number one customer just buying up the lotion.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My skin is so chapped. I'll do invisibility so I can Irish goodbye easier. I don't have to plan it as much.

[A]

You can be invisible, Tyler.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But every time you're not invisible, you just have a raging boner.

[B]

That's pretty funny.

[C]

Duct tape.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I could just wear compression shorts every day. Jeans, jeans, jeans. And compressions is my diaper. The baggy jeans are in right now, but when the skinny jeans come back, you're. Yeah, but I'm at the age now where I don't have to be fast.

[A]

Just imagine if he's invisible, then goes uninvisible in a place he's not supposed to be, and he just be appears with a raging bone.

[C]

Like a school.

[A]

How alarming that would be for everyone. Yeah. Good luck taking your kids to school.

[C]

I could have the compression shorts. That'd be fun. Like high school wrestling practice. Why am I going to high school wrestling practices?

[A]

Well, you got. You acquired this as a kid.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

As soon as you could pop a bee, you. You acquired the ability. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. You can't go to.

[A]

That's the origin story. Your first boner. You were so embarrassed that you wanted to become invisible.

[C]

I can live with this one.

[A]

You're gonna have to.

[C]

But on the plus, you're gonna be ready at all times. That's true.

[A]

Could become a porn star.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio. You gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com you bets radio, or look us up up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.