How We Would Run a Pet Store

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How We Would Run a Pet Store"

Podcast: You Betcha Radio
Host(s): Miles (“You Betcha Guy”), Ryan, Tyler, Jared
Release Date: December 1, 2025

---

Main Theme & Purpose

In true Midwest comedic style, the You Betcha Radio crew debates how each of them would fit into the operations of a pet store, riffing on their collective inexperience with pet retail, assigning each other roles, and taking playful jabs at each other's skills (or lack thereof). Between quips, they touch on pet ownership, animal welfare, and the undeniable economics of running such a business—all with a heavy dash of Midwest sensibility and sarcasm.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Assigning Roles: Who Does What?

• Initial Question: Ryan kicks things off asking, “If all four of you worked in a pet store together, who would be in charge of what department?”
• Miles’ Revelation: Miles admits, “I don't know if I've ever been in a pet store.” (00:05) — which flabbergasts the group.
• Role Assignments:
  • Miles is quickly denied any animal care role due to his lack of experience, and the group jokingly assigns him cashier ("the till") or janitorial duties.
  • Tyler and Jared debate letting Miles manage, but eventually push him towards front-of-house roles, emphasizing that “management is management” (Miles, 02:11).

2. Miles as Would-Be Manager: An Economic, But Questionable Approach

• Lack of Experience: As Miles admits, “You don’t want the guy who knows nothing about pets working with the pets. That’s actually like, huge disadvantage.” (02:11)
• ‘Lean’ Pet Store Model: Miles jokingly suggests: “That would be the name of our pet store. We’d be the Lean Pet Store ... and then when you buy it, you fatten them up.” (03:29)
• The Group’s Rebuttal: Tyler and Ryan swiftly warn that cutting food costs isn’t the best way to run a pet business.

3. Pet Ownership Woes and Shelters vs. Stores

• Miles’ Personal Story: He recounts his (secondhand) experience with fish ownership: “She named it Gibby. Died in, like, four days ... she bought, like, $120 worth of equipment. Died in four days. Never got another fish.” (01:16-01:23)
• Adopt vs. Shop Debate:
  • Miles: “I’m an adopt not shop type of guy, so this kind of goes against all my core values.” (04:55)
  • Jared points out the high cost of adoption: “It costs just as much now. The adoption fee is like $300.” (05:38)
  • Jared reveals he also bought from a local breeder, blurring the lines between adoption and buying (06:09).

4. The Midwest Approach to Pet Store Marketing

• Greeter Position: Tyler is assigned as a greeter: “I think we're gonna have Tyler probably stand, like, a couple steps outside the door … try and get people to come in.” (07:22)
• Window Animals: Miles (the would-be cashier) suggests putting animals outside, but Tyler argues: “Animals are in the windows. If they’re outside, they can shit on the floor.” (07:45)
• Snake Gimmick: The idea of standing outside with a snake around the neck is suggested (“We can do a snake around the neck for sure. Just a cashier, though, not snake guy.” 07:59), but they laugh it off—worrying about looking like a cheap carnival sideshow.

5. Inner Workings & Team Dynamics

• Manager Assignments: Ryan claims the prime manager role and launches into a mock “morning meeting.” (07:07–07:17)
• Team Banter:
  • Jared is “backdoor manager,” making sure “all the animals are happy at all times” (09:38).
  • Tyler’s role as greeter/solicitor is debated.
  • Miles and Ryan team up as “till buddies,” envisioning slacker antics like “smoking weed in the break room” (10:25).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pet Store Ignorance:
  • “I think because even when Anne bought that fish, I wasn’t with her when she bought the fish.” – Miles, 01:09
  • “Management is management. …You don’t want the guy who knows nothing about pets working with the pets.” – Miles, 02:11
• Razor-Thin Margins:
  • “We’d be the Lean Pet Store … you buy it, you fatten them up. It’s actually like a great marketing thing.” – Miles, 03:29
• Adoption vs. Shopping:
  • “Have you ever been to a dog shelter? You never been to a pet store? … You’ve not been to a shelter?” – Jared, 05:02
  • “There’s like no incentive to adopt, because it’s right.” – Tyler, 06:17
• Midwest Humility:
  • “I've just never been, like, a fucking rats and gerbils and fish and snake guy, you know?” – Miles, 06:42
• Pet Store Marketing Gimmicks:
  • “If I know anything, I was at a carnival and there was a guy with a snake around his neck and he had all the people next to him.” – Miles, 08:21
  • “If I'm standing outside the store with a snake on my neck, they're not gonna think we're selling snakes. They're gonna think I'm selling, like, cheap knives.” – Jared, 09:07
• Workplace Antics:
  • “You and I were manning the tills at Petco. Yeah. … Smoke weed in the break room.” – Miles & Ryan, 10:14–10:25

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:00: Introduction, Miles’ revelation he’s never been in a pet store
• 01:09–02:11: Assigning roles, Miles’ rationale on management
• 02:27–03:55: Miles’ “Lean Pet Store” and economic hilarity
• 04:55–06:09: Adopt vs. shop debate, confusion over pet store economics
• 07:17–09:38: Assigning duties: greeter, manager, animal caretaker
• 09:38–10:14: “Backdoor manager,” managing animal happiness
• 10:14–10:28: “Till buddies,” break room antics

---

Tone & Banter

This episode is quintessentially “You Betcha”—laid-back, improvisational, and peppered with dry Midwest wit. The crew lovingly roasts each other, finding comedy in their lack of pet store expertise and playing out exaggerated business strategies and misadventures.

---

For Listeners

This episode delivers comic insight into the personalities behind You Betcha Radio, lampooning the idea of running a pet store while fostering a real “Midwest guy” spirit. Their banter is both relatable and riotous—especially for anyone who’s ever daydreamed about a wild career pivot into the world of puppies, kittens, and ill-fated fish named Gibby.

Transcript

[Ryan]

If all four of you worked in a pet store together, who would be in charge of what department?

[Miles]

Be honest. I don't know if I've ever been in a pet store.

[Tyler]

Really?

[Miles]

I don't think I've ever been in a pet store.

[Tyler]

You've never been a Petco or anything or, like, the mall, have you?

[Miles]

I think that Petco falls under the category of a pet store, and I just said that I've never been in one.

[Tyler]

Have you been to the pet store in the mall?

[Jared]

You had. Have you lived here your whole life?

[Miles]

Where is the pet store in the mall?

[Jared]

Right by the Roger Maris Museum.

[Miles]

No, I've never been in there. I've walked by it and looked in the windows.

[Tyler]

I think that counts.

[Miles]

But I've never been in a pet store.

[Jared]

Even in high school. Like, you didn't have a girlfriend? Like, can we go look at the puppies in the mall? Like, when you're at the mall?

[Miles]

No.

[Tyler]

Why? Okay.

[Miles]

I think I was dating.

[Jared]

I'm assuming a teenage girl, and it's a puppies.

[Tyler]

Could have been teacher's boy, though.

[Miles]

You never know.

[Jared]

True.

[Miles]

I don't.

[Jared]

I don't know his past.

[Ryan]

It's very common.

[Miles]

Is it?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

I think we'll probably put you at.

[Miles]

The T. No, I. I realize that I am in the minority, and it is insane that. 32 years old that I probably. I don't think I've ever been at a pet store before.

[Tyler]

I think.

[Miles]

I think because even when Anne bought that fish, I wasn't with her when she bought the fish.

[Tyler]

She had fish?

[Miles]

Yeah, she bought a fish. She named it Gibby Died in, like, four days.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that's.

[Ryan]

They're hard to take care of.

[Miles]

She bought, like, 120 worth of equipment. Died in four days. Never got another fish.

[Ryan]

That's brutal.

[Jared]

Jesse, refund Christmas present for.

[Ryan]

No, wrap it.

[Tyler]

Gibby, you're quick.

[Miles]

Open this, open this, open this.

[Jared]

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[Ryan]

The wrap is just on the plastic.

[Jared]

Yeah, it's been under the tree for, like, four days.

[Tyler]

Water's just scorching hot. I think you're probably at the till. You're either at the till or you're clear. You're cleaning. You're. You're just cleaning.

[Miles]

I. I'm cleaning.

[Tyler]

Well, I mean, you. I don't think you. Because you.

[Miles]

I'm the manager of the store.

[Ryan]

It didn't say you're in charge, Miles.

[Miles]

I know, but I'm saying I'm in charge.

[Jared]

Well, how come we can't have you.

[Miles]

Be in my podcast? We Can't.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we can't have a guy who's never been. He's never been in charge of a pet.

[Miles]

What you guys don't realize about management, and I'm gonna get you with this one, is it doesn't matter what you're doing. Management is management. It's actually. You don't want the guy who knows nothing about pets working with the pets. That's actually like, huge disadvantage.

[Jared]

That's why we're putting you at the till.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know, because. All right, let me just. What I would do is I would take all the cats and I'd put them in the fish tanks because I will be like, wow, be fun for them to swim around. Is that what I should be doing? This is. I mean, should I do that? But is that a good idea?

[Tyler]

Here's what I could see happening.

[Miles]

I'm wondering is, do you think that's.

[Tyler]

Not a good idea?

[Miles]

Okay, well, then I. We're gonna have cats in the fish tanks then, because that's what my great business.

[Tyler]

But you got the tail.

[Miles]

I know, but that's what would have been. My knee jerk reaction would have been to do that, to try and, you know, uplift the spirits of the cats. And you're telling me that's not a good move.

[Tyler]

That's not your job to uplift the spear. So you're just. You're here to ring people up.

[Miles]

All right, I'll take cashier over cleaning up.

[Tyler]

Because I think you in a management position. You'll be like, okay, we need to look where to cut costs. We're going to. We're spending way too much money on food. We got to cut food costs by 50%, and then all of our animals are going to die.

[Miles]

Well, no, they'll just be skinnier. I wouldn't. I wouldn't cut it to the point where they die.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but you don't know how much. How much food.

[Miles]

That would be the name of our pet store. We'd be the Lean pet store. And that would be like, lean, you buy.

[Ryan]

Lean means.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, fucking. Something like that. And then when you buy it, you. You fatten them up. It's actually like a great marketing thing. It's like they're easier to get home because they're lighter.

[Tyler]

They're not as cute, though, in the window if they're just.

[Miles]

But think about it. You make them lean and say you starve them. I didn't say you kill them. I'm saying you make them leaner. Less food, save money there.

[Ryan]

Doug's Epic.

[Miles]

Which means that they less. Which means you have less cleaning to do, which means you can hire less people. And I mean, you tell me, are we running a business or are we running a charity? It's a charity pet store.

[Tyler]

No, I mean still, we're still making money. We could just keep pumping litters out. All right, fine.

[Miles]

I'll be the cashier. Welcome to Cole. What kind of animal are you buying today? Let me fucking scan that thing. I Do you even buy. Do you scan? How do you.

[Tyler]

I don't know how you scan and fa. Barcodes on them or what the deal is.

[Jared]

They're bark codes.

[Tyler]

Bar codes. That's a good one. So I think with Miles at the.

[Miles]

I already hate working at a pet store.

[Tyler]

Well, that's fine. I don't think. I don't think it's a long term play for really any employee at the cashier with pets at the till pet store.

[Miles]

And plus, I'm an adopt not shop type of guy, so this kind of goes against all my core values as a human being.

[Jared]

Have you ever been to a dog shelter? You never been to a pet store? You've not been to a shelter?

[Tyler]

Yeah. What are we running a business or a charity?

[Ryan]

Because.

[Miles]

No, that's what I'm saying. Maybe a non profit shelter. It's more fulfilling than a for profit torturing animals in the cages, you know?

[Tyler]

So I think this is the type.

[Miles]

Of stuff I'm gonna bring up the Thanksgiving tomorrow. So you guys are getting a little preview of what my Thanksgiving is gonna look like.

[Ryan]

It's a good little warm up.

[Miles]

It is. Yeah. You know, I got my brother, they. They bought their dog. So I'm gonna bring up a dog shop.

[Ryan]

But wear that a T shirt.

[Jared]

I mean, to be the. I have a dog bone to pick with the adoption places. It costs just as much now. The adoption fee is like $300.

[Tyler]

Yeah. My dog. Where you get your dog?

[Miles]

Yeah, I bought my dog there. People are buying them for like 2500 bucks or more.

[Tyler]

Minus. Minus 1200.

[Miles]

Yeah. You're still getting a discount.

[Jared]

Mine was pretty cheap. And he's a pure red, golden.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Good dog.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Kudos to you for adopting.

[Jared]

I did it. I bought him. He bought it from a puppy meal.

[Miles]

Oh, I thought basically. What are you talking about? You just said adopting is the same price.

[Jared]

Yeah, it's. I. It's the same price as me buying him.

[Tyler]

Oh, there's like no incentive to adopt because it's right.

[Miles]

Okay. You went to like basically the discount store for a dog.

[Jared]

I Got. I bought it from some dude that has. He has a farm, and he just raises golden retrievers, and I bought it from him.

[Miles]

Yeah, you got him a Black Friday deal or something?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Dogger General.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

No, he was. Yeah, just Facebook message the dude.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yep.

[Miles]

No, I just. Yeah. This has never been, like, a fucking rats and gerbils and fish and snake guy, you know? Sure. So I just don't think I've ever been.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you don't strike me as a snake guy.

[Tyler]

No. What? If you're a snake guy, You're. You're a mouse guy, too.

[Miles]

Yeah, true.

[Tyler]

It's just.

[Jared]

It's got to be fine. Mice. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

All right, I'm at the cashier. You guys continue on with this segment. I'll just.

[Tyler]

I mean, I think I'll just be.

[Miles]

Boop and bop on the cashier.

[Ryan]

I want Ryan to run it.

[Tyler]

I was just going to say, I think with that being said, I'm prime manager.

[Miles]

Yep. All right, let's do it. This is morning meeting. You're running the store. Go ahead.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Get to your spot.

[Miles]

First of all, what are. What are their spots? Now that you're the manager, I think.

[Tyler]

Tyler's probably going to be. Let's see. I think we're gonna have Tyler probably stand, like. Stand, like a couple steps outside the door, outside the store door to get. Try and get people to come in.

[Ryan]

I like it.

[Tyler]

What do they call those people?

[Jared]

Greeter.

[Tyler]

Greeter, yeah. Like, not a solicitor, but.

[Miles]

I know I'm only a cashier, but shouldn't we have animals outside to draw people in?

[Tyler]

Well, animals are in the windows. If they're outside, they can shoot on.

[Jared]

The floor, and I just point at the window.

[Miles]

I know, but I think we should.

[Ryan]

Absolutely.

[Miles]

I'm just a cashier.

[Jared]

What do you think of this guy?

[Miles]

I know I'm just a cashier, but should we have, like, snake around his neck? Zach.

[Jared]

We can do.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we can do a snake around the neck for sure. Just a cashier, though, not snake guy. So Tyler's just gonna be bringing wa.

[Miles]

So the snake guy doesn't like snakes and I'm just a cashier.

[Tyler]

No, he's not. He doesn't have to deal with snakes, though. He's outside.

[Miles]

I know, but he's outside as I know. I'm just a cashier.

[Jared]

Right.

[Miles]

Fire him.

[Tyler]

It seems like he's on his second leg. He's got three.

[Jared]

Three strikes.

[Miles]

It just seems like we should have a draw to bring people in. And if. If I know anything, I was at a carnival and there was a guy with a snake around his neck and he had all the people next to him.

[Tyler]

I just.

[Miles]

I'm just a cashier.

[Tyler]

No, that's fine. You're just a cashier. But when people see someone with a snake around their neck, they instantly think that in order to, like, if they want to get a picture with the snake, they got paid for it.

[Jared]

That's a good.

[Miles]

Just think we're saying free photo.

[Tyler]

So I could just.

[Miles]

Cashier, though.

[Tyler]

You're just a cashier. I think the thing that's going to bring people in, you don't need anything outside. You need the window shoppers, the people who are just looking over at the store. And you have windows with. With little animals inside of it. Whether it's puppy, kitty, it doesn't matter.

[Miles]

You know, I'm just cashier. But Jared, when you buy your house, did you just look at photos online or do you go walk through it?

[Ryan]

We walk through it.

[Miles]

Okay. Cashier.

[Jared]

If I'm standing outside the store with a snake on my neck, they're not going to think we're selling snakes. They're going to think I'm selling, like, cheap knives.

[Miles]

Like.

[Tyler]

Thank you. That seats.

[Miles]

I do. And I do know your point.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

The other answer would have been snake oil.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. See? Yeah. Yeah. Tyler's kind of a backdoor. Backdoor manager.

[Ryan]

We can put a parrot in the front door.

[Jared]

Assistant manager is what they would call it. Okay.

[Miles]

All right, so we got back door manager with Jared.

[Tyler]

Jared's just going to be making sure that all the animals are happy at all times. So you're just.

[Miles]

That is a great role playing in.

[Tyler]

The puppy pens, the kid laying in the kitty cradles.

[Ryan]

I don't like cats, so that's not going to work.

[Tyler]

Well, I just don't think you probably have a job.

[Miles]

I know I'm just a cashier, but, like, he's giving you a lot of talk back right now.

[Tyler]

No, I know, and that's why I just. That's why I said this. This probably isn't the right job for you.

[Jared]

Jared, if this keeps going, I think you could probably get the job of cashier.

[Tyler]

Well, and because we're going to be so busy with Tyler bringing in new customers, because backdoor manager, we might need two tills operating at all times.

[Ryan]

Nice. We're going to be till buddies.

[Miles]

Let's go. So that would be fun. You and I were manning the tills at Petco. Yeah. You probably. We have a pretty fun day.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Smoke weed in the break room.

[Miles]

Yeah, but without Jared managing the happiness of the animals, we're gonna have a bunch of unhappy animals.

[Tyler]

If you're smoking weed, though, and blow it in their face, I think they'll be happy.

[Ryan]

They'll be hungry, which will kind of.

[Tyler]

My college buddies used to do that.

[Miles]

Yeah, guys, if you want more, you bet your radio. You gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com you betsradio or look us up on the app. We have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.