How We Would Survive The Apocalypse

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How We Would Survive The Apocalypse"

Podcast: You Betcha Radio
Date: January 26, 2026
Host(s): Myles "You Betcha Guy", Ryan, Tyler, Jerrod
Episode Theme: A comedic, Midwest take on what would happen if the You Betcha crew faced the apocalypse together in a bunker.

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Episode Overview

In this hilariously dark and improvisational episode, the You Betcha crew imagines themselves holed up in a bunker during the apocalypse. Each member is assigned a role (or attempts to assign one), and chaos quickly ensues as petty squabbles, survival strategies, and Midwest quirks get mixed with escalating absurdity and gallows humor. It’s a blend of improvisational role play and their signature banter, with running jokes about practical Midwestern living, trust, betrayal, and questionable survival tactics.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Assigning Bunker Roles & Midwest Hospitality

• Tyler starts with a prompt about bunker roles:

  "It's the apocalypse and you're stuck with the crew in your bunker. What roles are you giving out?" (00:00 — Tyler)

• The guys joke about visiting Tyler's bunker because they know its location, making light of typical Midwest 'pop-ins':

  "Cuz I always try and swing by and make sure it's all still good." (00:31 — Myles)

2. The Great Midwest Firewood-and-Gas Station Excursion

• Jerrod is tasked with getting firewood, with much fuss about which trees he can or cannot chop:

  "Do you care if I chop down, like, you know, any certain trees or like you have a landscaping plan?" (00:49 — Jared)

• The banter turns to snack runs—energy drinks and roller dogs, with barter involving gallons of gas instead of money:

  "I'll give you a gallon of gas for it." (01:20 — Tyler)

3. Sabotage, Bear Traps, and Apocalypse Paranoia

• As soon as Myles leaves, Brian and Ryan plot to "set traps" to thin the ranks, while poking fun at the lack of trustworthiness in an apocalypse:

  "I have a bunch of traps that we all need to set as soon as Miles gets a half a mile away." (01:29 — Brian)

• Immediate chaos as both Myles and Jared get caught in bear traps, leading to darkly funny injury commentary:

  "When I was here two months ago, there was no bear trap out here." (01:47 — Jared)

4. Unabashed Midwest Dark Humor: Betrayal and Cannibalism

• The episode quickly spirals into cartoonish violence, with accidental shootings and jokes about amputations and "nuggets":

  "Okay, so now he has no arms or legs. He's just a nug. Chicken nugget laying there." (02:48 — Jared)

• The crew openly jokes about cooking and eating Jared, complete with BBQ fantasy and cuts of meat:

  "I'll take the ribs. You got any BBQ sauce?" (05:02 — Myles)
  "I'm taking the ass end." (05:06 — Ryan)

5. Pop Culture References & Midwest Survival Logic

• References to The Last of Us and hotel encounters (in-joke from prior content), and inside jokes about poor winter gear choices and Midwest nostalgia:

  "Do you think that Ryan and Tyler are secretly lovers and they just are killing us so that they can live happily ever after? Like that one episode of Last of..." (03:35 — Jared)
  "And honestly, it's kind of just payback for him wearing tennis shoes that one time and went ice fishing." (06:09 — Myles)

6. Hierarchy, Betrayal, and Comedic Resolutions

• The group invents ever more bizarre survival 'rules,' with tongue-in-cheek betrayals and survival rationales. Ryan reveals his true loyalty is determined by who’s in charge:

  "He's in charge." (05:41 — Ryan)

• The episode ends with gleeful acceptance of the chaos, joking about who will survive, and a final punchline that’s as awkward as it is on-brand for the show:

  "You want to go inside and do oral?" (06:35 — Myles)

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• 00:31 — Myles:

  "Cuz I always try and swing by and make sure it's all still good."

• 00:49 — Jared:

  "Do you care if I chop down... like, you know, any certain trees or like you have a landscaping plan that you're..."

• 01:20 — Tyler:

  "I'll give you a gallon of gas for it."

• 01:29 — Brian:

  "I have a bunch of traps that we all need to set as soon as Miles gets a half a mile away."

• 02:48 — Jared:

  "Okay, so now he has no arms or legs. He's just a... he's just a nug. Chicken nugget laying there."

• 03:35 — Jared:

  "Do you think that Ryan and Tyler are secretly lovers and they just are killing us so that they can live happily ever after? Like that one episode of Last of..."

• 05:02 — Myles:

  "I'll take the ribs. You got any BBQ sauce?"

• 06:09 — Myles:

  "And honestly, it's kind of just payback for him wearing tennis shoes that one time and went ice fishing."

• 06:35 — Myles:

  "You want to go inside and do oral?"

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Podcast Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, dry, and quintessentially Midwest: practical, unflappable, and full of gallows humor. The crew’s comedic chemistry shines as they riff off each other's lines, draw on shared cultural touchstones, and push the apocalypse scenario into the realm of absurdist comedy.

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Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen for fans of Midwest humor, sketch-style improvisation, and gleeful takedowns of survivalist clichés. While the apocalyptic setup is dramatic, the You Betcha crew find endless opportunities for laughs, one-liners, and reminders that in the Midwest—no matter the crisis—someone’s bound to joke about snacks, snow boots, and BBQ sauce.

Transcript

[Tyler]

Tyler's takeover. It's the apocalypse and you're stuck with the crew in your bunker. What roles are you giving out?

[Miles]

Okay, here we go.

[Ryan]

We know where the bunker's at.

[Jared]

So I like this Tyler takeover. We are all at your bunker because we know where it is.

[Miles]

And we all showed up.

[Brian]

You all showed up.

[Jared]

Oh, God, Tyler.

[Miles]

Dude, I love what you place.

[Brian]

This is a takeover. Go get firewood.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Where. Where do you want me to go?

[Brian]

Just find it.

[Ryan]

It's just crazy that he doesn't already have firewood.

[Jared]

I know. I was a little bit expecting when I did the ocular pad down a.

[Miles]

Few months this place. Cuz I always try and swing by and make sure it's all still good.

[Ryan]

To go for us.

[Miles]

He had firewood. So what have you been doing? I'm too.

[Brian]

Just trying to get rid of the liabilities.

[Tyler]

Okay. I'm just.

[Jared]

All right, I'll go chop wood. You know, since we're in an apocalypse, do you care if I chop down.

[Miles]

Like, you know, any certain trees or like you have a landscaping plan that you're.

[Brian]

I have a landscaping plan. And the trees for firewood are one mile that way.

[Miles]

Okay. All right, well, while I'm out, does anyone want to like anything from the gas station?

[Ryan]

Yeah, I'll take energy drink.

[Miles]

I don't know if they're gonna have any left.

[Ryan]

Roller dog? No. Bun?

[Tyler]

Yeah. Roller dog. No, but for me too. Okay.

[Miles]

Do you guys just want to Venmo me or.

[Ryan]

That's fine.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'll Venmo you when I get back.

[Tyler]

I'll give you a gallon of gas for it. Okay, cool. Gas is pretty.

[Brian]

Get the out of my gas reserves.

[Tyler]

No.

[Jared]

All right, guys, I'll be back.

[Ryan]

Okay, we'll see you later, Miles.

[Brian]

Okay, guys, I have a bunch of traps that we all need to set as soon as Miles gets a half a mile away.

[Ryan]

I already set him.

[Brian]

Beautiful.

[Miles]

Oh.

[Jared]

Oh, Ryan, too early. Oh.

[Miles]

Hey.

[Tyler]

Help.

[Jared]

Oh, God.

[Brian]

Jared, you're going to have.

[Jared]

When I was here two months ago, there was no bear trap out here.

[Ryan]

Well, I saw him laying there.

[Jared]

I just legitimately. It hurts so bad.

[Brian]

Jared, you gotta put him down. We can't. We can't have someone yelling.

[Jared]

Ah.

[Tyler]

All right, I'll. I'll run out there and help him.

[Jared]

Jared, what are you doing, man? You can't help me out here.

[Brian]

Jared, watch out for that trap.

[Jared]

Ah, damn it.

[Ryan]

Right?

[Brian]

We weren't set him yet.

[Jared]

Okay, well, Jared, you got in it too. Help.

[Miles]

Ah.

[Jared]

Oh, my God. There's so much Blood out here.

[Ryan]

Okay, we gotta quiet them down. I'll grab the 2.

[Jared]

So much below. I'll grab the 2.

[Miles]

7.

[Jared]

I see a light.

[Brian]

You gotta handle this. You set the traps.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Jared]

Ow. Oh, my God. You shot Jared.

[Tyler]

You got my foot.

[Jared]

He didn't die, though. You shot him in the foot.

[Miles]

Ah.

[Jared]

Hey, your. Your leg's free now, though. Just crawl away. Oh, okay, so he's.

[Brian]

Doesn't that.

[Jared]

He lost two feet.

[Ryan]

Ah.

[Jared]

Tyler, I think Brian's using all the ammo on Jared's.

[Ryan]

Okay, he's down.

[Jared]

Okay, so now he has no arms or legs. He's just a. He's just a nug. Chicken nugget laying there.

[Ryan]

Zombie.

[Brian]

I just got in my truck. I'm driving to bunker too.

[Ryan]

Just drive over. Just run miles. Yeah, I'm out of. I'm out of ammo.

[Jared]

Oh. All right. I think this is like that one movie. I think I'm gonna have to eat my own foot to get out of this trap. Oh, God. Fuck, that's gross. There's so much pus already. I think it's infected. God, these traps are rusty. How long have they been out here?

[Brian]

Great move putting salmonella on the traps. Ryan.

[Jared]

Oh, why does Ryan get to live but not Jared and I?

[Brian]

He had the gun.

[Jared]

Oh, Jared. Jared, can you hear me?

[Ryan]

You're gone. He's gone.

[Jared]

No, he's. He's just a chicken nugget laying there. Do you think that Ryan and Tyler are secretly lovers and they just are killing us so that they can live happily ever after? Like that one episode of Last of.

[Brian]

Us I drove away.

[Tyler]

Or that hotel room.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I'm here by myself with you.

[Jared]

Or in that hotel room.

[Miles]

I knew.

[Jared]

I knew Tyler was out of town that week. All right. Hey, Jared, are you hungry? You want some of my foot?

[Tyler]

I've got more vegetarian right now.

[Jared]

Did you shoot his mouth off? No, he's. He's gurgling. His mouth is just gurgling.

[Ryan]

Full of blood. He's gurgling from the blood.

[Tyler]

Tastes like pennies.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Jared]

Jared's gay.

[Ryan]

Hot.

[Jared]

Oh, man.

[Ryan]

We just drew so much attention to ourselves.

[Miles]

So are you hungry? Do you want. You want to get us fire started? This foot would taste a lot better.

[Ryan]

Fires already started. Yeah, I was already on that.

[Miles]

So we did have firewood, so I didn't even need to come out here.

[Ryan]

I just said, jared on fire.

[Miles]

Oh, you said.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you know.

[Jared]

You know, this is the way.

[Ryan]

Is it a pop? It's an apocalypse. I'm gonna do anything to survive.

[Brian]

It's the middle of the day. You can't let people see your smoke, Ryan.

[Miles]

That's the way he'd want to go, though.

[Ryan]

I know. Yeah.

[Jared]

And also, it's kind of nice.

[Miles]

It's chilly out here. He's keeping me nice and warm.

[Brian]

All the blood and guts. Keeping you warm?

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean, I think you should put.

[Jared]

The fire out now, though, because I.

[Miles]

Think he's cooked to perfection and it'd be a good meal.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You meet him rare.

[Miles]

Yeah. I'll take the ribs. You got any BBQ sauce?

[Ryan]

I'm taking. I'm taking the ass end.

[Miles]

Oh, my God. Nice.

[Brian]

Little Jared flanks the rump roast. You're eating my.

[Jared]

Oh.

[Miles]

All right.

[Jared]

God, this is gonna be a painful death considering you're out of shotgun shells.

[Miles]

And that you won't release my leg out of here.

[Ryan]

Well, what I could do is I could just go get a trap that I haven't said and just put it around your head and then set it off.

[Miles]

I know, but it's brutal. What did I do to you?

[Tyler]

No, nothing.

[Jared]

But all I did, you know, you traded me. You traded me in for time.

[Ryan]

He's in charge.

[Jared]

And did Tyler. Yeah, I know he's in charge.

[Brian]

He.

[Ryan]

And all he said was handle it when he left.

[Brian]

That's true.

[Miles]

I don't think that he. I don't think he meant this.

[Ryan]

He didn't. It's a diversion tactic. I'm going to let you out of the trap. You're going to be just fine. And then when he comes back.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

I'll play dead.

[Brian]

Why did you kill Jared then?

[Jared]

You know, Jared had a comment.

[Ryan]

Complete diversion. I had to. I had to let you know that I could actually do that, you know?

[Miles]

And honestly, it's kind of just payback for him wearing tennis shoes that one time and went ice fishing.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Non insulated leather boots.

[Miles]

Yeah. And that time you wore the black sweatshirt on the roof.

[Brian]

He was not cut up for it.

[Miles]

He just. Survival skills, you know?

[Ryan]

And I saved. I. I got one bullet left in my pocket for when Tyler comes back.

[Miles]

I'm.

[Brian]

I'm not coming back. I said I was at a debunker 2.0.

[Jared]

Let's go.

[Miles]

Dude, we got a free bunker then.

[Brian]

Easy.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You want to go inside and do oral?