Most Overrated Home Appliance 🎙 #319

Summary

You Betcha Radio Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Most Overrated Home Appliance 🎙 #319
Release Date: March 26, 2025
Host: Oz (You Betcha Guy)
Guests: Jared, Ryan, Tyler

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1. Introduction and Weather Banter (00:00 - 01:15)

The episode kicks off with Oz welcoming listeners back to You Betcha Radio, amusingly dubbing it "the coldest podcast in all the Midwest." The hosts—Oz, Ryan, Jared, and Tyler—engage in light-hearted chatter about the unpredictable spring weather. Oz remarks on the fluctuating temperatures and impending snow, setting a casual and humorous tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Oz (00:22): "60 degrees out today, snowing on Saturday."

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2. Aging, Surgeries, and Midwestern Small Talk (01:15 - 08:01)

The conversation shifts to the nuances of small talk among older men. Oz shares an anecdote from a dinner where two elderly men dominated the conversation with discussions about their recent surgeries. The group hilariously contrasts this with their own typical weather-related small talk, highlighting generational differences in conversational topics.

Notable Quotes:

• Oz (02:03): "Small talk is all about surgeries."
• Jared (04:18): "Their body's slowly deteriorating."

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3. The Trials and Tribulations of Roombas (08:01 - 34:36)

A significant portion of the episode delves into the frustrations and humorous experiences with Roomba robotic vacuums. Ryan shares his struggles with his Roomba getting stuck under furniture, while Jared reminisces about his own college-era Roomba antics. The hosts brainstorm creative (and absurd) modifications to Roombas, envisioning hoverboard-style vacuums and party bus-mounted cleaning squads.

Notable Quotes:

• Jared (27:08): "Mine does it because it's been stuck under the couch for two days."
• Oz (37:23): "A rideable indoor vacuum would be awesome."

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4. Home Ownership and DIY Projects (34:36 - 69:08)

The discussion transitions to home ownership, with Tyler sharing his ongoing journey to purchase a house in Morehead. The hosts exchange tips and frustrations about the real estate process, including inspections and earnest money. They also humorously discuss plans for collaborative home improvement projects, such as staining decks and spreading grass seed using party buses for efficient teamwork.

Notable Quotes:

• Oz (48:43): "Need a good roof."
• Jared (64:02): "How about a hoverboard-style oscillating mower?"

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5. Parenting, Kid Behavior, and Swearing Rules (14:28 - 20:08)

Jared opens up about parenting his three boys, specifically addressing the challenge of allowing children to swear in controlled environments. The group debates the merits and pitfalls of permitting swearing at home versus restricting it, ultimately suggesting methods to manage and contain such behavior to prevent rebelliousness.

Notable Quotes:

• Jared (15:04): "I think letting your kids swear is fucking sweet."
• Oz (16:01): "What’s the harm in kids swearing?"

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6. Audience Questions and Fun Facts (70:31 - 95:34)

The hosts tackle a Patreon question from Tyler regarding alternative ways to stay awake after intense work hours when caffeine no longer suffices. The team humorously suggests various methods, including nicotine pouches disguised as jerky and other unconventional tactics. Additionally, Jared shares a fun fact about the time it takes to fall to the center of the Earth, sparking a playful debate on physics and gravity.

Notable Quotes:

• Tyler (71:13): "What are some of the worst punishments you were dealt while playing sports?"
• Jared (84:40): "It would take 19 minutes to fall to the center of the Earth."

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7. Reflecting on High School Sports and Coaching Practices (75:00 - 83:22)

The conversation veers into reminiscing about harsh coaching practices experienced during high school sports. Oz recounts extreme punishments like rolling 100 yards and plate pushes designed to toughen up players. Jared and Ryan add their own stories of intense physical training and the psychological impact of such methods, highlighting both the camaraderie and the strain these experiences fostered.

Notable Quotes:

• Oz (75:04): "They would make guys roll 100 yards as a punishment."
• Jared (81:03): "We had to run the entire Fargo Dome. Dudes throwing up."

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8. Concluding Banter and Future Plans (86:00 - 95:34)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts continue their playful banter, discussing potential future projects like "house hopping" with party buses and collaborative home improvements. They wrap up by engaging with audience questions and sharing final humorous thoughts, ensuring a light-hearted conclusion to a content-rich episode.

Notable Quotes:

• Oz (95:58): "Pick one. We live in reality."
• Ryan (96:41): "You can't have both, honey."

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Generational Differences: The hosts humorously explore how conversation topics shift with age, particularly focusing on how older men prioritize discussions about health and surgeries over more casual topics like the weather.

2. Technology Frustrations: A significant discussion revolves around the limitations and humorous failures of robotic home appliances, especially Roombas, illustrating the challenges of integrating technology into everyday life.

3. Home Ownership Challenges: Tyler's journey to buying a house serves as a focal point for discussing the complexities of real estate, DIY projects, and the camaraderie found in tackling home improvements with friends.

4. Parenting Strategies: The debate over allowing children to swear highlights different parenting approaches and the balance between control and freedom in managing children's behavior.

5. Sports and Coaching: Reflecting on high school sports, the hosts share intense experiences with coaching practices designed to build toughness, shedding light on both the physical and psychological impacts of such methods.

6. Audience Engagement: By addressing listener questions and fun facts, the podcast ensures active participation and maintains an interactive rapport with its audience.

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Conclusion

In this episode of You Betcha Radio, listeners are treated to a blend of nostalgic reflections, technological musings, homeownership woes, and parenting dilemmas, all delivered with the hosts' signature Midwestern humor. Through engaging storytelling and relatable banter, Oz, Ryan, Jared, and Tyler create a rich and entertaining narrative that resonates with both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Final Notable Quote:

• Oz (88:53): "May your free fall be enjoyable. And your practice be..."

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Thank you for tuning into You Betcha Radio! Make sure to check out our Patreon for exclusive content and continued laughter every Wednesday. Cheers!

Transcript

[Oz]

Welcome back to you Betcha radio podcast. The coldest podcast in all the Midwest. I'm Oz, you bet you guy here with the fellas and Ryan the T shirt guy.

[Ryan]

How we doing, fellas?

[Oz]

Fellas.

[Jared]

Jared. We're the fellas.

[Tyler]

What's up, fellas?

[Oz]

The boys. The fellas. Guys, how we feeling? Spring has sprung.

[Jared]

Yeah, sure has.

[Ryan]

I'm feeling good.

[Oz]

60 degrees out today, snowing on Saturday.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

60 tomorrow, 27 on Saturday.

[Jared]

Honestly, the most amount of snow I could. Nine inches is so much snow, dude. Yeah, I. I honestly, my brain can't wrap itself around 9 inches. That's so much.

[Oz]

Well, I'm glad you're not wrapping yourself around nine.

[Jared]

Yes.

[Oz]

Yeah, I'm glad you're gonna be weird.

[Ryan]

For the rest of us.

[Jared]

You love excluding details. I said brain.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I wouldn't try.

[Oz]

And you're brain. Nine inches.

[Ryan]

I wouldn't try and wrap your brain around nine inches.

[Jared]

I can't. It's too much. Too many inches.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. Don't try and do it. If you think it's possible, don't try it.

[Oz]

Yeah, well, I had a discussion. I wanted to or something that happened to me.

[Jared]

Oh. Are you okay?

[Oz]

I realized that old guys have slightly different small talk than normal people. I was at dinner with my wife and kid. We were having some pizza, and there was a guy sitting at the bar, minding his own business. Another old guy comes hobbling in, Walker or no. And he. They recognize each other. No, he's freestanding. And the guy yells from across the bar, hey, like, when's your surgery? I already had it. And then he does this, his little jig on his. Clear. It clearly was his knee he had surgery on.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he.

[Oz]

I was impressed because he said he had surgery like a week ago, and he was already doing a little jig.

[Jared]

Already at the bar, dancing.

[Oz]

Yeah. But he clearly was hobbling. And so then they guy gets up, they go, and they meet. And it was a clash of surgery titans. If our small talk is the weather, like we just did, that's.

[Jared]

Yes, we did.

[Oz]

That old guy. Small talk is all about surgeries.

[Jared]

We like to. We like the condition of outside. They like to talk about the conditions of themselves inside. Yeah, that's.

[Oz]

Not inside. Yeah, not inside the room. Inside of themselves.

[Jared]

Cholesterol pretty high.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Talking a lot of levels.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Oz]

And, yeah, it was. And it became. Oh, God, like, so what's the rehab process look like on that? And they started talking rehab, knowing full well neither of them Are going to truly do the rehab? No, no, I mean, it's just something to talk about. Then the other guy started talking about his shoulder surgery that he had and how it was still sore and it happened like six months ago. But he said the doctor could. Said it could take up to a year. Could take up to a year to. To get rid of the. So. And then you start talking. I'm comparing braces. You know, what. What brand is yours?

[Jared]

You get that copper fit or.

[Oz]

Yeah, you wanna. Are you on a full, like, metal brace or are you just down to the sleeve now?

[Jared]

I'm on the sleeve, but doc said I was supposed to be in the brace for another month, but I'm feeling good.

[Oz]

100. Yeah. It's like grandmas get together. All they do is talk about their grandkids. Grandpas get together. All I do is talk about their surgeries.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Ryan]

So was it like a classic case of a one or was it just good conversation?

[Oz]

No, it was just good. It was just good relatable conversation. Because old guys, the only thing that's going on in their life now is surgeries.

[Jared]

Yeah. Their body's slowly deteriorating. So it's not like they're out there fishing a ton. They can't get out there.

[Oz]

They're just not doing as much. They don't have a job. They're. What, are they going to sit. Sit around and talk about how their wife is, you know, nagging them at home? No, there's.

[Tyler]

That's implied.

[Oz]

It's implied. They know that.

[Jared]

They've been doing that for 30 years.

[Oz]

Why do you think their body hur.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. They're going to get like all this other fixed that hurts. But yet they, like, fail to want to fix their hearing. I think just because they don't want to listen to their wife.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Oz]

My grandpa has hearing aids and he just elects to not turn them on. He'll put them in his ear and not turn them on.

[Ryan]

It just acts as an earplug at that point.

[Tyler]

And you can't tell them to turn on because it can't hear you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, right.

[Oz]

Yeah. It's like, I imagine these old guys are like, even they're talking about the special. You know, like you're at a restaurant and they're like, our special today is this. Be like, hey, do you hear the special? They're doing two for one knees over at the. At the clinic.

[Jared]

You know, buy one, get one.

[Oz]

Hey, you're gonna. If you're gonna do your rotator cuff, man, you might as well Just get that elbow fixed too. I mean, it's, it's. They're running a special over there and.

[Tyler]

They know the best doctors to bogo.

[Jared]

For same or the less price on joint surgery.

[Oz]

Dude, if I am a surgery place, I'm just sending snail mail coupons for 10 off surgeries. Any household over the age of 45.

[Jared]

Yeah. Get the. Get the census and just click all 55 and up.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Printing money.

[Oz]

Printing money.

[Ryan]

Because I think the reason they put it off a lot is because there's no deal on it. Like, old people only pay for stuff that has a deal marked on it.

[Oz]

Yeah. Like, Tyler doesn't get a vasectomy because he just. Insurance won't cover it.

[Jared]

Yeah. Do we consider insurance getting a deal?

[Oz]

Kinda.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

You're already paying for it.

[Jared]

True.

[Oz]

But yeah, I just thought that was very funny that, like, they were so excited to discuss surgeries with each other. His eyes lit up and it went on for like 15 minutes.

[Ryan]

I mean, I think it's a good way to gatekeep the younger. The younger folk from entering the conversation, though.

[Jared]

That's true.

[Ryan]

Maybe they. Maybe they don't want to talk to these younger guys because they're like, yeah, they don't have good to talk about. We've been talking about the weather for 50 years. We're on the surgeries now.

[Jared]

Now, like, what can. What. What surgeries have we had? Unless you, like, tore your ACL in high school. Right.

[Oz]

Wisdom teeth out.

[Tyler]

Want to talk about that?

[Oz]

That rehab process was actually quite interesting. Take those little. The water syringes and stick them in the holes.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

And then you squirt water in there. It shoots food out of it. It's pretty gross.

[Ryan]

What do they call the things that. Dry sockets.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Well, you're trying to prevent dry.

[Jared]

Trying to prevent. No straw. I still have mine. So you're not allowed to use straws, right?

[Ryan]

Not right away.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

No, not right away.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Tyler]

It hurts like a. I've heard that.

[Oz]

I just remember having a mental breakdown because I was so hungry, but I just couldn't eat enough food, enough, like, soft foods to like, satisfy me. I just like, I can't do this anymore.

[Ryan]

I've had. I've had enough smoothie to get me through the rest of my life.

[Oz]

Yeah. Old guys. Another great topic discussion on the surgeries. Like, oh, I can't. I can't wait to go on vacation. My joints are going to be feeling great, you know, after. I always schedule my surgeries right before. Right after vacation so that I can feel Good. Going into surgery, get a few, you know, before I then have to do the rehab.

[Jared]

Speeds my recovery up if I'm relaxed.

[Tyler]

And that's a twofer, too, because they get to talk about their surgery and the weather.

[Oz]

Yeah, there you go.

[Jared]

Well, also, so they can use their surgeries for the weather. Be like, wow, there must be some weather coming. My knees starting to hurt. I can feel it in the metal.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, you did just have surgery, so that could be why your knee hurts.

[Jared]

No, it's because. It's because we got nine inches of.

[Ryan]

Snow coming, and, you know, there's a 90 chance they're either going to Arizona or Florida for vacation, possibly Mexico. Cancun. Not Canc.

[Oz]

No, they're not doing that.

[Ryan]

Puerto Vallarta.

[Oz]

They're like, I'm not dealing with customs anymore. Get the same in the Florida Key Ease.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

But. Yeah. Is that what we're destined for?

[Jared]

For sure.

[Tyler]

More likely.

[Oz]

What do you guys think you're most likely to have surgery for?

[Jared]

My ankle.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

That I already broke.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Probably my back. My back, or my neck.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't know. It just. It. It just always hurts.

[Jared]

Your neck, your back, Any other two things you can think of?

[Ryan]

Probably my crack.

[Jared]

I need one more.

[Ryan]

Probably.

[Oz]

Yeah, you're. I think maybe a shoulder might go for me. I've actually been pretty lucky that I haven't had much knee issues, considering my dad just doesn't have knees.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Like, when he was my age, he started losing cartilage in his knees.

[Ryan]

Jesus.

[Oz]

So I got pretty lucky there.

[Tyler]

What about your loppers elbow?

[Oz]

Well, so that's like tendonitis. So.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Oz]

It's not really a surgical move necessarily.

[Jared]

What is that inflammation or what?

[Oz]

Yeah, it's. It's tendonitis. So it's like. It's like an irritated tendon.

[Ryan]

It's like.

[Oz]

So the only thing that fixes it is rest. So the more. It's like an overuse injury.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Stress injury.

[Oz]

Yep. So not necessarily a surgical maneuver.

[Jared]

I mean, I could. I have two tor. Both my labrums are torn, but it's just like. I don't use them that much anymore, so I don't need to get them fixed.

[Oz]

I just. How. How can you go through life with.

[Ryan]

Both of them are torn?

[Oz]

Yeah, well, they're not torn anymore.

[Jared]

I mean, maybe they healed themselves. I'd have tore both of them.

[Oz]

Well, like, if they were still torn, you would have chronic pain.

[Jared]

They pop out a lot.

[Ryan]

Your labrum pops out?

[Jared]

My shoulders. Oh, yeah. And they hurt like a For like a week, and then they're good.

[Oz]

See, I don't get that. How can you tear your labor and just not fix them?

[Jared]

I was.

[Oz]

And then you're just good.

[Jared]

Hey. Because the, the, that's literally what the trainer told me at our college. They're like, you can get this surgically repaired and miss the rest of the season, or you can just chill because it's not going to pop out as much when you're older. Because I'm not doing the same sort of motions. So, like, they'll pop out.

[Ryan]

What's the motion?

[Jared]

Usually it's like an overhead or a back and behind. Yeah, sure.

[Oz]

Well, like, really do it. First of all, I don't believe you. So go ahead, pop one out. No, I don't think you can.

[Jared]

I'm not gonna do it.

[Oz]

No, I don't think you can.

[Jared]

Okay, prove it. No, you're right. I can't.

[Ryan]

So do they pop up?

[Oz]

He just bopped his shoulder out. On the podcast.

[Ryan]

Did they pop out and then pop back in right away?

[Jared]

Typically, like nine. Like nine out of 10, they pop out and pop right back in. And then sometimes I have to have Becca help me get him back in.

[Ryan]

Okay. Because usually if they, like. Because my shoulder sometimes will pop out and pop in, like, instantly. They call that a subluxation.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't know if that's due to a torn. I don't have a torn labrum.

[Jared]

You might.

[Ryan]

I, I, I, I don't. I've had. I've, yeah, I've been checked out.

[Oz]

You just got a loose labrum.

[Jared]

It's. You have a stretch labrum.

[Ryan]

Yeah. They say if you can, if you can duck walk for 20ft straight. No torn labrum.

[Oz]

I think that was duck walk.

[Ryan]

I think that's why the doctor talking.

[Oz]

About your hip play room or what? Yeah, I, I take back. I don't. After hearing your guys's stuff, I don't think I'm gonna need shoulder surgery. It's probably gonna come to something else.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I think the main reason I backstreet is because of this chair. It's sitting in here for like five. I've sat in this chair for like 400 hours.

[Tyler]

I thought you're saying because I was.

[Jared]

Carrying this podcast, you can, you can send the build. You got your radio.

[Ryan]

Yeah. There's gonna come a time I'm gonna have to swap this chair out because even right now my back is fried. But also, like, I could also sit with better posture. I try, but so there's, there's A. Like there's a sinkhole at the bottom to where it's like stretched out. So, like, the. The straps, like, they. They come apart like this. So my butt, like slides through. If I sit with posture, it's. It's a whole thing. You guys won't understand because you just sit here.

[Oz]

Easiest thing ever for us to just get them a different chair.

[Ryan]

Just the thing about it, though, is I've sat in this chair for so long, there's.

[Jared]

Is it worse than that one? There's.

[Ryan]

That one's worse.

[Jared]

Very similar right next to us.

[Ryan]

That one's worse.

[Jared]

Really?

[Ryan]

Yeah. That one's got sharp sticking out of it.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah.

[Oz]

You'll be all right.

[Tyler]

You could stand, right?

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, I'll be.

[Oz]

I mean, you're gonna have to have surgery at some point, so you might as well just like.

[Jared]

Well, we're gonna run out of. To talk about if you don't get back surgery because of that chair.

[Oz]

Yeah. 60 years old, we're gonna need topics to talk about. So if we don't do stuff now to make us have surgeries later, it's not gonna be very good podcasting. So really, it's an investment in your future is what it is, right?

[Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, that. Same as 75 hard. It's just an investment in my future.

[Jared]

Hey, you gotta be really close to that.

[Ryan]

Sunday's last day.

[Jared]

Hell yeah. What are you gonna do?

[Ryan]

Go to 100 days.

[Jared]

Really?

[Tyler]

Oh, my God.

[Jared]

Wow. We're on the fast track to 365.

[Ryan]

You know you're doing something right, though, when you get. When you got people getting whispering in the background, though.

[Jared]

Well, I'm not whispering. I'm pretty loud right now.

[Ryan]

I know. I wasn't looking at you. I was looking through the glass.

[Jared]

So would you whisper, Jared? Let's hear it.

[Tyler]

I just said, oh, my God into the microphone.

[Ryan]

I should compile the stats. Miles walked water gallons in water. Drink.

[Jared]

Well, 75.

[Ryan]

Probably weight.

[Oz]

It should be 75 gallons.

[Ryan]

Well, some days I drink more. Some days I'd get a gallon down by four and I'm parched at six, you know, so.

[Oz]

No, I don't know. Never done that. I've never had a gallon down by four.

[Tyler]

I'm sat there.

[Ryan]

So. Yeah, anyway, old people.

[Oz]

So, yeah, that was. That was my experience at the restaurant.

[Jared]

Not a restaurant, but we're eating dinner two nights ago at our house, and my three year old looks up from his Mac and cheese and hot dogs, and he looks at my wife and he goes, mom, this is Yummy and it was awesome. I. I think, like, I think letting your kids swear is fucking sweet. It's hilarious. And we have a strict rule.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's funny, not necessarily sweet.

[Jared]

Yeah. So we have a strict rule that you can't do it if dad's not around. They're allowed to swear with dad and only certain words. The F word is not one of them. But that moment, I let it slide because it was hilarious because the Mac and cheese and hot dogs were yummy. Nothing.

[Oz]

I thought you were gonna say more.

[Ryan]

Me too. Me too.

[Oz]

I was waiting for you to say more. I'm sorry, that was not a. I wasn't.

[Ryan]

I thought you were going to say.

[Oz]

I thought you were going to say more.

[Jared]

They were. We had.

[Oz]

They were yummy. And then we were waiting for the next thing.

[Ryan]

You're going. I know.

[Jared]

They, they, they were yummy. So I didn't get mad at him, but I think it's just, it's.

[Oz]

Well, that begs a question, you know, where do you draw the line on your kids swearing? Should kids be allowed to swear? What's the harm in kids swearing? Do kids only not. It's only frowned upon that kids swear because of what. You know what I mean? What's. What's the problem?

[Jared]

Yeah, I mean, that's.

[Oz]

If adults all swear around each other, why can't kids swear?

[Jared]

They're gonna end up swearing anyway. I remember being a 13 year old kid cussing more than I do now. And I still swear a lot.

[Ryan]

Same. So it also just feels. It sometimes just feels good.

[Jared]

Therapeutic.

[Oz]

Yeah, it's like, hey, you have a. A mouth like that. You're not gonna get a job when you're older.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Are you kidding me?

[Jared]

Well, like, they don't swear in public. They're not out there cussing up a storm at the grocery store.

[Oz]

Maybe that's the move, Tyler. Maybe you just unlocked a new parenting style. You know, it's like let them swear a little bit so that they don't have the rebellious urge.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

To then swear later. Right. Let them smoke a cigarette in the garage with you like once a month.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Then they won't be doing it behind the shop.

[Jared]

School, you know, get it out of your system.

[Oz]

Get it out of your system.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we'll get it into your system.

[Jared]

Yeah. Get it in your system once a month with me.

[Oz]

Yeah. Like, like have, like, hey, here's some pornographic magazines. Don't give them the Internet. Just give him the magazines, lock them in his room for an hour or four and let him have like, once a month. And then he'd be like, yeah, I just. I am so raw now. I just don't even want to do it.

[Jared]

The other week, you know, I have been talking.

[Oz]

Don't give me that look.

[Ryan]

I mean, I. I just. I don't know if I'm gonna be pushing pornographic material on my kid to get it out.

[Oz]

Are you gonna be pushing cigarettes on your kid? Are you serious?

[Ryan]

Dude? You can't. If I would have said the same thing, you would have looked at me the same way I just looked at you.

[Oz]

I don't think I would have. I think I would have then thought of another thing that I could do to keep my kid from doing it. Right.

[Jared]

I was just going to say that I've been given my wife a ton of shit because we have three boys. I was like, hey, when they are 15 or when they are 17, 15 and 12, there's going to be a lot of jerking off going on in this house. You're going to have to.

[Ryan]

You're going to smell it.

[Jared]

You're going to have to prepare yourself.

[Oz]

So instead of it being a free for all, you guys should just contain it in one area. You go, all right, boys, mom and dad are gonna go for lunch. You guys all go to your room. Do it while we're not here.

[Jared]

You guys have, like. I'm not gonna outright say it like, you have 45 minutes until we're home. Correct. You have 45 minutes.

[Oz]

Because if they're gonna do it anyways, the last thing you want is to walk in on something and then. And then be like. And. And the laundry better be done before we get home.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Including the socks.

[Jared]

I was like, hey, they're not just gonna rand start to decide to shower downstairs, honey. Like, when that happens. They're cranking it. Okay.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Where you have to prepare yourself for this.

[Oz]

Yeah. And I think that that's maybe the move, right?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know, downstairs, it's like how we.

[Tyler]

Know an asteroid's coming in, like 10 years. That's kind of what it's happening for you. Yeah, it's gonna happen.

[Jared]

And she's like, in full panic mode. She's like, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, well, it's.

[Oz]

It's gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

You know, so, like, we're gonna have to do something to get a third bedroom in this house or a fourth bedroom so all three of them can have their own room. We can't have them sharing bedrooms.

[Oz]

Just do a shift system, you know, Like. Yeah, it's like a conference room at a corporate headquarters. You know, you just. You sign. Reserve it. Reserve time.

[Tyler]

Or it's like a doctor's office with the color.

[Oz]

Yeah, it's like in use or not in use.

[Jared]

Yeah, you just have the red and green flappers or whatever.

[Oz]

100. Then you don't even have to worry about walking in on nothing. Just make it a nice, safe environment.

[Jared]

Yeah, there's going to be a lot of knocking. When they are teenagers, any closed door, I will be knocking on the door. No. No. Dad rushing in.

[Ryan]

No. God, no.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

The swearing. Another thing that I. I didn't come up with this. I stole it from Chris Pratt. Actually. The only way, the only times his kids are allowed to swear, like to start were in the truck or in the fishing boat. Right. And so I started the. In the truck with my oldest like a year ago. And it was, if you can reach that handle above your head, then you can swear. And the first time he ever got it, he reached up and he got the handle and he goes, dad, check this out. And I was like, hell, yeah, buddy. And now every time, he'll just reach up, touch the handle, and just go, so.

[Oz]

I mean, it is the ocean.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told him that's what it was. Sorry, details. But I was thinking, like, that show back in the day, Kids say the Darndest Things, I think got a bad rap because I remember thinking like, this is the dumbest, cheesiest show ever. But I think now was the sentiment.

[Oz]

On Kids say the Darndest Thing that they didn't like it.

[Jared]

Yeah, it got canceled. I think it was just kind of people.

[Tyler]

Cosby was on it too.

[Oz]

I mean, that doesn't help.

[Jared]

No, it doesn't help at all.

[Oz]

But I, like, I feel like people like that show.

[Ryan]

I've never heard of this show until.

[Oz]

You just said, I heard of Kids say the Darndest Things. Cosby would just literally have kids come out, and then he would just ask him questions. They'd say funny stuff. It was a great show. I. I thought.

[Jared]

I. I thought of the sentiment that it was kind of cheesy, just like a shittier version of America's Funniest Home Videos.

[Tyler]

I was like this. There's something wrong with this guy. I don't know.

[Jared]

Yeah, maybe.

[Oz]

Maybe that's what you should spun this into. That you're. You just had radar going off that this guy's a bad guy.

[Jared]

It's clairvoyant. I knew there was something up with that show, but then they Would like play videos of kids swearing or saying dumb.

[Oz]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, what are the other problems the kids have? You could just like, you could just have them steal stuff out of your buddy's garage so he doesn't. Not shoplifting at stores could do that.

[Jared]

Cuz I was going to borrow it anyway.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I need you to go over to Ryan's and steal his nail gun for me.

[Oz]

There you go. What's Ryan gonna be mad at the little kid? No. Yeah, I mean, he probably will be, but.

[Jared]

But I was just borrowing it.

[Oz]

But is it better for Ryan to be a little mad than my kid to have get the cops involved because he shoplifted some candy out of a gas station? You know what's better? Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, it could be a case though too, to where they like, they get so good at stealing your buddy's tools that they want to like take it to the next level, you know, let's see if we can.

[Oz]

Yeah, it's like they uncover a talent.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Criminal. Danny Ocean or what? If I'm raising Danny Ocean, they're like lock picking.

[Ryan]

Yeah. There's a kid, this kid in high school, he got like so good at stealing from Walmart. He stole an amp, like for like subwoofers that you put in your car. And do you guys.

[Jared]

How did he steal that?

[Ryan]

It's a great question. He wore just like an oversight, like one of those big ass oversized like Columbia coats or whatever. And I think he like knew the corner in the store where the cameras couldn't. Couldn't see him. So then he would take it over there and like take it out of the box, put the box together, put it on the shelf, and then he just would like throw it into his coat. It was the wildest thing ever.

[Oz]

That's awesome. Wow.

[Jared]

What's he up to these days? What's Dylan doing?

[Ryan]

He's a teacher.

[Jared]

His name Dylan?

[Ryan]

No, no, he's working at one.

[Jared]

Yeah. Don't name him.

[Ryan]

No, I don't incriminate him, you know?

[Oz]

No, no, it's like, catch me if you can. He now works for Walmart. Yeah, yeah, their security department.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Do you remember Walmart? Secret shoppers?

[Oz]

I remember hearing about it.

[Ryan]

There's, there's a. There's still a store, the sporting goods store in town that they have them all over the place.

[Jared]

Really.

[Ryan]

And now they're so easy to pick out because they have the big cell phones on their hips.

[Jared]

I just remember being terrified of them, even though I wasn't a kid that stole. But I was just. Everyone around me like, they must be a secret shopper. They must be a secret job. Yeah. This looks. People pretending to be a shopper to bust kids stealing or around in the store.

[Ryan]

How did you know what they look like?

[Jared]

I never did. I always worry that I was any random. Yeah, any random person was the secret shopper. And they're like, they're gonna get mad at me for taking too long in this aisle.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. You don't. You don't want to look any bit suspicious doing anything. You don't want to look at something for too long because then, you know, they might think that you're gonna try and steal that.

[Jared]

Yeah. It's like, I swear to God, I am just really looking for something. I don't want to ask for help.

[Oz]

Because I actually, I. This is a counterpoint. This is an argument. It's just a thought I just had. I think actually the longer you look at something, like, the less likely you are to steal it. I feel like if you're steal something, you walk by and just grab it and put it in your pocket.

[Jared]

Well, you could be casing it. The longer you studies means what if you look at. He's looking around, but if I'm just.

[Oz]

Standing there looking at a box for like five minutes, reading the box, I feel like I'm not gonna steal it. But if I'm like, looking around, whatever.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

[Oz]

And then you kind of just do some, you know.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So I actually feel like.

[Ryan]

So less. I. I mean, less eye contact on the product is more of a sure sign that you're.

[Oz]

Yeah. So if you're. If you're worried about a undercover shopper is gonna bust you for something you're not gonna steal, just keep the eyes on the merchandise.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Set an alarm on your.

[Oz]

When you start looking around.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

That I think you become suspicious.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And never look above the top shelf.

[Jared]

No. What are you looking at the cameras for?

[Ryan]

What are you looking at? Yeah. Why are you looking at the ceiling?

[Tyler]

Bottom shelf.

[Oz]

Yeah. Hey, you know what's more suspicious? Me doing this or me doing that? That one second one. Easy peasy. Lock them down.

[Tyler]

Or steal something really quick and then stare at a box for five minutes right after.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You could wear sunglasses, too. And just if someone asks you to say you're blind, because then you can look all over the place. You can check cameras.

[Oz]

That is the move, dude. Bring a blind cane and some blacked out glasses. That. I mean, your. Your buddy probably has Already tried that.

[Ryan]

Probably. Probably.

[Jared]

There's a really good.

[Ryan]

And then you got late the next day comes and does the same thing. Sunglasses. He's like, yeah, I got Lasik.

[Jared]

Wait, you tell me Lasik cures blindness.

[Ryan]

No, no, I'm not.

[Jared]

There's a really good standup bit by this guy where he's standing in line at the grocery store and some lady behind him is just being an to him. And then he just pretends he's deaf. Does like the deaf voice and she apologizes, carries his groceries out to the car. So you could. Anytime anyone's getting mad at you, like, you could steal something, get caught, and then pretend you're deaf. And then they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. Help. I'll help you bring this to your car.

[Oz]

That is a good move, actually.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I. I'm wondering why she carried the groceries out for him. Because it's not like.

[Jared]

Because she like ripped him a new one. And then his punchline to the stand up bit was when she was finished loading the groceries into his car. He's like, thank you very much for your help. And reveal. He's not deaf.

[Ryan]

That's good. It's good.

[Oz]

I like that.

[Ryan]

Jared, it's funny that you brought up Roomba earlier because I. I now have one. Do any. Any of you guys got a Roomba?

[Jared]

Had one in college.

[Ryan]

In college.

[Jared]

Yeah. I got it on Black Friday. No. Cyber Monday?

[Tyler]

Steal it?

[Jared]

Not from the Internet. I tried.

[Ryan]

My buddy could definitely. He would definitely know how to swipe a Roomba out of any store. I don't know what the big. I thought Roombas were kind of like this next step in life type of. Type of purchase, but I honestly don't know what if. If there is any. Is any hype, let alone like what the hype is behind them.

[Jared]

Yeah, they're not as good as advertised.

[Oz]

I. Yeah, it's. It's really about the long game. Right. Because over the course of a week, it essentially vacuums your whole area. Right.

[Ryan]

Because see, I don't even know. I. Again, me being a 30 year old guy, I haven't read the directions yet, nor will I. I. It's all trial and error at this point. That stuck underneath the couch every time.

[Jared]

All the time, dude. It gets stuck all the time and then it dies. And then you put it on the shirt.

[Ryan]

Yeah, like yesterday we couldn't find it. We're like, it's not on the charging station. And we don't know, like, we don't.

[Oz]

Found it like in the pantry. It's alive, damn it.

[Tyler]

It's the last place.

[Ryan]

Like, yeah, I was like looking forward to some leftovers in the fridge and it was like just somehow climbed its way up the fridge.

[Jared]

Roomba. I had my name on those.

[Tyler]

In your bed watching that.

[Ryan]

But then at the same time, like my dog's barking at it and my kid is riding on.

[Jared]

That's the thing.

[Ryan]

And it's. This is just a toy now. This isn't even like practical. It's not a practical use anymore.

[Jared]

Yeah, I got it in college because I thought it'd be a novelty. I watched parks in Reckon saw that they had DJ Roomba where they just strap a speaker to the room. I'm like, oh, this will be funny to have in college and it'll keep my floor clean. And it just was a piece of shit. And now it's like, if I got one, my kids would have stomped wwe top roped on top of the Roomba baseball bat. Yeah, yeah. Within the first two days.

[Oz]

So you, you have. It doesn't clean anything up.

[Ryan]

No, it does, but I don't know. I. I would say within like 15 minutes it's stuck somewhere.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So I don't. Is there like a. Is there a learning process that it's got to go through? Like the internal computer is like, okay, you know, this area, whatever.

[Jared]

I know. It's really. It's touch sensors. It's like it bumps a wall, it turns and it just keeps going until it randomly gets everything or gets stuck under your kitchen table.

[Ryan]

Now, you guys ever seen the Roomba? Like I just call them Roombas but like the Roomba lawnmower.

[Jared]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

[Ryan]

What's your guys stance on those? Because I was a huge fan of them and like, yeah, maybe down the road and think about the purchase. But now I'm like, well, the question.

[Oz]

Is, is, does it do the lines? Because if it just goes randomly like a room, I mean your laws are going to look ridiculous.

[Jared]

So I think they do because those, we've looked into them and they have a hell of a lot more tech than a Roomba does. Like, you have to put in either like Jeep Bear berry wires in the ground for your perimeter or get like, like you walk it in a gps. Like you remote control the perimeter, like drive it like a remote control car and then it will do the lines and then you can upload designs. So if you can put in like a vector file of what do you want it to mow your lawn into?

[Ryan]

So they can actually do that.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So you're like funny prank.

[Jared]

They're like nine grand though.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

For like the really nice ones.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Really?

[Ryan]

Yeah, that would be a funny prank. You get a hold of your buddy's vector file or whatever you call it, and you just. I mean, what is.

[Oz]

I mean. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. On three, what are we all gonna mow into our buddy's lawn? Three, two, one. Wieners. Yeah, there we go. I mean, that's what we should be doing with these robotic lawnmowers. I mean, that would be funny. Like your buddy's gone on vacation, you go bring your thing over to his house, map out his thing, and then the day before he comes home, you have a mo wiener in his lawn. Yeah, that is, that's comedy.

[Ryan]

Or like, you know that the, like the Google Earth car or whatever is coming around and you pick satellite image. Yeah, the satellite image. You pick that data to carve the dick out in the grass.

[Jared]

Yeah. If they had these in 2008, like Will Ferrell would have done a swastika in the grass trying to get people to not buy his parents house.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Step brothers.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I mean, on that note, I think I can get, I can get, I can get on board with the room of vacuum if I can start doing like cool lines like that in my. Like the bedroom.

[Jared]

In the carpet.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Carpet downstairs. Or. I don't know.

[Oz]

Yeah. Is it just like. Is a Roomba's plan that if you just let it go long enough, eventually it'll cover everything?

[Jared]

I think so. I think it goes in like a grid pattern and as soon as it touches something, it just turns and it goes a different direction until it hits something. Turns, goes and goes and goes.

[Oz]

Does it remember where it's been?

[Jared]

I don't. I think maybe some of the fancier ones do.

[Ryan]

Mine does it because it's been stuck under the couch in the same spot.

[Jared]

For the last two days.

[Tyler]

That spot's clean.

[Jared]

That's because, like, you'll see them when they especially. Yeah, we'd see him get going to the kitchen and it gets stuck under like a kitchen chair. It hit one leg turn, hit the other leg, turn, hit the other leg, turn, hit the other leg, turn, and then just beep at us until we came and got it.

[Oz]

So does it just go randomly or do you set a time when it's supposed to go.

[Ryan]

I. I just have it going randomly again. I haven't read the directions at all, so. Cuz if I was an app for.

[Oz]

It, if I was smart, I would Just do what the restaurant does after dinner every single night. I would just flip the chairs up on the table.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

And then just turn it on. Like have it go at like 7:30pm after you're done eating dinner. And it cleans up the kitchen and then you're good.

[Jared]

Yeah. You got them.

[Oz]

Morning for breakfast. You just flip the chairs back down. Like a restaurant.

[Jared]

You definitely got to do it when you're awake because if you do it at like 10:30, you go to bed and Roomba starts ripping. He gets stuck and he's done 10 square feet of your carpet.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Yesterday, Yesterday was stuck under the nightstander bedroom. And it had my, this is my own fault, but I had my charge cord sucked up into it.

[Jared]

Oh.

[Ryan]

So. Yeah. I mean you gotta do just as much.

[Oz]

Like, I love that this like, this is basically like another child to you.

[Ryan]

Kind of. Yeah.

[Oz]

Is what it sounds like it's becoming.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Oz]

So yeah. They got to put outlet covers on stuff so the roommate doesn't get electrocuted.

[Jared]

Baby gate up so he doesn't go down the stairs up.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

You know, it's like you have to chop up your food really small so that when it ends up on the ground, it can pick it up still.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Instead of just take a piece of steak and just smear it across the whole floor.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yep.

[Oz]

Yeah. Roommas are just like an additional child.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's like I, I am now a new dad that's just got to figure out this, this new lifestyle. Yeah.

[Oz]

I have two kids now.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I'm a restaurant owner. Slash like hotel, Hotel maid service.

[Oz]

That sucks.

[Ryan]

You know, picking up. Yeah.

[Oz]

You got to change the rooma's diaper. You got to empty it out. Correct. It's, it's a full time job.

[Ryan]

Yep. Yeah. And I mean I, I, I haven't fit. I mean it's probably pretty easy. Again, directions. But figuring out how to get it to go back to the home base.

[Oz]

I don't know if I think you should just read the direction or watch. No, no, no. We'll just watch YouTube video.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Watch the YouTube video.

[Jared]

The one we had. It would just. The only time it would go to home base is if I told it to. Like by pressing a button or it was low on battery. It would just go back to the home base. Otherwise he just roamed.

[Ryan]

Huh. I, I mean I feel like it takes just as long to prep the house for the ruba to start going than it would for me to just vacuum.

[Jared]

And the amount of times you got to get up to get him unstuck. Yeah, just take five minutes to vacuum the space.

[Ryan]

He's young though. Treated as a young child. Like a newborn baby. Doesn't know anything yet.

[Jared]

Yeah, I don't know if he's gonna learn though.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I don't. Maybe a software update that might be on ebay here in a week. Like new.

[Jared]

He's running iOS9 still like new.

[Oz]

Come does have some verbal abuse though.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's been running away from home for a while now. Yeah. Obl.

[Jared]

Yeah, free. Must pick up.

[Ryan]

Must pick up. You gotta find it first though, because I can't.

[Tyler]

Or you just send the ruba to the address.

[Ryan]

That is true. That is true.

[Jared]

Stuck in the driveway. He make it 10 yards out of your front door. Things helpless.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You could maybe rig it up as like a home defense system though. Just have it going back and forth on like the front porch.

[Tyler]

Just tape some knives to it.

[Jared]

Yeah, I've seen that.

[Ryan]

Could you. Could you like. You know how in water, boy, when they swap the motor out in the. In the lawnmower. Lawnmower. So then it goes like 70. I wonder if you could do that with a Roomba. You swap the motor out, just rips.

[Tyler]

Put a four cylinder in it.

[Ryan]

If that's the case, I'll just like. I'll figure out like a small little chair I can put on and just strap my kid do it. And I'll just remote control him all the way around.

[Jared]

I've seen a tik tok where you're talking about them fighting where people like they do one balloon on their Roomba. The tape of balloon and one steak knife taped to the Roomba.

[Oz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

And they just let two go. And whoever pops the other's balloon first wins.

[Oz]

Also. What a huge flex. I have two Roombas.

[Ryan]

I know. Yeah, I know.

[Tyler]

Just for like two Lambos.

[Oz]

Yeah, yeah. I have two yachts.

[Jared]

Well, they had twins.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I have two nail guns. Why the do I need that?

[Jared]

You know you have two nail guns. Can I borrow one?

[Oz]

No, I'll just send my kid over. He'll steal it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, you. You had two of them, so I figured I could get one of them. What I would like to see what I would have more fun with is a hoverboard style vacuum.

[Oz]

Oh my God. That's a great idea, Ryan. A rideable indoor vacuum.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

And I mean we, we love zero turn mowers. Why don't we just have a zero turn vacuum hoverboard style? That's a great idea actually. Yeah, you just stand on top of it and you just lean your. Your.

[Ryan]

Dude, it'd be awesome. And, like, if I need to move. If I need to move something, I can just. Like, I can just reach in front of me, move it, go underneath, and it's kind of just.

[Jared]

Yeah, I was confused. You mean like, like the hoverboards that, like, kids were riding in, like, 2,000.

[Ryan]

Like the one that we had in the world.

[Jared]

Okay. I was thinking like, a real, genuine hoverboard that floats like that tech.

[Ryan]

No.

[Jared]

Isn't real.

[Ryan]

No, no.

[Oz]

Well, it actually is real, but yeah, it's like one of those where you just. It's like a segue without the top.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Oz]

Yeah, That's a great idea. That would be so fun.

[Jared]

I thought you're talking like, Jimmy Neutron.

[Tyler]

That would be sick.

[Ryan]

No, just. I mean, teenage teenagers, hoverboard. I don't know how you'd.

[Jared]

Why don't you do that?

[Oz]

Hard, Like, I mean, you probably could just hook up a Roomba to the front of it or just hold the.

[Jared]

Regular vacuum while you hoverboard around.

[Oz]

That is true.

[Ryan]

That's true.

[Tyler]

Got the cord, though.

[Jared]

Yeah. Battery. Get a charge 1. A battery.

[Ryan]

One off balance, and, dude, I could. I could have the house vacuumed in five minutes.

[Oz]

You imagine Ryan just.

[Jared]

Morning, honey.

[Oz]

It could be like, you know, like, you have, like, family chore on the afternoon. On, like a Sunday afternoon. Everyone's doing chores. Just. Everyone just gets a. Gets a room, and they just all hover around, and then you guys pass each other and you clean the hallway just by going from room to room.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. See, that's a fun chore. That's a chore that a kid would want to do. How do we make chores fun again? Well, we take. We take it. Oh, yeah, that's true. How do we make chores fun in general? We take that people like to do. They like riding hoverboards, strap vacuum to it, and you're. You're off to the races. Or even, like, you know those old school. The old school lawnmowers with. What do they call them?

[Jared]

The oscillating ones. Yes.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Having something like that as like a. Like a hoverboard style oscillating mower. And then you could just start ripping down the yard.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

It's dangerous.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Definitely. Definitely. Well, I mean it. Once. Once you get off it, it stops. It's just like.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Gotcha.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Where did Ryan go? He's stuck under the nightstand again.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So One of my least favorite things to do, chore wise, is sweep the garage. I don't know if you guys feel this way. I love and it's so. It's satisfying. But what I don't like is all of the dust that gets in the air and then gets in my nose and I'm plugged up and then I blow my nose for like five days and I still have dust coming out of my nose. So I need to get a mask for that.

[Ryan]

You got the garage door open?

[Oz]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

You got the back door open for air circulate. Yeah.

[Oz]

And maybe part of it is, is that I do it so little that I just have such a thick layer of dirt that it's like I'm just on a baseball. It's like I'm on a baseball diamond and I'm just brooming the. The base path.

[Jared]

Yeah, I think that might be it.

[Oz]

Okay. Because I. I'll shut the up.

[Jared]

I sweep my garage regularly, I guess because I. I do woodworking in there and there's sawdust all over the place and I don't want to let that build up, so I just sweep the whole thing. When I sweep the sawdust.

[Oz]

Yeah, that's probably my problem. I just let it go.

[Tyler]

Or attach a fan to your chest so it blows away.

[Jared]

Hey, not a bad idea. One of those. Those clip on cap fans for your face. Just point it. Point it out instead.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tyler]

They don't sweep the garage is bu.

[Oz]

So I know if they could get a. A garage sweeper. Roomba, I would think I would be. At least I'd be willing to try it.

[Ryan]

Okay. I might have to throw that in the garage tonight.

[Oz]

See what?

[Ryan]

You're sleeping in the garage.

[Oz]

You get stuck underneath the couch one more time. You're sleeping in the garage.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Jared]

It just gets. You just back over it in the morning.

[Oz]

Ah, yeah.

[Ryan]

I get wedged under the back tire at that point. It just wasn't meant to be.

[Jared]

That's what happened to my dog growing up. We had a carpenter over.

[Oz]

Christ.

[Ryan]

What happened?

[Jared]

We had a carpenter at our house and it was like a hundred degrees out and the dog was chilling under the carpenter's truck trying to get some shade and dude backed him over. It was sad.

[Oz]

You really know how to keep the good vibes going.

[Tyler]

That dog gone it.

[Oz]

You got any other. You got any other pet pet death stories you'd like?

[Jared]

I had a hermit crab. I had a hermit crab once that I'm pretty sure I buried alive.

[Oz]

Okay. Yeah, let's just get them Out. What else?

[Ryan]

I mean, don't hermit crabs, like burrow through the. Through like the sand and shit?

[Jared]

Yeah. I don't know. I had him. He looked. He was for sure looked like he. He didn't move for like three days. And then I went outside to bury him and he came out of his shell. But my dad told me that it was just probably like his electric impulses are making his body twitch.

[Ryan]

I don't think that's.

[Jared]

So I still just buried him. So I'm pretty sure I buried my hermit crab alive.

[Oz]

Your dad was just sick of like. Yeah, food for him.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

What are they?

[Jared]

What do they eat little pellets of like. It's just hermit crab food you get at the store.

[Ryan]

Yeah. They just eat crab food.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah. That was doubling.

[Jared]

I don't know what's in it. There's little pellets of.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Huh. My dad always told me, like, if, like if you kill it, you gotta eat it. So I was like, you killed your hermit crab, you should add. Eat it.

[Jared]

Well, I didn't kill him. I. It was electrical.

[Oz]

By that thought process, Jared should have eaten Finn. Diesel.

[Ryan]

Finn died of what was natural causes. Natural causes because I was forced starvation.

[Jared]

Natural.

[Tyler]

Indirectly.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Well, Jared has just had him on a fast.

[Oz]

So if you put your dog down, you say your dad. By your dad's lodging, you have to eat your dog.

[Ryan]

Well, no, I.

[Oz]

Where the vet has to eat your dog.

[Jared]

Whoever kills those vets are eating good. They euthanize a lot animals.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You got. You get it?

[Oz]

Oh yeah, sure.

[Ryan]

You get it.

[Tyler]

It's a good idea on paper.

[Oz]

What do you got going on, Jared?

[Tyler]

I'm looking to buy a house right now.

[Oz]

Oh, okay.

[Tyler]

Yeah. And it's. I. I don't even know what to say about it.

[Ryan]

You're. You're trying to buy a house.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

What stage are you at? Are you just looking? Do you. Are you pre approved? How serious are you at the moment?

[Tyler]

Pre approved. And we. We're looking at one place and we gave the earnest money already.

[Ryan]

Yep. Put earnest money.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

So you got an accepted offer?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Hell yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, and it's an inspection has been done too, but it's been such a tough process.

[Oz]

So you're not trying to buy a house? You bought a house?

[Tyler]

Not really.

[Ryan]

I mean, yeah, because we've.

[Tyler]

We've come close twice already and we haven't.

[Oz]

Have you gotten this far before?

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Ryan]

With earnest money and an inspection.

[Oz]

So you just been losing money on earnest?

[Tyler]

We've gotten some of it back or most of it back. But yeah, it's been.

[Ryan]

Is it the inspection that is like, you find something out that they're like, hey, this isn't.

[Tyler]

That was on one of the houses.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Jared]

Which is good because your offer is pending inspection, I would assume.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So it's. It's just been a nightmare.

[Oz]

Where. Where at? In town.

[Tyler]

Morehead.

[Oz]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So nice.

[Tyler]

It's been just a. I don't know. It's because, like, when I think something goes this way, it goes the other way. I'm always, like, thinking the wrong thing.

[Oz]

So now you're playing the. Like, what I like to do if I gamble at any point, you know, it's like, oh, like, I don't. I don't want to win.

[Ryan]

Reverse psychology. Just like, the. The aura in the air.

[Oz]

You don't even want the house. So if you get it, like, whatever.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Completely jinxing it. That's what I don't want to do.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So this is your third house you've put it. Had an accepted offer on.

[Tyler]

Yep. In the span of like a month and a half.

[Jared]

Holy.

[Oz]

Also, I like how you're just keeping this here.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

[Oz]

I'm a little offended you guys haven't asked about it.

[Ryan]

How would I know you guys ask about anything. I've been here.

[Oz]

How would it sound. How would it sound if I went up to you? Jared was like, hey, you get out of that apartment yet? That doesn't seem very nice.

[Jared]

Dude, you came up to me one day and you're like, hey, I gotta take the afternoon off. I'm going to the bank. I'm like, oh, cool, what for? And you're like, just banking stuff.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So that's on you.

[Tyler]

I wasn't wrong, though.

[Oz]

That's true.

[Jared]

Yeah, but that's.

[Oz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Technically, we weren't on the podcast, so you couldn't be like, well, it's a good thing this is a podcast.

[Oz]

You know, why do we even open up to Jared?

[Jared]

I get.

[Oz]

If we can't get it in return.

[Jared]

The man of mystery.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So how many are we talking? Two bed, three bed, four bed, five bed, five bed. No, you could have three bed, two bath.

[Ryan]

You could have a two. Yeah. Two room, six bed. You just got, you know, bunk beds.

[Jared]

And what's your first perch? Just gonna be a Roomba or whatever.

[Tyler]

Like, I think we need a couch.

[Jared]

Ah.

[Oz]

What I would love to know what have been the mental notes that you have taken after listening to me, Tyler and Ryan, talk about home ownership.

[Tyler]

Oh, man.

[Oz]

For the past however many years. What is. What, what. What did we do that? You're like, I will never do that.

[Tyler]

Make sure my roof is good to go.

[Oz]

Okay. Need a good roof.

[Tyler]

Need over 2,000 sqft.

[Oz]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Labeled.

[Oz]

Is this. Is this sub or.

[Tyler]

You don't know.

[Oz]

You don't know. Look it up right now because you have to know if you bought into a sub sqft. Sub 2k sqft.

[Jared]

Ryan, you sold your old house.

[Ryan]

No, I. I still got it. Just for fun, I think.

[Jared]

I didn't know if it's old or not yet. What the.

[Ryan]

I sold.

[Jared]

I didn't. I was gonna say you could sell it to Jared. Jared.

[Oz]

You could have sold it to Jared.

[Ryan]

I. I think I. Maybe.

[Tyler]

I think you inquired.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I threw it out there.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So you knew he was interested in buying a home? He didn't tell anyone?

[Ryan]

No, no, I didn't know he was interested. He declined, so I assumed he wasn't interested, like.

[Tyler]

So he must not want a home.

[Jared]

At all if he doesn't want mine. He doesn't want one.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, we saw. We saw that a while ago.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Oz]

Does it need updating? You have to do home project. You're gonna turn into a weekend warrior.

[Tyler]

It just needs painting and a new water heater. That's about it.

[Oz]

Okay. Ryan knows a guy.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

He's got a water heater.

[Ryan]

I had to buy a new. I enjoyed it for six days and then moved out.

[Oz]

Water got cold, so he got cold water and moved out.

[Jared]

Buy one. That's more than 30 gallons.

[Oz]

Oh.

[Tyler]

1850 square feet.

[Oz]

Okay. So we got a new member of the sub sq. Sub 2k sqft club.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Because yours is. Yours is what?

[Jared]

It's like 22 or something.

[Oz]

It feels good. Be back though, having a member in the sub 2k sqft though, Jared, it's.

[Ryan]

Not as bad as you think it is.

[Tyler]

Just head into the b.

[Ryan]

You can do some damage with sub 2.2k sqft.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah. I think it's. I think it's great. That's awesome. Congratulations, Jared.

[Ryan]

Congrats, dude.

[Tyler]

I've been to the stage.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You know what? Just by the sounding of the sqft, you probably don't even want that.

[Oz]

Yeah, you don't even want it.

[Tyler]

We're going to pull the buddy.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Get to mow the fucking lawn and sweep the garage.

[Tyler]

I also can't believe the amount of stuff paperwork you have to sign.

[Oz]

It's. It's unbelievable. Banking industry is keeping paper companies in Business.

[Jared]

Wait till you close. You're going to have to sign 30 things.

[Oz]

Well, but here's the thing. So I asked my banker. I was like. Because I Like, this is ridiculous. What are we doing? And he's like. He's like, yeah, you could just sign these online. But like, something with the government, they like. Like they don't have a system to, like, document it or whatever. Online, it's all paper. So that's why we. It's like we have all the technology, the ability to do this online, but because the government or something dragging their feet.

[Ryan]

So they have, like cloud services that can store.

[Oz]

You know, we have artificial intelligence that can draft up these documents automatically, but we can't sign them online.

[Jared]

Yeah, the. The biggest thing is getting them to print. Print. Imagine how printer issues these places are having.

[Oz]

Can't imagine. No wonder real estate and all banking all takes so long. Yeah. Wait for the printer.

[Ryan]

Well, then like, when you can't get connected, when you go to. When you go to close, the people who are like, handing you the documents to sign, it's always a classic. Like. So this document pretty much just says. It's like one sentence after that. Even though the document's like four pages long. You're like, like, okay, sounds good.

[Oz]

Yeah. But, yeah, I've been in a scenario where they've handed me documents and been like. So, yeah, if you just want to, like, read through that. And I started. This is early on in my document signing career. I started reading it and I got like a paragraph in. I. I just went to the bottom. I just. And then I would just look. You just glance at the page, then go to the next one. You just. I don't know what. I'm not looking at any. Then you just go.

[Jared]

Your eyes are crossed. You're just doing the motion.

[Oz]

So the fact that people do give you the rundown in one sentence, that's great.

[Tyler]

You're selling your soul to Satan here.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, at least you're honest.

[Oz]

Jared, are you going to do a photo with your sold sign in front with your free realtor?

[Tyler]

If it's still there, we can. Yeah, I'll do it. If it's still there.

[Ryan]

The I. The sold sign is still up in the house that I sold three months ago. I think it's because the ground's frozen. You can't really get it out.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, I could do that. I could make a photo of that.

[Oz]

Well, I just wonder if you're gonna do it.

[Tyler]

I haven't thought about it till now, but I Could totally do it.

[Oz]

He's right, because you haven't bought the house yet.

[Ryan]

Maybe stay away from this when you.

[Oz]

Guys went and we'll look through it. I'm guessing you went and looked through it. I don't think you're buying this site unseen.

[Tyler]

Really good photos.

[Oz]

Yeah, it's so much space.

[Jared]

20, 22 people were doing that.

[Oz]

You guys walk through and as you're walking through, do you guys do what every person does? Like. Yeah. And then we could like have this over here and then like this over here.

[Tyler]

My wife did that the whole time.

[Oz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

How many of those statements that she made included you like having to maybe DIY something?

[Tyler]

Yeah, she wants to do like the backsplash.

[Oz]

Oh yeah, there we go.

[Ryan]

Like, like staining the deck.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it's another crazy.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, you know.

[Oz]

Yeah. If you're just gonna stay in deck, you might as well swing through my house.

[Tyler]

Oh, your bench. Yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah. Okay, I'll source it a little bit.

[Tyler]

Two stones.

[Ryan]

No, I think. Didn't I offer to come stay in your bench and you said no.

[Jared]

Yeah, it sounds right.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I think I did.

[Oz]

I mean that was when I was younger, young and dumb though. You know, I had a. I had too much pride back then. Do you want to come by while you're gone?

[Jared]

I think you, I think you said if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.

[Tyler]

That doesn't sound right.

[Oz]

Yeah. Hey, I'll give you access to my garage door, like remote access while I'm gone. You can just pop in also super garage.

[Tyler]

While you're at it.

[Oz]

Just.

[Jared]

Just wear a mask.

[Ryan]

Now I just have a whole list of stuff to do.

[Oz]

My brother in law did that. My sister, they went on like a 10 day vacation somewhere and while we were gone that he had someone come in and like redo their kitchen. Oh, so that's a good idea.

[Tyler]

That's smart.

[Oz]

So Ryan, if you do that, be great.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, would people be disappointed if the bench finally got stained? Or is it something that we did? We all just need to come from.

[Oz]

And what you got done, what you gotta remember is yes, today it is the bench, but tomorrow it could be something else. And so by. By completing it, it isn't that it's the end of the list, it's this. Then we find out what the next.

[Ryan]

That's true.

[Oz]

Have to do.

[Ryan]

Yeah, the next. And then you'll go on vacation. And once you know it, I'm over, you know, taping texturing your garage.

[Oz]

Painting the garage Revere Pewter. Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's actually a color of my old truck. Peter.

[Oz]

Yeah. My wife loves talking about Revere. Pewter. Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's. I'm just. Pewter in general is a good color.

[Oz]

It's just a paint color.

[Tyler]

The paint colors. I don't know how to come up with the names of the paint colors.

[Oz]

Well, because there's so many shades that you can't just call it gray. Gray, right. Yeah. There's 50 shades of gray.

[Ryan]

That was a good one.

[Tyler]

It's like they just throw a dart at two words, and that's what they name the color.

[Oz]

Yeah. I came across a paint color called Dragon's Breath. You kind of. What color do you think it was?

[Jared]

I. I was. My gut said green right away, and then Jared said red. I'm like, that makes way more sense.

[Oz]

Mix those two, too. It's like a deep brown.

[Tyler]

Oh, like a pewter.

[Ryan]

Wow. Like a dragon's breath.

[Oz]

Like. Like charred dragon's breath.

[Ryan]

Yeah. They should have called it, like, the.

[Jared]

Dragon is what they should have called.

[Oz]

I mean, Jerry, you should have let off the podcast with that. You bought a house?

[Tyler]

Well, I haven't bought it yet.

[Oz]

Yo, but you bought a house.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

You actually bought three houses.

[Ryan]

Ernest is in the picture now.

[Oz]

Yeah. Earnest money. So you're waiting on inspection?

[Tyler]

No, it's already been inspected, so we're just waiting.

[Oz]

So now you're good.

[Ryan]

Waiting for the report.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we're doing a counteroffer of some. That needs to get fixed. And then.

[Oz]

Oh, yeah, the art of the deal is what they call that.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Oz]

So will they just give you an allowance probably so that you can fix it?

[Tyler]

It's pretty much what we're doing because there doesn't need to be a lot of stuff that needs to get fixed.

[Oz]

Water heater needs new water heater.

[Tyler]

With the last place we went or looked at that, like, everything needed to get replaced. It would have been, like, north of, like, 30 grand of the, like, the furnace, the water heater, the ac. There's mold. Like bad shingles.

[Jared]

Hey, my dad's a real estate agent. He says this cheesy all the time. He's like, if you didn't get the house, you didn't get it for a reason. And, I mean, it kind of right for me, but it could be the same thing for you. You didn't want to deal with that shit.

[Ryan]

Hell, no.

[Jared]

So probably a good thing, Jared.

[Oz]

Yeah. Which, you guys, I. I don't know why this came up, but I just think it's funny. My. My Mom. So back when I was young, they bought the lake cabin that they have. And I remember my. They literally signed the papers at the cabin. And the real. The realtor hadn't even backed out of the driveway yet. And my mom was ripping off wallpaper.

[Ryan]

Good for her, though.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah.

[Oz]

But the funny thing is now is once in a while, like, a door will just randomly close and the people that had it beforehand, the guy had like, died. I don't know if he died in there. I think he died somewhere else. But it was like he built the home and it was his. He had a shop in the back. It was like his family. And I think his name was Tim or some like that post. And so every now we're like, mom, that's what you get first. Before the realtor even back down the driveway for tearing this place apart trying to fix it. He's haunting you now because of that.

[Jared]

He's desecrated his home.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Once that pen left the paper, the wallpapers are like.

[Oz]

I'm surprised my mom didn't just go like this. Like she's signing the thing and then just her hand kept going.

[Ryan]

Wallpaper.

[Jared]

Used the pen to peel it off.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That'S kind of funny.

[Jared]

That's.

[Tyler]

That's.

[Jared]

What we're doing right now in the house is peeling wallpaper.

[Tyler]

Nightmare.

[Jared]

This shit's a rat.

[Oz]

You got to score it first.

[Jared]

Well, so it's like a. They put on like a base paper and then like a. Almost vinyl type paper wallpaper on top of that. So like, we were. They were. My grandma and my wife were doing it mostly. They're like spraying it, and the water can't soak through the vinyl, so they're. They're ripping it off in chunks like this big. None of the big satisfying poles that you normally get. So me and my grandpa have a side bet on when the wallpaper is going to finally be off. And right now the line is like, August.

[Oz]

Oh, really? I was thinking 2027.

[Jared]

They're doing it every weekend.

[Ryan]

Like, is it just like one room, one wall house?

[Jared]

Just the hallway?

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Jared]

So it's like the. It's like a weird double staircase kind of split. Levelish. Right? So it's like they have the vaulted ceilings in the stairwell that they're going to have a tough time getting to. And if you can only tear it off like a baseball at a time, it's going to take for ever.

[Oz]

Well, I mean, you and your grandpa could help.

[Jared]

Well, they don't. They don't want us to help.

[Oz]

Oh, really?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

That's a sweet gig. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, I think it'd probably be faster if you just demoed the wall and read it. The Sheetrock.

[Jared]

I did one patch, and I ripped off the previous paint. They're like, well, now we're gonna have to. That spot my wall. I just rip the paint off of all of it, and then it'll be fine. It was way easier than what you're doing. And then they're like. They're trying to preserve the paint, I guess, underneath.

[Oz]

Isn't there glue on it?

[Jared]

I. I don't know. I. I have ripped off one piece, and I was told to exit the room, so I did.

[Oz]

Yeah. Do what you're told. That's another good life lesson told.

[Tyler]

Do what you're told and eat what you kill.

[Oz]

Yeah, what you kill. Do what you're told. And to keep your kid from being addicted to porn, give them PO magazines. That's the life lessons that we've had on this podcast so far.

[Jared]

This is the only place you're getting that sort of life lesson.

[Oz]

Yeah. Where else are you going to get that?

[Tyler]

Eat where you go.

[Ryan]

You're not a hunter. You wouldn't get it. Tyler. Understand.

[Jared]

Hey, he's a house hunter. Three accepted offers.

[Tyler]

What if I kill a house fly to eat it?

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Oz]

We're having flies. That's a good point.

[Tyler]

I'm very principled.

[Oz]

Yeah. Have you scoped out any of the neighbors, Jared?

[Tyler]

No. It's a nice neighborhood.

[Oz]

I haven't learned to break.

[Jared]

Yeah, it's. It's in a pretty ritzy part of town.

[Tyler]

It's got a fence.

[Jared]

Oh. White picket or no brown.

[Oz]

You're a dog to put in the fence. Fence.

[Tyler]

Oh, what?

[Oz]

A dog to put in the fence.

[Tyler]

I don't think we're gonna get a dog.

[Jared]

He's gonna get another fish. So you can chill in the yard and not run away.

[Oz]

Do a pond in the backyard.

[Ryan]

You do a koi pond. When I moved in, we had a. There was a koi pond in the. In the front yard.

[Oz]

Why did you keep that? Yeah, that sounds awesome.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[Oz]

I.

[Ryan]

The. The neighbors had told me that I think they had, like, catfish in there at one point, and they. They died within a couple days. I mean, hey, catfish are. They're mud. They're. They're bottom feeders. They're mud suckers. They can live in a koi pond. That's why they don't call it a catfish pond.

[Jared]

It's a really good point.

[Oz]

Another great life lesson.

[Ryan]

So if something's called a koi pond, don't put catfish in it.

[Oz]

I love that you said it like you just spit some bars. Some absolute wisdom on us.

[Ryan]

Wow.

[Oz]

Oh. So.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, go get Finn a pond for the backyard.

[Tyler]

My dad built a pond when I was growing up, so.

[Oz]

Nice.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So he just dug a hole pretty much.

[Tyler]

And you get rocks and. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, he did it. He did it. Nice.

[Tyler]

It was nice. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

It wasn't just like a little puddle. A big puddle, I guess.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Oh, man.

[Ryan]

Huh. Well. Yeah. Looking forward to the housewarming party for both you and Tyler.

[Tyler]

We probably do it the same day.

[Ryan]

We. Yeah, we could do like a. Like a. We could do like a house hop.

[Oz]

Actually, this is if we wanted an excuse to get a party bus. Since we're 30 some years old and we don't have a good excuse to get a party bus. We could have the housewarming party bus.

[Ryan]

The house hopping stop for.

[Oz]

Starts at Ryan's, then goes to Jerry, then goes to Tyler's.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Then it finishes like.

[Oz]

No, we wanna. We want to finish in town, so. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Sorry, Tyler.

[Jared]

Yeah, no, no. So you'd want to start at my house, drive all the way down there, start and then come back this way.

[Oz]

Yeah, well, no, we got. No, we would want to start at Jared's, go to. Oh, yeah, go to Tyler's, then end up at Ryan's because that's probably the closest to my house at the end, so. Well, yeah, the housewarming party bus.

[Ryan]

We do it.

[Oz]

Not a bad idea, actually.

[Ryan]

No.

[Jared]

Is it just gonna be the one.

[Oz]

Just gets like a metal spatula and just helps you get that wallpaper off. Yeah, yeah. You get like 15 hands on it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You guys can help me spread grass seed, we can help Jared and then stay in that.

[Oz]

You know what? Let's end at my house. You guys help me stay in that bench.

[Ryan]

Four guys stating event.

[Oz]

It's like. Like literally the area that the bench is in. If us four stood shoulder to shoulder, I don't think we would fit. We would have to turn sideways and paint like that.

[Ryan]

It'd be like we're working for the city. Like, you got one guy working and the other guy's just sitting there watching.

[Tyler]

Better idea on paper.

[Jared]

We'll have one guy open up the stain can. One guy will mix the stain, one guy will put it on the brush, and the other guy will stain.

[Oz]

That's honestly a great idea to get house projects Done. You get as many guys as you can together. You. You get a party bus and then you just go to each person's house. And it's like. If you've ever watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition, if you just have enough hands, you can get done like that.

[Jared]

That's true.

[Oz]

An eight hour project can be one hour if you have 20 guys working on it.

[Ryan]

And see, and. And here's the. Here's the caveat too is everyone is designated a number for their house. You put it in a hat and then you start pulling the. The order.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Because by the time you get to whoever gets the drawn last, your buddies are going to be. And your project is going to be out the door.

[Jared]

Yeah, we're just going to have beer and pizza ready at each home.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

I mean, this actually sounds like an awesome idea.

[Jared]

I think it'd be fun.

[Oz]

Just a weekend. You start. You start Saturday morning morning early. Little Irish coffee. Tyler. Start at one guy's house. Then we. You pull the. It shouldn't. We shouldn't know the order. Yeah, it should be first house. You pull it out. We're going to Ryan's. We're gonna spread grass seed. We get that done in 30 minutes. 20 guys.

[Ryan]

That's actually a.

[Oz]

Now we pull it out. Oh, we're gonna go stain Jared's deck. Deck. Party bus goes over there.

[Ryan]

Giant deck.

[Oz]

That would be awesome.

[Ryan]

Because I. I mean, the best way to do. The best way to do home projects is to do them with your buddies and drunk.

[Tyler]

Drunk.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

We gotta make sure we. I think we have to start at Ryan's house so we can load up his old water heater so we can bring that to Jared's.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we can do that. And.

[Oz]

But even like painting your house, if you had 20 guys that would go. It would go so fast.

[Ryan]

For sure.

[Oz]

Like if in one room, if you had. You had five guys painting one wall, how quickly that wall would get done.

[Ryan]

I mean, I think it'd be done in five minutes.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Honestly, especially if we all had the pole roller deals.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

I think what we did is we just invented the Amish.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

More drunk.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Except we're way more drunk.

[Ryan]

Yeah. We're in a motorized vehicle. They're in a.

[Jared]

They're allowed to ride.

[Oz]

Group effort work.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Communism.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Collectivism.

[Jared]

Everybody does their share.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Huh? Yeah. I mean, we do it in the next couple months too. My wife dd, she can drive.

[Jared]

Hell yeah.

[Tyler]

Beautiful.

[Oz]

Yeah. We'll just like rent. Like a sprinter.

[Jared]

His wife like, that dude, that's his wife.

[Oz]

Sorry, what did you say?

[Jared]

I said, called Meg beautiful. He's like, she is. He's podcast hitting on your wife.

[Tyler]

I'll bleep that out.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Everyone thinks you said something bad.

[Jared]

They just hear the B. They think. They think Jared called her A.

[Ryan]

Like, how sick would that be at, like, let's say 8am Everyone gets the mean spot. Everyone's just walking on with, like, their. Their tool bags and their hero shot to begin with.

[Oz]

We all got our gear loading up. Look like we're gonna go rob a casino. Like, Ocean's Eleven.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Ready to rip out Honey Do Lists. No, Honey Do List is safe today. Bad day, honey.

[Oz]

Dude, I bet that there is a group of guys in. We could get 20 guys in Fargo that if you just said you get free beer for an entire day, they would do this, and they wouldn't even throw their house into the mix for sure. So now you just have an entire business that, like, if you just want to do manly and housework and get free beer year, you just sign up and show up to the bus. And then people like, we would Pay, you know, 300 bucks to have these guys come do a house project. I bet that you could do that. I bet people would sign up for that. And then you just ride around all day. It's like missionary work, you know?

[Jared]

Yeah. And you charge less for each house. The later in the day they want.

[Oz]

You because you're gonna get shoddy crafts.

[Jared]

Yeah. The tape li. If you want painting done, the tape lines are going to be bad. If you've got 12 beers of Rick.

[Oz]

It's also like, why aren't we doing this with everything? Like, why don't you. Why don't you get everyone in a van, get a trailer pulled behind it with everyone puts their own lawnmower on it. And then you just go to each other's houses, and everyone takes one stripe at it. It's done, and it's fun.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Whereas just mowing your lawn on your own is like, you're just mowing it on your own.

[Jared]

Looks like the coordinated baseball field mowers.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Jared]

She's got, like, a whole. A whole line of.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or the fairway mowers.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Oz]

That would be awesome.

[Jared]

That would be super cool.

[Oz]

You just.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Just every Saturday morning for, like, three hours, you just do you. And all your buddy's lawns, you do one stripe.

[Ryan]

Well, then, I mean, people are gonna notice, too. So, like, let's say you get a whole block on board. You Just like you just go from house to house. You could do an entire neighborhood in like half a day probably.

[Oz]

And camaraderie.

[Ryan]

Camaraderie. Yep.

[Oz]

And beer, sweaty jokes.

[Jared]

So I'm thinking about it. I would charge like minimum of 50 bucks a lawn. Absolute minimum. And if you can get a Lawn Done in 10 minutes, you could have. You could. You would still make money paying 20 guys hourly. You just knock out, you'd get 50 lawns done in a day.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it was 55. 50 times 50. 2500 or 2500, something like that. Yeah, camaraderie.

[Jared]

And that's. And that's.

[Oz]

We don't do this for the money to.

[Ryan]

No.

[Jared]

And that's minimum charge for a lawn.

[Tyler]

It's gonna take longer to unload the trailer than the mow the lawn, honestly.

[Ryan]

Well, so at my old house, my neighbor used to. He used to hire out his lawn mowing and two guys would show up on riders. And you guys know how big my neighbor's lawn is. They would be done in five minutes. And I think they charge 60 bucks a time.

[Jared]

Right, That's.

[Ryan]

Well, yeah, I mean, that's. That's great. Great by the hour. So.

[Oz]

So, yeah, great idea. You got any Patreon questions or fun facts?

[Tyler]

We'll do a Patreon question and then a fun fact. Let's see here.

[Oz]

Yeah, I caught him unprepared.

[Tyler]

Tyler, I've fallen and I can't pull out.

[Oz]

Ziggler, you're only reading this question because of the name, aren't you?

[Tyler]

Not at all.

[Jared]

Fantastic.

[Tyler]

My wife is a high school coach and the rules forbid using conditioning as a form of punishment nowadays ways. What are some of the worst punishments you were dealt and saw someone dealt while playing sports?

[Oz]

Yeah, I didn't have to do this, but I think I told this before, maybe on this podcast, but before I got to college, the. The coaching staff that was there before would make guys roll 100 yards as a punishment, and then they just would like puke for like a few hours afterwards because they got so sick just rolling. So that was one. We used to have to do plate pushes. So you just take a 45 pound plate and put it on the ground and you just have to push it back and forth however many times, and it doesn't slide very well on some services. That sucks. Yeah, so there's that one in.

[Jared]

In high school, there's a big wrestling tournament at the Fargo Dome called the Rumble on the Red. And the night before the Rumble on the Red, we were all in the Hotel and we got a bunch of noise complaints and shit. So the next day our coach made us run stairs which was up one set up the set of stairs down, down that set of stairs all the way around the Fargo dome. And we had our. Our heavyweight. Just real big guy. He quit. He went hid. We had guys puking on the steps of the Fargo Dome.

[Ryan]

Where'd he hide at?

[Jared]

He just. He went down out the tunnel and.

[Oz]

Hid in the bathroom right by the Maui Wow.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So like for the Maui Wowie, it's still there. It just get fruit smoothies at the gate at the ball game.

[Jared]

So yeah, we all. We had to run the entire Fargo dome. Dudes throwing up and like no fans were in yet. It was like weigh in to early morning where only the wrestlers and the teams were allowed in.

[Oz]

It's really good. He's making you guys do that before a match.

[Jared]

It was like an unimportant tournament in the grand scheme of things. And he like, well, if you guys are going to off, then there's consequences.

[Ryan]

Yeah, like they've already made weight and now, now like they're trying to like rehydrate and. And he's just bringing it right back out of him.

[Oz]

You know what's a power move? Punishment that seems ass backwards but it works is like if a coach just ends practice early because they're mad.

[Ryan]

Yeah, big time.

[Oz]

It's such a mind because you're like, okay, I kind of not that mad that practice got done early. This is kind of nice, right?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

But then you're like psych psychologically. You're like, but now that actually makes me want to practice more because you're. It's such a mind.

[Jared]

If you guys are gonna off all day, we might as well not have practice. Just.

[Oz]

Just go home. Just go home. And you're like, God damn it.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Oz]

I kind of do want to go home and play some video games. But now it makes it seem not fun. Now I don't even like to go home play video games because of this.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You guys, you guys, the. They call it infield outfield. So before the game, like each team goes through like their routine out in the field. Ground balls, fly balls, cut offs, whatever. There was a handful of times where our coach would just. We'd be like five minutes into infield, outfield. And he'd be like, yeah, bring it in. We're done, we're done. And we're like, holy. And then, and then. So he'd bring us in and wouldn't say anything. He'd like all right, back to it. There's just like a psychological thing, like it makes you stop, run all the way and thinking you're done and then you just, you gotta go right back.

[Oz]

So what would he say when, when he brought you guys in?

[Ryan]

Yeah, we're done. We're done. I mean, I've seen, I've seen, I told you about the T shirt ripped down the middle in the hotel room. I've, I've seen coffee cups thrown across the gym. Yeah. You guys think the vein in my forehead is bad? The vein in my college coach's neck was ten times the size. Ten times the size.

[Oz]

I had a basketball coach just, you know, like the big industrial garbage cans.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Just karate kick that across. And then when it finally got done, there was like a little like, like a bent, like when you dent a can. That's what it looked like after he kicked it.

[Tyler]

Oh, he smoked it.

[Oz]

I, he also punted a basketball up into the rafters. Yeah. He was like, normally a pretty well mannered guy, but just once in a while at practice, he would lose it.

[Ryan]

Damn.

[Oz]

I remember this one.

[Ryan]

I could see it.

[Oz]

I remember this one time we, we did this drill. He thought we needed to be tougher, you know, just classic.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So you'd start at half court and one person be on the other and you both would run to the hoop and he would throw a ball to one of the two people running. And then whoever had the ball needed to score a layup and the other one one had to basically kind of foul them pretty hard. And it got to the point where I, I, it was kind of with the players. It was kind of like, yeah, like, follow me hard, but like, like, this is a dumb drill. Something don't really. And my buddy got me pretty good. And so then of course we get back into line and you know, it's uneven line. So I'll be like, no, dude, I'm going in front of you so I can line up again. He got that time and just whaled him clothesline. Everyone had to run crushers after that.

[Jared]

God.

[Ryan]

Were you, I, I could see you like when a coach would blow up. Were you the type of kid that would like try not to laugh because you thought it was funny?

[Oz]

No, not really.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Oz]

I, I used to get technicals though, in practice and every time you got a technical practice, so everyone would have to run.

[Ryan]

Sure. Yeah.

[Tyler]

You'd have to watch and it just.

[Oz]

Yeah, some kids just piss me off, man. Just couldn't take it. Angsty teenager.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Can't do the three man weave correctly.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we're done.

[Oz]

Pick it up. We're done. We're done.

[Ryan]

It's like, it's like it took one ground ball.

[Oz]

So my buddy Connor McGovern, he not brag, played in the league for nine years or whatever, but he's. He was actually on this podcast way back in the day, one interview. But in high school, he was just so much better than everyone that, like, quite literally so much better that I didn't find this out till later, but quite literally, like, the coaching staff had a discussion with him. Like, basically they're like, we need you to figure out how to still be on your game on game day by like only going like 60 in practice. Because they're like, you are injuring the scout team players.

[Ryan]

Well, like, like, how old are the scout team players? Are they like sophomores?

[Oz]

Yeah, I mean, they're just scrawny. Like, you're the scout team on a high school with 85 kids a class. Yeah, right, right. And. But every once in a while, I miss one specific time time because so then he just like had to go 60 in practice and, like, have to be able to turn it on on game day. Right. But every once in a while, someone would provoke him and he would just lose it. And I remember, like, he just got so mad at this one kid. He was doing a drill. He just went and just picked the kid up and held him over his head and threw him on the ground. And it wasn't this, like, it wasn't like this kid was the tiny kid. He was. He was a guy that actually played. And it was like, at that mom all realize like, what he's actually capable of. We're like, oh, oh, yeah. You really have been only going 60%. But then we all were kind of like, why you just do that in the game on every play?

[Tyler]

Like 80% on game day.

[Oz]

You don't have to go 60% on game day, dude.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

So then after that, I always try and like, figure out a way to like. Because it was kind of like I felt like it was kind of the Hulk at that point. You know, I just needed someone to get them a angry. And so I tried to get him angry, which he didn't love that obviously it made him angry. But it worked at times.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

Like, hey, that D tackle called you a. I heard him say it.

[Tyler]

You might be right.

[Oz]

Like, like, literally when he would go Hulk smash angry, he just. They would hike the ball and he would just tackle the quarterback before he would Hand off the ball. Yeah. But yeah, I just remember just picking him over the head, then just slammed him on the ground so that like, we were all like, oh, okay.

[Ryan]

Is that what the coaches were doing too?

[Oz]

Yeah, the coaches obviously, like, broke it up, but I think. I think I didn't see it. But they had to have been doing kind of the like, like whistle in their mouth, kind of smirking like, holy, that was crazy.

[Jared]

Yeah, like, this guy makes gameplay.

[Oz]

Also just the fact we just. That that's just a legal thing you can do. You know, if you had to do that on school grounds at school, you' you know, just because they got football pads on, you just slam them on the ground. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Tyler, what'd you do in red if you get pissed at someone in wrestling?

[Jared]

We would have coaches when I was a captain, tell me who to piss off because, like, they liked a little jarring back and forth because such an individual sport. Yeah, like, anger and competition is good for you. So they'd be like, hey, I need you to piss off Evan today. Get a little fire under Evan's gut. He's kind of lolly gagging. And so, like, you'd be paired off wrestling live with one person, and you kind of run into Evan a bunch of times, try to get a rise out of Evan and then tell him to get the out of your way and then just try to get a rise. But there was. Tensions are high. You're in a 90 degree room doing some sort of physical combat with another guy. Right.

[Ryan]

So I'd say the best part, one of the best parts about being a pitcher is if someone. Someone did piss you off, I mean, you could, you like, you could put one up by their ear and like, like, you know, whoop, like, whoops. Lost control there, you know? Or the best was like, if someone.

[Oz]

Would call that chin music in the industry.

[Jared]

Shouldn't have had that popcorn before practice.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, it's opposite of pine tar.

[Oz]

On the fingers, but too many chin musics, though. We're done.

[Jared]

As a pitcher. Did you basically not practice with everyone else?

[Ryan]

Yeah, we were kind of on our. Like, we pretty much separated.

[Jared]

Yeah, that's kind of what I thought.

[Ryan]

Yeah, we, yeah, we throw and we do a little bit of like grom ball work or whatever bun coverage is. But yeah, we were out of there. And like, sometimes we're out of there in like an hour and a half. And then, you know, you got guys who have to fielding practice, hitting practice and throwing. So they'd be there for three hours, so.

[Oz]

So not Only do. You don't do anything for eight, eight ninths of the game. You also only have to practice about half as much.

[Ryan]

I mean, yeah, a lot of it's like, you know, like the, the, the mental strain of a closer though is it's, I would compare it to like a, a kicker trying to make a game winner. But when you, when you're up one and you come in to close, try and close the game out, if things are not going well, it's like, well, we, we gave you that. Like we handed you a lead and you fucking blew it.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Pitching is such a wild sports thing for me to think about because it's, it is. There's no argument it's the most important position in baseball, but they do the least amount of training, like hours wise.

[Ryan]

Like they're some of the most unathletic people too.

[Jared]

Right. Like they have to be good at one thing.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Jared]

Like it doesn't matter if they can hit. It kind of matters if they can field. But as long as they can throw the ball, they're the most important guy out there.

[Ryan]

If you can throw straight. Yeah, 100%.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Like, not to brag, but the baseball guy in high school was like, miles, we need you to come out and pitch. Like you just come to every third game. You don't even got to come to practice. I was like, coach, I'm an all in or all out type of guy. So for that reason I'm out.

[Ryan]

I'm either always there or I'm not there.

[Tyler]

Pitch with the whole game.

[Ryan]

It's like so funny.

[Oz]

Like, show any glimmer in high school of that you can throw something. And, and like the track coach wants you to do javelin.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Baseball coach, you're left handed. Gotta get you in pitchers and catchers. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Discus shot.

[Oz]

It's like show any glimmer of you can throw something.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or if you're like, if you're over, like say you're over like 6:3 or 6:4 and you don't play basketball like that coach is gonna try. Yeah, we had a kid, he moved, he moved to Wapdon. It was in like I would have been in seventh grade. He was in eighth grade. He, he was like 6, 5, 6, 6 in eighth grade. Didn't play basketball though. And everyone's like, dude, we're going to be good in a couple years. Like he'll be, hopefully he's like 6, 9 by the time we get to high school. He's done growing and, and then we find out doesn't play basketball. Nor did he didn't. Never played basketball.

[Oz]

We bullied my friend into playing football. He was a tennis player. We bullied. Senior year, he quit tennis.

[Ryan]

Really?

[Oz]

Played football for a year out.

[Jared]

Probably love tennis, too.

[Ryan]

Yeah, like a state champ as a junior. Just got bullied too much to just quit senior year. Whoops.

[Oz]

Got any fun facts, Jared?

[Jared]

Yep.

[Tyler]

It would take 19 minutes to fall to the center of the Earth.

[Oz]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared]

What did. I mean, we'd burn.

[Oz]

How long does it take to fall off the Empire State Building?

[Tyler]

I didn't foresee that one.

[Oz]

Come on, Jared.

[Ryan]

We're talking free. Yeah. Wow.

[Oz]

I mean, there should be a math equation that we could.

[Tyler]

Not a math guy. I'll do it right now.

[Jared]

You can just Google it. It'll tell you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, because, like, you guys are gonna.

[Jared]

And then you're gonna get on a wall.

[Oz]

You aren't. I mean, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

What did you say?

[Ryan]

I said you guys are gonna hit the ground from the Empire State Building faster than I will.

[Oz]

But what's crazy is, if there's no atmosphere, we all would hit the ground at the same time.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Jared]

Yeah. Wait. Doesn't matter. It's air resistant.

[Oz]

Yeah, we overcome air resistance better because we weigh more. You're like a parachute.

[Jared]

So if you put it in a vacuum, literally, like, this was Galileo's theory, and then they proved it. If you drop a feather and a cannonball, they hit the ground at the same time with zero air resistance.

[Oz]

So it's all about nine and a half seconds from air.

[Tyler]

Empire State.

[Oz]

Empire State.

[Ryan]

Damn.

[Tyler]

That's a long time. Nine and a half.

[Jared]

Yeah, but 19 minutes.

[Oz]

No, 19 minutes is crazy.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Oz]

But.

[Tyler]

But nine seconds by itself, falling is a lot.

[Oz]

Yeah, it's like one. It's like splat.

[Tyler]

That's a long time.

[Oz]

That's a long. I ran out of breath. I. I couldn't even do it in one breath.

[Ryan]

I think you would probably o back to this air resistance thing. I, like, give me, like, explain it.

[Oz]

To me like I'm four.

[Ryan]

Explain to me, like, where I would be in an environment with no air.

[Jared]

You wouldn't.

[Ryan]

Okay, gotcha. Gotcha.

[Jared]

Ever.

[Oz]

I saw one video. I saw the exact video Tyler saw.

[Jared]

So this is a Galileo.

[Oz]

But you saw the video with the.

[Jared]

Bowling ball when they actually did it. Yeah. They put it in a vacuum with zero air, and they dropped the feather and the bowling ball at the same time.

[Oz]

They landed it at the exact same time.

[Ryan]

Yeah, no, I. I get that. You know, I mean. Yeah.

[Tyler]

In space.

[Ryan]

In space space.

[Jared]

Or if somebody built a giant vacuum and you happened to trip in it, Big ass Roomba. And you'd just be. You'd die anyway. Your lungs would implode.

[Ryan]

When you guys are younger, did you ever think if you dug far enough, like, down in the ground, you'd end up in China?

[Jared]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Totally.

[Jared]

I was told that several times.

[Ryan]

Where did that ever come from?

[Jared]

And parents would say it'd be like cartoons. They would.

[Oz]

What, are you digging to China?

[Ryan]

I was convinced I'd be like, in.

[Jared]

The sandbox, two feet deep and be like, I gotta be getting close.

[Ryan]

And it takes you 19 minutes just to fall to what you say? The core.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Huh.

[Jared]

That'd be so 38 minutes.

[Tyler]

38 minutes of China. Great band, Dave.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

[Oz]

What's up, everybody? We're 38 minutes to China. Let's all have a great time tonight. One why they're. Why they're playing Blue Oyster Call. I did that on our other video the other day.

[Ryan]

That was a good intro.

[Oz]

Is that it, Jared?

[Tyler]

That's all we have.

[Oz]

All right, boys and girls, right, that are listening. And Ryan, man, thanks for tuning in to another episode. You bet. Your radio podcast. May your free fall be enjoyable. And your practice be what, Dawn? We're done.

[Ryan]

We're done. Can you imagine if you. If you pulled that out in a podcast? Like, if things. Like. It's just.

[Oz]

There's been times I've thought about it.

[Ryan]

Like, things just aren't going good.

[Oz]

Good. We're done.

[Ryan]

We're done. Okay.

[Oz]

I've thought about it. See you guys in the next one.

[Ryan]

Later, guys. Love you.

[Oz]

You betcha.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[E]

Comparing scars and knees Talking surgeries under shady trees Ryan's no but claims it's rain aloud Spinning chaos in his house Unbowed Jerry Secrets locked up nice and tight he won't tell a soul no matter the night Ryan's coach storms with a thundering tone we're done here. Echoes through the phone Sweep the garage let the dust take flight House full of madness from day to night Life spins faster but we'll hold tight Bring the party bus the future's bright.

[Ryan]

Bring.

[E]

The party bus the future is bright Jared's new house Standing proud and tall Beaming like sunshine through an open hall Empty room scream for life to ignore Night dreams build louder with every sight golden balloons and a key to the door Ryan sweeping dust trails across the floor Party bus honking it's ready to roll Fill new walls with stories to console Sweep the garage, let the Dust take light House full of madness from day two Tonight life spins faster but we'll hold tight Bring a party bus. The future's bright.

[Tyler]

Futures Brian's secret fling during the spring and fall, harvest wife doesn't want me to consume nicotine. What should I do to stay awake after I hit the 30 hour mark and caffeine stops working?

[Jared]

You poor guy. That's like the time you need it the most.

[Oz]

Yeah, like I have an uncle who doesn't chew normally except for during harvest season. That seems ass backwards. Totally back ass words.

[Ryan]

Can you read the question again?

[Tyler]

During the spring and fall, harvest wife doesn't want me to consume nicotine. What should I do to stay awake after. After I hit the 30 hour mark and caffeine stops working.

[Ryan]

I mean, how's she gonna number one, how's she gonna even know?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

And yeah, I mean my guess is it should knows. If he's actually doing long cut, she.

[Ryan]

Might be able to tell.

[Oz]

You know, his breath smell a little different.

[Tyler]

Sure.

[Oz]

So then just switch. Switch to nicotine pouches. Just did. You'll never know.

[Ryan]

And keep in the tractor, keeping the combo, whatever your grain, put them in.

[Oz]

A jerky chew tin, you know, that's.

[Ryan]

That's full.

[Jared]

Yeah. Because then she's gonna be like, oh good, he's doing what I told him to. There's jerky chew.

[Ryan]

Or what you could do is they sell like nootropic pouches. Now for like I don't enhance brain cognitive cognitivity. Whatever.

[Oz]

Cognitivity.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Anyway, you just buy one of those cans and then just swap them out.

[Oz]

Even if you want to do long cut, just put it in a jerky chew can and just be like. Yeah, they just make the jerky chew just smell just like tobacco. It's. It's an awesome alternative.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

It's for people trying to te free.

[Oz]

It's like. Yeah. If you're, if, if you're chewing, it's like no one's going. No one's going to. Your behavior doesn't change when you're chewing.

[Ryan]

Right.

[Oz]

So it's like, like if you were to tell her that you weren't drinking and you came home and you're a little drunk, like she's gonna know. Yeah.

[Ryan]

You can't really.

[Oz]

She can't be like, oh, I got this gum that's booze scented, you know. But how's she gonna to know you guys are. Nobody's going to know.

[Ryan]

You guys. Remember when I had those like, it was like something Buffalo pouches Yeah, yeah. They're like, yeah, they're just like a alternative to nicotine tobacco. Those taste and smell exactly like long cut or like an actual tobacco pouch.

[Oz]

So what is it?

[Ryan]

That's a good question. I don't even know. I, I was out on, I'm not, I'm not a huge fan of that taste and smell smell. But again, you just swap it out.

[Oz]

But what's funny is like the bad part about chewing long cut is that you're putting the like tobacco in your lip. It's not necessarily the nicotines that's the problem. So it's kind of like it's cutting your up. Yeah. To me it's like I get the, that you're trying to quit nicotine.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Oz]

But then you're just putting still the bad stuff in your mouth. It's kind of funny if it actually, actually is tobacco.

[Ryan]

Yeah, no, there's no tobacco. I, I, it's tobacco, nicotine.

[Oz]

So what is it?

[Ryan]

That's a great question.

[Jared]

It's probably just an oral fixation deal. Tastes the same. Feels the same.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Because like what the, When I've quit multiple times. That's the worst part is like just having something. Yeah. You gotta have something in your mouth. Like chewing on seeds, chewing on gum. She's like, oh, having something in your mouth is like half the battle.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Having something your mouth, mouth is awesome.

[Tyler]

Sunflower seeds could be an option.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're a sunflower farmer. Unlimited seeds.

[Oz]

You got to get ones with low salt, low, because otherwise you're just going to tear up your mouth.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

And it's not a good kind of tear up either. You know, it's not, it just gets so raw and shriveled.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Oz]

It's the worst. Just having a shriveled mouth. Terrible sensation.

[Ryan]

I, I think if you're putting those type of hours in, I think you, you do what you got to do to stay away.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, I, I think if I was in this situation, my wife would rather me be chewing nicotine or tobacco versus like rolling the tractor. Yeah. Falling asleep.

[Oz]

That is true. Great spin zone. So it's, it's not saving my life. Yeah, it's, it's a safety thing.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

Like, honestly, I would just counter be like, how about I just don't chew when I'm not in harvest? Yeah.

[Ryan]

It sounds like a situation of like, you know, it's, it's cool if you chew outside of planting and harvest, but when you're doing like, when you're, when you're in the thick of things. No way.

[Jared]

Yeah. When you're the most stressed during the two most important times of your entire livelihood, don't use that. Stress reducer.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I.

[Jared]

This is. This is ass backwards.

[Oz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

How about you just don't chew during the middle of the summer when you're just irrigating and spraying and shit.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or you could bring her out there with you, say, hey, I want you to work, like, the same shifts that I'm working. I wanted you to do the same jobs. And then see if. If you need something to keep you awake at hour 30.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

Yeah. Really? I think the best option here is you need to make the choice that you want sound better than another choice choice. So just be like, do you want me to just resort to cocaine then?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Oz]

You want me to go to drugs?

[Tyler]

Dramatic argument.

[Jared]

Guess I'm gonna have to smoke meth to get.

[Oz]

I guess meth it is.

[Jared]

I'm not gonna chew, though. Don't worry.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

We are in South Dakota. Meth. We're on it.

[Oz]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Looks like we're gonna meth the road.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You want me to. Yeah.

[Oz]

You want.

[Ryan]

You want me to have a little.

[Oz]

You want me a little. Have a little can in my pocket or a dime bag? You tell me.

[Ryan]

You tell me. Yeah.

[Oz]

And, I mean, what's she going to say to that? No, I don't want you to do either. It's like, you can't have both, honey.

[Tyler]

Yep. Pick one.

[Jared]

We're not living in fantasy land.

[Oz]

We live in reality.

[Tyler]

Ultimatums always work, correct?

[Jared]

Yeah. Keeping score.

[Oz]

If you ask me not to do this, we're getting a divorce.

[Ryan]

There we go. Here we go, guys.

[Oz]

If you want more, you bet your radio. You got to check out our Patreon. You got to go to patreon.com you bet radio, or look us up on the app, and we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.