Pumpkin Patches OR Pumpkin Carving?

Summary

You Betcha Radio – Ep: "Pumpkin Patches OR Pumpkin Carving?"

Date: October 20, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In this quintessentially Midwestern, comedy-packed episode, Myles, Ryan, Tyler, and Jared debate autumnal traditions: pumpkin patch visits, pumpkin carving, and coordinated family Halloween costumes. Spirited as always, the gang delivers banter saturated with nostalgia, local culture quirks, and a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. They riff on everything from their loathing of family photo sessions to the “proper” way to wear a belt, with mascot suit horror stories and $1 business ideas sprinkled throughout.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Fornicate, Assassinate, Elope": Fall Traditions

(00:00–03:52)

• The hosts play a fall-themed take on "Marry, Fornicate, Kill" with three options:

  • Pumpkin patch trips
  • Pumpkin carving
  • Coordinated family costume themes

  Pumpkin Carving Love

  • All agree carving is the most tolerable and even enjoyable, but only in moderation:
    • "I like to carve one pumpkin a year. That's it." — Myles [00:51]
    • "If you're doing pumpkin carving more than five times a year, you got..." — Michael [00:58]

  Pumpkin Patch: The ‘Booty Call’ of Fall Activities

  • Jared likens pumpkin patch visits to a last resort late-night hookup:
    • "Pumpkin patch is like a booty call when, like, you're having a terrible day, struck out at the bar, then I guess then I'll…fornicate with the pumpkin patch." — Jared [01:29]

  Assassinating the Family Costume Theme

  • Overwhelming agreement on "killing" coordinated costumes:
    • "A coordinated family costume is going to come with a photo session. Correct. Which I do not want to be a part of." — Miles [02:33]
    • "Posting or not, I don't want to be even there for the taking of them." — Miles [02:46]

2. Pumpkin Carving Details: Scent & Seeds

(01:01–01:21)

• Jared and Troy rave about pumpkin carving's distinctly nostalgic scent:
  • "When I'm carving a pumpkin, I love the smell." — Jared [01:01]
• Consensus on roasted seeds as a key perk—"definitely gonna marry the hell out of that one." — Jared [01:16]

3. Costume Photo Session Dread & “$1 Ideas”

(02:23–03:43)

• The team pitches the idea of hiring a stand-in for costume photos:
  • "You always pick one that you can't see your face and then you just pay a guy to stand in for the photos for you." — Jared [03:06]
  • "You can make tens of dollars on that idea." — Miles [03:22]
  • They entertain a segment of intentionally bad "dollar ideas," poking fun at their own originality.

4. Mascot Costume War Stories

(03:52–05:12)

• Troy and Myles swap battle tales from their days inside mascot costumes for minor league baseball teams and radio stations.
  • "I wore the mascot suit probably like five, six times. I never smiled for a single picture ever." — Troy [03:52]
  • Troy describes enduring brutal heat inside:
    • "I'm clinging on to my life...it's 115 degrees in there." — Troy [04:06]
  • Myles admits to habit-smiling inside a frog suit:
    • "I instinctively smiled and everyone like, I'm an idiot. Why am I doing this?" — Miles [04:16]
• The group debates whether 50% of them being ex-mascots is “concerning.”

5. Mascots: Social Awkwardness & Mischief

(05:12–05:28)

• Michael admits he never knows how to interact with mascots.
• Jared claims that playful “sack tap” gags aimed at mascots “always plays—kids love it.” [05:25]

6. The Great Belt Debate: Clockwise or Counterclockwise?

(05:34–09:13)

• The crew dives into “the proper way” to put on a belt and reveals the surprising tradition:

  • "Men typically wear their belts counterclockwise, so the excess...hangs on the left, while women traditionally wear them clockwise..." — Troy [06:28]
  • Revelations about zipper placements on men’s vs. women’s jackets, leading to accidental cross-dressing stories.

• Worn-out belts’ tendency to curve sparks speculation on causes: humidity, moon tides, and even Canadian wildfire smoke get blamed in classic tongue-in-cheek fashion:

  • "Maybe it's the humidity in your house." — Michael [08:07]
  • "Probably the smoke from Canada." — Miles [08:41]

• The segment closes with some good-natured anatomical jokes about belt curves.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fall Traditions:

  • "Can we all agree that we have to elope with pumpkin carving for sure, because there's no public shame in pumpkin car." — Troy [00:38]
  • "A coordinated family costume is going to come with a photo session. Correct. Which I do not want to be a part of." — Miles [02:33]
  • “You can make tens of dollars on that idea.” — Miles [03:22]

• On Mascot Woes:

  • "I wore the mascot suit probably like five, six times. I never smiled for a single picture ever." — Troy [03:52]
  • "I instinctively smiled and everyone like, I'm an idiot. Why am I doing this?" — Miles [04:16]

• On Belt-Wearing Rituals:

  • "Men typically wear their belts counterclockwise, so the excess end hangs on the left." — Troy [06:28]
  • "It also looks super bad." — Jared [07:22]
  • "Maybe it's the moon location and the tides. It's probably curving it, you know?" — Jared [08:30]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-03:52 — “Fornicate, Assassinate, Elope” with pumpkin traditions
• 01:01-01:21 — The smell of pumpkin and love for seeds
• 02:23-03:43 — Costume photo session avoidance, “$1 ideas”
• 03:52-05:12 — Mascot horror stories and jokes
• 05:34-09:13 — Belt-wearing protocols and jokes about belt curvature

---

Conclusion

Packed with Midwestern banter, crowd-pleasing nostalgia, irreverent pitches for impractical businesses, and relatable laments about photo ops and mascots, this episode stands as a prime example of You Betcha Radio's charm. The group’s authentic conversation feels like eavesdropping on friends, serving up approachable humor for anyone who’s ever picked a pumpkin, worn a costume, or struggled with a belt.

For more shenanigans, check out their exclusive content on Patreon!

Transcript

[Michael]

Fornicate, assassinate, elope, pumpkin patch trips, pumpkin carving, family costume theme of this is.

[Jared]

This is my literal nightmare is this isn't Friday night. Or he posed.

[Michael]

Oh, this is the question. Okay, we're done with Friday night highlights.

[Jared]

I was like, God, this guy's really got a long evening ahead of him. All right, so it's pumpkin patch, pumpkin.

[Michael]

Carving, and then family costume theme for decade assassinated.

[Miles]

Lope.

[Jared]

I'm absolutely assassinating the costume.

[Troy]

Yeah, I think you have. I think you have to.

[Miles]

I'm torn between assassinating that and the pumpkin patch.

[Troy]

I was gonna say, I think. Can we all agree that we have to elope with pumpkin carving for sure, because there's no public shame in pumpkin car.

[Miles]

No, no.

[Jared]

I kind of. I kind of like it once in a while. Yeah, maybe not Every year I like.

[Miles]

To carve one pumpkin a year. That's it. Just one?

[Michael]

Sure. That's about all I can do.

[Miles]

Yeah. It.

[Troy]

It takes time.

[Michael]

If you're doing pumpkin carving more than five times a year, you got.

[Jared]

Is it weird that, like, I just. When I'm carving a pumpkin, I love the smell.

[Troy]

I agree.

[Jared]

Love the smell.

[Miles]

They. They make a whole candle about that.

[Jared]

Oh, do they?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Troy]

Do you guys like pumpkin seeds?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Eating them? Yeah, I.

[Troy]

With pumpkin seeds.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely the best. Definitely gonna marry the hell out of that one.

[Troy]

Yeah.

[Jared]

And, you know, I guess. I guess then I just have to go on the pumpkin patch.

[Troy]

Same.

[Miles]

I think I'm gonna pumpkin patch as.

[Jared]

Well, because, like, you know, it's like. Yeah, it's like pumpkin patch is like a booty call when, like, you're having a terrible day. Struck out at the bar, then I guess then I'll, you know, fornicate with the pumpkin patch.

[Miles]

I just, like.

[Jared]

I'll saw some of you up.

[Troy]

Sure. Yeah.

[Jared]

At, like, not. Not 1am like, we're dying, like 4am Their last ditch resort.

[Miles]

You know, it's waking up for work and you're sending a text.

[Troy]

Yeah, you got to think that Sickle guys out there are. They have you up texts scheduled, for sure.

[Miles]

That's how Jared landed his wife. He scheduled the U up text.

[Michael]

So I met your mother.

[Jared]

Now my whole life's crumbling around me. First my buddy just lies to me, just constantly. Now I find out Jared, I don't know if a text message from him is genuine or not. It's like my world is crumbling around me.

[Troy]

See, the thing with the family costume thing, though, is if you pick a. If you pick the correct costume, like, you can.

[Jared]

There Is no.

[Troy]

You can fully hide your identity so no one knows that it's you.

[Miles]

The reason I chose to assassinate it is because regardless of it being on the list or not, a coordinated family costume is going to come with a photo photo session. Correct. Which I do not want to be a part of.

[Troy]

Let's matter whether it gets posted or.

[Miles]

Not, posting or not, I don't want to be even there for the taking of them.

[Michael]

Photoshop you.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'll stand in front of a white wall. You can cut me out and add me later.

[Michael]

I'm not smiling either.

[Troy]

Yeah, I'm going to assassinate that as well.

[Miles]

You can't see it behind my wolf mask, but I'm not smiling.

[Jared]

They should have a service like for Halloween family costumes. You always pick one that you can't see your face and then you just pay a guy to stand in for the me photos for you.

[Troy]

It's not a bad idea.

[Jared]

Absolutely brilliant. Very niche. Very niche. You can make like a, you know, 20 bucks.

[Miles]

You can make tens of dollars.

[Jared]

You can make tens of dollars on that idea.

[Michael]

We're going to need multiple people for different builds. Like the bigger guys and skinnier guys.

[Jared]

That's our $1 idea right there. We should do a segment of $1 ideas. They're just super hyper specific and niche. Write it down, Jared.

[Miles]

That idea is a $1 idea.

[Jared]

No, that one's a billion dollar idea. Well, it's a hundred dollar hundreds anyways.

[Troy]

When I, when I work for the minor league baseball team, I'd have to wear the mascot. I wore the mascot suit probably like five, six times. I never smiled for a single picture ever.

[Jared]

There's no way, just by out of habit, you weren't smiling in that thing. You know what I mean?

[Troy]

No, dude, because I'm trying. I'm clinging on to my life at that point. Because it's 115 degrees in there.

[Michael]

At least you.

[Troy]

Well, I wore that 600 bucks a month.

[Miles]

I had to wear the frog mascot for the radio station I worked at. And I instinctively smiled and everyone like, I'm an idiot. Why am I doing this?

[Troy]

Yeah, yeah, I can't see.

[Miles]

Was creepy. As though some people would post those pictures. And if the sun was in my face in the frog costume, you could see my eyes in the mouth of.

[Troy]

The frog with sunglasses.

[Miles]

But I can't see shit because it's black mesh.

[Troy]

Don't need to see like you don't need to see anything. You could be blacked out. You could be drinking.

[Jared]

I love the complete different experience in Wearing a mask suit from YouTube.

[Miles]

What are the.

[Jared]

Just absolute bane of his existence. And Taj seemed like, yeah, it wasn't so bad.

[Troy]

It got hanging out.

[Jared]

Jared, have you ever wore a mascot? Yes. We're too. We're bad. 50%. I've never been in a mascot uniform.

[Miles]

I think it's weird that 50% of this podcast chest has.

[Troy]

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

[Jared]

I'm a little concerned.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Michael]

I always get a little nervous when mascots are around me because I don't know how to interact with them. I can't talk to them.

[Jared]

Yeah, I usually just, like, pretend to, like, you know, sack tap them or something, you know?

[Michael]

That's good. Yeah.

[Jared]

Always plays. Kids love it.

[Miles]

Hawkeye loves when you do that.

[Troy]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael]

Okay, let's see. Troy Escalade. What's the proper way to put a belt on? Clockwise or counterclockwise?

[Jared]

Counterclown, Counter.

[Miles]

Same.

[Troy]

Don't.

[Jared]

Isn't that because. Don't women put it on clockwise?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Jared]

Google it.

[Miles]

I just have literally never done it any other.

[Jared]

Do men and women put belts on different ways?

[Miles]

I don't know. Do you know that women's zippers on their jackets are on the other side?

[Michael]

Yeah, I knew that.

[Troy]

Yes. Yeah, I think I heard that a while ago.

[Miles]

I didn't know that. And I have a Viking zip up where the zipper was on the other side. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And Becca's like, that's a women's jacket.

[Michael]

Wow.

[Jared]

You accidentally cross dress like Michael.

[Miles]

Michael Scott, apparently. I've worn it in front of you guys. You haven't said anything, so it doesn't look like a women's jacket.

[Michael]

Yeah, you're right, Miles.

[Troy]

Men typically wear their belts counterclockwise, so the excess. And hangs on the left. Excess end hangs on the left, while women traditionally wear them clockwise, so the excess end hangs on the right.

[Miles]

Why?

[Jared]

It's just. It's just how we do it. It's just Howie Mandel how we do it.

[Troy]

Guess so.

[Jared]

What's dumb is they're like. That's how they're designed with the buckle going that way. Well, if you just flip the Correct.

[Troy]

Yes.

[Miles]

Flip the belt, it would work just fine.

[Jared]

Correct.

[Miles]

But, yeah, I would feel pretty dumb trying to put it in the other way. I think I'd it.

[Jared]

I don't know if I could do it.

[Miles]

Yeah. First try, if you like throwing them. Throwing a ball.

[Jared]

It would take me a couple tries.

[Miles]

Yeah. Be like throwing a ball with your off hand. You Just. You could do it, but it would sure feel weird.

[Jared]

Yeah. It also looks super bad.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Troy]

Unless it was like. Like the dress belts that are, like, always kind of, like, curved. You don't even need a hand to feed those through. You can just. Just keep pushing it from, like, where your. Your zipper is. And because it's curved, it's just gonna, like, hit. Hit each loop and go all the way around.

[Jared]

I'm confused on the curve.

[Troy]

So, like, dress belts, like, you'd wear with dress pants, whatever wedding, you name it. They're. They, like, never straighten out.

[Miles]

I. I bought one on. On Friday, and it was perfectly straight when I bought it.

[Troy]

Maybe I just have a different belt than you guys. My belt has never been straight before, so it's always. It's always. It's always curved.

[Michael]

Like, this could be the humidity in your house.

[Miles]

Could be, like, the leather warped or something.

[Troy]

Yeah. So I. I don't have to feed it through.

[Jared]

I just keep.

[Miles]

Really.

[Jared]

Jared, that's the best you got? That's the best explanation.

[Troy]

I disagreed with you. Yeah.

[Jared]

Maybe.

[Michael]

So drafty.

[Jared]

Maybe it's the. The moon location and the tides. It's probably curving it, you know?

[Troy]

Probably.

[Jared]

I think that's proof that the Earth is round. Probably take that flat earth.

[Miles]

Probably the smoke from Canada.

[Troy]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Changing the shape of the belt.

[Jared]

Yeah. I think you just gotta. I think you just got a strange belt.

[Miles]

I've never had a belt.

[Troy]

I don't know.

[Jared]

Now my belt, well, after, like, I wear it a bunch. If it's leather, it'll go like this, and then they'll, like, kind of curve a little and then straighten back out.

[Miles]

Where. Because it curves where you put it in the loop.

[Jared]

Correct.

[Miles]

Because it's constantly bent right there.

[Jared]

Yeah. So mine. Mine curves a little to the left.

[Troy]

It's a joke.

[Miles]

I didn't even say curved. I said bent.

[Troy]

Joke.

[Jared]

Guys, guys, if you want more, you bet your radio, you gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com radio or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you gotta check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.