Ryan Plans Myles' Funeral

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Ryan Plans Myles' Funeral"

You Betcha Radio — October 27, 2025
Hosts: Myles ("You Betcha Guy"), Ryan, Jared, Tyler (brief mentions), Jerrod

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Episode Overview

This episode is a quintessentially "Midwest" comedic journey as the crew dives into the hilarious hypothetical of what would happen if Myles died — with Ryan tasked to plan the funeral. The conversation spirals into classic You Betcha humor, packed with irreverent ideas, Midwest tropes, entrepreneurial spirit, and plenty of inside jokes about the crew's legacy, their fans, and their love for carbs and community. The tone remains light and sarcastic, poking fun at funeral traditions and their own content-driven business model.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Who Plans What?

• Jared assumes a managerial role, focusing on scheduling and orchestrating the event:
  • "I'd like to set a specific time for the funeral for everyone to show up." (00:14)
  • Suggests intentionally misleading funeral times to account for Midwest lateness—have it at 10, but tell people to come at 11:30.
• Myles (the "dead" guy) protests but quickly gets swept up in the banter, especially about who should be allowed to speak at his funeral.

2. Funeral Merch & Revenue Generation

• Jared: "I'm going to be printing up RIP Myles shirts on the screen printer immediately." (01:13)
• Merch and event become central, treating the funeral as a high school party where "every town within 50 miles shows up… just so we can sell more merch." (01:26)
• Venue Ideas: Fargo Dome — intentionally the wrong-sized venue for the projected turnout; open concessions and merch everywhere (01:56).
• Livestreaming & Monetization:
  • The funeral to be live-streamed on Patreon, but the real draw is fundraising and legacy.
  • "This is basically a fundraiser, right?" (02:28)
  • Jokes about employees needing a 5-year financial buffer post-Myles for "not having to worry about getting a job." (03:06)

3. Myles' Dying Wish: Make it a Money Grab

• Myles: "One of my dying wishes is that we sell a fuckload of RIP Myles shirts… That shirt is my legacy." (04:24)
• Says it would be "insensitive if you don’t buy a shirt."
• Plans for funeral to be around Black Friday for optimal sales:
  • "I'll try and die around Black Friday." (04:35)
• Debates about freebies and promotions:
  • "If you buy five or more, you get something free." (05:06)
  • "I'm dead. But this is my dying wish." (05:07)

4. Building the 'You Betcha' Universe Posthumous Events

• Myles: Wants "Miles Con" and other themed conventions (05:15–06:39):
  • "Basically we have about once a month, we have some sort of convention around things that You Betcha world."
  • Examples:
    • "Domino Dan Con," where everyone comes in a fat suit, Domino's caters, and there are hot dog eating contests (06:05)
    • Autograph signings, live podcasts, and (jokingly) a Myles AI hologram ("like they did with Michael Jackson").

5. Post-Funeral Meal and Midwest Carbs Extravaganza

• Food Planned:
  • Domino’s pizza (the title sponsor, no less), Red Lobster cheddar biscuits, Olive Garden breadsticks, Texas toast, Texas Roadhouse honey butter rolls—a "garlic bread buffet" (06:55–07:22)
  • Jared: "No one's going home hungry." (07:29)
  • Breakfast sandwiches (07:22)

6. Memorial Tributes & Hilarious Mishaps

• Bible Reading:
  • Outlaws Tyler from speaking ("Don’t let Tyler anywhere near a microphone on my funeral." – 01:02)
  • Flops (a less-than-literate friend) may deliver the eulogy, possibly parroting lines fed via earpiece:
    • "He’ll just parrot anything you say. Like, we just say pinks. And he’d be like, pinks." (08:33)
  • Allusions to "Impractical Jokers"-style hijinks in feeding Flops lines (08:21)

7. Patreon Monetization and Legacy

• Ryan/Jared:
  • Deliberations about whether to stream or pre-record funeral for Patreon, with exorbitant prices ("400 bucks a slot") and teasers for free listeners (08:39–08:49)
  • All about maximizing revenue, "because we got to be able to chill for at least five years before finding new employment." (08:49)

8. Domino’s Sponsorship Dreams

• Multiple jokes about the lack of a Domino’s Pizza sponsor, segueing into a mock phone call order — "That's Domino's, how can I help you… I need you guys to sponsor [the podcast]…" (09:31)
• Myles: Imagines them thinking, "He’s back. Yeah, he’s risen from the dead. We thought he died because of diabetes… He's alive." (10:13)

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Timestamps & Notable Quotes

• 00:14 — Jared lays out meticulous (and purposely flawed) funeral schedule.
• 01:13 — "I'm going to be printing up RIP Myles shirts on the screen printer immediately." (Jared)
• 02:28 — "Be live on Patreon... This is basically a fundraiser, right?" (Myles)
• 03:06 — "We'll get that signed before we get the death certificate." (Ryan, on profit-sharing document)
• 04:24 — "That shirt is my legacy." (Myles, about RIP Myles merch)
• 04:35 — "I'll try and die around Black Friday." (Myles)
• 07:29 — "Nobody's going home hungry." (Ryan)
• 08:33 — "He'll just parrot anything you say." (Jared, on Flops reading at the ceremony)
• 09:00 — "That is work. Like, when I die. It's got to be a money grab." (Myles)
• 09:31 — "That's Domino's, how can I help you? ...I need you guys to sponsor [the podcast]..." (Myles, mocking a sponsorship call)
• 10:13 — "He's back. Yeah, he's risen from the dead. We thought he died because of diabetes or a cardiovascular event. He's alive." (Myles)

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Memorable Moments

• The elaborate jokes about turning a funeral into a community event/merch bonanza.
• Imagining absurd conventions like "Domino Dan Con" with fat suits and competitive eating.
• Efforts to repeatedly justify every move as a "money grab"—often with tongue-in-cheek reminders about Midwest family values and needing to "feed mouths."
• Myles volunteering to schedule his death near Black Friday for peak merchandise sales.
• The classic Midwest food lineup stains the episode with a heavy dose of nostalgia and comedic excess.

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Tone

The dialogue is irreverent, self-deprecating, and fast-paced, with the hosts constantly riffing off of each other. They blend Midwest small-town sensibilities with content-creator hustle, making light of the funeral theme but ultimately reflecting how they'd want to be remembered: with laughter, carbs, merch, and community.

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For full extended bits, You Betcha banter, and behind-the-scenes, check out You Betcha Radio on Patreon—just maybe bring your own garlic bread.

Transcript

[Ryan]

Ryan is in charge. Miles's funeral.

[Miles]

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay, I can't talk. I'm dead. I have no say.

[Jared]

Well, I'd like to set a specific time for the funeral for everyone to show up.

[Miles]

That's where you're starting.

[Jared]

Then everyone would. Well, you got to start at the beginning, right when everyone shows up. So I. I'd have to tell everyone that it starts at. How much. How much grace period do you want to give here? It's gonna start at 10. I'll have everyone show up at 11. 11:30, maybe. Let's see. I mean, on top of that, I think the first read. Someone to speak first, probably Tyler. He'd probably read one of the appendixes from one of the books you guys are reading in fiction books.

[Miles]

Time out. If Tyler's speaking at my funeral, you should be dead.

[Jared]

I'm in charge.

[Miles]

Don't let.

[Jared]

I'm in charge.

[Miles]

Don't let Tyler anywhere near a microphone on my funeral.

[Ryan]

First off, that might bring you back to life, though, too.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What the is he doing with the mic?

[Jared]

And. And, like, for me, I. I'm more so taking care of things behind the scene, because what I'm going to be doing, I'm going to be. I'm going to be printing up RIP Miles shirts on the screen printer immediately.

[Miles]

Okay, now you're off. Much better start.

[Jared]

So those will be done weeks in advance, though, just so we can sell them at the funeral. And it's just open invitation. It's kind of like having a party in high school, and you're just like, yeah, just invite whoever you want. And the whole, like, every town within 50 miles shows up. It'll be that type of situation just so we can sell more merch.

[Miles]

You should rent out the Fargo Dome for it. And then, like, a hundred people show up, and it's just. It's just the wrong venue for it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, anything you want, guys.

[Jared]

Like, all the concessions will be open. Like, we'll have a merch stand on every side of the field at the Fargo Dome, I think, to pay homage to you, I think we'd have to put your high school football logo in the middle of the football field. Okay. For the funeral, we're having the turf on the.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Jared]

Yeah. And it would.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

It would be worth it, too. We. We could just hire the entire production crew that does football games at the Fargo Dome, because we would be live streaming it.

[Miles]

Be live on Patreon and then on Patreon. The only time talking on the mic is if he's the guy telling everyone to send us galaxies. And Ro, this is basically a fundraiser, right?

[Jared]

Well, pretty much. Because like, we, like, if you die, like, us as employees, we don't have much time left, so we just got to make as much money as we can. I don't know, I'll probably just slide something in front of you even though you're dead. We'll figure out a way to sign up. Maybe just convince and to sign up. But it's like profit sharing document.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

So that with. With all the funds raised, you know, we can diversify that.

[Ryan]

We'll get that signed before we get the death certificate.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. And would think that she signed the death certificate. It's actually like all the proceeds will be split between US employees. We need at least like a good 5 year buffer to not have to worry about getting a job. Okay. And then.

[Miles]

And I do want the world to know that one of my dying wishes is that we sell a fuckload of Rip Mile shirts. Like, I. When. When I die, I'm going to die at some point. And let's say I haven't retired from doing content. Like, it will be the. It will actually be insensitive for people to be offended on the Rip Miles shirts. Yes. Do you know what I mean?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So like, yes. Like people would say. People would say, like, oh, wow. Immediately after he dies, you release an Rip Mile shirt. Seems like a money grab. Seems insensitive. 1. It is a money grab.

[Jared]

Yes.

[Miles]

Okay. I'm being up front. This is my last hurrah. Okay? Got family, got mouths to feed. All right. One, two. It's insensitive if you don't buy a shirt. That shirt is my legacy. All right.

[Jared]

Very much so.

[Miles]

And if you do want to pay any amount of respect, you don't have to. If you do, you gotta buy a shirt.

[Jared]

And ideally it's around, like right around Black Friday. So that. Because that's when we get.

[Miles]

I'll try and die around Black Friday.

[Jared]

Yes. Because the traffic numbers are crazy during Black Friday.

[Ryan]

So maybe the night of Thanksgiving or something.

[Jared]

Yeah, Thanksgiving. Yep.

[Miles]

But everyone's releasing early Friday morning after Thanksgiving. I'll try and die.

[Jared]

Yeah. And we. I know. We could do like, I don't know, we. We could throw. We'll throw in a freebie with every. The first.

[Miles]

That's not my dying wish.

[Jared]

Well, the freebies are.

[Miles]

We're gonna sell the shirts regardless, Ryan.

[Jared]

I know, but just to.

[Miles]

If you buy five or more, you get something free.

[Ryan]

How about there we Go.

[Miles]

I'm dead. I'm dead. But this is my dying wish.

[Jared]

Yeah. This is all in your will.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And then like 10 years after you die, we'll have like a 10 anniversary of RIP.

[Miles]

Well, no, so I want to do. I want Miles Con to happen and you guys just like sell you Betty's and shit like that.

[Jared]

Sure.

[Miles]

Booked. Oh. Is going to perform every year.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah. Then I think. I mean, once the funeral has finished, I think we're probably going to do like a. I mean, you got to have some sort of meal. Right.

[Miles]

Well, what we should do is we should just like create a whole world around you. Betcha. And like we can have Domino Dan Con. Just a lot of cons, a lot of events. I didn't get that.

[Jared]

I didn't. Yeah.

[Miles]

Serious yelling at me. So, like, you know what I mean? Like, basically we have about once a month we have some sort of convention around things that you bet you world. Right. So we have YBR Con. So then you guys be signing autographs at it. You know, you're gonna do a live podcast. You know, by then you'll be able to replicate B through AI just like they did the Michael Jackson hologram thing. Yeah. You know, stuff like that. We'll have a Domino Dan con where everyone comes in a fat suit and Domino's caters and it's the whole thing. And we like do fat guy stuff. You know, like we have who can tie their shoe. The fastest hot dog eating contest. Hot dog eating contest. You know, shit like that. Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your funeral.

[Jared]

No, that's fine. I. I mean, the more money that's coming in is like if it. I mean, that. That's just incoming revenue for me and Jared and the others. Post funeral meal is gonna obviously give me Domino's. And then we'll have garlic bread buffet. So different types. So.

[Miles]

Sounds awesome. Why can't be a live for this? We do this one. I'm alone.

[Jared]

We're gonna have like, we'll have cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster. So it's not just garlic bread. It's like just breads of different, you know, love. Olive Garden, all garlic Olive Garden breadsticks. Texas toast, Texas Roadhouse, Honey butter rolls. And then, I mean, I think that kind of covers the food aspect of things. Yeah.

[Ryan]

In the morning, before everything, we'll have breakfast sandwiches for.

[Jared]

We'll have b. Sand.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah. We'll have some bee santies.

[Ryan]

Nobody's going home hungry.

[Jared]

Yeah. Well, and I think we'd probably Have Dave and Flops do the tributes.

[Ryan]

I think the Bible reading, if you're.

[Jared]

Out on Tyler, especially if that's.

[Miles]

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if Flops can read. So he might just have to memorize it. Like, you might have to teach him it through spoken words. Then he can do it.

[Jared]

We'll give him a earpiece just because.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, he's the parrot. He already is saying it. So you just go reading from 8 Corinthians, verse 4. 8 Corinthians. That's all you would hear. But you'd have the earpiece in. So you would kind of just get it in bits and pieces. What?

[Jared]

It would kind of.

[Miles]

Jesus said that Jesus walked into the garden with his disciples. With his disciples. And then you just have to guess what the reading's about and.

[Jared]

And in the background, it would kind of be, like, impractical joker Styles to where, like, Jared, me, you, Tyler. Like, we're in the back. Like, feed and flop stuff through the earpiece.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

And stuff. Like, just not from the reason.

[Miles]

Yeah, he'll just parrot anything you say.

[Jared]

Yeah. Like, we just say pinks. And he'd be like, pinks.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Jared]

And then. Actually, I don't know if we want to live stream. I think we want to. I think we'll record the whole thing and then we'll put it on Patreon. But we'll up the Patreon price. Yeah.

[Miles]

Like 400 bucks a slot.

[Jared]

Yes.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yes. But we'll put out little tiny teaser posts on the. The. The free YBR episode. Again, it's all money grab because we got to be able to chill for at least five years before find me.

[Miles]

That is work. Like, when I die. It's got to be a money grab.

[Jared]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. And there's a lot of ways to.

[Miles]

Do that, and that's the way I want to go out. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Like, I got balls to feed.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

We. We have Domino's to eat. Domino's. They're the title sponsor. We ain't paying for a single pizza. It's all donated by Dominoes.

[Miles]

How don't we have a Domino sponsorship on this podcast?

[Jared]

Great question.

[Miles]

I gotta make a call.

[Ryan]

Just call Domin.

[Miles]

That's Domino's. How can I help you? 1. I got a podcast. I need to. I need you guys to sponsor it. And I guess while we're on the line, I'll take two mediums pepperoni pizzas, some garlic knots, and a lava cake.

[Ryan]

Do you guys survive yet or.

[Miles]

Yeah, and if you want to just swing through, grab me a bottle of wine, too. I got a huge united game of Thrones ahead of me.

[Ryan]

The workers. Like this order sounds really familiar.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

God. Oh, he's back. They a sudden you hear like a they sounded the domino dan alarm in the dominoes.

[Ryan]

It's like the hunkle armor.

[Miles]

He's back. Yeah, he's risen from the dead. We thought he died because of diabetes or a cardiovascular event. He's alive.

[Ryan]

We thought his blood turned into garlic.

[Miles]

Yeah. Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio. You got to check out our Patreon. You got to go to patreon.com bets radio or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.