Thanksgiving is a Middle School Dance 🎙 #302

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Betcha Radio – "Thanksgiving is a Middle School Dance" 🎙 #302

Release Date: November 27, 2024

Introduction and Wine Review

The episode begins with Miles, the "You Betcha Guy," greeting the audience and revealing a delightful surprise for Ryan, known as "the T shirt guy." Miles gifts Ryan a bottle of wine, sparking a lighthearted exchange about hydration and the importance of staying refreshed. This moment sets the comedic and convivial tone for the episode.

• Miles [00:23]: “Just for me specifically or for everybody specifically?”
• Ryan [02:09]: “This is now blind taste review with first ever wine tasting review with T shirt guy. Wine guy.”

Thanksgiving and Wine Pairings

Transitioning from the wine gift, the conversation seamlessly shifts to pairing wine with Thanksgiving meals. The hosts discuss the necessity of balancing salty foods with adequate hydration, humorously emphasizing the role of Ice Mountain water in preventing post-feast cramps and ensuring energy for football festivities.

• Miles [10:07]: “You're bringing a case of Ice Mountain to Thanksgiving. You don't want to be getting cottonmouth sitting there watching the football game.”
• Tyler [10:31]: “Salt on its own, not so good. You pair it with Ice Mountain, you're going to be ready to kick every one of your cousin's ass in the football game.”

The discussion highlights the practical yet humorous approach the hosts take towards holiday preparations, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and informed about maintaining balance during the festivities.

Prize Picks and Lineups

The segment on prize picks introduces a playful competition among the hosts as they share their lineup strategies for the week’s football games. This part of the episode showcases their camaraderie and competitive spirit, peppered with witty remarks and friendly teasing.

• Ryan [11:49]: “He gets one receiving yard. You get the automatic win on that leg of the lineup.”
• Miles [13:25]: “We're almost like 20, we were 20 yards away from a six leg all pass yards lineup.”

The hosts encourage listeners to engage with their prize picks, adding an interactive dimension to the episode and fostering a sense of community participation.

Thanksgiving is a Middle School Dance

The core of the episode revolves around the central theme: comparing Thanksgiving gatherings to middle school dances. Miles introduces this analogy, prompting a series of humorous observations and anecdotes that draw parallels between the two scenarios.

• Miles [15:06]: “Thanksgiving is just a middle school dance. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.”
• Tyler [15:42]: “Literal and figurative salt. Salty relatives.”

Key Points of the Comparison:

1. Social Segregation:

   • Just as middle school dances often have distinct groups (e.g., guys in the garage, girls in the kitchen), Thanksgiving gatherings see families split into various activities and spaces.
   • Miles [15:42]: “Guys are like, in the garage or the basement. The women are somewhere on the living room kitchen.”

2. Awkward Interactions:

   • The hosts humorously depict scenarios where relatives engage in excessive PDA or awkward conversations, much like the uncomfortable interactions at a middle school dance.
   • Tyler [15:35]: “There’s that one weird couple on the dance floor. Probably like your cousin who brought her boyfriend.”

3. Chaperones and Hosts:

   • Aunts or uncles act as chaperones, attempting to unify the different family groups and initiate activities, reminiscent of adult supervisors at dances.
   • Ryan [16:47]: “She’s just trying to make sure everyone has fun but has fun together instead of two separate groups.”

4. Conga Lines and Dance-off Ideas:

   • The suggestion to introduce conga lines at Thanksgiving as a way to break the ice and inject fun reflects the structured activities at school dances.
   • Miles [20:18]: “Think of how fun a Thanksgiving conga line would be? Maybe right before everyone's about to eat.”

5. Post-Meal Nap Time:

   • Drawing a parallel to the inevitable nap after exhausting dance sessions, the hosts fantasize about a post-dinner siesta to cap off the festivities.
   • Tyler [22:23]: “A little nap after the meal would be nice. Kills the mood a little bit.”

The analogy serves as a comedic lens through which the hosts explore and exaggerate the quirks and dynamics of family reunions, making the Thanksgiving experience relatable and entertaining for listeners.

Fun Facts and Lighthearted Discussions

The hosts engage in a "fun facts" segment, where they share obscure and humorous trivia. This portion is characterized by playful debates and corrections, adding an educational yet entertaining layer to the episode.

• Jared [66:15]: “Around 3% of the global population has a third nipple.”
• Miles [66:30]: “I thought it may be 0.3% of the population. Around 3% seems way too high.”

Another intriguing fact presented is the historical use of chainsaws in childbirth, leading to a morbid yet humorous discussion about the evolution of medical tools.

• Jared [71:20]: “Chainsaws were originally invented for childbirth.”
• Tyler [71:22]: “That's actually not a C section, but still very graphic.”

These segments showcase the hosts' chemistry and ability to turn even bizarre facts into moments of shared laughter and amusement.

Promotions and Merchandise Highlights

Throughout the episode, the hosts seamlessly integrate promotions for their merchandise and Patreon goals, maintaining an engaging balance between content and marketing.

• Miles [07:25]: “Basic basicsellers dot com. Go check it out. C-E-L-L-A-R S. Not S E, L, L, E R S.”
• Tyler [37:40]: “If you're looking for thongs, click on Google and find us. Just kidding, buy our tongs.”

They discuss their latest merchandise, including new hat designs and sales events like their early Black Friday deals, encouraging listeners to support the podcast through purchases and Patreon memberships.

• Ryan [36:58]: “We also have brand new patch hats on the website today.”
• Miles [37:40]: “Your Black Friday deal is here early. This is the best deal you're going to get all year from us.”

These promotional segments are infused with humor, ensuring that marketing efforts remain entertaining and non-intrusive.

Patreon Goals and Listener Engagement

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to urging listeners to become Patreon supporters to reach a milestone of 3,000 patrons. Achieving this goal promises a special episode featuring their wives roasting them, adding a personal and humorous incentive for listener participation.

• Miles [42:32]: “We are 28 patrons away from 3000. This has gotta be the week that we send it over the edge.”
• Ryan [43:10]: “Once we hit 3,000 patrons, our wives are probably going to roast us in that episode.”

This call-to-action is presented with enthusiasm and relatability, encouraging the audience to contribute to the podcast’s growth while teasing humorous rewards.

Notable Quotes

• Miles [15:06]: “Thanksgiving is just a middle school dance. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.”
• Tyler [10:31]: “Salt on its own, not so good. You pair it with Ice Mountain, you're going to be ready to kick every one of your cousin's ass in the football game.”
• Jared [71:20]: “Chainsaws were originally invented for childbirth.”

Concluding Thoughts

Episode #302 of "You Betcha Radio" masterfully blends humor, relatable family dynamics, and engaging discussions to offer listeners an entertaining take on Thanksgiving festivities. By likening the holiday to a middle school dance, the hosts provide a fresh and amusing perspective that resonates with anyone who has navigated the complexities of family gatherings. Interspersed with lighthearted segments like wine reviews, prize picks, and fun facts, the episode maintains a dynamic and enjoyable flow. Promotional messages and Patreon goals are seamlessly integrated, ensuring the content remains both entertaining and informative.

Listeners are left with a sense of camaraderie and amusement, reflecting on their own Thanksgiving experiences through the comedic lens provided by Miles, Ryan, Tyler, and Jared. This episode not only delivers laughter but also fosters a strong connection with the audience, encouraging ongoing support and engagement.

Final Quote

• Miles [76:10]: “May your Thanksgiving be like a middle school dance.”

Cheers to another memorable episode filled with laughter, insights, and the unmistakable Midwest charm that defines "You Betcha Radio."

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back to you Bet yout Radio podcast. The coldest podcast in all the Midwest. I'm Miles. You betcha guy here with Ryan the T shirt guy. We are presented by Ice Mountain and we are live, baby. We're back. We're here in the studio. Ryan just smashed an ice mountain. Nice work. Glad you did that. I'm glad you did that, Ryan, because you know what? I got a surprise for you.

[Ryan]

Just for me specifically or for everybody specifically?

[Miles]

Well, it's kind of for everyone, but mostly for you.

[Ryan]

That's kind of sick.

[Tyler]

You should feel special.

[Ryan]

I just got off vacation too.

[Miles]

Yeah. Oh yeah. But I'm glad you're hydrated because very. Ryan, you ready?

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's a time capsule right there.

[Miles]

So I got this, Ryan.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Miles]

I know you're a big wine guy.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So not. You like wine? You don't just whine a lot.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Big wine.

[Miles]

Yeah, both kind of.

[Ryan]

Why no vino?

[Miles]

So I got you some wine. Now.

[Ryan]

This is kind of a sick bottle. Actually.

[Tyler]

It looks like a moonshine.

[Miles]

I also got you a hat.

[Ryan]

This is not. This is nice.

[Miles]

So you know where those are from?

[Ryan]

I don't know. I mean, I'm assuming they're from basic sellers.

[Miles]

It is our, our friend Trey Kennedy. You know Kennedy?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That's his wine company.

[Ryan]

No.

[Miles]

So I figured that we would. I actually got some for you guys in here too.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So Tyler, come pass them out. Came in the mail. He sent it to me, wanted me to try it out. And I said, I know the perfect guy that's gonna want to try this. Now I know we don't necessarily have the right stemware, Ryan.

[Ryan]

Well, that's what I was gonna ask. Is the bottle the dem.

[Miles]

Give me the. What is this? Pinot Noir. So this is, this will be Ryan's first wine review.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I, I got the Italian white wine. Guess what? You like Italy. No. Guess what? You like Italy. We do too. I, I, I've never.

[Miles]

I like this. Finally, no judgment for drinking an entire bottle of wine. Cuz it's just a cute little guy.

[Tyler]

This is the opposite of that. That, that joke. I'm just gonna have one glass and it's a giant glass. This is now you can say I'm gonna have a whole bottle. All right.

[Miles]

All right. So this is. Hey, Ryan.

[Ryan]

This is now.

[Miles]

We're now blind taste review with first ever wine tasting review with T shirt guy. Wine guy.

[Tyler]

You gotta put the hat on.

[Ryan]

Okay, well, I, you know, I had the new hat on and we're gonna talk.

[Tyler]

We'll talk about it later.

[Ryan]

A good hat, too. Really good hat.

[Miles]

So we'll see if Ryan really knows.

[Ryan]

His stuff, because do you know a little bit more about this than I probably do?

[Miles]

What do you mean?

[Ryan]

Like, like about the wine. Are you gonna quiz me on it? Because you already know something.

[Miles]

Not really.

[Ryan]

Okay. Okay, good.

[Miles]

But, yeah, talk us through. What should we be doing here, Ryan?

[Ryan]

Well, I think the biggest thing is pop the top. Pop the top for sure.

[Tyler]

Do we shake it up first?

[Miles]

I think it's actually called uncorking.

[Ryan]

Uncorking.

[Tyler]

That's good. Asmr.

[Ryan]

Yeah, no need to shake it either. It's not gonna. Cork's not gonna explode.

[Miles]

So this is the basic sellers from our boy, Trey Kennedy. Good guy. Hopefully he's got good wine.

[Ryan]

You guys got a water on deck. Clear the pallet beforehand.

[Miles]

Okay. So clear the water. That's why it was good. You chug that ice mountain, Ryan?

[Tyler]

Do I spit it out? The water?

[Jared]

Water?

[Ryan]

No, not the water. If you don't want to get shit faced, you can take. You can spit the wine out if we're gonna try different ones.

[Tyler]

Okay. I kind of want to get faced, though.

[Ryan]

I'm just gonna take a medium to medium large swig just so I can get a little extra room in the top for swirling.

[Tyler]

Is there.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

So any rules on how to drink?

[Ryan]

Do not. Do not. Don't act like you're gonna suck it together.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Miles]

So just drink it like you would a can of pop. Yeah.

[Ryan]

So top lip goes. Top lip should go through the middle of.

[Tyler]

Well, don't.

[Miles]

Don't try and put the whole thing in your mouth. Okay, Good to keep just the tip.

[Ryan]

Keep the neck out of your thumb.

[Tyler]

I don't think you get down there. It's not very long.

[Ryan]

So top lips. What do you mean?

[Miles]

This is so long.

[Tyler]

Sorry. Yeah. This is a huge neck.

[Miles]

We're never going to review this.

[Ryan]

Okay. Okay.

[Tyler]

Why are you supposed to, like, suck it through your teeth?

[Miles]

I'm smelling wine and glass.

[Ryan]

It's pretty good right off the bat. Love that it comes in this little glass bottle too.

[Miles]

All right, here we go.

[Ryan]

Suds it up in your mouth a little bit. Do one of those. And then after you take a couple medium sized drinks, then we can start the swirl process.

[Miles]

We're now swirling, so we swirl. Oh, getting a lot more grapes in that one.

[Ryan]

And now I'm smelling the Italian in it. It's like an Italian. It's like. It's like Olive Garden. We were sitting at Olive Garden eating endless breadsticks.

[Tyler]

I'm getting a lot of California in mine.

[Miles]

It's pretty good.

[Jared]

It's really good, actually.

[Miles]

Yeah, I like that. So good work, Trey.

[Ryan]

No, that is solid. You guys notice where, when you take a drink, where the wine hits your tongue at? That's a big thing in the wine world when it comes to taste because you have different taste buds in. On, like, in different sections of your mouth.

[Miles]

So this one, mine's kind of medium tongue.

[Tyler]

I wouldn't tip there just because it.

[Ryan]

Tongue, because it has a wider rim, it's just going to fall straight down into, like, underneath your tongue, which is going to create the specific flavor that you're tasting. Now, if you were drinking a different glass and it hit the back of your tongue or the middle, the wine would actually taste different.

[Miles]

That's why the stemware matters.

[Ryan]

That's why the stem. Where it matters, because it's the. It's the.

[Miles]

What happens if it hits my tonsils first?

[Ryan]

Then you probably gotta get. You probably got the gooseneck a little too far down your throat. And that's what I was warned Tyler about was, is, you know, keep it shallow.

[Miles]

Yeah. Let me try yours. Switch it up.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I'm a red wine guy. I like that. It's not too dry. It's not too sweet. It's very good.

[Tyler]

No, no. I usually like a sweeter wine, but this is right in the alley in between sweet and bitter.

[Ryan]

That one's. That one's solid.

[Miles]

It's pretty good. Not my favorite flavor of wine. I like the Pinot Noir better than the cup of wine, than just white wine, but for a white wine, pretty good. Go good with turkey.

[Jared]

You want the wine to match the bird.

[Miles]

That's good.

[Tyler]

Where's the important facts? Like how. What percent is this?

[Miles]

Damn. This one's 13 and a half.

[Tyler]

That'll do it.

[Ryan]

This is. This one's like. I don't really need to pair it with, like, any type of meat. I can just drink it.

[Tyler]

It's after dinner. Watching tv, wine. Maybe watch Game of Thrones in a goblet.

[Miles]

I could definitely drink that out of a goblet. So. Nice work, Trey. Thanks for sending us some. And if you guys like wine or you just like Trey's stuff, go check it out. What's the website?

[Tyler]

You know, this is. This is a perfect size for a Christmas stocking stuffer.

[Miles]

Basic basicsellers dot com. Go check it out. C-E-L-L-A-R S. Not S E, L, L, E R S. Yeah, Basic sellers. So and if you're a dude listening, and your wife or girlfriend likes basic white girl wine, I mean, it's right in the name.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And if, like, if you're having a bottle of beer and she can just have a bottle of wine. Two and two, you know, so.

[Miles]

All right, Ryan.

[Ryan]

It's pretty good.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

What. What kind do you have, Tyler?

[Tyler]

I have the pinot.

[Miles]

There's only two guys.

[Ryan]

Gotcha. Yeah. I suck one of these down. Not. I mean, yes, literally, but not literally.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'm feeling good now.

[Tyler]

Is there a specific part of my tongue I should want it to hit?

[Ryan]

I can't really remember where the Pinot Noir is supposed to hit your tongue.

[Miles]

I need a chart.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I got. I gotta have a chart.

[Tyler]

I gotta have.

[Ryan]

I gotta have an instructor.

[Tyler]

Somebody needs to print the tongue chart on the label of the wine.

[Miles]

Yeah. If you don't have the right stemware, you can just move the bottle in and out of your mouth more.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

To get it to hit differently.

[Tyler]

So what's the. When I. When I slap the bag, it kind of just hits all of my tongue at once. Is that good or bad?

[Miles]

Yeah, that's my one gripe, Trey. Mr. Kennedy. Like it for it to come in a bag.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

The glass is fancy and all, but let's. We want to be able to slap the basic sellers wines bag.

[Tyler]

You can slap this bottle. It just doesn't have the same effect.

[Miles]

Not the same effect. Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, if you're Shit face, too, you could, like. You could break a. This is. This is durable. I could throw this across a room and it wouldn't. I don't know if it would break. I won't try it.

[Tyler]

This bottle is useless in a bar fight. You cannot shatter this over the bar.

[Ryan]

No, but you could use it on their head. You could use it on multiple people, though, because you stay intact.

[Tyler]

True.

[Ryan]

You know that's true, Ryan. Yep.

[Miles]

Thanksgiving day.

[Ryan]

To give thanks.

[Miles]

People forget there's a lot of salt involved with Thanksgiving.

[Ryan]

A lot of salt.

[Jared]

Forget that.

[Miles]

People forget that there is your salt and everything.

[Tyler]

Literal and figurative salt. Salty relatives.

[Ryan]

Yes. There could be. Tyler.

[Miles]

Especially when you stay away from that green bean casserole.

[Ryan]

Cbc.

[Miles]

Aunt's gonna be a little salty about that, but she puts too much salt on it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So what is she supposed to expect? And what comes with salt, Tyler?

[Tyler]

Thirst.

[Miles]

Thirsty. That's, you know, that's why they put peanuts out and salty popcorn out at bars. Because you want to drink more.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

People order more water, so you got to make sure.

[Miles]

You're bringing a case of Ice Mountain to Thanksgiving. You don't want to be getting cottonmouth sitting there watching the football game. That ever happened to you, Ryan?

[Ryan]

Plenty of times.

[Miles]

And you pair that with the allergies that you have.

[Ryan]

Constant allergies.

[Miles]

And with all the salt.

[Ryan]

Eustachian tube dysfunction.

[Miles]

You got to make sure that you're hydrating. Thanks. Thanksgiving with Ice Mountain, I mean, it's just simple math.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

I mean, a little bit of salt.

[Ryan]

And water is good, too, because then it. Then it. It retains the water inside your body more, soaks it.

[Miles]

So salt on its own, not so good. You pair it with an ice mountain, you're going to be ready to kick every one of your cousin's ass in the football game.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Win that turkey trot.

[Tyler]

Honestly, I think.

[Miles]

Well, there's. While they're laying on the ground cramping up, you're going to be blowing by them record stats.

[Tyler]

We are. We are decades late on just making Ice Mountain a staple of Thanksgiving. And we have to be right up there with the turkey.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Tyler]

Like, just a gallon jug of Ice Mountain in the centerpiece of the table would make total sense.

[Miles]

So, guys, get yourself a centerpiece. Get rid of the cornucopia. Is that what it's called?

[Tyler]

I think so. Yeah.

[Miles]

Get rid of the cornucopia and maybe put a few bottles of ice melt and keep that family hydrated. And also have too much salt. People start arguing.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

They're dehydrated. They get cranky.

[Ryan]

Cramping up at the dinner table.

[Miles]

So keep those arguments out. Just. This is a magic sauce right here. Get some ice juice. Thanksgiving. All right, folks, time to talk prize picks. Lineups of the week. Right now, you can sign up on prize picks with code YBR and get $50 instantly when you play your first $5 lineup. You don't need to win the lineup to receive the $50 bonus. It's just guaranteed. And this week, folks.

[Ryan]

Heater.

[Jared]

Heater.

[Miles]

We have actually, though, a free square. Oh, hey, Tyreek Hill on turkey day, Thanksgiving. All he needs to do is catch one receiving yard. Wow. He gets one receiving yard. You get the automatic win on that leg of the lineup.

[Tyler]

That sounds risky to me.

[Miles]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Tyler]

One receiving yard for a guy with a thousand catches seems risky.

[Miles]

Well, here's the deal, Tyler. We don't. We don't play this to stay conservative. Okay, Tyler?

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Miles]

You got that?

[Tyler]

I got it.

[Miles]

So we're gonna do that one. So that's our first pick. Okay, tyreek, more than 0.5 receiving yards.

[Jared]

Jared Travis Kelsey. More than 59 and a half receiving yards.

[Tyler]

Tyler, I got T.J. hawkinson more than 48 and a half receiving yards.

[Ryan]

I love that. I love that pick.

[Miles]

I am, I'm riding, I'm riding with our boy Cooper Rush, baby. Hopefully he's not pooper rush this week, but I'm feeling like we're gonna get Cooper rush instead of pooper rush playing the Giants. Plus, I don't know, I just. I just got a feeling about him. The Giants are stinkers and they're gonna pass it. They don't got a new rush game on the. On the Cowboys for the first time a long time. So toggled it up though. 224 and a half pass yards. More than that.

[Ryan]

Red Devil.

[Miles]

Little red devil action. And to pair that well, Ryan, what's yours?

[Ryan]

A little red devil action. I got CDL more than 0.5 touchdowns. That'd be CD Lamb. For long.

[Miles]

For long. All right, so if you guys want to ride with us also, we almost. I almost made like 13 grand. We're 20. We were 20 yards away from a six leg all pass yards lineup. I put 100 bucks on it. Almost won like oh, maybe it was like 12 grand. And we're 20 yards away total on the whole lineup.

[Tyler]

Damn it.

[Miles]

So this week's our week though. So guys, Tyreek, T.J. travis, CD Lamb, Cooper Rush. You want to ride with us? Good luck this week. Well, I'm glad we were able to get the first ever Ryan Wino review. Much anticipated and what a pretty good. Fits in perfectly.

[Ryan]

That's great hat too.

[Miles]

I like wine.

[Jared]

Going to wine Gut.

[Ryan]

Wine gut.

[Miles]

Speaking of gut, I'm going to fill my gut up this week. I got a scheduled tummy ache here this Thursday.

[Jared]

Thursday afternoon.

[Miles]

Thursday afternoon. Thanksgiving's here, folks.

[Tyler]

Gravy will be Thanksgiving is here.

[Miles]

One of the best holidays of the year.

[Tyler]

What are you thankful for?

[Miles]

I'm thankful for you guys.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Miles]

But in a more real sense, I was thinking the other day, let's get real with it. But in not a fantasy world, I was.

[Ryan]

Hell yeah.

[Miles]

Anyways, in a more real sense, I was thinking about Thanksgiving and I was thinking about Thanksgiving is just a middle school dance. I know it sounds weird, but hear me out. Okay. You got. You go to a middle school dance. You go to Thanksgiving. The girls and the guys are separating.

[Tyler]

Except for there's. There's that one weird couple on the dance floor. Probably like your cousin who brought her boyfriend.

[Miles]

Yeah, they're just making out on the couch. Too much pda.

[Tyler]

Way too much cuddling. And everyone else is separated by genders except for those two.

[Miles]

Yep. Guys are, like, in the garage or the basement. The women are somewhere on the living room kitchen. Living room kitchen. And what? The girls are just gossiping the whole time. The whole time. That's what they do.

[Tyler]

And probably about the guys that are.

[Miles]

In the garage, and the guys are just sitting there going, what are you. What's. What's going on, guys?

[Tyler]

You're like, oh, weird. The Lions are good this year.

[Miles]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan]

Yeah. When are we gonna get that game? You're saying we don't have cable out here?

[Miles]

Another reason there's always a few people outside smoking weed.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Cousins going for a walk. They're coming back. They're just really confused and very hungry.

[Miles]

What else?

[Tyler]

Tyler, Grandpa, oldest man, is the DJ of Thanksgiving. He's got the remote. He controls what TV is being played. Just like a dj.

[Miles]

He's the TV dj.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

I'd say there's usually one aunt that is trying to get both. Both groups together in some sense.

[Miles]

It's like the chaperone.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

She's this. She's the dance chaperone.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

She's just trying to make sure everyone has fun but has fun together instead of two separate groups.

[Tyler]

She's the one, like, pushing for weird games.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

100.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I'm still out of the game. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go look, like, way out in the backyard at something. I don't know. I'll look at anything just so I don't have to come in and play games.

[Tyler]

You can go look at guns in the garage.

[Ryan]

Find something to go look at.

[Tyler]

Yeah, there's like. There's the chaperone that's, like, making sure the food's all good. She's probably barking at the cousin and her boyfriend kissing on the couch. And then there's also the other aunt that is, like, trying to force people out onto the dance floor.

[Miles]

2.

[Tyler]

Two different chaperones come hang out in here. Y. We get to see your cousins once every two years. Get your ass out there.

[Miles]

Mm.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I feel like that's usually the person who's hosting, right?

[Tyler]

Yeah, that or it's like the aunt. Like, a crazy aunt that she never gets to see her sister. She's got three glasses of wine in her.

[Miles]

There's always one. One kid trying to spike the punch bowl as well at Thanksgiving.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah. There's also probably a little bit of chest bumping. Going on. Like a little dance altercation, politics. You know, those get going on Thanksgiving things like that.

[Miles]

Yeah. And then let's say you have a little cousin who's, like, in dance or something. Usually people, like, gather around and watch them do moves, cartwheels and stuff in the living room. Just like when there's a dance off going on.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And it's. They don't even have to be like, watch me do this, Watch me. It's just like. It's like the chaperone's like, all right, little Pixley is going to get up and do her dance routine. Everyone's. Everyone gets out. You know, you get in a circle and you do the whole. You do the.

[Miles]

You know, I think there's a. There's always a snack table or a food and beverage table at the dance. Same thing at Thanksgiving. And there's always, like, four dishes that no one ever wants to eat. Just like at the dance. What? I got Chex mix. I go to a school dance and eat Chex Mix. Plain ass, green, green bean casseroles, the same thing.

[Ryan]

I'm not a big giving GBC guy, really.

[Miles]

Now, that's as plain as the checks mix for me.

[Tyler]

There's also at every. Every middle school dance, the sweaty guy. There's gonna be a sweaty guy at Thanksgiving after eating all that turkey.

[Miles]

Especially when you've had. He's had his fourth pumpkin piece.

[Jared]

Yeah, that is true. It's always, like, really hot on the dance floor. Like, it's always, like, way too warm in the house for Thanksgiving, dude.

[Tyler]

My grandma, she refuses to. The heat is at 90 degrees. There's 55 people in the living room, and we're all dying because we're. We wore kind of nice clothes, so it's layers.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Jesus.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's not comfortable to begin with because you're wearing, like, like, nicer dress boots. You're wearing jeans that are, like, too tight on your nuts.

[Miles]

Well, that's the thing is very similar wardrobe as well. You want to look nice going to the dance. You want to look nice going to Thanksgiving, but you also want to be comfortable and be able to move the dance. You're just moving your body Thanksgiving, you're moving your belly in and out and eventually your bowels. Yes, exactly.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I'm not usually not moving bowels till the next day.

[Miles]

We all need that information, so.

[Ryan]

Well, I just. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

A lot of Ax Body spray.

[Tyler]

I would say maybe.

[Miles]

I don't know how we work Ax Body Spray into Thanksgiving, but now the one Thing that Thanksgiving doesn't have that it should is a conga line.

[Tyler]

Do you think Thanksgiving should have a.

[Miles]

Think of how fun a Thanksgiving conga line would be? Maybe right before everyone's about to eat. Kind of a celebratory excitement.

[Tyler]

That's how.

[Miles]

You guys ever been a part of a conga line before?

[Tyler]

I honestly don't think I have.

[Jared]

Is that like a cha cha cha?

[Ryan]

I don't even know what everyone's watching.

[Miles]

There's a leader who guides everyone around the room and that's the, the tail keeps getting longer because people joining in and like, have you ever been a part of one?

[Ryan]

Yes. More so at a wedding than Thanksgiving.

[Miles]

But yeah, I know we're talking to dance and Thanksgiving. I think we, that's one thing we could borrow from dances. This may be a pre Thanksgiving dinner conga line just to get everyone excited. Plus, then you're already in line to grab your food.

[Tyler]

It could be a good way to spice up the going around the table saying what you're thankful for. You just go in the conga line. The Vikings, my family.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's perfect. Then it actually is less awkward.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Are you. So if there was a conga line at, at the Montplaisier Thanksgiving, are you like, are you shutting that down?

[Miles]

Realistically, it's just never going to happen at my Thanksgiving.

[Tyler]

But if it hypothetical. Yeah, your brother gets it started. The conga lines three people deep. You're sitting there looking at it. Are you getting in the conga line?

[Miles]

I mean if, if it's already started.

[Jared]

Well, do the caboose.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'll maybe join in. Depends how many beers have had.

[Tyler]

Okay.

[Ryan]

You know, so yeah, if like Aunt Karen's like, hey, we should do a Cong. Like Mazda. You want to do a. And you're like, nah, nah, I'm good. But if it's already started, you kind of, you're kind of forced into it.

[Miles]

100%. Oh, I, I, I tripped and accidentally fell in line with the conga line and now I'm doing it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Not having fun.

[Miles]

I'm not having fun though. I don't know, just something we could steal from middle school dances.

[Tyler]

You know one thing that middle school dances don't have that Thanksgiving does is a post meal nap time. I, I wouldn't have hated having a quick little 30 minute siesta middle school dance.

[Miles]

Be kind of nice. Kills the mood a little bit. Maybe more. After the dance, instead of going and do degenerate behavior afterwards, you just go.

[Tyler]

To bed because I mean I kind of guess I would just go to bed. I wasn't doing anything. Degenerate at 13.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Instead of heading out to the cornfield for the after party, you're just gonna go home and go to sleep.

[Tyler]

Night, night.

[Miles]

Also think about this. You know middle school dances, they're always, you know, the girls and guys need to leave room for the Holy spirit yardstick. Yeah, you got to keep your arms straight. Same thing on the couch. If your brother sits right next to you, you're going to be like, what the helmet?

[Tyler]

Scoot over me.

[Miles]

Or your weird cousin sits right next to you, starts chatting your ear off. Hey, let's leave room for the Holy spirit.

[Tyler]

Your cousin sits right next to you. Like, you better leave room for Jesus or you'll be meeting him soon.

[Miles]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan]

Hey.

[Miles]

Beers.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's 10 beers in fighting.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Are you guys. Are you guys the ones who are probably slamming the most beers at Thanksgiving or is that like one of your drunk.

[Miles]

In my heyday.

[Tyler]

Yeah, five. Five to ten years ago for sure.

[Ryan]

Really?

[Miles]

And got some cousins that are in college. They. They're gonna. They're gonna outdo me this year.

[Tyler]

I think that that is another thing middle school dances and Thanksgiving have in common is 35 to 50 year olds pretending they're not a little drunk.

[Miles]

All the chaperones are like, I'm good.

[Tyler]

They're passing a flask around in the back room. For sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's the. I don't know if you guys had breathalyzers. I guess that was more like high school, I guess. But like we used to. Yeah, we breathalyzed going in really high school dance.

[Ryan]

We did too.

[Tyler]

Holy. We had kids just showing up, up.

[Miles]

Oh yeah. Well, we still did too, but they just borrowed some clean air to put in. You know, like when you're trying to pass a piss test. He's clean, you know, cleaner. I got a can of air that when the cost not looking. I'm just blowing it into the breathalyzer.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I know. It's showing up. It's showing up positive for booze because I was. I was before I got like 40.

[Miles]

Poppy seed muffins before.

[Ryan]

Yeah, four. I had 40 pea seeds and I had a whole pack of five gum because, you know, and I just want.

[Miles]

I, you know, want good breath mouthwash in the car.

[Tyler]

I'm trying to get some tongue, so I suck down some Listerine.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Anyways, good thing they don't breathalyze the chaperones.

[Tyler]

Thanksgiving.

[Ryan]

Well, another thing too, you Know, high school like, or middle school. Let's say middle school dance. Your parents are going to be coming to pick you up, right? You might have to get a ride home from your parents from Thanksgiving.

[Miles]

Well, yeah. Or just crash on their couch. Thanksgivings. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

A classic.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

So I don't know. Just thought I had. Thanksgiving is similar to a middle school dance.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

Like, you know, like everyone knows they're supposed to dance, but no one does. Everyone knows they're supposed to talk to their relatives, but no one does. You just end up talking to your immediate family or maybe one cousin that you like.

[Tyler]

Yeah, everyone.

[Miles]

You know, you're supposed to talk to your aunts and uncles. Glad you're not going to.

[Tyler]

Everybody awkward. You click up, up. Everyone completely clicks up. Thanksgiving.

[Ryan]

If, if, like, if deer hunting season was AF or. Sorry. Yeah. After Thanksgiving, I like, I don't know what I'd talk to some of my uncles about. Thank God deer hunting's before Thanksgiving. So I got a little ammo, pun intended, in my pocket so that I can spark up conversation.

[Tyler]

I mean, honestly, like, I don't have a lot of good things to say about these two teams, but the Lions and the Cowboys have really saved a lot of Thanksgiving conversations for sure. Because it's such an easy thing to talk about.

[Ryan]

John Madden.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Turkey bowl.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Rest in peace.

[Miles]

Another reason why they're the same. You always got Dylan in the bathroom blowing up toilets with a firecracker.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Him and his buddies that were the monster.

[Miles]

You also have your cousin Dylan who's blowing up the bathroom at Thanksgiving after he has a little too much pumpkin pie.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, Kuba Dylan, though, it allows him to get away for like 30, 40 minutes. Sit on the pot, check. Tick tock.

[Tyler]

He ate too much because he's just really hungry from his walk.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Slips in a little THC butter for the old dinner rolls.

[Miles]

I think one of the final ways is cleanup is the worst at both.

[Tyler]

Oh, my God.

[Miles]

If you're, if you're on, I don't know, you're on student council or something, you got to clean up the dance afterwards. What a buzz kill.

[Ryan]

Yeah. What if you're.

[Miles]

You got a belly full of turkey and now you got to do the dishes. What a buzz kill.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

Paper plates. Another one.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You're like true.

[Miles]

His paper plates.

[Ryan]

Like you're like married brother or something. The person that you enjoy being around the most at Thanksgiving, like, he's got to go to another one. So he dips out before everything Gets done. And then you're like, you, man.

[Miles]

Yeah, nothing's worse than a buddy being like, this dance is lame. I'm out of here. And then you're like, okay, but I was kind of having a little bit of fun. Now you, like, feel dumb about staying at the dance. That actually is cooler than what he's about to go do. Smoke weed in the parking lot.

[Jared]

Yeah, I've done the Dougie yet.

[Ryan]

Yeah, just like your buddy who's got to leave early from having beers with the boys out of the bar.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'm about to crank that Soulja Boy, and now you want to leave.

[Tyler]

Dude, I saw Tick Tock. The new song at middle school dances is the fucking boom song from that.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan]

Elaborate.

[Miles]

Bring the boom.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

Costco, guys.

[Tyler]

Costco, guys.

[Ryan]

Thank you, Jesus.

[Tyler]

Is it was just some DJ P. His just of his face. He's like, what has my life become?

[Ryan]

Big justice did just appear on wwe.

[Miles]

You with the Rizzler. I hate how plugged in I am.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Big J.

[Miles]

Big J and the Rizzler. This is kind of a. What was the Twilight this or that? The two characters in Twilight. You were either Team Team Edward or Team Team Edward or Team Jacob. I think I'm Team Rizzler instead of Team bj.

[Tyler]

Aren't they homies now?

[Miles]

No. Yeah, they are.

[Ryan]

I thought they were brothers.

[Miles]

No, no.

[Ryan]

Who's the big. Who's the main guy?

[Miles]

Like, also, what are the Rizzler's parents doing?

[Tyler]

I haven't seen him in anything. I don't think they're doing much.

[Ryan]

Well, I think they just pawn him off on Big AJ or whatever his name is.

[Miles]

Hey, you're.

[Ryan]

What? Maybe.

[Miles]

Great. It's like when your mom's like, go play with your buddy at his house. The same things happen with the Rizzlers. Go play with Big justice and his dad on wwe. Get out of the house. I got laundry to do. You're bothering me.

[Ryan]

Aj.

[Miles]

Just be home for dinner. Yeah.

[Ryan]

He's just the man. He's the. He's the Manny. He just watches Big justice in the Rizzler. They do Cool, aj.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's just the babysitter.

[Ryan]

He's the man.

[Miles]

He's the cool babysitter that lets him do stuff. Like, we had a babysitter growing up that would. This was big when Spike tv. I think we used to watch MXC with that babysitter. He's actually the one that showed me mxc.

[Ryan]

Nice.

[Miles]

Good babysitter. We also used to watch Slam Ball A lot. So he would let us take our mattresses and put them on the floor where the little tyke's hoop was and do slam ball.

[Tyler]

See, that sounds.

[Miles]

Only one leg went through the Sheetrock.

[Ryan]

Sure.

[Jared]

It's pretty good.

[Tyler]

I don't know what's better. That or I had. My babysitter was just smoking hot.

[Miles]

Yeah, you gotta have at least one smoke.

[Ryan]

How old are you?

[Miles]

Sitter?

[Tyler]

Growing up, I was, like, at the oldest. I think I was with. The babysitter was like 10 or 11.

[Ryan]

And then you're like, dad, I like, I don't think I can watch myself.

[Tyler]

I can't. I can't be trusted. I'll burn it down. You're gonna have to hire Brittany to come over.

[Ryan]

Dad. I like, I just. I. I can't do this on my own.

[Tyler]

Also, I know you. Cass and Paige, they're just. They're annoying. You got to send them off to Grandma's. My sisters.

[Miles]

Really?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Is there any other ways that Thanksgiving's like a middle school dance?

[Jared]

I mean, you probably talk about the Costco guys I fall with.

[Ryan]

That is true.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. You're watching the game, and the announcer at the kickoff just goes. Does this best Paul Allen. Boom. When they kick it off. And then it's me like, oh, God, here we go, Here we go, here we go. Yeah, I got. I think we covered them.

[Tyler]

I think so.

[Jared]

Trying to think of more.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I'm out. I'm out. Very close.

[Ryan]

How old were we in middle school? Like 12.

[Tyler]

Middle school is 6.

[Ryan]

11. 12 and 13.

[Tyler]

Six through eighth grade.

[Miles]

I think it's like 12 to 14.

[Ryan]

Yeah, 12 to 14.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yep. Did you get your.

[Ryan]

So long ago.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You get your permit at 15? That's ninth grade, huh?

[Ryan]

I'm gonna throw Cyclone by Baby Bash on when I get there. I'm taking that fucking remote and hitting YouTube and going to Cyclone by Baby Bash.

[Tyler]

I'm gonna fucking Apple bottom jeans.

[Ryan]

This another good one. Another good one.

[Miles]

Also bring back conga lines.

[Tyler]

I mean, the only time I was touching the dance floor during middle school dances was Cha Cha slide. I was only going out there on the things when they told me what to do.

[Miles]

Hey, you're coachable, though.

[Tyler]

Yep, coachable.

[Ryan]

You weren't going out to grind or anything?

[Tyler]

Slow dances? Oh, no. No grinding. We got. That was cracked down on so you could.

[Ryan]

You could drink, you could get face before kids would show up.

[Tyler]

Face. But then you couldn't grind when you were there.

[Miles]

What's the point of getting face?

[Ryan]

That's actually Insane.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we could slow dance. We're like, pretty close, but no grinding.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. It's like the key appeal skin. Like, if a chaperone even sees you, like, like move your hips a little bit during a. During a slow dance, get a little too close. Flag gets.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you're out of here.

[Ryan]

Save room for Jesus.

[Miles]

All right, well, what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?

[Tyler]

In law's mine. Back to back.

[Miles]

Oh, in laws and your side?

[Tyler]

No, we.

[Miles]

We're. We're a one and done. We just every other.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Go to the in laws this week, I think.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Hey, Thursday and I'll tell you where to go.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's a kind of a wake up and do what I'm told situation. Yeah, I. I think. I think that's.

[Tyler]

It sounds right.

[Jared]

It's a big presence.

[Ryan]

We're going to Bemiji on Saturday.

[Tyler]

Nice.

[Ryan]

Going to Bemiji Saturday and then making a pit stop at the other side of the families on the way back.

[Miles]

On the same day.

[Ryan]

On the same day. And then we're going to Meg's side of the family on Thursday. So I got. Dude, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, there's probably 12 to 15 outings that I go to.

[Miles]

No way. No, he talked about no way. All right, let's go. What are they?

[Ryan]

Okay, so Thanksgiving is going to be. I mean, I guess you. This last weekend was Thanksgiving with my immediate family, essentially.

[Miles]

Immediate family.

[Ryan]

And then we got my mom's side of the family. Moms for Thanksgiving. We got my dad's side of the family. Thanksgiving, we have my. Do we just have one in my in laws?

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Okay, so that's four Thanksgivings. And then Christmas is. My grandma and grandpa separated. So we got my grandpa on my mom's side, my grandma on my mom's side. We have my immediate. We have like, my, like me, Megan, my little guy. And then we have my dad's side of the family, which is one. We have Meg's grandparents on her dad's side, Meg's grandma on her mom's side. It's 11. And then Meg's. Meg's immediate family.

[Miles]

Oh, that's 12. Oh, my God.

[Ryan]

I was exactly right.

[Miles]

You guys got. You got to do what my family's done. It's just like every four years, we get together as a big extended family.

[Tyler]

You got to just take the reins yourself and fucking book an event center and get all of those branches together.

[Miles]

It would be kind of fun.

[Ryan]

We do that for my mom. My mom's side of the family, like the extended Family. See, all my grandparents are still living and they're still young enough to where they like want to host and get everyone together. So that's, that's the deal.

[Miles]

It's tough because it's like you're like, I want to see a grandma and grandpa, but I don't want to come to your house or do this at all.

[Ryan]

Well, I mean, like, I'll put probably 2, 300 miles, probably 3 to 400.

[Miles]

Miles on my start charging a mileage.

[Ryan]

I should. What's the, what's the federal rate?

[Miles]

$0.67 or something. Right now that's just for.

[Ryan]

Is that gas or just wear and tear?

[Miles]

Well, you either choose. You either you either pay for your own gas and get reimbursed for the gas, or you submit the mileage and get paid back that way.

[Ryan]

Gotcha.

[Jared]

Or just take the company truck.

[Ryan]

That works too.

[Tyler]

You take the family truck, you'll be good.

[Miles]

Yeah. You guys got a shuttle bus for the.

[Ryan]

I need like an electric vehicle.

[Tyler]

I will never complain about the amount I have to go to again after hearing that.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's insane.

[Ryan]

12. I may be missing one in there too, but we got, then we got one here. We all sit around, open presents.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. We have on Christmas morning, everyone.

[Ryan]

Christmas Eve morning. Because we half. We work half day Christmas.

[Tyler]

No, I. We're gonna do something. Christma morning. The four of us, right?

[Jared]

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

FaceTime maybe.

[Tyler]

Maybe 6am we'll all meet here.

[Miles]

Well, what we need to do is we need to get together that morning and plan out our prize picks lineup.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Ryan]

That is true.

[Miles]

It's a work meeting is what it is.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You know, there's going to be some great free squares on Christmas day for sure.

[Ryan]

Oh, there's. There already is one.

[Tyler]

Yeah. That's Thanksgiving.

[Miles]

Hey, we'll get in, we'll get into the prize picks. But for that. Ryan, you said that you got the new hat on earlier and now we don't sell the I like wine hat. That's Trey Kennedy's hat. But we got some brand new patch hats on the website today, Ryan. Wednesday, Today. Today. At some. At some time they will be.

[Ryan]

I mean, I can have them ready by the time podcast goes out if you guys want them to.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Miles]

Yes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. When this comes out, we got these on the site. I got. We have a new road hunting for ditch chickens. Patch hat. Ryan and Tyler are wearing the meat without feet hat. And honestly, the one that Jared's wearing came out pretty Good.

[Jared]

So good.

[Miles]

The new boys are buzzing patch hat.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

We also have other colorways as well, but this is what we got right now.

[Tyler]

Here's a green neat without feet hat.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, look at that. So, and Ryan, when did we say we're starting the Black Friday deal?

[Ryan]

Wednesday.

[Miles]

Wednesday. So the whole website is 40 to 75 off.

[Tyler]

That's a shitload off.

[Miles]

40 to 75 off go to. Oh, you bet you dot com. Today. Your Black Friday deal is here early. This is the best deal you're going to get all year from us. So go check it out. Oh, you betch.com. plus, we got new stuff. We got these hats. We also at this point have the new boys or buzzing shirt.

[Tyler]

I think with this. With this deal, I think you brought the boom.

[Miles]

Okay. All right, let's take a break.

[Ryan]

Got it.

[Jared]

Tongs.

[Miles]

Tongs.

[Ryan]

We're almost. We're almost.

[Miles]

We're almost there. What do we have, 500 left?

[Tyler]

About.

[Miles]

Yeah, 500 tongs still. Buy something else.

[Ryan]

We.

[Miles]

4000 slung, 2500 tongs already. Tyler, what do you want from us?

[Ryan]

I mean, we can only do so much. Like, we can only sell so many times.

[Miles]

There's so many people in the market for a pair of phenomenal tongs.

[Jared]

I can't believe it's 5,000 clicks.

[Miles]

We're going to have to start misspelling it on the website. So people who are looking for thongs click on. Click on Google.

[Tyler]

And you guys would be surprised how many people do that.

[Ryan]

Yeah, people looking for dongs.

[Miles]

Hey, that's actually a good idea. Little SEO project for you. Change it from tongs to thongs whenever. They'll click on it. Get in there and be like, you know, I was looking for thongs, but.

[Tyler]

What a good deal.

[Miles]

But this is a great deal on tongs, so I might as well.

[Ryan]

We'll do it whenever. Victoria's secret has the 5 for 25. If we get thong deal.

[Miles]

If we get desperate enough, Ryan, let's. We'll print up some thongs with YB logo on it and we'll do a thong, tongs and tongs deal. You buy a pair of tongs, you get a free thong.

[Ryan]

Free banana hammock.

[Miles]

No. Well, I was thinking maybe for. For the listeners, lady friends.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Miles]

But yeah, we could go banana hammock as well.

[Tyler]

We should also sell an apron with the thong. So we just call it the grilling outfit. Edible or no thong apron. Tongs.

[Miles]

We could go edible. Thongs could go edible the bundle.

[Ryan]

But yeah, maybe on Patreon, we'll throw up. Guys, what's your favorite flavor?

[Miles]

If you don't buy these tongs out, you're gonna force us that I have to, you know, put Ryan in a thong and pose for the website. Yeah, no one wants to see that.

[Ryan]

I'll pack tongs in a thong.

[Miles]

All right, Black Friday, we need to take a break. Tyler. Miles, how's your broken leg?

[Tyler]

Hey, not broken anymore.

[Miles]

But I. I bet it was kind of a pain in the butt to find a doctor though.

[Tyler]

It was. It was an absolute nightmare zone. I had to do go to some walk in thing. They shuff around to like 15 different people. And then sent me out with no boot. Remember that?

[Miles]

I remember that, yeah. And you went to me for advice first and I am not a doctor. That was your first mistake. I thought you just had an ankle contusion.

[Tyler]

You were yanking on the broken ankle.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but statute limitations, we're just.

[Jared]

Yeah, you're trespassing.

[Miles]

It was already broken. So what was I going to do? Break it again?

[Tyler]

Yeah. I don't know. You're not a doctor, so you could.

[Miles]

I know. And what, what you probably wish you knew about at the time and which we wish we probably had on deck was Zoc Doc.

[Tyler]

If I'd had Zoc Doc, I'd have been good to go. I wouldn't let you touch my ankle.

[Miles]

I know you would have been good. You would have been in there, in and out, lickety split. And guys, if you're in a situation like Tyler, you got to get sock doc. Zoc Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. Instantly. Tyler, you could have been on the field still and had booked.

[Tyler]

Land on the 30 yard line talking to Zoc dog.

[Miles]

We're talking about in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand health care providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, much more.

[Tyler]

Including ankles.

[Miles]

Ankles, yes. Plus Zoc Doc appointments happen fast. Typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com you betcha. To find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That Z O c d o c.com you betcha. Zocdoc.com you betcha. Folks, we are 28 patrons away from 3000. This has gotta be the week that we send it over the edge. The wives have been chomping at the Bit to get on this podcast.

[Tyler]

Yes, they have.

[Miles]

And this is the week we're gonna do it. So if you're listening and you're not a patron, go sign [e-mail] you bet you radio or look us up on the iPhone, Android app, search, you Bet yout Radio. We got all sorts of episodes on there. All bunch of extra content, exclusive merchandise, and you get to help the wives come on the podcast. 28 of you. That's a very small percentage of our Gift them.

[Tyler]

Gift them.

[Ryan]

Yeah, she usually likes to plan stuff out about six months in advance. So we gotta. Let's solidify this thing so then we can start planning.

[Miles]

So then Ryan's wife can, you know, relax at home.

[Tyler]

As you know, they got a billion places they need to be for the holidays.

[Ryan]

So we are gonna have to plan.

[Miles]

This around their holiday schedule. But we can get it done. We'll get it done for the patrons.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So go guys. 28 people. 28 of you just go do it so that our wives come on. We can put that in the rear view and we don't have to. We don't have to think about that ever again.

[Tyler]

Man, I'm shaky, I'm nervous, my palms are sweaty, my knees are weak, my arms are heavy.

[Miles]

And speaking of the patrons, Jared, you got some patron questions?

[Jared]

I do.

[Ryan]

Nice.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Awesome.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Super.

[Jared]

Yeah. Jack, Shotgun. If you had to drive a piece of heavy equipment machinery as your daily driver, what would you pick?

[Miles]

That's a great question, actually. All right, so I want a heavy equipment operator. What would I choose?

[Tyler]

Yep, it's your daily driver.

[Miles]

Well, regardless, I'm a heavy equipment operator, so I'm gonna be super well rested. I can't wait to start this job.

[Tyler]

Let's. Let's all do our best impersonation of a heavy equipment operator. Ready? Three, two, one.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Where's my.

[Miles]

Hey, get that done over the.

[Ryan]

Who took my fourth Mountain Dew I had in my cooler?

[Miles]

Can I bomb a sig? So 1. Being a heavy equipment operator would be great.

[Tyler]

Best job in the world.

[Miles]

And I'm tell you what, no bags under these eyes. I'm going to. I mean, you guys think I'm good looking now, Wait till I get some beauty rest in the old skid steer.

[Tyler]

That they make neck pillows for heavy equipment operators, not airplanes.

[Ryan]

Yes, they should start doing instance.

[Miles]

Yeah. All right, honey, I'm off to work. Why do you have your airplane pillow? Cuz I'm going to work.

[Jared]

This is not my airplane.

[Ryan]

Yeah, why are you in your pajama pants.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

They should sleep. They should start doing sleep studies on heavy equipment.

[Tyler]

They should. Dude.

[Miles]

It's better like this. Honey, where are you going? You didn't tell me you had a flight to catch. No, I'm headed off to work. Why do you got that airplane pillow?

[Tyler]

Headed off to work.

[Miles]

Headed off to work.

[Jared]

You weren't going to tell her?

[Miles]

Yeah. Why are you wearing pajamas? I'm headed off to work.

[Ryan]

There are quite a few days throughout the week. I wish I was a heavy equipment operator.

[Miles]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jared]

Seven days a week.

[Ryan]

Especially those heavy equipment operators with kids, too. They're. I mean, they're machines when they get home. I'm sure.

[Tyler]

Yeah. They're so well rounded. That was good.

[Miles]

That was good. I like that. I think I would choose a. An excavator.

[Tyler]

Nice.

[Miles]

Mostly because I'd like to spend all day arm deep in a hole.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Ryan]

I was gonna more so say, like.

[Tyler]

You know, I was about to tell a wholesome story about how my kids love excavators, and then you do a fisting joke.

[Miles]

No, it's an arming joke.

[Tyler]

Sorry.

[Ryan]

Sorry.

[Tyler]

Mine in the gutter. Yeah.

[Miles]

What are you talking about? Could be considered the arm of the excavator.

[Ryan]

Tyler.

[Tyler]

Yep. Yep. Jeez.

[Ryan]

Could be considered a third leg, too.

[Tyler]

It could be.

[Ryan]

I mean, it pretty much damn near comes out straight through the middle. Middle.

[Jared]

Damn near.

[Ryan]

You don't want to get to a dick measuring contest with an excavator operator.

[Tyler]

No, I think. I think if I had to pick.

[Miles]

Well, hold on, Let me finish. I. That wasn't my real answer. All right. I want to be an excavator because there is nothing more primal about digging a hole.

[Tyler]

No, that is primal. And the only evidence. Back to the kids. Thing is, I feel like every little boy from like 1 to 5 years old is obsessed with excavators. Because it's a primal thing to watch one thing move dirt to another spot.

[Miles]

Well, and just moving dirt yourself. That's why I want to start a YouTube channel called Miles Moves Dirt. But Tyler won't let me. I did.

[Tyler]

I have not stopped you. I said go for it.

[Miles]

Let the people speak.

[Ryan]

Why won't he let you?

[Miles]

He just doesn't think that it's good. What would be better than just watching a guy comment about moving dirt around all day?

[Tyler]

I don't think it's a bad idea. I think it's a bad idea to go buy an excavator for this channel.

[Miles]

Wow. Maybe borrow one.

[Tyler]

Okay. Yeah.

[Ryan]

You Brought up a good point. I gotta push the Teemu ad the other day. You can buy it. You can buy like mini excavators off Teemu.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tyler]

I've thought about buying one for my kid's birthday.

[Ryan]

No, I'm talking about like a legit. Like a mini.

[Tyler]

Like.

[Miles]

Oh, like a backhoe.

[Ryan]

Yes, yes.

[Tyler]

Oh, I. I've seen like remote control ones.

[Ryan]

No, we're talking about like, like, like it's like individually operated. Sitting in a seat and moving directly. Dirt.

[Tyler]

That's kind of sweet.

[Ryan]

I. Yeah, do it.

[Miles]

There's just nothing more primal than digging a hole.

[Tyler]

There isn't.

[Miles]

I mean what. There's like. But four, three or four things that we've been doing since the beginning of time that stood the test of time. Digging holes, hunting, building a fire. And those are the only four things we've done since the beginning of time. Since we were Neanderthals. And that's how you know, that would be a great job to have. That's why I'd like to be an excavator.

[Tyler]

I like it. I like it. If I had to pick one thing, I would. I would rather drive a crane so I could bring the boom.

[Miles]

Oh my God. Oh my God.

[Ryan]

I thought we had left that.

[Miles]

I thought.

[Tyler]

Oh no. I had to bring one back also.

[Miles]

You didn't do it right.

[Tyler]

I just closed my arm. No, If I had to pick one.

[Miles]

How long were you holding that joke in?

[Tyler]

Entirely too long. I tried to work it in halfway through your excavator thing.

[Miles]

Is that why I cut you out off?

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah. Now if I had to pick one for real. I don't know if this is counts as heavy equipment, but it'd be a scissor lift because I. Hear me out. Hear me out.

[Ryan]

I kind of figured that about you.

[Tyler]

Scissor lift because you know, scissor me.

[Miles]

Timber.

[Tyler]

You remember those guys that were sneaking into sporting events by just holding ladders? They caught on to that you could drive a scissor lift in through every garage entrance to every major stadium. No one's stopping a guy on a scissor.

[Miles]

That is true.

[Tyler]

It's the next step up.

[Miles]

You gotta get a gas powered one though because aren't those electric? Don't you got to plug them in? Yeah, that might be a little loophole.

[Tyler]

What was the one? We had a 2.0. That was for sure not plugged in because we would drive it back and forth across the parking lot.

[Jared]

Could have been propane.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know. I Just have seen ones that you plug in.

[Tyler]

Yeah, well, a non plug in scissor lift. So I can sneak into every single event. It's the next o. Next step up from the ladder.

[Miles]

That is true. If you just. You never question a guy on a scissor lift.

[Tyler]

They're always in such a hurry.

[Miles]

Well, that and because they can only.

[Ryan]

Go a half mile an hour.

[Tyler]

I know. It's like, dude, you're. You're a snail. Quit acting like you need somewhere to be.

[Miles]

But the thing is, is you always feel like you're in the way of the scissor lift guy as well.

[Tyler]

It's true.

[Miles]

You know what I mean? It's like a guy comes around the corner and a scissor lift, you start moving out of the way, clear out.

[Ryan]

Like way too much room for what he actually needs.

[Tyler]

And if anybody tries give you any. When you're on the lowest level, you just go up.

[Jared]

Yeah, got the hydro.

[Tyler]

They're trying to stop you. Be like, I'm going higher and you just keep driving.

[Miles]

Also, correct me if I'm wrong. What is more expensive, do you guys think, an elevator or a scissor lift?

[Jared]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Tyler]

I don't know.

[Miles]

Why aren't we utilizing scissor lift technology instead of elevators? They also seem somewhat safer then. I don't know. I guess elevators are pretty safe, but they don't feel.

[Tyler]

I don't know. I never get worried about getting trapped in a scissor lift.

[Miles]

It's true. Exactly. So why, for a cheap elevator option, why can't we just like make an. A scissor lift pit that you just walk in and then it just hoists you up to the next level?

[Tyler]

I feel like those joints are probably more reliable than the pulley system that elevators operate on.

[Miles]

Now that's leverage though, so don't knock that.

[Tyler]

But I'm just saying, give me a.

[Miles]

Place to stand and I'll move the world.

[Tyler]

I feel like a cable about leverage. A cable is a little more sketchy than.

[Miles]

No, I know, I just. But. But even just cost wise, it feels like it'd be cheaper to just scissor lift it.

[Tyler]

Can we get a scissor lift here for right there by the stairs?

[Miles]

We used to have one when they're building it. And like, I'd go up before they had the stairs in. You take the scissor lift up on the other door.

[Jared]

Get one on Timo.

[Ryan]

You could probably. You can get anything on there to move. So my grandpa calls it Tamu.

[Tyler]

Your grandpa's on Timu.

[Ryan]

He buys all the time on there. Hell, he doesn't buy anything from anywhere else on the Internet, just. But he'll go on tamu. Socket sets, drip, whatever.

[Miles]

Now, the question is not to put a big hole in your whole thing here, not to cut up your argument.

[Tyler]

I got it.

[Miles]

I don't know if people would consider a scissor lift heavy equipment.

[Tyler]

I know. I know. I did preface. I did preface with that preface.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah. What's the weight? What are we talking. When we're talking heavy, what are we talking?

[Tyler]

I mean, it's not light, probably.

[Miles]

Probably like one and a half of your mom. Probably like one and a half of your mom.

[Ryan]

Like. Yeah, I. I got. She. Yeah. I better not tell that joke.

[Miles]

Yeah. Don't do it. If you're questioning it, Ryan, that's not.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Bad news.

[Miles]

What would you choose, Ryan?

[Ryan]

I. I'd probably go with a asphalt roller.

[Miles]

That's good.

[Tyler]

You and your buddies love rolling.

[Miles]

Love rolling.

[Ryan]

I just, like. I don't know, flatten out and. I don't know, I feel like it seems we're going downhill. I feel like you could just, like, I don't know, just cut the key and just let it ride.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Miles]

And it also seems like a job that's hard to Up.

[Ryan]

Up, kind of. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know what I mean?

[Tyler]

You're supposed to flatten, and you can't do anything else other than roll it.

[Ryan]

Well, you also got to wait on the person ahead of you dropping the asphalt. So it's like, I can only go so fast here.

[Miles]

If we worked on Asphalt Crew, if you don't think at least four times a day. I'm not doing the Austin Powers joke where I stand 100 yards in front of the asphalt roller and pretend like it's running me over. You're lying. That's doing that every day.

[Ryan]

It's a great scene.

[Miles]

You know, I'm talking about Tyler.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I thought you were going to go with trying to. Him trying to turn the golf cart around.

[Jared]

Scissors left.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Plus, in the summertime, if you want to. If you want to hawk Darrell's. I mean, you're. You're usually not an open. You're in an open cab.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Miles]

Yeah. Zambonis gets so much, you know, glory for being what they are. How is it any different than a. Than an asphalt roller? Just a different surface.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's like doing the same sh. Leveling it out.

[Tyler]

Does the asphalt roller pump out its own asphalt?

[Ryan]

No.

[Miles]

No.

[Tyler]

Okay, well then that's the only difference.

[Miles]

That's why there's literally no pressure when it comes to rolling asphalt.

[Ryan]

Yeah. If the machine dropping asphalt breaks down, it's like, well, break time. Time to smoke. Another left to roll. Yeah. I mean, you could even come to work with a pocket full of pennies and toss them in front of you. Could roll your own pennies quite literally.

[Jared]

A little side hustle.

[Ryan]

Yeah, a little side hustle.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You coworker. They got kids.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I love a flattened penny.

[Tyler]

I'm sure it just happens to be stuck in asphalt. Wow. It's the charm.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It's like, it's like putting a handprint in a driveway. You're moving in a new house, like you're building a new road. You're just like, someone comes up and.

[Miles]

Like the penny man was here. I knew his work when I saw.

[Ryan]

It'D be a great joke to play too. People looking for like just change on the ground. They think they found a heads up penny. It stuck in the ass.

[Miles]

The road.

[Tyler]

There's gonna be some change out here.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you could. Yeah, you could. You could throw all kinds of. In front of your roller and stamp it into the ass.

[Tyler]

Good way to pass time.

[Miles]

I. I would have never have thought of asphalt roller. So That's a good one.

[Ryan]

Thank you. I just, I. I also like you could. I mean, if you're driving, this is your commuter, Right. If you're just driving, you're like in a. In a hurry. Got place to be, like I do all the time. I mean, just up and over, right?

[Miles]

Yeah, up and over.

[Ryan]

The cars in front of you.

[Miles]

I think you're thinking more of a tank. Oh, I'd be better. Oh.

[Tyler]

Does that count as heavy machinery?

[Miles]

Yeah, sure.

[Ryan]

Sure.

[Jared]

Runs on diesel.

[Miles]

What about you, Jared?

[Jared]

I think a skid steer would be good because I. That's like the only heavy machinery I know how to drive, so. And I get really nervous around heavy machinery, so I think that'd probably be it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Very logical choice. Thank you. For the only one that used your head in this.

[Miles]

Have you ever got a little too squirrely, though, in a skid steer?

[Jared]

Or you go back and forth and.

[Miles]

Then you kind of go on two.

[Jared]

Wheels or you like the front buck is too heavy or something?

[Miles]

Yeah. That's never good. No, done that a couple times. He's such a. I told you guys about. My dad made me drive a skid steer across town once. Right?

[Tyler]

I think.

[Ryan]

I think so, yeah.

[Miles]

All they're for whatever, you know. You got two or three skid steers and two or three trailers for those skid steers. But for whatever reason, one of the trailers wasn't available. They needed the skid steer across town. So I had to take all the the non main roads on a skid steer going miles an hour across town.

[Tyler]

Hey, that's a good way to kill an hour.

[Miles]

Yeah, I only fell asleep at the wheel a few times. You know, heavy equipment operators get a lot of flack. But I get it now, you know, well rested.

[Tyler]

You worked until 8pm that night.

[Miles]

I was up all night.

[Ryan]

Oh, there's like three or four trains you had to wait for too.

[Jared]

The AC was humming too.

[Ryan]

Yes. Yeah.

[Miles]

If you think my dad has skid steer with ac. Your dreams, they've broken the doors off of those suckers and yeah, the belt doesn't work. Yeah. If you think they're letting me drive the nice skid steer across town, you are dreaming.

[Jared]

But it's a nice one that he bought like 10 years ago.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Nice to him.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

He's like, hey, got a new pickup. It's 2016. New to me.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Hey, would you blow me?

[Miles]

No.

[Jared]

How do you get your in laws to stop coming over to your house without telling them no? Straight up.

[Tyler]

Easy peasy. Let them catch you their daughter one time.

[Jared]

That's good.

[Tyler]

They'll never come over unprompted again or ever again.

[Miles]

I was going to go very similar route but a little more pg.

[Tyler]

Oh you, you're pg.

[Miles]

That was too excavator joke. Dude, dude, dude. Have some decency. There's kids this podcast.

[Tyler]

I hope not.

[Ryan]

Also, if I can hold a joke in. You can hold a joke in.

[Miles]

Yeah, seriously, bite your tongue once in a while.

[Tyler]

Need to be held in. That was good.

[Miles]

I was going to say have your wife invite him over and then just be naked and then they show up and you're like, I didn't know you were coming. Oh my God.

[Tyler]

That actually kind of happened.

[Miles]

And then take like the longest pillow in the living room and cover yourself up.

[Ryan]

I just got my private pilot's license. You want to see the helicopter?

[Tyler]

Actually I was getting ready. My wife and I were going somewhere and my mother in law was coming over to watch the kids. My wife wasn't home yet, so I was showering, getting ready so she could take the bathroom. And my mother in law came into the house while I was in the shower and I assumed it was my wife getting home.

[Jared]

Oh no.

[Tyler]

So I wasn't naked but I just walked out there in my towel. And I was like, oh, hello.

[Ryan]

The towel was on the hook. The hook being.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I was fully braked up.

[Miles]

Oh.

[Ryan]

Just drying the towel off.

[Miles]

Tyler's in the bathroom warming up. The wife getting home.

[Ryan]

Honey.

[Miles]

It's like as soon as he realized what was happening is like one of those snap bracelets that coils up.

[Tyler]

It was like a gopher going back in its hole. Look at head popped up. Whack a mole y.

[Miles]

Down boy.

[Ryan]

Down to yell that I was just gonna say to change the locks. That works too.

[Miles]

Shut off all the lights and then just don't answer the door.

[Tyler]

Live in the dark like Batman.

[Miles]

Like Anna and I had to do that one Halloween. Spent an entire night in the dark.

[Tyler]

Because you're out of candy.

[Miles]

So we were out of candy.

[Ryan]

You could. Yeah. You could treat it like Halloween to open the front door. The a couple pieces of candy handy, hand them each one and then shut the door.

[Miles]

Also October also you're supposed to say trick or treat.

[Jared]

It's called batters.

[Miles]

God. What All I think about is the show Everybody loves Raymond.

[Tyler]

Never watched it.

[Jared]

That's good.

[Miles]

Basically live next door to the in laws and they're always coming over, but they didn't really ever figure out a way to get them to not come over. So.

[Tyler]

So that shows of no help.

[Miles]

There's no help. But I just channeling that energy. They always. The mother in law is always bitching about the daughter in law's cooking. So maybe there's a cooking angle. You know, just start talking about how much. How great your wife's food is in front of her mother or your mother. And maybe she'll get pissed enough to be like, he doesn't appreciate my cooking anymore. Anymore.

[Tyler]

Or it could really backfire and she gets jealous so she comes over more trying to one up your wife.

[Miles]

That is true. Don't do that.

[Ryan]

Or what you could do is if you got kids, as soon as your in laws walk through the door, you walk out the door and yeah.

[Miles]

You see them pulling into the driveway. Go get your jacket on and grab your keys. Like, oh, God. Didn't know you guys were coming over. I. I was just running out. Well, how long you guys gonna be here? Maybe I'll catch you. That's a great question.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

Because then they'll be, oh, maybe like two or three hours. Then, you know, you just have to occupy two or three hours. Then you can come home.

[Tyler]

I can drive in circles for a long time.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. You just got to put.

[Miles]

I can. I can do 800 rounds around the flea farm store for two to three hours.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's got to put like a ring or like a blink camera on each side of your mailbox so you can see when someone pulls into your driveway.

[Miles]

Kind of a trip wire situation to trigger an alarm.

[Ryan]

Yes, exactly.

[Miles]

Then. Then all of a. You're sitting on the couch and something drops from the ceiling. You put your arms up and your coat just goes right on your arms. And then you're like, oh God. Just head it out. How long you guys going to be here? Maybe I can catch you.

[Ryan]

Yeah. God. Glad the babysitters finally got here. All right, honey, let's go.

[Miles]

Well no. You abandon your wife and kids.

[Ryan]

Ah, true.

[Miles]

It's every man. It's every man for himself situation.

[Tyler]

You don't have time to wait for your wife.

[Miles]

Yeah. And to rile up the kids that quick. Ain't going to happen. So it's, you know, know fend for yourself at that point.

[Tyler]

Gorilla warfare.

[Jared]

Pehole potato.

[Tyler]

What?

[Miles]

I don't. What? I don't.

[Jared]

I. I go.

[Miles]

That's right over my head.

[Tyler]

I don't think it's a bit. I think it's just a weird name.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Pehole Potato.

[Miles]

Cuz he knew he'd get a reaction out of us.

[Tyler]

Damn it.

[Jared]

Or she.

[Miles]

Or she.

[Ryan]

Or she.

[Jared]

Or she what? What two animals would you like to. To switch the sounds they make?

[Tyler]

So many good options.

[Miles]

An elephant and a cat.

[Jared]

That'd be loud.

[Miles]

Be allowed for a cat. But imagine a giant elephant just being like. That'd be funny.

[Ryan]

There'd be a lot more. I feel like there'd be a lot more elephant debt. Like people dying from elephants because they just think they're these nice. These cute little creatures just get trampled.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Always purring at us. The trunk across the dome.

[Tyler]

I don't. I don't know what the right animal it is. Is. But I would like something to switch with a snake. The snake making any sort of noise would be really funny.

[Miles]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

Like maybe a rooster.

[Miles]

If a snake could actually just speak.

[Tyler]

English that would be terrifying. Actually that's not funny. That's. That's scary as I'm ah. I was thinking more like a rooster like of a snake. Cockadoodle. Dude.

[Miles]

That'd be good.

[Ryan]

I mean I, I would love for like a whitetail buck or just a white Tails in general to switch voices with like a dog or a wolf or something. So I can hear them from a lot farther away.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Something that gives them up a little.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Miles]

So you'd be in the woods and you'd hear a little crinkling. And then all of a sudden, in here.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, something's coming.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, there's no really element of surprise after that.

[Tyler]

That would actually also be great for, like, bad dog owners that can't get their dogs to shut up. Switch them with a quieter animal.

[Miles]

I mean, a deer would be pretty good.

[Tyler]

Yeah. My next door neighbor. If their dog would quit yapping and it would just be real quiet. Something.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Would you rather hear a dole bleat or a dog bark? Like. Like in an annoyance from an annoyance stand?

[Tyler]

Okay, how about this? I'll switch the snake with a dog.

[Ryan]

Okay, that's fair.

[Tyler]

So I'm not gonna be able to hear that thing hiss all the time.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but whatever. Let's say whenever the dog is wagging his tail, it makes like a rattlesnake sound.

[Miles]

That'd be kind of cool.

[Tyler]

I'll get more specific. I'm gonna switch dogs and garter snakes.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Miles]

Very good distinction.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Jared]

Well, if you attach bells to a dog's tail, it's going to sound like a rattlesnake. Then.

[Tyler]

Oh, it sound like a jingle bell sound.

[Miles]

Like elves.

[Jared]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of the instrument.

[Tyler]

Be a rattle or a morocca.

[Jared]

Maraca.

[Miles]

Morocca.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Okay. Yep.

[Jared]

Sorry.

[Miles]

Try that out. Take some electrical tape.

[Tyler]

Not doing that to my dog.

[Miles]

Come on.

[Tyler]

No.

[Miles]

6, we're an experiment podcast.

[Tyler]

I'll put one in his mouth and see if he shakes it.

[Miles]

Yeah, but not the same.

[Jared]

Tape is well shut.

[Tyler]

Just muzzle in.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah. Come on, Tyler.

[Tyler]

He's got a lot of hair. That would hurt. Electrical tape that still pull his hair, wouldn't it?

[Miles]

Not as bad as duct tape. Not cruel.

[Tyler]

Duct tape was never on the table.

[Ryan]

Gorilla tape.

[Tyler]

No. Oh, Scotch maybe.

[Miles]

How about just ha.

[Tyler]

Tape is, I mean, Velcro strap so it won't like Velcros to itself. I would consider that.

[Miles]

Report back.

[Tyler]

Okay. Experiment three fun facts.

[Jared]

Around 3% of the global population has a third nipple.

[Miles]

3% around.

[Tyler]

That's perfectly ironic. 3% have a third nipple. That sounds made up.

[Miles]

I just think that's way too high.

[Ryan]

So if we.

[Miles]

I thought it may be 0.3% of the population around 3. So if we go to a concert and there's 20,000 people there, there's 200 third nipples.

[Ryan]

Say there's 10,000 people.

[Tyler]

That's 10%.

[Ryan]

Say there's 10,000 people.

[Miles]

There'd be around 10% would be 2,000 people. It's 600 people at a 20,000.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Miles]

Concert have third nipple. There's just no way.

[Tyler]

There's only one way to find out.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Every concert. Concert.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Tito, where is the third nipple loc. Where is it located? Usually?

[Tyler]

Probably by the other two.

[Miles]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know.

[Tyler]

I would assume it's like a one is a split nipple situation.

[Jared]

I didn't want to Google image it.

[Tyler]

Google it. Jared.

[Miles]

No.

[Tyler]

Pam Anderson.

[Miles]

But. So if there's a hundred thousand people nipple in Fargo. There's more than that. But let's round down, right? That means that 3, 000 people in Fargo have a third nipple.

[Tyler]

I guess I just.

[Miles]

I'm not. I'm not buying that.

[Ryan]

Around 3,000 around.

[Tyler]

Give or take a nipple tour.

[Miles]

Two tree.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Just saying. If we had a hundred people in this building, around three of them would have a third n. Nip.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So that means if there's a million people In a city, 30,000 of them have third nipples.

[Ryan]

If we got six more people in.

[Miles]

So there's a billion people in India, that means that there are 3 million of them have third nipple.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

No, it'd be 30 million of a billion. 30 million is 3% of a billion.

[Jared]

Not a math guy.

[Miles]

No, because three. Three, you're right. 30 million of people who live in India have third nipples.

[Tyler]

Epidemic. We just have way too many nipples floating around. Yeah, they don't match up. I mean, how many can you look up? What percent of the population only has one nipple? Maybe it evens out 2 per. If it's 3% of the PE population only has 2 one nipple, then life really is balanced.

[Miles]

So if there is 1 trillion people in the known universe, you know, including aliens.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

You tell me that there's 30 billion people in the universe with 30 nipples.

[Ryan]

But go up, go up all the way to top. According to medical, essentially 0% of population has only one nipple.

[Miles]

Okay. They don't cancel each other out at.

[Tyler]

So we have. The nipple to human ratio is way off.

[Miles]

Yeah. Didn't know. Didn't know.

[Jared]

Sun Coral.

[Miles]

That was more of a shocking fact.

[Jared]

Sun Coral and Seawhip Coral can emit faint sounds to communicate with fit fish in their ecosystem.

[Tyler]

We got talking plants.

[Miles]

I'm be honest. I thought that. I thought those were two names.

[Jared]

Oh, no.

[Miles]

So read it again. Read again.

[Jared]

Sun Coral and Seaweed Coral.

[Ryan]

The coral sisters. Sun and Sea Whip.

[Tyler]

Yeah, they emit real soft sounds to talk to fish. They're weird.

[Miles]

That's why I laughed. I thought I Thought. Thought they were. You're about to do some names of people.

[Tyler]

You drive by the beach, got sun and seawhip facing the water. Ah, they're talking to the fish again.

[Miles]

The Coral Sisters.

[Tyler]

Hey, what do the fish have to say today.

[Miles]

That'S cool.

[Ryan]

Be great fishing guides.

[Miles]

What do you think? They're letting them know.

[Tyler]

Hey, there's fishermen looking for you.

[Jared]

I think they're algae is what I read. Something with Alex. Algae.

[Miles]

They are communicating algae to them.

[Jared]

They want algae.

[Miles]

Bring me algae.

[Jared]

The coral.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's funny.

[Ryan]

It's like a sick. It's like a sick husband talking to his wife.

[Miles]

I need chicken noodles. Coral. Coral. More like oral.

[Ryan]

Oral, you say.

[Miles]

You say oral. No, I meant coral. Coral talk to each other.

[Ryan]

I said coral.

[Miles]

Sea Biscuit and Sun. Sun sisters.

[Ryan]

Miracle Whip and Sun. Butter.

[Jared]

Chainsaws were originally invented for childbirth.

[Tyler]

I've heard this. Actually.

[Miles]

No, I. I don't like that. Especially after witnessing a childbirth.

[Tyler]

What do you know what were there for, like C sections or what in the.

[Jared]

Yeah, that's what it is. In the late 18th century, a small hand cranked chainsaw was developed by doctors for or symphysiotomy, a procedure used to remove parts of the pelvic bone when a body was stuck during childbirth.

[Tyler]

That is not a C section, but still very graphic.

[Miles]

I hate it.

[Jared]

This tool is much smaller than modern chainsaws, but it paved the way for mechanized chainsaws.

[Miles]

Holy.

[Jared]

It was a Scottish doctor.

[Miles]

It was a bone saw is what it was.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

Mechanical bone saw. So what would happen to these? I mean.

[Tyler]

Probably push the baby back up the canal and cut the pelvic bone and then pull baby out.

[Miles]

I know, but what about the. The mother after the fact?

[Tyler]

You got to be doing damage control right away.

[Jared]

That's a lot of morphine.

[Miles]

Probably, but also like. Like, can you even come back from that?

[Tyler]

Yeah, people can come back from like a busted pelvis, can't they?

[Miles]

Out of blood.

[Ryan]

Jesus Christ.

[Miles]

I don't like that. That wasn't a very fun fact at all, Jared. That was. I think you misread the assignment this week.

[Jared]

Well, one of those facts is false that I just read off.

[Miles]

I forgot about this. I forgot I told you to do this.

[Tyler]

It's the nipples. It's the nipples.

[Miles]

It's got to be the nipples, right?

[Ryan]

I'm gonna say it's Sea Biscuit.

[Miles]

It might be butter, but it's too specific for him to make up.

[Jared]

It's the coral. That was fake.

[Miles]

That was good.

[Jared]

Boom.

[Miles]

The third nipple is the right.

[Ryan]

How do you do that?

[Tyler]

You bring the boo.

[Miles]

I totally forgot I told you to do that. That was excellent.

[Tyler]

Jared was just sitting here watching us talk. Just waiting. Biding his time.

[Ryan]

You wanted it to be the chainsaw.

[Jared]

Yeah, I did.

[Miles]

I did.

[Tyler]

Really did.

[Jared]

Too specific though. Too many details.

[Ryan]

Too specific.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. You making that up. What are you, Stephen King? You weirdo.

[Tyler]

You know you didn't make it up.

[Miles]

No, the. The. The. The. The chainsaw one.

[Tyler]

I.

[Jared]

That would have been epic.

[Ryan]

So did you make the sea seawhip and sun?

[Jared]

I just changed the facts around corals primary interact with their environment through chemical and physical signals. Not mitting faint, faint sounds.

[Ryan]

Oh yeah, I did. I did catch. I was a little leery about that.

[Jared]

And I made up. I made up the sun coral and the seaw whip. It was just two different types of coral I picked.

[Miles]

Oh, okay.

[Tyler]

Hell yeah. And you created a bit the coral sisters.

[Miles]

Sunbutter and Seabiscuit.

[Jared]

I think was bar was coral.

[Ryan]

Feel like I should have went to like high school with a coral.

[Miles]

Coral.

[Tyler]

Coral. That's the kid from the Walking Dead. The meme was coral. Nobody could say, carl.

[Miles]

Get over here. I don't know it.

[Tyler]

I've never watched the show, but I've seen the memes.

[Ryan]

You're seeing Walking Dead?

[Tyler]

No, I watched the first.

[Ryan]

I watched the first 72 episodes. 72 seasons.

[Tyler]

Isn't it still going?

[Ryan]

I haven't gotten through a season. 72 through 158.

[Jared]

What was the last episode you watched?

[Tyler]

You want to spoil it? But. All right, give him a spoiler.

[Ryan]

I don't. I don't even remember.

[Miles]

So. All I know is that like there was a bunch of dead that was walking around.

[Tyler]

You're right.

[Ryan]

I think it was when the named Coral. I think it was when the wife died.

[Tyler]

Spoilers.

[Miles]

All I know is on YouTube TV, there's a walking Dead channel that only plays Walking Dead.

[Tyler]

Well, guys, I think there's a couple spin offs now too, so they probably pump all those out. The what?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Coral. Couple walk. Couple walk offs. You mean coral.

[Ryan]

That's a good one, Tyler.

[Miles]

Coral. I love to be a part of it someday.

[Ryan]

You start now, you could finish them before you die.

[Tyler]

If they stop making them right now, you might have a chance.

[Ryan]

That's true.

[Miles]

All right. Is that it, Jared?

[Jared]

That's it.

[Miles]

Also remember guys, rate us five stars so Jared can sleep better at night. Like an equipment operator.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you should have not got a king bed. You should have just got a. A giant excavator. To sleep in. You'd be sleeping real good.

[Jared]

Sleep in the bucket.

[Miles]

True. All right, guys, well, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the you bet your radio podcast. May your coral be chatting it up. Cool. And may your Thanksgiving be like a middle school dance.

[Tyler]

Hey, take it back. No.

[Miles]

Cheers, Ryan. Nice.

[Tyler]

Two hops this time.

[Jared]

Big chunk.

[Miles]

Oh my God, that's whiny like ryer.

[Ryan]

What did you guys say? I was too busy swishing my wine. Oh, you betcha.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Middle school, awkward stairs Thanksgiving no one cares well silent scream sleeping in excavators bend rusty thoughts dreams of dread spiking punch chaos life miles of conga no life bringing the moon shattering skies lions, wine crimson light Based up torch format Twisted fate endless dance not escape shred turkey bloody faced laugh so loud madness faced table sweat chairs unturned Thanksgiving trail gracious power Leather boots stomp the floor Broken glasses wine galore wild conga serpentine milo fleets serpent hunting line chaos roar primal sound sealant snaps as chaos clouds Watchful spikes poison red tezo doom none be spared tables flipped there's a tide which is blood Leather ropes stomp the floor Book in glasses wine galore wild tongue wow Circling miles leaves Sgt. L Chainsaws roar primal sound sea when snaps as chaos pounds Punchful spikes poison red catch up to none brings better.

[Jared]

$100,000 a year. But you become naked for exactly one second at a random time each month.

[Miles]

So I'm just naked for one second? Yeah, 100.

[Ryan]

Doing that for 100 grand. Like 100 grand a year extra. On. On top of what you're doing, I'm.

[Miles]

Randomly naked for 12 seconds a year.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Let's do it.

[Tyler]

I mean, that could just be your full time job. You can just go around and work from home. Who cares if you're naked for a second in your home?

[Miles]

What?

[Ryan]

I'd pro duct tape it up into like the goat. You guys ever been goated with the sauce?

[Tyler]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I have goated people, sure.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I would just. I just probably do that. So then when I went naked, then.

[Tyler]

I just so that it looks like you have no chicken balls. That would raise more questions. Throw people off, though, I'd be more concerned.

[Miles]

Imagine how you'd have to walk around all day.

[Tyler]

That'd be awful.

[Ryan]

I was a little bit of a limp, Right.

[Tyler]

I'd be way more concerned if you went naked for a second in front of me. I didn't see dick in balls, but.

[Ryan]

Then they can't judge you on dick and ball size.

[Tyler]

No one's going to judge you anyway.

[Miles]

And it's like I'm going to judge you. There's nothing there if you're really worried about it. If you just say, guys, I'm ran. I could be for one second be naked. Just letting you guys know, you know, I'm a grower.

[Ryan]

I'm a grower. I'm a grower, not a short. I promise, I promise.

[Miles]

What I would do is just get a tattoo that says I'm a grower right above it.

[Ryan]

That's not a bad idea.

[Tyler]

No, I'm going to get. I would get just an egregious chest tattoo. So that's where your guys eyes go for that second.

[Ryan]

Yeah, good point. Yeah, good point.

[Tyler]

You get something crazy on my chest. Well, I. George Washington crossing the Delaware.

[Miles]

I think I would just grow out my bush so that zo. Yeah. Just have some coverage.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You're that. Yeah, you're that one kid in the seventh grade locker room that was just like. He was. He was more mature than he was two years more mature than everybody else. Yeah. He had a beard and everything.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

And you're like, I wish I could be that guy.

[Tyler]

Guy.

[Miles]

You wish you had pubes like that guy.

[Ryan]

Well, it's seventh grade.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

It's all about Zush.

[Miles]

And then you could maybe like straighten it and like almost have it as like a curtain, you know, drape it over everything.

[Ryan]

That is true.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You could per.

[Tyler]

I'm gonna braid it longer.

[Miles]

So.

[Tyler]

So just you think that looks like.

[Miles]

Kind of going with like a 70s beads type situation down there, you know, so if someone wants to take a look, they just pull them apart like that.

[Tyler]

Door frame. Beads.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you could cornrow it too.

[Tyler]

You could.

[Miles]

Especially defeating the whole purpose of hiding.

[Tyler]

It looks sweet. People are more worried about the corn. Yeah.

[Ryan]

They're like, dude, like, were you just on vacation in Mexico or what?

[Tyler]

I got them braided on the beach.

[Ryan]

I've been growing these out all year for my Mexico trip. You gotta get.

[Miles]

I am going to Jamaica this winter.

[Ryan]

Are you?

[Miles]

Might have to. Yeah. Wedding for a wedding.

[Tyler]

That'll be fun.

[Ryan]

You're gonna be so.

[Miles]

We'll see.

[Ryan]

Iceberg doubt.

[Tyler]

Jamaica's in the Caribbean, right?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

To the ocean.

[Tyler]

I hope you see some pirates.

[Miles]

I. I mean, I hope I'm not sailing the seven seas.

[Tyler]

It would be. That's the life though.

[Miles]

Would be the life for me. But I don't think I'll be sailing the seven seas.

[Ryan]

Fair enough.

[Jared]

Plenty. How much caps of Morgan you Have.

[Miles]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan]

Good point.

[Jared]

You get $3 million, or you could speak every language fluently.

[Tyler]

I'm going to take the 3 million.

[Miles]

I probably say $3 million, but I would love to be able to speak.

[Jared]

I think you'd make a lot of more.

[Tyler]

Could you? Yeah. What could you make off of that? Could you make $3 million off of it?

[Miles]

Easily, over time, you know.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Well, I looked on the comments. They said you could do, like, translating for businesses. And then you also have dead language.

[Tyler]

Language fluency, too, which you would become one of the only people that could speak it.

[Jared]

Exactly. So you could, like, transcribe old.

[Miles]

Okay, that's true. The other alternative, though, could keep living your normal life. Take that $3 million, throw it into the SMP 500.

[Ryan]

Throw it into the 5, honey.

[Miles]

And next thing seven years later, you got $6 million. Another seven years later, you got $12 million. Another seven years later, you have $24 million. And then next thing you know, you don't even have to work.

[Tyler]

I kind of with Jared, though. I think that would be really cool. Can you read the dead languages or is it just said you could only speak them?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

You could read them.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Okay. I don't know. I was a kid, I wanted to be Indiana Jones really bad. This could get us into some archaeology.

[Jared]

And, you know, Klingon, too, so that's big.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I could speak Elvish as well. Well, what? Lord of the Rings?

[Jared]

Star Trek.

[Tyler]

Yeah, and Star Trek.

[Ryan]

Jesus Christ.

[Miles]

I think you just got to take $3 million.

[Ryan]

You got to take the millie. Three milli.

[Tyler]

I'm. I'm really reconsidering now.

[Miles]

I mean, but you just then, like, have to, like, go and find the right people to get in contact with to pay you to translate like that sounds so exhausting. Who would you go contact if you knew how to speak a language and no one else how to. Knew how to speak?

[Ryan]

Probably the U.S. you call up the.

[Miles]

White House and say, is there anyone in the government that needs my service?

[Tyler]

It doesn't matter who I could call. I'd be able to understand them.

[Ryan]

I don't think my record's clean enough to be able to work a government job.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Tyler]

You're clean. You're clean.

[Miles]

I thought he.

[Ryan]

I am. Yeah. Beside, I was texting and driving. Distracted driving. Three years ago.

[Miles]

Three years ago. Outlaw Jesse James over here.

[Ryan]

So. Well, that's off the table for me, guys.

[Miles]

We are on the road to 3, 000 patrons. And once we hit 3, 000 patrons, we are going to have our wives do an episode without us, and it's probably going to be a disaster for us. But that is what we signed up for, and you guys can help make it happen if you go sign [e-mail] you bet your radio, or look us up on the app, get us to 3,000. Our wives are probably going to roast us in that episode. So go check us out. Put us into the torture chamber.

[Tyler]

Pray for us.

[Miles]

Pray for us.