The Greatest Time to Go to College 🎙 #388

Summary

You Betcha Radio #388: "The Greatest Time to Go to College"

Date: July 29, 2026
Host: Myles (“You Betcha Guy”), with Ryan, Tyler, and Jared

Episode Overview

This episode of You Betcha Radio takes a deep dive into stories of Midwest man culture, hilarious personal mishaps, and a nostalgia-fueled discussion about why the early 2000s were the greatest time to go to college. In classic You Betcha fashion, the crew delivers laugh-out-loud anecdotes—from awkward vasectomy appointments and legendary dorm parties to the maddening complexity of modern NCAA video games. The second half offers a tongue-in-cheek guide on meeting your girlfriend’s parents, rounded out by “Dave’s Facebook Corner,” where they read aloud wild status updates from a real-life Midwest character.

---

Highlights & Key Segments

1. Jared’s Vasectomy Appointment Experience

Timestamps: 00:24–10:03

• Jared recounts his post-vasectomy sample collection, offering a comedic and awkward play-by-play:

  • Nervousness about the staff knowing what’s going on.
  • Clinical “collection room” setup reminscent of notorious online “casting couch” setups.
  • Outdated DVD porn selection for “inspiration,” but Jared opts for his phone (“They were all like, mid 2000 porns. No, one of them was a casting couch one.” – Jared, 04:02).
  • Awkward interaction with the nurse:
    • “‘She just kept saying, collect the sample…’” (Jared, 02:12)
    • “Welcome to Jizztown, USA.” (Ryan, 02:24)
  • Sound machine & lack of privacy:
    • “The crowd noise was maximized.” (Miles, 05:22)
  • Discovering you can bring your partner for “sample collection” (“Is… it’s like a fuck room.” – Ryan, 06:11)
  • Clinic-provided “medical vials of lube” and joking about stealing them.
  • “It’s like a free little library [for porn].” (Tyler, 09:04)

• Memorable quote:

  • “My cheeks couldn’t tell the difference through the sheet.” (Jared, 06:44)

---

2. Why the Early 2000s Were the Greatest Time to Go to College

Timestamps: 10:12–25:07

• Ryan develops his nostalgia-soaked theory:

  • “It’s like, peak…consumerism, party—just go wild. Beer commercials, chicks in bikinis… ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is being played… the smartphone hadn’t really come out yet. The last, purest time to go to college in my mind.” (Ryan, 10:40)
  • Technology: No smartphones; most only had basic flip phones or brick phones. Tales of ABC texting and T9.
  • Social: Legendary dorms and illegal apartment-shifting (using secret wall holes to escape the police during parties).
    • “If the cops got called…they all would just go through the hole into the other side, then cover it back up.” (Ryan, 14:27)
  • Pre-Uber transportation:
    • “Guys were jumping on a moving train [to go from Fargo to Moorhead to keep drinking].” (Ryan, 12:13)
  • College party antics: Keggers in apartments with indoor pools, buying booze via homeless people, stealing pizza from delivery cars.

• Culture & Style:

  • Frosted tips, polos with popped collars, puka shell necklaces, “shirtless guy” working outside Abercrombie at the mall (Ryan’s friend).
  • “Could you imagine being shirtless just standing outside of a store in the mall? And this isn’t like mall now. This is like peak mall time.” (Ryan, 17:32)

• Legendary College Hacks:

  • Ordering one pizza and stealing others from delivery cars (“The perfect crime.” – Ryan, 24:01)
  • “There’s more than one way to teach the kid the rainbow.” (Ryan, 36:19)

---

3. Modern NCAA Video Game: Too Real?

Timestamps: 25:59–34:54

• The gang vents about NCAA 27’s oppressive realism:

  • “You actually, to be good at the game… have to have the mental processes of an actual NCAA Division 1 quarterback.” (Ryan, 26:41)
  • Complexity of running RPO (Run Pass Option) plays—requires real football smarts.
  • “I was exhausted when I was done playing. Like, I was mentally drained.” (Ryan, 29:46)
  • Recounts practice sessions with a real former college coach (Ryan’s brother) just to learn the game.
  • Difficulty spikes are frustrating and not “relaxing.”
  • “My brother’s like, ‘Oh, you’re going to want to throw the bubble.’ I’m like, how the fuck do you know that?” (Ryan, 30:07)

• Memorable quote:

  • “Quarterback is the hardest position to play in sports.” (Miles, 33:37)

---

4. 'Teachable Friends' and Parenting Life Hacks

Timestamps: 34:01–36:12

• Ryan’s life hack for raising a well-rounded kid:
  • “I’m just gonna delegate all of this stuff to… my friends who’ve got certain expertise.”
  • “You just make them all godparents… he’s the cooking godfather… you have to teach him how to make a roux.” (Ryan, 35:13)
  • Laughs about “fire safety” (lighting fires with car batteries) and other dubious ‘skills.’

---

5. Old vs. New Ways of Lighting a Fire (Matches Talk)

Timestamps: 36:40–38:51

• Tyler craves the challenge of old-school matches versus modern fire-starting.
  • “Matches don’t get used anymore… can you keep it going? Can you keep it in your fingers long enough without getting burned?” (Tyler, 36:47)
  • Cigar lighting pro tips and priming the cigar for an even burn.

---

6. Do’s & Don’ts: Meeting Your Girlfriend’s Parents

Timestamps: 50:52–66:42

This is a comedy bit FULLY SATIRICAL, NOT ACTUAL ADVICE.

• Off-the-wall suggestions:

  • Break the ice by saying, “Well, I know where your daughter gets her rack from.” (Ryan, 51:38)
  • Complimenting Dad’s looks and giving him flowers.
  • “Do a standup routine… do crowd work with the parents.”
  • Ask about parental divorce history up front: “How many times you gotta get a divorce? I’m Tyler.” (Ryan, 55:09)
  • Conversation about (again, all as bits/jokes):
    • Circumcision, ex-boyfriends, politics, family medical history, and polygamy.
    • “Just walk in immediately and ask, hey, are you one of those housewives who’s an alcoholic and drinks wine all day?” (Ryan, 65:41)

• What NOT to do:

  • Don’t stop talking.
  • Don’t stay sober; “get blackout drunk.”
  • Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.
  • “Don’t take your shoes off at the door—assert dominance.”

• Memorable running gags:

  • Double entendres about “racks,” “honkers,” “milkers,” etc.—all tongue-in-cheek, lampooning Midwestern dad culture.
  • “Let me get a look at that hog, so I can go into his study and see his taxidermied hog on the wall.” (Ryan, 56:54)
  • “Maybe you’re in Texas and they have a cow mounted… Let me see them milkers.” (Jared, 57:42)
  • “Are you divorced? No? Well, what can I… just want to know if we’re talking about a blended family.” (Ryan, 56:05)

---

7. Dave’s Facebook Club: Midwest Goldmine

Timestamps: 70:49–81:30

• Dave, a grizzled Midwest character, is new to Facebook and posting absolute gems:
  • “I love when people say, ‘I would love to jump out of a plane.’ Don’t do it just so you can tell I did it… It is so peaceful on the way down. 68 seconds to the ground—get up and say, did I just do that?” (Dave via Ryan, 72:00)
  • Criticizes dog rescue fundraisers “Dogs survived before A.C… They can survive on their own. Why do I have to pay 68 cents a day?”
  • Trapper wisdom: “Victor Traps caught more than any traps made.”
  • “I found a lot of stuff in the dumpsters, but no dead bodies.”
  • Posts with hilarious spelling/grammar: “May 1, he posted I love to buy high and sell low.” (Ryan, 77:32)
  • “He just does is he posts and then he doesn’t finish his thought and then the next post he continues on.” (Ryan, 73:30)
  • “Dave’s bringing the dog to the vasectomy room.” (Jared, 75:36)

---

8. Nostalgia & School Stories: Student Council & Webmaster

Timestamps: 81:46–85:45

• Miles was the “webmaster” in high school and talks about the inside perks (knowing the blocked site password and lunch menus).
• Small-town school tales: “17 people in my graduating class.” (Miles, 84:43)
• Tyler was 5th grade class president and lobbied for a vending machine.

---

9. Advice: Living with Your Significant Other

Timestamps: 85:48–91:03

• Slow, inevitable erosion of “your” territory, possessions, and decor.
• “It’s just death by a thousand cuts.” (Ryan, 86:43)
• Plants multiply, pillows appear, your neon signs just “vanish.”
• Wars over underwear, socks, and favorite drinking cups.
• “Every hole’s got a story and she doesn’t know those stories!” (Ryan, 90:52)

---

Notable Quotes

• “Welcome to Jizztown, USA.” (Ryan, 02:24)
• “It’s like a free little library [for porn].” (Tyler, 09:04)
• “Death by a thousand cuts…It’s not a war. You’re just a shoreline slowly withering into the river.” (Ryan, 86:44)
• “My cheeks couldn't tell the difference through the sheet.” (Jared, 06:44)
• “Quarterback is the hardest position to play in sports.” (Miles, 33:37)
• “Every pair [of underwear], every hole’s got its own story… she’s able to just discard them like you’re cannon fodder.” (Ryan, 90:52)
• “What does the shower water look like? Clear or golden shower?” (Ryan, 59:05)
• Dave's Facebook—“I found a lot of stuff in the dumpsters, but no dead bodies.” (Ryan reading Dave, 79:30)

---

Episode Timestamps (Key Segments)

| Time | Topic/Segment | |-------|----------------------------------------| | 00:24 | Jared’s vasectomy / “Collection room” stories | | 10:12 | Early 2000s nostalgia: college, party hacks | | 25:59 | Modern NCAA video game “too real” rant | | 34:01 | Delegating parenting/life skills to friends | | 36:40 | Matches vs. lighters, cigar talk | | 50:52 | Satirical “meeting the parents” guide | | 70:49 | Dave’s Facebook Club: Midwest status updates | | 81:46 | School nostalgia: student council, webmasters| | 85:48 | Advice: Living with your significant other |

---

Tone & Style

The group’s banter is fast, irreverent, and proudly Midwestern. Every topic is hit with a mix of nostalgia and self-deprecating humor. Nothing is off limits—but all is said in good fun, in unfiltered Midwestern “guy talk” style. The “advice” segment is firmly tongue-in-cheek, lampooning tropes rather than offering real-world suggestions.

---

Final Takeaway

If you like stories of Midwest manhood, college debauchery, and are nostalgic for life before smartphones, this episode is your sweet spot. The “Greatest Time to Go to College” is equal parts laughter, cringe, and offbeat wisdom—all tied together with legendary Midwest storytelling and the unfiltered reality of the You Betcha crew.

---

For more laughs, check out their weekly "Dave’s Facebook Club"—guaranteed Midwest gold.

Transcript

[Ryan]

All right, back to it. Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the you Bet your radio podcast. We're ready to rock and roll. Tyler is. Got some news for us. We might as well get it out of the way right away. Tyler.

[Tyler]

He's having another kid.

[Ryan]

He's having another. Congratulations. No, just kidding. He. You had your vasectomy appointment today.

[Jared]

I did. Oh, I did. I had the test. The. The coming A cup. That was. That was. That was today.

[Ryan]

And.

[Jared]

And I will never be having a kid again.

[Ryan]

Let's go.

[Jared]

Results took 30 minutes, so.

[Ryan]

Wow. Honestly, Tyler, it's probably just best for the world that you never have another kid.

[Jared]

Probably. Hurricane Ziggler is going to stay at an E. 3.

[Tyler]

Zeros across the board.

[Jared]

Zeros across the board. Not a single sperm cell alive.

[Ryan]

I mean, talk about a story. A fall from. It's like, the best who never was. No, the best. It's like. I don't know. It's some ESPN 30 for 30. Where Tyler went from the most fertile man on planet Earth to having all zeros in the matter of months.

[Jared]

No.

[Miles]

Marcus Dupree, I think is his name.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I like to look at my.

[Ryan]

He went from the best to now just the worst.

[Jared]

I like to look at my situation like, Andrew Lucky I just retired before everybody else was ready. I was ready.

[Ryan]

That's a good way to put it.

[Miles]

Derek Rose.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Got an injury like Greg Odin.

[Jared]

But I have to tell you what this is. Like, I showed up to this place, like, kind of nervous because, like, they're gonna know what I'm doing in there. And it's just kind of an awkward thing. Right. It's like.

[Ryan]

You mean jerking off?

[Jared]

Yeah, they're gonna, like, I have to get walked to a room to jerk off. Which is just a weird concept, but

[Ryan]

you gotta remember these people do this for a living. So you're just another guy.

[Jared]

Yeah, but my. My nurse was, like, really awkward about it. She was just, like, also clearly uncomfortable. And then, like, just kept saying, collect the sample.

[Ryan]

What is she supposed to.

[Jared]

I know, I know, I know.

[Ryan]

But why don't you wink your. And then, whatever. I'll collect your juices afterwards.

[Miles]

But she would get jizzy.

[Jared]

She would pause every. Every time.

[Ryan]

Welcome to Jizztown, usa.

[Tyler]

Let's get jizzy with it.

[Jared]

This is the cup that you're supposed to put your sample in. And she's like, once you're done collecting your sample, like, she was just clearly not having a good time either.

[Tyler]

Swap her out.

[Jared]

Yeah. I think she's got to get used to it as well too. But I show up into this room, it legit looked like the casting couch. It's a fucking black leather couch.

[Ryan]

Wait, you jerked off on a black leather couch?

[Jared]

I had to sit on it. There was nowhere else to sit.

[Ryan]

I think at that point you just do a stand with the hand on the wall.

[Jared]

But here's the thing. I had to have. I had to have my phone and

[Ryan]

the cup ready to go.

[Tyler]

Wait, so there I. I don't have

[Jared]

a third hand to yank the hog.

[Ryan]

So do they.

[Tyler]

They don't have material.

[Jared]

So that's. The material is a TV and a DVD player.

[Ryan]

What?

[Jared]

And then that's. She's like, there are adult materials in this cupboard. So I opened up the cupboard.

[Ryan]

Did you find any good titles?

[Jared]

The.

[Ryan]

Should have wrote them down.

[Jared]

So the first one, I didn't. I should have. But I was like, I don't know if it's like a HIPAA violation for me to take pictures of these titles.

[Ryan]

Well, you didn't have to take pictures. You could have just wrote down some of the titles.

[Jared]

I tried to.

[Ryan]

I love a good porn title.

[Jared]

Name one of them was like, Road Warriors. And it was just a bunch of Roadhead. I. I didn't watch any of them. I just used my phone. But I, like, looked at the DVD, took all the DVDs out of the porch.

[Ryan]

That was. That was your one time for a blast from the past to be able to jerk off to DVD warriors.

[Jared]

They were all like, mid 2000 porns. No, one of them was a casting couch. One. It was just one girl casting couch.

[Ryan]

So, like, who do you think buys this materials for the clinic?

[Miles]

Oh, I don't know.

[Ryan]

Do you know what I mean?

[Jared]

Imagine going to the porn shop and just writing it off. Yeah, this is. This is medical expense.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's probably. It's probably the doctor's old, old material. That's why it's from 2000.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you got to be really careful with the volume control on that TV too. Because if it's black, like, if the guy before you just blasted it before he turned it off.

[Jared]

There's a sound machine in there. So it's like. It's like a kid's children's sound machine. And so, like, you turn that on. And I was like, well, I do. I want volume on my phone. If so, then I gotta have it louder than the sewing machine.

[Ryan]

So you sat down on the couch, dropped your pants, so your butt cheeks are just rubbing on all the other guys.

[Jared]

I laid a sheet down. They gave Me, a sheet. I put a sheet down on the.

[Miles]

That's good.

[Ryan]

That's nice. Otherwise you would have just slipped right off.

[Jared]

Yep, I'd have just flown right off there. But, like, that room is not. I could hear people walking around in the hallway and, like, bringing other patients to different rooms.

[Miles]

The crowd noise was maximized.

[Jared]

Crowd noise was bad. So, like, the sound machine got turned up.

[Tyler]

So is it. Is it, like. Is the room kind of hidden within the clinic? Or, like, is it a room that you would walk by for?

[Jared]

Third door on the left.

[Tyler]

Got it. And what does the sign outside the door say?

[Jared]

It's just.

[Tyler]

You know how they're all labeled, like,

[Jared]

room, patient room, Jerking in progress, Crank station.

[Miles]

Yeah,

[Jared]

but. Yeah, and then I. So I had to fill out a sheet of paper after I was done. Once you've collected your sample, you need to fill out, answer this questionnaire. And then, like, I found out that there is a way to. You can bring your wife and you can collect the sample with, like, a vaginal cup. Oh.

[Ryan]

Cause people are just having sex in that room.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Is. It's like a fuck room.

[Jared]

Because I had to. I had to check a box on how my sample was collected, and I was like, whoa, what is this one?

[Ryan]

What is this one?

[Jared]

No, no.

[Ryan]

Say, depending on the results, can I come back with my wife?

[Jared]

I. Yeah, I should have. I should.

[Miles]

Like the vibe of this room.

[Jared]

Yeah. It's the feng shui in here.

[Ryan]

Was it. Was it a sterile environment?

[Jared]

Yeah, it was, like, half. It was a doctor's office, but with a black couch and a tv.

[Tyler]

Was it real? Was it. Was the leather? Real leather?

[Jared]

I couldn't. My cheeks couldn't tell the difference through the sheet.

[Tyler]

There's no. There's no, like, cuts in it.

[Jared]

No, it's in good shape.

[Ryan]

I'm a little upset. They didn't, like, set the mood for you with, like, some, like, shag carpet?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Mood lighting is a shame.

[Tyler]

Did they give you a time limit, saying, hey, you have X no time?

[Jared]

No.

[Ryan]

You got here all day?

[Tyler]

No.

[Jared]

So I was supposed to pull this. There's a cord you pull that flips a switch to let them know you're done collecting the sample? I pulled the cord thing, and I didn't pull it all the way down, so I just fucking sat there watching

[Ryan]

Road Trippers with your cum cup the next 30 minutes.

[Jared]

Literally, my sample collected in a cup on a table next to me, just waiting. I waited for, like, 20 minutes. I'm like, oh, I got a piss bad. And so I Just poked my head into the hallway. I'm like, hey, I'm waiting for someone. Can I. Can I just go to the bathroom quick? And they're like, yeah, your light's not on. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. And you had to push the thing down really hard. Just pulling the cord. Didn't get it down far enough.

[Tyler]

Is there like a sink and stuff in there? Can you. Okay.

[Jared]

Yeah, I washed up.

[Tyler]

That. That button has got to be gross.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Got the results back before I got back to the office, so.

[Ryan]

Nice.

[Jared]

No more kids for me, Fox.

[Tyler]

So you're.

[Ryan]

Hey.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Story. Congratulations to Saga Experience.

[Jared]

What an experience is. Right. I'm glad I did this first for you guys. Now you know what to go. Going into it, you're not going to have all the worries that.

[Tyler]

I mean, that's. It's actually great advice too, because, I mean, going in that room, I.

[Ryan]

Good to know they got a DVD player. I can bring my own material.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you could bring. You could bring ncaa. I wonder if they allow, like, Nintendo Switch or like, consoles. If you could bring consoles.

[Jared]

If that's what gets it done for you, I'm sure they'd allow.

[Ryan]

Was there. Was there any hentai DVDs?

[Jared]

No, there was.

[Ryan]

How deep was their collection?

[Jared]

There was a. A blank DVD case, but I was too afraid to open it. I was too afraid to open it.

[Ryan]

Guys, you don't think when I. Someday when I do this, that I'm not spending four hours in that room just exploring the collection? You're dreaming.

[Jared]

You're just scheduling semen analysis for funsies.

[Ryan]

You should.

[Tyler]

It should be. It should be something where, like, you leave. You leave a DVD for the next.

[Ryan]

It's like a free little library. All right, so.

[Tyler]

Hey, man, this. This one got me in and out in a jiffy.

[Miles]

So then the.

[Ryan]

The nurse is like, all right, which DVD did you bring? You put that over here. And then just remember, you get to take one home with you. It's like a. You know, like, you leave the dentist, you get floss and a shitty toothbrush.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

You leave this. You get a little baggie with a. With a porno. A 2000s porno DVD.

[Miles]

Jergens Y.

[Jared]

They had little, like, medical vials of lube.

[Miles]

Really?

[Ryan]

Did you use it really?

[Tyler]

You should have.

[Miles]

Should have brought.

[Tyler]

Should it swipe things off the car

[Jared]

go in the backpack.

[Ryan]

Yeah, they're getting.

[Jared]

They're getting them insurance.

[Ryan]

He walks out of the room and he just sees all the clanking from. From the lube vials that he stole.

[Tyler]

Pockets are like a squirrel's cheeks.

[Jared]

What do you got going on there? It's not a vial. I'm just happy to see you.

[Ryan]

Oh, man. Well, congrats, Tyler.

[Jared]

Thank you.

[Ryan]

And speaking of early 2000s porn DVDs, bad segue. It wasn't too bad.

[Tyler]

Just bringing us back to the time period that.

[Ryan]

So I have been developing this theory that going to college developing this theory that going to College between, like, 2000 and 2005 was the best time ever to go to college. And I'll explain why.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Through the. Through a conversation with. I had with a buddy of mine who went to college from 2000 to 2004.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

So I was talking to my buddy. He went to College for 2000-2004. And I was like, okay, here's my theory. Tell me what it was like. And it was just like, you imagine. So why I think it's great is it's like, peak kind of consumerism, you know, like, party, like, just go wild. Go get, like, beer commercials, got chicks and bikinis still. You know what I mean? Girls Gone Wild is being played. It's like that era in my Spike tv, you know, all of that stuff. And. And the smartphone hadn't really come out yet. It was not mainstream. This is right before, like, you have a phone where you're always connected to people. It's like the last, purest time to go to college in my mind. And I started asking about it, and he was like, well, you know, after Bar Close, we didn't have Uber back then, so you had to. Bar Close in Fargo was at 1am and Bar Close in Morehead was 2am so Bar, we would close down the bar in Fargo, and then there'd be a race to get all the cabs so you could get over to Moreheads. You can go to the next bar and keep drinking. But a lot of guys didn't have one money for a cab or two. Couldn't get one. So they were just hopping on trains in Fargo and jumping off in Moorhead.

[Jared]

Was it.

[Tyler]

Was there a specific time the train would come by every night?

[Ryan]

I don't know. I didn't get to that detail. But literally, guys were jumping on a moving train, riding it over the river, and jumping off at, like, Mick's office or whatever. Right on the train track. Yeah. And so he said, like, the one buddy who did have a flip phone at that time would call someone who they knew was at the Morehead bar already and be like, hey, Johnny just jumped on the train, make sure he jumps off at that location. And so when you jumped off, like, your buddies were standing there waiting.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. Ready to catch you.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

That's wild.

[Ryan]

That is crazy. That's what they were doing back then. He said that there was a apartment building in Morehead. It's called the Tropicana is what he said it was called. One such a great name for an apartment building, but it was basically like a big rectangle, and in the center was an indoor pool. He said it was rented out by like, 90 college students. The property manager was like a pothead. And so, like, if they just, like, bought him a case of beer and some weed, they. He would just let them do whatever they wanted to. And so he said they would just like, buy kegs and just have keggers every weekend in this indoor pool apartment. And he's like, people were jumping off balconies into the pool and he said they had a sauna in the apartment. Like, people were getting hammered and, like, passing out in the saunas. So they were just like, drag people out of the sauna and keep. Keep getting their sweat on.

[Tyler]

But they'd feel great waking up because they sweat on booze.

[Jared]

Easy way to sober up. Hop a train home.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. He said it was crazy. He said that he was. Yeah, I mean, he is all he said that they are. On campus, there was this duplex that shared a wall, obviously, but the basement wall. There was two college groups that lived in either side. Well, they like, basically put a hole in the basement wall between the two

[Tyler]

conjoined townhome or condo.

[Ryan]

And they said that then they would cover up the hole with a poster. And so they'd have a party in one side of the duplex, and if the cops got called, they all would just go through the hole into the other side, then cover it back up, and then no one would get caught.

[Miles]

Underground railroad? Yeah.

[Jared]

No.

[Ryan]

Unbelievable. I mean, just like, that's the shit that was going on.

[Jared]

It. That's the era my dad went to college. He was a little bit earlier. He probably was out in 98. So close. Close. Ish. And he just tells me horror stories. Like what they used to do for hazing back then was real hazing, stuff like that. So when you said that, it surprised me, but it makes sense now.

[Ryan]

He said, oh, that was another one.

[Miles]

Dude.

[Jared]

Dude.

[Ryan]

And this. I didn't even think about this kind of a, like, kind of genius by them. But, like, when they wanted booze in college, they. Instead of like, trying to find Someone to like go buy him booze or try to use a fake id. They would just go find a homeless man, give him some. Give him some money. And you give him some money and say you can just buy whatever you want with the last bit of the money, but we want this. The. The homeless guy would go buy him a couple cases of be and a handle or whatever, and then that guy would get a 17 5, a Kharkov and they'd be. They'd part ways.

[Tyler]

That's actually.

[Ryan]

And he said it was awesome because he's like. It was like there was this one bridge that we would always go to that always had homeless people. He said, but the best you. You get your booze and you never see that homeless person again.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So it was like no way that this could like go sour because it's just like we've. We found the sketchiest liquor store that would probably not ideas, but not ask questions, find a homeless man, give him the money. He would get his booze, they get their booze and then they never see a homeless guy again. They go back the next weekend and then there would be another one.

[Jared]

Do they have to like follow homeless guy to the liquor store? Because what's stopping homeless guy from taking

[Miles]

all the money around the corner?

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Plus if the homeless guy gets arrested and he's got a roof over his head that night.

[Ryan]

It's true. It's true.

[Jared]

Double win.

[Ryan]

But you know, I think a lot of the homeless people, a lot of times they're probably homeless because of some sort of substance abuse. So they're not just going to take the money and run. They're going to go to the liquor store anyways.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So, yeah, I was like, holy shit. I mean, this is wild stuff, man.

[Miles]

Frosted tips.

[Jared]

Fuck yeah. Yeah, that's like the polos pop collars.

[Ryan]

Well, he said he used to.

[Tyler]

Puka shell necklaces.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Ryan]

He said he used to. Used to work at Abercrombie in college.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And he said he was like the shirtless guy out front of the store, like handing out pink pop collar Chinese food maker. He said that. That Amber crabby told him to not talk to anyone unless. Unless they talked to him.

[Miles]

Don't talk to anyone, he said.

[Ryan]

You're.

[Jared]

You're a face, not a mouth.

[Ryan]

Keep that thing shut. Could you imagine being shirtless just standing outside of a store in the mall? And this isn't like mall now. This is like peak mall time.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's like the traffic is unbelievable.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Mute.

[Ryan]

He. His buddies used to come sit at the couches in the center and just heckle him the whole time.

[Tyler]

That's hazing right there in itself. And you're there making money.

[Miles]

Yeah, but old lady got his, like, their purse stolen in front of him. He couldn't say anything.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

No.

[Ryan]

Hey, stop right there.

[Tyler]

No, he can't.

[Miles]

Right?

[Tyler]

And I mean, if he runs away, he's fired.

[Jared]

St. He's got.

[Ryan]

He's got.

[Jared]

He's like a mime. Come on in.

[Ryan]

He also said that, like, there would be a part of his shift where he would actually, part of his job was that he had to walk around the mall looking for attractive people and ask him if they wanted to work there.

[Miles]

With the shirt off.

[Ryan]

It's okay.

[Tyler]

With the shirt off. I don't know.

[Ryan]

I knew I had a shirt on by then. Is that crazy, though? Holy. Imagine that being BO like, Jared, hey, I need you to head to the mall. And I usually look for attractive people. I'm looking to hire some people. And that was part of your job?

[Miles]

Be terrible.

[Tyler]

And I like, what if you have a really bad taste in women?

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's true. I mean, I think he's probably more looking for guys to. To. To pick up the other shots.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it puts him in a really tough spot.

[Jared]

Well, do you think males are attractive?

[Tyler]

What do you want me to do

[Ryan]

it?

[Jared]

You're fire.

[Ryan]

Imagine that. Now this is one.

[Tyler]

Oh, my God.

[Jared]

You get sexual harassment immediately.

[Miles]

Death penalty.

[Ryan]

But yeah. So that was. It's just. I. I don't know. I personally think that just would have been a great time to go to college. So they used to do yag bombs,

[Tyler]

yay bombs, Jaeger bombs, and pre workout shots. Are you kidding me, dude? Jack 3D to the dome followed by a yag bomb, an old school 4 loco. Oh, my God.

[Ryan]

I did ask him. I said, oh, so you were able to drink the old school four Locos? And he said he never. So that was a huge, huge missed opportunity for him.

[Jared]

That. That they discontinued their original recipe when I was like a sophomore, something like that.

[Tyler]

I never. I never got my hands on one.

[Jared]

Oh, we.

[Tyler]

What were they like?

[Jared]

They're unbelievable. Two, three of them. You're how much teleporting to the next morning.

[Tyler]

How much caffeine?

[Jared]

What was it, like 40 milligrams or something like that. So not a ton.

[Tyler]

Oh, that's not too bad.

[Jared]

But it's enough for 2am Caffeine. It's a. It was a total lights are on, no one's home sort of drink.

[Tyler]

Yeah, make you want to fight a homeless guy.

[Jared]

Your body wouldn't shut down like the alcohol was wanting it to do because the caffeine was keeping you awake. So it was a lot of blackout material.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

God. Sounds awesome.

[Jared]

We. We cleared out the. That strip mall, Morehead, right by the interstate on the west side of the road. They did a discontinued four Loco sale, so we bought like four. They weren't cases, but, like, they came in the half cardboard box. You bought like four of those, and they were the four Loco Golds.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah.

[Jared]

Tasted like piss. And that's all we drank for like two months.

[Miles]

It's like Quaaludes on Wolf of Wall Street.

[Tyler]

Those fuckers would make you want to drink.

[Ryan]

I have an original Ford Loco. Yeah, it tastes.

[Jared]

We should have saved one. We should have saved one.

[Miles]

Yeah, I saw it on ebay.

[Jared]

We could sell it on ebay for a couple hundred bucks. Original recipe for logo.

[Tyler]

Oh, I guarantee you.

[Ryan]

I bet you can buy them right now on ebay.

[Jared]

Dark Web probably still has them.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

First I figure out how to get on the Dark Web. I mean, that's kind of the whole point. It's hard to get on.

[Miles]

But if, you know, you know, you know, you know.

[Ryan]

First rule, Dark Web is don't talk about Dark Web.

[Miles]

I think that's the reason why, like, kids don't do a bunch of shenanigans anymore is because of. There's cameras everywhere.

[Ryan]

Yeah. They're going to get. If they do something stupid. If they get. If they hop on a train, they're going to. They're from Fargo to Morad just to go to the bar. They're. They're going to get in trouble.

[Jared]

Yeah. There be cops waiting for them at the bar.

[Tyler]

Think about the. The amount of flock cameras picking that up.

[Jared]

It's unbelievable.

[Miles]

Any security camera, and then your phone's always tracking you.

[Tyler]

Oh, my God.

[Jared]

Yeah. And even when you're in like a. A home, there's a million cell phones and one could be filming at any time.

[Miles]

And you're going to Snapchat you on a train, too. Like, that's a.

[Jared]

Of course.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Not only is other people recording, you're going to be recording yourself. Yeah.

[Miles]

Because it's sick.

[Jared]

I'm my own biggest rat.

[Ryan]

I mean, they were just doing barstool videos for the fun of it back then. They weren't even doing it for the clout.

[Jared]

Right.

[Ryan]

The repost that bar still puts on. If some guy hopped a train to go to a different bar, dude, that would be on so viral that was just another Saturday for them.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jumping off a third story balcony into a pool after just ripping a cake.

[Ryan]

They made a whole movie called Project X. Yes. Apparently it was just Project Tropicana.

[Jared]

Yeah. Just Tuesdays at the Tropicana. Yeah.

[Tyler]

It reminds me of like Super Bad and Project X mixed is what it was.

[Miles]

Like on steroids.

[Tyler]

On steroids, yeah. And then on crack and then. What is it? What's called College South Harmon Institute of Technology.

[Jared]

Oh, accepted.

[Tyler]

Accepted.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Dude, I just remember nothing. He told me. So they. When they have these parties in Tropicana, they need. They. They need to eat as well. So what they would do is they would order one pizza to the place across the street, and as. And as the guy would go up to the door, the other one, they would go in his car and steal the other pizzas.

[Jared]

That's dirty.

[Tyler]

I knew that's what you're gonna save it.

[Jared]

That's.

[Ryan]

That's so fun. So they were just like playing the game of, like, hopefully he has other pizzas to deliver at the same time.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So they buy one pizza and get it for like, get three of them

[Jared]

or whatever,

[Ryan]

which is terrible, but also very smart.

[Tyler]

Well, the pizza guy didn't give a.

[Ryan]

Came out get his tip, though.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that's very true.

[Miles]

Delivered a small cheese pizza.

[Tyler]

Delivered a personal pan pizza for AR rating points. The Scholaska book club or whatever.

[Ryan]

All his pieces of Jack. Dude. So, so funny. The perfect crime.

[Jared]

It's dirty, victimless cameras.

[Ryan]

You just could do so many more crimes back then. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Nothing crazy, but yeah.

[Jared]

Pizza patrol bandits.

[Ryan]

So funny. Pizza guy gets back, he's like, hey, not again.

[Jared]

Damn it. I'm gonna have to start carrying all five pizzas. Would you guys order again?

[Tyler]

Or maybe the pizza guy was in on it. Yeah, that's the thing.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah. They start planning ahead and they just. With the pizzas they leave in the car.

[Tyler]

Hey, triple keg party tonight. You know what to do.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Stack 10 pizzas up.

[Miles]

We say small cheese. That's us.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I'm gonna need three personal pants, aka I need 10 larges every pie. It's all cold. Yeah, I mean, they weren't texting. They weren't T9 word back then.

[Ryan]

You know, actually they were.

[Jared]

It might have been pre T9. That might have still just been.

[Tyler]

I think that was the era of like the Motorola, the black Motorola brick phone ones.

[Miles]

That was just ABC texting.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. That you could like really only play Snake on. I think I was the.

[Miles]

I ABC texted, like, most of my high school career.

[Ryan]

You're such an ABC texter.

[Miles]

I could. I couldn't figure out T9 right away for whatever reason.

[Ryan]

That just completely adds up to me.

[Miles]

Jared, thank you.

[Tyler]

T9 word is fire.

[Ryan]

And that's not a mean. It's just like, yeah, yeah, you were an ABC guy.

[Miles]

Simple.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

A lot of you.

[Ryan]

And sells you bells and whistles.

[Jared]

My dad got a BlackBerry solely because he didn't want to do ABC texting. He wanted a keyboard.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

And nothing to do with the Internet capabilities.

[Miles]

Convenience.

[Ryan]

Another thing. Last couple weekends, my brother's been bringing his Xbox to Lake. And so after my kid goes to bed, me and him have been playing some NCAA 20, 27. Got a huge complaint with NCAA 27, by the way.

[Miles]

Here we go.

[Ryan]

I. You know, it's like everyone, every year, they're like, oh, I want the game to get more real. To get more real. It's too real now. And not in the sense you think. Like, the plays are now so complicated and mimic actual plays that college football teams run, that you actually, to be good at the game, to be really good at the game, you have to have, like, the mental processes of an actual NCAA Division 1 quarterback.

[Tyler]

I am out.

[Jared]

I thought you were going to.

[Ryan]

It's become so advanced that. And there's so many moving parts that there's sometimes a call play and the play's running. I go, I didn't know that that was going to happen.

[Miles]

If you're an away game, you can't. You can't remember what play you picked because you can't see your play.

[Jared]

Yeah. What is it?

[Miles]

The crowd.

[Jared]

Stadium?

[Ryan]

Yeah, the crowd. It's. It's unbelievably difficult. So. And. And specifically the RPO plays, have you played it?

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't.

[Ryan]

Would you agree with me?

[Miles]

It is very dense.

[Ryan]

So, like, you. You better be making sure you're paying attention to what play you called, because you may be like, you get up to the line, you're like, oh. And then you're like, that's not the play that I called. And you click, click the hot button and then they shift and you're like, oh, that makes sense. I didn't know this was a shift play.

[Miles]

Yeah, the shift plays me up, too.

[Ryan]

So then they're like, shifting and, oh, yeah, now the routes, concepts make sense. But now it's to the point where you now have the option to hand the ball. You have to read the end guy on the line of scrimmage. You also need to read whether or not the alley player is going to fit into the run or stay with the the pass option. So on one play, you have to decide in like, one second if you're gonna hand it to the running back or pull it, if you're gonna run with the quarterback or you're gonna pass it to the other thing in one second.

[Jared]

I think I've realized why Miles moved himself to tight end in college.

[Ryan]

And we were not that advanced back then, I can tell you that much now. It obviously everyone's doing that. So, like, quite literally, I was like. I played a game and I was like, this is sucks. So my brother used to be a college football coach, so I was like, all right, I'm just gonna practice and you are going to teach me on what I'm supposed to even be looking at. So for like an hour and a half, I just ran RPO plays in practice and had him coach me like we were in the film Rope.

[Jared]

Did it work?

[Ryan]

It did work. Okay, but how is a normal person without access to someone who understands college football on a deep level able to figure this game out?

[Jared]

With one complaint too, that I've heard is that if you change the difficulty level, the. The difficulty is so extremely different.

[Ryan]

Oh, I was playing on varsity, dude.

[Tyler]

Oh, really?

[Jared]

Yeah. So if you put it down to the easiest level, it's like playing Madden in 2004, where it's just. Everything's super easy. So there's no, like, normal person mode where it's either super easy or super hard.

[Miles]

Mm.

[Ryan]

Well, even on varsity, just because it's not even that. Okay. If I can execute the play correctly, yes, varsity is very easy, but there's so much that goes on pre snap and right after the snap that, like, it's exhausting. Like, I was exhausted when I was done playing. Like, I was mentally drained.

[Tyler]

How, like, how is a parent supposed to sit down and just decompress with NCAA at 27?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Like, what happened in your NFL blitz? You just run da bomb?

[Tyler]

Ye.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Or like, like Madden for you just run fucking bootleg right or left with Michael Vick.

[Jared]

And then you score.

[Tyler]

And then you score 75% of the plays.

[Ryan]

Like 100%.

[Jared]

Never a loss.

[Ryan]

No, not a chance, dude. I'm sitting there and my brother's like, oh, you're going to want to throw the bubble. I'm like, how the fuck do you know that? He's like, oh, the safety's outside the alley.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And I'm like, what? He's like, oh, that usually means that the safety is going to cover the bubble and that guy's going to fit in the run.

[Miles]

Fit.

[Ryan]

I'm like, like, okay, I understand that now, and I can see it. And yes, you are correct, but how is a normal person supposed to figure that out? It's unbelievable. And then he. So then I'm like, I call this play. I'm, like, looking. He's like, you gotta hurry up. You got. I'm like, he's, like, coaching me, like, I'm actually playing for him. And I'm like, okay, but I still have 20 seconds left on the play clock. Give me a second. I'm trying to process this. All right.

[Tyler]

You should have put headsets on.

[Jared]

And then.

[Ryan]

Then it never fails. I call an RPO play, I think it's just either handed to the running back or pass it, and it ends up being that I'm supposed to read a guy and then I pull it, and I. I'm not ready to. It's. It's a disaster.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Now that I've. Now that I've done the proper training, it's a lot easier to play. But. But there's Tyler. If you got on the sticks, Not a chance.

[Jared]

I.

[Ryan]

Your brain would explode.

[Jared]

I struggled with 26. I. On 26, I played road to Glory, mostly because there' your job. Do your job. One person.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's. It's gotten out of hand. Have you felt the same struggles, Jared?

[Miles]

Yeah, I. I've learned a lot about, like, past coverages through it. Like, if it's a cover two, cover four, cover one, and then, like, slide protections, too. Like, who to block is another very important thing to do. It's like one of those games. I can't sit back and play. I have to be at the edge of my seat.

[Ryan]

That's what I mean. Yeah. It's not relaxing. It's exhausting.

[Miles]

Yeah. That's what I've experienced with it.

[Ryan]

Now. When you do execute those plays, though, it is very satisfying.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. 100. Yeah. And then, like, I. I like the recruiting of it, too. And that's super duper dense. Like, if you do Dynasty, I did

[Jared]

auto recruiting every time.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I haven't even gotten that far. But, yeah, it's. I can't believe how much skill it takes to be good at that game.

[Miles]

Now it's too realistic because it's like,

[Ryan]

all right, so they'll have a shift. Then your brain has to comprehend that. And then there's emotion, and then there's a read guy, and then There's a pass option or a run option, all on one play, all within matter of seconds.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. Three decisions to make.

[Ryan]

And it is a. Like. It is a. Because back offenses back when I played were like, you're just gonna. You're gonna do a read option, and then you're pre snap, you're decide if you're going to throw the bubble or not throw the bubble. Otherwise you just run the read option.

[Miles]

Right.

[Ryan]

And now it's like, at any moment, you could throw the pass. At any moment you can handle. It's all that shit. But to do it in a video game, tough. And then I'll. And then I'll. It's. There's this dumb thing where, like, if I'm going to throw it to B on the bubble, I snap it and I press B right away to try to throw, but I press it too early before the quarterback gets it bouncing

[Jared]

off his shoulder blade.

[Ryan]

No, no. He just then doesn't throw it and just hands it off. And it's like, all right. Even when I make the right call, I did it too early. So now I can't do it.

[Tyler]

I'm getting stressed out just listening to you talk about it.

[Miles]

Quarterback is the hardest position to play in sports.

[Ryan]

It is.

[Miles]

I got that down.

[Ryan]

But also, I learned more about football just doing that practice session with my brother than I did when I played

[Tyler]

football, by the way.

[Ryan]

So what does that say my coaches? I wish my little brother was my coach in college.

[Miles]

Yeah, well, now you can teach your kid through the game of how to play football.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Be nice and patient.

[Ryan]

No, I'm. I'm slowly collecting buddies that I can send my kids to for certain expertise.

[Jared]

Nice.

[Ryan]

I'll just. I'll say any football expertise, I'll send them to my brother. My kid likes cars. I don't know about cars, but my buddy Connor loves cars, so I'll just send them over to his house.

[Jared]

All right.

[Tyler]

What would you send your kid to Tyler's house for?

[Ryan]

How to whittle a stick. I'll send them over to Ryan's house.

[Jared]

I have been watching a lot of whittling videos, Lance.

[Ryan]

Landscaping and being a hardo about his lawn. I'll send him over to Ryan's house.

[Tyler]

Yeah, he's always welcome.

[Ryan]

How to cook a mean gumbo. I'm gonna send him over to Jared's house.

[Miles]

Or jambalaya.

[Ryan]

Or jambalaya. Or ribs.

[Tyler]

Or ribs.

[Ryan]

Cooking. I'm saying. No, I'm just gonna delegate all of this stuff to. And then. And then. Because I'm not a well rounded guy, but my kids can be if I do this correctly.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you're resourceful.

[Ryan]

I used to be pretty well rounded.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Good life hack though. Just send your kids to your friends who's got certain expertise.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And just call it camp. Well, no, just like I'm gonna send you to cooking camp over at Jared's house for the evening.

[Tyler]

Just make them all God parents.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So then like, like, you know, well, Jared, he's your. Is your godson. So you guys, you gota.

[Ryan]

He's the cooking godfather.

[Jared]

You have to teach him how to make a rude.

[Miles]

I am the godfather of gumbo. So

[Tyler]

yeah, your buddies can't say no to their godson coming over to learn a new skill.

[Ryan]

There's my kids standing there like this. You going to tell them? No, Uncle Jared Gumbo, I pick him up and go. What you learn at.

[Tyler]

At.

[Ryan]

At godfather Ryan's house today?

[Jared]

He's a guy learned.

[Tyler]

I'll dunk up a little three and a half inches. You're watering in the morning.

[Miles]

How to start a fire with car batteries.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Tyler]

We don't use two wheeled wheelbarrows. We use one wheeled.

[Jared]

I learned that tractor tires burn longer than regular tires.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Could be good.

[Tyler]

Yep. Batteries take a couple days to burn down, but stay patient.

[Jared]

They make really cool colors when they burn.

[Tyler]

Yes, they do.

[Miles]

They smell kind of good too.

[Tyler]

You ever heard of Roy G. Biv?

[Jared]

You can see them all, buddy.

[Ryan]

There's more than one way to skin a cat. There's more than one way to teach the kid. The rainbow.

[Tyler]

That's right.

[Ryan]

Don't you light that on fire over there. I'll teach you about your color wheel. Here's a torch. Oh, man. Sorry. No, I.

[Tyler]

Speaking of. Speaking of torches, I. I'm thinking about going back to matches. To start on fire, huh?

[Ryan]

It's too easy for you.

[Tyler]

Matches don't get used anymore. Yeah, it's kind of like. It's. It's kind of like a test. Like number one, does the match is. How old is the matchbook? Is it over 10 years? Like, will it even strike? And number two, can you. Can you keep it going? Can you keep it in your fingers long enough without getting burned? But also where it kind of the flame just increases a little bit so you can get it down in there to get it started?

[Ryan]

Well, that's all about the angle of the match. You got to tilt it slightly down and it'll flame up higher.

[Jared]

I was at a 60th birthday party a couple weekends ago and they handed out cigars and gave us all matches to light them. Maybe one out of the 40 people got it lit with the match. I was not one of them. It was outside. Fucking windy in their shitty ass matches.

[Ryan]

That sucks. It's like what did you.

[Jared]

Did you think we were going to get these going?

[Ryan]

I forgot. That was one of my hobbies that one. One summer I got really into cigars.

[Jared]

I remember that you almost got a humidor. Or did you?

[Ryan]

I had a little box humidor. I did not buy like an electric one.

[Tyler]

You were going to put like an in, like an in room humidor in the old podcast. So you see, we could smoke in there.

[Ryan]

That would have been sweet.

[Tyler]

It would have been. We smoked in there one time and it.

[Jared]

I think it still smells. Should.

[Miles]

I should have got that thing.

[Tyler]

I know.

[Ryan]

But yeah, so I learned a bunch about that. The key with lighting a cigar is priming it first. So you light a match and then without sucking on it, just light the like the tip.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Light the like without sucking on it. Without sucking on it. Don't suck. Don't suck that sucker. Just light it. Get it, get it all burning first and then get another match and then like properly light it by sucking it and it'll go much better.

[Tyler]

Gotcha.

[Miles]

Little pro tip.

[Ryan]

And also it allows you to get the burn on it even so that it burns even all the way through because you don't want, you know, it's a like one side burn more than the other and you got this weird looking cigar.

[Tyler]

Yeah,

[Ryan]

but yeah. So anyways, so did you get it lit?

[Jared]

No, I didn't really want to smoke it that bad anyway. So the, the matches going out was my perfect excuse for me not to have to smoke.

[Ryan]

So. So everyone got like 40 people got cigars and no one smoked them?

[Jared]

No. Somebody had a lighter. Like the cig smokers had lighters and they passed those around.

[Tyler]

Or you just give it to somebody who has a lit cigar and then they just. They go tip to tip.

[Jared]

Yeah, people found a way. But the matches were not that way.

[Ryan]

Sucking at the same time.

[Jared]

Yeah, I knew that they were docking cigars.

[Tyler]

I need to get a good matchbook.

[Ryan]

Yeah, sounds good.

[Tyler]

I just thought I had.

[Miles]

Just go to any casino, you'll find one.

[Tyler]

Torches are also cool though.

[Ryan]

Anyway, should we take a break?

[Jared]

Yeah, well, I'm deep in Clocus lore. Brooks Clokus just finished his junior season.

[Ryan]

He's still going with Clocus.

[Jared]

It's. He's on the fourth generation of the Clocus brothers. They went 11 and one at NDSU and didn't make the playoff. He won the Heisman.

[Ryan]

What?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Because he lost the championship.

[Jared]

No, they lost, like, their second game of the year when 11 and 1 won the Mountain Valley west, but, like, 36 rip and didn't make the playoff.

[Ryan]

Was he complaining about the RPOs?

[Jared]

A little bit. And then I'm just. I'm on NCAA's algorithm now. He's just complaining about the complexity of it. He's bitched. The closest guy bitched more about the in between. Like, in Road to Glory, like, the actually having to take the tests and all that. Like, the. The nil deals and the. You have. Your quarterback will send you a text like, hey, dude, I'm thinking about transferring, and you got to talk them out of it or encourage them to do it. And he's like, just, there's too much between games. Just, I want to play games. A little bit's fine.

[Miles]

Yeah, they should just make it more customizable in that regard.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Tyler]

I think you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's like, do you want the basic cable version or the Holy My face package?

[Jared]

I just don't want to be worri about having to do my. Get my. Keep my grades. Keep. Stay eligible for my grades.

[Ryan]

The. The guys in college football don't even have to worry about keeping their grades.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You.

[Jared]

You do your homework. Or nerds.

[Tyler]

I think in 20 years, you'll be able to get a college. College. You'll be able to get a college diploma through ncaa.

[Jared]

Could be.

[Tyler]

You'll be playing with a guy.

[Ryan]

That's funny.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You actually have to go to classes, like, sit through lectures and participate and, like, raise your hand. Hold RT to raise your hand.

[Jared]

So, Jared, correct me if I'm wrong, but the way he made it seem is like, you can either do simulated studying and that'll help with your test results, or you, as the person with the controller, can take the test.

[Miles]

Yeah, you can, but the test questions are so bad. It's like, how much. How many points did Texas Tech score against this team in 2017? It would be like, general knowledge questions.

[Ryan]

They used to do that in NCAA 20. Like, 2007 or something.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. But you could, like, pick your major. Like, I want to do general studies.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I want to do geography. They had that back in the day.

[Miles]

Yeah. And now it's just, like, sports questions.

[Ryan]

But that was when you were deciding how it was, like, at the beginning, you would. Because, remember, it was like, when you would create a road To Glory. You had to pick the parents.

[Miles]

That was in Madden, but yes, you.

[Ryan]

I remember having to do an IQ test through that or something.

[Miles]

Yeah, Your parents genetics would decide like your abilities or whatever you remember.

[Ryan]

And you could go like, you could just click like next. I don't want those parents. Next, next, next. Until you get like professional volleyball players, former NFL star.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's exactly how it went. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You get like accountant.

[Jared]

I'm picking single mother with a chip on her shoulder.

[Miles]

Where's dad?

[Tyler]

Dad said dad left. Before dad left. He said I would never amount to anything.

[Jared]

I want that option right there. Father who doubts me.

[Miles]

Perfect.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Pretty soon they're going to fucking mesh. GTA and NCAA football.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

And so like no, you're just gonna be able to play NCAA football in gta. Six in ncaa. You're gonna be able to be in your dorm room playing NCAA while you're playing ncaa.

[Miles]

Very meta.

[Ryan]

You're gonna be playing Road to Glory with your Road to Glory person with

[Miles]

your side chick over and I'll go another layer deeper. Like they'll play Road to Glory in there and there and there.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And that's how you get our current reality. We're one of those simulations.

[Jared]

Inception, the video game.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

The picture that couples take over and over and over again year after year and it just like goes really deep into it.

[Miles]

Maybe that's what the next GTA will be. It'll just, they'll have college football.

[Jared]

So GTA you can play 18 holes of golf. So like if you wanted to really role play Grand Theft Auto, you could just go to your house and then play 18 on Saturday or whatever. Whatever.

[Miles]

Tennis. You can do tennis.

[Ryan]

Dude, I. I need, I need to get a PS5.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you do.

[Jared]

Yeah, you do.

[Ryan]

What's what? No, on shop. I think I can buy a new one cuz I'm going to have it for the next 30 years.

[Miles]

It's true.

[Jared]

You're going to have for the next five.

[Tyler]

You're going to. Dude, when your kid, in 10 years you're going to be like, kid's going to be like, dad, can I get a PS15?

[Ryan]

PS15 for sure.

[Jared]

Go through and you're getting a PS15.

[Tyler]

You're both gonna have VR goggles on too.

[Ryan]

If anything, Anne will be the one to buy him that. I won't be. I'm. And I'm like, we do not buy him any toys.

[Jared]

The problem with that is you can also play the PS15. So you're gonna be the one to buy it.

[Miles]

GTA 12.

[Jared]

I, I bought Charlie a Nintendo Switch this year. It was just so that I could trade back and forth forth from mine. He can't read yet, dog.

[Ryan]

I want him to. I want him to earn the money for it though. Somehow.

[Miles]

Mow some lawns, clean the garage, get

[Jared]

good grades in preschool.

[Miles]

Stay in that bench, stay in that bed.

[Ryan]

Well, no.

[Jared]

Hang those house numbers.

[Tyler]

Prune the plants.

[Ryan]

He's got to find a way to

[Miles]

get that paper paper out. Could be a paper route.

[Jared]

They don't have those anymore, do they? They don't I don't think. It's not like the classic paper boy type of deal. I think you just get it with the mail.

[Tyler]

90 of of my 12 year old buddies when I was 12. Paper routes. Oh, I was so jealous. But I live too far away from. Yeah, you had to. I think you had to get out of the house at like 5am I live too far away to ride my bike. I'd have to leave at 3:30 hour and a half.

[Ryan]

Ride your bike to your paper route where you ride your bike around that

[Jared]

sucks halves of steel.

[Ryan]

Just picked up the paper the night before and then just rode into town and slung paper.

[Miles]

Is that how the news works?

[Ryan]

Why don't you just get all the papers a week ahead of time and then so then you have them all ready to go for the mornings on the Smart move.

[Miles]

It's called, it's called nudes. Nudes, not olds.

[Ryan]

Yeah, the olds.

[Jared]

Paper

[Tyler]

Paper. I was one of my favorite games on the Nintendo.

[Jared]

Yeah, that was one of the first pod reels we ever did.

[Tyler]

The original PlayStation.

[Miles]

NCAA is way better than that.

[Ryan]

I don't know. At this point I think I'd rather choose paper out.

[Tyler]

Doing a paper out's way easier. RPO package.

[Jared]

Do you ever watch that Adam Sandler movie Pixels where all the video games from the 80s come alive?

[Tyler]

Nope.

[Jared]

I watched that the other day with my kids. Paper boys in it.

[Tyler]

Decent movie.

[Jared]

It's fine.

[Tyler]

Surface level?

[Jared]

Very.

[Tyler]

So for me it'll be good.

[Jared]

You might like it. You just don't seem like an 80s video game guy, you know, Pack bad.

[Ryan]

I mean Paper Boy, Pac Man.

[Jared]

Yeah, Paper boy does show up.

[Tyler]

Yeah. ATV, Afro Fury 2.

[Jared]

That one didn't. That's not 80s, that's 2008.

[Ryan]

That's PlayStation 1 or 2?

[Tyler]

2.

[Miles]

2.

[Tyler]

Got him both.

[Ryan]

What? What were we just talking about before?

[Miles]

Video games College.

[Ryan]

Oh, last thing about the. They do have some sick plays though. They got play where it's a reverse read option where the Shift at the line. Is that the quarterback and running back shift over and the running back takes the snap and does the read options.

[Miles]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Ryan]

In the game.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Tyler]

That is kind of cool.

[Miles]

Yeah, there's literally probably 10,000 plays in that game.

[Ryan]

Unbelievable. So anyways,

[Tyler]

how much is the game? Like, what do games cost these days?

[Jared]

65 bucks?

[Miles]

70.

[Tyler]

Well, you just download them right to your.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's nice console. Yep.

[Ryan]

But then they can take it away from you too. That's what people are complaining about, right?

[Tyler]

That's an issue.

[Miles]

It's not forever. Nothing is forever. Not even NCA 27 hard copies can be forever.

[Tyler]

You gotta get the hard copy. So in 20 years, you can resell it.

[Jared]

You still gotta download software even when you put a disc in.

[Miles]

And there's a lot of games where you have to be online to play it, which is very stupid.

[Tyler]

Gotcha.

[Jared]

Which in. That's why people don't like Xbox anymore. Because you can get a PlayStation account for free. Xbox, you gotta pay. So to be play on a bunch of games on an Xbox, you have to have an Xbox Live account.

[Miles]

Note.

[Tyler]

Got it.

[Ryan]

Xbox Live, though, when it first came out, do you remember buying the subscription card?

[Miles]

I know, it was never an Xbox, kid.

[Jared]

You.

[Ryan]

You'd like, have to go to the store and buy a gift card, essentially.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

That was your Xbox Live account. And then there'd be a code on the back that you punch in. And then you got your Xbox live subscription for 12 months.

[Tyler]

It was crazy.

[Ryan]

It's awesome.

[Tyler]

You're just hoping you would get one for Christmas.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Think you're godparent.

[Ryan]

All right. What are we talking about, Jared?

[Miles]

Dave's Facebook.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, we'll do that at the end. Okay, well, we'll kind of just. If there's any good. Dave updates every week. We'll just pair that with the fun fact.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

How does that sound?

[Miles]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[Ryan]

It's kind of like on Patreon. The prison pals is always at the end of the episode. We'll just do it like that.

[Miles]

Dave's Facebook.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Dave's Facebook corner. You know, it's like a book club, but a Facebook club. Dave's Facebook club is what I'm going to call it.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Dave's Face Book Club. Just a lot of meta things in that, actually, Dave.

[Jared]

Meta things.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God. I'm on a roll. I'm on a roll.

[Miles]

Is that why it's called meta?

[Ryan]

Really hitting my mark, Zuckerberg.

[Miles]

That's a sweet baby, Ray's. Reference.

[Ryan]

That was sweet.

[Jared]

Don't shoot the messenger.

[Ryan]

WhatsApp, everybody.

[Jared]

He's just pulling out threads now.

[Ryan]

All right, I'm giving this rundown an ocular. Pat down. Oculus. Pat down.

[Miles]

There you go.

[Jared]

We can't figure. I can't figure out Instagram.

[Ryan]

That's all I got.

[Tyler]

I was trying to work my kid in on the Instagram one, but I couldn't.

[Jared]

Yeah, Instagram just not a good word that you can work in. In any other way.

[Tyler]

No.

[Ryan]

All right. Do's and don'ts of do's and don'ts. First time meeting your girlfriend's parents. Okay. Do's and don'ts. Here are some do's and don'ts. For the first time ever meeting your girlfriend's parents, I think. I think first thing I think a do that you should do is do sit down. And when you sit down with the parents and just go, well, I know where your daughter gets her rack from. I think that's always a good icebreaker. You're complimenting the mom while also showing how attracted to the girlfriend you are. Plus, it's also like a nod to the dad being like, nice work on both accounts.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah. Or you could even go look at the dad and be like, now I know where your daughter gets her good looks from.

[Ryan]

There you go.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Everyone expects you to do it to Mom.

[Ryan]

Compliment the dad.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Be like, I, hey, I really like what you're wearing. It really accentuates your best features.

[Jared]

Show up with flowers for him.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Right?

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Miles]

Give him a nice neck rub because he's probably tense for me.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you're done, say, hey, can you get me?

[Jared]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Because you're both nervous. It's a tense situation.

[Jared]

Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tyler]

I feel like they should all be sitting down on the couch while you're standing up, kind of pacing back and forth.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Rubbing different shoulders. Mom, Dad's girlfriend.

[Jared]

Yeah. And then when you guys finally break for supper, you just. You make sure you smack your girlfriend on the ass so that her parents know how much you're into her.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

That you're serious about this.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I think, I think parents appreciate a funny significant other. You know, they want someone that's with. So just do a stand up routine. Do crowd work, but with the parents.

[Jared]

Yeah. Make sure you mess up the jokes. Well, don't mess them up. Just make sure that's your first time trying them. Have a notebook.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Jared]

Just be like, this is how much I trust you guys already.

[Ryan]

Literally be doing crowd work.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Try and dig into the dad's past a little bit. Yeah. Especially if they're, you know, on their second marriages potentially.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Lean into that. Just relate to them how lucky they are to be in the situation they are now.

[Ryan]

I think just only refer to your girlfriend and your girlfriend's mom as the old ball and chain.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Over and over and over again. So what's the old ball and chain making for dinner? You know, stuff like that.

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah. And every time your girlfriend references the word dad, stand up, it'll be a funny bit.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

They just say yes. What do you mean you want yes, you wanted me. Yeah, it'll be.

[Jared]

Yeah. Her dad will think it's really funny.

[Ryan]

No, if she says dad, say just call me Daddy.

[Jared]

Yeah, you know, I prefer daddy.

[Ryan]

You know, I prefer Daddy.

[Tyler]

Daddy. Make sure you show her parents that her name and your phone is baby mama.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or a good alternative. Is that one girl from the bar also a good contact girl?

[Tyler]

Number 10.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Give her a number and like it's yes, 100. Because you want them to know that you think she's a. She's a 10 out of 10.

[Tyler]

That's correct.

[Ryan]

So just put girl 10/10 as her name and it shows full respect.

[Jared]

It's not the girl you went on a date with on October 10th.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Ryan]

She's a 10 out of 10.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Ask about if there's like any ex boyfriends so that you could do better than the last ones.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. So where did she fuck up last time? That so I can avoid that? Yeah.

[Miles]

Take some notes.

[Jared]

What grounding techniques work the best on her as a child. I need to keep her in line.

[Ryan]

I also think right away, just ask if there's anything. Ask her parents how many divorces they've had. Just so you know, to avoid that topic.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Miles]

That should be the first thing you say.

[Jared]

Right.

[Miles]

We walk through the door so you avoid it.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Jared]

How many times you gotta get a divorce? I'm Tyler.

[Ryan]

Nice to meet you guys. So this is marriage number number one. Look at that. Okay, that's great news for us. Could be good.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

I could tell your daughter she. She really doesn't mind being spanked. She must not have gotten spanked when she was younger. It doesn't seem to be too scarring for her.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Whenever I try and spank her or

[Ryan]

she's really used to it, so good job, dad.

[Jared]

Or like back. Back to our. Back to our first suggestions. When you shake the dad's hand, say, I See where your daughter got her grip from?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yes. Yep.

[Jared]

That's a double entendre for you folks. Love it.

[Miles]

Are you divorced? No.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

What.

[Ryan]

What can I. I just want to know if. If we're talking about a blended family here or not, because that's a whole nother bugaboo to navigate.

[Tyler]

My parents told me to stay away from blooded families, so I need to know whether I should run now or run later.

[Jared]

Nothing against you guys, it just Christmas gets confusing. You have so many family members.

[Miles]

Christmas is stressful enough.

[Jared]

If I can avoid that, I wanna.

[Ryan]

Well, honestly, I want to see how many Christmases I'm getting into because I could use a couple more Xbox games.

[Jared]

My Xbox Live account is drained. Yeah.

[Tyler]

I need the gift card now.

[Ryan]

I think, like, if. If. If you. This is more of a niche advice. Let's. Let's say you're. You're dating a girl from Arkansas. You're back home with her. Just look the dad straight in the eye and say, let me get a look at that hog. So that you can go into his study and see his taxidermied hog on the wall.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And then it shows that you're interested in his hobbies as well.

[Jared]

Yeah. Rack works any sort of deer hunter.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Let me get a peep at your wife's rack, because maybe. Maybe the wife is. Is a deer hunter as well.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

She might be in a fitness too.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tyler]

She could have a squat rack and.

[Ryan]

Yeah, maybe she shot some Canadian geese at some point in her life. So you can be like, let me get to keep at your wife's honkers.

[Jared]

Maybe you're in Texas. Maybe you're in Texas and they have a cow mounted for whatever reason. You get a look at those milkers.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Or that. Let me see some of that beef.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You can tell them that you just got back from, like, Virginia.

[Ryan]

You're saying that they. Not only you asking that you're assuming that they have shot and taxidermied a cow.

[Jared]

A lot of people have taxidermy longhorns, Islands island cows.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

That's not an uncommon thing to have a taxidermy made longhorn.

[Tyler]

No, definitely not down south.

[Jared]

But they don't have.

[Ryan]

But they're not milkers. So that's kind of what I'm wondering

[Jared]

why I switch it to. Let me see that bee.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You could tell them that you just. You just went to like, a Civil War museum or something. You could show them some Civil War cannons.

[Miles]

Oh, there.

[Tyler]

Cannonballs.

[Miles]

There you go.

[Jared]

We're in the south. So they'll have some sort of Civil War memorabilia.

[Miles]

Ask the code of the gun safe so you can look at his guns.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Oh, your wife's a history teacher. Can I see her Civil War cannon?

[Jared]

Your grass is so green. Can I take a peek at that hose? What's your watering technique?

[Ryan]

Are you kind of a spray and pray type of guy or.

[Jared]

I'm guessing not. You only have the one.

[Ryan]

You got some well water. What does the water look like? Is it more like when I. If I'm gonna shower here, what kind of color shower am I gonna get?

[Miles]

Important questions.

[Ryan]

We're gonna get a clear shower or maybe more of a golden shower. Just, just, just want to know what I'm getting myself into in case I got a shower while I'm here.

[Tyler]

You ever heard of a piss bomb?

[Jared]

Don't worry about it.

[Ryan]

Circumcised.

[Jared]

Nice to meet you.

[Ryan]

Yeah. It'll. With one question will tell you a lot about a family. If you just ask the dad if he's circumcised or not. Because one then you know probably what kind of religion or at least narrowed down what religion they're into with them. And you're also going to know what kind of pressure on your kids the family is going to put on whether or not they want to circumcised or not.

[Tyler]

So a lot.

[Ryan]

You can get, get a lot of answers.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You going to be dealing with a little anteater or no on the old man.

[Miles]

Ask who they voted for. Then you could have and they take the opposite side because it's always healthy to have like a nice debate brain stimulation.

[Jared]

Don't even say anything when they say, oh, yeah, I voted blue. Just. Oh, and then just let it breathe for way too long.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I don't know much about blue. Your daughter's never blue balled me.

[Ryan]

Yeah, politics would be good to get into because then again, you want to, you want to know these things up front. You don't want to be like on your wedding day finding out that, you know, you're getting, you're getting into the opposite politics. Family tough.

[Miles]

Yeah. Get that out of the way right away.

[Ryan]

I think you can also start to get into, you know, so now you've like, that's your first impression, you know. And I think what you should probably do is you should probably talk about like, you want, you want the parents, you want the parents to appreciate that like you chose their daughter because she's so special. She should talk about all of. All the women that you used to Hook up with and why they sucked but their daughter doesn't. It's like a point be like, oh, you know, like, I hooked up with this person. We did this. We were super drunk.

[Jared]

Well, make sure you.

[Ryan]

We actually had a pregnancy scare, so actually it's. This is a great time. This is a great time to do some gratitude. Let's all be thankful that that was just a scare. Otherwise we wouldn't be here today day. So thank the lord for that.

[Tyler]

Otherwise, you.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You two may have a grandson or granddaughter.

[Jared]

Make sure you tell them how hot your ex hookups are too.

[Ryan]

No, this is with another girl.

[Tyler]

I know. If you have a kid and you marry somebody else.

[Jared]

Step grandparents.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Like. Or, you know, too bad it didn't work out because then you guys could be instagrand parents.

[Miles]

Yep. That's makes Christmas even more difficult.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Tyler]

That's a whole nother loop.

[Jared]

God damn. More Xbox families.

[Ryan]

Blended families means that they're like two. Two marriages blended together.

[Jared]

Right?

[Ryan]

Yeah, sure.

[Miles]

Margaritaville. Yeah.

[Jared]

Yes. Like, my family is essentially a blended family.

[Ryan]

Twice, three times.

[Jared]

Thrice. Thrice. Blended.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Unofficially.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You've been living in a blender your whole life?

[Jared]

Life's a blender. Nine minute.

[Tyler]

A good way to meet people, though.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[Tyler]

So I think he's got like, new step siblings coming.

[Ryan]

Yeah. If you were. Dude. If you were a sales guy in a sales job, you would be making a kill.

[Jared]

If I was selling health insurance.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Jared]

Yeah. So many family members to reach out to immediately.

[Tyler]

Your entire. Your entire financial advisor portfolio could just be your blended family.

[Jared]

Yep. Hey, you need life insurance. Good. Don't buy from anyone else. We're related now.

[Tyler]

Sign off on this whole life over here. It's where my commission comes from.

[Jared]

Come on.

[Miles]

I get a cut if you die.

[Jared]

Yeah. Put me down as a beneficiary as well.

[Ryan]

Yeah. You're double dipping.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's smart.

[Tyler]

Get him to trust you.

[Ryan]

To be honest, blended families are sounding pretty good.

[Jared]

Yeah. Because Christmas fiasco might not be so bad.

[Ryan]

I think you could ask them immediately their stance on divorce and if they believe in it or not.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Or polygamy.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jared]

The opposite.

[Ryan]

Where do you guys stand on open relationships?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Or. And. And if you're supporting it. Like, are you guys practicing that?

[Jared]

Right.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

That's their thoughts on having sister wives. Because I don't know if this one's enough.

[Ryan]

Because, you know, because this one's not too good at cooking.

[Tyler]

I could tell by the mashed potatoes. I'm Eating right now. Yeah, Ribs are a bit dry.

[Jared]

Dad, did you make this?

[Ryan]

So. So those are all the dudes. We didn't really hit the don'ts yet.

[Jared]

Don't ask them questions about themselves that you don't really want to know the answers to. Don't try to get to know they're.

[Ryan]

They're. You're there for them to get to know you. So just talk the whole time.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Don't ask them any questions unless it's about. Ask the ones that we just said.

[Miles]

Don't stop talking.

[Ryan]

Don't stop talking, maybe.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't show up empty handed like we said. Make sure you have flowers for the dad. Maybe bring a board game. They'll love that.

[Ryan]

Don't take your shoes off at the door. Assert dominance through that.

[Miles]

Yeah. Bring a really complicated board game. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Stimulate the butt or Monopoly.

[Ryan]

Don't stay sober either. Just get blackout drunk.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Show up they wanted.

[Jared]

Don't show up so over.

[Ryan]

Yeah, they also want to know if you're a good time or not. So show them one.

[Miles]

And they want to see the best version of you. So get wasted.

[Tyler]

And if you gotta. If you gotta get out for a smoke break, don't do it outside. Do it in the garage.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

A lot more comfortable in there.

[Jared]

Go in the bathroom, turn the fan on. That works every time. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Say, hey, you guys got any toilet paper or you guys got any.

[Jared]

What are they.

[Tyler]

What the. They call it inside?

[Jared]

Either. Toilet paper roll.

[Tyler]

Yeah, toilet paper. Or the cardboard.

[Miles]

Deal.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You guys got any Bounty dryer sheets? How about a rubber band? I'm not Bounty.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

I'm not asking for much. I just need those three things right now because I. Number one, I need to smoke. Number two, I need to go to the bathroom.

[Ryan]

And also, you're a lot.

[Jared]

And I need to calm down.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you guys are stressing me out.

[Ryan]

I think, I think just walk in immediately and ask like, hey, are you one of those housewives who's an alcoholic and dream drinks wine all day?

[Tyler]

It takes pills and talk shit about your neighbors.

[Ryan]

If you had been born, if you had been a housewife in the 70s, do you think you would have taken Quaaludes?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Or whatever year they did. That might have been earlier the 50s.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

If you were a 50s housewife, would you have taken Quaaludes?

[Jared]

Well, when was Wolf Wash? That was like the 90s, wasn't it?

[Ryan]

No, I know, but they were way after that they were legal, so they were illegal by the time they were.

[Jared]

Okay, gotcha Gotcha. Gotcha.

[Miles]

They're really illegal.

[Ryan]

Drugs are really illegal.

[Tyler]

What's the medicine cabinet look like in your master bathroom? You might have to go take a peep. Feeling a little on edge right now Just looking at you right away. You gotta have something there to help me

[Jared]

clue what state you're in. Do you?

[Miles]

I'll just help myself.

[Tyler]

Look, I'm sure you got plenty.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Looking at this house. You can get your refill next week.

[Jared]

Get a. You get a candy bowl of it anyway.

[Miles]

Wear you take a painkiller from like 2002.

[Tyler]

Any blue in there? Cuz I. From what I've been told by your. I'm sleeping over tonight. Right. But we'll take the basement.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's important. If you're. If you're serious about this girl and you want to do marriage, you need to know about family medical history. So actually even before you meet, just ask them to have their medical history ready to go for your to page through when you get there.

[Jared]

Yeah. Yep.

[Tyler]

Maybe a 23andMe document if they. If they've done it.

[Jared]

Make sure you're not related to this gal also.

[Ryan]

That's especially if you're in Arkansas.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan]

And you also don't want to be marrying into a family with all sorts of issues. So you should probably drug test them. Ask for a piss sample from the dad and the mom.

[Jared]

You got to make sure it's positive so you know you're not marrying some boring ass.

[Ryan]

That's true, actually. Yeah.

[Tyler]

And then cross reference it. Get an ocular cross reference in the medicine cabinet yourself.

[Jared]

Get the sample and just go. You're clean.

[Ryan]

Ocular.

[Tyler]

Cross reference, cross reference. You got the drug test.

[Ryan]

How are we deciding if they're positive or not?

[Jared]

I was sniffing it.

[Ryan]

I thought. I thought. At first I thought you meant you're good. Pop a little in your mouth and swish it around. Ah, you're good.

[Tyler]

Smells like Ambien.

[Jared]

Percocets.

[Ryan]

Also too much asparagus for you guy.

[Miles]

Also drink some water. That one's spicy.

[Jared]

Yeah. This spicy. Merge.

[Tyler]

Wow. No drugs at all. You're purely clean.

[Jared]

Lame.

[Ryan]

Okay, well, I think also another thing just start off with is saying like, so where are you taking us on vacation this year?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's also another good thing to say.

[Tyler]

I've heard Hawaii is great because.

[Ryan]

Because it's important to know because they. When you guys go on. But you need to know if you need a passport for that or not. So you have time.

[Miles]

It's.

[Ryan]

It's a process.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I know it's inconvenient for you guys to book me and your daughter a separate room, but, yeah, it's just going to have to happen.

[Jared]

It means. And you can keep us in the same room, but you're not gonna want to see it.

[Ryan]

And preferably, you're not gonna want to be above, below, or to the side rooms. We're gonna need to be in a different building because it's not me.

[Jared]

I'm quiet.

[Miles]

She's gonna be screaming,

[Ryan]

It is earthquake season.

[Jared]

Girthquake.

[Tyler]

So the building starts shaking.

[Ryan]

Girthquake is a great name for a 2000s porno for you to jerk off to in the vasectomy room.

[Jared]

Maybe that was the blank dvd.

[Tyler]

Gq. I think GQ stands for Girthquake.

[Jared]

Yeah, GQ magazine.

[Miles]

Camera's all shaky during the porto.

[Ryan]

Oh, there's a Girthquake.

[Tyler]

It's like WWE Girthquake.

[Ryan]

It does sound like a finishing move in WWE porno.

[Jared]

Oh, no.

[Ryan]

He's going, Watch out. He's going to do the ghost going.

[Tyler]

He's to. Going to.

[Ryan]

Oh, man. So I think that's probably solid advice for meeting the parents for the first time.

[Miles]

Hope the listeners took notes on that.

[Jared]

Can't go wrong.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Fun fact. Oh, we got. I got to read some Dave posts. All right.

[Miles]

I should have a sound for this one, Dave.

[Ryan]

Okay. So for those. I don't know if I've talked about it on the main episode. So Dave, our Dave now has Facebook and he. And it has been confirmed that it is actually him and not a fake account, and he has been posting a lot on Facebook. He's viewing it as a brain dump. Worse than, like, Twitter. Brain dump. Just Facebook post, Twitter. These are the last two. I am looking for Cooper Buyer holding a lot, which he meant to type Copper Buyer. So if there are any copper buyers out there, let me know. Dave's holding a lot right now. He also old mine.

[Tyler]

Copper mine.

[Ryan]

He also said, crops look good, need some rain.

[Miles]

True.

[Ryan]

I screenshotted another one. Where is it? Dave said. So Dave was in the service, and he was a paratrooper, so he used to jump out of planes.

[Miles]

Oh.

[Ryan]

He said, I love this. And I'm gonna read this word for word. So you guys know what I'm reading. I'm not going to paraphrase because as you're reading this, you do need to navigate what he's trying to say.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Ryan]

I love when people say, I would love to jump out of a plane. Don't do it just so you can tell I did it. It that I will say I jumped 19 times. Never got no respect. It's always, why would you jump out of a plane that can land? Making me the dumb guy. So funny. My thought is they don't have the balls to look down roads, and cars look like ants at 1200ft. It is so peaceful on the way down. Down 68 seconds to the ground, get up and say, did I just do that? That's one Facebook post from Dave.

[Jared]

Is the front half of that on skydivers?

[Ryan]

No, he's on people who. Yeah, on skydivers. Yeah. And then basically being like, well, I used to do that in the military and no one thought that was cool. Now people are just jumping out of them for fun.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Paying 50 bucks for a photo after.

[Miles]

I think people respect both.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So Dave is also a trapper. So he also just randomly weighed in and said, I will say Victor Traps caught more than any traps made. So he stands with Victor Traps.

[Tyler]

He's a Victor.

[Ryan]

So if you're a trapper out there, I'd love to know if you think Dave is right in saying that Victor Traps are the best.

[Jared]

Not. Not a sponsor.

[Miles]

Not a sponsor.

[Tyler]

No.

[Ryan]

And then. And I. I'll paraphrase this one because he. He. What he does is he posts and then he doesn't finish his thought. And then the next post he continues on and it's like, so, like one thought will be like three posts and I have to read them backwards and decide where the. Where thought starts and ends, how to navigate it. So I did find one where basically he's pissed off at the dog commercials where you pay 68 cents a day to rescue an animal.

[Tyler]

Animal.

[Ryan]

He's pissed about that because he said, like, what were dogs doing before A.C. you know, like, they. They could. They can survive on their own, basically, is what he was saying. Why do I have to pay 68 cents a day to keep them alive?

[Tyler]

They're derived from wolves.

[Ryan]

He's also God. He also will, like, say something. And then like he said. Just waiting on Pat to chime in. So he's waiting for someone to comment on his post.

[Jared]

Has Pat commented?

[Ryan]

No. Come on.

[Tyler]

Pat's the owner of Victor Traps.

[Ryan]

Also, Dave apparently is confronting people in real life about accepting his friend request.

[Tyler]

I mean, I understand he's late to the game, so he's gotta.

[Miles]

He's.

[Tyler]

He needs. He's gotta go quick.

[Miles]

He's gotta get those takes out.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Miles]

Yeah, I understand.

[Ryan]

Then he goes on this long thing about a beaver g. String at a pride fest, something like that. And then the post immediately after says, you can lick my sweaty nuts. No, just wait. I got peanut butter. My dog will take care of it. That's posted publicly on the Internet, by the way.

[Miles]

Did not make that up, David.

[Ryan]

I did not make that up. He posted that on the Internet.

[Tyler]

That's not paraphrased phrase. That's.

[Ryan]

It's a lot of holy.

[Miles]

Dude.

[Jared]

Dave, you gotta chill, bro.

[Miles]

Yeah, put the phone down.

[Jared]

Dave's bringing the dog to the vasectomy room.

[Ryan]

Lot of dog talk on here. Going on a rant about. About pit bulls versus rottweilers.

[Jared]

What's the verdict?

[Tyler]

What is the verdict?

[Ryan]

Let me find it. It's just. It's tough to get to the verdict because there's just so many posts in a row. Let's talk dogs. Okay. Tell me what you know about your breed. I will say there's a lot in that. And then no one commented.

[Miles]

Did not even pat.

[Ryan]

I wonder where the pit bulls came from. Or the rottweiler. Why in the hell would you not that dog at your side? I would take that dog if I was in combat, hands down. So if Dave's in combat, he's taking a pitbull or a rottweiler.

[Miles]

It's a good choices.

[Jared]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Tyler]

I would have thought he would have maybe said Doberman pincher.

[Jared]

Well, comment, let him know what you think.

[Tyler]

Yeah, what about Doberman?

[Ryan]

And then he's going on some rant about some very niche news story on. On like local news story about some. Something that happened at a track meet or something. Then there's a nice ode to one of his friends that died too in here. He figured out how to share a post.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Ryan]

Which is nice. Let's see if I can find one more good one. And, and also the way that he types is if he says no, like K N O W just says N O. I've noticed that there are. Instead of saying our O U R, he just does a R E. Yep. Oh God, here we go. Okay, here we go. May 1 he posted I love to buy. Buy high and sell low.

[Jared]

That's you. That's you, Ryan.

[Tyler]

That is me. It's a classic example.

[Ryan]

Oh, okay. He's taking a stance sporting wise. So you have two feet and one mind and one body. The only sport is track because Dave was actually like an all state track guy in high school.

[Jared]

Okay, I gotta start over.

[Ryan]

And then he said, I don't, I don't call it track. It's more than that. It's a breakdown of everything you have in you. God, he's got deepest.

[Tyler]

Dude, that is deep. It's. I mean, he's not wrong.

[Ryan]

Oh, o. Okay. So this is. So Dave is also a beaver trapper. This. He just is now commenting on a beaver video that he saw on Facebook. Just got to love the beaver video on Facebook. It just shows if you're not around them animals, you can say anything. And all I got to say is a beaver dam is what they build to get the water up to build their house or a bank den where they live and raise their young on the upstream of the dam. People are that dumb, are they? It looked like it. I would love to have that beaver come at me when I was trapping. I would put it in truck with the others.

[Jared]

Oh, I think I know a video he's talking about. There's a video that went super. How long ago Is this posted?

[Ryan]

May 8th.

[Jared]

Nah, I saw it pretty recently.

[Ryan]

Oh. But I mean, he could have saw back then. He'd been on the tip of.

[Jared]

He could have been on the cutting edge of this beaver video. But I saw a beaver video like people at a park like they were going to with a beaver and it attacked them.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, Dave. He would have had it in his truck with the other beaver.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

The final one I'll leave you with. This is just this. Just classic Dave. I found a lot of stuff in the dumpsters, but no dead bodies.

[Jared]

Is he disappointed? I don't know.

[Tyler]

That's good.

[Ryan]

I mean, that's good.

[Miles]

Yeah, nobody asked.

[Tyler]

He's lived a hell of a life if that's the case.

[Jared]

God damn Dave.

[Ryan]

So every week, if, if, if Dave's got new status updates, I will. I will inform you guys of what's going on in the Dave Facebook club, the Dave Face Book club, All State Dave. Here we go for Dave.

[Miles]

He seems pretty active on it.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he actually is a little bit of a dry spell, which I'm concerned about. That he might have just blew his

[Miles]

load earlier or forgot his past.

[Jared]

No, I hit him with a Facebook poke.

[Ryan]

This is. I should poke him.

[Tyler]

Okay. Yeah.

[Miles]

Or

[Jared]

that'll be the next post. What the does it mean to get poked?

[Ryan]

Miles keeps poking me. Oh, my God. He's posted a lot.

[Miles]

Lot.

[Ryan]

His first couple posts are just names of his buddies because he didn't know how to work it, so he thought that was the search bar.

[Miles]

It happens. Yeah, I'm sure I did.

[Tyler]

He'll figure it out. He'll figure it out. I mean, if we were to Go back when we first got Facebook and looked at some of those posts.

[Jared]

Dude, I have so many cringe ones where it's like remember what he used to say your name first is. So it'd be like Tyler is feeling good today. So now it'll show up in my memories as well. Just feeling good today or cuz it took it out, headed to a match and like that'll show up in my memories from 12 years ago.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Oh, here we go. This is, this is Dave. Like every once in a while he'd like give a pep talk to everyone. He always be yell. You got to have heart. You got to have heart out here. So this is the last one. It's all about heart, mind and body. Well that's actually just technically body but. And if you're lucky to not have nothing break that you're living heaven on earth. Some drunk Dave.

[Jared]

Preach it, brother.

[Tyler]

I'm trying to break. To not have nothing, I think and to not have.

[Ryan]

If you're lucky to not have nothing break.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Health is priceless.

[Tyler]

Gang. Gang.

[Ryan]

All right, you got fun fact.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Jared]

In. In high school, Jared was the webmaster. I don't know what that means.

[Ryan]

I thought you actually don't know what that means.

[Miles]

So that means I like I ran the school website basically.

[Jared]

I think it was like.

[Miles]

Was it Dreamweaver? Adobe Dreamweaver.

[Jared]

Oh yeah.

[Miles]

So yeah.

[Ryan]

So were you using JavaScript or.

[Miles]

I don't remember. Honestly. I think it was some sort of code like that, that. Yes.

[Tyler]

I don't think you were JavaScript in high school.

[Ryan]

So what do you mean you were running the web? What was on this website?

[Miles]

Like you would update like who's playing who for that week or like what we're having for lunch that week. I would upload those.

[Tyler]

You would know early?

[Miles]

Sort of. Yeah.

[Jared]

Insider info. You could have day traded.

[Tyler]

You knew when you were getting chocolate milk and too things.

[Ryan]

You can't do anything with that information.

[Tyler]

No, I know that's. Yeah, everyone's going to find out.

[Miles]

And I always did know like the password to like get into the. The blocked websites at the school.

[Ryan]

Would you abuse that?

[Miles]

Yeah. Oh yeah. We use. It would change every week and we would get code on Mondays.

[Jared]

Webmaster had it.

[Miles]

Yep. I was like one of the first ones to see it that week.

[Ryan]

Oh, that's actually huge.

[Miles]

That was sick.

[Ryan]

We used to have to just put. We had to put HTTPs on like the gaming websites and then we could get around the school blocker.

[Tyler]

Oh, is that easy Games.

[Ryan]

Something like that. Or Eliminate the S out of it. Playing Max dirt bike. Like computer lab.

[Tyler]

Slime volleyball.

[Ryan]

And what's slime volleyball?

[Tyler]

Addicting games.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but what is slime volleyball?

[Tyler]

It's like you have two blobs of slime with a net in the middle and you, like. You the up arrows jump. So you just jump and hit the.

[Ryan]

I'm thinking of boom. Boom. Volleyball. It's where if you got past a certain level, the girls would play topless. There were cartoon girls, but remember, that was. It was. It was really hard to get to that level.

[Tyler]

Hours you got there, it was no. NCAA 27.

[Ryan]

No. It was up there with that.

[Jared]

You should request that for your room when the time comes.

[Miles]

My room?

[Jared]

Your vasectomy volleyball. Yeah. He's in there all day trying to get to the last level just to collect a sample. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Power goes out.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You gotta start all over.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's. I mean, with great power comes great responsibility. Jared, how does one get selected as the webmaster?

[Miles]

I think I was just. Just like, I'm the only one willing to do it. In our tech class, they didn't know

[Jared]

the power that would come with it.

[Miles]

Yep. And I was part of student council, too, so I probably had, you know.

[Ryan]

What was your student council? Well, what position were you?

[Miles]

I think I was vice president. I don't think I was ever president or like, number two in command.

[Ryan]

So did you have to go through an election process to get that?

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

What did you run on? Get more cookies at lunchtime.

[Miles]

It was just literally like, I'll do. Do it. And they were always just like, yeah, sure, you do it.

[Ryan]

I suppose you went. How many people do you graduate with?

[Miles]

17.

[Ryan]

Yeah, there you go.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It was very small.

[Jared]

I was. We didn't have to do student council elections. The teachers would each pick a kid and then that's who the student council was.

[Tyler]

We had to, like, make.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Precursor vp. Fourth grade P and fifth grade. We had to make our own signs. We had. We had a campaign. All that, huh? Yeah.

[Miles]

I was not that complicated for us.

[Tyler]

Pretty sure I got a vending machine in the. In the school.

[Jared]

Hell, yeah.

[Tyler]

As fifth grade P. That is huge.

[Ryan]

You get some fruit topia in the vending machine.

[Jared]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Yes.

[Ryan]

Jump rope for heart.

[Miles]

Some Diet Pepsi.

[Tyler]

I don't think they let us put. Put that in there. That was off limits.

[Miles]

I remember that was a big deal when, like, all the soda got changed around. Like they like the coke diesels and everything had to be dyed after. It's like 05 was a big deal. In school I been 12.

[Tyler]

At that point, I been 6.

[Jared]

Now 7.

[Tyler]

6, 7.

[Miles]

Anyway.

[Tyler]

Anyway.

[Ryan]

All right, well. Is that it? Jared? Guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of you Bet yout Radio. Have a great week. We'll see you in the next one. Oh, you betcha.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Rocky Bell boner. I'm going to be moving into my own place in about a month with my girlfriend living with me part time at first. What advice do you guys have for living on your own own and for living with your significant other?

[Ryan]

It's been a long time, so she's

[Tyler]

just gonna be living. She's gonna be part. She's a part timer.

[Miles]

Part time at first.

[Tyler]

Got it. Until she get out of this or something.

[Miles]

Driving it.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that's fine. Lots of advice.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

It's less about, like, advice. It's more so. Things to expect. Expect.

[Jared]

Should we do that?

[Tyler]

It's a good way to put it.

[Ryan]

Things to expect. You're not going to lose ground right away. It will be. It's kind of like.

[Miles]

Like when.

[Ryan]

Like a river takes a shoreline, you know? Isn't just one day where it takes all the shoreline. It's just. It's death by a thousand cuts.

[Tyler]

Sure.

[Ryan]

And, you know, a little piece here falls into the river, a little piece there. You know, you got all your. In the living room. You got all your here and there. And just slowly, um. It's kind of like on Toy Story when he goes from having his whole room be decked out in woody stuff. And then Buzz comes along and it slowly changes.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Ryan]

That's what your apartment's gonna be like. You know, you're gonna have. You're gonna have. Just like, you're gonna have the comforter you've had since college, you know, that you love. And next thing you know, it'll just. It'll be exchanged out. And then your pillows will be changed.

[Tyler]

And then you'll add another 10 pillows, probably.

[Ryan]

And then all of a sudden, yeah, then she'll just add a pillow like once every, like, month. And then a year later, all of a sudden, you got 12 pillows on the. On the bed.

[Miles]

There'll be plants in every room. There'll be candles in every room.

[Ryan]

All of a sudden you're like, wait, was there always a plant in the corner? Like that? And she'll be like, yeah. Oh, yeah. But she's gaslighting you. There wasn't. And you know she's lying. And you're in your St. Paul's St. Paul's beer neon sign that you have on the wall. All of a sudden it'll go from being on to suddenly. It's now just off all the time. And the next thing you know, it's on the ground. The next thing you know, it's nowhere to be found.

[Miles]

Right. You find it at the thrift store, initial gaslight leaves. Like I don't know where it went.

[Ryan]

No. You threw that out, right?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know your favorite water cups that you've had since mug night in college that says.

[Miles]

That says we fest 2012 on it.

[Ryan]

Says we fest 2012 on it suddenly will just be like a fancy, like blue glass. Glass. The actual glass.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And then you know. And then next thing you know, you're. All of a sudden you're getting yelled at for not using a coaster.

[Tyler]

And next thing you know, you're getting yelled at for not putting the toilet seat down or leaving the toilet seat down and trying to piss through through it, but then dribbling just a bit and not wiping it up. And then her sitting in dribble.

[Ryan]

You know, one day you'll be able to just walk in, throw your hats everywhere, and next thing you know, you have to go put them away.

[Tyler]

It's kind of a weird thing too. It's a war. I feel like you're gonna.

[Ryan]

No, it's not a war. There's no war. You just are shoreline that's just slowly withering away into the river.

[Miles]

You won't win.

[Tyler]

You're also gonna.

[Ryan]

It's just. It's. It's an inevitable thing. There's nothing anyone can do. You try to put up a retaining wall. You can try. I'm gonna guess you're not gonna get laid anymore if you put up a

[Tyler]

retaining wall, like, over time, you're also going to have pieces of clothing that you really enjoy just start disappearing.

[Ryan]

Like underwear, like.

[Tyler]

Or socks or like a good pair of jeans. Know where they went?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Sweatshirts, the same thing.

[Ryan]

But I mean, like, if you get one hole in your socks, suddenly it's just gonna get thrown away. So just know that.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You have a pair of underwear that's got one hole in it. It's gone, Right?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And like, I think the worst part is, is the women in our lives, they don't even understand what you and that pair of underwear went through. You know, the blowout of 04. You know when you're on this road trip, your pants came up your back. You and that pair of underwear went through that. And then not long ever. You got the hole in it from the fart. Heard around the world. Blew a hole right through him.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Since 04.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well that was the fart heard around the world of 06, you know. And then all of a sudden she sees holes in the. Where the thigh portion of your boxer briefs are. And. And for me, it was always a constant reminder of how fat I used to be and that I should never let myself get back to there because of all the chafing and rubbing that I used to do. My legs were huge. You know, she just views it as like, oh, these are terrible pair of underwear.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know,

[Tyler]

and you no longer.

[Ryan]

And it's like every pair, every hole's got its own story. And she doesn't know those stories and so she's able to just discard them. Like it's gets like you're just cannon fodder.

[Miles]

Yep. It's like every mile of memory, every

[Ryan]

hole of memory that a Dirk Spentley pull by you.

[Miles]

I think so.

[Ryan]

Every mile of memory, Every hole of memory.

[Miles]

You're the Dr. Bentley guy.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I know. I can't remember why, but.

[Miles]

Because you drafted airplane and beer for a best of.

[Ryan]

It literally happened two days ago.

[Tyler]

And I didn't know.

[Ryan]

I didn't.

[Tyler]

I forgot it was from the dress.

[Ryan]

How is he supposed to remember the acronyms if he can't remember that

[Miles]

I

[Tyler]

have more of a long term memory versus short term.

[Ryan]

You guys have a pair of underwear like that?

[Tyler]

I do. Multiple. I maybe haven't worn them for a year or two, but they're still in my drawer.

[Miles]

What's funny is that Miles, at your wedding when we did like the pants down whatever thing at the end Piano Man, I did have a bad hole in the side of my underwear. I had to like keep my legs together.

[Tyler]

So I did notice a little mushroom. Mushroom. Little mushroom head. I didn't know if you stole that from supper or.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I don't think mushrooms were on the menu.

[Tyler]

Well, that's, that's why I was confused. I'm like, yeah, I don't think we had a mushrooms with the chicken or what?

[Jared]

Whatever.

[Ryan]

Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio you gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com, you betchradio. Or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you gotta check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, bab.