Things Guys DEFINITELY DON'T Care About 🎙 #356

Summary

You Betcha Radio – Episode #356: “Things Guys DEFINITELY DON'T Care About”

Release Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: Myles (“You Betcha Guy”), Tyler, Ryan, Jared
Podcast Description: The most Midwest podcast, mixing nostalgia, humor, and small-town guy culture with a dose of irreverence and local color.

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Episode Overview

In this comedy-filled episode, the guys dive into classic "guy stuff," including the funny and bizarre situations encountered on hunting trips, small town bar shenanigans, and a tongue-in-cheek rundown of things men "definitely don’t care about"—except, of course, when they secretly do. The episode is rich with Midwest storytelling, friendly roasting, and a playful group therapy vibe relating to fatherhood, aging, holiday parties, and the realities of being a man in the Midwest.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hunting Trip Antics and Small Town Bar Life

Timestamps: 00:09 – 04:22

• Recap of the Guys’ Hunting Weekend:
  Tyler and Ryan share highlights from their hunting trip, expressing how, despite being dog-tired, sleep was hard to come by after returning—a typical aftermath for a weekend away with the boys.

• Small Town Bar Adventures:

  • Tyler panics over what he thinks is a $500 bar tab for 15 people, only to find it’s a mere $43:

    “I was looking at the cash in my hand…she comes back, she’s like, ‘Alright, here it is, $43.’ I was like, oh my God.” — Tyler (01:21)

  • Joker Poker Gambling:
    The crew recounts playing (and struggling to explain) “Joker Poker,” an only-in-the-Midwest small town bar game, collectively turning $100 into $220.
  • Unique Bar Features:
    The group laughs about an indoor archery setup, furnace stuck at 95°F, and just how “Midwest” these quirks are:

    “Somebody’s in the bathroom, steps out and gets an arrow to the knee.” — Myles (03:47)

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2. Ryan’s Snowbank Foot Cooling Adventure

Timestamps: 04:23 – 11:03

• The (Allegedly) Genius Solution for Swollen Feet:
  In an attempt to cool off after too much “bar heat,” Ryan sneaks out back, strips off boots and socks, and stands in a snowbank:

  “...stood in the snowbank and it felt unbelievable.” — Ryan (06:12)

• The Group’s Reaction:
  The gang oscillates between roasting, concern, and reluctant admiration for Ryan’s dedication to solving his 'swollen feet' problem:

  “You know what, I do think it is insane what you did. I genuinely can’t think of a better alternative.” — Myles (07:32)

• Midwest Medical Diagnoses:
  The boys crowdsource health advice, speculate about gout, and humorously lament the typical aversion to seeing an actual doctor.

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3. Prize Picks NFL Segment

Timestamps: 11:41 – 15:19
(Skip this if not interested in the brief sports betting and NFL pick banter; tone stays comedic)

• Playful trash talk about who ruins their group fantasy lineups, specifically blaming Ryan for a bad pick:

  “We would have won a lot more if Ryan didn’t suck so bad at prize picks.” — Tyler (12:22)

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4. Group Therapy: The Midwest “Definitely Don’t Care” List

Timestamps: 15:20 – 29:02

A rapid-fire, deadpan segment where the guys riff on the many things they “definitely don’t care about”—each a not-so-subtle vent of genuine adult annoyances and disappointments, including:

• Dad/Child Relationship Humor:

  “I definitely don’t care that [my son] prefers my wife over me…definitely don’t care about that.” — Tyler (24:46)
  “I definitely don’t care that my dad treats his grandkids like he should have treated me.” — Miles (28:24)

• Jealousy & Resentment:

  “I don’t care that my neighbor shot my target buck...I don’t care at all.” — Miles (25:24)
  “I definitely don’t care that I get picked last in sports. It’s just a game.” — Jared (29:04)

• Everyday Annoyances:

  • “Waking up early to clear snow”
  • “Missing the playoffs in fantasy football”
  • “Getting gray hairs”
  • “Being picked last in sports”
  • “Making lunch for kids who then don’t eat it”

• Marital Pet Peeves:

  “I definitely don’t care when I tell my wife something and she doesn’t believe me, so she looks it up and I was right.” — Tyler (27:49)

• Deadpan Comedy:
  The running joke is that to admit they do care would mean “handing in your man card.”

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5. Gray Hairs and Aging: The Vulnerability of Midwest Masculinity

Timestamps: 29:39 – 33:41

• Early Gray Hairs Examined:
  The guys openly talk gray hair, including the shocking news that one of them has “grape hues” (gray pubic hairs):

  “That means probably gray ass hairs on the table.” — Tyler (32:07)

• They wonder aloud whether testosterone affects hair color, leading to epic Google fumbling and more roasting about who'd be the first to dye their hair.

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6. Holiday Parties from Hell: The Ultimate Worst-Case Christmas Bash

Timestamps: 42:05 – 55:14

• Fantasy: Designing the Most Awful Holiday Party
  Jared prompts the crew to invent the “worst possible Christmas party,” leading to this horror show:
  • It's a MLM (think Mary Kay) party
  • You’re forced to wear white or pink, get kicked in the nuts by a human-pink nutcracker, endure caroling, and must buy/sign up for products to leave
  • No booze, just leaky fruit punch cups
  • Endless caroling restarts if anyone just mouths the words
  • Secret Santa surprises, forced karaoke, and MLM-pitching husbands abound
  • Even the exit is booby-trapped by promotional emails and more MLM recruiting

  “Once you’re in, you can’t leave. No reentry, so no one can leave.” — Ryan (54:01) "If there's 100 people there, 80 have to do [the Saran Wrap oven-mitt gift gag]." — Tyler (49:19)

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7. Guy Debates: The Vest Divide & Burger Challenge

Timestamps: 55:15 – 62:46

• Vests: Blue Collar or White Collar?
  The group decides vest status comes down to fabric: leather/canvas = blue collar; puffy polyester = white collar.
  North Face “soft shell” vests are declared the “desk job at a blue collar company” uniform.

• Miles's Dream Burger Build
  Miles requests an absurd “58-patty burger,” each layer with a different cheese. The group jokes about the logistics:

  “If you undercook or overcook one, you have to start all over…” — Tyler (58:50)

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8. If the Podcast Hosts Ran Santa’s Workshop

Timestamps: 62:53 – 74:39

• Assigning Jobs:

  • Tyler is “Papa Elf,”
  • Jared is head of Christmas cheer (& music),
  • Ryan manages gathering and delivery,
  • Miles is chief tickler for “Tickle Me Elmo” QA.

• Santa’s Origin/Coca Cola Myth:

  “The Santa Claus you see today was Coca Cola's version of Saint Nick.” — Tyler (71:17)

• Discussion of “Santa Baby” karaoke at MLM parties, elves from the South Pole, and what strip clubs at the North Pole would be called (“Candy Cane”).

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9. Listener Q&A and Fun Facts

Timestamps: 74:39 – 76:55

• Fun Fact Drop:
  The gang marvels at the true story of a Canadian sniper hitting a target 2.2 miles away using elaborate calculations, joking about the sheer absurdity of it all.

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10. Would You Rather: Take a Hit from Mike Tyson or Ray Lewis?

Timestamps: 77:39 – 83:06

• The group universally picks being tackled by Ray Lewis over a punch from prime Mike Tyson—brain damage vs. just getting the wind knocked out!

  “Mike Tyson took dude’s heads off… that’s why I think I’m leaning towards Ray Lewis.” — Tyler (79:00)

• Tyler claims he’s more athletic than Eli Manning is now (queue ribbing and incredulity).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You know you’re in a small town bar when there’s an archery setup in the back of the bar.” — Tyler (03:13)
• “I just stood in the snow bank and it felt unbelievable.” — Ryan (06:12)
• “The worst thing is an indecisive child when it comes to lunch.” — Miles (26:56)
• “Like, I don’t think I’d ever dye my hair. That would be great if Jared comes to work and still has like the dye on his scalp.” — Tyler (34:59)
• “At the mall, I’d pay 20 bucks to have them wrap the ten-dollar gift, or just go gift bag.” — Tyler on holiday gift wrapping (37:32)

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Episode Tone & Language

• Warm, irreverent Midwest banter: Plenty of ribbing, self-deprecation, and warmth.
• Running jokes: The group needles Ryan about his snowbank foot therapy, everyone about aging, the endless “don’t care” routine, and much more.
• Occasional raunchy humor: (Ass hair, strip club naming, etc.—all in a tongue-in-cheek style.)

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For New Listeners

This episode delivers a hilarious and authentic slice of Midwestern guy culture, packed with relatable group therapy for grown men—parenting, petty grievances, weekend misadventures, and the joys (and woes) of seasonal life up north. The “don’t care” segment is a must-listen, masterfully lampooning the everyday things that gnaw at men but are never supposed to bother them. Expect laughs, a little oversharing, and a true “guys hanging out” vibe.

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If you only have time for a few segments, don’t miss:

• [15:20–29:02] The rapid-fire “Things Guys DEFINITELY DON’T Care About”
• [42:11–55:14] Worst Christmas Party Ever brainstorming
• [77:39–83:06] The “Would You Rather: Mike Tyson or Ray Lewis?” finale

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Cheers! As always, you betcha.

Transcript

[Tyler]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of you Bet yout Radio podcast. I'm here with my guys. Hey, my guys.

[Miles]

What's up?

[Tyler]

What's up? Ryan and I went on a hunting trip this weekend.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Tyler]

It was great.

[Ryan]

It was. Yeah, it's great. During. It's.

[Tyler]

I'm dragging a little bit today. You guys can probably tell.

[Miles]

Yeah, easily.

[Tyler]

I. I mean, I've been sucking hind tit all day.

[Ryan]

Just.

Didn'T.

[Tyler]

And what sucks, I got home, I was dog tired Sunday, still couldn't fall asleep at night. Like, I got a second wind as soon as I laid in bed.

[Ryan]

Yeah, no, I kind of actually felt the same thing, oddly enough. I'm like, wow, I'm really tired. And then I get into bed and I'm like, I'm not tired at all.

[Miles]

I'm sure you guys were up late drinking all weekend, right?

[Tyler]

Oh, we were so.

[Miles]

Your body was like, well, I guess we're back. We're night owls again.

[Tyler]

So very fun shot. Lots of birds, had a great time, but it just. It just was the best.

Small town bar.

[Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[Tyler]

Small town bar. Great. You know, it's just awesome. When I actually got got. I got got. Okay, so there's probably what, 15 of us in the bar.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tyler]

And I was like, all right, I'm leaving. Can I, like, just. What's the tab we got? I'll just pay it. And she goes, I think you guys are like, 500 bucks. And I'm like, pretty tuned up, you know, maybe hang out with a little bit of Ryan's college buddies. And I'm just like, oh, I'm looking at the cash. My thing. I'm like, I can't ask for the whole tab and then not pay the whole thing. But that's like, I don't have that much cash. I gotta put this. Whatever. I'm like, panicking. I'm like, okay, well, what if I just do like, you know, like 10, 20 down or something like that? And then, you know, whatever. So comes back, she's like, all right, here it is, $43. I was like, oh, my God. I was that. And I was like, wondering, like, oh, my God, inflation has gotten out of hand.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Last time it was in this bar was way cheaper than $500.

[Miles]

Honestly, a $500 bill for 15 guys is pretty normal around, like, in Fargo.

[Ryan]

That's kind of what I was. I mean, like, it's either. Yeah, these guys are.

[Tyler]

People were, like, paying for rounds as they go, so. But yeah, $43 was it.

[Miles]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[Tyler]

Me and Ryan played joker poker. You ever guys played joker poker, you wouldn't get it. It's hard to explain. Yeah, it's. You kind of just had to be there.

[Miles]

You don't have to explain it.

[Tyler]

If anyone else listening has played joker poker in South Dakota, just let us know. We ended up winning what, 100 bucks? Yeah, well, there's 100 in and then we won 100, so we got 200 out.

[Ryan]

It was, it was a, it was a five guy gambling crusade. Exped expedition.

[Miles]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Ryan]

So we all put in 20 for 100 total and we came out with 220 profit.

[Jared]

Oh, okay.

[Ryan]

Tough going broke when you're so profit.

[Tyler]

You tell me that's half your.

[Miles]

That's half your bar tab.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I know, it was great.

[Tyler]

The, the other thing though, that, you know you're in a small town bar when there's an archery setup in the back of the bar and there's just a bow and an arrow just hanging out in the back of the bar by the bathrooms. And then.

Then also while the bar is open, you convince the guy whose bow that is to actually shoot the bow inside of the bar.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

And I say, you know, you're in a small town bar.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

It was a competition archery range set up in the one hallway in the bar.

[Miles]

Somebody's in the bathroom, steps out and gets an arrow to the knee.

[Tyler]

Well, that's what we were concerned about. We had to clear the, clear the area.

[Miles]

Yeah. Hey, who needs darts when you have. You can, you can shoot darts.

[Tyler]

You also know you're in a small town bar when the, the furnace is crazy. So it's like 95 degrees in the bar. You guys know you've been like that. It's like over the arm. There's. It's either they're like, yeah, either we have to turn the heat off or it's just set at 95. There's no in between.

[Jared]

H Vac Blues.

[Tyler]

You want to hear some crazy that Ryan did this weekend?

[Ryan]

That's what I was gonna bring up next.

[Tyler]

Speaking of. It was 95 degrees bar. It was hot. It was hot. Ryan, the next day goes.

So I went outside, I went out back. So he like went out the back door, went outside, he took off his shoes and socks and stood in a snowbank.

[Jared]

Sick ride.

[Miles]

You were hammered.

[Ryan]

Is it really?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Why do you say that? Because I actually don't feel great.

[Jared]

I was just. I just know you have to have socks on when it's cold out.

[Tyler]

It's. It's been proven false. You can't get cold, you can't get a cold from cold.

[Ryan]

Okay, good to know the cold doesn't.

[Miles]

Germs travel better.

[Ryan]

I had the feet of a nine month pregnant woman just swollen. I don't know what the, I don't know if, I don't know if my socks were cutting off the circulation going to my feet, but my feet were getting hot and I'm like, okay, like this is just normal. Like I had, I had a pair of boots on and I don't know if they're like extra insulated or what, but I'm sitting there and I'm like, holy shit. My feet are really hot right now. And the only way that I'm going to be able to cure this is if I go out back because I can't go up front. There's people smoking out front. I got to go out the back door where, no, I don't even know if people know that door exists. Went out the back, stood on like the, the cement slab right outside the door. Boots came off, socks came off and the concrete felt great. And I'm like, well, it's just not doing it for me. It's not getting the top of my feet. So there's like this little snow bank right next to me. I'm like, well, if I, as long as I break through the crust of that, we're, we're going to make some progress here. So I just, I fucking stood in the snow bank and it felt unbelievable.

[Tyler]

How long, how long were you out there?

[Ryan]

Five minutes. Five to eight minutes approximately.

[Miles]

This new man, when he came back.

[Ryan]

Or I felt, I felt so much better. I was having trouble walking to the back because they were so swollen.

[Tyler]

It had nothing to do with the alcohol and boots?

[Ryan]

No, because I, I, it's not, I didn't drink out of the ordinary, so I, I, I'm, I'm sure you, you.

[Miles]

Walk patches all day. You drank a ton of beer. So you're dehydrated. I'm sure they swollen up.

[Ryan]

Probably, yeah. I mean, a lot of salt beef sticks. Yeah, all that type of stuff, but yeah.

[Tyler]

Let's get to your ankles. That's fine, that's fine that you're feeling that. But.

I would love to know a thought process that was the best move.

[Miles]

You could have done.

[Ryan]

What, what would the, what would the alternative have been? I don't stick them in the toilet.

[Jared]

I just take a tolerance.

[Tyler]

Why were your feet so much hotter than everyone else's?

[Ryan]

That's a great question.

[Jared]

You get new socks or something.

[Ryan]

I was wearing. I was wearing these same type of socks. They are tight around the. Like around the. The ankle band.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

But like, I want you guys to just picture Ryan just standing out there, just in the snow bank without any socks on.

[Ryan]

Well, then I asked him. I was like, well, didn't you guys see me sitting at the bar? I didn't have any shoes on at the bar because I needed some. I. While I was in there, I needed some way to. To cool them off before I went out back.

[Jared]

Dogs were barking.

[Ryan]

I didn't have. I didn't have shoes on, like, half the time we were there.

[Miles]

Okay. Oh, I do think it is insane what you did. I genuinely can't think of a better alternative.

[Ryan]

Thank you.

[Miles]

Like, it's crazy that you did that.

[Ryan]

Bathroom, but I don't know what else.

[Miles]

You would have done.

[Jared]

Bucket of beer.

[Tyler]

Okay, but, like, what if your torso was hot? What would you have done? Would you just taking your shirt off from the bar?

[Ryan]

I think that would have been different. I think torso would have been different. I'd have just stripped down to a T shirt and I'd have been fine. I've never had a hot torso.

[Miles]

His torso stays cool.

[Tyler]

You know what I mean? Like, the alternative is just suck it up.

[Ryan]

Well, I knew I could do something about it, and so I did. You know, I'm not. Not.

[Tyler]

But, like, I think that if you said, all right, what should you. I would have never, ever in a million years done, like, thought to even do that.

[Ryan]

Oh, dude, I've done it. I've done. I haven't done that before, but I've went, like, I've went outside my house and just stood on the cold concrete before to cool my feet down.

[Miles]

I think this.

[Tyler]

I think this may be a larger issue.

[Ryan]

Why it might be.

[Tyler]

Have you guys ever thought like that? Unless it's like, you are in insulated boots, like, right. Like, you. You're. You're going to go deer hunting. You got your insulated boots on and you're, like, moving around inside and you're like, wow, my feet are hot. Other than that moment, have you ever had hot feet before?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. I get hot feet. Like, I wear my T shirts, my slippers around the house, but then I just kick the slippers off and I'm good.

[Jared]

Yeah. It's not like something I need to fix now.

[Miles]

It's like, oh, I'll just say this is mildly annoying.

[Ryan]

I'm a problem solver, though.

[Miles]

You are.

[Ryan]

I just. And it was uncomfortable and I don't want to sit there. I don't want to sit. I don't want to have a good time while I'm uncomfortable.

And also, I mean, it didn't even. Not only did it help my feet, it just helped me in general because it was 95 fucking degrees in there.

[Tyler]

It was very hot. Give me that.

[Miles]

So it's nice to get some fresh air.

[Ryan]

It was great. Yeah. And there was no one back there. It's just nice and quiet.

[Miles]

I.

[Tyler]

The biggest concern I would have had is, like, there had to have been broken glass everywhere.

[Ryan]

Well, I thought about that after the fact, so.

[Miles]

But your feet would have been so cold to be in the snow bank. You'd have never noticed the cuts anyway.

[Ryan]

No, no, I just. I'd have been like, why are my feet so sweating? There's a pool of something in my boot.

[Jared]

Yeah. If you got your foot, a snow bank is the best place to put your feet.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or. Or dirt.

[Miles]

So did.

[Tyler]

Did.

[Miles]

Did you admit to this, or did you get caught?

[Tyler]

No, I wish I would have caught him, you know? Funny, that, man. I whipped the door. Ryan, whip the door open. He's just standing there. Hey, Miles.

[Ryan]

Thing is, I've never seen anyone go out that door, so I knew I was in the clear, and I told him the next day. There's. I had no shame in it. I still don't have any shame in it.

[Jared]

Bring it up randomly.

[Tyler]

He did. It was. It was unprompted.

[Ryan]

I also brought it up because I knew they'd get a kick out of it. And I'm. I'm one to, like, getting kicks out of people and right place, right time. I'm like, let's. Let's hammer this one home, you know?

[Jared]

Are your feet good now?

[Ryan]

Yeah, my feet are good now.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You could get this man some compression socks, something swelling down.

[Ryan]

I. I like when. When a pregnant woman is complaining about her feet being swollen up. I now understand you've suffered.

[Miles]

Like, they have.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Like, I like the. It's like the little smokies you have at super bowl parties. Like, that's what my toes look like.

[Miles]

I don't think that's good. You had something going on.

[Ryan]

I. I don't think I do, but I appreciate you guys just.

[Miles]

Maybe just ask the doctor about it next time you're there.

[Ryan]

I don't go to. I don't really go to the doctor.

[Miles]

Next time you're forced to go there.

[Ryan]

Ask just because I'm gonna go to the doctor. A thousand bucks. Health insurance I'll cover eight bucks of it. I'm sure it'll be 9.9.92 out of pocket.

I mean, if it becomes an actual problem, like repeated over and over and over again. This is the first time it's ever happened to that extent. So maybe, who knows, maybe a gout flare up or something.

[Miles]

Maybe.

[Ryan]

I don't really know that.

[Tyler]

You wouldn't know if you had gout.

[Ryan]

Okay, well, we can cross that off the list. See, don't need to go to a doctor.

[Tyler]

We're just.

[Ryan]

We're knocking things off the list.

[Miles]

We're crowdsourcing health information.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Time to play some prize picks this week. Prize picks will give you 50 in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get 50 bucks in lineup. All you got to do is use promo code YBR when you sign up today. And Jared, at the time that we were recording this, it's just me and you, dog.

[Jared]

Just us.

[Tyler]

It's just us.

[Jared]

That's all we need.

[Tyler]

It's all we need.

I. I was gonna repeat whatever you said. Okay. Again. But you didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. That's okay.

[Jared]

That's okay.

[Tyler]

Little circle back to last week. We finally got a YBR lineup to hit a flex. I won 40 bucks.

We would have won more. Would have won a lot more if Ryan didn't suck so bad at prize picks.

[Jared]

Yep. He picked George Pickens. Didn't score a touchdown.

[Tyler]

Everyone else. My guy even got hurt in the game and still got his number. So, Ryan, what are we doing?

[Jared]

And you toggled up with Achan and.

[Tyler]

I toggled up and he still hit and he got hurt in the game.

[Jared]

Yeah. R's gotta get his head out of his butt.

[Tyler]

It's so far up there. So that's a little.

For the haters that were starting to murmur about the we don't know what we're doing.

We know what we're doing. Ryan doesn't.

[Jared]

Right.

[Tyler]

So just keep that in mind going forward.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

You may want to fade Ryan in this.

[Tyler]

You may want to fade Ryan. And wait till you hear his pick this week. Get into Ryan's pick. What is it, Jared?

[Jared]

He's got Tanner Hudson. More than two and a half receiving yards.

[Tyler]

Okay. Not in love with the two and a half line, but it just takes one.

[Jared]

I don't. I don't trust picking people that are named Tanner. It just doesn't feel right. It's not a football name, Tanner.

[Tyler]

It's not a Football name. No, it's really not. It's more of like an accountant name.

You know, something like that.

[Jared]

Valedictorian.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Okay, so Ryan's a two and a half receiver. Is Tanner Hudson, you are what?

[Jared]

I have Dawson Knox. More than two 23 and a half receiving yards.

[Tyler]

Okay. I like it.

[Jared]

And then Tyler's got Justin Herbert. More than 209 and a half passing yards.

[Tyler]

Okay. And I have. This is also a point of contention between Jared and I. I threw out this pick, Josh Allen, 249 and a half pass yards. I toggled it up.

And he said, what, Miles? It's a lot of pass yards. And I said, I know, but he's hit the, he's hit that line four of the last five. He's, he's catching his stride. They're playing New England. He's going to come with his A game because they're top of the division. Got to try and take down the big dogs. He's going to be a little bit sharper. And my final gotcha to to Jared was I pulled up the last time that they played. He had 253 yards passing.

[Jared]

So yeah, history, History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme.

[Tyler]

No, I, I, you right. He'll probably go for 285, 400. It won't repeat. Yeah, he could go for like 465. So that's our lineup this week, which we've proven the last seven days. We are infallible when it comes to picking price picks. Yeah.

[Jared]

So with flex play.

[Tyler]

Yeah, with flex play, we are flex infallible. So you guys should roll with us this week. So use code ybr, sign up, play with us. You only got so many weeks in the NFL here to get on there. You got to get on price picks.

[Jared]

Sure.

[Tyler]

Cherish it. So good luck this week, guys. I think the worst part is you just made us feel like what you did was normal. I don't know if you feel that.

[Miles]

No, I, I definitely don't think.

[Tyler]

His demeanor is acting like he didn't just go to a bar, go out back, take his shoes and socks off and stand in the snow bank. He's making us making me feel like I'm weird for thinking that's weird.

[Jared]

He's gaslighting.

[Tyler]

He's gaslighting me right now with his demeanor. I don't like that. That's crazy move. That's a crazy move.

[Miles]

I mean, I, like I said it is crazy that you did that, but I. If your feet are that swollen I don't see another option. I think I don't want to put myself in your shoes because apparently they're too tight.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Ryan]

I guess.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know what I would have done. I probably would have walked back to the hotel and put on different shoes or something.

[Ryan]

You can't walk in that. In that case, your feet are swollen as mine. You can walk.

[Miles]

Fair enough. He's stranded.

[Ryan]

Here's the thing. You know, if I knew you guys are gonna impress me this much, but I just. I'm not. I'm gonna hold out this information next time.

[Tyler]

We got a kick out of it. You just said you love giving people kicks out of stuff.

[Ryan]

I know, but then that turned to me gaslighting you guys.

[Tyler]

Well, no, the. What I was saying is your demeanor. You were acting like this is normal.

[Ryan]

Behavior for me, you guys. Yeah, I'm not saying it's normal.

[Tyler]

I think that's what I'm trying to get out here.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

This is normal for me.

[Tyler]

What other have you done like that?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

What.

[Miles]

What is stuff that might be normal to you that we would maybe shake our heads at?

[Jared]

Tough question.

[Ryan]

That is a tough question on the spot especially.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Because we're talking 32 years of life I gotta look back on.

[Miles]

It's a full life.

[Ryan]

I'm sure there's a lot of stuff, probably.

[Jared]

But it's normal to you.

[Miles]

Yeah. So he. Why would he think of it, you know? Exactly.

[Ryan]

It's all about perspective, you guys. It's not whether it's normal or not. It's just perspective on it.

[Tyler]

What are we talking about?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gout feet.

[Miles]

I'm glad you got the dogs cooled off.

[Ryan]

Dogs were cooled off. Yeah. We came back in and we had a good time.

I also, when I got back in, I ordered a Crown seven. And I never specified what ratio nor. Nor should you have to. And I just got a glass of. Of. I just got a glass of whiskey.

[Jared]

And that.

[Ryan]

That was pretty much it. So the next day when we did it, I had to. I have the. I had to give them a ratio as to how much of this to how much of that. That's when you know you're in a small town bar. If I want a glass of whiskey, I just ordered one.

[Jared]

I don't think you say anything. I think you just grab it and go.

[Ryan]

However it is. If you. If you do order with a mixer, it ends up being cheaper, probably than just a glass of whiskey. So I kind of want on that.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

[Miles]

Just order a glass of Whiskey and a 7Up and just make your own mixes.

[Tyler]

And an extra cup. Yeah, Extra cup.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Were you gonna.

[Tyler]

Or you just man up and just drink the whiskey?

[Ryan]

Yeah, I definitely did. Were you. Were you gonna tell them that? Tell them about me waking you up?

[Tyler]

So we slept in a basement at the shack and Ryan. So we go out the night before and we wake up, we're gonna hunt the next day, and I'm. It's like, it's. It's all open, you know? So, like, it's just it. There's no walls in this basement other than the bathroom.

[Jared]

Open concept.

[Tyler]

It's open concept. So I'm sleeping. Ryan. I could hear him kind of ruffling around, so I'm just still trying to sleep. He walks over and he goes, hey. To me and my brother. Hey, guys. It's eight.

And we both are like.

Okay, cool, dude. Just. I just want to let you guys know, so. So you guys know. And then walked upstairs, like, what the. So we went back to bed for, like an hour. And we come back, we. We go up to, like, get some coffee and stuff. And Ryan's fully dressed, whatever, clearly been working, drinking coffee, and he's like, hey, guys. Sorry that I said that. I. I don't know what was going on, but I. I thought. I thought that we were late.

[Ryan]

I. I just had this. This. It was like non existent anxiety that we were late for something. Like, I, I.

[Miles]

So you weren't.

[Ryan]

Well, I, like, wasn't panicking, but I'm like, hey.

[Tyler]

The rest of the guys showed up at 10:30. So Ryan was like, I wanted you guys to be able to get up and do whatever before we hunted. And it was like, we also had an hour and a half to get ready and drink some coffee. So Ryan was up for two and a half hours for no reason.

[Miles]

He's in dad mode.

[Ryan]

I just thought we had somewhere to be.

[Jared]

Oh.

[Tyler]

And then, of course, he. Because he accidentally got up early, he started helping the guy. That shack it was. And then the rest of the time, the guy was just like, oh, Ryan, so great. He helped us this morning.

[Miles]

That's right.

[Tyler]

Listen, that. Oh, he's so great. It's like, okay. He filled the cooler with water and beer, and that was it. Let's cool it.

[Jared]

He didn't.

[Tyler]

He didn't cure cancer. How they were acting. And he.

[Miles]

And he.

[Tyler]

He did this accidentally. He didn't even want to be up yet.

[Ryan]

Well, I think the reason I tried getting you Guys up because I wanted you. I wanted you and your brother to be in on like the.

[Tyler]

God. Yeah.

[Ryan]

These guys were helping me out, so I. I didn't want to just be the solo guy.

[Miles]

You want to hoard the praise.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I wanted to. I spread the praise across two other bodies. Couldn't get him out of bed, though.

[Miles]

What exactly did you say to him when he wouldn't. Woke you up?

[Ryan]

I literally told him. I'm like, I'm like, guys, it's eight.

And both of them are like, okay. And then that was it.

[Tyler]

I'm like, well, they.

[Ryan]

They know. Okay, well, at least they know what time it is now.

[Tyler]

It's.

[Ryan]

Now it's up to them and whether they want to get up and you know, because we're late for something even though we're not.

But.

[Jared]

Yeah, you're like the kid at the sleepover that wakes up before everybody.

[Ryan]

I know it's not my house.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know, luckily I'm a coffee drinker. Otherwise I just went and sat and looked around.

[Jared]

Yeah. Put her around the house.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tyler]

It's a good move.

[Ryan]

So, no, I. And I apologize. Like you said. I apologize.

[Miles]

The.

[Ryan]

That morning. I'm like, I don't know what the. I was doing.

[Miles]

You were still half asleep.

[Tyler]

Probably. Probably. How was your feet that morning?

[Ryan]

They were great.

[Tyler]

Actually Felt good. Cuz the floor, the basement floor was very cold.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I slept with both feet on the floor just to keep him cool.

[Miles]

Sideways on the bed, his knees bent to me.

[Ryan]

That's normal though. No, I'm kidding. I didn't.

[Miles]

I. I didn't do that.

[Ryan]

Would have been funny if I did, though. And if I did do it, I would have told you guys because I think it's funny.

[Tyler]

Oh, and then we also. There was a big burn pile out back and I was like, so we going to light that up or what? And he's like, actually, yeah, let's do it. So Ryan got his bonfire fix over the weekend.

[Ryan]

Yeah, gave me. Yeah, gave me some good inspiration for my pile too.

[Miles]

Yeah. What do you. More wood? Is that what you got?

[Tyler]

No. So what you have to do is you got to take jugs of diesel gas and throw them up top. And then you take a gun and you shoot the diesel thing.

[Miles]

Hell yeah.

[Tyler]

And then it's like a adult sparkler is what we were told. And then we did it.

[Miles]

And it.

[Tyler]

It definitely was. Yeah, we called the fire department, though. They were cool with it when was. And we had a fire chief with us. Oh yeah, Same fire Chief that just drove by the burning car. Time. Remember?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

The.

[Ryan]

The one.

[Tyler]

The day at the rest. The day that Ryan hit the pole. The same. He was the driver. Now he's a chief. He's the guy drove by the burning car to another thing.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I think that's why I was so off.

[Miles]

A lot of fires to put out.

[Tyler]

So Ryan got his fix. Who's a kid in a candy store?

[Ryan]

Well, then we were looking at the fire. A couple of us were just there, just admiring. Right. As you normally would do. We look back and like the. Whoever's driving the bus for all of us to get on there. The horns honking. They're honking. We're like. We. We're just like. We're the last ones on the bus because we were so busy admiring this fire.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So I get up early to not be late, and then I end up being late.

[Miles]

Miles walks over to you in which Ryan. It's 10:30.

Oh, I love that. You guys had the. You burned the pile in the morning.

[Tyler]

Well, so then it would burn all day and be out by the end of the night.

[Ryan]

Burn all day. It's a great song name by a great band name.

[Jared]

It's a good album name.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it is.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it is.

[Tyler]

So, yeah, it was a good hunt trip. Then I got home. I don't know if. I don't know if, you know, like, my kid is. I don't know if it's just his age. Year and a half old. Every time I'm gone for more than just work, like, you know, eight hours at work, it's like he forgets I'm his dad. I. I get home and he just is like. He says hi, but then he's just like. Wants to hang out with my wife. And I tell you what, that's. It doesn't bother me.

[Miles]

It doesn't.

[Tyler]

No, it doesn't bother me.

[Miles]

Especially when you're. You're super excited to see him and he just could be more disinterested. Doesn't bother you?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I definitely don't care that he prefers my wife over me.

I just.

[Ryan]

I don't know why you would.

[Tyler]

I definitely don't care when I'm just tired and just want to see my kids shine face, and he just wants to hang on his mom. I definitely don't care about that.

[Miles]

Like, you don't care that he probably doesn't even want to be picked up by you just squirm away to mom.

[Tyler]

Yes. Yeah, I definitely don't care about that. You know, and then I definitely don't care when my wife says passive aggressive things about me hunting all weekend. I definitely don't care about that.

[Miles]

You know.

As you shouldn't. I mean, speaking of, honey, I definitely don't care that my neighbor shot my target buck with his muzzleloader this weekend. Yeah, I definitely don't care that I put in hours of work and planted entire fields to kill that deer, but I don't care that he killed it.

[Ryan]

Well, you're just happy like someone in the area shot it.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, sure.

[Tyler]

You're just happy about that.

[Miles]

So, so happy. Don't care at all.

[Ryan]

I definitely don't fucking care about having to wake up early to clear snow. It's one of those things where I'm like. Like, why you could sleep when you're dead, you know, especially after a long weekend. Like, this is. I don't know, waking up early to clear snows.

[Miles]

I just.

[Ryan]

I. I love doing that.

[Tyler]

Yeah, definitely don't care about it. No.

[Ryan]

No.

[Jared]

Yeah, I definitely don't care when somebody takes the last slice of pizza.

[Tyler]

No, I didn't want it anyway.

[Jared]

No, I'm trying to watch my weight.

[Tyler]

And I definitely don't care when someone eats all the pizza except for the crust. And then I just have to stare there, Sit there and stare at perfectly good pizza crust that's not getting eaten. But I'm an adult, so I can't ask them if I can have their pizza crust. Y definitely don't care when someone does that.

[Miles]

I definitely don't care when I make exactly what my children asked for for lunch and they don't eat it. I don't care at all. Yeah, don't care that I made it to a absolute tea to their requirements and they don't want it. So.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't because, like, you know, they're. They're learning how to make decisions and they're there. They just made multiple in the span of five minutes.

[Miles]

They sure did. And none of them made me care.

[Ryan]

The worst thing is an indecisive child when it comes to lunch. You know, I'd rather have them change their minds four times in eight minutes, you know, so I. I get where you're coming from, Tyler.

[Tyler]

Yeah, you definitely don't care about it.

[Ryan]

No, I definitely don't care when a good joke doesn't land.

Yeah, like 50 of my really good jokes don't land. But it's like if I cared about it, that would be an issue.

[Tyler]

You definitely don't care about it though.

[Ryan]

The rapport wouldn't be as good, but I definitely don't give a about it.

[Tyler]

Do you want to try one right now? Well, try a joke.

[Ryan]

I am, I'm more of a good, like, I'm good at like one liner jokes. I, I'm not good at like scripted jokes.

[Miles]

Let's hear one.

[Ryan]

Well, that's the thing.

[Miles]

We won't. We won't care.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we definitely don't care to see you bomb.

[Ryan]

You're gonna have to come back to me on that one.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

I definitely don't care when I tell my wife something and she doesn't believe me. So then she looks it up and then I was right. I definitely don't care about that. I definitely don't care she doesn't trust my intelligence level whatsoever.

[Miles]

Yeah, I definitely don't care that my wife doesn't believe I can fix any of the issues in the house and then I do fix them and she's like, okay, good for Google. I don't care about that.

[Tyler]

I definitely don't care. I definitely don't care.

That my dad doesn't say I love you.

[Miles]

Yeah, I definitely don't care that my dad treats his grandchildren like you should have treated me.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I definitely don't care about that at all.

[Miles]

I definitely don't care that I asked my kid who his. Who the coolest person in the world was fishing for him to say me and he said my brother in law.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You don't care about that.

[Miles]

No. And I definitely don't related. Yeah, I definitely don't care that it's actually probably true. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

[Ryan]

You don't care about that because that would be a tough pill to swallow.

[Tyler]

Yeah, maybe it's just like basically if you, if you did care, you'd have to take away your man card, but I would.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Good thing you don't care. Yep.

[Miles]

Couldn't care less.

[Jared]

Yeah, I definitely don't care when I get picked last in sports, it's just a game.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you're getting picked.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know, save the best for last, Tom Brady.

[Tyler]

I, I definitely don't care when I miss the playoffs in fantasy football. I don't care about in a six.

[Miles]

Team league, 14 make the playoff.

[Tyler]

Who cares when 67% of the teams, 67% of teams make the playoffs and you don't. I don't care. I don't care at all about that. I also don't care when your gut is telling you that you should take Indiana in The bet that you're doing, but then you have a buddy convince you otherwise and also convince you to put more money than you wanted to on it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, the last part is false. So I'm putting 50. You said I'm putting 100.

[Jared]

You don't care, though.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but no, I don't care about that.

[Ryan]

Well, I definitely don't care that Ohio state misses a 27 yard chip shot to tie the game. Probably go into overtime, and then you probably win the game after that.

[Jared]

That's a game just money.

[Tyler]

I just definitely don't care that I could have came home with like 300 bucks and said I was down 100. I just don't care about that.

[Miles]

I definitely don't care that I could have won $600 off our YVR lineup if we just had one more pick hit.

[Ryan]

It wasn't a 600. It's not.

[Miles]

I put more money on it.

I was pretty confident in it. But I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

[Jared]

I definitely don't care that I'm getting gray hairs.

[Tyler]

Oof.

[Jared]

On my head. It's distinguished. It's good luck.

[Tyler]

I. That one. I actually don't care. Yeah, I guess that's what you just said.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tyler]

But I definitely actually don't care.

[Jared]

Distinguish. It's a good look.

[Tyler]

It is a good look. You getting gray hairs. Yeah, we're at. Where are they starting?

[Jared]

On the side of my head.

[Tyler]

Okay. Because I got. Give me a good look because that's weird. I don't have any aside. I just got one right in the middle.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's where mine started.

[Tyler]

Was right.

[Ryan]

Right in the middle up front.

[Miles]

I'm getting them in my beard. Not, not. Not on my head, but just in my beard.

[Tyler]

It's also hard to tell because you got some blonde hair.

[Miles]

It's true. But I don't have a good enough mirror to check in there. So.

A hand mirror to check my. My ass hairs.

[Tyler]

You.

Do. I guess this is more of a question, like.

[Ryan]

No, I asked you a question.

[Tyler]

Do. Do your ass ha gray?

[Ryan]

I have no idea.

[Tyler]

Like, if I make it to 90, will I have a full crack of gray hair?

[Ryan]

I think it depends on how good you wipe this.

[Miles]

Maybe.

[Tyler]

I don't know that. I don't understand that at all.

[Ryan]

If you just wipe mediocre, they'll never go gray.

[Miles]

That's true. Always be dyed.

[Ryan]

The floorboards match the drapes.

[Miles]

It might be tmi, but I've gotten grape hues. So I think that maybe that.

[Tyler]

That really.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

That's crazy.

[Miles]

So that means probably gray ass hairs on the table.

[Tyler]

That's crazy. That is a crazy thing to say on a podcast.

[Miles]

Well, you just talk about ass hair.

[Ryan]

No, I. I just asked. I never claimed I did.

[Tyler]

Again, I don't have a good of.

[Ryan]

A mirror open my. Oh, my camera is broken on my phone.

[Tyler]

You can grape Hubert. So you gotta call you granny grandpa now or what?

[Miles]

Gray bush foreign.

[Tyler]

You're getting gray pub hairs. Like, are your. Are your nuts sagging more too now.

[Miles]

Or what's only halfway to my knee?

[Ryan]

I think it might be a third. Third kid type of deal you went up. Your tea has been a roller coaster over the last five years.

[Tyler]

I don't think t has anything to do with the pigment of your hair.

[Ryan]

That's just.

[Miles]

That's. Does it not?

[Tyler]

No, I don't.

[Ryan]

Oh, it has to.

[Tyler]

No, there's no way.

[Miles]

It feels like that could be a direct correlation.

[Ryan]

Can we look that up?

[Jared]

Test.

[Ryan]

Because Miles, he definitely doesn't care. When he said. When he tells something, she looks up on Google.

[Miles]

Does testosterone affect hair color?

[Jared]

Affect ear A.

I don't know.

[Tyler]

Why is that? Why is it so hard?

[Jared]

I could never get it right. I don't understand it.

[Ryan]

Well, if you just think special effects. Special effects is in like, let's go.

[Tyler]

No, testosterone does not directly change hair.

[Ryan]

Color, but it can influence hair thickness.

[Tyler]

Thickness and texture.

[Miles]

Say, what causes hair to turn gray?

[Tyler]

Losing melanin. Melon. Melanin.

[Jared]

The natural aging process.

[Miles]

You know, the natural aging thing.

[Ryan]

Go back to that last page, Jared.

[Tyler]

It just said it right there.

[Ryan]

It says, but the. But it can influence hair thickness and texture. And hormone hormones can play a role in the production of melanin, the pigment that gives hair its color.

So if your hormones are being effective affected. It could. It could affect your melanin levels, which.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

So.

Do you think.

Who is most likely to dye their hair from getting gray hair?

[Miles]

I'll be honest. I feel like we're all equally unlikely to do that.

[Tyler]

I mean, Ryan's already gray, so I guess he's out.

[Miles]

I just. I can't see any of us doing it.

[Tyler]

I kept. I could have plucked my gray hair and I kept it. So it's really on you guys. Jared would study definitely. But Jared said he definitely doesn't care about it.

[Jared]

Yeah, I don't think I would ever dye my hair.

[Tyler]

That would be great. If Jared comes to work next week and he's just got like, still, like the dye on his scalp. Yeah, Like Jared, did you dye your hair? Let's start sweating. It's like running down his face, the first thing. No, I didn't. I didn't do anything. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Miles]

When Ryan dyed my hair, the first thing I say is, don't get it on my forehead. And he wipes a whole glob on my forehead. Why?

[Tyler]

I mean, when you tell your kid not to do something, that's all they want to do.

[Miles]

Yeah, I didn't care about it, but.

[Jared]

No, this is Ryan's first time dyeing.

[Ryan]

Somebody'S hair, so it was genuinely.

[Miles]

I. I would say that's probably the last time any of us dye their hair.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't have any future plans. It's not in my cards. I don't know about you guys, but to dye my hair, neither I do.

[Jared]

Another bed or something.

[Ryan]

I don't even think.

[Miles]

The only way.

[Ryan]

I don't even think I'd go that far. I think I just. I'd pick something else for a bet.

[Tyler]

Like what?

[Ryan]

I don't know. I. I'd rather.

[Miles]

I would rather shave my head than dye it. Hair. Dye my hair again.

[Tyler]

So it was a good punishment for you?

[Miles]

Yeah, it was super annoying. I just felt like a grungy teenager or like some dude just really trying to not act his age.

[Tyler]

You looked like the guy in the Hunger Games, Peter.

[Miles]

He. He had blonde hair.

[Tyler]

But doesn't he have dark hair?

[Miles]

At some point, the other dude did. I don't remember his name.

[Tyler]

Or maybe in a different. That same actor in different movie, a dark hair. I don't know.

What are we doing? Ye are we doing?

[Miles]

I don't care.

[Tyler]

What are we doing? What are we doing?

[Miles]

Talking about stuff we don't care about.

[Tyler]

I.

I definitely don't care. When I tell my wife that we don't need more toys for our kid, and then she buys more toys. I definitely don't care about that group decision. You know, especially with Christmas coming up, the plethora of toys that will be gifted to my child. They definitely don't care about that.

[Jared]

Do you rep presents?

[Tyler]

Do I. I don't think we've ever.

[Jared]

Asked that question to you.

[Tyler]

I have wrapped presents before.

[Jared]

It's not a common thing you do every year, though.

[Tyler]

Only if my wife is not involved. Well, it's for my wife. I'll wrap it.

[Jared]

Okay.

[Miles]

But, like.

[Ryan]

Or do you get rapid.

[Miles]

At the.

[Ryan]

At the store or online?

[Tyler]

Well, yeah, it just depends. Sure.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Like, if I'm at. I've I haven't been at the mall in a decade. But if you were, if I were at the mall, I would go pay the, whatever, 20 bucks to have them wrap the 10 bucks or whatever to wrap it at the mall.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Or I would just go, gift bag.

[Miles]

Yeah, gift bags and move.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

But, yeah, my wife's got all the wrapped already. I don't know what, I don't know what's, like, something weird happened, so we had a kid.

[Jared]

Congrats.

[Tyler]

Like most people, I feel like once they have a kid, they, like, their life gets a little more hectic. They're later for stuff, they're less prepared for things like Christmas. We are on time all the time now.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Have you noticed that?

[Ryan]

Big time.

[Tyler]

We, we were early the other day for something and, like, Anne's done Christmas shopping already and it's, what, December? She was done last week, December 1st. She was Christmas shopping.

[Miles]

We barely started.

[Tyler]

That's what I'm saying.

[Miles]

Two gifts bought.

[Tyler]

What happened to us?

[Miles]

I don't know. You've changed. I don't know. I don't know if I like it.

[Jared]

Do you like the feeling of being early and on time or no?

[Tyler]

Yeah, it's, it's quite a rush to be there, and then someone else shows up and they have the shame on their face.

[Miles]

That's why Ryan woke you up. He knew that you're into getting places early now.

[Tyler]

I still was. I slept in for another hour and I still was an hour and a half early.

[Ryan]

One thing I forgot to take into account was that it's a, like a, it's a Montplaisier family pheasant hunt.

[Tyler]

So we're all, we're all the same.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jared]

But Muslims have changed, man, now.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I, I, I know. And that's why I was like, dude, he, he should have been up an hour ago.

[Tyler]

I think.

I think it has something to do with, like.

I don't know if I, I'm just more like tapped into when you, when you had to take care of another human. You're now thinking about stuff that's not in your own head. So you're more aware of the time or what. But I feel like my kid cured my time blindness. My kids, I feel like I'm like, like he's Jesus and I'm the blind guy and rub the mud on my eyes. And now I'm just, I can see again.

[Ryan]

I can see clearly.

[Tyler]

People forget about, People forget about that miracle that Jesus did. He just rubbed the mud on the guy's eyes. Then you can see.

[Miles]

I should try that.

[Jared]

I didn't get to that part yet.

[Miles]

Really?

[Jared]

In the Bible?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He's still in the Old.

[Tyler]

You're still in the Old Testament. It's a. Dude. Old Testament's a doozy. Good luck with the book of Numbers.

[Jared]

One, three.

[Tyler]

Yeah. One. Yeah. Two, three, three, four.

[Miles]

One, four.

[Tyler]

And then when you add in the whole chapters and verses of there, it's a lot of numbers.

[Jared]

It's like binary code.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Ones and zeros.

[Miles]

But.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[Tyler]

That's super weird that happened to me.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's like, my kids, like, they know how early I. Because we'll start getting them ready way before we need to go because they're so slow. And no matter if we start five minutes earlier, 30 minutes, they just take the allotted time.

[Tyler]

See, that's what I used to do.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

But now I'm just on it.

[Miles]

I don't know.

It's good.

[Tyler]

Yeah. We'll see if it holds up.

[Miles]

I hope so.

[Ryan]

I've reverted.

[Tyler]

I think you've become me.

[Ryan]

I. I'm just. I tend to just be 10 minutes late for everything now. Dang near.

[Miles]

How does that make you feel?

[Ryan]

It's, you know, not great. I.

[Tyler]

Kind of a rush on the other side.

[Ryan]

No.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't. I could care, actually care less about being late to stuff.

[Jared]

It's kind of an alpha move to be late.

[Miles]

You should try it.

[Tyler]

Okay. So as soon as. As soon as I start showing up on time, you guys start glorifying showing up late.

[Miles]

It's kind of sick, dude, to just be on your own time, you guys.

[Ryan]

It's kind of what I'm saying.

[Miles]

Yeah. So I can make them wait.

[Tyler]

I hate you guys. I hate you guys so much.

[Miles]

I don't care.

[Tyler]

Great to be back.

Well, should we take a break?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

All right, folks, we are back. And Jared's got a fun segment for us today. Jared, what is it?

[Jared]

What would be the worst Christmas party?

[Tyler]

The worst holiday Christmas party? Yeah. So, like.

First of all, it's probably a.

It's probably your wife's.

Works Christmas, and you're not. Your work's Christmas party, your wife's works.

[Miles]

Christmas party, and your wife works for some, like, giant mlm.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, that. I was gonna say, like, she, like, does people's taxes, but MLM will be way worse. What is the big mlm? What would be like.

[Ryan]

Well, we could go with Limelife, Herbalife.

[Tyler]

What is it?

[Jared]

Is it Amway?

[Ryan]

One of them Amway.

[Tyler]

What's the pink car what's the Mary Kay? Mary Kay.

[Ryan]

Mary Kay.

[Tyler]

Yeah, that would be tough.

[Jared]

You have to wear like a pig tie to it.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

You have to wear makeup. As a male.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You show up first thing that you walk in and the nutcracker's just standing there. And you're probably wondering, okay, well, what do you mean? In most crisp parties have a nutcracker. This is a legit nutcracker. You just get to get kicked in the nuts.

[Miles]

Some guy dressed up like a nutcracker, but it's a pink suit.

[Tyler]

Yeah. And he just winds up and Cristiano Ronaldo right to your ball sack.

[Ryan]

Penalty kick.

[Tyler]

Penalty kick. Right to the nuts.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Tyler]

The real nutcracker.

[Miles]

And it's actually a strategy by the mlm. They don't want any of their employees to get distracted by childbearing, so they just. They just give. It's basically a freeze vasectomy at the door. You can't have kids after that.

[Tyler]

Sure.

[Ryan]

Well, I think they also. They also sell a remedy for cracked nuts.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Mary Kay. It doesn't matter. They got it.

[Miles]

It's called Test to Grow.

[Tyler]

And for some reason, everyone, it's. It's a. The girls all wear pink and the guys all wear white. And the only thing to drink at this, this Christmas party is a fruit punch bowl. Oh, yeah. But, but. And you know, like the little, the little plastic cups, like, they're like hard plastic. Every single cup you had to drink of has like a little crack in it. And so the whole time you're at this Christmas party, you're just leaking red fruit crunch slowly onto your white shirt.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

By the end of it, everyone's just wearing pink.

[Miles]

I feel like to start the party, you have to get in a big circle and do two truths and a lie just to start it off. Yep.

[Tyler]

Icebreaker.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Tyler]

And then immediately after you. The local sorority shows up, they do their little door chant.

[Miles]

Yeah. Just trying to get you to rush in case you're going back.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but.

And the reason why I do that is like, those are all the girls that are going to be the next wave of the mlm.

[Ryan]

So it's the next gen.

[Miles]

It's like reverse rushing. MLM is rushing them.

[Tyler]

Yeah. And then there's a karaoke portion. But your. Your wife's co worker. That's a little like a little bit town bicycle.

[Miles]

Everyone's taking a ride.

[Tyler]

No, she just. Yeah. Anyways.

[Ryan]

Sells a lot of product.

[Miles]

She's.

[Tyler]

She's singing the Marilyn Monroe Santa baby. And. Oh, God grabs you by the tie and makes you come sit on a chair in front of everyone and she sings and, and walks around you and ends up sitting on your lap.

[Miles]

And your wife is right there and she is not happy.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

She's actually not mad because they're co, they're teammates, they're co workers, they share, they're under the same pyramid.

[Tyler]

They'Re.

[Ryan]

In the same tower.

[Tyler]

You also get cornered by your, the, your friends, co. Your wife's co worker's husband, who actually like really believes in the mlm. And so he's just telling you about how great it is to work at Mary Kay.

[Miles]

All of the perks.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

Just letting go.

[Tyler]

And for about an hour straight he keeps inviting you on vacations with him and his wife to like do like a friend's couple thing and you just have to, for an hour straight you have to come up with excuses of why you can't go with them.

[Miles]

Yeah. And he's got a weekend in every month free. So every time you say you can't do February.

[Tyler]

Yeah. He's a stay at home dad, so he's ready to go anytime.

[Jared]

And he sells timeshares on the side, so he's trying to sell you that time. Sure.

[Tyler]

In Florida.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Jared]

In the middle of July.

[Ryan]

And then once he gets like the last rejection of the hour he's been talking to you, he actually goes and gets both wives brings him over to coordinate the vacation. So then you're actually just. And then you're forced to book plane tickets at the table.

[Tyler]

Yeah. He actually makes you take out your phone and goes to expedia.com. yes. And books it.

[Miles]

And he also, he, when he goes to Expedia, he clicks that little box allowing your email to. For them to send you promotions.

[Tyler]

So he, he. Yes. Now you're getting unlimited emails, but one of your excuses is that you forgot your Expedia password. So he actually books the thing for you, puts your name on the ticket and he gets all of the miles for it. So you're going on this vacation, you didn't even, you don't even get airline miles for it.

[Ryan]

And you're going to Cambodia. So it's a lot of miles.

[Jared]

A lot of miles. The food situation, it's like all small food and it barely fills you up.

[Miles]

Yeah. No plates either. Just square napkins.

[Jared]

Square napkins. Yep. Yeah.

[Tyler]

And it's.

[Miles]

Which doesn't help the shirt situation.

[Jared]

Go through a lot of that.

[Tyler]

Yeah. There's no meals, just hors d'. Oeuvres.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Bacon Wrapped dates.

[Tyler]

Bacon wrapped dates.

[Jared]

Like all vegetarian almost. So no bacon devil.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's fake bacon.

[Ryan]

Shrimp cocktail.

[Jared]

Yeah, shrimp would know. It would be no cocktail sauce, which would speak shrimp.

[Ryan]

Just shrimp.

[Miles]

Yeah, you're the cold kind.

[Tyler]

They also, about halfway through, they, they do Secret Santa, but your wife didn't tell you their Secret Santa. And so you're the only one that didn't buy a gift. So there's one other person in the party that didn't get something to open.

[Miles]

And 80% of the people that did bring a Secret Santa thought it would be funny to do the multi layered wrapping trick. So you got to watch every single person cut through layers of duct tape.

[Tyler]

It's. It's duct tape. It's Saran Wrap. And then they do the mittens thing where you have to get it off you with. With oven mittens on. But yeah, but yeah, if there's 100 people there, 80 people have to do this.

[Ryan]

And you find this out like, you actually find this out like an hour before Secret Santa. So then you're forced to go buy product from somebody at, at the Christmas party. And in order to buy product, you have to sign up to be an employee or whatever they call.

[Tyler]

And then. And you can't unclick the box for the promotional emails.

[Ryan]

No.

[Tyler]

So now you're getting promotional emails from Mary Kay and experience.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

You're both getting fist fucked.

[Ryan]

And then before they give you the product, they walk you outside of your vehicle and make you put the sticker on your window. Mary's sticker. Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Jared]

For a 1% discount. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Is it like a Mary Kay on board? Mary Kay lover on board.

[Ryan]

I. I haven't seen one for ages. I think Mary Kay is kind of dying out. But this is what this Christmas party is about. It's about people forgetting Secret Santa and then getting more people signed.

[Jared]

I'm a Mary Kayaholic or something.

[Ryan]

Ye.

[Tyler]

Then there's just a solid two hours of caroling.

[Miles]

Like you're going Carolyn. Yep. Okay.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

And the individual caroling every person has to do.

[Tyler]

And every time you just mouth the words, the person leading it stops. Everyone, you have to start the song over because not everyone's participating.

[Miles]

From the top again, Miles.

[Tyler]

You know, it wouldn't be that point. It'd be like some of us aren't singing the words, we're just mouthing it. So let's start over until everyone is singing the words.

[Ryan]

And the Christmas party goes from 4pm to 2am and you, once you're in, you can't leave. There's no re entry, so no one can leave.

[Jared]

There's like an end of the year PowerPoint. It's super long, but they can't figure out how to cook. Connect the laptop.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Kick any noise.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yep. And then after they finally do get it connected, after about 35 minutes of tinkering with it, the laser pointer won't work. They have to try and find one of those disc batteries somewhere in the venue. It's not just regular, triple or double A.

[Jared]

Ones that look like nickels.

[Tyler]

And then the PowerPoint is just gassing up how much lady bosses they are.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Tyler]

You know.

Yeah. And then towards the end night, there's a. There's a guy, Santa Claus shows up and you have to sit on his lap and tell him what Mary Kay items you'd like.

And then you. And there's an elf sitting there with an actual gun pointed at your head.

[Jared]

It's a pink gun.

[Tyler]

So you. So you hack.

[Miles]

It's a pink gun, pink Glock.

[Tyler]

And then you. You have to. You have to say products. And.

When you came in, you thought.

You. You ended up signing a waiver or whatever. But what it was is any product you say in it is a verbal contract that you are buying it. So then after you get off Santa's lab, you have to just pay for all the stuff that you said.

[Ryan]

But what you then remember is that you actually don't know any of the products that they sell. You only know how much money you can make.

[Jared]

Yes.

[Tyler]

Yeah. It's actually like they kind of get you because it's like. And then when. And. And then after that. And then like the way that you. Your way out of it is you have to call 25 people and get them to sign up. The only way you can leave the party is if. If you get more people to sign up for next year's Christmas party.

[Ryan]

Mary kayathon Christmas party.

[Jared]

It's pretty bad.

[Ryan]

At the end of it, you just grab the elf scon and the party's over.

[Jared]

At that point, you pull the trigger.

[Miles]

And it's just one of those flags that pop out and it's a Mary Kay Cupid.

One millionth customer. Here's a 2% discount.

That sounds fun.

[Tyler]

Trying to think of what else. What else do you do at a Christmas party?

[Jared]

Yeah. No booze.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah, no booze.

[Miles]

We're high on life.

[Tyler]

Just a fruit leaky fruit punch.

[Jared]

On your head.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

That would suck bad.

That actually if they lock it from the inside, it's like that's like a horror movie.

[Jared]

Yep. Way too warm in there.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

And you can't go outside and stick your feet in the snow.

[Miles]

Yeah. And it's no shoes, no shirt, no service, so you can't take them off inside either.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Nowhere to put your coat. So you're cold in your coat all night.

[Miles]

Yeah. That sucks.

[Ryan]

That's the worst, dude.

[Jared]

Drape over your arm.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Or just tied around your waist.

[Miles]

But.

[Tyler]

Your wife doesn't want to get, so you have to also have to carry hers.

[Miles]

And you have her purse.

[Tyler]

Yep.

[Miles]

Her big, pink Mary Kay purse.

[Tyler]

So you're holding your fruit punch and your fruit punching, your coat in one hand and a little deviled egg and your wife's coat in the other, and.

[Miles]

You'Re spilling kool aid everywhere.

And next door, the pampered chef party is going on, so there's a little bit of a turf war going on.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And whoever made the deviled eggs at Mary Kay party forgot seasoning on top. So that you have to sneak over to Pampered Chef, and then they loop you in to sign up for Pampered Chef.

[Miles]

Nightmare. Well, you escape. You escape the Mary Kay party just to find yourself in a pampered Chef party.

[Tyler]

I think I'd rather be at a pampered chef party than a Mary Kay party.

[Ryan]

For sure. Yeah.

[Miles]

It's gonna at least be presented nicely in really good glassware. Yeah.

[Ryan]

You're gonna get pampered there.

[Miles]

My mom used to have pampered chef parties. Really? Or, like, the lady would come and show off all of the mixing bowls, and.

It'S a wild thing. Yeah.

[Ryan]

What are the knives called again?

[Tyler]

Cut. Conan.

[Ryan]

Cutco.

[Tyler]

Yeah, they're good knives, so.

[Ryan]

Yeah, they are. We got it. We got to sit there.

[Tyler]

We got to.

[Jared]

Do a patron question. Hunter Scott Vests. Vests. Are they blue collar or white collar? I work construction. It's cold out, so I'm wearing a Carhartt vest, but at the same time, the project developer will come out in his puffy vest. I feel like it is blue collar appropriation.

Who?

A P, P, R, O, B, a T, I, o, N. How do you pronounce that?

[Miles]

Aberration?

[Tyler]

Appropriation.

[Miles]

I think that's what he means is appropriation. But.

[Jared]

Okay, who wears more vests? I'm a metalhead who rides a motorcycle, so I have my patch jacket, and majority of the people I associate with within those groups wear vests and work. A blue collar plus safety vests.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I mean, the.

The vest. It all comes down to what the material Is correct. If it's canvas or leather.

Then your blue collar. If it's polyester and puffy, then your white collar.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Miles]

Where do soft shell jackets, like, vests?

[Tyler]

It's a. It's. Yeah. You like, kind of like that North Face. Like, I don't know what the material is.

[Miles]

It's.

[Tyler]

I think that's a good go between.

[Miles]

That's like a.

[Ryan]

That's, like windbreaker material.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it's like a white collar guy who works at a blue collar company. Yeah, the guy. The guy working the desk at the blue collar company should be wearing those vests.

[Jared]

Gotcha.

[Tyler]

Those.

[Ryan]

They have the seams of a puffy vest as well. They're just not puffy.

[Tyler]

No, no. It's, like, smooth. It's like a. It's like a neoprene lomos type of material.

[Miles]

Yeah. Think like the OG North Face jackets. Like, the light ones.

[Ryan]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Miles]

Y. Yep. Yep. I feel like that's the hat. That's like the. It's like the white dude that works a desk job, but then drives sugar beets in the fall.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if you're wearing a leather vest, that's kind of. It's like. It's kind of badass. You ever try that? You ever get that leather vest? Chest it out.

[Ryan]

Which one?

[Tyler]

Remember you were going to drive a motorcycle? We said could just get a vest to start and see.

[Ryan]

Oh, no, not till spring. No. Yeah, I got to wait out. I don't know if I'm fluctuating.

[Miles]

Put some snow tires on it.

[Ryan]

I mean, I could do that. You guys are already worried enough.

[Miles]

We are so. Yep. You're right. You're right. I would advise against it.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Ramen noodle Raymond Miles is perfect burger, but Tyler is cooking.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah. Well, it's gonna be. I'm gonna want this on the grill.

I'm gonna want. And.

I'm gonna want at least.

58 patties on this burger.

And anytime you either undercook or overcook it, you have to start all over. Yeah.

[Miles]

A8.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Can I do one at a time?

[Tyler]

You can do it however you want, but if you undercook or overcook one, you have to start all over, set it back. Yeah. And in between each session, you have to clean everything and then come back out and do it. You love the cleaning, how much work.

[Jared]

It is.

[Tyler]

And that's it.

[Ryan]

I think you would also. Don't you like toasted buns, too?

[Tyler]

So for every burger.

[Ryan]

So you'd need 116 toasted buns.

[Miles]

No, this is just one burger with 58 patties.

[Tyler]

Oh, okay.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Tyler]

Because he said a burger.

[Ryan]

Gotcha.

[Miles]

Yep. It's the classic 58. I don't know what that would be. Even that a triple decker.

[Ryan]

I think you'd have to go pounds at that point.

[Tyler]

It's a lot of meat.

[Miles]

It's a lot of meat.

[Tyler]

But that's how I like my burgers. And I also. I also want avocado on my burger. But if there's any like. It's got to be a perfect avocado.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

It can't have. It can't be. It's got to be perfectly ripe, perfect smear.

[Miles]

Am I supposed to grow them or are they. Do they have the avocado ready to go?

[Tyler]

Store.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Didn't you really say you like one piece? One piece of cheese in between each patty at one point, too?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I do. Yeah. And each slice of cheese has to be a different type of cheese. You cannot repeat cheeses.

[Miles]

Did they make that many types of slices?

[Tyler]

Oh, God, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

I mean, you got. Just with cheddar alone, you got so many.

[Ryan]

Three.

[Miles]

Three levels of sharpness.

[Tyler]

Correct.

[Jared]

Smoked.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Tyler]

White cheddar. It's gotta be a marbled cheddar.

[Ryan]

Goat cheese.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Cottage cheese.

[Tyler]

Holy Jack.

[Miles]

Cottage cheese. It's gotta be sliced cream cheese.

[Ryan]

Cream cheese?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Slices of cheese. You can't slice cream cheese.

[Miles]

Could if it was in a brick.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I suppose you could.

[Jared]

Yeah. We'll freeze it.

[Tyler]

Yeah, I don't. Hey, I don't got.

[Miles]

You gotta figure out placing the order. Y.

[Jared]

Fancy ketchup.

[Ryan]

I think one time you told me that you don't like the, like, ready to go patties like you'd get at the store. You like. You just like. You like a big hunk of burger that's individual.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I like to do the little balls.

[Miles]

Hand padded. Yep.

[Ryan]

Hand pattied.

[Miles]

What about. Would you like any olive oil mayo? No.

[Tyler]

That sucks.

[Miles]

I just. Just wondering. I think it's really good.

[Tyler]

Anyone who would want that?

I know people that would eat it if it was put in front, but I don't know anyone that would have an actual preference toward it. Olive oil mayo?

Yeah, that sounds pretty good. I also want a sesame seed bun, but I don't want the sesame seeds on them, so you need to pick them off. Okay.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Sounds good.

[Tyler]

And also, if you stack all 58 patties on top and it tips over, you have to start over again. You have to figure out that.

[Miles]

Can I use a really long toothpick or. No.

[Tyler]

And just make sure it doesn't fall over.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

You've always kind of been into, like, it just getting your burger cut down the middle, too, right?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I have.

[Miles]

That's how I can use that toothpick for. It'd be a nice guy, but I'd like.

[Tyler]

I like eating my burger in small bites. And so I'd actually cut it. I'd like it cut into 30 seconds. You know, like a pie. You do like eight slices, but I'd like it to be in 32.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

And you want to also not fall apart.

[Ryan]

You want a bite of each patty with. You want a bite of each patty in each bite.

[Tyler]

Correct?

[Miles]

Yeah.

Sounds extravagant.

[Jared]

I think you could do it.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Iced mounter. Hashtag, charged up. Miles, the four of you work in Santa's workshop. No, Miles, that does not make you Santa. What would everybody's position be? And would you guys be able to get everything made for Christmas?

[Tyler]

All right, so I'm an elf.

[Miles]

Your head elf. You're like papa elf and elf.

[Tyler]

All right, I'm papa elf.

[Miles]

All right.

[Tyler]

What. What's the number one toy this year?

[Jared]

Elmo Fortnite cards.

[Tyler]

All right, so, Tyler, you're gonna be in charge of making sure Tickle me. Elmo does giggle when you tickle it. So you're just gonna be tickling.

You're gonna be head tickler.

[Miles]

I'm gonna get carpal tunnel from all that tickling.

[Tyler]

You're gonna be head tickler.

[Miles]

Okay, that does sound like a shitty Christmas movie. Would give an elf head tickler as a role.

[Ryan]

Are you French? You have any French?

[Tyler]

Yeah, French tickler.

[Miles]

Our kicker in college was French, and it was his. His Twitter handle is the French kickler.

[Tyler]

Nice. It's kind of good fun playing words.

If he. Does he want a job. Let's get him in the workshop.

[Miles]

I could text him. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Ryan, you're going to be in charge of shipping and receiving.

[Ryan]

Easy.

[Tyler]

Which, actually, I guess. Where does Santa get all the raw materials?

[Miles]

From the head gathering elf. Okay.

[Tyler]

So you can be head gathering elf and part of shipping and receiving. Because I guess shipping is you kind of just load the sleigh up. I guess now I think about it.

[Ryan]

I'll be head reindeer trainer, too.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I don't know if the North Pole, other than letters, they get any receiving.

[Tyler]

Yeah. So where does all the material come from? Right. Just magic dust.

[Jared]

I don't know.

[Tyler]

Well, you should write a letter to Santa and ask him. Would love to get A pop underneath the hood of the sleigh, see what the inner workings of this thing are.

[Miles]

Santa, where do you get your materials to create the circuit boards for the iPad I asked for?

[Tyler]

Do you have one of those machines that makes microchips? Yeah.

[Jared]

Where do you get your precious metals from?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

You have a cobalt mine in the. In the North Pole.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What are the mineral. Right. Situations in the North Pole? Can I buy in on this?

[Jared]

Is it like a blood diamond situation?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's free game.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

So you got that under control?

Jared, you're gonna be head of Christmas cheer. Because much like they did a study back in the day where they turned the lights up in a. In a warehouse and their productivity skyrocketed just because it was brighter in there, I want it to be mentally brighter in there. I want Christmas cheers the whole year round, because otherwise, we're not gonna get it done in time.

[Jared]

Okay?

[Tyler]

So a lot of good jokes, a lot of.

[Jared]

How you doing today?

[Tyler]

Well, Christmas cheers like singing.

[Jared]

Oh, gotcha.

[Tyler]

The best way to spread Christmas cheers. Singing loud for all to hear. I. It's like the number one rule for elfhood.

[Miles]

It's true. It literally gives power to Santa.

[Tyler]

So knowing that you still want to go with. Going with spray holiday cheery was still on. Just be like, hey, how you doing?

[Jared]

Yeah, I would prefer that. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Okay. Okay. Okay. As. As the elf gather. I'm having. I'm just having a tough day today. I need chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Can you give that to me right now?

[Jared]

I know, like, the first three words.

[Ryan]

All you need is chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

[Jared]

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

Right.

[Miles]

That's good. That is good.

[Tyler]

I am in shock. That is why I'm in charge.

[Miles]

I had to take a break from tickling.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Hey, what are you doing?

[Miles]

I. I got too much.

[Tyler]

Get those fingers on an Elmo.

[Miles]

My Christmas cheer is so high right now, I want to tickle even faster.

[Tyler]

Yeah, go tickle.

[Miles]

Sorry.

[Ryan]

To make things easier and. And increase productivity, you could get a feather of some sort.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but no, because then we're not testing what kid's going to be tickling with a feather.

[Miles]

It's true.

[Ryan]

Very true. I would like to know as head gather, in terms of inventory levels, I think we're. We're gonna need someone to read.

To read people's letters coming in to know what they want.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

How do I know how many microchips that Santa's job? What the Santa been doing?

[Ryan]

I have no Idea.

[Tyler]

The letters aren't dear elves in the workshop. This is what I want for Christmas. That's very dear Santa. So.

Santa can deal with it.

[Miles]

He's standing right behind you.

[Tyler]

Hey, boss. What's going on? Yeah, we're just talking about how much holiday. It's not holiday to you. I guess it's Christmas cheer Jared is bringing to the. Come on, Jared, give him a little bit. You know, he looks like he needs something.

[Jared]

Jingle bells, jingle bells.

[Miles]

Yeah, we'll get right to reading those letters for you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he's not reading those letters.

[Miles]

Yeah, so he delegates way too much. I mean, do a little bit.

[Tyler]

He's probably got a hot secretary that just reads them.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

You know Mrs. Claus hates her.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

But like, how would the kids get the toys without the hot secretary? Because, like, they're never gonna know what they want.

[Miles]

She especially hates her after that Santa baby rendition at the MLM Christmas party.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, that's a tough one.

[Tyler]

She's Arthur fisting right now. Hates Marilyn Mont Monroe.

So. Yeah, I think that that would be it.

I'm just gonna oversee.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

A lot of eggnog. Yeah.

That'S it.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Tyler]

All right.

[Ryan]

It sounds like a hell of a day.

[Jared]

Head elf Santa definitely probably has diabetes.

[Miles]

He does just eat cookies.

[Jared]

Yeah. And milk.

[Tyler]

Also.

How do I navigate this as the overseer Santa, since Santa is a real guy who has magic.

Even though he has the access to Christmas magic, he still decides to be fat.

Instead of giving him the magical ability to eat milk and cookies and be super fit.

So I throw that out there.

[Jared]

I drink a Coca Cola.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I picture Santa's more of like, not as fat, but like an athletic. Like an old lineman in the NFL. Like athletic fat.

[Tyler]

You think he's pretty, Pretty round faced, his cheeks are rosy and he's jolly. I don't know if I would say. I don't know if I'd say that, but the right tackle in the NFL is jolly. I think he. They would say he's pretty scary.

[Jared]

Like, yeah, Sancho, he's got Ozempic right there. He just doesn't.

[Tyler]

Chooses not to correct. Yeah, I don't get where that is. It's like he's like he could choose.

[Miles]

To do the magic thing maybe this year. Put out Oz Epic for Santa instead of cookies.

Couple doses here and there. Slimmed down by New Year's, he'll be.

[Ryan]

Slimmed down by the time he gets back to North Pole.

[Tyler]

So you do realize that OIC just curbs your appetite. It doesn't Actually make you lose weight?

[Miles]

I don't know about it.

[Tyler]

It just makes it so you're not hungry, so you don't eat as much. So then you lose weight. He doesn't just take it, and all of a sudden he's skinny.

[Miles]

I don't know. I thought it may be something to do with metabolism.

[Tyler]

No, you just don't eat.

[Jared]

Santa would look like a heroin addict if we all put Oz epic out for him.

[Miles]

Just track marks.

[Jared]

Yeah.

That'S not jolly at all.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

So that's probably what I would do.

[Ryan]

Can someone explain to me who Kris Kringle is?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

How many names does that guy have?

[Miles]

A lot. He wears a lot of hats.

[Ryan]

St. Nicholas.

[Miles]

St. Nick. Kris Kringle.

[Tyler]

Well, he started as St. Nick. That's who it actually is. And then the Santa Claus you see today was Coca Cola's version of Saint Nick.

[Jared]

Yep.

[Tyler]

Okay.

Santa Claus.

[Miles]

Somewhere along the way, some kid, probably with a lisp, called him Kris Kringle. On accident, Chris Kringle stuck.

[Tyler]

But what. What was. What was this kid with a lisp trying to say?

[Miles]

I. I don't know. He just it up came out as Kris Kringle. Kind of like a grandpa being called Peepu because the kid couldn't say it right.

[Tyler]

But what does Kris Kringle come from?

[Miles]

Doesn't matter. It came from somewhere.

[Tyler]

Can we Google it?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

Jesus.

[Jared]

Where does Kris Kringle come from?

[Tyler]

If it says the North Pole, I'm ending the podcast.

Christ Child.

[Miles]

And in German, it's Christkind.

[Ryan]

Okay, so it's kind of a nickname.

[Tyler]

It's just like a different.

[Miles]

Yeah, so that kid with the lisp was trying to say Christkind, and he said Kris Kringle.

[Ryan]

Miles and merge with the Santa Claus lore.

[Tyler]

Yeah, just throw it in there. Yeah.

[Miles]

Huh.

[Tyler]

Tell you what, though.

[Jared]

The.

[Tyler]

When Santa leaves.

On December 24th, we're gonna have a rager.

[Jared]

So much eggnog.

[Tyler]

So much eggnog. The holiday cheer is going to turn into the holiday trap beats.

We're going to get all the L's from the South Pole up here. All. All the girls, you know, fly them in.

And we'll just have a night at the Candy Cane.

[Miles]

Yeah, we might even invite those weirdos from the treehouse.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

No shoe dudes.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Well, hey, let's get Middle Earth elves in here too.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. They could be a little stuffy.

[Ryan]

But is there a clothing brand called South Pole.

[Tyler]

Self?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Tyler]

Maybe like, South Pole elves? No.

[Ryan]

Like, isn't there a clothing brand Called South Pole.

[Tyler]

How is it relevant?

[Ryan]

Well, he's ever gonna be throwing a rager. I was just gonna. Just gonna say everyone could be wearing South Pole gear.

[Miles]

Got it.

[Tyler]

All right. Yeah, sure. Or. Or food. This is our. This is our. Yeah, we're inventing this. So let's do that. Let's all be wearing self pole clothing. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler]

Or fubu.

[Miles]

Fubu.

[Jared]

I was gonna say.

[Tyler]

I don't think my joke was appreciated enough that the strip club in the North Pole is called the Candy Cane.

[Miles]

But I thought it was just gonna be called the North Pole.

[Tyler]

The North Pole Candy Canes. And then the main stage is called the North Pole Candy's Cane. We're going to Candy's Cane.

[Miles]

Candy's Canes.

[Tyler]

Candy's Canes. And the main stage, it's called North Pole.

[Miles]

Yep. Welcome to the stage. Christmas cheer.

[Tyler]

Jingle Bell would be one of them.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Tyler]

At the end of Bell.

[Miles]

That's great.

[Jared]

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, yeah, we got it. We got it. One fun fact. The longest recorded sniper kill is 3540 meters. 2.2 miles by a Canadian sniper in Iraq in 2017. That's 35 football fields. The bullet was in the air for almost 10 seconds.

[Miles]

That's holy.

[Tyler]

That. How.

[Ryan]

How many miles?

[Jared]

2.2 miles.

[Tyler]

So I don't get like, I understand that like, scope technology is pretty crazy, but to zoom in close enough to be able to make an accurate shot at someone from 2.2 miles away. How big is the scope?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Jared]

I have a little more info on it.

[Miles]

Oh, okay. You foresaw this. Let's fucking go.

[Jared]

The bullet dropped over a thousand feet from the muzzle to the target. Wind, temperature, humidity, and earth's rotation and even the slight spin drift of the bullet all had to be calculated perfectly. The sniper and his spotter were on a high rise building in Iraq. The ISIS fighter was walking on flat ground 3.5km away.

[Tyler]

He's moving.

[Jared]

Yeah. Basically a spec even through a 25x scope.

[Tyler]

So this was luck.

[Miles]

This is all luck and a lot of math.

[Jared]

It took two shots. The first one missed by inches. Still hit the ground near the target. The second was a direct hit that killed the ISIS fighter instantly and stopped a mass casualty attack he was setting up.

[Miles]

Wow.

[Tyler]

Dude.

[Ryan]

That'S crazy.

[Tyler]

Sweet.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Seems insane though.

[Miles]

So.

[Ryan]

Just a lot of.

[Tyler]

How do you dial a scope for that even? Oh, yeah, it's gonna drop. I suppose if he's up high though, then that helps.

[Miles]

Well, and then they literally pump punch it into an equation. Like, well, if the wind speed is this coming from this direction, then we need to go this many clicks this way and this many clicks this way.

[Tyler]

He's just like.

[Miles]

And then it's like. And then. Yeah. And like, for it to be that far, they have to deal with in the earth's rotation into the shot. It's insane.

Because the spotter does all of the telling them where to put it, Right?

[Jared]

Yeah, that's kind of what I gathered.

[Ryan]

So a thousand feet would be like three football fields.

Right? 300ft. 100 yards is 300ft. So, like. Yeah, okay. Three and a third football field. So if you stack those, like, going up, that's how much the board dropped.

[Miles]

That's insane, dude.

[Tyler]

But, yeah, if he was higher than him, then it's naturally already gonna drop. X Men. I'm higher than you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, because you're shooting down.

[Tyler]

It's crazy. What a good holiday cheer. Way to end there. Just a little.

Is that it, Jared? Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the you Bet yout Radio podcast. Guys, have a great week, and we'll see you next one. You betcha. Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Would you rather take a hit from prime Mike Tyson or do the Oklahoma drill against prime Ray Lewis? Yes, you get headgear against Tyson, and, yes, you get shoulder pads and a helmet against Ray Lewis.

[Tyler]

Has anyone been knocked out before in this office and you guys been knocked out?

[Ryan]

Never.

[Tyler]

I got this. I never have. So I don't know what it's like now. I have been absolutely demolished on the football field. And I think if what I've learned is the more you tense up, the worse it is. So if I know I'm just about to get.

Ray Lewis, I think I just go limp. And I think it's not as bad.

[Miles]

I did get my kidney blown up playing football by a guy.

[Tyler]

I don't remember any. You just said. Yeah, I got like. You got blown out. You got your back blown out by a guy on the football field? Is that what he said?

[Miles]

Just move on.

[Ryan]

I'm taking Ray Lewis.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but that. You're not from Oklahoma drill. You're not gonna get your kidneys lacerated.

[Miles]

But you could get some internal damage from Ray Lewis.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but he's a professional. He's gonna hit you right here. You're gonna be fine. If anything, you're just gonna break your neck.

[Jared]

Yeah, he won't kill you.

[Miles]

He's murderer. Allegedly.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but I know how to get hit in football. You know, there's actually an art to getting hit in football.

[Miles]

Mike Tyson took dude's heads off.

[Tyler]

I know. That's what I'm saying. That's why I think I'm leaning towards Ray Lewis. At least I have a chance to juke him.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Tyler]

At least.

[Jared]

Don't you have a blocker too, in Oklahoma?

[Tyler]

Yeah. One on one. Yeah. Like I'm gonna be like, we're cutting everything, you know, because at least if like. Yeah. Unless you whiff on Ray Lewis, which is very high chance, then he's just got a straight shot at you.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I'm going Lewis and I'm gonna just try to bend the rules and take a knee.

[Tyler]

Yeah. To assume that I don't like. Again, I'm not the guy. I'm not unathletic. I. I could. I got one juke left in me, you know?

[Ryan]

Well, yeah.

[Tyler]

Give him a little shimmy.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

With Tyson, it. It's the classic, like, there's gonna be two hits. Me hitting you and you hitting the ground.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

That's what it's gonna be.

[Miles]

The lights will go out. Headgear.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Jared]

You're so.

[Tyler]

Yeah. You get hit by Ray Lewis, you're not gonna. The chances of actually getting knocked out are so low. Whereas in the other one, your only option is to get knocked out.

[Ryan]

Because even with like 16 ounce gloves that professional boxers wear like that, like, they still say that that is. Could be even worse than like just a straight fist.

[Miles]

Yeah. He's also the hardest hitter in the history of the sport.

[Ryan]

And we're talking prime Mike Tyson, which is probably like low 20s.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Ray Lewis every day.

[Miles]

We're talking brain damage now.

[Tyler]

Like Eli Manning used to take hits from.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

What's the difference athletically right now between me and Pate and Eli Manning?

[Ryan]

Probably not much.

[Tyler]

There's. He's maybe marginally more athletic than me in his prime. Right.

[Ryan]

And we're not even really talking about throwing a football either.

[Tyler]

No, we're just talking running a football. There's no way you can tell me that Eli Manning is more athletic than I am right now.

[Miles]

He's more.

[Tyler]

I don't. I don't think so.

[Ryan]

I bet he is like Eli Manning right now or Eli Manning football and then you when you played or you right now.

[Tyler]

Oh, me, when I played. I definitely is more athletic than you for sure.

[Ryan]

Okay. I would agree. I would agree.

[Tyler]

But even now, like, you give me. You give me a month to like just like run a little bit, stretch the hammies. More athletic than Eli Manning right now.

And he can handle him from Ray Lewis.

[Miles]

I can.

[Jared]

It's true.

[Ryan]

What's a 40 time? I'm gonna look 40 time up.

[Jared]

What was your 40 time?

[Tyler]

4, 8 or 8. But this is also when he was young.

[Ryan]

4.9492.

[Tyler]

Okay. I'm telling you, dude.

I'm going Ray Lewis every day of the week. That's better. Bless me.

[Miles]

Bless you.

[Tyler]

Jesus Christ, guys.

[Jared]

You never bless us.

[Miles]

Yeah, really? I don't think once.

[Tyler]

Well, when has anyone ever sneezed? Is that the first sneeze on the podcast ever?

[Ryan]

It might be. I don't know.

[Miles]

Ryan's had episodes where he's had full on sneeze attacks.

[Ryan]

No, I'm not a sneeze attack. I mean it's maybe like two at a.

[Miles]

But still.

[Ryan]

Yeah, there was actually. I went to high school with a gal, she would, she would sneeze like eight to 10 times in a row at once and it was the quietest thing ever.

[Tyler]

I had a teacher like that.

[Miles]

What are you doing? Yeah, you okay?

[Ryan]

You got me. Call a doc a lice checkup later this afternoon. We could just throw you.

[Tyler]

Yeah, but I mean there's three you guys. Not a single person throw out a bless you. You know, I don't know, I just. What's up?

[Ryan]

I didn't know if you were done sneezing or not because if you bless mids like mid sequence then it's.

[Jared]

I think it's because you don't bless us. I think that's why it's.

[Tyler]

What's really funny about this is I just, I think the whole bless you thing is just so lame as a society.

[Ryan]

It's like a bless get blessed type deal.

[Tyler]

It's me just, just saying, just putting up a stink about this. Just, just stir something up because I.

[Ryan]

Don'T give a. Yeah, no, I, I.

[Tyler]

That'S the best kind of bit. Just one. You don't even, don't even believe in, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio you gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com, you betchradio. Or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you gotta check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.