Unwritten Rules For Road Trips #342

Summary

---

You Betcha Radio, Episode #342 – "Unwritten Rules For Road Trips"

Date: September 3, 2025
Hosts: Myles ("You Betcha Guy"), Ryan, Tyler, Jerrod
Theme: A classic Midwestern hangout episode focused on the comedy (and reality) of Midwest road trips, rituals, car mishaps, man-culture nostalgia, and friendship routines destined to make listeners laugh and nod their heads in recognition.

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the unspoken traditions, annoyances, and humor of Midwestern road trips. Filled with personal stories—from a blinker breaking right before a wedding to rituals around rest stops and gas stations—the gang explores why little routines matter and how everyday mishaps become legendary stories among friends. Laced throughout are candid, hilarious reflections on weddings, dance floors, marital leverage, and the ultra-relatable trivia of life in the Midwest.

---

Key Discussion Points

1. Jared’s “Blinker-gate”: The Road Trip Mishap (00:56-07:19)

• Story: Jared's blinker handle snaps off 10 minutes from a wedding, leaving him stranded with a permanently blinking left turn signal for a three-hour drive.
• Solutions explored: Duct tape, hazards, explaining to other drivers, and cranking the radio to drown out the tick.
• Quote:
  • Jared: “My best strategy was to stay in the left lane as much as possible, and when I’m not, maybe just have my hazards on. And that’s kind of what I did. It was a terrible experience.” (03:38)
  • Myles: “So many times on the way home, you had to, like, as people passed, you had just like somehow mouth to them or signal to them that it’s broken…” (04:43)
• Resolution:
  • Fixed under warranty—blinker handles don’t usually “just fall off,” even Jared’s dad (30 years as a mechanic) had never seen it (06:30).
• Vibes: Bummed out wedding, couldn’t “get into second gear” the whole night.

---

2. Midwestern Road Trip Rituals & Rest Stop Lore (15:28–21:43)

• Classic Rituals:
  • Stopping at the same gas stations, "holding it" for Alexandria, making the same dad jokes at the same exits, and fighting off toe-curling desperation.
  • Everyone has their unique “must-stop” and “wait-‘til-here” landmarks.
    • Myles: “If you do a road trip enough, you have a road trip ritual...I know at Alexandria, I stop and take a piss every single time." (16:01)
    • Tyler: “The ritual for me is...I have to space my liquids out...otherwise my toes are gonna be through the bottom of my shoes.” (16:32)
• Restroom Desperation:
  • Will the guys ever just pee on the exit ramp? Only in emergencies post-bar.
• Jokes & Observations:
  • Making the same jokes at “Opportunity Drive” and other local quirks (“Missed it again!”).
• Personalized Rituals:
  • Watching for mile marker “69” (24:07).
  • Noticing the “Bloom” sign—capitalized on one side, not the other (18:16).

---

3. The Gas Station Experience & Midwest Americana (20:58–25:00)

• Gas Station Routines:
  • Immediate bathroom runs, stockpiling snacks, and admiring odd merchandise (from American eagle t-shirts to “Big Whacker’s Club” pheasant-hunting shirts).
  • Driving through South Dakota = buying gas station shirts with “cock/rooster” puns.
  • Adult shops near gas stations = another “en route” running joke.
• Quotes:
  • “The most fun ritual is making the same joke over and over.” – Tyler (23:33)

---

4. Weddings, Dance Floors, & Midwest Drunk-o-Meter (25:03–30:38)

• Drunk-ometer:
  • The bar sales graph is a straight line with dance floor occupancy.
  • “If his tie is around his head, you know that guy’s having a good time.” (26:37)
  • “Final boss of the dance floor” = “Mr. Brightside,” “Piano Man pants at the ankles,” and suit jackets spinning overhead.
  • Recruitment: There’s always a drunk “recruiter” abducting non-dancers.
• Childhood Nostalgia:
  • Middle school dances: “You gotta get at least 3, 4 Mountain Dews in you...” (28:21)
• Music:
  • Classics: “Baby Got Back” & “WAP” as secret white-girl anthems.

---

5. Pacifier Flavors & the Absurdity of Dad Life (09:42–12:08)

• Myles shares a story about getting his kid off pacifiers, Jared blankly (and hilariously) asks if they come in flavors.
• Quote:
  • Myles: “It’s kind of like, you know, on Harry Potter the wand chooses the wizard—the pacifier chooses the kid.” (10:04)
  • Jared: “So like, is it, is it like, different types? Like flavors?” (10:27)
• Joke spins into “root beer” and “orange mango” pacifiers.

---

6. Roadside Observations, Bumper Stickers & Specificity (48:25–49:38)

• Noticing ultra-specific bumper stickers (“Not fast, just loud,” “Give me room, I’m chunky” with a fat bunny).
• Consensus: We’re living through a “Bumper Sticker Renaissance.”

---

7. Midwest Marriages & Marital Leverage (61:44–63:54)

• On Hobby Lobby shopping for fall décor:
  • “We all can dream you sit your wife down and say, ‘Hey, we’re only spending this much at Hobby Lobby.’ But we live in reality.” (61:44)
  • Tyler’s trick: “Set the number, then have a higher number in your head.”
  • Myles: "Marriage is about two things: keeping score and having leverage over the other person.” (62:35)

---

8. Seasonal Midwest Things: Sweet Corn, Pumpkin Carving, & How-to-Eat Debates (32:58–37:12; 65:13–67:07)

• Sweet corn etiquette: “There are two types of people...one leaves not a single kernel, the other leaves half the cob.” (33:41)
• Typewriter (side-to-side) method dominates.
• Pumpkin carving & dying Easter eggs: divided opinions, “delegate the messier stuff to Grandma’s.”
• DIY fall décor: birch sticks, grass clippings, “roadkill” chic.

---

9. Fact-Off, LEGO Lore, and Adult LEGO Sets (75:26–87:53)

• The show’s “fact-off” tradition features oddball facts about Milwaukee, Oklahoma Football, Dungeons & Dragons, and LEGOs.
• Winner: Jared, with the fact: “The word LEGO comes from the Danish words ‘leg godt’ meaning play well.” (82:30)
• Adult LEGO set joke spiral: “LEGO meth lab,” “LEGO strip club,” “Walter White’s RV.”
• “It would be crazy for them to do an AR-15 LEGO gun, that’s crazy.” – Myles (86:53)

---

10. Other Memorable Segments & Quotes

• “Team Ryan” Hat Reveal (38:31)
  • Jared buys a “Team Ryan” hat: “I bought it on Amazon for like $20.” (39:33)
  • Leads to joke about how it looks like everything from a political hat to a cancer fundraiser.
  • Discussion of the “Ryan Meetup”—a meme event for people named Ryan.
• HVAC Nightmares (49:46–55:06)
  • Endless AC problems at the office, speculation about lightning strikes, and conspiracy that HVAC repairmen are scamming them.
  • Myles: “We could just have a fulltime staff member that just does the HVAC."
  • PSA for listeners: “If you haven’t changed your air filters recently, this is your reminder.” (54:25)
• Bowling Ball Criteria (55:37–61:06)
  • The only things that matter: finger fit and weight—color is a distant third.
  • Ryan unveils his childhood red-white-blue “Excalibur” bowling ball with “Ryan” engraved.

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:56–07:19: Jared's Blinker Disaster and Wedding Fallout
• 09:42–12:08: The Pacifier Flavor Joke & New-Dad Hilarity
• 15:28–21:43: Personal Road Trip Rituals & Rest Stop Lore
• 24:07: The “69” Mile Marker and Dad Road Humor
• 25:03–30:38: Drunk-o-Meter: Weddings, Dance Floors, & White People Barometer
• 32:58–37:12: Sweet Corn Season – Midwestern Eating Techniques
• 38:31: Team Ryan Hat Reveal & Ryan Meetup Bit
• 49:46–55:06: Office HVAC Troubles & The “Change Your Air Filter” PSA
• 55:37–61:06: Bowling Ball Criteria & Prop Comedy
• 61:44–63:54: Marital Leverage and Setting “Budgets” for Hobby Lobby
• 65:13–67:07: Pumpkin Carving, Dying Easter Eggs, and Parental Delegation
• 75:26–87:53: The Legendary Fact-Off: Midwest Trivia, LEGO Sets Gone Wild

---

Memorable Quotes

• “Marriage is about two things: keeping score and having leverage over the other person.” – Myles (62:35)
• “My best strategy was to stay in the left lane as much as possible...it was a terrible experience.” – Jared (03:38)
• “It’s like the dad version of Harry Potter: the pacifier chooses the kid.” – Myles (10:04)
• “Once you get your finger in there, for whatever reason, they’re all pink.” – Myles on bowling balls (57:48)
• “We’re creatures of habit.” – Myles, on why rituals form during road trips (20:03)
• “You know, they want to charge like mechanics, they fix one thing and then they unhook another thing.” – Myles, on HVAC conspiracies (53:21)
• “If his tie is now around his head, you know that guy’s having a good time.” – Myles (26:37)
• “We’re in a bumper sticker Renaissance.” – Jared (49:40)
• “The word LEGO comes from the Danish words 'leg godt,' meaning play well.” – Jared’s winning fact (82:33)
• “Adult LEGO sets—like a strip club...just imagine, a little LEGO character of a gal in a thong.” – Myles (85:02)

---

Tone and Style

Laid back, improvisational, packed with Midwest charm and self-deprecating banter. The gang effortlessly weaves in and out of personal stories, mock arguments, running inside jokes, and authentic cultural quirks—making for a deeply funny, sometimes nostalgic, always relatable comedy.

---

Summary Takeaway

Episode #342 is a celebration of the mundane things that make Midwest friendships, travel, and family life so distinctive—and so funny. Whether you’re there to hear about the perfect gas station stop, the ongoing war with the office HVAC, or how (not) to eat corn on the cob, “You Betcha Radio” delivers laughs, conversation starters, and a deep sense of homegrown camaraderie.

---

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the you betcha radio podcast. We're back in studio. We're feeling good. Me and Jared are fresh off of. Well, is that two episodes ago we talked about the wedding?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's been a wild summer for us. We've been traveling. We just were in Milwaukee for bellied up stuff.

[C]

Perpetually jet lagged YouTube Y bellied up live.

[A]

We did, which is great. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Shout out to all the YBR heads.

[A]

That bell Shout out to the YBR heads. That showed out in Milwaukee was a very fun show, but we haven't. We haven't discussed since the wedding. Jared and I went to a wedding, and you know what? We played the ice bucket challenge. And you're probably wondering who won and does anyone really win when you play the ice bucket challenge?

[B]

Nobody remembers.

[A]

It's either no one wins or everyone wins.

[C]

Okay, so did you guys. You guys actually did it?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Jared weren't even in the same hotel.

[C]

Oh, sad.

[B]

Across the street, though.

[D]

You could have met in the middle.

[C]

Tailgate with the ice bucket challenge.

[A]

But a little update on. On the wedding. So I went golf in the morning of the wedding, and Jared shows up like, you got the. Got into town like an hour before the wedding or so.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

So I didn't see Jared at all before the wedding. We show up to wedding, we get to the reception, and I can tell that Jared is just distraught about something.

[C]

Really.

[A]

You know, I thought I was gonna get right mood Jared, and the vibes were off and so. Jared, tell the folks what happened to you.

[B]

So I was driving about three hours to this wedding, about 10 minutes away from the venue or whatever from my hotel, and then all of a sudden, my, like, my blinker is just acting weird and, like, stiff. And I hit the blinker and it, like, stays on to the left. So I'm like, okay, this is weird. So I pull into a gas station.

[D]

You took a left?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. Took a left into the gas station. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm trying to get this back in so it stops blinking. Keep going over and over again on it. Over and over again on it. Snaps off.

[A]

No, dude's blinker handle completely snapped off.

[B]

So my left blinker is on the entire time. Now I'm driving around with the left flake. I don't know what to do.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so funny, dude. I like, show up and I like. I talked to your wife and she was like, yeah, Jared's. Jared's Having a tough call right now. I was like, what happened? He's like, his. His blinker fell off.

[B]

His head fell off. Yeah.

[C]

So you just drove with the left. Left blinker on the whole way?

[B]

I had to. There's nothing else I could do. So it's all plastic.

[A]

So then Jeep. So then Jared. So Jared's already distraught about the blinker situation, and I go, so you're just gonna have to drive all the way home three hours with your left blinker on. He's like, yeah, God, that's exactly good.

[C]

Just turn the hazards on. So at least then.

[A]

Yeah. So what was your strategy on the way home?

[B]

It's like, I don't. I was thinking about, like, putting black tape over my blinker so it like blends in, but I'm like, I'm definitely going to get pulled over if I do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So my best strategy was to stay in the left lane as much as possible. And when I'm not, maybe just have my hazards on the entire time. And that's kind of what I did. It was a terrible experience.

[A]

And what did you do about the blinking noise?

[B]

Radio a little louder. That's all you could really do.

[D]

Oh, I didn't even think about that.

[B]

The whole way back.

[D]

You couldn't like see in there and. And kind of take like a bobby pin.

[B]

I tried. I didn't want to it up too much. Yeah, because I read online, like, you don't really want to do yourself because you might set off the airbag.

[A]

You imagine just broken neck as well.

[B]

So, like, I probably shouldn't do that.

[A]

He shows up to a wedding with two black eyes.

[D]

Can you imagine if right when it snapped off, the airbags deployed?

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. I'm like, I probably shouldn't mind monkey with this too much.

[D]

So were you guys. Because it was you and your wife, driver seat, passenger seat. Did you, like, if you were gonna take a right. Did she have to hang?

[B]

I would just turn my flashers on.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

That's all. I. I don't know. I don't want to put my arm out the way.

[C]

There's nothing else you could do.

[B]

You could put your arm out the window. But I'm like, it.

[A]

I imagine so many times on the way home, you had to, like, as people passed, you had just like somehow mouth to them or signals to them that it's broken, you know, like, I imagine people were pulling up, being like, you're blinker.

[B]

Like, that's happened. That happened twice on my way back. Like, they were like the same speed as me. And like I can't do anything. I can't explain it well because then.

[D]

If you're in the right lane, they.

[B]

Think you're left and they're like I'm flipping them off or something.

[A]

You sure?

[D]

What did you keep the.

[B]

The blinker handle, it was like cracked. Like the middle of it cracked.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

I was gonna say like flash that to him out the window and just be like, not that I can do about it.

[A]

Be like, why is that guy got such a weird shaped vape pen? Why is he waving it at me?

[C]

I just like his bumper sticker. What is he showing me right now?

[A]

Well, yeah, you should.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How close were you to just like putting a sign on the window that says blinkers broken? Sorry for the inconvenience.

[C]

I think on my way to fix.

[B]

Yeah, I think if it was over like a three hour drive, I probably would have done something like that. But I'm like, I'm just going to tough it out for three hours, get this over with.

[C]

Jared takes back roads the whole way home.

[B]

But like I'm. The only time I felt normal is when I was taking a left turn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just a little sense of normalcy.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, at least you weren't going to get pulled over for not putting your blanket.

[A]

Yeah. The rest of the ride you're, you know, you turning left for a total of three minutes on a three hour drive.

[B]

You're.

[A]

You're wrong the rest of the time.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

So what's the move now? Is it fixed?

[B]

It's all good to go.

[A]

What did they tell you? What did they. Well, that was a couple weeks ago. Remember when we've been gone.

[D]

Oh, I suppose.

[A]

What, what did they tell you happened? Just a fluke experience.

[B]

Fluke. Yeah, and it's under warranty too, so I didn't spend any money.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's huge.

[D]

It's massive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What would it have cost? Did they tell you?

[B]

I looked online, it said around 500 bucks. But my dad's been. He's worked on cars for like 30 years of his life. He said he's never even heard of.

[A]

That even happening to anybody.

[B]

Their blinker falling off.

[A]

Yeah, I guess I've never heard of it either. That's some road rage that you just rip your blinkers.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, and he was. It affected Jared because even after like dinner and whatever, like, I just didn't really. Just didn't really see Jared much the rest of the wedding.

[B]

I just couldn't get into second gear that night.

[D]

I believe it. I mean, it's in the back of your mind the entire. It's in the front of your mind the entire time.

[C]

Dude, it sucks doubly worse that it was left because, like, if you. You could have rode the right lane, that's the lane to ride.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Home.

[B]

If you had to pick, that would be the one.

[A]

God.

[B]

Yeah, it sucked.

[C]

Wrong mood, Jared.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

Too bad.

[A]

Huge kicks in nuts for me.

[D]

Yeah, you got. You got. You guys had a lot of planned, too.

[A]

I know.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, the entire day was planned. I expect a challenge, but you know what?

[A]

That's wives. You know, you go into a wedding weekend thinking you're gonna do the ice bucket challenge with your buddy in his conjoining room, and turns out he's in a different hotel and he can't think about anything other than his broken turn signal.

[B]

Yeah, you did have a funny joke, But I was like, right when he told me that you're like, oh, did you run out of blinker fluid?

[D]

I will say, I don't know if.

[A]

I'd categorize that as funny.

[B]

I thought it was funny.

[A]

That's good.

[D]

You gotta laugh out of Jared. That's all that mattered in that moment. I would say you are pretty good at, like, with scenarios like that, like. Like throwing good jokes out there to make the person laugh, because that's all they're looking for in that situation.

[A]

Yeah. Just a little. Little relief for Jared.

[C]

You got to test the waters, though, because they might. There's certain situations where a joke is going to make me so much more pissed.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like. Yeah, you're definitely. You. You got to pick and choose your moments, you know, like when you broke your leg at the right out there. I don't think joking was the.

[C]

No. So in the moment when we didn't know it was broken, joking was fine. But then if you'd have, like, texted me a joke after I found out it was broken, I'm like, all right, off.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess I made a joke that wasn't a joke in the moment, but ended up being a joke later when I told you I think you just got it. You just bruised it.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's just a bruise. Like, if you were with Jared, like, making a joke while, like, this two minutes after he busted it left not the time, but you did it at the right time. Out of the car moment to chill out.

[B]

Yeah, I was pretty pissed.

[D]

Was the booze flowing a little bit more? Just to try.

[A]

No, he said he couldn't get into second gear.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

So yeah, we had that. So Jared had that road trip then. Then immediately. So we got. I got home Saturday afternoon and we left Sunday morning to go to Milwaukee. Another road trip. So Jared and I have been road trip warriors. Blinkers stayed on during that trip.

[C]

Thank God.

[A]

Blinker handle. There was. Jared had the funniest joke, inadvertent joke that I've heard him ever say. We were almost home and I was telling him that like, like we finally got the pass away pacifier away from my kid, you know, so he's pacifier free.

[D]

Nice.

[A]

I was like, God, it's just so weird how like kids, you just present them different. Couple different styles of pacifier and then they just like pick which one they like the most and that's what they have. It's kind of like like you know on Harry Potter the the wand chooses the wizard, the pacifier chooses the kid. And so after I told them that there was like different types, he goes like, what do you mean different types? Like different FL I laughing for like five minutes. And he like didn't understand how funny that was.

[C]

That's a fair question for a guy without kids.

[A]

But it's just like classic. Like guys don't know anything about children until they have one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, buddy, here, try out this root beer flavored pacifier. Tell me what you think. No, no, you're more of an orange. You're more of an orange orange mango flavored guy.

[B]

Orange dream.

[D]

God, he's a Baja blast kid.

[A]

But it was just so unexpected. And I don't know if it was that we just been traveling so much that I was a little delirious. But it was the funniest shit ever. So like of all the things you could have asked about the different types, flavor was.

[C]

Hey now you know Jared.

[A]

But also my be a good business idea.

[D]

Valid question. Yeah, I think panties, they do like that.

[C]

Edible.

[B]

Edible.

[A]

Yeah, I suppose.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz I didn't know if you're going to spawn miles with like of course it is or of course it isn't with your response to that.

[A]

Yeah, because I just. Cuz I didn't say anything. I just started laughing.

[B]

I had no idea.

[D]

Yeah, I guess I never even thought about that.

[B]

Maybe they should.

[A]

Maybe blue raspberry blue razz. Yeah, Kid's mouth just blew all day, every single day.

[D]

Recommended by 9 out of 10 Dennis though.

[A]

Yeah, I mean I guess a baby bottle pop is just that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Those are God's Those things are good.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Fucking. And I'm in the ring, pops.

[A]

Because it was so innocent. You were like. That was your genuine question. You like genuinely thought that pacifiers are flavored.

[C]

How long did it take for you to get an actual answer out of miles?

[B]

A solid minute.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Because then after laughing in his face, I had to like not be like. That was the dumbest question. You know, I had to be like. I don't know. God.

[D]

I was educational though.

[A]

All right guys, prize picks time of the week right now. Prize picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you'll get 50 bucks in line. Use promo code YBR when you sign up today. And the NFL season is back.

[C]

It's here.

[A]

NFL season's back baby. And we are ready to rock and roll. The price picks actually stepping up their game big time. They got a couple new features. The one that we just did was the million dooll NFL jackpot free to play. You pick the. You pick first touchdown in eight games. If you get them all right, you get share of a million dollars.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Kind of sick.

[C]

Yeah. Like if you get seven out of eight you get something and so on and all the way down the list. And I think three is the minimum. You got to get to win something. So I think I could get.

[D]

I think I get.

[C]

I could get.

[A]

So I got all mine already picked.

[D]

Me too.

[A]

But boys, we got our first lineup of the 2025 season ready to rock and roll. Obviously we hit the Dak Prescott free square off the bat. We did a group pick cause we wanted to get a six, six person lineup. I mean come on. Caleb Johnson. More than 20 and a half rush yards. I did Justin Jefferson scoring either a rushing or receiving touchdown. What do you got Tyler?

[C]

I got J.J. mcCarthy. More than two 18 and a half passing yards.

[A]

Little nervous about that one. But hey, we, we're a team. We're a team.

[D]

Ryan, I got Sam Darnold, more than 200.5.

[C]

I like that one pass yard.

[A]

Gotta be Jared.

[B]

Mine's a Monroe St. Brown is get a rushing touchdown or receiving touchdown.

[C]

I picked him as first time touchdown scorer in that game for the jackpot.

[B]

That'd be great for us.

[C]

It would be.

[A]

That would be great for the program. Guys, you gotta go check out price picks. I am. I'm jacked.

[D]

Me too.

[A]

My Sundays are going to be great. I can't wait. Sunday morning's going to roll around this Sunday and you guys, we're all going to be Firing off lineups in the group chat, and I'm just going to be copying and pasting, and I'm just going to be hammering lineups all weekend long.

[D]

We might get the fire department called on us.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. For how many lineups we're firing off. People are going to think that it's the 4th of July at my household from all the firework going on. So, guys, use code ybr. Now's your time to get into price specs. It's now the time.

[C]

It really is.

[B]

It's a lot of fun.

[A]

So. Yeah, so Jared and I been road tripping around the Midwest, but. And we. We were talking about how I feel like every. If you do a road trip enough. If you do a road trip enough, you have a road trip ritual that you do on that path every single time. Like, Jared, you said you stopped at. You stop at the same gas station.

[B]

Every time because it's easy to, like, pull in and pull out back onto the interstate. And I know exactly where the bathroom is and everything.

[A]

Yeah. And for me, when I'm driving from Fargo to Minneapolis, I know that at Alexandria, I stop and take a piss every single time.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I. I hold it till Alexandria. Lessons really going bad. You're not. We're not stop until Alexandria.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one time we went. When we went to Minneapolis, that one time, I think it was us. Us three. My toes were curling bad, so we had to stop a little bit earlier, I think.

[A]

Classic Ryan, the ritual.

[D]

That's the thing, though.

[A]

Yeah, you ruined the ritual.

[D]

The ritual for me is like, if I. I have to, like, space my liquids out after I wake up, at least like, an hour in between, otherwise, my toes are gonna be in. They're gonna be through the bottom of my shoes.

[B]

But I guess that is kind of your ritual, though.

[D]

It is, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So.

[D]

And I also know where the. To the next rest stop sign is. So, like, if I'm kind of feeling, you know, if they're slightly curled, I may have to stop earlier. Or I might just have to stop at Fergus on the way, you know, just to be able to stretch it.

[C]

Out a little on road trips, if you're toe curling like that. Are you guys. If it's bad, will you pull over on a. On an exit ramp and piss in the exit ramp?

[A]

Only if I'm, like, coming from a bar or something. Like, I remember we were driving home from Clitheral, Minnesota.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

We were drinking at the bar. I was pretty tuned up, and we had to stop in bar Barnesville.

[D]

Yeah, I do remember that. Yeah.

[A]

Only in desperate need. But, like, I would even say, like a ritual. Like, I say the same. When I pass the same stuff every single time.

[C]

It's like the same dad jokes one that I do every time I go to the cities. There's that exit for Opportunity Drive.

[A]

Oh, should we take it?

[C]

Missed it again.

[A]

There's that one, like, car arrangement where it's tipped up. Tipped up. I had a buddy, every time he passed it in college, he sent me a Snapchat that just said, tough day for that guy.

[B]

Gets a laugh every day.

[A]

Gets a laugh every single time.

[B]

Or like, every time I pass the Annandale exit, I always go. And.

[A]

When I. When you're going to Bismarck, the town Bloom, I don't know if you guys know Bloom at all. Yeah.

[D]

That's the exit I used to take to go to college.

[A]

Yeah. So Bloom exit. If you're going eastbound, the sign is just normal. But if you're going westbound, Bloom is in all capitals.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So every time we pass it, we just go Bloom.

[D]

It's a great observation, actually.

[A]

Yeah. The only town sign in all of North Dakota that's all caps. Yeah.

[D]

No, it's really interesting coming the other way. It's just it. The first letters capitalized and the rest isn't.

[B]

That was my fun fact for the day, so.

[A]

Yeah. Or you is in the same vein. Every time me and Anne drive by New York Mills, we go New York every time I have.

[C]

So. Because I. I kind of consider. I road trip almost every day because I have to drive an hour and change to work. And you have solo rituals. Like when I go home, I know in between Holly and Lake park, you're about two miles out of Lake Park. Some construction worker was around one day. And you know those, like the tar, the crack fillers they put on the asphalt? Somebody made a smiley face and put it right in the middle of the lane. So I noticed that smiley face every single day when I go home.

[D]

Good one.

[C]

Nope.

[D]

There's also. There's a house kind of up on a hill. I think it's like, before you get into Holly, if you're heading west and I. For some reason I always look at that house. I'm like, God, it's a great spot up there.

[C]

Yeah. The deck is just the view of Highway 10.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

They would. They rotate it 180. Let's have a gorgeous view of rolling hills and fields. But, like. Nah, let's look at the highway.

[D]

Yeah. Whenever I drive by the Albany Golf course, heading to Minneapolis. I'm like, I gotta get there and play. One time I should just bring my clubs away.

[C]

I lost my wallet there once.

[A]

Every time there's a. There's like a. As you're leaving Maple Grove, there's like a little section of farmland just kind of amongst the city, but it's like, got rolling hills and stuff. Every time I pass it, I go and, God, that'd be a nice spot for a golf course. And that's what we do. We just, we. We latch on to something on a road trip, and we just do it every single time. We're creatures of habit.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And it always creates good conversation, too.

[A]

Every time I pass going. Going westbound on the interstate by Albertville, I make a comment on how dumb the exit, how far away the exit is from actual. Where all the outlet malls are seen now. It's like you ride a whole mil. Single lane by yourself.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

You're like, God, I gotta make it to that space aliens one of these days.

[C]

It's out of this world. What's your gas station routine? On a road trip?

[A]

I go piss immediately, and then I just, you know, manage the liquids. If I need a snack, I get a snack. It's kind of about it.

[D]

Are you. Are you saying, like, are you stopping, like, before you even leave town or are you stopping, like, in the middle of your trip or just when you get to the gas station?

[C]

So for me, on a road trip, if it's. Especially if it's over two hours, I will regardless. Unless my tank is perfectly full. I fill up before I'm out of my own zip code almost every single time. And I stock up on a shitload of snacks and drinks so that every stop from there on out is just in and out.

[A]

Just a pee break.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. I usually buy a full day of snacks and drinks at the first gas station. Yeah.

[C]

And then you eat about a third of it, and then it's just in your car for a month and a half.

[D]

What I kind of like, though, is if you're with someone and you stop at a gas station like mid trip, and they're going to go. Go and buy something, I kind of like to just take a lap or.

[C]

Two, stretch through the legs.

[D]

Sometimes they got like, some local, like, canned goods or something that you can take a look at, like homemade pickles or something. I don't. There's always a good. There's always a good joke.

[A]

He comes back into the car, he's got a can of refried beans. Hey, that's a can opener. Where's that? It's just sitting there going like this. Yeah.

[D]

The spice. What do they got? The spicy boiled eggs at the. The gas station going out also. Looking at the merchant gas stations is the best. I wouldn't buy any shirts, but they.

[C]

Always got some gas stations for the merch. They either go, like, hyper local. Like, it'll say you're the high school's team, or it's the most aggressively American you've ever seen in your life or just inappropriate. Yeah.

[A]

So we stop every time we're going down to South Dakota to Pheasant Hut. We stop in Watertown. We either go to the gas station or the McDonald's there's, or both. And they have. Because it's Pheasant, you know, country. There's always shirts that have jokes on.

[D]

Them every single time.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

The. The Big Whackers club, you know, stuff like that.

[C]

Got my limit of cox today.

[B]

Yeah, I love Cox.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's always a rooster on there or it's like a.

[A]

And. And. And right next door to that gas station is a. An adult memorabilia store. And every single time we go, ah, should we swing into candies?

[D]

Candies, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Swing into the candies and get a treat every time.

[C]

I think that is the most fun ritual. Is this the making the same joke over and over?

[B]

Or like, gas stations will have, like, the. Like the wolf T shirts. Like, looking at a moonlight or something black usually.

[A]

Yeah. Allen from the hangover Allen T shirt. The wolf pack shirt or whatever he's wearing.

[B]

It's like that Gotti merch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where swords are statues. Those are sweet.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Trying to think if I got any other good rituals that I do.

[B]

I always look for, like, the 69 mile marker, see if it's tore down or if it's modified.

[C]

Somebody stolen it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's smart.

[C]

That's something that I don't think I've ever truly paid attention to is mile markers.

[B]

What sucks going from Minneapolis to Fargo because they count down to one.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's brutal.

[D]

Yep. I had buddies in college. There was. There was a bunch of dip signs in, like, in town. There's one road that had one, like, every fucking block. And so they were just. They'd go out and. And they take the dips out in their.

[C]

In their dorm room, and they. And they put it in a table with a bunch of chew cans. It was sick.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

But it's pretty squeeze over the top.

[A]

Another thing that I noticed with the wedding, that we were at. Is the easiest way to tell if white people are drunk or not is how many people are on the dance floor.

[C]

Oh, yeah, It's. It is truly a. If you. I would love to see a time lapse of it. I hope so.

[D]

We.

[C]

I had a week. It's bear camp. We have this annual thing on Labor Day weekend where we have live music out at where my dad bear hunts and a bunch of people come out and I just sat in the corner because I had my kids, so I was a lot more sober than everyone else. It started. It's a half moon of lawn chairs. And it was like every 30 minutes, people started getting closer and closer and closer until lawn chairs were gone. And it was just a bunch of uncoordinated hip thrusts on the dance floor.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I like to hear.

[A]

Like you could. If you compared. If you had a time lapse of the dance floor and then you compared the data with how many sales the bar had at the venue, you would see the more drinks that get sold, the more people that are on the dance floor.

[C]

I'd be.

[A]

It's a one to one scale. You know, the graph fucking just goes like that.

[C]

I'd be willing to bet that, that the. The lines are almost identical on that graph.

[A]

And you can always. And then. So you're like, oh, let's say the. The dance floor gets packed. You then can tell how drunk people are to the next level versus how many drinks are being held up in the air. Yeah, you can tell about how many pieces of clothing get changed to a different location. You know, if you're wearing a suit jacket, if you're spinning that above your head, you know that guy's really getting tuned up.

[C]

Yeah, he's got his tie around his head now.

[A]

If his tie is now around his head, you know that guy's having a good time.

[B]

Sweaty.

[A]

As if he. If he takes off his shirt and leaves his vest on, you know that he's having a good time.

[C]

That guy's close to getting cut off.

[D]

Well, I feel like things start to heat up too. Like the more booze that is consumed, the. The slippier slipper. The dance floor that is very easier for white people to dance makes it look like they know what they're doing.

[C]

It's only. It's hazard for about 10 minutes and when it dries, it's just extra grip for the. Correct for the offbeat, for the.

[A]

For the cha cha slide.

[C]

Yeah, it's the cha cha trip because the floor is full of Dirty Shirley.

[A]

You also know that people are getting pretty tuned up. If there's one person that is now, they. They just have taken on the role of recruiter.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

There's one person just running around trying to grab people who aren't dancing and pull them out onto the dance floor.

[B]

It' for.

[D]

It's forceful, too. Like, there's no, like, hey, you want to come out and dance? No, it's like they're gonna grab you by the wrist and handcuff you and bring you out there if you. If they have to.

[A]

There was. That actually happened to me at the wedding. I was. There was this gal doing this, and the people were talking to, like, oh, this girl's running around grabbing people on dance floor. And then apparently she was making a beeline for me, and she's like, the. The guy outside, he's like, oh, she's coming right for you. And I just, without hesitation, just, like, dipped, and she missed me. And following on the same trajectory and grab some other poor fella.

[C]

Hell yeah. Crisis averted.

[A]

Yeah. They were like. You didn't even look you. I didn't. I didn't even turn around to look at her. As I knew if I looked at her, she's gonna grab me out of there.

[D]

That's stealthy. This is something that kind of evolves even from when we're. When we're younger, though, too. It's like middle school dances. You gotta. You gotta get at least 3, 4 Mountain Dews in you dance floor, you know, Lolly lollipops.

[A]

How many trips to the punch bowl of you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Sugar you got coursing through your veins.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's the easiest way to tell.

[C]

I like it. It is a true, true, accurate scale.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I saw a tweet that, like, the song Baby Got back. The only people that really love that song is white women. Like, that's so true. Because I know. I think everyone knows at least one white gal that knows that song by every single word.

[A]

What a song to know all the words.

[B]

That means.

[A]

How many times did they have to listen to that?

[C]

There's a lot of words in it.

[D]

Yeah. There's also, like a. What is it? It's like a Nicki Minaj song that some white chicks also know every single word too. And I don't know how they. That's the one.

[C]

No, it's probably the dangly thing in the back of her throat one.

[A]

No, that's tardy B. That's CB That's. That's Wap.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That's a good one.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I like that song.

[C]

Wap is good.

[D]

That's a good one.

[A]

Yeah, I do like that song.

[C]

Oh, the song. Oh, my bad.

[D]

PG Show.

[A]

PG Show.

[C]

Since when? We're 13. At least.

[A]

Yeah. What's like the. What's the final boss of drunk people out of dance?

[C]

Mr. Brightside.

[A]

But I mean, like, is there a singular person, you know, like, or. Or an activity that happens that you're like, all right, this has reached its peak, and I probably need to dip out of here very soon.

[C]

Yeah. And you hate it.

[D]

And Piano man is.

[C]

Piano man pants at the ankles.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a huge fan of that, which I understand is. It's not a great take. I just. It just. It feels like you're trying too hard, you know?

[C]

Not when there's 40 people doing it.

[D]

Yeah, but I mean, you're trying too.

[C]

Hard if you're excluding yourself.

[D]

And, like, for the single guys at the wedding, too, that's their last chance to possibly, like, that's. That's the final straw. Like, if this doesn't happen now, it's never gonna happen.

[B]

Final boss.

[A]

You know how, like, at the end of the dance, they're like, people will bring in pizza. You know, like, at a wedding, what the bar should start doing is handing out Pringles cans before the.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, the. The piano man to just help. Help someone try and get lucky.

[C]

Yeah. For some reason.

[A]

Last ditch effort. Yeah.

[C]

The wedding favors were a rolled up pair of tube socks.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. They just brought bananas because they said cure hangovers. I got guys here sticking them in their pants.

[A]

Just a log of summer sausage.

[C]

I'm pretty sure I told you guys this, but there was a kid I wrestled with in high school that he. He was like a junior or senior and he never made varsity. So you wrestle at JV matches before the duel. And there would be no one there to watch it. It'd be just parents, basically. And he's like, well, fuck, I'm way too old to be on jv, so I'm gonna fuck around. And he stuffed his singlet with a tube sock and then taped the tube sock to his thigh so it wouldn't come out while he was wrestling. So it just looked like he had a fucking 13 inch dong. Nice wrestling, JV. We all lost her. It was the most. Most watched JV match, I think, of. Of our high school history.

[A]

Did he at least win?

[C]

He did win.

[D]

Brought in good ratings, I'm sure, though, that should have made a Local news.

[A]

He was a senior playing jv.

[C]

Junior or senior. I don't remember which, but shout out to you, jk.

[A]

Yeah, we gotta start bringing back stuff in socks in your underwear. Yeah, bring it back.

[D]

Yeah, I got. I think I got some old socks. I can take care of that. I mean, and everyone's got. Everyone's got overripe bananas in their little fruit basket too.

[C]

I think I would. I would go with not ripe bananas. The green ones probably.

[D]

Yeah. Because those ones smush as easy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I get. I get one accidental mutt tap, and I've got ban juice in my pants also.

[A]

You know, the green bananas are gonna. They're gonna stay firmer along.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's gonna be some visible firming going on.

[C]

There'll be no grinding with an overly ripe banana in my pants.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I mean, so gross. It is sweet corn season, too. Like, we're like. We're just kind of on the tail end of sweet corn season, I feel like. And, you know, dozen. Dozen cobs of sweet corn's cheap last year, the next 12 months, six bucks.

[C]

A dozen ribs for their pleasure.

[D]

1. Do you have one a month?

[A]

St. Oh, my God.

[D]

You forget lunch one day. There you go.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Throw. The microwave kills everything.

[B]

You know, they're good in the microwave.

[D]

They are very good. Yeah. Three minutes. Yeah. You take the first, like, two layers off. Three minutes, Boom. Done. Steam.

[A]

I don't. I feel like there's two types of people in this world. There's one. The. There's one person that when they eat sweet corn, there is not a single kernel left on the cob.

[D]

Me.

[A]

And the second person, which is my wife, will just, like, go, like. And just bite random spots, and it's just littered with extra kernels on the end.

[C]

And it's the most frustrating thing to witness.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's like, recently. Like. Like, you know, you talk about marital spats. That's been one. Every time we eat corn, I have to just. I. I have to grab her extra cob and finish it, because I can't. I can't watch her.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Take the cob with. With all of the corn still left on it and throw it away. I'm just like, give me that. I can't stomach it.

[D]

It's like the teacher in. In back in, like, high school, who wouldn't, like, fully erase the.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yep. They had to be doing, like, that on purpose.

[A]

It's like, you're just not in that big of a hurry to get this next lesson that you can't wipe the far top left corner.

[C]

Did you guys have.

[D]

Yeah, it's like, job, job, finish, job not finished. Yeah, like Kobe Bryant. He'd be disappointed right now.

[A]

Reality.

[C]

I remember our teachers, like, Tom Sawyering us being like, who wants to turn to erase the board? And like. Like it was some giant honor.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, you got to stand up and move around a little bit.

[C]

Yeah. Like, you just don't want to do it yourself.

[D]

You guys eat sweet corn like, like around, or do you eat it straight across?

[A]

I usually just go straight in and then I put my teeth on it and I just pull it off.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's how I do chicken wings a little bit. Then I do a same thing.

[D]

Sure.

[C]

And he has to, like, rotate it a little bit to make sure he gets all.

[A]

I gotta massage in the butter into the.

[C]

Into the corn.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sometimes he puts a little too much butter on it. You'll gag a little bit, you know?

[D]

Yeah. I mean. And that's fine. That's fine.

[A]

Sometimes a little extra. Like, the husk hairs are still on it, you know, you gotta pick those out of your teeth.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. That's the shits. The only time I use two picks, like, year round is sweet corn season.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Know, sweet corn and steak for me is toothpick season.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Big time.

[A]

No, I go straight across. Rotate it straight across.

[D]

Same. Yeah. My wife go.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Typewriter. Yep. My. My wife goes around and I. I also think that's.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

The spiral.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't like the spiral.

[A]

Why are you still with her?

[D]

Yeah, Well, I mean, I thought we had this discussion a long time ago.

[A]

Maybe your kid realizes that and that's why, you know. No. Oh, wait, we didn't talk about that.

[C]

That was.

[D]

That was pre.

[A]

Never mind.

[C]

But yeah. Typewriter is the only way to eat a piece of corn.

[D]

I would 100 agree. And I. I don't come up for air until the. The last.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Job's not finished.

[A]

I'll. I'll even. I'll zero in on a cob of corn and I'll. I'll. I'll press all the way through.

[D]

Dude, that's not. It's not a bad move. Especially if kernels are small and they're crunchy.

[A]

Because once you get in a groove, you know, like I imagine, it's like if you're running like a half marathon, Jared, about mile four, you're just. Your. Your legs just moving on their own.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like that. Once my. Once my jaw gets all Warmed up. It's just. Why would I stop?

[D]

I couldn't be any more in agreeance with you.

[C]

Didn't you, at one point claim to be the fastest corn of the cob eater ever? And we shot a video of you eating a corn of the cobbler?

[A]

I probably corn on the cob guy.

[C]

I feel like that's happened.

[A]

I. I would.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I think it was against Charlie.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I smoked him.

[D]

Didn't.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I remember that.

[C]

No. And then we also. We went to that bar in Mitchell doing the bar tour, and you tried to eat one really fast there.

[B]

Oh, at Corn Palace.

[C]

Corn Palace.

[A]

I. Yeah, I'm fat. I bet I could take all three. You're down in a corn copying contest.

[D]

See, I was just gonna say.

[A]

And it's both speed and accuracy, for sure. That thing's gonna be just. It's. It's gonna look like a baby's bottom by the time I'm done with it. Just smooth.

[D]

I agree.

[C]

I think this could be the fall series.

[D]

I would. I would like to put myself up almost above. I would say above everybody.

[A]

So it's kind of like A. Like MJ, you know, LeBron. LeBron scenario. Kobe, actually, just like the summer series.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I got a whole. I got a whole dozen at my house. And bring a couple in.

[C]

It's a lot closer to Kobayashi and Johnny. Joey Chestnut.

[A]

Joey Chestnut. Kobayashi.

[D]

Yeah. Prime. Chestnut. Prime. Kobe.

[A]

Yeah. What if it had been Kobe? Ashi.

[B]

Kobe. Ashi.

[C]

Yeah. You only say Ashi if you hit it. Yeah.

[A]

All right. Should we take a break? Yeah. Now. All right, guys, we're back, and Jared's got. This is Jared's episode.

[C]

It is.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Jared's got some big news for us. Jared, what happened?

[B]

I got a new hat.

[A]

You got a new hat. Okay.

[D]

That's huge news.

[A]

All right. Do you have the hat here with you?

[B]

I. No, I do. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That was it.

[D]

This is a podcast.

[A]

This is a visual podcast. All right. Are you just gonna unveil it? You want to walk off camera, put it on, and then sit back down?

[B]

I'll just put it on here.

[A]

Okay. All right. So this is like when they choose which school they're going to putting the hat on. So let's see it.

[B]

It's very much like that. I don't like how this person gets disrespected all the time, so I wanted to show my allegiance.

[C]

Okay, here we go.

[D]

Let's go, dude.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Thank you for. For those listening. It is just in bold Font. A black hat with white writing. It just says Team Ryan.

[D]

Let's go. Did someone give you that to you at the live event?

[B]

Yeah, no, I bought it on Amazon for like 20 bucks.

[C]

Hell yeah, Jared.

[D]

If they had a two for bundle, we. You should have got me one.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You know what's really funny about that, Jared, is I keep getting served reels on Instagram of the account Ryan meetup, and it's just Ryan memes. And it's like the Ryan showing up to the meetup, and it's just like a video meme for a movie or something. Getting Ryan content. I've been on.

[D]

My picts are great.

[C]

I've seen.

[A]

You've never been to one. We gotta get you there, though.

[D]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

I gotta get first. I think the next one's in New York in September. I think it's September 13th. The Ryan meetup in New York.

[C]

I've seen the clips of their meetups. They all wear name badges. Says, hello, my name is Ryan. It's such a funny bit.

[D]

Great. I've also always wanted to go to New York in September.

[B]

So the stars are aligning.

[D]

Okay, that. That's not.

[A]

But also.

[C]

I thought that was for sure a 911 joke.

[A]

No, it wasn't at all.

[D]

Until I. I saw your reaction. Like, I always want to go to New York, like, during Christmas time. Right.

[B]

Like a bomb time. I am.

[A]

You got to fly there.

[B]

Take the bus.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah. We're off to a hot start.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's a great hat. Jarrett, Snapback or Velcro back?

[B]

It's like a Velcro.

[A]

Yeah, it just. From the front, it looks like a Velcro back.

[D]

Looks like it fits good, though.

[B]

It's very, like, heavy.

[A]

Yeah. Not the best. Heavy duty. Yeah. It looks like it's gonna get real hot.

[B]

Yeah. It feels like wool on my head.

[C]

If anyone can handle it, it's Jared. We people forget he did a full rooftop pod and a black sweatshirt.

[D]

Yeah. Half marathon after eating Chinese food.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Yeah, it's a great hat. It's. I just. I don't. But why am I getting Ryan meetup content?

[D]

Because you were probably talking about me a lot this last week series.

[B]

Always listening.

[A]

I miss Ryan so much. I wish I could meet up with Ryan. I was thinking after I watched a few clips and poked around on the page, I was thinking it would be entire. Be so funny, like, ah. Hey, Ryan. What's going on? Yeah, just meet my friend Ryan. Hey, Ryan. I'm Ryan. So many Ryans.

[D]

Yeah, you have to. You have to show a valid id, though, when you. When you get into the meetup, just to make sure that you're.

[A]

I mean, I'm. I'm. I would hope so.

[D]

Yeah. We don't want any Miles or Jerry.

[C]

No stolen Ryan valor.

[D]

No. There's no outsider.

[A]

And I would like to hope that the staff working in are also only Ryan.

[C]

That would be cool.

[D]

You would hope so.

[C]

Really tough to hire for that event.

[D]

But I think there's a car dealership called, like, Ryan Auto or something. I see it on license plates sometimes.

[B]

Yeah, it's a great name for.

[A]

Could sponsor the Ryan meetup.

[C]

Invite them.

[D]

Sponsor the meetup. Could be, like, a nice retirement job. Just like, driving cars.

[C]

Would you guys let in, like, last name? Ryan's. Like, would Meg Ryan be allowed to go to the Ryan meetup? Yep.

[A]

I don't. I don't think so.

[D]

That's not. That's not for. That's not for me to choose.

[C]

It's for the council.

[A]

For Ryan to figure out.

[C]

The council of Ryan.

[A]

It's not for Ryan to figure out. It's for Ryan to figure out.

[C]

Ryan prime comes to a group boat.

[D]

At that point because we stick together.

[C]

All in favor say Ryan.

[A]

If they did a Ryan meetup in Minneapolis, would you go?

[B]

That's a no.

[D]

If you guys went with me, he's only going. I didn't go into the event. Just came there with me.

[A]

Just me, Tyler and Jared are just on the chain link outside the event, just watching.

[C]

Just like.

[A]

Yeah, just like we're watching a baseball game.

[D]

I would need some of those Snapchat glasses, though. I would have to. I would want to record the whole thing because I think it would be pretty funny. It's a bunch of funny guys. A bunch of. Well, there could be girls too. Yeah, some girls named Ryan.

[C]

So are you letting people named Ryan with an I, R, I, A, N?

[D]

Well, I was just gonna bring that up. God, I think it was. I was in elementary school, so probably fourth or fifth grade. I got a birthday invitation from someone in my class, and they. They spelled my name R, I, O, N. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I. But I love that about guys. Guys, they don't need anything in common other than their first name being the same for them to travel and have a great time.

[C]

I. I follow a page on Instagram called Tyler of the Day.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

There you go. You love it.

[C]

I do.

[D]

And if you meet another Tyler, you go, well, that's an easy one to remember.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

See, there's a huge split in The Miles world, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And why do you got an eye and it's just different.

[C]

I think you're in the minority of the Miles.

[A]

I think I am too. I also hate it because it's like with a Y. It's just so millennial of me, you know, it's like Kyston and Brandon. Spe B R A N, D Y N Stacksley.

[D]

Pringley.

[C]

It's also a nightmare for us when we caption the videos. We have to change it every time we say your name.

[A]

I bet.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That is a nightmare.

[D]

I before Y, except after my.

[C]

Just replace all.

[A]

Yeah. And then don't even get me started on how Jerry.

[D]

Yeah. I have your name in my phone as J A R R E D.

[C]

That's how to have him on Snapchat too.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't do.

[D]

Gotta be that way.

[B]

Yeah. I can't do much about it.

[D]

You can't? Well, you could.

[A]

You could. You can.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Your name change, you get a free name change. You get. You get your marriage license done.

[D]

Well, no, we're just saying that there is something you can do about it, but you don't need to do.

[B]

So that means I have to go.

[A]

To the courthouse though, correct?

[C]

Yeah, you could do most of it online. What?

[D]

Two birds, one stone. You have get pulled over for no blinker.

[A]

And get your name changed.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Two birds, one stone.

[B]

That's true. That was good.

[A]

Yeah. Also, Tyler's got a Y in his name. How millennial of him.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There's no other way to spell T I L, E, R. Yeah, but no one is. Not a single Tyler spelled like that.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Because that's. I know. A Tyler. So he would spell it.

[C]

That's his profession.

[A]

His name's Rick. He's a Tyler.

[B]

What would it. Would a Ryan meetup be bigger than a Tyler meetup or would not be bigger?

[D]

I think a Tyler meetup would probably be bigger.

[A]

There's more Tyler's, but I feel like they would be too cool to show up to a Tyler meetup.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I feel like all the Tylers in the world, like, I'm not going to a Tyler meetup. And Ryan's like, yeah, I just said.

[C]

I follow a page called Tyler of the Day.

[A]

I know. And that's as far as you're going with it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

If they had one in. I wouldn't go to one in Minneapolis, but I would go to one in Fars Fargo.

[D]

No, you wouldn't.

[A]

I would for sure you would.

[C]

If it was Saturday.

[A]

There's ever a Tyler meetup in Fargo, you have to do everything possible. The only excuses. If you haven't. When you have another kid.

[C]

I. I would.

[A]

If it's. If he's not.

[D]

Kid.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Huh? He's not having another kid.

[A]

No. That's what he says.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

True, true. Once the vasectomy is in balls, then I'll say he's not having another kid.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

You see what I did?

[D]

They're always. Yeah.

[A]

Receipt in hand.

[C]

Smart.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm potent.

[A]

They cut it in your balls, right?

[C]

Yeah. They cut your vast deference.

[D]

They singe them.

[C]

Yeah. Snip, snap.

[D]

It's like they tie them like you. Like you would tie the stem of a cherry.

[A]

Yeah. That's what.

[D]

The dog's gonna follow that up. But they don't do with their tongue, though.

[B]

Feels kind of good.

[C]

I. I would say if there would be more Tylers. I graduated in a class of, like, just under 50 people, and there were four Tylers.

[D]

Yeah. I think I was the only Ryan in my grade. One of one, though.

[C]

No.

[D]

As we all are.

[A]

So. Yeah, we'll get you to do a riot meetup at some point.

[D]

Yeah. As long as. If you guys come with, then that'd be fun.

[B]

Something I thought about this hat once I bought it. Like, people are gonna think like, it's like a cancer thing. Like, somebody got cancer. Steve Ryan.

[A]

Either. Yeah, either. Yeah. Or it's like some. Some, you know, high school. Some high school, like, TV show. Like, the two heartthrobs.

[B]

Oh, like Twilight.

[A]

Yeah. Like, what was it?

[C]

Yeah. Team Jacob or Team Edward.

[A]

Yeah, there he goes. Or something like that.

[D]

It also kind of looks like a political hat.

[C]

Like, I was just gonna say for office.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like he's voting for somebody with the last name Ryan.

[D]

Yeah. County commission or something.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't think of that until I, like, had it in my hands.

[D]

Yeah. It's okay, though, if one day. One day, if it does happen, which it, you know, know, never know if.

[B]

It would have said, ride a T shirt guy. That would have been like, five extra bucks.

[D]

Oh, for sure.

[B]

Font limit.

[A]

And also, yeah, it's like, so also, we're on a road trip. The amount of specific bumper stickers that we saw, like, one guy was driving, like, a shitty, loud geometro car, and it just said, not fast, just loud as a bumper sticker on the back. And there was, like, three other ones that were very specific. Like, where are people buying these at?

[C]

Crickets.

[B]

Yeah, there's another one. It was like, it was like a fat bunny. And then it says, give me room, I'm chunky on the side window. Don't park too close to me, I'm chunky.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, where are they getting these bumper stickers?

[C]

Hey, good to know, though I won't hug your door.

[A]

You gotta be a fat person with a good enough sense of humor to want to put that on the back of your car. Yeah, you know, very true. He's just shrinking the market size for this.

[B]

A couple weeks ago, I saw, like, an old minivan that says, honk of a kid falls out.

[A]

That was.

[C]

Yeah, that's good fun.

[D]

Yeah, that's great fun. Yeah.

[A]

Just bumper stickers are just getting very specific these days.

[B]

I love it. We're in the Renaissance.

[A]

Yeah, we are. Bumper sticker Renaissance.

[B]

Great band name.

[A]

Also, that's what I was gonna bring up. More H VAC issues. It never ends. And we just changed the air filters. That wasn't it. Half of the building is knocked out right now. It's perpetually, like, 75 degrees in my office. It's the. The only spot where we spend all of our time is the only spot in the whole building where the AC isn't working.

[B]

It's very frustrating.

[A]

All the other spots that we use sparingly are just cool as a cucumber in there. Yeah. And it's just frustrating because it's like, what, we changed the air filters now and. And so then Jared. Jared thinks that the building got struck by lightning.

[C]

I did hear you say that theory.

[A]

Because last time, the. A couple times ago when the H Vac was here, didn't they ask us if the building was struck by lightning?

[B]

Yep.

[D]

And the power did go out the.

[B]

Day after the H Vac stopped working. The pumpkin hour was out. Or like the night of.

[D]

Or that was it. Was it the same day? Are we sure about that?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So now what? We got to install a lightning rod on this building now.

[B]

Ben Franklin.

[A]

Yeah, Ben Franklin.

[D]

I told you earlier, every.

[A]

Every time there's a storm, we got to send Ryan up on top of the building with a kite and a key.

[D]

It's a set of golf clubs. And just pull them up in the air.

[A]

Yeah. Kites and keys. Great band name.

[B]

Electric.

[D]

It just pisses me off.

[A]

Like Ryan said earlier, he's like, we could just have a full time staff member that just does the H Vac. It would be just as expensive at this rate. Or just because once a month we're getting a bill from the H Vac people.

[D]

Yeah. Treat him like a lawyer. Just have them on retain her.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It's just unbelievable. Again, man on the moon. Some. A lot of people think. Some don't.

[A]

But I like this. Now I'm glad that my anger and angst is now being transferred to Ryan.

[D]

Well, because I know what it's. I know what it's costing to get this done. It's like you just shouldn't have to be doing this. Like when you build a building and you hire someone. Yeah.

[A]

It's not like we bought like a 60 year old building.

[C]

No.

[D]

It's like they designed this from scratch and this is. Isn't. This building isn't like one of a kind. Never been done. Something similar anyway. And never to be done again. It's like those units up on the roof, they've been used in other places. Do we need to like. Do we need to get like a. Do we need to figure out someone else who has those units so we can like form a support group for each other? Because we're getting raked over the coals and H Vac invoices.

[A]

We need to build an encasing for the H Vac units.

[D]

You know, know, maybe we need a higher.

[C]

Then how are we going to cool those King cases?

[A]

Well, no. So then we'll have to. Yeah. So we want to put another unit on the outside of the case. Cool off.

[B]

Inception.

[A]

Yeah. It's like we just need to just keep putting layers and. I don't know. I. That's. It's the only option I have now left.

[D]

Have you guys. Have you guys seen that new Netflix doc? It's like the high school catfish deal where. Okay, spoiler alert. This young girl and her and her boyfriend were getting like these malicious text messages, like stalker text messages. And they were all coming from the girl's mom. They found out this could be a situation of like, the H Vac company could just be sewering us. In which they know what the issue is, but they want to keep coming back.

[A]

Yeah. You know, they want to charge like mechanics. They fix one thing and then they unhook another thing.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

Come back.

[D]

I'm calling a different H Vac company.

[C]

Say, maybe it is time for a new set of eyes on. On it.

[D]

Because they keep blaming on engineers. So now we're. They're getting us mad at the engineers to deflect our thoughts about them actually being behind the issue.

[C]

I like that for a second there, we were giving the H Vac guy some grace. But we're back.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, we're.

[D]

Hey, what's the root of the problem. It's the H vac. Okay, let's go there.

[A]

Also, at Bellied Up Live, a YBR fan got on stage and was. Was worked in H Vac. And so I don't know if he asked or. I just started. I had to tell the story about our H Vac unit live on. And it was, you know, it was really funny. So I went on the rant. I was. Apparently, the whole system is just predicated on the air filters, whatever. So this is a PSA for everyone. If you haven't changed your air filters recently, this is your reminder. And, like, six people were like, thank you. I for. Yep, I need to do that. I was like, getting the word out. So again, you got to change your ear filters. Do it. So I wonder, because, remember at my house, I didn't change the ear filters and the coil thing froze up. Wonder if that happened here too.

[D]

The last time we changed them was in May.

[B]

We changed them last week.

[D]

No, I know. But before that, we changed them in May. They should last six months. Months. And then we just changed them last week just in case it was the air filters. We've got a lot of smoke from Canada lately. It wasn't. It wasn't the air filters.

[C]

Hey, your team. Ryan, chill.

[B]

It's true. Sorry, Ryan.

[D]

It's okay.

[A]

It just. It just is never going to end.

[D]

No, it's like that's money that. That us as a company should just. We should not be spending, you know.

[B]

The H Vac companies like Scrooge McDuck. Duck jumping into the.

[A]

Yeah, Scrooge McDuck. He said Scrooge McDuck.

[B]

You ever see that clip? He jumps into all that money.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No.

[B]

I'll show you later.

[A]

He's not as chronically online as we are, Jared.

[B]

That's true. All right.

[A]

Yeah. You got a patron question for us, Jared?

[B]

I do. Ada. Adolf. I'll just say Adolf. When you go bo. When you go bowling, what factors are you looking for in the perfect bowling ball?

[A]

Ball. First it's finger fit, you know?

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Wait a second. Yeah, sorry, go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'd rather throw a ball that's lighter or heavier than the ideal 12 pounder. Sometimes I'll do a 10 pounder. It just all depends on my shoulders feeling that day, but finger feel. I. I'll. I'll throw a different ball if it feels good in the fingers, for sure. You know? Know when I stick my finger in there and it just is the right fit, you know?

[D]

Yeah, no, that's gonna Be a good night, Cinderella.

[B]

It.

[C]

It really depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm trying to be. Get silly with it and be spinning the ball, I'm going lighter. If I'm just spot bowling and trying to hit it as hard as I can, I'm going heavy.

[A]

Yeah, I'm. I'm usually a middle ground guy the whole time. It's versatile for. Because I'll switch it. I'll try to get silly one throw, next throw. Not, you know, and I just don't like to be switching up balls. Balls.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I like. Once my balls are in hand, I like to just keep them there.

[D]

I actually have my. I brought my old bowling ball in. I intended to put it in here somewhere, but it's downstairs in the photography room.

[A]

Red, white balls in here, isn't he?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. It's right by Ryan's.

[D]

Yeah, it's right by me. I also brought mine though, too. It actually says my name on it. And red, white, and blue swirl. So you guys can test that out.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Lanes.

[A]

Where was you get that in here.

[D]

It's been downstairs for three, four months.

[C]

Go grab it.

[A]

Yeah. So I go finger fit. Then I go, wait. And then if I have the luxury of I got a couple balls that are just feeling good in my fingers and they're the white right weight, then I'll, then I'll, I'll pick based off of color after that. Yeah.

[C]

I mean the thing is like, we're the bowling alleys that we're going to do. We're not getting that many options.

[A]

No, I know.

[C]

That's why it's like, it's weight and finger, like. And once you find weight and finger, they're all green, you know, or pink. Yep.

[A]

Once you get your finger in there, it's just for whatever reason, they're all pink.

[B]

Sometimes it sticks too.

[C]

Yes. Yeah, they don't clean them that well, you know, it depends on what time of the month it is.

[A]

Oh, my God, you guys.

[B]

Tyler is right, though. Like, the more squirrel I am, the lighter the ball I'll cast for sure.

[C]

I took bowling in college and the only thing that mattered for our grading was if we could score a card or show up and show up and score. You'd get to play three games when you go to class and there would be games where we just, me and the guys, I was in my group, we'd just try to get the highest miles per hour. So you just, you get the six pound ball and just throw it as hard as. As you can.

[B]

Or like flop it down the. The lane.

[D]

Yeah, the classic.

[A]

How far can I throw it down the lane?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

It's got its own carrying case. Ryan, let's go. Let's see. What does it say on the case?

[C]

Excalibur.

[A]

Excalibur. Excalibur. All right. This is the unveiling of Ryan's balls ball.

[C]

We knew it was going to get here one day.

[B]

Wow, that's nice.

[C]

Look at that guy.

[A]

Wow. Hell, that's really nice. Is it say spin around? So it says Ryan on the top is. What weight is it? Do we know? Oh, my, oh my. I can't, I can't get my finger in there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

No matter how hard, how hard I try. Well, this is a righty one though, right? Oh my. You got tiny fingers.

[D]

That was from when I was like.

[A]

This has got a 14 pounder, 1112 years old.

[D]

I think it's maybe like a 10 pounder. It's a good spare ball though. I usually go lighter on the spare ball so I can whip it down there.

[A]

I can't get my fingers in there. Can you still get your fingers in there? No.

[D]

God, no. This is the farthest I can go. Yeah, it's a good spare ball or a good spinner though. Red, white and blue swirl.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[D]

Says my name on the top. It's a good looking ball. I used to be, I mean, I used to be in bowling league when I was younger.

[A]

I like how, I like how Ryan's wife says, you need to get rid of that bowling ball because I've not stormed it any longer. And he brings it to the office.

[D]

Well, no, my, no, my, my is my parents. They're like, hey, do you want this? I'm like, well, I think it be a good pod prop.

[B]

Can you get it resized for your fingers?

[C]

Oh, yeah, we could get those drill new holes.

[B]

Yeah. Cork screw.

[D]

Yeah. It's been a while since I bowled.

[A]

So did you get to pick out the, the, the. What's the process of getting your own ball?

[D]

You just. I, I don't know. At the bowling alley back in my hometown, they just had, they just had like 10 different options of like the swirl swirl and then you just get your name on it. And then they also measure your fingers too.

[A]

How do they do that?

[D]

I think there's like a silicone deal that you stick your fingers in and it. I'm pretty sure I.

[A]

Again, this is, is it battery powered?

[D]

This is 20 years ago.

[B]

Probably gas powered though.

[D]

Yeah. Battery power just spits out your measurements. Does it Right there. So, yeah, Columbia 300 made in USA. I'm a USA made type guy, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, Columbia is a good brand too.

[D]

Very good brand. Yeah. There's no market for it on ebay right now, but there will be in the future, and that's when we'll get.

[C]

Bring it to the Ryan meetup. You will find a buyer there for sure.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

Small fingered Ryan will be in New York on September 13th.

[B]

That's gonna fall ball.

[A]

Oh, he's got a little. I knew those doilies would come in handy someday. Look at that. Perfect.

[B]

That's gonna fall on somebody's foot.

[D]

If it does, it's gonna be mine, which is fine because it's my ball.

[B]

Yeah, it's got your name on it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Gavin Doggins have the latest started fall decorating and is there a budget you all give them for Hobby Lobby? When do you put your foot down and say, enough with the pumpkin spice?

[A]

So we all, we all can dream. You know, we all can dream that you sit your wife down and say, hey, we're only spending this much money at Hobby Lobby, but we live in reality. And it doesn't matter what number you tell them, they're not gonna stick to it.

[D]

Correct.

[A]

So that's your first mistake, is thinking that that's gonna do anything.

[C]

So you got to be a little strategic with it. You set the number and then have an actual higher number in your head that you try to keep her under that you don't tell her about.

[A]

That's. That's a good point.

[D]

It's a classic.

[C]

She'll be like, hey, we'll spend a hundred bucks at Hobby Lobby. But in your head, you know it's going to be 250.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So you try to keep her that 220 range.

[A]

And I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it till the day I die.

[D]

Do it.

[A]

Marriage is about two things. Wait, what is it? Is it one thing?

[C]

It's two things. Leverage and keep it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

[B]

How could we forget?

[A]

I'll keep saying until the day I die, I've always said, wait, what is it? I had a brain fart. I've been traveling. I'm jet lagged. I started thinking about Ryan's balls and I just, you know, mine's in a little. Anyway.

[B]

In the gutter. Mine's in the gutter.

[D]

Boom.

[A]

Marriage is about two things. Keeping score and having leverage over the other person. Instead of setting a thing, just go. However much you spend in Hobby Lobby, I am Going to equally spend that on whatever I like to do.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And that means that we're gonna have less money in the bank and there's less stuff, other stuff you can buy. So just keep that in mind for.

[D]

Every dollar you spend. A hobby lobby is one night out that I get this year. So you spend. Spend 300 bucks. I got 300 nights out.

[C]

Yeah, so your budget is $365, and.

[D]

You better use all of it.

[B]

Spend more, honey.

[A]

Spend more. Yeah, yeah, I think. I mean, but at some point, right, it's kind of like a, A bulk upfront payment and then it tapers off, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, if you move into a new house, you got to buy a bunch of stuff for fall, put it everywhere. Then the year after that, they're still going to buy new stuff, but they're still also going to use the old stuff. So it's really an investment in your future. Future.

[C]

My wife's super into, like, natural fall decorations. Like, she asked me to go cut her down some birch branches, pine cones.

[A]

Yeah, stuff like that.

[C]

Like, we'll get gourds from the dudes.

[A]

Sitting at the corner, Grass clippings.

[C]

But like, we have just a bunch of six foot birch branches leaned up in the corner fire front door.

[A]

You know, like deer carcasses.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, Roadkill.

[A]

Roadkill.

[D]

Burn barrel covers.

[C]

Yeah, barrels.

[A]

Just stick it in the corner of the room, throw some birch sticks in there, sprinkle some grass clippings around it, and you got a pretty fall corner of your house.

[D]

Milkweed stems, thistle. Thistle. Got a lot of both of those, too.

[A]

You know, it's just.

[D]

I think we might even hang a thistle toe up for Christmas.

[B]

Don't touch it.

[A]

I. I know, I know. What if, if I do pumpkin carving this year with my kid.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

I. I'm gonna. I know exactly what I'm gonna do. It's gonna be the easiest I've ever done. I'm gonna measure a cd, I'm gonna cut one slit in the pumpkin, and I'm gonna stick that CD halfway in.

[C]

That's a good, great design.

[D]

That's a good idea.

[A]

Gonna be a Spice Girls CD too.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Pumpkin spice.

[C]

There we go.

[B]

Oh, that's.

[D]

That's a good idea.

[A]

That's.

[D]

Yeah. Kid might not know what, what it means, but.

[A]

Doesn't matter.

[D]

Doesn't matter. It's all about you and your pumpkin.

[B]

I can't stand pumpkin carving. It's like the worst activity.

[C]

I really like it. For about 15 minutes and I'm halfway through My carving. And then I'm like, God, it's so.

[A]

Tedious after a while.

[B]

It smells.

[A]

I like the smell. I like the smell. I like ripping all the guts out. And then I like the first couple slices, because there's just something about just taking a knife and stabbing it into something. It's just the best.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But then after a while, it's like, all right, what are we doing?

[D]

You know, it's been. It's probably been 10 years since I've carved a pumpkin. It's not a huge hit in my household.

[B]

Would you rather die Easter eggs or carve a pumpkin?

[C]

Pumpkin.

[A]

Carve a pumpkin for sure.

[C]

Dying Easter eggs is.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't. I think maybe the last time I did it, I was sick. I don't know.

[C]

Your kid will start doing it soon.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll delegate that to die everywhere.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Be a delegation for Easter this year. I just stripped them all down to their underwear. It's like, go ahead.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Then went Dexter mode and just covered the entire kitchen.

[A]

So it is also one of those things that, like, you just don't have to tell your kids. I mean, you're screwed already.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I don't know if you've done it or not.

[D]

No, I have.

[A]

You just don't have to tell your kids that. That's a thing.

[C]

And then they go to school and they're like, did you dye eggs? What is that?

[D]

Well, my kid died.

[C]

He.

[D]

He dies eggs at grandma's house. So that's a. That's a grand delegation gram activity. Yeah.

[A]

It's actually a great parenting idea. Write a book about all the stuff that you should be delegating. Parents should be delegating more things. And you package it as. You're spending quality time with your grandparents.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

You're spending quality time with your uncle and aunt Hunt. You're spending quality time with the neighbor kid.

[C]

You know, like, we already came up with the idea. You guys can delegate the talk to our podcast.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. It's all about delegation, you know?

[D]

Well, and then what happens is we discontinue that book once we have grandkids.

[A]

That's true. Yeah.

[D]

It's fully discontinued.

[A]

What? Yeah, we. We come out that all of our research was forged and none of it was true, and so we get banned from Barnes and Mills Mobile.

[D]

Yeah. Million copies sold, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

The stamp is still on it.

[B]

Book that nobody read.

[A]

Yeah. Like, hey, kid, finger painting only happens at grandma's house.

[D]

Yes. You know, they don't know any better, son.

[A]

We just don't have the carving utensils like your aunt and uncle do. You're gonna have to go over their house and do it.

[D]

Yeah. Shooting BB guns.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Let's go to the backyard.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Give me that.

[A]

Yeah, you know, it's, it's all that stuff. Wanna play video games? Do it here. That's what we do here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you wanna, you wanna build a gingerbread house. Neighbors got a perfect kitchen set up for that. Go over there and make a gingerbread house.

[D]

Got a lot of gingerbread too.

[B]

That's. That sucks too. Gingerbread houses.

[D]

Never in my life have I done that a single time.

[A]

I think I did in school once.

[C]

Yeah, but they gave you like a kid kit.

[A]

Yeah. Or it was like we use graham crackers instead of actual gingerbread.

[C]

Yeah, I've definitely put one together, but it was like a pre. A kit. And you just like, here's the walls. Put them together.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Phrase.

[D]

You took the easy way out.

[C]

This was in. In a home.

[B]

I'm just out on all arts and crafts. I can't do any of them.

[A]

Yeah, I don't mind arts and crafts once in a while, but I was.

[B]

Really bad at them too.

[A]

We're just, we're gonna be arts and crafts household once in a while. Like my, my sister in law is really good at doing arts and crafts with her kids, and I just have to sit my kid down and go, hey, I know they do that a lot, but we're just not doing that in our household.

[D]

Yeah, they do our.

[A]

So you get four arts and crafts a year and you gotta pick ahead of time. Ample time. And. And if I'm gone during that, I'm gone.

[B]

And the head turkey is going to.

[A]

Be one of them. Yeah. Hand turkey. Done. All right, you got three more.

[C]

If you want to do arts and crafts, there's a bench in the hallway. You can stain.

[B]

All right, two more, two more.

[A]

My kid got a hold of some chalk in the house yesterday and started marking up our floor.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

So that was number three. You got one more.

[D]

I think, I think that one time he was trying to. Is trying to paint the countertop with spaghetti sauce. So that's four.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

There we go. Finger painting with spaghetti sauce.

[D]

Yeah. We're an exes and always type of household.

[A]

So there you go.

[B]

One fun fact. I think I've said this one before. I can't remember.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

The 10, 10 clock position is used in ads because it frames the brand logo and makes the clock look like it's smiling. So any ad you'll see will be always set to 10 or generally always set to 10. 10.

[A]

I don't think you've said that.

[C]

No, you definitely have it.

[A]

Well, now that's only thing I'm going to see next time I'm watching golf and a Rolex ad comes out.

[D]

Yeah, that's like when you. When you realize there's an arrow in the word FedEx and you see a FedEx truck, that's the only thing you can see.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So you're saying if it's not at 10:10, that that company don't buy their watch because they don't know what the they're doing.

[D]

They can't tell time.

[B]

Yeah, essentially.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Didn't know that.

[D]

Interesting.

[B]

Fun fact.

[A]

That was a fun fact. What was the last time you guys bought a real watch? Not an Apple watch, not a Fitbit.

[C]

Two weeks ago. You bought a real watch for my wife for anniversary.

[A]

Okay, I meant for you.

[C]

I have no idea.

[D]

Video.

[A]

Do you own a watch?

[C]

I own a bunch of watches randomly, but I haven't bought any of them. They're all gifted to me.

[D]

I've never bought one of mine. I bought an Apple watch.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Six, seven years ago. Sold it to you, actually.

[A]

Yeah, I sold it to my brother. Yeah. So my brother's got it.

[B]

The brotherhood of the Apple Watch.

[D]

I gotta. I gotta watch for my wedding. I received it as a gift.

[A]

I just. I love the idea of being a watch guy. Maybe I'll try it out at some point.

[B]

You're a pocket watch guy.

[A]

I am a pocket watch guy, but I'd like to also be a wristwatch guy. But I don't think. I don't think I can do it. It's plain, simple. I just. I have no other commentary. I just think I'll lose it. I think it'll become an inconvenience. I know that I won't get the right size, and then I'll take me three years to go get it resized so it's gonna be dangling off my arm.

[B]

You don't have time to buy one.

[A]

Don't have time to buy one. Like, you know, it's. It's like one of those things too. Like, I feel like if you're gonna buy a watch, should buy a nice one. It's like, do I want to spend money on a wristwatch when I just have a phone in my pocket at all times? Yeah.

[D]

Phone, microwave, stove, vehicle.

[A]

But the look of a good watch is nice.

[D]

Yeah, but I just.

[A]

Yeah, I just don't think, I don't think I'm gonna ever do it.

[D]

You ever. Have you guys ever seen the, the watch flippers on TikTok?

[C]

Like clean them?

[D]

No. They, they'll go buy a watch from one shop and they'll let you like run it down the street to someone who wants something like that and you'll try and sell it for profit within like a minute.

[C]

Have not seen.

[D]

That's pretty good. I, I, I've been hooked on that a couple times.

[C]

You love flipping stuff though.

[D]

Oh yeah. I mean we're talking like $10,000 watches.

[C]

Jesus.

[D]

You buy it for 95, you sell for 102 quick. 7 Hyundai in your pocket, rolly on your wrist. 7 Honey in your pocket. Drake said that. I think.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. I, I'm not I, I, I will go through a phase where I'll try it out so someday you'll see it right there. It's also I'm left handed it.

[C]

So you put it on your right hand.

[A]

Yeah, but then I just feel like I look like a doofus walking around with a watch on my right hand.

[C]

I don't think anyone's gonna notice that but you.

[B]

Yeah, I would never notice that from somebody.

[D]

I wouldn't either. So you're, you put it on your non dummy hand.

[B]

I don't know that was a thing.

[A]

Yeah, but you're supposed to put on your left hand.

[C]

Yeah, well, because most people are right handed, you go non dominant so it's not, you don't break it because you use your right hand to do most things. Sure doesn't get in your way.

[A]

Yeah, maybe someday, someday I'll try out watching.

[B]

Your watch list.

[C]

Nothing really. Ryan, you can put your, your Apple watch on your dominant hand so you make sure you get your steps in every day.

[D]

Thank you, Tyler. You read my mind.

[A]

Is that it, Jared?

[B]

That's all I got.

[A]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of you bet you radio podcast. Have a great week. We'll see you in the next one. Oh, you betcha. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Was that a jerk off joke? Okay, that's what I was thinking.

[D]

And go speed J with a rolly.

[B]

Sounds like Chewbacca.

[A]

All right, so the rules of the fact off as always, are three facts. We're going to ping pong back and forth and I will judge and maybe I'll, I'll give you a little criteria. I'm judging based off of uniqueness, creativeness, and also accuracy. I never thought I would have to include an accuracy component to a fact off Considering they all should be facts in the first place. But here we are.

[B]

Yourself, these facts are off, Jake. And go first, he went. Last time.

[E]

Last time, I kept him city themed.

[A]

So I'm gonna keep them.

[E]

Since we're in Milwaukee, I'm gonna keep it. Milwaukee.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna. Not very unique. He's already done this once. He's already done the city thing, you know? Yeah, you're thinking about that now. You're like, yeah, God, he's got me dead to rights here.

[E]

No, I. I still got you. Back in the late 1800s, there was a war over all of the bridges in downtown Milwaukee. They called it the bridge war. Oh, little backstory. Milwaukee used to be three different cities. One called, like, Kilbourne Town, the other one called, like, like Jonestown or something like that. And then the last one is called, like, Walker's Point or something like that. Jonestown one I think I'm wrong about, but the other two.

[A]

Okay, well, this is a fact. Off.

[E]

All right, well, then it's called.

[A]

You can't look it up.

[E]

Juno Town. That's what it is. Juno something.

[A]

Juno. Right.

[E]

Anyways, one day a boat crashed into one of the bridges on the river here. And they all couldn't figure out how to, like, put it back together because it's three different cities and the bridge is on the river. None of those dudes wanted to pay for it. Right. And they all were like, we've got our own. Own different town. Well, eventually, like, little skirmishes went off over who was gonna fight it. Like, people were shooting guns and like that. Like, over the river and all that stuff.

[A]

We didn't start the fire. The world's always been burning. Yep.

[E]

And after a couple months of that going on of, like, these little skirmish wars and stuff like that breaking off, popping off. All three of the dudes, Walker, Juno, and Kilborn all got together and we're.

[A]

Like, hey, obviously the meeting of the five families, like, in the office. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And they were like, we can't do this anymore.

[A]

War.

[E]

Obviously, we can't fight this war. Eventually we're going to have to rebuild these bridges that got broken. And they were like, burning down bridges literally and figuratively during these wars. They're like, we got to figure out how we're going to pay for this. No one of us wants to pay for this out of pocket. So they all came together and they merged their three cities and called it Milwaukee.

[B]

So they built a bridge and got over it.

[A]

They did.

[E]

Then they did build it.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

First they burned a bridge and then they built a bridge and got over it.

[B]

That's where that phrase comes from.

[A]

Well, yeah. Yeah. Pretty good fact. Well, long for my taste. Would like them a little tighter than that, but. No, it was good. I. It. I would have liked the fact of why they chose the name Milwaukee, but you left that out.

[B]

Maybe. Well, maybe. We don't know. That could be your next fact.

[A]

Okay. All right, Jared, you. You have the floor.

[B]

Oklahoma football began in 1895. Oklahoma wasn't in state until 1907. The football team preceded the state.

[A]

Let's go, dude. Let's go.

[E]

That does rock.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, hey, you know, you think you like football in the Big Ten, but they have football down before states even existed.

[E]

Do they call themselves the Sooners before then or the whole time?

[A]

Time.

[B]

I didn't look that up.

[A]

Yeah, it's not really relevant to the fact, I would say.

[B]

Yeah, that's. It's funny that the. The football team came sooner than the state.

[A]

Yeah. Boomer was sooner than the state.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. See, I like that. That was. That was very unique and creative, Jared. Jake, you have the floor.

[E]

Milwaukee is not called Cream City because of the local dairy. Rather instead, because all of the buildings around here were made with this cream colored brick that came out of the local ground and stuff like that. And so because of all the buildings being cream colored, they called it Cream City.

[A]

Oh, I like that. That was good. Would never thought of that. One thing that I felt was missing from that fact was a creaming or khakis joke built into it. Yeah.

[B]

Y.

[A]

And so for no attempt at humor like Jared had on the last fact, I'm maybe a knock on you there.

[B]

Yep. DND was invented in Wisconsin, so do.

[A]

Not disturb the Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah.

[B]

So then that would mean virginity was invented in Wisconsin.

[A]

Yeah. America's virgin land instead of Dairyland is what it should say. Another huge zinger. Nice and tight, huh? I'm just. Yeah. Jake. Final, final fact of the day. And. What? You can adjust your strategy at any time here, so.

[B]

Oh, we gotta knock at the door.

[A]

We're gonna knock. Here we go. We have our first guest on the Road warriors podcast.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

We're good.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Gotta be a huge kick to the nuts not to get some fresh linens in here.

[E]

Yeah, be fine.

[A]

Look, that gave you. Bought you some extra time to rethink your strategy.

[E]

No.

[B]

Was that a plant?

[E]

That was not a plan to buy you more time.

[A]

If you whip out a fact about room service. Yeah. Yeah, imagine.

[E]

Imagine the room service guy came in and he.

[A]

Del. He gave the fact for me.

[E]

That would have been unreal.

[A]

I mean, that would. That would have won it.

[B]

It's like a fact about space. Something that Miles really likes to stick the landing on it.

[A]

He goes, did you know that they.

[E]

Build the Rockets in Huntsville, Alabama?

[A]

No way, Jake.

[E]

All right, my fact, my third and final fact is the very first cover of Sports Illustrated magazine, magazine of all time. One of the greatest magazines of all time. Picture of Milwaukee County Stadium right over there.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[E]

Yeah, it's the very first Sports Illustrated ever.

[B]

More of an ESPN magazine guy.

[E]

But that's not true.

[A]

Yeah, more of like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit.

[E]

The first.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And the first.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if it. If it would have been about the first gal on the swimsuit edition.

[E]

Just. Just pick who won.

[A]

Miles.

[B]

I haven't read my last one yet.

[A]

He's got one more. Jared's got one more.

[B]

The word LEGO comes from the Danish words. Leg got meaning. Play.

[C]

Well.

[A]

I do like to play. Well, I actually, it's. It's. It's like you're in my brain, Jared.

[B]

Yeah, you just.

[A]

You just get me. You know, there's a new LEGO store coming to Fargo, really? Called the Fargo Brick Company. And then when I was in Blaine, Minnesota, for the wedding, there was also another LEGO store that was called something brick company. And I think that all the LEGO people, like, couldn't get the licensing to say that it's a LEGO store door for sure on the outside, so they just went with brick.

[E]

Yeah, they're all like secondhand LEGO stores or like, people buy and sell and trade LEGO sets at those places.

[A]

But I think they have new ones.

[E]

Yeah, they have new ones, too. And they'll have, like, bins where you can dig around and find the pieces.

[A]

But I actually been thinking about, you know, buying a LEGO set. But then it's like, you can't just buy one LEGO set because then you build it, and then they're like, now what? And you can't tear it apart and build something else because you don't have enough additional bricks to be able to build something good.

[B]

Yeah. What would you. What would you have your eye on for legos? Like a building? Because they, like an architecture series.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I. I don't know.

[B]

Death Star.

[A]

No, no. You know how I feel about Star Wars.

[B]

It's true. There should be like, a Peaky Blinders LEGO set.

[A]

Yeah. Or a Narcos build. Pablo Escobar's. That he built for himself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a fun fact. If you knew that he. His agreement to. Not. His agreement when he turned himself into the Colombian government was that he negotiated that he would be able to build his own jail on his own land and the government couldn't be like within like five miles of it. And so him and his buddies just built like this lavish thing. It was like basically he was on house arrest and a jail.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Brought prostitutes in and all.

[B]

Thing not so be funny if there's like a LEGO set of like how they make cocaine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The factory outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because of the plane.

[A]

Yeah. Like, how cool would it be?

[E]

This is my LEGO meth lab over here.

[A]

Like doing inappropriate LEGO sets. Like a strip club. Yep.

[E]

LEGO arms dealer.

[A]

Like, imagine getting a little LEGO character of a gal in a thong and bikini top, you know, but then you could take off. That'd be kind of sick. Actually. Adult LEGO sets.

[B]

They do like skid row in la.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You could do like Walter. You could build Walter White's meth rv.

[B]

You know, that would be sick.

[A]

That would be cool.

[B]

What else? Scarface. You could do a Scarface LEGO set. That'd be sick. World is yours.

[E]

Actually, like, sorry. I saw this YouTube video the other day about Legos and they are like very protective about making sure they don't do anything controversial. But they made like a LEGO space themed set and made like a LEGO pimp. And inside the set they have like a LEGO guy wearing like a pink suit and a fucking top hat and like a cane and then he has like two aliens prostitutes with him in like bikini. It's like the. It's a weird Lego, like doesn't even do guns. And they have that.

[A]

That's just a lie because I had a.

[E]

They don't do modern guns. They have like muskets and stuff like that and laser guns. But they don't have anything that looks realistic.

[B]

They don't have a Colt.45.

[A]

Yeah, well, I mean, I had multiple LEGO sets where they had handguns and rifles and they might have not been.

[E]

Made by Legos then.

[A]

It was. I just.

[E]

No, they don't make like. They don't make like M16s and like that.

[A]

Yeah, but a, a rifle still a real gun.

[E]

Yeah, they make like a musket, but they don't make anything that's modern. They don't make anything modern firearms or anything like that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think it would be crazy for them to do an AR15 Lego gun. That's crazy.

[B]

I ran contra LEGO set Yeah. Paul Berlin LEGO set would be cool because you just go, yeah, yeah.

[E]

You knock it over. That's the whole point.

[A]

Yeah. Adult Lego sets that have, like, the, like, Iran bombing Lego set, you build the B2 bomber, and then, like, you have, like, the little. The little, like, bunker set on the ground.

[E]

They just have a mound of dirt with a hole in the top of it.

[B]

Isn't this fun, kids? That'd be cool.

[A]

All right, the fact off is done. Jake's facts are very nuanced, but it's also like, it's. I wish we had someone Googling what he says to ensure that what he's saying is a fact, because we just know.

[B]

But.

[A]

But for the sake of the fact that we have to assume what he's saying is. Is a fact. You know, this going the city route, again, not very unique. Some of them got pretty long. You didn't know the reason why they chose Milwaukee. And Jared was just straight to the point, made me laugh, created this whole conversation around Legos. And so I think that the winner of this fact is J.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

Nice, Jared.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now, one thing that you knocked out, but you made me think about Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. So that was. That was good by you.