Unwritten Rules of a Midwest Party 🎙 #375

Summary

You Betcha Radio – Episode #375: Unwritten Rules of a Midwest Party (April 28, 2026)

Main Theme

This episode of You Betcha Radio dives into the hidden social codes and quirks of Midwest parties. Alongside a hearty dose of nostalgia and humor, Myles, Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod break down the “unwritten rules” that shape every regional gathering, provide stories from their own lives, and riff on everything from gross old man toenails to “is it weird?” scenarios, all delivered in their signature laid-back, jovial Midwest style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Project Playset: Lessons in Marketplace Misadventures

• [00:51–13:01]
• Ryan narrates his epic weekend struggle: hauling, disassembling, and reassembling a used Rainbow playset for his kid. He humorously details the over-ambition, lost bolts, dad bonding, and educating his child about not peeing in other people's yards.
  • "I get over optimistic about projects like this...this thing took three and a half hours to take down." – Ryan [01:49]
  • Advice: It’s a way bigger ordeal than you think—bring extra trailers, better communication, and snacks for kids.
• Group consensus: Unless you truly need a playset, skip the Facebook Marketplace “free if you disassemble” trap.

2. Midwest Yards: More Than Playsets

• [09:00–13:08]
• Midwest parents compare backyard set-ups—everything from “bucket with stuff for ‘em to do” to jungle gyms inherited from Grandma. Home-built seesaws, forts, and the pros/cons of play mulch vs. pea rock/mulch glue. The solution? Keep it simple and know your yard's limits.

3. Gross Old Man Toenails: A Genuine Midwest Mystery

• [13:11–23:37]
• The gang embarks on a hilarious tangent about why all old Midwestern men have “disgusting, thick toenails.”
  • "Every guy in my life that I’ve seen at the lake without shoes on has toes like this...They become claws." – Myles, [13:58]
  • After some fake-medical research and brainstorming, theories include: poor circulation, decades in bad shoes, never taking off socks, never getting pedicures, and “ornery toes”.
  • “I want to use this platform as a way to raise awareness for it. We need to find a cure for gross old guy toenails.” – Myles, [20:18]
  • The group proposes “Gross Toenail Awareness Month” (in May, right before sandal season) featuring a 5K “sit” with Epsom soak tubs and live minnows.

4. Unwritten Rules of Midwest Parties

• [25:31–40:00]
• Potluck Mindset: Never show up empty-handed. Beer and 'bars' (dessert squares) are fail-safes.
  • “No matter how many times you ask if you should bring something and they say no...you still have to bring something.” – [25:32]
  • “Beer is always safe. You’re always safe bringing beer.” – [25:54]
  • Everyone overbuys beer; guests bring more; you’re left with a “beer surplus.”
• Desserts are King: A party isn’t Midwest without bars—scotcheroos, monster bars, banana bars, lemon bars, Rice Krispies with caramel, etc. (many variations shared) [28:04–30:29]
• Social Navigation: Hosts must circulate like politicians. The group gives sage advice on how hosts pay more attention to acquaintances than to best friends.
  • “If you’re the host...you have to treat it as if you’re running for office.” – [27:24]
• Taking Shoes Off: A loaded debate; most see it as non-negotiable even if the host says otherwise.
  • “I love shoes on.” – Myles [31:27]
  • “It's awareness month! I typically just take them off without even asking. It’s just habit.” – Tyler [31:32]
• The House Tour Requirement: Any new guest gets the house tour—even if the house is 20 years old.
  • “You have to show the garage at least once. Even if your house is 20 years old and they’ve been there 100 times…” – Ryan [36:37]
  • Consensus: The tour is incomplete unless you also discuss all future renovation plans.
• Multiple Party Zones: A true Midwest party always includes secondary, quieter hangouts—often the basement or garage, sometimes just the “group of dudes drinking outside while kids run around.” [40:38]
• Parking Etiquette: Never snatch the closest spot—leave driveway space for elders and park with consideration, even if it means walking two blocks [42:11].
• Arrival Times: Older relatives show up 20–60 mins early, younger guests are late. On-time is “on-time” in the Midwest [43:26].

5. Food, Recipes, and the Midwest Cookbook Conundrum

• [46:49–51:09]
• Discussion includes beloved party food oddities (tiger meat/beef tartare, pickled northern, homemade bars) and how everyone must say where the dish—or even just the recipe—came from. (“I got it from Walmart!”)
• The value of physical cookbooks, especially for keeping grandma's recipes and as kitchen conversation starters.

6. “Is It Weird?” Segment – Quirky Midwest Quirks

• [57:00–71:00]
  • Numbers OCD: Even-numbered TV volume or cruise control? Mostly normal, but veers odd if you can “hear” the number [58:44].
  • North-locked GPS: Always locking Google Maps to north-up? Weird [61:05].
  • Watching Movies in the Shower: Definitely weird, but some admit to podcasting or TikTok scrolling while showering [62:14].
  • Eating Style: Only one food at a time, never mixing? Not weird unless you go extreme.
  • Annual Ex-Google: Habitually searching old flames for mugshots – “definitely weird, maybe you're still in love, but relatable to trainwreck rubbernecking.” [69:00]
  • Paying for Dick and Fart Jokes: Subscribing to hear four grown men riff? “Not weird, that’s a good use of money!” [71:43]

7. Midwest Miscellany & Million-Dollar Ideas

• Flags: Trivia about the kid who invented the 50-star U.S. flag and whether that was truly “creative” [72:21–75:15]
• Gas Station Game Idea: Replace gas pump advertisements with quick, geofenced competitive games against other customers; reward with discounts [75:34].
  • “That would be sick!” – Group [75:43]
• Mall Gaming App: Play games with other guys waiting while their wives shop at the mall—a new rainy-day staple [76:51].
• Shoe Stores & Glicks: End-cap segment reminiscing on Midwest mall shoe stores and small-town shopping (Journeys, Glicks, Ben Franklin, etc.) [77:01–81:14]
• Golf and Drinking: How beer improves fun but not skill; embracing the social side regardless of performance [81:41–83:18]

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Notable Quotes

• On Midwest Backyard Projects:

  • “Just throw a strap over top of it. If it moves, it moves, if it flies off the trailer on the way home, doesn’t even matter anymore.” – Ryan [04:10]

• On Old Man Toenails:

  • “Why are they so thick? ...They become claws.” – Myles [13:58]
  • “I want to use this platform as a way to raise awareness for it. We need to find a cure for gross old guy toenails.” – Myles [20:18]

• On Midwest Party Hospitality:

  • “No matter how many times you ask if you should bring something and they say no...you still have to bring something.” – [25:32]
  • “Beer is always safe. You’re always safe bringing beer.” – [25:54]

• On Hosts’ Duties:

  • “If you’re the host, you have to treat it as if you’re running for office. Like a politician—just walk around, shake hands with everyone.” – [27:24]
  • “I typically ignore the people I’m closer to more than the acquaintances. I know my best friend’s going to be fine.” – Tyler [27:43]

• On Midwest Social Norms:

  • “You have to show the garage at least once. Even if your house is 20 years old and they’ve been there 100 times…” – Ryan [36:37]
  • “There always needs to be a secondary party...it could be in the basement, backyard, or the garage.” – Myles [40:38]

• On Eating One Food at a Time:

  • “You can’t end a good meal with sautéed vegetables left on the plate. No.” – Ryan [68:38]

• On Golf and Life Perspective:

  • “Who cares if you’re good at golf? We’re all going to die, the universe is too big...just enjoy it.” – Myles [83:03]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Playset Saga (Ryan's Story): 00:51–13:08
• Old Man Toenails Deep Dive: 13:11–23:37
• Midwest Party Rules (Beer, Bars, Hosting): 25:31–40:00
• The House Tour Rule: 36:37–40:38
• “Is It Weird” Segment: 57:00–71:00
• Gas Pump Game Idea: 75:34–76:50
• Mall Stores/Nostalgia: 77:01–81:14
• Golf & Drinking: 81:41–83:18

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Episode Tone & Style

As always, the You Betcha crew keeps things playful, self-deprecating, and hilariously relatable. The entire episode is peppered with irreverent humor, long-winded tangents, arguments about food, “million dollar” ideas, and the comfortable back-and-forth that comes from years of friendship. They preserve the authentic cadence of Midwest talk, complete with sarcasm, dad jokes, and memories that any regional listener will likely identify with (or recall with a smile).

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Summary Takeaway

If you’ve ever wanted an instruction manual for the backgrounds, food tables, social etiquette (and mild chaos) of a true Midwest party—or just wondered how grown men can talk this long about toenails, cookbooks, and playsets—this is your primer. It’s a testament to the power of camaraderie, the importance of “bringing something,” and the immortal strangeness of the American Midwest.

Transcript

[A]

All right, back to it.

[B]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of you bet your radio podcast.

[A]

I love that thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[C]

I gotta send that to my own coach.

[D]

Just a one second clip.

[A]

Get me off the Internet. Can you call him on the pod so we can clip it for the soundboard?

[C]

Oh, fuck. Well, I think. Don't I legally have to tell him that we're recording this?

[D]

No, you know, not for this one.

[C]

Yeah, because they always. If I always get that on the whatever. If I call into a hotline, they're always like, this call may be recorded.

[A]

How many quality assurance.

[D]

Does that happen a lot to you? You call a lot of hotlines?

[C]

Not really. I feel like I have in the last few weeks. I don't know why, but.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyways, guys, I got. I gotta tell you something about this last weekend.

[A]

Oh, please.

[B]

All right, yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Take it away.

[B]

It's your podcast.

[C]

So my wife has been talking about getting one of those. One of those rainbow playsets for like months now. And I keep, I keep like. I'm not giving her straight answers of like, okay, this day works for me to go pick something up, whatever. And finally she just went and did it without, like telling me, essentially, man. I mean, she. We discussed it, but loosely because I know how much of a project this is going to be. So this is. This last Friday, I drove. I drove to Hollywood to get one of these rainbow playsets.

[B]

And is it a new one or a used one?

[C]

It's a used one.

[B]

Okay, that's good because if you buy a new one of those.

[C]

Oh, my God, they're like.

[B]

I thought when you said rainbow playset, I thought you were gonna. Thought you were about to ask me for a raise.

[C]

No, no, no. They're. They're like 2500 bucks, 3000 bucks, whatever.

[A]

I thought they were more than that.

[C]

No, I'm sure they can be.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're like, in like 10 to 20 grand.

[C]

This, this particular one, brand new, was $3,000.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

We. 500 bucks. Used. Pretty good shape. Still just needs a stain job. I. I get over optimistic about projects like this. Like, we'll get it taken down and, you know, we'll get it taken down in an hour and a half. We'll be back in another hour and then we'll have this thing set up by supper time. This thing took three and a half hours to take down.

[A]

Okay, I'm so glad you're talking about this because there's several of them. Not, not rainbow ones, but playsets for free on Marketplace right now. They're like, you just come disassemble and you can have it. And I was like, is it going to be a fucking process? I don't want to do it. It is going to be, so.

[B]

But can't you just do it in. You just only have to disassemble parts of it and then just get a big trailer.

[C]

That's what we did. We had two trailers. I had your trailer and then I have my neighbor's trailer. So we had two trucks each with a trailer and both of them were filled. We took it off in sections, but then like, we only had two guys. So like once you get the, the swing set part off, I mean, then you have to start disassembling the like the main bones of it, right? So that's one side's got a rock wall, the other one has like ladder steps. Once you take one off, the whole thing's going to fall down unless someone's holding it or whatever. And so yeah, we, we. There was only one instance where I looked at my dad. I'm like, I'm like, we gotta have better communication on this, otherwise someone's gonna get hurt. And. And that was, that was right away. Everything else went pretty good in terms of like, how the are we gonna do this? We ended up making the right decision on, on each one. But yeah, it was.

[B]

Well.

[C]

And here's the other thing. I thought it'd be cool to bring my three year old with.

[A]

Oh no.

[C]

And he did. I mean, he did really good for the first hour. And then after that, luckily I brought some snacks and there's, let's see, two times. I mean, the kid, he lives in the country. We're in the middle of the city. No, he just pants down the ankles, pissing in the yard. I'm like, dude, okay, yes, we can do that at our house. But when we get around other houses, we, we can't do that. Okay, so come underneath the playset while it's still standing and then we can, we. Can you take care of your business under there? But that it was a grind trying to get that thing disassembled. And then by the end of it, I'm sure you guys have felt this at one time. It. Just throw it on there. Just throw a strap over top of it. If it moves, it moves. It doesn't matter if it flies off the trailer on the way home. Does. Doesn't even matter anymore.

[B]

Just keep going.

[C]

I was just in, I was in mode by the end of it. So Yeah, I think we left at 10 and we got back at like, I don't know, 4:30. So let it sit. Did reassembly was the easiest thing ever. Obviously I've done it already because usually

[A]

it's the taking the thing apart, it's no problem. And then it's putting it back together. That's a bastard.

[C]

Putting it back together was cake. And then we ran into some hardware issues because you know, it's like it's rusted out.

[B]

It's.

[C]

I think the thing was like five or six years old. So couple, couple leg bolt heads snapping off like that. A couple rotted out pieces like on the bottom support beams.

[D]

Nothing major.

[B]

Nothing major, just all the support beams are rotted out.

[C]

Whatever.

[B]

Just 500 bucks.

[C]

So yeah, I mean that it was, it was, it's a good deal. But man, that was one thing I was putting off. Luckily she just went and did it. Otherwise I don't think I'd ever done it.

[A]

Yeah, that's where I'm at too. I'm just, I'm debating like I'm not ever going to do this and I think after your story I probably won't.

[C]

Yeah. So just PSA out there. You need two trailers. You will go into IT mode and if you think it's fun to bring your 3 year old just unless you have a babysitter with you, then yeah, maybe just leave him at home and surprise him when you, when you get back. Yeah, so that was my weekend.

[B]

It was good though. So here's a question. If you had a big enough trailer, could you have just winched it up on the trailer fully put together?

[C]

Dude, I thought the same thing, but I think I would have needed like, I probably would have needed like a car trailer at minimum, like a 30 footer, something. Yeah. And I don't know, probably nine feet wide because I think, yeah, the widest part was like nine feet. So some sort of car or truck tow trailer, something like that. That would have been the move though.

[A]

Just hired a tow truck. What is it? It's another what, 250 bucks.

[C]

Oh, at least. 250 bucks in a carton of six carton cigs are, is not cheap these days.

[A]

No, they're not.

[C]

So that, I mean there's another.

[B]

Especially if you buy them in Holly in Minnesota.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We're gonna be looking at 500 bucks for one probably.

[B]

But you got it all together.

[C]

We got it all together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you replace the rotted out boards?

[C]

No, we kind of, we kind of decided that we we didn't really need them.

[B]

Oh, man.

[C]

Well, because.

[B]

Oh, man.

[C]

I mean, that. You got the slide this. You got the slide going down one end and the swing set on the other, so it's. It's pretty well supported. And we dug, like, we dug the other post into the ground. So it. Not. It's fine.

[A]

Did you call you and your dad?

[C]

Just me and my dad.

[B]

I trust your dad.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. No, I do.

[B]

That.

[C]

That he was the only person.

[B]

After what I know about your dad, I just don't think he's gonna allow his grandchildren to play on a playset that's not sound.

[C]

For sure. For sure.

[B]

I think you're good.

[C]

Yeah, you're good. And I think we'll be the last

[B]

owner now, if you do that with my dad, I don't. You can't go up off his word, you know, he'll just be like, oh, no.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

just go like this and be like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not going anywhere.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It rattles me.

[B]

It.

[A]

It almost went somewhere when you did that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Squeaking. Yeah.

[B]

All you got to do is take one trip through my dad's shop to know that he just gets everything to where it's good enough.

[C]

Yeah. I was just there yesterday. I was dropping that trailer off yesterday.

[B]

It's a lot of junk back there, isn't there? Yeah, it is.

[C]

I was looking at a couple things. I'm like, that's a pretty nice little trailer over there.

[B]

Ryan's just looking around, see what he could sell on ebay.

[D]

No snooping.

[B]

I mean, it would take a while for them to notice that you sold something, too. I'm pretty sure.

[C]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So I was looking for a pile of dirt. You didn't have any dirt back there. Otherwise, it might have been half gone this morning.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But anyway, so. Yeah. So I'm sure that with you guys,

[A]

I'm really glad you did that, actually.

[B]

I don't think you should be scared about this.

[A]

I just.

[C]

I wonder if you're. Just if you're prepared, which is. That's what I intend to do with this, is just to prepare you, and it'll be fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you go into it knowing it might take four hours and it only takes two, you're gonna be like, this is the best thing ever.

[A]

I'm just so in between on even needing one in the first place, and the only reason I'm interested is because some of them are free.

[B]

Are you more so worried that your kids are gonna jump off of it?

[A]

No, I just. I Don't think we need one. We have. We have a tire swing from a tree and a freestanding slide. Like, we just.

[B]

We have. We have a bucket with stuff for them to do.

[C]

Yeah, we have sticks in the yard.

[A]

We have all of the things from one of the. We built a fort. Like, we have a legitimate built fort. So, like, we have all the things, they're just not connected. So it's like. I don't think we need.

[C]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah, you're good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Should get a marigold round, though.

[A]

Maybe. We have a swing that. Hey, it's got like four legs. Like a tent swing my grandma got us. And then it just. There's a big circle deal with a net and they can spin in that. They kind of merry go around that thing.

[C]

Yeah, we have one of those on the new playset.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have all the things just not together. We have a seesaw that I made, so.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

I gotta get a look your backyard.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You got everything?

[B]

We got.

[A]

You know those old jungle gyms that look like a cage? Yeah, we got one of those.

[C]

Get the out.

[A]

I swear to God. My grandma got it for us.

[C]

Right?

[A]

So my aunt had a daycare forever, and then she closed the daycare down. And my grandma just like, give me all this shit. I'm bringing it to Tyler's. Got it.

[D]

I want to go to seesaw.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, the seesaw's fun. They fucking love that.

[B]

I've been on a seesaw.

[C]

Hey, do you guys remember those. Those like. Like mini Merry Go rounds that they had in the. On the playgrounds? It can fit like three people.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Was there. Did you guys ever have a person in your school who could just rip on those things and because they would swing their leg out so far to keep kicking it around. There's one girl in particular, I. Her leg. Like, her leg was a mile, a mile in side direction and she would fucking kick that thing and we would get zipping on there. Everyone looked up to her because she. I'm like. Like, hey, Morgan.

[B]

Because she was tall.

[C]

Yeah. Come on over. We got it. Let's get riffing over here.

[B]

Yeah,

[D]

I want to go.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I forgot how to even do a seesaw. It's been so long.

[C]

You just squat down and then push up.

[A]

You just sit down, hold the little handle.

[D]

My form's gonna be way off.

[B]

You wanna make sure, though, you're comparable in size.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Otherwise you just. It's not see sawing.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

You're just Seeing each other.

[C]

Some of them have like. Some of them have big springs in the middle so you don't have to be the same size. But I'm assuming this is.

[A]

We don't. No, just straight up a hinge in the middle. Sure.

[C]

You might throw a weight vest on your kid or something. You've really even things out.

[D]

40 pound weight.

[C]

You could put like a post right in front that.

[B]

It's.

[C]

It's pretty much like a plate post. So you could just put. Yeah, you could put bumper plates on it.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Anyway, anything else you want to share with the group or Ryan?

[C]

Nope. No, that was it.

[D]

That was good.

[C]

Yeah, it was full weekend busy. Got that done on a max project.

[D]

And what's the next project?

[C]

Leveling the yard out. That's gonna suck, but should have done

[A]

that before he put a play set up.

[C]

Yeah, whatever. There's no order of operations around my house. We just. If we got time to do you just do it. Whether it something else, it doesn't matter.

[D]

Gives you something to do.

[C]

Yeah, it gives you something to do. Then I get to think more about it.

[B]

Well, no, now you have less ground. You got to level out.

[C]

Boom, there we go. And I got. Yeah, I got less grass, I got a plant less mowing around. That thing's gonna be a.

[A]

Just. Anyway, put some P rock in there. Build a little thing around it so you don't have to.

[C]

See, if that's another project, though, I gotta get P Rock and then I gotta. I got. I'm done with mulch. I'll never look at mulch again in my life.

[A]

Don't do P Rock because then you're just gonna be those bullets flying when you mow the lawn. They're not staying in that fucking look.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Wear eye protection.

[D]

What's your beef with mulch?

[C]

I had mulch my last place. It just gets all over the place. It's so messy.

[B]

So why don't you use the mulch glue?

[C]

Yep. Yes, you're right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But for a playground, you don't want to glue together and you gotta.

[C]

You have to, like, if you want it to look nice, you should. You should reapply, like at least every two years.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

So maintenance.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, but understandable. Anyway, I'm done.

[B]

What do we got today, Jared?

[D]

Unwritten rules of the Midwest party.

[B]

Unwritten rules. But side note, by the way, before we get. This is totally unrelated. Why, Why I was saying about this. Why is it that old people, old guys specifically, just have the most disgusting toenails why are they always discolored?

[A]

Yeah, and they're. Why?

[B]

What, what happens between the age of where we're at and 50 years old that all of a sudden you just have discolored toes?

[A]

They're like. Why are they so thick?

[B]

The toenail, especially the big toe thick is like a half inch thick.

[A]

He's definitely listening right now. My uncle Sean has the grossest toenails I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

I mean, every guy in my life that I've seen at the lake without shoes on has toes like this.

[A]

They're like. They become claws.

[B]

Yeah. I don't understand it. Why are they so thick?

[C]

It's a great question. I don't know. Is it. Is one of them things where they just. Maybe there's like a 10 year period where they just don't see their toenails maybe. And, and like pre. Instead of preventing something before it happens, it's just happening while you're not even seeing it.

[B]

Yeah, but like I don't. Is there. Cuz are we headed that direction? Are we going to wake up one day and just have thick discolored toenails? I think, like, is there anything I can do to prevent that? Because I would like to know that.

[C]

Is it like a manual labor thing versus like an office job thing?

[B]

No, I've. I've seen both.

[A]

Uncle Sean's worked plenty of office jobs. They nasty still?

[D]

Yeah, they nasty still.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

There's got to be like a lack of some type of nutrient as to why they're turning yellow and why they're becoming so thick.

[B]

Do they.

[C]

Is it because they drink more milk?

[B]

Just.

[A]

They're maybe just more ornery than us and it's just gravity is flowing down to the nails. They got ornery toes, but.

[B]

Yeah, I don't even know.

[D]

I think it's because they don't get pedicures.

[B]

So you're saying that we need to start getting pedicures?

[D]

Not every day, but maybe every year.

[C]

It could be the lack of nibbles from minnows in the, in the little minnow pail too. When you get a pedicure, that is.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[C]

When you get a pedicure, sometimes I'll throw minnows in there and I'll nibble on your toes.

[D]

I thought you're talking about at the lake.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, well, that too, yeah. They're not spending enough time with their toes dipped in the water.

[A]

Do you ever dip anything else in there to get nibbled on?

[C]

My Pecker. No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I'm assuming that's what you were referring to.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that could be one of them. I was referring to anything really.

[B]

Just open ended. They don't have a bucket. Bucket that's shallow enough for Ryan.

[C]

I have to go where the sand of the beach meets the water.

[A]

The minnows can't get up there that far.

[C]

No. Because then they'll just. They'll just get. When. When the. When the water goes back out, they'll just get stuck in the sand.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah, great way to catch minnows too, if you're trying to go fishing.

[A]

You're right, though. Old people do got nasty feet.

[B]

Well, it's like. And there's like stages of it, you know, it's like stage one is like you just gotta weird colored toenail, it's a little bit thicker. Then as it gets worse and worse, there's fungus involved. Maybe multiple toes, maybe. You know, then. Then all of a sudden they're getting like. Like bunions and. Oh, yeah. I don't know, I just feel like. And then old guys get to a point where they just. They have to wear shoes at all times because their feet hurt.

[A]

I feel like I've never heard anyone under the age of 60 have to get a bunion removed.

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay, so old people often develop thick, discolored toenails, primarily due to fungal infections which thrive in older, slower growing nails. Other major causes include reduced blood circulation, cumulative trauma for years of. From years of walking, and natural aging that slows down nail regeneration.

[B]

Is there anything we can do about it? Or are we all four of us destined to have disgusting nails?

[D]

Toenails, Guys, maybe soap your feet. I don't soap my feet.

[B]

Keep the fungus off of it. Sounds like a lot of walking. So let's just wheelchair. Yeah, we'll just do wheelchairs. Maybe Heelys. We'll get Heelys.

[A]

Ryan's good.

[D]

He's got them compression socks for better blood flow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm feeling good though. About zero G right now. Yeah, zero G. Better blood. Blood flow while you sleep in your legs could be preventing those toenails. Or.

[D]

Yeah, you could sleep reverse in your zero G and have those puppies up.

[B]

No, they are up.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, he's like, my feet are higher than my. Than my heart, so it promotes better.

[D]

Gotcha.

[B]

Blood flow.

[D]

Never mind.

[B]

It's like basically every night. Yeah, every night I do the E and rice elevation.

[C]

Well, you're resting too.

[B]

I am resting. The only thing I'm not doing is icing and compressing But I could.

[A]

You could put a compression socks on?

[B]

I could. Well, I could just screw it. I'll just do full compression. Bodysuit.

[A]

Yeah. You know, they make. They make, like, foot sleeves that you can put in the freezer. So you just get a pair of

[B]

those ice socks all of a sudden. My nightly routine is like a half hour long because I'm just worried I'm gonna get discolored toenails someday.

[C]

So. It also says decades of walking or wearing tight shoes leads to minor repetitive injuries causing the nail to thicken as a protective response.

[A]

So my dad runs a shitload.

[C]

Like, I'm sure his nails are nasty.

[A]

10 miles a day, and he has he. No pinky toenails. And, like, the ring finger tones are. Those are starting to fall off now too. So they just. You don't have to worry about funky toenails.

[B]

If they're just gone, you don't have any.

[C]

Yeah. What. I guess. What's the purpose of. What's the purpose of toenails?

[A]

I think it's, like, helps with, like, stubbing your toes or some. I don't know. It's a protection. That's what your fingernails are for.

[B]

I feel like, because we used to be doing more. We used to be like monkeys and apes.

[C]

Right?

[B]

That's what we.

[D]

Great band name, Monkeys and apes.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

That's what we. You know, and they used to. Their. Their feet were a lot like hands. And I feel like we've just evolved, and now it's like, honestly, let's just get rid of the tone.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we don't even need them.

[C]

Well, could you imagine. I mean, the, The. The. Yeah. Could you imagine trying to, like, peel a sticker off of a sticker book with no fingernails or toenails?

[A]

Yeah, that would suck. We'd find a way.

[B]

Oh, God. Hold on, let me sec. Yeah, that would suck. God, I would hate that. Yeah. If I. I guess if I get rid of my toenails, I can't peel stickers out of a sticker book with my toes.

[D]

Or scratching stuff. I can't do that.

[B]

Scratch?

[C]

You couldn't scratch and stuff? Yeah. How are you gonna. Like, they're gonna get rid of all coins eventually, I'm sure. How the. Are you gonna. How are you gonna rip a scrat?

[B]

Not with your toes, I can tell you that much.

[C]

That ain't gonna work,

[B]

but. Yeah, I just. I don't know. Yeah, I think we're probably all headed there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to use this platform as a way to raise awareness. For it. We need to find a cure. We need to find a cure for gross old guy toenails. And I don't, I don't know what it is, but we need to start raising money for that.

[A]

Like they have the fungal protection, but I think old guys, the generation that are old guys right now are so anti medicine that I think we'll be all right. I have no problem taking an antifungal thing and putting it all over my toes so they don't get all grody.

[B]

That's true. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, the way they talk about how they used to go to school, they probably have. They probably have years of trench foot buildup too.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

Probably doesn't help. You know, it's like I had to go to school uphill both ways.

[A]

In my wooden clogs.

[B]

In my wooden clogs, in the mud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My rubber boots.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

And yeah, I just had trench foot. Every day of my life I had

[A]

trench foot and frostbite at the same time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's too tight of shoes. I gotta start touching grass.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, it's like a double edged sword. You know, Once he gets that point, you know, you don't really want to take your shoes off because your feet are gross. But the cure for it could be taking those shoes off.

[A]

I feel like some of the old guys are like proud of how nasty they are.

[B]

Maybe that's part of it, is like they're always wearing shoes inside. Like all times. Anytime they're awake, they got shoes on.

[A]

Is now, you know, Gotta let them dogs breathe.

[C]

Good point.

[B]

So, yeah,

[D]

just a thought.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, just a thought I had. Just it's.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, glad you could get that off your chest. Put the right foot forward.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, you know, I always say like balding comes from your mom's dad. It's like, does toenails come from your dad's dad or something? You know?

[A]

What is that just your dad?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Dad, let me get a peep of your toes. So I know what I'm here for.

[C]

Yeah, a hairline's easy to see on

[B]

your mom's dad, but what do you want to see? My toes?

[A]

What kind of weird are you asking for

[C]

selling that online now?

[B]

I failed you as a father, so I just wanted. Yeah, I just thought I had. I don't know if there's anything we do it. But I. I would like to raise awareness on this and see if we can find a cure worthy cause. Yeah, you know, we'll raise money.

[A]

Toe fungal awareness.

[B]

I'd like to think we helped get crazy horse kick started again. Let's do the same thing with toenails here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Let's kick start it. Let's have. We'll have tone Gross toenail awareness month. And I think that should be May.

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[B]

Especially because it's like, this is it. Start getting nice out. People aren't wearing sandals more.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I think May feels like the right gross toenail awareness month.

[A]

Yeah. And everyone, May is like springtime, new beginnings, season of growth.

[D]

Yeah. And we're not gonna have a walk to raise money because that's gonna make it work.

[A]

No, that'd be way worse.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

We're gonna have a sit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're gonna do a. A 5k sit.

[A]

We're gon group of people sitting in chairs, soaking their feet in Epsom salt.

[C]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And we'll be handing out free. Free pairs of toe shoes.

[A]

And Ryan. Yep. Ryan will be walking around with minnows for each bucket.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Fat heads. A scoop here, a scoop there.

[C]

Yep. Nice big old fat heads. That's a type of minnow, Jared.

[D]

I didn't know that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I only thought there's one type of minnow.

[C]

No. Crappie minnows, Fatheads, shiners, sucker minnows.

[A]

Aquatic. You're right.

[D]

Stupid question.

[C]

No stupid questions on this podcast ever.

[D]

Are minnows just baby fish? Are they just a type of fish species?

[C]

Like, if you let a minnow grow 10 years, say, the longevity is not that long, but they won't grow into, like, a full size carp.

[A]

But, like, crappie minnows are baby crappies, are they not?

[C]

No.

[A]

My mind is blown.

[C]

No.

[A]

I've been buying crappie minnows since I was 12 years old, and I've always thought if I put them in a fish tank, they would just grow up to be crappies. No, by the.

[C]

Check that.

[A]

Let's.

[C]

Let's check that just in case.

[D]

Or crappie.

[A]

What are crappie.

[B]

Do crappie minnows grow into full size crappies?

[A]

I. E. Yeah. Second one that's crappy Minnows grow into full size crappies.

[D]

Full size crappies.

[A]

No forage fish.

[C]

So are they baby fat? They might be baby fatheads.

[A]

Usually fathead minnows are golden shiners designed to be eaten by crappies, not turn into them. My whole world has changed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've always thought I had a fish tank growing up with goldfish and I'd go fishing and I'd be like, I should bring home some of these crappie minnows so that I can have a crappie in my fish tank.

[C]

Yeah. Throw me your little stock lake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now you know.

[A]

Now I know. You're never too old to learn things.

[B]

All right. Unwritten rules of a Midwest party, Jared.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Let's do it. Unwritten rules of a Midwest party. I think no matter how many times you ask if you should bring something

[A]

and they say no, and they say

[B]

no, you still have to bring something. Doesn't have to be anything crazy, you know, it could just be, like a little thing of potato salad. Maybe some extra beer.

[A]

Beer is always safe. You're always safe bringing beer.

[B]

Yeah. Beer is funny because as Midwesterners, if we're having a party, you always stock up on beer and buy way too much. And then the people that come to your party also bring beer.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So you basically have enough beer for, like, a thousand thousand people, even though it's only gonna be 10.

[A]

And then those people that bring beer to your party that you bought beer to stock up for leave their beer at the end of the party. So then you just have more beer than you'll ever know. What?

[B]

Which is a great problem.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I don't even. It's not even a problem that needs to be fixed.

[A]

I don't. No, no. Yeah, because then you're good. You don't have to go to the liquid store for months.

[C]

You know, you want to hit power hour with your buddies or something. You got enough bruskies there.

[B]

I always am trying to hit a power hour with my buddies.

[C]

You know, life gets. Life gets hard sometimes.

[A]

We should do a power hour podcast one time. Just have it in the background.

[D]

I could do it.

[B]

You guys can watch me. I think another unwritten rule of Midwest Party is there's definitely a time limit on a conversation with somebody. I don't know if you guys feel.

[A]

Yeah. You can't monopolize the party with one person.

[B]

Yeah. Because then all of a sudden, someone's gonna be like, ah, what. What are you guys talking about over there?

[A]

Yeah. Especially as the host, too. You gotta bounce around all the people you invited.

[B]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's. It's almost like. Like if you're the host of a Midwest party, you have to treat it as if you're running for office.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a politician. Just walk around, shake hands with everyone, get some laughs.

[D]

Guess a baby if one's there.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Honestly, for me, I don't know about. For you guys, but when I Have a party. I typically ignore the people I'm closer to more than the. Like one. Not one off.

[C]

Acquaintances.

[A]

Yeah, the acquaintances. I pay more attention to them than I do my best friend because I know he's going to be fucking fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That's the correct.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I think another thing unwritten rule is that you just. You have to have an. An unbelievable variety of bars. I was at a Midwest party recently and we're talking every kind of bar you can think of was at this thing.

[C]

That's sick though. So if the host tells you not to bring anything, is that kind of a safe bet to bring. Just bring some bars kind of bars.

[A]

Yep. You have scotcharoos, monster bars, Eminem bars.

[D]

Even brownies.

[A]

Lemon bars.

[B]

Even. Yeah, lemon bars. Even like carrot cake in the shape

[A]

of a bar with the cream cheese frost.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Banana bars, which are just banana bread in a bar pan.

[B]

I had a said party. There was. It was like a scotcharoo with caramel hybrid going on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So even variations of traditional bars.

[C]

Rice Krispie bars.

[A]

Have you Rice Krispie bars with caramel in it as well as the marshmallow.

[B]

Rice Krispie bars. Yeah.

[C]

Those get to be a little bit much for me.

[A]

They're very rich because it's a.

[C]

It's a. It's a caramel sandwich with each side being Rice Krispie bar.

[B]

We look. Yeah. My mom used to make what she called candy pizza, which is just another form of a bar that was just like cookies that was just. She just flattened into a pan instead of making them into circles.

[D]

Brilliant.

[B]

And then would just take like fun sized candy bars and crush them up and sprinkle it on top with chocolate and caramel and it was just like.

[C]

It's great.

[A]

You ever had fruit pizza?

[B]

No.

[A]

Fruit. Fruit pizza is just a big ass sugar cookie that you cover in frosting or cream cheese and then sprinkle a little bit of fruit on it.

[D]

Marmalade.

[B]

My version of that is. I've had fruit salsa is what it's called. So basically you just chop up fruit like it's a salsa. And then you take like almost like pita bread.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You put cinnamon sugar on it and then you dip it in the. In the.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

In the fruit.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Those Taco Bell cinnamon twists. Dip it.

[A]

Oh,

[C]

this.

[A]

This devolved quickly into what do we like.

[C]

Yeah. People cookie cakes are. We got to make more cookie cakes. More mainstream, I feel like. Because whenever a kid in, in. In school would bring a cookie cake for their birthday, it was, it was better than the last day of school.

[B]

Not better than a five pound Hershey bar, I can tell you that much.

[C]

Go on.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like I said this on this podcast, but we just had a kid whose dad worked for Hershey's.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Every birthday, bring a five pound Hershey bar, and every kid just got a hunk of Hershey.

[C]

And that's the worst. That's the worst type of chocolate candy.

[A]

Here's your brick of chocolate. Try not to get too messy.

[C]

It's like the chocolate bunny rabbit for Easter. It's like, who's eating all.

[A]

It's entirely too much chocolate.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

It's not that good either.

[A]

No.

[D]

It's on a brown paper towel. The chunk of chocolate.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like an unwritten rule for a Midwest party is always take your shoes off at. At the door, even if the host demands that you leave them on.

[B]

I'm out on that.

[A]

I.

[B]

If I get told that I can leave my shoes on, it's the happiest day ever.

[C]

Really?

[B]

I love shoes on.

[C]

You're going to get gross toenails.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It's awareness month. I typically just take them off without even asking.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

It's just habit.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

I have sticky feet, so I'll go as far as I can with my shoes on.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That.

[C]

So it seeps through your socks.

[D]

Well, I'll try as long as possible to keep my shoes on. If I don't. If I could keep my shoes, I'll keep my shoes.

[B]

Yeah. If they got a lot of carpet in their house, shoes are definitely coming off.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Walking around the carpet with shoes on just feels wrong.

[A]

Very wrong.

[B]

Feel like you're ruining stuff.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But if they got hardwood, you know, I'm much more willing to risk keeping the shoes on.

[C]

You got someone behind you with, like, a Swiffer. Like, Swiffer.

[B]

And I do understand. I do understand that that's not very Midwest of me to want to keep my shoes on.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It goes against all Midwest values. Actually.

[A]

I feel like a Midwest. At a Midwest party, it's perfectly acceptable for the ox to be a radio station.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, nowhere else is that going to make sense. But if just the. A random radio station is playing quietly at a Midwest party, it totally fits. Yeah.

[B]

I feel like there's also kind of one storyline that seems to dominate a Midwest party. You know, whether that's something that's going on in town or basically. Or if someone had a terrible travel day.

[A]

Oh, my.

[C]

Yeah, that'll take up.

[B]

Oh, God. You hear Tim? What? Jeez. He's had a day. Like, he just got here, man. He was on the road for eight hours. It was only supposed to take him four. Can you believe that?

[D]

Stoplight malfunction.

[A]

He just sat there for two and a half hours. Yeah. By himself.

[C]

We had a four way stop here.

[B]

We got caught. Stop.

[D]

That's good, though, because my dad epoxied his floor. We had a garage party. Everyone was talking about the epoxy.

[B]

Every party needs a one storyline that everyone's talking about. God, that's a nice epoxy for. And then it's like, so how'd you end it? How'd you do it? Exactly, Exactly. You know, I won't. Was it expensive?

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and then usually your dad's like, well, it would have been if I'd have hired someone, but I did it myself, so it wasn't too bad.

[D]

It's exactly how it went.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I was gonna say that'd be a great marketing tactic. Like, hey, I'll throw it. Like, I'll fund. I'll fund a party for you to have after I epoxy your floor. Just because I know you're.

[B]

That'll be the talk of it. That actually is a great idea.

[C]

Guerrilla marketing. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, around graduation party time, you. You target all the dads of seniors. Yes, I have epoxy your floor for your graduation party for free if you make sure to mention it 400 times.

[C]

Yeah, and I'll provide. I'll provide a free crock pot of pulled pork.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Done deal.

[A]

I would fucking jump on that. I would.

[C]

My kids graduated from preschool. I would put their sign in.

[A]

You know how, like when somebody mows your lawn, they put their. This lawn is mowed by so and so I would put that up in the garage for the graduation party.

[B]

The great idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This is nice.

[C]

And if the pull part sucks, do

[B]

they have other colors too? Could you go with some else? Like.

[C]

Oh, God, yeah. Hey, I got. I got the book. I got the book in the house. I'll go get it quick.

[A]

Your dad went with purple and gold, huh?

[D]

I actually don't remember.

[B]

At the graduation party, there's like the boards, you know, with the photos, and the last board is just all of the different color options.

[A]

Is the guy apart oxying your floor like it's a memory from childhood?

[D]

I remember that real well.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It feels like it was just last week.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You have a. Like a custom Snapchat filter for people taking photos at the Grad party. And the hashtag on it is just like a hashtag of the company that did the flooring.

[A]

Yep. Floors by Fred.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like they're always like, if. If they're like an epoxy floor company. I always feel like the title of it's always way too intense for what it is. It's always, like, tightened flooring, you know, aggressive flooring. Extremely aggressive flooring. And there's no E at the beginning of extremely. It's just an X.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Refurbished floors by domination.

[B]

Yeah. And then there's always one random, like, super Christian company. Like, I remember there was a. There was a roofing company in Fargo. It was the title of. It was for him, like, capital H on him. And their logo was, like, three crosses and stuff. I feel like in every industry, there's always one super Christian company that names it after that.

[D]

I could trust them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, if you're going to do my. My roofing for him, they. You know, I don't think our. Our house ain't going to get hailed on.

[A]

Jesus was a carpenter.

[C]

You confirm my kid while you're at it, too. Yeah. Yeah. How about a Baptist? How about a baptism?

[D]

Trinity flooring?

[C]

Yeah, I do. I mean, on that point, Jared, I feel like an unwritten rule of a Midwest party is you have to show the guys there. You have to show them the garage at least once. Even if your house is 20 years old and they've been there 100 times, you still got to go in the garage because you might have added something.

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

yeah.

[B]

And. And I think another unwritten rule of Midwest party is even if there's enough chairs, half the people got to just stand around.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You find a good. Find a good countertop to lean on.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Or maybe a corner of the room.

[C]

Yep. Yep.

[A]

Kind of on Ryan's point, too. You also have to just give a tour, even if the person doesn't want a tour.

[C]

Like, I think that that goes in with the invitation list. You have to invite at least one person over. Hasn't been there yet. So you can give a tour.

[A]

Yeah. And then you got to make some. You. Wow. You want the tour now or later? Yeah, I think I did that exact thing to Miles the first time he came to my house.

[B]

We did. We did a tour.

[A]

Yep. I was like, well, you want the tour now or after we shoot the video?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't do that on the tour.

[A]

Yeah. Ryan is the only time in the history of Midwest he brought me to his house. He says, there it is. And then he backed out of the driveway.

[B]

Work to do, I think also on said tour, if you're the one receiving the tour, you. You also need to start because. Okay, so here we go. Person giving the tour always needs to point out stuff that they're gonna do in the future.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yep. You.

[B]

And it's like, oh, this is a closet or this is a storage room. But I thought about maybe, you know, converting it into a laundry room down here.

[A]

Y.

[B]

And you were doing that to me and we were discussing options.

[A]

Yeah. I have a kitchen. I have two kitchens.

[B]

Your basement is an unbelievable layout. I've never seen anything like it.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. So the previous owners, they lived upstairs in a small part. Right. And then they were going to add on a bunch upstairs. So then they just retrofitted the basement to live in the basement for a while. And then so it's like a mother in law suite basically down there with a whole full kitchen in the basement. And it's like, I don't need two kitchens. So we're going to eventually convert that into something, make it a bedroom or whatever. But there's a false floor, so the ceilings are super short. So it's like.

[B]

Yeah, your ceilings are like. If I was 6, 5, I would have to go like this. Yeah.

[A]

I have to duck to get into the kitchen through the little brace they have in there. I have to duck through it. It's interesting. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's also one little random step up that I tripped on for sure.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't have the caution tape out,

[B]

and there goes, I'm gonna have gross toenails. Trauma to the toes.

[C]

I mean, I've told people where I. I'm gonna. I'll put a shop someday that could be 15 years from now. Still gotta tell them.

[B]

But you gotta do that because you never know where good ideas can come from anywhere. So if you, you know, tell 45 people about it, there's gonna be a couple of good ideas that they bring up that you're gonna implement.

[C]

For sure.

[A]

Yep, for sure.

[B]

You know, put out in the ether.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was thinking a shop over here. You know, I was gonna maybe have a face this way. And then you kind of wait and be like, oh, yeah, you could do that. What if you did this? And you're like, that's a great idea.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You should do a door out the back as well. And you could, you know, your mower can go in and out.

[C]

Yeah. I can't believe I didn't want to invite you a couple weeks ago, you know, type.

[B]

I think there's also unwritten wolf Midwest party is that there's always needs to be a secondary place for people to go that don't want the super loud party. It's usually a basement. There needs to be a. There needs to be a fracture in where the party's at. There needs to be the garage. It could be out in the patio, could be in the basement. But there always needs to be two locations for a party.

[A]

A secondary, smaller, quieter party needs to be happening while the other party is happening.

[D]

Play like Nintendo Wii in the basement.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's usually just dudes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, my every birthday party we've ever thrown at my house, my dad goes to the basement and just hangs out down there and there'll be like a couple other people that meander downstairs.

[B]

Yep. Yeah. There always needs to be a secondary party going on. You know, it's. You know, it could be in the backyard, guys drinking beer, standing there, and the kids are running around. Then once in a while just throw them a ball.

[A]

I think that even, like, that was this true for, like, when we do college parties. Like, there would be a shop party going on. The majority of people are in the shop, and then you come outside, there's 15 dudes sitting next to a tailgate drinking.

[B]

For us in college, it was always in the house and then on the roof.

[C]

Yeah, great spot. Roof's an underrated spot to party.

[D]

Great for Instagram profile pick too.

[C]

For sure. Album cover?

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

So sick.

[C]

Damn it, Kid Cudi.

[D]

Some sunglasses and a Dennis Rodman jersey or something on.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What else?

[D]

I would be like, bring an old sweatshirt you don't care for because it might get cold and you're gonna forget it. So, yeah, if you leave it there, that's fine.

[B]

I wouldn't have put that on my list.

[A]

Smart, though.

[B]

Smart. I mean, I just always try and keep some sort of extra layer in my truck at all times. So if I'm in a pinch, I can go run and get it.

[D]

Yeah. That's basically the same concept.

[A]

Yeah. I keep my snow bibs in the truck.

[B]

I think another unwritten rule about parking at a Midwest party is you. You can't go front row parking.

[C]

No. God, no. You got street parking.

[B]

You got to go street. You know, you even need to go like, oh, fuck. We can park in the cul de sac and then walk over there, because Two blocks, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I like when people in the Midwest just park right in the middle of the cul de sac. So any cars could Just drive around.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think because. Because usually at a Midwest party there is an older person that's going to show up and we've all just decided that we can walk fine. So we're gonna save the, the spot close to the house for the older person to be able to get in.

[A]

Easy reserved.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Rockstar parking.

[B]

Yeah. I mean that happened to me over the weekend. We went over to someone's house. I'm like, there was a spot open in the garage or in the driveway and I like, I was like, God, where should we park? Like just park by the mailbox. You know, there's no mails already come for the day. Just park by the mailbox, leave that spot open for someone else.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Rather park by the fire hydrant than park in their driveway.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[C]

When's a proper time to show up to a Midwest party?

[B]

I feel like right on time.

[A]

I feel like right on time Midwest parties. I think it's perfectly fine.

[B]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[A]

Your relatives are going to show up 20 minutes early.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I think. Right. It's weird that I feel like we're pretty on time as a group of people for.

[A]

Without a doubt. I'm trying to think like most of the parties I've thrown at my house are children's birthday parties. But like there's the same four people show up 20 to 30 minutes early every time.

[B]

It seems like the older you get, the earlier you show up. Yeah, the, the 20 year old kids in your family, they show up 45

[D]

minutes late because they don't have a watch.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. And then like you get into your 30s, you show up about on time and then you start getting 40, 50, 60 years old and you're a half hour early. You get in your 70s, you're an hour early. You also leave two hours early. It's the whole thing.

[C]

Yeah. I mean the old people, they get first crack at the hors d'.

[A]

Oeuvres. Yeah.

[D]

That's the best position to be in a potato sale. Is gonna go back.

[B]

Yeah. The old people got to get there so that not everyone eats up all the lutefist.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Someone's gotta take those are gonna go like hotcakes. Get there early and get my fill

[C]

grand. Grab a show up in here earlier. I'm gonna have to head to the river and try and catch a couple more. You guys ever had lunafisk, by the way?

[A]

It's ass.

[C]

It's. Yeah.

[A]

I don't get it.

[C]

It's essentially like eating Jello.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

It's fine.

[C]

You've never had it. Oh, you have?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I thought you said no.

[B]

No, I said yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I think enough butter can mask anything.

[A]

Yeah, but you need a shitload to masculine.

[C]

I know.

[D]

Basically just eating butter.

[C]

Yeah, Butter with butter as the base.

[B]

There is. And that's another unwritten rule of every parties. There's always some dish that only, like,

[A]

two people like, but they love it. Stop talking about it.

[C]

And that's why you got to have it.

[B]

And they love telling people that how much they love it and try and make them feel bad for not liking it. Oh, fuck. You got to try it. It's so good.

[C]

I feel like tiger meat is kind of like that. You guys ever had tiger meat?

[A]

I think you've told me about it. I don't think I have.

[C]

It's not actor. Yeah, yeah. Like tartar. It's not actual tiger meat. It's like.

[B]

It's just like beef tartar.

[C]

Yeah. It's like cured beef, essentially. A lot of people have never tried it, and they, like, they won't try it because it just sounds kind of gross.

[A]

It's just raw. Raw or what?

[C]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, just raw. Cured. It's like sushi, but in hamburger form.

[A]

10 4.

[D]

Midwest sushi.

[C]

Yeah. A similar situation. No one's gonna try it, but then there'll be a couple. Tiger Me is unbelievable.

[D]

And they'll bully you into trying it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Yep.

[B]

You'll like it. You just gotta try it.

[C]

You can't say you don't like it unless you try it.

[B]

Ryan hasn't tried any yet.

[C]

Yeah. Same with, like, pickled northern and I love pickle. Yeah. Some people don't with it, though. I. I'll eat an entire jar.

[D]

Yeah. My mom had, like, jalapeno pineapple. Like, cream dip was super good. And like every. She says, oh, I got that from Costco. Oh, I got that from Costco. Oh, I got that from Costco. It's like, just tell me what's not

[B]

from Costco that I can.

[D]

I can eliminate who. What it is.

[B]

Dude, my mom, love. For whatever reason, my mom, I. I think that I got this correct. She thinks that Walmart pies are elite. And every time she gets a Walmart pie, she has to tell everyone that she got it from Walmart because it's. You wouldn't expect Walmart to have good pie.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

There's always got to be something that you got to tell where you got it from. From, you know, I actually got that from Walmart.

[A]

Even. Even if they made it themselves, they have to tell you where they got the recipe from. Like, oh, I got this one. The newspaper. They posted some recipes in the newspaper, and I got it from there.

[D]

Martha Stewart made it.

[A]

Yep. I got this one from my aunt Judy Reed Drummond.

[B]

We were making pizzas with some friends the other day and.

[D]

Candy pizza?

[B]

No, no. Candy pizza. Fruit pizza. Nope. Regular pizza. And the gal whose house we were at, she whipped out a cookbook to figure out the ingredients for a certain type of pizza. And I was like, I haven't seen someone whip out a cookbook in years. Because you just Google it, Right.

[A]

My wife has a cookbook she uses

[C]

all the time, My wife. But I mean, like two, three times a week.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, and it's just. Ann and I are just Googling.

[C]

Does she not have, like, have those.

[B]

Like, what if you get a cookbook and all the what if, like, you're just. There's better recipes out there, but you're just. You're just locked into the cookbook that you bought. You know what I mean? Have you ever thought about that?

[A]

Becca's is a bunch of recipes that she got from my grandma and then have been adding recipes to the cookbook since then.

[C]

Yeah, it's like a scrapbook, essentially.

[A]

Yeah. And, like, there is one in there. Clip from the newspaper. That's why I said the newspaper thing.

[C]

Yeah. My wife uses cookbook all the time. Grandma's recipes, her mom's recipes, you know.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'll shut the up. I just thought maybe the society was Googling.

[A]

Mother's Day is cone up. Get in a cookbook.

[B]

No, she won't look at it. Yeah.

[C]

Send a message out to her mom and her grand. Her grandmas.

[B]

So the problem is, is annual. She'll Google a recipe, she'll make it, it'll be really good, and then she won't save it anywhere.

[A]

Gone forever.

[B]

So then it's just. Yeah. Then we just have to try a different version. I don't know.

[A]

That cookbook would solve that. You print that thing out. Oh, get your cookbook app.

[B]

I mean, yeah, it'd be fine. It's just like. But what if. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I like the idea of a cookbook. We're just. It's not practical for Anne and I.

[C]

I mean, it's also a good conversation starter because it's usually, like, sitting, like, in the corner of the kitchen or it's usually somewhere out in our house anyways. I don't know.

[A]

Ours is on top of the microwave.

[C]

Yeah, you got. Yeah, she's got. You gotta get her a cookbook.

[B]

Gotta get a cookbook.

[C]

Message your mom and grandma. Just collect a bunch of recipes and then print out a cookbook for mother's Day.

[D]

Then.

[B]

The problem with anti, though, is even if she does have a recipe, she just eyeballs a lot of.

[A]

Okay, dude. I think that's all right, though. I think a lot of old ladies that are really great cooks just get it close enough.

[C]

They do. They for sure do.

[B]

But, yeah. I don't know. It's like. And for whatever reason, makes a really good egg bake. Which sounds weird because it's pretty big. Like, egg bake. It's just egg bake.

[A]

You can have shitty eggs.

[B]

She made it for a party once, and everyone was like, what the are they doing in this egg? What's your recipe? And she's like, I don't. I just dumped a bag of this in there. And if, you know, hash browns. Whatever. I do think that she did a disproportionate amount of hash browns to egg ratio, which made it better.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So you get too much egg in an egg bake.

[A]

You're like, yeah, it's just scrambled eggs in a pan.

[C]

It's a hash brown bake.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Less egg, more bake.

[B]

So it's more of a hash than it is an egg bag.

[A]

That's fine.

[D]

Hashbag.

[B]

It's a hash bag. Hash bag. Hash bake. Hash bake. Hashtag hash bake.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That'll catch on.

[B]

Yeah. Well,

[D]

So, yeah, cookbook. I mean, Midwest survival guy Charlie Baron's half of it's a cookbook, so.

[B]

Wouldn't know. I haven't read it.

[D]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

What's funny is. Is, you know, like, on the backs of books, they'll have, like, endorsements from people. He never asked me for an endorsement.

[A]

He knew. He knew you were gonna read that shit, and he couldn't. He couldn't put false advertising in his. In his book.

[B]

No, I know, but I at least would have. At least would have skimmed it.

[A]

And I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you're not a book critic. Who's gonna. Who's gonna take your. That.

[B]

That hurts, Tyler.

[A]

Who's gonna take your recommendation on the back?

[C]

You guys talk books all the time.

[B]

Yeah, that's why it hurts.

[A]

But you know who.

[C]

So.

[B]

Okay, so now I clearly know. Anything that I say about a book, you're like, well, that's dumb. If anyone's taking Anything Miles says, seriously, when it comes to a book.

[A]

But like, the backs of books, it's from other authors. They're like, this is the best series I've read in a long time. And then it'll be like, how many. George R.R. martin.

[B]

How many videos about the Midwest have we done where people comment and say, oh, my God, this is so true. Tyler, if anyone's qualified to weigh in about how to survive the Midwest, it's. It's me.

[A]

But you haven't written a book.

[D]

There's no comment saying, God, I wish Miles would review some books.

[A]

They'll get.

[B]

They'll get. They'll get Bezos to do a thing on the back. He hasn't wrote a book. I don't know. They get people like that all the time.

[A]

It's just. I'm saying nine times out of ten, it's other authors comments on the back.

[B]

Oh, God, no. It's just famous people, authors.

[A]

Go to a book you're reading right now, read the reviews in the back. It'll be a publishing company or an authority.

[B]

Because the only reason why they do that is it's usually. It's got to be people within the publishing network.

[A]

Yeah. Because otherwise they're not going to. But do it.

[B]

But anyone who's a really big author will get fucking Oprah and Elon Musk.

[C]

Oprah win the Rock Johnson.

[B]

Wayne the Rock Johnson.

[A]

Dwayne and Oprah are both authors.

[B]

Yeah, but not really ghostwriters.

[A]

I don't know. Oprah's written a bunch of children's books too,

[B]

so whatever. Tyler, it's fine. I just finished the project Hail Mary book. I was going to talk to you about that, but now I guess I don't need to.

[D]

What's your review of it?

[B]

Because it's going to be in one year, out the other.

[A]

For Tyler, you did burn through it quick, which means I think you liked it.

[B]

I wanted to get. I. I wanted to find out what was going to happen is really why I burned through it so quick. Did a good job delaying the gratification. I did. Felt like the ending was a little weak.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I felt like there should. I felt like the book peaked about two thirds of the way through.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

In terms of drama and climax. And then after that, I was like, you know, you don't want it to be. The last page of the book is the most dramatic thing. There has to be a cooldown period afterwards. But I think I thought it peaked early.

[A]

The. The ending made me happy. I wasn't like, oh, my God, that's incredible. But I felt good.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It was good.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

I like the way it was written.

[D]

Yeah, it was great.

[B]

What's your problem? No, Jared asked me what the. What I thought of it.

[A]

We don't do this when you talk about ufc.

[B]

Yeah, I could have. You started the episode. Guys.

[C]

It was having a book review of a book that probably 90 of people haven't written. Which is fine, but.

[B]

But it's also a movie right now, and.

[C]

God, also, huge movie.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Yeah, it was more of a joke than anything.

[A]

Ryan Gosling.

[B]

I sat there and listened to your rainbow play set story the whole start of the podcast. Didn't say anything five seconds into a book review. What do you want to talk about, Ryan?

[C]

No, I. Sorry. Sorry for joking.

[B]

You got any more unwritten rules? No, but you. You want to talk about what? Good

[C]

cover. The cookbook thing, that was. That was on top of mind for me.

[B]

What else you got, Jared Brayden.

[C]

We're done.

[A]

Kind of show pony.

[C]

I'm not a show pony. You're gone.

[B]

No, it's fine. It's fine. There may have been listeners out there that way wondering our thoughts on the movie slash book that is project Hail Mary. That's pretty big right now.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you. It took me a while to put two and two together. Ship's name is the Hail Mary. Grace is in it. It's Hail Mary, full of grace.

[B]

Oh, Never thought about that, but that makes sense.

[D]

It's good analysis.

[A]

Y. But also it's funny. It's. It has nothing to do with anything, but it's. It's a cool little nod.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So sorry about that, Ryan.

[C]

It's okay.

[B]

We'll talk about something more interesting for you. Let's see.

[C]

There he is.

[B]

Let's back. Yeah, There we go. Johnny Sins. What's Johnny been up to? Get a Johnny update. Could maybe do a UFC corner minute corner of the Octagon is what we

[A]

can call it Eight corners of the Octagon with Ryan.

[B]

Yeah, call it eight Quarters.

[D]

That'd be cool.

[C]

Good for a great band name.

[B]

All right, let's take a break. All right, guys, Jared's got a fun new segment called Is it Weird? Have we done this before? A reoccurring segment. Is it weird? For those who didn't listen to the first time we did it, remind the listeners what segment this was.

[D]

So I asked the patrons if they're insecure about if something's weird or not.

[B]

And it's a. It's a. It's a cousin of. Am I the. Yeah. Yes.

[D]

Yeah. And there's a lot of good submissions from it.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Didn't get to. So here are the rest. Is it weird? The glaze, TV volume, to even cruise control, speed has to be an even number. Is that weird?

[A]

That's ocd, dude. Right? Didn't we talk? Didn't we.

[B]

A cruise control and TV volume at a. At an even number?

[A]

Like, you have to have it at that or it bugs you.

[B]

I. I mean, I default to zeros, fives, and twos. Is that weird?

[D]

I think that's weirder.

[A]

I do think that's more.

[B]

So, like, let's say the speed limit is 75. I'm going 80 miles an hour, right?

[D]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[B]

Or if the speed limit's 65, the highest I'm gonna go is 72 miles an hour. Huh?

[A]

Yeah. I think that's more weird than this guy's thing.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

But your TV volume, It's free TV volume.

[B]

I don't care.

[D]

Okay?

[B]

I just go tell it's the right volume. Okay.

[D]

I don't think that's weird then, because you're just trying to be, like, within.

[B]

But what's actually weird. This guy would love this. You should get the sound bar that I have. I don't know which one it is, but the sound bar only goes up by twos.

[C]

Mine does, too, but. But it. I don't know. I don't know why this is. But some mornings when I wake up, it'll be in odd numbers by two. And some mornings it'll be in even numbers by two.

[B]

That's weird.

[A]

Check the date next time. Maybe it's going. It's matching the date

[C]

this morning. I. It was. I had a three. Most mornings I just have it on two.

[B]

I. I don't think it's that weird. But I'm also. I just outed myself as maybe being weird.

[A]

But it's an odd number day today, Ryan.

[D]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

I don't think it'd be it. I don't think that that's that weird, you guys.

[C]

No, no, no. I. I think it's perfectly normal. I think a lot of people are like that.

[A]

It's in. It's something that's maybe not necessarily normal, but it's not weird.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's fine. Now, again, if it's ruining your day or, like, if someone else is doing the volume and they set it on an odd number and then you have to go take the remote and change it to an even number. That's.

[A]

Yeah, that's odd. But if it just bugs you a little bit internally, fine.

[B]

Yeah. Or it's just like. If you're doing it, you just said it. I think that's fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the.

[C]

The number that the volume's on, it goes away. So if it still bothers you, that's definitely an issue. You should get checked out.

[A]

If you can hear and recognize that it's on an odd number, that's also a superpower, which is weird.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Kind of cool, though.

[A]

Like, if you just can hear a TV and know that it's at 13,

[D]

that's a lame superpower right there.

[B]

It's like the worst superpower of all time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's wild.

[D]

Fart gambler. Always have Apple Maps, Google Maps with north on top. Not the direction I'm going. If I'm driving. If I'm driving south, I'm going down on the screen.

[B]

Yeah. It's weird.

[C]

That's. Yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

The only time I ever have that is if it accidentally gets put that way.

[D]

It's a nightmare too.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Yeah. No, that's definitely weird. You guys are the one where it turns, right.

[A]

Yeah. The way I'm going is up on my phone every time, no matter what.

[C]

On my Onyx app, it, like, if I'm going, like, I know you can double tap the, like the location deal on the bottom, but if you do that and then you try to like zoom or something like that, it'll just revert back to what it was. So sometimes it'll go down, sometimes it'll go up.

[A]

It's.

[C]

Yeah. That bugs me a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yep. Because then I'm like, okay, I'm going down. So actually, like, this property over here is actually on this side of the map. It's a weird deal.

[B]

That's definitely weird.

[A]

Yep. I didn't even know you could do that.

[C]

I didn't either.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I thought it was stock set it to. I thought it always turn so he had to go in there and change the settings then. Because if you go in and you twist a map while you have an active route going and then not touch the screen for a while, it'll revert back to.

[B]

But you can press a button that keeps north always north.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know.

[D]

Yeah, it's weird.

[B]

It's weird.

[C]

It's.

[B]

Sorry, dude, but it's weird.

[D]

It's that weird as.

[C]

Yeah. Again, get an appointment.

[A]

How dare you.

[C]

No, I'm kidding.

[D]

Miles Hoglog. I watch movies on my phone. While I am standing in the shower with it on, I end up spending 40 minutes in the shower before I even wash my body.

[B]

Do you have a. How does he watching.

[A]

Does he say he's just holding it?

[D]

Be a Ziploc. Yeah, there's like, I know, there's like, I don't know, waterproof phone cases you can put in your shower. I've seen that on Tick Tock.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're just kind of viewing it as almost like you're sitting in a sauna or steam shower. You know, I don't know this.

[A]

I think it's weird.

[B]

Like, would you guys, if you had a sauna, would you just like, sit and watch a movie while you're sitting in the sauna?

[C]

No.

[B]

Like, I. No, maybe, like, that's more of an acceptable thing, right? To just have like an iPad set up in the sauna and just watch something while you sit there. Yeah, but, yeah, it's definitely strange.

[C]

Well, like, like I'll have a. I, I might throw on like a video podcast or like a YouTube video or something and set it up on the ledge.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But, but I'm not, I'm not standing there watching it for just 40 minutes still.

[B]

My wife will just, just sit underneath the water with her phone and just scroll on Tick tock for like 10 minutes before she showers. It's very weird. Only does that at night. She can take a shower at night.

[C]

She'll. She'll sit on the shower floor.

[B]

No, no, just like sits underneath the, like, just stand.

[C]

Okay. Gotcha. Yeah.

[B]

Like, if I, if I'm putting our kid down and when I get him down, then come into our bedroom, she'll just be standing in the shower on her phone, just crawling.

[A]

I think any sort of phone in hand in the shower is weird.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Regardless of what you're doing on it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I also like to do. I like to think in the shower.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't like to be. I don't like a phone or anything like that.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

I've even gotten to the point where I don't even want music playing while I'm in the shower. I just want to think deeply about life in there. I think about space. We have a window, like a, like a transom window where it like, is higher up on the wall in the bathroom. If I'm showering at night, I'll just stare out at the stars.

[A]

Turn the lights off in the bathroom so you can see the stars better.

[B]

That's a question for you guys. Are you guys, like. You know that a lot of showers will have a light in the shower? Do you guys ever turn that on? Me neither.

[C]

That light. That's the light that's been turned on the least amount of times.

[B]

Yeah. And my kid, well, while I'm in the shower, he'll come and turn it on. I can't turn it off while I'm in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just. It'll ruin a shower.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I've actually started. So, like, when I get really bad migraines, the heat from the shower makes it feel a little bit better. So I'll go take a really hot shower if I get a migraine. And I only keep the vanity lights on, on the mirror, so it's kind of dark in the shower, but light enough where I can still see and not fall. Now I just shower like that always. Oh, yeah, Just the vanity.

[B]

I try and shower with the least amount of lights on. Yeah.

[D]

Same I got. I have to have a lot of light to see where I'm walking and everything.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're pacing back and forth in the shower.

[D]

You don't grab the wrong shampoo bottle either.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So you need a lot of love.

[B]

Just when you use the same shampoo bottle as your wife, it doesn't really matter.

[D]

I can do a headlamp.

[A]

I have my shampoo bottle. I'm with, and I'm blind as a freaking bat. I have to, like, hold it right here to make sure I'm using my soap.

[D]

That's what I do, too.

[B]

I don't have that problem because I can see perfectly. Yeah.

[A]

It must be nice.

[C]

Me too. Me too.

[A]

I haven't.

[C]

Well, our.

[B]

Our.

[C]

So all of our soaps are always in the same spot.

[A]

Not. Yeah, my kids, they're eating our all over the place. They don't play with their bath toys. They just play with my shampoo.

[D]

You don't want to put conditioner on your body?

[A]

No.

[B]

I mean, you'd be fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You dry you out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't need that.

[D]

Gotta be surgical with it. Glass man, the ass, man. Eating one thing at a time until it's gone, then eating one thing at a time until it's gone, then moving on to the next and spinning the plate when moving to the next food and not reaching across the plate.

[A]

I have a friend who does this, and he is diagnosed autistic.

[B]

Oh. I'm gonna say I've gone through periods of life where I've done that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I was younger, I did it a Lot. I didn't like my foods to mix. Now I've gotten older, I kind of just start smushing stuff together.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Especially breakfast foods. My eggs are going in, the hash browns, the bacon.

[A]

And, you know, if the stuff complements each other, it should go together.

[C]

Like, if I'm having. If I'm having, like, beans or like some sort of salad and there's like, it's. Let's say the bean. Bean juice is getting on, like the hot dog bun or something. I'm eating the beans right away.

[A]

See, I'm.

[C]

I'm eliminating mess on my plate.

[A]

I'm wiping up the bean juice with the hot dog bun on purpose.

[C]

Interesting,

[A]

dude.

[C]

Like coleslaw juice.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I don't know. I did that more as a kid, but it's also like. So because, like, let's say you're eating a steak. Like, I like to have some bites of steak and then dip into the garlic mashed potatoes. You know what I mean?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I like to just eat your whole steak or only your garlic mashed potatoes and then just eat a steak end to end. Is crazy.

[A]

It also creates a real weird situation for leftovers. Like, if I'm having a steak and potatoes, my leftovers the next day, I want a little steak and a little potatoes for my leftovers, not just a fat pile of potatoes.

[D]

Yeah, you guys do this. I always eat, like the worst thing on my plate first, and then I move on.

[B]

I will get stuff out of the way. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's kind of where I'm at. I will.

[B]

If I. If I got a thing of vegetables, I will hammer that right away so that I'm done with it and then I can really save for the rest of it.

[D]

Okay. So not weird.

[A]

I'll do that. If I took the item out of, like, pity. Like, I'm doing this just to not offend someone. And I only took a little bit. I'll eat that right away. But that's about the only time. Yeah.

[D]

So good. I ate it first.

[A]

Like, like my uncle made. Actually ended up being pretty good because. But he's made them before and they've been bad like Brussels sprouts. So I took like two of them and I eat them right away just. Just so that they were on my plate.

[B]

One, like, you know, I usually try and hammer to a thing that if I start eating the other foods, I just won't want to come back to it. Like, I'll do that with salad a lot. If there's a side salad, I'll Just hammer that first. Because I know if I dip into the steak and mashed potatoes, I'm not coming back. Yeah.

[C]

No. Yeah. You can't end a good meal with sauteed vegetables left on the plate. No.

[B]

God, no.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I'm with you guys.

[D]

Narwhal Jones. I like to annually Google an X from 30 years ago and hopes to be delighted with her most recent mug shot and revel in the fact that I dodged that nut soup shot out meth missile. We're talking full blown low hand binds downfall minus the money and way worse hair extensions.

[B]

That seems oddly specific that I cannot relate to.

[A]

I think he misses her.

[B]

I.

[A]

Nobody's that vicious to somebody. And then also Googles them every single year.

[B]

They don't miss one ex that went a little nuts and three years ago. So he. He revels in the. The idea that she. Her life is not going well.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Huh.

[B]

But it feels like she might have broke up with him. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Who is this Question from Narwhal Jones?

[A]

Narwhal. Narwhal.

[D]

Still in love, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Narwhal misses the abuse. I think.

[C]

I think the, like, the closest I could relate to is just like looking up people from high school just to see what they're doing.

[A]

It is. It is really fun to look up jail rosters.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I do a weekly. Yeah. At least once a week.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

Got the app on my phone.

[C]

Yeah. I just have to click the Google search bar and it's already there. I don't even have it favorited. It's just there.

[D]

Frequently visited.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Ryan's. Because you can set like a shortcut on your home screen on your phone to like websites like Ryan. You just got to get the shortcut on your.

[C]

It's just the. Yeah. Just have it as the. My default.

[B]

Your homepage.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Interactive homepage automatically updates every 15 minutes. What's the worst, though, is when they. When they book someone that I like, I know from back home, but they don't have the mug shot yet. Like, come on. What do you mean mug shot? Pending the day end. Yesterday when you were, you know, we clocked out when they got booked. Camera died. What happened? You know, give me the photo

[D]

shirt stuff.

[B]

No, I mean, if you're still in love and you're upset at how it ended, I think that that's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think it's.

[D]

It's.

[B]

I mean, it's definitely weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That you're still that invested.

[D]

Let it go, dude.

[B]

But I do get it that, like, there are certain things that come across in your life that are such a train wreck that you actually turns into your own mini reality TV show. Does that make sense? Like, a lot of times, it's like you hear a story about someone and then you're like, okay, now I'm very intrigued. I need to know all the details.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you're. You're just balls deep in it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Last one, Zach. Pay money to listen for adult men, make dick and fart jokes for. For an hour every week.

[B]

That is not weird. And that's actually the best thing you do. You gotta go to patreon.com radio, sign up. Five bucks a month, you get a whole nother episode of you Bet. You're right.

[A]

I actually think it's more weird when people aren't doing that.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's weird if you're not paying to hear that.

[A]

Yeah, if.

[B]

What are you doing with your money?

[C]

Seriously, if you don't think fart jokes are funny.

[B]

Buying a peacock subscription and watching it in the shower, you weirdo.

[A]

Zach, you might be the most normal person that's submitted a question ever, so super chill, too. Yeah, you're definitely over your ex.

[D]

Fun fact. In 1958, high schooler Bob Heft designed the 50 Star American Flag that flies today. At the time, Alaska and Hawaii were not yet states, but Heft assumed they would become states, so he altered his family's existing 48 star flag to add two more stars. His teacher gave him a B minus at the time. But two years later. Two years later, after President Dwight D. Eisenhower selected his flags design out of 1500 submissions, Hef's teacher changes grade to an A. Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

We got. That's. This is cool and all, but he made the 50 star flag, right? This was the 48 star flag.

[B]

No, I know. I was just thinking this was not.

[A]

Not a stretch for this guy.

[D]

Bob Heft's design stood out because he used a clever staggered arrangement of five rows of six stars and four rows of five stars. Yeah.

[A]

Good job, Bob.

[B]

Way to go.

[C]

You did it.

[A]

Hey, you found room for two more stars.

[B]

Sounds like you're jealous, Tom.

[A]

Yeah, I. You're right.

[B]

How many flags have you designed that got accepted by a country?

[A]

None. None. I definitely could. I could have came up with Francis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, a lot of them are just like three stripes in different colors.

[A]

That's Francis, but that's what France, Italy, Ireland.

[D]

Spot it.

[C]

Yeah, I could.

[A]

I could definitely come up with Japan's in Russia.

[B]

Russia.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I mean, Russia is.

[D]

Yeah, it's vertical or a horizontal.

[A]

Russia's got the symbol on it too.

[D]

Yeah, I don't think so. Like Russia.

[A]

No, you're right. You're right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just saying I'm thinking of the Soviet Union flag.

[D]

Yeah. The hammer and sickle.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So next time you design a flag that gets widely accepted by a country.

[A]

I'm just kind of defending Bob's teacher a little bit. It's like, okay, mom.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, like, he definitely got docked for creativity.

[A]

Yeah. Like B minus is. It's probably right there. If the. The idea was to design a completely fresh new flag, honestly. And all he did was throw two more stars on.

[B]

And honestly, this is a great lesson for life. Sometimes to be effective, you don't need to be super creative.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

You just got to be practical, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The easiest answer is always usually the right one. Usually the right one. Something like that.

[C]

You know who's Razor?

[A]

Occams? You know, you know him.

[C]

Occam Sockum Robot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So good job, Bob.

[C]

I mean, arguably the. The US flag is the coolest looking flag there is.

[A]

It is. It is very unique. I agree.

[C]

There we go, Tyler. See, now we're.

[A]

I think, yeah, it's very unique from the other flags, but the 50 star flag is not unique from the 48 star flag.

[C]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode. Episode of you Bet you radio. Have a great week and we'll see you in the next one.

[A]

Bring it in.

[C]

We're done. You betcha.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Is this a million dollar idea? At gas pumps, instead of the ads, you can play games against other people at the pump.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

That's a great idea.

[D]

Tic tac toe and stuff. That's quick.

[B]

That would be sick.

[D]

That's two out of three. And winner gets $5 off the gas. There's no way there's a hole in this idea.

[B]

No, I think that's actually. There is not a hole in that idea.

[A]

I would play the game without the $5 reward.

[C]

Yeah, same.

[B]

No, yeah. I mean, I would even be able to if they geofenced it. If you could just have an app like. Because, like in the winter, I'm not gonna stand out there and play.

[A]

True.

[B]

So if you could scan a QR code and just play a game quickly against someone else sitting in their car. Even though I know you're not supposed to sit in your car with me pumping gas. Everyone does. What am I gonna stand out there the whole time.

[A]

It's negative 30.

[C]

I usually go inside and buy snacks while my gas is pumping.

[B]

We need more geofence games going on. Like, oh, this is. I'm gonna take that a step further. There needs to be an app that is geof, like, locally, like, based off of, like, maybe a wi fi network. So if your wife is, like, shopping at the mall, you can play games against other guys sitting in the couches in the middle of the mall.

[A]

Battleship in the mall.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Scrap, you know, whatever you want to do. It's kind of sick, actually.

[A]

That would be fun.

[C]

Slime volleyball.

[B]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe even a. Maybe even like a chat of some sort. Just you and the boys be like, where are you at?

[A]

I must.

[B]

I'm on the blue couch outside of Journeys. Where are you at?

[C]

Yeah, what's the credit card bill at today?

[B]

But then we run the danger of it turned into a hookup scene.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, then it turns into an Ashley Maddie.

[B]

Yeah. So maybe no chat, just games.

[A]

Let your play do the talking.

[B]

Yeah, but I like that idea.

[D]

Journeys. I don't think I've ever stepped.

[B]

You never sat out the blue at the blue couch outside of Journeys.

[A]

I used to buy my shoes from the Journeys in the mall every year in high school. Really? I'd get my school shoes from Journeys. I was big into Etnees and I had some Osiris's at the time.

[B]

I had some Vans.

[D]

Is Journey's like a skateboard store?

[A]

It's like.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a punk store.

[C]

It's for punks.

[B]

They sell vans. They sell Converse. They sell skateboarding shoes.

[C]

Fat farms.

[B]

Fat Farms.

[A]

They had the PF Flyers from Sandlot one year. I got those.

[B]

Yeah, it's like. It's like if. I'm trying to think of. It's like, not quite Hot Topicy, you

[C]

know, it's almost like a PacSun.

[B]

It's like if you took hot. If you took Hot Topic and Pack Song and you combine them and they sold shoes over if they. They had a baby. But that baby only sold shoes.

[C]

Yeah, that would be dirty.

[A]

It's not far off.

[B]

I. I just never thought I had to explain to someone what Journey.

[D]

It just always looked like crap to me. That's why I never.

[B]

That's because you're a sports kid. You're too busy.

[D]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

You're too busy at Foot Locker.

[A]

I need my Nike shocks asap.

[C]

Foot Locker and Lids.

[B]

I always thought Footlocker, Steven Berries. Do you remember that?

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Oh yeah. You guys ever. Have you ever been into a Glicks?

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[C]

There's G licks, whatever.

[A]

One of the DL Mall.

[C]

Well, because the G is a different color, so you don't know. It is.

[B]

That's the only Glicks I've ever been into is the Detroit Lakes Washington Mall.

[C]

Washington in the Buffalo. Buffalo City Mall.

[B]

On a rainy day at the lake, you'd head in to a movie, but you go early. So you could swing through Glicks and get a blizzard at the ice at the Dairy Queen.

[D]

It'd be flicks and Glicks.

[B]

We go for. We go for a flicks and Glicks.

[A]

Did you ever go there in probably the 2010 ish range when they had the hobby shop with the giant race car track?

[B]

Probably.

[A]

And you got to like Batman in

[B]

that theater of some sort. But yeah, huge rainy day activity for our family. Yeah, they didn't catch a. Catch a flick, but swing through Glicks. Then later tried to find the.

[A]

Click. You know, classic rainy lake day stuff.

[C]

Can you imagine if you're going now,

[B]

not back then now. When I was a kid.

[C]

Imagine if you want to watch the movie.

[A]

Click.

[B]

Oh my God. Click. But first I gotta. Sweet. Is Glick still there?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

No way. Who's shopping there?

[C]

I don't.

[A]

I mean, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. DL also used to have a Benjamin Franklin.

[A]

That's gone.

[C]

We had one on Wapedon too.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Ben Franks.

[A]

No.

[D]

What's that, Frank?

[A]

It's like a craft store. Kind of sucks anything sort of deal.

[C]

We used to buy our guppies from there when we were young. Yeah, like guppies and betta fish.

[A]

That's where you'd go and you'd buy your block of wood for the Pinewood Derby and Boy Scouts.

[C]

Yeah, they had everything there.

[D]

Like a lame hobby lobby.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect.

[B]

It's like more of like just like a small town local hobby lobby.

[A]

Yeah. You could buy like steak thread and then beads.

[C]

Yeah. Like that fabric.

[B]

You know Ben Franklin's.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They. They used to have a pretty good fireworks stand too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not there suit for that.

[C]

I have no idea for what.

[A]

There's no laws in the night.

[C]

Oh yeah. By. Yeah, by Ben Franklin.

[B]

Glicks. Glicks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, it's raining out. We might as well head into town for a flick. Maybe we could watch Click. And after. Let's buy some stuff from Glicks. Next segment.

[A]

What the frick?

[B]

Next segment.

[C]

Yeah, that one.

[D]

Kareem de Jeans. So I realized that I only like to play golf when there is a lot of beer drinking involved. I also noticed that the more I drank, the worse I am at golf, which frustrates me greatly lately. What am I supposed to do?

[B]

I am also worse. Get one, two beers feeling good. After that, I just stop caring.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I actually get like worse because I'm so bad. I'm not good at golf. So, like, I. I need a lot of focus to be good.

[C]

You're also not bad at golf, though.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm a 12 handicap, so I'm like the worst type of good at golf.

[C]

Yeah, that's very true. That's very true.

[B]

I'm the. I'm. I'm the tallest dwarf when it comes

[A]

to being good at king shit of turd mountain.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, I can hit the ball good, but I still don't shoot good scores.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, this guy, I can't brag about it.

[A]

The problem is this guy is like, he. He gets pissed off that he sucks when he's drunk, but he only likes golf when he's drunk.

[B]

Okay, now I'm seeing the conundrum.

[A]

Ye. Yeah. So just be the cart guy. There's nothing wrong with just riding in the car with your buddies and drinking.

[D]

That sound fun.

[B]

But also, it just doesn't really matter if you suck at golf.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't get compared.

[C]

It doesn't. You don't get anything for it. Yeah, you don't get anything.

[B]

Just remember that we're all going to die and that we're not going anywhere because the universe is way too big for us to do interstellar travel. So who cares if you're good at golf?

[A]

Y.

[D]

That's what you say in the 18th hole.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I say before the round.

[A]

The first te. After the round, I think get him in the right head space.

[B]

I think t number one, you know, we're all going to die. It doesn't matter if we're good at golf. And then if I have a good round, I'm like, I'm good at golf. And this is the only thing I care about now. Yeah.

[C]

How do I. How do I.

[A]

Next week?

[C]

How do I live longer?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Googling. What the hell is that one billionaire doing to stay alive so long? Yeah, guys, if you want more, you bet your radio you got to check out our patreon. You got to go to patreon.com you bets radio or look us up on the app and we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.