We Decide If You Lose Your Man Card 🎙️ #369

Summary

You Betcha Radio Episode #369 – “We Decide If You Lose Your Man Card” (March 18, 2026)

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Main Theme

This episode dives deep into “man card” culture—debating what behaviors, habits, or quirks are worthy of having your ‘man card’ revoked. Hosts Myles (You Betcha Guy), Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod share personal stories, listener confessions, and bring midwestern humor and nostalgia to a lively, self-deprecating, and often hilarious conversation about masculinity, daily life, and not taking any of it too seriously.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Death of ‘Miles Piles’ and Garage Therapy

• [00:00–08:15]
  • Myles triumphantly announces he’s finally cleaned out his garage after years of clutter (“the Miles Piles”).
  • The hosts agree on how therapeutic it is for a guy to organize his space, set up a workbench, and rediscover forgotten tools and treasures.
    • “It’s like going to the store and buying things without having to buy them because you already did.” – Myles [05:45]
  • Jokes about wives’ messes vs. their own, and ongoing battles over household cleanliness and keeping projects finished.

2. Broke Stories – “Brokest Sh*t You’ve Ever Done”

• [08:20–23:00]
  • Each host recalls the “brokest” thing they’ve done:
    • Myles: Taking out a high-interest personal loan online to pay $4k in taxes, and the anxiety of starting a business with nothing.
      • “That’s probably the brokest thing I’ve ever done – taking out an 18% interest loan from a website just to pay taxes on a $28,000 salary.” – Myles [10:21]
    • Tyler: Survived post-college job transition by stealing a stack of free Panchero’s burrito cards and eating them for weeks.
    • Ryan: Paying rent with jars of change, stealing loaves of bread from the college cafeteria to survive on PB&Js, cashing out plasma money at bars for minimal ATM fees.
      • “We would show up with Tupperwares, fill them with cafeteria food, and then get back in line.” – Ryan [17:19]
    • Jerrod: Survived on free Herbalife shakes by repeatedly visiting a campus promo stand.
  • Universally, scraping by, improvising, and sometimes “borrowing” from the system is a right of passage.

3. College Tour Guide Stories & Campus Traditions

• [21:27–26:00]
  • Jerrod recounts his time as a college tour guide who didn't know anything about the dorms ("Ask the advisors when we get back.").
  • The group jokes about college urban legends and traditions (e.g., haunted tunnels, bell tower myths), and the general lack of mystique at community colleges.

4. Ryan’s Impressions – Comedy Segment

• [26:00–44:00]
  • Impressions Challenge: Ryan attempts a variety of impressions, some on-theme and others wildly off, including Mayor Humdinger (Paw Patrol), Bruce Buffer at the DMV, Morgan Freeman, Bane, Amber Heard on the stand, Karl-Anthony Towns, Joe Biden and Donald Trump napping.
  • The running joke: Ryan always drifts back to “Mayor Humdinger” no matter the prompt, to much laughter.
    • “It’s like all your impressions are just Humdinger doing an impression.” – Myles [42:45]
  • The hosts riff on Paw Patrol character rankings, comically deep-diving the world of children’s television.

5. “Man Card” Submissions—Should It Be Revoked?

• [50:00–75:00]
  • Listeners submit behaviors or confessions; the hosts debate if it’s grounds for “man card” revocation. Sample scenarios:
    • Letting your wife drive because she’s better with directions (2-week suspension).
    • Not hitting the ball past the ladies’ tees in golf (only if it happens repeatedly).
    • Being scared of mice and jumping on the counter (immediate revocation).
    • Liking Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” (definitely not revocable).
    • Not knowing how to use a ratchet strap after multiple lessons (suspended until remedied).
    • Subscribing to Bravo subreddits to talk with wife (borderline; only justified if it gets you laid, or is “a bit”).
    • Reading spicy romance books with your wife (keep the card if it leads to more sex).
    • Making your wife remove spiders, sitting to pee at home, watching Ms. Rachel and thinking she’s hot—often, the verdict is lenient (“if it’s for your kids, you’re good”).
  • Hosts codify loopholes and “commandments”:
    1. You can do anything if it’s a bit.
    2. You can do anything if it leads to more sex.
    3. If it produces a great story for your buddies, it’s justified.
  • “You can get around most man card revocations by just saying you were doing a bit!” – Myles [52:59]
  • Memorable Quote: “Anything that leads to more sex, you keep the man card!” – Myles [64:03]

6. Wild Tangents & Midwest Nostalgia

• Garage beers: The glory of cracking cold ones in the garage (weekend plans).
• Kids and mustache grooming habits: Comedic critique of personal quirks—counting mustache-twirling and personal grooming on air.
• Bachelorette party advice: Host advice for liver preparation and handling modern (less sleazy, more “homecoming week”-themed) bach’ parties.
• The changing face of bachelorette/bachelor parties: From male strippers and bar-top flashing to drag shows, pedal pubs, matching T-shirts, and Insta selfies.

7. Mini Games—NYT ‘Connections’ On-Air

• [81:11–86:27]
  • The hosts team up to solve a “Connections” word puzzle live, joking (and sometimes struggling) their way through animal group names and word homophones.
  • A running joke: “Surprised Ryan’s name wasn’t in there on the ‘slow things’ category.” [84:03]

8. Fun Fact and Close-Out

• [86:27–end]
  • Jerrod drops a medieval history tidbit: owning a sword in the Middle Ages was a sign of nobility because swords were expensive compared to spears.
  • After-show banter: prepping for bachelorette parties, snacking, TikTok trends, and more garage beer hype.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "She’s worried about my little bonfire in the backyard, when her house is on fire." – Myles [02:53]
• "I'm not going to go crawling to my dad, dude. Especially when you’re trying to do your own business. You can’t admit defeat." – Myles [11:31]
• "Leather belt to hold up my truck’s leaf spring." – Tyler [15:21]
• "You can do anything if it’s for your kids – no man card revoked." – Myles [79:26]
• "That’s the beauty of owning a business. You can just take stuff from your business to your house." – Myles [04:06]
• "All your impressions are just Humdinger doing an impression." – Myles [42:45]
• "Anything that equals you having more sex, you keep your man card." – Myles [64:03]
• "I think we have four shoe racks knee high that are all completely filled." – Ryan [06:50]
• "You don't need to know how, but you do need to figure it out. Until you do, man card’s suspended." – Myles [58:38]
• "If you can’t get past the lady tees with a full swing, you don’t get a man card." – Tyler [52:17]

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Garage cleaning saga & marital banter: [00:00–08:15]
• Brokest sh*t you’ve ever done: [08:20–23:00]
• College tour guide stories & Midwest college myths: [21:27–26:00]
• Ryan’s Impressions (Mayor Humdinger, Bruce Buffer, Morgan Freeman, Bane, etc.): [26:00–44:00]
• Man Card Submissions & Debates: [50:00–75:00]
• Mini Game: NYT Connections: [81:11–86:27]
• Fun Fact (swords & spears) and close out: [86:27–end]
• Bachelorette party advice & banter: [87:00–96:32]

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Podcast Tone

Casual, comedic, very Midwest-tinged (“garage beers,” “bonfires,” “bunker mentality”), self-deprecating, and deeply nostalgic about young adulthood, college days, and blue-collar ingenuity. There’s a lot of ribbing among friends, gentle mockery, jokes about masculinity, and no one—especially themselves—is sacred.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a showcase of the unique You Betcha Radio blend: hilarious stories, Midwest guy humor, heart, and just enough “life wisdom” to make you feel included. Their “man card” tests are just an excuse for self-mockery and remembering not to take any of this too seriously—if you’ve ever wondered what true Midwestern guy group chats sound like, this is it.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the you bet your radio podcast. The boys are back in studio. And guess what, guys?

[B]

What?

[A]

I no longer have any piles in my garage.

[B]

The miles piles are gone.

[A]

No more miles piles. I. I have shelving in my garage now. I have racking in my garage.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

I even have all of my brooms, shovels, and other utensils on the wall.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

I have all of my battery charging stuff in one spot.

[B]

Are they actively charging batteries?

[A]

I. I have full battery charges on all my batteries.

[C]

It's good. You want to leave them too long on there.

[A]

I got a workbench now.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

With a.

[C]

Lights are good.

[A]

Yep. And I also. I. Tool chest we have here, I'm gonna bring to my house.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Air compressor.

[A]

I got an air compressor. My garage will never be dirty again.

[B]

I think. I think we were going on year three of the miles piles saga. Maybe hats and. And just being. How is an feeling? She was.

[A]

Oh, she was. She was. She made me dinner, no questions asked. Feeling good. She's like, finally, you know, nice.

[B]

You. Maybe the beds got both put down flat for a night. No, zero GS for a night.

[A]

We pushed our two twin XL mattresses together that night.

[B]

All you had to do is clean up the piles.

[D]

Y. I think you say it's one mega pile now. A series of piles.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, yeah, that was just one pile.

[B]

The miles pile.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, it felt good. And I actually got her too, because last couple years, I. I reorganized my closet and, like, put all my clothes. I. I redid the shelving to So I could have, like, a hat area and all the other stuff. And when I did the garage thing, she was like, well, now you. You gotta keep it clean and nice out there. Like. Like my mom talking to me, you know, And I go, well, what happened when I reorganized the closet? She's like, you stuck to it. I go, when. What happened when you reorganized your side of the closet? She said, I went right back to where I was. She's got the messiest closet now.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

And so that shut her up pretty quick. She. I was like, you. You watch your own bobber. You get that closet figured out?

[C]

Yeah. She seems a little bit too concerned about the tidiness of the garage, considering,

[A]

you know, she's worried about my little bonfire in the backyard when her house is on fire.

[C]

Yeah. You know, and that's.

[A]

She's worried about my burn barrel in the backyard when her house is completely engulfed in flames.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When it comes to cleanliness.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How's her bathroom counter looking?

[A]

Not good.

[B]

Yeah, that's another one. Easy cop out. Easy point out.

[A]

We, we still. It's been week over a week removed from our vacation. Still haven't unpacked the suitcases.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Just take one item out when you need it. It's kind of how we're operating till

[C]

they're all in the back in the laundry bin.

[A]

So. So, yeah, big, big weekend for me.

[C]

That's huge.

[A]

Took me so long. Congrats though.

[B]

I bet it was therapeutic though.

[A]

It was.

[C]

I moved all the mounts in my garage from one wall over above my tool bench now.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

And that was about a hour and a half project. Figuring out where, how I wanted to place whatever. But it's therapy is what it is. Have a guy at the golf tournament on the whole time. Peace and quiet.

[B]

Love it.

[C]

It's the best.

[A]

Well. So yeah, I got a spot for a TV. Yeah.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

So I'll probably rip one of these TVs off the wall here and throw that there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the beauty of owning a business is you can just take stuff from your business at your house.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

You didn't realize you had all that here, huh?

[A]

I did not realize that. I also found some stuff when you

[B]

were cleaning the piles, when I was

[A]

cleaning out the piles that I forgot that I had. I found like three meat thermometers.

[D]

By the way. That's clutch.

[A]

It was clutch. Because those things always break after a certain amount of time.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And you always, you're always missing one. Yeah.

[A]

I found Tyler's car bingo cards.

[B]

He did. He returned those to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

From when we were you with on that trip. Yeah. We played it forever. It took us like a four day round of applause. Car bingo.

[A]

So I found those.

[C]

Find any mice?

[A]

No mice. I got traps out.

[B]

That's good. No voles.

[A]

No voles. I found an old checkbook. Found old checkbook. And the last check I wrote was like in 2017 or something in it. But it's for the same account that I have, so I think the checks will still work.

[B]

Oh, they're good. They're good.

[C]

I don't think there's an expiration date.

[D]

I've used checks from like 15 years ago, like three addresses ago.

[B]

And they still work.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So I got that going for me. Huge git. Yeah, we an apparently has roller blades.

[B]

Did she even know?

[A]

No, she didn't. And she was like, oh, that's great. Now I can go rollerblading.

[B]

You're not going to rollerblading Those are going to end up in the bottom of her closet.

[A]

So. Yeah, it's kind of fun, like cleaning your stuff out. You like. It's like going to the store and buying things without having to buy them because you already did.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, maybe you should have a. Best to have this euphoria.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. What am I gonna do now? Yeah, I'm gonna run out of rooms in the house.

[C]

Yeah. What could.

[A]

No, now I gotta, I got, I got piles in the entryway where the shelf is sl bench. So that's my next project is. I gotta. I think this year. I think after this weekend I'm feeling pretty good that I'm gonna get that bench shelf stained this year.

[D]

You're par this year.

[A]

The biggest problem is we have so many shoes and doing what I do, I get sent a lot of shoes from different stuff and I just, I now have too many. I have more shoes than my wife now.

[B]

Do a, do a shoe rummage sale.

[C]

Could we have.

[A]

Calling all males in the Fargo Moorhead area who have size 10 shoes.

[B]

You'd be surprised.

[C]

I think we have four shoe racks. They're like knee high shoe racks that are all completely filled. And then there's probably another 10 pairs that are in front of the shoe rack.

[A]

You have, you have that many knee high shoes.

[C]

Knee high racks.

[A]

Shoe racks.

[C]

Knee high racks.

[A]

You said knee high shoe racks.

[C]

I got a couple knee high, two pairs of knee high boots.

[A]

But no, I did find a pair of mud boots. Knee mud boots.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was looking at, actually looking at them yesterday. I'm like, which ones can I throw away? But it occurred to me that I can't throw any of them away because like the shittiest pair on there. Okay, that's my lawn mowing shoes.

[B]

Yeah. Correct.

[C]

And then it's like, has its purpose, right? Yeah, I got like three pairs of boots of like the same sort. Like, well, this is for that. This is for that. This is for that. So I can't, can't get rid of them. Right. I have a tough time getting, getting rid of shoes. I don't know about you guys, but some reason I can't throw them away,

[B]

they have to be destroyed for me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, soul is falling off for me to get rid of them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I found an old pair of golf shoes that I got rid of because Anne said they smelled too. Didn't get rid of. They just went no pile because. And so they smelled too bad. And I found them again. And after probably three years of not wearing them, they still smelled. So I throw them away.

[C]

Sure, yeah.

[A]

I mean if it's been airing out for three years, it still smells. I think I gotta part with them. That's about where my limit is on throwing shoes out.

[C]

Bird Barrel.

[A]

So. So yeah, it was my weekend. Jared, what do we got for our first segment?

[D]

Brokest shit you've ever done.

[C]

Broke ass bitch.

[A]

And this could be anything, right?

[B]

Cba.

[A]

I think the, the brokest thing I ever did was I took out a high interest personal loan from the Internet to pay my taxes. One year.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[C]

Holy.

[D]

I think you win.

[A]

Start off hot. It was when I like first like quit doing concrete and was trying to like do like freelance marketing in town. And I only made enough money to like pay for everything. So like end the year was zero dollars. But I didn't calculate in that I had to pay taxes on that money. You know, like without taxes I came out with $0. So I came to do my taxes. I was like, oh, I forgot about that.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

So then I was like scrambling, you know, I just scramble just like, oh, am I going to pay for this?

[D]

April 14th.

[A]

And yeah, I mean I think it ended up being like $4,000 or something like that.

[B]

But I didn't have it right.

[A]

And there was no, and there was no way that I was, I was going to make $4,000 in a matter of a month. So I just went on to like lending tree.com plugged in my information. They're like, we'll give you $15,000 right now. What's your bank information? And then you look later and it's like a 18% interest loan. But you know, six months later started. You betcha. Got our first check.

[D]

Mm.

[A]

Got that sucker paid off, you know,

[B]

Put that shit right in your pocket for taxes.

[A]

What if no one thought my content was interesting? Like where would I be at?

[B]

You would be taking out so many lending.

[A]

I would, I'd live under the lending tree. So yeah, that was. That's probably the brokest thing I've ever done is take out an 18% interest loan, personal loan from a website to pay my taxes. To pay my taxes on like $28,000 salary. That's broke. If you can't even afford to pay the taxes on a $28,000 a year salary, that's tough.

[D]

Is this Domino Dan era?

[A]

No, this is pre Domino Dan era. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say actually,

[D]

no, Domino's probably put a hole in your wallet.

[A]

No, it was pre.

[B]

Yeah, we were working our way into it.

[C]

Did you ever run Away.

[A]

Yeah. And then I started making money doing this. And then I was like, I can buy all the food I want.

[D]

And the wine.

[A]

The wine and the HBO subscriptions.

[D]

This is all he did.

[C]

You ever think about borrowing money from somebody to like, did it? Did a list of people.

[A]

So like, at that time, you don't have friends that have any money?

[C]

No, Exactly. Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not gonna go crawling to my dad, dude.

[B]

Especially when you're like, trying to do your own business. You can't go admit defeat.

[A]

I know. It was. It was a nightmare scenario. When I say nightmare, I mean, like, literally had nightmares about it.

[C]

She went, donated plasma, four grand or should have hit the table. And just.

[A]

I think I probably was at that point. Yeah, I think I was.

[C]

I was too.

[A]

I mean, that was. That was part of it.

[D]

And the blackjack table.

[C]

Yeah. The beach table. Yeah. You could take a personal loan just for the.

[A]

I mean, I was doing.

[C]

I put it all on red.

[A]

I had two roommates, you know, I was just driving my dad's old truck. I didn't have a car payment like it was.

[C]

It's tough taxes, man.

[B]

Right. When I got out of the radio, it was my last week at the radio. We went. Me and the boys went on a spring break trip way after spring break. And I spent every penny I had. We went to Lake Havasu, and then after Havasu, we went to Vegas. And I got really drunk, spent all my money in Vegas, woke up on the plane with like 70 cents in my bank account. And I started at the news the next Monday. And you don't get paid right away at that.

[A]

Two weeks later.

[B]

It's two weeks delay. And so what I did is my last day at the radio. I stole a stack of free panchero burrito gift cards.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

And I ate pancheros every single day until I got my first paycheck from the news. And that's all I ate because I didn't. I had 70 cents. I couldn't buy food, let alone pay rent. So I was like, well, I gotta figure it the out here. I did not go to Lending Tree. I wish I would have gone to lending.

[A]

You should not have. That was terrible. Can't imagine how much money I lost on the interest alone.

[B]

Yeah, at least 18.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. At least 18 alone.

[A]

But. But where would I be without Lending Tree, you know, probably

[B]

for tax fraud. Yeah, you.

[A]

You'll like. It probably wasn't even 4,000 because that 28, 000. You're in the Lowest tax bracket, that's got to be 10. It's gonna be 2800 bucks to go like a 15,000 dollar loan for 2800.

[C]

So. So there you only needed like say 4, 000, but they're like, we'll give you 15. So you took the full 15?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because I also was like, okay, if I take that out, I still have $0 in my bank account.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's coming true. If you pay taxes, you're like, well, I now I. I still have $0.

[A]

Where would I be without lending? Without Pancheros burrito? Like, you know, pancheros probably goes. Do we actually ever get into your business off of giving out these free burritos? Well, little they know they weren't just.

[B]

They saved my life.

[A]

They saved your life. You would have starved.

[B]

Yeah, I'd have been homeless and starved.

[A]

And now look at you. Not only can you feed you and your family, you can also store a bunch of food at your bunker in case of a bad scenario.

[B]

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

But also I'd like to see you pay it forward and, and start buying us lunch.

[B]

Sure. I'll give you guys pancheros one day.

[A]

You should go into Pancheros and buy all the employees there free.

[B]

I honestly should. I did. I had a stack like this and I did give out a bunch to my roommates. So that was very nice of me.

[A]

That was nice of you not to break.

[B]

I'm basically saying, Theresa, giving back even

[A]

a moment where you are in need. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

This. That was the only food I had and I was giving it away.

[A]

You know, the church always says you don't. Don't wait till you make money to start donating it. And that's, you know, their way of making sure they get their cut to

[B]

fill that collection plate, regardless how much

[A]

money you don't have.

[B]

Right around the same era of my life, I had a 2000 Chevy pickup that was just a rust bucket piece of shit. And one of the leaf. The leaf spring. You know, like they're the metal plates underneath the suspension. One of them popped loose and it was just clang on the road and so. And I had no money to fix it. I couldn't even eat. So I just wrapped a leather belt strong around the leaf spring.

[A]

That's better than me. I'd have done duct tape.

[B]

Yeah, I did. I tried all sorts of tape, but the tape would rip. And so I needed something with a little bit of give to it, but also strong enough to hold it up so I just wouldn't hear the clank, clank, clank, clink, clank, clank as I drove down the road. So that was another one leather belt. I sold it just like that. I even told the guy, I'm like, leaf spring shot. There's a leather belt holding it together.

[C]

Yeah, that's honesty, though. Yeah, that's honesty.

[A]

Hey, you protected your seller rating by doing that?

[C]

Yeah. I'd have just said like, yeah, works like new.

[B]

Lightly used, lightly used, comes with a belt. Buy one truck, get free leather belt.

[C]

Yeah. Size 32. Broke a shit. I've ever. One of the brokest things I've ever done is I would air in air quotes, borrow loaves of bread from the cafeteria at the, at the, at, at college. And essentially I would just have like peanut butter and jellies for breakfast, lunch, dinner.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I could, I could afford the peanut butter, I could afford the jelly. I just needed the bread. And I'm like, why would I buy bread for two, you know, three bucks when I could just get it at the cafeteria? You know, I'm walking in with a backpack anyways. Fuck. Cholula sauce. That ended up in my backpack somehow. I don't know who put it in there.

[A]

So time out. You just went up to like the bread station and you just slipped, you just went, slipped it in.

[C]

Oh, God. Where'd that loaf of bread go? It's in my backpack now, but private college too. It's like the least they can do is give me, right, you know, a loaf of bread every two weeks.

[B]

We would, we would show up with Tupperwares and then get a full plate and then just put that entire plate in the Tupperware and then go back in line.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I remember like, I would live off of my plasma money essentially, like from the summer. And I remember it hitting like if. Because, you know, ATM fee too. Right. So if I was at the bar, I couldn't, I wasn't going to get reimbursed for that. And so I had to have at least over 20, 23 or more dollars because I was getting hit with a three dollar ATM fee. And if there was like 21, 22, I would just, I would borrow 20 from somebody else so I don't get hit with the atm.

[B]

Yep. And then buy them 20 worth off of your car. No, no fee.

[A]

Exactly. There are a little trick to the plasma money. There are ATMs that are associated with that specific car. Pull your money out without getting a fee.

[C]

Yeah. But if I'm at the bar. And I'm trying to. If I'm trying to keep my spot at the beach.

[A]

Were you only. Oh, for gambling.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, unless you're at Reuters in Fargo, I think you use a card anywhere.

[B]

My move on getting cash with the bio life card would to do cash back at the grocery store. I go buy a thing of tic tacs.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then just get cash back by one.

[C]

Tootsie roll.

[B]

Yep. Here's a. Here's a 10 cent tootsie roll. I would like $150 cash back, please.

[C]

Yeah, and at the same time, I was. I was. I mean, I've told you guys this before. I was living in like, an 8 by 6 crawl space. Like, kind of like up in the attic area. Like, it was top floor, but there was the crawl space right off of, like, the loft area.

[D]

And Frank.

[C]

And Frank. Yeah. Do you guys know how much I was paying in rent per month, though?

[B]

100 bucks.

[C]

140 bucks a month?

[B]

Yeah. Dude, I'd have never left.

[C]

140. I mean, that's two weeks supplies. That's easy. That's four hours in the chair. Hook me up, baby.

[A]

I don't know what you were doing there for a sec.

[B]

We had five guys, not the restaurant and that lived in our college house. And so rent was only 250. I legit paid rent with change. Like, I brought all my change to a coin star and hornbachers. And I got like 280 bucks worth of change.

[C]

The best is when you don't think you have any money, but you have a jar full of change. And it comes out to like, 16 bucks. Yeah, like, let's go. I go to Quiznos now. Only one left in the state.

[B]

I think I had like a. A mini water cooler jug. That was my change jar. And I filled it up and it was like 270 bucks.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

This is rent, baby.

[C]

Let's go.

[D]

It's hilarious.

[A]

What about you, Jared?

[D]

This is in college. There's like, some like, herbal life stand.

[C]

Herbalife.

[A]

Yeah, it's herbal life.

[D]

Herbal whatever it is. And they're giving out, like, free, like,

[A]

so on brand for you to get. Get Herbal life. Wrong.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Herbal life.

[D]

Herbal life. Whatever it is. Is there l in there, I assume.

[C]

Yeah, there is. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. With the life.

[C]

Yeah, with the life.

[A]

Herbalife, Stan.

[D]

And they're like, giving out, like, this, like, cookie smoothie mix.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

So I. I went. I was like, dead broke. I went there in the morning, got like, three of them. And like, oh, I should probably grab more of these. So that went later back. I went there later that day and said to the guy, these are really good. Could I have a few more? They gave me a few more cookie shakes.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So I got, like, a week's worth of cookie shakes for a week.

[B]

Your replacement, Jared, was his guts out that week.

[D]

Yeah. So I completely lied to him. Said I liked it a lot, and got more cookie shakes.

[A]

Does it not taste good? That's fine.

[B]

Like, let me spread the good word of herbalife.

[C]

Yeah. The way that they get the flavoring in, like, the really good flavoring in the herbalife shakes Is they just use. They use, like, pudding powder.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Something like, I don't know, Jello pudding powder.

[D]

Yeah. So it was good.

[B]

It is.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And that was the time. I was, like, a college tour guide, too. And it was, like, 10 bucks a

[A]

tour reach to our dead.

[D]

Each tour took, like, one hour.

[A]

Ten bucks an hour. Oh, my God.

[B]

Jared could tell when people were disinterested in the school. They got the abridged, too.

[A]

Have we talked about the fact that you gave college tours?

[D]

I don't think so.

[A]

Maybe. I don't know, Because I imagine a tour would go with Jared and be like, all right, so over here, we got the auditorium building. And then over here, we got the. I don't know what's in there.

[C]

What's.

[A]

There's something in there. And then he just keeps going. That's the whole tour. Am I right or am I wrong?

[D]

So, yeah, I didn't live on campus. And they would obviously always ask about the dorms. And I had no knowledge about the dorms at all. I'd be like, well, when we get back, the advisors can tell you about.

[A]

That's smart. I actually be like, so, what about the library? I've never actually been in there.

[B]

Every.

[A]

Never been in any of them.

[C]

Yeah. Library. They got a lot. There's a lot of books.

[B]

Shitload of books.

[C]

I've never went in there and not been able to find the book I was looking for.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Would you do, like, little. Because what's. Do you. Where did you go to college?

[D]

This is a. Bismarck.

[A]

Bismarck.

[B]

And then you went to which school in bismarck.

[D]

Bismarck state college.

[A]

So did you. Did they. When they trained you in on giving tours, did they give you, like, little, like. And, you know, this statue here, if you come here in the spring, you, might find a little something extra. That It's a tradition here. Stuff like that.

[D]

I did have, like, running jokes, But I don't remember the running like at

[A]

Notre Dame, when I did a tour there, not to go to school there. Like, I went to a game and then we like, kind of went around the campus. There's first down, Moses, what they call them. And it's Moses standing there with the ten commandments, going like this. And someone always puts a condom on his finger.

[C]

That's a good one. That's a good one.

[A]

You know anything like that?

[D]

Not so much. Because it's a community college and nobody really gives a shit about tradition.

[A]

Yeah, because at msu, and there's like that dragon statue, and they're like, you know, that statue actually does breathe fire.

[B]

Wait till homecoming week and you'll see for yourself.

[D]

I know Concordia has that with their

[B]

watchtower, the bell tower. They did that on the tour. If you walk under the bell tower with someone, you're destined to fall in love.

[A]

I mean, it's just like, for me, a guy like me, it's like the shoo in way to give me not to go.

[C]

What I do.

[A]

I gotta wear these dumb beanies as a freshman and I gotta worry about walking underneath the bell tower.

[B]

The beanies were very stupid.

[D]

And I have to buy a ring after I graduate.

[C]

Yeah, I'd have to wear it everywhere I go. But Mitchie, State had something like that too. Or they had, like, this metal artwork, statue, something. And it's like, if it was like, in the spring, if you walk up to it, you can, like, hear it whistling or something. I don't know.

[D]

Every college campus is haunted.

[A]

The thing was that there was tunnels underneath msu

[B]

and.

[A]

But it is a little suspicious because in the. In the winter when it would snow, there would be like a path through the campus where there would. Snow would melt. And people say there was heated tunnels underneath there. And that's why I. I kind of

[B]

buy into the tunnels thing.

[A]

I do too, a little bit. Yeah. It'd been, like, kind of nice. They gotta let us use the tunnels.

[C]

But maybe State, they had tunnels, like, connecting every building. But then, like the tour guide, the catch was there's in between, like, these two buildings. The only place where they don't have a tunnel. So you'll see kids in the winter and like flip flops and shorts and a T shirt, sprinting from one building to the other.

[B]

I'm like, you did not have a good time on your Bemidji tour.

[C]

I had a great time. I'd have went there if I. If I wouldn't have played baseball.

[B]

They don't have baseball.

[C]

They do. I wasn't I wasn't.

[A]

It wasn't good enough for division.

[C]

Wasn't D2 at that point after app, like, towards my later years in college, I was arguably D1, but. Arguably, I wasn't going to give you that.

[A]

Yeah. If you want to arguably talk about that. No, I'm just kidding. I have no idea how good you were in college.

[C]

You know what I should do? One time. I should.

[A]

I should tape.

[C]

We can check tape, but I should. I should call my head coach. You'd answer.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's what he wants to do with this afternoon.

[A]

Oh, I hear me. Grill him about Ryan.

[C]

I think you guys will get a kick out of it.

[B]

He and the phone call.

[A]

Is he the guy? We're done. We're done.

[C]

Yeah, that's him. Coach Tom.

[A]

I like coach Tom. I was just doing an impression of your coach. It actually leads itself into our next segment. Ryan. One that I am highly anticipating.

[C]

I can read it.

[A]

And so remind me, Jared, are we coming up with impressions or. You have come up.

[D]

I have a list.

[A]

Okay. So, all right. This next segment, which I'm very excited about, is Ryan, I believe, is sneakily good at impressions. And so this next segment is called Ryan's Impressions. So Jared has a list of impressions for Ryan to attempt, and we'll see how it goes. Well, we can give him a score. One out of five. Tyler.

[B]

Okay. You should warm up. Do a humdinger quick. Get warmed up.

[A]

So this.

[B]

So good. Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, let's start with that one person.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, what do you. Like what do you guys.

[B]

I'm.

[C]

I'm trying to figure out what I should say.

[A]

You were doing a Nelly impression with a song this morning.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What was it again?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Underlay. Underlay, Mama.

[A]

Oh, if I close my eyes, Nelly's in the room.

[C]

EI by Nelly.

[D]

We figured that out.

[C]

It was EI by Nelly. This paw patrol won't stay off of my back.

[A]

It is like, I. I've. Because at home, I've attempted the mayor humdinger. I just can't do it like you can.

[C]

Do you watch Paw Patrol your house, Tyler?

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[C]

Who's your favorite puppy? Marshall.

[A]

See, I like rubble. I'm a rubble guy.

[B]

I like Marshall because he's a fire marshal.

[C]

What's his.

[B]

They named him.

[C]

What's his tag like? Rubble's on the double. What's Marshall?

[B]

I can't remember, dude.

[A]

Okay, I remember either.

[B]

I know Chase is on the case.

[A]

We can all agree that Chase is. Yeah, he's not it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. He's a real big. Try hard.

[B]

He is. He. He's a total brown nose with a rider. I don't remember.

[A]

The green guy doesn't do it, or. No, the orange guy.

[B]

Zuma doesn't do any Water rescue dog.

[A]

He doesn't do anything.

[C]

Oh, water rescue.

[A]

Yeah, he didn't do anything.

[D]

Like Aquaman.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

What about Mommy Homie?

[B]

Not a fan of. Are you talking about.

[C]

What's his mom's name? Humdingers?

[B]

Oh, I thought you were talking about Mayor Goodway.

[C]

I don't know, Mommy Hummy.

[A]

Anyway, it's too much Paw Patrol.

[C]

Mommy Homie.

[B]

I would love for Humdinger to drop an F bomb one episode.

[A]

All right, what's. What's the mayor. What's the Mayor Humdinger impression you wrote down? Just Mayor Humdinger.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just did impressions.

[A]

I thought we were doing like Mayor Humdinger.

[D]

Oh, I didn't do.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Mayor Humdinger in the line at the dmv.

[C]

Good afternoon. I never scheduled an appointment for today, but I'm assuming I can just walk up and get one, sir.

[A]

No, no, you can. You have to have an appointment. So.

[C]

An appointment? But I'm the mayor of Foggy Bottom. At Foggy Bottom, you can just. The DMV task.

[A]

That's because no one lives there. Because you're such a bad mayor.

[C]

Well, my kitties would say otherwise.

[A]

All right, I like it. All right, all right. What's the next impression?

[D]

Bruce Buffer at the dmv.

[A]

You had the dmv?

[D]

No, I just had that.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Do Bruce Buffer announcing the contestants in the fight at Game of Thrones. The. The trial by combat at Game of Thrones. You didn't get that far, did you?

[A]

That's too. Too niche.

[B]

I just try to. I'm trying to fit. Like Bruce Buffer has to announce.

[A]

I'm sure that that's already great, but we're talking about Ryan here.

[B]

But he watched it. I know he watched it.

[A]

I. I don't even remember Trial by Combat. Are you talking about the Mountain and Viper?

[B]

That's the only one.

[A]

Spoiler.

[C]

Anyway, I mean, I finish all of Game of Thrones. I remember. I'm very surface level, though, okay?

[B]

I just try to think what's something. A fight he can announce. That's not.

[A]

No, let's go.

[C]

You wanna.

[A]

If you're doing a present. You want him to not do a fight. You want to do something silly. You know Bruce Buffer on the intercom at a grocery store. Looking for a, A kid is looking for his mom. So a kid's looking for his mom. And Bruce Bumper is announcing on the intercom that the mom should come find their kid.

[B]

He's warming the vocals up. Deeper voice.

[A]

It's time.

[C]

Standing next to me at the counter

[A]

is a 5 foot 105 pound 8th

[C]

grader looking for his mother. She's in a black dress with high heels on, ready to go to work.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

That's real good. Actually, she's a kid's mom.

[C]

Natasha, please come to the front counter.

[D]

You got it.

[B]

That was pretty good.

[A]

His mom's a hooker or what?

[B]

Yeah, stripper.

[C]

Stripper.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

That's a little better. Yeah, that was pretty good actually. See, I, I knew it.

[C]

That was fine. I think I, I, yeah, I could do better if I practiced.

[A]

No, that's fine.

[D]

Morgan Freeman discussing what's on his bucket list.

[A]

I can tell you right now, he does not have Morgan Freeman. I can tell you that.

[C]

Morgan Freeman.

[B]

Should I pull up, give you a reference? Yeah, yeah, I'll find a Morgan Freeman for you.

[D]

He's in Bruce Almighty.

[C]

Yeah, he's a, he's in Dark Knight too.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Well, I mean, I know Morgan Freeman is, I'm just, I'm just trying to like.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

Almost need some music in the background.

[A]

How do you say that? Majestic creatures.

[C]

Giants.

[B]

That's him narrating a new dinosaur documentary.

[C]

The, the new.

[A]

What's, what's his impression? Doing what he's got.

[D]

Discussing his bucket list.

[C]

What's on my bucket list for 2026? Dude, I. God, I have such a white pants voice.

[A]

I mean, that's.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

All right, let's hear it. This is the official Ryan teacher guy, Morgan Freeman, talking about his bucket list.

[C]

He does, he does. He kind of talk like you got like this, but I'm like, draw it out. Humdinger's coming out now. I'm starting to talk like there. It's like humd on my bucket list for 2026.

[A]

Yeah, it just sounds like you're doing Morgan Freeman auditioning to be mayor. Hunger. It's what it sounds like. Just, just go for it. Just rip it off. Bucket list.

[C]

Bucket top. Bucket list item for 2026 is for me to finish a Rubik's Cube. That's all I got for free.

[A]

You were kind of floating into Bane.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Dark Knight.

[A]

I know, I know,

[B]

Dude. Bane giving the Getty Berg's address.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

You got it, you got it.

[C]

How do you not.

[A]

You gotta pick generic stuff.

[B]

That's the most famous speech of all time.

[A]

All right, Ryan, I want you to do Bane, but I want you to do the monologue that Darth Vader gives in Rogue One.

[B]

How is that compared to the most famous speech in American history?

[C]

All right, I don't know the getting four scores.

[B]

And seven years ago, Abe Lincoln.

[C]

Okay, that's. That would be the only part that I would know.

[B]

You can Google it if you want.

[A]

All right, I want you to do Bane. But I want it to be. But I want it to be Bane doing Obama's acceptance speech in whatever he was first elected.

[D]

2009.

[B]

Not even the same church.

[D]

I want 09 Obama, not 14.

[A]

Yeah, I want you to do Bane, but I want you to do Jesus's sermon on the mount. Whole thing.

[C]

I mean, Obama and Bane, like kind of have similar inflection.

[D]

Yeah, I'd agree.

[C]

Okay, what's the next one?

[D]

Amber Heard talking to her lawyer.

[C]

I don't even know what her. Can I just rip.

[A]

What do you think it sounds.

[B]

I'll find Amber Heard trial deal.

[D]

You haven't heard it.

[C]

But before we do that.

[B]

There you go.

[D]

Allergies.

[A]

Oh, is she. Is she crying? Talking to her lawyer?

[C]

Johnny. Moments where Amber Heard didn't make sense during and after.

[A]

That's not Amber Heard.

[D]

Johnny number five.

[A]

You just hit me.

[C]

I didn't mean to. When I denied having an affair with my ex wife. When I denied. Johnny, I didn't mean to. On your coffee table.

[D]

And he said you have proof. I did not.

[C]

Trying to. In the toilet about fixed. What was the. Of what?

[D]

Talking to her lawyer.

[C]

Oh, Mr. Kardashian.

[B]

Dead Rob.

[C]

I told him that.

[A]

He's so dead.

[C]

I didn't mean to. On the coffee table. I just. I wish I could go back to the Never Back down days when movies were good. Just been so hard because I loved the main character on Never Back Down. It was so tough. And he let me on his coffee table and I didn't even get in trouble for it. And now I'm sitting next to you ribbon lines with cocaine out of a Kleenex. And Johnny's just there getting ready for the next pirate. Pirates of the Caribbean. Lost at sea. Who is the guy?

[A]

Never back Down.

[B]

No. No one knows. It's the only movie he's ever done.

[A]

I don't get the Never Back Down.

[C]

She's in Never Back Down. She's the girlfriend. She's the girlfriend and Never Back Down.

[D]

She's also in Final Book Express. I just Realized that.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, she is. That was a fun one.

[D]

That's good. All I got written is Carl Anthony Towns.

[A]

Fuck.

[C]

What the fuck? Where's the fowl? Oh,

[A]

Don't talk about my guy.

[C]

He used to be my guy when he was in cities.

[B]

It's not his fault he left.

[C]

No, I, I understand that, but.

[A]

He's actually a really chill dude.

[C]

I believe it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's your boy. Yeah.

[D]

Joe Biden taking a nap.

[C]

Joe Biden taking a nap. Drill.

[A]

Drill.

[C]

Was I slaving? Drill.

[A]

Cross the economy.

[C]

Donald's on the phone. That's just D. It's his default. Grows. The economy benefits. Everybody.

[A]

Taking a nap.

[C]

Taking a nap hurts.

[A]

Nobody benefits.

[C]

Everybody benefits.

[B]

Everybody.

[C]

Russia's attack in Ukraine. Where's Russia? Like the gal I met at the club the other night. From Russia? Yeah.

[D]

I got nothing for Julie Trump taking a nap.

[A]

A lot of eyelids are closed.

[C]

You know my favorite place to take a nap of all time was on an island. Very beautiful island. An island. That's an island. Not there anymore.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

You gotta do the suck through the teeth in between words. Great island. Everyone loves the island. Great island.

[C]

Everyone loves the island. Even Bill and Hillary.

[A]

I feel like he's even more gravelly, though.

[D]

Lovely island.

[A]

Lovely island.

[C]

Lovely island. Lovely, lovely island. Lovely island.

[A]

Lots of palm trees.

[C]

It's a great show. Love island. Lots of palm trees. Lots of love being found.

[D]

Your trip turns into Harry Carrie.

[A]

Yes, mine does.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you eat the moon if it was made of cheese?

[D]

That's all I got with that one.

[C]

I do like a good Harry Cary impression.

[A]

What's kind of funny is for a long time, my only exposure to Harry Carey was Will Ferrell's impression of Harry. Correct?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's all I know of.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was a good ride, Shane.

[A]

That was actually pretty good.

[C]

Shane Gill said he does the best truck. He does the best impressions of all time. So if you ever want a good

[D]

impression, go watch Jamie Fox is a really good Trump. Does he really good. It's like spot on.

[C]

Put, put.

[A]

How many people have you heard do impressions?

[C]

Handful Internet videos. Jared, for the next segment, put Ben Shapiro on there for the next one.

[A]

Oh, you got, you got a good Shapiro. Do it.

[C]

No, I, I, I'm gonna practice a Ben Shapiro. It's it. Okay.

[A]

Honestly, I don't hate you. Give them the answers to the test. Next time we do. If we do segment again, tell them who you're thinking of and then you can practice ahead of time.

[B]

The SNL the dude that did Tucker Carlson on SNL last week nailed it.

[C]

Really?

[B]

It was awesome.

[A]

I didn't see it.

[B]

You should.

[C]

Yeah. There's something about also getting the answers for the test, though, because then I'm held to a higher standard.

[D]

Yeah. You know, I will tell these guys.

[C]

We'll talk about it. Yeah. Humdinger takes the cake by. By far. If there's anything remotely close, I'm gonna just start defaulting back to that on accident.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So same me with Harry Carey.

[C]

Yeah. Harry, Carrie.

[D]

They'll be like Bruce Buffer doing a humdinger impression.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That goal.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's time.

[C]

It's time, kitties. Come on, kitties. Get your. Get your kitty asses. Get over here.

[D]

It's good workaround.

[C]

Mommy, help me. Brought my pussies in to get groomed today.

[A]

Actually, I kind of like impre Ryan's impressions. All of the impressions are Humdinger doing an impression.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's a good loophole.

[A]

Yeah. Like Humdinger doing Jim Carrey.

[C]

You know, what's it Give me a gym. Give me an ace venture line to say.

[D]

So you tell me there's a chance as humdinger.

[C]

So you're telling me there's a chance. But what would I wear? But what would I wear? God, I'm getting good at that one. I'm gonna be good at that one by the end of this.

[B]

You'll be. You'll perfect it by the time your kids are no longer interested in Paw Patrol.

[C]

I know.

[B]

I just got to keep pump and it'll be wasted.

[A]

Impressions keep pumping up my kids.

[C]

My kids be like, 12 and be like. So there's this really good show out there. Ever heard of Paw Patrol? Would you mind sitting down and watching it with me? Okay.

[A]

All right. Is that Ryan's impressions? Good job, Ryan.

[D]

That was good. Very good.

[A]

You did handle it better. I thought it was gonna go a little direction.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

You got it.

[A]

All right. Should we take a break?

[B]

Yeah, do it.

[A]

You know, it was a good feeling this weekend when I was cleaning up all my piles.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

So I knew that if anything were to fall on my foot, my toes were safe.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

That's a good feeling.

[A]

There's just. There's just no better feeling like having your toesies completely safe from harm.

[B]

And that's something I think Brunt is missing in their marketing is you have 100 tootsie protection.

[A]

Tootsie protection. They need to be advertising more on their comp toes.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I also saw a guy at A. I don't know what their actual business was, but a way to ensure that his employees were wearing steel toes when they came in is he had a hammer there waiting for him. It would hit their. Hit. The tootsies hit their tootsies with it. And I think I gotta start invoking that here at this media company is ensuring that we are. All Our tootsies are protected.

[B]

It's a quick Tootsie Tap.

[A]

A Tootsie Tap when you guys come in the office every single day. Now, that wouldn't need that. I need to get in the office before all of you guys, so maybe I'll just do it when I get in the office. I'll go around Tootsie Tap, you guys, if you got the Brunt comp toes

[B]

on, just leave a hammer at the door. It'll be an honor system. Tootsie Tap.

[A]

Yeah, but no, it was, you know, I had a true, you know, guy weekend in my Brunt boots, cleaning out my garage, setting up my workbench, just feeling great.

[C]

Yeah, steel toes are also great for spazzing on stuff because, you know, if you need to let out just a spaz kick, just kind of a stress reliever, it ain't gonna hurt you. You know, they go through drywall like no other. I wouldn't know, but I can assume. I can assume.

[A]

So, guys, if you want to make sure your tootsies are protected, you got to go over to bruntworkwear.com, use code YBR. You get 10 pucks off your purchase. Get yourself some boots. They're very comfortable. Whether you're working, whether you're drinking beer in the garage or you're working at a media company, you're gonna. Your tootsies are going to be protected. So go check them out and get brunted up. All right, Jared, you got you. You called in the patrons?

[D]

Yep.

[A]

From what I understand.

[D]

Calling all patrons.

[A]

Calling all patrons. And if you'd like to be a patron, you got to go to you patreon.com. you bet your radio. And sign up. You get extra episode every single week. Ryan gets extra squirrely over there. You think he's getting squirrels?

[C]

Yes, I do.

[A]

This episode, he really lets his mustache down over there on Patreon.

[C]

And it's coming down too. You should blur the mustache out on a regular episode, and then Patreon is when you can actually.

[A]

Yeah, great idea. We should.

[D]

Yeah, that wouldn't be any extra work

[C]

for me because it's coming, but we

[A]

want to be able to see his mouth talking so just blur out just the mustache. Yeah, that's premium content is mustache.

[C]

I can even touch it with my tongue now.

[B]

So are you starting to figure out why I've messed with my mustache so much? Because you, you've been doing it like maybe I watched you do this.

[C]

You do this a lot, but you twist it.

[B]

I know, but I'm just saying, do you understand now why I'm always messing with it?

[C]

Well, it's not a habit for me yet, though. That's the thing.

[B]

You've done it probably 30 times this episode.

[C]

We can run that tape immediately. 30 is a long shot.

[B]

You've been doing it.

[C]

See, he's trying, he's trying to get me to.

[B]

You've been doing it a lot.

[C]

I can maybe count on two hands how many times I've done it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A lot of this going on over there.

[C]

You're just insecure about your own habits on your end, and I totally get it.

[B]

I'm fully in on them.

[C]

And now that I understand what your habit is, I get it.

[B]

Yeah, it's pulling my mustache, just like you. And I'm glad that you like to emulate me. I get it.

[A]

No, you're a puller. He's a stroker.

[B]

Yeah, different strokes for different folks.

[A]

He pulls out and you stroke it in, stroke it down.

[C]

Yeah. No shame at all. I just don't like people lying about me.

[A]

Okay,

[C]

so we'll get a patient, we'll run the table.

[B]

Welcome to the club.

[A]

I would actually be very curious to see now how many times he's touched his mustache.

[C]

And this, like, this is not.

[D]

Yeah. What constitutes, for you, Ryan, that.

[C]

I mean, it's got to be, it's got to be, it's got to be two fingered, two finger. Gotcha.

[B]

Oh, so you can't, can't just be this.

[C]

Well, I, I, I haven't done that. I don't do.

[B]

I don't think you haven't. I don't think I've seen one.

[C]

No, it's. If I do, it would always be two. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So, all right, so if there is a patron out there that has no life who. No, no, no, no, no. If you got some extra time on your hands when. Stop this podcast, go back to the beginning. Listen to it on 2x speed. Just crack open a beer and count how many times.

[C]

You don't even need to listen to it. You can just.

[B]

Yeah, just watch, Dial in, lock in

[A]

and count how many times Ryan touched his mustache with two fingers

[C]

and because, like, if I get too close to the mic and it. And it, like, gets, like, popped up like that. Like I'm. It's like when someone takes your hat off and puts it on for you, you always have to adjust it.

[A]

That is true.

[C]

You know, so, like, if it gets fucked up, then I'm going to. I'm obviously going to.

[A]

And I want to say I never had that happen to me until I had a kid, because my kid loves taking the hat on and off.

[B]

Very annoying habit of children.

[A]

Yeah. And I do have to adjust it every single. Every single time because it always goes on my head like this.

[C]

Yep. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, we'll call him.

[A]

But see the hair front of my eyes? All right, so what we called in the patrons call it.

[D]

Yeah, we calling all patriots.

[A]

And ask them what, Jared.

[D]

If they should get their man card revoked or not.

[A]

Okay. Should these things get your man card revoked or not? Right.

[B]

All right.

[A]

What are they. Throw them at us.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Nick says I let my wife drive. She's better with directions 100%.

[A]

You know, letting your wife drive, I don't think is a man card revoked, but every time, her being better with directions to me is at least a two week suspension of the man card. If. If you aren't the cardinal direction guy, who are you? You know what I mean?

[B]

I. I'm with Ryan on the revoke.

[C]

You also just, like, have. You have your phone that you can. You can plug an address into and it will tell you where to go?

[B]

Yeah, you can, like, you can hit a button and it will speak to you. You don't even need to look at it.

[C]

They call that hands free. The cops don't mind hands free.

[B]

No, they encourage it.

[C]

They encourage it. Actually. It's actually the law.

[A]

So wait, what's your take? That. He should have it removed.

[C]

Gone.

[A]

Yeah, we know you. You're notorious. You can't let your wife drive because

[C]

you're, like, never back down. You are the protector of the house. You're the protector of the people in the vehicle, and you can't do that when your wife's driving.

[A]

I know, but, like, sometimes, like some of us, I got to do work. Like for drive.

[C]

That's different. That's different.

[A]

Okay, so this is just. So my wife likes to drive, though.

[B]

Yeah, I'm. I'm all for splitting the rule, but if she's the primary driver and better at directions, it's revoked.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

100.

[B]

Yeah. Two weeks.

[A]

Two. I'll give them two weeks. Right now without having more information.

[D]

Adam says not hitting your drive past the ladies tease.

[A]

I mean, once it happens, you know,

[C]

I mean, if it's.

[A]

If.

[C]

If that's just how bad of a golfer you are, then I wouldn't even revoke the man card. I just say try another spot.

[B]

I mean, right.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

It's like try volleyball. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Try pickleball or. Yeah.

[A]

Or chess, maybe. Chess.

[C]

Chess is fine.

[B]

Yeah, I think.

[A]

Okay. So, like, it's. If everyone mishits it, you know?

[B]

Right. I've seen pros dribble them off before.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And. But, like, if you're going full swing, you're making perfect contact, and it's not going past the lady tees, then I'm revoking your man card.

[B]

It's almost impossible.

[C]

Yeah, it is impossible. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You got to be four years old to full swing. Perfect. Hit it and not get it past the next tease.

[A]

Yeah. And you're not even a man at that point, so you have a card.

[B]

Yeah. No card to be revoked, so I think.

[A]

I think not. Man card removed for that.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

You might, you know, your buddies might make you drop your pants and hit the next shot with your pants around your ankles, but that is an issue of man card removal.

[B]

Yeah. And if you pull them down and you're wearing a pink, lacy thong, then. Man card revoked.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, unless you're doing it as a bit. That's fun.

[B]

That is hilarious.

[C]

That'd be. That would be a great.

[A]

I'm gonna be honest. You can get around most man card revocations by just saying you were doing a bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, if you're doing a bit that you make your wife drive and tell her that she's better at directions, it's a great.

[C]

Yeah. That is a great bit, because then you can just chill on and rip tick tocks and.

[D]

Will he be hard again? I'm what most people would consider scared of mice. I'd say I'm creeped out by mice rather than scared, but either way you put it, I'm on the countertop. If I see a mouse run across the floor.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Get the out.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Revoked.

[B]

I was. I was kind of on his side until the countertop thing. That's tough luck.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, no one loves to see a mouse run around their garage or basement or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But you're up on the counter. Come on.

[B]

That's. That's bad, dude.

[A]

That.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That is bad. I mean, what if some. What if a person comes into your house? Are you gonna go hide under the bed? No.

[B]

People are way scarier than mice.

[C]

Yeah. Again, protector of the house.

[A]

Mice are more scared of you than you are of them.

[B]

This is just a tale of mice and men here.

[C]

Yeah. Good book.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Barb Dwyer as a metalhead. One of my all time favorite songs is Love Story by Taylor Swift. Very man card. Revocable of me.

[B]

No, that song's good.

[C]

I watched the Taylor Swift documentary, and I, I, I did for a couple weeks after that. Listen to Taylor Swift. So if this revokes a man card, then mine is also at least suspended.

[B]

Yep. I'm. Solidarity. That's. That's Taylor Swift's best song.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I. You're talking to a guy. I, I had a Taylor Swift city burned for me in high school, so it's, you know. But no, I don't think. I don't think music constitutes getting your man card revoked.

[B]

Every one of us can sing Party for Two with. And Shania's part, predominantly.

[C]

Yeah. So music is about feeling, which.

[A]

I don't know. Man card. Revoke for that. We're all about feelings.

[D]

He's doing a bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

that was a good bit.

[D]

I'm just kidding, guys.

[B]

Just judge the room real quick. Yeah, so I, I think this. Yeah, I was a. That was a bit for sure.

[C]

I just want to see what your

[A]

mouse comes rolling in. He jumps up on the counter, screams like a girl. They're like, what are you doing? I just do it.

[C]

Gotcha. No, you. You saw the video from our. The first shop we ever had, bunker 1.0. We. Whenever we had a mouse in the podcast studio, we got that sucker in, like five minutes. Yeah. I think we decapitated it with what we were trying to catch it with.

[D]

It's very badly.

[A]

I don't remember this.

[C]

I know it was. Well, I actually weren't there. I got video of it. I'll show you later. I'll show you a video later.

[A]

I do remember there being a mouse in the office, but, yeah, that's fine.

[C]

I mean, yeah, mice. Are they gonna bite you?

[D]

They got disease.

[C]

They got disease. That's why you hit him with a bat or something.

[A]

My preferred weapon is a shovel. More surface area to hit.

[C]

Yeah, I.

[A]

And I was never good at batting and baseball.

[C]

I was mowing the lawn this last. This last summer, and there was a mouse, like, kind of scurrying across the grass. And so I got it, like, right on top of the tip of my shoe, and I just like Pat Mac feeding out into the woods. Twenty minutes later, he comes back to

[B]

the same spot they're resilient little bastards.

[C]

So then I. Then I. Lionel Messi penalty kicked it. And I don't think he came back after that.

[B]

I. I knocked loose a nest of baby garter snakes when I was mowing the lawn. I just dropped the deck to the ground and scalped my lawn and just sent guts.

[C]

Good fertilizer.

[B]

I don't. I don't like.

[A]

Check the homicidal triad on YouTube.

[C]

Yeah, it's good for.

[B]

I don't like snakes, but I'm not getting on a counter to hide from them.

[A]

You're outside in your yard, you see a gardener running kitchen and get up on the counter.

[C]

And especially us having kids. What if our kids see us do that?

[B]

Yeah, they don't.

[C]

What does that do for the next generation?

[B]

They don't need his. Their impression of their dad being afraid of mice.

[C]

No, my kids do. I want my kid to go to school and tell his buddies that I jumped up on top of a table. Then their dad's really gonna be able to beat me up.

[B]

Yeah, they'll have no argument for you in the lunchroom.

[A]

Yeah, my dad could beat up your dad. No, he can't. Jumps up on counters.

[C]

Yeah. If you. If your dad tried to come after my dad, he was.

[A]

No, dude, my dad was just doing a bit.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's funny.

[D]

I found a tea bag. You never learning how to use a ratchet strap after multiple people. Multiple people showed me how they work. All I know is whatever it is,

[A]

it's going somewhere when he does it. Yeah. Yeah. That one's probably more revoking your dad's man. Man card for not teaching you how to do it secondhand. Secondhand man card. Second hand. Second man card. I don't know. But at this point in time, you just need to figure it out. So I would say that you get suspended in your man card for a month or until.

[B]

Or until you learn.

[A]

Yeah. Or. Yeah, it's like. Actually it's suspended definitely until you learn.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think the best.

[A]

You can have it back.

[C]

Yeah. The only way. Like, what are they. What's. What's the phrase? The only way out is through. I think that that phrase describes ratchet straps perfectly. I think you have to be. You have to sit in a room

[A]

for about everything, actually kind of true. How you. How you do the ratchet strap.

[C]

Correct.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

The only way out is through. That's your little nugget.

[C]

I think if someone gives you the general consensus of how this works, and then you go sit in a room for 30 minutes with different things you could tie down. You'll figure it out.

[B]

Yeah, and once you figure it out, you're gonna be using ratchet straps for that. Did not need a ratchet strap.

[C]

You just leave your tailgate down at all times and just ratchet strap across it.

[B]

Why not?

[C]

You just gotta get reps. That's all it is.

[B]

You might as. You might just ratchet strap your tailgate shut even though it doesn't need it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You might build a bed frame and then just ratchet strap across it, and that's your box spring.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, there.

[B]

Why not?

[C]

Yeah, you might. You might make a tire swing out back, which just hang it from a ratchet strap.

[A]

You might intentionally go into a ditch in the winter just so you can get pulled out with a ratchet strap that doesn't work.

[B]

I tried it.

[A]

Well, you just don't have the rights. Ratchet straps. Get those thick boys.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Those thickies regular.

[B]

Just fair warning for you guys out there, regular ratchet straps don't cut it on a car. A car removal.

[C]

They don't work. Yeah, I've done that before, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And the take.

[A]

You're like a semi rat, you know, That'll work.

[C]

Hearing the snap, it. It sends you down a deep, dark hole.

[B]

Very demoralizing because you're already in a shitty situation because you're stuck.

[C]

Yeah. Yep. Tough reps. That's all it is.

[D]

40. 40 supreme. Something that I personally do that would get my man card taken away is that I subscribe to a few Bravo subreddits so I can keep up with my wife's favorite shows and talk to her about them.

[B]

Yeah, it's gone. Bye. Bye. It's one thing.

[A]

Turn to sender moment.

[B]

That's.

[A]

I mean, put it in the paper shredder.

[B]

Holy. It's one thing to be like watching them with your wife secondhand.

[A]

That's totally cool. That's fine. That's tough. It's a tough look. But if you're doing it as a bit to, like, kind of troll your wife, you know.

[B]

Yeah. To pretend like you know more than her.

[A]

It was like a guy I used to work with at the job site said he learned everything he could about Catholicism so he could make fun of Catholics. If that's kind of you're trying to learn everything you can about these Bravo shows so you can make fun of them, then that's fair game.

[C]

Before you guys started to go in on him, I was actually gonna say, like, kind of shout out to this guy for Putting in the work in to build a good relationship.

[D]

Yeah, he's being a good husband.

[B]

You could just watch him with her.

[A]

You can. You can. You can build that relationship. That's why I just won't have your man card.

[C]

That's why I didn't say it. That's why I didn't say it.

[B]

It's just like, I think he's just lying. I think he's just interested in the shows that he's on the Bravo subreddit. Because he likes it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Just admit it, dude.

[C]

I'll let him keep his man card, but he has to cancel the subscriptions.

[A]

So Ryan's like, if your wife drives the car, no go. But if you're getting into the drama of all the shows and on the subreddit, that's totally cool. Where do you stand, man? I don't. What do you stand for on the countertops?

[C]

I'd like to know how. Like, how deep these conversations and how long these conversations.

[A]

Sounds like he wants him in the subway.

[B]

I think so.

[C]

No, no, no. My wife doesn't watch. She doesn't want to talk about reality. Yeah, she doesn't watch junk.

[A]

What does your wife watch then? Ice Road Truckers.

[C]

She pretty much washed

[A]

Deadliest Cat, the

[B]

Mystery of Oak Island.

[C]

She's been getting really into Life Below Zero, the Ultimate Fighter lately.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Alone, naked in afraid. What she watched.

[C]

She did recommend the other night, though. She's like, I learned of this channel called the Outdoor Boys Channel. And she's like, I think it'd be great for my oldest son to start watching that. I'm like, yeah, that's Luke from the Outdoor Boys Channel. Of course, we could throw that on the tv Will never run out of battery in my house.

[D]

Yeah, Cody. I read spicy books with my wife. She'll read one, then I will read it after. Trust me, fellas. Definitely worth it.

[A]

So this guy's just jerking off to books?

[C]

No, he's getting laid. No, no, they're re reenacting.

[B]

There's a whole movement on Tick Tock on getting your wife's into these books because it just makes them horny. It's like, I'll. I'll get over the fact that she's thinking of this book character as long as I'm still getting laid.

[A]

So, yeah, like with the Bravo T. TV shows, that's gone. Man card gone. But if you're, you know, if the added benefit is, like, doing this also could lead to you getting laid more, I think that you get to keep it. That. That's the. The clarification there.

[C]

Well, who says you.

[A]

Basically anything that equals you having more sex, you get to keep your man

[B]

card for the only loophole.

[A]

So that's the second loophole. One, if you're doing a bit and two, if it gets you laid, you can do anything you want. Like going to a drag. Going to a drag show. If it gets you laid by a woman, go for it. No man card removed.

[B]

The only problem with this guy's question is he doesn't need to read it too to get laid in this scenario. She just needs to read the book.

[A]

Yeah, but she probably thinks it's hot that he's reading.

[C]

Yeah, she wants him to be the male character in the book.

[B]

Yeah, but he doesn't need to know who the male character is for that to happen.

[C]

But if he does, if he slips up and does the wrong move that, you know, Christian or whatever the is, they're reenacting it.

[B]

You're thing.

[C]

Who's 50 Shades? What's the guy.

[B]

No, you got it.

[C]

Is it Christian Gray?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Mad card.

[A]

Oh my God. Unless you're doing a bit or it got you laid more. Pretty suspect. Pretty suspect. Yeah. A lot of gray area going on right now.

[B]

Fifty shades of it.

[A]

So that was a bit or did you do it?

[C]

No, I just guessed right. Yes, I did. I was. Because I was thinking Christian Bale and I'm like, well, is it Christian Gray and it.

[B]

I think I watched the movie. I'm pretty positive.

[C]

Why am I in this alone? Tyler's the one that confirmed it.

[D]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah, but he watched a movie. Reading the book is way worse.

[B]

I think Dakota Johnson's a smoke, so.

[A]

Yeah. And that's another thing. You can do anything if you think some chick's hot. The book. So you're watching those Bravo TV shows because you think one of them's hot Shag.

[B]

Yep, that's right.

[A]

Don't act like you don't. You knew that. Guess you probably. I guess if we went to your house right now you got the full box set of books.

[C]

No, no, you can. You can scan my house. I. I don't have one single book about that in there.

[A]

Yeah, cuz you returned to the library already. Library sticky and all.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Oh, Pa, you gotta. You got. Actually got suspended for a month because you returning books that the pages stuck together.

[B]

Ryan actually get 50 shades of gray pulled from the public library. Yeah.

[D]

That'd be a wild move renting Shades of Gray for the library.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh man.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What's his Name. Like, knew his middle name and everything.

[D]

Elsa. Kenny. 1. I make my wife get rid of the spiders in the house.

[A]

That's the worst one I had so far.

[C]

See ya.

[A]

Gone. Gone. Man card, gone.

[D]

Thomas the Tractor guy. When you make a resolution, solve a Rubik's Cube, then you were given an extension, but you still weren't able to complete your resolution.

[A]

Sounds like this guy's doing it for a bit.

[C]

Yeah, I mean that. Yeah.

[B]

He just knows that if he solves that Ruby Scooter, be a nerd and won't ever get laid again. That is true.

[A]

I'm trying to get. All right, this guy sounds like he's trying to get laid more. And he's doing a bit double whammy.

[C]

If. If we gave you the option. If. If we said us.

[A]

This guy.

[C]

Well, us, like and the. And the Patriots.

[A]

Well, no, if. The guy that's. You're talking about, the guy who's trying to sell Ruby's cube.

[B]

Well, heavy sigh from Ryan.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I'm not going to be able to get this one out. If we give you the option, we can. We can just ax the whole Rubik's Cube thing. If you were to read 50 Shades of Green, would you.

[B]

No,

[A]

because I'm so working on it, and it's going to be such a great story someday.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Be like, you know, like, dad, you know, what were you like? And it was like, well, let me tell you a story about perseverance, son.

[D]

If you. If you get a great story out of it. Man card not revoked.

[A]

Yeah, that too. Yeah.

[C]

Sorry. Sick time.

[A]

If it leads to a great story that makes your buddy laugh. That's rule number three with man cards. Okay,

[D]

we'll get to the rest of the rules later.

[A]

Well, we're discovering them as we go.

[C]

Yeah, we're at the. It's got three commandments right now.

[A]

Yeah. You think God just went and he just had ten commandments? It took him a while, however many years in existence. And then you decided, oh, Moses is here. I think they're ready, you know, but up until that point, he didn't fully bake out what all the ten Commandments were going to be.

[B]

Which ones do you think?

[A]

But then he's like, oh, he's climbing this mountain. I better become a burning bush and. And let him know I gotta. You know, I imagine God has adhd, you know, and it wasn't until he told Moses that the Ten Commandments were ready that he's like, ah, I gotta write him down.

[B]

What rules do you Think didn't make it past the cutting room floor. I like to imagine there's probably 20 commandments and he had to trim the fat.

[C]

Yeah. Took it to a boat.

[D]

Lisa's labia. I filed my nails instead of cut them.

[A]

Oh, Ryan does that.

[C]

I don't have. I don't own a nail.

[B]

Ryan. Ryan is a known clipper on his desk guy.

[C]

I. I get the. I clip the hangnails, you guys.

[A]

I know. We've been. Why do you have so many hangnails?

[C]

Well, once you. I think once you start clipping them once, then they start growing, and when they grow back, they don't. They don't grow back with your actual nail so that you can just like, peel them off again. All right, I think I just need to go to the. They got this hair, skin and nails at the pharmacia down south. I have to get some of that because you can get it. You can get it down there. You can't get in the States without prescription, though.

[A]

I don't think that that's that bad. You know, I mean, just don't do it where anyone can see you, because if someone sees you do. Going like this.

[B]

And then don't do this after.

[A]

Yeah, I look at it like this. Yep.

[D]

Fingers.

[A]

Man card revoked. Man card stays.

[C]

You guys.

[A]

That's rule number four.

[C]

You guys got the little grinder for your kids now, that's number four.

[B]

Just clip them.

[C]

You clip them even when they're super little. You got that. That. That little grinder for your kids nails? Yeah, the one you do like, the sander. I just. I. Sometimes I'll use that thing.

[A]

I didn't use that. And I clipped my buddy's skin. The clipper felt really bad.

[C]

Like your buddy, as in your son. Okay.

[B]

Never heard you say that before. So my. Whose nails were you clipping and why did they need help?

[A]

I don't know why I called him my buddy. You. Because he's at the stage of life where I don't always feel like. I feel like I'm just. We're just pals at this point. He's not old enough yet to really need true discipline, you know? So we're still buddies.

[C]

Yeah. No, I get it,

[D]

Mike. When I'm at home, I like to sit down to pee. Don't have to worry about the. The ball and chain complaining about pee on the toilet. And it's nice to take a load off.

[A]

Okay. If you're. If you're ejecting any loads, whether it's getting the load off Your back or getting the load out of you. I think you keep demand card anytime you can take a load off or a load out.

[B]

How long are your pisses?

[A]

This isn't the first guy I've talked to. That's. This is their M.O. at home.

[C]

I can. I can truthfully say I've never sat down to pee.

[A]

Not even when you.

[C]

Well, okay, yeah, when I. But, like, that doesn't count. Just specifically pee. Yeah, that doesn't count.

[B]

I mean, I'll sit down and pee when I got a little morning issue going on so I don't have to do the fucking arch back, aim down.

[C]

You don't just plank.

[B]

No, no. I don't have enough space. Otherwise I'd try planking bathroom counter, bathroom wall.

[C]

Yeah, if you go diagonally, it works decent.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Or if you sit backwards and then prop your arms up.

[B]

Also, I like how I play Game Boy. Elbows on the tank.

[A]

I like how what we're willing to say on this podcast almost knows no limit. But saying morning wood, it's just too far. It's a. It's a bridge too far for Tyler Miles is just to call it morning wow. Issues.

[B]

Miles needed to deflect after the buddy issue we pointed out.

[A]

It's not.

[C]

It's not an issue.

[A]

You just can't take offense to what I just said. You just got to think that was. That's a funny observation Ryan was saying earlier.

[C]

No, Ty, I want to correct you. It's not.

[A]

That's health.

[C]

I think it's healthy. So it's good for you to call it an issue, I think. Don't think you have an issue when you get a boner in the morning.

[B]

It's an issue. It's an issue when you have a family.

[C]

So it's an issue when you're peeing.

[B]

I gotta hide it from my family because my kids are up and it's like, what the am I supposed to do with this?

[A]

Put a cowboy hat over it?

[B]

Like, I literally.

[A]

That's your solution? Some his kids later. Like, something I didn't know was weird until I got out of the house. It was like, my dad in the morning will walk around with the cowboy hat on his crotch with no hands. I know. I think that that's a totally reasonable reason to sit on the toilet and pee.

[B]

Totally. Yeah.

[D]

That's what. That's.

[B]

I'll do that every morning. Yeah.

[A]

Sit to piss every morning. You're waiting. Okay.

[B]

I would say nine out of ten mornings.

[C]

Yeah. If it's summertime, I just go outside Fair. Off the front porch.

[A]

Just so unnecessary. It's such a further walk from your bedroom to your front porch than it is to your bathroom.

[C]

Yeah. But then I'll also like. I get that vitamin to wake up. Yeah.

[B]

Fresh air on. On the nuts.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you ground at the same time?

[C]

I usually stand on my porch, so I'm grounding on concrete.

[B]

It's like grounding adjacent.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The material was in the ground at one point.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Good way to start. Morning kilometers. My pleasure. Letting your girlfriend jump your car for you. I know a guy.

[A]

This happened to letting her or having her do it because you don't know how.

[B]

That's a very important distinction.

[A]

Her doing it because you don't know how. Definitely gone. Three strikes. You're out of that old ball game. But if you're letting her do it, I don't know. I feel like gals sometimes are like, hey, I want to show you that I can get this done. Plus, if you're doing it as a bit.

[B]

If you trust her to do it,

[C]

if it gets you laid more.

[B]

Yeah. You're doing it as a bit to blow up your engine.

[D]

Yeah. Sparks fly, blow up your battery.

[B]

What would happen if you do it wrong?

[A]

You would probably get electrocuted.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All the car guys are groaning at this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's why I'm clutching their steering wheel.

[B]

Yeah. These guys, they lose their man card.

[A]

They don't know about cars.

[C]

They're just like, aggressively shifting their manual.

[D]

Shit stains. Chile watched six seasons of Grey's Anatomy and stopped watching after someone I liked died.

[B]

Very curious what you guys say on this, because I did the same thing.

[A]

This is not my burner of Grey's Anatomy.

[B]

I watched roughly six seasons of Grey's Anatomy.

[C]

Yeah. And this here's this guy.

[A]

And then as soon as McDreamy died. You quit or what?

[B]

I get McDreamy and McSteamy mixed up.

[A]

Dreamy was original.

[B]

When the other I didn't get as far as his death, but the first one, the first Mick, whatever his death, I think I quit about that.

[A]

I mean, Grey's Anatomy had a stranglehold on the world there for a little bit.

[C]

It.

[B]

I watched it.

[C]

I think it got people laid more, didn't it?

[B]

Yeah, that's why I was doing it. Yeah.

[A]

There's just nothing like a active shooter in the hospital that get the screams.

[C]

I've never seen it, so I don't know.

[A]

Spoilers, screams, sex.

[C]

I've never seen it. So I, I. That's. That's just my assumption.

[A]

There's surface. Like someone coming in with their leg got blown off by a bomb. Like scream sex.

[C]

There's love behind it, though, isn't it?

[A]

There's a reason why. Is McSteamy okay? McSteemy just died in real life.

[B]

Yeah, that. That what you mix steamy. Then after about when he died is when I quit. Whenever season, that is.

[A]

Yep. No, I. Because that would have been on when we were in high school. Right.

[B]

I watched it in college with a chick and then kept watching. I kept watching it after we were not talking because I liked it.

[C]

It. Yeah, you got sucked in.

[A]

I'm sure that's fine. I think that's fine. Gray's Anatomy is innocent enough. There's, you know, I think it's fine. It's not like 50 shades of gray over here.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, whatever. No, I haven't touched that book, you guys. What's the next one?

[D]

Last one. Ryan Pine's String Bean Shortcut. Sheely. I don't mind. Ms. Rachel kind of hot, actually.

[B]

That's not man card. Revocable at all.

[C]

Thinking someone's good looking.

[B]

Yeah. She literally has a song where she just yells, put it in, put it

[A]

in, put it in. No, Ms. Rachel's the goat.

[B]

She knows what she's doing.

[A]

She knows what she's doing.

[C]

Does she have the twins pierced?

[B]

It's a rumor running around TikTok. I saw that TikTok pop up.

[C]

I did, too.

[D]

I've never heard that.

[C]

I think she's got the twins pierced. Someone caught her at the park or something with a white shirt on and could see the triple. Triple nipple. I. E. Had the twins pierced.

[B]

I'm with you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He come with you?

[A]

Calling him the twins. Calling them the twins is great.

[D]

And twins.

[A]

No, I don't think. I think you're good. I mean, you just say, oh, I think this chick is hot. Is my man card revoked? Now, if you'd have been like, I think that her husband's hot, then maybe we got to talk about it.

[B]

But yeah, if you're like, I watch Ms. Rachel and I don't have kids. That's a little weird.

[A]

We never clarified. Yeah, yeah. That's another thing. No man card gets removed if you do it for your kids.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I know there's a lot of blue collar guys out there that are dressing up in dresses and painting their nails,

[B]

but if it's for your daughter or

[A]

your son for that matter, no man card revoked. If you do it for your kids, you're good. So if you read 50 Shades of Gray to your. To your little guy before bed? Keep the man card.

[B]

I. I did read. I read one smut. We could get that fourth wing. But you recommended it. Neither one of us knew it was smut.

[A]

I didn't recommend it. I said, I heard people are reading this book.

[B]

Okay, well, someone you knew recommended to

[A]

you, and it was my sister in law, which should have been a red flag for you, Tyler. I didn't.

[B]

I was like, oh, dragons. I'm a nerd. I like that stuff. And then all of a sudden, the dragons are. The holes are getting filled in the right places and I'm like listening to this and my cheeks are getting red. I'm like, oh, my God, what is going on? I had no idea.

[A]

In the morning and she had to go sit down on the toilet. Dude.

[B]

I was like uncomfortable. I was in my truck listening to it audio. So the narrator is like doing sex grunts.

[C]

You're at the stoplight next to. Yeah, you're all high school teacher.

[B]

I'm like turning the volume down even though I'm alone.

[A]

Dude. That would be funny actually, like someone who doesn't know about 50 shades of gray. Be like, oh, it's a murder. It's a great biography about one of the greatest sports figures of all time.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's. Yeah, it's a movie or it's a. It's a. It's a book about Bob Ross's life essentially, and, you know, some of the dark days that he had.

[D]

Yeah, it's a Christian book. There's a guy named Christian.

[A]

Yeah. If you said it was a Christian book, you wouldn't be lying.

[C]

No, not at all.

[D]

Oh, man.

[A]

All right, we're gonna end the day playing a little game, right, Jared?

[B]

You got it, you got there.

[A]

You got it.

[B]

I don't know how this game works.

[A]

All right, so I'm now 30, almost 33 years old, and I've gotten into old people games. Okay. You know, I've been into Sudoku before. Recently started really hammering the wordle. And then I got the New York Times games app and started finding all sorts of other ones. And this one's called Connection. So they give you a 4x4 box. So 16 words, Ryan. And we have to figure out what four words go together. And we only get four guesses or like four mistakes.

[B]

I got it. It's pride, envy, sloth, and wrath. They're four of the seven deadly sins.

[D]

Envy, sloth, and wrath.

[C]

Left side.

[D]

Submit.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, no, dude, See, that's Okay. I'm so glad you did this. Because they do this. They try and make it seem obvious.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

To start. And it'll also tell you if you're only one away. You didn't even get close on that.

[B]

Okay. Okay. You just. You just call it. Say you.

[A]

Okay. So this is. This is actually tough. So Gaggle probably has something to do with Ryan.

[D]

Molasses has to do with me.

[A]

Wrestlemania pod. This is not good radio. We'll probably just cut this, huh?

[D]

Keep going.

[A]

I didn't realize how bad a radio was.

[C]

So is this. Is this custom to like us?

[A]

No.

[C]

Like.

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay. This is just random on the Internet.

[A]

Is it? Everyone on the Internet gets the same one today.

[C]

Gotcha. Okay. Okay.

[A]

Glacier.

[C]

Kurt Rate.

[A]

What's cart rate?

[C]

What's a cart rate?

[B]

I think it's a person. Yeah, that's what I was the last name Traffic.

[A]

Gaggle and pack go together in a pod.

[B]

Like a pod of whales.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Giggle

[A]

And a pride of lion. Pride.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Try it.

[D]

Submit it.

[A]

Let's go. We got it. Animal group names. We got that. All right. So that was Gaggle Package. Pod and Pride.

[B]

Easy peasy.

[A]

Molasses.

[D]

Sloth.

[A]

Slow as molasses. Slow as a sloth.

[B]

Slow traffic.

[A]

Slow traffic.

[C]

Grapes of Wrath.

[D]

Hey.

[C]

It's a slow read. Slow read.

[B]

I would do Glacier a glacier pace.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's got to be it.

[A]

Let's go. Let's go. Things associated with being slow. Surprised Ryan's name wasn't in there. Ryan.

[C]

Two wrestle. Two people in wrestling.

[A]

This works. That's not how that works. It might. I mean, they may go together, but

[C]

so like, they gotta go together. Kurt Rate.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Envy and wrath. Right? Maybe not

[A]

you. You wrestle actions.

[C]

Any wrestling going on at the Emmys.

[D]

Smashing Machine.

[C]

Smashing Machine.

[B]

Did it. That win anything? Because it didn't deserve it.

[D]

No, it didn't win anything.

[A]

What Smashing Machine.

[B]

Bad movie. I don't even know.

[D]

Didn't even win makeup.

[C]

So why are you putting those three together? Jarrett?

[D]

I'm just spitballing.

[C]

Okay?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I. I'm learning. I'm trying to learn as we play here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What is. I don't know what Cartwright means.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Right. Is a guy.

[B]

I think it's a guy. But that doesn't make sense for this because nothing else is a name.

[C]

I think it's Cartman's dad.

[D]

Oh, I think I know. I think I know know. They're gonna know.

[C]

William Cartwright.

[D]

Would it be this all end in y.

[A]

All end in Y.

[C]

Five or less letter. Four or less letters.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Some like any two.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Let's try it. We got three guesses. We got it. Nice words that sound like state abbreviations. That is now.

[B]

Hey, we got it, though.

[A]

There you go. We got it.

[C]

Two and wrestling.

[A]

I'm very curious to see Raffle and then Raffle

[C]

William. Kurt. Right.

[A]

Silent W is what it was. So. Look at that. Crush that. I mean, I usually do them by myself, so it's a lot easier. There we go.

[B]

There we go. Diabolical for them to put the seven

[C]

deadly sins in the episode on a W. Fat dub.

[A]

All right. Is that it? Dared, you got a fun fact.

[D]

In the Middle Ages, a good sword could cost the equivalent of several months of wages for a skilled worker. That's why many soldiers use spears instead. They were way cheaper.

[A]

Signifies nobility and. And class.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

By owning a sword or.

[C]

Yeah, you don't have to flatten a spear.

[B]

A little spearhead.

[A]

Smaller amount.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of you Bet your Radio. Have a great week. We'll see you in the next one betcha.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I'm going on a bacherette party in a few weeks, and the bride is known for shutting down bars. I haven't been out that late in a long time. How do I prepare my liver? It's a four day weekend, so it'll be consecutive nights of these shenanigans.

[A]

So it's only three nights then. Right, so that helps. So don't. Mentally. It's three nights, not four nights. It's a four day. But, you know, I mean, also, is this a. A woman or a man?

[B]

Another time's a girl.

[D]

It's a woman.

[A]

Let's go. We got a question from a girl. Let's go. What's up? What's up? Yeah, what's going on?

[B]

Hey, what's up?

[A]

Up You. We got a couple single guys. We got a couple single guys in the office. Let us know where the bachelor F party is. Maybe we can send Jake. No, Jake's not single.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Not married to me. Noah and Jake are single.

[B]

In my mind, Noah's married.

[A]

Well, I didn't get an invite to the wedding, so it doesn't matter. So, yeah, if. If I don't go to your wedding, you're still single to me. Yeah, that's my new rule. That's my new rule. If I'm not there to see the nuptials, then you're. It's null and void. You don't have a. You don't have a marriage.

[D]

That's funny, what you're saying about swingers yesterday.

[A]

What was I saying?

[D]

You're like, why the. Aren't swingers hitting on.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why. Why is. No. What's wrong with me? Why am I not getting approached? I know multiple people have been approached. I haven't even had. We haven't even had, like, a. A flavor of it.

[C]

Well, I knew you got a membership at a. At a golf course.

[A]

I know. That's what I'm saying. That's part of the problem. I mean, the problem is, is that where I golf, there's swingers there, and I haven't been approached.

[C]

How do you prepare your liver?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, at this point, I don't think you really can.

[A]

How long until.

[D]

In a few weeks.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sorry.

[D]

10:30.

[A]

Yeah, it's. I mean, it's early. You got two options. One, start boozing now.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Start crushing. Be.

[A]

Start hammering beers or whatever women drink these days.

[D]

What?

[A]

White claws, maybe. Maybe. Maybe live that. Eat no laws when you're drinking the Claws.

[B]

An Arbor Mist.

[C]

Maybe a Buzzball.

[A]

Maybe you could start drinking the Car Bliss. Have you seen them? My sisters love those Car Bliss drinks. You could do that. You could just. Tito's vodka sodas. Start hammering those. Maybe. So you either got to start drinking now, or you go into this thing and you just treat it as like, whatever happens, happens scenario, you know, like your only goal at this situation. And we've said this about bachelor parties, too. It's just as long as you're not the drunkest, you're good if.

[C]

100%. Yeah.

[A]

Because if you're the drunkest, you get made fun of the most. You might end up making everyone go home a little early or at least someone going home early. Or just act the drunkest. They'll send you home early.

[B]

Yeah. Better or just true. Just leave Irish goodbye.

[C]

Yeah, but I think by night three, too, you're like, it's just.

[A]

Everyone's gonna be slowing down.

[C]

Yeah, they'll be slowing down. Plus you. I mean, you could drink the same amount of beers you did the night before, and you probably. You might not feel nearly as much.

[A]

Probably. Night two is gonna be the craziest. Yeah. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I want a primer. Night two is. Night two is gonna be the craziest. And night three is kind of like, bar close. Yeah. Shut things down a little bit.

[B]

Well, my sister did. At my dad's birthday party that I was talking about, she would just order vodka Waters. And she kept a thing of Mio in her purse. Yeah, she said that helped a lot. Helps her a lot with hangovers. And she's 23 and parties a lot, so.

[C]

Yeah, she got figured out.

[A]

She doesn't have hangovers. She's 23.

[B]

No. She's starting to get them, which is. She's like, like, yeah, you're getting old.

[A]

I came on the other day, just had a glass of water and just like pulled out a meal out of her pocket, squirted it in there. And I was like, what's happening? And I haven't seen the mio since. So like, he just had like a one day meo kick.

[C]

That's because you said something.

[A]

Yeah. Just like, what's going on?

[C]

What did she say?

[A]

Yeah, it's a good meme. I'm like, I know what it is. Why are you. This is completely out of character for you.

[C]

Well, she probably, like, she probably sucked down the whole thing of meal that day and.

[A]

Well, no, what happened was, is they were sitting by the register at the grocery store. She went there that day and just impulse bought it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And then used it for a day and was like, yeah, I don't even really like this that much. And then moved on.

[B]

But yeah, we use it for the kids a lot.

[C]

Yeah, that's a good way to spice it up a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's one thing. A meal costs the same as one jug of apple juice.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So. And you don't need to have all that stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So what are girls doing on bachelorette parties these days?

[B]

Just cheating a bunch, probably.

[A]

That's old school.

[B]

It is. That's Nashville bachelorette parties.

[A]

Yeah. I'm guessing that you guys are gonna like, give the. Give the. The bride some panties with the groom's face on it.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta play pin. Pin the dick on the groom.

[A]

Yep. Pin the dick on the groom. And it. And the groom's sister is gonna be really uncomfortable playing that.

[C]

Big time. Yeah. Maybe some male entertainment.

[A]

That's old school. That's. They're not doing that.

[C]

They're not.

[A]

I don't think so.

[D]

I think it'd be more like they go to a drag show or something.

[B]

Yeah. My wife went to a drag show

[A]

on her bachelor bachelorette parties. Went from male strippers to now guys dressing up like girls.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that weird?

[B]

Yeah, that should be studied.

[A]

Is that our fault?

[B]

Maybe?

[A]

Do we let women down to where they're like, you know what? I don't. I don't even get Horny for normal guy. You know what I mean? Do we let them down? Do we do something along the way that they're like, we're done?

[D]

Probably.

[A]

Probably. Yeah. What else are they doing on bachelorette parties? Lots of dick straws.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

A pedal pub.

[A]

Pedal pub?

[C]

Yeah. Pedal puff. Still got to be in, right? Or is that old school, too?

[B]

That's Nashville. No, it's not old school. They're. When we've gone to Nashville, they're everywhere all the time.

[A]

That's new school.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. I've never been on a PE pub either.

[B]

They're doing, like, some sort of event that always has mimosas. They're not like doing mimosas at the Airbnb, but they're going somewhere for them.

[A]

Yeah, mimosas are new school. Old school is like, like, is like the bachelorette party goes to a bar and the, like, bride has to get on top of the bar and flash her tits. Yeah.

[C]

No, I, I, I got a dive bar. Yeah.

[A]

And then everyone's sweaty for some reason.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like old school bachelorette parties. And bachelor parties, everyone's sweating. And now if you sweat, the whole day is ruined.

[B]

Yep. Everything is just pink and powdered now. Yeah.

[A]

Before, it used to coyote ugly and sweaty.

[C]

Yeah. A lot of sweat. Yeah. We gotta get, we gotta get.

[A]

I was too young.

[C]

We gotta get aura rings on. Gals going to bachelorette parties.

[D]

Oh, they also, like, pose in front of those big angel wings.

[A]

Oh, yeah. God. You better make sure you get in line early.

[C]

I've been, I.

[A]

You want to get the sunrise, I think. Otherwise you're gonna spend the whole day there.

[C]

We went at about 11:00am I, I think I walked. I waited for the right time, walked right up.

[A]

That's so funny that you forgot about that photo.

[C]

Yeah. We were down there. I'm like, I got. Somebody's got a picture. Angel wings.

[D]

That was your last vacation that you were on?

[C]

Yeah, it was actually.

[A]

And I feel like old school bachelor parties. Just the skimpiest outfits they could find. And now it's all like, we're going to wear an oversized T shirt with the groom's face on it.

[B]

Or just say bride brigade with matching T shirts. Or they do like an old man night. They put on that very theme. Yes.

[A]

Whereas before it used to just be themed like, hey, we're, we look like we're gonna try get laid. That was the only theme back in old school. Bachelorette.

[D]

Now it's like homecoming week.

[A]

Yeah. School. School spirit day is Friday.

[B]

Right. Do you remember at my bachelor party. One of my buddies tried to do a theme night and collectively all of us were like, we're not doing that.

[C]

Yeah. It wasn't like old.

[B]

Wasn't it like you wanted to do like, dad stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No. We're all like, no, let's just go.

[C]

Yeah. It's just a lot of work.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's not very comfortable.

[A]

It's like, if you're gonna spend do a bunch of work on your bachelor party, it's like you're signing up for a bunch of work. Why would I ruin my bachelor party by, you know, doing this?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you want to be comfortable in your crushing beers. Yeah. You know, for sure.

[B]

I think I kept saying, like, well, I am a dad, so whatever I wear goes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I feel like gotar. I feel like. Tell him.

[B]

Shut him down, Ryan.

[D]

You're booze hound, Chile.

[A]

So only only after 8pm yeah, he's

[C]

got beers to suck down Friday.

[A]

Saturday he's drinking DC from 6pm to 8pm Then he's booze hound.

[B]

That's smart, dude. Caffeine up before you start booze hounding.

[C]

Russian garage beers.

[B]

Dude, I think I might around and crunch a bunch of garage beers this weekend.

[A]

We know. We know. Oh, Tyler, we know.

[B]

I'll send you guys.

[A]

We know. Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio, you gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com, you betchradio. Or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.