We Love Hunks

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Betcha Radio – “We Love Hunks”

Date: January 12, 2026
Host(s): Myles (“You Betcha Guy”), Ryan, Tyler, Jerrod
Theme: Midwestern humor, man culture, nostalgia, Midwest quirks

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Episode Overview

This episode of You Betcha Radio dives into classic Midwest banter with a comedic twist: the guys riff on creative sandwich substitutes, snack-parenting, the oddity of a “Helen Keller Sight Award,” and offer support for listeners’ resolutions to quit tobacco. As always, the conversation is fast-paced, irreverent, and peppered with uniquely Midwestern takes on everyday topics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. If Sandwich Bread Vanished… (00:00 - 01:33)

• The crew opens with a hypothetical: What if bread and all its cousins (buns, rolls, garlic bread) suddenly didn’t exist?
  • Creative Alternatives:
    • Pickles: “Pickles. They already have that at G.B. john’s.” – (B, 00:09)
    • Lettuce wraps (‘unwich’): “Just use lettuce to wrap it all up.” – (C, 00:14)
    • Slabs of deli meat as the ‘bun’
    • Graham crackers, soft pretzels, waffles, pancakes, rice cakes, muffins
    • Waffle fries as bread substitute
    • “Slice [waffle fries] like bread, though, down the middle.” – (C, 01:04)
  • Humorous escalation as the crew runs out of practical (and some impractical) ideas.

2. Snack Recommendations: “Heavenly Hunks” (01:33 - 03:36)

• The conversation veers into snacking as a parent—Myles admits to pilfering his kid’s snacks, particularly “Heavenly Hunks.”
  • Snack Parenting Confession:
    • “Some of them. You despise yogis... now I’m just eating them and keeps restocking them. For me is a product called Heavenly Hunks.” – (B, 01:40)
  • What are Heavenly Hunks?
    • Oatmeal-chocolate squares often found at Costco.
    • “If they’re in my house, I’ll have four or five of them a day.” – (D, 02:20)
  • Banter over the name: “That sounds like a gay porn magazine.” – (C, 02:00)
  • Running joke about hoarding them “for the kid, but really for you.”
  • Memorable moment:
    • “I’m going to have a heavenly hunk in my bed while Ann watches me. …It’s kind of a reverse cuck situation, but with oatmeal bites.” – (B, 03:17)

3. Helen Keller Sight Award – Comedy & Skepticism (03:36 - 07:32)

• Tyler recounts spotting a “Helen Keller Sight Award” at an optometrist’s office, sparking a riff on the irony.
  • “You’re telling me this woman was blind, deaf, and mute? Wrote a book, and now [is] a poster child for eyesight?” – (A, 03:46)
  • “That’s like winning the Stephen Hawking Best Running Back of a Year award.” – (C, 03:56)
• The group jokes about the possibility the award is a white elephant gag.
  • “I don’t think I want a doctor that’s won a Helen Keller award.” – (B, 04:26)
• Helen Keller Skepticism: The growing online conspiracy that Keller’s accomplishments are exaggerated.
  • “I like to be a very rational man, and I just think I’m—not promoting it—but the Helen Keller skepticism that’s happening on the internet…I’m not pushing back on that.” – (B, 05:06)
  • “It kind of feels like mythology, where it just snowballs, and all of a sudden you’re Zeus.” – (B, 05:28)
• They dissect how far skepticism could go, referencing the “throat feeling” technique by which Keller allegedly learned words.
  • “She would feel people’s throats when they’d say it … and mimic the vibration.” – (C, 06:15)
  • “She’s a throat goat, dude. Helen Keller was a throat goat. She was feeling up throats left and right.” – (B, 06:46)
• Final clarification: The award honors “contributions in the field of vision research” (C, 07:04).

4. Listener Shoutouts & Resolutions: Quitting Tobacco (07:48 - 08:35)

• Listener (“Jack, Shotgun”) celebrates six days tobacco-free after 15 years.
  • Crew’s supportive responses:
    • “Oh, yeah, brother.” – (C, 08:04)
    • “Stay strong.” – (B, 08:06)
    • “Develop strategies…when you get the urges, what you can do to get out of it.” – (B, 08:09)
  • Practical suggestions for alternatives like “velos” and “zids.”
  • Joke capper: “Jared just won the Amy Winehouse Relapse Award.” – (C, 08:35)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On breadless sandwiches:

  • “We’re really running out of options for a PB and J right now.” – (C, 00:28)
  • “Waffle fries. Like, waffle French fries on either side.” – (B, 00:50)

• On snack parenting:

  • “Buy Heavenly Hunks for your kid, but it’s really for you.” – (B, 02:35)

• Helen Keller sight award bit:

  • “That’s like winning the Stephen Hawking Best Running Back of a Year award.” – (C, 03:56)
  • “She’s a throat goat, dude.” – (B, 06:46)

• On supporting listeners:

  • “You’re kind of getting over the hump, the initial hump, right? And then you’re on a lifelong journey, you know? So just stay strong.” – (B, 08:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00] – Midwest alternatives to sandwich bread
• [01:33] – Snack parenting & “Heavenly Hunks” review
• [03:36] – Helen Keller Sight Award tangent: jokes, skepticism, and absurdity
• [07:48] – Listener mail: quitting tobacco, crew encouragement
• [08:35] – Wraps up on a punchline about relapsing awards

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Tone & Style

The You Betcha Radio crew leans heavily into off-the-cuff, irreverent and distinctly Midwest humor. The episode is playful, mixing semi-serious debates (“heavenly hunks: for kids or adults?”) with full-blown comedic riffs (“Helen Keller was a throat goat”). While they joke about conspiracy theories and make light of serious subjects, it’s always with a dose of self-awareness and camaraderie, both among themselves and toward their audience.

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For listeners who missed the episode:
Expect a blend of wild hypotheticals, Midwest food talk, raunchy comedy, and genuine moments of encouragement, served up by a group of friends who aren’t afraid to be ridiculous.

Transcript

[A]

Bread, buns, rolls, tortillas, and yes, even garlic bread doesn't exist. What are you using to hold your sandwich together? Think outside the bun.

[B]

Pickles. They already have that at G.B. john's.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with the unwich. Just use lettuce to wrap it all up.

[B]

Lettuce, good.

[D]

I mean, you could just use. Use a couple slabs of deli meat.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Meat.

[C]

No more meat.

[D]

Just.

[C]

We're really running out of options for a PB and J right now. Maybe.

[A]

Oh, graham cracker.

[C]

Nice.

[D]

Jerry, Graham cracker is a solid option.

[C]

That's a great pick.

[B]

It's a great pick.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Any type of cracker.

[B]

Is our pretzels included in there in the categories?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Like a soft pretzel.

[B]

Just cut a soft pretzel in half.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Waffles.

[B]

French fries. Like, waffle. French fries on either side.

[C]

Nice. Yeah, we saw this. Some of these are, like, pretty good options to do with the invention of potatoes. Another great one, which is.

[B]

Yeah. Waffle fries.

[C]

Like, slice them like bread, though, down the middle.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

I like that. Little gravy on it.

[B]

Yeah. Potatoes are definitely the move.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Biscuits. We didn't say biscuits.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

English muffins. Didn't say that either.

[D]

Sourdough. You didn't say that.

[A]

Oh, teriyaki chairs.

[C]

Like, we're moving on.

[B]

Yeah. Pancakes.

[D]

Yeah, that's a great option.

[C]

We're good guys.

[A]

Waffles, rice cakes, muffins.

[B]

This is a side note. Then we move on. When your kid gets all, like, the snacks that they have, you end up enjoying some of those snacks. Some of them. You despise yogis. If anyone wonders, my. My recent thing that now I'm pretty sure my kid doesn't even like them, and now I'm just eating them and keeps restocking them. For me is a product called Heavenly Hunks.

[D]

Dude, you had.

[C]

That sounds like a gay porn magazine.

[D]

You had those in my office, like, two months ago.

[C]

Magazines. Yeah.

[D]

Remember you scanned them. I'm like, these. They're actually pretty decent for you scan them. It was like 60 out of 100.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know if it's the same brand or not, but they're coming like little packs, and they're like these little squares.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Heavenly Hunks.

[B]

Dude, I.

[D]

If they're in. If they're in my house, I'll have four or five of them a day.

[B]

Yeah, but mine are like the bags.

[D]

We just get the big bag, you.

[B]

Know, I have the little bags.

[D]

Got it.

[B]

But yeah, if they're the same product. There's a little heart on it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Fuck, yeah. They're the best.

[D]

There's.

[B]

So if you have a kid out there, buy Heavenly Hunks for your kid, but it's really for you.

[C]

If you don't know what this is, that sentence is great.

[B]

It's like, what it's like. It's like chocolate and oatmeal and sugar and a lot of sugar carbs. Stuff you probably shouldn't be giving your kid. That's why you gave it to yourself.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Buy it and then go, oh, I didn't realize these were so bad. I guess I'll just eat them all.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, you got to get the bulk bag at Costco.

[B]

I've been just hammering Heavenly Hunks left and right.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Might have one tonight. Yeah, I might have one in bed today.

[C]

Have a heavenly hunker, too.

[B]

I'm going to have a heavenly hunk in my bed while Ann watches me.

[D]

Hell, yeah. That's the start of a movie.

[B]

It's kind of a reverse cuck situation, but. But. But with oatmeal bites.

[A]

Terry, Aki Just had a checkup at the eye doctor. While I was sitting there, I noticed the doctor had a Helen Keller sight Award. You're telling me this woman was blind, deaf, and mute? Wrote a book, and now as a poster child for eyesight. That's it.

[B]

She's blind, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what is the promotion?

[C]

That's like winning the Stephen Hawking Best Running Back of a Year award. You can't get an award for eyesight being named after the person who can't.

[B]

Is it like bringing awareness to blind people? Read what the thing says again.

[A]

Just had a checkup at the eye doctor. While I was sitting there, I noticed the doctor had a Helen Keller sight award. You're telling me this woman was blind, deaf, and mute? Wrote a book.

[B]

So the doctor won an award that was named after Helen Keller.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think I want a doctor. Yeah, that's won a Helen Keller award.

[C]

He blinded the most patients that year, and they were left speechless.

[B]

Yeah. It's like a gag. It's like a gag. One. You know, like.

[D]

Like elephant.

[B]

Could have been a white elephant.

[C]

That's a really funny white elephant for an optometrist.

[B]

But if you are. If you're a doctor, are you displaying your white elephant gift on your desk?

[D]

No.

[C]

Maybe if you get it from your co worker, it's like a funny thing.

[D]

They could have the worst eyesight in the office. Too. You never know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Could be a classic. Funny.

[D]

It'd be a different. The ward. The award would be much better if, like, there was an optometrist that, like, made Helen Keller see again.

[C]

Right.

[D]

That's just not what happened.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But also, side note, I. I like to be a very rational man, and I just think I'm. I'm not promoting it, but the Helen Keller skeptic is skepticism. That's happening on the Internet, starting to. You know, I'm not pushing back on that.

[C]

I also could be swayed a little far.

[B]

It kind of feels like, you know, like mythology, where it's, like, just. It snowballs, and all of a sudden you're Zeus. That can just do anything. You know, I have to look.

[D]

I don't know what the skepticism is, so I'll have to.

[C]

That it was not real.

[B]

There's no way she was able to do all that stuff while so many impairments.

[C]

You know, like, it's just not. Regardless of how determined she is. It's just not possible.

[B]

Like my guy Briggs Hurley said. How. How could you know. How could you say water if you've never seen water or can't hear? How can you say it? And in the comment section, like, she would feel people's throats when they'd say it.

[C]

And then she would feel her own and mimic the vibration.

[B]

Vibrations, which. That would take so long.

[C]

But then she also.

[B]

Who's consenting to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get over here. Start feeling my neck.

[C]

And then. But she was able to give full speeches. So like, for her to understand the meaning of the words is and the. Like. With no.

[B]

Without hearing.

[C]

Without hearing it. And represent. Like, with no, you can't touch is. And you can't touch the.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Like, she can touch water.

[B]

I don't. I. It.

[A]

It seems that's why she's the goat.

[B]

She's a throat goat, dude. She is. Helen Keller was a throat goat. She was feeling up throats left and right. The.

[C]

The Helen Keller site award goes to people who have contributions in the field of vision research.

[B]

Oh. To try and make less people like Helen Keller.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I do that again.

[B]

I mean, she could. She's gonn make a killing in the awards industry. She can have in the ears, The. The eyes, speech, the mouth.

[C]

Touch, apparently. Touch.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Throat research.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, she's making it. Killing. I hope her estate is getting royalties out for that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They make paint now. Keller Williams. No, that's the real estate. What am I thinking of?

[B]

Sherwin Williams. That's her brother.

[C]

Non. None at all.

[B]

Continue on. Jared.

[A]

Jack, Shotgun. Not a question, but just wanted to share that as of today, I've been tobacco free for six days. I've been chewing since I was 20. I'm 35 now. Just wanted to share my New Year's resolution with my favorite podcast.

[C]

Oh, yeah, brother.

[D]

Good luck.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Stay strong.

[C]

I could use some inspiration.

[B]

You're kind of getting over the hump, the initial hump, right? And then you're on a lifelong journey, you know? So just stay strong. Develop. Develop strategies to. When you get the urges, what you can do to get out of it, that's really all you can do.

[A]

Do some velos.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you tried Zids?

[C]

Jared just won the Amy Winehouse Relapse Award.