What Your Family REALLY Wants For Christmas 🎙 #303

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What Your Family REALLY Wants For Christmas 🎙 #303"

Podcast Information:

• Title: You Betcha Radio
• Host: Miles the You Betcha Guy, alongside Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod
• Episode: What Your Family REALLY Wants For Christmas 🎙 #303
• Release Date: December 4, 2024

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1. Understanding True Holiday Wishes

In this episode, the hosts dive deep into the often-overlooked aspects of holiday gift-giving, exploring what family members genuinely desire versus what they outwardly express.

• Simplifying Gift Exchanges:

  • Brian introduces a new Christmas rule: "We just draw one name out of the hat now so I don't have to get everybody a present anymore. I just got to get one person." (02:25)
  • Miles emphasizes the benefits: "Drawing the name to see who you have to give a gift and get a gift from is one of the best things invented on Christmas." (02:43)

• Budgeting for Gifts:

  • The team discusses setting price limits to enhance gift quality: "If the vest is for sure the best deal out there... the $5 hat is maybe the best value deal." (01:15)
  • Brian adds humorously, "It's $4 tongs or $5 hats, that's unreal." (05:29)

• Tackling Over-Gifting and Secret Santa:

  • They highlight issues with some participants buying excessively, leading to awkward situations: "Someone always gets pissed about it... Someone, I just saw this when I was checking out, screamed you. So I got you two things." (04:27)
  • The concept of "Shady Santa" is introduced as a solution to discreetly add extra gifts without breaking the exchange rules: "You just have to do it in private. Don't put it under the tree... He's Shady Santa." (04:40)

2. Prize Picks: Weekly Sports Predictions

A recurring segment where the hosts share their weekly sports picks and engage in friendly betting:

• Standing Out in Picks:

  • Miles shares, "I've got Sam LaPorta catching a touchdown this week." (13:25)
  • Ryan discusses his confident prediction: "I won eighteen hundred dollars off of Ryan's lineup." (12:56)

• Team Strategies:

  • The hosts discuss focusing on tight ends for their lineups: "I'm going to be dialed in on the tight ends this week." (14:27)

3. Listener Q&A: Navigating Family Dynamics

Engaging with listener-submitted questions, the hosts offer advice and share personal anecdotes:

• Managing Parental Expectations:

  • Miles humorously states about dads during Christmas: "They just don't want to be involved in Christmas. They want a 30-minute Christmas." (07:26)
  • Brian suggests practical gifts that align with what fathers truly desire: "Great gift for your dad is water softener salt." (09:03)

• Gifts for Children and Partners:

  • Ryan emphasizes the simplicity kids appreciate: "They don't want a classroom lamp; they want an ice cold beer to stay cool." (24:25)
  • Discussing partners, Miles shares insights: "She just needs the present. She doesn't need all those other presents." (22:06)

• Handling Sibling Rivalries:

  • Brian recounts his approach: "All the other stuff we have had, we haven't had that yet... But if my kid hits somebody else, I'm like, did they deserve it?" (29:24)

4. Holiday Chaos and Family Moments

The hosts describe the typical chaos that ensues during Christmas gatherings, blending humor with relatable family scenarios:

• Silent Nights vs. Festive Chaos:

  • Miles paints a vivid picture: "Dad just wants some peace and quiet but the house is a Christmas riot." (78:28)

• Children's Simple Pleasures:

  • Highlighting how kids find joy in the simplest things: "My kid just wants to eat a plastic bottle. They make cool noises." (27:05)

5. Creative Gift Ideas and Innovations

Innovative and humorous gift ideas are shared, reflecting the hosts' unique Midwest perspective:

• Doomsday Preparations:

  • Brian jokes about his potential career shift: "If this whole You Betcha thing doesn't work out, I think I'm going to be a doomsday bunker consultant." (64:12)

• Liquor Store Enhancements:

  • Miles suggests turning liquor stores into more interactive spaces: "More samples, a sampling spot, maybe some tables for games." (67:14)

6. Final Thoughts and Community Engagement

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts encourage listeners to engage and support the podcast:

• Call to Action:

  • Miles urges fans: "If you feel good about it, go rate us 5 stars on Spotify and Apple. It would mean a lot." (77:14)

• Upcoming Changes:

  • Brian teases future episodes featuring the hosts' partners: "The ladies are recording the episode tonight..." (38:13)

• Humorous Farewells:

  • The hosts share light-hearted goodbyes, maintaining the show's comedic tone: "May your gift-giving be superb this year and may your kid's be shut down." (78:28)

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Notable Quotes:

• Brian: "We just draw one name out of the hat now so I don't have to get everybody a present anymore." (02:25)
• Miles: "Getting a lot of stuff isn't necessarily something you're that interested in. So you just want and done feeling good." (02:59)
• Ryan: "What they really want for Christmas is some peace and quiet." (07:03)
• Brian: "The only gift your wife needs is your presence." (22:06)
• Miles: "They just want the present. She doesn't need all those other presents." (22:06)

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Timestamp Guide:

• [02:25] – Introduction of the new Christmas gift exchange rule
• [02:43] – Benefits of drawing names for gift exchanges
• [01:15] – Discussion on budget-friendly gifts
• [04:27] – Issues with over-gifting among participants
• [04:40] – Introduction of the "Shady Santa" concept
• [12:56] – Ryan winning from Prize Picks
• [13:25] – Miles’ prediction on Sam LaPorta
• [07:03] – What fathers truly want for Christmas
• [09:03] – Practical gift suggestions for dads
• [24:25] – Children’s true desires for gifts
• [27:05] – Kids' preference for simple gifts like plastic bottles
• [29:24] – Handling sibling rivalries and disciplining
• [78:28] – Description of Christmas chaos vs. desired quiet
• [67:14] – Suggestions to enhance liquor stores
• [77:14] – Encouragement to rate the podcast
• [38:13] – Announcement of upcoming episodes featuring the hosts’ partners

---

Conclusion:

Episode #303 of You Betcha Radio offers a humorous and insightful exploration into the true desires of family members during the holiday season. Through relatable anecdotes and witty banter, Miles and his co-hosts provide listeners with both practical advice and plenty of laughs, ensuring that even amidst the Christmas chaos, there's room for understanding and connection.

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the you betcha radio podcast. We are the coldest podcast in all the Midwest. I'm Miles, you betcha guy here with Brian the T shirt guy. We are presented by Ice Mountain and we are live folks. We are back in a big, big way. How you feeling, Tyler?

[Brian]

I feel good.

[Miles]

I like your hat.

[Brian]

Thank you.

[Tyler]

I.

[Brian]

That's weird because I like your hat.

[Miles]

Ryan, you got a pretty nice hat on as well.

[Brian]

It is.

[Ryan]

I'm glad you guys like them because I printed them.

[Brian]

Wow.

[Miles]

Nice job.

[Brian]

That's why I it.

[Miles]

I think so, guys, right now we got 15 hats. They're 40% off on. Oh, you betcha dot com. Black Friday, Cyber Monday. Basically, until we can't sell them anymore, you won't get them by Christmas. We got the deal going on. We got $5 hats. The ones that we promised were never in the garbage.

[Brian]

No. Not once were they in the garbage.

[Miles]

We got $30 vests. We got $20 crew necks. Correct.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, it's.

[Brian]

It's $4.

[Ryan]

I would. The vest is for sure the best deal out there. The vest or the tongs?

[Brian]

I was just gonna say tongs for $4.

[Ryan]

A $5 hat too, is pretty unreal.

[Miles]

But the $5 hat is maybe the best value deal.

[Ryan]

Best value deal for sure.

[Brian]

Cuz that's 75% off on those hats. Correct?

[Miles]

Correct. Jesus.

[Brian]

Holy. What are you guys doing?

[Miles]

Well, it was kind of one of those things where like, yeah, we'll sell quite a bit by doing that. Right. And then it was like, guess we should have done some of the numbers to see if this was profitable or not. But I think it is.

[Brian]

Okay. I think that's all I need.

[Miles]

You feel good about it still, right?

[Ryan]

I feel great about it. Yeah. Yeah, we're getting down there. You bet you hunt orange. Hat's almost gone. Almost gone.

[Miles]

I was ready do again.

[Ryan]

You bet you hunt orange. Gone, gone, Almost gone.

[Miles]

It's early.

[Ryan]

Almost gone. Sorry, Pre. So, yeah, a $5 hat deal's been kicking ass.

[Miles]

Go check out the deals. Ou bet you dot com. O h U bet you dot com. Speaking of Christmas gifts, this one. These are great. Those are great Christmas gifts. So this next segment, I'll start it off the right way, but I. I'm.

[Ryan]

Just waiting for Tyler to come down there and be like, hey, you got like, you got 15, 16 this, that, and the other four Christmas gifts. It's only a matter of time.

[Brian]

The last two, we. We have a new Christmas rule. And it's the best is that we just draw one name out of the hat now so I don't have to get everybody a present anymore. I just got to get one person.

[Miles]

Welcome to the club. We've been doing this for years, and it is phenomenal.

[Brian]

It's the best. I don't know why we haven't been doing this for. For much, much longer.

[Miles]

Drawing the name to see who you have to give a gift and get a gift from is one of the best things invented on Christmas.

[Brian]

Yeah. I cannot applaud the person that originally came up with this more. Well done, whoever you are.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's like you save money.

[Brian]

Mm.

[Miles]

You also, you're kind of the age where if you want something, you're mostly just going to buy it for yourself. So getting a lot of stuff isn't necessarily something you're that interested in. So you just want and done feeling good.

[Brian]

You also don't end up with five things that you're never going to use or even take out of the box.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Ryan]

Yeah. If you got to buy gifts for 10 people, the quality of those gifts going to go. Yeah, if I buy it for one, then it's going to be great.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

Now, the kicker with that is always when you put a limit on how much a gift can be, a price limit, we do that. And then someone always goes over. Someone always gets pissed about it.

[Ryan]

Pissed that it's too high or too low.

[Miles]

Well, that because they stuck to the budget and now this person had to one up everyone more expensive. Look, make them look bad.

[Brian]

All the other stuff we have had, we haven't had that yet. But what we have had is somebody that still decided to buy gifts for everybody.

[Miles]

Ah. See, it's just like. Just doesn't get it.

[Brian]

But it was like, we just kind of ignored it. Like, it's fine. We'll just let him do it.

[Ryan]

It's just like we talked about this. We said, do not buy gifts for everybody.

[Miles]

Like, I don't know why. Like, some sort of rule in that gift exchange gets broken every year.

[Ryan]

You know, you should, like, usually it's.

[Miles]

Like it's one item. Then someone's like, I just. I saw this when I was checking out, like, screamed you. So I got you two things.

[Brian]

So if you're that person. If you're that person that just can't help yourself from buying somebody something extra nice or buying everybody, give it to the people in private. Don't put it under the tree when everyone opens their gifts.

[Miles]

So now you're the Shady Santa.

[Brian]

Yes, Shady Santa. Just after all the gifts are open. And hey, Uncle Bill, he, he, he, he got me a little something extra. Just come elbow me when everyone's done eating. Like, hey, I got you this too. Go throw it in your truck.

[Tyler]

SAI s. Yep.

[Miles]

That's actually not a bad idea.

[Brian]

Keeps the eyeballs off the. The rule breaking.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like, you got it. There's a sweet spot. Let's say your limit is $40. If you get something that's $50, shame on you. If you get something that's$6, shame on you. There a sweet spot. 10 to. I'd say 15 to 40. If that's the limit is you got both. Either way, it's not that hard to hit the sweet spot. But also, it's getting hard these days to get a $20 gift.

[Brian]

For sure. I think we have our set at like 50 or something.

[Miles]

Jesus, things must be going well over in the Ziggler house.

[Brian]

Think about that. Jesus spends $50 on one gift.

[Ryan]

Damn near 2 ass.

[Brian]

250 on 12 gifts.

[Miles]

I think you're gonna get a paid decrease this year. I'm paying you too much. You're paying 50 bucks for a stupid.

[Ryan]

For your sister Plasma, though. Donating plasma.

[Brian]

I didn't draw her.

[Miles]

Oh, no.

[Brian]

I can't say who I draw. They listen.

[Ryan]

What?

[Miles]

What family now they know it's them.

[Brian]

Well, there's several fan. My family is supposed.

[Miles]

There's no way there's that many in your family that listen to our podcast every week.

[Brian]

There's at least like four.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Ryan]

Everyone should just get designated like a prepaid Visa card or something. And this is the only thing that you can use to buy the gift.

[Brian]

To the check statements.

[Ryan]

Yeah, check statements.

[Brian]

That's too many rules.

[Ryan]

Then you can just use your own personal credit card.

[Miles]

So when. Then. Okay, so you get in the gift exchange and there's always the text messages back and forth of like, if I have Jared's name, Jared, what do you want for. What do you want for Christmas? No, I'm saying that that happens, right? So you start. Instead of just getting a gift for someone, we've gotten to the point now where you just ask someone what they want, they tell you, you go buy it. So there's no surprise element in it. And I would venture to say, like, if you ask my dad what he wants for Christmas. Nothing.

[Brian]

Yep, my dad's the same way.

[Miles]

But what? But he does want something. What he really wants for Christmas is some peace and quiet.

[Brian]

What's in a goddamn while?

[Miles]

Like my dad. We should just make A box. Wrap it up. Put nothing in it with. Except for a card that just says Merry Christmas. He opens it up, and by the time he looks up from it, everyone's down in the basement.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And he just keeps to enjoy like 30 minutes of peace and quiet by himself watching the Golf Channel.

[Brian]

Yeah. What dads really want for Christmas is to not host Christmas.

[Miles]

Yeah. They just don't really want to be involved in Christmas. But if they're not involved, they also get, I don't know, they don't travel for Christmas.

[Brian]

They want a 30 minute Christmas. They want to see everybody for 30 minutes. And they want you all to get the hell out of there.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Take your shoes off.

[Brian]

Yep. I feel like.

[Ryan]

I feel like that's. I feel like that's when dads might maybe when they like, hop in the kitchen the most. Whether it's cooking or doing dishes or putting stuff away, it's just to remove themselves from the situation by doing chores that they wouldn't normally do.

[Miles]

Nothing will make a dad do chores faster than when one of your siblings is just chatting it up with your dad.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I got to get these dishes put away.

[Miles]

All right. This is too much chit chat for one day.

[Brian]

He's straight to the living room to get rid of wrapping paper.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian]

He's like, I got to bag up that paper. Sorry.

[Miles]

You guys get done opening presents and you're sitting like. So, dad, what do you think of your thing? Shut up. I got to clean up water softeners.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

You know, I was actually buying your gift to the source on water softener, and I can't. We can't be washing dishes with. With hard water. So I gotta go deal with that right now.

[Ryan]

Realizes he doesn't have salt for the water softener, so then it has to go to the store hoping that they're open to get salt.

[Brian]

Honestly, the dads too, might just want for Christmas a bunch of boxes to be unwrapped so they can throw the. Throw the wrapping paper away immediately.

[Miles]

Also great gift for your dad is water softener salt. Actually gift.

[Tyler]

That'd be awesome.

[Brian]

They would actually love that.

[Ryan]

I think they would.

[Miles]

And then even. And then you put on there and like one free transportation. So you're like, d will even carry it downstairs for you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian]

Hell, that's.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, that'll save my back. Hell yeah.

[Brian]

That's a phenomenal gift, actually.

[Tyler]

I love you, son.

[Brian]

You're like, whoa.

[Ryan]

It's like the old classic like you. You just get him. Get him like A coupon. Like, you know, like free massage or this or that. Or like you just get a free water. Not for your dad, but.

[Brian]

Okay. That's the last thing I'm getting my dad.

[Ryan]

No, you should tell you that would.

[Miles]

Be funny though if you got your dad, Freeman, one good for one free massage from your favorite son. Yeah, I'm just, I'm gonna do that actually.

[Ryan]

But, but, but make it, make it in a template that it looks like it's like a legit massage company, but it's just like from you and the.

[Brian]

Number on there is your number. So he calls it to schedule his massage.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Ryan Sheely, LLC feels with shields. That's a good like upchurch do like an upcharge on it for some like, like lotion or oil or something. Or oil that.

[Brian]

Cupping.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Or you could go to Hot Stones. You could go to the bait shop and get a. Get like dozen minnows, dozen shiners and a little minnow bath and bite your toes.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Brian]

At home. Minnow baths.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Tyler Miles, you know what would be a great gift for someone who is like you? What about 14 cases of ice Mountain?

[Brian]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Miles]

And Jared, why am I suggesting someone like Tyler?

[Tyler]

Because he is a father.

[Miles]

No, no. Well, he is a father, but that's not the reason why. What do you think? What else?

[Tyler]

Just dehydrated.

[Miles]

Nope. Ryan, do you know?

[Ryan]

Because he says he doesn't want anything for Christmas.

[Miles]

Nope. Tyler, 14 cases.

[Brian]

Doomsday prepping. You gotta have fresh water.

[Miles]

You gotta have fresh water. Plus you can use the plastic bottles, all sorts of stuff.

[Brian]

So many different things.

[Miles]

You could store stuff in it. You can use it as a. A mark your fishing spot. If you're by water.

[Brian]

Yes. I also, I actually have a cut off ice mountain I use as a funnel.

[Miles]

Yep, great funnel. You also can cut off the. You could keep the cap on, cut it off and put nails.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

In there. It's a great little nail storage. So if you got it. If you. Everyone knows one prepper in their family. Everyone knows one person that's, you know, paranoid about martial law.

[Brian]

Correct.

[Miles]

And what better gift to give them for. For Halloween. For Christmas.

[Brian]

Hey, we'll take it for Halloween too.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

We don't discriminate holidays.

[Miles]

No, I don't think you would get the. Get these guys 14 cases of ice Mountain. Get a pallet put in the garage and be like, ah, I didn't get you anything. Just kidding. Come out to the garage.

[Brian]

That pallet's a nice little kicker too.

[Miles]

And the pallet's going to be great to use. So what better gift to give this holiday season than just good old Ice Mountain? So there you go. I just did all your shopping for you. Go to icemountainwater.com check it out. All right, guys, it's prize picks time of the week. And right now, if you sign up on prize picks and use code ybr, you get fifty dollars instantly when you play your first five dollar lineup. You don't need to win the lineup to receive the $50 bonus. It's just guaranteed.

[Brian]

It's free money.

[Miles]

Free money, baby. And tell you what, we've been having a good time doing prize picks, obviously. I won eighteen hundred dollars off of Ryan's lineup.

[Brian]

Hey, I mean, we ride together.

[Miles]

We ride together. And last week wasn't our best week.

[Brian]

No, no.

[Ryan]

God, no.

[Miles]

It's not about the wins and losses. It's about the lineups we make along the way. And that's what it's all about. You get back on the horse. And our horse this week. Feeling pretty good about it. What about you, Jared?

[Tyler]

I am. I got Bucky irving, more than 68 and a half rushing yards.

[Miles]

Okay. Bucky Irving, Tyler.

[Brian]

Bucky with that big six. I got Baker Mayfield, more than 238 and a half.

[Miles]

Okay. I have Sam Laporta, my Iowa guy, my Steady Eddie, my cornfield on the football field guy. Sam LaPorta catching a touchdown this week.

[Brian]

Or. Or rushing.

[Miles]

Or rushing.

[Brian]

Yeah, we need a little tight end.

[Ryan]

Fold receiver, fumble in the end zone. Sam laporter, laporta recover for a touchdown.

[Brian]

Would. Hell, yeah. Would that be a rushing one?

[Miles]

Yeah, because Josh Allen had a passing touchdown and receiving touchdown on the same play.

[Brian]

That was such a cool play. I watched that happen live.

[Miles]

Great having him in fantasy, by the way. Anyways, Ryan, what do you got?

[Ryan]

I got Tucker, Kraft, Mac and cheese, more than 35 and a half receiving yards.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Two Thursday games in there. The tight end Lions.

[Miles]

Two tight end match.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. One Thursday game, two players.

[Miles]

I'm going to be dialed in on the tight ends this week.

[Ryan]

Me too.

[Brian]

Big week for the tights.

[Ryan]

I got a tight end.

[Miles]

Yeah, you do in this lineup. Yeah. So, guys, if you want to roll with us. Baker Mayfield, more than 238 and a half. Sam LaPorta, touchdown. Tucker Craft, more than 35 and a half. And Bucky Irving, more than 68 and a half. Check it out. Good luck this week. This is our week. We've gotten.

[Ryan]

Come on.

[Miles]

We've gotten lineups outside of the. You bet your Radio lineups to hit this week.

[Brian]

This one's gonna hit everyone. All you listeners.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Ryan]

Ride with it.

[Miles]

If you're gonna ride one week, it's this week. Use code ybr. What is. What, what else? What other. What other people say they want?

[Brian]

I mean, my wife, she might think that she wants like nice jewelry or clothes or something, but what she really wants is a handmade card for my kids.

[Miles]

That is true.

[Ryan]

She just.

[Brian]

She just wants homemade art. She's gonna be way happier if I get her a. A little footprint of our kids that say mistletoes on it.

[Ryan]

Way more. That's kind of a good one.

[Brian]

Way more.

[Miles]

That is good.

[Brian]

Yeah. Way more than if I go and I get her a necklace, you know?

[Ryan]

So now are you banking now?

[Miles]

What would. Well, hold on. What would happen if you just made her a card with your footprint on it?

[Brian]

She would hate it.

[Miles]

What the hell? She's.

[Brian]

She's out on my feet. In on the kids feet, huh? Okay, there must be.

[Miles]

Where your wife stands.

[Brian]

Yep, she must. There must be an age limit on feet until they're not cute anymore.

[Ryan]

So are you on the hook for setting up and seeing this art project through with your kids? Are you just hoping they'll do it at daycare?

[Miles]

You're gonna delegate it?

[Brian]

Yeah, fingers crossed. They get together and they, the three of them combine to make some art for mom. Yeah, no, I'd have, I dropped some hints. Like, hey, boys, I bet your mom would love a card for Christmas. I bet you that there's markers in that drawer right there. I bet you if you put it under the tree, she'll be super happy and then say it's from dad.

[Miles]

Smart. That is smart.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

One thing that my, you know, let's say my wife wants a new car, right?

[Ryan]

Jesus.

[Brian]

It's every, every single car. Every single car commercial is exactly that.

[Tyler]

The big bow, right?

[Miles]

Let's say she wants a new car. What she really wants is more space. Something to make her feel good.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And massage seats. So instead of getting her a car and going through the hassle with all the paperwork, she doesn't really want a new car. What she wants is just a massage.

[Brian]

I thought you were going to say.

[Miles]

She wants to hang, not a couple's massage. Because she wants her space. It's going to make her feel good. Just like a car and the massage seats the same. It's the same thing. Buying your wife a hundred dollar massage. The same thing as buying her a brand new big car.

[Brian]

Hey, we can make this even cheaper. You said Space, something to make her feel good. And a massage. Just send her to the mall.

[Miles]

Yeah, get her in one of those chairs.

[Ryan]

Yeah, one of them. Or one of the aqua massages.

[Miles]

It's true.

[Ryan]

My mom would never buy me a aqua massage at the mall. I've always wanted one as a kid.

[Brian]

It never tried. It would love to one day.

[Miles]

I did it one time and he said it sucked, but it was. Yeah, but it was funny because just one of us kids got to do it. It wasn't like all of me and my brothers is like, one of us got to do it. Yeah, it's. It's just like what you think. It's just like if someone took a really high pressured hose and sprayed it on your back.

[Brian]

Well, they have the massage chairs, too, so you will give her the option aqua massage or chair massage. But yeah, she can. She can go get a coffee.

[Miles]

What's really the difference between a brand new giant suburban or something and the mall? And the mall. Aqua massage.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Giants are more space. Corporate makes her feel good. Little retail therapy and she gets massage seat.

[Brian]

Yeah, Corporate wants you to find the difference of these two pictures. I can't.

[Ryan]

I can't.

[Miles]

I can't. So lucky. My wife, I know what she really wants.

[Tyler]

Yeah, well, you could do a redneck aqua massage and just put a tarp in the garage.

[Miles]

The power washer.

[Ryan]

Pressure washer.

[Miles]

Pressure washer.

[Ryan]

Yeah. That's not a bad idea.

[Brian]

Hurt Grandma thinks she wants sewing needles and quality time. I don't know what grandmas think they want, but what they really want is just homemade art from your kids.

[Miles]

Okay?

[Brian]

Just every woman in your life, get them homemade art from your kids, and they will love it more than anything you buy.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

I mean, I got those stock, like, I could give my grandparents something from. From Cal. From like last Easter or like this past Thanksgiving or. So I got. I got our projects banked up.

[Brian]

Put that into frame, you're solid.

[Ryan]

Boom. Four by six. Hey, and a half by 11, actually. Make it even better. Then the gift looks bigger under the tree.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So frame it, but just make like, put like a mat around it and then the frame around that. Yeah, I'm talking about. So it makes it look way bigger.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian]

It's got like the white border, you're saying? Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

You get a matte border around it. Make it look bigger.

[Ryan]

12 by 16 or something.

[Miles]

We need to start doing that with our. You know. What. What's the. You know, just putting a bit of.

[Brian]

Bigger frame around it. I'm just gonna wear a nut cup to work way too big.

[Miles]

100. Yeah, put a Pringles can on there. Anyways, what about you, Ryan?

[Ryan]

Well, my, my wife says she doesn't want to exchange gifts for Christmas. But what she actually wants for me is for me to look at the calendar more than once a month to know what going on.

[Brian]

She just wants you to not be confused when you guys pack up the car on Christmas Eve.

[Ryan]

Yeah, and we, we went through this at Thanksgiving too. I kept asking my parents what they were doing because we had kind of different plans. And my wife goes, didn't we just talk about this yesterday? I'm like, you got, you Gotta Remember, number one, I'm a male. I have like, there's 10,000 things running through my mind and my parents schedule, let alone my own, is not at the top of it.

[Brian]

Number two, the second we got married, I learned how to drone your voice out.

[Ryan]

Yeah, speak for yourself either.

[Brian]

No, I'm with you, dude. The calendar. We have a shared calendar that is on my phone on a widget on the home screen and I still don't look.

[Miles]

No, the problem is, is we are primal creatures. When I'm hungry, I go hunt. I go hunt. When I'm cold, I make a fire. Women, on the other hand, they plan too far ahead.

[Ryan]

Agreed.

[Brian]

We're going to be cold next afternoon, so we need to have a bundle of sticks gathered.

[Miles]

Oh yeah, we're going on a road trip and it's chilly out, so I may get a little chilly in the car. So I should pack a blanket. What? Not a chance. A chance. Am I going to remember to bring a blanket? It's the same thing. You plan Christmas too many days ahead. Like two or three days ahead. How are you supposed to remember?

[Ryan]

I'm also just living in the present.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Ryan]

They call it the present.

[Miles]

Really the only. That's really only the present that you need.

[Ryan]

Yeah, exactly. The only present I need is to live in the present. Because the future is not promised. And the only, the only tomorrow is not promised.

[Brian]

The only gift your wife needs is your presence.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's why your wife thinks that she wants diamond earrings for Christmas. But what she really wants is just the precious, precious presentation. She doesn't need all those other presents. She just needs the present. And honestly, I think that she would agree. I need diamond earrings.

[Ryan]

No heart shaped jewelry.

[Miles]

But are you still buying diamond earrings by the way?

[Ryan]

I don't know. I. I haven't even sniffed a diamond store since I bought my wife's engagement ring.

[Brian]

I have bought my wife jewelry, but it's like $12 jewelry that has the initials of our kids.

[Ryan]

Yeah. A cubic zirconium too. Goes a long way.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah. When a dude like buys expensive jewelry, you like, oh, that guy's in trouble.

[Miles]

She opens it up. What'd you do wrong?

[Tyler]

Yeah, it's like, oh boy.

[Ryan]

Yeah, like, I don't know. Because you want people to notice jewelry. Like they're just, they just look at your left ring finger, okay? That's, that's, that's the first look. If they look at your right pointer finger, it's like you could have a ten thousand dollar ring but no one's gonna notice that. That's the point of jewelry, isn't it? To get it noticed.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Why have it if no one's gonna talk? It's not a conversational piece, you know, like you wouldn't have bought a pocket watch that you just weren't going to show anybody.

[Miles]

Right? Yeah, I flaunted it to that point. The most important day of my life. Corrected it.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Brian]

Yeah. Honestly, I should have.

[Miles]

In hindsight, I should have wore it to the hospital. We had our kid and I could just wear it on every most important day of my life.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that or you could have just popped the batteries out right when he was born and then it got stuck.

[Miles]

It doesn't run on batteries.

[Brian]

Find it.

[Miles]

It's. This is pre batteries. Remember this?

[Ryan]

Oh yeah. This is 1852 or something.

[Miles]

Yeah, you gotta remember this. Probably watch, four batteries.

[Brian]

Columbus brought it over.

[Ryan]

See you in about a pocket watch that we couldn't talk about.

[Miles]

That's right.

[Ryan]

Now.

[Miles]

Another scenario. High school senior, maybe you have a brother or a cousin or.

[Brian]

I just thought of one like this. My cousins. Go ahead. It's going to be the same.

[Miles]

What everyone thinks they want are like towels for their dorm room or maybe a little carrying case to carry your toiletries to the public bathroom in the dorms. Right. What they really want is just a case of fucking beer.

[Brian]

God. So I was just gonna say my cousins, they all say they want. They want baseball cards and video games. They just want a really cool older cousin to buy them beer.

[Miles]

Correct. Or at least a plug.

[Brian]

Yeah. Some direction. Be like, hey, so and so over there will buy you beer.

[Tyler]

Scan of a phone number.

[Ryan]

Yeah, so and so over there is old enough to where you could ask him to legally buy himself beer that.

[Brian]

He gifted to you that he happens to leave in your vicinity.

[Miles]

They don't want a lamp that you can clamp to Your bunk bed. No, they don't want that.

[Ryan]

Yeah, they want a dime bag.

[Miles]

They don't. I mean they don't want a box fan that they jankily put in the window to try and stay cool. They want is an ice cold beer to stay cool and to look cool. And to look cool.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What about you, Jaren?

[Tyler]

My brother wants like surprise Viking tickets, but he probably wants a new printer that actually works. Every time I see him, he like always about it.

[Miles]

Yeah. Really?

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He thinks going to this Vikings game is going to make him happier, but would really make him happier is if you just had a printer that works.

[Ryan]

Yeah, he's gonna go to the Vikings game, it's gonna be awesome. But he's still gonna have his printer issue.

[Miles]

He's just coming home to problems.

[Ryan]

It just overshadows the win.

[Miles]

So if you don't fix his printer problem, he's not gonna be able to enjoy Vikings tickets that you may get him in the future.

[Brian]

Honestly, can you imagine him just sitting there at halftime worried about his printer at home not fucking working?

[Miles]

Well, no.

[Brian]

Piece of shit.

[Miles]

He gets these tickets and he goes to print them off and he can't.

[Ryan]

He can't.

[Miles]

Then he can't even go to the game.

[Ryan]

No.

[Tyler]

He's beating the shot of the printer.

[Brian]

Yeah. You can't put the cart before the horse. Get that printer fixed and then you're good 100. You can't buy him a new one either. You just got to get him IT support to fix the one. He has Geek Squad's number.

[Miles]

Yeah, just give him a phone number for Christmas.

[Brian]

Merry Christmas. Call the squad.

[Ryan]

Give him a sir. Just get him like a one hour service call with Geek Squad.

[Tyler]

Hope you're not busy.

[Ryan]

8Am on Monday because it is sketchy. They're coming.

[Miles]

Yes. Yeah, I think you're talking about your kids with getting stuff from your kids for your wife. Everyone thinks that kids want toys for Christmas. They just want a cardboard box.

[Brian]

God, dude. So we were at Grandma grandpa's this weekend. The kids went to Walmart with grandma. Grandma bought him each a toy and then they played with the box that grandpa got a new microwave in for way longer than they did with the toys.

[Miles]

Same thing with my kid. We have all these little gadgets and chew toys for tea, whatever. The kid just wants to eat a plastic bottle.

[Brian]

They make cool noises.

[Miles]

You know, you're eating, you're drinking a Ice Mountain water bottle at home. The kid just wants to ruffle around with it.

[Brian]

That's actually also true with dogs.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

You get them a nice conch shell. If they find a plastic water bottle, that's the winner.

[Miles]

Stop. Any of my relatives listening. Don't give my kid any gifts. Just give him a cardboard box.

[Ryan]

Especially. You're gonna have more kids, too. And then those kids are gonna get toys. You're gonna just have a. Your house is going to be stuffed with toys.

[Brian]

Avalanche of toys.

[Ryan]

Now, my kid right now is. He's really into balloons. Buy a pack of balloons.

[Brian]

A balloon goes such a long way with kids, dude.

[Ryan]

And then. And then when it pops, it's. It's. It's funny.

[Brian]

It is.

[Ryan]

It's like. It's just a good.

[Miles]

And it's also a good life lesson, you know?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Things. You know, they live and then they die.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Have you used that as kill or be killed?

[Brian]

I mean, I'm sure you've done this, but gets a laugh. 100 of the time is to blow up a balloon and do the little fart noise.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

You pinch it. They love it.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Me and my kid have been doing helium lately. Just kidding. No. We went to Pittsburgh, though, a couple weeks ago for what, four days? All we brought was, I don't know, one or two toys and then a bag of balloons. The kid was set for four days.

[Brian]

Hell, yeah.

[Miles]

Tsa. Like, what do you need these balloons for?

[Brian]

I want a party. Get up my ass, at least.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Well, at least. Speaking of ass, at least they're not up my ass. At least they're in my check.

[Miles]

I never thought about that.

[Ryan]

If I want to use.

[Miles]

What does that say about you?

[Brian]

Yeah, you should have just told him. Be real suspicious. Just. That's for the return trip.

[Ryan]

There we go.

[Miles]

There you go.

[Ryan]

There we go.

[Miles]

Now you go. You got another one, Teller.

[Brian]

I. I have a very similar one to dad. Like, dad doesn't need another pocket knife. He needs some alone time. That's. I had the very similar one.

[Miles]

Yeah. Some peace and quiet.

[Brian]

Peace and quiet. He wants. He wants you to go stack some wood without him asking first.

[Miles]

Yeah. That is your dad. He doesn't want a gift for Christmas. He just wants you to do the thing. He wants him. Your dad doesn't want anything for Christmas. He just wants you to read his mind and know what he want, what chore you want him. He wants you to do without. Whoa. He just wants you to read his mind to know what chore to do without him asking you to do it.

[Tyler]

Correct mind reader.

[Brian]

We got there. We got there. Dad wants you to shovel the sidewalk without him asking. He Wants you to stack wood without him asking. He wants you to get off your ass and. And do something without him asking.

[Ryan]

See, I'm in the opposite scenario right now actually because my parents live with me and so my dad is so bored, he's just looking for stuff to do. So everything that my wife has told me to do, I just tell my dad to do it and he does it immediately.

[Miles]

But are you like cool about it? Like, ah, Meg just asked me if I could, you know, fold the laundry and then he's like, I can do it. Is that how it goes?

[Ryan]

Like he'll fold my kids's clothes before they, like before the dryer's even done.

[Tyler]

They're all wet.

[Ryan]

It's like he knows that I. Like one of us would have to do it, so he just does it himself. He had the whole driveway. Sweet. I mean, your dad want to move.

[Brian]

In with me instead he had the.

[Ryan]

Driveway and sidewalk shoveled. By the time I got out of.

[Brian]

Bed this morning, before the snow hit the ground, he was. Yeah, he's a snowblower.

[Miles]

Yeah. You're gonna shop vac. Just going like this and catching all the flakes as they're coming to the ground.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And some of these chores I gotta mentally prepare myself to do, which is why it probably takes me longer than normal.

[Miles]

Like, like what would, what do you need to mentally prepare for?

[Ryan]

Ah, like we gotta, we gotta put some, we gotta spackle and like paint over some of the. In the wall down.

[Miles]

That is true. There is such a mental buildup to spackling and repainting the wall for sure.

[Ryan]

I mean it's a, it's, it's a, it's a job. It's half day, damn near maybe like an hour.

[Miles]

But half day, mentally it's a half.

[Ryan]

Mentally it's half day. And like I can't just go into half day of work without, you know, mentally preparing. Night before. Two weeks before.

[Tyler]

Got a visualizer.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

So.

[Miles]

But you're a man, so you're not gonna be able to plan that far ahead anyway. No.

[Ryan]

God.

[Miles]

Never going to get done.

[Ryan]

No. Let's see. Today is Monday. So my wife had mentioned the spackling thing Saturday night and it was done Sunday afternoon. Do you know who did it? Not me.

[Miles]

You should tell your wife that and just get, just get all sorts of done while they're still living.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's true.

[Miles]

Like we're talking like guy really need to the toothbrush, clean the grout in the bathroom. Just like, just anything. Just see what he can Do. Yeah, I got just preemptively be like, you know, the. The light bulbs and the chandelier don't need to be changed, but we might. While he's here. We might as well have them change them so it buys us some more time.

[Ryan]

Right? Yeah.

[Miles]

Fix the ship, you know? Yeah. Put some trim on the ship lap. Just have them change the fire alarm batteries. Just get ahead of it. You don't need. You don't need to wait to hear the beep.

[Ryan]

Yep.

[Miles]

Or just like. Or just play it on the TV when he's in the basement. Just play like the beeping noise on YouTube and then he'll think it's done and he just goes and done.

[Tyler]

That's brilliant.

[Ryan]

Yeah. If this wasn't like a short term circumstance, I mean, I would have a. An absolute laundry. I. He'd have fixed the surround sound by now.

[Brian]

You got time.

[Ryan]

I'm moving out, dude. I don't. I'm not fixing that.

[Miles]

You're not fixing anything.

[Ryan]

You're right, but I'm not Enjoy it for one. We gotta. We gotta. We gotta secure door jams down in the. We got to do secure door jams. The door jamb going into the shed. You can just like, pull it out. So we gotta get new. You gotta secure that door jam.

[Miles]

I like how he said it. Like, we're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. You gotta secure the door jams. Wow.

[Ryan]

The pop pops out.

[Miles]

All right, tornado coming. Let's secure down the door jams.

[Ryan]

Well, that's how the bikes get into my shed too, is because that door jam, there's a gap there.

[Tyler]

Be tough to do in the winter.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I gotta have it done tomorrow.

[Brian]

Well, then he's got time for the surround sound.

[Ryan]

I'm not. I'm selling that surround sound. That's. That's going on ebay tomorrow.

[Miles]

Are you putting it on ebay?

[Ryan]

I am. I got. Hey, I. I'm already. I'm. I'm a year ahead mentally, with what I'm throwing on ebay.

[Miles]

Yeah, I know. So you know, my. When I said the tornado bit, it kind of was venturing into the Dave voice.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, you were. Because Dave's a big tornado.

[Miles]

Cities bacon. We're bacon. Which just means that there's a storm coming.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

In Dave Ling jingles banking. The clouds are banking up in the west. Banking in the west, the storms coming. So if you hear him banking, you got. Not that the bank caved in. It's that the clouds are banking in the west.

[Brian]

You gotta, like. I don't Anticipate this happening. But if you ever have to fill out a resume, write down that you have Dave as a second language.

[Miles]

That's true. Fluently in Dave.

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

It's just broken English.

[Brian]

I know.

[Ryan]

Complete sense can jive with multiple personalities.

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah. I'm fluent in davish1.

[Miles]

Last one I have is. You know, if you're getting a gift for your boss, you probably think he wants a nice card with something written nicely in there. Maybe a gift card to, you know, gas station. What he really wants is you to just do your job.

[Brian]

Just mouthed out word for word. Jared.

[Ryan]

Yeah. If we clip that, you gotta. You gotta throw the. Throw captions on Tyler's. Do some lip reading.

[Miles]

Just do your job.

[Brian]

From the second you started that, I knew exactly where you were going with it.

[Ryan]

I mean, I couldn't be a bigger proponent of people doing their job.

[Brian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

So. All right.

[Brian]

Hey. I'm gonna do my job today. See Merry Christmas at the end for you. Merry Christmas. I'm gonna do my job today.

[Miles]

Okay. I mean, do it well.

[Brian]

That's okay.

[Miles]

What I mean.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You don't have a lot of time left in the day to turn that ship around. You took a half day now.

[Brian]

I did. I did. Hey, I made it terrible time, though.

[Miles]

If I were you. I just said tomorrow. I'm gonna do it.

[Tyler]

It.

[Brian]

I'm do my job the rest of the week.

[Miles]

If this is you doing a good job, I'll just take the card with the gift card.

[Ryan]

I say the best part of be about being the first one here every morning is that the parking lot's great for whipping shitties.

[Brian]

You whipping shitties by yourself More.

[Ryan]

So I whip my tail around just to get in my parking spot.

[Brian]

We got. You got to watch over the light poles.

[Ryan]

There's no light poles in the parking lot.

[Miles]

It's just more damage evidence of him not being a responsible driver. Just more damning evidence.

[Ryan]

I've had one accident my entire life.

[Brian]

Slid right into that.

[Miles]

Don't drift around this.

[Ryan]

Well, this is shitty.

[Miles]

So anyways, guys.

[Brian]

I could whip that one out quick.

[Tyler]

There's light at the end of the pole.

[Brian]

Yeah, there's holes in that one.

[Miles]

So regardless, those are just. If anything, this is just kind of a little buyer's guide for this Christmas season. Just. That's what they think they want. We know what they actually want. So. Wife wants a car. Get her an aqua massage from the mall. You know, it's the same thing.

[Tyler]

Simple.

[Miles]

It's so simple.

[Ryan]

So.

[Miles]

Well, should we take a break?

[Brian]

Boys, we should. Huge news in the. You bet you world. You did it, patrons. You did it. We're at 3,000.

[Miles]

We are.

[Brian]

We are at 3,000.

[Miles]

3,000. Let's go.

[Ryan]

That's a big milestone, Andre. 3,000.

[Brian]

Andre.

[Ryan]

Mr. 3,000.

[Miles]

Ann's pretty nervous, so is back.

[Ryan]

So is Mag.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

This morning. Because another big piece of news. The ladies are recording the episode tonight, so it will be ready for all you patrons on Friday. So if you're not a patron yet and you want to listen to that episode, go sign up by Friday so you can listen to the wives. But I woke up this morning and Becca goes. Big day.

[Miles]

Yeah. Game day.

[Brian]

And I was like, it is what is just a Tuesday.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Brian]

She's like, got the podcast tonight.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

And I. Well, you better start drinking now.

[Miles]

Oh, God, Jared, my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It'll be fun, tease and peace. Meg goes. Yeah, I. I hope. I hope Jared is good at facilitating this whole thing because I'm. I'm a little bit nervous.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I got some plans. I got about 10 questions and we're really to the bottom of things.

[Ryan]

Do they got the questions?

[Brian]

Yep. Right. Are you gonna keep up the pick of Johnny while the wives are on?

[Tyler]

Good question.

[Ryan]

Probably.

[Brian]

Okay.

[Ryan]

I mean, that's part of the studio. Okay.

[Brian]

I was just curious. Right.

[Tyler]

I'll say. That's my cousin.

[Ryan]

It's my cousin.

[Miles]

All right, so Patreon this week, the wives. All right, guys. Jared, you said you had a question for us.

[Tyler]

We do. Ben Wild Balls is wondering what's something that other people's kids do that completely piss you off? But it's totally fine when yours does it.

[Miles]

Okay. My kid's a little young. He. But I will have to say that if I see another baby crying, I'm like, what are those parents doing?

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Learn how to comfort your own kid, for crying out. For crying out loud. Is that where the phrase comes from?

[Brian]

That's a good question. But you're just pissed at the parents, you're not pissed at the baby?

[Miles]

No, no, no. I would never be pissed at a baby.

[Tyler]

You know, it's like being pissed at dog orders, not the dog.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

Well, I've been pissed at a dog before. Mostly when they're biting. Other dogs don't do that, Remington. Yeah. So, yeah, it's like, you know, learn how to comfort your baby. But then my kid cries and it's. This is a, like once in a blue moon situation. I don't know if it is a full moon and maybe that's why he's crying. But he never does.

[Ryan]

He never.

[Brian]

Because Mars is in retrograde. He's crying right now.

[Miles]

He never cries like this. This is. Sorry, guys. This is. We. We know how to comfort him, but this is just such a rare occurrence that I'm not quite sure why this is even happening. So. Yeah, you guys are actually witnessing history here. My kids never cries.

[Brian]

You should be stoked he's crying. You're seeing something that never happens.

[Miles]

Yeah. You're seeing a whole different side of him. You're really getting to know him. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. We had to cut his nap off a little early just to get here on time. So that's why he's just. He's been so.

[Miles]

Really. He's crying because you made us be here at a certain.

[Brian]

Yeah. So you have no one to blame but yourself. Yeah, dude, I. This is a tough question for me because I am so much harder on my own kids than anyone else's.

[Miles]

You're kind of a. You're. You're a old boomer dad a little bit.

[Brian]

I hold them to a higher standard than I hold anybody else's kids. Kids like. Like, if Ryan's son came over to my house and he was just being a. He's totally gonna get away with it. And if my kids start being. They're going to the corner.

[Miles]

You're a corner guy.

[Brian]

I am a corner guy. Yep.

[Miles]

You know, hey, hey, Quit that. Go grab some corner.

[Brian]

We also have the brotherly love shirt. They just have to both put on my shirt and sit nose to nose in the shirt until they decide to stop fighting each other.

[Miles]

That is actually a great idea. A great idea that I'm gonna steal.

[Brian]

You can have it. That's it' idea.

[Ryan]

The shirt.

[Miles]

I don't want your. I don't want your shirt. I just. I want the idea.

[Brian]

I have a feeling it's going to be used for several years to come. So the shirt's going to be occupied.

[Miles]

That was like, in college, there was a player who was acting like a complete. During practice, starting fights, this and that. And our coach freaked out. Like my coach, he. He was not like a yell a lot guy. So when he did yell, it was like everyone met more and the whole practice stopped when he's yelling, drawing, and he freaked out on this kid and made him go on the sideline and hold hands with another player. Because if you're gonna act like a child, then you're gonna get treated like. Treated like one and. And then whatever. We kind of started practicing again. And they, like, stopped holding hands. And he stopped practice again and made them hold hands again.

[Ryan]

Hell yeah.

[Brian]

How did the other guy feel? They just get.

[Miles]

He was just kind of like, oh, this is weird.

[Brian]

I don't want to keep doing this. I didn't mess up.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Red shirt, fresh. Same church. Different shirt.

[Brian]

Yes, same church, different shirt. I mean, like, an actual example of this. Like, we go to the playground quite a bit in the summer. You pick rocks up and you throw them at. At anybody. You're in trouble. But if you see other. Other kids are picking up rocks and throwing them all the time, and I.

[Miles]

Don'T say, yeah, well, but you're at least getting mad in your head.

[Brian]

Oh, for sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

Like, if somebody. If the thing that comes to my mind is like, if someone. If I see someone else's kid hit somebody or hit another kid, to me, we gotta get, like a counselor involved at that point, because just we're off the hinges at that point. If my kid hits somebody or another kid, he's just figuring his emotions out still. He's young, you know, it's just like, maybe he just needs, like, a big hug to. To just calm down a little bit, you know?

[Miles]

It's not about your kid. It's about the internal struggle he's battling with Corre.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, he's two and a half. He doesn't know what mad, sad, all that shit is grading.

[Miles]

We.

[Brian]

We both have similar feelings, but my. My reaction's a little different. If I see another kid hitting somebody, like, somebody else's kid hitting another kid, I'm like, geez, somebody's got to take care of that. That's no good. And if my kid hits. If I find out my kid hit somebody else, I'm like, well, did they have it coming? Did they deserve it? If so, you're not as much in trouble.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. God, this is over Halloween. My buddy's kid, like, my kid clearly had this toy, and he had it for about five minutes, and it was like. Like super focused and playing with it during that five minutes. And his kid just came over and took it from him. It was. It was their toy, but he was intently playing with it, and he tried to go get it back. She didn't want to give it back. So they're, like, fighting over this toy. And I look over my buddy, I'm like, you gotta shut this down. And I don't know if I've ever, like, not so much coached somebody else, but, like, got on, like, kind of got on another Parent about like, oh.

[Miles]

God, if you did that to me, oh my God, would I be pissed if you ever told me that I gotta shut something down. I would shut you down down and fire you.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Non workplace, though.

[Miles]

We're not in the workplace in a better sense. Why don't you view this instead of getting on the other parent, why don't you view this as an opportunity to teach your kid about sharing?

[Ryan]

You could also throw that on truth Bob. You could also.

[Miles]

You.

[Ryan]

You could also throw that on the other parent about teaching, but you can't.

[Miles]

Control the other parent. All you can control is you and your relationship.

[Ryan]

I can't control whether I tell them to shut it down or not. Though. Though. And I. I control the situation.

[Miles]

You're missing the whole point.

[Brian]

I have another one.

[Miles]

No, you have to pick a side here. Whose side are you on?

[Ryan]

You have to pick a side between someone who's been in the situation and someone who hasn't, thinking that they know what they do in that situation.

[Brian]

So realistically, if that situation would have happened to me, I'd have looked at my kid like, well, it's not your toy. Get over it.

[Miles]

So we have three different options here.

[Ryan]

That's that.

[Miles]

Jared, you have to pick one.

[Tyler]

I cat out of the bag. I don't know.

[Miles]

No, you have to pick one. Yeah.

[Ryan]

What if it's one of your best friend's kid and you're comfortable saying that to them?

[Brian]

That's doesn't matter whose kid it was. That. That would be my move. Because it's somebody else's kid. That I want nothing to do with the disciplining. I'd look at my oldest and I'd be like, hey, not your toy. Deal with it.

[Ryan]

I think it's a good. I also think it's a good lesson for, like, life as an adult, though. Like, you're not going to let somebody take what's yours.

[Brian]

But it wasn't you.

[Miles]

Literally.

[Ryan]

It was in those five minutes, though.

[Miles]

Oh, so I get it. So if you just waltz in somewhere and just decide that something is yours for five minutes, it's just your fighters.

[Tyler]

Keepers.

[Brian]

That's. That is a rule kids live by.

[Miles]

That is good.

[Brian]

That's a great point.

[Ryan]

Thank you, J.

[Miles]

But then the other kid did refind his own toy, so therefore it would be keepers for him too.

[Brian]

Keepers. Losers weepers.

[Miles]

All I'm saying is if you wanted to spin it into a positive, it's a good teaching moment for sharing. You had it for five minutes. Let them go for five minutes.

[Tyler]

Sharing is Caring.

[Miles]

It's true.

[Brian]

You got any more rattle?

[Miles]

Let's go, Jared.

[Ryan]

Teachable moment for the. For the other child in this. In this instance, another one.

[Brian]

This has not happened, but I found one.

[Miles]

But now I know that he just to get under my skin. At some point, he's gonna say something like, me, but it's going to be water off a duck's back. I'm a calm, cool, and collected parent.

[Brian]

No, you're like a duck. Calm on the surface, underneath paddling like hell.

[Miles]

And. And I'll use it as a teaching moment. Like, sometimes people in life, son, are just.

[Tyler]

Sometimes Ryan is a.

[Miles]

Sometimes Ryan is kind of a piece of. And. And won't teach his kid sharing. But.

[Ryan]

You guys are missing the whole sharing point now. Like, there was no sharing involved when my kid was playing with the toy. He's playing with the toy. So the other kid should have learned the sharing lesson of, like, it's okay to share my toys with other people.

[Miles]

But that you can't control what the other parent does.

[Ryan]

If I tell him to shut it down, I can.

[Brian]

If somebody else's kid threw a snowball at me, I'd be pissed. If my own kid threw a snowball at me, it's game on. We're having a snowball fight. Fun.

[Miles]

If another kid threw a snowball at me, it'd be game on for me. Like, I would throw a snowball back at them, just really lightly.

[Brian]

I don't know if I could.

[Miles]

It's. I think for me. I think for. Well, you have feel it out. If, like, the parents, like, he got you and then you just went. I think it's fine.

[Brian]

I think if.

[Miles]

I think if my kid does it, I'm gonna whip it hard. It's another kid. You just playfully throw another snowball back.

[Brian]

Yeah, no, I think softball. If another kid throws a snowball, I mean, I'm gonna throw a snowball at his parents. Parents.

[Miles]

There you go.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

If another kid threw a snowball at Ryan, he would have his parents arrested. He would call his lawyer.

[Brian]

Hey, he does have a lawyer. Can you shut this down?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Jared, you need to use this as an opportunity to teach us how to get along even despite our differences.

[Brian]

Your mom's a therapist. You're trained in this.

[Miles]

You are trained in this. It's in your DNA.

[Tyler]

I don't know what to say.

[Miles]

Hey, guy is kind of an idiot. There you go, Jared. Good job. You made us find common ground. You both think you're an idiot now.

[Tyler]

Both of you guys hate me, so it's perfect.

[Miles]

Exactly.

[Brian]

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

[Ryan]

We've been going to Sky Zone lately.

[Brian]

Sky Zone.

[Miles]

It does.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's got to be a breeding ground for you getting pissed.

[Ryan]

Well, no, like, like, like oh my God, like if other kids are reckless jumping, like I have a problem with that. But if my kids reckless jumping, it's like we're just having fun, you know, this is a game for us.

[Brian]

I did at one time at sky.

[Ryan]

My kid no spatial awareness though. That's the thing at two and a half especially. Daycare lady said he likes. He's trying to like he's smarter. He's smarter than what his age is. So that's why he's getting so good at manipulation.

[Brian]

He's manipulating people.

[Ryan]

Correct.

[Brian]

One time at Sky Zone my kid was in the dodgeball ring.

[Miles]

So much to unpack.

[Brian]

There kid was in the dodgeball ring and there were some like 13 year olds just pelting him and I was like, I'm gonna let this go for a little bit. This is a good lesson in social hierarchy. If you want to bounce with the big dogs, you're gonna take, you're gonna take a couple shots.

[Miles]

Well the real thing is you want to run with the big dogs, you gotta learn to pee in the tall grass.

[Brian]

Yeah. But I was trying to match it to Sky's the zone. We want to balance with the big dogs.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian]

So I let it go.

[Miles]

I've never been to Sky Zones.

[Brian]

It's a trampoline park.

[Tyler]

It's so cool.

[Brian]

And eventually like I let it go on a little too long. So then I had to get in there and I pelted the 13 year olds left and right and that was the weird, the weird 28 year old playing dodgeball with kids. Not taking it easy on them.

[Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. And your kid like knows that you're gonna protect him if he needs, if he needs it.

[Brian]

I get he, he put up as good of a fight as a three year old could.

[Miles]

Yeah boy, something to be proud the life. You can hang your head.

[Brian]

I would, I'd be lying if I didn't say one tier shed while I was pelting these 13 year olds with dodgeballs.

[Ryan]

Dude, they got new dodgeballs. They're really nice. They're not.

[Miles]

Yeah, I think first time I go to Sky Zone I'm going to be late because I'm going to be too worried about what socks I'm going to wear.

[Brian]

Oh, they give them to you.

[Miles]

Yeah. You showcase so many.

[Ryan]

You got, you buy the Socks there, do they.

[Miles]

Are they grippy on the bottom?

[Brian]

Oh, yeah, yeah, they're like, fancy.

[Miles]

They know what they're doing at Sky Zone?

[Ryan]

Yeah, they do.

[Miles]

This ain't first jump.

[Ryan]

Yeah, no, they. They run a great operation there.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

Is it overpriced?

[Ryan]

No. Dude, you okay?

[Brian]

If you buy the pass, it's not.

[Ryan]

Tyler from. For one hour before, like the whole. So from one hour they call it Little Leapers. And it's like ages 2 to 6 or something. 12 bucks, jump for an hour. Kids over 6 cannot come in at that time. Time. And parents are free. Jump for free. 12 bucks for an hour. And they got packs of sport cards and sports cards in those, like, in.

[Brian]

The club deals I just found.

[Ryan]

I just figured that out the other day. I gotta. Got myself a pack. I was like. I was telling my kid I was trying to win him like a piece of candy or something, but I was going for that MLB Tops Chrome pack.

[Tyler]

MJ Rookie cars.

[Brian]

Did you get it?

[Ryan]

I did, yeah. It's. It's more of like a. You know. Know those games where the light goes around and you gotta like, hit the button on. What? There's prizes lined up.

[Miles]

You might ruin the corners, though, if it comes sliding down a thing you gotta catch.

[Ryan]

I know, I know, I know. That was the issue. So. Nothing good in there, but kind of fun. Anyway.

[Miles]

There was something else. Were you saying something else?

[Brian]

All right, that answers that question. Question.

[Miles]

Yeah. Jared, what's your approach to parenting?

[Brian]

What other. What. What do other people's goldfish do that piss you off that Finn did that? You were just like, whatever, Beta fish.

[Tyler]

It was betta fish. When they don't feed their fish, that pisses me off.

[Brian]

Yeah, but when you don't.

[Miles]

But when you don't feed your fish, you're busy.

[Ryan]

Yeah. And he's gonna be fine.

[Brian]

Yeah, until he is it in a toilet bowl. Fish bowl. The toilet bowl.

[Tyler]

See? Jack, Shotgun. What type of heroic death would you choose?

[Brian]

I'm a huge fantasy nerd. I've been reading books my whole life. I have thought about my last stand many, many times.

[Miles]

What is your last stand, Tyler?

[Brian]

My last stand starts with telling the family to run. Right. I get into a bird's nest, I snipe off as many of the enemy as possible until I'm out. Out of. Out of shells or they're too close. Once they get close, I switch to a shotgun or short range weapon of shorts.

[Miles]

Too close for missile. Switching to guns.

[Brian]

Yep, switching to guns. All right, they're close. Now I rattle Off I emptied the gun. At this point they're too close. So now I switch to hand to hand weapons, right? Where hand. I got a machete in one hand, I've got a sword in the other. Whatever. I hand to hand is kill as many people as possible, right? I get pretty wounded in this hand to hand situation. I maybe take a slice to the gut, who knows? At some point now it's just down to two to one. I've picked off everybody. It's two on one. Weapons are discarded, They've disarmed me, I've disarmed that. It's just fisticuffs at this point. Fisticuffs. I take them both out, right? Families had plenty of time to escape. I have this terrible gut wound, terrible gut wound and I'm bleeding out slowly. And I find the most picturesque part part of my land or wherever I'm at and I sit there and I enjoy the view until slowly I bleed out and tip over. Wow, there it is.

[Miles]

When you do write that novel, cut out some of the fluff.

[Brian]

No, the fluff's the best part. It's also really snowy. It's like a light snow. During this whole fight, my blood is bright red.

[Miles]

No, I really like the just fade into the. The picturesque scene. I like that happy and content for me is similar. It's kind of a pre apocalyptic, okay. For some reason, boy say pre is I'm trying to keep us from an apocalypse here, okay? So I'm trying to save humanity. And for whatever reason there's an evil villain with a big bomb that's going.

[Brian]

To ruin the world, okay?

[Miles]

And for whatever reason we're standing on next to like a Grand Canyon esque type of cliff.

[Brian]

It could just be the Grand Canyon.

[Miles]

No, it's got to be deeper than that. Cuz essentially we're trying to get this guy trying to diffuse the situation and there's a bunch of people standing there debating on what to do. And I just look at my family and my friends because they're all there for some reason, I don't know why, they're part of close to the bomb radius. And I just look at it. It's really slow mo. And I just look at them and give them like the look and they're like no. And then I just take off sprinting past all of the other people debating on what to do, who are supposed to be the experts. And I tackle the guy into the canyon and when we hit the bottom, the bottom, the bomb goes off. But because the canyon's so Deep.

[Brian]

That's a good one.

[Miles]

Saved.

[Brian]

That's a good one.

[Miles]

Just a slow mo tackle into a canyon.

[Brian]

Yep, yep.

[Tyler]

Mine's really similar. It's like the end of Armageddon when Randy Quaid drives his spaceship right into the alien ship to save humanity. Yeah, I mean, mine. That would be mine or Independence Day.

[Brian]

Okay. I was gonna be like, there were no aliens in Armageddon.

[Miles]

I don't remember Armageddon.

[Brian]

We are watching different movies.

[Tyler]

I. For some reason mixed up.

[Brian]

Hey, the end of Armageddon is a great way to go out. You have to manually turn the bomb on to blow up the meteorite that's going to destroy the Earth because the. The. The. The wireless one's broken.

[Miles]

Spoiler alert.

[Brian]

Spoiler alert. I did it. I did my least favorite thing.

[Miles]

My scenario. Like, you know, at of Game of Thrones, when she.

[Brian]

Spoiler alert.

[Miles]

And slow mo runs by and stabs the Night King. It's all in slow mo. That would be my scene. But tackling a guy into a giant canyon and lots of slow mo. It's like. It's the slowest mo you've ever seen.

[Brian]

Ryan, how do you want to go?

[Ryan]

Have you guys. Have you guys thought about this previously?

[Brian]

Yeah, at the beginning of my. I've thought about this so many times. Times.

[Ryan]

Have you?

[Miles]

I've thought about it a little bit. Who hasn't ever thought about being the hero once in a while?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Got.

[Tyler]

Stop being the villain, Ryan.

[Miles]

That is true. Ryan is the villain. So his. His heroic story is. What is it?

[Brian]

You got to stop being the villain long enough to see.

[Ryan]

You would have no wwe, wwf, A. You wouldn't have that without a villain.

[Tyler]

That is true.

[Miles]

Okay, well, what's your villain story? How would you.

[Ryan]

Well, no, I. I don't have a villain. I don't. I don't. I don't perceive myself as a villain. I perceive myself as a hero in this situation. For me, it's. It's. It's middle of the night. It's pitch blackout.

[Miles]

Great for a movie.

[Ryan]

I. I would say there's probably a group of 12 people that are looking to invade my home. Everybody's sleeping, but I. My eyes open and I know that something's wrong.

[Miles]

Yeah. Spidey senses.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Oh, it's weird. So, you know, I naturally grab my firepower and because I know my house and my property so well, I know exactly where I need to go to pick each one of off.

[Miles]

Can. Can I make this situation better? It's not pitch black yet, but what you do Is you intentionally shoot out all of the, all of the lights along the street.

[Ryan]

Okay. Yes.

[Miles]

So now it's pitch black.

[Ryan]

Now it's pitch black because you know it so well.

[Miles]

You're using this to your advantage.

[Ryan]

Yes. Yard light is shot out. Silencers obviously, so that they just see the lights go out. They're like, oh, yeah, we gotta act quick.

[Miles]

So I imagine you have guns strapped to your thighs, your calves halves, what's it, the.

[Brian]

The bandolier.

[Miles]

Two bandoliers, two guns on your back, knives on your sides.

[Brian]

You just described Ryan's pajamas, so he's good to go.

[Miles]

Yeah. So I'm just painting the picture for the listeners. That's what you look like.

[Ryan]

That's good. And there's not, there's no more than.

[Miles]

Sorry, a great line you could do. You hold up your bulletproof vest and you just go, where I'm going. I don't need bulletproof vests. And you throw it down.

[Ryan]

Okay, that's a. That's a nice little addition. But here's the thing. I don't, I don't take down more than one guy per spot. So like after I take one guy down, I move to the next spot.

[Brian]

You always are the shadows. Correct.

[Ryan]

And again, silencers. No one knows. They're just like, who the. Where's this coming from?

[Miles]

I'm very interested to see how you die.

[Ryan]

It's actually, it's pretty anti climatic. Anti climatic because the last guy left. Left ends up maybe like brushing right above, maybe brushing the heart a little bit or brushing a part that is. Is fatal. But I still have about a minute until I am gonna die.

[Miles]

A classic. He appears as if he's dead, but not. But he's still breathing.

[Ryan]

Yes, yes. And this is on the. This is on the front porch. Like right in front of like the. Right in front of the front door. And as I'm like, look like I'm struggling and the last guy is like slowly walking up towards the front step. Slash, front door. Door. I have one. I have one. I have one bullet left. That is then right here. Ping. And it, it takes him down and everyone is saved. But then obviously fatality. Yeah, I'm dead.

[Brian]

Yep. We have just enough time to maybe hit.

[Ryan]

And then.

[Miles]

And then. Because you got shot.

[Ryan]

I was struggling.

[Miles]

I missed that.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I got shot. Front step, guys walking up, thinks I'm all out of ammo or I can't move much anymore, but I pull out my last bullet, pop him, and then in the background is. Then you can see, you can hear the sirens and you can see the red and blue flashing that are coming like down the drive right as I. Right as I pass.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah. And they start doing CPR on you. And it's a overhead shot of your dead eyes. And it slowly pans back out to see the whole scene and all the bodies laying down at Face Black.

[Brian]

Yeah, I want to. To end my movie. One more thing I want to add to it as I slump over and I'm lying in the snow and then the giant bright red pool of blood is slowly getting bigger and bigger. It zooms in on my hand and my pinky twitches. And then the movie ends. The movie.

[Ryan]

Is he dead?

[Brian]

Is he not?

[Miles]

We don't know mine. What I do is I obviously have the slow mo stare with the my loved ones. And then I just take a little top out of my pocket and I just spin it. Then I go do my thing. And then the last shot is the top. And it looks like it's wavering a little bit, but it doesn't stop spinning. So cut to black symbolism.

[Brian]

Miles, I don't know if you did this intentionally or not, but yours is eerily similar to Gandalf taking down the Balrog in Lord of the Rings. Fellowship of the Rings.

[Miles]

Spoiler alert.

[Brian]

God damn it. I'm full of those today. It's just instead of a bomb, it's a giant fire creature.

[Miles]

Why? Before we get on to that, why are 12 people trying to get into your house?

[Tyler]

12 angry.

[Ryan]

I don't know. That's why I asked Tyler. Like why is there.

[Brian]

Cuz they're trying to take over my. They're trying to infiltrate my post apocalyptic hideout.

[Ryan]

We'll go. I mean we can go to Outer Banks route. I just found a huge treasure. Now people are after me.

[Tyler]

Oh yeah, you got Paul SK just.

[Brian]

Got it in your house.

[Ryan]

Paul SK's rookie card. Yeah. One of one auto.

[Brian]

Hey, that is a 2024 Treas Treasure.

[Ryan]

That's a Millie card right there.

[Miles]

That actually is why they would be trying to get in your house.

[Ryan]

5050 ball. Like four million dollar baseball. That's in.

[Tyler]

It's.

[Ryan]

It's in my safe.

[Brian]

Oh yeah.

[Tyler]

Wink.

[Miles]

Why would you tell people that?

[Ryan]

Again, you can try and come get it, but you know, my heroic death. You know what how I go.

[Miles]

It's a foregone conclusion.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's a reason why you didn't put that bulletproof vest rest on.

[Ryan]

Exactly.

[Miles]

Because you're ready to meet your maker.

[Ryan]

Yeah, Tyler. You and my new place out there. We might have to work on some blueprints. I got a bunch of. I got. I got a big forest behind me. River, I think we got to get some blueprints together.

[Brian]

If this whole you betcha thing doesn't work out, I think I'm going to be a doomsday bunker consultant.

[Ryan]

Not a bad idea.

[Miles]

It probably is a market for that.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

You never know.

[Brian]

Yeah, that's our tagline. Yeah.

[Miles]

Well, so, yeah, the reinforced concrete's great for this and that, but you're not even thinking of. About fallout.

[Brian]

Yeah, you just. You have to line them with lead. But if you want to line them with lead, you're going to have to have at least 8 foot of concrete to keep you from getting lead poisoning while you're down there.

[Tyler]

I know a guy.

[Ryan]

You ever thought about burying a shipping container?

[Brian]

Huh?

[Ryan]

Could be an option.

[Miles]

Could be you could be anyone.

[Ryan]

That's kind of my dream.

[Miles]

Yeah, it could be anything.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I want to bury it.

[Miles]

Could be anywhere.

[Brian]

I mean, that. The thing that people don't think about in underground bunkers is ventilation. You got to get fresh oxygen down there.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah, no, we'll have.

[Miles]

Problem is, then you got cracks in the old system.

[Brian]

Yeah, that's why you got an air filtration system, which is going to be an extra couple grand if I'm consulting here.

[Miles]

You're going to be able to filter out radiation?

[Brian]

Yeah, that's a thing. Air filtration. You can.

[Miles]

You can filter out radiation with a device for sure. Why don't you just do that instead of the lead?

[Brian]

Well, that's. What lead is it. That's why you wear a lead vest when you're getting, like, X rays and stuff to keep the radiation from getting in India.

[Miles]

How is the air getting through the. The, the lead.

[Brian]

The. So you make an air filtration system that will filters out all the impurities in the air. The radiation isn't in the air. Radiation is just a thing itself.

[Miles]

Got it.

[Brian]

Yeah. Radiation is not attached to, like, the particles in the air. It just.

[Tyler]

It's like a radio wave.

[Miles]

Yeah, but there has to be a point where there's no lead to air conditioning. Get in.

[Brian]

Yeah, I haven't worked it out.

[Miles]

Okay, so these are the types of questions you're going to need to foresee when. When you're a doomsday bunker consultant.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, you could have. You can have.

[Miles]

And everyone thinks they got time, but the apocalypse could be tomorrow and you got to be ready. Could be anytime.

[Brian]

This definitely exists.

[Ryan]

You can just get a large SNORKEL too. Have a couple snorkels pop. Popping up on the ground. People might.

[Brian]

Yeah, they make. They make radiation. Air filtration.

[Ryan]

Yeah, there's a whole. There's. There's more. We're not the first people to think about something underground and how to avoid that.

[Brian]

Yeah, you're good. There's air filtration. Filter out radiation.

[Miles]

Perfect.

[Brian]

And you might buy them a house now you can buy it on.

[Miles]

Why would. Why would I go underground when I could just get that at my house and just stay in my house if there's nuclear fallout.

[Brian]

I'll be honest. I don't have a plan for nuclear fallout. I think we're just going to die.

[Miles]

You just got to go deeper.

[Brian]

Yeah, I don't have a underground anything.

[Miles]

Deep, deep, deep, or is that what you want us to think?

[Brian]

Could be.

[Ryan]

Miles has been trying to go deeper for years.

[Miles]

Just. I just can't get it done. That was a nice one, Ryan.

[Tyler]

Thank you, Kla.

[Miles]

But also, you need to shut that.

[Tyler]

Design your ideal liquor store.

[Brian]

I mean, they're pretty sweet already, but.

[Miles]

I think we could make them better.

[Brian]

Okay.

[Miles]

I think it would be sweet if we. More samples?

[Brian]

Yeah, lots of samples.

[Miles]

Like, they do it once in a while, like, maybe once a month, but let's go. Let's be. I want to be able to walk in any day of the week and get a sample of what I'm trying to do. Yeah.

[Brian]

There should be, like, a station for the sample.

[Miles]

Yeah. And I'll pay for it. You know, it's like. But I don't want to just buy the whole bottle. I just want to maybe get an ounce or so.

[Brian]

Right. Well, I'm not going to sample an entire case of beer. Just give me one beer to sample.

[Miles]

Yeah, 100%. Give one beer to sample. Maybe section off a little area kind of the. What we call it the. The sampling spot.

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the spot.

[Ryan]

The spot.

[Miles]

Just call it the spot. Yeah. Hey, less is. It's not the Facebook. It's just Facebook. So it's not the spot. It's just spot.

[Tyler]

Yeah. With no O. It's got to be all consonants.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Spt.

[Miles]

So you have a little corner in the. In. Just. Just spot. Where we can sample stuff. You may have to pay for it.

[Brian]

Yeah, you. It's fine. I think it's fine. I'd pay for a sample.

[Miles]

Yeah. So you pay for the sample. Maybe some tables, maybe, like, for samples.

[Ryan]

I mean, anywhere if.

[Brian]

If. If there's.

[Miles]

If you're saying I would.

[Ryan]

Oh, gosh.

[Miles]

They May have like two for ones or something going. Buy one, you get a second sample.

[Brian]

Because like if I'm gonna. If I'm gonna buy an entire case of beer, I want to drink a whole beer to make sure I want to buy the other 29.

[Miles]

That is very true.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Cuz yeah. While you're doing that, you wanted a TV to watch TV is.

[Brian]

You got to kill time.

[Miles]

There needs to be more TVs in liquor stores. Seriously, While I'm browsing and sampling. Gambling would be nice. Add some pull tabs in the liquor store. Maybe a blackjack table. Maybe a dark darts.

[Brian]

Darts pool. Yeah.

[Miles]

We have recreation. You know what, are you just gonna slam your sample and move on? You should be able to sip on it a little bit.

[Brian]

And I also would like the person handing out the samples to be like. That's their only gig.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

I don't want them stocking shelves. I want them. They're there to like tend the spot.

[Miles]

Yeah, they're. They're gonna tend the table. As I would say, a table tender.

[Brian]

Mm.

[Miles]

And I'd like my table to kind of be one sided. You know what I mean?

[Brian]

The tender.

[Miles]

This isn't around. This isn't a round table situation. Line them up.

[Brian]

Yep, yep, yep. Line them up. It shouldn't be too close to the ground. It feels wrong to be too close to the ground. Shouldn't be in a liquor store.

[Miles]

It should be somewhere between like ceiling height and counter height.

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Miles]

Should be the tabletop.

[Brian]

Yep. Which means chairs. Out of the. Out of the question. We got to have stools.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Still, if we're going to. If the table is going to be that high.

[Miles]

A table stool.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Tyler]

A little bit of food.

[Brian]

Yeah. But nothing like crazy very frozen pizzas.

[Miles]

Maybe some. Maybe one deep fryer. Do some curds or some sort.

[Brian]

Yeah. Honestly, it'd be a really smart move by the liquor store to serve popcorn. So you get real thirsty and then it's way. You're way more likely to buy that full case of beer.

[Miles]

That is. That is very true.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Miles]

That is true. More samples. I think this sounds. I hate to say it, guys, sounds kind of male dominated situation. So the way to get more females to come into the spot or spot is they could have a night where only women give free samples.

[Brian]

Yeah. And then if men, they have to pay a cover charge on women's night or whatever we're going to call it. That. That name stinks.

[Miles]

Cover charge. The.

[Ryan]

You paying a cover charge.

[Brian]

Well, it's an entry fee because It's. It's women's night. They don't want men in there.

[Miles]

Right? That's true.

[Brian]

Strings attached. Yeah.

[Miles]

And then. But I could imagine, you know, there's a lot of samples getting thrown around. I imagine we're gonna need some sort of security. So I would have, you know, kind of a. A guy who just like, kind of like jumps around a jumper. Jump around. Yeah, that jumps around, makes sure everyone's staying in line.

[Brian]

Smart. Smart.

[Miles]

Have a jumper at the door when you.

[Brian]

And honestly, honestly, no matter what liquor store you work at, you're going to get some miscreants every once in a while. So you give that jumper a list of those miscreants, they can make sure they don't get into our spot.

[Ryan]

Sky Zone employee good for that.

[Brian]

Yeah, they are good jumpers.

[Miles]

They are good jumpers. I mean, those are just a few additions that I think I would make to a liquor store. Trying to think if there's anything else.

[Ryan]

I mean, my college buddies, they. They'd always bitch about liquor stores closing early. Be great if they'd stay open till.

[Brian]

2Am that would be such a good point.

[Miles]

That is the icing on the cake on the spot. So there we go. We got jumpers, we got table tenders, we got samplers. We got. We got everything this thing would need.

[Brian]

Sports, gambling, recreation.

[Tyler]

And like a jukebox that connects to your phone so you can play some music.

[Brian]

Dude, that's so much better than the manual jukeboxes they have.

[Miles]

Dude, that would be sick if someone would invent that. You guys can steal that idea.

[Brian]

Yeah, take it. Take it.

[Miles]

You know, it's like such a good idea that it's. That I just want someone to make it. Like, I don't even care if I'm losing out on money on this idea. Someone please just make it. I'm so sick of walking over the jukebox, flipping through the CDs. We'll get C4. C4. When I meant to do D4. And it's now.

[Brian]

I got Huey Lewis in the news on for the next four minutes.

[Miles]

Thank you.

[Tyler]

Four minutes. It's too long.

[Miles]

So long.

[Ryan]

You could maybe pay more, too, to skip other people's songs. Skip the line.

[Miles]

Skipping another person's song on the jig box would be diabolical.

[Ryan]

And not necessarily. Not necessarily skip their song. You could just jump the line in front of them.

[Miles]

Yeah, I like that.

[Brian]

Honestly, though, that skipping the song thing's not a bad, bad thing to add.

[Ryan]

It's like a 50.

[Miles]

That actually would be A good thing.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You pay like. Like 30, 40 bucks to skip someone else's song. Song that.

[Brian]

There are certain songs where I'd consider it.

[Ryan]

Wagon Wheel.

[Brian]

Wagon Wheel's a vibe. What are you talking about?

[Miles]

I know.

[Ryan]

I'm just kidding.

[Brian]

Darius or old. Old CRO. Medicine show version.

[Miles]

Both.

[Brian]

Love it. Back to back.

[Tyler]

And again and again and again.

[Miles]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of anything else that I would add.

[Tyler]

It's a good spot.

[Ryan]

I like a. Do liquor stores have public bath bathrooms? Usually, I guess. I've never pissed in a liquor store.

[Tyler]

Yeah, where the employees go.

[Brian]

If they don't, they should. Well, they can go in the private bathroom.

[Miles]

Oh, that's. That's true.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So. Yeah.

[Tyler]

Simple. Yep.

[Miles]

Just simple additions.

[Tyler]

Two fun facts. The different colors of Froot Loops cereal all taste the same. They're not individual flavors. It's a orange, lemon and lime flavor.

[Ryan]

It's just die.

[Miles]

Yeah, I. That makes sense. I get it. I just have never thought about what the actual taste of a Fruit Loop is.

[Ryan]

I think you could say this.

[Miles]

And I think you just me up because next time I eat Fruit Loops, I'm gonna be thinking about the orange.

[Tyler]

Lemon and lime.

[Miles]

Lemon and lime. And I'm not going to be thinking about just enjoying a bowl of Fruit Loops you ruined them for.

[Brian]

That's kind of weird that we. Froot Loops are good because I would never once consider. Like. You know what would go really good with this orange, lemon and limey tasting thing? Milk.

[Miles]

Well, it's like a. Or like a dreamsicle. Orange and ice cream.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Goes together. It's like sherbet.

[Brian]

Sherbs.

[Ryan]

I. I would say the same probably goes for Lucky Charms. Marshmallows.

[Tyler]

Yeah, probably.

[Ryan]

I. I would.

[Miles]

I'd probably say I think they just taste like marshmallows. I don't even know if there's a flavor other than marshmallow. If I had to. If I had to bet.

[Brian]

Yeah. Because they aren't like fruits. They're like the rainbows. Rainbows and stuff.

[Miles]

Heart stars and horseshoes. Clovers and blue moons. There's pots of golden rainbows and. And the red balloons. That's what they got.

[Brian]

That's. Those are the marshmallows. Yeah.

[Ryan]

From the commercial.

[Brian]

Yeah. How many. How many red balloons are there? Probably 99. Someone will like that joke.

[Tyler]

I got it.

[Brian]

Thanks.

[Miles]

It is a great.

[Brian]

I'm going to pay $40 to skip this fun fact.

[Miles]

Well, not fun fact. Fun question. How do you spell Froot Loops, Ryan?

[Ryan]

F R O O T L O. O, P. S. Nailed it.

[Miles]

Nailed it. Spelling be a little. Little teaser.

[Ryan]

It's not actually fruit. It's fruit. Fruit.

[Brian]

It's fruity and delicious.

[Tyler]

It takes 570 gallons to paint the exterior of the White House. And they do it every four to six years.

[Miles]

Oh, I thought it was gonna be every year.

[Brian]

500. How many?

[Tyler]

570 gallons. To paint the exterior.

[Ryan]

They use a sprayer, you think? Or they use the rollers they gotta.

[Miles]

Use in a sprayer.

[Brian]

I hope so.

[Tyler]

I looked that up.

[Miles]

It is true. I never thought about that. A white house would get pretty dingy after a while.

[Tyler]

While eggshell white house.

[Miles]

Yeah, well, that's the question. What shade of white is the White House?

[Tyler]

Yeah, I have a little history. When construction was finished, the porous sandstone walls were whitewashed with a mixture of lime, rice glue, cason, and lead, giving the house its familiar color and name.

[Brian]

So it wasn't intentionally painted white.

[Tyler]

Yeah, it just kind of happened. Yeah, there's light on it, too.

[Miles]

So before they proof.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Before they did that little washing, it was just called the house.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Cory in the house.

[Miles]

To my house.

[Tyler]

The house that George built.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Well, the house that George had built.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah. I could have burned down. Yeah, that's right.

[Brian]

No, I was just saying he didn't build that.

[Tyler]

Yeah. As you said. Yeah, I got you.

[Miles]

You think he could have done the same treatment he did to the White House to his teeth?

[Brian]

They were made of wood.

[Miles]

I know.

[Brian]

Their house. Is the White House made of limestone?

[Miles]

Same church. We should have made teeth out of limestone.

[Tyler]

That'd be good material.

[Miles]

What are you laughing at?

[Ryan]

I just said visualizing.

[Brian]

Do you think limestone stone tastes like limes or stones?

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, we got.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you guys are getting.

[Miles]

All right, guys. Jared is requesting that if you feel good about it, go Rate us 5 stars on Spotify and Apple. Would mean a lot to the glass man. Guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the you bet Your radio podcast. May your gift giving be superb this year and may your it may. If your kid's being a. May you shut it the down.

[Brian]

Hey, you guys want to that. You guys want to go to the liquor store after this, get some samples? Good couple two tree samples.

[Ryan]

We probably just go to the bar.

[Brian]

What? What's that talking about?

[Miles]

Oh, you betcha.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[E]

Cadbury fills the tank with softener salts. College kids yell for beer. Not my fault Ryan's door jam won't open a crack. Miles chasing junior kids off the track. We're tricking at the spot away from this mess Tyler's doomsday plan dad just wants some peace and quiet but the house is a Christmas riot Lights flicker on the tangled tree Kids sing loud off key and gleefully Ryan's door jam stuck like glue Miles can't control his kid who knew we're tricky if to spawn Away from this mess Tyler's goog day plans causing distress Tad just wants to be sad quiet but the house is a Christmas riot Lights flicker on the tangled tree Kids sing loud off key and gleefully Ryan's door champ stuck like glue Miles can't control his kid who knew we're tricking out to spot Away from this mess Ty was doomsday plans causing distress dad just wants some peace and quiet but the house is a Christmas riot Cousin's gather for a round or two Miles runs after his child anew dad sighs hoping for a silent night can't slave but it's all right Tyler's prepping for some doom Some gloom College kids take over the lady living room Dad's dreams of quiet dash to bits Christmas cheer and family fits we're tricking at the spot Away from this mess Tyler's doomsday plans causing distress dad just wants to be safe quiet but the house is a Christmas riot Away a Christmas riot Christmas.

[Tyler]

Tips for starting a new job slash career. At 30, I'll be a diesel mechanic for the Air Force as a civilian.

[Brian]

So he's starting that new job now at 30.

[Miles]

My question is, did he get a lot of the same perks that the military gets without having to go through all the basic training and that kind of sounds like a cheat code a little bit.

[Brian]

Military discounts dis.

[Miles]

Military.

[Brian]

I don't think he would get that because he wouldn't have a military card or anything.

[Miles]

He's not technically in the military.

[Brian]

Yeah. What.

[Ryan]

What's his profession?

[Tyler]

Let me.

[Brian]

Diesel mechanic.

[Tyler]

Diesel mechanic for the Air Force as a civilian.

[Brian]

That's a sick job.

[Ryan]

As a civilian, you said?

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I wouldn't think you'd have to go into basic training. Could be.

[Miles]

No, that's not what I was asking.

[Brian]

He's asking, like, if you get part.

[Miles]

Perks, like do you get perks for working for the military but not you're not actually in the military.

[Brian]

Like, do you get to. Do you get to shop at the base surplus store or whatever they call it?

[Ryan]

I doubt it. Because you need military ID for that.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

And you have to be in the military to have an. Have an id. That's what I understand. Anyway.

[Miles]

Advice for starting this.

[Tyler]

Yeah, Starting a new career.

[Brian]

Advice for something none of us have done.

[Miles]

I would start. Well, no, it's just general. Start with the bare minimum.

[Brian]

It set the bar low.

[Miles]

Like, but not too low to where, like, you're in danger of getting fired. Just like, don't. Even if you pick up on something quickly, don't pick up on it quickly. Kind of drag your feet a little bit. And then all of a sudden you are like comeback kid of the year. When all of a sudden you pop up and you're really good at something. So sandbag for the first six months and then just really hit it hard. And they're going to be like, wow, this guy's clicking where you don't want to be the other way around. Where you start off all gung ho and then you get tired and you peter out. Set the bar low.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you're not going to be learned, known as a quick learner, but man, you're going to be world class in six months.

[Miles]

Yeah. And like, perks to sandbagging. Then the boss is going to be like, well, I don't think he can handle that. So let's make this other guy do the work. And you get to get out of work as well. But you're not bad enough for them to fire you.

[Brian]

You know, be a warm body.

[Miles]

Like, that's why Tyler doesn't edit anything.

[Brian]

Anymore, you know, don't need to. I edited like four videos for you this week.

[Ryan]

Ricochet shot. Usually I get those, but he was.

[Miles]

Getting too comfortable over. Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brian]

This shit's beneath me now.

[Miles]

Yeah. I think also just find a buddy. Yeah, gotta find. Just locate the buddy right away.

[Brian]

New guys stick together.

[Tyler]

Maybe I'll give you a car salesman.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Military.

[Miles]

By buddy, I mean plug.

[Brian]

Immediately. Try to sell your boss drugs or.

[Ryan]

Just throw it out there. Be like, yeah. Thought I smelled some skunk over there. Does anyone do that around here? Like, you just got to play it cool. You guys. My. Yeah. Buddies used to do that. Just play it cool.

[Tyler]

Be cool, be cool.

[Miles]

I feel like you learn more from your college buddies than you did from your college degree.

[Ryan]

For sure.

[Tyler]

School hard dogs.

[Miles]

Yeah, for sure.

[Ryan]

I mean, copy paste the question into Google and geek quizlet answer like, that's what college half of it was. You know, I got AI.

[Tyler]

We'll do this one. Barb Dwyer, Dave and Flops are being added to the podcast which two members are. Are getting cut and who stays?

[Ryan]

I think Tyler and I are gone. That's just a given.

[Brian]

Yeah, I think it's no brainer.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Like, how are we supposed to compete with that? They get questions every week about them.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You know?

[Brian]

Yeah, there's way more Dave and Flops questions than there are Tyler and Ryan questions.

[Miles]

Yeah, they never go, hey, tell me a Ryan's story. Oh, yeah, Dave. I'm trying to think of a moment when Dave has helped anyone. He. See, Dave's a loner. So. So he's like a weird. He's a social loner. That makes sense.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So, like, likes going to the bar and drinking, but only for a certain amount of time. And then he wants to go home and sit in the living room with his dog while his dog eats a deer carcass in the living room. You know what I mean?

[Ryan]

He doesn't want to be on anyone else's house.

[Brian]

I really don't, but I like, the explanation's good.

[Miles]

Like, he gets energized by being in a crowd until he does it and then he's gone.

[Ryan]

Is he chit chatting with the guy sitting next to him or is he okay? Okay.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. Especially. I mean, you can't shut him up. Once he has a couple drinks, it's a quarter you can't get back.

[Ryan]

I. Am I wrong for saying I love to sit at a bar next to Dave for like two or three hours?

[Tyler]

I don't think so.

[Miles]

No.

[Ryan]

Like, am I reaching a little bit with that?

[Miles]

No. I mean, it just sounds like you kind of have a crush on him.

[Ryan]

But at this point of the podcast, who does want to meet Dave?

[Brian]

I mean, the pages, all they do is ask about him.

[Miles]

No. Yeah, you, you, I. Everyone should meet Dave at some point.