Adam Ray Returns

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Adam Ray Returns" on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Introduction

In the January 8, 2025 episode of You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes, host Pete Holmes welcomes back comedian Adam Ray for a lively and humorous conversation. This episode delves into their personal experiences, shared stories from the comedy world, and lighthearted banter about celebrities and memorable moments. Skipping the promotional segments, the focus remains squarely on the entertaining and insightful dialogue between Adam and Pete.

---

Catching Up and Live Show Shout-Outs ([06:00] - [06:41])

Adam Ray rejoins Pete Holmes, who humorously refers to him as “Dr. Phil,” reflecting Adam’s comedic transformation since their last conversation. Pete shares updates about his own live shows, expressing gratitude to fans and highlighting upcoming dates in cities like Los Angeles, Salt Lake City, and Nashville.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes ([06:00]): "Adam is also just one of the funniest and nicest people I know. I really, really enjoy him as a person and every chance I get to talk with him, I enjoy very deeply."

---

Celebrity Humor and Personal Anecdotes ([06:42] - [16:20])

Adam and Pete dive into humorous discussions about celebrities, including playful jabs at Oprah and Dr. Phil’s public personas. They reminisce about Adam’s time touring with Bobby Lee, sharing light-hearted stories about the quirks of life on the road. The conversation shifts to their mutual admiration and respect for one another within the comedy community.

Notable Quote:

Adam Ray ([10:10]): "He was using it. And then I had a bit where it was perfect and where he had it. It was sort of optional and he let me have it."

---

Comedic Bits and Improvisation ([16:21] - [33:12])

The duo explores their favorite comedic bits, emphasizing the importance of timing and rapport in making jokes land effectively. Adam recounts his attempts to create memorable moments, such as his encounter with Thomas Ian Nicholas ("JTT") and the humorous fallout from that incident. Pete shares insights into his own comedic processes, highlighting how improvisation and spontaneous moments enhance their performances.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes ([33:12]): "It was brilliant. I love that. And he was great."

---

Shared Love for Classic TV and Movies ([33:13] - [47:00])

Adam and Pete discuss their favorite classic TV shows like Double Dare and movies such as Rookie of the Year and Mrs. Doubtfire. They delve into nostalgic memories, reflecting on how these shows influenced their childhoods and comedic sensibilities. The conversation also touches on the emotional resonance of certain scenes and how they relate to personal experiences.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes ([36:44]): "He was going through the slop looking for the flag. And I'm moved by that. And missing is Doubtfire is a movie about a dad making the effort to connect."

---

Interactions with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson ([47:01] - [59:00])

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Adam Ray’s interactions with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Adam shares how he connected with Dwayne over Instagram, leading to collaborative projects and mentorship. They humorously speculate about Dwayne’s secret identity tactics and discuss the surreal experience of interacting with such a prominent figure in the entertainment industry.

Notable Quote:

Adam Ray ([54:22]): "We're sitting around, it's wife and I were drinking, we're smoking. We're just like, we're probably never going outside again."

---

Stand-Up Comedy Stories and Bits ([59:01] - [66:16])

The conversation shifts to their stand-up careers, with Adam detailing his creative process for live shows and Pete sharing his favorite stand-up bits. They discuss the challenges of maintaining comedic momentum and the joy of crafting unique performances that resonate with audiences. Memorable anecdotes include staged scenarios, improv games, and the seamless integration of personal stories into their acts.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes ([60:00]): "But when you tell me about yours, I'll think of more."

---

Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up ([66:17] - [72:18])

As the episode nears its end, Adam and Pete reflect on the essence of comedy and the importance of genuine connections both on and off the stage. They share heartfelt appreciation for each other’s talents and the enduring friendship that underpins their collaborative efforts. The episode concludes with laughter, mutual respect, and a reaffirmation of their commitment to bringing humor and insight to their audiences.

Notable Quote:

Adam Ray ([71:59]): "Thank you. I love you."
Pete Holmes ([72:10]): "I owe you 50k."

---

Conclusion

Adam Ray’s return to You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes offers listeners a blend of sharp wit, heartfelt anecdotes, and genuine camaraderie. The episode showcases the enduring chemistry between the two comedians, highlighting their ability to intertwine personal stories with broader comedic insights. For fans of both Pete Holmes and Adam Ray, this episode serves as a delightful reminder of why their friendship and professional collaborations continue to captivate audiences.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• Pete Holmes ([06:00]): "Adam is also just one of the funniest and nicest people I know."
• Adam Ray ([10:10]): "He was using it. And then I had a bit where it was perfect."
• Pete Holmes ([36:44]): "Missing is Doubtfire is a movie about a dad making the effort to connect."
• Adam Ray ([54:22]): "We're probably never going outside again."
• Adam Ray ([71:59]): "Thank you. I love you."

---

Episode Highlights:

• Adam Ray’s comedic evolution and mentorship from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
• Nostalgic discussions on classic TV shows and their impact.
• Stand-up comedy insights and live show experiences.
• Humorous anecdotes involving celebrities like Bobby Lee and Thomas Ian Nicholas.

Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, this episode promises laughter, relatable stories, and the unique blend of humor that You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes is celebrated for.

Transcript

[Adam Ray]

You made it with. You made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, you made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, you made it weird.

[Adam Ray]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? This is the return of Adam Ray, who, since we last talked to Adam, has become Dr. Phil. I don't know if you know that. He transformed magically into noted and celebrated therapist Dr. Phil. And he's on Netflix right now with Dr. Phil Unleashed. He's also on tour. These shows are hilarious. I've done them myself. They're so fun. Go to AdamRay comedy.com he's going to be in Las Vegas, San Francisco, Phoenix, a lot of shows in Phoenix, la, Denver, Salt Lake City, Milwaukee. All of those are available@adamray comedy.com those are his Dr. Phil live shows. Adam is also just one of the funniest and nicest people I know. I really, really enjoy him as a person and every chance I get to talk with him, I enjoy very deeply. So let's get to it, as I always say, as quickly as possible. I want to say thank you to everybody who's been coming out to the live shows. Alfreda, Alfreda, Georgia was awesome this past weekend. And if you'd like to see me live, these are my dates. On peteholmes.com we have Los Angeles at the Largo, which is going to be an awesome show. I'm very excited about that one on January 17, followed by salt Lake City, Phoenix, Arizona, Vancouver, British Columbia, Austin, Texas and Nashville, Tennessee. All of those are available on PeteHolmes.com and the tickets to the Largo ones are at Largo-LA.com although there's a link on PeteHolmes.com as well. And because this is somewhat a shorter episode, we're gonna shout out a couple of the Pete's. Pete's picks up top. Sorry, got mumble mouth. So I don't know how your holiday season was, but if your gifts were a little bit of a letdown, like maybe you got a novelty toilet mug, maybe a callus remover. And so the incredible, amazing, comfortable, stylish, perfect fitting, perfect looking clothes you wanted from Chubby's will fix that. Chubby's has you covered. Give yourself the gift of Chubby's and make up for that disappointing package underneath your holiday tree of choice. 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[Adam Ray]

They can't still be friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Who? G and Phil?

[Adam Ray]

Oprah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oprah and Phil. Why?

[Adam Ray]

I just feel like they're maybe settle in.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't feel like you have to hit this one out of the park. Just get cozy, get comfortable.

[Adam Ray]

Are we taping this?

[Pete Holmes]

We're filming. We're filming. I want you. You always let me open with this before you tell me why Dr. Phil and Oprah cover the dick. We all get a semi walking in. We all get that I'm about to be on. You made it weird. Pre bone. It's a thing.

[Adam Ray]

You pre boning it, Bob Pre boning it.

[Pete Holmes]

Bo call you Bo. Call me whatever I want to say yes. You're one of those guys. You're so funny.

[Adam Ray]

Thanks, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so nice.

[Adam Ray]

Thanks, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I always, always, always love seeing you likewise. And I know you're of the Jewish persuasion, which is funny because we gave it away.

[Adam Ray]

No, I think it's dressed like, I'm going to everybody's bar mitzvah right now.

[Pete Holmes]

I think of you as deep Italian. Really deep, deep Italian.

[Adam Ray]

God, I wish. I do love a good meatball.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like.

[Adam Ray]

Which is what an Italian would say.

[Pete Holmes]

They love. Love working in a round meat. Working in a round meat.

[Adam Ray]

We'll keep it in. Isn't there something about when people go, I love. Like I just said, I love a good meatball? Like, yeah. If I just said I love a meatball, that's. It's implied that you love a good meatball. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like ATM machine.

[Adam Ray]

It's almost. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The Ms. Machine. You love it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not mad at a good meatball.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I do miss a meatball. I don't eat. I don't eat meat. No mo. And the most fun way to eat.

[Adam Ray]

Perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna put it. Look.

[Adam Ray]

You feel better? You feel better. Was that you've probably done all the research of why it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Why.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I went back for a year and I was like, this.

[Adam Ray]

Didn't miss it.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I was like. But I gave it a full year of just kind of, like, trying to be healthier and eating chicken. Like, all the cut people, you know?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, this sucks.

[Adam Ray]

Everybody that just eats chicken is pretty svelte. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that code for steroids?

[Adam Ray]

Yep. Zero hesitation.

[Pete Holmes]

You can hear that. You. You hit that ball back with zero hesitation. That's one of my favorite.

[Adam Ray]

Dude.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually wrote it down. I've never asked somebody. I wrote conspiracy. What's your favorite conspiracy? Whether or not you believe in it. Like, you kind of believe in it. And we already tripped into one, which is on the Internet.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If celebrities say, how did you get so buff? And they say broccoli and chicken breasts, that's code for. I think so human growth hormones and tests and steroids.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Which aren't even. Like, Jojo Rogan does steroids.

[Adam Ray]

I believe has to. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I think he does. Like, I think he's open about it. That's not shots fired. I think some people are just like, yeah, you can't get a certain size without it.

[Adam Ray]

I don't think the human body is. I think our boy, Dwayne Johnson. Your body. The human body. At a certain age.

[Pete Holmes]

He's my height.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, dude.

[Adam Ray]

I didn't mean same body.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, one of us is slightly.

[Adam Ray]

Nice. That's that looks fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this good?

[Adam Ray]

Somebody has a good time with that.

[Pete Holmes]

My pubes didn't show, did they? Don't. Don't think about it. Don't play it back.

[Adam Ray]

That's not Bobby Lee.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't play it back.

[Adam Ray]

Bobby Lee shows it.

[Pete Holmes]

We've all seen the chemtrails.

[Adam Ray]

Bobby. I toured with Bobby. That was the first guy I went on the road with. And I saw his wiener more than I saw my own.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're the tell all book we've been waiting for.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm sure everyone's got a handful of Bobby Lee stories, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. But the road is where you. And you can attest to this better than anyone. That's where you get to know yourself, but get to know whoever you're with. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

For real.

[Adam Ray]

If you want to. I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

And you and your opener start to merge.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it goes both ways.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to shout out Matt McCarthy who's been opening for me for over a year now. And this is one of the most loving things. He had a line. It's kind of like a. I wouldn't say it's like a basic line, but it's sort of like a anybody line. It's. It's. So this is gonna lead to some awkward car rides home. Oh, yeah, right. You can cut. Other comedians use that. It's not like. But he was using it. And then I had a bit where it was perfect and where he had it. It was only it was sort of optional and he let me have it.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I'm giving him tags. But then you hear like the voices.

[Adam Ray]

The voices are.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they should merge a little bit. That's. That's. It's like all girls dorm.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sync up. There's your clip. I'm just kidding.

[Adam Ray]

Do guys have an equip? Is that our equivalent of. Of syncing up?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, guys jet on the same schedule.

[Adam Ray]

Which is every day. We'll be right back.

[Pete Holmes]

People on the audio only thing jerk.

[Adam Ray]

It at the same. You don't realize you're doing it right now. The way we're talking. There's two guys out there jerking at the same time in the same rhythm. In the same rhythm in the same room.

[Pete Holmes]

They're only jerking it with.

[Adam Ray]

Facing the other way.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. Well. Well, okay.

[Adam Ray]

I haven't been everywhere.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't. I am not. What is that called? It's when you locate in two places. It doesn't matter.

[Adam Ray]

Doesn't matter. Time traveling. Yeah. Yeah. You brought up.

[Pete Holmes]

You Brought up the rock. I just love that you had. This goes back to my original compliment about you. Always fun, always funny and a mensch. That's why I was going to say you're of the Jewish persuasion because I was going to call you a mench.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But the times when I've had things to promote and stuff, you. You reach out.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So sweet.

[Adam Ray]

Well, I mean you. You are. It's wild. This business is wild. As I look at a picture of Steve Martin. Wild and Crazy Kids. That's right. Wild and Crazy guys. Wild and Crazy Kids, the Nickelodeon show. Wow. I just put Steve Martin in the same boat as Omar Gooding from Wild and Crazy Kids and Donnie Jeff. Let me say all the cast, all that. Did you watch Wild and Crazy Kids?

[Pete Holmes]

No, never heard of it.

[Adam Ray]

It was a show in Nickelodeon. Katie remembers. What? What? Wild and Crazy Kids. Great theme song. It was more than that. Yeah, your face is correct, but it was catchier than that. The same guy that sang that saying, I think the full house and the step by step one.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that guy.

[Adam Ray]

It was basically done.

[Pete Holmes]

Ever happened to predictability?

[Adam Ray]

Yep. And then he did Family Matters.

[Pete Holmes]

We're too rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page Loving condition Some people say it's even harder to find well.

[Adam Ray]

Then there must be some magic clue.

[Pete Holmes]

Inside the general world and all I see is the tower of dreams Real love Bursin.

[Adam Ray]

Out of everything.

[Pete Holmes]

The longest drum fill of all time it's the bigger love in the family. Oh, yeah. Thanks for bringing that out.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, man, that takes a lot out of you.

[Pete Holmes]

I was going to say you've been working too much.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And if we round of the Family.

[Adam Ray]

Matters theme takes it out of you, it's time to go to bed.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the new test, the fatigue test.

[Adam Ray]

The fatigue test.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes they'll have you blow into something you're a little bit younger. You're 42, so you're three years younger than me. And sometimes as you get older you're like blowing this and you're like, I'm going to blow in this. And you blow in it and you feel like you're going to die. And they're like your cellular age is 82. You're.

[Adam Ray]

Does that mean like you're blue bad?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I blew pretty good.

[Adam Ray]

Good.

[Pete Holmes]

I blew. Okay. I blew. I think I blew. I either blew a 26 year old or I blew with the strength of a 26 year old. I'm not. I don't know if it was 26. But anyway, the Rock is my size.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't have a lot of time. We got to hit the.

[Adam Ray]

You're fine. The Rock. Here's your clip.

[Pete Holmes]

The Rock.

[Adam Ray]

The Rock be a clip. I did do a barstool sports podcast and they, you know, the real clip, heavy and. And, and click baity. And I told one story about it was when I was doing Young Rock and playing Vince McMahon on a show, and one of the hosts goes, he's like, dude, the Rock just is like everywhere all the time. Like, he's probably a serial killer. And I was like, yeah. I mean, and just kind of. He said in a way where I was like, are you trying to, like, team me up to jump in on this? But then I just go, you know, in. In true. Yes. And fashion. I just go, yeah. I mean, if he was, I bet he'd be really good at it because the guy's good at everything. Said something like that. And then it was like, anyway, back to when my parents left and. Or whatever we're talking about. And it was a comedy podcast. And then the title of the episode was Adam Ray says Rock's a Serial Killer. And I had just started to become friends with Dwayne, and. And so I shot the kid a message. I was like, I mean, we did a three hour podcast. Is there a different title you could come up with? That, like, maybe that Price is Right story I told about rushing the stage when I was in college and doing the robot behind Bob Barker and getting in the person's Escalade and pretending to drive it during the sweeps week Million dollar episode they played on a Tuesday at 8pm instead of 11am on a Wednesday. And maybe Adam Price is Right stage. You know what I'm saying? And just no response. But then they did change the title.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, that's. That's kind of yeasty, bro.

[Adam Ray]

Kind of weird.

[Pete Holmes]

We say keep it crispy. The opposite of crispy. People don't know this is yeasty is yeasty. Yeah, that's fairly yeasty.

[Adam Ray]

A little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

I bet they didn't do it. Those guys are good guys. You did New York.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah, those are. They are good guys. But I was a little perturbed at the lack of. Oh, yeah. Like, also reply. Oh, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know. Grown men leaving each other on scene is weird. Especially when we had a great time. And so, dude, Julie was like, oh, man, it got changed. But no response. So. And then I did follow up just to be like, he probably didn't See it? Saw that one too. Yeah. So hey, you know who you are. Reach out. Let's squatch the beef, squash life.

[Pete Holmes]

Squash with the side of beef.

[Adam Ray]

I said squash the beef.

[Pete Holmes]

Squatch the beef means it's a blurry photo of your beef walking through the woods.

[Adam Ray]

That's at Pete Holmes on TikTok Instagram. And that's my clip.

[Pete Holmes]

This whole episode is going to be clip.

[Adam Ray]

That's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just a string like a pearl necklace. It's just strings of clips every, every minute of this episode.

[Adam Ray]

That I'm fine with that.

[Pete Holmes]

So sorry. But you went to Price is Right? As a fan?

[Adam Ray]

Yes. Yes. Well I, I mean that's as a young for sure. My. I remember watching that show in my grandparents house in Ada, Oklahoma when I was a kid and being like this show is unbelievable. Barb Barker was in phenomenal. Really just a. I mean he was an old school host in a, in a. In present time. But like even as you look at host now you're like you're not Bob Barker.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. He carried the flame forward.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was of a different time. But not in a. Not in a bad, not in an out of touch way.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

But even as like spay and neuter your pets. Even that seemed kind of like quaint.

[Adam Ray]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Like that's your issue.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Too many cats out here. Here. That is the most 1937 issue.

[Adam Ray]

Totally. There's too many dogs at the park. Israel, Palestine, World Hunger, School. Spade, spade and neuter. Too many dogs and cats.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't just say fix your cats and dogs. You're going to say spay and neuter.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The ladies get spayed, the boys get neutered. Just say fix those.

[Adam Ray]

Chop off the glitz and the dicks.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh boy.

[Adam Ray]

Have a great Sunday.

[Pete Holmes]

Have a great Sunday. This episode dropped on a Thursday at 8pm so you're in the audience.

[Adam Ray]

I'm in the audience.

[Pete Holmes]

You got a name tag you're hoping to be called?

[Adam Ray]

Oh yeah, we went through a group. It was a group for my fraternity at. I went to acting school USC in LA and there was a group for my fraternity that wanted to go and if you get 20 or more people to go, one person is guaranteed to be on contestants row. What? Yeah, they call up 20 or more. They'll call one from your because it's a probably a 300 seat studio audience. Maybe less. It feels like the improv main showroom. It's about maybe even 250.

[Pete Holmes]

It's pretty small.

[Adam Ray]

It's like remember going to Toys R Us as an adult. There's a better way to phrase that question. Do you remember going to Toys R Us when you were not a kid? Yeah, same thing. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Working as Jeffrey.

[Adam Ray]

Yes. And you were. You. No, you weren't.

[Pete Holmes]

Did a few summers as Jeffrey.

[Adam Ray]

I got a little starstruck.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. I know. You're Wolverine, bro.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not here to pretend I'm out there with better game than Jeffrey.

[Adam Ray]

Jeffrey was always a little sus, though. Every commercial, he's skipping out of the store hand in hand with eight kids, and all the parents are just like, oh, Jeffrey being Jeffrey. You're like, that's a broad daylight kidnapping, Sharon. It's always Sharon with those two fucking.

[Pete Holmes]

Little Martian giraffes have little Martian ears on the top.

[Adam Ray]

Yes. And it wasn't like a Jim Henson's creature shop.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a guy.

[Adam Ray]

It was a guy. Like, it's so clearly giraffe knows that's a guy. Yeah, that's a guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Jim Henson was like, oh, my God, you brought it to life. The Jeffrey costume, like, is that Bill? I can tell by the shape of it.

[Adam Ray]

That's Bill. He works.

[Pete Holmes]

That's creepy Bill from the warehouse. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

He wanted to be tall today.

[Adam Ray]

He likes to dress up.

[Pete Holmes]

He. What can you say?

[Adam Ray]

He made the costume like, oh, we can tell.

[Pete Holmes]

And also the. The fact that Toys R Us with the backwards are also feels pandering. Like. Yeah, we're like, you come in, be comfortable.

[Adam Ray]

It's wacky in here. It's weird.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's toys. It's. Yeah, it's one click away from the Neverland Ranch.

[Adam Ray]

It really was.

[Pete Holmes]

That's fired.

[Adam Ray]

They gave you a. The shopping spree. Did you ever want to do that as a kid when you were growing up in Chicago? Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I did. Started comedy in Chicago.

[Adam Ray]

Boston. That's right. My bad. When you were growing up in Boston.

[Pete Holmes]

Did.

[Adam Ray]

Did. What was the kid thing that you. You know, for me, it was going on Double Dare. I wanted to go on Double Dare as a kid.

[Pete Holmes]

I. The earliest I noticed that my family was different from other families was when I saw the families on Double Dare and you got the dad digging up the nose looking for the flag. I'm like, my dad would stare at Mark Summers and be like, you think you're gonna degrade me on television, big guy? They'd punch him the balls and be like, you get an all expense paid.

[Adam Ray]

Trip to pain down. Oh, my God. To paint down.

[Pete Holmes]

And he paid for it, too. He drops Three twenties on Mark Summers. Quivering body in a bowl of snot. And he's like, fuck you. But honestly, no joke. First of all, hot tip. And I'll say it every time I think of it. The best show I find. Getting stoned. And then you're looking for something to watch.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's never right. You get it? I don't know about you. I'll get in, like, a stoned way where you're like, I know there's something better. I know there's something better.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The answer is family double dare.

[Adam Ray]

That's the best YouTube highlights or what?

[Pete Holmes]

Any way you can find it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, please, man, just give me some family.

[Adam Ray]

Dd well, and old Mark Summers was really shooting from the hip.

[Pete Holmes]

He's fucking out there.

[Adam Ray]

Do you know he came on the Dr. Phil Live show, the Comedy Store. I reached out to him cold call on Instagram about 12 years ago and asked him to come to the podcast. When little Brad Williams and I were doing it, he came to my old apartment. And I used to. I. When I used to. When I say Brad, I go, brad. And I always go like this, even before people go. And then. And I realized why I started doing this, because people go, who? And I go, brad. And I go, oh, yeah. I actually paint the picture move.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I. You saw me mug. Because I thought it was funny.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then really, you're just. It's just a fact.

[Adam Ray]

He's a little person, and I'm telling the story. I'm just trying to quickly get you on board.

[Pete Holmes]

And yet here I am junking up the trunk. Anyway, I'm like, you mean the little person Brad?

[Adam Ray]

Yes. Love. Brad. Brad, Brad.

[Pete Holmes]

Bring him out.

[Adam Ray]

Bring him out. And the amount of times we've done that joke. Although what I do love about Brad is how quickly he puts it on himself so that everybody else is comfortable. That's a. That's a home run move.

[Pete Holmes]

He's a home run.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, a home run. And he. Mark Summers comes over our place. We do the pod. A lot of fun. He tells all these great Comedy Store stories. He used to host the potluck at the store. So he was there with Robin and Prior and Roseanne and Jay and Dave Wild, and. And so that's why I think even, you know, when he went on Leno show later on down the line with that classic Bert Reynolds clip where Bert throws his water on Mark. And Mark was like, yeah, made some crack. Have you not seen this?

[Pete Holmes]

Of course I have.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. An amazing Piece of cinema history.

[Pete Holmes]

I forget what sets it off. Like, doesn't Burt. It's perfect.

[Adam Ray]

He makes a comment about like, he's just like. He's just on like kind of the.

[Pete Holmes]

Reynolds shits on Mark and he makes.

[Adam Ray]

Up how you lost your.

[Pete Holmes]

Like his wife.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes right to the wife.

[Adam Ray]

Your wife left. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's Bert, who looks like a concealed carry per.

[Adam Ray]

And they cut to a. To a close up and he just goes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. He can't. It will not stand.

[Adam Ray]

No. And then something else happened and then he made another crack and then it was.

[Pete Holmes]

It's off.

[Adam Ray]

And then he. What he do? He shoved him or he did.

[Pete Holmes]

He threw his water in his face.

[Adam Ray]

But then Mark. Oh, and then Mark threw his.

[Pete Holmes]

Then Mark threw his back and he gets him.

[Adam Ray]

Burt Reynolds would have, I think, beat the. Out of him. He's a. He was a big dude.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean if they went at it, people was like, ding, ding.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Mark. With full respect.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Mark is a little guy. He's a little guy.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Maybe packs a punch.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I wouldn't put it past him.

[Adam Ray]

I will say this. He packs a punch verbally. So he comes on the. I hit him up.

[Pete Holmes]

You said bro 12. I'm like your mom. Look at you, Adam. You're doing it. You're such a podcast.

[Adam Ray]

I was told I could tell my Mark summer story in full in its entirety on the. You made a weird podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Do it.

[Adam Ray]

I tell I hit a mark 12 years later and I go. Because, you know, with this show as. As you brilliantly again, just to throw back some flowers. Why I love you so much, Pete. And I've always been such a fan when I. And I was starting to say this when I started talking about wild and crazy kids, but being in this business and being fans and now friends with people is so wild to me. And you are just as funny as you were when I was a fan of you. And I mean better. Which hopefully that's always the case. Right? You just grow and you're getting better on all fronts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

But you're a. The ultimate down to play. Yes. Ander. But. But ads. But doesn't like. I mean, you were so good on the Dr. Phil live show at the store, but that only that almost pales in comparison to when I had you do an Adam Ray and Friends show. And I was like, I'm actually gonna dress up like this character, this nerdy guy and host the show.

[Pete Holmes]

I forgot about.

[Adam Ray]

Remember that song we sang?

[Pete Holmes]

We sang and you ended it. And I was. I We're up there improvising a song.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, is it on YouTube?

[Adam Ray]

It's all on YouTube. It's called Jeremy's House. It's all.

[Pete Holmes]

Jake will intercut it. So we're singing this song. We're singing this song and I'm like, I'm loving singing the song.

[Adam Ray]

And it's pretty. To the harmony. Was pretty.

[Pete Holmes]

It's pretty cute.

[Adam Ray]

Dad was like, yeah, we got to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's, like, kind of a real emotion or like, there's something relatable to it. And I'm going, how are we going to end it? And you end it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You end it by going. And we'll cut to it there. But you say, I wish you were still alive. And in that moment, you got you. There's like a real look. I'm not saying it's like war, but there's a foxhole bonding when you're both on the line and you're being stupid and someone, like, dives on the grenade and ends the battle. They do it.

[Adam Ray]

But you, you were just. You're just so funny, man. Like, for lack of a better, like. I know. That's just.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's the best.

[Adam Ray]

You're so funny. But it was to say, and when I'm can be so comfy to be locked into me and not feel like I have. The best is when you are like. And I always say this, too, for the Phil shows that people are like, do I have to prep anything? I go, treat me as Phil. I'm driving the wheel. But you can take it at any time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Like. But I'll always keep it. Just feel safe to do and be whoever. But, like, I don't feel like I'm not capable of ever steering it out of anything or it back onto something.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is your gift. And that's why the special is so great. And you do it.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, thanks.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so great. Because I'm like, oh, it's on the line.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You do it for YouTube over and over and over.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you did it that night as well. It's a great job. Dr. Phil.

[Adam Ray]

Dr. Phil. Yeah. Yeah. Unleashed on Netflix. Did you watch? You did watch it.

[Pete Holmes]

I did.

[Adam Ray]

What do you think of him? He.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought he was great.

[Adam Ray]

Down to clown.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought he was down to clown. And I thought he played it perfectly because he's kind of wearing two different shoes.

[Adam Ray]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

But I thought he did a great job. But I thought you did a great job.

[Adam Ray]

Thanks.

[Pete Holmes]

And I also admired your courage to, like, you know you didn't water it down.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When you were talking to him.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You were like, I'll make a jazz joke right to your fucking face.

[Adam Ray]

And I watch a video of a monkey firing off a load in a kid's face.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll send you a link with one of my favorite lines. I'll send you a link. But also, not just because it was funny, but it was so you. So there's like a. It's like watching a perfect golf swing. You're just like, oh, he got in the zone and he did it. So congrats. So people should watch it. It's on Hulu now.

[Adam Ray]

On Hulu now. Moved it over. Yeah. Went from.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the headline. Adam Rice says his specials on Hulu. Serial killer Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Okay, finish. Double dare.

[Adam Ray]

Double dare. So the Mark Summer story, Summers comes on. I hit him up. Twelve years later, I go, oh, let me just see if he is still his number. Trying to add elements as the. It's my favorite part about doing the show. It's just like, each time, trying to figure out ways to add other parts. And it's really just creating from the ground up and trying to make it not so much a variety show, but just. I mean, there is a piece of that. I mean, the one we just did last week at the Comedy Store, we built a whole holiday set, and we had a surprise guest door, and we had Jay Leno come out first, who hadn't been to the store in 30 years.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

That was his last time back. He had a wrist guard. And because he had just.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just looking for my car key. He finds them. Big old Cadillac car key.

[Adam Ray]

We did a game where I put up pictures of cars. And I go, you're a big car guy. So I want to see if you can recognize some of these famous automobiles. First one was the Scooby and the Gang van. And I thought he'd say, like, oh, it's Scooby Doo. He goes, the 1942. He gives the year of the car. And I go, no, that's actually Diddy's lube limo. And so I had a joke for each thing that he. Whether he said it or not, you know, not. And at one time, he's. He's said it was a Ninja Turtles car. And he goes, that looks like your car. I go, I do drive a 1992 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

[Pete Holmes]

And the standard.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And then. And so we did that for a bit, but when he came out, he had a wrist guard. And he made some crack to me. I can't remember what it was right away, right out of the gate. So I was like, all right, I like this. But then I just go. I go, jay, you keep that. I go, you keep lipping off. I'm going to break your other wrist in front of my family. And that got a big pop. And he died laughing. All right. And then he told a great story about this episode comes out on December 17th. It's gonna be two parts because it was two hours. Wow. It was a Jay Leno. Wayne Brady, who I know we both love.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Wayne and I sang a song then. Then did an improv. Whose line game. Then Jaleel White came out. I smoked Jaleel White. It's my boy. He smoked some of his purple Urkel weed. Got very high. That was a great through line through the episode. You got Urkel. Yep. Then Harry Mack comes out, the freestyle rapper. He's unreal.

[Pete Holmes]

Just asked me the last time I cried. And it's when I watch his videos for some. I find them very emotional.

[Adam Ray]

I love that.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Adam Ray]

Yes. Dude.

[Pete Holmes]

When you watch him. When you watch someone. It's when you watch a boat going in the water. You know what I mean? It's as natural as a waterfall.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Or a sunrise.

[Adam Ray]

When you see someone pop Tart comes out of the toaster in slow motion.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And it's just like some specks of crumb come off of it. And you're like, it's gonna be a great morning.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I feel when I watch Harry Mac. I get very emotional.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Because anyone doing exactly what they should be doing makes me emotional.

[Adam Ray]

Great way to put that.

[Pete Holmes]

He's. He found his thing.

[Adam Ray]

1. And he's so nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And normal. Which is even more crazy Here. Yeah, player.

[Pete Holmes]

Guess what I'm gonna bother you for.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, dude. He's wild. And he. He did. We had a guy dressed up as the Grinch. This guy named Zach justice hit me up on Instagram. Millions of followers. My nieces are obsessed with him. I unfortunately, there's a lot of people out there didn't know who he was. We looped up. I look at his. I'm like, God, you're hilarious. He has full Grinch 3 hour makeup situation. He goes, if you ever want this on the show. I go, will you come on the holiday show? So we had the lights go out. He comes out as the Grinch. Was hilarious. Coming out, being like, yeah, I was there on January 6th. Ah, like it just like had a real solid point of view as the Grinch. And it was unbelievable. And he, we give him a pocket because I go, it seems like no one's ever given you a present, right? So I gave it to him. And he's like, ah, you know. And he's like, which way is that? Which way's the front? I go, if you have to ask that, put it back in the box and give it to a friend, you know. And then it was great. And then he goes, I go, the Christmas spirit isn't getting lifted up and out of you enough. So music helps bring out Harry Mack. Harry Mack leaves. Ding dong. There's a surprise guest at the door. And open it up and it's Rob Wriggle at Santa Claus. And Rob comes out. And maybe I now need to see a full length feature as Rob. Oh my God, dude. I basically told him, I go, you're retiring and we're gonna find the new Santa. So I go, but be the like hangover cop, Rob. Like, just big energy, fun. You're like a fun dad, fun uncle. He goes, it's my swan song. It's my, my farewell tour. I go, exactly, dude. So he comes out, he's got some coke in his nose. We're going to Coors. I was like, yeah, no, I'm going to go down like Florida. I got a girl down there, you know. And he's just so doubt in. He's like, but I need a protege. I need a backup. I go, well, you need help. He's like, yeah, I got my head elf. Leroy is up at the North Pole. We can't get him down. Flights are expensive. So I think if we all say suck my Christmas three times and everybody believes, but you got to believe that he'll show up. And we do it. Lights go down, ding dong. Brad comes out in full elf, snow machine, tossing candy canes in the crowd. And we.

[Pete Holmes]

Or if he knows them canes. Come on, one little Brad joke.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yes. More. Do more Brad. Brad said that Brad has one for that. He goes, we were doing the pod once and what do you say? He goes, and I was at the drinking fountain, or as you guys call it, the swimming pool.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, one of the reasons why that genre of jokes is so upsetting to people is, I think because they're too easy. But I couldn't resist.

[Adam Ray]

Unbelievable. He calls him Kate. Yeah, Great, great. Come on, come on, come on. Why would you not take that?

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta take it because. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So he comes out and he helps Santa, find the new Santa. We get somebody from the crowd. Jeremiah Watkins plays every, you know, every episode does a different guy. This one, he was every mall Santa, so he was just a drunk Santa. And then the last one, we need one more guy. Ding dong, Tony Hawk comes out and he skateboards out. And then three stunts. One was Christmas trivia, one was, you know, I sit on their lap and. And see how they deal with receiving a Christmas wish. And then. And the last one was like, do an ollie or something. And so Tony clearly wins that. And. But, but so like that type of. For each show, I'm just trying to make it as different and, and just make it a fun live show. I've always. After I saw Mulaney and Kroll's oh, hello. Or Will Ferrell's bush thing, I just got obsessed with like, yeah, I want to do a character live show at some point. And I wrote off road it, man. And, and use the stage for. For whatever we want to use it for. And. And so Summers hit him up 12 years later, and he goes, sounds fun. I'm in. I was like, haven't talked to him in 10 plus years. And then an hour before the show, he calls me, goes, so what am I doing again? And I go, we built a fake nose. We're going to do a double dare thing with people from the crowd. And Jeremiah is going to come out and play a double dare kid. And I'm going to compete. And it's wild. And I go, but I want to have in the ball pit at the end, like, be like sex toys to. Instead of you got to grab the flag out of the nose and then you got to grab whatever sex toy pertains to you out of the thing. And he was like, all right. And then I start explaining the game. And he quickly was like, no, you can't do this. If you don't do this, someone has to say this. And then they have to double dare them back. Like, I had up the gameplay and he was so like, yeah. And then I go, I wrote some trivia questions too. And he goes, I'll write them. And then I go, awesome. And he wrote way better ones that were like, kid friendly, which made it even funnier. Who won the NBA finals last year? You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you're talking to. I'm not saying I'm an aficionado of double dare, but he's right. You need the action.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

If someone's dominating that show, it's the worst show and all. That's why every third question is Like Edgar Allan Poe's mother found two coins. What year were the coins?

[Adam Ray]

But question one was like, what's your favorite food?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Are you here right now? Now? Yes. Okay, that's $40. And then they have to it up. It's brilliant. I love that. And he was great.

[Adam Ray]

He was unbelievable. And he goes. He told great comic store stories first, and then he even jabbed back at me. And at one point, I go. I go, wait, so Mark, as we're explaining, I go, so. So. And they're going to toss the ball in the hat. And then he goes, yeah. He goes, duh. And I go, all right, I'm just trying to make sure we're on the same page. He goes, yeah, I just said that, Phil, but in a fun way. It's getting laughs. And I go, jesus Christ, I'm getting roasted by the host of Cake Wars. And he goes, it's. He corrected me. He goes like, it's. It's cake. Mess you or something. And then he goes, all right. On your mark. And it was like, all super.

[Pete Holmes]

On your mark, indeed.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. On your mark.

[Pete Holmes]

Mark.

[Adam Ray]

On set we had the music, and he's, like, commentating, and it was. Truly. We'll talk about childhood. I mean, I remember, dude, seeing a young boy, planes flying over the sky. Did you ever scream and go, take me to Disneyland? Or is that a poor kid move in Seattle?

[Pete Holmes]

Take me to Disneyland.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just because you. An airplane.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, I'd love to join you with this one, but I think that's got a flavor that I'm not familiar with.

[Adam Ray]

I felt very vulnerable in that moment.

[Pete Holmes]

We said that to our parents. We said, take me to Disney.

[Adam Ray]

Well, you had two, so mazel tov. Congrats. You're loving it. I was having it my way, which was not at any of those places. It was a Marie Callender's heated up pot pieces from two weeks ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Which parent did you get?

[Adam Ray]

Mom.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that.

[Adam Ray]

You gotta.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta go with Mom.

[Adam Ray]

Gotta.

[Pete Holmes]

Where's dad?

[Adam Ray]

Dad is now in Yakima, Washington. He.

[Pete Holmes]

We talked about this last time.

[Adam Ray]

We might have.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I think so.

[Adam Ray]

Moved all. All around. He. He and mom don't. It's wild. They. They are. Dad is more, hey, tell mom this or that or whatever, versus mom being like, I mean, you bailed on me and started another family. So, yeah, we're good work. Which I get. Yeah, yeah, I get that. It's wild to get more of the story when you get older. Like, Truly. And see, first of all, just seeing your parents as people is great. And I wish it happens quicker, but.

[Pete Holmes]

It'S a good documentary. There's always a twist.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You go, like, it turns out, like, let's say you think dad's the bad guy. Then you find out mom's the bad. There's. And then you find out no one was a bad guy, but.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

And no one was a saint either, probably.

[Adam Ray]

No. Yeah, I know. There are two sides.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, it is, I guess. And I've never gave, you know, more maybe thought to, like, that somebody was like that. Even though my dad. All that happened. And. And my mom was like, all right, if you're gonna go see him, that's your dad. I never want you to not have a relationship with him. But. But she was like, but I don't really need to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And then. Yeah. And then you realize once you get more of the story, you're like, oh, I totally get that. Why would you. But also if he came over for a niece's birthdays or whatever, like, super cordial. And like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Like, she. Like, I'm not sure. She would always say she's like. She always say. She goes, I'm not an animal. Like, if he's gonna come over for his birthday, like, I'm gonna. But which is also wild because you're like, respect. Yeah, respect. That's why she's a gangster. My mom is a true hero. And goat. And.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Her name's Puddin. She's a little Oklahoma Jew.

[Pete Holmes]

Who would have thought in 1985 that calling your mom a goat would be like, wow, you love your mom. I know back in the 80s that meant the bond animal. The worst stand up in the world. Why is it calling someone a goat is a good thing?

[Adam Ray]

Why did we. Oh, greatest of all time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

It's like what I for a second was like, why do we pick that animal?

[Pete Holmes]

We didn't.

[Adam Ray]

We didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

We didn't. It was just an acronym. We were guided by the acronym.

[Adam Ray]

What's your favorite. What's your favorite acronym?

[Pete Holmes]

Mine?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, the other guy behind you. Can you excuse me? The Pete Holmes, Dr. Phil.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a time. Time buying maneuver.

[Adam Ray]

I know you can learn a lot about somebody by who their favorite ninja Turtle is, what their favorite acronym is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And what their go to snack would be before they go to bed. If they've. If they're given a magical fridge. Imagine waking up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Smoke a fat blunt right in the morning. Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Adam Ray]

You turn on some love. Is love on the spectrum?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Just to kind of let yourself know that life is wild. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And just a window to another time.

[Adam Ray]

Just a window to another time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. It's like watching Rookie of the Year back to back. You go, I know. The kid, you know, can't. Yeah, I know. I don't know. You did impressions.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I got a good one.

[Adam Ray]

How many more Thomas Ian Nicholas impressions can you do?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. Nice.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. We'll be right back. Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Thomas Ian. Was he on your show too?

[Adam Ray]

No. But back in the day, Brad did a music video with him, and then all of a sudden, like, asked him to the party. He texted me. He goes, you want Thomas Ian Nicholas on the pot?

[Pete Holmes]

I go, yeah, he knew who you met. You didn't have to say Rookie of the Year, Thomas Ian Nicholas.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, he knew that. It's one of my favorite baseball movies.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what your New Year's resolutions are, but if it's not to get a bidet, a tushy bidet in your life, then you're doing it wrong. Everybody out there listening. You need a bidet. You need a bidet. You need a tushy bidet. Wiping your butt with some paper and calling it a day is not enough. Get some nice, pressurized warm water on your butthole. You heard it here first. I hope you didn't hear it first. I hope you already have a tushy bidet. Guys, if you're convinced that the best version of yourself is what you are right now when you don't have a bidet, you're wrong. All that hair, the spicy wigs. Come on. Do yourself a favor. Get a bidet. It's a resolution that isn't a pain in the ass. Tushy bidets fit on your toilet in under 10 minutes, improving your health and saving you time and money every time you bomb that bowl. And what point did we decide having, like, a plunger in a wet grocery bag just sitting by your toilet was okay? It's not okay. And since I've had this tushy bidet using way less toilet paper, which is great for the environment, great for my bod, it also means so many fewer clogs. I haven't had one. No more clogs. Because you don't use as much paper. It's amazing. It's. I mean, often the paper is just an afterthought. Do you understand? You're just kind of checking the work, and the work is good. I love my tushy bidet. It is a game changer. Once you try it, you're Going to be grossed out that you ever didn't have one because it's so much more clean, it's so much more hygienic, and it's honestly just the only way to do it. Tushy is the modern bidet attachment that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and your butt health for life. The Tushy bidet easily attaches in under 10 minutes. No need for additional plumbing or electricity. Washing with the precise stream of fresh water removes 99% of bacteria compared to wiping with toilet paper. Think about it. If you had poop on your hand, would you just wipe it with paper? You got to get water in the mix. Get water in the mix. Installation is simple, takes about 10 minutes. Tushy bidet gives you two in one benefits. Reducing irritation and preventing micro tears with soothing water instead of scratchy toilet paper. And you got to, you got to do it. I think I've oversold it. Just do it. Support the show and support your butthole. Instantly improve your health from the bottom up. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when they use code weird at checkout. That's 10 off your first bidet code. Your first bidet [e-mail] with promo code weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. No surprise. Got a box right here on my table. It is the biggest life hack, game changer I have ever discovered. You know, you see me talking about it on social media. Why? Because I love Magic Mind so much. It is a professional performance drink. It is not just coffee. It's not just going to shoot you to the moon. It's got Matcha, which is just the right amount of caffeine. It's got adaptogens, which help you calm down and relax and feel natural. It's got nootropics, which help you think, or nootropics, depending on who you ask how to pronounce that. And it even helps your immunity. And it tastes fantastic. I take a magic mind always 15 minutes before I go on stage, 15 minutes before I do this podcast. I even sometimes take one in the middle of the day just because it's a wonderful little boost. A little bit of caffeine, about as half, half a cup of coffee. But the adaptogens smooth you out, dial you in. Don't expect jittery, expect focused. It's like flow state in a bottle. And you can get 20% off your first order using promo code WEIRD at MagicMind co. That's MagicMind co. Use promo code. Weird. For 20% off back to the show. Is he. Is he chosen because he's got that Italian Jewish thing going on?

[Adam Ray]

He does. He's got to be.

[Pete Holmes]

You. You. You are a Thomas, Ian. That's why. See, I'm. I'm jtt, and that's my favorite acronym. Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[Adam Ray]

Wow. Quick JTT story.

[Pete Holmes]

Hit it with the big bat.

[Adam Ray]

So at my fraternity, usc. Go across the street. I was in a pie. Go across the street to Sigma Kai, where JTT was a brother. And what? And I go in, and one of my friends in my acting class was in there. I go to the party. I go into the bathroom. At one point, somebody even said earlier, jtt's here. I don't think he went to the school, but he was friends with guys that were in the frat, so he was always there partying, apparently.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Ray]

So, by the way, hadn't met a celebrity yet. This is year one of being in la, and I'm in college, so. Yeah, you've got, like, you know, the heir to Kinko's is there. Yeah, the heir to Dillard's. Maybe Jerry Jamba's there. Of Jamba Juice. Right. And. And so. So you're around that. But. But no real, like. I mean, home improvement. So I'm in the bathroom. Yep. And. Hold that grunt. And I'm in the bathroom at the urinal. And I'm not sober, and I am not yet trained or savvy in the seeing people you aren't used to seeing in places you haven't seen them or thought you would see them. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

What's that acronym? Where's Rick Glassman?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I could do it. I just wasn't listening in that way.

[Adam Ray]

That's okay. You can do that, too.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not as good as he is, but I'm pretty good. I. We sang the song since you've been gone in acronyms when he was on the show.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Sybg. Keep going.

[Adam Ray]

Anyway, to the bride and groom, I was like, that was their speech.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, kevin Nealon, where's our waiter? It's like an anytime bit. I got a great anytime bit.

[Adam Ray]

I was looking for a name for it.

[Pete Holmes]

I've got an anytime bit.

[Adam Ray]

Can I. Let me put a pin in the.

[Pete Holmes]

What happens? Are you peeing on JTT shoes right now?

[Adam Ray]

So I. Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Put a pin in. No, I won't forget.

[Adam Ray]

I'll get back to the anytime bit because that's. I. You're the perfect person to talk about that with So I look over and I see him, and in my head I just go, get the out of here. Now I'm just like. And I might. I probably. Everything I'm thinking that I'm internalizing, I probably did. So I probably went, get the out.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And then probably, wow. As he's next to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

No real divider. I don't know if it was a frat troughed, but it was. It was a. It was a frat bathroom.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And great band name. And so I. I just go. And I know at this point in the story you're going, no, you didn't. Hey, Pete. Yeah, I did. I thought he would love it. I thought he'd love it. I thought he would.

[Pete Holmes]

Dicks in hand. No divider.

[Adam Ray]

No divider. Dixon. Wow. Are you sure that's not a Kelly Clarkson song?

[Pete Holmes]

Dixon had no divider.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know if that's the title, but it's the start of the song.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dixon Head.

[Adam Ray]

It's a song about me screwing up a potential friendship with jtt. He verbatim goes, wow. And then looks up and goes, hey, man. And I go, this is wild. And he goes, yep, peeing. And then I was like. And then. I don't think I said anything. And then he zipped up and walked out. And I go, have a great party, man. And then he. Which, you know, you don't need to say anything at that point, but I felt like give him some sort of a well wish, which was, you know, I could. I guess I also could have gone with hope I see you here again. Or, you know, did it all come out okay? But I said, have a great party, man. He didn't return the favor, walked out, said, bye. On the way out, one of my friends came up and said, did you accost JTT in the bathroom? I was like, no. He's like, oh, one of my friends just came up and said, like, your buddy was grunting at him in the bathroom. So word traveled fast. But look, of all the bits that.

[Pete Holmes]

Don'T translate to the bathroom.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

With dicks in hand. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is probably the first one.

[Adam Ray]

I wish I would have just sang the whole theme song.

[Pete Holmes]

And then slowly oscillate towards him. So while you're singing it, we hear the sound pee on tile and then shoes. And then you've 360 tile, tile, tile, back to here and all. And you go, oh.

[Adam Ray]

This is your podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I understand. It's your show. Okay, go ahead, Go ahead. Weird.

[Adam Ray]

Callback he told a story about going to see Jurassic park with O.J. simpson two days before the murder happened. Happened. And I go, why the were you hanging out with O.J. simpson? And he goes, that was a big celebrity thing at the screening. It's like, Nicole was there. And I go, kidman. He goes, no, Brown Simpson. And then I go, I go, what was she doing there? He goes, I went there together. I go, I was joking, Jay. I read the paper. And then I go, I go, were there signs? Were there any sign? I mean, this is now, like, me through the makeup. Of course. It's wild.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Just trying to.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna need details.

[Adam Ray]

Curious.

[Pete Holmes]

Two days before the murder. Murder. You're with them together.

[Adam Ray]

Yes. And I go, I go, well, you're with her sons, like, because now I'm like, be inquisitive and curious like Adam would, but, like, ask. Make you make the question sillier or whatever, because you look like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So I go, I go, were there signs? Like, you know, at one point, was she maybe laughing too hard at Jeff Goldblum? And he was like, if you don't stop laughing, I'm gonna kill you in two days. And Jay goes, you know, now that I think about it, I think he did say that. Completely goes along with it, which made me so happy.

[Pete Holmes]

Glove in the popcorn.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

That is nuts. That is nuts. Okay, so we got a bunch. We have the anytime bit, but we also have you running on the stage of prices. Right. And we also have.

[Adam Ray]

I think it was it.

[Pete Holmes]

I think there's up there. Oh, Dwayne the Rock Johnson is my size. Same body.

[Adam Ray]

My body much worse. He. He. Dwane's great guy. Big guy.

[Pete Holmes]

So big. It's not. I was gonna interview him once, and he didn't show. I was interviewing the Fast and Furious cast.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, cool.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. This is not shots fired. It was just a press event.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was like, dwayne the Rock Johnson is gonna be here.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And was it a whole cast thing?

[Pete Holmes]

It was a whole cast thing.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I am, you know, pretty nervous to meet Vin Diesel. This is the beginning of my career.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, the beginning.

[Adam Ray]

I think I'd still be pretty nervous to meet Vin Diesel now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Because he's a rapper now.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he?

[Adam Ray]

I think. Katie, didn't he come out with a song? Hey, nobody wants to fully claim this.

[Pete Holmes]

What rhymes with Riddick? You think I'm ridiculous? I'm ridiculous.

[Adam Ray]

You might not ridic.

[Pete Holmes]

To kill us.

[Adam Ray]

Wow. You might.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. You Know Harry Mack. But you think I'm ridiculous.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, now ridiculous, like kill us.

[Adam Ray]

There's something really powerful about making that face after that rhyme. Like, no rapper has ever done that. Do you know, I usually step away and go. You know, you pick up on what I did.

[Pete Holmes]

But to go, that's a rap thing. Get it?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you hear. It's also my voice going, riddick, kill us. Like, saying it in the background.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

So what. What's.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, he rapped before, then became an actor. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But when I was going to meet Dwayne and then he canceled, I was relieved because if I was a six to be nervous to interview Vin Diesel, who ended up being delightful.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was off the charts. 12 out of 10 to be. Because he's so. He's like a horse.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's. It's like talking to a mythic creature and that real. That's how I imagine it.

[Adam Ray]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it?

[Adam Ray]

Yes, he is. I've only. We've chatted so much over the last five years, and so he's, like, available as a person. He's. He has become to me, for whatever reason, like a mentor.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Adam Ray]

But really 1,000%. Oh, word. Oh, yeah. He has given me advice because you look pretty ripped.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he telling you to do stuff?

[Adam Ray]

No. Do I look ripped?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

To me, I'm in maybe better shape than I was last time. I'm not in that shape. I wish I was. No, it's all you two.

[Pete Holmes]

I could train you. I could train you. I thought maybe he was giving you tips.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I remember when Kumail did that movie with Dave Batista.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I was like, well, that's probably when they were talking about what the.

[Adam Ray]

To do if I. We did. If we did another season of Young Rock, and I had to do Vince McMahon, like, once he became, like, really big, definitely got a trainer for that and tried to beef up. But. But more just to kind of just, you know, for. For a lot of reasons. But. But there's a Vince that was definitely. Also probably on some stuff, of course. And. And when there was talk of a fourth season, I was like, am I going to have to maybe. And I was talking to a guy that was about certain things, but it was right around the time when my wedding was also going to happen. So I was like, oh, I don't want to look like that in those pictures. But then I was like, maybe I do, because that's a moment in time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But then.

[Adam Ray]

But then you're at the you're having.

[Pete Holmes]

A fight and you're like, what happened to this? I married this. Someone I know used to write for WWE and they said Vince McMahon used to hold like a cup that was like the cup that the energy powder drink used to come in. Like, so it would be like orange powder up to here. It add a little water and stir it up and it'd be drinking like sludge. That was like, make your own energy drink.

[Adam Ray]

But it was like really familiar.

[Pete Holmes]

It was drink like 75 energy drinks.

[Adam Ray]

He didn't know what a burrito was called. He'd be like, bring me another one of those chicken wrap those roll ups. And they're like, burrito. And he was like, whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Do I come to where you work and knock the dick out of your mouth drinking his tang?

[Adam Ray]

We'll keep it in. Yeah, that.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep it in. Of course, if we're keeping as he calls them canes in, we'll take shots fired. You were probably playing that part before it was out, though. That. I'm not. This isn't that it was.

[Adam Ray]

No, it was not that show. It was out before the doc and the allegations and all that. And so. But it started to creep in and I was even under the impression and then later confirmed that like it was a little probably in my involvement in the show was scaled back some because of what was happening, which was kind of a bummer, but you know, just because he's such a prominent figure in that world. But it was like, it was polarizing. So it was like, I'm not trying to be family show.

[Pete Holmes]

I know comedians that like, have spent their whole lives hoping to play Bill. This is not comedians. Comedians like Kumail.

[Adam Ray]

It sounds like you said comedians. And again, Kumail is a comedian. Right. Comedians also sound like his fan base. Or maybe comics who love Kumail have their own like cuckoo fan page called comedians.

[Pete Holmes]

Comedians or people that were meant to Inspired.

[Adam Ray]

Inspired.

[Pete Holmes]

We need to get to that.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What I was gonna say, I just knew some. A specific comedian that really wanted to play Bill Cosby in a movie. Still could, but I don't think people want to see that movie, dude. Anyway.

[Adam Ray]

They don't do that.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think so. I mean, there's a chance you could do like a really.

[Adam Ray]

I want to see the Lifetime movie on it. I want to see the Hallmark movie on it because I want to see Mario Lopez in it. Just play like his age.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. With the dimples.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then in the middle of the movie just tells you what movies are available in your Hotel room.

[Adam Ray]

What a gig.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know if you want that gig. I'm not saying you, Adam. I'm saying that's a tricky one because once you become the face of your hotel, you're. I see him and I feel like I'm not at home.

[Adam Ray]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like I need to find a small thing of toothpaste.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, you do.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me how the Rock is your mentor. I. I'm ending this riff.

[Adam Ray]

Okay. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we don't have that much time. We have 10 minutes.

[Adam Ray]

Fine. That's fine. He. And we got to get to any time bits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

He. He just, you know, as you know, he was in the intro of the spot. He did that for me on a last minute thing. And. And. But I've just naturally asked him for in a roundabout way only a few times in. In. You know, we sent a lot of voice notes and. And phone calls every now and then, but only met him in Live in the flesh once. And it was when he's doing Black Adam. And actually we're in his trailer. There's a video on my Instagram. He was like, we should make a video or something, like, in front of me. I was like, yeah. I mean, this is like new. I maybe had been messaging with him for a year and a half at this point. Point. And so I was like, wait, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

How you met him? Over the gram.

[Adam Ray]

Over Instagram.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you got the show?

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Adam Ray]

I had sent him. I tagged him in a picture right when Covet hit. It was maybe two weeks in. I was like, all right, things are probably going to be shut down for a while. I need to find other ways to just be creative. And I was kind of taking. The first initial thought is like, all right, I'm just gonna shut everything. I'm gonna stop. Like, it seems like everyone's just gonna stop. But then I needed to be creatively fulfilled. I also just was not shutting down. So I was like, oh, what can I maybe do? You know, whether it's little videos or whatever. And then I saw this picture of the Gwyneth Paltrow vagina candle. And. And I was like, oh, just I.

[Pete Holmes]

And you know, any candle can smell like a vagina if you give me five minutes with it in this rip.

[Adam Ray]

Dr. Phil adds a vagina. Yeah, you can have that.

[Pete Holmes]

I put a bow on that for you. I'll even write from Santa. So it's disguised.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I don't want anything to do with it.

[Adam Ray]

Wow. Did you write letters to Santa?

[Pete Holmes]

Did I Write letters, too.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

And I didn't ask planes to bring me to Disneyland, man. I'm just, like, hitting up mom and Dad. I doubled down on the bit I did.

[Adam Ray]

I'm so glad I told you that, because that's a very honest, sad thing that I need to find a way to bring up on stage that's screaming at the plane to take us to Disneyland. That sounded so me, and you were like, I bet you also ate soup with a fork.

[Pete Holmes]

Hold up. I think now I understand. I think maybe it was the idea of seeing a plane take us somewhere we want to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

But there might have been a little.

[Pete Holmes]

More, you know, Take us to Disneyland.

[Adam Ray]

Come on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, right. We saw all choppers as rescue choppers.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, your life is rough when every chopper you see is a rescue chopper.

[Adam Ray]

You know, Arby's is two letters away from being barbs, and everybody's been to a barbs, and everybody knows what she's about.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know why Arby's is called Arby's?

[Adam Ray]

I am so excited for this answer. Roast beef.

[Pete Holmes]

Rb. Arby's. Let's go get some Arby's.

[Adam Ray]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know if that's real, but the Internet's full of more harmful misinformation than that.

[Adam Ray]

It really is. How come that can't get, like, top billing?

[Pete Holmes]

Katie, give it a goo, please.

[Adam Ray]

Katie, give it a go.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie, please give it a goo. Is it rb? Is because it's rb. Okay, tell me how rock.

[Adam Ray]

So I. I post a picture of the Gwyneth pedal and I go, rock. I'm thinking, I go, who's the male equivalent that should come out with a dick and ball candle. I go, because this should not be, you know, equal rights, whatever. And I post and I tag the rock, and I never tag anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And I just did it. And then all of a sudden, I get all these texts and dms, like, how do you know the rock? And I was like, everybody knows the rock. What are you talking about? And then I look at the thing and he had commented on it and then followed me. And I was like. And by the way, we're sitting around, it's wife and I were drinking, we're smoking. We're just like, we're probably never going outside again. And like, she's like, holy. I've most famous person that's ever followed me.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're gonna say that's ever lived? Because that might be it.

[Adam Ray]

Well, I know George Washington was pretty famous.

[Pete Holmes]

Dwayne the Rock Johnson checks into hotels as Tom Cruise for privacy.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, do it as Jay Leno.

[Pete Holmes]

This is interesting. You know that Dwayne, the Rock Johnson, when he checks into a hotel, he actually uses the name Tom Cruise for privacy. Anyway, when you wear jeans, you should wear a jean shirt because then you look like a Sasquatch that's made out of Levi's. The Levi Yeti. Okay, what. What do we got here?

[Adam Ray]

You know, apparently women.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know, you say but Raffle.

[Pete Holmes]

Rael Brothers. Okay.

[Adam Ray]

Bummer.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, so now he's. How does. He meant you again?

[Adam Ray]

Just. I think me in a roundabout way. You know, when he's just asking me about what's going on. And then he just. I think he. We've gotten to a point to where he. He appreciates. He's seen me from at that point when I, you know, after I. I sent him a message and said, you know, I don't know if this audition came from you for Vince McMahon, but appreciate it. And he, you know, I was actor first and then started doing stand up, but. But he. He just really liked my tape. Then we talked about it for a little bit, and then he was like, give me your best Vince McMahon impression. I was like, you're fired. And then he was like, congrats, you got the job. You definitely gotta lose some weight. And he didn't say that, but my old boss at Universal did when I was Wolverine.

[Pete Holmes]

And trim that fat and I'll eat it and burn it off before lunch. I need calories.

[Adam Ray]

I need good rock.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that?

[Adam Ray]

Little nasally.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't even think of how he sounds.

[Adam Ray]

He is just. He appreciates what we're. He first of all loves comedy. And he is just a true. Has, I mean, dude created what he has become and what he does and what he is from his hard work, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And that there is no replacement for the reps. And that is a true example of it. And I think he, you know, just saw that representation.

[Pete Holmes]

Like his reps.

[Adam Ray]

Yes, his reps.

[Pete Holmes]

The repetitive.

[Adam Ray]

The repetitiveness of going at it.

[Pete Holmes]

He has the feeling. I mean, this is a compliment of like a beat cop. Like someone who, like, walked the beat and found the big case.

[Adam Ray]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, just because he was like, totally. Time to lean. Time to clean and walk around Central Park.

[Adam Ray]

It's wild. It's also wild to go. You were a. Even wrestling was not guaranteed for him and how he found his way in that. And then think about the amount of people that have tried to Translate from anything to another aspect of our business. So it is pretty.

[Pete Holmes]

Neil diamond to pornography.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Did he do it? It worked. No way.

[Pete Holmes]

Diamond in the Buff. I didn't know where it was going.

[Adam Ray]

One more title. That should have been a title. I'm gonna tell you. You missed your window.

[Pete Holmes]

I did.

[Adam Ray]

And calling.

[Pete Holmes]

I did. What a pain.

[Adam Ray]

What a wait. So many good. Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Window puns.

[Adam Ray]

Window puns.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Keep going. Feel. Feel free.

[Adam Ray]

What's. Wait. What's your favorite anytime bit? Oh, let's get to that.

[Pete Holmes]

The reason I do love anytime bits. We don't have much time remaining, but to. Yes. And you. I'm a big fan of. I've said this before, but if I'm backstage and you're dressed as Dr. Phil at the Comedy Store, I'll say, all right, Adam, go put on what you're gonna wear for the show. I just think that's love. I think it's so funny. And maybe when you tell me about yours, I'll think of more.

[Adam Ray]

I like to do when somebody starts, so I'll go, pete, where'd you get that jacket?

[Pete Holmes]

This was an old sponsor.

[Adam Ray]

Does the story get better? But I.

[Pete Holmes]

Good.

[Adam Ray]

But I have to, like, not cut you. It's got to be. It's got to be time where they go, like. So people would get that jacket if you were like, well, yeah, I think you give me. And as soon as there's a little beat of the window, because if I. Cutting you off, it's not funny. There's got to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's do it again.

[Adam Ray]

Do it again. Pete, where'd you get that jacket at?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I have a couple.

[Adam Ray]

Does this story get better?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that was perfect. It's fun, and it just reminded me of one. One of my anytime bits that people know, especially if you listen to the Friday episodes of this podcast, because I say it with Val all the time. I go, this is boring, but it's almost over. Because I use it all the time. It's this little sonar ping to let you know that I know that what I'm saying hasn't yet become interesting.

[Adam Ray]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But at least it's almost over. But I'm telling you, it's usually like telling you about my feelings. And that's when I realized, like, a lot of my drive for success was actually a feeling of obligation. Like, I had to. This is boring, but it's almost over. You know, like you put in there.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's in all anytime bit.

[Adam Ray]

I love that. I also love the somebody Will go like. Like Joe DeRosa did. He did the Dr. Phil show in Philly. And he goes. I go, what was the first joke you did that like that bombed. And he tells a story and then he goes, want to hear the. The first joke I did that crushed. I go, no, I'm all right, Joe, when you were five.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very good.

[Adam Ray]

And I've done that now on a handful of pods even as me. Just because it. It's the. It's a funny. It's just so funny to me because someone's so excited like, oh, you know, I just did this guy Nick Viles podcast. He was a bachelor and his wife's on the pod with. And she goes, oh, do you want to hear like what we just did with our kid? And I go, no, I'm good.

[Pete Holmes]

But Nick, when you so funny.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but only if people. It's gotta. Rapport needs to be established because that out of the gate can be taken as. And she jokingly was a little, you know, like.

[Pete Holmes]

But I've had that happen.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Especially if it's a non comedian. Not to say we're. I'm just saying a non comedy person. Not even a comedian.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a musician. And I. I was doing. I was on stage and they entered. I still think about it. It's 20 years ago. They interjected. And I was like, I got it from here or something like that. But I was joking.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like upset with me and I was like, what?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, God. To not be in the bit boat. What's it like? You're just swimming in the ocean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Get in the bit boat.

[Pete Holmes]

Get in the bit boat. The bit boat will keep you nice and dry.

[Adam Ray]

Real quick. Real quick question. I know we gotta wrap this up. I just had a flashback to when I ran into you and Glenn Hansard at a dive bar in. I don't know where it was, but I don't know if you had a spot you went to with him.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Adam Ray]

You were in the back corner.

[Pete Holmes]

Not here enough. I would love to see him.

[Adam Ray]

That is one of. That's in my top no joke. Five favorite movies of all time. And I might even bump it to three. I'm not even joking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's one of my faves too.

[Adam Ray]

It is.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I love it. And I saw it right when I got divorced. Can you imagine?

[Adam Ray]

Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine getting divorced. And then the movie once comes out. You're like, am I a solipsist? Does the universe revolve around me? Because that's the exact medicine you need.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna see your divorce film timeliness and raise you a. Imagine going to see Mrs. Doubtfire two weeks after your folks split. Who's got two thumbs and did that?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, hello.

[Adam Ray]

I went to it and I'm sobbing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I'm like. I feel like I just saw this fight two weeks ago. My buddy's. It was his birthday. His dad took us for pizza and a movie. I'm like, in the trailer, it's like, oh, hello. And like a run by Fruit. And you're like, what? Another classic Robin Williams comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And then the opening scene is Sally Field being like, get the out of here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you do that? And we're back to Double Dare Dads, because. What? Actually, I find it emotional when I see a dad with 80s glasses that are back in style with hunchback, and he's bald. He's just like. But he's doing it. He's doing it for his kids.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

He's going through the slop looking for the flag. And I'm moved by that. And missing is Doubtfire is a movie about a dad making the effort to connect.

[Adam Ray]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

So whether or not your dad was there or not, I think the reason why that movie is. Resonates so strongly with everybody is like, you just want to connect to these people.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you want them to want to.

[Adam Ray]

Connect by any means, 1,000%. I was crying in fifth grade. My buddy looks over, goes, are you okay? I go, yeah. It's just so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's. It's just so funny.

[Adam Ray]

And then we get out, and I was also like. Like, so also.

[Pete Holmes]

But Adam, that was so good of you to shoot that. It's just so funny. It's so funny just to try.

[Adam Ray]

It's just so funny. I had to say something.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the guy that says, the porno is just hilarious.

[Adam Ray]

You gotta see it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's hilarious. He's got a cape on.

[Adam Ray]

Is that why you watch it? Oh, yeah. I mean, the sex is like. It's always fun but run ragged.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just the laughs.

[Adam Ray]

It's just the last. Wait, what's the movie that. That he said that he burned out, so it's like the only thing I. I lost my Blockbuster card. And like, you know, I would go to, you know, in the army now. It's like. It's just. It's. The copy's always gone. So it's just like, oh, I'll watch Diamond in this. Nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to watch Son in Law.

[Adam Ray]

It's great, Paulie. It's a great movie. He had a run.

[Pete Holmes]

He had a run.

[Adam Ray]

You had a movie. You had a comedy movie run where you were the lead. That is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More. Polly was one of the sodas. Great way, isn't that? That's a great way to hear. One of the reasons we get along is you're like one of those visual thinkers.

[Adam Ray]

1,000%.

[Pete Holmes]

He's one of those sodas. He was one of the sodas.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know how, like, Coke Zero just snuck on there?

[Adam Ray]

Well, now you get in there, now you go to the theater, and it's like Coke Zero. It's like purple Coke Zero. Orange Fanta with Coke Zero.

[Pete Holmes]

Used to be there was eight.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you got to give oranges do. Or just like the Mafia. It's like no one's drinking it, but you gotta have them on there.

[Adam Ray]

Well, if you. Are you doing Sunkissed Crush or Fonto.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And if it's Sunkissed for sure.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, it is.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a fan guy.

[Adam Ray]

No, I'm a Sun Kiss guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Coke Zero did sneak into. What, did it bump?

[Adam Ray]

I think it might have Mr. Pib. Pip was on the outskirts. Pip was like that stripper. Pib was on the outskirts. Bars was coming through. No one saw it coming. Here's a and W. There's another one. I can't think of a root beer that you try.

[Pete Holmes]

When we can't think of the riff, just look up towards the sky.

[Adam Ray]

Coke Zero's in the air. Coke Zero, if you care.

[Pete Holmes]

It's better than Diet Coke. But people got addicted to it, so they have to leave it on there, too. Like, Coke Zero is better than Diet Coke. It is. Zero had come out instead of Diet Coke, there'd be no Diet Coke. But we got addicted to the bad.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, the bad one.

[Pete Holmes]

It doesn't taste good.

[Adam Ray]

It doesn't.

[Pete Holmes]

But we love it.

[Adam Ray]

Why?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm mad at me for saying it's bad.

[Adam Ray]

Why? Yeah, we love it. The taste. They just. They just. They left a little something out that Coke Zero gave you. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The spice.

[Adam Ray]

The spice.

[Pete Holmes]

Diet Coke tastes like a butter knife. It tastes like licking a cold butter knife. And that is exactly. I'm proud of myself.

[Adam Ray]

I just saw a flash to you at the Thanksgiving table in front of your kids. And like, maybe they're in their 20s, maybe it's 30s. And the conversation has just taken a turn. Not for better or for worse. It's just take. Gears have been shifted.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And and somebody says, you know, I haven't had in a while. It's like a Fonta. And you go, first of all, it's Fanta. Second of all, Diet Coke sucks. It tastes like a butter knife. Get me another mashed potato bar.

[Pete Holmes]

And bring me a Coke Zero. It made the Mount Rushmore because the fucking soda found in the 80s was the Mount Rushmore of taste.

[Adam Ray]

And Sprite, Coke, Diet Coke. Get my grandkids indoors. Tell them to stop screaming at the planes like poor people. We'll go to Disneyland next spring break.

[Pete Holmes]

I bought tickets to Disneyland and burned them to be warm. I burned tickets to Disney to be warm. Throwing in custom mouse ears with the sewn on nickname.

[Adam Ray]

God, I don't give a. I pee.

[Pete Holmes]

In the secret tree Pluto comes out of.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, oh, oh. Everyone's got a jt. No.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, we closed out all the loops except you running on the stage. But listen to you on Barcelona Sports for that one. Who gives a?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, who gives a?

[Pete Holmes]

So confirm for me, Dwayne the Rock Johnson's a serial killer.

[Adam Ray]

JK, we'll go watch Phil Adam Ray is Dr. Phil Unleashed on Netflix. And then go to Adamraecommy.com for all my stand up tour dates. And we have 20 more theater shows for the Dr. Phil live show. We just did the Celebrity in Arizona last weekend, which was a blast. We had Sam Morill, Ari, Maddie, Adam Corolla, and Murr from the Jokers. And. And then we did San Diego Civic Theater. And now we got. We did the Beacon at the beginning. We'll be right back. We'll keep her out here at the Beacon. Jason Biggs came out. Jeremiah dressed up as a pie. They reunited. Curtain came up. He goes, I am sorry. I haven't. This is all on YouTube. YouTube.com Adam Ray Comedy. He comes out. I go, jason, you've kept in touch with a lot of people from the cast. Tara Reed, Sean Williams, Scott Stiffler's mom. One person. You haven't brought him here to reconnect. Close this. Close the door. And get things going in the right direction. Please welcome from American Pie, the pie comes out, full costume outfit that we, Steven Hauser built from the comic store. Shout out.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Comes out. Jason's like, hey. Jeremiah's like, hey, you look good. I'm sorry I didn't call. You know, you've been busy.

[Pete Holmes]

Congrats on your movies.

[Adam Ray]

And then he goes, hey, come here, come here. It does this behind the ear. I forgot how good you taste. Jeremiah goes, let me refresh your memory. Curtain Goes up. Fake fireplace on the screen, bed comes out, rose petals. They strike the chairs and the table. Johnny Resnick from Google Dolls and I'd give up forever. They get on the bed and simulate for about four and a half minutes. Whipped cream was in the thing, squirted into the first four rows. Johnny and I are singing the song together. The whole crowd's singing. And then Johnny and Jason run off. And then I'm just going to Jeremiah. We always close the show with a fake fight. And I go. I go. And he goes, so, Dr. Phil, you want sloppy seconds? I go, I'm on Atkins. And he goes, doesn't look like it. And that was supposed to be the point when I go, I start punching him with the fake punches. Crowd starts chanting. 3,000 people at the Beginning Theater in New York State start chanting, fuck that pie. That pie. So in my head, I go, all right. I either have to push him over and simulate him or kiss him. So I dropped the mic. Kiss him. Everyone goes nuts. Biggs, because he's a brilliant committer and actor, runs out on stage and goes, leave her alone. And I go. And I go, fuck you, Jason Biggs. Boom, punch, noise, perfect. He flies back onto the bed, pie comes at me. Now I'm just fighting them both.

[Pete Holmes]

This sounds like. And then you and I, we cut to, yeah, it's the same shot, but we're in a nursing home.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You and I are both in our 90s. Katie's a nurse. We're not on a podcast. None of this happened. And I'm just like, you're the king, Adam.

[Adam Ray]

You're the kid. Jason Biggs was there. He was Jeremiah Watkins. That sounds amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me more about Jaleel White.

[Adam Ray]

The Goo Goo Dolls were there. I used to scream at the planes and say, take me anywhere but here. Baskin Robbins, ihop, Target.

[Pete Holmes]

It's one of the sodas. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. We've done. I really have to go.

[Adam Ray]

Adam, remember when Zac Efron was a comedy movie star? I love you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you for doing it.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you. I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

Say keep it crispy for us, guys.

[Adam Ray]

You know what to do. Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. We gotta feel crispy.

[Adam Ray]

We gotta feel crispy. That's my Xbox Green name. Feel Crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

I owe you 50k.

[Adam Ray]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Now I'm in debt.

[Adam Ray]

It.