Alistair Ogden

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode Summary

Guest: Alistair Ogden
Date: July 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features Toronto-based comedian Alistair Ogden in a candid, silly, and insightful conversation with Pete Holmes. Pete introduces Alistair as a uniquely funny talent emerging from Canada, and their discussion delves into stand-up comedy, Canadian vs. American culture, identity, family, codependency, technology, internet algorithms, creativity, and what it's really like to build a career in comedy today. The tone is warm, self-deprecating, and very much "making it weird" together.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Getting to Know Alistair Ogden

• Introduction and Banter (04:19–06:00)
  Pete and Alistair riff about the pronunciation of his name and make "Fresh Prince of Alistair" jokes.
• Comedy Specials and Commonalities (06:07–07:28)
  Pete confesses to watching Alistair’s special Boyfriend Material and compares it to his own project "Dad Material," noting both comedians' tendency to draw material from personal heartbreak and family life.

"I recorded it like six months post breakup, and then I think I released it a year after that...I go, oh, there's some good jokes in there. And then there's some stuff that I didn't even realize at the time was so sad."
– Alistair Ogden (06:41–07:20)

2. Heartbreak, Relationships, and Codependency

• Breakups and Family Models (07:42–10:41)
  Alistair discusses his breakup, the feeling of raw vulnerability putting it on stage, and the uniquely sad compliment “the love of my life so far.”
• Codependence and Growth (11:25–13:48)
  Discussion on living through COVID with a partner, how codependence manifested, and how little support there is for understanding healthy relationships in school.

"High school should just, like, life skills. Like, we're putting condoms on bananas. I didn't need that as much as I needed, like, you can intertwine your identity toxically with another person."
– Pete Holmes (12:38–12:50)

3. Canadian Identity & Comparing Cultures

• Pride vs. Performative Nationalism (14:53–16:42)
  Alistair describes being "happy, but not Canadian-flag-waving proud," likening the performative display of nationalism to right-wing signals in any country.
• Canadian Political Protests (16:19–17:04)
  The trucker convoy protest during COVID is discussed, as is the varying degrees of political and social unrest north and south of the border.

4. Sports Fandom and City Riots

• Vancouver's Riots Over Stanley Cup (18:18–21:05)
  Alistair recalls experiencing the 2011 Vancouver Stanley Cup riot as a teen, including seeing looting and the strange psychology of group hysteria.
• Reflections on Sports Fandom (19:01–20:29)
  Both comedians reflect on the oddity of how reasonable people become swept up in sports, leading to violence and mass hypnotization.

"It scares me to think that those are...reasonable people that get mass hypnotized by an allegiance that ties back generations...it really is an act of war when the Boston Bruins beat you."
– Pete Holmes (19:56–20:22)

5. Technology, Attention, and Modern Life

• Phones, Apps, and Addictiveness (22:31–24:36)
  The pair muse on the evolution of phones, loss of 'fidget' features, and how tech companies design devices and apps for unconscious heavy use.
• Algorithms, YouTube & AI (30:07–33:50)
  Alistair and Pete compare their algorithms and break down how YouTube doesn’t care what you watch – it just wants you to stay.

"You can’t go toe to toe with these things. They are going, you can't compete. It's like a casino."
– Pete Holmes (24:36–25:02)

• Algorithmic Humor (31:24–31:49)
  Alistair shares a friend's joke about the contrast between cute vs. bizarre algorithmic recommendations, and how revealing they are.

6. Stand-Up Craft: Club Life, Crowd Work, and Being Present

• Comedy in Canada vs. U.S. (79:40–81:57 & 83:32–85:13)
  Alistair unpacks the difficulty of making a living as a Canadian comic, the importance of comedy albums, and how comics must be business-minded or creative-minded (ideally both).
• Energy and Approach on Stage (69:41–71:13)
  Both men discuss the importance of presence and immediacy. They quote Judy Carter's advice to attack the stage as if you "couldn’t wait to see a friend and finally, there they are."

"The most fun thing that I've had lately is just trying to have the energy on stage of, like, I need to tell you guys this."
– Alistair Ogden (69:33–69:41)

• Bits, Transitions, and Realness
  Alistair confides that he's obsessed with transitions between jokes and being in the moment; Pete agrees, emphasizing how great it feels to connect in real time.

7. Life Bits and Social Weirdness (52:07–54:44)

• Discussion of compulsive, repeated jokes and "life bits" (e.g., walking into a sports bar and deadpanning "oh, they got the game on!").
• Gentle ribbing about CN Tower facts, little rituals, and how foundational these touches are to comfort and identity.

8. Viral Moments, Luck, and Career Trajectory

• How Opportunities Happen (86:09–87:41)
  Both comics reflect on the importance of luck and being in the right place at the right time, whether it's opening for Pete, getting noticed by Val, or meeting industry players in Canada or the US.
• Self-promotion Real Talk
  Pete and Alistair agree it's honest to acknowledge when special releases or ticket sales plateau and recognize the hustle (and humility) this era demands.

9. Audience Dynamics, Crowd Work & Comedy Trends

• The Crowd Work Boom (97:16–98:43)
  Both love interacting with their audiences, but Pete critiques the "aggressive sexual crowd work" style, preferring interactions that feel more genuinely improvised and less formulaic.

"People are asking these incredibly aggressive sexual questions and so silly. I feel very strongly about how the crowd work clips are."
– Pete Holmes (97:36–97:45)

10. Comedy Theory and Persona

• Finding Your Stage Self (90:09–90:46 & 102:03–102:46)
  They unpack how comics find their persona, referencing Demetri Martin, Steven Wright, Sarah Silverman, and Mitch Hedberg – all contrasting persona, writing, and voice.
• Benign Violations (73:05–73:21)
  Quick dive into how stand-up capitalizes on "lying" to the audience—e.g., referencing something from the show as if you weren't there—and why that works so well.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Love of her life so far..."
  (07:46) Ogden’s ex’s bittersweet line – a gut punch, highlighting how relationships can be heartbreakingly honest and formative.

• "I had to be like, think of me fondly. When you call your Labrador, call him Peter."
  – Pete Holmes on trying to process his own divorce and heartbreak (10:22–10:42)

• "There's a lot of perks—like, we don't have celiac. Instead, we just have decades of unexplained diarrhea."
  – Alistair Ogden (91:03–91:34, as performed in his set and discussed by Pete)

• Life Bit:
  "Every time Val and I use [the sauna], Val goes, 'it's like a sauna in here.'"
  – Pete Holmes (52:54–53:02)

• On crowd perception:
  "If you demonstrate that you’ve seen the show, that you’re there — that’s part of the titillation."
  – Pete Holmes (73:05–73:21)

• On Comedy & Presence:
  "Everything in our life is automated now…except blinds."
  – Pete Holmes, launching a riff about technology’s relentless modernization (76:25)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:06] Stand-up clip: Ogden’s diarrhea bit
• [06:41] On releasing a special post-breakup
• [12:34] The importance of teaching codependency in school
• [18:18] Vancouver riots and collective sports hysteria
• [24:36] Technology’s casino-like addictiveness
• [30:14] “Dark AI space”- algorithm and mental health
• [54:07] Being a Toronto tour guide and “freestanding” CN Tower
• [69:41] Comics’ stage energy and immediacy
• [91:02] Pete recounting Alistair’s “perks” bit
• [97:16] Pete on crowd work excesses
• [100:07] The audience’s vital role in live comedy
• [112:22] “Hardest you’ve ever laughed” story: a 3-year-old’s innocent faux pas

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Notable References

• Boyfriend Material: Ogden’s comedy special
• Don’t Tell set: Ogden’s viral set
• Just for Laughs: Comedy showcase discussed as major break for Canadian comics
• Nirvana the Band the Show: Obscure Canadian hit referenced by superfans
• Codependency, algorithms, AI anxieties, crowd work, and comedic presence are recurring philosophical themes

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Tone & Style

• Sincere, self-deprecating, and philosophical, laced with observational humor and meta-commentary about comedy itself.
• Frequent mutual appreciation between Pete and Alistair, with encouragement for comics starting out and a healthy skepticism about showbiz promises.
• Riffs are playful: recurring jokes about technology (“fidget features”), national differences, and repeated “life bits.”

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How to Find Alistair Ogden

• Google “Alistair Ogden”—he’s the only one.
• Comedy special Boyfriend Material, “Don’t Tell” set, and Just for Laughs appearance are all highlighted.
• On tour throughout the U.S. and Canada in 2026.

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Closing Moment: Hardest Laugh

[112:28]
Alistair shares a hilarious family story about his 3-year-old cousin accidentally honking his ex-girlfriend’s boobs during a farewell round of "tickle, tickle, squeeze"—a moment that united his entire family in uncontrollable laughter.

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Final Words:
"Keep it crispy, everybody."
– Alistair Ogden

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Alistair Ogden, one of the best names in comedy. Alistair Ogden, and a hilarious, truly hilarious, interesting, unique individual who I met. I did a show in Toronto where he is based, and he opened for me and both Val and I were just instant fans. And he's done my largo since then and now he's done my podcast. And I'm so excited to introduce him to you. If you don't know who he is, he's got a lot of fans, but I'm assuming a lot of you might be meeting him for the first time. And I'm so excited you are, because I expect big things from this wonderful comedian. To give you a little taste of Alistair, before we jump into the conversation, here is a clip of him in his element doing stand up comedy. Let's take a.

[Alistair Ogden]

Let's take a look slash listen, but don't be fooled. I am a man. I am. I'm a man. I'm a cisgender straight man, which frigging rocks. It's sick. I don't know if you know this about my identity. There are perks. There's perks. Like, one thing, one thing I've noticed is a lot of women and queer folks tend to have these very specific, specific dietary restrictions, you know what I mean? Celiac, lactose intolerance, oil sensitivities. Cis straight guys, we don't have those. We don't have those. It's incredible what our bodies are capable of. We don't, you know, and it's like, instead, we'll have years, decades of unexplained diarrhea. But. But that's probably nothing. That's probably nothing. And also, shut up. That's an unspoken part of straight guy culture. I don't know if you know, but like, straight guys all over the world on a regular basis are going into bathrooms and just having an absolute nightmare of a dump. Just fighting for our lives in there. And then we come out, shut the door behind us, we're like, nothing is wrong with me. I mean, even now, even now, some of you are laughing and some of you are actively holding in a shit. And there's probably somebody watching this right now on the toilet. And good luck in there.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, everybody, that is Alistair. We're so glad you're here for this wonderful conversation. Not too much for me to plug up top. This is my book, spells to cast on your parents. It's coming out in September. Please, please pre order it for maybe somebody you know who has children or maybe you have children or nieces, nephews, spells to cast on your parents. Also, I have two full specials on YouTube right now that were just uploaded. One is I'm not for everyone and one is Silly, Silly fun boy. Please check those out. They're both obviously for free on YouTube and I'm so proud of them, so I hope you like them. And my tour dates are on peterhomes.com thank you to everybody who came out to north and South Carolina. Those were amazing shows. I was so happy to see so many weirdos out, out and about. And in the meantime, as I always say, enjoy my wonderful chat with the hilarious Alistair Ogden. Get into it.

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[Pete Holmes]

Alistair. How do you say it?

[Alistair Ogden]

Alistair.

[Pete Holmes]

Alistair. You don't say Alistair.

[Alistair Ogden]

I mean, my. My family is. My family is English, so I've been referred to Alistair.

[Pete Holmes]

How do they say it? Is that. Is that right?

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, my dad, my prince of Bellister, Alistair.

[Pete Holmes]

Fresh Prince of Alistair. New special.

[Alistair Ogden]

Tight. That's not bad. It's not bad.

[Pete Holmes]

It's bad. And at the end of this hit. Do you know this show? How old are you?

[Alistair Ogden]

Fresh Prince of Bel Air?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know, but like, do you know well enough to say at the end you get tossed out by Uncle Phil?

[Alistair Ogden]

I don't know well enough for that. I know it more as a cultural

[Pete Holmes]

touchstone than as a. Yeah, a little too touchy slap.

[Alistair Ogden]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

A little too touchy.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Slap. That's called a hashtag punchline. How are you? Good to see you, man. I'm weird today. I did Rick Glassman's podcast last night.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, yeah?

[Pete Holmes]

I got really stoned. That's why I. So I stayed in LA last night. So I'm Just like, I love this version of me and I hope you're okay with it, but I want to say hello. I want to be normal. Hello and welcome. I'm not stone now. I'm just a little foggy.

[Alistair Ogden]

The. Sort of the. After stone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of fake cobwebs in my attic.

[Alistair Ogden]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I like it. But I don't. I'd be remiss to say. You're so funny. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for being here.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Now.

[Alistair Ogden]

Appreciate that.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's go back to your name, because you have a great name.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Fresh Prince. Well, I just. Just wait till you hear my full name.

[Pete Holmes]

I've heard it. You think I haven't seen Boyfriend Material Streaming now on YouTube?

[Alistair Ogden]

What the fuck?

[Pete Holmes]

You think I friend material Streaming now on YouTube.com?

[Alistair Ogden]

no.

[Pete Holmes]

You think I need to be on YouTube CA to see that shit? We get it here.

[Alistair Ogden]

I can't believe you watch that.

[Pete Holmes]

Boyfriend material.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I filmed a special right before the pandemic, like a proof of concept, and I called it dad material.

[Alistair Ogden]

Huh.

[Pete Holmes]

I also thought we're very similar.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I think.

[Pete Holmes]

And I thought it was funny. Like, it's a lot of jokes about being a dad and I'm dad material. And you have jokes about a breakup.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then. And you called it boyfriend material.

[Alistair Ogden]

But yeah, similar dudes. Yeah. That special too. That one, I feel. I mean. I mean, you've done a lot of specials, but I don't know. Like that one. I go, oh, my God, I can't wait. Believe that's out.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? Didn't you release it recently?

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, I recorded it like six months post breakup, and then I think I released it a year after that. And so it is just in case

[Pete Holmes]

you got back together, Alistair. We did really put this live. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Checking your phone like Zuckerberg at the end of Social Networks.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

Refresh.

[Alistair Ogden]

Refresh was mostly just because I felt it felt so, like, raw. Raw and vulnerable to put it out. Yeah. And even watching some of it back, I go, oh, there's some good jokes in there. And then there's some stuff that I didn't even realize at the time was so sad. There's some lines in there that are.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I. I'm a little embarrassed to say I haven't finished it. Oh, that's okay, because I did watch your don't tell as well.

[Alistair Ogden]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's not because I was doing other stuff. I was doing other. Alistair.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, for sure. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Alistair.

[Alistair Ogden]

The I think stuff. The. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I haven't finished it. I'm gonna finish it. I think it's great.

[Alistair Ogden]

Thanks.

[Pete Holmes]

And no. I'm sorry I'm making you uncomfortable.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It's going. What are the sad parts? What do you mean?

[Alistair Ogden]

What struck you as certain little lines when I was telling them as jokes, I didn't realize like, the whole weight of them. I think, like, the main one really is that. And this is a real thing. She used to say that I was the love of her life so far.

[Pete Holmes]

That took my breath away.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That was like. It is like when someone's in the wrong relationship.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Clearly this was right.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know that?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to on it if you are hoping to get back with this.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

But when someone's in the wrong relationship is like watching someone, like, recklessly ride a horse. You're worried about them. Like, if you were with this person and you said, she says I'm the

[Alistair Ogden]

love of my life so far. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I would be like. It would be like I'm watching you in a, you know, the foothill of a mountain on a very dangerous bronco and I'm worried about you. Like, I'm not worried about the horse. And to be clear, she's the horse in this. And I'm like, this kid's gonna get bucked.

[Alistair Ogden]

And you. Yeah. Yeah, basically. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What else? What else was. Because that's good. Tell me what you. What that brings up for you now. Do you think she was telling you, like, this isn't forever. Like, it sounds like it. Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think. I think we were both just coming at that from. From that whole relationship from slightly different perspectives. I think, like, yours was mine. Well, in my family, everybody has just gotten together with someone and they were together with that person for like 50 years. Yeah. Yeah. Most. Almost everyone.

[Pete Holmes]

Look to the crest, Alistair.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

The blue is where we. This is a viable dating pool. You just had to look at a shield of some sort.

[Alistair Ogden]

Exactly. My. My fan. My family. My parents have like a crazy romantic story where they were like, sent letters to each other and all this stuff. Oh, wow. And so I was just like, oh, yeah. Once you're together with someone, then that's it. Then you just.

[Pete Holmes]

How old were you when you started dating? And.

[Alistair Ogden]

And 21.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's great.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You thought it was too old. Like, should it have better known better?

[Alistair Ogden]

No, it's Just like you. I mean, when you're that age, you're just. You just think, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

You think, you know. I got married when I was 22.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is another thing we have in common.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Parallel.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. I'm trying to just share with you. Well, to really. When my first wife left me, I asked her. This is the most. This is because I just want to share you in the vulnerability pool, please. In one rather pathetic moment, I was like, maybe you could name your dog Peter.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, bro. Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I didn't yet have any concept of, like, being a villain or being a bad guy or being an unwanted thing. And I really wanted to, like, demonstrate that I was okay with it. Even though, of course, like, I couldn't just say, like, this is devastating. I had to be like, think of me fondly.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When you call your Labrador, call him Peter. And you know what she said? Because we were children, she was like, maybe we will. You know what I mean? Like, she humored me.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like kids. Now that I'm 47, I look back at 21, 22. I was 28 when we broke up, so that's. I should have better known better. But, like, I still go, those are kids. And I don't mean that to put anybody down. I mean that to give us all a pass. If you're in your 20s, you're just younger than you think you are.

[Alistair Ogden]

You throw up cobwebs. Think about young people, medications. I'm on.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I like your. I like your interpretation. I don't know what that was. Leave it in a. I will never do that. Keep going.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think we. Yeah, it's funny. We feel like we. Well, yeah, I got together in 21, broke up when we're, like, 27, but we had this. This is one thing. Yeah. Yeah. We're about the same age. Yeah. The one thing that I didn't really talk about in this special because I didn't really know how to talk about it, and because the thing, too, is that looking back, like, so much of it now is, like, so silly. I look back at myself and I go, oh, my God, dude. Like, you had a very protracted breakup, actually, when I think about it, because we lived together, then we stopped living together. Oh. For, like, a few months. Still together. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Why? You, like, weren't good roommates?

[Alistair Ogden]

It was.

[Pete Holmes]

What is the story there?

[Alistair Ogden]

The.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

The.

[Alistair Ogden]

The story that I was telling myself.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean.

[Alistair Ogden]

The press.

[Pete Holmes]

What did the press secretary say?

[Alistair Ogden]

Bas.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

We.

[Alistair Ogden]

We had been together all through Covid. We lived together all through Covet.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

And then so I was. And she was like, oh, you know, it feels like we need some, like, space or something like that. We were definitely codependent. I didn't even know what that was, really. Yeah. Cheers.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, why don't they teach that in school?

[Alistair Ogden]

I wish.

[Pete Holmes]

They really should be like, high school should just, like, life skills. Like, we're putting condoms on bananas. I didn't need that as much as I needed, like, you can intertwine your identity toxically with another person.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I just kind of went to the Esther Perel school of audiobooks and podcasts after.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

[Alistair Ogden]

And all that. And learned a lot of things. But, yeah. But, yeah, we stopped living together.

[Pete Holmes]

And then how did that manifest, by the way, the codependence?

[Alistair Ogden]

I think essentially it was like I was taking care of stuff at the beginning. Like, I felt like I was the manager at the beginning of the relationship, and. And so that I wasn't really. This is crazy to talk about. But I was. I was trying to be like, the rock in the relationship and not. And I was like, oh, I shouldn't. I shouldn't say anything or do anything that would rattle things.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't have any needs.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. And then

[Pete Holmes]

as, like, because girls like that. You wanted her to like you.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. And also just because she was going through a lot of stuff and she was dealing with a lot of things.

[Pete Holmes]

Like what? I'm just kidding. Details. What was she going through? We're gonna flash the first four of her social on the screen. Do you guys have Social Security numbers?

[Alistair Ogden]

We have social insurance numbers.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

In Canada.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's just the amount of cash you get every month.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And sorry, this is late. Big brick of cash.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, that'd be nice. We did get that through Covid, actually. We got the cerb. They call it Canadian Emergency Response Benefit.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Alistair Ogden]

It was actually an amazing time for me.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Alistair Ogden]

Because I was working as a social media manager part time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Alistair Ogden]

And then I was working it before the pandemic. I was working at Cafe. And that was. And I was just like, cobbling together enough to make it work. And then if you were making less than a certain amount a month, Canadian government just gave you a flat $2,000. Wow. So I made just under a thousand dollars a month from my social media job, and I didn't have the KFA job anymore. And then I got 2000, and I was just like, this was the most money I'D ever made at that time.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

I was like, I'm living it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you. Are you one of those. I imagine you are a proud Canadian.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, sort of.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, like, I mean, some are.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not in that camp.

[Alistair Ogden]

I'm very happy to be Canadian. I'm not like. Well, I think similar to the States, I'm not like running around with a Canadian flag. I feel like if you're someone who's like, has an American flag or a Canadian flag or even like a Union Jack in the UK now. Yeah. There's like a certain right wing connotation to that.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that weird? You've probably. Maybe you've heard me say this before. I was like, how'd they get the flag?

[Alistair Ogden]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

How'd they get the flag? Yeah, Like, I forget who it is. Oh, God. I wish I could remember. I'd love to give credit, but they were like, guns are expensive. If you want to let people know you have a gun and not to break into your house, just hang a flag out front. And I was like, that's brilliant. I'm so sorry. I can't remember who did the bit, but that. So the flag and the fourth of July too, Like, when did that become like. I love the fourth of July. And honestly, we have major issues. I. I identify as American.

[Alistair Ogden]

I feel proud.

[Pete Holmes]

I like my country. I. Again, I. There's huge. There are. There have always been and always will be huge issues and. And it's a particularly rough time. I get that.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, I like thinking about, like, you know, the Revolutionary War and. And freed or whatever it is.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like, I remember, like, you're in Canada. I don't keep harping on about the pandemic, but we had our trucker convoy, right. Which is all these truckers went to the capital city and kind of just camped out ages. And it was like, wait, why protest or something? Yeah, it was like a big protest. It was essentially about vaccinations and stuff. And. But so this is.

[Pete Holmes]

This is more the conservative.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was. Yeah. And. And also just. I don't know. I don't necessarily know if they even had like a really cohesive ideology especially. It was just kind of like, we're mad at the government and we're gonna just like be hundreds or thousands of us in Ottawa just clogging up the streets and everything like that. Oh, well.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've done that in Grand Theft Auto with the tanks.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you're gonna do A race. And you're like, not if there are 15 tanks in front of every car but mine. Yeah, that's how you win those Pesky. Those tank. Those races.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, I used to play that game so much.

[Pete Holmes]

GTA 3. That one.

[Alistair Ogden]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what you were playing? You're probably a five boy.

[Alistair Ogden]

Five. Five. Yeah. I was mostly just trying to figure out how to stop the train.

[Pete Holmes]

Great.

[Alistair Ogden]

You try to stop the train at the edge of the tunnel, and then there's only certain. There's maybe only one or two types of vehicles that actually stop the train you can stop, but everything else just like, amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway.

[Alistair Ogden]

What the hell is I talking about, amazing?

[Pete Holmes]

I have in Red Dead. Should I be embarrassed of this, or is this very normal that, like, if somebody would slight me, they'd have to be a dick? Because in Red Dead, someone will be a dick to you, right? I'm not proud to say. I might lasso them and take them to the train in a very dastardly, Looney Tunes sort of way. But then you're waiting for the train and it takes forever, and I'm like, forget it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, this kind of circles back because I did go back to working at that cafe during the pandemic, and it was kind of a rough part of Vancouver that I was working and living in. And there was this.

[Pete Holmes]

The hockey gangs, this on the street games.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, well, in Vancouver, they did have the riots. Oh, really? Did you hear about that? 2011?

[Pete Holmes]

Did you. Katie. Go to Katie, if you want to know.

[Alistair Ogden]

Okay. You're the trucker thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

So, yeah, yeah, we.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what? I'm going to put a cap on my. Canada is a utopia. Everyone's happy, free money, fucking boring. It's like being like, we're from England. Everyone's polite.

[Alistair Ogden]

You're.

[Pete Holmes]

You're okay. It's a real place with real estate.

[Alistair Ogden]

But when we. When the Vancouver Canucks lost Game 7 of the Stanley cup finals to the Boston Bruins in 2011, their people lit the city on fire.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Like, this crazy thing that happened, I was down there for it. I didn't do anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll never. I'll never be into sports. I mean, nobody's holding their breath for me to get into sports. But, like, I remember being World Cup.

[Alistair Ogden]

World Cup, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Never. Never. In fact, that's the bottom of my list. World Cup. Every. Everything everyone says about it, it's true. I can't handle it. I'm not sophisticated enough.

[Alistair Ogden]

Maybe I don't think you really need to be that sophisticated for.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's because of the slowness. Yeah. I'm more of a Globetrotters.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like I like you like the flare.

[Pete Holmes]

High scoring flare. I need a guy doing a flip.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

The Savannah Bananas.

[Alistair Ogden]

That's more my. There will be some high scoring games in this World cup because there are some matches. Well, they added more teams. I'm a big soccer team. Fans. I can talk about this for a long time.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, what I'll say, and I think that's interesting, but I'll say if. If the fans light the city on fire, I just never want to be aligned with that group. It scares me.

[Alistair Ogden]

It.

[Pete Holmes]

It scares me to think that those are. I mean this reasonable people that get mass hypnotized by an allegiance that ties back generations and like it becomes like an extension of your worth and your identity and your values. And then like it really is an act of war when the Boston Bruins beat you. And look, it's not just you guys. I mean famously, Philadelphia, all these places.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's. Yeah. Frightening in Vancouver too. It felt very strange because we are not that type of city really.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You wouldn't think that.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, I think it's all. But that was also the closest the Vancouver has ever come to winning pretty much anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you guys are underdogs.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I think it's just like a nice place to live, but not quite big enough to like have big money for a really good team within any sport really.

[Pete Holmes]

Boston loses so much. I'm from Boston.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they love the Red Sox. Lost for decades and like nobody was. Let's burn down lands down street.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I have some dignity.

[Alistair Ogden]

There's all sorts of conspiracy theories about the Vancouver riots too, that people came in to try to start them and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

But I mean, I like scallywags to like give Vancouver a bad name.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, something like that. Really know, like anarchists or something like that. You know how like when you hear

[Pete Holmes]

about the fires and there are people.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, because I was down there for them. They were. Everyone was watching the games outside on these big screens and then. Then we're. It was like 4 nothing or something like that. And it was near the end and then I like, we start trying to leave me a couple friends. I was like 15 or 16 and I just see a car has been flipped over like. And there's a car in the middle of this horde of people. I was like, why was there even a car there? That was interesting. Yeah. And then we went. And then me and my friend Sam, we took like the long way around to Go to the sky train station. And we stopped in like a McDonald's in a mall for a bit because we didn't really think. We're like, oh, just someone flipped over a car. That's crazy. And then someone came into the mall and was like, you guys have to leave. And we go outside and there's like smoke in the streets and sirens. And we were, we were like, damn. We had just been eating junior chickens. We didn't even know. My parents were so worried my phone had died.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I just say the my phone died community, As a phone charging person myself, you guys are nuts.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, this was also like pre iPhone for me. It was like a Nokia little sliding phone thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, Matrix style, something like that. Yeah. Because back then, either you had the flip or you had the slide.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could go back and say, guess what? Cell phones aren't going to have any sort of mechanical fun feature. I do miss the fidget.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, fidget. It's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

I love a fidget.

[Alistair Ogden]

You go, oh, I'm turning it on now. I'm doing something physical with it.

[Pete Holmes]

It felt good. It was like a pocket watch.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It had like a quality that I'm gonna miss. And then we buy separate fidget spinners made by Apple.

[Alistair Ogden]

You know, I'm just kidding. There's probably, I would imagine just to get into this. I'm sure with, with Apple and with these big tech companies, having a button probably makes people more aware that they're using the phone, which is why they got rid of all the buttons.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow. If you can make it real slick.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Because it used to be like, for a while it was like, oh, you. There's at least a vibrate when you turn the phone on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And now there's nothing now because it

[Pete Holmes]

wants to be like air. Yeah, I think you're right.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm sure you know how McDonald's calls them heavy users. That was such a.

[Alistair Ogden]

Heavy users.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you know that?

[Alistair Ogden]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

They call their. In their like quarterly reports, when they're looking at like their audience, their consumer breakdowns, they call the people that eat McDonald's a lot heavy users.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

Which of course, like, as I'm saying that, I guess that's not that weird. I think we just go like drug. Drug use.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm sure Apple and all of them are like, how do we disguise the fact that they're doing something?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just did this today. I took out my phone to text Katie. Hey, just remember, she's never said what. Remember we have a pod at 11. Cause we don't usually record on Fridays. And then I took it out. I don't even have. This isn't even worth saying. You know what happened? You see another text. Now you're checking your email. Now I'm watching a YouTube, like, I don't even know what happened. And I went, wait, what? I. My big thing right now is you can't go toe to toe with these things. And human beings love flattering themselves. Like, I can. It's like there's a room and if you go in it, you lose your mind. And everyone goes like, yeah, but there's like boobs and there's. And there's like, your friends are in there.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we all delude ourselves. And AI is another huge one. It's like, just go in you. If you're being honest with yourself, you think you're the. I. I'll just say it's me. I think I'm the special boy that can handle it. Or maybe I'd say I used to. Now I'm like, you just got to get all that out of there. Because they are going like, you can't compete. It's like a casino.

[Alistair Ogden]

Totally. Yeah. It's obviously the same. Yeah. The same kind of brain mechanics.

[Pete Holmes]

Just walk through, the drinks are free.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Just what you want to see a show. And it's like they know if they could just get you in. And everybody at those tables is like, I'm the one that actually knows how to beat the house. And some people win. And those are the people that get good messages. And see, I don't know what they are in the analogy.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, you can't go toe to toe. So my whole thing is like, just don't. Don't engage. Don't do it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I've noticed here because I don't have a car at home, and now I'm driving here and I've got the carplay and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And I'm better at responding to text messages when I am driving than I am. Like when you. It was the voice to text.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. That's when you bang them out.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, text, I think, because they haven't. Well, it's illegal for it to be addicting to look at the screen in a car.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, right. So you're actually just going to focus on their correspondence.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like your parents.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. I didn't text my mom back this morning.

[Pete Holmes]

I just. Love letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. I got you. Okay, so the Vancouver riots were staged. I love knowing we're going to be clipped into some sort of conspiracy video.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you know, I. I do think that's pretty interesting. Like, I don't know why it feels so familiar. You walk out and there's a car and why was there even a car there?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And who flipped it? The game's not even over yet and people are like, let's get flipping.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, something like that. I mean, I think it's. It's also just anytime that you have like a massive amount of people in a space, the psychology is different, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's really what I'm afraid of.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. But. But yeah, I. Cuz it was a long time ago now, but I do, I remember the car, remember the McDonald's, remember coming home. And I remember like people have been looting stores downtown.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

And I didn't. I've seen glass smashed and stuff, but the only actual evidence I remember of the looting was these two guys getting off of the Skytrain in just like brand new suits. They had like suits over top of their hockey jerseys that they'd stolen from some fancy business or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

And they put them on.

[Alistair Ogden]

I guess so.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

So they.

[Pete Holmes]

I love the idea that they're going through the rack for a 42 long. Like they're in a mass fever or

[Alistair Ogden]

they stole them off the mannequins maybe or something like that. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Did they fit well? They can't fit well if you put them over.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, they're on top of a jersey now.

[Pete Holmes]

So they're gonna have to find a guy that slightly bigger than that. Be like, you need a suit or.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Me?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I just, I just remember being like, why is it those guys are wearing crisp new like blazers? Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It freaks me out.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The times I've been like, I kind of don't love just being in a huge. Man. I've been to the super bowl and I'm like, I don't like being with this many people. Because we do. It's why advertising works. I see you drink a Coke and I'm like, Cokes.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Again, you can't go toe to toe with that. You think you can?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But if I see you drink a Coke, I'm like, I guess like, yeah, young, funny guys drink Coke. I'll just be like, he's funny. Maybe I should have a Coke. Have a Coke every once in a while. And like, we think we're immune. We're not.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, it's. We're very, very, very impressionable. Very delicate. Yes. To keep reminding myself of that. I've been trying to put my phone in a different room when I go to bed.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, nice.

[Alistair Ogden]

So, constant battle.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very difficult, but, I mean, I. I feel you. But again, how old are you?

[Alistair Ogden]

30.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you didn't say. The last time I asked, you didn't say.

[Alistair Ogden]

Did it really?

[Pete Holmes]

I would have remembered 30.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, I don't think you've straight up asked me how old I am, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Play back the tape.

[Alistair Ogden]

Just kidding. Who cares?

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna bet. What year is it in a courtroom? There's a lady drawing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, I remember you talking about this. Yeah. You did the bit at the last.

[Pete Holmes]

On Wednesday on Largo. Yeah. Yeah. And I came up with a new one. Oh, what was it? I want to look it up. Sorry, but you're funny. I want to get some bits going.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, it was great. That one was. Have you. Have you actually gone to a courtroom? The whole thing I was wondering about during that bit, I was like, when was the last time Pete was in a courtroom?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I was just watching, like, probably a snippet from the Johnny Depp trial or something. It was just so weird that, like, even though they do have cameras in there, there's still someone drawing him.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's so.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, in the uk, I think they still have wigs.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Val said. She was like, what year is it in a British courtroom?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then we were like, put your hand on the Bible. This guy murdered somebody, but he put his hand on the Old Testament. He has to be like, well, I can't lie. Yeah, Moses is watching.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

That's insane.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, it's very funny. All the little. I mean, I. I get like courtroom stuff come up on Tick Tock sometimes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's usually, now that I think about it, it's usually a judge being kind

[Pete Holmes]

of knows you, like a little mercy. The mercy algo. That's a great sign.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what also kind of freaks me out about it, is like, it doesn't care. Like, I just to relate. I got into a real dark AI space and it was, like, depressing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

And then I started finding some other channels that were, like, very, like, balancing out.

[Alistair Ogden]

I thought, what does that mean, a dark AI space?

[Pete Holmes]

Every thumbnail was the T800. And it just says, these jobs won't exist in two months.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I started. I love plugging him. His name is Julian Watley. I'm gonna laugh. So Hard if he ends up being an AI. There's a theory. People are like, this guy's an AI. And I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think he is. But anyway, there's a channel called Julian Wantley. I've been plugging it a lot. But there's others. There's a lot of other ones where people are, like, just kind of balancing it out and being like, just don't forget this. And don't forget these historical ways that AI is the same thing as this and this. So very comforting. Right? Very calming. Even though. Whatever. There are things to be concerned about. But what I realized is, like, YouTube doesn't care if you want to see merciful judges or, like, you know, something horrible. It just wants you there. So, like, if it figures out you like Mr. Rogers appealing to Congress, it'll show you that.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah, it does. I mean, yeah, I. I feel actually fairly good that I. I think I could show someone my algorithm and it wouldn't be. I wouldn't be so embarrassed.

[Pete Holmes]

I love this.

[Alistair Ogden]

My. My friend Sam Burns has this great joke about him and his girlfriend's algorithms, and hers is being like puppies and blah, blah. And he's watching it with her, and then she goes, well, watch your algorithm.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And the first video that comes up is a woman giving a guy with down syndrome a lap dance. And he has to pretend like it's inspiring.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, you know, that is a fantastic bit.

[Alistair Ogden]

He's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

You should love. Your partner's out, like, Valerie's algorithm. She loves black women singing. Like, if there's like a church video where they're just like. And. And it's just like these sleeper talents. Like, it's like. It's almost like a vhs. And these are just, you know, these aren't professional singers and they're ripping it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I watch them with her and I'm just crying. We're just crying.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love Valerie's algorithm. It's such a nice glimpse. Like, you don't want to. My algorithm just screams autism. I think it's like speed running, like a 8 bit video game.

[Alistair Ogden]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I think that's very calming. I put it on because I'm like, this is calming.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah. Mine has been. I think I sort of. I'll take a step back sometimes and go, wow, I'm really getting into the weeds on, like, American politics lately.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Alistair Ogden]

I got American, Canadian politics, Like, real deep dive stuff. And I. Which I keep telling myself it's useful. I'M like, maybe I'll get a job writing on a show or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, could be, could be.

[Alistair Ogden]

But mostly, at a certain point, you go, oh, I am just kind of like sort of starting to scare myself a little bit with this.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the bit I can't make work. I've tried for literally years a joke about how I don't watch the news and I can't call it, but it seems like when I say that in a room, like, there is resistance. Like, people are like, mad at me. Or maybe not mad, but maybe they're disappointed. And I'm always trying to make the point that, like, I'm a non news person. News people, you should love me. I'm the guy you meet and I go like, oh, the truckers went to your capitol. And you get the thrill of all thrills. You get to summarize. I still get the news. But then this never works. But I go, my unreliable news source is you guys. Like, there's mistakes, but at least with mine, I can go back and be like, alistair, that wasn't true. Like, I can go, you can't tell Anderson Cooper he was wrong.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I can go back to you and be like, wrong, yeah. But it never works. I've always tried to be like, when you're flying on a plane, the people who watch news, the news are the people that think if they know everything that's going on in the cockpit, they're safer.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, you're not. We're all on the plane. Yeah, I can hear the complacency and I don't need anyone to implicate me. I know the counter argument, but I just think, like, if you're voting, protesting and donating, like, you can get your summarized news and then I'm not as fucking freaked out. You know, my manager loves the news and he was like, you're not worried North Korea has missiles pointed at us? This was like six months ago. And I'm like, look, what sucks about my perspective right now is I'm like, if they're gonna blow us up, they're gonna blow us up. You're worried about it. I hate my perspective. I don't love it.

[Alistair Ogden]

That's sort of how I feel actually, when I am flying on a plane now. Well, there can be like, there's turbulence or there's something going on. And I am almost too quick to be like, well, for going down, we're going down.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's stoic.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, I don't mean to appropriate the popular stoic movement. I'm just saying control what you can control.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And like you can like. I know Katie watches the news. Is this infuriating? Am I being like a total dingus? I can't. I get a feeling of like I might be wrong in my throat. And I know there's some privilege involved in like not watching these. Like if your life is being like. If you're in Vancouver during the rides, you might flip on the tv. Right, right, right. And I felt that way during COVID I was following that sort of stuff. I don't know, man. What do you, you watch a lot of it though?

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, sort of. It's funny because I, I don't really. I only really get the filtered version of American news, like through a Daily show clip or something like that most of the time. But then since I've been here, sometimes I will just put on the news just to be like, what is American news? Like raw?

[Pete Holmes]

And what's it like coming right out of the tap? What is it? It's a thrill, isn't it?

[Alistair Ogden]

It's actually mostly really boring. Really? Yeah, because it's like 24 hour news cycle. They're just showing the entire press conference about a new shipbuilding facility in Texas or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's just like the whole thing and it's like. Oh yeah. I think, I think when you consume the news through social media too, you just get the most emotionally like charge charged stuff. Yeah. And you can forget that. Like most the time most things are fairly boring.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Alistair Ogden]

You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why it's one of my feelings that like UFOs and all that, and I'm not a huge UFO person. But one of the reasons why it's not reported more is because we haven't figured out how to polarize it. Like if the Republicans were really anti UFO and think it's China.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And the, and the Democrats think it's extraterrestrials and like that was a huge voting issue. Would see more coverage.

[Alistair Ogden]

True.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying? Like the stuff that's coming out, this isn't the Joe Rogan experience. And I'm not even making fun. I'm just saying like, you can go listen to that. That's where I get my UFO stuff. Well, I'll see clips and stuff, but like, and I've talked about this on the pod before, but the Buga sphere which we found in Mexico, like this little basketball sized thing that like was flying and okay, those things that go like 12,000 miles an hour. It's absolute. Or, I'm sorry, it's actually 40,000 miles an hour and it's 12,000 years old.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sort of stuff that's so interesting that the brain goes like, delete.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? But if they were fighting about it, then.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if Mexico wanted it and the US Wanted it and, like, it was a big political issue, it would be in our feeds, but it's not. It's actually kind of frustrating when someone tells you they found a UAP and we have it and it kills the grass around it and, you know, we changes weight and, like, whatever we go, like, I can't eat that or be afraid of it. So, like, I'm moving on.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. You just filter it into the other. The other bucket. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's way better to be like, Hillary Clinton was seen smoking a J. I

[Alistair Ogden]

think there's also something, too, where it's like, we are more entertained by stories about other humans.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. It's like you just nailed it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Well, that's the same thing.

[Pete Holmes]

What a great observation. Great. Do they need our help?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. They don't look like me, so I don't care.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are their holes? That's what it is. I really think it's an old bit of mine, but space is boring because you can't eat it or have sex with it. And that's why we started the rumor that the moon is made of cheese, to drum up interest. To drum up interest. That's great. Old bet.

[Alistair Ogden]

That's why we haven't been to Mars yet. We haven't figured out what food it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were like, that's a big red Skittle, we'd be like, I'm there tomorrow.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's covered in cinnamon.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. God. Matt Damon was shuffling through that.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Men.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, the cinnamon challenge. Going to Mars.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Don't do that cinnamon challenge, though. You know what I can do? I can. What is the amount of saltines you're not supposed to be able to eat?

[Alistair Ogden]

I like how you think I'd know that off the top of my head.

[Pete Holmes]

Alistair, you know this sort of stuff.

[Alistair Ogden]

Do you know I'm a big, big salt guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you give it. There's a saltine challenge. You have to eat how many saltines in a minute or something?

[Alistair Ogden]

Just how many you can do?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Alistair Ogden]

What's the world record?

[Pete Holmes]

I thought. I thought people. Look, I could be wrong, but I thought people were like it's impossible to eat seven saltine.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like how it is. You can't fold a paper a certain amount of time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. Mr. Wizard Canadian. Was Mr. Wizard Canadian.

[Alistair Ogden]

I don't know who Mr. Wizard is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you wouldn't know. Six is it. You can't eat six in a minute. Yeah, I wish, I wish we had a pack of them. I'd eat 12 in a minute. Absolutely no problem. That feels like a absolutely no problem. My big wet cave. My big wet cave. Lara Croft is in my mouth right now. Finding unspoken treasures. I can do it. I've done it a thousand times.

[Alistair Ogden]

I feel like my mouth is default pretty dry.

[Pete Holmes]

You got one of those dry ones?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, usually like a kitty cat. Yeah, get that before I go on stage a lot of the time. Dry mouth. Yeah, just chugging water back there.

[Pete Holmes]

So tell me, we've. We've been having fun and just like getting crazy out here.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, we. Oh, oh. I wanted to finish one thread.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Alistair Ogden]

Before we started talking about the riots, when I worked at this rough area. Oh yeah, In Vancouver. Yeah, the cafe. There was this tiny lady who would come in and she lived in like, you know, the low income housing across the street or something. And she'd come in and ask for like a free coffee with a bunch of sugars in it. And she was lovely until. And I think my theory was anytime we stopped being present with her, anytime we went over to the next customer, she just on a switch and just start swearing at us and just threatening us. But she was literally like 4 foot 11 or something like that old lady. So it didn't really feel that threatening. But one time she did threaten to sort of kill me. But the thing that she threatened, she's. She was like, I'm gonna kill you and you're gonna go down to the train tracks and. And just like you're gonna be on. Essentially she was like, tie you. She didn't even say she was gonna tie me. She was like, you're gonna like. She's like, you're gonna have to go down to the train. Like obviously I. I'm dumb tiny lady. I can't tie you up or anything. But you're gonna have to go down there and lay on the train tracks and wait for a train to come. As if.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is even scarier. She's to control you.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going to be wondering like, why am I doing this?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I was like, wow, you're going to kill me. But I'm doing all the work.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's brutal.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was. Yeah. I feel like there's no. There's almost no training better to. To have, like, good emotional intelligence and stoicism than working in a cafe in a rough part of town.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like, not being thrown.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. And. And sort of being able to identify when somebody is a genuine threat versus when someone is just going.

[Pete Holmes]

That's real. I worked at a Bennigan's in the south side of Chicago, and we had a lot of unhoused, unwell people that would come in and you're absolutely right. There's a certain kind of fluency you can have where you're like, even though this person looks and is saying and is kind of doing everything that an unsafe person would be doing, you'd be like, this is. This is. I don't want to say it's theater, and you should never assume it's theater, but we knew some of these people were like, this is Doug. Yeah, Doug's doing his thing.

[Alistair Ogden]

I saw this guy. This wasn't when I was working, but I was just near where I live in Toronto now. I saw this guy who was, like, obviously going through some kind of mental health crisis. Like, had the sort of hospital blankets over him, and he was, like, really, like, moving and acting, like, very erratically. And then he got to the counter and ordered completely normally.

[Pete Holmes]

And then this is like the Heisenberg Principle.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was very strange that there's a

[Pete Holmes]

certain amount of math you can cook and your will be okay after you die.

[Alistair Ogden]

I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

The Heisenberg Principle is that thing where it's like, if you're observing a particle, it behaves differently.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, there's a Heisenberg principle for people, obviously.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And as soon as they're locked in the bubble of ordering coffee. I've father, Greg Boyle, who's a hero of mine, tells in his books these stories of, like, somebody who's. When he walks by, somebody who's having one of those moments, and he's a very special person. I don't. I'm not publicly recommending people do this, but he'll ask, like, do you know what time it is? And he's like, it snaps them right out of it. They'll be like, it's like 11. It's like 1112.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I mean, I think. Not to make it too sad, but I think certain people like that. They. Especially when you're a big city, everyone's just ignoring you all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And so when somebody finally is present with you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. That's why he doesn't need to know what time it is. He's just trying to go like. Like, hello. Yeah, right.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that. That is. When I was a puritan, I knew a lot. I used to be a puritan in this show and would hand out flyers for the trial of Bridget Bishop. And I'm dressed like a puritan. You'd be great at it. People would be like, you got a real one.

[Alistair Ogden]

I just.

[Pete Holmes]

There's like five actors and then like one time traveler.

[Alistair Ogden]

I just did a self tape for a role that I was like, this is embarrassing how well I'm doing this.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

Was. It was. Yeah. Like. Like a. Basically like a colonizer. Like a British colonizer. Yeah. Who's mean. Yeah. And I was like, this is way too easy. Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

I always feel bad. I feel bad for when you watch a movie and somebody has to portray something awful. I don't feel good about anybody in the whole thing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Except that the story is being told. But I do think, like, this actor, like Louis CK has that bit about Schindler's List and the little girl that had to audition. I don't even want to do the bit, but now I should. But she's the little girl that's yelling goodbye Jews.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is a brutal. It's a brutal moment. He's like, I'm in show business. That little girl auditioned.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, that is.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was her line. And they were like, could you do it again with more, you know, like that's. And somebody yelled, action. And she started yelling it. And someone yelled, cut. And she went and got some baby carrots. Like, that's nuts.

[Alistair Ogden]

There's one. You have a bit that I. Is almost a vocal stim for me, where you talk about learning about acting and Anthony Hopkins and hand.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. This is. No one ever references this joke.

[Alistair Ogden]

He goes, yummy, yummy. I say that all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yummy, yummy.

[Alistair Ogden]

No one knows the reference. Food comes, yummy, yummy. Everyone's like, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess he's just, I'm dead. The bit and no one knows this bit is. I thought directors told you what to do.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And when I started doing crashing, I kept waiting for the director to tell me what to do. And I was like, it's all the actor. And then I go, Anthony Hopkins, when he went, I had her kidney with a nice. With some fava beans and a nice Chianti. And then he goes like he was just trying some shit. And then I did the other takes and one of them was yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. You call that a vocal stim? Yeah, like, it's how you comfort yourself.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like, like, yeah, a food will come or someone will talk about food. I go, yummy, yummy.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's funny, when I was tired in the middle of the day, I often thought the answer was caffeine, Another coffee, another tea. But that was really just pouring more fuel on the fire. Now I know more about my body, I know more about the science, and I know that often when I'm lagging, it's because I am dehydrated. Which is one of the reasons I always start my day or after a workout, after a sauna. Anytime I'm sweating, anytime I'm losing those electrolytes, I drink LMNT Element. It's become a huge part of my routine, jump starting my day. It's a delicious way to trick myself into drinking more water, but also flooding every cell in my body with optimum ratios of sodium, magnesium and potassium. So you're actually hydrating yourself, which is, which is what the science is. And the interesting part, they now have a new lemonade iced tea, which has just a smidge of caffeine, which is the best of both worlds. Caffeine doesn't actually create energy. It mostly blocks the signal that tells you you're tired. But your body produces energy using things like electrolytes. So this is getting it from both angles. If you're low on those, another cup of coffee isn't going to necessarily solve the problem. But Element lemonade iced tea combines full black tea extract, not isolated caffeine with Element's electrolyte formula, which I mentioned. Sodium, potassium, magnesium. So you get a smoother, steadier lift without the big spike and crash feeling that comes with a lot of caffeinated drinks. I absolutely love it. There's no sugar, artificial colors. There's just no BS. And you can get a free 8 count sample pack of Element's most popular drink. Mix flavors with any [e-mail] weird. That's drinklmnt.com weird. And if for any reason you don't love it, Element has a no questions asked refund policy. They will take care of you. This podcast is sponsored by Ro. When people talk about GLP1 medication, the first thing you usually hear is about how much they cost. And a lot of people stop right there, just assuming that they're just out of reach, which is what I like about rock. They help people figure out what their actual options are. RO has a free insurance checker that lets eligible patients see which GLP1 medications may be covered by their insurance. You just submit your insurance information and a few days later you'll get a full report showing what's covered and whether prior authorization may be required. And if insurance doesn't cover treatment, ROE offers lower cost FDA approved cash pay GLP1 options including GLP1 pills. I don't personally use GLP1 medications, but if I were going to, this is what I would do. RO is the place I would start. They focus on helping people find the lowest cost path available to them and more than 1.5 million people have trusted RO on their weight loss journey before. Before being prescribed medication, patients must complete an online medical visit, lab tests if needed, and qualify based on factors including bmi, medical history, lab results and the discretion of a ROE affiliated healthcare provider. Go to ROE Co Weird to see if you qualify. That's RO Co Weird. To get started on ro, go to ROE Co Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications if you grew up a church kid like me, going to youth group VBS church camp, if you've ever heard the phrase unequally yoked and knew exactly what it meant, maybe you had a Reliant K phase, a switch foot phase, a DC talk phase, or like me all three, then I have a movie for you. It is called Premarital. It stars Jim o'. Hare. You may know him as Jerry from Parks and Rec. He plays a Midwestern pastor whose daughter is about to marry an atheist. Unable to convince her to change her mind, he launches a wildly manipulative campaign to convert his future son in law. This one. This one cuts pretty close. But what I like about it is not just a faith based movie. It's not really a faith based movie. It's an honest, funny look at the strange world so many of us grew up in. The culture, the assumptions, the awkwardness, the baggage. All of it. So if you've ever wrestled with faith, deconstructed your faith, reconstructed your faith, or just have some funny stories from growing up in the church, I think you will enjoy Premarital. It's available to watch at home now on Amazon, Apple TV, Google Play, YouTube movies, and many more. Check out Premarital Bro. This is one of those unspoken things like if you could watch me, I'm really going to try and remember some of them. I've already shared this one, but I'm kind of always singing the song. Since you've begun And I sometimes do it in Spanish.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Translated into Spanish.

[Alistair Ogden]

Have you seen Search Party? This TV show? Search Party. You. I think maybe it's just in the first episode or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

They're doing a vigil for a missing woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And they do. Since you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really funny.

[Alistair Ogden]

So funny.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really great.

[Alistair Ogden]

That's really incredible use of that song.

[Pete Holmes]

But there's another. Oh, it's in the song. Or it's in the reality of the show.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's in the reality of the show, the vigil. There's like a choir singing since you've been gone.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

Really, really good. Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I just think a big underreported part of life is those compulsive things. Like, I. All of these I've admitted before, but I'm always saying, permit me to bust a freestyle. I go, permit me to bust a really quick freestyle. Val just has to put up with this insanity.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or, like, if she was here, she could help me remember. But, like. Like, part of life is having your little touchstones.

[Alistair Ogden]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

That make you feel safe.

[Alistair Ogden]

My. One of my favorites to do, and I encourage anybody to do this, is if you walk into any sports bar, just go, oh, they got the game on.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you're talking about them life bits.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, it's my favorite. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This one, I hope is okay. If I'm in a Chinese restaurant and they're playing traditional Chinese music, I love this song. I just. That works in any. It could be traditional Indian music. It has to be, like, world music that you're not used to hearing and just be like, this is my shit right now. I love this song. These are classics. We have a. We like to use a sauna. We have a sauna. Okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

And every time Val and I use it, Val goes. It's like a sauna in here. I just think that's fucking dope. I think it's fucking dope.

[Alistair Ogden]

That's so good. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And if I'm watching, you know, if I went to Toronto, where you live, and I went to, like. Let's say I went to the CN Tower, inevitably there will be a video in the elevator that tells you about the CN Tower. Yeah, I'll go. I've always wanted to go to the CN Tower. I just find that to be.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, the fun thing is, in the CN Tower, it's not a tv. It's a guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Just a guy.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's a guy or a girl or whoever. And they're just there and they're just standing There as. As you're just flying up the CN Tower and they're just saying all the fat. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Because they don't want to take a job away from a good Canadian.

[Alistair Ogden]

I guess not. Yeah, well. And also, the CN Tower is quite old. It was built in the 70s.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that scary? You're looking at this thing that could fall and you're like, they didn't even have phones. They didn't have the Internet. The guy that made the CN Tower had a calculator that, like, printed. Yeah. That should stand.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's drawing on blue paper.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No 3D model. Just going, no. The math don't lie.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, we're hoping, we're hoping, we're hoping. Well, originally, I. I used to be a tour guide in Toronto. That was my job. The first summer that I got there. Yeah. One month after arriving, I said, I know. I called. I can be the tour guide here. That's how little we got going on. But I got it. I got it. Like, there's really. I mean, Toronto is a pretty new city, so the oldest stuff is like, at most 150 years old. most, yeah. CN Tower. Yeah. It was the world. Or the. The world's tallest freestanding structure, which I didn't realize.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a difference between a building and a structure.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, freestanding and not freestanding because there are like telephone poles in Idaho or something that are connected with wires that are, like, so, so high. Really? Yeah, but no one's really talking about that because they're not freestanding because they're

[Pete Holmes]

being supported by the wires.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So in Nirvana, the band, the show, when they connect the wire to the CN Tower, it's no longer. When they were filming that it was briefly.

[Alistair Ogden]

Briefly. Not freestanding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And somebody's like, revoke it.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's not even. It's not the tallest one anymore. There's several ones that are much taller than it, but I think it's still tallest in North America.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it taller than the Eiffel Tower?

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, yeah. Eiffel Tower is actually not that tall, really. It's just that in Paris, you're not allowed to build anything tall.

[Pete Holmes]

It's relatively tall.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's tall relative to everything around it. But that's because they're like. No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

I was going to say in the 90s, we would have done the Voice. No, no, it's a fun one. How has Toronto changed now that Nirvana, the band, the show is like. I don't know. Is it like a Massive hit or is that just us?

[Alistair Ogden]

It's us.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie's like, it's us.

[Alistair Ogden]

It is a big.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie's like, it's us.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's a big hit in Toronto.

[Pete Holmes]

I went. I took a picture in front of the Rivoli. I was, like, thrilled.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now, since the movie, if I went back, I'd be like, there's that tower. I can't believe it. I mean, it's a big deal there.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's a big deal because I heard

[Pete Holmes]

Matt and Jay say they're like, they rejected. This is so Matt Johnson to me. Like, he loves takes like this. He's like, I don't think Sasha Baron. Sasha Baron. Cone is like, I can't do Borat anymore.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, yes, you can.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like. He just rejects that premise. And he's like, it doesn't matter that people saw the movie. We could go around Toronto. No one would bother us.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I mean, I think that there is, like, a cult following there. There are people who are, like, big. It's the same thing with most things on the Internet now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Either you kind of have no idea about it, or you're so. Yeah. Like, when they did sort of like, it was a meet and greet merch thing at the Rivoli. It was people lined up for, like, hours and hours and hours.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay. I was gonna be shocked if you were like. And nobody went. No.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was like a. I would thing. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, I'm one of those people, thanks to Katie, that got so into. Into them, and I love that.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, when I did your show in May.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And Jay was.

[Alistair Ogden]

To hang out with Jay, I was like, so fun. This is one of the most surreal.

[Pete Holmes]

We loved it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Val and I were, like, downplaying how into that.

[Alistair Ogden]

I also. That night. I have a bit about that night because I also got to meet George Strombolopoulos. Do you remember me telling you this story?

[Pete Holmes]

George Trumbalopoulos is in a band.

[Alistair Ogden]

He. Maybe he was.

[Pete Holmes]

No, tell me who he is.

[Alistair Ogden]

He's like, talk show. Yes. Talk show guy. In Canada. He's a very. One of the. In Canada, we have, like, a select few specific Canadian celebrities that are, like, massively famous in Canada.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. One of them is featured in Nirvana, the band show. There's like, a cut to a guy, and they must have been canceled or something.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, I don't know who that is.

[Alistair Ogden]

Gian Ghomeshi.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, he was canceled.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Big time.

[Pete Holmes]

Canada has their own.

[Alistair Ogden]

We got our own.

[Pete Holmes]

We got our own scoundrels.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because every time in that moment I'm

[Alistair Ogden]

like, that gets a huge laugh in Canada.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe it. I love a Canadian laugh. I love a Canadian laugh. What were we saying though?

[Alistair Ogden]

So George Stromblad.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yes.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. He is like a big time Canadian celebrity. He at one point, I looked at the stats on it at one point during his peak, something like 10% of the whole Canadian population was watching him on basis.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. But he's like the last true celebrity, you know, I mean like nobody's watching anybody like that.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, like the, you know, early 2010s. Wow. But he, back when, I guess Twitter was starting, everyone would follow everyone else back.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Oh, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

So I have been in this group chat on Twitter with a bunch of friends from university. My friend Dom at one point mentioned, oh, I'm being followed by George Strombolopoulos. We could add him to a group chat because he's following me if we want to. So we did. We made a new group chat called the Boys hang with Strombo. And then we all messed up.

[Pete Holmes]

Boys with an S or is he with it?

[Alistair Ogden]

With an S. With an S. Respect. Well, we also. Okay, well, we, we message him all this random stuff. He doesn't respond. But then on December 25th, and this would have been in like 2020, 2021. We all just go, merry Christmas, George. Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. And then at the end of the day, I get a notification. George Strombolopoulos, Merry Christmas, gentleman. And we were so thrilled. It was. Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Actually, I think the strategy of this is sound, meaning Christmas. Not a lot going on. Yeah, he's on that Twitter. He's checking it. He's hiding from his in law or whatever, you know, his weird family. Yeah, he's gonna throw you. That's a good time.

[Alistair Ogden]

We just thought it'd be a fun bit even if he didn't respond. And then he did. And then that is the only purpose of that group chat now is every year on December 25, we wish him a Merry Christmas and he wishes us.

[Pete Holmes]

It's happened again.

[Alistair Ogden]

It happen happened for like five years now.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you met him at my

[Alistair Ogden]

show and then I met him at your show. He came into the green room afterwards. I was so thrilled to tell him about it. I did. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

There was. There was someone from a band there as well. Oh, Bare Naked Ladies. Yeah. Which I mentioned Barenaked Ladies in my act.

[Alistair Ogden]

The bit that I Say about the. One of the bare naked ladies come in is I was like. And I realized in that moment I didn't know what any of them looked like.

[Pete Holmes]

I only know there's a very dreamy one. You know those guys that kind of look like they're wearing mascara, but it's just their eyelashes.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

They got one of those dreamy ones.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there's kind of like one that looks like a comedian. You know what I'm saying? There's like a dreamy one.

[Alistair Ogden]

We had a whole year to look this up.

[Pete Holmes]

We just didn't. We couldn't be bothered. We couldn't be bothered. But yeah, a little smash mouthy. Like, there's a smash mouth one and a dreamy one. Okay, keep going.

[Alistair Ogden]

But he was lovely. I did chat to him for a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, I know. It was a great show. It was a wonderful and a wonderful night. And then we went out to Chinese food. I love this song. And we like Val and I. And you're, you're, you know, young man, but like when you have a kid and then next thing you know, you're doing a show in Toronto and you're hanging out with like cool, young fun people and eating Chinese food. Yeah, we. We were like, we did it. We went back into the forbidden city.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like 1am and we're like walking home. I'm like, should we smoke cigarette?

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

We didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

But it had the feeling of like, oh, I guess it's not over for us.

[Alistair Ogden]

It really, it. That was a very, very special show for me too. Because I think even like six months before, like, I'd been at that point, I'd been doing comedy for about a year and a half full time. And six months before, it was like one year of doing comedy in Canada and the. I had been booking all my own stuff, no representation or anything. And it just felt like I was like treading water and I was like. And to come to the States. Ten thousand dollar Visa. Oh, wow. So I was like, that would be all my money.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

To come to the States.

[Pete Holmes]

That's 5x your Canadian relief.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Awful. Should have been saving up.

[Pete Holmes]

Should have saved it. You got two Xboxes.

[Alistair Ogden]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Dumb.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, I just. I just bought a bunch of stuff for a house and then, then she got to have it all.

[Pete Holmes]

She kept it in the deal.

[Alistair Ogden]

We went 50, 50. But. But yeah, 50. Like 50, 50 on paying for stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

So she got like gifts.

[Alistair Ogden]

She got all of it.

[Pete Holmes]

She got the gifts.

[Alistair Ogden]

She got.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you for breaking my heart gifts, basically.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Brutal.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We didn't really finish talking about that, but you'll get a lot of threads going.

[Alistair Ogden]

We'd have to get back into that. Yeah. Yeah, that was.

[Pete Holmes]

Threads is my favorite.

[Alistair Ogden]

That was. That was a little bit of bitterness I didn't know I still had BRO

[Pete Holmes]

when I got divorced, but it felt beautiful. I wish this was your experience. Our house was filled. First of all, I hated where we lived. I wanted to get out of there more than anything. But our house was filled with antiques from my parents house and my parents hated this because they were like nice antiques. But like, I look back on that, I'm just like, what an appropriate image for a young man who doesn't know who he is. I'm literally still sitting on my parents furniture.

[Alistair Ogden]

Wow. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then my wife leaves me and I wrote in my book, I went, I left all the furniture there. It was never mine anyway. Which it wasn't. I was like, like, good riddance. Why am I. They were like, that chair was seventeen hundred dollars. And I was like, sorry, it's gone. Who knows what she did with it. It probably just went into a heap.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, it's there. I mean, there is something very refreshing about just kind of like starting from nothing. It might. I feel like it was in your show or on your podcast or something about like, maybe John Mulaney said this, like, when you're single, you get so much more done.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I go, what's it like being single?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You get a lot of work done.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. That was huge for me. Yeah. That was what made me move to Toronto. I got a few TV things. I was able to make the leap to doing comedy full time because I was like, there's not really anything tying me down.

[Pete Holmes]

How did we get. Did you message me? I think I did the club offer some options.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was. Well, it was technically part of like a festival. Festival.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And the guy who was booking the festival had booked me for like a just for laughs thing maybe a year before, and he booked me on some kind of like breakout showcase. And the pay for it was so bad that I called him and I was like, you know, this is really bad.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Alistair Ogden]

And he was like, well, there's a lot of other stuff and there's gonna be networking opportunities. It was like. Well, there was a show and then also a panel that we had to do.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm dead already.

[Alistair Ogden]

For both of them together. I got paid a hundred dollars.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And. And so I was. And I was like, you're just like, A big festival. Yeah. Dave Chappelle was like the main guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And he tried to be like, well, there's gonna be networking opportunities. And. And Pete Holmes. I was like, well, I love Pete Holmes. I would love to be in the running to open for him. And he goes, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, you said it in like a moment of confrontation.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like, heated. Our origin is. I, first of all, good for you.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. At that point too, I was like, I need a manager because I can't keep having these moments where I'm the asshole to the person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But that's not an asshole.

[Alistair Ogden]

Not really. But in some. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a Canadian asshole.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you're right.

[Alistair Ogden]

Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

I said I wouldn't make any more jokes.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, there's definitely a culture in Canada, especially in entertainment, of like, you just have to be very grateful for what you're given.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But show. That's a show business thing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Too.

[Alistair Ogden]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And so I think it's just to relate. I mean, like. And there's a limit to it, but there is a lot of people running on, like, you know, it's a good opportunity, sort of.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You could argue that. I mean, I'm not paying you to do this podcast. I. I'm sort of. Am I full of. Yeah, maybe.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, no, no. I mean, this is.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll pay you. We're gonna pay you.

[Alistair Ogden]

My reps will be in touch.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that is true. Sometimes we have paid the more. And I say this with all respect, but the people that are less. Fewer established. I mean, I think so we'll throw you some bucks. I'm glad we talked about it.

[Alistair Ogden]

We should.

[Pete Holmes]

We should. We don't pay Chelsea Handler.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right, right. I mean, scram. I think just doing this podcast will be. Because I. There's. There's certain opportunities that I get where I go, okay, maybe some people will watch this, but I don't think they'll necessarily be into me. Like, I'm doing an opening set for Jay Leno tonight at the store at the. At Flappers.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, like, he's headlining.

[Alistair Ogden]

He's headlining. And I'm doing a little five minute opening spot. And I'm like, that. That'll be amazing for me. I don't expect anyone in that audience to be like, wow, we gotta come out to see this guy next time. It'd be nice if they did, but I just don't think that that is necessarily my crowd.

[Pete Holmes]

Five minutes.

[Alistair Ogden]

I don't know. I don't know. They. I did an hour there Last week to like nine people. Oh, wow. And they were like, we want to have a good relationship with you. Do you want to come open for Leno? I was like, sure, that'd be awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

Why five minutes?

[Alistair Ogden]

I think I want to standard manager

[Pete Holmes]

and be like, I'm sorry. I'll say this every time it comes up. Because I have. I want the community to know this. Everybody I know, not just me. I just mean any, like, 25 plus year comedian. If you had me do five minutes, I, like, couldn't do it. Like, yeah, it's like, it's just the hardest. I'm not. You will be able to do it. You will do great. But you'll also know that you'll be leaving exactly when you were kind of getting them.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean. I mean, still thinking about it now, I'm like, I think that's about two jokes for me now, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Brutal.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's tough.

[Pete Holmes]

I would say go a little long. I know that's weird. Like, when we did New Faces, Kumail, famously, you're supposed to do seven minutes. I think Kumail did like 15. It was at some, like, the Best of the Fest bonus show and everybody was talking about it. That's like. I think it wasn't a big deal to go a little long.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Alistair Ogden]

I mean, I think most comics and New Faces went long, but they really had so many of them on every show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So whose fault is that?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Last time I saw Jay Leno at the Comedy Store and he said, I can do my act. Like, meaning his routine while I write a letter.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, I can write a letter, like, to a friend while I say my act. And with all respect, if Jay was on the podcast, I would be like, I feel like we have completely different approaches to what we're doing. And you can tell when he's doing it. He's from that bulletproof, like, school.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you're also very much in my school, which is like, I'm here. Like, in fact, I'm here to be here.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's kind of the show is that I'm here.

[Alistair Ogden]

The most fun thing that I've had lately is just trying to have the energy on stage of, like, I need to tell you guys this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You know, have you heard me say that? It was in Judy Carter's Stand Up Comedy the Book, which I. I don't not recommend that. But I also want to say I'm not recommending that. You know what I mean?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just because it's called Stand Up Comedy, the book, it makes you think, like, oh, I should, like, take it easy. I'm just gonna say she has a great piece of advice in there, which is you should go on stage with the energy of someone who couldn't wait to see a friend. Like they had something they had to tell a friend and they've been waiting to see them all day and there they finally are.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, that's fantastic.

[Alistair Ogden]

There's this comic, Ivan Decker, who I love in Canada. He had this piece of advice where it's like, when you're doing stand up, it should feel like you're sitting at a dinner table with everybody, you know, And. And so it should be something that's important enough that you're taking up everyone's time at the dinner table.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know my theory about stand up is arriving late to a dinner party?

[Alistair Ogden]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

If you. Look, I can say it in 30 seconds. If you go to a dinner party, 15 people and one person is late, they walk in, appetizers are done, they're like, pretty late.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone just gives them the floor and the expectation is that they'll say something funny. Doesn't matter if it's the least funny person in the world.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

They'll still get a laugh. They'll be like, who knew LA had traffic? Like, yeah, you just need that. Like, yeah, I guess you shouldn't leave at 9:15 if the dinner's at 8:30. Like, like, people love it. And that is, I think, what we're manufacturing at a standup show. We're all here.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then this outlier comes in and of course we're going to look to them.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

He must have been doing something important.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, tell.

[Pete Holmes]

And actually it's not important, it's. Tell us where you were. We were here. Where were you?

[Alistair Ogden]

Where were you?

[Pete Holmes]

Where were you?

[Alistair Ogden]

My favorite thing to do is pretend that I haven't been watching the show and then reference something from the show. It's the easiest laugh. I like, there was this. I still remember that I did the show in Halifax, Nova Scotia with my friend Abdullah Usman, and he was hosting. And just as a riff, he just goes, you guys are on some Scooby Doo. You guys are on some Scooby Doo. And I think, like, maybe. I can't remember if the guest spot referenced it. I was middling. But he mentioned that a couple times and I was like, oh, my God, I'M so sorry. I. I got here late. I don't know what's been talked about before, but just first impression, you guys are in some Scooby Doo shit.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just perfect. That's what comedy is. You know the theory. It's a benign violation. Right. Like, you just lied to us. But it was a joke. It's okay. We like it. I love following someone doing, like, a really filthy routine about, like, let's say it's about docking. And then I go out and I go, like, what's going on? Has anyone done anything about docking yet? Just a little acknowledgment. And when I was a young man, I went to the Comedy Connection just to watch. I was probably 18 years old, and the song I did it all for, the nookie had come out, and this guy, it was like his opening bit, he just goes like, I don't know. But I did it all for the nookie. And we lost our minds. We couldn't believe he was talking about something that just happened. And he goes, and you can take that cookie and stick it up your ass. That's a waste of a cookie right there.

[Alistair Ogden]

Like, we.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't even clever. It was just like, we. And I try to remember, like, Anti Leno here, like, against that approach is like, if you demonstrate that you've seen the show, that you're there. That's part of the titillation.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sure Jay knows that. He's not a dingbat. I'm just saying he likes to have it dialed in.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Every set. And I. I'm putting this back to you. In fact, that night at the store, I had a really particularly good time. And I swear to you, dude, I was backstage, I looked like Richard Lewis. I had all these notes out, and I was like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I really. And I really mean it. Like, it's like, it could be something I'm doing to delude myself, to, like, make myself nervous or give myself energy. I don't know. But I'm literally going, like, I don't know about any of this.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you go out and, like, it's such a thrill when you connect.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you relate? What's your vibe?

[Alistair Ogden]

Totally. Yeah. I feel like I am. I really just get hung up, honestly, on the transitions between jokes. That's what I'm doing beforehand is I'm going, okay, how do I get started? What are the first few words? The Last few words of this and how do I connect them and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, interesting. I'm also obsessed with how jokes begin. Yeah, you need that line.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, I. Can I say when I did your show last week, your just energy and present was a perfect segue for me to come in because you were like being very like intense and aggressive with the audience. And then I just got to be. I literally was like, I wish I could yell at you guys. Yeah. Like, yes. And then I was like, this is my energy. And then I get to do a little joke about going for mindfulness walks.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly. I mean, like, I really. I'm not joking. I feel like that's like the gold of comedy is like recognizing who you are and how does it fit into what's been happening. And when you tour, I was in Texas recently and I was like, what do I kind of know about Texas and who am I in relation to that? And that's your in?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What do I kind of know about Chicago? What do I kind of know about Rhode Island? It doesn't matter. That's why I love performing in places that have some sort of identity.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is lazy. But if I'm in Vancouver, if I'm in Toronto, I know there's a slight underdogness, a sort of overlooked globalness, a sort of lack of aggression ness, you know what I mean? I got that from Matt Johnson. The fact that you guys are too polite to be ambitious and everyone in America is too ambitious to be polite.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's the way that I have been because I've been hanging out with a lot more Americans over the last couple of years and it's been very inspiring and also like trying to sort of maintain the Canadianness and stuff because I feel like the main difference, at least in terms of the creative pursuit in Canada, it's like either I'm gonna make it or maybe not. Maybe I'll have to find a part time job or I'll have to do something else for a while. And that's. Yeah. Ah, that sucked. But it's okay, right? And in the States it's like, I'm gonna make it or I'm gonna kill myself. And I'm not joking.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's really intense.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. It's super. All or nothing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

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[Alistair Ogden]

a little song to remind you.

[Pete Holmes]

Choice hotels get you more of the experiences you value.

[Alistair Ogden]

Mmm.

[Pete Holmes]

The Cambria Hotel's got it all. A rooftop bar. Have a ball. Cocktails up here feel just right Ms. Chambria.

[Alistair Ogden]

Amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. Bring a date, your teen or even your mom. Book direct. A choice of see you on the roof. So if I'm hearing you correctly in Canada, for. I don't want to make you represent this entire country. I'm just saying, like something that I heard incessantly starting was, you can't have a plan B, you can't have a backup plan.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

And in Canada they're like, but of

[Alistair Ogden]

course, yeah, in Canada. I mean there's this, there is this strange thing in Canada. I remember starting out and the professional comics were almost mysterious where I was like, I'm trying to do the math on how you are a full time comic. And I don't understand because they're bad. I'm just like, you're doing a headline gig like once a month somewhere. How much are you getting paid in Prince George, British Columbia that you're able to be a full time comedian?

[Pete Holmes]

Did you figure it out?

[Alistair Ogden]

A big thing in Canada is actually comedy albums. Oh, a lot of comics are because they have a special like Canada Laughs Channel where that only plays Canadian comedy albums. And so myself included, a lot of comics, they make sort of a pat. Almost not passive because you did do the work to make the album and all that. But they make money from those jokes. And that is oftentimes what pays people's rent. Certain comics, if they get played on other channels, all of a sudden that, that's like a nice amount of base income that they're making. Other Canadian channels, other. Just other channel. Like comedy channels on, On Sirius. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, wow. There's quite a bit of money to be made in Canada from that. And then a lot of comics, they're doing like, I don't know, like sort of writing gigs. I know one of my friends, he writes like speeches for politicians while they're doing. Sometimes they'll get a writing gig on a show or they'll just work sort of on the crew of a show. Maybe like a script supervisor or they're doing like enough commercials that they make it work interesting. But there's a, there's there's not really like the same type of circuit in Canada. I, I feel like I'm one of the few comics that actually does make the bulk of my money from touring across Canada and, and now trying to break into the States, which is not really making any money from that yet. But. Right. You have to. In order to get the visa, you have to be like, hey, I'm touring and these are all the places I'm touring, too.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to show them your schedule.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah. Basically, you have to be like, hey, I'm gonna be doing all these dates, even though I don't know. Well, I did a show in Dallas a couple weeks ago, and there was like, four tickets sold.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Then I. Then I did a video and was like, hey, I'm coming either way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And then there was like, 75 people there, which really did feel amazing. But, yeah, no, I. That was. I can't do that for every city. You know, I can't constantly be like, hey, Indianapolis, please.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I don't know. When you told me that, I was like, I always. Like, I've been promoting my special lately. Yeah. And I don't know if this is charming or effective, but I think it's at least honest that I'm like, we were climbing, and then we hit a plateau, and I don't think. I think that plateau is rather arbitrary. And I know there's lots and lots of people that haven't seen it. So I'm trying to go, like, that's why I'm promoting it. I'm not just like, check it out. It's doing fine. I'm like, no, it hit 850 and it stopped.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Like, why? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And when you see, I think, the inner workings of those. All those streamers, YouTube included, they're like, we. We could totally push this through again. But you need people to look at it for that to happen. Anyway, I think you could do that. Who cares? You'd be the honest guy. Rory Scoville does that sometimes where he's like, tickets are not good. You know what I mean?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I think I just mostly need to make sure that I'm in a good headspace when I do make those type of videos.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Because there's the initial thing where you see, like, oh, the tickets are bad, and you're just like, what am I doing? Like, I've spent my life trying to do this, and now I'm going to perform for two people and.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Alistair Ogden]

Whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's where I was going to. I was going to ask you about, like, how is it out there? Like, you have a perspective that I don't have. You're a young man. You're not in. In the same system I'm. I was in.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And some of us older guys do talk about, like, there doesn't seem. Not that we say there isn't the benchmarks like that there used to be. So what is the. How's morale out there amongst you guys. Are you. Is it. Are you okay? How's the scene?

[Alistair Ogden]

It's. It's interesting. I mean, I think also being from Canada, there's like a different sort of perspective for that. Because in Canada, like, there's a lot of really funny comics, but there's not only some of them go out and become like, headline act necessarily. There's a lot of comics that just live in Vancouver or, or Toronto or even in like, Alberta and stuff where they're very funny, but they don't necessarily pitch themselves as like, oh, I'm going on a headline tour. Or there's comics out there who are like, very new, who are like, we're going on a headline tour. And you go, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, you just said a whole thing. It's like there's people that could do it, but don't seem to have that. I don't want to call it a bug, but it's almost like they don't have the gene.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think there's just like, with every comic and probably across different types of careers and comedy too, there's like the, the comics that are very creative but don't really have the business brain, and then there's comics that have the business brain, but they don't really like. Like comedy is not almost. Not even their priority.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, totally.

[Alistair Ogden]

You have. And you have to have some. Something in between, which I was lucky that my last day job was in marketing, like social media marketing and stuff. So I was like posting on social media and getting an email list and stuff. Like, that is not something that is like super foreign to me. It's like, oh, okay. And then I. It does sort of scratch an itch. It's like a little hyper focus of mine.

[Pete Holmes]

You do need. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I always talked, you know, this is one of my go to things. But like, if Bill Hicks had a podcast, like, he. They didn't exist. But these are people that are like brilliant and looking for their audience. And marketing, even though it is sort of like a yuck kind of concept or like it has that connotation, there is something about going like, well, you're very funny. How do you find the people in each town that like what you do? Like, I'm looking at Gary's book. You're similar to Gary, like, Gary's huge people, wouldn't you say?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, you're kind of that. But I think also there's certain, like, Gary is like this, I think where he. He blew up over the last few years, but he was very funny for a long time before that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, decades.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so I think there's a lot. There's a lot of comics out there that are super, super funny, but they just haven't figured out how to. How to reach people or how to necessarily, like, tell their story in a way that people really.

[Pete Holmes]

And they haven't gotten.

[Alistair Ogden]

Root for them.

[Pete Holmes]

I've gotten more comfortable admitting the amount of luck. We could call it right place, right time, which is just another way of saying luck. You know what I mean? When somebody. The right person sees you, whatever. But I do think that's part of it.

[Alistair Ogden]

I mean, that's how I feel like I'm here right now.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's true.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. It's like, oh, things just happen to work out.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You got firm with a booker.

[Alistair Ogden]

You open for me.

[Pete Holmes]

But this is where the press secretary of our minds goes. Yeah, but you were great, and Val really loved you, and. Because I did watch you, but not very much, because when my opener is on stage, I'm preparing.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right, of course. Yeah.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

But then she really loved you, and then I watched you, and then you did my Largo. And like. Like, I just did a movie that was directed by a guy who was Pete Farrelly's first assistant. And you're like, isn't it funny that that's just. That just is how it goes?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's directing a movie. He's very talented. He's wonderful. And he was Pete Farrelly's assistant because, like, there's a reason why proteges in. In the art world, who do you study with? And comedy has that. Acting has that. And that's why, like, I know people love being like, Nepo, baby. But it's like, nepotism is just one of the many unfair advantages to being, like, standing in the right spot in the right city at the right point. Let's say you being on you made it Weird is a huge break. It isn't, but I'm just saying. Let's say it is.

[Alistair Ogden]

Let's hope.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's hope. ALEISTER Ogden, COMEDIAN I want to see

[Alistair Ogden]

those ticket sales go up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, let's get some of that boyfriend material.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

View.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very good or what? Your all things comedy, the Don't Tell. Don't Tell.

[Alistair Ogden]

The Don't Tell one was actually like, that one I'm probably most proud of.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it has more views.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Well, I guess actually, the set that I'm most proud of is the. The one I did for Just for Laughs, which that Was only a six minute set.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you in one of those huge rooms?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But yeah, you would do great in. So would Gary. You know, like, in that if, like sometimes I, I don't struggle. You. I, I'll say I do struggle. What I mean is I do well, but I struggle with a huge room because it's really hard to conjure up the kind of feeling I am when there's 10,000 people there.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, well, I, the, the, the New Faces was in maybe it was like 500, 600 seat theater or something like that. But it was a very, it was a strange vibe because the bottom half was like maybe free ticket festival goers. Yeah. And then the balcony was all industry, so you could feel the death. The. You looked, you look up into the darkness. Just

[Pete Holmes]

absolute, just, just hailing smoke.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Just someone from 20th Century Fox. Will this work for me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, I'm not hearing a lot of money.

[Alistair Ogden]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Inside Lewin Davis.

[Alistair Ogden]

That being said, I had some like nice meetings and stuff afterwards. But yeah, I think I also just maybe it's the Canadianness or whatever is just. I, I keep getting to places and being like, oh, I never even thought that I would end up here. I probably should have prepared for this somewhat. I should have had like a pilot pitch or something like that, you know,

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know about that. I, I feel like when I would have those early meetings, I would always get manic and come up with a show. And then I probably. Yeah, I probably like pitched what I would now call a soft pitch. Which would mean if you're pitching and they didn't. It's not a pitch meeting, you're not really pitching it. And then I'm like, oh, these people just wanted to say hello.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I think you're actually okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, that's probably for the best. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The other weird thing is like you have a joke about looking like a ghost from World War II and you have a joke about looking like Princess Di. And one of the. I'm not giving you this advice because you're already doing it, but one of the things is you need to like tell people who you are.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? And you do that.

[Alistair Ogden]

You have to figure out, especially like, I've been doing nine years now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

You'd be like, okay, that's who I was then. And now, now here's my new introduction. And then now what new level you get to. You go, now I got to reintroduce myself in a New. Yeah, way.

[Pete Holmes]

And hopefully it distills and gets clearer and clearer.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you know who you are. Because, like, I don't know, it's really helpful. It's a little bit sad. I'd love to just be like, you just are who you are. But you're like, oh, Demetri Martin, one liner guy with a haircut. That sounds like I'm putting him down. I'm like, yeah, all that stuff helps you. What am I giving you? It's not advice. I'm saying you're already doing it.

[Alistair Ogden]

You're already doing it. Yeah, I. No, I appreciate it. It is also very surreal to just hear you say my bits to me,

[Pete Holmes]

you know, a bit. I love, I love the bit where you go, I'm a CIS white male and I'll tell you something, it's. It comes with some perks.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And people are getting tight. They don't know what you're gonna say. And you're like, you know, you guys have like oil sensitivity, gluten free celiac disease, and we don't have any of that. What we have is we just eat whatever we want and then we have bouts of unexplained diarrhea. Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know if I ruined it.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, I like the Pete Holmes interpretation of it. It's very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Now say how you do.

[Alistair Ogden]

I go, I say, we don't have any of that stuff. We just have years, decades of unexplained diarrhea.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, much better. Much better. You ride the element of time in there. Decades is so much funnier. Then what did I say? Just bouts.

[Alistair Ogden]

Bouts.

[Pete Holmes]

Decades of unexplained direction. It's such a great. I mean, if a setup can be interesting and you're saying, so you're having a take like I'm a straight white, cisgendered male and we're already kind of going like, okay, well, we know what we feel about that. And we know what we're supposed to feel about that. And you're supposed to kind of, this isn't a proud boy meeting. And you're supposed to apologize. No, but you are supposed to. Supposed to be like, like the feeling is like, I know, I know.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're going like, there are perks. And now we're leaning in.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you say, we don't have any of that stuff.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're like, is this guy. And then you go, we just have decades of unexplained diarrhea. So it's. It is A little roller coaster. And it's titillating for that reason.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's fun. The. The version I did for just for laughs too. I was the first New face, like, bullet of all of the new faces. Oh, my God. So the tension in that room was crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's when it sounds like a performer. Like, you can go like, okay, what's happening? And can I use that to my advantage?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember Mateo Lane did his New Face and he sang like an aria.

[Alistair Ogden]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, incredibly well. The room sucks. The room sucks. It's like early in the show and he's singing this, like, enchanting aria and then he pauses a really long time and he goes, that's how I came out to my dad. And you're just like, oh. He just took the fact that the room sucks, you know what I mean? And played it to his advantage.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Sort of distilled it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, what's happening and how can I work with it instead of wishing it was like a white hot crowd?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, I dare you to not enjoy this.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think with. With. I mean, maybe this is the case with comedy in the States, but so many of the gigs that I did starting up, especially in Vancouver, because, I mean, since the Pandemic, there haven't been actual comedy clubs. Like, both of the main ones closed.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. So you. So many of the shows are just these indie shows where you're trying to convince the audience that you know what you're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. I was gonna say. I thought you say convince the audience this is a real show.

[Alistair Ogden]

That, that too.

[Pete Holmes]

This is actually a show.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. So you. And. And you have to be very present and very tight and they don't give you any, like, leeway.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

You know, you can't get away with the umming and awing or if you're looking at your notes or anything like that, they go, well, right. We're in a restaurant. You know, you're just standing in front of a window in a restaurant, you

[Pete Holmes]

can't look at your notes. Like our waiter is looking at his.

[Alistair Ogden]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny the. More like at Largo Theater, I think I. It's nice looking at my notes. It's almost like this. This weird. Like I'm going. I'm zagging.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Instead of going with it. But if you're in a place where it has no pretense.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Actually having a little pretense is very good.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. It was something I did this theater tour with Just for Laughs in April, where I was performing in these lovely theaters all around Ontario to a predominantly, like, older audience, like 50 to 70, I guess, something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

So hot. And they. That's another one of my go to.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was.

[Pete Holmes]

I just say, so hot. If you don't know what to say, just go, so hot. That's a good laugh. That's a good. No, it's great for social awkwardness.

[Alistair Ogden]

You don't know what to say.

[Pete Holmes]

My dad was a sailor, but my mom hates the sea. So hot. It's a good life. Tip.

[Alistair Ogden]

I gotta. Yeah. My go to if I can't remember what I'm gonna say next is I just go. It's really great to be here. And sometimes it sounds like I'm being sarcastic because if. If I'm in, like, you mean on

[Pete Holmes]

stage or in life?

[Alistair Ogden]

On stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I thought that would work in life.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

You're just.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really great to be here.

[Alistair Ogden]

I should do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you could.

[Alistair Ogden]

Silence around the table. Everyone's on their phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Carry it over.

[Alistair Ogden]

Really great to be here.

[Pete Holmes]

It's great to be here. What else is going on? Just do stand up at a table.

[Alistair Ogden]

I've sit at down at a little bit about me, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I say that's what bombing feels like. Like, if you have a bad set. The feeling I get from the audience is, why are you telling us this?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is like you're sitting at a table and you just go like, you know, being from Boston, but I don't really look like I'm from. You know what I mean? And people are like, what?

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What are you doing?

[Alistair Ogden]

That's a big thing in Vancouver. At those shows. You really had to. The. The. I think Vancouver is not the most social city. When people are at a show where they are there to see a comedian, then they're a lovely audience. Yeah. But if they're just at a show where they don't know anybody there. Yeah. The energy from the crowd a lot of the times is like, okay. Really? All right. Yeah. Kind of crazy. You're telling us this. Yeah. All right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know what it is? You don't want to look like an ass.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Some comedian starts going, you're laughing at everything. And then they go. And that's why Nazis were right. You know what I mean? Like, I just aligned myself with this person. That's why you need those jokes to be like. You could just go up and go like, hello. And sometimes I do. Hello. I'm Safe. You're safe. Everything's fine. Look at my face. Friendly guy. It's going to be okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm not going to trick you because people don't want to. You're on a date.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And suddenly you start talking about how like the age of consent or something and you're like, yikes. Yeah, yikes.

[Alistair Ogden]

And sometimes the crowd work, I think, because people are so, like Internet brained with the crowd work now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

They're asking questions where you're like, you know, that's a human being you're talking to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

You can't just immediately start asking someone if they squirt. Like, you can't. People are asking these incredibly aggressive sexual questions and so silly.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel very strongly about how the crowd work clips are. I post some of my crowd work clips.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I mean, I, I love doing crowd work.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Actually, especially when you're doing long set.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

It feels weird not to.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I agree. There should be. What I like, I don't like. Are you a squirter? I certainly don't like, what do you do for a living? I. I don't. I, I like. You know what? I. This is just. Now we're just talking, but I like to say, what are you watching? Because people love to tell you what they're watching. Right. And then you can have a take and then you just go into your bit about the thing you're watching and then it, it, it's a gimmick. But I've no, like, I, I resisted. I haven't said this on the podcast, but I resisted. I used to say, I'm gonna put crowd work free since like 2003. Like, I'm proud of that. And now I'm like, well, actually I'm outgunned. That's what crowds want. And then I realized I like improvising. It's so much easier than, like doing a polished, excellent act. If you want me to just be like, what's your fucking problem? Like, sure, it's fine. Maybe you get a bit out of it.

[Alistair Ogden]

I mean, I think, like, I started doing improv again with some friends of mine.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

And it's fun. And you, you go, oh. Like a lot of audiences, even if they're there for stand up, they do want a little bit of improv. Yeah. They want to feel like this is like you were saying, we want to talk about what is happening here. And so I just. To address what's happening in the room or something.

[Pete Holmes]

Even if it's not funny.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I Don't think it needs to be funny. This has become like, I get lit up thinking about stand up tips or just like. Cause it's so hard. It never gets not hard. Even if you're in a new place and you go like, I like the sex dungeon door. Just something that says I'm here.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or like you guys stopped clapping real fast. Like just anything is a huge, huge. The number of comedians I know that just start. And I'm like, I don't. You don't have to do that.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My favorite five at Flappers. You kind of do.

[Alistair Ogden]

You kind of do my favorite, my favorite little mid show thing. And it, it only works if the audience is like tensed up in this certain type of way. And I'll let myself have this once per show. I'll just go, you guys mad at me?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you guys mad at me?

[Alistair Ogden]

It. Oh, it's so fun. And it's a nice little. And, and because I think that the audience sometimes doesn't think of themselves as being part of the show. And you just need to remind them.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why your thing about being heckled, I think there's a way to do it. You're like, some people are like, don't fuck with the comedian, they'll torch you. You're like, don't with me because it might hurt my feelings for the rest of my life.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think reminding them that they're powerful is, is good. I think a lot of people might just be kind of watching the show like it's a movie and it's like, no, this like the weird thing about what we do is you do need them to be encouraging their laughter. I'm not saying it's fake, but like there's a reason. If Jim Carrey was on a stage doing Dumb and Dumber, you'd laugh more. Yeah, he's there.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you want to juice him up. So I need you to kind of like get into a trance. I need you to like those people that are the only people that laugh at something, they're, they're the pilot light. They're like starting the whole thing. So it's like you need to tell them, like we have an agreement here. This is the comedy place.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And sometimes, you know what I say, it's kind of obnoxious, but I just go, please just laugh whenever I pause. And it's just like, you're not, that's the benign violation. You're not supposed to tell them what you want. You know what I mean? That is what I Want.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I haven't even thought about saying. Yeah, yeah. I was telling you backstage that I. I loved the idea of whether it's this line specifically or something that has the tone of it is like being like, listen to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, listen to me.

[Alistair Ogden]

Of course you're listening to me. But really try.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's really funny I told you this when they're already listening to you. Listen to me. But to have the energy of like Tom Cruise trying to persuade the president that they need to like give him a submarine.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is really funny. When you're doing a joke about electric eel. Feels.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That that becomes the joke.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's a good feeling too. When you are like, I need to animate it. It feels.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so fun. People love lit up people.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think. Is it my. I. I was. There's this book that I love that I haven't read in a long time, but I keep quoting from it. So I should reread it called the Second Circle. It's like an acting theory that there's three sort of states of being. And second circle is when you are being, being fully present and in the moment and you feel that energy. Third circle is what you'll see from the quintessential, like theater kid doing stand up, where they've obviously rehearsed this a million times and they're performing it the same way they perform it whether there was anyone there or not. Leno, perhaps.

[Pete Holmes]

Be on the record. Have some balls.

[Alistair Ogden]

I'll let you know after that.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm Jake.

[Alistair Ogden]

And then first circle is what Leno

[Pete Holmes]

seems to be going for. I don't teasing him. Go on.

[Alistair Ogden]

No, no, I. First circle is sort of what I think I am more prone to, which is the very like, inward, small energy. Like, I'll watch myself back and I'll go, oh, you. You really weren't getting across the. The animation that you thought you were, you know, because it's scary.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

The shoulders go up and you're like, I'm gonna be a one liner comic or something like that. That's not who I am. I gotta be silly. Find my inner child on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

But the first and third are both ways of protecting yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that muchos. For some reason, I wanted to tell you we were thinking about benign violin violations. Mitch Hedberg. We were talking about him on another episode. He sounds black. Like he sounds like a cool. Like a jazz musician, but he's white.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

He talks cool, but he's saying corny shit. So he's already two jokes in just with what he's doing. You could say the same thing about Steven Wright. He looks like he lives in a cabin in the woods, but here he is on stage holding court like that already and he's not trying. He's like, these are the jokes of what you. Ali Wong is pregnant but doing. You know what I mean? There's like, like we don't think of these things as physical comedy, but if a guy talks like practically like Miles Davis, you know what I mean? Like that level of cool and he's like, I do want a frozen banana later, like that. That is corny. And if you said it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like not the global phenomenon that Mitch Hedberg was.

[Alistair Ogden]

When I first started comedy, I was, I think there's a lot of guys do this. I was like doing such edgy, completely made up punchlines.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Alistair Ogden]

It was so stupid.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Alistair Ogden]

I have a bit about it in the boyfriend material, actually, where I've like kind of come full circle and I tell one of the jokes and then I give the real backstory. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, interesting.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How you changed it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's Sarah Silverman too, who I love. I love Mitch. I love all these people that we're talking about. But like Sarah looks like a people pleasing sweetie. Like a, like a, A almost like a childlike thing. And then she's saying the most filthy thing, especially older Sarah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, that is the joke.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Like, I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's a joke on the joke.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think for me, now that you mentioned it, it's sort of the opposite. Is people, people. That's why people love me doing my Princess Diana joke so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Is that I'm supposed. I look like I'm, you know. Well, I look like I'm Princess Diana, but I think I also look like a guy who might, might be like mean to you maybe. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You kind of do. I. I've never thought of you that way. But you could.

[Alistair Ogden]

The first impression, I think. Yeah. It's like, I think I. Especially if I'm not smiling. It's quite an intense look.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think that's why with the. I mean, just the acting roles that I do self tapes for and stuff like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's. I, I like it when they, they're like, oh, you're gonna be kind of like a soft guy. Because then it's like, oh, I get to be myself.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Alistair Ogden]

But then the. If I'm doing a character, it's like I don't know, a guard or, like, a lord or something.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the guy in Shape of Water. That's like, shocking him. Like, no more eggs for you, fish man. I Wait. But that really is Michael Shanahan. So you could do those types of parts.

[Alistair Ogden]

I. I had a joke where I. Well, actually, I don't even know if I really did this much on stage. I just felt that it was true. I was like, I look like the guy at the beginning of a rom com who she's dating and she needs to break up with.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so we really are similar. Because if Val and I are in the car, and I wouldn't say I have road rage, but I do love giving people a playful piece of my mind in the privacy of my car. I'm not rolling down the window.

[Alistair Ogden]

One thing about driving in this city is it's brought that out of me. I never. I don't drive at home. And now I'm. Someone wouldn't let me in yesterday. I don't talk like this. You wouldn't let me in. I go, well, fuck my ass.

[Pete Holmes]

That's.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're in level one one of. Mario, my friend. My pet peeve is we live in the small town. I'm trying to parallel park on the street. There's a spot, and there's a light up ahead. Yeah, that light is red.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And people are still cutting around me, so I can't park. And I'll just go on a tear being like, oh, so you can get to the red light and wait there. You couldn't just wait behind me. You end up saying, yeah, you know, it's all a bit in quotes, but it's fueled. And then I always say to Val, this is the first act of a romantic comedy when the audience realizes, you're not supposed to be with me. Like, we're gonna. You're gonna meet some delightful fucking. Oh, let's just go to the beach. But It's Tuesday at 1am yeah, who cares? Like, I'm sorry, but I live in the world, and someone's gotta park the fucking car. In fact, I reject that whole premise. The charming guy who sweeps you off your feet. He's like, I have cookies in the morning. Like, eat fucking shit. That's just who you are now.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We've been together 13 years. Years. And we have a great relationship. I'm just saying, be with that guy for 13 years, you're gonna see him. Be a little miffed about the parking. Totally stop being these children, these temporary children that Woo. In people.

[Alistair Ogden]

Everybody has the, yeah, the like full, full depth of being a cute.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right.

[Alistair Ogden]

And I think there's also times where it's like, as long as you know when you're should be mad.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Alistair Ogden]

I. I get so mad when I play soccer. That's when I get it out. I got a red card a couple weeks ago. You sent off. I got sent off for red card.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Red card.

[Alistair Ogden]

Okay. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Superman. Red card.

[Alistair Ogden]

What is that?

[Pete Holmes]

There was a character in FIFA named Superman. His last name was Superman. Oh, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

See, now you can't laugh at him because it's like Moroccan or something. Like a guy like you laughing. What a foolish last name. Like it's no longer chill. But we loved picking that team because it would say to Superan, and he wasn't very good. He was fine. But I know, red card.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

What.

[Pete Holmes]

What were you doing?

[Alistair Ogden]

What were you upset about the other team? It just. I think it was just. I was just stressed out generally that week, more than usual. I don't know what came over me, but there was one guy who had been just like, on your ass. On my ass the whole game. And he just had the ball and I just can't. He just kind of like dragged it away from me and I just followed through. Kicked his. Kicked his leg.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't know how these advanced primates could ever resist. If there's anything more annoying than someone taking a soccer ball from you, like, you're in the clear.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. I mean, so upsetting. I have the video of it. Watching it back.

[Pete Holmes]

I side with you.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's. It's funny too, because anytime you watch someone in the moment, you're like. Like, whoa, I almost broke his leg, or whatever. And then you watch it back and you're like, it was really not that bad.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to say deal. And I know you're Canadian. When we would play floor hockey, someone putting their stick between your legs, that's an act of aggression. That's like, oh, the hockey.

[Alistair Ogden]

I would get. So I got in. I got in fights. Several. Most of the time as a kid, always over sports.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a reason why there's fights in hockey. Someone puts that. That pesky little. Yeah, oh, Alec Evans. I remember you. He was good. They could lift the puck.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They weren't.

[Alistair Ogden]

I never played ice hockey, but I did play a lot of floor hockey and a lot of ball hockey and. And it really felt like life or death situations, especially at school.

[Pete Holmes]

It was.

[Alistair Ogden]

Girls are watching Girls are watching.

[Pete Holmes]

Girls are watching. And you know what they watch Alec sneaking his. I'm just standing there like. That's why. Another reason I hate sports is I'm not good at them. If I was good at sports, I'd be like, sports is life. It's a metaphor for life. Just because I'm not good at it. We're almost out of time because we have another episode today.

[Alistair Ogden]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Clearly I could talk to you for nine to 12 days.

[Alistair Ogden]

It's been a blast.

[Pete Holmes]

I really enjoyed it. And people shouldn't check out boyfriend material, but they can check out your Just for Laugh set and they should go see you on tour. Well, how do they do that?

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, if you Google Alistair Ogden, I'm the only one. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It'll feel inconvenient for you too.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, yeah, It's. I'm all. I'm all there. I gotta update my website, actually. But it's on my. But social link tree and my socials get on there. Yeah. Going to New York very soon.

[Pete Holmes]

Great.

[Alistair Ogden]

I got my. I don't know when this comes out, but you do shows in Toronto every once in a while too.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Alistair Ogden]

And then. And then in the fall, I'm all over the states.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, all over the states.

[Alistair Ogden]

All over the states.

[Pete Holmes]

Emotional states.

[Alistair Ogden]

Austin, Raleigh, Indianapolis, Seattle, Portland. I've been doing a big show in Vancouver.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Alistair Ogden]

At the Rio theater. Very excited for that homecoming. Yeah. Yeah. Already sold a bunch of tickets. That's one place where I can't sell tickets is my hometown.

[Pete Holmes]

Putting it put in a second balcony just for the comics who resent you. We sold out. As soon as we opened it up to the comics who are resentful of us, we sold it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you tell me the time you laughed the hardest in your life? Does that come. Does that conjure anything up for you?

[Alistair Ogden]

Actually, yeah. I can tell you. And speaking of boyfriend material, it was with that.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

That.

[Alistair Ogden]

That ex.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Alistair Ogden]

So it's. I don't know if it's necessarily the hardest I've laughed, but it was the hardest. My family has all laughed together.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Alistair Ogden]

So it was my. It was like Christmas or something like that. My whole family's there. My. My. Well, my whole mom's side of the family, my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, my mom and dad, my two siblings, my ex, and then my two cousins, Liam and Harry. And Harry would have been like 3 years old at the time. Time. And we'd been playing around downstairs. We'd done like a concert. Very cute. Where we're all just like you know, tapping stuff and whatever. And he's the lead singer singing. And then it's time for him to go. And so he's saying goodbye to everybody. Harry, Harry, three year old. And the way he says goodbye to everybody is by going around the circle and he does tickle, tickle, squeeze, little tickle and then a hug. But there's so many family members that the, the tickle and the squeeze becomes more and more. Kurt. Yeah, he's like phoning it in by the end. And I sort of realized what was going to happen because I was right it down at the end. Me and my ex were down at the end of the circle and because he gets to me and he does tickle, tickle, squeeze. And then he gets to my ex and he goes tickle, tickle. And then just honks both of her boobs. And he has no idea what he has done because he's three years old. He doesn't know my whole family. I've never seen my grandparents laugh that much. My ex was laughing too. She's obviously embarrassed. But it was an incredibly wholesome memory for my. For my whole family.

[Pete Holmes]

I think first of all, the joke would be. Of course he knew what he was doing. He was just sort of like, I can get away with this. And there they are.

[Alistair Ogden]

I think that the funniest part was that he truly had no idea.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alistair Ogden]

And he just was like three.

[Pete Holmes]

Three is incredibly young. That's actually what I meant. I was like the joke stage would be like when, of course, fellas, you do.

[Alistair Ogden]

What are you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

But you and I know he truly did.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah. Well, it was because he was just like, well, it's all business. Like I gotta.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's the last he wanted to close strong.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's another example of how stand up comedy happens sometimes in real life. He was like, yeah, I gotta do something for the last one.

[Alistair Ogden]

Well, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a shame you broke up. She sounds great. Well, thank you. Alistair. Would you say keep it crispy?

[Alistair Ogden]

I would love to. Okay. Keep it crispy, everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that feels good. Thank you, my man.

[Alistair Ogden]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

And a yawn comes. That was a great episode. No, I love it. You made it. We hear it.

[Alistair Ogden]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it. We made it. We hear it. Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer? May I suggest your big wireless bill? It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately though, Mint's story is better. Every plan and $15 a month. Even unlimited. That's it. Happy ending. Zero tears. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

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[Pete Holmes]

Stitch Fix Stop shopping. Get styled. Not today sweatpants.

[Alistair Ogden]

Somebody's wearing jeans that fit.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

No photos please. I'm just a regular dad who happens to have a stylist. I really look my best when someone else makes the decisions. Hey, we can all see you two way mirrors.

[Alistair Ogden]

Just share your size, style and budget and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitch Fix get started today@stitch fix.com I

[Pete Holmes]

want to hug you.

[Alistair Ogden]

I'm going to hug you. I'm coming in for a hug.