Anjelah Johnson-Reyes

Summary

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Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
Date: February 28, 2024
Main Theme:
A lively, honest, and vulnerable conversation between Pete Holmes and comedian Anjelah Johnson-Reyes—covering marriage, faith evolution, personal authenticity, relationships, parenthood, and identity, all wrapped in comedic chemistry.

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Overview

This is a classic "Did we just become best friends?" episode filled with laughter, warmth, and raw honesty. Pete and Anjelah dive deep into topics ranging from the etiquette of greeting people in show business, cultural quirks, and cologne, to faith deconstruction, IVF struggles, and the realities of intimacy and parenthood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Have We Met? – Social Etiquette and Meeting People

• Timestamps: [01:35 – 05:15]
  • Pete and Anjelah riff on whether they’ve previously met, dissecting the trick of saying “Nice to see you” instead of “Nice to meet you” to avoid awkwardness.
  • Notable Quote:

    “This trick has gone… it's starting to eat itself, because now when you said, ‘nice to see you,’ I'm like, I know what you’re doing and I don’t like it.” – Pete [02:45]

2. Motherhood, Authenticity, and Cultural Quirks

• Timestamps: [05:27 – 14:45]
  • Anjelah shares her experience as a new mom and her navigation between keeping it real versus fronting perfection.
  • The duo riff about “wet nurses,” maternal instincts, and “smell dating”—how scent connects partners.
  • Cologne Culture:
    • Anjelah’s Puerto Rican husband’s obsession with different colognes for every occasion.
    • Notable Exchange:

      “He has a gym cologne. He has a going out cologne. He has a going to bed cologne. Yeah. It’s too much.” – Anjelah [08:02]
      “I've said this a million times. But they did this blind study […] the success rate was through the roof. No, through the roof.” – Pete [08:40]

3. Relationships: Meeting Her Husband and Early Connection

• Timestamps: [13:35 – 36:01]
  • Anjelah recounts meeting her husband, a Christian hip hop artist, at her roommate’s wedding—but he didn’t notice her initially (his preference: "only white girls").
  • She cyber-stalked him, let two years go by, then fate brought them together via a friend’s setup.
  • Their first date was over Skype due to long-distance (LA to Florida), with Anjelah playing it cool and casual (literally packing during the call).
  • Notable Quote:

    “You can't sit there alert and laugh at his jokes. […] How about get a carry on?” – Pete [36:00]

4. Religious Upbringing, Christian “Culture,” and Deconstruction

• Timestamps: [45:43 – 54:25; 95:41 – 108:19]
  • Both discuss their deep involvement in church, Christian dating, and “Christianese” (faith lingo).
  • Pete and Anjelah reflect on purity culture, shame, and the “good girl/boy” syndrome, and how these affected their early sexual experiences.
  • Memorable moment: Anjelah and Pete joke about “Christian friction”—jeans as “Christian condoms.”

    “There’s nothing kinkier than like, getting religion in your sex.” – Pete [55:36] "The Lord loves a good jean jam…” – Anjelah [56:15]

  • Later, they revisit the topic of evolving out of narrow definitions of Christianity, discussing Richard Rohr and others who've helped them reframe faith.

    “Jesus didn’t come to start a tribe. … He came to build bridges and show us that God is in us.” – Pete [96:42]

5. IVF, Infertility Challenges, and Choosing Motherhood

• Timestamps: [78:53 – 85:24]
  • Anjelah details her struggle with IVF, low egg count, her husband’s sperm issues (due to testosterone use), endometriosis, and ultimately conceiving naturally after lifestyle changes.
  • Notable Quote:

    "Every appointment I went to was like, more bad news, bad news… They're like: 'this may not be for you.'” – Anjelah [79:13] “…you got yourself–I don’t know, you cleaned up your insides.” – Pete [85:44]

6. Becoming a Parent: Identity Shift and Honest Reflections

• Timestamps: [88:05 – 94:45]
  • The transformation from career-centric life to motherhood, and the pressures to conform to “perfect mother” expectations.
  • They talk candidly about postpartum, affection shifts between partners, and the importance of modeling healthy relationships for children.
  • Notable Quote:

    “I have to choose my husband. When before it was just an instinct… Now I have to choose.” – Anjelah [92:45]

7. Faith, Deconstruction, and Spiritual Books

• Timestamps: [95:41 – 108:19]
  • Pete and Anjelah bond over having re-examined their inherited faith, processing doubts about exclusivity of salvation, and the works that guided them (Richard Rohr, Rob Bell, Paul Young’s “Lies We Believe About God” etc.).
  • Notable Quote:

    “You can have Jesus, but you don’t have to be like, ‘and all those Japanese people are going to hell.’ Because the access to that recognition: ‘I’m a child of God’, is as available to anybody of any faith at any time for all of history, for all, forever.” – Pete [107:14]

8. Comedy, Career, and Cheering for Sports

• Timestamps: [109:26 – 110:46]
  • Brief dive into her cheerleading past with the Raiders and the surreal experience of performing at stadiums.

9. Memorable Laughter / Funny Moments

• Timestamps: [111:35 – end]
  • Pete’s closing tradition: asking for an instance of hardest laughter.
  • Anjelah shares a story about getting high and goofing around with a cotton ball as a fake AirPod:

    “I thought I had AirPods in, but it was my cotton from my earache… so we just start doing this bit where I have the new AirPod 20s…” [114:05]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On First Meeting Etiquette:
  “This trick has gone... it’s starting to eat itself.” – Pete [02:45]

• On Smell and Relationships:
  “They did this blind study where they had people sleep in a T-shirt… success rate was through the roof.” – Pete [08:40]

• On Christian Dating & Early Sexual Experiences:
  “The Lord loves a good jean jam, you know what I mean?” – Anjelah [56:15]
  “Christian condoms. Wranglers.” – Pete [56:28]

• On IVF Struggles:
  “Every appointment that I would have, the numbers kept dwindling… this may not be for you.” – Anjelah [79:13]

• On Deconstruction:
  “How is it that 2% of Japan is Christian? So you're telling me generation after generation, all their ancestors… didn't go to heaven?” – Anjelah [100:02] “...if heaven is for those that confess to a pastor, then heaven is for literally half of 1% of the entire human population that's ever lived.” – Pete [99:15]

• On Parenthood and Identity:
  “I was finally enjoying the fruits of my labor...I was like, this is awesome. Not, like, hustling...” – Anjelah [76:24]

• Closing, On Laughter:
  “It's just so joyful, this good, high laugh... we just start doing this bit…” – Anjelah [113:46]

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Highlighted Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:35] – Social greetings and “Have we met?”
• [05:27] – Discussing new motherhood and authenticity
• [08:02] – Cologne debate and “smell dating”
• [13:35] – Meeting her husband, cyber-stalking, and early relationship
• [45:43] – Faith, Christian lingo, and purity culture
• [78:53] – IVF, infertility, and eventual conception
• [88:05] – Navigating identity post-baby
• [95:41] – Deep dive on faith deconstruction and spiritual reading
• [109:26] – Cheering at the Super Bowl and mass performance energy
• [111:35] – Hardest laughter moments and playful stoned memories

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Final Thoughts

Chemistry & Tone:
This episode is a fast, funny, and often profound dialogue, true to Pete Holmes' “weird and honest” style. The honest admission of weirdness—personal quirks, doubts, failures, longing for meaning—invites deep empathy and connection. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, full of insight, laughter, and relatability for anyone navigating love, transition, and becoming themselves.

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Closing Prompt from Pete:
Would you say “keep it crispy”?
“Keep it crispy.” – Anjelah [116:41]

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Transcript

[A]

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You made it weird. Yes. You made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Angela Johnson Reyes. Why'd I. I rolled the R. I didn't expect that. Angela Johnson is here. It is a absolute. Did we just become best friends? Kind of episode. I'm so happy you're here. It is so fun. She's so engaging, so funny, so interesting. And we had a lot, a lot of fun together. So thank you for checking it out. Check out her special, Angela Johnson Reyes. It is called say I Won't. Sorry, I just had to look that up. But I watched it. It's incredible. She's so funny. The full special is available on YouTube right now and called say I Won't. Definitely check that out and come see me on the road. All my Tickets are on peteholmes.com. i'm going to be in LA on May 4th doing the Netflix as a joke fest. Please come out to that tickets dot com. And also, we sold out Chicago, so I think we're going to add another date to that as well, in case you missed it. And then what's the last thing? Oh, Largo. Once a month we're doing our Largo show, which is always the highlight of my month, for sure. Go to largo-la.com if you want to see me in the LA area. All right, everybody. This is such a fun episode. I'm so glad you're here. Angela Johnson. Get into it.

[B]

Hi. Hi.

[A]

Have we met?

[B]

That's the thing is, I don't. Oh, this is nice and cool.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a stethoscope.

[B]

It's a stressful parking job.

[A]

I thought you did a great job. And your car makes this sound. Yeah, all the modern cars sound like that. So you're parking and I heard you before I saw you.

[B]

And it's supposed to be opposite. You're supposed to not hear me is the funny part.

[A]

Yeah, that was the Prius premise that we all had. We all had the you can't hear Prius joke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember that?

[B]

Yeah, but I did not have one. But.

[A]

Yes, but neither did I.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But a million people did, which is like, you're gonna kill somebody. And now all cars are. Well, it seems like most cars are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trick these days.

[B]

To answer them. To answer your question, I don't know if we've met.

[A]

Okay, good. I was going to say nice to meet you, but you said, nice to see you.

[B]

So and you know who taught me that? Slick Dave Rath.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Dave Rath taught me that in the very beginning of my career. He's like, never say, nice to meet you. Always say, good to see you.

[A]

You know what? Yes, go ahead. Don't let me interrupt.

[B]

Because if you've already met them and you say, nice to meet you, then it's offensive. Like, oh, they don't remember me. Yeah, but no matter what, if you've met them or not, it's always nice to see somebody.

[A]

See, this trick has gone. It's starting to eat itself. Because now when you said, nice to see you, I'm like, I know what you're doing, and I don't like it. And I would prefer you risk. And I'm talking to myself, not really you. I like the Pete who risks it who says, nice to meet you. We've met. Well, tell me where we met, because I don't remember and I'd like a little help, and that's okay.

[B]

Okay, so what about if, you know that one of your, like, not nervous ticks, but something happens where I always forget a name, and then it's like everybody goes blank. And then, oh, we've met. And then you tell me where. I go, oh, yeah, I'm so sorry, but I've done it multiple times, and that's offensive.

[A]

But is it okay, well, if we're offending these people, do we need them in our life?

[B]

So here's the thing. One time a lady did. One time a lady did this to me. It was like a work thing. Like, I was filming something. I don't remember what, And I said, nice to meet you. I didn't follow the Dave Roth rule. And I said, nice to meet you. And she goes, we've met three times.

[A]

And I go, well, this person needs to be removed from the planet. Sorry, don't they know? Look, I'm not talking about public people, people that perform. I'm just talking about everybody deserves a chance. And if you're like, we've met, like, what. What is gained from this? It's like, I would prefer we've met, actually, a couple times. But not like we've mad, like, yeah, off.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think I'm gonna stick with good to see you.

[A]

I'm good to know that people like me are smart or we're wise to it, and I don't like it. I immediately go like, you know who taught me that name drop was Conan. Conan o'. Brien. And he does it to everybody. But it's what A lonely. Yeah, I'm. Shots fired. What a lonely way to live. Just going around. He doesn't know if he's met them. They don't know if he remembers meeting them.

[B]

Do you think we've met? Like, do you.

[A]

No, that's my point.

[B]

What were you thinking? Have we met? Or were you like, I've never met this girl.

[A]

I'll tell you everything that I was thinking.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm going to say I'm pretty sure this is when we're meeting. Just then in the driveway.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I wasn't sure I was going to say I can't remember if we've met, which is. You know, that's the king of beards right there.

[B]

Sure, sure, sure.

[A]

It's not even nice to meet you. I'm just going like, I'm being fully honest. Let's jump to the part where I'm admitting I don't know if we've met, but I'm saying right now, talking to you, I don't think we've ever met.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you said, I don't think we've ever met.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think it's confirmed.

[B]

Look at that. We're on the same page.

[A]

We've never met.

[B]

We took different routes to get here, but we're on the same page. You are very vulnerable and honest. And I was like, let me just lie and just put on a mask.

[A]

Good to see you. To speak out the other side of my face. I like that boundary for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Life is hard. It's complicated. You just had a baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How old is your baby?

[B]

She'll be eight months this week.

[A]

No way. You look great.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I can't believe you don't look haggard, like you just crawled army style out of a swamp. So well done.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What are you doing? Like, how are you managing to sleep? Or are you eight months? This is right in the. You know.

[B]

I've hired help.

[A]

You hired help? What do you mean, a night nurse?

[B]

We had a night nurse in the beginning.

[A]

Real quick. Is there anything worse than wet nurse? I don't like that term.

[B]

Yeah, I don't.

[A]

We have a wet nurse.

[B]

Yeah. That's weird.

[A]

I don't need to know that. Nice to see you. And then I walk away. Well, I don't. A wet nurse is a woman who's lactating, who feeds your baby.

[B]

I don't know. What's a wet nurse?

[A]

I look to Danielle. Yeah.

[B]

Someone else.

[A]

You can hire a woman who I think through the power Of Satan maintains lactation year round. No, I think if you never stop lactating, like, if you just go from baby to baby to baby, maybe you just keep lactating.

[B]

I don't know. I didn't know that was a thing.

[A]

Here comes a man to explain wet nursery to people. No, it is a thing, but I. I don't know about that. I don't want to put down wet nursery nursing.

[B]

No, I think it's fantastic. Like, if you want your baby to have breast milk and you can't give it to them, this lady will.

[A]

Sure you don't feel. Yeah, I'm saying I feel a little weird. Like, is my baby going to be like, this is my mom now? Is that weird?

[B]

I don't know. Although I did have a dream one time.

[A]

A lot of information in that breast milk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, Karen. And now they love Karen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know those cubs they reintroduced to someone that saved them 30 years ago? That's what I think is going to happen with the baby.

[B]

It's like all the. What information is the baby getting from breast milk? Kind of like when a dog sniffs a booty. I always was curious, like, what exactly are they learning when they sniff the booty? And I googled it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they learn if it's a boy or a girl, the temperament, scent, like their personality. Like, do they like this dog or not? Yeah, all the things. So they like. Yeah. They smell. And then they'd be like, oh. And then you see, sometimes dogs will walk away from each other.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And sometimes they stay and play. They walk away because they're like, I.

[A]

Don'T like your vibes with your husband's smell. Do you like his smell? I hope so.

[B]

Yes. Except for his cologne. He sprays like 40 sprays of cologne day and night.

[A]

Can we talk about this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can we stop this today?

[B]

He's Puerto Rican. It's a thing now.

[A]

It's culturally insensitive. If this was a white guy, I'd be kicking all the doors in. I'd be roasting him in real time. He's out Puerto Rican.

[B]

No, I'll do it just night and day. He has a gym cologne. He has a going out cologne. He has a going to bed cologne. Yeah. It's too much. It's too much. And I've said so many times from, like, he has a night cologne. Yeah.

[A]

He has a bed cologne.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when do you get to smell him? Doesn't he. Does he like the way. This is very personal. I'll put it to me, I like the way my wife smells.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a huge thing. I've said this a million times. But they did this blind study where they had people sleep in a T shirt for three nights.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And not wash it. Put it in a Ziploc bag. It's called smell dating. And you'd see. You'd smell different shirts and be like, I like this one. You go on a date with them, the success rate was through the roof. No. Through the roof.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

So the way my wife smells and the way my daughter smells. Obviously, sometimes after a woman has a baby, the way their husband smells becomes repugnant to them. They change. Your biochemistry changes. So crazy. As you have a baby, as you know, it's like this rebirth. Sometimes you hate the way your husband smells, but you wouldn't even know because your husband smells like seven different things.

[B]

Yeah. All the time he smells.

[A]

No offense to the Puerto Rican community, canceled for saying I don't like cologne. Cologne. Please get him on the. Get him on the coffon, because I wanna. I wanna talk about this motherfucker.

[B]

Oh, my God. He does wanna talk to you, though.

[A]

But we'll talk about it. Really?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, man. He loves you big time.

[A]

Tell me about his smell. Tell me about. What? Were you about to say you like his smell, but you never really get to smell it? Do you miss it? Is it always veiled?

[B]

No, I do. I do enjoy his smell. And then I've come to enjoy some of his colognes.

[A]

Some of his. Several colognes are okay with you?

[B]

Yes, some of them. Some of them.

[A]

How do you like his gym cologne?

[B]

We call him approved and not approved colognes. Because if I get headaches from cologne.

[A]

Of course you do, because it's fucking nasty shit.

[B]

So he'll wear a cologne and be like, oh, what are you wearing? And he'll go, it's from the approved list.

[A]

Yeah, it was on the approved list.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, well, you did 80 sprays, so it's now not approved. It's only approved at three sprays or less.

[A]

We went to a party yesterday, my super bowl thing. And we went. I don't even remember seeing a TV on, to be honest. But we went. And there was a woman, and we hugged her, and then we smelled like her fucking perfume. And my wife was like, I have a headache because I got. I got a contact perfume.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, it's an assault.

[B]

Yep. I hate it.

[A]

Where's the government? It's like anthrax in the Mail on your body. And I don't like it. So you don't like it, but you're dating it. You're married to it. Does the baby wear cologne? What? What gender?

[B]

Smells like a Puerto Rican man. She smells like a Puerto Rican man.

[A]

You got a little Puerto Rican man, baby.

[B]

Every time he holds her, she then smells like him. And I'm like, babe, that is not fair. And he goes, she loves it. He goes, she can't even communicate that she's dying inside because of your cologne.

[A]

She's crying, but it's just watering. Yeah, it's just a watering from a very strong.

[B]

He's like, she has allergies. I'm like, no, it's you.

[A]

What? Did his father wear a cologne? Where did this come from?

[B]

It's Puerto Rican, I guess. I don't know.

[A]

Let's walk it back. You'll now be the authority. You're Mexican. You be the Puerto Rican authority because you're. I'll give you the green light. I just.

[B]

I'll give you the green light. Thank you for your permission.

[A]

No, I know. That was 100% a JK. I remember Richard Pryor had that joke about wearing cologne, and then he went to Africa, and he was like, all these people smell bad because they smelled like bodies. He was like, but they were probably like, this motherfucker smells horrible to them. So smell is a. Is very cultural. And I've been to Africa, and I remember people just rocking their. Their original scent.

[B]

Their original, original scent.

[A]

But with my wife, I'm always like. Like, she's like, oh, I just worked out. I'm not trying to be gross. This isn't me being, like, sexual. I just like it. Yeah. It doesn't, like, drive me wild necessarily.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just want to smell my wife.

[B]

Clarification. Your wife's smell. Like, her pheromones. Like, she's already, like, she's showered. So it's not soap that you're smelling, but it's also not the end of the day BO.

[A]

I don't mind. Is it the BO I don't mind it, because that's just, like, a lot of the pheromones.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, the sprinkle smell is just a little bit of pheromones. I know this is maybe. I. I don't. Fuck it. I don't care. It's not gross. And she likes the way I smell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Smell dating, super important.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

On the off chance that you've ever been shipwrecked with your husband and he didn't have his carry on stuffed with 28.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you got a sniff of the real one.

[B]

No, I do enjoy his.

[A]

You like it?

[B]

I do enjoy. They'll be like, when his cologne wears off and I can get, like, a hint of, like, his skin. I do enjoy that smell.

[A]

That is so. Has he ever done psychedelics?

[B]

No.

[A]

I would love for him to take a large dose of mushrooms so he can go, what am I doing? Like, who is this? Cause it's not just cologne. Everything you do to kind of be fake or, like, be something that you aren't, which is literally what a deodorant even is.

[B]

Yeah, deodorant.

[A]

Or. I'm not here to take down everything, but your clothes seem stupid on that. I'd love to see that happen. So he's a fan. So this. This multi. Cologne. Man. I'm really touched my lace. My last special, I had a joke about. I'm not into New Year's, and I go, it's a big, big holiday for the cologne community. So I'm making fun of him in my special. But he's still. He's still on board.

[B]

Yeah, he loves it. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, baby. But also. What is it? So he's not a comedian.

[B]

No, my husband's in music.

[A]

Oh, fun.

[B]

And now real estate. He loves doing real estate. He was like, flipping houses, and that's great stuff like that. Yeah.

[A]

And you do that. Do you like. Is that a way you invest your.

[B]

Yes. He's smart with. With a. So I go make you.

[A]

Not making that weird. You ever flip a house with him? Because I think about that all the time. I'm like, I know there's something I could be doing. But it takes somebody like your husband.

[B]

To go, like, I'll go make the money. I hand it to him, and then he goes and invests it and then makes money with the money.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

That's a whole skill.

[B]

Yeah. I'm the one that would, like, take the money and just like, okay, I got it. Here it is.

[A]

Which somebody explained to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is like. Is losing money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

7% or something every year. Or. I don't know if that's right. I just made that.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But some small percent.

[B]

I'm not good at math.

[A]

It just goes like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you put it in the bag.

[B]

So he goes and invests it and does that kind of stuff. But he also. He started in music, in Christian music, and then he left Christian music and then group one Crew is like hip hop, pop music. They were like the Christian Black Eyed Peas. It was like early 2000s.

[A]

Black eyed peas aren't Christian. I consider that a faith group.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Lovely Lady Lums. Yeah, very. I'm okay with it.

[B]

But was not just Fergie on her own solo.

[A]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[B]

You are canceled seven times so far.

[A]

No, the cologne community, the solo Fergie community, the Fergalicious, which, by the way, same community. That's the same. We haven't branched out at all. Okay, so. Yes, go on. He was in Christian music.

[B]

He was in Christian music.

[A]

As a performer?

[B]

Yeah, as a performer.

[A]

And how did you meet him? Did you go to a group? Group?

[B]

One group, One crew Group is what their band was called.

[A]

And they're not the Christian 2 Live crew. No, no, because that. That name seems like a nudge to the left.

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And he was. Was he rapping in this group?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Oh, cool.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of things.

[A]

Rhyming with Lord.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not even trying to be funny. I used to listen to Christian rap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, go on.

[B]

Yes. So did we.

[A]

Yeah. And how does he feel about DC Talk? How do you feel about DC Talk? Did you ever.

[B]

I'm sure he's probably toured with people in the community. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I would be very excited to meet someone from DC Talk. I really would. For those of you who don't know, Decent Clean Talk is the name of a hip hop group.

[B]

That's what it stands for.

[A]

Decent, Clean. Decent Clean Talk. And remember the song Jesus Freak? Do you remember it? That was their hit. Well, the reason I want to play it for you, Danielle, you grew up this way. Listen, I'm gonna play the opening bars of Jesus Freak. God, fuck you, YouTube, if you fucking pull this from monetization. Cause I'm playing five seconds of Jesus Freak. It's a religious song. It doesn't count. Listen to the beginning. Okay, I'm just gonna point something out. I'm just gonna point something out. What was the biggest song at the time when that came out? I'm gonna play it for you. They just. They just did a Christian. I mean, they just christened mainstream, but I love it. Dc, this is Decent Clean Talk, guys. I have no problem with it. You know, get the Lord in people's heart however you can. If you gotta sneak it in with some Nirvana, I don't give a shit. Save some souls. I'm kidding. But that is. Of course I'm kidding. I hate it. I'm Just kidding. I know I do like it. I hear Jesus Freak and I get pretty excited. Like, I'm at a wild.

[B]

I never knew that.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, tell him I said, send them this clip.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What was. What was. I don't mean to interview you about your husband, but I'm interested. How did you meet him? And. And what was. Were they big? Did they have a hit?

[B]

I mean, like, in the Christian world? I think they had one hit. So you. Like, in the Christian world music, it was, like, worship music and white rock. Like, that's all there wasn't much room for, like, rap, you know? So they had, like, one song do really well, and it was when they were doing, like, singing, and it wasn't even rapping. It was, like, a very white Christiany song. And it's called He Said, and that was their one, like, big song.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Oh, my God. My husband would love to have a conversation with you about his feelings about Christian music industry.

[A]

Yeah. Well, isn't it interesting? There was a time, and I was live at that time, that rap was like. There were. There were D.C. talk songs that were basically just like. Just because we're rapping doesn't mean we're bad. Just talking fast isn't making people sad. You know, like, they're. They're doing this corny thing. But the point of the song was like, this isn't the devil. This isn't the devil. And, like, that was a hurdle that they really had to get across. So I'm not surprised that their one hit was Sing Song.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then how did you meet this?

[B]

So his best friend married my roommate, and I saw him at their wedding.

[A]

His best friend married your roommate?

[B]

So we were at the.

[A]

Oh, yeah, like, life roommate.

[B]

Yeah. She was a girl I lived with.

[A]

For a little while. I don't know. I wanted to step that out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which roommate? This is why this podcast is in the top 10, baby. Which roommate was it? Angela? People want to know when you said, like, a lot of interesting things are happening. Qual Roommate. People need to know. Yeah. Tango K. Como city. Say no saber no.

[B]

Yes to know Tango.

[A]

Que saber. That means I need to know, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're just gonna be a white guy's Google for an hour. I have to say better.

[B]

I have to. To know. Okay.

[A]

I have to to know. Don't make fun of your own language.

[B]

I don't even speak Spanish.

[A]

Oh, no. Okay.

[B]

I know Spanish words.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In case you don't know what that means, it means your grandmother's disappointed in you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Let me translate. You're Abuela Triste muitri. Okay, so your roommate. Yeah, we don't know much about that, but some roommate.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Not important.

[B]

Neither her nor there.

[A]

Got married.

[B]

Got married. I went to her wedding, and I saw this hot guy, and I was.

[A]

Like, ooh, you smelled him first?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said, I'm gonna toucan salmons and fall on my nose. There's something over there that's either very confident or very unconfident. Something over there.

[B]

Something walked by. Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he was like. Were they performing at the wedding?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Seems like that. That he said might be good for, like, a candle. Like, two candles become one kind of ceremony, maybe.

[B]

Okay, yeah. Maybe He. He. No, I just saw him at their wedding.

[A]

When was this? How old were you? You don't have to. How many years?

[B]

We've been married for 12 years. We'll be married 13 years.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Here. So this was like, 13 and a half years ago. We didn't know each other very long before we got married.

[A]

I mean, who does that? Yeah, my wife and I, it was like. I don't even remember. It was like a year, a year and a half. Then we move in. Then we got married. Do it.

[B]

Yeah. We met in August, got engaged Christmas Eve, and then married in June. I hadn't even known him a full year yet.

[A]

Cute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How are your parents on that?

[B]

Great. Because.

[A]

Do you have a bigger water bottle, by the way? Just real quick. I know, I know. I just asked you a question. But were they out of big ones? You're 98% water.

[B]

You're trying this, like, three times since we've been sitting here.

[A]

No, stop it. You can't have already had one of those today.

[B]

No, this isn't my first one, but it's like. Here. Okay.

[A]

You're like that for your skin.

[B]

I drink, like, four for poops.

[A]

What are we doing? What's this about? Boops. Skin, mood, energy.

[B]

Yeah. Breast milk.

[A]

Yeah. Crying on camera. If you've ever had to cry on camera. Get real hydrated. That's not even fake. That's real. Like, I had to cry in something I just saw. I'm chugging water beforehand. Cause it's like you drink so much water, it comes out of your fake eyes. Everyone's like Meryl Streep. And she was just hydrated. She had a Vita Coco. I put these out for you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome. Please don't drink at them, because you're gonna beat your Pants. You can't have your argyle sort of share argyle and a Vita Co. You can't do both.

[B]

Yeah, I'm very embarrassed cuz it's a very, like, trendy cup. That's why I'm trying to hide the Stanley name.

[A]

What is Stanley? Is that like supreme for ladies?

[B]

Everybody had like, all the like, tik tok girls have a Stanley Cup.

[A]

Stanley.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stanley Cuprick. What is happening? Why Stanley? Why?

[B]

We don't know. Nobody knows why.

[A]

But it was a gift.

[B]

It was given to me and I use it.

[A]

Okay, we're going to step that out because I'm not going to forget to ask you about how you met your fragrant husband.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

What do you ever like, so Usher did the super bowl and now Usher's everywhere. Don't you ever feel like an idiot that we're all just like Usher? Like, don't you feel stupid? Like, I went on my Apple TV and there's a huge banner that's like, Usher the hits. And I'm just like, it's just being like a Stanley Cup. A Stanley Cup. It's a hockey thing. No. Is it? That's why they're popular. You got to get yourself a Stanley Cup. Wayne Gretzky's like, now mine doesn't mean anything. Yeah. Yes. But I'm just saying, like, don't you sometimes feel like a total idiot that things are just like forced into. Into millions and millions of people's consciousnesses and it works and then we go.

[B]

With it and I'm on board.

[A]

And so many people turned off Usher to listen to this podcast and they don't even realize we've been had. You don't like Usher? No one likes Usher. I'm just kidding. But Usher is just the same as somebody, Stanley, Stanley, there's another Usher. You know what I'm saying? But now we're all listening to Usher. Like this month, Usher. Billions of people listen to Usher and I don't know, I hate belonging to groups. So I'm like, fuck Usher. That's how not Stanley Cup I am.

[B]

Yeah, that's great.

[A]

But anyway, I'm just saying, how'd they get you?

[B]

Yeah, well, they got somebody who gave me this.

[A]

They gave it to you? But now you're getting them.

[B]

Now I'm in it.

[A]

Yeah. You're giving Stanley cup free airtime.

[B]

I act like I've never bought one. I did buy a Stanley before.

[A]

Thank you for your honesty. Thank you. I really appreciate you coming into the Kona Trust with me just there and Is it a Good cup.

[B]

Yeah, it keeps it nice and cold. I like that.

[A]

And tell me more about the roommate. Okay, so you're at the wedding. This is 13 and a half years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's handsome. And you approach him.

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh. What did you do? I kind of went around. What's it like being a lady? You just kind of, like, go around. You're, like, drinking from a straw kind of stuff?

[B]

I was waiting for him to notice me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he didn't shut? No.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because he only likes white girls.

[A]

Okay, there's a riff here, but I'm gonna let it go right on by. Nobody needs this joke area. He only likes white girls.

[B]

Yeah. That was his jam at the time. White girls jam?

[A]

His ivory jam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even jam is too colorful for him. He's putting cream cheese. He's more of a cream chees cheese guy. He doesn't like jam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's a Philadelphia guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he only likes white women.

[B]

Yeah. So he didn't even notice me. Had no clue I was at the wedding.

[A]

You're grabbing white girls to be next to you. Hi. Just traveling in a herd. Okay, so he's looking for white woman. You're looking at him. What did you do?

[B]

I went home and I cyber stalked him on the Internet.

[A]

That's the whitest thing you could have done. No wonder he loves you. So you went home? Yeah. How did you find. You knew his name?

[B]

I went to my roommate's Facebook page and I looked for her new husband's Facebook page.

[A]

And then?

[B]

And then I looked through every single one of his friends on Facebook until I found him.

[A]

You're like McGruff the crime dog. Yeah, I love it. And you found him?

[B]

Yeah. I watch a lot of Law and Order svu. I watch a lot of crime shows. I'm a really good. I feel like if I wasn't in the entertainment industry, I could be a really good detective or FBI agent or like, something like that.

[A]

You like fighting patterns and stuff?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not necessarily. Not necessarily patterns. I like judging things, like, harshly. That one. Ew. Him.

[A]

You don't want to solve the case. You want to be brought in when they know who to point at.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

When they just let you go back in the van and they're like, she's the daughter of the commissioner, so she gets to point at whoever she wants. You're like, I don't like patterns or clues. I like accusations. So you want to be Judge Judy? You could have a judge show. Maybe.

[B]

I might Honestly, her show gives me anxiety.

[A]

Judgy Jude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's real harsh.

[A]

And I'd be like, what will calm her?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What will calm her?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

She's winning and losing at the same time.

[B]

Scares me.

[A]

I can't see her reading a book unless it's, like, a legal book. And then she's poring over it with glasses in her dumb judge room. But I can't see her with, like, a John Grisham just in Vermont. If I saw a relaxed Judge Judy, I'd be like, the world's ending today. Like, I'd look for a fireball in the sky. Poor lady. She's also so small. Little Napoleon complex.

[B]

Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

I shouldn't be saying that. She's the guest next week. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay, so you find him and you send him. Yeah. Stanley cup. Go to stanley.slash. com. Angela, a n J. Swipe up.

[B]

For your Swipe up.

[A]

Now it's 10 added, but yeah, you get a special gold one. It is a little bit gold.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rose gold.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice. Is that the color of your iPhone? You're a rose gold.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Don't be dumb.

[B]

It's clear.

[A]

Clear. Nice. Okay, so then you sent him a message.

[B]

No.

[A]

What, you added him?

[B]

No, I did nothing. I just researched him. I looked him up to see who he was. Found out he was in a band. He was touring. He was, like, kind of famous. He loved the Lord, which at the time, I was like, that was like, bout it, bout it. I was like, oh, my God, he loved the Lord.

[A]

He was huge. If you met somebody, 99% chance they don't love the Lord. And then if they do, you're like, yeah, that's like Christian euphoria.

[B]

Yeah, he's my. He's my husband. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. You're so excited to say love the Lord.

[B]

Yes. Would have been the Christian euphoria.

[A]

Frick. Yeah. God dandruff. You ever say that one? Instead of God damn it.

[B]

No.

[A]

God dandruff. That was a big one. I love that one. I never used it. But you. Okay, so. Frick. Yes. He loved the Lord. He's in a band. But you didn't. I feel like this if in the movie of you guys meeting. Remember the beginning of the new Batman? Did you see that?

[B]

No.

[A]

It doesn't matter. You can just hear the bad guy breathing. It's like he's looking through a. Okay, remember this? And it's just. And it's really off putting. I feel like when you were on Facebook, we just would have heard you, like, oh, he loves the Lord. I don't know why I did a weird voice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, keep going.

[B]

Yeah, I just researched him, and then I let it go for a long time. I was like, well, you missed out, sir. You should have met me, because I was, like, really confident in myself. I was like, well, no, you missed out.

[A]

Are these your cheerleading years?

[B]

Yeah, I guess. 29. And when I was 29 when I met him. So this. I was 27 when I saw him.

[A]

And when did you finish your two years?

[B]

I let two years go by before I even talked to him.

[A]

Years.

[B]

Yeah, I researched him. I let it go for two years. And then my friend called me one day, my friend that got married that day. And she was like, hey, I want to hook you up with somebody. I was like, who? Who do you want to hook me up with? And she's like, look him up on Facebook. I don't know if he's your type, but his name is Manuel Reyes. And then when she said his name, all my research came flooding back.

[A]

Another great shot in your movie. All the math is going by Transparent Beautiful Mind. Yeah, exactly. Like, I do. Like pattern. And you. And you. He's in your web history, so it loads really fast. And you were like, it's the guy.

[B]

Yeah, I spelled it wrong. He's like, did you mean. And I'm like, yes, yes.

[A]

You go into Google, you type M. That is fantastic. And then what are the chances?

[B]

So That I didn't even tell her? I already stalked him two years ago. I didn't say anything. I was like, all right, I'll look him up. I already knew. And then. Yeah. And then we started.

[A]

Why fake it?

[B]

I don't know. We already talked about this. I wear masks.

[A]

Yeah. A little embarrassed. Yeah, it is embarrassing.

[B]

Yeah. I was a little embarrassed. I didn't tell him until, like, he was, like, locked in. Locked in.

[A]

Yeah. That. That would have been bad.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Two years ago, I looked you up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Although we're back to Nice to meet you. Good to see you. Yeah, we are.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Do you want to wear it on your sleeve and just be like, this is weird, but, I mean, I eventually told him. You did? But when he was locked in. Locked in.

[B]

Yeah, locked in.

[A]

Which was based on how your relationship went 40 minutes into the first day. So somebody after you fell in love with them. I'm gonna tell it the way you'll tell it. When you're a great grandmother. You fell in love with him at a wedding two years later. Like, stars aligned.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you went on your first date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where?

[B]

Skype.

[A]

Skype? It was during the lockdown. Why are you Skyping?

[B]

He lived in Florida.

[A]

He was like, look, I smell too strong. All my first dates have to be virtual. People keep running away. They got to get to know me before they smell me.

[B]

I can still smell him through the Skype.

[A]

It's staticky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like instead of. You're on mute. It says you're on cologne.

[B]

I can't even see him.

[A]

Can you turn on a fan? There's a little too much day cologne.

[B]

Is it humid where you are? What's happening? There's a gloss over the camera. But he was in Florida. He's like, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so he's in Florida.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And where are you in. In la.

[B]

La.

[A]

Long distance. So this is why you're Skyping.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But why is she setting you up with somebody cross country?

[B]

She finally realized what I realized two years ago. That we would be perfect together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. Well, when she. She told me, she's like, I don't know if he's your type, but look him up. But for him, she called him and she was like, same thing. She loves the Lord and she doesn't have debt. So, yeah, you would like her. And that was like, real big for him.

[A]

No debt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And loves the Lord.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As he forgives our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Not only do you have no debt, financially, spiritually, you've also been handled. This lady doesn't even have sin. She's been redeemed by Chase and Christ. You can have all of this. It won't work. In my act, she's double debt free. But he had been burned by people with debt before that.

[B]

I don't know. He was very financially astute, and so that meant a lot to him. That.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I forgot. He's like a good. Good with money guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, I'm not gonna date a problem.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that's okay. I respect that. You know what I mean? It's not nice, but I respect him. It's not gentle, but he's being. He's being nice.

[B]

He has boundaries.

[A]

I love it. I'm not even joking. Good. Manuel.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In case you don't know what that means, your grandmother is very disappointed in you. Just kidding. So Manuel Skypes with you and. And you have a good Skype.

[B]

I wish I was as Funny as you. Oh, God, you're so quick.

[A]

I'm just full of drugs. I don't know what. I don't know what to say. I appreciate that, but I'm really enjoying talking to you. If you were a dud, I wouldn't be this funny.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Sorry to all the duds we've had. Jk, We've never had a dud on this show. I'm just saying I'm enjoying your energy. So it's, it's, it's nice to talk with you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So was it a good Skype?

[B]

Yes, he maintains that. Not that it wasn't good.

[A]

He was good.

[B]

Starts with thrown off. Okay. I was in my hotel room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was leaving a city, packing up to go to the next city. I had no makeup on, my hair was in a messy bun. And I kept coming on and off screen because I was packing my suitcase. So I kept being like, and where are you from? And then walk away. And listen. Uh huh.

[A]

You come back, you're just in a bra. Then you come back, you're in a wedding dress, and you come back, you're wearing like a huge floppy hat. It's like, what is this?

[B]

Woman, How Christians date.

[A]

You knew you love. You both love the Lord. So you're like, I don't have to work too hard. Jesus is doing the lifting. But like, was that, Were you guarding yourself because you liked him? So you're like, I'm gonna go in real casual. That's what I would do.

[B]

I think it was probably a little bit of that. It was a little bit of like, let me not seem too interested.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then at the same time, I knew he was like, real hot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I hear you. I didn't want to, like, come off trying to impress him, I think. So I was just like, here I am.

[A]

Yeah. Good for you.

[B]

I don't have no makeup on. This is.

[A]

Listen, I love it. Killer. Great choice. 29 at this time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wiser than your years.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're like, I know just how to play this. Chiseled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sweet smelling man. I'm gonna pack. What a great move. And he was probably real frustrated.

[B]

I multitasked him. And he was so confused.

[A]

He was like, number three. You're like, pack. Look at my flight. And maybe the Skype. And he. It probably drove him nuts. What was his side?

[B]

I don't know. He was just sitting there on the computer. Every time he came back, he was sitting there.

[A]

How did it take? How did he take It. Was he frustrated or was he.

[B]

No, I. He was intrigued.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He kept coming back. He was like, huh?

[A]

This is how you go on a date with Ryan Gosling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't sit there alert and laugh at his jokes. You think he hasn't seen that before? How about get a carry on?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Start putting little tubes of toothpaste in a three ounce bag. That's how you get married. That's how you get married. Now you have a baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you wouldn't stop packing. The only thing you could have done that would have been more gangster is if you were in the car and it was like kind of pointed up at you and you're like, yeah, just like that.

[B]

Everybody on Zoom calls lately.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Hey, guys, I'm gonna turn my camera off because I'm driving.

[A]

That is me. Can we just bring this back to letters? Can we write letters to each other? Do you remember how good. That's the life Judge Judy needs is good old letter writing. Okay, so he liked it. He was intrigued. But he's in Florida.

[B]

He was intrigued and I think also frustrated. Like, if you were to ask him today, because I do recall him. When I say he maintains, it's because he was like, yeah, you, like, weren't even interested. Like, he's like, still frustrated about it. But it worked enough to be like, what. What is this? You know what I mean?

[A]

Right. Also, you put the hook in.

[B]

I was successful at the time, and I think that intrigued him.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, because he was successful doing his thing. I was doing my thing.

[A]

Look, I don't know who he dated before, but there's no way it was that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? So here's a late. You're touring.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Powerful.

[B]

Yeah, I was a little killing it.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just saying that's a big. That's a big old person. I was gonna say big woman, but that's just a big person.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So you were letting them see it.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. And then when we finally met up in person. Do you want somebody, Stanley?

[A]

No, I'm good. I have Covid.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The most casual. Oh, no, I have Covid. No, thank you. I have COVID 19. Don't drink this, you might die. Go on. You know when people are scared of COVID Now, aren't you kind of annoyed? Isn't it annoying because you have a baby? You see, there are people that are like, we're driving my daughter off at school. And no disrespect, but some of the parents are like, it's going around. And I'm like, it's not going around. Some people have Covid. It's not a thing. It's just a thing. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, it's not a thing. It's just a thing.

[A]

But it's not a. Like, I mean, am I wrong?

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

That's how I'm choosing to live.

[B]

Yeah, I hear you.

[A]

It's like, going. Like the flu is going around, and I'm like, some people have the flu. Look out for the flu. But we don't have to act like it's. I know what you did last summer. That's over. I'm not going inside because of the raincoat man with the hook. Me and Jennifer Love Hewitt are gonna be outside. She looks great.

[B]

Great lighting out here.

[A]

She'. Okay. Sorry. I don't know if that's a hot take. Katie, you're in the know. Is Covid a problem?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. It's a problem. They're really high.

[B]

Are they?

[A]

Oh, no. I just became maybe you do have it Q podcast. Yeah. But if I do have it, my attitude is, ah, it got me. Got me. It can't taste anything. I'll be back. I'll be back. It's not based on science or anything sturdy. It's just a. It's just a choice. Like, I gave it all my fear, and now I'm like, nobody get medical advice from a podcast. This one or any other one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So how did we get on Covid? Oh, yeah, your drink.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he was intrigued. You're touring. You're a lot of person. Powerful person. He's doing well, and you guys are, like, vibrating at a similar frequency, and. But now I'm worried because you're so far away.

[B]

Now I'm worried.

[A]

Now I'm worried.

[B]

The story's getting good.

[A]

Now I'm worried. Act break. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Modern Mammals. The only shampoo that I have found that cleans your hair but doesn't make it look like you shampooed your hair. What do I mean by that? I mean that for years, my strategy to having great hair meant, don't wash it, which maybe meant it looked pretty good, but it was gross. Had a bunch of gunk in it. Now Modern Mammals cleans your hair, but gives you the look like you didn't wash it. You know what I mean? When you shampoo your hair, it looks like crap. It looks like a bale of hay that you tossed in the dryer comes out crisped, fried. There's no nothing natural remaining in it. So it's all over the place, impossible to control. Then you end up adding all these products to make it look normal again. Modern mammals isn't like that. I washed my hair last night. It looks perfect. I didn't do anything to it. It looks perfect. I had a great hair day. That's what it is. 30 seconds to a perfect hair day. No products that you have to add afterwards. It's kind of like keeps everything that you want, gets rid of everything you don't. That's the best way I can say it. They have so many incredible reviews on their website. 40,000 guys have switched to modern mammals instead of traditional shampoo. Once you use it, you are hooked for life. I am hooked for life. You can't go back to regular shampoo after this. It's a small punk rock grassroots company. These guys were just fed up with shampoo, frying their hair and created a new product to wash your hair with. New shampoo alternatives specifically for guys. They have no plastic and no fragrance in the bars. They also have bottles, which is like a magic gray mud that I love the feeling and the smell of. Gets your hair perfect every single time. Six seconds. Perfect hair. Modern mammals.com weird. Where people can get a special combo deal and try both products, the bar and the bottle for $44. Try it out. No lie. It's a game changer. Modern mammals.com weird. Get both products for 44 bucks. We're also brought to us by our friends at Armra. I don't know if you guys are like me. You're hearing about colostrum. Everywhere I go, people are talking about colostrum. My friends are literally bringing up colostrum. What is colostrum? It is the first nutrition we receive in life and contains all the essential nutrients our bodies need to thrive. As you know, I'm obsessed with ways to strengthen my immunity, my gut health, my fitness, my endurance, my metallic, my metabolism, as well as my hair and skin, making it look great and feeling great all around. That's what colostrum does. I'm talking reactivating hair growth and glowing skin by reducing inflammation and puffiness in your face and neck, as well as stimulating stem cells to produce collagen. Collagen, excuse me. And increase elasticity. Talking about igniting your metabolism and fortifying gut health so you feel less bloated and lighter while replenishing your microbiome, stabilizing blood sugar and accelerating fat burning as well as fueling your Fitness recovery and your performance. I've been taking this now for months. I take it a couple times a day. I use the unflavored. It doesn't have an unpleasant taste. Sometimes I'll just dump a pouch in my mouth, swallow it with water. I never miss it. It just clears me up, gets me feeling ready to face the day. And as I mentioned before, anecdotally speaking, both Val and Leela were sick for like two weeks Old homesy, rocking strong. It's boosting that immunity. I can say that from my own personal experience, it is a game change. It's wholly natural, sustainable. It was developed with the highest integrity grass fed in the USA and they guarantee the highest potency and bioavailability of any colostrum on the market. For results, you can actually see and feel and take it from me, you see them and you feel them. We've got a special offer worked out for weirdos. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmora.com weird or enter weird to get 15 off your first order. That's t R Y A R m r a.com weird. All right, back to Angela. So now that we're back from our break, you decided to meet up in person.

[B]

Yes. So he flew to la.

[A]

Okay, you did it good. You packed just right. If he's like he has another window open on Expedia, that's a good. Bad date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good. So he comes to la. How soon after?

[B]

I mean, fairly soon. We were engaged real fast, so I don't remember the exact dates. We met in August and then he flies to LA at some point and pretty soon, actually, I think pretty quickly he flew to la and like, I'm.

[A]

Not trying to be. For two days stay with you.

[B]

He came for two days because he was touring at the time too, so he had like some days off. He came, we did like a double date with my friend and her husband.

[A]

I thought you meant Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Rainforest Cafe. We had a table for four. It was two empty chairs and us. But we knew. I am curious. Sorry to keep interrupting, but what, what was the. When you're talking about your faith.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I say this with full respect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was the butt sniffing there? Were you like, are you evangelical or like, was there or was it just kind of like what church did you go to? Or any.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what was. How did he tick the box? Spiritual.

[B]

So interesting question. So at the time, he and I both were very super Krish and so like it was the language, the Christianese and Like all of that.

[A]

Accountability.

[B]

Yeah, accountability. How's your heart?

[A]

How's your heart? Are you strong in the word?

[B]

All those things? It was all the things, right, girlfriends?

[A]

He's strong in the word. He's a man of integrity.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He's living a purpose driven life.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He does true love. Wait, or you guys Both.

[B]

No, no. Yeah.

[A]

By the way, no judgment.

[B]

It's going so fast. It's going so fast.

[A]

What did you say?

[B]

It's going so fast. I want to answer all the questions.

[A]

It is going so fast. And I'm doing it and I'm like, it's too fast. Slow down. Okay. Answer. And I'm going to take a break.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sponsored by Vita Coco.

[B]

Okay. Those. So the thing was, I. The last guy I dated right before him was like, super Krish. And he would, like, say all the Christianese words, but turns out he was just real manipulative. And he knew that girls like to hear these Christianese words in the. In the church world. Right.

[A]

Can I say it's a vulnerable thing? It is, because it's a gameable. Oh.

[B]

And he knew all the game. He would say all the things. Like he was playing the car, like, all of them. He knew all the Christian cards to play. And then I got played. And then. So a year goes by, by the.

[A]

Way, because a community that's known for openness. And I'm saying something nice. Openness, forgiveness, giving people the benefit of doubt is prone to sociopaths. I'm not saying this dude was a sociopath, but I remember a church being.

[B]

Like, he's pretty there.

[A]

If I knew what I know now, I'd be like, that's an attention seeking, narcissistic, borderline person, all of that. Who came here because no one else would have them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're like, we eat crackers, we have grape juice, and all these people have to listen to my shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

So I dated him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then a year goes by, and then here comes Manuel and he starts saying these same Christianese words. And so at first I was like, I just dated you a year ago. Yeah, I already got played. No, thank you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But then as I got to know him a little bit, it felt like he actually, like, meant things with his heart and was, like, not just saying words to try to get me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it just felt different. And it was one of those when you know, you know, type things, which is so cliche. And I was already 29 at the time. I had dated around a Lot. I had already been around blocks, so I was like. It just felt right. And I had a friend tell me I just cracked my back right now.

[A]

Oh, I envied that. You feel so good right now.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. You like this? You pull the heel. Yeah, it was good. It was good. I'm really good. And I was a cheerleader.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, keep going.

[B]

So I had tendonitis, so. Oh. So this was the advice that. I was starting to move fast. Me and Manuel was like, we're getting real serious. And I was like, wait, dare I say I love this person? And I would never say I had, like, commitment issues. I get that from my dad. Like, my dad's a bachelor. He's in his 70s. Like, he's just like, bachelor man. Yeah.

[A]

Does he like white guys? I'm just kidding. Is he kind of like Manuel, but in a different way? Older? Yeah. No.

[B]

So my dad's super bachelor, ladies man, commitment issues, would never call somebody his girlfriend, like, all the things. And so I kind of got that from my dad.

[A]

Keys guy. Just so you know.

[B]

Dosakis. Yeah.

[A]

He's kind of sexy and old.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, athlete. He was, like, in a men's soccer league in his 60s. Like, he's just.

[A]

Yeah, The Dosa Keys guy does not have a beard anymore. He's clean. Does your dad have clean.

[B]

He has a goatee.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

And he writes Harley's. He's like Mr. Cool Guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So anyway, I got that from my dad, where I was like, I would date a guy and I would never call them my boyfriend. It would be like, nope, we're just friends.

[A]

Your parents weren't together?

[B]

No, they got divorced when I was young.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because your dad, you know, he's thirsty.

[B]

Yeah. When I. My dad's from L. A.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Long story. My dad's from la, but we lived in the Bay. And when I moved to la, my dad told me he was joking. I think he goes, and don't date anyone that was born from this year to this year.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because that could be his kid. Basically, that's how much he got around in la.

[A]

I'm gonna look away now. I'm gonna just look and see if the smoke detector is blinking. It'll be like 30, 40 seconds. It's like 30, 40 seconds of bling. So just give me a minute. Don't date anyone.

[B]

And you were like, born from this year to this year. He was joking.

[A]

I know. And you're like, but what race? And he Was like, all of them. Oh, no. Okay. So your dad's like that.

[B]

Anyway, so I got my commitment issues from my dad. I pretty much think so. When I met Manny, and it started moving fast, and I started feeling like.

[A]

Hey, Manny's in the mix.

[B]

Yeah. And it was moving so fast, and I was like, this is weird. This is.

[A]

Why did you love. Do you remember the moment you were okay? I think I love this, dude.

[B]

Yeah. I wrote it in my journal because I'm a big, avid journaler, and I wrote that. I was scared to write it in my journal. Like, I wasn't even saying it out loud. I was scared to even write it in my journal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I have dated wrong for so long, and this felt right. That was confused, and I didn't know how to handle what feeling right felt like.

[A]

You know, people are scared of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Scary is it can be alluring to be miserable but safe, if that makes sense. Now you're gonna be happy, but, like, what the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Vulnerable.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So it was all of that, and then it was moving so fast, and I had a friend tell me. She. Because I was like, it's moving too fast. I need to pump the brakes. And she's like, why? Why do you think it's moving too fast? And I was like, because this is. That's not how it's supposed to go. You're not supposed to move this fast. This is, like, not smart. This is not wise, moving this fast. And she was like, I don't. I don't think so. I think just follow peace. If peace in your heart is saying keep at the pace, then keep at the pace. And if peace in your heart is saying, pump the brakes, then pump the brakes, but just follow peace. Whatever that is.

[A]

Don't listen to, like, weird fear. Like, fear can be good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then it can get out of control.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if we're always looking to fear to be like, what should we do? My therapist said paranoid people are right. And I love that he's like, when you're, like, afraid that there could be an earthquake where. That's always my example. He's like, you're right. But, like, you can't let fear rule your life. So this is what your friend is kind of saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen to the. A better voice.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

So I settled into that, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna follow peace. And I. So I kept moving at the pace we were going because it felt right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so far, so good. 13 years. I mean.

[A]

But you. You went on that double date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In LA. Where'd you go?

[B]

A restaurant. Like Kitchen 23 or something. I forget. What. Is that what it's called? Kitchen 24. Yeah.

[A]

You downgraded it. Yeah, it's 24. And it went well. And now you're touring and he's touring. Did you just, like, move in together like this? Feels like you're about to move in together?

[B]

No, because again, at the time, we were very super Krish.

[A]

Oh, yeah. So you're gonna get married? Married before you move in?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Que fabuloso. Sorry, that was Mexican Jesus. He just chimed in for a second. Que fabuloso. Mexican Jesus.

[B]

It's Jesus.

[A]

Yeah, it was right there. Okay, so you're not gonna move in, even though you kind of want to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But you're gonna get married.

[B]

Yep. So we get engaged very quickly. I like to say this one. I think you might appreciate this one. So we became boyfriend and girlfriend officially on October 4th. And I remember it because we kept saying 10 4.

[A]

Cute. You know me. I feel so. Seen the trucker hand in poker? If you get a 10, 4, you call it the trucker hand.

[B]

Oh. Oh, that's good. I like that.

[A]

Yeah, it's not a good hand. You should fold.

[B]

I like the cord.

[A]

Like, yeah, nine to five. If you get a nine to five, it's called Dolly Parton. There are all these fun little poker names.

[B]

Oh, how fun. I want to play poker now.

[A]

I know. That's pretty much the end of it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Big slick is ace king. Little slick is ace queen. Sorry, ladies. Queen Jack is Kojak. Look, it doesn't matter. I've bored myself.

[B]

Do you have an addiction? Is there a problem?

[A]

Yeah, I got real into poker briefly, and every once in a while, I'll go and dominate a poker game.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah, it's really fun. Anyway, okay, so how did the engagement happen? Did you talk about getting married? Because this is very fast, it seems.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If he's just gonna propose, that would be kind of crazy.

[B]

But no. Yeah, we had talked about it. And.

[A]

Do you mind if I ask if you were doing it before you?

[B]

Yeah, you can ask. And we didn't.

[A]

You didn't?

[B]

No. We were super crushed.

[A]

I was super crushed, too, but would like, whoops, Whoopsie doodle.

[B]

Whoopsie doodle.

[A]

Literally, whoopsie doodle. And then we did the most Christian thing I've ever heard of. Then we got engaged. And when we got engaged, we stopped to, like, A do over. Oh, doing it do over. Yeah, we did a doing it do over. Then we got married and we started doing it again. Yeah, it was really. Look, no disrespect.

[B]

You fasted doing it.

[A]

We fasted. We were intermittent sex facts. Fasters. But, like, I'm not even saying this to be funny. There's nothing kinkier than, like, getting religion in your sex. Like, being like. And God's watching and we're gonna stop and he'll like that. He'll like that we stopped. He'll love that we dry humped naked. He'll think that was so righteous. Then we'll get married, and then we're gonna fucking devour each other. And he's gonna be like, fucking kinky as shit. It's so kinky. And when I say kinky, I just mean, like, adding spice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Potentially weird. Go on.

[B]

The Lord loves a good jean jam. You know what I mean?

[A]

He loves a jizz and a jean.

[B]

Jean jam for the Lord.

[A]

Jean jam. Get that burn going.

[B]

Sick. You can smell my jeans are my condom. Let's do that.

[A]

Christian condoms. Wranglers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no, don't do it in khakis. Everyone will know. You need a dark gene. If you're going out afterwards. Wear a dark jean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So jizzing and jeans. You saved your saved.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's like, the calling card at, like, conferences. Like, if you see a guy walk in with dark jeans, you know what he's looking for.

[A]

He's a Christian.

[B]

We just figured it out.

[A]

Looking for that friction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Christian friction. That's the Christian dance.

[B]

We are unstoppable.

[A]

We are unstoppable right now. Yeah. We've totally merged into one energy, and we're like. We'll call it Christian friction. Are we on cocaine? I think we might be. Okay, so Christian fiction. Do you mind if I ask? Well, that's very personal, but had you never done it?

[B]

Yeah. I was a virgin when I got married.

[A]

Jane the virgin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You did it. I mean, a long time. Okay, go ahead.

[B]

She. I did the Christian. No, I love it. I love it all. I love it all. She did the Christian. When I say she, it's me.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

She did the Christian. The Christian mingle. She did the Christian. How far can we go? The. Let's get around it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Dance full. Yeah.

[A]

Everything you could do. I've never asked someone if they did it in the butt on the podcast.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, I do that. I didn't do that.

[A]

The Everything but that.

[B]

I I thought that was a big Mormon thing.

[A]

I think it is. No offense. Latter Day Saints. Feel seen, not judged.

[B]

Feel seen, not judged.

[A]

But I knew girls at my school that would do everything but. Emphasis on but.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In college.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And I heard that was a big Mormon thing.

[A]

And then. But, you know, to join you in the. In the. No. The no shame zone. Yeah, I did the same. Everybody did. It's like, okay, well, we can't have sex, but we'll do everything. Everything again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was me. My husband was. Different story. He already had sex with people. But for me, what if I was legit shocked?

[A]

Manny. Group one crew. More like group 69 crew. Am I right? Okay. No, don't. Don't. Cheers it. So he had. He had tasted the fruits of the garden.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He had enjoyed the double standard. But you were. You were.

[B]

I was trying my hardest.

[A]

Yeah, you were. You were firme. I said it like an Italian firme. But then you get married. Can I. Yeah. This is my. I've been married twice. Both times, my wedding night sex was. And I would say this if I was in the room. You're just so tired, and it's so.

[B]

Like, my night, mine. Wedding night was a scene from Law and Order svu. It was awful.

[A]

Iced tea was there. Yo, that's nasty. I don't know if that was right.

[B]

Yo, that's really good.

[A]

Would be proud.

[B]

That's really good, actually. That's really good.

[A]

Previously on svu.

[B]

Yeah, they don't do that, but that's really good.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

No.

[A]

We gotta get a kit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what he says.

[B]

Call a bus.

[A]

Call a bus.

[B]

Yeah, There you go.

[A]

He just talks like a cool cat.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Which I can't really do.

[B]

Yeah. It was pretty good, though.

[A]

Thanks. So it was a scene from svu. Like, it was a mess.

[B]

Awful.

[A]

What do you mean? Oh, I thought you meant wild and amazing and bohemian.

[B]

It was. No, it was awful because, like, it was. I. This is what I wish. I wish I would have not been, like, it's my wedding night. Like, I have to do it, but like, you said, you're exhausted and whatever. And, like, I wish somebody told me about lube, buddy.

[A]

Like, after all of that smiling and dancing and cake cutting, lady needs some ky.

[B]

I didn't think I would need it, but I was exhausted.

[A]

Sweated out all your internal moisture. Drunk.

[B]

And then it was like, well, it's our wedding night. We have to do it.

[A]

Which is the least sexy thing.

[B]

It was.

[A]

Which is why? Both of my wedding nights stung. Val and I were already doing it, obviously, but, like, our wedding night was so. Again, I'd say that if she was sitting there, it was just like, let's. You know what we did that was super cris. I don't think I've said this. I washed. I washed her feet. We were, like, in the bathroom, and I was like, just washed your feet. I was like, christian Pete would love this. It was really beautiful. It wasn't even in, like, a Christiany way, but it was just sort of, like, loving and gentle.

[B]

It wasn't like, ceremonial.

[A]

Not really. It was just sweet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a nice little. More like a massage. And then the sex was pretty f minus my. My fault.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my fault. No, mine was my fault.

[A]

Oh, tell me.

[B]

It was awful. I was exhausted. Like I said, it was just a scene from svu. He was. I remember him telling me, like, I.

[A]

So he's putting on his sex.

[B]

I was, like, crying. It was painful.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It was all the things. And he's like, I can't finish if you're crying.

[A]

So much better than. I'm into this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That would be.

[B]

He's like, I can't do it like this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Poor thing. Can I say I put him in that position?

[A]

We need. There's a joke about Put in.

[B]

In position here.

[A]

We're gonna let it go right on by. I know so many creeches. Super creatures that got married, and we're sort of in the dark. Lube, all that stuff, whatever it might be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they have horrible first experiences. And the men who are already probably coming at it from a place of shame, then have this, like. Yeah, I'm not trying to be funny, but, like a grating, unpleasant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they're like. It ruins their. Their life. They're imprinted with a negative.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your wedding night, which you like. I know girls think about their wedding day and. But boys also have, like, this expectation, and then it was bad or. Like, I've known people that, like, they couldn't do it. Like, they couldn't. Again, I'm not trying to be funny. Couldn't get it in. It wouldn't go in because it was just. And they don't know.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I had to do it. I had to do a lot of work to come out of, like, the whole purity culture and, like, get to know my body and, like, learn myself and not be ashamed. Like, I had to do so much work on myself. Years of work to get out.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Of that.

[A]

It was me Too.

[B]

A lot of. Just unnecessary. I wouldn't. I'm. I will never put that on my daughter. Ever.

[A]

Me neither. A, it's so hard. A is right. It's like two cartoon characters. You've been like A Again, I'm not even saying that. Like, all I'm saying, when I was a serious Christian, I felt like a. Like a Smurf. And now we're going in the room, and it's like, Smurfs don't have genitalia. Smurfs don't know about foreplay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Surf don't. Buying lube. No, that's not for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, not for me. That's for your dad out on his Harley. I got lube in the saddlebag for the bike and for the lady. WD40 for the lady. Okay. So I'm so sorry that happened, but I also relate, and I'm glad you shared it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

There's a lot of people that need to hear that over that. It's not just you, and you can come back from it.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I tell my husband now, and we have this conversation often. I'm like, I wish I would have hoed out before I met you. Like, I really, really do. I remember one time we were on vacation, we were in Spain, and our waitress, she was from another country, and she's like, yeah, every summer I just travel to different countries and I get a job waitressing and just like, go experience life. And I'm like, I wish I would have done that and just, like, hoed out in all these different countries and just, like, lived my life. Life.

[A]

And imagine smoking some cigarette, like, brand we don't have here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want a tranquilo? Whatever it is. And you're just. And there's pictures of death on the box. You're on a balcony. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's what everybody. When I got married. So you were pretty young. 29.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And were you 30 when you got.

[B]

Back to the cigarette? I feel like I would do the smoker. It starts like this, but then you take it out like that, you know, I mean, like the cool smoke.

[A]

Thank you for naming that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm tired of these fucking smokers acting like they don't know. Like that is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's a maneuver. It's a move or. It's a move.

[A]

Yes. Or the flick.

[B]

The flick. Yeah.

[A]

I'm done with this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What is this? The master of fire?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When there's still like some left because they're rich, you know, they could just do it.

[A]

I used to have a bit about that. I'm.

[B]

I hate people.

[A]

No, no, no. I never did it. Take two drags of a cigarette and then they put it out. I'm like, that was expensive. Like 70 cents. I'm not out here licking two, like two licks of a lollipop and throwing it away. It's frustrating. That's why I didn't do it on stage. It's not that good. It's not that good. Licking lollipops is the best part. So you had terrible sex and it's been going fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then all these years later, you had. You had a baby.

[B]

Yes. We didn't want kids. And for the longest time, my career was my kid. That was my baby. It was the thing that I, like, held most high and that I thought was so just fulfilling. And I had all these goals and dreams and. And my dreams were the thing that I thought about at night. Not my being a mom one day was like, I really wanted to be on loan art sv. Like, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All I thought about.

[A]

You wanted to be on it.

[B]

Yeah, I still do.

[A]

I can see it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Blue jacket.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Dark navy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

With big yellow letters on the back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have tude. I see you chewing gum.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're not really looking at anyone. You're like, yep, it's a lot of down, huh? And. And the. And the man are threatened by you.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Angela's here, huh?

[B]

And then I don't respond right away. I do a look first and then.

[A]

The words thank you. And also the whole scene happens. And then at the end, you turn to the guys that were talking and you're like, by the way. And you. You quote what they say.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You go, I hear everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it plays the who. I'm thinking of a different show that's csi, but I. But this episode, it still goes. Wow.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It borrows a song from a different show. Just for my one episode there.

[A]

No, you'd be great at that.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You should do it as if. As if it's up to you.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so funny. Cuz I have fans tell me all the time, you should do more movies.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I go, yeah, I should.

[A]

You should do that. You should do snl. Yeah. I've been meaning to return their call. You look at your voicemail. It's all l Michaels. L. Michaels. L. Michaels. L. Michaels. You're like off blocked. Blocked. You should do the Daily Show. Should I? Yeah. These are all the things I think you'd be great at. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. You guys have heard me talking about Magic Mind on this podcast, probably on social media as well. Magic Mind is a performance drink. It is a flow giving elixir. What do I mean by that? It's got a little bit of caffeine, about as much as half a cup of coffee from Matcha. It's got adaptogens to help you calm down and settle into your body. It's got nootropics that help your brain function at its optimum. Put those things together and what do you got? You got a little magical drink like athletes have Gatorade, creators have creator aid. It doesn't get you wired, it gets you dialed in. You get 30% more done on average. 5 to 7 hours of 30% more productivity after drinking helps fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue and some ADD symptoms. Dropping you into that flow state after three to seven days of continuous use gets even easier. Meaning it builds with time. This product has, it's right here on my desk. Has 100% changed my life. I take it sometimes a couple times a day if I have a lot to do. It is a game changer. I love it. They have a money back guarantee. Any first purchase will be refunded, no questions asked. If it doesn't meet your custom, your expectations. That's you guys. You're the customer. We have a wonderful offer for you guys. Go to www.magicmind.co weird and use my discount code at checkout Weird to get a limited 20 off your first order. That's MagicMind Co weird. Use discount code weird for 20 off your first order. Speaking of nootropics were brought to us by our friends at on it. I stack this. I take Magic Mind with my Alpha Brain because they are different blends, but it is a similar kind of idea. A nootropic is like fish food for your mind, for your creativity, for your focus, for your recall. Anything I do that involves my brain for the past 10 years, I always, always, always take two to three alpha brain 15 minutes beforehand. It's not like caffeine. It's not a stimulant. It doesn't get you all up, just gives you earth grown ingredients that helps your brain thrive and dial into what it is you're trying to do. Whenever. Whenever I'm doing a podcast Stand up. Sitting down with a book, going on a date with Val. I mean, when don't you want your brain running at its optimum level for a massive difference that you actually feel? I swear by it. I keep it in my car. Keep it in my carry on. I keep it everywhere. It's in the pocket. It's in the pockets of my coats. I've had fans come up and say, do you really have Alpha Brain in your pocket? And I do. And I sometimes have handed it out, and I'm like, I swear, I promise, that's Alpha Brain. It is a absolute, absolute secret weapon to everything that I do creatively, professionally, and even personally. And you've got to try it. If you like it 1/10 as much as I do, you will shit your pants. Go to onnit o n n I t.com weird. You'll get 10% everything off. 10% off everything you see on that landing page. That's onnit.com weird. All right, everybody, back to Angela. Okay, then. When did you change your mind on bringing up Bibi Covid? Coco Maloco?

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Which is still very. It's big.

[B]

Numbers are on the rise, you guys.

[A]

It's a big thing. Don't live like me. I'm just Indiana Jones ing it for my own sanity. There may be a boulder behind me, but I'm. I don't see it. I'm just going for a jog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm cardio Indiana. You tell me there's a boulder behind me. That's on you. I'm just running because that's how I live. There's lots of boulders. I don't need to talk about them. I don't need to know which one.

[B]

Why do we need to point out this one boulder? There's a lot.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah. Heart disease is also going around. Covid's back. Yep. So is cancer, guys. Like, it's big. It's big. This is a dark rif. It's out there. Car accidents are big. Sorry, by the way, social distance. What are we doing, Katie? Nothing. She goes nothing. And that's. That's the problem. I get it. I get it. Look, I'm outside most of the time. You can't get it outside.

[B]

No.

[A]

Jk, guys, I totally got outside, but it was an orgy. Why you. During COVID You decided that maybe. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So everything's canceled. Nobody is nice. Thank you. Also, look at that.

[A]

Do you rent that out as an Airbnb? Jesus Christ. What's the nightly rate on your ring. There's a little man on there. The WI fi is out. You're like, I don't care. I don't care.

[B]

Check out Scorpion.

[A]

But very beautiful.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

[A]

You're in Covid and you go, let's make this harder. You know what? Life is so uncertain. Let's bring someone else in the mix.

[B]

Why keep it just to us, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I had a baby during. I. I didn't have a baby. I had a two year old during the lockdown. Honestly, it was the most. It. It was the best. Yeah, it was the best having a little baby because you were gonna be.

[B]

Well, I didn't. I decided in Covid.

[A]

Yeah. So what was the process? Walk me through it.

[B]

Like I said, my dream was my baby. And I'm at this point in life where everything shut down. Nobody's touring, nobody's filming shows, nobody's auditioning, nobody's blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I would watch like a movie or a TV show, and I would be like, oh, I could totally do that. Like, when's it my turn? Like, that's how I'd watch it. I'd be like, I can do that. I know I can do it. Yeah, like, that's how I would watch it.

[A]

Can I just relate to you? I don't like that. I watch movies now and I'm like, I could have done that. You're telling me I couldn't have been Jim on the Office. You're telling me I couldn't have been Jim? I'm just kidding. But, like, I hate. I don't like that part of me. It's like, not every present at the party is for you. Let Krasinski play.

[B]

Yeah, let Krasinski play.

[A]

Let Krasinski play.

[B]

And then now Kaczynski, give us a turn. You have enough.

[A]

I hear they're rebooting it. I do hear they're rebooting it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I'm too old for Jim now. Now I'll be Michael.

[B]

Yeah, this is true.

[A]

Or I'll be Daryl. Mix it up. Mix it up.

[B]

Did you see how my brain couldn't follow for a second? I was a little terrible, dude.

[A]

I barely understood what I was saying. Driving on the highway the other day, I rolled the window down. I was being driven. It was a car, okay? The club set a car. So I'm busy. La. Driving home, I just rolled down the window. I looked to my right. It's an suv and it's Craig Robinson. What? How random is that? You're just like, I'm having.

[B]

Did you.

[A]

It was too late. It happened so fast. I was like, what the. What the fuck? And then my guy was going faster than Craig. And then we never synced up again.

[B]

Oh, darn.

[A]

But I was like, I'd yell at him. Yeah, but. And then I get to see his face, be like, oh, it's a fan. And then be like, no, it's that guy.

[B]

Yeah. At the improv.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, improv. Yeah. Hey. And he honks.

[B]

Good to see you.

[A]

Good to see. Angelajohnson.com Tor, you won the day. Freedom by Beyonce starts playing, and we're just like, then the show's over. We never talk again. You won today. You're gonna go to bed tonight and be like, why do I feel fantastic? And then you'll smell Manuel coming in, and you'll be like, I don't remember any. That was excellent. Okay. So why during COVID did you decide to have a baby?

[B]

Okay. I was not missing it. I wasn't missing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you're saying everybody was taking a break.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't miss the road. I didn't miss auditioning. I didn't miss filming. I didn't miss. I wasn't watching shows being like, oh, I could do that. I was watching shows being like, yeah, that's. Whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I never thought that I would be. Is whatever about my career.

[A]

This is awesome. I'm loving this. And I had a very similar experience. You're like, everything you thought you were went away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And let. And yet you were still there. So who are you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Turns out it wasn't those things. Yeah. This is. This is literally a type of conversion. It's a type of awakening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That you're like, turns out I'm. I'm valuable without those things, and I'm precious without those things. And I'm happy without those things.

[B]

Yeah. I was finally enjoying the fruits of my labor. I was finally, like. I had a balcony that overlooked the city, and it was beautiful. And I never had furniture out there because I never had time to go sit and relax out there. I finally put furniture on my balcony, and I would just.

[A]

Movie ends.

[B]

Yeah. And I would just sit, and I would enjoy it. And I was like, this is awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not, like, hustling and not, like, having to, like, get back on the road and all that.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[B]

So it was in those moments that I was like, oh, shoot, did I mess up? Should I have had kids?

[A]

Yeah. Like, I'm not saying yes, but yes.

[B]

Yeah. Because everybody would always tell me, like, that had kids. They were like, oh, it's the most fulfilling thing. And I'd be like, no, my career is.

[A]

I've never been on Lopez Tonight. Big words from someone who's never been on Lopez Tonight.

[B]

I'm sorry, how many followers do you have exactly?

[A]

This kid has zero followers. Yeah. The only thing he's influencing is in his pants. He pooped himself.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Got it. Liked it the right amount. So you. You had a moment of clarity is really what this sounds like.

[B]

Moment of clarity. And I said, oh, ruh roh is what I did say. And then I was like, well, I don't even know if I have eggs left. I'm 38 at the time. I'm like, I don't even know if I have any options.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To even be thinking about it, you.

[A]

Know, now that you do. But.

[B]

Well, so I went to the doctor to go get tested and be like, hey, is there anything happening in there?

[A]

Look at the supermarket, when you buy eggs, sometimes they'll open the carton just to check them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you did that.

[B]

Are there any cracked ones?

[A]

Can you open my carton?

[B]

Yeah, there's some missing.

[A]

Because I don't want to get home and see that some of these are broken.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And okay, so you got them checked.

[B]

Yes. And they were like, you have minimal action happening here. If you want to do something, you got. Hurry up and do it now is what they think.

[A]

They're so rude. You have high cholesterol. Rude. You could lose some weight. Rude.

[B]

You know what? I'm posting this, and you're going to get canceled. Okay, first of all, what if that happens? How dare you?

[A]

My doctor told me I had three weeks to live of rude. And then they die. Go. So they said you have minimal activity. That must have been sad.

[B]

Yeah. So, like, you gotta hurry up and do something about it. So at the time, I still wasn't sure I wanted kids. I was like, well, let me go save my eggs just in case I want some kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I started doing the IVF process to save my eggs. And then as I was going through the process, every appointment that I would have, the numbers kept dwindling. And they're like, oh, now actually, your fibroids are bigger than we thought. They're in location that you can't get pregnant with these fibroid, blah, blah, blah. Like, every appointment I went to was like, more bad news, bad news. And they're like, this may not be for you. You know, it was like, that kind of a conversation.

[A]

Yeah. But you still weren't sure.

[B]

Well, once I started getting that kind of information, the more they would tell me, like, this might not be for you, the more it became something I wanted.

[A]

Yeah, I get that.

[B]

So is that I was like, you're telling me I can't have it now. I want it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then it became, I'm not just saving my eggs now. I'm trying to get pregnant.

[A]

The first person at the ultrasound, you go, booyah to the doctor. Booyah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's got low activity now? And then you're like, ruh. Now you have to raise the baby. But you still won, though. Don't worry. You won. But. Okay. I feel this, though. I feel it looking back.

[B]

You'll win.

[A]

So was it from a frozen or was it from a.

[B]

No. So what happened was I did ivf, and the first time I only got two eggs. And, like, in comparison, for those who, like, don't know much about it, like, my friend, she got, like, 16 eggs, you know, and I got two, so I had to do it again. And then so I did IVF again, which. It's a lot on your body as a woman. You're, like, injecting all these hormones into you. Your body feels crazy. It's expensive. It's all this stuff. And then this time, I got four eggs.

[A]

That's an omelette.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

You're like, okay, I'll be hungry around, too, but we can work with this.

[B]

So then now we're going to put my eggs with my husband's sperm to make an embryo. And at the time we go to do that. So when we first started this process, my husband, he got his sperm checked and my eggs checked, and we're like, okay, this is where we're at. And then they do some genetic testing to make sure that you guys are, like, compatible to have kids. They're like, yes, you're compatible. And at the time, his sperm count was, like, billions of sperm count. And then when they went to go put them together, his sperm count was zero.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'm also just relieved that they're like, it turns out he's not one of your father's kids.

[B]

Yeah, we're thrilled. We're thrilled.

[A]

So he. I also. The thought of you injecting yourself with hormones, I'm not the first person to point this out, the discrepancy here, but you're going through all this pain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's just jizzing in a cup, and he can't Even do that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he comes out at zero. Why? What happened?

[B]

So he was taking testosterone.

[A]

Of course. I'm just kidding. It comes with the cologne.

[B]

Yeah. There was testosterone in the cologne.

[A]

Brilliant idea.

[B]

Chemical imbalance.

[A]

Testosterone boosting cologne.

[B]

Test alone. Just.

[A]

Stallone.

[B]

It's in there.

[A]

Sylvester Stallone presents Stallone. To Stallone.

[B]

High T. Testosterone.

[A]

Testosterone. I don't know why. My tongue went out and I hated it.

[B]

None of us could stop it.

[A]

I couldn't stop it. It was the most natural.

[B]

I was trying to go with it, but do I do it too?

[A]

I'm really glad you didn't. I regret that I did, but. Testosterone. The only testosterone boosting Stallone cologne endorsed by Sliced Alone.

[B]

We gotta tell somebody about this.

[A]

Hi, Sharks. I'm in. Yeah, they're in. If we could do that, that would be huge. And it comes with a pair of sunglasses you can wear on the back of your head when you're not wearing them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We're doing good.

[B]

Oh, my God. There needs to be, like, after this episode, a compilation of all the ugliest laugh faces that I'm making this episode. Like, it's really.

[A]

And then after each one, me going.

[B]

My laughing is so angry.

[A]

No, it's an ugly episode. No, it was great. But we're having a lot of feelings. We're having a lot of feelings. Okay.

[B]

I gave you a standing ovation.

[A]

You did? I've never done the Apollo, but for a second I was like, hanging.

[B]

Standing ovation.

[A]

It was like the Apollo. It was hot.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It was great.

[B]

It was good.

[A]

Okay, so he has zero because he's taking testosterone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

So what happens is, when you take testosterone and you put in, like, a foreign testosterone, it tells your bodies to stop making your own testosterone. And your own testosterone is what creates the sperm. So if you're not creating testosterone, you're not creating sperm. We didn't know that.

[A]

I feel like that's a birth control opportunity that's being overlooked right now.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

So the pill for men.

[B]

He had to get off his testosterone supplements and we had to wait six months, 60 days. I forget what it was. But your testosterone, your sperm cycle, had to wait for him to create new sperm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then my eggs went on ice until he created sperm. And then when he did have sperm, they put them together. Then we got four embryos. Three of them made it to testing. When they came back from testing, none of them were viable. So then it had.

[A]

What does that do?

[B]

That means the. They're testing Weird. Yeah, they were things Were wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I had to start over from scratch. And I'm touring at this time. I'm like, I. My book had just come out. Like, it was, when am I going to do this again? Like, this is. It was heartbreaking. So I'm like, well, I have one month off in November. I'll do it again in November and hope for the best. And so during this time, this is early in the year. I'm now getting ready to film my special October 1st. So I'm like, all right, well, I'm not doing the IVF thing right now. I'm just gonna work on me, and I'm gonna get my body snatched for this taping, and I'm gonna exercise. I'm gonna stop drinking alcohol. I'm gonna not eat club food after 8pm Like, I'm doing the whole thing. Like, I'm just trying to get my body right for this taping. But really, I didn't know that I was getting my body right to make a baby. Getting pregnant naturally.

[A]

I don't know why I'm looking to the camera like I'm Manuel, but that's amazing.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

So then I got pregnant. Yeah.

[A]

Dude, isn't it funny? Your career was your baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You want a baby, A baby baby. You end up doing something for your career to prime yourself for your career, and then you end up priming yourself for a baby.

[B]

Look at that.

[A]

It's wild. Wow. But it's also not a surprise. Like, you got yourself. I don't know, you cleaned up your.

[B]

I don't know, my insides.

[A]

Your inside.

[B]

I literally did, because I went and I had to have a surgery to take my fibroids out. They're like, if you ever want to get pregnant, you have to get that fibroid out because.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah. It's crazy. And then when they went in, they found I had endometriosis everywhere. And it was like a whole. It's like, imagine this, like, web, this very thick spider web all over your organs and intestines and everything. Yeah.

[A]

Imagine that. I don't want to imagine. So you were a haunted house.

[B]

Yes. And they had to go scrape it all out. Yeah.

[A]

Just sucking up all the cobwebs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, good thing. Okay, so you got all clean, and then you just got pregnant. Were you trying, or were you just doing it?

[B]

No, we were trying.

[A]

You were trying.

[B]

I was doing the whole, like, testing my ovulation and all that kind of stuff.

[A]

Yeah. Wow. And when. When was the baby born?

[B]

Eight months, June 14th. Is her birthday.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, I got pregnant like the week before my taping.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

I didn't know I was pregnant during my taping. I didn't know.

[A]

You kind of ally woned it.

[B]

Yeah, well, she was full pregnant.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I was not knowing pregnant.

[A]

Could have. Could have won'd it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got those views, man. That was a brilliant idea. Wasn't there? Not that I'm not saying she like constructed it, but everybody had to watch. Definitely Tiger Baby. I mean, special. And you have a pregnant special as well.

[B]

Kinda.

[A]

Kinda. But no one needs to watch it. Yeah, it's not like Tiger Baby. No, I get the name wrong. What is that special called? You just give it a shout.

[B]

Mine? Yeah, it's called say I won't. And it's on YouTube.

[A]

I just couldn't remember. Yeah, I watched it.

[B]

Yeah, it's very funny. Thank you.

[A]

Great job. Looks great too.

[B]

Appreciate it. Thank you.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

Self finance, self produced.

[A]

Really doesn't look that.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, I wanted it to be super. Like, this needs to look as good, if not better than what you're going to see on Netflix or any of these other streamers.

[A]

We're very similar. Mine was self produced as well. To a certain. Yeah, we had a partner, but like, whatever. What I'm saying is it wasn't Shane Gillis. You know what I mean? It wasn't like a. And his looks amazing and beautiful. And you can tell mine's a smaller venue, cheaper. But yours isn't.

[B]

No, we did the Ryman. We're like, listen, go big or go home.

[A]

Nice. Yeah, I chose go home. I'm gonna go home and keep a little of this as my feed. You were like, no, put it all on the screen. That's fantastic.

[B]

A little of this.

[A]

And how are you finding it, the being a mom?

[B]

I was like, my special, it's doing great.

[A]

No, it has like 4 million views.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Eight months, 4 million views. Wait, your special is as old as your baby?

[B]

Yeah, it came out may. My baby was born in June. Yeah.

[A]

So cool. But it is finding an audience, which is amazing.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Must be very proud. Congratulations.

[B]

I am. Thank you.

[A]

But then how. How are you finding ba Being a mom?

[B]

I love it. By the way.

[A]

You're safe to not love it because you are in that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Postpartum place. I just want to give you a green light. There's such a guilt, you know what I mean? If you didn't love, it would all be like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Totally normal to be.

[B]

No, I. Full of it. But I'll tell you one thing. In the beginning when I first had her, people would be like, like, don't you just, like, love her more than anything in the world? And I hadn't yet. Like, I love her, but I'm still, like, getting to know her.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

And then they'd be like, can you, like, not imagine your life without her now? And I was like, no, I still can. I remember my life without her. Like, she just got here, like, two weeks ago, showed up now eight months in.

[A]

But they're like. They're, like, hypnotizing you or something. It's weird, these. These things that we.

[B]

Well, but people put their thoughts on you, and then I feel like, I will get there. But I couldn't answer it like that because I wear masks, remember? So I would just answer, be like, I know I can't imagine it. I can't.

[A]

But I really could, by the way, real quick. The word personality comes from the word Persona. So your personality is a Persona, and Persona is a mask. So everybody's wearing masks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're just aware of it, which is the best. Because you're not gonna stop wearing masks.

[B]

No.

[A]

But in that moment, you're going, like, I hear. I think I know what you're doing. I think I'll get there, and I'm going to go with it. That's everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With every issue.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're like, I'm great. And you're. You might not be doing great, but you kind of. You're like, I don't want to slow this down.

[B]

I'm going to go, oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, yeah. But it's super hard.

[A]

And I don't. I'm glad that you're there, because I'm one of those people that's like, you know, I have to check myself and not do that to new parents. And that's why I didn't want to do that to you. And.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the best. It's fucking crazy.

[B]

It's wild.

[A]

Like, you're sleep deprived. You're losing your mind.

[B]

My hormones are crazy. My mind. Losing my hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Losing my identity.

[A]

Losing your body. The baby is like. I say this with all love. Babies are like, I've said this before, but you know that in Harry Potter, there's the. The dementors. They, like, suck your face and they're like. Meaning it's something that's, like, feeding off of you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you couldn't be. It's like, A dementor that you're, like, in love with, so you're being sucked into it, and you're like. And you'd give anything. Yeah, but it's risky. Like, Val and I. Yeah.

[B]

And then here's my husband over here going, don't go. I'm waiting for my wife to come back.

[A]

Dude. That's what I was just gonna say. My wife and I went on a date last night. My daughter's five, and so she's old enough. It's the best. Like, get ready for five. It's so awesome. But it's also a place where she knows, like, we went on a date. My wife had been away for the weekend, and. And I have to explain to my daughter, like, we're going on a date. And she's like, why can't I come? And you're like, it's so hard to say no to her. Like, she's like, I wanna. I wanna come. She doesn't say that. Chill. By the way, it's kind of sad. And I'm like. Val's like, well, you know how sometimes you want just dada time or you want just mama time? Well, sometimes I want just data time. And I'm like, this is too sad. I can't handle this. And then she. She totally got with it. And then when we're on the date, I'm like, this. And we're making ourselves feel better. We're like, this is important. Like, showing your kid that you love your partner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huge. Huge. So it is for her. I'm going on a date for my wife. But it's also. So my daughter has a healthy model of what it looks like.

[B]

Yeah, you can't.

[A]

It's kind of. It's not kind of. I don't want to be judged with parenting stuff, but, like, if you're always around and you never hang out with Manny, Manny will love this. I'm just kidding. But, like, that's. That's for the baby, too. That's for the baby, too.

[B]

No, that's a really good point. Like, for instance, after having the baby, I'm a very affectionate person, but I definitely lost a lot of affection for my husband.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's. Maybe it's because it was all going to the baby. Maybe because I'm exhausted, or maybe there's a hormonal thing that I'm just like, no, I don't want to touch you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I used to just. I'm scratching his head. I'm just. Just touching his face. All I'm just, like, so affectionate with him. And then since she's been born, it's been a conscious choice to put my hand on. Like, I have to choose him. When before it was just an instinct. I'm not even realizing, like, oh, my hands on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I have to choose my husband. And the other day, like, I was kissing him and she was right there. And I'm like, that's sad that she hasn't seen me kiss her dad very often. Yeah, I need to do that more.

[A]

It's way too early to worry about that, but I love that. You're way ahead.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm recognizing it for real because.

[A]

There can be a blurred line, too, where the kid becomes the favorite and the parents become roommates.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then that is very. Take it from me, that's confusing. If you. I felt like I was my mom's number one, and you think that would be great, but they're of kind. There comes a baggage with that. And you're kind of like, would have been nice to see my parents fucking about each other. And they did the best they could. I'm not. I'm not shitting on them. I'm just saying, like, I. Like, sometimes my daughter's old enough now that she doesn't want us to kiss and stuff. And I'm like, no. Or she'll say, I want to marry you, you know, to me. And I go, I'm married to Mama. And that's a really important thing. It's like, oh, I want to marry you too, but I'm already married to mama. You know, have it both ways.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I marry you too. I'm married to Mama. I love Mama, you know. That's huge.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In. In psychotherapy, that's called the no of the father. Because the Freudian thing is like, especially with. I won't bring gender into it. But if 2. The parent and a child are getting too close, one of them's job is to go like, no, you're going to find somebody else. And if you don't, it can get pretty. A sticky pickle. Wow. Psychologically, for the child, you start feeling like. Like you'll start feeling. When you're dating, you're like, I'm cheating on my mom right now. Isn't that up?

[B]

Yeah, no, I get it.

[A]

But ask my first wife. You know what I mean? Like, that was it. It was real. It was like, you're my side piece, Mom's number one, you're all right. And there is nothing that'll Send it down the toilet. I wouldn't even say fast, but more certainly than that. Or you'll stick together and it'll just be fucking weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So anyway, little dump there.

[B]

Thank you. Appreciate it.

[A]

I liked it. You poor thing. It's a little dumb.

[B]

The right amount.

[A]

Thank you. It's on you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The burden of a. You made it weird. Guest in one moment. So I. What should we talk about? I'll put it to you. I'm not running out of things to talk about, but we're almost, you know, we're sure. We could talk about cheerleading. That's interesting. No, this is why I'm asking. We talk about Mad tv. That's kind of interesting.

[B]

I did the whole woman thing right now where I said it's up to you.

[A]

Yeah, no, I love that.

[B]

Yeah, whatever you want, but not that.

[A]

Not mad tv either.

[B]

Oh, no. Yeah, whatever. Give me more topics, though. I feel like there's more.

[A]

Your career now.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

What do you. I know. I know your goals.

[B]

Waiting for a good one.

[A]

I'm like, how about meaning of life? That's one of the things we talk about. Because you're no longer super creature.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

Are you. You tell me.

[B]

Listen, I love, love, God, love. I feel like my identity as a Christian has changed. Like, people say, like. Like, you're Christian. Like, I'm a Christian. Are you a Christian? I'd be like, yeah, I think I am. I don't know if you're gonna think I am.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

If I tell you my definition of love and my definition of, like, how God works.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're probably gonna be like, we're very similar. We don't go to the same church. And I'm like, you're right, because I don't go to church.

[A]

Okay. I was just listening to Richard Rohr, who is a Franciscan, that I. I love Richard Warren. You love Richard Roh.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Listen, if you haven't, there's a series on you on itunes called True Self, False Self. For some reason, it's listed as an audiobook, but it's a. It's a retreat.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's unbelievable. It's one of the greatest things in the world. And he says. He goes. There's so many mic drop moments in it. But he says at one point, he's like, jesus didn't come to start a tribe. He didn't come to build walls and be like, now we can be in here. He was like, he came to build bridges and show us that God is in us. And if you Read the Gospel of John in particular, over and over. It's like, Jesus is like, fathers, I am in you, I am in them. And you're just like, well, by the transitive property, God is in me and he's trying to bring you to the divine indwelling. We talk about the Holy Spirit like it's a Jiminy Cricket whispering voice. It's your Holy Spirit, it's your soul is one with God. How could it not be? What else could it be? Yeah, and that. And, and I keep going. Like we get stuck. I'm on a tear, but it's almost over. What did Jesus do when he was a man? What was his life? What were his words? Everything he was saying was trying to turn your attention back to who am I? So you can recognize yourself as a child of God. But we've turned it into like, well, do you believe in a seven day creation? I'm like, I just got so soft. Just. You know what I mean? Like, I hated that. So does that resonate with you?

[B]

Absolutely. I feel like I thank you.

[A]

That is brutal. No, you have to do it like this. Thank you. It's like the worst.

[B]

Did that resonate with you? Yes.

[A]

Yes. Thank you. Would you do the ads? You read the ads. And now Angela Johnson for Alpha Brain.

[B]

So I feel like what really did it for me is I remember there was. I was doing a show, I was at a comedy club, I was doing back to back shows. And in the green room in between shows, I was bawling my eyes out, crying because I didn't understand how only Christians go to heaven. So I'm a grown adult, I'm at work, I'm doing shows, I'm making people laugh. And then I'm going to my green room asking, what is life? What is God like? There's no way that heaven looks predominantly white American.

[A]

Dude, that wasn't. That's in True self, False self. He goes, if heaven is for those that. But let's say you can confess to a priest or a pastor, or you belong to a group, or you've taken an oath or a creed. You know what I mean?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You've said the right words, that we agree this day and age are the right words. He goes, then heaven is for literally half of 1% of the entire human population that's ever lived. Not only heaven, but those are the only people that had true access to God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's like the prophet, like John the Baptist. He's like, to make the valleys high and the mountains low. To make it straight to a connection inward. And he's like, but we've turned it into, like, this ceremony. He goes, God doesn't care about which ceremonies you're participating in.

[B]

And then when people use that as a reason for missions.

[A]

Yeah, I did.

[B]

I know. I know. Yeah. I did all of the. All of these things that I'm like, and I hate this, and I don't like this. I did.

[A]

Yeah. But your heart is breaking in a green room.

[B]

Yes. So my heart is breaking in a green room. And I'm like, how is it that, like, 2% of Japan is Christian? So you're telling me generation, after all, their ancestors and ancestors and ancestors and ancestors didn't go to heaven.

[A]

There is no way just raking them into an inferno.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, so that's is the thing.

[A]

This is the moment. This is your. It's not necessarily like a traditional dark night of the soul, but you were. You were brought to task.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is this what you think we're doing? Is this what we're doing? Yeah, it's a big question.

[B]

Yep. And I couldn't handle it. And I would. Then I would just go on stage and be like, here's some jokes. And I would go back and be like, I don't understand life. And then that's when I started searching for other ways. And that's where I started finding other people. Richard Rohr. And that's where I. My. I had a friend at the time, Krista, who. She was very into the church and preaching and writing books, and she had already started her journey of asking questions and being like, unsubscribe, unsubscribe, unsubscribe. And so then she would introduce me to, like, read this book, learn this person, blah, blah, blah. And then I started finding a community of people that loved God but was like, something's not adding up.

[A]

Yes. Something.

[B]

We're missing it a little bit.

[A]

That's in Richard's talk, too. I just listened to it this morning because I love him so dearly, but he's like, every faith thinks they're. All the other faiths are fake. And he goes, do you ever stop and just go, what are the chances that the one I was raised in, in this time, in this country with that family, just so happens to be the only true one? He's like, and it's not just Christians, it's everybody. He's like, do you really think that sounds like that's how we work? Is that how you think God works? God is. That sounds like That's a. I have a bit where I'm like, that's just the wrong God. Like, pick a better God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a stinky God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So who. What were some of the other books? I can feel people yelling at their iPhones going, which. Which ones are helpful?

[B]

Okay. Lies We Believe about God.

[A]

Who wrote that?

[B]

Hold on. Every name.

[A]

Oh, it's okay. People can find it.

[B]

Hold on. But I love him so much. Hold on. Mom brain. I don't forget. I don't remember anybody's name. He wrote the Shack.

[A]

Yeah. William P. Young.

[B]

Yes. Paul Young.

[A]

I thought that was the Rock. Is William P. The Rock Young. What, the wrestler?

[B]

He wrote the Shack and he wrote Lies. We live by God. My friend Amy's dad. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so my friend Amy's dad.

[A]

Sorry, I'm just gonna circle back to your roommate when you met your.

[B]

Lies We Believe about God. I just ate that book up, and I was just like, yes. And he was like, listen, I'm not trying to tell you this is the right way. He's. He's like, we believe this, but what about this? What if we look at it like this? And it was just like, posing. Here's a different way.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I was like, oh, my God. Yes. Yes. I love all of these ways that you're posing. Thank you. That one. What was the one? The Bible tells me so. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes.

[A]

I just did. Pete Ends podcast.

[B]

Yes. Yes. His Bible tells me so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every name is leaving me in this moment, but, yes, it's okay.

[A]

I feel like I'm watching you take a test, and I hate it.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

Love wins.

[B]

Yes. Jesus, your friend.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob Bell's like, every name.

[B]

Every name changed my life.

[A]

I just took a chance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you read the Power of Now? Gotten into any of that?

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

I think you'd, like, see to the soul Seat of the Soul I own, but I haven't read it.

[B]

Oh, I loved. I did a. I did a book. A book club for. Sea of the Soul.

[A]

Nice. Universal Christ by Richard Roy. Have you read that one?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's great. I can't believe it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So cool. I'm just so happy. I. I feel like how you felt when you found out that Manny was Christian. I'm just so happy I found you. It's so cool.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Incredible. This is my last little tear, I promise. But, like, when I talk about how I can love Jesus and not be a Christian is because I go my gospel is the prodigal son. Everybody's heard me say this a million times, but I can say it real fast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the story of the prodigal son, the guy leaves the house, he asks for his inheritance, and he leaves and he squanders it, and he's with the pigs and he's broke. He's going to die. It's kind of implied that he got some sex work. But he's shamed himself and he feels horrible. And what does he do? He just remembers he's his father's son. That's all he does. He just goes, wait, my dad is a. He's not a king. But we'll say he's a king. My dad is a king. I can go back and live in his kingdom. He just goes back. That's it. So what I find interesting about that is that there's no traditional Jesus character in that story. Even though this is Jesus big closer. This is his big number. If we were to tell that story from the predominant Christian perspective these days, he would be destitute, working with the pigs, broke, near death. And then another guy would come, the Jesus character say, look, your dad's pissed, but I'll walk you home and he can kill me instead of you because I know your dad, and he's crazy. He'll need blood, but I'll let him kill me because you are a piece of shit. And I'll say, you're a piece of shit, but I'll say, I know you have bloodlust. Kill me and take your son back. That's not the story. All he does is remember. He remembers. He rejoins with God. He recognizes what he always was. And the father says. He goes, I'm sorry for everything. He doesn't say, I'm sorry, but he's like, I'm back. He goes, you are always with me and everything I have is yours. That's what the father character says, who's God? And there's a great part. Pete Enns pointed this out to me. He goes, while the son was still a good distance away, the father ran out and welcomed him. So we don't even have to go all the way. God takes the final step towards. Because he wants us. He loves us. He's like seducing us. So all you do, you live your life, you feel like you've made some mistakes. Just remember whose son you are. I sound like a preacher. That's the whole gospel. That's how the Sermon on the. I had all these words.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Sermon on the Mount and so we.

[B]

All remember, I'm not Christian.

[A]

Yeah, but you can be that kind. I'm inviting you to say, this is why I love Jesus, but I can't. Atonement theory, that whole idea that Jesus had to bleed and die and be murdered and tortured for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Didn't come into the faith until 1054 was. That's a. That's 1054 years after Christ. We started going like, actually, you're a piece of. And. And blood needed to be spilled, which was imposing the culture of sacrifice onto Jesus's message, which wasn't there. It was just. That's the lens they were looking through. So all this stuff gets added. So you can. You're what I'm trying to say the good news. You can have Jesus, but you don't have to be like. And all those Japanese people are going to hell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they. The access to that recognition. I'm a child of God. Is as available to anybody of any faith at any time for all of history, for all of human, for all, forever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the good news.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Isn't that good?

[B]

That's the best news I've heard all day.

[A]

I just wanted to give it to you. That's my gift. I mean, it's not my gift. That's what I needed was. I was like, I want to keep Jesus. You can look to what he said. He said that.

[B]

No, that's really great, because I remember in the beginning of. I hate using the word, but deconstruction was. Everybody would be like, well, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. And I'm like, well, I don't know how to do that. Everything's just getting chucked at this point. It was hard Chuck.

[A]

That's called death.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the other part's called resurrection. But you got. Have a full death.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have a dirty deconstruction. Spit on the ground. Burn it to the ground. Like, get rid of it. Do it. Empty it all out. What comes back? Nothing comes back. Because it was with you the whole time. It's just exciting stuff. I love it. I can't believe. You know, Richard Rohr.

[B]

I enjoy. I. I know. I. I feel like I know a lot more about you than I've let on in this podcast.

[A]

So good. So good you knew that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I'm so glad.

[B]

Yeah. But I mean, I'm not. What. I mean, come out name dropping, like, wait.

[A]

Yeah. But how did it take 10 years for you to come on the pod? That's what's crazy. Maybe. Maybe you didn't find out until recently. What I'm saying is, are you with Dave Red?

[B]

I was for a very long time. Love Dave.

[A]

Ray's the best. Yeah, it's just like. It's hard for me to go, like, are there any comedians that love Richard Rohr? Because the answer is, there aren't. A lot. So it's exciting for me.

[B]

Well, I'll come back.

[A]

Yeah, you're welcome anytime.

[B]

I just invited myself back to your house.

[A]

That's the way you just remembered. I remember you were my friend. And with that, we can close because I feel like we packed it all in. We're good. I have break dancing. Who cares?

[B]

Who cares? This was good, Mom.

[A]

I just wrote. Oh, you being a mom. You performed at the Super Bowl.

[B]

I did not the one. That was just yesterday, but what was that like, being at the Super Bowl? Yeah, Well, I can't imagine it was awesome until. It was embarrassing. We lost by, like, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, your team.

[B]

40 something points or something.

[A]

The Raiders.

[B]

Yeah, it was embarrassing.

[A]

So the cheerleaders care?

[B]

Yeah, we care.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I didn't mean.

[A]

I just never considered that the cheerleaders, and I'm not saying this like the dumb women. I just mean I thought they were in show business.

[B]

It's a little bit of both.

[A]

Does the warmup guy care if, like.

[B]

I care, but I don't know the rules of football. But I care.

[A]

Right. But you're like, for some reason. That was only one point.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly.

[A]

But you lost, and that was a bummer.

[B]

Yeah, but what.

[A]

I can't imagine you've performed for big crowds as a standup, but, like, the energy of that many people surrounding you in 360. And half of them, maybe more, don't like you. You.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that right?

[B]

The most wild energy game was when we won the championship to go to the Super bowl. This was in 2002, I remember. And. Or is it 2003?

[A]

It was. It was O2.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Finley was the hunt man.

[B]

Nobody knows a puncher, so. Yeah, just give him any.

[A]

The punt man was Finley.

[B]

The punt man. And. Yeah, no, that was wild. It was a monsoon. It was raining. It was crazy. There was puddles everywhere. It was just. And then we won. And there was fireworks. And the. The vibration in the stadium was just like. Well, it was crazy.

[A]

Dude, that's something. You're gonna be an old lady and you'll be like. Like, you'll feel like it's in Your spine, you'll be like. Like, you'll see it again. Because that is more than most of human history.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You were on the field. Crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So cool. Last question. Can you think of a time. Don't. And don't worry if you can't, but can you think of a time in your life where you laughed really, really, really, really, really, really hard?

[B]

I mean, this podcast was really.

[A]

I know. We did that.

[B]

Really hardy.

[A]

This was a hearty soup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This was like a.

[B]

This was minestrone at its best.

[A]

A thick strone. It's like fork strone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Give me that. Good fork. But it may be with Manny. Maybe I'm just giving you the prompts that help most people. Maybe you were stoned. Maybe you. Maybe someone fell.

[B]

Good one.

[A]

I know this is weird, but maybe someone farted.

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe you were in church or somewhere where you're not supposed to laugh.

[B]

No. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Maybe you were little. I always want to remind people that it can be when you were a child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something someone did when you were little. And the other one that loosens it up is it doesn't have to be a good story. I'm not looking for, like, I opened the door, it was the clown.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we had been talking about. He heard everything. He's crying. He knows we didn't like his show. I'm not looking for that, but just, like, I'll try and think of one of mine. Most recently, they're all farts. If I've ever made Val laugh and then she farts. It's just one of the greatest joys of my life is making Val fart.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel I have a real good high story. I used to. I used to do drugs when I was younger, like, 12, 13 years old, and then became super Christian. Was, like, not gonna do drugs anymore. And then, I don't know. Sometime in my adult years, I was like, game on. It's back. And my brother, he was, like, a weed connoisseur, and he, like, knew all the different weeds. And I was, like, so out of the game. I was like, I don't know anything about weed anymore, but it's legal in California, so let's just go to the grocery store and buy some. You know what I mean? So anyways, so I remember we're in the backyard, and this is, like, the first time I've gotten high in years. Like, I was, like, a teenager the last time I got high, and it was such a good high and such a good high laugh that I pulled out my phone and I was like, I have to record this to remember this moment.

[A]

You laughing?

[B]

Yes. And so I have this video and I will sometimes go back and watch it and it's just so joyful, this good, high laugh. And there's a moment where right before this happened, I had like an earache or something. So I went to Whole Foods and I got like this like oil that you put in your ear. It's like a drop. You put it in and then you put like a cotton ball in there. So I had this cotton ball in my ear and I'm recording with my phone right here. And then my friend said, somebody's calling you on your, on your AirPods. And I was like, what? I thought I had AirPods in, but it was my cotton from my earache that I had. And then so we just start doing this bit where I have the new AirPod 20s and like, it's a whole bit about the cotton in my ear and I'm just recording this whole high bit. And it's one of my favorites. It's a good, good laugh.

[A]

That's like. I forget the name of our fake cologne, but fake inventions are very, very funny to reference Testostolone. Testosterone. Thank you. That reminds me, I got really high a month or two ago and I like getting high stoned. I like getting high stoned.

[B]

Are you high?

[A]

No, I like getting high alone. And then Val comes home, knowing she'll be home. And then I like trying to keep it from her. And she knows. She knows immediately. And the way she knew was I said, come film me at the piano. And I want you to film me, but you can't see the keys. And I'm gonna be everyone in a movie who's pretending to play the piano but isn't really playing the piano. So I'm playing a piano song on a speaker and she's filming me. And I'm trying to do what I think is a very subtle, you know how they go like, uh huh. Like when they hit high note, they're just kind of like, like just to fake it. And I'm trying to do it and I think I'm doing it small, but I'm too stoned to do anything small. So I'm like. And she's like, maybe smaller. And I just start dying laughing. We have like a 15 minute video of me trying to do this. So I understand where you're at. Yeah, these are good times.

[B]

Good times.

[A]

Maybe you can send us the video if there's a portion of it that you're comfortable with showing. We'll play a little bit of it and I'll do the same. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

It's on YouTube. Just type in Angela the wrong way.

[B]

Yep. How everything Angela is spelled. Mix it up a little bit from that.

[A]

Add some Js.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Add an H. There's an H in there. Hiding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Johnson. And then just like the most plain. Get real weird with Angela, then come back to earth for Johnson and Type that into YouTube and then you'll. You'll find it like 4. 4 million other people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Congrats.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

This was obviously a delight. Would you say keep it crispy? It's how we end.

[B]

You say keep it and say it that way.

[A]

I'm just pointing to a sign that says keep it crispy. I do it every time and no one needs the sign.

[B]

Keep it crispy.

[A]

Shaboom.