Anjelah Johnson-Reyes Returns

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — Anjelah Johnson-Reyes Returns (August 5, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this intimate, laughter-filled episode, comedian Pete Holmes welcomes his longtime friend, Anjelah Johnson-Reyes, back to the show. The two delve deep into the inner worlds of working comedians: creative anxiety, the pressures of self-comparison, navigating industry disappointments, and finding gratitude amidst career ups and downs. The conversation oscillates between vulnerable therapy-like exchanges and silly riffs, providing both wisdom and behind-the-curtain peeks at a comedian's life. Special focus is given to Anjelah’s new YouTube comedy special, “Ugly Baby,” and the emotional complexity around releasing new work.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Navigating Creative Comparison and Industry Noise

• YouTube Special & Viral Competition:

  • Anjelah reflects on comparing the trajectory of her new special "Ugly Baby" to her previous projects, how an unexpected viral event (the Kevin Hart roast) disrupted YouTube’s algorithm and impacted viewership.
  • Quote [08:39, Anjelah]: "We can see the data with my special... The algorithm changed and favored who's talking about the Kevin Hart roast... Both of us did the same thing on that day. It took a dive."

• Chasing Numbers vs. Chasing Art:

  • Pete and Anjelah bemoan the artist’s obsession with metrics, missing the older model where the value was intrinsic.
  • Quote [11:55, Pete]: "The executives chase data, we chase data... I miss that, sort of like, I don’t know why David Bowie comes... artists that just tried to top their own work... then they’d smoke a cigarette and never think about it again."

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2. Self-Worth, Anxiety, and the Creative Slump

• Getting in Your Own Head:

  • Both comedians discuss the emotional pitfalls after receiving industry rejections, questioning their talent or future prospects.
  • Quote [17:32, Pete]: “I just found out that the streamers passed on my special, like, this morning... I was, yeah, I think reasonably bummed... And then as I’m driving here to the podcast, I go like, are they right? Like, am I? What did they see?”

• Comparison as a Trap:

  • Anjelah admits to “paralyzing” creative anxiety post-project, worrying that her achievements were a fluke or can’t be repeated.
  • Quote [16:14, Anjelah]: "...I just start telling myself a story in my head about how I don’t know how to do this, how am I going to top myself... People are going to figure it out, what a fluke this seven years, seven specials has been..."

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3. Aging, Vulnerability, and Seasons of Success

• Losses, Arrows, and The Odyssey:

  • Pete offers The Odyssey as a metaphor for middle age: continued losses amidst wins, persisting despite the “arrows” in your back.
  • Quote [34:04, Pete]: "He’s got arrows in his back... and he still gets up. You know what I mean?... I have my dream life, my dream job, and I still sometimes feel like I’m just... like today... got a slew of no’s..."

• Not the “Hot Thing” Anymore:

  • Both reflect on times they were the industry’s “next big thing,” facing the emotional contrast of today’s steadier, less buzz-heavy existence.
  • Quote [36:30, Anjelah]: "We both have had a season of, like, you need to watch this person... And what’s easy to misinterpret is if you’re not in that hot season, that you’re done. And that’s not true."

• The Corporate-Mindset Trap:

  • Pete notes that artists catch the “corporate disease” of endless growth and relevance.
  • Quote [39:18, Pete]: "It’s like every corporation has to grow or it’s dying... and we start applying those... I need to make the next album bigger... and I’m a failure if I don’t."

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4. Returning to Creative Authenticity

• Making Art for its Own Sake:

  • They share wisdom from early viral successes (e.g., Nail Salon, Bon Qui Qui), realizing the best work came from simple creativity—not “topping yourself.”
  • Quote [20:47, Anjelah]: "When you wrote the nail salon, you weren’t trying to top anything... You were just creating... You just. It came out of you. So continue to do that."

• Europe vs. US Comedy Mentality:

  • Pete admires European comedians for not compulsively chasing bigger and better, citing people like Daniel Kitson.

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5. Parenting, Legacy, and Moments of Gratitude

• The Need to Be Understood & Audience Impact:

  • They explore why comedians persist: the need to feel understood, the thrill of audience connection, and the grounding force of gratitude.
  • Quote [56:00, Pete]: "I'm going up on stage... there's a question of, like, am I all right? Are we all right? Can we do this? And when we do, it's a huge thrill. But when I don't, it feels really bad."

• Lasting Impact vs. Instant Validation:

  • Anjelah describes the profound feeling of being recognized and thanked by fans in everyday life, the sense of responsibility it gives to keep contributing.
  • Quote [66:52, Anjelah]: "From security to my gate, I probably got stopped... a good five times of just acknowledgement and, hey, thank you for your work type of feeling... it feels like a responsibility of my contribution to the Earth."

• Parenting Reflections:

  • Heartfelt exchanges about raising children, trying to model healthy love, and the different flavors of parent-child bonds.
  • Quote [74:58, Anjelah]: "Am I doing a good job?... At night when I'm rocking her and I'm telling her I love her so much..."
  • [77:15, Anjelah]: "I got that from you... the modeling of going on a date with your spouse so your child sees the love..."

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6. Spiritual Reconnection, Simplicity, and Prayer

• Struggling with Spiritual Distance:

  • Anjelah shares her current journey to reconnect with God/spirituality, through simple, direct acts like prayer for loved ones.
  • Quote [82:18, Anjelah]: "I'm feeling disconnected, so I'm trying to reconnect... I'm in this battle internally of allowing myself to try an old method in a new way."

• Shared Resonance on Loving Kindness:

  • Pete aligns, describing his recent return to simple, meditative loving-kindness practices.
  • Quote [84:51, Pete]: "What I do is loving kindness. I think of somebody... may I be happy, may I be free, may I be healthy, may I live with ease..."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On creative comparison:
  • “[Streaming] executives chase data, we chase data... I miss that…” – Pete [11:55]
• On artistic motivation:
  • “When you wrote the nail salon, you weren’t trying to top anything... Just create.” – Anjelah [20:47]
• On rejection:
  • “Found out that the streamers passed on my special… Are they right? What did they see?” – Pete [17:32]
• On aging and success:
  • “The version of you, who you are right now, is what that person needed and needs.” – Anjelah [68:41]
• On spiritual practice:
  • “Allowing myself to try an old method in a new way… going back to just simple prayers.” – Anjelah [82:26]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [07:11] – Anjelah discusses the release and data tracking of "Ugly Baby"
• [08:39] – The Kevin Hart roast disrupts the YouTube comedy landscape
• [12:36] – Pete and Anjelah on comparing to previous work and making peace with yourself
• [16:14] – Anjelah articulates her cycle of creative anxiety and overcoming impostor syndrome
• [17:32] – Pete candidly reveals being passed on by streamers and its emotional fallout
• [20:47] – Anjelah shares advice about creating vs. topping yourself
• [36:30/39:18] – Discussion on no longer being “the hot thing” and the corporate disease of endless growth
• [56:00] – Pete on performing as a way to affirm his identity
• [66:52] – Anjelah on meaningful fan interactions and their impact
• [68:41] – Embracing the value of your current self, not just your past “hot” phase
• [74:58] – Parenting reflection: seeking approval and connection with her daughter
• [77:15] – Parenting model: setting examples in family dynamics
• [82:18] – Anjelah’s journey of spiritual reconnection
• [84:51] – Pete’s loving-kindness meditation and its resonance with Anjelah’s practice

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Episode Tone and Style

This episode is deeply honest, meandering between comedic riffing and moments of sincere introspection. Both Pete and Anjelah are open about their struggles and insecurities. The tone remains friendly, supportive, slightly self-mocking, and deeply human throughout.

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Conclusion

Listeners are treated to a real conversation between friends—two comedians grappling with changing metrics of success, the evolving nature of creativity, and the ever-present need for meaning, connection, and gratitude. The episode gives equal space to existential angst and grounded humor, making it both relatable and inspiring for anyone navigating their own cycles of creation, comparison, and self-acceptance.

Transcript

[A]

Lemonade.

[B]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the return of the wonderful my friend, Angela Johnson Reyes. I went for it. I rolled. I rolled the R. Angela Johnson Reyes. She's here. It sounded better with the role. I love her so much. She's a dear friend. She has a new special that's on YouTube for free. For free. You can watch it for free. It's called Ugly Baby. I watched it the day we did this podcast, and I absolutely loved it, and I needed a laugh. This is an interesting episode because I got just a smidge of bad news that morning, and Angela and I kind of unpack, you know, what it's like, what it's like being disappointed, kind of wondering if what it means, what it says about you, all that sort of stuff. And by the end of the podcast, we felt so much better. Just kind of venting and honestly, just being friends. So you're about to listen to two friends, kind of like. I mean, I was going to say talking like, we're not on a podcast, but we know we're on a podcast, but, like, getting real. Getting real. And I was so happy and so grateful for. For her friendship and for this time. And we laughed a lot as well. So check out Ugly baby. It's on YouTube. You can also check out my specials, also for free on YouTube. YouTube.com of course, there's Silly, Silly Fun Boy, which is the newest one. And we also put I Am not for everybody on YouTube as well. So both of those are on there. Check it out. I'm also going to be filming a new special, a new special in Madison, Wisconsin. The first five shows are sold out. We just added a second show, a late show, on Thursday, so you can find that on peteholmes.com and if everything goes correctly, we're going to be filming the special that weekend, which I'm very excited. August 11th is my next Largo here in Los Angeles. Always the highlight of my month. Ray Romano is going to be on that, as well as other special guests that I don't know if I can promote. Paramore. What? I didn't say it. And then we're also going to be in Portland, Maine. Come on, east coast. There's, I'm told, lots of tickets available in Portland, Maine. It's practically, you know, I'm not from Maine. Two hours south. Let's go. Let's go. East coast, New England. I'll be at the State Theater on August 14th in Portland, Maine. And then Verona, New York, at the Showroom Turning Room, Turning Stone Resort Casino. So I'll be in Verona, New York, if you live in upstate New York, followed by Vancouver, San Luis Obispo, Madison, which I just mentioned, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, and Phoenix. All of Those are on PeteHomes.com and my book, Spells to Cast on youn Parents is available to pre order now for the favorite little child in your life. In the meantime, enjoy my chat with my wonderful friend, Angela Johnson Reyes. I did it. I did it. You knew I was gonna do it. Get into it.

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Really.

[B]

See, I'm talking like you. I was just listening to your special. You have really.

[A]

What do I sound like?

[B]

You have really good cadence. I really need this, by the way. It's good. You're a performer.

[A]

I've always wanted to do.

[B]

I mean that in the.

[A]

Someone do an impression of me I've never seen.

[B]

Yeah, kind of.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is that. But if I do anymore, it's gonna get racist even. That was like. If you'll pardon the pun, on the border of racism. That was right. It was right on the border. I didn't like it. It's just caffeine. You may. You've never had one of these. This is your third time on the show.

[A]

Original mental performance. I'm saying no. And watch. Roll back the tape. And I probably.

[B]

You probably have.

[A]

Just don't remember.

[B]

It's just. It's matcha and nootropics. I love it.

[A]

Coffee already. Is it gonna make me.

[B]

How are you with caffeine? It's a poquito.

[A]

Should I do it?

[B]

I definitely think you should.

[A]

See?

[B]

You're the cool tia.

[A]

Let's go, bro.

[B]

You're the cool tia. You're gonna have your shot. You will not Regret it.

[A]

Miha. Let's do it.

[B]

Can I give you a pro tip without being mansplaining? Yeah, it's the worst. You want to know a bit? I can't get to work. Women hate when we mansplain. But ladies, you don't know what a thrill it is, how fun it is to corner a woman and tell her about Aline, which is what I'm about to do right now. Because as Aline in it, you should just tell. You don't have to get magic mind. Just take Aline and with your coffee. Huge game changer. Really huge game changer. I know. What is this? The huberman component?

[A]

It like, chemically, it rounds it out.

[B]

Yeah. So caffeine's like kind of like a spiky kind of thing. It just makes it smooth.

[A]

Like, same experience. Step on in the grass. That's like a little bit I was looking for.

[B]

Or a jellyfish or urchin. Sea urchin.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What is the thing in the grass?

[A]

No. You know how you're like, walking. Let's say you're walking with your socks and all of a sudden you look and there's these like, pokey things. Yeah.

[B]

Bill burrs.

[A]

Is that what they're called?

[B]

They're called bill burrs. If you're a comedian, it's a bill burr.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it catches onto your sock.

[A]

Yeah. It's called a burr and it has pokey things. So that's what caffeine is. We've.

[B]

Yes. And l. Theanine turns that burr into a marble. I didn't mean to look at it. You're so perceptive. I forgot we're the same because you just noticed that I looked at it. You saw me look at it and you clocked it. I forgot. I forgot how similar we are.

[A]

Oh, wait.

[B]

Take a great fruit. Yeah. A little. A little grapey. Do you have a good palate?

[A]

Do you see that?

[B]

Yeah. I want.

[A]

I want everybody to know that I clocked it. Grapefruit.

[B]

You got a good palette, huh?

[A]

Okay, here I go.

[B]

Here it is.

[A]

Also, I had the AC on the whole way, so I'm a little congested. Does AC get you congested?

[B]

I don't know. I'm ready to agree with it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm ready to be like, yeah, totally. But I. If you were like, I'm not congested, cuz thank God I ran that ac. I would have been like, totally. Like, I was really ready.

[A]

This is nice.

[B]

It's all right.

[A]

It doesn't taste too grapefruit. Y. I Was based on the smell. I was like, here we go. Grapefruit.

[B]

But the grapefruit is intentional. I think the grapefruit is hiding the taste of matcha. Because matcha does it. Matcha tastes like grass.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I like it. See, typically I shoot these so I don't have to taste it. But it's all right.

[B]

You're all right. This is your time.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Look, Ugly Baby is available on YouTube. It's been out for what, two months? It's already got 1.2 mil, girl.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

So happy for you. That's amazing.

[A]

Thank you. Not easy because I'm in my head going that it was. It was supposed to be better than that.

[B]

According to who. Who distributed it?

[A]

According to my last one. According that I also self distributed. But can I tell you what happened?

[B]

Despair.

[A]

Compare.

[B]

Does that rhyme in Spanish?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I only.

[A]

I only speak Spanglish. Broken English, I'm sure compra to buy. But compare and despair comparing in despairing. Just kidding.

[B]

I love. By the way. You were like, I only know Spanglish and then immediately pounced on compra. You're like, that's to buy. I'm like, all right. I thought it was a safe place.

[A]

I do know that one.

[B]

I thought it was in a safe space. Oh, because you love to shop. Okay. Come on, we're having fun. No, you don't. Come on, ladies. Ladies love shopping. Let's be better than ladies love shopping. What were you going to say? Oh, your last special did better in the first month.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

In the first month? The first few months, the first year, everything. But this is what happened. And I'm not. I'm not saying. Oh, this is why. I'm just saying this was a factor in what happened when we released my special, this new one, Ugly Baby, and I compare it with the tracking the actual data. I'm talking data now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of my last one called say I won't, which I also self distributed on YouTube. They're both tracking exactly the same, Right. We're like, perfect.

[B]

Wait, what does that mean?

[A]

Like the amount of views, the amount of time people are watching it. Retention according to the date.

[B]

Look at what they've made the time. Yeah, we're clowns. And we're all like, what's the click through rate? Like, fucking shut up. Is what. The click through rate. What do we work at Mars? Eminem? Are we wearing suit? I'm just like, it's sad, but also kind of fun, I guess, to kind of do it yourself.

[A]

Anyway, so we're watching the trend. We're like, oh, yeah, this is going to do what my last one did, which is great. Then that happens is like, within the second day. Right. It's tracking like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then the Kevin Hart roast comes out.

[B]

Oh, no. And why does this matter?

[A]

Because it went so viral. Not just the roast, but all the controversy around it. Like, then it was like, the. The negativity around it. Oh, this joke. And now people are writing articles. People are doing their own Instagram video of their take on this. And so the algorith just prioritized everything. Kevin Hart roast. Because then after that, people are digging up. Oh, what else did Kevin like. They're trying to, like, figure out how to get down on Kevin Hart for this roast.

[B]

Yeah. It was like a major news event in comedy. This is what I'm not saying. It's when I say excuse, I mean a legitimate excuse. When I released my book. Howard Stern put out a book that week, and they were like, there's not gonna be two comedy, bestseller, memoir, whatever. I think that's true. We with yours. I definitely think it's true.

[A]

Well, we can see the data with my special. And then my social team had another client who released a special the same day, and both of us did the same thing on that day.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It took a dive because the algorithm changed and favored. Who's talking about the Kevin Hart roast.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The. Their favorite bit from the roast, their controversy of they hated this joke, and then this person's racist, and then they're hating each other, and then they made up and then whatever.

[B]

We could use a boost. Who did you think was racist? I'm just kidding.

[A]

So it did well. Thank you. But also, it was on track to do better.

[B]

Well, this is compare and despair territory. I put out a special two months ago, and we're at 9:50 or something, and I think that's really great. I'm not saying that. I was going to say butthurt.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you could be. But I'm like, that feels right. That feels about right. So when I saw you at 1.2, what did the other one do?

[A]

It's at like 4 something. But what did it do in the

[B]

first month or two?

[A]

I want to say we hit a million within the first few weeks.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. It was.

[B]

Respect.

[A]

It was like two to three weeks.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hardcore.

[A]

This one took me a few. A couple months. What are we, a couple?

[B]

It was May 10th, I think.

[A]

June, July. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You're two and a half months.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's still amazing.

[A]

It's still really good. So I don't want to knock it. I'm just saying, man, we were on track to do even better than this.

[B]

But look, maybe this is a snooze, but I feel bad for the whole thing. Meaning, like, the executives chase data, we chase data. We like, kind of know. On one hand, I could make the argument that it's nice to know, but on the other hand, it kind of sucks that we're like, yeah, well, it's only doing this and it's not doing as well as that. And it kind of. I miss that. Sort of like, I don't know why David Bowie comes. Like, consummate artists that just kind of tried to top their own work, tried to do something that was challenging and interesting to them. Then they'd smoke a cigarette and never think about it again. Okay, so maybe I'm making that up. Maybe he was like, what are the numbers? What are the bloody numbers here?

[A]

Let's talk about that for a second. Even topping yourself, we're not recording. My heart genuinely loves you a lot.

[B]

I love you too. I was so. I. I do need a good friend hang. So I'm glad we're doing this when I.

[A]

When. Because off camera I asked you because I was like, I love you so much. I was like, do you love yourself? And it's like, do you have awareness of how awesome you are as just being you? Not trying to perform, not trying to write a bit, not trying to write a book, not trying to write a show, like, just existing. Are you aware of how incredible you are? Just existing?

[B]

Oh, nice. Would you say it again? Yeah, just do it one more time. I really love that. Yeah, I appreciate that. You know, it's funny. I was first of all, thank you. And some of the time. Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

I think that's a nice. And you know, my wife is a fan of mine. Like, meaning she a fan of me as a person.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So, like, I feel safe to be myself. And if I was gonna do a mission statement, and I've been thinking about doing this, which is the most. The most 47 year old thing I've ever thought of doing.

[A]

Yeah, I love it.

[B]

I was like, what am I doing? As I'm about to tape this next hour and then I'm starting the hour after this hour. Right.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I know it sounds like a lot until you see it. I'm just kidding. Wow. He's just doing a Q and A with the audience. I. What brought it to mind was the first line. All I have is the first line. It's to stand unembarrassed. That's the first line. My mission is to stand unembarrassed. The rest of it would be in the complexity of all human experience, proud and funny. But I really think there's something. What you're picking up on is a person who has done a lot of work to make peace with themselves, even the parts that aren't necessarily the most palatable. So you're picking up on. And I see that in. In you as well. I mean, you're doing seven. Seven hour specials.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

If you had a lot, if you were crippled by self doubt, you would have stopped after two and gone into commercial acting.

[A]

Okay. Sometimes I want to do that.

[B]

Do you? Because I didn't relate harder to. We both have bits about late shows. If I'm doing a late show, my opener is, I'm hitting the stage. It's 11 o'.

[A]

Clock.

[B]

Or what am I, Criss Angel? Like, I don't want to mind freak anybody leather pants. I'm. And I yell. This doesn't even get that big of a lap. But I go, I'm to be in bed, sir. It's 11 o'. Clock. Like, this is. This sucks.

[A]

Do you do oura ring?

[B]

I do do oura ring.

[A]

Does it tell you right before you. I left it at home. Does it tell you right before you walk on stage approaching bedtime?

[B]

I love that it does that to me. It also never captures data when I'm doing sinup.

[A]

Oh. Which I watch your stress.

[B]

It doesn't. You'd think it would like, go, oh, your heartbeat went up or whatever. Adrenaline lacks out every time. And it goes so much. You were a werewolf. You killed chickens.

[A]

We can't contain this information.

[B]

I do. Like we were doing with the light before we were recording. I attribute like a supernatural quality to that. I'm like. It's because I'm in a fugue state and they can't track me. But then it's like. It's probably just because of the microphone.

[A]

Okay. So I wanted to ask you this, like, because I'm kind of in a place of like, paralyzed anxiety is a little intense, but interesting. I finished my hour, so now I'm writing a new hour. Okay. I haven't started yet, so.

[B]

I haven't started writing it.

[A]

No. And I haven't even started thinking. So I'm in this place of like, which I do every time. I don't have anything to say. I don't have anything to talk about. I don't remember how to write a joke. How do I do this? Yeah, I'm in that place and then I start telling myself a story in my head about how I don't know how to do this, how am I going to top myself? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I, like, dig myself deeper into this hole of, like, telling myself the story of. I don't know what to do. I have nothing to say. I'm not even that good. People are going to figure it out. What a fluke this. Seven years, seven specials has been like, all the things. And then I just have to dig myself out of it. And then I remember, oh, no, I could. I know what I'm doing. Yeah, I have a gift. This is just pause. And I was talking about this yesterday, where it's like, coming to a place of. Don't try to write out of shame. Like, I'm shaming myself for not writing, for not being a comedian. Like, what a comedian should be. I should be writing every day. I should be going up at the clubs, practicing. Like, I should be responsible with this gift. And I've been irresponsible with this gift.

[B]

I just did that the other day because, full disclosure, I just found out that the streamers passed on my special, like, this morning.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I was like, I was, yeah, I think reasonably bummed. I was just sort of like, well, that's a bummer.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

But then. And then, you know, when you do this, you go like, oh, I actually. That doesn't really hurt my feelings. That's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, like, slowly, as I'm driving here to the podcast, I go like, are they right? Like, am I?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What did they see?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Val's so good. She's like, who cares? They probably. Nobody's watching the special and going like, oh, forget it. I don't think. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But my point is, I'm so with you. And you go like, I am dried up. Like, I've somehow lost the juice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think about, like, I was actually thinking about Eminem and I was like, dude's like 50. Is he still going to be like, bragging about how he's the like, hip hop has to expire at a certain point. And then I'm like, or is that me? Like a stand up, a young person's. But then I listened to you and I was like, this is fun.

[A]

She's old. She's got it.

[B]

She's old. She's Almost dead. She's got nothing to say, but she's still saying it. No. There's a lot of parallels in our acts. And I was laughing out loud at your special.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And it was in. I was like, what could be more interesting? I don't want to take you off what you were saying. I had a question. Let's put all that to one side. Do you swing in extremes? Because I do. I go, I'm done. I don't have anything left. And then I'll have like one rockin set. And I go, I come home to Valley, go. I think I have 40 new minutes. And then I'll take that 40 new minutes anywhere but the store or Largo. And I'm like, oh, I have 15 minutes. You know what I mean? But, like, I have these extremes. Do you relate to that?

[A]

Like, totally.

[B]

You just need one. But don't you. Does that ever make you kind of feel like, are we drug addicts or something? Like, oh, I found a. It's like looking. With all respect, I'm like looking for drugs in the carpet. Like, there was that Richard Pryor story where he's like, no, it wasn't Richard Pryor, it was Krishna Das. Similar people. Anyway, he was looking for a crack rock in the carpet and he found one. He's smoking. It's got like, lint on it. And I'm like, I don't want to be that. This brings us back to David Bowie. Can't we just be like, making art? Because life, we have this, like, compulsion towards beautiful things, towards funny things, towards interesting things, towards connective things. Isn't that enough?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we bring in all these metrics and rejections and like, whatever. I don't know, what does that bring up for you?

[A]

So I think about the time I was given advice, this was early on, the nail salon video popped off and I was like, what do I do next? How do I top this? Then out of nowhere, the bonque bit from Mad TV pops off on YouTube. I couldn't even have planned it, the timing of that. It just so happened that I had this one viral bit doing stand up. Then a year later, I have a viral bit doing a sketch and it's. It's keeping me going forward, but my insides are like, well, how do I top that? Then I had somebody give me really great advice and they were like, when you wrote the nail salon, you weren't trying to top anything.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

When you wrote Bonkwique, you weren't trying to top anything. You Were just creating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From a place of. I am a creator. I create things. I have a gift. And you. You just. It came out of you.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

So continue to do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Stop trying to top yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyone else? You just create because you believe I'm creative and I'm a creator.

[B]

That's right. And you like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You like how it feels.

[A]

But we forget.

[B]

I wonder, though, like, sometimes I worry that my life. Look, I don't think comedy comes from discomfort, but I look back at when I was in my twenties, Remember when Vine was out?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Vine. I just like. Oh. That was the sort of, like, golden time in my life where I was doing stand up all the time, because I didn't have any. I didn't have anything else to do. There wasn't a good alternative. There was plenty of time. Anything you would want to not go out and do stand up, you had plenty of time to do that during the day. Get drunk, play video games, nap, whatever you wanted to do. And then I'd go and do stand up. So I was doing a lot of standup. I was bored. I didn't have a wife, by the way. Obviously, I wouldn't trade my life for that life, but I just didn't have. My life wasn't very full. Yeah. And there is something funny about that guy, and that's why I was making these vines. And I'm like, there's something so elemental, so simple about. He's just doing this because he's kind of manic. He's in his car and he's being funny. And now I'm like, my life is so good. I don't have the same. I'm like a pirate, but I live in Rhode island now. You know what I mean? I'm off the seas, and you and I both know that we're good pirates. This is like your TIA bit. Like, we're good. We're still young. We're still alive. We just tired. It's hard to get up.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But I believe, like, then I look at, like, Burr. Bill Burr on your sock. Gaffigan, Birbiglia, Mulaney, These are all people in. Close to our age that are at the. They're in their prime. And then, like, so I happen to be a little bit low because I got that news.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But I'm also just sort of like. I know in my heart, when I call Val, when I'm on my way home from the store, I'm just like, I don't know much about the Business. I don't know much about metrics. I don't know who's going to buy a special. I have a joke where I'm like, is it going to be in the middle of an in flight safety video? I don't know. And now 10 minutes from this guy and I just do 10. I don't know who's buying to be. I don't know. Yeah, but then I'm like, when I do a set and I connect with like the raw, vital living. It was just here we were. We just did it. I'm like, I'm phenomenal. Like, I might not be everybody's cup of tea, but I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing exactly how I want to do it. And I'm getting exactly the response I want to get. And if I'm being completely honest, you're like in a show, you're standing out like you were like a bright spot in the show. Everybody wants this. This happens for everybody. Sometimes I get my turn and I get that feeling and I'm like, I don't know about movies, I don't know about shows, I don't know about books, I don't know about deals. I know I'm fucking better at stand up now than I was even as that vine man. The kid posting on vine, he was hungrier.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

But the pirate that, I don't know, he's not a retired pirate. It's just a weird thing to see a pirate at Whole Foods. He's like, the struggle be real. You know what I mean? Some of this kale is conventional. Like, it's not as funny as. It's not as alive in the same way as the kid who ate breakfast burritos off the Montrose, you know what I mean? But I'm also better than that kid. I know it. What do you got? That was a long monologue.

[A]

I love it. I mean, so many things. Buying pirates booty at Whole Foods are.

[B]

They got one for me? How did I not see that? How did I not see that? There's literally. I don't think so too on the nose. I put it back, but I've hooked it open too much. Now I gotta buy it. I never remember, if you hook it, you buy it. There's a sign that says, if you hook it, you buy it. Avast. That's how they do it.

[A]

That's a good sketch. You should do it.

[B]

You can do this. The pirate. I've had that idea before because I felt like a retired pirate before that. We Used to be kind of like, swashbuckling. But enough of me. You're in that place how. Let me ask you this. I want your response to that. Whenever, however, but also, like, what does it look like when you're trying to write? Because I. I'm in a similar place,

[A]

so I think you hit it on the nose with hungry. Being hungry. That kid back then that was writing had no fear. They weren't jaded.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They didn't hear no as many times as we have heard no at this.

[B]

You don't even really know what you're risking. Yeah, like, even doing stand up. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm just. You're so right on, like, a bad set is psychologically disturbing. It's not. Chill.

[A]

You're right. I should quit.

[B]

Water off a duck's back. You're kind of like, whoa. And, like, a lot of no's from the industry or watching your peers. I hate all of. We're back to computers. Yeah.

[A]

You get. I. I visualize it like, oh, shoot, my earring just popped off.

[B]

Are we gonna fight?

[A]

I'm getting.

[B]

Are we about to fight right now? If you take the other one out. Oh, you're gonna do. Oh, no, I'm. I don't know what I did.

[A]

It was your Mexican impression.

[B]

I did that off camera. Still, it counts.

[A]

I'm not even gonna attempt to put it back because it's gonna take me a long time. So just remind me to not.

[B]

My daughter just changed your earrings, and I am now living in the reality of how hard it is to take out. It's so hard bleeding. I'm just like. I don't know why we do that.

[A]

Oh, no. These. They pop off so easy because I'm at the end. Also, the. The earring hole is, like, drooping. But anyway.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So I think it's like.

[B]

I don't know why I said nice. Like, I hated it. I hate how I said nice. Keep going.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

I hated it. I want you to know it was the worst. Keep going, Keep going. My earring hole is real droopy. Nice. Worst response. How about just. Yeah, I don't know what to say is what I'm saying nice. God help us.

[A]

Okay. When you're young and you're not jaded, you're hungry because you haven't experienced success yet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're hungry for that success. So when you're dreaming, oh, I can see myself as this, this, and that. Your dreams are in these, like, bright, vivid colors, and you see it so clearly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you start hearing no's. Right. You risk something, you develop a show idea and you start hearing no's. And then you pitch it around, you hear no's, and then you audition for this, you hear no's, and then you go up and you have a set. And this bit, you thought great, and then it wasn't as great. You're like, okay. It's like hearing a no, right?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So you. You do it and it's like over time, little like nicks in you, Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then years go by and you're still doing you. You get some wins. Right. But you get a lot more losses and nos more than you get wins and yeses. Right. So then let's say 10 years go by. You're still dreaming, but now the colors of your dreams are a little faded.

[B]

They're like more reasonable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're not Technicolor. Just color. How about just color?

[A]

You know, like when you leave the marker cap off for too long and you go to do it, it's a little bit dry.

[B]

I just did that last night. I was trying to mark my daughter's whatever case with a H for Holmes. Barely on there. Sad. I got another one.

[A]

That's my dreams right now.

[B]

Yeah, that's your dream. Your dreams are this. It used to be SW moths because we didn't know what we were risking. Yeah. And every. And you get a lot of yeses. There's. There's a parallel here. It's like you're doing talent shows for your parents and they love it. Then you go to the neighbors and they don't care about you, and you start doing the talent show for them and they're like, what? They're watering their plants. What? Get out of here. And you're like, it's a. It's a wake up call.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No matter who you are, you're not for everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like there's going to be. And you're going to run into that on a professional level at shows, whatever it might be. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You've heard me talk a lot about BetterHelp because I'm a huge fan of talk therapy. It has absolutely transformed my life. And BetterHelp makes it easier than ever to do it. People absolutely love it when they start it. And you don't have to take my word for it. Go to betterhelp.com reviews and you can see for yourself what people are saying. The reviews are updated every day from hundreds of people sharing how helpful and transformative better help has been for them. In fact, BetterHelp has an average live therapy session rating of 4.9 out of 5. That's incredible. It's based on more than 1.7 million client session reviews and more than 6 million people around the world have used BetterHelp. Their therapists have extensive experience in training across a wide range of specialties and getting started is simple. You just answer a few questions, you get matched with a therapist based on your needs and and if it isn't the right fit. This is one of the best parts. You can swap therapists at any time. See the reviews. Don't take it from me. See what stands out and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo that's better. B E T T E R h e l p.com weirdo this episode is sponsored by RO our friends at RO. So many people talking about GLP1s and how they've changed their lives and if I were going to do a GLP one, RO is how I would do it. A lot of people assume GLP1 treatment is automatically out of their reach because of the cost, but because of ro, that's not always the case. RO helps eligible patients find the lowest cost path to FDA approved GLP1 treatment on their website. Their free insurance checker lets you submit your insurance information and a few days later you'll get a report showing which GLP1 medications are covered and whether prior authorization may be required. And if insurance doesn't cover a GLP1, Ro also offers lower cost FDA approved cash pay GLP1 options, including GLP1 pills for people that don't want to do a shot, which is amazing. Before being prescribed medication, you'll complete an online medical visit, any lab work if needed, and if you qualify, a ROE affiliated provider will determine whether treatment is appropriate based on your BMI medical history and your lab results. Which is great. We gotta be thorough. Get thorough with it. If I need a GLP1 if I wanted to try it, this is absolutely where I would start. Go to RO Co Weird to see if you qualify. That's RO company. To get started on ro, go to RO Co Safety for box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. It's 2026 and like so many people, I love shopping from home. I don't understand why you can buy groceries, furniture, basically everything without leaving the house, but for some reason you have to drive around all day and go from store to store if you want to get blinds, especially when three Day Blinds can bring the showroom to you. They're local design consultants at three Day Blinds, which is a game changer. Comes to your house, helps you choose what actually looks right in your space. Not just guesswork in a store. They are there and they know and they give you a free no obligation quote the very same day. Then they handle the measuring and the installation too, which is great for me because that's not something I should be trusted with. I'm also one of these people who likes to sleep in a really, really dark room. And blackout curtains are an absolute game changer. We also have a little movie room. It's not fancy, but we need it at dark. This is where three Day Blinds comes in. I'm surprisingly passionate about it and so are they. And right now you can get quality window treatments that fit your budget with three day blinds. Head to three day blinds.com weird for their buy one get one 50% off deal on custom blinds, shades and drapery for a free no charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to three day blinds.com weird one last time. That's buy one get one 50% off when you head to the number 3D a Y blinds.com weird. So, yeah, did you see the Odyssey? And I'm not going to explain the Odyssey to you. No spoilers. I mean, it's a 3,000 year old story but. But like, no spoilers. It's amazing. It's so good. It's just one of the ways you can look at it is it's about what we're talking about. It's about aging. He's this like proud warrior. And then what I was really struck by is like, it's just, it could have been called one battle after another, but like one loss after another, they just keep losing.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Losing, losing, losing, losing. And just when they're like at their worst, another loss and you're just like, yeah, this is why this resonates with people. And there's this image. I love Maddie D. And he's got arrows in his back and you know, he's skinny. Like they made Odysseus skinny. Daemon can be whatever he wants to be. He bulked up for the press, but in the movie he's kind of. He's very muscly but he's like thin and it seems like a choice. And he's got like broken off arrows in his back and he, it's kind of like. And he still gets up. You know what I mean? Like again, people can project whatever they want to on the Odyssey But I'm watching it going like, yeah, I have my dream life, my dream job, and I still sometimes feel like I'm just like. Like today, it's like, oh, I just. I know I already said this, but just got a slew of no's. My manager, who I love, thought it was fair to put it in one text. Here's everyone who said no so far. Just. He was collecting the no's and then just fired it off at 7am Good morning. Netflix is a no. HBO is a no. And I'm just like, you feel those arrows? And I was just, like, very emotional watching that movie. Cause I was like, it's not. Look, this is such a fucking cliche YouTube inspirational video, and it's Rocky, but it's not about how many times you fall down. It's how many times you get back up. You know, that kind of idea. But I was like, God damn it. That might be corny, but it's. It's so true. And that's what middle age feels like to me, is you're like, you're not ne. You're not, like, the belle of the ball.

[A]

I think you touched on another one right? There is. We have both had a season in our careers where we were the hot thing, where people were talking about us because we were new, literally.

[B]

Comics to watch is over your head. My framed comics to watch.

[A]

Am I. Am I on that one? No, I did. I had that one class. I had that one, too.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Ali Wong.

[A]

Yeah. So it's like, Harris, there's. We had a season of, like, you need to watch this person. Yeah, right.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Like, you need to. Anything they do, you want to know about it.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

So we both have had a season like that. And what's easy to misinterpret is if you're not in that hot season, that you're done.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's not true.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's. Life is like this, like. Like it's this roller coaster. Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're not. Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're not. Maybe we won't have that. I. I most, like. I'm not gonna say most likely I might have it one day, but maybe I won't have it as big as it was in 2007, 2008, when this nail slam video popped off. Everybody around town wanted to meet with you. I'm talking about fox, NBC, abc. They're all calling me into these meetings, all these movies. They're booking me for this movie. For this TV show. I'm in this pilot. I'm. Everybody wants me. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is crazy. Maybe I won't have that season again.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Maybe I will. Maybe it comes later again. I don't know. But just because that happened in 2007, 2008, does not mean that 2020, 2026 version of Angela doesn't have something beautiful to offer the world.

[B]

Yeah. Right. I'm a connaissance of what Matthew McConaughey had. A Renaissance. They called it the McConaissance. Oh. And. And, you know Brendan Fraser. What? I don't.

[A]

Betty White.

[B]

Betty White.

[A]

Hurt.

[B]

This is such an LA conversation we're having. Right?

[A]

I know. Sorry, everybody.

[B]

Oh, no, I think it's really interesting because it's honest. Clearly, we're both like, yeah. Thinking about this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was thinking about comedians who have killed themselves with respect. I was just thinking about that on the way down. That's how, like, kind of serious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can be like, maybe it's. I. I'm not suicidal.

[A]

No.

[B]

I'm just saying, like, wow, it really chews people up. So we need to. I've been craving some balance and some wisdom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And some perspective.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's actually one of the. Believe it or not, that's one of the things the Odyssey gave me. I was like, oh, humanity has always been wondering, because he does. He has his big battles and his big wins. Then actually, this isn't a spoiler again, but he kind of, like, looks back on those wins with, like, more nuance and more, like, perspective. Whereas as a young man, he was just like, we feel those people up. We won. And then he looks back and he's like, jesus Christ. And what's crazy. And I talk to a lot of. And I think it's worth mentioning, I talk to so many people that are like, what you have, Angela? What I have is exactly what they want. And it's also very, very, very much exactly what I want. I just wonder, like. Like, it's like consumerism. It's like capitalism. It's like every corporation has to grow or it's dying.

[A]

Like, it's.

[B]

It's a zero sum sort of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we start applying, though. It's like the Taylor Swift documentary. She's like, I need to make the next album bigger. How am I gonna top 1989? And I'm a failure if I don't.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's like, well, where did we get that idea? Talk about the Odyssey as I will for months. I apologize ahead of time. I'm gonna be talking about the Odyssey so much. But there's a. We live in a mythos, if I may use a fancy word for just a story, which is, everything needs to be like. As much as we can put down, like, huge corporations and billionaires, we go, those are our weird sultans. Those are our weird. I won't say kings, but they're these figures that rose and ground.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Rose and groaned enough. They rised and grinded a lot, and they won billions of dollars. And now they can be vampires in their castles and, like, send me a steak and whatever it is. But as much as we make fun of it, we're kind of like, that is in our. It's in our water, it's in our air. And that's. I think what I'm catching us feeling is, like, we have to keep progressing. We don't have those. I'm trying to think. When I toured in, like, England or Ireland or even Melbourne. Melbourne. I met so many more European comedians that didn't have that same compulsion. Yeah. They seem to be. Remember when you were young and, like, being the best on the show or being, like, the hippest or the coolest or having the bit that, like, blew everyone away. Wait till everybody. All the comics come in to watch you when you're on stage, like that. Relevance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I think of, like, David o' Doherty and. And there's. I think it's. I'm trying to think of some of the names. Kitson. Daniel Kitson. There's some. I. I've never even seen him live, but there's some comedian that only does shows, and they're all like, $10. Like, he won't tour for more than $10. He's always ripping. Is it Daniel Kitson? Is that a name?

[A]

That's a. That's a comedian.

[B]

Is he a bearded guy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I. I've only. He's like Paul Bunyan. I've only heard, like, tell of this guy who clearly isn't, like, just trying to squeeze it for more money, because I think that's one of the diseases I'm saying that maybe I've caught, which is, like, everything needs to pay out. It needs to be, like, more money. Like, you want to be that. Like, do you know that this person or this person got $10 million for their special? And then you're like, then everyone would have to suck my. You know what I mean? It's just, like. Just, like, real sorrow and shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then no one can hurt me. Then I don't have to. You can't tell me nothing. Then no one can bother me. If I'm such a rich success to counterbalance that I'm like, doing the work that you believe in. When I get off stage, I go, that's what I wanted to do, right? Do you agree with that? Yeah, because I'm including you in this. I did what I wanted to do. I wasn't chasing a trend. I wasn't trying to conform into some sort of zeitgeist. We made these people laugh. I laughed with them and we did it. And whether or not I'm growing exponentially, like SpaceX, which I think is tanking, but you know what I mean, like, we need to, like, liberate ourselves from that delusion that we're not corporations, that we're artists. This is what I'm saying about David Bowie. Like, we should be smoking. Cigarette smoking. It's a shame that smoking got linked with being cool. I just mean, like, we should be in a Cafe in the 60s talking about your phenomenal new hour and how you fucking found it. And we're knew how you felt. That's one of the things I love about your comedy is like, you. One of the notes I give if people ask for notes is I go, how do you feel about that? Like, people will say, what's happening? But you, you always go, like, which felt like this, or made me think this or made me feel this way. I'm like, it's imbued with all of this artistic honesty and everything, everything changing and AI and the climate and all that stuff. I'm like, I have to believe, like, Matt Johnson, the Canadian filmmaker, he did BlackBerry and Nirvana, the band. He's one of my heroes because he really is like, truth. Like, things told with truth and vulnerability. And it doesn't necessarily need to be improv, but like, spontaneity and vitality. These things Hollywood, and we're kind of getting caught up in this. Are like chasing the mimicry of like, authentic art instead of just going like, wait, we can do that, we can do that. And I'll just do that instead of going like, but I want the. The $10 million bio.

[A]

It is so hard to. What am I trying to say?

[B]

Sever Break from that.

[A]

I love that we the.

[B]

Are we twins?

[A]

Sever. Yeah, we should do that game show.

[B]

Yeah, I'm very good at it.

[A]

I've seen you on Pyramid. Yeah, yeah, I saw you on it.

[B]

We wouldn't need words. You just flutter despondency.

[A]

Yeah, you would have to be the one saying the words.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you can act it out. Keep going, please. You. It's hard to sever from that story,

[A]

from being the artist and the business.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because it's real life. We have to provide for our families, and then we have to, like, we have goals for the life that we want to live. Right. And so in order to do that, I need to do this. So then our art becomes, like, in bed with business. And we're like, y' all shouldn't be hooking up, but they have to hook up to, like, get us to the goal or whatever. And you're like, you should not be sleeping with your boss.

[B]

Yeah, I'm my boss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This artist, the kid from Vine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Went into a room and was like, she's pretty hot. Yeah. And had sex with the business. And we. We don't. We're similar. I'm older than you. But, like, we did grow up in that Gen X mentality of, like, you shouldn't sell out. But then we started seeing the selling out. We've made this point a million times, but it's like, that doesn't exist anym. It's like, you're supposed to sell out. Like, it's kind of, like, cool if you can, like, make the biggest cash grab you can. You know what I mean?

[A]

I really liked the image we were going with with, like, fudgeing our boss. Yeah. With, like, art and business, like, hooking up and, like, trying to put those. Personify those characters. That's funny.

[B]

I mean, it does feel. It's like having sex with your. Well, boss is good, but there's something taboo about it. It's like your teacher or your counselor. There's something like, you're not supposed to do this, but then you start doing it, and then, like, you do get rewarded for it. It's just so easy. We did this on Crashing, where it was like, the talk about art versus commerce, and. And my character was making the point that I made my whole career, which is like, if. If they ask you to be clean, be clean. If you can book more gigs doing jokes about stuff. College kids, like, do jokes about stuff. And there were the people that are like, that, I'm gonna. I. I'm Lenny Bruce. I talk about whatever STDs. And it's like, great. You're not gonna work NACA. And then you're not gonna have that money that will enable you to work on that hour about STDs. With the big audience that you made when you were in college. See, I'm even making the other point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's got to be both. I think where we are in this phase of life is. I'd like to. This again brings up Matt Johnson. That's sort of like, what if we could do anything? What if we could talk about anything in our stand up? What if. What do we really want to say? What would the stand up be? If you knew at the end of the set you die? You know what I mean? Like, this is your last thing. What are you gonna say?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's. What's the project?

[A]

That's a good journal prompt.

[B]

Yeah. What would I say?

[A]

Because that's where I'm at right now. What am I going to talk about?

[B]

Evaporating.

[A]

That's so good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like everything that I would come up with would be stuff that I'm not brave enough to actually talk about on stage.

[B]

Well, look, I've thought about doing that on this podcast, going like, let's pretend we're gonna die right after this podcast. And what would we talk about? But the problem is you don't die.

[A]

Yeah. And you gotta deal with it.

[B]

The real problem is you don't die. And you have to deal with it with the backlash. But, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to get as close as I can, but I think again, I know I'm talking a lot, but I feel like I'm trying to, like, Yeah, I feel like

[A]

everybody's gonna hate this episode. Are they gonna hate it? Is this too insider baseball? Are we too, like, it's not too insider baseball. Like, they're not gonna be like, like Charlie Brown voice.

[B]

Well, I, I've. I think we've been careful to be like, look, it's a gift. It's. Again, I'm back to Odysseus. It's a gift to be a wonderful general, winning wars and being known as the guy that won this war. And then it's also like a crazy thing that you don't just disappear after that happens. You're still kind of going around and there's a Cyclops and you're like, what the fuck is that? Oh, that's a no from Netflix. Oh, Jesus. Really? All right, well, let's put hay on our backs and run out with the sheep. I don't think so.

[A]

I think we're in.

[B]

Good. I think we're in.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

Because we're talking about. Well, we're talking about.

[A]

Let us know in the comments. Do you hate this in the Comment section. Do you hate this or not? Tell us our value.

[B]

Tell us our value. We'll be scouring the comments for our value. I, I, I, I'm a believer that the more specific you are, the paradoxically, the more, yeah, broadly understandable it is. I forget what I was about to say. Oh, that. What would you do? Oh, the prompt. What would you do if you knew this was your last.

[A]

What would you talk about?

[B]

Year your or your last special?

[A]

Freaking frack. Wow.

[B]

Frickin frack.

[A]

I wonder, will we know? Like, I see those funny or sad memes on social media. I know you don't really do social media, but it'll be like there was one day you went out to play with your friends in the yard and it was your last day running out to play with your friends in the yard. But you didn't know it.

[B]

I didn't know.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

See, this is why I'm not on there. Was there like violin music behind that? That's like, There's a Neil DeGrasse Tyson did this podcast and he goes, there's gonna be a last time you pick up your daughter. And I'm like, what? Get the fuck outta here. And I was like, but I can still pick up my wife. And he goes, yeah, but your body's gonna age. And I was like, neil, get that beautiful mustache out of my face. Like, I couldn't handle it. Yeah, couldn't handle that. And that one's a hard one too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was a last time that you, like, ran out to play with your little kid friends.

[A]

So there will be a last time that we hit the stage, that we write an hour, that we write a joke period. Like, there will be a last time. None of us know when that's gonna be. Some people get the luxury of deciding. I'm retiring after this. This is my last hurrah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I don't want to do this anymore.

[B]

And then they come back with a special called Inside.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or they come back with a special called what's Hannah Gadsby Special?

[A]

I know.

[B]

Remember? She, I don't know, trying to be fun, you know? Who? Hannah Gatsby.

[A]

Yeah. But I'm wonderful.

[B]

I'm not familiar, but she put out a special after. Is it she her? God damn it. I, I say that because I don't want to be wrong, not because I'm troubled or bothered to be considerate. Okay. They put forgive. You can leave that in honest mistake, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So the Hannah. Just go with the name. Yeah, Hannah put out a special and then Hannah said. They said they were retiring, and then they put out another special. So that. That even when you retired.

[A]

Was that a joke? The retiring, or.

[B]

No, no. And when Beau retired, it wasn't a joke either. I think he meant it. He was like, I'm done. And then inside came out. Okay, so. But both. Sorry, am I cutting you off? No, I think there's a. This is a good conversation for me, at least, where I'm like, beau's a good example where it's like, he takes these breaks. He waits for the muse. He waits for, like. And we could say, maybe he can afford to wait more. I don't know. I think you and I can also afford to take little breaks and think and not fucking. Maybe fewer meetings and just a couple more quiet Saturdays where you're just going, like, what am I gonna do? Because I'm Matt Johnson, Bo Burnham, Christopher Nolan is on my mind. There are true artists, P.T. anderson. There are people that are doing work that is clearly like. They're like woodworkers. They're just in their studio and they're making something, and it means something. They look at a totem and they cry, and they're like, see, that's a

[A]

different type of person. So I admire that. And then I go. I don't know if I am that, because what happens to me is I take a break. And then, like, muscle atrophy and then fear and anxiety of, like, starting again. Like, do they also deal with that? But they just work through it.

[B]

I think they're always. That's a great question. How could I know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Were you that way during the pandemic? I'm just kidding. I just call it that to be an.

[A]

Oh, the pandemic.

[B]

That's what conspiracy people call it.

[A]

I planned to take a break that year.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

It. It just lined up. I called my agents.

[B]

Were you a little freaked by that? You were like, I could just use about a year off. News breaks.

[A]

It was wild. Really? It was wild. I had called my team, and I told them in my heart I wanted a full year of nothing.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Yeah. This is 2020.

[B]

This is 2019, right? I love math.

[A]

I was gonna travel. I was like, this is gonna be my eat. Like, I'm gonna go.

[B]

I was thinking about Elizabeth Gilbert, because she said, be careful making your what you love into your job. So she was on my mind.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I'm like, I need a break. I'm burnt out. I. I want nothing right now. So I'm like, I'll just Say, for six months. Because I felt bad asking for a whole year because I know, like, agents and, like, they need commission and whatever. And I'm like, well, I don't want to put them in a tough spot. My manager or whatever. Like, I didn't have a manager at the time.

[B]

That's interesting. I have. I have a slight issue with that. I always go, like, my agent doesn't get 10%. His company gets 10%. My agent gets a.

[A]

But that was my inside being. Like, I don't want to make them upset. So let me just ask for six months of nothing. I get on a call with my team and I'm like, hey, guys, feeling burnt out. I need to take a break. I would like to take six months off next year. And they're like, well, that would put you at that. Starting in the fall. And I think, was it election year or something? There was something happening that they were like, that's not going to be a great time to go on the road to start working, so why don't you just take the whole year? They said it to me.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And I was like, I really didn't

[B]

see that going that way. That's what I was like, why don't you just work the next six months and then we'll see what happens.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And they're all just like, yeah, you know what I mean? Putting you on.

[A]

No, they. They told me, just take the whole year. And I was like, like, thank you. That's what I really wanted. Yeah, please. I would love that. Thank you. So we planned 2020. I had one gig on the books because it was already there, and it was in February, and that was it. And I was like, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna travel. I'm not gonna do any shows, blah, blah, blah. Then covet happens. And everybody went on hiatus. Everybody had their sabbatical. This was my sabbatical year. I called it, and I'm like, so everybody else did.

[B]

Wow. Yeah.

[A]

It was wild timing. I didn't travel because obviously.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I. I tuned in from home. I started gardening. I started, like, tuning into, like, Earth and God's creation. Like, look at this plant. Like, I started seeing. How do I explain it?

[B]

Like, sever.

[A]

I'm a. I'm a creator. God's a creator. This flower created this bell pepper.

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm so connected.

[B]

Yeah, you're in the flow.

[A]

I was.

[B]

That you're in relationship with what is.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So that's. That's what was my 2020 plus, it was like just everything from I started cooking. I never cooked before. I hated cooking. I wasn't good at it. But I'm like, well, I'm home all day. Let me just try a recipe. And like. Like, it was a whole discovery year for me. But anyways, I don't know how we got on that.

[B]

I wonder where you. I loved it. It's because I asked how you were during the pandemic and you told me. Thank you. I. What. When we're talking about the true. And this is unfair, I'm sure. Of course, there are people too. They have their doubts. I like to hold them as avatars. Like, Bo is somewhere not worried about it. But Beau talks in his act endlessly about his anxiety and all that. And I think panic attacks, all that sort of stuff. It's all public. This isn't talking out of school. Inside, he talks about it. So I'm sure I'm unfairly minimizing them into something that's useful to me, like a symbol, like the pure artist. But when you were like, I don't know if we're those kind of people. I'm struck that at 47, I still do go to stand up to tell me I'm okay. Like, I want people to hear me, agree with me and respond in the way that I wanted them to respond. It's like a. It's like an orgy of. It's not just affirmation. It's like alignment with other people. So it's not as depraved or as sad as it might sound. It's not just like, you really like me. It's like, I'm in my life and I'm going, people are confusing to me. Situations are confusing to me. Life is confusing to me. And I go up on stage and I say essentially those three things as jokes and people laugh. And I go, I knew we were the same. I knew we were the same. And I'm only a little bothered. I don't just drop off the stand up. I don't just, like, do the act. I'm really going, like. And I think that's what makes me good, is there's a question of, like, am I all right? Are we all right? Can we do this? And when we do, it's a huge thrill. But when I don't, it feels really bad. It's still. I don't have that. Like. Like, I have a friend who's in the program. We do a lot of shows together, and he seems to be a lot more like, well, that didn't go so well. You know, just kind of like a reasonable person. Well, that one wasn't our way. And I like eating cookies. Like, just trying to win it back at the cookie tray.

[A]

Yeah. The feeling.

[B]

But I don't know. Like, I really wouldn't. Obviously, I'm not very high on myself. Like, I'm not in a manic place, but I'm like, talk to me tomorrow. I have a set tonight. I'm sure I'll. I'll feel differently, but, like, I am sort of, like, it's more vulnerable the way that I'm going about this. And I think that's why, unfortunately, I am tied to the hurt of being rejected and also the. The extreme highs of being accepted. I'm not just, like. I think about, like, somebody who really struck me as somebody who really just seemed to be flying his own ship was Aziz. Aziz was just like, this is where I'm going. And it was really cool to see. And I watched the industry go like, what the. What the. This guy doesn't seem to like. He really just was, I'm going to that island. And everyone's like, that island's crazy. And he's like, actually, there's a billion fans on that island. And I know. And I was like, I'm in a helicopter that I have to pedal. I think there's somebody over here. Like, I don't. I've never been cool in that way, but I don't think I would be near. I know I wouldn't be nearly as funny if I. If I was more chill about it. I'm not chill about it. It's like a real. There's a part of me that thinks it's kind of life or death. It's like, I need these people to understand me. I need to be understood. I need to be seen and witnessed and. And there's even a part that's like, if I could be celebrated, that would be really nice. Otherwise, why would I be doing this for 25 years? We could. You know, you talked about supporting your family. You could downsize and be fine.

[A]

I could.

[B]

But you never will.

[A]

But I don't want to.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Oh, gosh.

[B]

This is real therapy.

[A]

No, it really is. Well, okay, first, I'm just checking the time in and.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

What. What are we.

[B]

We're good. Like 30 minutes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is that okay?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just because.

[A]

What time is it?

[B]

It's. It's 4:30. I'm just kidding. It's 12. Oh, you feel good?

[A]

I'm good. Yes. Okay. So what you were talking about when you get on stage and, like, feeling understood or feeling like we're the same or feeling like that feeling and how you've been able to be in this for, you know, 20 something years. For me, I enjoy that feeling on stage and the laugh and all of that. But the moments that strike me more, that shift me more, that made me go, I need to keep doing this is when I'm walking through the airport and like, this just happened the other day. Somebody stops me and is no security. Yeah.

[B]

I just love being chosen in any way. So when they're like, you need to be.

[A]

I needed a yes right now. Thank you so much.

[B]

Back of the hair, back of the hand on my wiener. I like it. There's a smush. He feels the smush. He go. It's funny that he's going, that's a dick. He's definitely a dick. Not. Not C4. That's a penis. We're both thinking, he just went on it

[A]

out of town.

[B]

They always tell, you see, they don't. What are they? Have you been patted down? Yes. They don't go. The front of the vagina is nice, though. That's a good storefront.

[A]

They don't hear the.

[B]

The dick is right there. The dick is just. You know how in New York there's no alleyway, so all the trash is just on the sidewalk?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a dick spilling out. You can touch the front. I'm not trying to be funny. I wouldn't. I'm just saying. If I worked at the tsa. The back of the hand on a. Not much. Not much happened. Back of the hand on a penis. You're getting the whole show. So sorry you got stopped at the airport.

[A]

Oh, that's why I love you. That's why I love you.

[B]

That's why I love you. He's got good cock stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They call it cock over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

It's ugly.

[B]

It's too much. And they say twat, too. They got all the bad and they say cunt a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All the worst ones. The most civil country is like, look at that mingy twat. It's like, excuse me, which is it? Are you having tea with every meal or are you fucking jacked up and calling people cunts? Choose a lane and on the right

[A]

side of the road, please fix it. Yeah.

[B]

We're polite. You mean jitois, like fucking. Which is. I wouldn't be caught dead without a hat indoors or whatever it is, you cunt. Yikes. Riff over.

[A]

That's good. I like it. I like it. Every bold journey starts with a decision to go. And if you're ready, the Defender is too. This is a vehicle built for more. Whether you're heading off the grid or just getting out of town for the weekend, Defender is a true icon reimagined for a new generation. Its rugged exterior is built from durable materials and tested in the toughest conditions. Inside, it's modern, functional, and refined, with smart storage and premium touches that keep you comfortable wherever the road leads. It's packed with tech like 3D surround cameras, ClearSight, ground and rear views, driver assist features, and an intuitive infotainment system. With three models, the Defender 90, 110, and 130, there's a Defender for every kind of adventure. From city streets to remote trails, this is a vehicle that, like you, is capable of great things. Explore the full Defender lineup@land roverusa.com Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha Frappuccino drink? Or a sweet vanilla smooth caramel, maybe? Or white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your grocery.

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[A]

How did we get there?

[B]

You're stopping at the airport.

[A]

Okay, stop me at the airport when somebody stops me. Oh, my God. I love what you're doing. I love your comedy.

[B]

Airport pat down.

[A]

No, it stops me. I love you. I'm a fan of yours. Oh, right.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're telling me yes to you.

[A]

Yeah. What they say to me. So, like, this just happened the other day. Oh, my gosh. I love your stuff. Thank you. Thank you so much. Then at the same time, I'm going through security. There is somebody else going through security. And then the flight team was also going through security. And one of the flight attendants and one of the ladies that was just going through security at the same time, they both went to say, I love your work to me at the same time. And so we had a little Moment of, oh, my God, thank you so much, everybody. Hey, you know what I mean? Like, it was just like. And I'm like, no, thank you. Appreciate it. I walk maybe, like, 45 more seconds, somebody else is walking past me like, hey, oh, my gosh, we love you. We listen to you all the time. Like, oh, thank you so much. And with. From security to my gate, I probably got stopped. Not even exaggerating a good five times of just acknowledgement and, hey, thank you for your work type of feeling. And so in that moment, I feel. It feels good. And it feels like a responsibility of my contribution to the Earth that I'm like, I have to keep doing it.

[B]

Look over my shoulder, humbly and proudly return what you've been given. That's what Richard Rohr says is right here in the corner. Val made that for me, but it's a Richard Rohr quote. And he goes, so it's a paradox. Humbly, but also proudly return what you've been given. So you were given this gift and this compulsion. Compulsion doesn't always mean bad. It just means a drive to do something. Keep going, keep doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because those people, it did matter. And when you're, like, in a bad way, like, when you're having a bad

[A]

week, there it is.

[B]

You remember, like, Jesus, like, it really matters. Like, they talk about art being one of the purposes for art and comedy and everything falling under that umbrella is. And this is dark, but it's a reason to live. It's like a reason to, like, get up. It's like when you watch something or see something or hear something amazing. Especially at my age, one of the feelings is, I knew I wasn't done. I knew I could still be amazed. Right? And you go like, thank God that person and these people in this project exist. Because it can't just be eating, shitting, bathing, sleeping, dead. It has to be something. It has to be something. So you're absolutely. See, we're figuring this out in real time. If people listen to the first half, maybe they won't like it. But if they listen to the whole thing, they'll be like, this was the Odyssey. They figured it out. It's true.

[A]

Bringing it back to the thought of, like, not being our young version self that is Hungry, brave, the hot thing that everybody's talking about being this version of ourself, walking through the airport and getting that confirmation of like, you don't have to be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Abcdefg.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

The version of you, who you are right now, is what that person that's right. Needed and needs.

[B]

I say this all the time. This is really helpful. I say this all the time. Like, I'll be emptying my carry on. And my carry on is often filled with letters. People have kind. Fans have given me. People on airplanes. This isn't bragging. This is gratitude. Like someone will write something on an airplane and hand it to me and I keep all of them. I think it's just like, not like a super woo woo person in that way, but, like, I just think it's good mojo. They're all in my bag, so sometimes I'll be emptying my thing and there's all these notes. I got my first pilot. It's funny that you said that. My first pilot was like, love your work. And I was like, is this what I did?

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Like, I didn't know what to do. He's so. They all have great posture. If you see a slouching pirate, they have great posture. Get off the plane.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

If you see, like, a fucking Paul Giamatti, we're going to Cleveland. Get off the plane. You want Chris Evans or better?

[A]

Better. Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? But anyway, so true.

[A]

My cousin's a pilot for United and he's very like, what does he have? Els, Exaggerated lat syndrome, where he's just like. He's full on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And even the way he stands is very, like, when he's not in uniform, even he's just in my green room hanging out with me. Yeah.

[B]

Like, you just want to yoke these people, like, give them, like, pails of water. That's what they used to do for us. They'd walk the water into the village. And now they're just like, I guess I'll fly a plane if there's no buckets of water around. They're so strong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not necessary, but we like it. We want them to have a certain look. Pilots. Anyway, what I said to Matt, who I tour with, I was just like. I was laughing at myself. I was like, when is it enough? It really does. I think what we're talking about is a certain addiction or. Or can if. If you don't get in touch with gratitude, what you just did, I didn't hear an addiction going, thank God I got the five hits. You're going like, what a gift. That what I do is appreciated by these people and that you get to walk through the world like it's a small town. And people like, hey, I know you. I like you. And that feels good. What troubles me is I go, you'd think there would be an amount that you would go like, I know, I know now, like, you wouldn't say that to them, but they're like, hey, great. I know. Like, just because you.

[A]

You've metabolized takes you to the end. The. The knowing takes you all the way to the end. It doesn't. The knowing takes you maybe a few weeks.

[B]

A few weeks. And then. And then if you have bad sleep, no coffee, no lunch, you're like, I suck or whatever. Or you just get like the wrong combination of like. Like we're saying, comparing and despairing, seeing other people, whatever it might might be, and saying this with full awareness that I know my career is dope. And it must be so frustrating. Well, I hope it's not frustrating for comics if they're listening to go, like, what is he talking about? Well, I'm talking about something that we all have. Everybody just has it in different ways. Meaning Kevin Hart, I imagine, has these feelings at some point. Going to the Odyssey again. So Matt Damon is Odysseus, and Christopher Nolan always works with the same actors. I was like, you think Christian Bale was like, hello? Bloody hell. What? You know what I mean? He sees it on his Instagram. Matt Damon attached as Odysseus in Christopher Nolan's biggest mass life work. And he's like, no, Cole, I'm Batman. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is. This has been the kind of.

[A]

I'm already skinny. Like, what?

[B]

I'm already skinny. I can buck up. It's not even how he sounds, but, you know, I think everybody has it on some level. But anyway, I'm with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just. I do wish you could eat the sandwich that would make you full forever.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You'd just be like, yeah, all right. You want a new letter? I'm looking at my letters. Yeah. I need a. I need one from this week.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's an insane person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is the crack rock in the. In the carpet. But I think talking about it at least. I don't know how you're feeling. I'm feeling like. Like a little bit of a blood transfusion just from this conversation. Because I'm like, okay, I'm not alone. This is part of it. Keep going. Yeah, keep going. And do. Do what is meaningful to you. How old is your baby?

[A]

Be three.

[B]

And is it a boy or girl?

[A]

Forgive me.

[B]

It's a girl, Rosie. Yeah, that's right. You say Rose in the special because you got to moms and Their boys. How are you with. Even with a 3 year old? Do you see your husband and your daughter? Cuz there is something going on there. You're on to something. Like in your new special ugly baby, you. What am I, Jimmy Kimmel? I'm trying to be slick. Available on YouTube. Now, it's not doing as well as

[A]

the last one,

[B]

the worst guy, but it's doing better than mine. Listen, the most petty talk show. You talk about the bonds between mothers and sons, which is really true. And you all. I'm wondering, do you see that with your husband and, and your daughter or do you feel like it's all.

[A]

I mean, yeah, they have a great. But just this morning they're doing dance party in the playroom. You know what I mean? And they have the music going and they're both, you know, he's putting on songs that he likes and then she's like, no, it's my turn. And then she puts it on a song that she likes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, they have a great, great bond. And then I, I feel like I see her as like a, it's so. I see her as like a, a person. And I'm like, I'm your mom. I'm helping guide you. I'm helping to teach you how to become a good person. And at the same time my part of me is like, what do you think of me?

[B]

Like, cute.

[A]

Am I doing a good job?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Like, do I, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, say that in your special. You have so much more respect for moms now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's one of those things that like, I never, I know it's a cliche, but I never really thought that my mom was like, like, am I doing this okay? Like, it never occurred to me that they're also. Yeah. Like, we're learning to walk and they're kind of learning how to parent walk.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And, and all the cliches. Nobody tells you how to do it and you're just kind of figuring it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're, you're looking to your daughter to tell you like, yeah, good job.

[A]

But even the, like at night when I'm like rocking her and I'm telling her like, I love her so much and she doesn't understand the weight of what that means. And I'm like, okay, let me think of new ways to tell her. Be like, you make mommy's heart so happy just by being you. My heart is so happy every time I see you. And she'll just be sitting there like, quiet, like, no, like, she's not. It's not. I'm like, you don't get it. You don't. You don't. It's not penetrating your heart and soul how much I love you, and I need you to get it.

[B]

Yeah. That doesn't stop. I. My daughter is about to be eight, and I'll be like, what do I say? I'm trying to think of the exact phrasing, but it'll be something like. Like, I love you so much. And she'll go, I know. She ate the sandwich. That lasts forever. That's actually. Isn't that funny? That is kind of one of our goals is we're like. We want to drill it into them so much that they know if. If nothing else.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, your parents love you full stop.

[A]

Hey, I learned something from you about parenting from our last conversation, I think on this episode. Or we were just having a conversation.

[B]

Can't wait.

[A]

You talked about how you were going on a date with your wife and explaining that to your daughter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because she wanted to come, and you were explaining the difference.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of like, how me and you have time or you and mommy have time. Like, this is, like, mommy and daddy time or whatever, and, like, we're going on a date. And since then, I have been very intentional about anytime I'm going out with my husband and it's just us, I make sure to frame it as, this is Mommy and Daddy time. So she sees that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And calling it a date. Like, we're just. We're gonna go to lunch real quick. And I still go, mommy and Daddy are going on a date.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And, like, I want her to hear it, so I want her to see that we're still dating each other.

[B]

You like each other.

[A]

Yes. I want. Want. I want her to see that and know. And then the other day, she asked if she could come. And I remember you. That was the story. And I was like, no, this is just Mommy and daddy going on a date. And then we left. And then my brother told me, because he stayed with her. He was like, after you guys left, she says to me, like, nino, can I go on a date with you? Like, she wanted to go on a date with my brother. Like, then we go on a date then. And so it was just so sweet. But I got that from you. From listening to you talk about your relationship.

[B]

I love that because that was. That was a lot to unpack for me is like, again, I have a lot more compassion and understanding for my folks, but, like, they never really. We did it with humor. Like, it's kind of funny that my parents aren't necessarily always each other's cup of tea.

[A]

Sure,

[B]

yeah. There's a lot of joking about that. And they. They do fine. But, like, it was really important for me because. What are you doing? You're modeling. Like, find this. Find someone who wants to be with you. And even calling it a date. Like, let it be sacred, Let it be special, let it be sequestered. It's over here. And it's a different thing. And I want you to have that thing. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, when does your kid yet say, like, who do you love more?

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

Mommy. And we always go like, it's. Now that she's older, you go like, it's different. It's different. If you're asking if I could. If we were in a building that was on fire and I could only save you or Mommy, I would save you because I know Mommy would want me to save you. And that's my job. So you just go dark if you

[A]

want to do that.

[B]

If I'm holding each of you over a cliff, I pull you up first. Is that what you're asking? I fucking freak them out. Yeah, you. And she smiles,

[A]

looks over at her mom like that.

[B]

But Val will be there. And she's like, yeah, baby. That's our job. Our first thing is keeping you safe. So if you're wondering where you are in the emergency situation, Daddy would want me to save you before I saved him, of course. And then you go, like, but. And I try to get kind of trippy with it, but I go, there's only one love. I love your mom, and I love you. It's the exact same. Because it's. It. You can't divide infinity. I love you infinity. I love you all the way, and I love your mom all the way. And there's no ranking there. But if you want to know, there's a rhino coming out. I only have time to push one of you into a bush. I'm going to push you, and then your mother. And then I'll get killed. If there's time for all three, hey, that's great. Push. You kick mama backflip. Now I'm on the rhino, Cut off its horn, get arrested for poaching. Like, this is how I think of things. I do. My daughter is sort of dark, so she doesn't mind. Every kid is different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She has no problem mentioning death or mentioning. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I don't know if you Call that an old soul or what? But she's like. She loves. I'm not saying this because you're Mexican. She loves dia de los muertos. She loves, like, dark things. She loves Halloween.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

She loves Jack Skellington. That. That's, like, her way. So she doesn't mind when I'm like. Yeah, she loves. Likes it.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

Isn't it? Funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're not that way. She's gonna. I have a feeling she's gonna be, like, a horror, maybe person, like. And me and her mom couldn't be.

[A]

Let's. Let's. Let's articulate that one. Horror.

[B]

She's gonna be a real horror. A real horror Person horror. Yeah. My daughter's loves horse. It's funny because she also. She loves. She's an old soul. Came from a brothel in 1802. Thank you for your help. I need you. I need you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And then, I don't know. Where are we? I could bring up other stuff. Do you have any new God thoughts? So hot.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

To you. You tap out if you want.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Oh, you do.

[A]

Are they new?

[B]

Who knows?

[A]

I feel like. Okay, okay, okay. How do I sum this up? Like, I. I'm feeling disconnected, so I'm trying to. To reconnect and.

[B]

With your spirituality.

[A]

Yes. And in that reconnection, I feel like I've tried a lot of things, and then I'm like, let me go back to this and see if I approach it differently. Can I connect? Can I reconnect? So I'm in this battle internally of allowing myself to try an old method in a new way. And I'm doing a lot of podcast interviews right now, and just, like, how this has kind of, like, been a therapy session.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like it's all kind of helping me in my spirituality as well. Reconnect to God the Creator within me, to. I don't. I don't know. Like, it. I made it so big that it's like. Well, now I'm just in this dark abyss, and I don't feel connected.

[B]

You made your spirituality.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you want to make it more intimate.

[A]

Yeah, more intimate, more simple. More just. So I've gone back to, like, just simple prayers. And. Like, the other day, I had a time of prayer where I prayed for people, and I went down the list, and I hadn't done this in a while, and I just started thinking of someone and praying for them, for the things that I know about, and then whatever I don't know about that they need Help with whatever. And I'm going through, like, each person. And then within that time, I feel this strong desire to text my cousin and just tell her, I'm so impressed by you. And I've always been impressed by you since I was young. And now watching you as a mom, I'm still so impressed. You're so brave and, like, you're still that girl to me.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And just send her that love.

[B]

You just get the exclamation point in the circle.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Oh, I meant it didn't say, oh, yeah, just, oh, this phone is dead.

[A]

Then. Oh, I thought you meant, like, she just responded with, oh, that would be great.

[B]

The thumbs up. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful.

[A]

But, like, that came. Came out of a time of prayer.

[B]

Yep. This is crazy. Actually. I. I've been mild dust up in my own life. Not involving Valerie or my family or anything like that, but like, with a friend. And I. I was just feeling that. Compose that need again. What I do is loving kindness. I think of somebody. You start with yourself, you say, may I be happy, May I be free, may I be healthy, may I live with ease. But then you just. Exactly what you're just saying, going through people, and especially people that you might be having a hard time with right now and sending them love and ease and health and freedom. And I was like, it's weird that we're right on the same exact pace there, because I haven't done that in years. And literally this week is the first week I've been trying to do this Mr. Rogers, the Mr. Rogers thing of. That's a type of prayer. Praying for people by name and how good it feels to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So.

[B]

So you're simplifying it. Less void.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

More prayer. I wish it rhymed. That's great. I love that. And it makes sense to me. I think in the end we'll realize that all of the oversimplifications contained within them, all of the complexity, and it's normal to go towards the complexity and unpack and explore and expand, get really nuanced and int. Interesting and deep with it. And then at the end, you just go like, oh, it's like the Dalai Lama saying, my religion is kindness. It's like going back to prayer and not worrying about, does this work? Is this real? You're just. That's not even your concern. You're like, I'm having this experience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is connecting me to love or to source or whatever you want to say. So it's Like, I've said that, like, the idea of when you die, you go to heaven and everyone you knew was there, I'm like, like, I think that's correct. I. I used to think that was literally true, and now I'm like, that's just a fine way to think about it, you know, whether or not you're literally on a cloud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Having kebabs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the British people are like, it's all right twa up here. It's like, we're in heaven. This is how we talk. We're quite polite. Right? Minj, Please, please stop. Jesus is right behind you. He's right behind me, isn't he?

[A]

Bollocks. Bollocks.

[B]

It's quite a callback. I didn't even see it coming. Well, I loved it. I love it. Do you feel satisfied? I'm not cutting you off.

[A]

I feel good.

[B]

Okay. Good. It was wonderful. I needed it. I do count you. Count you. I consider you a friend. And I was excited not to podcast, but to see a friend. And it's not just the Netflix. It's like just kind of been a rough kind of week and I needed this, this. And I really appreciate who you are and thank you for taking the time and sharing it with. With you, the people.

[A]

Thank you. And you know what? I've burped this up six times.

[B]

Did you like it each time?

[A]

I was like, o grapefruit every time.

[B]

Magic mind.

[A]

Anytime you see my microphone go like this.

[B]

Do you have like a burp thing for magic?

[A]

I do. No, I. I burp a lot. I'm a burpee.

[B]

Burpee.

[A]

Whatever. Everything I drink, eat, whatever. I. I burp, bro. And then if I haven't eaten or drinking, I burp.

[B]

Can I tell you one more middle aged thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's 10 o' clock and you want to eat, because of course you do. Now I just go, like, do I really want to have nightmares or sleep badly? You talk about the Oura ring. You wake up and it's like, I think you're ill. Like, no, I had a slice of pizza. Like, I'm sorry, would you say, I believe this is your third time on. Does that sound right?

[A]

Second or third? Second. I've sat here. You came on mine. This is our third. I've been on your podcast together because this is my second one here and you did one on mine. Fungala. Every Tuesday.

[B]

Funzula every Tuesday. Edit that out. Well, you're welcome anytime.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for doing it. Would you say your second? Keep it crispy.

[A]

What do I say again?

[B]

You say, keep it crispy.

[A]

Hey, keep it crispy.

[B]

That's it. I loved it. I loved that you were like, what? Perfect.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the Bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay.

[A]

No, stop.

[B]

Or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned, but we have each other. FX's the bear, the final season, all episodes now streaming on Disney plus.