Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Bert Kreischer Returns (July 5, 2023)

Main Theme / Purpose

In this energetic and candid episode, Pete Holmes welcomes back comedian Bert Kreischer for a revealing, funny, and deeply personal conversation that dips into the psychology of comedy, success, authenticity, and the emotional weirdness that comes with living and performing at a high level. The two discuss Bert’s new movie (The Machine), dig into the nature of ambition, imposter syndrome, and satisfaction, while riffing on everything from tough guys and masculinity to the secret joy of planning vacations and the weird answers behind why comedians (and everyone else) feel the way they do.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcasting Origins, Career Diversions, and Rogan’s Influence

[05:00–09:00]

• Pete and Bert discuss their podcasting roots and Chris Hardwick’s influence, with Bert crediting Hardwick for urging him into podcasting.
• Bert suggests that if Pete had focused solely on podcasting, he could have rivaled Joe Rogan’s podcast success.
• They discuss how distractions like TV and other creative projects pulled both away from pure podcasting.
• Quote:

  “If you just had focused on podcasting, you’d be bigger than Rogan.” – Bert Kreischer (06:00)

2. Masculinity, Attractiveness, and Comedy as Power

[09:10–13:30]

• A humorous and insightful analysis of why certain men (e.g., Rob Lowe) are considered attractive: symmetry, jawlines, and genetic signals of fitness.
• Pete connects humor and intelligence as an evolutionary trait; funny people can “diffuse” situations with wit—an indicator of higher function.
• Observes that success in comedy can compensate for raw physical traits, raising social capital.
• Quote:

  “Symmetry is also just a genetic indicator… So Rob Lowe’s perfect face…says to a woman, just like big hips do to a man.” – Pete Holmes (12:15)

3. Tough Guys, MMA Fighters, and Ball-Busting Etiquette

[14:00–18:30]

• Bert shares stories about busting balls with MMA fighters and explains the importance of knowing intent when joking with tough people.
• Discusses friendships and mutual respect in the comedy and MMA communities, plus the pitfalls of challenging alpha personalities.
• Quote:

  "You have to really mean it as a joke…With tough guys…they have to know your intent." – Pete Holmes (17:42)

4. Social Behavior: Are Comics the Life of the Party?

[24:32–26:12]

• Both agreed that, with growing comfort and success, their personalities at parties became less performative and more relaxed.
• Bert and Pete confess to being unbearably "on" before finding their footing in the business; pitching to execs while drunk, trying too hard before finding confidence.
• Quote:

  “I was unbearable…And especially if there was a network exec there, buddy. I was pitching him shows. I couldn’t shut the fuck up.” – Bert Kreischer (24:51)

5. Praise, Criticism, and the Velcro/Teflon Effect (Why Negativity Sticks)

[33:00–34:00]

• Pete shares the "Velcro/Teflon" theory: Negative comments ("You suck!") stick like Velcro, while positive ones slide off like Teflon.
• The need to consciously absorb and meditate on positive feedback for it to stick.
• Story of Larry David’s stadium birthday overshadowed by one passing insult.
• Quote:

  “A negative one—‘you suck’—is like Velcro. It sticks to you effortlessly…positive slips right off.” – Pete Holmes (33:16)

6. Internet Reviews: Karma, Regret, and Online ‘Yelping’

[35:40–42:22]

• Bert recounts leaving a scathing Yelp review that unintentionally tanked a small business and his subsequent regret.
• Transitioned to leaving positive reviews to uplift good experiences.
• Hilariously dramatic readings of their overly earnest, poetic 5-star reviews.
• Quote:

  “When I like something, I Yelp it, and I Yelp it really good. Like, I really Yelp it.” – Bert Kreischer (38:16)

7. Happiness, Intentionality, and the Search (or the Plan) as the True Joy

[46:10–56:44]

• Deep dive into the human tendency to derive more joy from anticipating or planning events than from the actual experience.
• Planning and the lead-up to vacations, shows, or live events spark more excitement than the event itself.
• Also, discussion of people who seem to have “no preferences” or passions; is it enlightenment or passivity?
• Quote:

  “It’s not the vacation, it’s the planning…the texting back and forth.” – Bert Kreischer (99:12)

8. Purpose, Passions, and the Fear of Stagnation

[61:14–72:08]

• Bert reflects on his inability to slow down—always saying yes, adding more projects, even when vowing to rest.
• Both explore the “one more thing” mentality (the Blow/Walter White effect): the elusive finish line that always moves.
• Bert’s push to keep producing comedy specials out of fear of losing the fire or feeling like a fraud.
• Quote:

  “Sometimes I feel like the movie Blow—one last hit, and then I get money to retire…” – Bert Kreischer (58:47)

• Quote 2:

  “I have to work harder than everyone else to be even in the same conversation.” – Bert Kreischer (67:59)

9. The Comedy Hustle, Comparing Paths, and Inspiration from Joe Rogan

[88:20–91:03]

• Discussion of Rogan’s lows—getting 'kicked out' of the Comedy Store and pivoting to podcasting.
• Admiration for Rogan’s relentless self-reinvention, honesty, and refusal to let the “marketplace” dictate art.
• Pete and Bert reflect on the definition of a "hack" from McKee/Pressfield: someone who tries to predict and give the audience what it wants, instead of creating authentically.
• Quote:

  “The definition of a hack is someone who thinks they can predict what an audience wants… and then tries to reverse engineer it and give it to them.” – Pete Holmes (90:11)

10. Ghost Stories, Paranormal Experiences, and Lucid Dreaming

[115:47–124:39]

• Bert recounts being locked in a cell at Alcatraz during a paranormal tour and experiencing a real (possibly ghostly) red light.
• Shares a vivid reminiscence of a sleep paralysis experience he interprets as being “molested by a ghost” during a lucid dream.
• Discussion on humanity’s long link to such experiences and folklore.

11. The Funniest Moments of Bert’s Life & The Kool-Aid Clip

[129:29–137:23]

• Bert lists times he’s laughed the hardest—including shaving Tom Segura’s body and the viral “Kool-Aid” podcast clip (“You’re drinking a gallon of Kool-Aid!”).
• Realization that the best moments are often those when he’s unintentionally funny.
• Quote:

  “You ever not realize how different you are until someone points it out and you’re like, ‘I’m really different.’” – Bert Kreischer (135:51)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If you just had focused on podcasting, you’d be bigger than Rogan.” – Bert Kreischer (06:00)
• “I think doing standup is our attempt to be hot women.” – Pete Holmes (09:07)
• “Symmetry is also just a genetic indicator.” – Pete Holmes (12:15)
• “You have to really mean it as a joke…With tough guys…they have to know your intent.” – Pete Holmes (17:42)
• “A negative one—‘you suck’—is like Velcro. It sticks to you effortlessly…positive slips right off.” – Pete Holmes (33:16)
• “When I like something, I Yelp it, and I Yelp it really good. Like, I really Yelp it.” – Bert Kreischer (38:16)
• “Sometimes I feel like the movie Blow—one last hit, and then I get money to retire…” – Bert Kreischer (58:47)
• “I have to work harder than everyone else to be even in the same conversation.” – Bert Kreischer (67:59)
• “The definition of a hack is someone who thinks they can predict what an audience wants… and then tries to reverse engineer it and give it to them.” – Pete Holmes (90:11)
• “You ever not realize how different you are until someone points it out and you’re like, ‘I’m really different.’” – Bert Kreischer (135:51)
• “It’s red.” – Bert Kreischer, on Kool-Aid, repeatedly (137:17)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• Opening banter, podcast origin talk: 05:00–09:00
• Comedy as power, masculinity, attraction: 09:10–13:30
• MMA/tough guys, intent in comedy: 14:00–18:30
• Are comics really the center of the party?: 24:32–26:12
• Praise/criticism, Velcro/Teflon effect: 33:00–34:00
• Online reviews, positive energy: 35:40–42:22
• Anticipation/planning vs. experience: 46:10–56:44
• Ambition, finish lines never reached: 61:14–72:08
• Joe Rogan as inspiration, authenticity: 88:20–91:03
• Ghost stories, dream experiences: 115:47–124:39
• Funniest moments/Kool-Aid story: 129:29–137:23

Language & Tone Reflection

The podcast maintains a loose, profane, deeply honest, and joyful tone; much of the humor comes from vulnerability, self-deprecation, and spontaneous riffing. Both hosts freely riff, reveal weirdness, and are as quick to psychoanalyze themselves as they are to pivot to absurdity or sincere praise. The blend of working-class energy and therapy-speak is a hallmark of Pete Holmes’ "You Made It Weird."

Conclusion

This episode is essential listening for anyone interested in the honest inner workings of comedians, the struggle with ambition and success, and the profound weirdness that comes with following your own path. Bert Kreischer remains delightfully open, funny, and self-aware, resulting in a conversation that is as insightful as it is hilarious, underscored by the refrain of finding joy in the journey—planning the vacation, brewing the Kool-Aid, and loving what makes you weird.