Flula Borg

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: Flula Borg
Date: April 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and freewheeling episode, Pete Holmes sits down with comedian, actor, and YouTube sensation Flula Borg for a conversation packed with infectious energy, playful riffs, reflections on comedy, routines, cultural quirks, body image, and the existential search for meaning. The episode joyfully bounces between hysterical bits, honest introspection, and thoughtful exchanges about success, creativity, and self-understanding. Flula’s unique perspective as a German performer in the US adds extra flavor, and their improvisational chemistry is on full display.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Name Doppelgängers & Initial Banter

• Pete jokes that Flula looks like a mix between Mike Birbiglia, Billy Eichner, and Paul Rudd, referencing comedian’s Bobby Moynihan and playful celebrity confusion.
• Flula riffs on being compared to Rudd and Kumail Nanjiani, leading to a running joke about cutesiness and body image.
• Flula: “Are you? Chicken breasts.”
  Pete: “Blending them. Horror. Who does?”
  [06:29]

2. Body Transformation & Fitness Regimens

• Flula describes bulking up for his role as a villain in The Suicide Squad, developing intense routines.

• He discusses German love of structure and schedules, and his ongoing commitment to strict eating and workout habits.

• Pete marvels at Flula’s “veins in his knee” and muses on the price of “superstar looks.”

• Conversation turns to protein intake, middle-of-the-night hunger, and the weirdness of blending chicken breast (with Kumail as a reference point).

  Pete: “You made your own Frankenstein. You are your own Frankenstein.” [07:46]

3. Routines, Sleep Schedules, and Morning Solitude

• Flula explains going to bed at 8:30pm to stay on European time, waking up at 3:45am, and loving the solitude.

• Pete connects to this, saying the early morning feels “like stealing reality. Nobody’s awake. Your phone isn’t gonna ring. You can, John Cusack, say anything.” [11:59]

• Both agree on the value of structure to combat chaos.

  Flula: “Structure feels good. Lack of structure feels… once you have structure, then the lack of structure is earned and wonderful.” [31:44]

4. Cultural Differences: Sex Positivity & Taboos

• Pete quizzes Flula on Berlin’s reputation for sex-positivity and nudity; Flula clarifies he doesn’t attend "intercourse clubs," finding them unsanitary.

• Flula explains German nudity norms (e.g., topless women on TV guides), less taboo around certain topics, and contrasts with American puritanism.

  Flula: “When I was a child, the TV Guide ... was a topless lady on the cover... Not because it was a show about cleavage... just, here you go, because they’re selling magazines.” [17:29]

5. Comedy, Trying, and The Problem with Coolness

• The duo riff on walking out of movies for silly reasons, with Flula admitting he left Die Hard “because I was hungry!” [14:43]

• Deep dives into masculine stereotypes in action films (Die Hard, Bourne Identity), and the difference between performative coolness and honest vulnerability.

• Pete laments the “narcissist fantasy” of certain action movie characters and celebrates performers who “let us see them.”

  Pete: “I have an issue with coolness because I want to know who you are. Coolness to me seems like an affectation, like you’re putting it on.” [50:37]

6. Creativity and Viral Success (YouTube, Stand-Up, Reverse Engineering)

• Flula details the origins of his viral “Jennifer is a party pooper” video—totally unplanned, drawn from his real office experience.

• Both discuss the pressure and pitfalls of trying to re-create viral success, the natural progression from earnest, accidental success to deliberate follow-ups, and how feedback influences material.

• Pete and Flula bond over their shared appreciation of “trying,” effortful performance, and resisting the growing cultural cynicism toward effort.

  Flula: “Watching full effort is fun. Even if someone is terrible—the full effort is very exciting.” [77:01]

  Pete: “We seem to see less trying... Lots of smug. Lots of cynic. Lots of ‘Who cares? It’s all too late.’” [77:40]

7. Fitness, Image Pressure, and Life’s Meaning

• Flula notes the ongoing impact of physical transformation on his daily life—and how it becomes a burden as much as an accomplishment.

• Pete likens visible fitness to “having a mustache”—an attribute that always draws comment.

• Discussion moves to mortality, meaning, and what Flula would do on his last day: tell people he loves them, eat pizza, make a techno song (“and then I would die”).

• Pete shares his spiritual beliefs—consciousness as the root phenomenon, a non-dual perspective, and the sense that we are all part of universal awareness.

  Pete: “If I stop thinking, I go back to what I actually am, which is just like the empty space in this room—which is naked, spontaneous, peaceful, empty.” [92:25]

  Flula: “Is there meaning? Yeah, we make the meaning... we have all created rules. You’ve created rules, I’ve created rules...” [89:13]

8. Notable Riffing and Podcast Chemistry

• Throughout, there is fast-paced riffing—on protein powder, “softs vs. hards,” blueberry jokes (“Blueberries: stains everywhere... kind tomato in a cartoon, like gross tiny tomatoes”—[34:47]), podcast structure, international measurements, Captain Crunch, 90s bands, Werther’s Original candy, and much more.
• Flula’s love of giving and receiving honest feedback is a recurring thread, comparing his delight in being constructively criticized by his trainer Paolo to Pete’s own on-stage experimentation.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There is a weight to the corporatization. I’m very anxious about quiet. I needed to quiet it.” — Flula Borg [04:17]
• “Why chug it? If you want to enjoy the flavor, then you should… vodka tastes like Lysol.” — (Flula & Pete, on savoring life) [05:09]
• “You should have the most of it.” — Pete Holmes (on Flula not having the sleep hormone, jokingly naming it ‘Flula’) [07:06]
• “I am 25kg heavier than I should be, probably. In order to sleep. But I have now created this monster enough to feed it.” — Flula Borg [07:36]
• “Rudd wishes. Paul Rudd for like Ant Man. Rudd is a few sizes…” — Pete Holmes [05:42]
• “The softs rule, okay? The hards, we let you guys have the illusion of control.” — Pete Holmes [12:43]
• “Everybody’s doing what they’re doing to feel safe. Agree.” — Flula Borg [57:35]
• “When you look backwards, everything is straight. Correct.” — Flula Borg [58:14]
• “Fail faster, find the fun.” — Pete Holmes, relaying the ‘Game Maker’s Toolkit’ motto [80:26]
• “Everything you want is on the other side of a bunch of failures.” — Pete Holmes [81:18]
• “The failing happened in the studio... But comedy you have to do in front of people.” — Pete Holmes [82:03]
• “We all have created rules. Rules that are the good rule… some agreement. You know, those rules are not secrets. Don’t be an…” — Flula Borg [89:16]
• “Would you say keep it crispy? It’s how we end.”
  “Depends on the food.” — Pete Holmes & Flula Borg (final exchange) [95:42]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fitness, Body Image, “Blending chicken breasts:” 05:55 – 07:49
• Sleep Patterns, Solitude of Early Rising: 10:41 – 12:00
• Berlin Sex Culture, American Taboo: 15:09 – 18:44
• Walking Out of Movies, Cultural Judgments: 13:33 – 15:49
• Action Heroes & Masculinity in Movies: 44:02 – 52:30
• Honest Feedback & Trying in Performance: 26:04 – 31:44
• Feedback Loops in Social Media & Art: 59:01 – 62:32
• “Fail Faster”—The Value of Experimentation: 80:26 – 81:42
• Discussing Meaning, Mortality, and Spirituality: 87:59 – 92:59
• German/English Language Mix-Up (“inexplicably/inextricably linked”): 93:01 – 93:32

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Conclusion

This conversation is a hallmark You Made It Weird—fluctuating between wild, rapid-fire riffing, substantial philosophical digressions, honest talk about creativity, culture shock, and vulnerability. Flula’s spontaneity and Pete’s warmth, curiosity, and philosophical depth create a welcoming space for both hilarity and insight. Whether you’re interested in the inner life of artists, the mechanics of comedy, or simply a spirited, weird, and wonderful hang, this episode is a gem.

Ending:
Pete: “Would you say keep it crispy? It’s how we end.”
Flula: “Depends on the food.” [95:42]

Transcript

[Flula Borg]

You made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Flula Borg, who is a delight. You may know him from things like Pitch Perfect 2 or maybe the Suicide Squad or maybe his numerous hilarious appearances on Conan or on his own YouTube. He's just so funny. I was so happy to get to sit down with them and I'm so glad y', all, y', all, y' all are here. Thanks for being here. Only a couple things to plug up. Top. This is my kids book, spells to cast on your parents. This is actually just the COVID because we don't have the book just yet. My daughter colored in it. But it is. It's available for pre order now. The pre orders really help us just kind of break through and I'm very proud of this book. So if you're thinking about getting a silly, fun bedtime kids book for your kids or for your nephews or for some loved ones, please pre order it wherever you get your podcasts. Spells to cast on your parents. That's what it's called. Also, my special is available on YouTube.com It's a website. It's called Silly, Silly fun Boy. I'm so touched that people have found it and people are watching it. We got. It's been out for like six days and a bunch of people found it. I'm so happy because I worked really hard on it and I think it's my best special yet and it's really funny and we could all use a laugh. So please go to YouTube.com and search for Pete Holmes or look for Silly silly fun boy and check it out. I hope you like it. Watch it again, send it to 10 million friends.

[Flula Borg]

That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, and PeteHomes.com for tour dates. I guess I should mention some of those tour dates, should I? You bet I should. We have Tallahassee, Florida, Irving, Texas, Los Angeles on April 29th. That's my next Largo show. Denver, Durham, Charleston, Sacramento, Vancouver, Madison, Seattle, Portland, and San Diego. All of Those are on peteholmes.com that's not the hour from Silly Silly Fun Boy. That's the new hour. The new new hour. So I hope you can be there if you like the special. It'll be different material. Hope to see you out there. In the meantime, enjoy my wonderful, silly, goofy chat with my new friend, Flula Borg. Get into it.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here and I Can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now, only on Amazon Music included with Prime.

[Pete Holmes]

You kind of look like Brabiglia. You've never gotten that, have you?

[Flula Borg]

I've gotten

[Pete Holmes]

the guy that Billy Eichner.

[Flula Borg]

I've gotten if Billy Eichner and Paul R. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That was what Bobby Moyn had said to you. Here, pick it up.

[Flula Borg]

That's what he said.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There.

[Flula Borg]

This is for me.

[Pete Holmes]

It is for you. Look at that.

[Flula Borg]

Is this a brand sponsor?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, this is.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

So say it, please.

[Flula Borg]

Just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, you don't have to, but it. It is nice. It's got a little caffeine in it.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

I. I've. I've recently. Look, I like being sponsored, but so much of the world, like, my daughter was playing Angry Birds. Did you ever play Angry Birds?

[Flula Borg]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember Angry Birds? That was a fun game. And now if you play Angry Birds, it's like the Internet in 1993. It's pop ups. It's. Do you want to upgrade the bird you lost? Do you want to spend coins to get another try? I mean, it makes Las Vegas seem subtle. I get so mad. She goes, dad, I can't. I'm fucking closing out all these windows. And I'm like, you had a good thing. And I'm not saying we're so compromised.

[Flula Borg]

Well, we are.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There is a weight to the corporatization.

[Flula Borg]

I'm very anxious about quiet. I needed to quiet it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, go ahead and quiet it. So I'm saying, like, I. I do love Magic Mind. I. These are sponsors. I'm grateful for each and every one of them, and I really like them, and I want to keep away from being an Angry Birds.

[Flula Borg]

Did you play doodle jump?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Good game.

[Flula Borg]

I don't have anything. I just wanted to ask you.

[Pete Holmes]

Just wanted to doodle jump. Made it to the arcades. No, it did. There's an arcade Doodle jump. If you don't know doodle jump. I actually think, what are the good games? Have you ever played Alto A L, T O? It's a skiing game. No. Very good. Brilliant.

[Flula Borg]

I played.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't like it?

[Flula Borg]

No, it's good. I Just, I'm not a shooter. Like, if you gave me a shot of vodka, I would not shoot the vodka.

[Pete Holmes]

I would have little sippies.

[Flula Borg]

Why chug it?

[Pete Holmes]

Why not?

[Flula Borg]

Well, if you want to enjoy the flavor, then you should.

[Pete Holmes]

See, that's it. You want to get it over with. Vodka. Vodka tastes like Lysol.

[Flula Borg]

There's not bad. A few little la la la and then just like let it sit on your gums.

[Pete Holmes]

You're really trying to experience it. Yeah. Okay. What's going on with your body? Why are you so fit? This is

[Flula Borg]

number one. Cg. Don't. Don't touch that. Well developed toned knee.

[Pete Holmes]

It is so toned. He's got veins in his knee.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, bro, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I just wasn't ready. You're a dashing, handsome man. But then I'm like, what the fuck you got? This is better than Rudd. Rudd wishes.

[Flula Borg]

Rudd did this.

[Pete Holmes]

Paul Rudd for like Ant Man. Rudd is a few sizes.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, but the name is Ant Man. He can't be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but Paul Rudd looks like Ant man after the serum compared to you. Like, he looks like Ant version.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you look like regular version.

[Flula Borg]

Well, a very simple answer. I was cast in a film and then I was told I am a villain, so a super villain, so I should look a certain way.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this real?

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So you got bigger than you've even normally been.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I'm not. This is not normal at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Flula Borg]

Okay. But then I became. Oh, I need a routine. I'm a German man. Where is my schedule?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, tick, tick, tick.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, exactly. And so my tick, tick, ticks are my pump, pump, pump and a munch bunch.

[Pete Holmes]

Munch, munch, munch.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, lots of eating.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you? Chicken breasts.

[Flula Borg]

Blending them. Horror. Who does?

[Pete Holmes]

Kumail. Kumail told me he was blending chicken breasts. No, that's German official.

[Flula Borg]

That's when you quit.

[Pete Holmes]

That's when you're like, if that is

[Flula Borg]

here, you need to blend a chicken breast.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Look, I could be misquoting, but he told me that his protein intake was so serious that he'd have to get up in the middle of the night.

[Flula Borg]

I do this.

[Pete Holmes]

You do this.

[Flula Borg]

I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, check out this shit. And you're like, no, I do that.

[Flula Borg]

Well, no, no, I don't. I am hungry. I don't set an alarm to eat. I wake. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody. There's a hormone that keeps you from being.

[Flula Borg]

What is it called? I don't have it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called Flula.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, I.

[Pete Holmes]

You should have the most of it.

[Flula Borg]

I have the. None of it.

[Pete Holmes]

You get up to eat for hunger?

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

In the night.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sugar? No. Because I've heard people having sugar cravings.

[Flula Borg]

No. No calorie cravings. I'm so hungry, I cannot sleep.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so hungry. I wonder if you do have, like, an efficiency.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I don't mean like, I'm. I'm not worried about you. I'm just saying, like, there is a hormone that's supposed to keep you asleep.

[Flula Borg]

Well, can I tell you what I think it is? I. This is not how I should look. I think if nature was like, let's make this man, he would not look.

[Pete Holmes]

See this man.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I am probably never see this man.

[Flula Borg]

Right. I am 25kg heavier than I should be, probably.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

In order to sleep. So. But I have now created this monster enough to feed it.

[Pete Holmes]

You made your own Frankenstein. You are your own Frankenstein.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're a villain.

[Flula Borg]

No, no. This is years ago. This is the Suicide Squad maintained. And then I needed a structure.

[Pete Holmes]

Which Suicide Squad? The one with David dimalchin.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The good one. Forgive and forget.

[Flula Borg]

I haven't seen the first one.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, Will. I'm Sorry, Will.

[Flula Borg]

I never saw the first.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry.

[Flula Borg]

Will Rogers.

[Pete Holmes]

Will Smith. Will Smith is in the. In Suit. Wait, I want to make sure you're in the good one. The j. The. The James Gunn one?

[Flula Borg]

Yes, James Gunn.

[Pete Holmes]

The good one.

[Flula Borg]

I don't know. I have not.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mind being on the Internet saying, that's the good one.

[Flula Borg]

That' I have zero takes. I'm just telling you it's a great movie. I have not seen the first one, so I cannot tell you. It is one is the good one. It's like if you told me you had two brothers and you're like, oh, he's the good one. And I can't agree until I've met both Boris and Tracy.

[Pete Holmes]

German efficiency. Yeah, I like that. But I think we can have American arrogance and say, it's the good one.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I also haven't seen the first one. I did start it.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, so you actually don't know I

[Pete Holmes]

walk out of movies like, me too. Oh, you do?

[Flula Borg]

Yes. All right, well, now the walk out is. I did walk out to real theaters. Now I don't. When I'm just watching on the couch. Will also walk out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. I try to push.

[Flula Borg]

At least based on the novel Push by Sapphire.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Flula Borg]

That movie, what was that called? Precious.

[Pete Holmes]

Carbo Load.

[Flula Borg]

Carbo Load. It was Gab Sid.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called Carbo Load.

[Flula Borg]

Carbo Load based by the cookbook Push by Sapphire. I'm so sorry. You said push.

[Pete Holmes]

I love riffing. You're in the right show. We don't have to do anything serious.

[Flula Borg]

Let's focus.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's not.

[Flula Borg]

Well, finish this.

[Pete Holmes]

Thought you were in Suicide Squad, but then in a Kumail sort of way, you were like, I'll just maintain my superstar looks.

[Flula Borg]

In the same. Same year we both trained. And so it was. Yeah, 20. Yes. I ran into him at a gym and we both looked at each other like, you don't belong here. And we both was always. No words.

[Pete Holmes]

You actually remind me of Kumail. Like, I think you and Kumail, your styles aren't entirely different. There's an enthusiasm that you guys both have that I feel like you both. And forgive me, I don't mean it's cutesy. There's something.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Kind of cute about it.

[Flula Borg]

You can say cutesy.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, then. Cutesy. I think there's in a good way. Good cutesy.

[Flula Borg]

Cutesy. Good cutesy.

[Pete Holmes]

Kumail is also kind of like, I'm doing it. I'm up here, I'm doing comedy. And it's like, fun that he's having fun. You're also fun that you're having fun.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, yes. I'm a major fanatic of Kumail. I very much like him a lot. We shared a hairdresser. She's still alive.

[Pete Holmes]

She's living.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, she's still alive.

[Pete Holmes]

But she doesn't do your hair anymore.

[Flula Borg]

No, but that's for no bad reasons. And then also I met him on the Silicon show, Silicon Valley.

[Pete Holmes]

You did that?

[Flula Borg]

I was. I attended one day as an actor. Maybe I was there.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so you worked out. You're not blending chickens in the night. Zero are getting up because you're hungry.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So walk me through that. It's what. What time?

[Flula Borg]

Usually around. I also go to bed at like 8. On 8.30pm and so I need everything. And so then I wake up.

[Pete Holmes]

I need every detail. Why are we going to bed at 8?

[Flula Borg]

My heart and brains are still in Europe and so I love it. I still kind of stay a little bit in that world, you know, you go back.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, so you're like, I'm staying on.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. A very dumb thing. But I like. But then I like. I wake up like I've been awake since 3:45 today.

[Pete Holmes]

Had a great day.

[Flula Borg]

I've had a great day. This is the end of my day.

[Pete Holmes]

You're closing in on 12 hours.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like you've Been?

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I love the morning. I love this when you said 8:30. If my wife and daughter are out of town.

[Flula Borg]

You're married and you have a child.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Flex, that's my rock and bod. You have a rock and bod. I just have to be like, I have a great partnership.

[Flula Borg]

And that's your body. The body is connected to the partnership. The body, headbone, foot, bone, keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it. All I'm saying is, if they're out of town, I'll go to bed nine.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Like it? I like it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'll get up 5:30.

[Flula Borg]

So you receive eight hours.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll get a good eight. Get a good eight. There's some. Sorry. I'm gonna put this back to you. Everyone knows I already feel this way. When you're up, as you have since 3, 4, 5. It's like stealing reality. Nobody's awake.

[Flula Borg]

Nobody cares, Nobody.

[Pete Holmes]

Your phone isn't gonna ring. You don't even have to look at your phone because you know who the fuck is texting you?

[Flula Borg]

No one is awake.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're off grid?

[Flula Borg]

Yes. You can. John Cusack say anything. No one cares.

[Pete Holmes]

You can. John Cusack. You can. You're a Portland hippie with your own chickens at 3:45 in the morning.

[Flula Borg]

Clyde Drexler, just down the middle of the lane eating all of those yogurts. I. Yeah, but I don't blend those chickens. That's disgusting.

[Pete Holmes]

This is coming up. Yeah, dude, talk about my.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, and pull it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, baby.

[Flula Borg]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The who? The Softs.

[Flula Borg]

Who's this, a new political party?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. We've been here.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we've been out. We've been quietly influencing every major election.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, wow. Congratulations.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's us.

[Flula Borg]

Wait, Softs?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you nuts?

[Flula Borg]

The softs rule, okay?

[Pete Holmes]

The hards. We let you guys have the illusion of control.

[Flula Borg]

I am a hod.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a hard. You're too busy whey proteining. We're out here.

[Flula Borg]

And other proteins as well. Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

As long as it's an isolate. Am I right? Hey.

[Flula Borg]

What? Iceland.

[Pete Holmes]

You want your protein to be an isolate? Even I know that.

[Flula Borg]

What's an isolate?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Flula Borg]

Ice? Like an ice slit. Oh, like you want to isolate.

[Pete Holmes]

I could riff on this in the 80s.

[Flula Borg]

Let's not do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's not do it.

[Flula Borg]

It's not worth it. Why?

[Pete Holmes]

We're going to go down for something. Let's not have this slit on this protein isolate on a fucking Monday morning.

[Flula Borg]

Not worth it.

[Pete Holmes]

On the 12th hour of your day, you just go down.

[Flula Borg]

Day 12. I'm not fucking bullshit.

[Pete Holmes]

I slip joke.

[Flula Borg]

I still have life to live.

[Pete Holmes]

I have life to live.

[Flula Borg]

I still have life to live. And so do Peter. What? You said something about leaving movies.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And I want to know more about this.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry. I was saying I pushed 10 minutes. If I'm at home, I assume that I'm weak and stupid and have no attention span. If I can't sit through a movie to about 30 minutes, at least because it's too tempting to try. Now you're just novelty seeking. It's a dopamine. A dopamine genic kind of drug addict. You're like, this isn't getting me. I need something.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So I won't turn off a movie for at least 30 minutes. But if I go to a movie.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm in. And I'm in the theater and I'm committing and it sucks. I'll leave whenever I fucking want. Fuck you. I know this movie sucks from the way it opens. I know. By the font of the title.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I saw one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep, yep. Font walk out.

[Flula Borg]

I did a font walk out. I did.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean? Tell me.

[Flula Borg]

I can't. Listen, listen.

[Pete Holmes]

We can't. Oh, you don't want to shit on it?

[Flula Borg]

No, we can't. Poo poo. I don't want to do the on things. I know, but I will agree with you. I leave movies all the time. I once left. It was a later screening of Diamond D. A great film.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But film, we can say that's a great movie.

[Flula Borg]

Great movie. Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

And I love that movie.

[Flula Borg]

Me too.

[Pete Holmes]

But we don't need to bring film into that.

[Flula Borg]

I apologize. Sorry. Sorry. Godfather, I. I left because I was hungry. So again, theme after 38, 40 minute. The bird. When the bird was blind. Or someone didn't know there was a bird way in. Okay. I left.

[Pete Holmes]

I was.

[Flula Borg]

I was like, this is very entertaining.

[Pete Holmes]

Seen it before? No. You don't know about the whole. The orgy at the end.

[Flula Borg]

Who's involved in this?

[Pete Holmes]

Wait a minute. Are you one of those Berlin Germans? No. Do you go into the sex clubs?

[Flula Borg]

What's that with your thumb?

[Pete Holmes]

Just kind of. That's my repressed Western envy.

[Flula Borg]

Do I. Do I attend intercourse clubs? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you go to German intercourse clubs? No. I think that's one of the lesser reported American feelings about a Berlin German. The artistic. You go in some sort of castle and everybody's like, yeah, that guy's jerking off and he Came into a fan and it sprayed it all over a room. And everyone's like, damn. Everyone's fine with it.

[Flula Borg]

This is a good.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's just my guess.

[Flula Borg]

I like that as an idea. I would not attend. I would not attend these things. No, it does not feel sanitary. And also.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that feels pretty gross.

[Flula Borg]

It's a violation of the. Of the purpose of a fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I agree. It's oscillating, too.

[Flula Borg]

Which part?

[Pete Holmes]

Oscillating?

[Flula Borg]

Oh, yes. It's a. That's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You're bringing out the word play in me. It's your language, basically.

[Flula Borg]

Which one?

[Pete Holmes]

Proto Indo Germanic English is a derivative of German.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, like in calculus.

[Pete Holmes]

Easy to learn.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you don't know about this. Well, it's been a troubled time. You do for me, Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean? Tell me.

[Flula Borg]

Well, it's. It's different. You guys have too many idioms. No one knows what you're saying 25 of the time. It's a Yogi Berra quote. Do you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's not over till it's over, maybe. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And then. Oh, do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Turning it off.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, why? That's a thin one.

[Pete Holmes]

I got the thinnest German. Am I forcing the German thing? I feel like.

[Flula Borg]

Why?

[Pete Holmes]

I just feel, like, clean. Yeah. Simple.

[Flula Borg]

I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

German.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's like a compliment.

[Flula Borg]

I will receive it and say thank you for this.

[Pete Holmes]

Do I thank you for this?

[Flula Borg]

I would. I will. Thank you for this.

[Pete Holmes]

You will. So you won't go to a Berlin sex forward? Not jizz in a fan, but like a place where maybe it's loose. If your wiener wants to be out.

[Flula Borg]

I don't want to see other items from other people's pants. Yeah. My. My Ding Dong or other Ding dongs or other. Other. Anything downstairs is not. No, I did not subscribe to this YouTube channel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Okay.

[Flula Borg]

I would like to.

[Pete Holmes]

Notifications off.

[Flula Borg]

They're very off.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But that is a thing. Like a Berlin sort of sex positivity.

[Flula Borg]

Is this not. Well, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

I think Germans. We don't worry so much as you guys. I will. Maybe this is a broad brush of str stroking, but we don't really care about things. Like when I was a child, the TV Guide. The magazine on the. Was a topless lady on the COVID Yeah. Not because it was a show about cleavage.

[Pete Holmes]

Leave it to cleavage.

[Flula Borg]

Leave it to cleavage.

[Pete Holmes]

It was just. Here you go. Here is because they're selling magazines.

[Flula Borg]

Here's what's happening Monday through Wednesday of this week. And also Tatas.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you just want to know when Little House on the Prairie is on. And there's some boobs and there's some. But because in the Europe style, like, maybe a little wine when you're 12. Big deal. Less of a binge and purge society than. Than the West.

[Flula Borg]

No, we do some binging as well, and there's many. Drink much? Have you been to Oktoberfest?

[Pete Holmes]

Why, no, I haven't. But lots of binging so much. I just meant in terms of all things, not just alcohol, but sex. And American is very like. It's all over here. We keep violence over here, movies over here, all that sort of stuff. And then, like, we go nuts when we're allowed to have it.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, I think it's. You're right. It's more taboo. Well, it wasn't. Weren't you guys, like, founded by some very tightly clothed pilgrims?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That must have been hot. Can you imagine how hot it was? Oh.

[Flula Borg]

To hide sex, when you had a

[Pete Holmes]

huge hat with a belt and you're like, taking it off. Takes you 40 minutes just to your hat.

[Flula Borg]

No, I wouldn't do it. There are buckles on the hat.

[Pete Holmes]

There are buckles on the hat.

[Flula Borg]

Why is that?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. The hat kept falling down.

[Flula Borg]

But the shoe. The shoe also had buckles.

[Pete Holmes]

The shoe had buckles and the belt had buckles and the head had buckles and a buckle. And then they fucked like God.

[Flula Borg]

The buckles did.

[Pete Holmes]

God was closer back then. I don't know if you know this. He was right behind the next cloud. Oh, they still went into, like, a drafty cabin and had sex. In a time before soap was really a thing that was carnal.

[Flula Borg]

And then the. And God was.

[Pete Holmes]

And God was, as the movie says, watching us.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, watching it. The song. What is it?

[Pete Holmes]

God is watching us from a distance.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, Betty.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Betty.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. So you want to talk about walking out of movies, but you don't want to name names I can name. Well, I'm not a baby driver. Oh, why?

[Flula Borg]

You don't like that song by Young mc? Know how one of the greatest rap songs of all time. Know how some of the busiest rhymes ever made by man are going into this mic written by this hand, coming out of this mouth made by this young. You don't know. Oh, no, it's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it a lot. I know. Funky Called Medina, I believe. Is that Young mc?

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's that? That's Tone Loke.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Ace Ventura.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. Same era. Yeah, same era.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Wild Thing. Funky Cold Medina.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. He was the Shaggy of that time.

[Flula Borg]

He was the Shaggy.

[Pete Holmes]

You know? You knew what I meant right away. He had a unique voice and kind of one thing.

[Flula Borg]

Best friend, Scooby and his friends.

[Pete Holmes]

And his best friend was Scooby.

[Flula Borg]

Scooby, Shaggy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Is there a Shaggy lyric where he addresses the fact that he's best friends with Scooby Doo?

[Flula Borg]

No. He says he's not. He says, it wasn't me. Every once in a while, there's sometimes something perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes. Every once in a while, something perfect happens.

[Flula Borg]

Peter, what is your middle name?

[Pete Holmes]

Benedict. Benedict Benedictus.

[Flula Borg]

Are you. Can you trace your family to, like, 10,000 years of history? From a boat that arrived in a place.

[Pete Holmes]

Easy. This kind of white. Hey, you just go to any library

[Flula Borg]

and you found yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. I'm just saying, there's probably pretty good records.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I have a friend who can do it. His father became obsessed, and so he's like, oh, yeah. We were on this boat that went to this island and bobbidy boop and bippity.

[Pete Holmes]

Has anyone ever just yelled, who cares?

[Flula Borg]

I will do that the next time?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that something you're interested in?

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No, I'd like. You know what I'd like? And I think we're getting pretty close. Like, if AI can do this, like, estate planning and. Estate planning. No. Oh, like, light. End of life care.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you said we're getting close. I didn't know what you meant to the end. Yes. What do you mean?

[Pete Holmes]

I think we're getting close with AI that if. If AI stays this side of Terminator 2 and goes in a nice way, you and I might be able to. Instead of, like, it'll seem really archaic, that ancestry.com and stuff. You'd swab and it would tell you in, like, black and white text, like, you're the descendant of Ela Blorg. Who? I got your name wrong.

[Flula Borg]

No, you. You reversed me, which I like. Yeah. Yeah. Ila Blorg. Was that real? Were you trying to find my mother's name?

[Pete Holmes]

What's awful is it was real. It was me trying to get your name.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Blorg.

[Flula Borg]

That's why my coffee name is Steve, Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Flula Borg]

Steve.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't approve of that because Steve sounds too much like Keith. Sounds too much like Pete. You get clean.

[Flula Borg]

I can only tell you I've never had a. What?

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Flula Borg]

Steve gets cleaned. Steve is Clean as Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I get Keith sometimes.

[Flula Borg]

Pete is too.

[Pete Holmes]

Pete?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Steve. Steve, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

What about Hank?

[Flula Borg]

That could work.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it could work. Thanks for giving that to me.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Don't do Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Yeah. But then it seems like I'm big timing them. Like, if they're a comedy fan. And I'm like. They're like, what's your name? And I'm like, dan. Yeah, why not? I know.

[Flula Borg]

Do it. Do you not deny who you are? Often I.

[Pete Holmes]

What's your go to? You're renting a car at the o' Hare airport because you have shows with Conan o'. Brien. You don't want to get into all this so much. Yes. You had a falling out.

[Flula Borg]

I heard a sneeze. What?

[Pete Holmes]

You had a falling out. Conan. No.

[Flula Borg]

What? I love Colton. I thought you said.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so not.

[Flula Borg]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

So he loves you.

[Flula Borg]

That's why he's the best. Yeah, he is the best.

[Pete Holmes]

He's the king. And so they say. What brings you to Indianapolis?

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I'm editing.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm editing. Yeah. Wow. You just made me. Sorry I asked. Yeah, yeah. No one wants. No one.

[Flula Borg]

No, no follow up. I'm an edit.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm editing.

[Flula Borg]

Editing. And then like, what a video. Oh, can't. Can't handle it.

[Pete Holmes]

What kind of videos?

[Flula Borg]

Then I say something as boring as possible, which is anything on social media, YouTube, tick tock, nature.

[Pete Holmes]

I grab clips from podcasts.

[Flula Borg]

Great. It's a great job. I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Joe does it.

[Flula Borg]

Is this where I say, joe who? And.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. Joe's our guy.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Giving him a shout out. Joe Faria.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. One of the best in the business was a Joe.

[Pete Holmes]

This is not the clip. Okay. I like that. I say visit, which I feel like is even more of a fuck you.

[Flula Borg]

Also vague.

[Pete Holmes]

So vague. Visiting friends. What friends?

[Flula Borg]

No one asks.

[Pete Holmes]

There's no.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like, let's move on. If I'm in a very good mood, I'll call it a haircut mood. I get a haircut when I'm in a really good mood. You don't have haircut mood or clean the car mood. Car wash mood.

[Flula Borg]

I get a haircut if I start to feel depressed. And the haircut helps me feel better.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that.

[Flula Borg]

That's what happens for me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm with you.

[Flula Borg]

But you go. If you're feeling good, I go the other way.

[Pete Holmes]

When I start feeling good, then I'll get the haircut. Oh.

[Flula Borg]

Because otherwise you're just kind of sitting in the sadness. And then you get in the mood. Like, oh, I should clean up. I. I look not like how I feel. So I should make the looks match the precise mundo.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right. Guess what? Getting a haircut today. You know why?

[Flula Borg]

Feel great. Fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Plan that haircut today. Oh, did you Sid Kumail's hairdresser. She's alive.

[Flula Borg]

Amelia.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Oh, that'd be cool.

[Flula Borg]

Shout out. Amelia Sellers.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead.

[Flula Borg]

No, that's it. That's the shout out. That's our hairdresser.

[Pete Holmes]

Why not anymore?

[Flula Borg]

Well, if you are. When you. What? You know this. When you have a job where they require you have a certain appearing, then I sweat. Right? Do you sweat? Right here.

[Pete Holmes]

This is.

[Flula Borg]

I was looking for tissue.

[Pete Holmes]

It is kind of hot. Is that heat? Katie. Oh my God. Katie. Oh my.

[Flula Borg]

I'm the sweater here to help us. I'm literally sweating.

[Pete Holmes]

You're here to help us. Sweating. I am sweating. Let's go back to the. Why are you staying in such good shape post suicide?

[Flula Borg]

The good one I have.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, other than obvious reasons. It looks fabulous.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, whatever. I like that. Well, I like that. It. I feel good to have a schedule because life is chaotic and so my life does not have a structure. So I need a structure. So I train with Paolo. He's a shame based trainer from Shame based. Shame based From Italy. Paulo Machetti is wonderful man.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. After we. After we are completed, I will go to Paulo and he will yell at me as I do probably inclined chest presses.

[Pete Holmes]

That's funny because kum. When he did this podcast post rep said that he went and saw somebody and he was trying to lift something and they went pathetic. And he was like, we're not doing that.

[Flula Borg]

Oh no, I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Doing shame based.

[Flula Borg]

I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

You love pathetic.

[Flula Borg]

I want honest. If it's good, then you say, oh, fine. But if it's terrible, why would I want to know? It's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I guess. But if you did it poorly and I said, I. I think we got better than that. Okay, that's better. But pathetic. Pathetic is a judgment.

[Flula Borg]

Depends who is saying it. My friend Paolo can say anything he likes and it's usually very funny to me.

[Pete Holmes]

What does he say? Give me an example.

[Flula Borg]

That was shit. What are you doing? That is terrible. Have you ever lifted before? Stop eating all of that stuff. Flula.

[Pete Holmes]

And it works. Yeah, I read a book.

[Flula Borg]

You just. Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Flula Borg]

I'm sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I actually stopped reading it and it was about how the reason why we're all so soft. I'm not recommending this book is because we have the caveman brain that tells us to eat more than we need. Right. So it's like you drink a milkshake, it's fat and sugar and all the things light up and go get as much of this as you can. And his approach was, you need to not personify, but make into a object the part of you that wants to eat constantly. Call it your piggy and tell it to shut the up. Piggy. Like, shut up. No one's listening to you, you pig. Like, but to yourself. And I was like, bro, get out of here.

[Flula Borg]

Who said this?

[Pete Holmes]

Some fucking book. I forget. I don't even want to say what it was.

[Flula Borg]

Don't say it.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't remember. It was so bad.

[Flula Borg]

It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

It is funny.

[Flula Borg]

Not going to work.

[Pete Holmes]

Not going to work. You like an Italian doing it to you, but he's not like that.

[Flula Borg]

I just. If I'm doing it well, it's fine. And if it's doing poorly, I should know. I would love. I would love to be notified of a bad job. It's the same if I'm shooting a scene. And that was terrible. It's okay for you to say so that was. You could say terrible. But then I do what I would like.

[Pete Holmes]

Some construction, some help.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. I mean, just saying it's bad. We both know I had felt bad. I couldn't tell. So to help me not be so bad.

[Pete Holmes]

It's an interesting idea. Yeah. No, I'm just pushing back a little bit. But you were saying could speak to what's happening or I could speak to the potential of what I think could be happening. And you could call that bullshit. But if I go, I know we can do better than that. Or we. Come on, you can do this. Let me see. Better form. Let me see. Instead of being like, that's terrible. That's terrible. Is not. Is it necessary to say it's terrible? Can't you just go like we can do better or come on, fuel, where are you? Let's go.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. Do you remember the landlord sketch? Yes. From Will Ferrell.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

Those same words from a 6, 10, 500 pound beefcake would not be funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Flula Borg]

This person saying those things is hilarious. Yes. The words and the energy aren't even necessarily. It's. Who's saying a thing that. So when Paolo says it's. It's very funny to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Is Paolo a small girl?

[Flula Borg]

No, he's. Well, he's. I'm taller than him, clearly.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's at play.

[Flula Borg]

If you clip that, I Will send that to him. Yes, but like, so. I know. I know what it means, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And it means, yeah, that was terrible. But I like. That's very funny to me to be. Do you not enjoy maybe your version of this? Tell me if you do this, you perform stand up comedy? Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Congratulations, friends.

[Flula Borg]

Right, but on stage, do you sometimes do a thing that is only for you?

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. And the reaction from them is what? Mixed?

[Pete Holmes]

Usually nothing.

[Flula Borg]

But you like that, right?

[Pete Holmes]

But I like it. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

So that's my equivalent when Paolo tells me that was terrible. I kind of like it. It's a little funny to me.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's because you look like a carrying case for Paulo.

[Flula Borg]

I don't have. I've body. Just maybe I have body dysmorphia. I don't know what I look like.

[Pete Holmes]

Could you crank this man?

[Flula Borg]

What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

Could you put him in your belly?

[Flula Borg]

Mukbang.

[Pete Holmes]

Mukbang.

[Flula Borg]

What's a Krang?

[Pete Holmes]

A Krang is a brain creature that was the nemesis of the Ninja Turtles.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, the bubble man from. From Ant3 quantum universe.

[Pete Holmes]

Nope, nope. Krang Ninja Turtles.

[Flula Borg]

Kang. Krang. Kang. Kang. Oh, oh, yes. But very large bubble. Very large bubble. Splinter.

[Pete Holmes]

Splinter.

[Flula Borg]

Splinter's friend? Not friend, enemy. Main bad guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Brain.

[Flula Borg]

Brain.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the main bad guy. Shredder.

[Flula Borg]

Shredder, yes, Shredder.

[Pete Holmes]

And then the brains of the operation was a brain and brain crank. And brain crank was in the microwave. Belly of a robot man.

[Flula Borg]

That's like confederacy of dances. It comes out.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't read that.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, how about Total Recall of the Three Tighties?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, three tighties. Also the head that comes off and

[Flula Borg]

so what was the question?

[Pete Holmes]

Could you put your trainer inside your belt?

[Flula Borg]

No, he's large. Also large. He's a very dense man. Yes. My friend David says a denseman. He's stout.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. So you like a routine?

[Flula Borg]

Yes, I love it. Don't you love a routine?

[Pete Holmes]

Is this to keep away? What? The blues? Despondency.

[Flula Borg]

I. I'm sorry, but Miles Davis. Underrated. This is so bad.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it.

[Flula Borg]

Cut it kind of blue.

[Pete Holmes]

Miles.

[Flula Borg]

What are we saying? Blues?

[Pete Holmes]

Why?

[Flula Borg]

Structure.

[Pete Holmes]

What happens if you don't have a structure?

[Flula Borg]

Chaos reigns. What are we doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I. I need. And what does that feel like?

[Flula Borg]

Very good.

[Pete Holmes]

Chaos.

[Flula Borg]

Structure.

[Pete Holmes]

Structure feels good.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Lack of structure feels.

[Flula Borg]

Once you have structure, then the lack of structure is earned and wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you like a little break? A cheat day.

[Flula Borg]

Take a little nappy on the couch. Did it this morning. A timed 18 minute nap.

[Pete Holmes]

Nap. Timed. Yes.

[Flula Borg]

Why 18 after 30, you can't sleep at night. You need to wake up.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm pretty good. I'll do a 25 with no timer flex.

[Flula Borg]

Damn.

[Pete Holmes]

Just happens.

[Flula Borg]

How do you sleep?

[Pete Holmes]

Like this. Sleep like. Like this position. I feel softer around you. You make me feel softer.

[Flula Borg]

I've done nothing. This is all you.

[Pete Holmes]

You've done quite a bit.

[Flula Borg]

Well, not to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Flula Borg]

I'm just attending your podcast. Is this a podcast?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. We do feel, though, that podcasts are just becoming like talk shows, which is sort of.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you've already had one of those. Been there, done that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. There's a backdrop. Hey, there it is.

[Flula Borg]

Vinyl.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it? Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you could be on Netflix like all of the other ones.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Yeah, we're talking about it.

[Flula Borg]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

We just did all those. But you. Did you have a podcast?

[Flula Borg]

I did, yes. Boom time.

[Pete Holmes]

No more.

[Flula Borg]

I was tired.

[Pete Holmes]

Tired of doing podcasts.

[Flula Borg]

I just got tired. It's a lot. It can be very much work. It sure can. You know, even just booking me was probably an issue.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's okay. See, as far as bookings go, even that it happened.

[Flula Borg]

No, it's pretty quick.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, we do. This is boring, but I'm talking about structure.

[Flula Borg]

Not boring to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Flula Borg]

The most aroused I've been.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? Yeah. Even the hat buckle thing.

[Flula Borg]

That does nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

Fucking with God, watching Kiss in a dirty, boring, boring. Now I've dirty privates.

[Flula Borg]

Structure, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Structure. Well, this is Monday. Okay. This has been a huge. This is. I think you're younger than I am, but I'm 46, and I love what I'm about to say.

[Flula Borg]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Monday is my podcast day.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Due to podcasts, we always do it Monday morning. Oh, I just made it up. People are like, can you do Wednesday? We only record on Monday, and it's changed my life. We used to just kind of do it whenever she's turning the air on.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, that's wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we're having an efficient German sweat over here.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I'm so hot.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so sorry.

[Flula Borg]

No, it's no one's fault but mine. I run. It's the calories.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you hungry right now? Yeah. You are?

[Flula Borg]

Dude, I would crush anything right now. Really? On the list? Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What are we eating? Doesn't look like bread.

[Flula Borg]

There's a very specific type of bread I found with 4 grams of net carbohydrates that I find delicious. And I will have two slices a day, along with one egg and five egg whites. Put some blueberries on there. Blueberries taste sweet. Why are we talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

I like this. Blueberries promote weight loss too.

[Flula Borg]

I didn't know. They are very. They're not. They look sweet, but are not super sweet.

[Pete Holmes]

They're a little sour.

[Flula Borg]

And then also they're purple. They are purple if you're going to describe it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do bets about blueberries.

[Flula Borg]

Let's go, let's go.

[Pete Holmes]

Go, go, go.

[Flula Borg]

Stains. Stains everywhere. The cereal made with berries.

[Pete Holmes]

They look like Crunchberry tomatoes. Kind tomato in a cartoon.

[Flula Borg]

Like, gross. Tiny tomatoes.

[Pete Holmes]

Gross. Tiny tomatoes. Crunch berries. Not a real berry.

[Flula Borg]

No, fake Crunchberry. Fake berry. Captain Crunch. Not a real captain.

[Pete Holmes]

Not a real captain.

[Flula Borg]

What was he before Major?

[Pete Holmes]

Where was he? Greenland.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, that's good.

[Pete Holmes]

You like it?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you feel about us being like, everybody goes, right. We're like becoming fascists. As a German, are you, like, terrifying?

[Flula Borg]

I have no jokes. I'm just truly just terrified and sad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, of course.

[Flula Borg]

I'm like, what are we doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yep. That's how I feel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

I'm. I'm horrified.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, me too. Me too. Me too. Sorry to end the fun. What were you saying? Blueberries. Blueberries.

[Flula Borg]

Back to protein. So this means we liked each other.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like a cheers.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, cheers.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Little drink my drink in yours. You're drinking mine.

[Flula Borg]

Do you do that in the bar?

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Flula Borg]

So you will exchange beverages. This is like if you.

[Pete Holmes]

If you and I slash them. I thought that was the idea of a cheers. Is like if you poison my drink and I poison your drink. Let's slosh them together so some of them gets in each of them.

[Flula Borg]

But then we are hoping the slosh doesn't destroy the container. And also exchanges liquids.

[Pete Holmes]

It does get a little froth in each.

[Flula Borg]

But the smarter move would be just to do. Sorry. Smarter move would be just a hulu. Hulu. And then you blow up, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. And if we had like a eyedropper get. Very clean and efficient. But Vikings, what are you going to do?

[Flula Borg]

That's where it began.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

That's where we began, you and I. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why I don't want to go too far back. It's like, you know, oh, we did.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of bad.

[Flula Borg]

Bad.

[Pete Holmes]

We're all born on the back of bad. That doesn't excuse bad. But. No, but even I did a bit about how a meteor killed all the life on Earth.

[Flula Borg]

It did. Almost.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, this is a hypothesis. But then, so great, isn't it great? The air. Thank you. That's why the oceans Were so toxic. That's what motivated a fish to crawl out. So we're born on the back of catastrophe.

[Flula Borg]

Ah, I never thought of it like they left because it was stanky.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't either. So I forget where I read that, but it was in a book. Brag.

[Flula Borg]

Did you say brag?

[Pete Holmes]

Brag.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. I was reading Sapiens. I enjoyed it.

[Pete Holmes]

I tried. I've tried. I've started Sapiens many times. Tell me, what did you take from it?

[Flula Borg]

I forget everything minutes after I read everything I've read.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Conan loves Teddy Roosevelt.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And so I read like this, like authorized three book biography of Teddy Roosevelt and I've forgotten everything except one time for the inauguration. Thousands of people were in line and he just shook all the hands. That's all I can remember.

[Pete Holmes]

He did a huge meet and greet.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, it's massive. Massive. That's why. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Conan. Conan kind of took a page from that book. He never says no to a fan. He always will be present with anybody.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Wouldn't you agree?

[Flula Borg]

I do agree. Yeah. He doodles, you doodle. Why do you doodle, Peter?

[Pete Holmes]

Why do I doodle? Yeah, it's a good question. It's like giving. You know how you have good ideas while you're driving? You want to.

[Flula Borg]

You should be paying attention. But okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Not really.

[Flula Borg]

You should be.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Well then. Okay, you're right. How about going for a walk?

[Flula Borg]

Yes, I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're going for a walk. You're occupying your motor skills in a certain way and it frees up a certain part of your brain. So I think doodling or noodling on the guitar, which both Conan and I also like to do, I think occupies a part of your brain that might otherwise have been mobilized for self doubt or anxiety. You know what I mean? It goes like. Here, do this instead.

[Flula Borg]

It is like when you are on. On a. What's it called? A tight rope? No, it's a slack line.

[Pete Holmes]

A slack line.

[Flula Borg]

Well, do you know what I mean? What is this? A slack line is. You put it between two trees. It's like man on wire, except much lower and there's no trade center.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's how he. Well, that's how he. Well, that's how he practiced for the World Trade Center.

[Flula Borg]

On a slack line. Yes, I remember this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, yes. And he was having sex with all he was.

[Flula Borg]

That's the other thing. I remember two things. He was on a rope and he had intercourse. House everywhere.

[Pete Holmes]

He every. But there's nothing sexier. That's the original it's not the original peacocking. A peacock is the original peacock. But like thwarting death, the feeling, the sex he had. Because if you don't know this the guy, I should know his name. Climbed tightroped, tightrope. Walked between the World Trade Centers.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then when he got down. Yes. He did some press, met two women, went and had sex with them.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to say it's probably the greatest sex that's ever happened in the.

[Flula Borg]

Of history.

[Pete Holmes]

Of history. And I'm not even joking. Like maybe like you came home from a battle and you risk.

[Flula Borg]

Like.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying risking your life puts you into the immediacy of the moment. So he was literally giving the finger to death. And then he came down and did the life affirming act of sex. So it's like salty sweet. It's both in the same day. It was an explosion.

[Flula Borg]

Dodger Stadium, concession stand.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Every chemical trick that your brain was like. You almost died. And here's life.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. And at this time, it was the most tall of all the buildings. So it could be the most risky of all the tidewalks.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why he had to do it.

[Flula Borg]

And that's why it is the best intercourse. Because he could have almost died. The worst baddest.

[Pete Holmes]

He almost died. The worst baddest.

[Flula Borg]

But then instead, really, if you could

[Pete Holmes]

have someone falling from a slightly less tall building and then have them fall from that building, you know, I don't know if it would be that different. But to us, we're like, it's the tallest. You know what I'm saying? No, I'm saying Empire State Building or the Sears Tower.

[Flula Borg]

Chrysler Building.

[Pete Holmes]

Chrysler Building. Once you're in the air, if you're falling off a tightrope. Oh, what's the difference? Oh, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

You achieve. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's for the land people. Land people are like. It's the tallest one. A falling guy is like. Falling's falling. It sucks. It doesn't really matter. But the land people like to know how high it was.

[Flula Borg]

You've achieved terminal velocity at some point.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

You can no longer breathe.

[Pete Holmes]

That's gone.

[Flula Borg]

And then why are we even Right. Yeah, you're just. You're just dead. I once walked out of one of the Mission Impossible films.

[Pete Holmes]

Which one? Talking to a big fan.

[Flula Borg]

And again it was Tell me who was in it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's okay.

[Flula Borg]

Tom Cruise.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. I like this very much. Which, What? How long was his hair? Who was his crew? Don't say ving rhames. That won't narrow it down.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, the British man who's like, I like to kill vampires.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And then also the lady who is always kind of. Maybe they are having a cutesy time. Probably not. Is she dead? I don't know. Not the doctor, do you know? And she's one time.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, not his wife. No, no. Oh, you. Okay, so a later one you're talking about. I don't remember her name, but I was on cordon with her. Incredibly beautiful.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. And she's from the Doonies. Doonies, the movie about. No, not about the children and Chunk and the dance.

[Pete Holmes]

She's in Dune.

[Flula Borg]

Dune.

[Pete Holmes]

And she lives in like, the Alps. Oh, wow. I talked to her a little bit. This is real. Can you look up who.

[Flula Borg]

Rebecca Ferguson.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Flula Borg]

Okay, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Becca Ferguson lives in like a milk town, but can I say in like the valley of a Shadow of D. Yes.

[Flula Borg]

So the Rebecca Ferguson is not a crazy name. That is why I cannot remember this name.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Flula Borg]

Quentin Tarantino is a crazy sounding.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why we got it.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

We remember it.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. I don't. Rebecca.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She doesn't look like a Rebecca Ferguson.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Rebecca Ferguson looks like that woman's assistant.

[Flula Borg]

Ouch. No, I'm just saying ouch to Rebecca Ferguson's assistant whose name is Jamal Zocar.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. Jamal Zukor is what this woman should be doing.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What an incredibly beautiful person.

[Flula Borg]

I left.

[Pete Holmes]

Not very talented.

[Flula Borg]

Sorry? Oh, very talented.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't have ownership of her appearance.

[Flula Borg]

I'm just saying tread lightly, Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just. It's just an opinion. I think she looks like a very intelligent, fierce and brave person.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, whatever. Now you're digging a hole. So, wait, I left the film not because of the film. I left because of the temperature of the theater.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll leave. I'll leave for temperature.

[Flula Borg]

And it was one of those food theaters.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I don't like a food theater. No. No.

[Flula Borg]

And so if you're eating nachos, nobody wants a submarine scene.

[Pete Holmes]

You watch the new. That's. That's Reckoning.

[Flula Borg]

One of those.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, Reckoning Part one.

[Flula Borg]

And then it does a key.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Cruciform key, you mean?

[Flula Borg]

And then one of the. It's like a Russian. There's so many Russian submariners. It's either Sean Connery or Alec Baldwin or Harrison Ford.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We like a Russian sub.

[Flula Borg]

I know. We really do. I saw one just some minutes ago. Oh, all of the Bonds are now out on Netflix.

[Pete Holmes]

All of the Bonds are on do you not receive.

[Flula Borg]

Is your feed not just every James Bond film that has ever on Netflix? Yes. No, that's. My whole feed is just Thunderball. Live and Let Die, Living Daylight Sky. It's all. It must know me.

[Pete Holmes]

It knows you. Do you like these movies? Yes, I like these movies too.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Efficiency porn. He always knows what he's doing.

[Flula Borg]

Ah, efficiency porn.

[Pete Holmes]

He can drive any vehicle. It's Jason Bourne too. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Efficiency. Born.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Efficiency Pornography.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, Bornography.

[Pete Holmes]

I love pornography.

[Flula Borg]

Born Identity, maybe top five of my favorite.

[Pete Holmes]

It's one of the best movies of all time.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. My other one. Speaking of this, Nakatomi Building. Diehard, one of my favorites.

[Pete Holmes]

I like Die Hard, but there's something. Okay.

[Flula Borg]

I love this just for fun, because

[Pete Holmes]

I know you like being told when you're wrong.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. This is again. This is when you have aroused me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

I'm glad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's good to hear a rubbery.

[Flula Borg]

Okay, I'm going to remove my shoes. Oh, I'll sleep over with you now.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, very few. Very.

[Flula Borg]

Am I still. Am I still in the shot? Does anyone care? Nobody cares. Actually, it'd be funny if I'm not in the shot.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it looks fantastic. This is.

[Flula Borg]

So anyway, please tell me I'm not perfect. Just. Just give me 20 seconds.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. My issue with Die Hard.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that Bruce Willis's character. You didn't.

[Flula Borg]

When did you.

[Pete Holmes]

You were in the States for college, right?

[Flula Borg]

That's when I went to. For some years. I was in college. Yes. Yes. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, I. I just don't know how much of this will translate. But Bruce Willis. Yes. Is doing. He's representing a style of masculinity.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That I find upsetting because he's like, I don't even talk. I'm real quiet. And he's like, my girl wanted me to move, but I can't do that. You're smoking and I don't know, there's like this fucking. It feels so ham fisted. At the time, it seemed cool, but he's like, I'm gonna take a shower in the sink. And I don't even know. I'm like, is it so wrong to admit that you're scared? That you're scared that your wife is growing past you, but you're not getting anywhere with this squinting. Don't you got any Christmas music? Like, it's triggering to me because I grew up with the guys that were just like, I don't know, man. I just. I just love the Patriots. Like, it's not a big deal. And I'm like, fucking, tell me who you are.

[Flula Borg]

I love that. August.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me who you are. But that's all I got.

[Flula Borg]

Okay, wonderful. But he does have some self reflection in the first. That was amazing. But he does have some self reflection.

[Pete Holmes]

You're right. As I'm saying. And I'm realizing he has somewhere to go. It's like as a character.

[Flula Borg]

Well, no. But even as she leaves and they have a fight, he's like, well, I guess you don't like me enough to keep my name or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

And she's like, classic.

[Flula Borg]

Good going, Steven. Or whatever he says.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, oh yeah, good going.

[Flula Borg]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Did it.

[Flula Borg]

Not the right words. But he's like beating himself up. You're right.

[Pete Holmes]

He knows.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're anything like me, you've been hearing a lot about GLP1 medication in the news. People, you know, taking it, friends. I have so many friends taking it. And at first I thought it was just like a trend, some sort of wellness fad. But the more I've learned, the more I see these are actual serious healthcare tools that are more about not just weight loss, but energy cravings, overall health, not just the number on the scale. One thing that made GLP1 feel kind of daunting to people is that it's usually a self administered shot. But now There's a new FDA approved GLP1 pill which makes the whole thing feel so much more approachable. And that's where Roe comes in. Ro offers the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It is the same weight loss ingredient as the shot and delivers comparable results, helping patients lose about 14% of their body weight in a year on average. Ro makes everything simple with 100% online care, access to FDA approved GLP1 medication, free insurance checks, side effect management, dosing support and provider messaging. And honestly, if I was going to do this, this is the path I would take. ROE is what I would use. So go to RO to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on ROE. That's ROE CO weird to get started. RO CO safety for box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medication based on study and non diabetics with obesity or overweight plus a weight related condition with diet and exercise.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me, the show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard Earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it. All wiser than me from Lemonada Media is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's Leah Greenberg and Ezra Levin.

[Pete Holmes]

You might know us as two of the lead organizers of the no Kings protests. We're also the co founders of Indivisible, the grassroots movement organizing against Trump's regime.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

And this is what's the Plan? Your weekly guide to the state of our democracy and how we fight back. This is not canned talking points. It's a real live discussion space for the pro democracy movement. We wrestle with strategy together, we take your top voted questions in real time, and we talk about the most impactful action actions we can take right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Democracy is a participatory sport. The fascists win when we sit on the sidelines. What's the Plan Is about how we get into the game.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

What's the plan? Available Friday, January 23rd. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Subscribe, recruit, discuss, organize and win. That's the plan. Okay, point for you. Point for Die Hard.

[Flula Borg]

No, no, listen, I, I. Do you also have a history with men that probably he is emulating, or they are emulating him. It is the snake eating the butt.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying. Gross. I'm saying I'm not seeing Die Hard. I'm seeing something. If it's hysterical, it's historical. So I'm seeing something that reminds me of something that I don't like. How it felt. All the kids I went to in high school wore white baseball hats. And they're like, I don't know, drama club or Guy I know sounds kind of weird. I'd rather get my dick wet in the gym or whatever they were saying when I just don't see myself in that guy. But you're right, he grows. Is that what we're saying?

[Flula Borg]

My favorite part is our guy is always involved.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. It's all summarized. John Mcclain is summarized with. Don't you got any Christmas music? What is this, Brando? It's Brando. De Niro.

[Flula Borg]

De Niro. De Niro.

[Pete Holmes]

Also. What are you doing?

[Flula Borg]

Was he moonlighting? Was it when he moonlighted the show? Was he this man?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

I don't really know.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never seen Moonlighting.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. Because I remember this was like his beginning was moonlighting. Yeah, but I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

The comedy, right?

[Flula Borg]

I think so. Like. Yeah, but Bruce Willis was always this kind of a form of this man. Always.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, he was always very. You know, I just have an issue with coolness because I want to know who you are. Coolness to me seems like an affectation, like you're putting it on. It's like a guy on a date and he's trying to get laid. So he's. And even that, I have an issue with that, like conceit. But he's like just kind of being mysterious, like, I don't know, just smoke a cigarette. I don't know. I don't think too much about it. You want to get out of here? Here. Like, I don't. It. It. You're not seeing me, you're not letting me see you. No, no. Yeah. It's all about you, John McLean. Yeah, yeah. And that's why that movie is the narcissist fantasy. Because he is the center of the universe. He is the only one that can save the day. How great is that? Yeah. You take a self centered person, you put them in a situation where they need to be self centered, you got yourself a hit action movie.

[Flula Borg]

You know what? I do? Yes, I agree. All of this. What, what I very much do like is. Yeah, good. Is he. He's. There's no hookups in this movie. Not trying to like grab, have the chick and eat it too. You know what I mean? Like, it's more just. He really is just trying to solve this problem. Because my first thought was I like born identity. Because he. There is no affectation. He's really trying to figure it out. And we love just trying to figure

[Pete Holmes]

out who I am.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It doesn't come back. Matt Damon yells in a very controlled way.

[Flula Borg]

He does.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait.

[Flula Borg]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I like, I love when they flip through his journal and just says, who am I?

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Over and over again. The fun best part of it is he's sleeping in a car when Franca Potente goes and gives him biscuits because she drove them to Paris. And he just wakes up and does this very funny thing with his hands.

[Pete Holmes]

And I really like that part. I forgot about that. It's also a great age for Damon because he's vulnerable.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, dude. You know what I mean? Yes, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, does this guy have it together? But when he's on the bench and they're like, get up. Yeah. Like, oh.

[Flula Borg]

He discovers it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

So good.

[Pete Holmes]

Just realizing his power.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it so much. I love all of them you love, except Jason Bourne. I didn't like Jason Bourne.

[Flula Borg]

Jason Bourne I did not really like. The second one was so Greengrass shot scene thing that my eyes were not accustomed to this form of filming supremacy. So I didn't like it as much.

[Pete Holmes]

Too much zooming.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. And too much. I couldn't see the fire. But now I watch it again. In my eyes, it was ahead of its time.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like when you get a new TV and you know how it looks weird until your eyes adjust to it. That's the Bourne Supremacy. Ah, yeah. But Ultimatum. Very good.

[Flula Borg]

That's the third one. Yes. Oh, he's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

If we. If. If you were in your office right now would be having this conversation. I know. Then Moby comes in. Yeah. Yeah. Moby comes in. Yeah. Moby's got it.

[Flula Borg]

Moby's got it all. Don't worry. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we need something here. Moby's got it.

[Flula Borg]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Moby has it.

[Flula Borg]

He. Moby did.

[Pete Holmes]

Moby did.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I like how honest you are. You're turning me on.

[Flula Borg]

Honesty.

[Pete Holmes]

I like the feedback. Terrible.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, I don't. You like it?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I do like it.

[Flula Borg]

Are you currently on the touring Peter?

[Pete Holmes]

I tour once a monthies. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

I like calling you Peters. This offensive?

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's my name.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. You go once a monthies.

[Pete Holmes]

Once a month. These.

[Flula Borg]

Why is it not just a month?

[Pete Holmes]

Just because I feel like you're a silly guy that would appreciate that little cutesy time.

[Flula Borg]

Because I'm a cutesy guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Cutesy Kumail.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. I didn't know if it was a code.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Flula Borg]

Like if a month.

[Pete Holmes]

I go out once a month. That feels right for me. I like it because then I look forward to it. I hit the stage. I don't have to, like, fake excitement.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if I'm doing it too much. You ever been doing stand up and you're up there and you're like. You're pretending to be having fun. It's. I find that to be one of the worst things.

[Flula Borg]

Very bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Very bad.

[Flula Borg]

And everyone can tell.

[Pete Holmes]

And everyone can tell.

[Flula Borg]

It's your own Bruce Willis affectation up there.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. But it's worse because I'm like. I'm like.

[Flula Borg]

That's terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't do. I don't.

[Flula Borg]

I didn't like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Flula Borg]

Did you like that? Terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Hey, I remember seeing you. Very funny. Doing a. A joke about Lululemon some years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yes. This was like 10 love a lulu.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Yeah. I very much enjoyed.

[Pete Holmes]

We're a lot less Lulu.

[Flula Borg]

You've. You've reduced your Lulu Radulu. You've Redulu lemon. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Why did you like it? I'm sorry to split hairs. I'm just curious what it makes you

[Flula Borg]

think of you are a man.

[Pete Holmes]

How you relate it to it.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you are 1m98 maybe. What are you? I'm 192. You are taller than me.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we're doing meters now.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, what are you. Sorry. Excuse me.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry.

[Flula Borg]

This is the.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Flula Borg]

The EU border. Okay. 192. Six foot.

[Pete Holmes]

Lithuania is in the EU. I could get an EU passport. I just found out.

[Flula Borg]

Why don't you get it?

[Pete Holmes]

I got to. Because I got it. My mom left Lithuania when she was 7, so I have to go to my grandmother to get it.

[Flula Borg]

Get it.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to.

[Flula Borg]

Do you know how cool we. Listen. You love Jason Bourne as I do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

How many passports do you want? Amap.

[Pete Holmes]

And you lift up the thing and there's a gun. Oh, and money. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

They always have so much money.

[Flula Borg]

So much money.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. Love it. Eu. Lulu. And I'm tall.

[Flula Borg]

Why did I like it?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, go ahead. You were saying Lulu is good for tall folk.

[Flula Borg]

No. You ask. I thought you were asking me why I liked what you said.

[Pete Holmes]

I did.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, well, you are a build of. You are of an average above hat. You are not short.

[Pete Holmes]

Above. Average height.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. And you look like a dude, you know, but then you were talking about like something a little contrast. Yeah, that was fun. It was like fun. Watching a large man say Lululemon was very fun also. It's very fun.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember being with Bill Burr and.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah, it's all right. You can.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, the name. Jesus, the name I dropped. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Come on. Oh, I was just hanging out with Bruce.

[Pete Holmes]

We were both talking about our Springsteen, our good friend Conan o', Brien, who's a lot.

[Flula Borg]

I. I only agreed that he was nice. I don't know if he knows I exist. I have met him in person. Does he remember me? I'm not sure.

[Pete Holmes]

You opened for him. You were his sidekick on a tour.

[Flula Borg]

Debatably. Debatable theory. I did this.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I got. He's taking a shirt off. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a man. I bathe wherever I. Wherever I need to.

[Flula Borg]

So good.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not pals with Cody.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

No. You did his podcast.

[Flula Borg]

I love him very much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

He's my Irish father.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Irish father. Oh, anyway. Bill Burr. Yes, There it is.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I just remember I was wearing a shirt that had a heart on it, and he was like, why would you do that? What are you doing? What? Like, he just doesn't understand. I understand. And you understand. I think it's obviously a virtue to be like, sure. I am an assigned male. I have a penis. And I have a penis.

[Flula Borg]

Well, you're gonna say wiener.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gonna say wiener. I was assigned a wiener. And I identify as male. And I. I. All that. Right.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I also think it's important and vital to go like. But I like soft pants. I like hearts. I like these other things you don't box me in. Whereas Bill, I think his safety is being like, nah, he got a screwdriver. Like, that makes him feel safe. I feel safe when I'm like, you need to know. I wear Lululemon. Like, everybody's doing what they're doing to feel safe. Agree.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. So, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to agree. Take a moment. Werther's Original. What? If that's what I mean. When I'm like, sit with it for a while.

[Flula Borg]

I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Werther's Original.

[Flula Borg]

One in the butt, two in the nose. You know what I mean? Werther's Originals. No. Sam Jackson. No.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that a reference?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Werther's Originals. Up his butt and Two in the nose.

[Flula Borg]

The hitman's body got.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we saw that.

[Flula Borg]

What's happening? Yes. So do you know when you look. When you look backwards, everything is straight? Correct.

[Pete Holmes]

Say what?

[Flula Borg]

When you look backwards, everything is straight, but forwards, everything is all. Who knows what is a heel to do? And how did I get here? This is.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yes.

[Flula Borg]

Backwards, everything is straight.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that.

[Flula Borg]

So then sometimes I don't know if things are on purpose or on. On the accidents.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, we say hindsight is 20 20. Because then it doesn't just sound like your back is heterosexual. When I look back, it was all heterosexual.

[Flula Borg]

The. Oh, the interview show.

[Pete Holmes]

Straight. You said when you look back, 20.

[Flula Borg]

20. 20.

[Pete Holmes]

We say hindsight's 20 20.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not teaching you. I'm just helping.

[Flula Borg]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you.

[Flula Borg]

But so. But you. You. You cultivate a stage presence, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

And like Bilber. I don't know Bilber. He seems wonderful, but I don't know him. But, like, it feels when you get the positive feedback, do you not just reinforce the thing?

[Pete Holmes]

And the human beings are going. Bill, in theory, was on stage going, I like unicorns. And they're cold. And then he's like, I like punching

[Flula Borg]

them in the face.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're like, yeah, that's you.

[Flula Borg]

And for you it's like, I like hearts and unicorns. And then they cheer.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so right. I love this. Welcome to the podcast. That's so right. We are getting feedback. I'm getting feedback from you.

[Flula Borg]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Right now. And I'm adapting. Or not adapting. Either way, it's a choice.

[Flula Borg]

But I made YouTube videos some years ago and I've made one that was an accident and it was immediately well received.

[Pete Holmes]

Jennifer.

[Flula Borg]

So it was in that. Yes. In. Wow. Yes. In that world. And so it's like, I will make more of this now. People seem to like headphones.

[Pete Holmes]

Car videos.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But huge. It's not Jennifer Pre.

[Flula Borg]

Jennifer Pre. Jennifer. I did one about Daddy Long Legs, which was an old video. I needed to upload a video. I had no videos. I had made. I had made deal with myself as Germans or I do, like one thing a week.

[Pete Holmes]

You brought Germany Germanosity into it.

[Flula Borg]

I had to. And so then I uploaded a thing and it was very unexpected that it was popular. So I immediately just did more of those.

[Pete Holmes]

You went with it? You in a car?

[Flula Borg]

Any. Any location. But I found it was very fun to be in an automobile because it's easy.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is now a thing. You kind of were doing it like 12 years ago.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Yeah. Longer even. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wondered as I. I watched Jennifer as a party pooper.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. It's 10 years old.

[Flula Borg]

More.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, More. See, that's that German. I'm not going to let it slide. No. I would just be like, yeah, 10 years old. Be correct. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. More older than that.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're in the car. Yes. And I watched it and you know, I think whenever you watch a video that has over many views, you're kind of going and being like, okay, what's the deal?

[Flula Borg]

Why is this. Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I was really. I wasn't surprised because I do know your work, so you are very engaging. But I was shocked that I was locked in the whole time.

[Flula Borg]

Me too. Thank you. Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. It's almost like people are always saying, make a viral video, but when you watch a truly viral video, like a real homegrown, organic, unintentional, just a guy being like. Like, did you go to the water closet? Or whatever you said?

[Flula Borg]

That's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And. But it has a certain X factor to it that people are really drawn to. Yeah. And then what I think is so funny, we don't have to talk about this is like, now people try to, like, reverse engineer that. We all.

[Flula Borg]

But even I. Everyone that has a thing that is a success is reverse engineering again to make more of those.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Flula Borg]

And we all.

[Pete Holmes]

But the first. No, I'm completely with you.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Batman will be like. Like you say, the worst thing in the world and people will like it. But the first one, and I still remember it was just like, no one. I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know what I was doing. Like, it wasn't on the page. Not. You don't need a behind the scenes of Batman. I'm just saying, like, the best line in the first Batman video is I go, I found some evidence. I'm going to analyze it with science. Right. Not written, obviously. It's not like the craziest riff in the world, but it was like the character was revealing itself and that's what everybody was like, analyze it with science. Then the next one you make. Oh, more of that. Make him more like. He goes to bed, he's asleep on a farm, and it's like, oh, he's an idiot. Yeah. And that. So tell me your experience with you made the video. And then you realize you're saying you did a similar thing.

[Flula Borg]

I just knew that this was a fun format that I should just keep doing. And it was very fun. And many like everything. Some are good, some are bad. Not bad. But, you know, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Some don't have as much magic.

[Flula Borg]

You also. Yeah. You can't force these things. And you. You try a lot. But have you seen. Sorry, there's a YouTube series called Pitch Meeting. Have you seen this?

[Pete Holmes]

Ryan Jordan.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know you'll never meet a bigger Pitch Meeting fan, dude. I've emailed him just to be like, I've seen every one. Yeah, you have too.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. He's so good.

[Pete Holmes]

So good.

[Flula Borg]

Because, you know, he wrote so. Because all there's all these. It's. It's half the video are callbacks to things he says. In every video. I know culture we are saying whatever. What you and I already knows. But in James. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna have to get all the way up my back or whatever that is for this one. Yeah, yeah. But like, you know, he did it once.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And it tried it.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever watched the first one? Yes, but I would expect it's so. It's. It's bad. It's. It's not bad. He. It just wasn't it yet in the same way that the first Batman hadn't figured it out.

[Flula Borg]

So you have a movie for, like, he does this whole thing now that in the beginning he was more like.

[Pete Holmes]

It was him speaking in a normal voice. And they didn't. He paced it up. He actually did a little behind. So it's. It's the series. He's playing both guys. And he did this thing where he's like, if you bleed the audio. That's it. Into this shot, overlapping the audio, editing. Why are you renting this car? And you know what? It's funny when you said Die Hard, I go to the reason I love pitch meeting is he'll point out everything that's wrong with a movie, even a movie that you love.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And when he did Die Hard guard. He's like. So he has the element of. So he has the element of surprise. And he's just gonna go around and kill guys quietly? No, he's gonna go ahead and send the corpse down in the elevator. Why would he do. That's like a funny gag. Yeah. And you're like, oh, my God. John McClane has the jump on the terrorists.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

But can't resist a good gag.

[Flula Borg]

Yep. Ho, ho, ho. I have a gun now. I have a machine.

[Pete Holmes]

Why would you tell them? Yeah, why would you tell them?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all.

[Flula Borg]

So the movie can happen.

[Pete Holmes]

So the movie can happen. Yes, exactly. And how many times is the big thing. Not a thing. Barely an inconvenience. Oh, I know. Every time in a movie is like. But now he has a tesseract. Well, it's gonna be hard to get that back.

[Flula Borg]

No. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Super easy. Barely convenience.

[Flula Borg]

Just. Yeah. So I've. He found those things in reverse too, I am sure. Like, he felt. Oh, that's great. Now just. It's any. We all do. Like I. In this movie. Pitch Perfect. I was in pitch perfect 2.

[Pete Holmes]

Pitch meeting perfect.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. The first one had a riff off. A riff off. And they're like, well, that was a highlight of the movie. So on this one, we're gonna make

[Pete Holmes]

it another doubly long and.

[Flula Borg]

And the Green Bay packers will be in it. Spoiler alert. From 12 years ago. You know, but, like, it's. That's what we always do.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Hollywood sort of is. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Well, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Is. I mean, maybe just business sort of. Is this combination of chocolate and peanut butter sold. More. Let's make more of those. Let's try and make other things that are similar. Let's try jelly And Peanut butter.

[Flula Borg]

But then the problem is, like, Stone Temple Pilots made. You all know this. There's an album called Core. Okay. And like, oh, Purple. It doesn't matter. Anyway, they made an album and the next one was so different.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

That people, like, hated it. But then if you had just made one that sounded like the first one, then you wouldn't have liked it. So, like, bands are screwed a little bit because you want the same sound, but then you don't want the same sound.

[Pete Holmes]

Mine would be King of Limbs, Radiohead. When that record came out, people were very mad because it followed In Rainbows. So In Rainbows is one of the most beautiful records of all time. And then King of Limbs comes out. But now when I listen to King of Limbs, I love it. So you're. You're actually combating. It's like, long game, like, you'll love me when I'm dead sort of stuff. And you'll like Stone Temple Pilots. Do.

[Flula Borg]

Do you do this with your standing up?

[Pete Holmes]

With my. I'd love to hear about your process, because I don't want to talk too much about myself, but, like.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, okay. Please.

[Pete Holmes]

I was ready for a nice awkward pause there. I was ready.

[Flula Borg]

I really wanted. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'd like. I am going to put this to you. What I do is just write my life and my interior life and my exterior life are always changing and evolving. As long as I write to what I'm going through, what I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing saying it, the novelty is built into it. So I don't. Maybe I should go back and go like, well, green Eggs and Ham is like, a very popular joke of mine. I should write more jokes with silly voices and, you know, whatever. It. It always feels bad when I do it. Like, I've thought about doing a tour where it's just the hits. And I'm like, It's the opposite of why I got into comedy. I just want to get on stage and tell you what's present for me. Now.

[Flula Borg]

Now, you could only do that if there was some kind of frame around this. That is acknowledging. Acknowledging, you know, it is a yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, what I would do is.

[Flula Borg]

I'd call it.

[Pete Holmes]

I've thought about it. Bring the Kids, and I'd do a clean hour of the hits because I have sleeper kid fans that I really like, and they like jokes like Green Eggs and Ham. And if I take the part about an erect penis being like a stick of butter out, suddenly, you can bring the kids.

[Flula Borg]

Sorry, I thought. I thought you meant they were sleeper cells for a second. They're like child spies.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a network of sleeper cells. Remember John Wick with the homeless people? I have that. With children.

[Flula Borg]

With children.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. But it is Laurence Fishburne that runs it.

[Flula Borg]

Dope,

[Pete Holmes]

dope, dope.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Only 18 states require sex ed to be medically accurate.

[Pete Holmes]

And relationship classes. Let's fix that.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

I'm Shan, an ASEX certified sex educator

[Pete Holmes]

with a master's in sex.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

And on my podcast, Lovers by Shan, we make learning about love as mind

[Pete Holmes]

blowing as making it.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Celebrities and fascinating people share an intimate story. Then we uncover the lesson for all of us. Watch Lovers by Shan from Lemonada Media on YouTube or listen wherever you like your podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

So chasing it. So tell me about your process.

[Flula Borg]

To even call it a process is to say too much. I am barely here. I shouldn't be around. I'm the luckiest thing. Ding dong, ding dong. Yeah. So and so. I cannot believe anything has occurred in terms of employment and entertainment. And I'm very grateful.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so funny and engaging. I watched you say Jennifer is a party pooper. And I was like, why? Why can't I turn this off?

[Flula Borg]

Well, she was. And it was true. And I was confused.

[Pete Holmes]

We need a 12 year update.

[Flula Borg]

We don't speak.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, she's a real person. Yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

We don't speak. Yeah, it was a little awkward. I, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, she knew? Well, Jennifer found out?

[Flula Borg]

Well, yes, because everyone's like this, you

[Pete Holmes]

know, but being called a party pooper isn't the worst thing.

[Flula Borg]

I think it was fine and then it got very annoying for her. You know, it's. It's like a. You know, like Pearl Jam.

[Pete Holmes]

She's not a famous Jennifer. No, I'm not trying to out anything.

[Flula Borg]

No, no, no. It's not a famous gym. This is when I was just a per.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, just a. A person.

[Flula Borg]

I worked in an office that was in a building below a very average talent agency. And that's where I worked.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Flula Borg]

And then that occurred and I did think about it and was confused and then made a video.

[Pete Holmes]

But you don't talk to Jennifer anymore.

[Flula Borg]

We don't speak. But I wasn't rude. I think what I said was honest and confused.

[Pete Holmes]

As a comedian watching that, I'm like, this is a guy who wants an in to talk about a funny expression. Right? Jennifer is just the. No offense to Jennifer Now a new way to be offended. You're just the excuse for me to get to the fun of.

[Flula Borg]

Damn.

[Pete Holmes]

Like if you were Jerry Seinfeld. You'd be like, why do you call my party pooper? Or they go to the bathroom and pooping. I do that, but I close the door when he got the door open so people can smell it and say it. Come on, Jennifer, close it on. It's not very good, but as impressions. Do it.

[Flula Borg]

I can't do it. I cannot do impressions.

[Pete Holmes]

You could do this one or go,

[Flula Borg]

no, I can't do it. That's it, is it?

[Pete Holmes]

No. I liked it. It was very fun.

[Flula Borg]

Very good.

[Pete Holmes]

So you worked in a talent agency or for a talent agency or near a talent agency.

[Flula Borg]

I interned at a talent agency, which now no longer exists. And then I also just worked in an office to do officey things.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Was this. Sorry. I'm sure you do your origin story a lot, but were you, like, you talked about being the luckiest.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Bag of salt in the world? I kind of firmly disagree.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Done over 7,000 of these podcasts, and I'm like, I mean, there's clearly a lot of fun to be had here.

[Flula Borg]

Well, that's what they say about Jolly Ranchers.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate Jolly Ranchers. I'm sorry. Are you designed to take my fillings out?

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Fuck.

[Flula Borg]

You can't chew you. You will remove pieces of my mouth with you.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't chew you.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

It tastes like something you would waterproof a deck with and looks like it has texture. It's too sticky. And the flavor is like watermelon. Like, be watermelon.

[Flula Borg]

Pick it. Really do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Do it. Don't do watermelon.

[Flula Borg]

Lacroix style.

[Pete Holmes]

Lacroix. Be here.

[Flula Borg]

Commit, commit, commit, Commit to the flavor

[Pete Holmes]

as hard as you commit to ruining my mouth.

[Flula Borg]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

We have something called the Kimlin scale. I'm gonna tell you, the Kimlin scale is how much something tastes like how you thought it was going to taste. Taste. I'll give you an example. Coca Cola. Very high on the Kimlin. Someone's like, you want to try a Coca Cola? You drink it. You're like, I get it. Like, that's what it should taste like.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not surprised at all. I. Something that's low on the Kimlin for me is cotton candy. It's kind of sour and weird. Weird texture. Like when you see it in a cartoon, it looks so fun. That might be like a four on the Kimlin. A Jolly Rancher. It's like a zero on the Kim. Like, what is. It's shellacking.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's lacking.

[Flula Borg]

It's both. And it's a Shell of what should be an actual candy.

[Pete Holmes]

Green apple. Have one of those if you hate yourself.

[Flula Borg]

Exactly. I, as a child, liked it. As an adult, you count me out of it very deeply.

[Pete Holmes]

Kids want, like, they don't drink coffee, so they want the candy to sort of invigorate them.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Flula Borg]

Wait. This was a very large detouring to

[Pete Holmes]

away from how wonderful you are. And you work for a talent agency.

[Flula Borg]

No, there was something else. No, no, no. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Jolly Rancher.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Jennifer.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Butterfing is also a trouble for my teeth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Val and I, we got stoned the other night where I got stoned. And then I was like, will you please go to the grocery store and get Captain Crunch? Which came up earlier. This is your wife. My wife, Al.

[Flula Borg]

Okay. Flex.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are my abs. Yeah, baby. I. I put my abs on another person.

[Flula Borg]

You gave them to.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the spouse. She has something in her blouse. Has me feeling so aroused. Kanye. Oh, I'm sorry. Stone Temple only.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. Only mid to early 90s Seattle based bands.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. Where are you on Pro Jam?

[Flula Borg]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Well, I'll listen over Nirvana. Oh, no. Also, I don't know like the. Oh, they had. You remember that one album, Glurgy Blurk? No, I remember 10. I remember what. What versus, you know, vitology. Vitology. And I stopped.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smashing Pumpkins.

[Flula Borg]

Love them. Either Melancholy. A double album. I know this. Beyond this. Don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Same. Except N. No. 1979's on melan.

[Flula Borg]

That's on the.

[Pete Holmes]

That's on. But then there's something on the. On the one. S Dream.

[Flula Borg]

S Dream. Yes, I know these, but I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm. We on bleach. You know bleach?

[Flula Borg]

Not enough to know. I don't. I'm sure they are nice. I don't know. No.

[Pete Holmes]

Bleach. The first November album.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, yes. Nice. Sorry, I thought you meant the band Bleach.

[Pete Holmes]

Is there a band Bleach?

[Flula Borg]

It's called Bl.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. I like that very much.

[Flula Borg]

They're from Frankfurt.

[Pete Holmes]

So when you moved from Germany y to Los Angeles. Yes. It was to. You're doing it.

[Flula Borg]

I won.

[Pete Holmes]

You're doing what? You did.

[Flula Borg]

I won a Hype man contest, unintentionally in Chicago. And this is. Yeah, no. Yeah. I, I.

[Pete Holmes]

You unintentionally won a Hype man contest in Chicago.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you do that?

[Flula Borg]

The Scion Hype Man Contest.

[Pete Holmes]

You accidentally were wearing a giant clock.

[Flula Borg]

No, that would have. I think instantly. Yeah. Oopsie Too much flavor. I. I did not know what a hype man was. I wanted to be, you know, in the beginning of American Idol, there's always like, the guy's not good at the job.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Like, I just wanted to be that. That in the video about actual hype men because I don't know what is that? I don't know what is.

[Pete Holmes]

You wanted to be the black and white footage of a guy who couldn't do it.

[Flula Borg]

And that to me, to me is very funny. Yeah, that's all I wanted. But then because I didn't know what I was doing, it was a superpower in some very confusing way.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you were a mascot.

[Flula Borg]

Wow, you have done some researching. Yes, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to Hot ones. Eat the wings. No, eat the wings. Eat the wings. Eat the wings. Argyle.

[Flula Borg]

Okay, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. Okay. So I'm just saying you and crowd control have a thing. You have a thing about being, I imagine, kind of an underprepared. You don't have to like it. An under prepared Angry Birds guy who comes even your stand up. Like, I watched your just for laughs set where you improvise a chaos.

[Flula Borg]

Chaos.

[Pete Holmes]

You go out and you're just kind of like, like in. In a great way that I'm happy to be here.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's figure this out. So I could see you killing a hype man thing by accident. How did that happen? How did you get on the stage?

[Flula Borg]

I saw. Well, I made a video to please let me be in this to apply. And my video to apply was me hype Manning a library, which is obviously stupid. So I thought they would think what a. We would like morons at the beginning of our show.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, to be a.

[Flula Borg]

So let's. Let's bring this to us. And so they did it. And then there's a video. You can watch it. It's on YouTube. And so then I was like, oh, I should actually pursue actual career perhaps. So why not?

[Pete Holmes]

Because they loved it somehow. Because they got the joke.

[Flula Borg]

But it was not. I mean, it's very confusing. I still am very confused as to

[Pete Holmes]

what is happening because you weren't going anti comedy. You weren't going like, I know how to make something funny. Because it's not trying to. You just did something stupid to be something stupid.

[Flula Borg]

I was trying very hard to make it to do what the hype man is doing, but I don't know how to. It's watching full. Watching full effort is fun. I agree. Even if someone is terrible. Like, the full effort is very exciting. It's like a man named Brian Cardinal. He played for the Dallas Mavericks. He was on the bench, played for Purdue, but they nicknamed him. Nicknamed him the Janitor. Why? Because he's just like wiping the floor with his jersey, like super hard, like very much effort.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, he was always going for.

[Flula Borg]

I think that's why they called him that. Or he looked like a janitor.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we are sort of, would you agree, in a trying deficit, like in. In history.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

We seem to see less trying.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. Lots of smug. Lots of cynic. Lots of. Who cares? It's all too late. It's. Look at my phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Retreat. Pull away. Can't. You can't say I failed if I don't try. Yep. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

And I feel it too. Very difficult. I feel this all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Y. And what would you say in response? Like, I mean, isn't it like, let's fail? You know what we say on the show. I got it from what. You know what we say on this show? You know what we say? Argyle. Tony, you got a cigarette up there? Argyle, I'm a cop.

[Flula Borg]

It's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

This is how he says, like, I'm a cop, just own it. It's a cool job. Yeah, it's. I'm a. Actually, I'm a cop. Sorry, we're back on time.

[Flula Borg]

I will say, he does kind of tell you it's cool when he's like, I've been doing that for 12 years. Remember he stands up and he's got the gun in the. In the airplane.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. And he takes out his badge, doesn't he?

[Flula Borg]

No. Cuz as he's packing the man who told him about rubbing his toes on the rug.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Which is the weirdest plot.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, God, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Couldn't he have just taken his shoes off?

[Flula Borg]

Nope. I want to, but. What a great intro. He's landing in la, he gets this hippie dippy answer and then he keeps saying California or whatever he says over and over again.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

God, so good. What were you saying?

[Pete Holmes]

They cut a scene where he tries kale.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Damn it. Oh, I don't know, guy. You might have lost me on the roughage.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, it's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Okay, you're right. I buy it. Take off your shoes. Do little things. That's actually true. You're grounding yourself. Oh, it works on grass, not on hotel carpets. Maybe it works on carpets.

[Flula Borg]

I have no idea.

[Pete Holmes]

So we were on something. Something good. We were cooking.

[Flula Borg]

It was something.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't Die Hard.

[Flula Borg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

What Was it hype?

[Flula Borg]

Man, we moved, man.

[Pete Holmes]

We moved a little past that. Oh, effort.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, what we say on this show? What do you say on the show?

[Pete Holmes]

We got it from game makers toolkit, another YouTube that I love.

[Flula Borg]

Gay makers.

[Pete Holmes]

Gay makers. You watch these videos, by the end you're gay. Or if you're gay, switches.

[Flula Borg]

So it's just a switch.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's really great if you're at an orgy, like, just watch one and

[Flula Borg]

then I'm ready for. You're available mix.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And then, you know, you go like, oh, now I'd like to see.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, now ding dongs. So I gotta watch.

[Pete Holmes]

That'd be pretty great if there was a. Just like a frequency you could listen.

[Flula Borg]

And what if it was a punch? Then it would be a gay maker haymaker.

[Pete Holmes]

Things happen that are perfect. A gay maker haymaker.

[Flula Borg]

Right, Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry. I'm gay, everybody. I got haymakered.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, you say, sorry, I'm gay.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry I'm gay, everybody.

[Flula Borg]

I love apologizing. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you walk in and you're like. Like, you guys might not know I'm gay.

[Flula Borg]

Sorry, Sorry. Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Okay.

[Flula Borg]

Game makers.

[Pete Holmes]

Game makers Toolkit. G. Haymakers. Toolkit. Yeah, they interviewed these guys that make games and their. And their motto is fail faster. Find the fun. Right? So it's like, you need to fail. The way to get in great is by failing. Like, it's. It's a flipping instead of seeing. Failing is like this shameful thing. Thing. You go like, this is valuable intel. I failed. It was. It's imbued with all this emotion. So you're forced to learn and adapt and grow. So it's like, let's fail fast. Give me bad pitches. Don't just pitch it. Go make it. I want to play that bad game so we can all go. That didn't work. In the same way that Jennifer is a party pooper. You were just trying something. It happened to work. But if it didn't work, you go, okay, not that. Why isn't that seen as a step forward? You know what I mean? Fail faster.

[Flula Borg]

You have to fail. Fail.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's get failing. Not. Not trying. Because everything you want is on the other side of a bunch of failures.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, yeah. Yes, it's true. That's very good. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

The problem is now everything's live like this. We. We will. You will air this podcast. And there were several hundred things that we said that were not that funny, but they will stay. It's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it.

[Flula Borg]

But like, don't think about that. But this is my point is in the real. In the 80s, Bruce Springsteen was in his room and did this 10,000 times. And then he was in a room with 20 people, not with the Internet.

[Pete Holmes]

See, this is why you're a music man. Hot ones, you do music, you can music.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the cool things about music is that the failing happened in the studio. I. I'm obsessed with hip hop. Right. I take somebody who's cool. I've been listening to Macintosh Miller. So Mac Miller is a very cool, effortless kind of guy.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's because he was in his room really dialing in how to sound. Just the right mix of attached, but kind of trying and. And you dial it in. But like comedy you have to do in front of people. Theater you have to do in front of people. But you're absolutely right. Right. Music, One of the reasons why it's such an amazing art form is because you can retreat and get better alone. Right.

[Flula Borg]

And then you can listen to it. And if you have good ears and you bring one other person with some nice ears.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

And then you just do it and

[Pete Holmes]

then you can burn on to the next one. Yeah, yeah. My idea for I'd like to see. I actually wouldn't like to see, but another AI prediction. Yeah. They'll be able to kind of holodeck an audience. Audience. So you'll be able to like dial in. How drunk are they? What country are we in? How enthusiastic are they? Whatever. What point of the show are we at? And you'll be able to do in your house 150 stand up sets. Just trying anything you want. And if it doesn't work. Reboot. Start over. Reboot. Start over.

[Flula Borg]

So the AI is the audience.

[Pete Holmes]

An AI audience generator.

[Flula Borg]

How do we know what they know? We don't know whether their taste they have a taste in. No, no, no. I've also. That's really sad. Then here's all you need to do is turn on your AI to make a thing that makes that AI laugh. And then that's the thing. And then you just read the thing that they.

[Pete Holmes]

Then it's the Twilight Zone where they're laughing at anything. Yeah, I mean, I agree. I'm not saying I want it. I'm saying it's possible that in the future you'll be able to do a synthesized audio. Brilliant.

[Flula Borg]

But don't they already do? Like if I. You can do this on chat GPT. You can say I write a 5 minute set in the voice of Pete Holmes about tuna fish sandwich.

[Pete Holmes]

It does a bad job.

[Flula Borg]

How do you know I've done it? You've read it.

[Pete Holmes]

I've said, if I. I've said write a joke about tuna fish sandwiches in the voice of comedian Pete Holmes, and it'll be like, what's going on, everybody?

[Flula Borg]

You guys excited?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I go, I'm more of a tuna man. He wouldn't even be vulnerable enough to admit liking tuna. It's like, I'm more of a cheeseburger. Agile. Hold the cheese. He's a keep the salad off my burger. That's his whole character.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the salad off my burger. Agile. If I wanted lettuce and tomato, I'd go to a vegan restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to watch the cow die if I could. Argyle. Fucking.

[Flula Borg]

I love the.

[Pete Holmes]

It's always scrubbing.

[Flula Borg]

Why is he also tripping?

[Pete Holmes]

Because he's in the back of the limo and he's going to the party. He's always changing in that movie. He's always, like, removing and putting on. He's getting ready. Because real men don't go in bathrooms.

[Flula Borg]

No, they don't towel off. No, they don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I just use what I got, Argyle. It's good enough for the nypd.

[Flula Borg]

I love Augy. You gotta say, our guy gets me every time. Time. What is happening?

[Pete Holmes]

I can't host the show and do Bruce Willis. No, I know, I know.

[Flula Borg]

It's too much.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too much you to tell me where we are.

[Flula Borg]

Can I rudely check the time to train with my trainer? Paulo? Is this okay? Is this excellent?

[Pete Holmes]

We're done in eight minutes.

[Flula Borg]

Perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

How's that?

[Flula Borg]

That's the best time of all time.

[Pete Holmes]

Let down. Paulo.

[Flula Borg]

Paulo is Paulo Mashiti. My trainer is, as I told you, was a shame based trainer. And the.

[Pete Holmes]

The. The.

[Flula Borg]

The trainings are commensurately more difficult based on punctuality.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Flula Borg]

But I always purchase him a nice chocolate shake.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, like ice cream.

[Flula Borg]

Black. Whatever. This. What? When you say, hey, I'll give you this, don't be mean to me. A bribe?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you got me thinking about fitness again. Well, I know.

[Flula Borg]

I hate that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Yeah. It must be annoying. It's one of the reasons why I'm not super interested in being rip ripped.

[Flula Borg]

You have a child.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know.

[Flula Borg]

That's your structure.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand. That's true.

[Flula Borg]

Done. You don't need this.

[Pete Holmes]

But it is. It is a thing. And I see Kumail's fatigue with this as well.

[Flula Borg]

It's a thing.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like having a mustache. You have to talk about it. You have to be like, why do you have a. Like a big mustache?

[Flula Borg]

And everyone thinks you're making a statement every time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Like, if I, I. If I. I can't. And normally I'm a nude person. I don't like clothes. I've never enjoyed this. Yeah, but then if you do that and then you are in a shape, then it's like a statement. No, the statement is, I am hot. I'm hot.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm hot.

[Flula Borg]

I'm overheated.

[Pete Holmes]

Deal with this.

[Flula Borg]

I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

If you got the gutters.

[Flula Borg]

The what? What is the.

[Pete Holmes]

What is that gutter right here? Don't make me say the full name. Name.

[Flula Borg]

Well, I don't know what this half name is this the half name?

[Pete Holmes]

Do you have, like, a sign right here? Like a divot? We all have that. No, we don't.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, we don't.

[Pete Holmes]

No, we don't.

[Flula Borg]

Peter, you have it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's there somewhere.

[Flula Borg]

You have it.

[Pete Holmes]

But do you. Can I. I don't want to see. No. But if I did look at you in the nude, as you like to be, would I go, oh, there's like, these two.

[Flula Borg]

If you give me one day. No water. 20. 20. Also you can. Why are we talking about fitness?

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Let's move on. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. I do like that insight, though. Like when Kumail did his Internet breaking photograph. Oh, no water. He just worked out.

[Flula Borg]

Yes, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Tricks.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. And it makes huge lighting.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Lighting. No, no, there's a light where I look like that.

[Flula Borg]

There is.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I find. I'd like to find it.

[Flula Borg]

Find that light.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning of life.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Any. We literally have five minutes so you can get to your thing. Like, I. I could start by this. You could say, do you have any sense of God? Like any God feelings?

[Flula Borg]

You mean like an organized religion?

[Pete Holmes]

Not organized religion. Just you. Flula.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. We could say, like, today's your last day on Earth.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You're about to die.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Do you feel like you're cannonballing into a mystery? Or are you just, like, lights out at point some? Over.

[Flula Borg]

Oh, it's over. I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Over. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah. I don't. Who knows? I think that the we are so thinking of. What is it? Could it be. I don't know if I know I'm dying tomorrow. I want to notify everyone that I like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

I want to eat this A very delicious pizza place. I will not name it because I don't want everyone to order from it. I'm very selfish. Sorry. They're already doing fine. They don't need more.

[Pete Holmes]

They don't need it.

[Flula Borg]

No. I would have a pepperoni pizza from this place.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza. And then I would do a little techno song. I would make a really great techno song. And then I would die.

[Pete Holmes]

You'd create something. Yeah. But when it comes so dead over. And what about any meaning to this? Is this just chaos?

[Flula Borg]

Is just.

[Pete Holmes]

And by the way, there's no judgment there. That's a fine answer.

[Flula Borg]

Is there meaning? Yeah, we make the meaning.

[Pete Holmes]

We make them. Yeah, yeah.

[Flula Borg]

Some people. We've all. We have all created rules. You've created rules. I've created rules. Rules that are the good rule.

[Pete Holmes]

This is good.

[Flula Borg]

This is. Everyone has done this. But I think there's some agreement. You know, we've already. And those rules are not secrets. Don't be an.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing good or bad that thinking makes it so. Yeah. Bill Shakespeare.

[Flula Borg]

Very true. What. What is. I know we only have one minute. You've said it 12 times. Humor me. What is yours?

[Pete Holmes]

I actually. I have until 2 o'. Clock, so we have 30 minutes. But. No, no, no. Now it seems like I'm making you leave.

[Flula Borg]

But my feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I believe that God is consciously. That's it's awareness. So the phenomenon that you are that makes you aware. Okay.

[Flula Borg]

Ducat.

[Pete Holmes]

Descartes.

[Flula Borg]

Descartes.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, discardies. So I think consciousness, we can all agree, is the phenomenon. But I would actually get weirder. And we don't have time to get into this. So I say this brazenly. I think it's a consciousness first. I don't think matter exists, and then created consciousness to help us navigate it. I believe consciousness is the primary phenomenon and everything is only made of the knowing of it. And that explains that doesn't explain anything. That still is a mystery.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I look into the world. So were I to be dying today, I would try or, you know, try to get into the part of me that knows that what I am is kind of like the empty space in this room. And when the walls of this room are destroyed, the air just reunites with the space of the universe very much in the way that my. My seemingly localized consciousness would merge back into the only consciousness there is, which you could call God or you could call the mystery.

[Flula Borg]

I like this.

[Pete Holmes]

You like that.

[Flula Borg]

Yes. This reminds me of Degrasse Tyson's point that, like, we are stardust in that the elements that make up our bodies were once elements.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. That's a very. When I say materialist, I don't mean in a bad way. That's a materialist way of expressing the same notion. You're not like, remember old cartoons, you'd be a cell of animation overlain on a backdrop.

[Flula Borg]

So you'd paint.

[Pete Holmes]

Paint the Flintstones house, but then the animation would be overlaying on it, but it wasn't really. The cartoon wasn't really in the house. Does that make sense?

[Flula Borg]

It does.

[Pete Holmes]

That's kind of how we feel as human beings, that we're like overlain, like, this is the backdrop and I'm a human being separate from it. But I actually think you're inextricably part of it. You didn't come into the world. You're not in the world. You are the world. And the more you can experience that and not just take my word for it, but really do self inquiry and go like, okay, when I say I, what am I? You realize, you might realize that you are the one awareness. And what goes with that? Self centeredness. So you become more generous, more caring, more loving. Compassion. And also fear goes away. So it's not just to win debates or tell people what you think the meaning of life is. It actually changes if I don't think about this moment. What's wrong? And by the way, as a parent, that comes up a lot. My daughter wakes me up at 5 in the morning. I go, go, fuck. I'm thinking, it's five, I'm tired. But then you go, no, nothing's. Nothing's wrong. If I stop thinking, I go back to what I actually am, which is just like the empty space in this room, which is naked, spontaneous, peaceful, empty.

[Flula Borg]

You must meditate, I assume.

[Pete Holmes]

I do like meditating, but I.

[Flula Borg]

Because a lot of this is that

[Pete Holmes]

meditation is experiencing your nature. I don't know if a lot of people frame it that way. I kind of wish they would. We look at it as like stress management. But when you sink down and relax, you go like, oh, there I am. I am not my body. I'm not my mind. I'm formless, I'm boundless. And then you can kind of go like, so can we please stop working out? Working out so much. We got the gutters.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, we don't need it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't need it.

[Flula Borg]

Can I tell you one more thing?

[Pete Holmes]

It's your time and I don't want you to feel like in English.

[Flula Borg]

I was learning English, and I always thought it was. And I was trying to sound smart. I always thought it was inexplicably linked.

[Pete Holmes]

Inexplicably linked.

[Flula Borg]

Things are inexplicably linked. They're just inexplicably linked. It's not that.

[Pete Holmes]

What is it?

[Flula Borg]

Inextricably linked.

[Pete Holmes]

Inextricably.

[Flula Borg]

You said it.

[Pete Holmes]

I did?

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I did say inextricably.

[Flula Borg]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But you could also be. What's the other one?

[Flula Borg]

Inexplicably.

[Pete Holmes]

You could also be. We're linked inexplicably.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, but that's not what I was trying to sound like in education.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it.

[Flula Borg]

Person.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the best. Forgive one of my favorite Germans, Eckhart Tolle. You ever with him?

[Flula Borg]

Okay. He's great. Don't. Can't handle the voice. Like the words.

[Pete Holmes]

You're common to a glass case of emotion. Out. Yeah, out.

[Flula Borg]

I'll read those words. Sounds good. Your voice.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I understand.

[Flula Borg]

It's like that one guy, Rick Rubin, once read his book. He's great. But, like, I could.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't like. I can't. I can kind of hear his voice. He gravely.

[Flula Borg]

He was reading his book, but it sounded like he was also checking his email and, like, buying. I was like, you're not focused on

[Pete Holmes]

as a trying guy?

[Flula Borg]

As a.

[Pete Holmes]

As a focus guy? Yeah, I could see.

[Flula Borg]

I like. Is he focused on this book?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little too Malibu for you?

[Flula Borg]

I need. I need to. I can read it. Great words like it.

[Pete Holmes]

You might like Rupert Spira. He's my teacher, and he's a non. Dual teacher, and he's British.

[Flula Borg]

Spira.

[Pete Holmes]

Spira. S, P, I, R, A.

[Flula Borg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you're sensitive to that stuff, as am I, I like a nice, calm, clear. And I'm not trying to be funny. Like non duality, which is what I'm expressing. That's what you would call. That kind of thought system is very. It can be very right angles, very minimalist, very clean. It's like, I don't care what you believe. Can you just tell me about your experience? Okay, that's just a concept. But can you tell me what is aware of that concept? And is that concept essential to you? Well, if it's not essential to you, then it can't be what you are. So what are you? Just people poking you back and back and back? What are you? What are you? What are you? When flu, like, was 2 years old, you had this sense of being and the sense of being that you have now. It's the same. There was a through line. What is that? What is that in you? That doesn't change. That's exciting stuff.

[Flula Borg]

Very interesting because it can change how

[Pete Holmes]

you interact with the world. It can change how afraid you are of the world.

[Flula Borg]

We should have began with this, Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Flula Borg]

All that other stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

You like this stuff?

[Flula Borg]

Yeah, it's great.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't think.

[Flula Borg]

But now I can't get into it because I'm German. I mathematically must.

[Pete Holmes]

And you have an Italian waiting for you. Yeah.

[Flula Borg]

The axis must train together.

[Pete Holmes]

Train together or pain together? Well, no, I'm glad we got to touch on it. You're welcome anytime.

[Flula Borg]

Great. Every Monday. One other Monday.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, we have a lot of Mondays where we have a gap. You're welcome. I think you're a delight.

[Flula Borg]

Likewise.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you say keep it crispy? It's how we end.

[Flula Borg]

Depends on the food.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah, like a pepperoni pizza.

[Flula Borg]

Keep it mildly crispy. I think it really does depend. I. I can't agree to Just keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the most German ending I've ever had. Thank you.

[Flula Borg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't back away. That's it. Goodbye.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

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[Pete Holmes]

Ads?

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

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